Mortimer and Whitehouse- Gone Fishing - Season 8 Episode 05- River Findhorn, Scottish Highlands - Salmon
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00:00Blimey, it never lets us down in Scotland, does it, Paul?
00:05No. Look at it.
00:07This is the River Findhorn, Bob.
00:10Right. Findhorn, that could be a detective, couldn't it? ITV, probably.
00:13Findhorn.
00:15He's drunk, but he's good.
00:17Drunk, but he's good and we need him.
00:19Look at this down here.
00:21The prettiest river I've ever fished, Robert Mortimer.
00:24In these islands.
00:25So that's why we're here?
00:27That's why we're here, mate.
00:28And it gives me a chance to catch my first salmon on a fly.
00:31Yeah, I mean, conditions aren't great, but we don't care about conditions, do we, Bob?
00:35You're obsessed with them.
00:37No, we overpower them with our positive thought.
00:39Come on, then. Come on, then.
00:41Come on!
00:43Oh, Paul, man, don't get this to gross.
00:45Come on!
00:58We are literally in the middle of nowhere, aren't we?
01:08Yeah, there's a sign there saying middle of nowhere.
01:11Middle of nowhere.
01:13The Drainican Valley. Wow, have a look at that.
01:16In one curve of the river I absolutely understand why you want it to come here.
01:20I mean, it's a shame Ted's missing out on all this.
01:22Look at it.
01:25We're crossing the river, Paul.
01:26Into the river! Into the river!
01:28It's gripped! It's sorted!
01:31Let's off-road!
01:35And we're in!
01:36And we're in!
01:37I feel like a wildebeest, don't you?
01:39Yeah, I know what you mean.
01:40Ooh, that's one fish down.
01:41Ooh!
01:44This is great, isn't it?
01:47That's it, keep the push on.
01:48Do I need a bit of speed here?
01:50Put your foot down, Sangu.
01:52Yes!
01:53Hello, little chips!
01:54Whoa, look at me, guys!
01:59Wow!
02:00Wowza!
02:01Do you think this was where Kate Bush was when she made that song?
02:04That, what, wow!
02:05Wow!
02:06Unbelievable!
02:08Lovely, thank you, Bob.
02:10Woo, woo, woo!
02:11Yeah!
02:12Let's fish!
02:13Wow!
02:16The sun's shining in Scotland.
02:17There ain't nowhere more pretty, is there?
02:19No, that's true.
02:20Is the boss.
02:21That's true.
02:23I think I'll watch you for a bit.
02:24This is so gorgeous.
02:25Yeah?
02:26You can never watch, mate.
02:32A smaller river than the salmon rivers you usually take me to, Paul.
02:35Yeah?
02:37It's hard for me to believe there are big salmon in here.
02:39I wouldn't say there's necessarily giant salmon in here, Bob,
02:42but there would have been a run of grills since some early spring fish
02:45that would still be lurking in there with a bit of luck.
02:47Come on, get me a fish.
02:50I'll try, Bob.
02:54How are you finding that wind?
02:56Actually, er, how can I put it?
02:59Difficult.
03:00Yeah?
03:02Of all the, erm, weather conditions, I think it's the wind I hate most.
03:06Really?
03:07Yeah.
03:08I recently, just a bit like David Beckham, that's the kind of guy I am,
03:12I got myself like an outdoor kitchen area.
03:14Oh, yeah.
03:15A barbecue.
03:16Yeah.
03:17And with your tattoos in your night hood, yeah?
03:19And the wind, the wind ruins it.
03:22It's not so bad when it's overcast, all right?
03:24Right.
03:25We've got an umbrella, so it doesn't matter if it's raining.
03:27Yeah.
03:28But the wind just makes it tiresome, you know?
03:30Yeah.
03:31I think outside dining is actually sometimes overrated for that very reason, Bob.
03:36Yeah.
03:38That's a good cast, mate.
03:41Is there any salmon?
03:42Oh!
03:43Now, was that a salmon or a trout?
03:44Well, if it was a trout, it was a decent trout.
