Gogglebox - Season 26 Episode 01
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00:00Oh, don't pull it. No, I'll put it off. Oh, thank you.
00:06Just be careful. What? Don't cut me top. Oh, I won't cut your top. No, I don't.
00:12Oh.
00:15Hurry up. Oh, you want that? I missed it. That's you pulling it. Oh, I told you not to do it.
00:20You don't frigging listen to a word I say.
00:28Yes!
00:28Ooh, happy days. Oh, Daniella, I like this. He's gone and done and did it.
00:33I don't trust him because he's teetotal. Oh, no, no.
00:36Quick, take that in there. Convoluted that.
00:39Oh, no, no. What a waste of a muffin.
00:42What's that? Unacceptable.
00:45Yeah!
00:46What the hell? Is that it?
00:50It's not much evidence of man boob, is Sir Mary?
00:52Oh, I hate Swiss roll. Oh, no.
00:54Oh, he's a baddie.
00:57He hates his a baddie. Oh, man, he's got one in and one out.
01:02Oh!
01:02Was that good for you as it was for me?
01:05In the week Donald Trump confirmed he wasn't dead, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:12Yeah, it's a lovely place. Yeah.
01:16Not the warmest, but lovely. Yeah.
01:18I don't have any flirting skills.
01:21Do you know what? When me and Toby first met, I remember saying to my friends, like,
01:25oh, my God, I don't like this, I don't like that, and they were like, is he? He's just trying to flirt with you.
01:30Why? What were he doing?
01:32I just thought I thought he were cocky.
01:35Oh, I thought Toby were cocky when I first met him. Were he trying to flirt with me, too?
01:39Paul had his beady eyes on the bakers on Channel 4.
01:46They risked serving Paul and Prue a Swiss roll without its signature swell.
01:50That would give me the heebie-jeebies with him standing at the end of my desk, wouldn't it, you?
01:55If he's standing at the end of my bed, I'd be really creeped out.
01:57I wouldn't mind that so much.
01:58And it was a new term in our favourite Yorkshire school.
02:07I mean, they're allowed to wear trousers now. We couldn't wear trousers at school.
02:11You never used to wear a skirt. You used to roll it up to your crotch.
02:14Yeah, I did when I was coming home off the bus because I liked the lad at the garage.
02:25In Surrey...
02:26Shane, you've got the vote here.
02:28Who's oxtail do you love the most in this house?
02:31I have to give it to Dad.
02:32Oh!
02:33I do have to give it to Dad.
02:34It's got the nice brown colour and it's just...
02:38Ooh!
02:39And the pressure cooker...
02:40Ooh!
02:41Let's stop there, Shay. Let's stop there.
02:42Meet Sarah, her husband, Andre, and their daughter, Shay.
02:47One thing I will give to you, Mum.
02:49What's that?
02:49Mum's curry goat is better than yours, Pops.
02:51I'm so sorry, Jay.
02:52No.
02:53That curry mutton!
02:54Ooh!
02:55Never, never, never, never.
02:56I'm so sorry I've got to give that one to Mum.
02:58Never, Shay.
02:58I ain't cooking ever.
02:59You see, next time I cook...
03:00Yours is too Vinci-style!
03:01We need a punch!
03:02Next time, next time I'm cooking, you can have chicken Kiev.
03:05LAUGHTER
03:06On Tuesday night, there was a new batch of bakers hoping to rise to the occasion on Channel 4.
03:17Voila!
03:17It's a bit posh, that, innit?
03:20Baker.
03:21I like watching this cos I cannot bake or cook really at all.
03:25I wouldn't say that.
03:26Your toast's pretty good.
03:27LAUGHTER
03:28Oh, the lady next door gave me some apple pie yesterday.
03:32It was bloody lovely.
03:33Oh, absolutely.
03:36She even asked if I wanted custard.
03:38And I thought, I can't be so cheeky.
03:39Do you know why?
03:40Do you know why?
03:40Why?
03:41She thinks you're old.
03:42It's like Meals on Wheels.
03:43Yeah, well, I don't mind.
03:44Bring it on.
03:49I told her what I want for me breakfast.
03:52LAUGHTER
03:52Is it I've moved on from Paul Hollywood now?
03:56It's Andy's Dinosaurs.
03:58Yeah.
03:58Andy Day from CBeebies fame.
04:01So, for your first ever challenge...
04:04We all like a challenge.
04:05Yeah.
04:06..the judges would like you to make a Swiss roll.
04:09Oh!
04:10Yeah.
04:11That's a good one.
04:12I used to do Swiss roll at school.
04:13Do you want a tissue?
