- 6 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Logan, please wake up.
00:00:02It hurts so much.
00:00:03The baby's coming.
00:00:04I can't...
00:00:05I can't do it alone.
00:00:17My baby.
00:00:25Nice to see you, sis.
00:00:26Well, Selena?
00:00:29Oh.
00:00:30We put a tracker on your car, dumbass.
00:00:39Stay away from my baby.
00:00:43See?
00:00:44Logan will always believe me over you.
00:00:48And it didn't take that much to get Logan out of the house since he's, like, obsessed with me.
00:00:53Did you like the photo I sent you?
00:00:57I told you, sis.
00:00:59I'm going to take everything away from you.
00:01:02A fake photo and a few little tricks.
00:01:05That's all it took to tear a loving couple apart.
00:01:08Come on, let's go.
00:01:09Let her die here.
00:01:12Please don't come.
00:01:14Please don't come.
00:01:15Let your baby.
00:01:17Let your baby.
00:01:18Thank God you're awake.
00:01:29I was so worried when the cops called me.
00:01:31It's a good thing you have me listed as your emergency contact.
00:01:34God, my head hurts.
00:01:36Do you remember what happened?
00:01:37The doctor said you have a concussion.
00:01:39Yeah, I was sitting there and my water broke and it was raining outside.
00:01:43And then Selena and...
00:01:44Wait, where's my baby, honey?
00:01:46It's okay.
00:01:46It's okay.
00:01:47She's right here.
00:01:51See?
00:01:52She's beautiful.
00:01:54Then last night?
00:01:55Must have been a horrible nightmare.
00:01:57I dreamt Selena and Margaret took my baby.
00:01:59Logan's been cheating on me with Selena.
00:02:05I want a divorce.
00:02:12Any update on where my wife is, huh?
00:02:15I'm sorry, Box.
00:02:16She's alone and pregnant.
00:02:19And I'm the one that drove her away.
00:02:22If anything happens to her, I can never forgive myself.
00:02:26I'm going to take my daughter and I'm never coming back.
00:02:29Don't worry.
00:02:29I'll help you.
00:02:30I'll make sure he never finds you.
00:02:34Logan!
00:02:36I'm so sorry.
00:02:37Winnie left the baby out by herself in the rain.
00:02:40Call the best doctor.
00:02:42You make sure they can save my child.
00:02:45I thought you loved me, Winnie Cullen.
00:02:48Abandoning our child?
00:02:49You better stay gone and don't let me find you.
00:02:51I can't believe it's been six years since I've been back.
00:03:01If it weren't for the medical convention, I'd never step foot in L.A. again.
00:03:04Mommy, isn't Daddy in the city?
00:03:07Is I finally going to need him?
00:03:09Abby, sweetie, we've talked about this.
00:03:11We're only going to be here for one month for Mommy's work, okay?
00:03:15We'll be back in England just in time for Christmas.
00:03:17But I kind of wanted to see him just once in person.
00:03:21I'm sick of only looking at this photo.
00:03:23But if Logan finds out about Abby and fights me for custody, I don't stand a chance.
00:03:30Daddy has a new life.
00:03:32Probably a new family.
00:03:34We shouldn't bother him.
00:03:35Besides, he hates Mommy.
00:03:37Remember?
00:03:37Then he's a bad person and I don't want him either.
00:03:48Wait.
00:03:50Isn't that the man on this photo?
00:03:52My daddy?
00:03:53Baby, not every man is your daddy.
00:03:55Stop.
00:03:57Honey, slow down.
00:03:57Slow down.
00:04:05Impossible.
00:04:06Here we go.
00:04:07No, please don't leave me alone.
00:04:09Hey, I can give birth at any time.
00:04:11Do you think I'm doing this to spite you?
00:04:13You violently attacked Selena and she's going to press charges.
00:04:16I'm nine months pregnant.
00:04:18You think I pushed her down the stairs?
00:04:19Your sister has a broken arm for crying out loud.
00:04:22Your own stepmother saw you do it.
00:04:24What more proof do I need?
00:04:33Hannah.
00:04:34Sweetheart.
00:04:35It's time for you to go back to school.
00:04:37Vacation's over.
00:04:38I don't want to go back to school.
00:04:40I want to look for my real Mommy.
00:04:43Then this snake can leave my daddy alone.
00:04:46Santa, please bring Mommy back to me.
00:04:53It can't be.
00:04:56It must be jet lagged and confused someone else for winning.
00:04:59Daddy, I'm not going back to school.
00:05:02I'm going to work for Mommy.
00:05:03Wait, sweetheart, wait.
00:05:05Honey, let her go.
00:05:07It's been six years.
00:05:09Why is my heart beating so fast?
00:05:11Where's Uncle Henry?
00:05:12I'm hungry.
00:05:13Can I get something from the vending machine first?
00:05:15Um, yeah, yeah, of course.
00:05:18Here, just hurry back, okay?
00:05:21Uncle Henry's almost here.
00:05:24Logan and Selena must have gotten married after I left and had a child together.
00:05:28He cheated on me, abandoned me, and left me to die.
00:05:31How could I expect anything less from a man like him?
00:05:45Interesting.
00:05:49This girl wears the same clothes as me.
00:05:52Hmm.
00:05:56Mommy, I'm coming to find you.
00:06:02Abby?
00:06:04Abby, over here!
00:06:07Gosh, what took you so long?
00:06:08I was starting to worry.
00:06:10Earth to Abby.
00:06:13Wait, did you change your hair?
00:06:15What happened to your head?
00:06:16I'm not Abby.
00:06:17Oh, I'm sorry.
00:06:19I forgot.
00:06:20You're the genius hacker that goes by Princess A, right?
00:06:23Wait, this woman.
00:06:25She looks just like the photo of Mommy.
00:06:28Are you my mommy?
00:06:38Henry?
00:06:39Yeah, we're just waiting on the curb.
00:06:41Great, just hurry up, okay?
00:06:42Abby's getting hungry.
00:06:43Great.
00:06:45Of course I'm your mommy.
00:06:46Who else could I be?
00:06:49Santa must have prayed my prayers.
00:06:51He brought Mommy to me.
00:06:53Mommy, where are we going?
00:06:54Honey, I told you already.
00:06:57Look, I know we're only here for a month, but you have to start school tomorrow.
00:07:00A month?
00:07:01Does that mean Mommy is leaving?
00:07:03She's the exercise.
00:07:03She's a little girl.
00:07:04I know, but she's...
00:07:05Mommy!
00:07:07You got the wrong kid!
00:07:10Sweetheart, hey, it is dangerous to run around LAX.
00:07:15Come on, let's go.
00:07:16I've seen this face on photograph countless times before.
00:07:20Thanksgiving is over.
00:07:21It's time for school now.
00:07:22Um, sir, does your name happen to be Logan Walton?
00:07:26Sir?
00:07:27Why, yes, mademoiselle.
00:07:29I am Logan Walton.
00:07:30It really is him.
00:07:31My daddy.
00:07:32All right, enough stalling.
00:07:34We really got to get you to school, honey.
00:07:35Come on.
00:07:36Come on.
00:07:37Daddy?
00:07:39Yeah, it's me, Hannah.
00:07:40Who is Hannah?
00:07:44Hannah, if you agree to go back to school, then I will take you to Disneyland in Paris.
00:07:52Come on.
00:07:53Hannah, why is he mistaking me for someone else?
00:08:02There she is.
00:08:05Who is he?
00:08:06Is he mommy's boyfriend?
00:08:09Sorry, you know how traffic in LA gets.
00:08:11Oh, there's my little munchkin.
00:08:13How are you?
00:08:16Look, I think she's just hungry.
00:08:18Let's just go get her something to eat.
00:08:19It is a school night.
00:08:21To the restaurant we go.
00:08:36This must be the bad woman who stole daddy from mommy.
00:08:49Have a good day at school, sweetie.
00:08:51Okay, Logan, I think we should go.
00:08:52We have some work to do.
00:08:54Daddy, are you married to this woman?
00:08:56Is she my evil stepmother?
00:08:57Oh, so that's why you've been acting weird, sweetheart.
00:09:02There is nothing between me and Auntie Selena.
00:09:05Okay, that's daddy's work colleague.
00:09:07And your auntie.
00:09:08My aunt?
00:09:09Oh, right.
00:09:10Mommy has a half-sister.
00:09:12Come on, daddy.
