00:00Captain doesn't stack hoses.
00:07Only one person allowed in the gym at a time.
00:09I'm making do.
00:12That family, they, uh,
00:15they remind you of the mess you grew up with?
00:17No. No, my dad raged and threw things,
00:20but only at the walls, never at us,
00:22and never in front of the neighbors.
00:24I'm afraid to go home.
00:26To Karina?
00:27No. God, no. Karina's a sub.
00:29It's me. I'm afraid of how much I'm like my dad.
00:31You know, my brother and I chose such opposite ways
00:34of dealing with him.
00:35Mason buried his head in the sand like my mom and me.
00:38I just wanted to please him.
00:40I made myself into a perfect copy of my dad
00:43so that he wouldn't find a reason to be mad at me.
00:46I spent so many years learning how to read his sighs
00:49and silences, the hunch of his shoulders,
00:51so many years mimicking the tone of his voice.
00:55I'm scared that by protecting myself from him,
00:57I turned myself into him.
01:00You are nothing like him.
01:02And for my 13th birthday,
01:03I was allowed to have three friends spend the night.
01:06I didn't have three close friends,
01:08but some girls from the softball team came over,
01:10and we hung out in the basement.
01:12We painted nails and talked about first kisses,
01:14and I pretended like I only liked boys.
01:17And this one girl, Holly, she went to the kitchen
01:21during the movie, and she came back with a soda,
01:24and I freaked out.
01:26I asked her where she got that because those were my dad's,
01:29and no one else was allowed to touch those.
01:31And Holly shrugged because she was 13,
01:36and it was a can of soda.
01:42And sure enough, a few minutes later,
01:44my dad came tearing down the stairs.
01:48Who drank my last soda?
01:53I can still feel every muscle in my body tensing up.
02:00And Holly was terrified, and he pointed his finger at her,
02:03and he said, who said you could drink that?
02:05And she just stared at him.
02:07Suddenly, this, this tiny little girl.
02:09And he came lumbering over to her,
02:11and he ripped the can out of her hand.
02:14And he went back upstairs.
02:16And she called her mom crying,
02:17and her mom came and picked her up.
02:20This morning, I woke up in the apartment,
02:22and I looked around at her cheeses and her pastas
02:25and all of her wonderful everything,
02:27and I could feel the rage building inside of me.
02:30I could feel the...
02:32who drank my last Coke rage.
02:37Because I'm so used to having control
02:39over every last inch of my space.
02:42And now she's here, and...
02:45it's terrifying.
02:47I am terrified that I am gonna snap at her like him,
02:50and that she is gonna stop loving me, and...
02:54Am I broken?
02:57Look, I'm still working on this one myself, Maya,
02:59but I think...
03:01being afraid to be like your dad...
03:04is the first step to not being like him.
03:06I don't like him.
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