04:14God!
04:15You're dribbling out your chin.
04:16That's what I used to do at school, Swiss roll.
04:19Your Swiss roll must be beautifully decorated.
04:22And your sponge must have an inlay design.
04:25An inlay design?
04:26What the hell's that?
04:27Well, I don't know, I would you shove that in a Swiss roll, innit?
04:31And be rolled with at least two different fillings.
04:34Two different fillings?
04:36Creating the perfect swirl.
04:38Oh!
04:39I get it.
04:40Yeah, I see.
04:41Oh, I hate Swiss roll.
04:42Oh, no!
04:43I don't think that's that difficult, is it?
04:45Right.
04:46On your marks.
04:47Get set.
04:48Bake.
04:49Let's go.
04:50Slightly overwhelmed.
04:52How can you get overwhelmed over a Swiss roll?
04:55Very nervous.
04:56Still quite shaky, to be honest.
04:58Well, I suppose that'll help you sift in the flour.
05:02Oh!
05:04Good start from Hassan.
05:05He's broken the stiff.
05:07I'll be saying, defective tools already.
05:10His decadent bake will see him roll chocolate sponge around thick caramel on a milk chocolate
05:15and coffee ganache.
05:16OK.
05:16All right, Hassan.
05:17Sounds like a bit of me.
05:18Coffee and caramel, really?
05:20It's a lot.
05:21Now, would you pull your ganache out on weight one?
05:23Well, yeah.
05:25But in the showstopper, that'll really take Paul's breath away.
05:29Yeah.
05:29All that almond.
05:30A battered ganache.
05:32It's crucial every curd, jam and ganache is cool before the bakers begin assembling.
05:38Yeah, otherwise it's just going to be a hot sloppy mess, isn't it?
05:40My caramel, see, it's not quite bad.
05:44I'll have to do it again.
05:45Oh!
05:46No, Hassan.
05:47That is not looking good for you, brother.
05:49My gravy looks like that.
05:52Never turn your back on caramel.
05:54No.
05:54Always stir.
05:56The rest of the bakers are starting to assemble.
05:58Assembling it already?
05:59What?
06:00Oh!
06:00Come on!
06:01And Hassan's still making his caramel.
06:02The caramel's still quite soft.
06:04Uh-oh.
06:04I mean, it looks good, but it's going to be a horrible mess.
06:07Oh, you can't roll liquid.
06:09Oh, I've got to roll it up.
06:12Ah, this is going to go everywhere.
06:14Oh, it's all coming out the sides.
06:16Oh, it's a swimming pool, Hassan.
06:20It's a swimming pool of caramel.
06:23Oh, it's got no stability.
06:25Oh, man, I'm handling it.
06:28Oh, come on.
06:30Oh, no, I'll still eat it, though.
06:32I'll still eat it.
06:33I've had a mer.
06:34I've had a right mer.
06:36Oh, no, no, man.
06:39Oh, my God.
06:40I mean, he didn't even try and, like, move it with a palette knife or something.
06:43He literally just picked it up with his fists.
06:46Bakers, your time is up.
06:53Oh, look, he knows he's done it wrong.
06:56If I was past that right now, I'd just walk out.
06:58I'd just be like...
06:59Aw.
06:59I'd be like, thank you for the opportunity.
07:01Please step away from your Swiss rolls.
07:04Step well back, Hassan.
07:05What is that?
07:15That's not even...
07:16Sir Hassan.
07:18Not your best morning.
07:19No.
07:19Yeah, quite disappointed in myself.
07:21It looks like a roulade rather than a Swiss roll.
07:23Oh, Paul's there to stick the boat in.
07:25Cool Sears.
07:25At least he said it looks like something.
07:27Wow.
07:31What do you reckon?
07:32What does it taste like?
07:33Flavour-wise, stunning.
07:34Absolutely delicious.
07:35At least it tastes delicious.
07:36Every cloud.
07:37Yeah.
07:37There you go.
07:38No.
07:38Man smashed it.
07:39Actually, it might look like shape, but it tastes all right.
07:42Yeah.
07:42It looks like it's been dropped out of a tree.
07:47It's flat.
07:48And that's putting it politely.
07:50Just a tree.
07:51He could have gone higher, to be fair.
07:53Yeah.
07:56In Yorkshire...
07:57So here are puppies.
07:59They're all orange, pink, blue, green, yellow, brown.
08:03Meet Sarah and her daughter-in-law, Lara.
08:06You have one more week and then you go.
08:09You will miss them.
08:10She won't miss them, though.
08:11The mother never does.
08:12No.