00:09:12I'll walk you in.
00:09:13It's so nice having you, mommy.
00:09:19You know, why are you so clingy today?
00:09:22You know we don't like holding my hand.
00:09:25Look, I know we're only here for a month, but I don't want you to be shy today.
00:09:29Okay, I really want you to make some friends.
00:09:31Don't be scared.
00:09:32This is one of the best schools in LA, and your mom has worked so hard for you to be here.
00:09:36But I've been going here for two years.
00:09:40What'd you just say?
00:09:41Hannah, did you have fun over Thanksgiving break?
00:09:49Here, have some chocolate to celebrate your return.
00:09:51But I'm allergic to chocolate.
00:09:53He just called you Hannah.
00:09:55Oh, he must have gotten you mixed up with another kid.
00:10:01Listen, I think you should go back to the office and...
00:10:04No, no, no.
00:10:05I want to hang out with Hannah.
00:10:07Hannah?
00:10:08I thought I just saw you on the other side.
00:10:11You've already eaten all your chocolate.
00:10:12Here, have some more.
00:10:19Hannah, what are you doing?
00:10:20You're allergic to chocolate.
00:10:22You know that.
00:10:23But I'm not.
00:10:25Here you go.
00:10:26Have half for now.
00:10:27If you have too much chocolate right now, it would be bad for you, okay?
00:10:29I'm allergic to chocolate.
00:10:32What?
00:10:33Since when?
00:10:35Something feels off today.
00:10:42Something is not adding up.
00:10:49We look the same!
00:10:51Oh my gosh!
00:11:02We really are twins!
00:11:04That would explain why they mixed us up at the airport.
00:11:07Mommy once told me that she had a dream that I had a twin, but Selena took one away.
00:11:11What if it wasn't a dream?
00:11:14What if that evil half-sister of hers really did it?
00:11:18Selena said Mommy didn't want me.
00:11:20She left me to die right after I was born.
00:11:23I met Mommy.
00:11:23And she's...
00:11:25Perfect.
00:11:26I get it.
00:11:29Maybe Selena stole you while Mommy was unconscious, then lied to Daddy, and said she didn't want
00:11:34you.
00:11:35But really, none of them even knew we existed.
00:11:38But why would Selena do this?
00:11:40Isn't she our aunt?
00:11:41You don't know her like I do.
00:11:43She's evil and fake.
00:11:45I hate her.
00:11:46Mommy said that Daddy's in love with Selena, but I don't think it's true.
00:11:50Ew.
00:11:51Definitely not.
00:11:52Daddy has good taste.
00:11:54Selena is not it.
00:11:55That means there's some huge misunderstanding between Mommy and Daddy.
00:11:59We have to fix it, and then we'll all live together.
00:12:01Since we already switched places, let's just keep it this way, so we can spend more time
00:12:06with our other parents.
00:12:08I have an idea.
00:12:09Do you have a smartwatch?
00:12:11Switch watches with me.
00:12:13We can use these to communicate and dig out the truth about what really happened.
00:12:18Can't we just tell them we exist?
00:12:21Wouldn't they believe us?
00:12:22But then we'll never know what actually happened, and Selena might get away with all the bad
00:12:26things she did.
00:12:27You're right.
00:12:28Let's get to the bottom of this.
00:12:30We've been till Christmas to fix everything.
00:12:32That's when Mommy and I fly back to England.
00:12:34Let's call this...
00:12:36Operation Christmas Trap.
00:12:42Hi, baby.
00:12:43How was your first day of school?
00:12:45Mommy, I miss you so much.
00:12:48What has gotten into you today?
00:12:54Oh no.
00:12:55I can't let Daddy see me with Mommy just yet.
00:12:58Okay, let's go home, sweetie.
00:13:03Wait, is that Hannah?
00:13:06Mommy, I really, really need a few minutes to myself.
00:13:08Can you please just wait here?
00:13:10What?
00:13:11Baby, I...
00:13:13Wait, honey, what's going on?
00:13:20Really is you.
00:13:31Logan, what are you doing here?
00:13:33I could ask you the same question.
00:13:36You know, you got some nerve coming back here after what you did.
00:13:40After what I did?
00:13:41How about after what you did?
00:13:43All I did was try to clean up your mess.
00:13:46You know, for a second, I thought we could just let the past go.
00:13:49I thought I could let you meet our child, but clearly I was wrong.
00:13:53What child?
00:13:54Does he know about Abby?
00:13:56No.
00:13:56No, he must be talking about his child with Selena.
00:13:59Selena, why would I want to meet your child?
00:14:02That has nothing to do with me.
00:14:04She's your blood too, you know.
00:14:06My blood?
00:14:07I guess he's not wrong.
00:14:08Selena and I are half-sisters.
00:14:10What happened to the Winnie that I knew?
00:14:12You're so heartless now.
00:14:17That girl is dead and gone.
00:14:19You killed her.
00:14:21Fine.
00:14:22You want nothing to do with my daughter?
00:14:24Then after today, you'll never see her again.
00:14:29Quick, cause a distraction.
00:14:32I'm in trouble.
00:14:38I can't let Logan take Abby away.
00:14:44Stop.
00:14:45Winnie?
00:14:46How dare he come back?
00:14:48Logan.
00:14:50Hannah's crying.
00:14:51She wants to go home.
00:14:53I must have seen wrong.
00:14:54I thought I saw Hannah go into this room.
00:14:56Daddy!
00:14:57We're calling Daddy!
00:14:59How dare you come back here after six years?
00:15:06Why didn't you just die?
00:15:08Six years and your face aged twice as fast.
00:15:11I guess being a homewrecker wrecked your face too.
00:15:13Guess karma's a mirror.
00:15:14How dare you.
00:15:15You really think after all this time I'll still let you walk all over me?
00:15:26Well, think again, you bitch.
00:15:29Did you just hit me?
00:15:31Guards, get her.
00:15:33I can't let them find Abby.
00:15:35Abby.
00:15:41Abby.
00:15:42People Witch is trying to hurt Mommy again.
00:15:45Get Daddy.
00:15:45Quick.
00:15:46You say you've changed?
00:15:56I don't think so.
00:15:58I feel cute once and do it again.
00:16:01How is that?
00:16:02Yeah?
00:16:02Does that make you remember?
00:16:03Does that jog your memory or do you need it again?
00:16:06Get away from her!
00:16:09Sweetheart?
00:16:11This isn't what it looks like.
00:16:13I'm just dealing with this mean old lady.
00:16:15Liar.
00:16:16Snake.
00:16:18I'm telling Daddy everything.
00:16:19Wait, why did Selina just call Abby Sweetheart?
00:16:23What are you trying to do?
00:16:24Get in there.
00:16:32You little brat.
00:16:33Stop it.
00:16:36No, stop.
00:16:37Let her go.
00:16:38Do not touch my daughter.
00:16:41Wait, wait, wait.
00:16:43You said Selina's trying to hurt your mom?
00:16:44Yes, we are.
00:16:45How did Winnie find out that she was your mom?
00:16:46And when did you two even meet?
00:16:48Less talking, more saving Mommy.
00:16:52Winnie?
00:16:53Are you in there?
00:16:54Come on, say something.
00:17:03Say something?
00:17:04And I can make him hurt her.
00:17:06I can't let Selina hurt my baby.
00:17:10Say something.
00:17:12Winnie.
00:17:16Hannah, are you messing with Daddy again?
00:17:18No, Daddy, I promise.
00:17:21Please, hey, Mommy.
00:17:22That sounds like Abby.
00:17:24But Abby's right here in front of me.
00:17:27Okay, stand back, honey.
00:17:29That's it.
00:17:34Baby, are you okay?
00:17:36You okay?
00:17:36Okay.
00:17:54Stop moving.
00:17:59Hands up.
00:17:59Easy, soldier.
00:18:01If you have some coffee, this weather's freezing my balls.
00:18:04This is a restricted military facility.
00:18:07Turn around and walk away, or I'll warm you up by unloading my clip into you.
00:18:11It'd be a monumentally stupid thing to do.
00:18:14Let General Allen know that I'm here.
00:18:15Then step aside, soldier.
00:18:17General Allen, huh?
00:18:18Who do you think you are?
00:18:21The damn president?
00:18:24The general doesn't take walk-ins by random man in prissy suits.
00:18:28Back the fuck up, or I'll take you down.