03:46It was a big old trout.
03:47Yeah.
03:48And a big old trout might just take this.
03:53I think we're losing the sun, Paul, so...
03:55Yeah.
03:56That improves the chances.
03:57It does.
03:58Yeah.
03:59Bob, I had a dream about you not too long ago.
04:02Yeah?
04:03Yeah.
04:05Was I picking up a trophy?
04:06No, we were actually getting married.
04:09We were getting married?
04:10Yeah, and you had, like, a really thick head of hair.
04:13Now, which of those is the more likely?
04:19Yeah!
04:20It's a trout, though.
04:21Oh, well done, though, Paul.
04:22Look at that, you were right on it.
04:23Yeah, it was good, wasn't it?
04:24Cool.
04:25Now, you imagine if that was a ten-pound salmon.
04:27Hey!
04:28We don't need the net, Bob.
04:29Okay.
04:30Here we go.
04:31Check us out.
04:32We're the guys.
04:33He's gone!
04:34Oh!
04:35Oh!
04:36I did see him.
04:37He had a little tiny hint of red spots.
04:40Yeah.
04:41Quite dark on the back.
04:42Peaty water, look.
04:43Yeah.
04:44That's often the case, you know.
04:45Right.
04:46Yeah.
04:47But he went for it, didn't he?
04:48Look.
04:49Aggressive.
04:50Well, that's hopeful, isn't it, Paul?
04:52Yeah, yeah.
04:53And it's just after the sun went in.
04:55Yeah.
04:56Yeah.
04:57So I'm going to buy into that fisherman's myth.
04:59Yeah.
05:00Thank you, little trout.
05:02Keep fishing out, Paul.
05:03I'm going to get on the river.
05:04On the river, as it were.
05:05On the river.
05:06Whereabouts?
05:07I'm going to go just beyond you, if you don't mind.
05:09No, I don't mind.
05:10And try and get myself a trout.
05:11Okay, mate.
05:12All right.
05:13Bonne chance, Murray.
05:14Bonne chance.
05:37How beautiful is this?
05:39It's incredible, isn't it?
05:40Yeah.
05:41I sort of just started to breathe, you know?
05:44Yeah.
05:45And relax.
05:46Yeah.
06:05Whoa.
06:06Little pull.
06:08It was just a snatch.
06:10All gold legal.
06:11You're joking.
06:12They're just behind you.
06:13Bloody hell.
06:14Wow.
06:15Wow.
06:16Checking you out.
06:19Ain't it?
06:31Perfect time for a cuppa, isn't it?
06:32Isn't it beautiful?
06:33I told you, it was one of the prettiest rivers I've ever been to.
06:36Yeah.
06:37And I'm sharing it with one of the prettiest men I've ever met.
06:39That nice.
06:44Bob, I've got an ailment.
06:46Yeah?
06:47I've got a thing on my head.
06:49Do you know what I mean?
06:50I mean, I know about your thing.
06:51You see it?
06:52Oh, it does look a lot worse.
06:53Oh, it does look a lot worse.
06:54I know.
06:55Well, they were a bit concerned, so they did a biopsy.
06:58It was fine.
06:59It was negative.
07:00But, I mean, you always wear a hat, so well done.
07:02But I sometimes don't.
07:03I try to when I'm fishing, but it's dangerous as we get older.
07:06Like, a lot of skin damage from the sun.
07:08Yeah.
07:09Like, I have to put this horrible cream on soon.
07:11Chemo cream.
07:12Oh, do you?
07:13Falling apart.
07:14I know.
07:15A lot of the ladies now just do put on a bit of SP just every single day, don't they?
07:19Yes.
07:20I think probably fellas need to catch up.
07:22Yeah.
07:23I was told, I was told by the skin specialist, Sid, from April to October, whenever you go out,
07:29you should put some on.
07:30Yeah.
07:31I just don't like SP.
07:32You've got somebody to do it for you, haven't you?
07:34What, an oiler?
07:35Yeah.
07:36A creamer.
07:37A creamer.
