- 3 weeks ago
Animal Control - Season 4 Episode 1 -
Bear Cubs and Broncos
Bear Cubs and Broncos
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00white bronco keep a safe distance he kicked two trainers in the head when he escaped well
00:05allegedly kicked frank you don't think old jasper did it do you oj was a rodeo star for years that's
00:10a violent sport who knows what he's capable of it no excuse for what he did but chase continues as
00:15the convoy approaches protesters gathered to support old jasper i'm guessing this is like a
00:21hot button topic but i'm from new zealand who's oj are you serious i'm not from here
00:27well your country's stupid you're a douchebag we are entering hour two with no end in sight
00:33if we hit the county line this becomes another precinct's glory tread slide over and take the
00:38wheel what why i'm gonna roll out of a moving truck to stop that horse why why never tell me the odds
00:43i didn't
00:44landed on my phone while a combo i'm sorry i made us get those breakfast burritos that's tough before a
00:54run not helpful it appears the officer is pursuing oj on foot a gambit both impressive and
01:00completely unnecessary hope you have a good lawyer oj that was awesome you don't have to tell me i was
01:10there
01:17you
01:19you
01:21you
01:23you
01:25you
01:27you
01:29you
01:31you
01:33you
01:35you
01:42so we will no longer be doing flashback fridays i was once again the only one in costume and it's
01:47just yeah it's not fun anymore um
01:51lastly as you know the city has been over budget and has been looking for ways to save money i was
01:58hoping that this wouldn't affect us but the city is shutting down a precinct what am i getting fired
02:04not us not us not us no no we're fine we're fine but we are absorbing 10 officers from another
02:11precinct we don't have enough snacks for that i only absorb protein and powdered form who are we
02:15getting well it's a fun bunch
02:17it'll stop playing in a second i'm in hell guess who your god is now
02:38all my regular tea tea bag i thought you were gonna play me in yeah i told you i don't know how
02:44to play when doves cry yet my partner daisy everybody yay welcome daisy welcome everyone
02:50i lived and breathed for the two three but i'm keeping an open mind for my new home except you
02:55you are dead to me a ghost me what you so mad about that emu incident you mean when that big bird
02:59bit my ham allegedly bit your hand allegedly you want me to show you what allegedly looks like
03:06i veto this merger i veto it i'm vetoed okay you're still going to show me signatures right i need
03:13three days out for the kentucky derby already bought the hat so am i still the only shred are
03:17there any new shreds i need a raise a half day wednesdays okay hey hey hey i will happily answer
03:22all questions one-on-one in my office meeting adjourned emily my chance certainly frank
03:26i gotta build up to you hey i want to be constructive about this but my thoughts keep
03:30drifting to arson i hate the smudger oh my god no what did you miss shrimp feast again my stupid
03:38daughter she's smart she got into wellington prep it's the most expensive school in the city i'm
03:43assuming that your wife's jeans are doing the heavy lifting there well we toured the school there
03:47were doctors and lawyers who were worried about paying tuition doctors and lawyers so why did you
03:51even let her apply well i didn't think she would get in you've met addy you ever talked to her and
03:55think oh well you're going places yeah she sucks not according to willing to prep i'm so glad that
04:01i don't have to think about kids except like tangentially when i'm buying condoms and stuff
04:05like that yeah well i'm glad things are going well between you and parker so good let me just say
04:09i wish i was sitting on a bag of frozen peas right about now i wish you wouldn't say that yeah i regret
04:14saying that to you actually we got all day everyone will get their turn
04:21go ahead hey hey hi um so i know we said we take time to think about what happened the other night at
04:30the penguin enclosure and i thought about it have you thought about it it's kind of all i've been
04:35thinking about me too wait we're talking about the kiss part right not the like adorable penguins part yeah
04:40the yeah okay i was thinking it's something we should do again sometime me too amazing
04:50but we can't do anything until i talk to my boss i mean i'm your supervisor you're my subordinate like
04:55this has to be very above board yes and i can't do anything until i break up with isabel and she's out