00:18:41What the hell are you doing, soldier?
00:18:51Sir, this con man was trying to talk his way into our secure facility.
00:18:57Con man, this is Damian Blaine, CEO of Atlas Defense Group.
00:19:01Our top military contractor.
00:19:04He single-handedly controls the global arms trade.
00:19:07You fucking fool!
00:19:09I'm sorry, sir.
00:19:10I'm a fool, sir.
00:19:12Please, sir, forgive me for my stupidity.
00:19:17At ease, soldier.
00:19:18Step aside.
00:19:18Gentlemen, your arsenal's best intercontinental ballistic missile takes 27 minutes to reach its target across the globe.
00:19:34Giving our enemies 27 minutes to prepare and launch retaliatory strikes.
00:19:38It's a weak spot, but we can't do any better.
00:19:41It's impossible.
00:19:43Impossible isn't in my vocabulary.
00:19:46We can do better.
00:19:47I have.
00:19:50I got it down from 27 minutes to only 3.
00:19:55I thought you'd be skeptical.
00:19:58So how about a show and tell?
00:19:59Gentlemen, I present to you the Titan Missile.
00:20:02Now you can strike anywhere in the world in just 3 minutes.
00:20:14Do it again, sir.
00:20:15We'll take all of it.
00:20:17No matter the cost, we'll take it out.
00:20:21Thought you'd say so.
00:20:22Good.
00:20:23Before you leave, the President would like to host you for dinner.
00:20:26Well, I'm honored, but please tell the President I'm unavailable.
00:20:29Tonight, I have other plans.
00:20:31You're standing up, the President.
00:20:33What plans could be more important?
00:20:35Hmm.
00:20:36Well, General, as you can imagine, I sell weapons for a living.
00:20:40And my father's worried that I'll die single.
00:20:43So tonight, I'm going on a date to find my future wife.
00:20:46So, what do you do for a living?
00:20:58Well, uh, I'm...
00:21:00My father's demanding I settle down.
00:21:02But I don't want a wife when he wants me for my money.
00:21:05I'm in sales.
00:21:07What about you, Sarah?
00:21:08Sales?
00:21:10How much do you make?
00:21:11But does that really matter?
00:21:14Yeah.
00:21:16Okay.
00:21:17Um, in a good year, 50 or 60...
00:21:2160 grand.
00:21:23Good Lord, you...
00:21:24You can't even get a one-bedroom rental on that.
00:21:28Oh.
00:21:30I cannot believe my daddy set me up with someone so...
00:21:33Poor.
00:21:36Why don't we get to know each other a bit before discussing money?
00:21:39Pass.
00:21:39Money's the only thing that matters.
00:21:43What a waste of my time.
00:21:46I passed up dinner with the president for this date.
00:21:48Talk about a waste of time.
00:21:50And I meant 50 or 60 million.
00:21:53Huh.
00:21:59Had a bad date, huh?
00:22:03This might sound crazy, but I would make it worth your while.
00:22:07Would you want to get married?
00:22:15My family's business is struggling.
00:22:17My father, a very traditional man, has got it in his head that the solution to our problems
00:22:22is marrying me off to some rich snob.
00:22:25I'm flattered, but what makes you think I fit the rich man profile?
00:22:29Doesn't matter.
00:22:30Doesn't matter.
00:22:31I don't care how much you make.
00:22:32I just need to get married to get my parents off my back while I fix our business.
00:22:36Contract marriage.
00:22:37Contract marriage.
00:22:39Huh.
00:22:40That could work too.
00:22:41I know it's a crazy thing to ask, but I could pay you $10,000.
00:22:46All you'd have to do is play along and...
00:22:48That won't be necessary.
00:22:51I'd marry you for free.
00:22:52So, I suppose my soon-to-be wife should know my name.
00:23:00I'm Damien.
00:23:01Iris Olson.
00:23:03Pleasure to meet you.
00:23:04Pleasure to meet you.
00:23:06I hope you don't have any Christmas plans, because as my fiancé, I need you to come meet
00:23:10my family.
00:23:13Looking forward to it.
00:23:14Mr. Damien, Merry Christmas.
00:23:19Merry Christmas.
00:23:20These are the Christmas gifts that you got for the Olsens.
00:23:22They're worth hundreds of millions, so please let me securely deliver them to them.
00:23:27No need.
00:23:28I deliver them myself.
00:23:29Uh, but this is a company SUV.
00:23:32I'm a little confused.
00:23:33You're the Olson's honored guest, and they didn't get you a car?
00:23:37Do they realize who you are?
00:23:39I haven't met the family or told them who I am yet.
00:23:41That's how I want it.
00:23:42I want them to know me for me, rather than my money.
00:23:46All right.
00:23:47Whatever you say, sir.
00:23:53Yes?
00:23:54And you are?
00:23:56Mom, this is my husband.
00:23:58We were just talking about you.
00:24:00Merry Christmas, ma'am.
00:24:01I'm Damien.
00:24:03I was hoping it was all a bad dream, but you're really here.
00:24:06My daughter really married a poor salesman.
00:24:09Mom, be respectful.
00:24:11I like him.
00:24:12This is Olson.
00:24:18You're looking as lovely as her.
00:24:21Oh, Marcus.
00:24:23What a lovely surprise.
00:24:25I didn't know you'd arrived.
00:24:29Um, what was your name again?
00:24:32Damien.
00:24:32Oh, Damien.
00:24:33Yes, Damien.
00:24:35You should be honored.
00:24:36This is Marcus Walton, heir to the Walton Group, and the only man worthy of marrying my daughter.
00:24:44So, you chose to marry this, Iris?
00:24:52How bizarre.
00:24:54Bizarre.
00:24:55Bizarre.
00:24:56Yes.
00:24:56What can I say?
00:24:57What can I say?
00:24:59My wife, Iris, has good taste.
00:25:00Don't be rude.
00:25:01Don't be rude.
00:25:03Do you know who you're talking to?
00:25:06This man, the Walton Group, makes over a million dollars a month.
00:25:12You could probably never earn that much in an entire year.
00:25:16You'd be surprised.
00:25:18I'm sorry, Damien.
00:25:20This isn't...
00:25:21Don't bother, Mrs. Olson.
00:25:23There's no point in trying to explain anything to someone like him.
00:25:27You're right, Marcus.
00:25:29Let's not waste our thoughts on such negative things.
00:25:32It's Christmas!
00:25:34It's Christmas.
00:25:38I'm sorry.
00:25:39Marcus is the douchebag my parents want me to marry.
00:25:43They only care about being rich, and they hate people who aren't.
00:25:46That's why my mom's being rude to you.
00:25:49They have no idea what being rich means.
00:25:53Damien, are you upset?
00:25:55Please, you're not going to back out of this, right?
00:25:57Oh, no, no, no.
00:25:58I'm all in.
00:25:59And when I make a promise, I plan to keep it.
00:26:03I'd never screw you like that.
00:26:05I mean, unless you consent at first.
00:26:10Iris, did you know Marcus is working on a deal with Harvey Lambert?
00:26:16No, Mom.
00:26:17I didn't.
00:26:18Because I don't even know who Mr. Lambert is.
00:26:21Harvey Lambert?
00:26:23He's only the second command, the world's largest defense contractor, Atlas.
00:26:32And with Mr. Lambert's support,
00:26:34we're going to take the one group worldwide.
00:26:38And, uh, quadruple our profits.
00:26:43Oh, you see, Iris, Marcus is very impressive.
00:26:46He's a mover and a shaker.
00:26:49He's the kind of man you should marry,
00:26:52not this salesman who could probably never get an appointment
00:26:56with someone as powerful as Harvey Lambert.
00:26:59I didn't realize Harvey was such a big deal to people outside the military.
00:27:02Harvey?
00:27:04In this house, we show respect.
00:27:07And you are not on a first-name basis with a man like...
00:27:11Oh, but I am.
00:27:14Harvey's an old friend.
00:27:19An old friend?
00:27:22That's not possible.
00:27:24Marcus, he's just a salesman.
00:27:26He's just making stuff up so he doesn't look bad in front of Iris.
00:27:30On the contrary.
00:27:32I feel bad for you, Iris.
00:27:34Not only is your husband unsuccessful,
00:27:38he's a compulsive liar.
00:27:40Shame.
00:27:40But don't worry, darling.
00:27:42If he's strapped for cash, I can hook him up.