07:38Nice cup of tea, this.
07:40Very nice cup of tea, innit?
07:42Do you know what, Paul?
07:43You need a haircut.
07:44Well, what's left of my hair's a bit straggly, innit?
07:47Yeah.
07:48But it ages you.
07:49Do you think?
07:50No, honestly, it doesn't.
07:51Okay, you be careful of that.
07:52What, you're offering to let me cut it?
07:53I'd love to cut it.
07:54I don't know.
07:55You can give it a trim.
07:56Can I say something?
07:57You've got a sort of growth on the top of your head as well.
07:59Have a good look at what's going on.
08:00I never look at it.
08:01Yeah, like, there's a bit there, a sort of rock formation.
08:05Is there anything moving inside?
08:07Is there anything moving?
08:08No, there's just these little sort of rock formations.
08:11Because I've always had this fear that some insect might lay an egg.
08:14That's the terror, innit?
08:15Yeah.
08:16You might get a degree of satisfaction removing one as a surgeon.
08:19As a surgeon, yeah.
08:21Would you do it with a flourish?
08:24Yeah, I'd do it not looking.
08:27Like that.
08:28Should we do some more fishing, Bob?
08:33Yeah, let's do it.
08:34That's on.
08:35Yeah, it does.
08:40Yeah, let's do it.
08:41We unplug your Vai.
08:45Yeah, let's do it.
08:47Yeah, let's do it.
08:48Oh, continue!
08:49We deactivated the birdрей.
08:50Yeah, we need to know what they dream as close to you.
08:53This is your好的 eating in.
08:56Yeah, you might be fed up it where you don't need any text.
08:58Yeah, the Pan vs.
09:00Oh
09:08Paulie, I mean you get one Bob. I'm I don't want to do it
09:15It's just a trout. I'll say just a trout. It's a beautiful one
09:20Blimey, well done mate
09:23Hey
09:25Quite a bit of gold on there my first Scottish trout that is
09:30And the way
09:34There he goes that was a pretty fish
09:39Brilliant solo effort soon as the White House clears off we get some action
09:53You get one beautiful trout a big
09:56Oh well done mate at least we've got a trout each day
10:10I say Paul can you remember your first car reg or your first your telephone number when you're at home?
10:16You know your mom and dad's phone number seven six oh four one four
10:21Yeah, I thought until I started it. I thought I haven't got a clue
10:25Do you feel really good about that that you remembered that yeah?
10:28There's still life in there. Yeah, I'm gonna remember my national insurance number. Yeah, do you want that gone then?
10:34No, yeah, I'm a pin number. Would you like that?
10:36No, the worst thing for me Bob with memory is if I
10:43Have a thought in my mind and I let another one intrude for a millisecond
10:47Yeah, the initial one's gone. Yeah, and I curse myself for it
10:52If I walk into a room. Yeah, and I've forgotten why I went into it if it's the kitchen
10:58I just assume it was to look in the fridge
11:01And then if it's the living can even have a people's kitchen. Yeah, why not?
11:06Do you know where I tend not to forget why I came into the room go on the toilet?
11:12Do you know what I mean? Yeah, well, there's any
11:14I suppose there's three options
11:18But what's the three options to to have a we are number two just for the peace and quiet
11:32Ah, well Paul, I think it's time for the accommodation, but it is a beauty is it yes worth going to really yeah
11:38We got tomorrow to fish so okay
11:44I
11:46Watch yourself watch yourself who wants up go go go go
12:04See that there yeah, what's that? What is it?
12:07Rosari Rosari to be French in it. Yeah, that's where we're staying and it has got a bit of a French face
12:13On account of the fact that it's classy. Oh, I see
12:21Yeah, I can look there's animals there
12:23What a view Ted would like it here wouldn't he go wouldn't he be after them shape?