08:13It's quite extraordinary.
08:13She'll keep one.
08:14She'll keep one, yes.
08:15It'll be fun.
08:16Are you little, little munchkins?
08:18Aren't you all little munchkins?
08:20They're probably all wee on us a minute, but never mind.
08:25On Friday, there were more shenanigans on the cobbles on ITV.
08:30Are you ready for some curry?
08:31I'm always ready for some curry.
08:33I thought that.
08:34Some things are guanning in Coronation Street, I can tell you that.
08:37Mm-hmm.
08:39Oh!
08:43You're going to have to give me full backstory of curry.
08:47I will.
08:48I've been binge-watching curry because I missed a week on holiday, weren't I?
08:52Kevin's brother, Carl, has come over from Germany
08:55and he's been doing the okey-cokey with Kevin's wife.
08:58Riveting stuff, Julie.
08:59What have I forgotten?
09:01I've got my passport, phone charge of wine, gums.
09:05They're having the affair.
09:07Right.
09:07She's about to go on holiday with her husband.
09:09OK.
09:10You know, I'm not happy about you going on holiday with another man.
09:12You're a brother.
09:13Yeah.
09:14It's not another man, it's your brother and your husband, love.
09:17It's you I want to be with, all right?
09:18There'll be no funny business with Kevin, I promise.
09:20You're on holiday.
09:22That's why you go on holiday.
09:26Hi, babe.
09:28And here's Tracy.
09:29You passed the deadline.
09:30We're working on it.
09:31We'll work harder then.
09:32Tracy's obviously blackmailing them because she's found out.
09:35Ten grand she wants.
09:37Tracy wants ten grand off them?
09:38Yeah.
09:39To not tell Kevin?
09:40Yeah.
09:40What exactly was it that made you such a vindictive cow?
09:45Bella, Abby.
09:46Nobody wants you.
09:47Nobody wants me?
09:48Yep.
09:49Carl does.
09:50Ooh!
09:51Has he been knocking Tracy off?
09:53Tracy's been flinging herself at Carl and that's how she's ended up getting wind of this affair
09:57because she gave her the knock back.
09:59Tracy, Carl would never fancy you.
10:02I mean, come on.
10:03I mean, come on.
10:04That is like laying down a challenge.
10:09Carl would never fancy you.
10:11Oh.
10:11And then she might think, oh, yes, well, let's see if I can make him.
10:16Your hot pot will be five minutes, Tops.
10:18Really?
10:19I've already been waiting half an hour.
10:20You're telling me they're never doing the still and hot pot in the Rovers?
10:23Yeah, they do.
10:24She's been dead years, Betty Terpins.
10:26Yeah, but she had loads in the freezer.
10:30That'll be £2.50 for the juice, please.
10:32Amazing.
10:35Can I get you a drink, mate?
10:36Oh, he's a bit of all right.
10:37Look at his muscles.
10:39He's a PT trainer, you can tell.
10:41Oh, thanks.
10:42You know what you need?
10:44New life.
10:45A good workout.
10:46Ah, here's trouble.
10:48Oh, look, there's Tracy.
10:49There's Tracy's coming at an awkward moment.
10:52James, not in the mood, mate.
10:54There's nothing like getting all hot and sweaty to make you forget your worries.
10:58Nothing like getting out and sweaty to forget your worries.
11:01That's what's got me in this mess in the first place, Tiger.
11:03Off your fuck.
11:06You know, James is right.
11:08Nothing like getting down and dirty to take your mind off stuff.
11:11Oh, I see.
11:13Yeah.
11:13Oh, dear.
11:14I mean, she literally is like a doggone heat.
11:17Yeah.
11:18A bitch, if you like.
11:19Sorry, a bitch on heat.
11:24What's this now?
11:25Oh, where is she?
11:26This is his room.
11:27This is Kyle's room.
11:28In the hotel.
11:34What are you doing here?
11:35What's he doing?
11:36Why is he hot and sweaty?
11:37Have you got showered for me?
11:39Let it go, woman.
11:41She's pretty obvious.
11:42She's not giving up, is she?
11:44No, she's like a dog with a bone, Tracy.
11:46Tracy, you're pathetic.
11:47I'm not interested.
11:48How many ways can you say no?
11:50Clearly, you prefer it the hard way.
11:53So, I want my money.
11:56What a wicked woman.
11:57Oh, dear.
11:58So, basically, she's saying if she don't get me, she needs to get paid.
12:01Oh, wow.
12:02What he should have said also, would that clear the debt?
12:06Would it clear the debt, Nutty?
12:07It could be like a gigolo.