00:27:44I'm fine.
00:27:45Thank you.
00:27:47Oh, it's Christmas time.
00:27:50I could hook you up with a, uh,
00:27:53big boy job.
00:27:55You can clean toilets at my company.
00:27:57If you're lucky, he might just catch a glimpse of, uh,
00:28:01your old friend as he's leaving the bathroom.
00:28:05Marcus, stop it.
00:28:07I don't care that Damien is poor.
00:28:10He's much more of a man than you'll ever be.
00:28:12And I won't let you insult him like this.
00:28:15Thanks, babe.
00:28:17But don't worry.
00:28:19They've got me all wrong.
00:28:20I actually, uh...
00:28:23Dad?
00:28:27What?
00:28:28Mr. Lambert wants me to be there in person?
00:28:31I'll leave right away.
00:28:33Mr. Lambert isn't there yet,
00:28:35but, uh,
00:28:35he'd like me to join them.
00:28:37I'll just, uh,
00:28:38confirm with your old friend Harvey
00:28:40that he's never met you before,
00:28:42you little liar.
00:28:43You liar.
00:28:44Can't wait.
00:28:46And when you're ready to apologize,
00:28:48you know where to find me.
00:28:51You'll be apologizing to me.
00:28:54All right, well,
00:28:55Mrs. Olson,
00:28:57Iris,
00:28:58I'm afraid I have to chat,
00:28:59but I have, uh,
00:29:01business to conduct.
00:29:02But don't worry,
00:29:03I'll be back with your Christmas gifts.
00:29:05Thanks.
00:29:07Uh...
00:29:08Iris,
00:29:10how could you have been so rude to Marcus?
00:29:13And Damien,
00:29:14you liar.
00:29:16Mom, stop it.
00:29:18We're gonna be late for Christmas at Grandpa's.
00:29:19Let's just go.
00:29:28Merry Christmas, Amanda.
00:29:30Merry Christmas, cousin.
00:29:31I am so glad you did not bring that pathetic...
00:29:34Liz...
00:29:35Merry Christmas.
00:29:38What?
00:29:40Merry Christmas, family.
00:29:44Who's this, Rando?
00:29:45You must be Tom.
00:29:47Hi, I'm Damien.
00:29:48Iris' husband.
00:29:51So,
00:29:52you're the broke salesman
00:29:53who married Iris
00:29:54without even bothering
00:29:55to meet the family first?
00:29:57Oh, he doesn't care about Iris.
00:29:59He just married her for our money.
00:30:00Listen, guy,
00:30:02we all have a stake
00:30:03in this family business.
00:30:04You can't just waltz in here with Iris
00:30:06and steal it from us.
00:30:07I told you, Iris, darling,
00:30:08bringing this freeloader home
00:30:10was a mistake.
00:30:11Enough.
00:30:12It's Christmas.
00:30:13If you all can't be decent,
00:30:15my husband and I
00:30:16are gonna have to leave.
00:30:17Iris, don't be like that.
00:30:19We're just joking.
00:30:20You're the guest of honor tonight.
00:30:22You can't leave.
00:30:23Come on, come here.
00:30:23I'm sorry, Damien.
00:30:31My family's business is in trouble
00:30:33and they were counting on Marcus
00:30:35to save us by marrying me off to him first.
00:30:37It's nothing personal.
00:30:39They just see you as
00:30:40standing in front of their money.
00:30:42It's amusing, actually.
00:30:43They're so against me,
00:30:44but they don't know anything about me.
00:30:46I know everything
00:30:47I need to know about you.
00:30:48Unlike the men
00:30:52they want me to be with,
00:30:53you're a good guy.
00:30:54You're doing great.
00:30:55This is the best few grand
00:30:56I've ever spent.
00:30:58Well, I'm just keeping my promise.
00:30:59And Iris,
00:31:01I really don't need your money.
00:31:04I'm having a really good time with you.
00:31:06You're special.
00:31:07And I feel bad.
00:31:09In a rush to get married,
00:31:10we never consummated
00:31:12our relationship.
00:31:14But maybe later tonight
00:31:16we can...
00:31:18Auntie Iris!
00:31:23Uh, who's that?
00:31:24Hi, Leslie.
00:31:26This is my new husband, Damien.
00:31:28Damien,
00:31:28this is my niece, Leslie.
00:31:30Merry Christmas, Uncle Damien.
00:31:31Merry Christmas, kiddo.
00:31:33I didn't know you had a niece.
00:31:34I wouldn't have brought her a gift.
00:31:36Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!
00:31:38Whoa.
00:31:38Uncle Damien,
00:31:39my money home's empty.
00:31:41Can you give me some money
00:31:42to fill it up for Christmas?
00:31:43Yeah, I can't...
00:31:44Oh, honey!
00:31:45You're asking the wrong man.
00:31:47He's just a broke,
00:31:48small-town loser.
00:31:50He doesn't have any cash for you.
00:31:52Do you, Damien?
00:31:53Leslie, Damien can't afford it.
00:31:56Daddy,
00:31:56what's a broke loser?
00:31:58Oh, it's just
00:31:58someone who's
00:31:59stupid
00:32:00and lazy
00:32:01and doesn't have enough to eat.
00:32:04Sounds sad, right?
00:32:05Oh, no.
00:32:06I'm really sorry,
00:32:07Uncle Damien.
00:32:07I shouldn't have asked.
00:32:09Tom,
00:32:10Leslie,
00:32:11your dad is joking.
00:32:12But maybe
00:32:13instead of something
00:32:14that costs money,
00:32:15Uncle Damien
00:32:15could take you somewhere.
00:32:17Now, Leslie,
00:32:17I'd love to fill your money gun,
00:32:19but I don't have any cash on me.
00:32:21But if you take this to the bank,
00:32:23they'll fill it up for you.
00:32:24Oh, Damien,
00:32:25you know the bank
00:32:27won't bother cashing a check
00:32:28that's worth less than the paper
00:32:29that it's printed on.
00:32:32Fifty grand.
00:32:33Fifty thousand dollars?
00:32:37Where'd you get this kind of money?
00:32:39That can't be right,
00:32:41unless...
00:32:42Damien,
00:32:43I don't know where you're from,
00:32:44but in the real world,
00:32:45writing a bad check is a crime.
00:32:47I knew it.
00:32:48He doesn't have this kind of money.
00:32:50He's just trying to show off.
00:32:52This check is worthless.
00:32:54It's not, Leslie.
00:32:56Cash the check.
00:33:00This idiot's clothes
00:33:01don't even have a brand.
00:33:02If you're going to pretend to be rich,
00:33:04try investing in some nicer clothes
00:33:06instead of these cheap knockoffs.
00:33:08Cheap, huh?
00:33:08This is custom made, thank you.
00:33:10Damien,
00:33:10you are an embarrassment to this family.
00:33:13Lying to a child
00:33:15to protect your poor ego.
00:33:17How awful.
00:33:19You know,
00:33:19I was curious
00:33:20why your family's business was failing,
00:33:22but now I see why.
00:33:24You guys all jump to conclusions,
00:33:26and you can't see the truth
00:33:27when it's right in front of your face.
00:33:28You think I'm some poor loser?
00:33:32Prove it.
00:33:33Cash the check.
00:33:34Take it to the bank.
00:33:35And when you're ready to apologize,
00:33:37my wife and I will be here waiting.
00:33:39And when the check bounces,
00:33:40it won't.
00:33:44This is a family Christmas,
00:33:46and I'm done wasting my time
00:33:48on this loser.
00:33:50Agreed.
00:33:51Tom,
00:33:51help me with dinner.
00:33:52I need a drink.
00:33:53Okay.
00:33:58Who brought these Christmas gifts?
00:34:04They're from Damien.
00:34:05It's just a few gifts I got for the family.
00:34:07We can open them up during dinner.
00:34:08I really don't want to upset Dad during dinner,
00:34:10so I'd better check them out
00:34:11to make sure they're not too cheap or offensive.
00:34:13Hey, tough guy.
00:34:15What, are you embarrassed about your Christmas gifts?
00:34:17What is this fuss about, huh?
00:34:20Grandpa.
00:34:22This is my husband, Damien.
00:34:24The one I told you about.
00:34:26Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:34:26Good, good.
00:34:29Not too tall, but handsome.
00:34:31You two make a lovely couple.
00:34:34Hey, Dad, what are you doing?