12:28Yeah, I love it
12:31Spacious
12:32We're gonna be cozy here Paul. No, it's telly Bob upstairs up of the stairs cool. So dynamic you're going right. I'll go right
12:43I think I've done good
12:45Hey
12:47Oh, you this is your room Bob
12:49Ah
12:51Ah nice. Yeah, let me have a look lovely. Yeah, you'll prefer that one
12:56I'm not having this one
12:58Oh
13:00No, Paul
13:02Dislodge me at your peril
13:04Paul
13:06Are you gonna pull me off?
13:08Pulling me off
13:10I chose right
13:12You can have it mate
13:14Thank you
13:16Oh
13:18Your room is so bad
13:20Paul, I'm gonna cut your hair tonight, yeah?
13:26Okay, Bobby
13:32Excuse me sir. Sir?
13:34Yeah?
13:35It's hairdressers
13:36You're a belligerent hairdresser
13:37Yeah
13:38We need to get them
13:39We need to get a move on
13:40I've got six of the clients waiting you see
13:43Okay
13:44Welcome to Clip Clop
13:46Hairdressers
13:47Hair boutique actually sir
13:49Hair boutique
13:50Hair boutique mate
13:51Do you know why it's called Clip Clop?
13:52No, go on
13:53Because I used to do horses
13:54I see
13:55So I let me trade on the horses
13:57On the horses, yeah
13:58Can it be a light trim please?
14:00I'm only using stuff from the kitchen
14:01I've got a couple of scissors and a potato peeler
14:04They might come in useful
14:06Go on then
14:07Your technique is rubbish
14:14It's all flying in my eyes and everything
14:16Your technique is rubbish
14:18I'm gonna bring some of the chaps down here
14:21We're gonna smash your salon up mate
14:24That's happened before
14:30I tell you Paul, you should worry about this hair
14:33Well it's a bit late now Bob isn't it?
14:36Served me well, better than yours did
14:38No, I accept that, yeah
14:40But it's so liquidy
14:43It's like fog
14:45Oh
14:46Your chair side manner isn't very good Bob
14:50Alright, I'll get better then
14:53So sir
14:54Yeah
14:55How's things at the retirement home?
14:57Retirement village?
14:58Oh I own it
14:59Retirement village
15:00You own it do you sir?
15:01Yeah
15:02Been a lot of complaints hasn't there?
15:03No
15:04No
15:05I've seen in the local paper
15:06A lot of complaints about the owner peering through the windows
15:09What?
15:10Oh I like it, I like it
15:14You're pretty gung-ho, aren't you?
15:16What's your name?
15:17What's my name?
15:18Yeah
15:19Requius
15:20Bull
15:22No, Requius hasn't got any appointments for at least a month
15:26God
15:27Can Requius fit me in?
15:29I'm sure he can
15:31Ha ha
15:35What do you think?
15:37Oh actually it's alright Bob
15:38I mean
15:39You're happy with that?
15:40Yeah it's alright
15:41When I was young I would have been able to carry that off
15:43I think you look great Paul
15:44I think you look great
15:45I mean okay
15:46Thanks Bob
15:48No worries
15:57I wish I hadn't given you a haircut now
15:58Why?
15:59You look younger than me
16:00Don't like that
16:02Should we say hello to the cows?
16:03Yeah, come on
16:04Cows
16:06How do you feel?
16:07Moo
16:08Hey cows
16:10Moo
16:11Do a Northern Irish cow
16:13Moo
16:14Moo
16:15Moo
16:16Moo
16:17So it is not
16:18Brummy cow
16:19They might be from Birmingham
16:20Moo
16:21Moo
16:22Moo
16:23Jordy
16:24Moo Lake
16:25Moo
16:26Moo
16:27Moo
16:55Moo
17:02Lovely morning isn't it?
17:03Isn't it?
17:04Look at this
17:05I'm tempted to say morning private with that haircut
17:07Oh yeah captain surely
17:09Yeah no you're right
17:10I'll give you that
17:11Yeah
17:12Well I think it makes you look a lot younger
17:14Okay
17:18I noticed you went for the whole meal
17:22I don't really like white bread anymore
17:25Sourdough I like
17:26Do you like sourdough?