05:01of town right now and i mean i can't break up with her over the phone so oh really because i was going to
05:05talk to my boss today i could totally break up with her over the phone are you sure yeah i think
05:10it's actually kinder okay yes yeah that would work yeah so uh you do your thing and i'll do my thing
05:17hopefully maybe
05:21all right time's up new officer cryolile wants to talk about his dental coverage and between you and
05:26me hope he has a cadillac plant because that man's mouth is a graveyard
05:29hey where have you been why are you so flushed just submerge your day rosacea it'll clear up when
05:36i learn everybody's name you should never learn your enemy's name all right so how are we going
05:40to get rid of templeton daisy lydia terry kwami steph glenn joy lee the other lee and what's his face
05:46with the ponytail right convince him the precinct is haunted you have old friends we could dress them in
05:50nightgowns have them wander around like ghosts matt it's ponytail matt oh you've got to be kidding me
05:56i've got to pay for books too that's not covered in the 10 million dollar tuition hey you got a
06:00picture on target okay your financial ruin is secondary i'm drowning here frank i'm already
06:06delivering food on weekends just to cover club gymnastics now i'm gonna have to widen my delivery
06:09window to always nothing is open after 10 anyway except hey okay what the hell do you think you're
06:16doing oh i'm uh desk shopping frank because lead officer gets first pick of the desks lead officer
06:22of what being the last guy still quoting android's clay oh oh spot on uh i'm the senior officer frank
06:30i graduated before you yeah like nine days i had shingles oh shingles was the reason is that why
06:37you didn't pass your physical was it shingles or was it pringles oh you saw your baby fat and your
06:44teen fat and your adult fat all right grandpa let's go i hooked my ankles around the base of the chair
06:50because i knew baby frank would do this frank stop shaking templeton and templeton stop doing
06:55what whatever you're doing oh farting in his chair oh yes that's gonna stay in the fabric
07:01because my man can throw some heat emily so who's lead officer me or templeton i mean it's not really
07:08an official title the hell it's not it's everything it's who runs the precinct i'm in charge of the
07:13precinct okay yeah but like really this is not over you guys have to figure out a way to get along and
07:19if not for me then for the animals okay you've used that a lot because it works now high five
07:24thank you he farted in his hand hilarious oh templeton thinks he's the lead officer that's preposterous
07:40and that academy photo was totally ai right yeah yeah for sure well that seemed pretty half-hearted
07:48you know daisy hypes up everything that templeton says so step it up yeah i'm sorry i'm just a little
07:53distracted i left a message for isabel because i'm pulling the trigger today so i'm just waiting
07:56on the response just give me a compliment just see if you're still in the game it could be about
08:01my shoulders doesn't have to be yeah you're um they're usually on the tip of my tongue the one day
08:08i decided to pay attention to you you fed me all trucks report of an aggressive bear near jackson gulch
08:14yep truck 12 responding be advised the bear's mama rose she has a huge internet following
08:19there may be some media attention on this one truck four's got it truck 12 clearly responded
08:26first dibs dibs shields no bags frit call infinity i'm not doing that infinity damn it hey guys remember
08:32what i said about working together before yeah mama rose is the most famous bear in the cascades
08:38can i get an eye from everyone who had a great mom that's a code violation he only knows i had a bad
08:43mom because of bunk time trust time at the academy no one cares about your sad origin story well shred is
08:49a big time eye because i love my mommy no i'm senior lead officer i got the call frank frank
09:00my name is templeton dodge and i am drunk it's not the 12th grade you son of a bitch
09:11oh can you read that no parker says i want you to do that thing with your thumb that makes me sneeze i
09:18think this might be a your eyes only kind of thing can you send them a picture of my ear hole but shoot
09:22it really tight so he's not sure what he's looking at oh thank god he's typing please don't be a photo
09:27oh he says dinner tonight that's sweet no dinner must be code because we do this thing called