00:34:35Shouldn't you be ready?
00:34:36I couldn't wait to see my precious granddaughter.
00:34:40Is that a problem?
00:34:44Grandpa, everyone, dinner's ready.
00:34:56Can I help you, little girl?
00:35:10I'm here to get some cash from my uncle.
00:35:14My dad said it's fake,
00:35:16but my uncle Damien said it's real,
00:35:18and he's a nice guy.
00:35:20Can you help me cash it?
00:35:21Fifty thousand dollars?
00:35:24I think your uncle's playing a trick on you.
00:35:29I'm sorry.
00:35:30I didn't know.
00:35:31This is authentic.
00:35:33I'll get your cash now.
00:35:37Iris, where can I find a chair?
00:35:39Oh, you want a seat at our table
00:35:42when nobody wants you here?
00:35:45He's Iris' husband.
00:35:46Why don't you?
00:35:48Grandpa, we didn't even know Iris was married.
00:35:50It was random.
00:35:51Aren't you a little concerned
00:35:53that he could be coming for our family's wealth?
00:35:54Damien isn't like that.
00:35:56Iris, we're just looking out for you, okay?
00:35:58I mean, seriously,
00:35:59a guy like this,
00:36:01marrying the CEO of the Olsen Group,
00:36:03if he's not after our money,
00:36:04why else would he be here?
00:36:05That's enough.
00:36:09It's Christmas dinner.
00:36:11Everyone, be respectful.
00:36:14Damien, I got you a present.
00:36:17I think someone confused me for the dog.
00:36:28Good one, sis.
00:36:31Iris, your husband's just been begging
00:36:34like a pathetic dog for our family fortune.
00:36:37We're going to treat him like one.
00:36:38Amanda, is this some kind of a joke?
00:36:40Actually, I'm not hungry anyway.
00:36:42Oh, you won't eat the food we give you.
00:36:44You ungrateful little gold digger.
00:36:48I'm confused.
00:36:49Okay, Grandpa,
00:36:50let me explain to you
00:36:51what everyone's thinking here.
00:36:53Damien doesn't deserve Iris.
00:36:55Not even a little.
00:36:57He tried to scam my daughter
00:36:58with a fake check.
00:36:59He's a terrible role model
00:37:00and a liar.
00:37:01Merry Christmas.
00:37:10The check was real, Dad.
00:37:25Merry Christmas, Mr. A.
00:37:27Merry Christmas.
00:37:27Merry Christmas, Mr. A.
00:37:31Merry Christmas, Mr. CEO.
00:37:34Congratulations on your
00:37:35$14 billion market valuation.
00:37:37Bravo.
00:37:51You sure you won't take the Jets, sir?
00:37:53You're CEO of a multi-billion dollar company.
00:37:55This truck is just, uh...
00:37:57Nothing wrong with a road trip.
00:37:58I want to keep it a surprise.
00:38:00I'm going to go home for Christmas
00:38:01with my wife
00:38:02and tell her who I really am.
00:38:16Big City Company Maple Tech
00:38:18is coming to our town
00:38:19to build a mall.
00:38:20Bring everyone jobs.
00:38:21Don't y'all forget,
00:38:23as mayor,
00:38:24I'm the one that made this happen.
00:38:26I am putting our town
00:38:28on the map.
00:38:29Maple Tech's CEO,
00:38:31Mr. A,
00:38:32did those things.
00:38:33He built the company from scratch.
00:38:36He is bringing jobs.
00:38:38Yes.
00:38:39And as mayor,
00:38:40I brought Maple Tech here.
00:38:42And its mysterious CEO.
00:38:45Me.
00:38:45When do we get to meet the CEO?
00:38:47He'll be here tomorrow.
00:38:48And I'm going to throw him
00:38:49a big ol' welcome party
00:38:50where he will finally
00:38:52reveal his identity to me.
00:38:54To us.
00:38:55Mom,
00:38:56I can't wait to see Daddy.
00:38:58Here's it.
00:38:58Come on.
00:39:00Jane?
00:39:02Jane Reynolds?
00:39:04You look as stunning
00:39:05as you did in high school.
00:39:07You're not still married
00:39:08to that punching bag loser,
00:39:09Eddie, are you?
00:39:14My dad's not a loser.
00:39:16Oh, darling.
00:39:19When we were in high school,
00:39:20your daddy was a big-time loser.
00:39:26He was going nowhere
00:39:27with his life.
00:39:28Which is why he skipped town
00:39:30and left you and your mom
00:39:31in shame.
00:39:34Making fun of a little girl
00:39:37at Christmastime.
00:39:38Are you sure you're
00:39:39this town's mayor
00:39:40or just its local Scrooge?
00:39:43And the mall looks great, y'all.
00:39:45You really didn't have to do
00:39:45all this from me.
00:39:46It's Mr. Andrews,
00:39:47our CEO.
00:39:49That's the Maple Tech CEO.
00:39:51He's a day early.
00:39:54I am so sorry, sir.
00:39:56We were not expecting you
00:39:57until tomorrow.
00:39:58But let me be the first
00:39:59to say this.
00:40:00The final move.
00:40:05The.
00:40:06The loser,
00:40:11Eddie Andrews.
00:40:15He can't possibly be
00:40:16the Maple Tech CEO.
00:40:21False alarm, everyone!
00:40:23Not the CEO.
00:40:24It's a deadbeat loser
00:40:26that I used to beat up
00:40:27in high school.
00:40:28Jane,
00:40:28I know I've been gone
00:40:30for far too long,
00:40:32but I've been working.
00:40:33I'm just glad
00:40:35that you're home.
00:40:39Make sure you come
00:40:40back tomorrow
00:40:40where we will welcome
00:40:41a man who is exactly
00:40:42the opposite of Eddie.
00:40:44A real man!
00:40:45A rich man!
00:40:46A CEO!
00:40:48The CEOs, right?
00:40:52Duncan,
00:40:52don't tell me
00:40:53you're still jealous
00:40:54that Jane picked me over you.
00:40:55You son of a...
00:40:56Now,
00:40:56if you'll excuse me,
00:40:57I'm going to kiss my wife
00:40:59and take her home.
00:41:10My family's waiting.
00:41:12Come on, babe.
00:41:18Sir,
00:41:18when are you going
00:41:19to reveal to these people
00:41:20that you're CEO?
00:41:21Soon.
00:41:22But I want to spend Christmas
00:41:23with my family
00:41:24and tell them first.
00:41:26Yes, sir.
00:41:27That's the CEO!
00:41:29He's hot.
00:41:34Hey!
00:41:34Woo-hoo-hoo!
00:41:38We're just so glad
00:41:39you're here.
00:41:39It's been so hard
00:41:40being apart for so long.
00:41:41Well, I am never,
00:41:42ever going to leave
00:41:43my family ever again.
00:41:44Okay?
00:41:46Well,
00:41:47well,
00:41:48well,
00:41:48deadbeat husband
00:41:49and father
00:41:50finally returns.
00:41:51The only thing
00:41:55this family wants
00:41:55for Christmas
00:41:56is for you
00:41:57to get out of our lives.
00:41:59Divorce Jane
00:42:00now.
00:42:04Mom,
00:42:04what are you doing?
00:42:06What you should have done
00:42:07years ago.
00:42:08Your husband
00:42:09was a loser back then
00:42:10and he clearly
00:42:11still is.
00:42:12Sasha,
00:42:12don't listen to them.
00:42:13Dad,
00:42:14tell Mom
00:42:14that she's being crazy.
00:42:18Eddie,
00:42:19Mapletech came
00:42:20this Christmas.
00:42:21All the real men
00:42:22in town
00:42:22got great jobs.
00:42:24You're still
00:42:25a loser.
00:42:26Hey.
00:42:26Shame.
00:42:29Princess,
00:42:30don't listen
00:42:31to your grandma,
00:42:31okay?
00:42:32She's just tired.
00:42:33Tired of you?
00:42:34You worthless.
00:42:35Can you not
00:42:36take that tone
00:42:37in front of my daughter?
00:42:38I'm teaching her
00:42:39manners and respect.
00:42:40Respect?
00:42:41Respect this family
00:42:42by leaving it.
00:42:44Sign the divorce papers.
00:42:47It's okay.
00:42:49I'll read it.
00:42:51Please.
00:42:52You can probably
00:42:52barely read.
00:42:54Our lawyer
00:42:55spent days on this.