17:27I can't stand it
17:28I don't understand it
17:30If it was an independent area of cuisine I'd understand it but it's sold as bread
17:36Oh I see what you mean yeah
17:37If it was marketed as not bread
17:39Or just marketed as I don't know
17:41Sourdough
17:42Call it Chadwick
17:43Yep
17:44Sourdough Chadwick
17:45Have you got any Chadwick?
17:46Yep
17:47Yeah we've got a sourdough Chadwick here
17:48I'll take it
17:49Okay
17:50Oh and do you sell bread as well?
17:51Would you like it sliced?
17:53Can you slice it?
17:54You can slice a sourdough
17:55Yeah you can slice a Chadwick
17:57Yeah
17:58It's the best thing since sliced Chadwick
18:03Right another exciting day awaits us Bob
18:13Yep
18:14Are you excited?
18:15Yeah what a place to be
18:16Yeah are you scared?
18:17I'm not scared I'm scared of an old melee
18:18What about your inner demons?
18:19Scared of them
18:20If we go just up here a bit
18:21I'm going to keep well out of your way
18:22That's good
18:23Let that swing round and give it a tiny little twitch as you go
18:26And then you can take a step down after this one
18:27Yeah
18:28Yeah
18:29That's it
18:30That's it
18:31That's it
18:32Yeah
18:33That's it
18:34That's it
18:35I think someone had a go at it then
18:36Did it?
18:37Did it?
18:38I think so yeah
18:39You got any sunglasses Bob?
18:40Yeah
18:41Can you put them on?
18:42Yeah
18:43Can you put them on?
18:44Yeah
18:45Yeah
18:46Yeah
18:47I think someone had a go at it then
18:48Did it?
18:49I think so yeah
18:50You got any sunglasses Bob?
18:51Yeah
18:52Yeah
18:53Can you put them on?
18:54In the interests of your
19:09Yeah
19:10I got too excited
19:11Yeah fair play
19:13You did get excited didn't you?
19:14Yeah
19:15Yeah
19:16Yeah
19:17Yeah
19:18Yeah
19:19That's nice.
19:24If you were a trap, where would you want to lie in a pool like this?
19:28Well, I'd go in the very quiet areas over there.
19:30Would you?
19:31Because you'd be lazy, aren't you?
19:33Indolent.
19:35Well, that's a good cast.
19:40Yes!
19:42Missed him.
19:46Good fish?
19:47Bad fish for me.
19:49He necked off, didn't he?
19:50Yeah.
19:51Don't walk while you're fishing.
19:53I'm really glad I found another W that I can shout at you not to do.
20:02Ah, Bob!
20:03Bad fish for you.
20:12God bless you.
20:19There comes a time when you have to knock it on the head for a bit, Bob.
20:42Come in. Your time is off.
20:49I'm just going to take it. You look so heroic.
21:02Oh! Glad it won't break.
21:04That wind is really difficult. Challenging.
21:08Are you hungry, Paul? I am a little bit.
21:11You a bit? Yeah.
21:12I've got something nice for us to have. Have you?
21:13And, you know, for once, in recent months, it's slightly healthy, so...
21:18Ah, some heart health. Yeah, you can tuck in.
21:21If we're not careful, Bob, we get a little bit blasé, don't we?
21:23You do.
21:24I think we have to keep banging the drum, you know?
21:26I've spoken to other people who've had heart surgery and so on,
21:29and every one of us is great for six months.
21:31Yeah.
21:32No saturated fats, no sugar, packing, smoking and all that.
21:35But then the creep comes in.
21:37The creep, isn't it?
21:38And that's where I think that if the person's got a significant other,
21:43wife, whatever, we've really got to kick in and help with the can,
21:47because about six months you think, yeah, whatever, I've got new pipes.
21:52Yeah.
21:53Yeah.
21:54Got to keep going, though.
21:55Got to.
21:55How would you help me if I was, if you, you know,
21:58you saw me tucking into cakes and puddings?
22:01What would you do?
22:01I'll have half of that.
22:03That would be my offer of help.
22:07All right, Bobby, shall we?
22:10Cool, that was almost dynamic, that.