09:32breakfast where he flips me like a pancake and then he pours syrup is it possible that maybe he
09:36wants something more than a provocative ear hole like maybe he actually wants to go on a date with
09:39you oh we're friends with benefits actually i would say we're just benefits we're not really
09:44friends oh wait this is it pull over okay we're there
09:50wait if you're going to use me for food deliveries at least let me have a fry i need five stars
09:57all right bear it's time for your nap
10:05thank you where have you been sorry i don't typically explain myself to random women in the woods
10:11we're the mama bears we're part of rose's online following why are you just standing there diego's
10:16in the mine shaft who's diego mama rose's cub if you guys wouldn't mind uh take your wine caddies
10:22take a step back and if we can get to work all right
10:28must be the lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war my fingers to fight my goodness my
10:33fortress
10:39back up templeton we don't want her smelling your flop sweat dang it look who showed up late because he
10:43responsibly obeyed traffic laws y'all missed me shooting the big bear let's roll shred wait what
10:50about the cub in the mineshaft cub in the mineshaft dibs
10:56and that's why i think i can be both officer shred taylor's supervisor and lover
11:00i'm not totally lover don't um his special friend hey boss just checking in you aren't answering any of
11:05my texts no i just i uh where where's my phone it's on the floor are you okay you seem distracted uh no no
11:14no i just i just have a lot on my plate it's all professional stuff but it's it's a lot okay channel
11:20four picked up on mama rose story and it's blowing up oh my god that's why you don't have phone
11:27continuing our live coverage of mama rose and her beautiful baby cub diego if we're gonna fish the
11:33little guy out these catch poles need to hold yeah it'll hold i'm a knots guy i was an eagle scout before
11:38i was dishonorably discharged so me and t went ice skating one time and he laced up my blade so tight i
11:42couldn't get him off i went to bed wearing ice skates that night oh well frank took his cousin to prom
11:54his hot cousin seriously i did like a hundred push-ups in front of you yesterday
11:59i'm sorry i have to take this it's is it though
12:07you know i'd ask you to hang yourself but i know your knots don't hold my knot would have held if you
12:10hadn't twisted it when you picked it up you have to twist it so you can scoop you have to be able
12:14to scoop you just pick it up how the hell are you gonna pick up a bear without scooping it guess you
12:19just had a pretty awkward profanity-laden but ultimately successful conversation with his now
12:23ex-girlfriend is isabel really upset well she said she was gonna clone my visa and buy a sprinter van but
12:29i think she's just processing did you talk to your boss yet i'm trying but i can't get a hold of him i've
12:34left like 10 messages with his assistant shred wake mama rose and point her toward templeton wait
12:40wait was that frank what's happening it's just bear stuff we could probably use some backup actually
12:45yeah aren't victoria and patel there image inputs i forgot to call them um don't let frank murder
12:51templeton okay goodbye and i can't this is the mother load victoria 22 pizzas four dozen wings
12:58well on my way to covering that first tuition payment you better hope that emily doesn't find out
13:02about this oh please she's in the weeds with this merger you might even be able to get out early for
13:05your big day we don't date that's gross we just have sex in abandoned malls track eight please respond
13:13guys this bear situation is about to go from local human interest to national crisis and frank
13:17and templeton are just on tv having a pp contest we can be there in uh 75 to 90 minutes oh okay that's
13:26so fun or you could be there in 10 minutes because i can see your location on our way yep the trap boys
13:31won't like this bro trap cray cray be there soon no cap send i don't know who i am anymore
13:41ugh media wants me to do an interview time to put on the cape and play superhero uh pump the brakes
13:47cupcake lead officer handles public relations makeover montage me honey we're gonna run it to palette
13:53issues if you dip into my bag come on pick it up and that is how you trick a vain jackass like
14:00templeton grab my harness the one that makes my butt look good okay so no matter what happens
14:04i heard you're looking for a sound bite ask away nothing is off limits except no no mom no mom questions