00:42:56You can't comprehend it.
00:42:58You know what?
00:42:59I may just be
00:43:00a small town boy,
00:43:01but even I can see
00:43:03this document
00:43:03is rather flawed.
00:43:04You don't know
00:43:05anything about
00:43:05the laws.
00:43:07I'm going to get
00:43:07our lawyer on the phone
00:43:09to rip you a new one.
00:43:10He's so good,
00:43:11he does contracts
00:43:12for Mapletech.
00:43:14Bob.
00:43:14Okay.
00:43:15Our worthless
00:43:15son-in-law
00:43:16is being annoying.
00:43:17Tell him what
00:43:18will happen to him
00:43:18if he doesn't sign.
00:43:20Gladly.
00:43:21What's that idiot
00:43:22saying?
00:43:23Bob,
00:43:24is it?
00:43:24Great to meet you.
00:43:25I just wanted
00:43:26to let you know
00:43:27this document
00:43:27is pretty flawed.
00:43:29Already I'm seeing
00:43:30in Clause A,
00:43:31Subsection B
00:43:31that there's
00:43:32no legal precedent.
00:43:33And did I hear right?
00:43:35You work for
00:43:36Mapletech?
00:43:37That's interesting.
00:43:39That voice.
00:43:40Um,
00:43:41you're right, sir.
00:43:42Don't sign it.
00:43:43I'm sorry
00:43:43to have bothered you.
00:43:44Ms. Reynolds,
00:43:45I resign as your attorney.
00:43:47Don't call me again.
00:43:48Hmm.
00:43:50What?
00:43:51How do we recognize
00:43:53your voice?
00:43:56How do we recognize
00:43:57your voice?
00:43:59What in God's name?
00:44:00We paid our lawyer
00:44:01thousands of dollars
00:44:03to make that divorce agreement.
00:44:04How did nobody like Eddie
00:44:06know more than him?
00:44:08He's unemployed,
00:44:09so he has all the time
00:44:10in the world
00:44:11to read Wikipedia
00:44:11like an idiot.
00:44:13That's how.
00:44:14Daddy,
00:44:15why is Grandma mad?
00:44:17It's Christmas.
00:44:18I know,
00:44:19but everything's
00:44:20going to be just fine.
00:44:21Let's go inside,
00:44:22all right?
00:44:27I'm not dropping
00:44:28this, Eddie.
00:44:29This Christmas,
00:44:30I will get Jane
00:44:31to dump you.
00:44:31I have a plan.
00:44:33With all due respect,
00:44:34Mrs. Reynolds,
00:44:35your daughter
00:44:36is the love of my life.
00:44:38And no amount of money
00:44:40could ever make me leave her.
00:44:41I wish Jane
00:44:42would have married
00:44:42a real man
00:44:43like Jared.
00:44:45Oh, look.
00:44:46There he is now.
00:44:48Jane Reynolds.
00:44:49You look more stunning
00:44:52than I remember.
00:44:57Eddie!
00:44:59The last time
00:45:01I remember seeing you,
00:45:02me and the future mayor
00:45:03were stuffing you
00:45:04in a locker.
00:45:07Wasn't that the first time
00:45:08that Jane rejected you
00:45:10for me?
00:45:12You want another beatdown?
00:45:14Sasha, go play
00:45:18with your cousin Robbie,
00:45:19okay?
00:45:24Hi, cousin Robbie.
00:45:25Can I play?
00:45:30Ha ha!
00:45:31My pens say
00:45:32you're dead's a loser.
00:45:33That means you are too.
00:45:34Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:45:36Mr. and Mrs. Riggles,
00:45:39what a pleasure.
00:45:40Oh, you look so handsome
00:45:43and successful.
00:45:45Definitely Jane.
00:45:46I mean, he looks better
00:45:48than he did in high school
00:45:49with that ridiculous mullet.
00:45:50Ha ha ha!
00:45:51Jane, show some respect.
00:45:54Jared is a highly
00:45:55successful businessman.
00:45:57He's an executive
00:45:58at Napleton.
00:45:59Oh, really?
00:45:59Uh-huh.
00:46:00You're an executive.
00:46:01Well, then you must have
00:46:02met the CEO, right?
00:46:04Well, what do you tell us?
00:46:06How is the big man?
00:46:07Oh, really?
00:46:10You're goddamn right
00:46:12I've met the CEO.
00:46:14He's a great man.
00:46:16He's entrusted me.
00:46:17I'm basically running
00:46:19the company office
00:46:20here in town
00:46:20and the mall project.
00:46:23Oh, wow.
00:46:25Do you work for Maple Tech?
00:46:27Really?
00:46:29I sure do, kid.
00:46:31And your dad?
00:46:32He wouldn't know
00:46:33that kind of success.
00:46:34Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:46:36Would you, Eddie?
00:46:37Ha ha, Sasha!
00:46:38Your dad's a loser!
00:46:40Ha ha ha ha!
00:46:41Hey, princess.
00:46:43Don't worry.
00:46:44I've got a feeling
00:46:45that Jared is gonna
00:46:46eat his words
00:46:47and get what he deserves
00:46:49pretty soon.
00:46:49Ha ha ha!
00:46:50Ha ha ha!
00:46:50The only thing
00:46:51Jared deserves
00:46:52is a promotion.
00:46:54He's big at Maple Tech.
00:46:55The CEO,
00:46:56he'll probably be calling
00:46:57and promoting me
00:46:58any day now.
00:46:59Don't worry about
00:47:00Eddie, Mrs. Reynolds.
00:47:01He's just jealous.
00:47:02Ha ha ha ha!
00:47:03Come on, everyone.
00:47:04It's Christmas, okay?
00:47:07Come on, let's go.
00:47:07Come on, let's go.
00:47:08Why is that man Jared
00:47:16so mean?
00:47:17You know why?
00:47:18It's because successful men,
00:47:20they don't brag.
00:47:22They're humble.
00:47:24Hey, you wanna watch Daddy
00:47:26teach Jared
00:47:27a little Christmas lesson?
00:47:29Mm-hmm.
00:47:30It'll be our little secret, okay?
00:47:31Okay.
00:47:31Hey, we hired a local
00:47:37middle manager
00:47:37named Jared.
00:47:39Demote him for me.
00:47:40Yes, right away, Mr. A.
00:47:42Poop.
00:47:47Oh.
00:47:48What?
00:47:49Jeannie.
00:47:50Eddie can't give you
00:47:51what you deserve.
00:47:52With my high-paying job,
00:47:53I could give you it all.
00:47:55Jared,
00:47:56I'm married.
00:47:57You and Jared
00:47:58would make such
00:47:59a beautiful match.
00:48:00Yeah, middle management,
00:48:01it has its perks.
00:48:02I could take you out
00:48:03on the company dime,
00:48:05maybe get us
00:48:06a little hotel suite.
00:48:08Oh.
00:48:08Something tells me
00:48:09you're not management
00:48:10material, Jared.
00:48:11Oh.
00:48:12Eddie, stop.
00:48:14What would you know
00:48:15about who
00:48:16or what
00:48:17Maple Tech material is?
00:48:20You're not cut out
00:48:20to wash the floors
00:48:22at the mall.
00:48:23I'm just saying,
00:48:24maybe you should check
00:48:25on your current job status.
00:48:27What are you doing, Eddie?
00:48:29I want you to come home
00:48:30for good.
00:48:31So stop antagonizing
00:48:32Maple Tech.
00:48:33They are the biggest
00:48:33employer in town.
00:48:35Eddie isn't the kind of guy
00:48:36that Maple Tech
00:48:37would hire.
00:48:38Trust me,
00:48:39I know the CEO.
00:48:41The only thing
00:48:41I need to question
00:48:42about my job status
00:48:44is how soon
00:48:45they're going
00:48:45to be promoting me.
00:48:50It's Mrs. Henderson,
00:48:52Maple Tech VP.
00:48:53Oh, exciting.
00:48:55He's getting promoted.
00:48:58I'm going to get
00:48:59a promotion,
00:49:00and then you're
00:49:01going to be mine, Jane.
00:49:03You're not getting
00:49:04promoted, Jared.
00:49:05You're getting demoted.
00:49:06Mrs. Henderson,
00:49:11what an honor it is
00:49:13to speak with you again.
00:49:14Again?
00:49:15We've never met.