12:10But he probably hates her.
12:12A gigolo of Manchester.
12:13Wait, wait, wait.
12:19Who's there?
12:20Who's there?
12:20Someone's there.
12:24That wasn't your biggest fan again, was it?
12:26Oh, no!
12:27Oh, back up!
12:29Oh, ha, ha!
12:30What the fuck?
12:32Yo!
12:34Correlation Street!
12:36You're doing us like this!
12:38No!
12:43That's very modern, isn't it, Nutty?
12:47No-one saw that coming.
12:48No.
12:49Ha-ha!
12:50I was not expecting that.
12:52That is the biggest curveball!
12:55Fucking brilliant.
12:56Correlation Street has ever thrown.
13:06In Manchester...
13:07Helena, I need you to try this cardion,
13:10cos I need to check how long you want the sleeves.
13:13OK.
13:14Alison, her husband, George, and her daughter, Helena.
13:17See, you've got a balloon sleeve.
13:20Do you see?
13:21So what you want me to do is cuff it to become a balloon sleeve,
13:25or I can leave it as a bellend.
13:27Which would you like?
13:29I'll cuff it, please, so you stop saying bellend.
13:34On Wednesday night,
13:35some singletons were paired up in paradise on BBC One.
13:39Dating shows is not for them, innit?
13:41There's too many. There's too many.
13:43Which ones are there? There's...
13:45Blind date.
13:46Blind date.
13:47Blind date!
13:47You're showing your age now.
13:49Oh, my God.
13:49Blind date!
13:50Andre!
13:51Far from the distractions of home,
13:5412 singles looking for lifelong love.
13:58I've seen this advertised.
13:59It's basically a load of singletons.
14:01They meet, quickly get married,
14:04then they're basically just left on a desert island for three weeks.
14:08Will they thrive in isolation and find love?
14:11Oh, it's Davina!
14:12I'd like to pick Davina McCall.
14:14Yeah, can you imagine?
14:16And how do you feel about your partner?
14:18I'd appreciate the host, actually.
14:20Stranded on Honeymoon Island.
14:23So, it's basically Survivor, married at first night, slash love island.
14:28It is literally a dating reality show, Orji.
14:32I'm May, originally from Mansfield, but now living in London.
14:36Oh, May's cute.
14:37May looks like a normal nice girl, doesn't she?
14:40So, my last proper boyfriend, unfortunately, there was an accident.
14:45Oh, no, he died.
14:48Oh, Jesus.
14:49Where he fell.
14:51Oh.
14:52Oh, God, that's not good.
14:54Into his colleague's vagina.
14:56LAUGHTER
14:56You've got to be careful.
14:59You can trip up and fall into anything nowadays.
15:02Yeah, he basically left me for his colleague.
15:05Oh, my God, she...
15:07What?
15:07Me's got a bit of something about her, OK?
15:08What's so bad?
15:09OK.
15:10After a bit of speed dating...
15:12Where are you from?
15:13I'm from Edinburgh, Scotland.
15:14Oh!
15:15Hey!
15:15Hi!
15:17Representing, my man.
15:18I love how she's...
15:18Oh!
15:20God, that's nice!
15:22Oh!
15:23I mean, those in glass houses, if she's from Mansfield.
15:25Oh, yeah.
15:27It was time for May to discover who she was tying the knot with.
15:31Whoo!
15:31I'm so...
15:32I'm so relieved to see you here.
15:33Yeah, me too.
15:34Oh, it's a relief.
15:36Oh, well, they're happy.
15:37That's good.
15:37Yeah.
15:38If I manifested this right, number 25 is standing in front of me.
15:41What did she say?
15:42If I manifested this right, number 25 is standing in front of me.
15:45He was number 25.
15:46I mean, I've actually just put insert number.
15:49Yeah.
15:49If I manifested this right, insert number will be stood in front of me.
15:55That'd be my love, man.
15:57I've been through some tough times when it's come to love.
15:59It's not that I was too much, it's that they weren't enough.
16:03I love how he's just putting his lid there, he's thinking, shit, you've got a bit of a live wire here.
16:08At this point, he looks like he's got regret for signing off for this show.
16:11I promise to be the most loyal person you've ever met, to love you with the biggest, purest heart.
16:18It's quite deep, this, isn't it?
16:19Yeah.
16:19To be your partner in crime, your biggest cheerleader.
16:22No.
16:23Oh, she's still going.
16:24How many words has she crammed on that bitter card?
16:27Yeah.
16:28That's beautiful.
16:29OK, let's see what he has to say.
16:33I vowed to never steal the covers.
16:35OK.