22:12Hey, don't slide back now.
22:14Can you do that?
22:16I don't want to.
22:18You should.
22:18OK.
22:19Ten of them a day, you'll live an extra ten years.
22:21What is it?
22:24This?
22:25That's it, yeah?
22:27Well, yeah, it's good, isn't it?
22:32Right, I'll have a little fish around the corner
22:34while you conjure up whatever it is you're making.
22:48Nice.
22:51That's the one.
23:19I'll have a little fish around the corner.
23:21Rip it up and start again.
23:25I hope to God you're not as dumb as you make up.
23:29I hope to God.
23:32I hope to God.
23:34And I hope to God I'm not as dumb as you make up.
23:38Paul, you're doing it right now.
23:40You want it hot?
23:42OK.
23:42I got it.
23:49Hey, boss.
23:55All right, chef.
23:57You took your time.
23:58Were you enjoying it?
24:00Just fished hard, Bob.
24:01Oh, some burnt offerings, yeah?
24:03Yeah, it's not a venison burger.
24:07I think I call it...
24:08I cooked it on stones, Paul, the meat.
24:11What the earth has gotten into you?
24:14Oh, it's your hair?
24:15Yeah.
24:15Yeah.
24:16You cooked it on stones?
24:17I cooked it on stones.
24:18You overcooked it on stones, yeah?
24:20No.
24:20It's beautiful.
24:21Look at that.
24:22Oh, no, the bun.
24:24This is this Scottish bun.
24:25What do they call it?
24:25Burnt buns or burnt...
24:27Oh, burnt buns, yeah.
24:27Dark buns, black buns.
24:28Dark buns, yeah.
24:29Very good for you, Venice, isn't it?
24:32Least fatty of all the meats.
24:35Yeah.
24:36Do you know that bun's all right?
24:38Yeah.
24:39It is.
24:42Oh, no fishing here, Paul.
24:43Beautiful, isn't it?
24:44Because I knew nothing of this place.
24:46It's magical.
24:47Part Hobbit, part Canada.
24:49Yeah.
24:51Come on, let's get back out there.
24:52It's our last chance, this, for another trout or a salmon.
24:55Come on, then.
25:20I'm going to go up and try another little spot, yeah?
25:22Yeah, right.
25:23Where?
25:24Up here.
25:24Right, just round that bend, OK?
25:26All right.
25:26All right.
25:26Go on, then.
25:28Bonne chance.
25:28Oops.
25:54Oops.
25:55Oops.
25:55yes oh it's tiny it's really tiny a little tiny some power paul hasn't got a salmon
26:14wait till i tell him let's get him back because he's precious
26:26off you go he's gone and away oh well that's nice because the young'un's hopeful for the future
26:46no joy paul nah you bob nah no trout nothing i thought it would be easier you know
26:54what up there yeah hard going ain't it mate i've given my all is this why the salmon's surprised
27:02because it's so hard to catch well really we've been very lucky bob as i say you know in the past
27:07we've done very well but yeah it'd be hell of a fisherman i think so don't you get down on
27:13yourself oh thank you a hell of a fisherman oh that could catch the salmon here yeah maybe there's one
27:19person i don't know do you know what i mean there'll be some old timer who knows exactly where to get
27:24them i'm not person i caught a salmon paul watch it on the telly
27:28i got a salmon no you didn't yes
27:40hello harry harry what are you doing mate i just wondered if you fancy doing a series again
27:47well i'm sick of that more to me keep trying paul you might get one
28:00too long to be big when there's something to see
28:06if there's something to see if it's not now then it's never so i'll see you this day
28:17i'll move cause i have no doubt
28:21no doubt
28:24no doubt
28:26let's get married
28:28i love you
28:30and i wanna stay with you
28:32let's get married
28:34i'm a catch
28:36you'll hold free with you
28:38let's get married
28:40put hands
28:42walk in the park
28:44let's get married
28:46let's get married
28:48we know
28:53all the people
28:56who dreaded our hearts
29:01who broke each other's heart
29:04you
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