00:49:16And despite what
00:49:17you've been saying,
00:49:18you have no idea
00:49:19who our CEO is.
00:49:20You're not Maple Tech
00:49:22management material.
00:49:23We're demoting you
00:49:24to mailroom duties.
00:49:26What?
00:49:27What?
00:49:27But why?
00:49:28Please, no, no!
00:49:30What?
00:49:31What did you do, loser?
00:49:34Eddie, how did you know that?
00:49:36Only the CEO
00:49:36could have known that.
00:49:38The CEO?
00:49:41Eddie?
00:49:44Eddie, what's going on?
00:49:46Are you CEO?
00:49:47Oh!
00:49:51You didn't do anything.
00:49:52This is a big misunderstanding.
00:49:55I'm going to go inside
00:49:55and make a phone call.
00:49:57Meet you inside.
00:49:59Jane.
00:50:06Craig?
00:50:07Stop drinking
00:50:08and help me!
00:50:09I got a fat bag, woman.
00:50:11Oh, it depends, yeah.
00:50:12Oh, Christ,
00:50:12that loser's here.
00:50:16Eddie, you remember
00:50:17my brother Craig
00:50:18and his wife Christina?
00:50:20Yeah, yeah, of course.
00:50:22Merry Christmas to you both.
00:50:23Oh, you're still married
00:50:24to this deadbeat, Jane?
00:50:29Nuh-uh.
00:50:30No presents for loser kids
00:50:31and their deadbeat dads.
00:50:33Ha-ha!
00:50:33Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:50:35Oh, that's my baby!
00:50:38He's a slut!
00:50:40Jane, I don't know
00:50:41what your husband did
00:50:42with my job,
00:50:43but I'm going to sort it out.
00:50:45Wow, Jared!
00:50:46This is the best gift ever!
00:50:48Robbie, can I play with it?
00:50:53No, tell your educate you want!
00:50:55Aww, aw.
00:50:57Robbie, don't rub salt
00:51:00in Sasha's wounds.
00:51:03Her dad's too poor
00:51:04to buy her Christmas gifts.
00:51:08That's, uh...
00:51:09Actually, uh, that's wrong.
00:51:13I did get her a Christmas gift.
00:51:15In fact, it's Maple Tech's
00:51:16new state-of-the-art
00:51:17virtual reality console virtual reality wow no way i don't believe it
00:51:28eddie you really got her that of course not maple tech hasn't even released that set to market yet
00:51:34no one can buy it hello eddie the new vr system from maple tech cost over 30 000
00:51:41dollars lying to an eight-year-old you have milshane jane this is how low your pathetic
00:51:49husband is stooped eddie the holidays can be hard on a struggling parent you don't have to lie just
00:51:56admit you're too poor to buy your kid a gift it's okay but i was so excited sasha honey
00:52:06your dad didn't mean that i will be a gift a smaller gift no i did mean it it's just waiting to be
00:52:15delivered at the local maple tech r d warehouse you are a lying sack of
00:52:23it's not a toy store it's a top secret classified facility employees don't even have access a
00:52:29worthless unemployed nobody sure won't we just don't get any toy gifts
00:52:38jared jared jared you never learn do you i know the location of the secret warehouse i even know the
00:52:46security code eddie just stop you are upsetting sasha and getting your hopes up you're shameless you're
00:52:59jesus the address of the warehouse is on it on company letterhead
00:53:12so i'm flying the space shuttle for the second time and this guy passes out all right it's about
00:53:16that time so are you kissing anybody at midnight
00:53:27yeah him hi
00:53:29just play along
00:53:31six five four three two one
00:53:37happy year
00:53:39happy year
00:53:43happy year
00:53:59You have a cute scar
00:54:02It's just my birthmark
00:54:04If you want me to stop, tell me now
00:54:07I don't want you to stop
00:54:29I was so drunk last night
00:54:44I can't remember who I was with
00:54:46I must return this to her
00:54:51So I can see her again
00:54:53Happy New Year
00:54:59Sam, it's me
00:55:00Hey, find me the girl from last night
00:55:03I don't care how, just do it
00:55:05I will find you
00:55:07Maximus, can't you get married already?
00:55:15Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend
00:55:17I need grandkids, I need you to-
00:55:20Message received, Mom
00:55:21I need to go now, I have to inspect the new headquarters
00:55:24Seven years
00:55:34Seven years
00:55:34Why can't I ever find you?
00:55:37And why do you still haunt me?
00:55:38Still thinking about that girl?
00:55:48Boss, it's been years
00:55:49I'm ready to go to the inspection now
00:55:54Your vest, sir
00:55:56But first we found your fake Christmas wife
00:55:59She's waiting in the coffee shop
00:56:00Blonde hair, red top
00:56:02And sir, make sure you use an alias
00:56:05We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO
00:56:07Or she'll jack up the price
00:56:08Good
00:56:09Finally I can get my mother off my back
00:56:11Hi
00:56:15One iced vanilla latte, please
00:56:17And one hot chocolate
00:56:18I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy
00:56:22Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore
00:56:27Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend
00:56:30It's just for Christmas
00:56:32But Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:56:35Where's my real one?
00:56:37Uh
00:56:37I'll tell you when you're older
00:56:44Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:56:55Tell me!
00:56:56No!
00:56:57What?
00:57:03Tell me!
00:57:04No!
00:57:05I'm sorry
00:57:05I'm not your dad
00:57:08No, I know you're my daddy
00:57:09Just as handsome as I thought
00:57:11Oh
00:57:12Mommy, hurry!
00:57:14Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:57:23I asked the agency for an average looking guy
00:57:26He's gorgeous
00:57:27Why does she feel so familiar?
00:57:35She's waiting in the coffee shop
00:57:38Blonde hair, red top
00:57:39You must be my new Christmas husband
00:57:42So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:57:45See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:57:48Hi, my name's Piper, what's your name?
00:57:51Sam didn't say anything about a kid
00:57:52Max, Aurelius
00:57:54Eva
00:57:55I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage
00:57:59I just need a wife for the holidays
00:58:02I guess mom gets her grandkid too
00:58:05So, per hour agreement
00:58:08The rate is $1,000 per hour
00:58:11And...
00:58:12$1,000 an hour?
00:58:14Well, yeah
00:58:15It's $500 a day
00:58:17Is that enough?
00:58:19That's the most that I can pay you
00:58:21Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:58:22That's what I agreed with the agency
00:58:24You'll make your thousands over the week
00:58:26Look, my requirements are simple
00:58:28Okay, play my pretend husband
00:58:30Come with me to my hometown
00:58:31And we all pretend to be one big happy family
00:58:34And then my family will get off my back
00:58:36So Piper can have a good Christmas for once
00:58:39So she's getting pressure from her folks too
00:58:43Fine
00:58:44But you have to help me get my mom off my case too
00:58:47Okay
00:58:50Deal
00:58:51I need to go get married
00:58:54Wow
00:59:08Clean up nice
00:59:10This is my wedding day after all
00:59:12Pictures
00:59:13Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love
00:59:43Uh, King
00:59:46Okay
00:59:47Uh, I think we got it
00:59:49Oh
00:59:50I need some photos of us together too
00:59:52To prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:59:55And have a happy family
00:59:56Yeah
00:59:57Of course
00:59:58Happy holidays, Mom
01:00:09From my family to you
01:00:13Bad news, boss
01:00:21The agency said that the girl
01:00:22That they recruited to be your fake wife
01:00:24Bailed last minute
01:00:25Wait, she bailed?
01:00:27Then who is
01:00:27Who is she?
01:00:32Whatever
01:00:33It doesn't matter
01:00:34I've got what I need
01:00:36Sam, don't worry about it
01:00:40I already found some more
01:00:41Okay
01:00:47Well
01:00:47I think it's time for us to go
01:00:49Christmas shopping waits for no one
01:00:51Christmas shopping?
01:00:53I should come
01:00:54Look, if you want me to be the husband
01:00:56In this fake it to your family plan
01:00:58I think I should have some say in the gifts
01:01:00It'll make it more believable
01:01:02Fine
01:01:06Yeah, fine
01:01:07Okay
01:01:07You can come
01:01:08Let's go
01:01:16Which mall are we going to?
01:01:18Um, let's go to that one
01:01:20Oh, let's go to the bank
01:01:21What the actual fuck?