16:35Tick.
16:36Right, that's a good beginning.
16:37I promise to never lose my temper with you.
16:40OK.
16:40That's not going to last.
16:42You might need to lose your temper at some point or she'll walk all over you, mate.
16:49Any more?
16:51That is the vows.
16:52That is the vows.
16:53Is that it?
16:54What's he done, written him on the back of a fag packet?
16:56He's written him on the way down the jetty.
16:59Shit.
17:01Oh, vows.
17:03One night in of being stranded, we got to see how newlyweds May and Morrie were getting along.
17:09I don't think you'll annoy me.
17:11No.
17:11I think you're like, you're just like, really cute.
17:14I think she's quite keen on him at the minute though, isn't she?
17:16But they haven't been there about five minutes.
17:17Yeah.
17:19Am I your usual type?
17:20No, you're not.
17:23That was so quick.
17:25He didn't even think about it.
17:27I think that would bother me if you said it that quick.
17:29Yeah.
17:29I think with you, I just sort of see, I like, want to protect you.
17:32Oh, that's nice.
17:34I see you as like a little sister almost.
17:36Oh!
17:38Oh, no, Morrie, what are you doing?
17:42Oh, fucking hell.
17:43Why have you said that?
17:44Well, there, he said it.
17:45If it's friend zone, like, sometimes you can get out with your friends, do you know what I mean?
17:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:49Once you put her in the sister box, you can't, incest, you can't touch her.
17:52Yeah, yeah, yeah, not Adam and Eve out here.
17:54It's the little sister vibes that I'm getting.
17:56Oh.
17:57He said it again.
17:57Oh, my God.
17:57Again!
17:58He said it again.
17:59Always reinforcing it, isn't he?
18:01Well, I suppose at least he's not led her on.
18:04No, he's telling her.
18:05It's just, like, how I'm feeling right now, especially with the little sister vibes and stuff.
18:10Are we still going on about it?
18:11Fucking leave it out.
18:12Do you know what?
18:14I actually can't wait to watch this again.
18:16Just to see how many more times he says she looks like his sister.
18:24In Leeds.
18:25What do you think of my new shirt?
18:27It's very art teacher.
18:29Very art teacher.
18:30It's very art teacher.
18:32I was on it from a charity shop this morning.
18:34Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
18:37It's very art teacher.
18:39I just don't know what my style is.
18:41No.
18:42I don't either.
18:43It's a bit Friar Tuck.
18:47I knew it rang a bell with someone.
18:49I couldn't put my finger on it, but it's nice.
18:50Somebody Friar Tuck.
18:52We don't need a rosary and a rope belt.
18:55With that haircut as well.
18:59On Sunday night, Channel 4 was giving us that back-to-school feeling with the return of this.
19:06High school was probably one of the most hostile environments I've ever been to.
19:10It's like a prison with no prison guards.
19:13I feel sorry for teachers nowadays, I'd be honest.
19:16You wouldn't want to be a teacher nowadays, would you?
19:18No.
19:18The kids are little bastards.
19:20The feral.
19:21Over a decade ago, the nation fell in love with a school in Yorkshire.
19:26I can't believe it's been ten years since it's been on.
19:27I used to love this show, mate.
19:28I'm so glad it's back.
19:30I know.
19:30Now, the cameras are back.
19:32These lot are insane.
19:33Is it like Waterloo Road?
19:35No!
19:36That's made up.
19:37That's drama.
19:38This is a real school with real kids and it's just what's going on in the school.
19:43It's as if we were both going to school today and there was cameras in there.
19:47Oh, you wouldn't want to be recording me?
19:49No.
19:50Well, I was never in the classes to be recorders.
19:52Welcome to the world of education!
19:56My mum said I was misunderstood and because I was ginger, I always used to stick out.
20:00You were naughty, weren't you?
20:01I was naughty.
20:02Yeah.
20:03And I was at school with both my sisters-in-law, so when I turned up to marry their brother,
20:07it was their deepest, darkest nightmare, wasn't it?
20:09Well, it was quite weird, I must say.
20:12It's form time for the Year 8s and tutor Mr Geary is going over their behaviour points.
20:17He's getting the classic, easily distracted and then distracts others on his report.
20:23Yeah, that's what you used to get.
20:25In our day, it might have been called High Spirits, Murray, and it would have been knocked out of you.
20:30I think it's E numbers.
20:31Now, we're going to do your negatives.
20:33Ethan, one.
20:35Isaac, one.
20:37Nah, boy's struggling.
20:38He's a bit hyper, isn't he?
20:40Riley, nine.
20:42Nine what?