14:13we didn't ask for a sound bite oh my god the guy with the killer butt is going in the mine
14:22deceiving a senior officer is a fireable offense shaw i can't hear you over my thrilling heroic
14:31onlookers are growing concerned by the amount of time the bear cup has been stuck in the shaft
14:41oh hey kiddo adorable hard to believe in about eight months you'll be big enough to kill us all
14:52what are you dropping frank first of all i'm fine and i got the bear you lose
14:57oh i should have gone down because he's struggling are those my pizzas you know i forget i tend to get
15:05fuzzy spells ever since the emu incident you're messing with my star rating woman the pledges are going
15:09to crucify me all right kiddo let's get you back to your incredibly terrifying mother dread hoist me up
15:15with the cutest thing you've ever seen
15:28mama bear is waking up frank hand me the cup come on oh and let you win in front of tracy paladino
15:34and the nation forever changing the power dynamic of the precinct i'd rather die and bring this bear
15:38with me watch your words partner tracy's got a boom mug hey guys so these very unhinged women are half a
15:44glass of chardonnay from diving head first into the mine shaft themselves we gotta go that's right
15:47give me a bottle of whiskey and a hat so i'm gonna cut my foot off
15:57come on it's been over 20 minutes since we last heard diego's christ for help and wait something's
16:05happening officer templeton dodge you holding that bear aloft is an image forever burned in our memory
16:21that's actually senior lead officer um just a day's work right gotta thank my team i'd like to give a
16:26shout out to particular one cadet frank never miss a meal shaw there he is son of a bitch my dad watches
16:35paladino everybody watches paladino templeton you've unlocked a new level of hatred i didn't know
16:41existed oh there's a lot more where that came from mr pringles frank thank you for putting your
16:47feelings about templeton aside for the day i didn't still you worked well together we didn't well regardless
16:52i'm feeling optimistic you shouldn't okay it's happening what the school offers language courses
17:05i've never even heard of tagalog isn't that a cookie this is why i don't want kids well you're gonna have
17:11them and a husband and a life full of regrets and missed fun in fact i think it should start right now
17:17hi parker no your sounds great see you tonight no cap you can't take stuff like that on a
17:23call work as far as victoria perverse oh come on you really like the guy i'm doing you a favor oh my
17:28god oh my god he had it he had it i hate you parker loves you and you're probably gonna love parker
17:34this no is the beginning of the end welcome to hell sister hi thomas emily let's just jump right in
17:45with the merger there are a lot of eyes on you that's why i'm going to need your laser focus on
17:50this i'm very much hoping that i chose the right person for the job oh you definitely did i mean
17:57leadership is so important to me sir there are a lot of people who wanted your title especially officer
18:06dudge templeton he expressed a myriad of antiquated claims too young too rattle-brained
18:14too female but i have complete faith in your professionalism so what is it you wanted to
18:22discuss with me today well um hey how'd it go he said no no exactly i i didn't ask oh um why not
18:42i'm really sorry i'm just under a lot of scrutiny right now and i feel like i was dropping the ball
18:48a lot today because i was distracted yeah okay so i thought maybe that we could just put things on
18:55hold for a couple months just until i get the merger figured out oh um yeah yeah it's the last thing
19:05i want to do i just i don't really know what else to do yeah i don't i don't really know what else to
19:10do either so i feel like i'm ruining everything right now oh no you're not ruining stuff it's it's
19:16cool we've waited this long yeah it's like two months so it's not a big deal well um i am really
19:22sorry yeah me too i guess i'll see you at work tomorrow okay okay yeah i'll see you tomorrow see you
19:46how's uh senior officer frank i'm claiming this desk nope i hate to pick sides but i checked the
19:56employment records and he does have you beat by nine days frank sorry all right fine frank you lost
20:02the battle but you're gonna win the war patel sorry partner no now i have to sit across from
20:12dumpleton just i'll sit at the wobbly desk by the bathroom
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