01:01:28Fuck
01:01:29Sam
01:01:32Is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
01:01:38Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with
01:01:41She does kind of look like him
01:01:46So when we give these gifts to my parents
01:01:51We will say they're from you
01:01:52Here, let me get this
01:01:56They're gonna love you, Max
01:01:58Also, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married
01:02:04We should probably kiss once or twice
01:02:09In front of them
01:02:11Okay
01:02:11Should we use our tongues or?
01:02:14No, no, definitely not
01:02:16And absolutely no
01:02:17Sex?
01:02:18Yes
01:02:19Strictly business
01:02:21Anything physical outside of that is not happening
01:02:24And what?
01:02:27Afraid you'll fall for me?
01:02:30I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
01:02:32Getting in the way of her having a good Christmas
01:02:34Let's go
01:02:36Here
01:02:43What are you doing?
01:02:45I'd never let my woman pick up the tab
01:02:47Well, I'm not your woman
01:02:50And this isn't a real relationship
01:02:52And I don't want your money
01:02:53Attention shoppers
01:02:56All bakery items are now 50% off
01:02:5850% off pies
01:02:59Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies
01:03:0112 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
01:03:03They're the best kind
01:03:04Hurry up and go
01:03:05Go, what are you standing here for?
01:03:09Hello there
01:03:10Hi
01:03:10You ready?
01:03:11Yes, yeah, just these things
01:03:12Okay, great
01:03:13We have a holiday special today
01:03:15Spend $500
01:03:17Get 10% off
01:03:18And you are just short
01:03:19$15 if you want to take advantage of the deal
01:03:21Oh, great
01:03:22Yeah
01:03:23What do you have that's just $15?
01:03:25Will you get a move on?
01:03:27I just got here
01:03:29Relax
01:03:29Yeah, yeah
01:03:31Here, this will do the trick
01:03:34Okay, thank you
01:03:36Hurry up and pay
01:03:39I will pay when I'm ready
01:03:43You can wait your turn
01:03:45Thank you
01:03:49Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her
01:03:52Oh, wait, wait, not the pies
01:03:59Not the pies
01:03:59You can just set those on top
01:04:02Hi, guys
01:04:07Gonna hand you all these pies
01:04:11Of course
01:04:14Thank you so much
01:04:16Of course, I hope you like pumpkin
01:04:18Thank you
01:04:19She bought all 12 pies
01:04:21Don't worry, I have enough for everybody
01:04:22Just to give it away
01:04:24Thank you
01:04:25Merry Christmas
01:04:26Merry Christmas
01:04:27What?
01:04:33You do that often?
01:04:35As often as I can
01:04:36We should go
01:04:41We gotta pick up paper
01:04:42Watch out
01:04:57You done feeling me up?
01:05:08Shut up
01:05:09Oh, sorry
01:05:10I was just in character, wifey
01:05:11Well, stay out of character
01:05:13Until Christmas
01:05:14And don't be late
01:05:20Harrison Group?
01:05:33Do you do construction for them or something?
01:05:36Sort of
01:05:36Not that I'm judging
01:05:38I just need to get my story straight
01:05:40Or my mom will eat both of us alive
01:05:42Why don't we say that you do mid-level management
01:05:45For Harrison Group?
01:05:47I think that's respectable
01:05:48Wait, pick another company
01:05:50No
01:05:51Harrison Group is perfect
01:05:53But they'll find it impressive
01:05:55My cousin's husband works for them too
01:05:56So
01:05:57It's perfect
01:05:58Oh, and uh
01:06:03Wear something nice
01:06:05For Christmas dinner
01:06:05Don't worry
01:06:06Okay, I clean up nicely
01:06:08I wouldn't embarrass you
01:06:09Too much
01:06:18Let's go, Sam
01:06:34It's time to check out the new HQ site
01:06:36Well, Don, you're covered in water
01:06:38And you have a hair on your shoulder
01:06:39And it's not yours
01:06:41It's my daughters
01:06:43Daughters
01:06:44Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with
01:06:48Hey, there they are!
01:07:04Hey!
01:07:05Hey!
01:07:06Hey!
01:07:06Hey!
01:07:06Hey!
01:07:06Oh!
01:07:07Oh!
01:07:08Dad!
01:07:08So glad you made it
01:07:09Oh, I missed you
01:07:11So
01:07:12Where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
01:07:16He's coming
01:07:16Please don't tell me Maximus bailed
01:07:19Good, good, good
01:07:20So
01:07:22Heard you got a new hubby, sweetie
01:07:24When's he arriving?
01:07:26Oh
01:07:27It's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking
01:07:31Poor thing
01:07:32Not surprising
01:07:33I mean
01:07:33She's 30
01:07:34Once a woman hits that age
01:07:36You become undateable
01:07:38Plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps
01:07:42This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas
01:07:47Auntie Pamela
01:07:48Debbie
01:07:49My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern
01:07:53We're only worried about you
01:07:55All these years without a husband
01:07:57Zip it, Pamela
01:07:58You know, you always spoiled her rotten
01:08:02And look what happened
01:08:03She got knocked up out of wedlock
01:08:06Raising a kid all alone
01:08:07I'm not alone
01:08:08Mm-hmm
01:08:09And what does this mysterious husband do?
01:08:15He's a manager
01:08:16Manager
01:08:18Of what?
01:08:20Trash
01:08:20Probably a cover for criminal activity
01:08:24You don't have to lie to us, Eva
01:08:28Actually
01:08:29He's right here
01:08:32Oh, wow
01:08:35Wow
01:08:37He is really good looking
01:08:39Ah, must be AI
01:08:42Mm-hmm
01:08:43Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills
01:08:46Fake
01:08:46That's enough
01:08:47She's our daughter and your niece
01:08:50Show some respect
01:08:51Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William
01:08:56And you turned him down?
01:08:58Well, guess what?
01:09:00William works for the Harrison Group now
01:09:02Makes 500 grand a year
01:09:05That's half a million
01:09:07Half a million
01:09:09Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York
01:09:12And speak of the devil
01:09:15Willie, you made it
01:09:20There you are
01:09:31Oh, look at you now
01:09:34Living the dream
01:09:35Oh, just think, Eva
01:09:37Well, you could be driving around in a car like that
01:09:40Had you not married that criminal waste manager
01:09:43So married, huh?
01:09:45Yeah
01:09:45Is it serious?
01:09:48That's what marriage is
01:09:49It's pretty serious
01:09:50Wow
01:09:51You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
01:09:55Makes sense, though
01:09:55You not being a hot-looking thing anymore
01:09:58Dragging that kid around with no daddy
01:10:01Ugh, a bullet dodged, Willie
01:10:03Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder
01:10:07Mm-hmm
01:10:08That's right
01:10:09Just bought this brand-new suit of my Christmas bonus
01:10:12Women love a man in red
01:10:15Sexy
01:10:16Like Santa Claus
01:10:18Want to sit on my lap?
01:10:20Don't touch me
01:10:21Oh, so entitled
01:10:23Williams, a successful man of taste
01:10:26Not waste
01:10:27And yet, for some reason
01:10:29He's willing to overlook your baggage
01:10:32I mean, look at that car
01:10:34Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
01:10:37Think of the life I can give you and Piper
01:10:39With all my Harrison Group money
01:10:40Ditch your nobody husband
01:10:43And marry me instead
01:10:45I wouldn't marry you
01:10:47If you were the last man on Earth
01:10:48My mom would never marry
01:10:54She already has a husband
01:10:55And he's gonna kick your butt
01:10:57Is that so?
01:11:02Well then, where is he?
01:11:05Because I don't see him
01:11:06Does anyone see him?
01:11:10No
01:11:10Just like I thought
01:11:12Telling lies just like Mommy
01:11:15That puts you on the naughty list
01:11:17And let me show you what happens
01:11:20The naughty children
01:11:21Hey
01:11:23Mommy
01:11:24Are you okay?
01:11:27See your hands
01:11:28Oh my god
01:11:29I'm gonna take her in
01:11:30And get her packed up, okay?
01:11:31Come on
01:11:32Let's go
01:11:33What the hell's the matter with you?
01:11:36How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter
01:11:39Let me go
01:11:42Now why would I go and do a thing like that
01:11:45When I'm having such a good time?
01:11:47Let me go
01:11:48Touch my wife again
01:12:04And I will snap every finger that you've got
01:12:06Okay
01:12:07Let me go
01:12:07Let me go
01:12:08Let me go
01:12:08Okay
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