20:43Negatives for last week.
20:44Nah, negative!
20:46Oh!
20:48Oh, I shouldn't laugh.
20:51Do you know who he reminds me of?
20:52Macaulay Culkin.
20:53Yeah.
20:54We didn't really see a peep out of Riley in Year 7.
20:58So what's changed?
20:59Yeah.
21:00Something's happened.
21:01What does skibbidi-wibbly-wobbly-wobbly...
21:04Riley, I've asked you once, but I have to ask you again, it'll be a verbal warning,
21:07and then it's in form.
21:09I'm not singing.
21:09Oh, no!
21:10LAUGHTER
21:11It's just...
21:14It's funny.
21:15The first step for Mrs Delaney Hudson is to carry out a neurodiversity screening.
21:20There we go.
21:21Oh, this is how you discover ADHD and stuff.
21:24You had a dyslexia screening when you were five or six,
21:28and they said there might be a slight chance that you were dyslexic.
21:31And you are very dyslexic.
21:32And you're like...
21:33Do you want to know how we know?
21:34The most dyslexic person.
21:36Do you have difficulty making out the sounds of words?
21:42Sometimes.
21:44No.
21:45Are you doing this test yourself?
21:47Yeah.
21:47OK.
21:47Do you find that you can't explain why you did something?
21:51Yeah, often.
21:55Aw, sweetheart.
21:56He seems a compliant little chap, doesn't he?
22:01Mum Bobby has come in to meet Mrs Delaney Hudson for the results.
22:05Would there be anything worse than your mum having to come into school?
22:09Mortifying.
22:10Mortifying, yeah.
22:11Your teacher feedback is that you display more concerning behaviour traits after lunch.
22:18After lunch, something he's eating.
22:20Oh, diet related, Mary.
22:23That's what you said, wasn't it?
22:25That's what I suspected.
22:26Well, yeah, but is he eating loads of sugary shite that's making him...
22:30At lunch time, making him disruptive, have too much energy.
22:33Yeah.
22:33So, average daily diet.
22:36Wheat-a-bix.
22:37Nice.
22:38Well, I'd have said that's all right.
22:39It's roughage.
22:40Chocolate wheat-a-bix normally.
22:42Chocolate wheat-a-bix.
22:43Yeah.
22:43Sugar, sugar, sugar.
22:44Well, I've never heard of chocolate wheat-a-bix.
22:46Oh, Jane, come on.
22:47Then he puts sugar on him.
22:49Chocolate wheat-a-bix with sugar!
22:50That's not a crime.
22:52I put sugar on my wheat-a-bix.
22:53Cup of coffee.
22:55Cup of coffee.
22:56He's having coffee.
22:58It's off his tits.
22:59Then sometimes he'll take a chew with Pringles out of cupboard.
23:02I think I used to have, like, I don't know, toast or cereal for breakfast.
23:06Toast with Nutella on, toast with jam, and then you'd go to school,
23:09and on your way to school, you'd stop at the shop,
23:11you'd get a bag of Transformers.
23:13Oh, yes.
23:13I'm quite confident that we might have found the trigger
23:16as to what causes some of his behaviour choices.
23:20Is that it?
23:20It's just loaded up with sugar and caffeine?
23:22Yeah, by the sound of it.
23:23Oh, Miss Marple's correctly, can't you see her?
23:26Well, thank you, Agatha Christie.
23:28Later in the programme, after a few tweaks to his diet,
23:32we caught up with Riley back in class.
23:34Riley, do you want to read down to across the land?
23:37The wind was just getting stronger, and my shirt was flapping.
23:41I felt like I was up on a ship because the whole belt frame was moving.
23:48I think he seems a lot calmer.
23:49Settling down a bit now, isn't he?
23:51Now he's not high as a kite on sugar.
23:53I'm so jealous he can read better than me.
23:56He's also 12, by the way, as well.
23:57Shut up.
23:58I think I could have done better in education.
24:00Well, I come out of school with two GCSEs,
24:02so I definitely could have done better.
24:04Yeah, you could have done with going back, really.
24:06But then I went to college and got functional skills,
24:08so it doesn't matter.
24:09Oh, not the functional skills.
24:20In Glasgow...
24:21Up at 5.30 tomorrow.
24:23Do you know what?
24:23Actually, once you're up, that's the problem.
24:25I had to buy myself, like, an alarm clock
24:27that will, like, ring at the other side of the room.
24:30Meet best mates Jake and Callum.
24:33But once you're up, it's like,
24:34you get up before the rest of the city does.
24:36It was great.
24:37Nice.
24:37All right, Batman.
24:38Yeah.
24:41Listen, Arkham needs me.
24:42I'm glad you're protecting our streets
24:44when I've still got another two hours sleep to get.
24:46On Sunday night, there was a brand-new game show
24:51from Beyond the Grave on Channel 4.
24:54I mean, it would be nice, wouldn't it,
24:57if you just got a fat inheritance off somebody,
24:59but it does mean that somebody has had to pass to the other side.
25:03No, it wouldn't be wonderful because you've lost a loved one.
25:05Well, if it was...
25:06That's the difference between you and me.
25:08Greed.
25:08If it was someone that you weren't that arsed about.
25:18You don't want tat leaving to your dear.
25:21Most people leave you tatting.
25:22What are you going to do with that?
25:23It's all they have all these house clearances.
25:25Nobody wants it.
25:26All they want is bricks and mortar and money.
25:28Yeah, but at least the thought that counts.
25:30Fuck the thought.
25:32Hello, darlings.
25:33That's Elizabeth Hurley.
25:34Elizabeth Hurley.
25:35I have some bad news.
25:36Are you ready?
25:37She looks a bit AI.
25:39I don't like bad news.
25:40Looks good, though, doesn't she?
25:41Do you know how old she is, Jed?
25:42She'll be 70-odd, I should think.
25:44Oh, yeah, bitch.
25:45Oh, God, sorry.
25:46Here goes.
25:48I'm dead.
25:49Dead, dead, dead.
25:50Oh.
25:51Well, you're not, are you?
25:52Because she's just there.
25:54She's just there.
25:54She's not...
25:55Oh, unless you recorded it before she died.
25:57She died.
25:57When one perfectly proportioned door closes,
26:00another one opens.
26:02And that's where you come in.
26:04Oh, she's speaking to all the people
26:06who are going to potentially inherit her wealth.
26:08I've got it.
26:09Each of you is in with a chance
26:10to get your hands on my generous assets.
26:15I'll tell you what, she's talking my language here.
26:18My inheritance.
26:21I need to like Google if she's dead or not.
26:23She's not dead.
26:25And if she is, this is in very poor taste.
26:32Good morning.
26:32Oh, we love a bit of Rob Rinder.
26:36Love Rob Rinder.
26:37He's like whack-a-mole, not it?
26:39Hmm.
26:39As soon as he's been, um, finished one thing,
26:41he pops up in another thing.
26:43He does.
26:44In the programme,
26:45Rob set the contestants off on their first task,
26:48to find, blend and bottle wine,
26:50some of which was at the bottom of a lake.
26:53It's like walking through soup.
26:55Oh, he's gone in.
26:58Get stuck in, go on.
27:00I'm for sure going in that lake.
27:01Oh, he's straight in with his head under the water.
27:05God love him.
27:05Because I'm decent at swimming,
27:07and also, it's something that other people don't want to do.
27:11He's playing the game already.
27:12Yeah, so it looks like you've worked harder.
27:15Yeah.
27:15Doing the stuff that somebody else doesn't want to do.
27:18Yeah.
27:18The boy is strong.
27:20Wow.
27:21Come on.
27:22Oh, my God.
27:24Everyone's loving Jesse's, like, attitude towards this.
27:27You'd be like,
27:28guys, I'm sitting this one out.
27:30Yeah.
27:30I want this money.
27:32I want to contribute.
27:33I want to show everyone I can be, you know, I am useful.
27:36Well, don't stop it then.
27:38Leave the bottles inside.
27:39Leave the bottles inside.
27:40There's a fucking way.
27:41It feels like what most corporate away days end up spiraling into.
27:44Shut up.
27:45Shut up.
27:46I'm in a motion right now.
27:47Let me work.
27:48Shut up, please.
27:49Oh.
27:50She's not making any mates telling him to shut up, is she?
27:53It's really not giving teamwork, is it?
27:55Yeah.
27:56It's giving, they're going to hate you, girl.
27:58Oh, my God.
27:59That whole raft is just going to sink.
28:00All those bottles.
28:02Oh, no, they've lost them all.
28:03They're losing it.
28:04Oh, crumbs.
28:05So now they've lost bottles, and those bottles is money.
28:09Yep.
28:10Oh, shit.
28:11Zara's going to get rinsed for that.
28:13A bit later, after more fighting, Rinder was back with his big red book.
28:18Today you're successfully released...
28:23£5,600.
28:25Very nice.
28:26Ooh.
28:27Can I get a whoop-whoop?
28:28Those who think they've contributed most must step forward as a claimant.
28:34Jessie, step forward right now.
28:36Don't tell me Zara's going to put herself forward.
28:39She ain't done now.
28:39Today, I feel like I am the most valuable player.
28:43Go on, Jess.
28:46There you go.
28:47I did object straight away.
28:50I cannot believe Zara is sat up there.
28:53The audacity.
28:55The absolute audacity.
28:57The audacity.
28:59That's what I said.
29:02You guys should be...
29:03That's my bestie.
29:05What do you want to say?
29:06Do you want to just...
29:06When somebody is chatting out their arse, I have to stop them.
29:11Whoa!
29:13Shutting out their arse!
29:16Love it.
29:17This is what the show is all about.
29:19The jury.
29:23Has chosen Jessie as prime beneficiary.
29:25Jessie!
29:27Thank God.
29:30Jessie, you've inherited £5,600.
29:33That's a lot of money.
29:35It's now time to go to the strong room.
29:37What's the strong room?
29:38The what?
29:39What is that?
29:40That sounds really off.
29:41Like, really...
29:42I'm not going to be Kristen Gray, though.
29:45That's what it sounds like.
29:47Jessie, welcome to the strong room.
29:50Right?
29:51What?
29:51You've got a decision to make.
29:54You may gift up to half of it to any of the members of the jury.
29:57You could buy a second-hand Skoda Yeti for that, Nutty.
30:00It's what we paid for ours, wasn't it?
30:02You can, of course, decide to keep it all.
30:04Oh, keep it all.
30:05Yeah.
30:06Now, Jessie, whether you choose to disclose what happens in this room
30:09is entirely up to you.
30:12There's the sneaky bit here, though.
30:13Yeah.
30:14Do you know what?
30:15I'd just say that I did put it in some in everybody's box.
30:19Yeah!
30:20And I'd keep it for myself.
30:22It's now time to decide.
30:24At the end of the day, the game is the game.
30:27Exactly, mate.
30:28This man's changed.
30:29I still love him.
30:31I don't care.
30:32He's playing a game and he's playing it right.
30:34That decision would be so easy for me.
30:36Like, keeping my money, honestly.
30:38I'm not sharing it.
30:39None of them did as much as Jessie did.
30:41Let's be honest.
30:42So if Gran left us at Inheritance, you wouldn't share it?
30:47If she said, oh, it's all going to go to you, Amani, would you not feel bad?
30:51And then think, why would I?
30:53Why would I?
30:55So what if I'm living in the slums and you're out here kicking it up in a mansion?
30:59How's that right?
31:00Sorry.
31:01It's just your fate.
31:02What can I do?
31:02In the Cotswolds.
31:08Have you seen the village group, darling?
31:11There's two feral cats that hunt in the village.
31:14Yet again, the village WhatsApp group is enlightening the world.
31:19Meet Andrew and his husband, Alfie.
31:21Somebody in one of the big houses being called out for potentially promoting the feral cats
31:29to cull off the pigeon population, which seems to plague us.
31:31You are having a laugh.
31:33I mean, there are a lot of rutting pigeons in the village at the moment.
31:35That's what that flapping was in the hedge the other night.
31:38Yeah.
31:39I thought it was the next door neighbour doing something with their mats from their car or something.
31:45You know, when you shake a mat out from a car, it sounds like that.
31:47Yeah, it sounds like a...
31:48And then I thought it was a bird stuck in the hedge.
31:50Oh, yeah.
31:51No, they...
31:52Then I realised it's not.
31:53It's just pigeon shagging, yeah.
31:55On Saturday, there were more twists and turns from across the pond on the BBC.
32:00I'm interested in what's going on, absolutely.
32:02I can't understand anybody.
32:03I said, oh, I hate politics, because the life is politics, isn't it?
32:07Somebody said to me once they were going to start a happy news channel.
32:10That was me.
32:11Oh, that was you.
32:12You were about to slate it.
32:14I think it's a brilliant idea.
32:16The dogs are watching the news, Ellie.
32:17Oh, my God, look at them, they are.
32:19Fixated.
32:22Very highbrow, my dogs.
32:25Good afternoon.
32:26President Trump has criticised a US appeals court ruling
32:29that has found many of his global tariffs to be illegal.
32:32I'm not even shocked any more, of course he is.
32:36That's so Trump.
32:37It deemed he had unlawfully invoked emergency powers to impose them.
32:41I don't trust him, because he's T-Total.
32:43This is sure of the character for him.
32:45The ruling doesn't take effect until mid-October,
32:48which would give the US government time to ask the Supreme Court to review the case.
32:53He'll just get out of it again if they go to the Supreme Court, so...
32:57Well, they're all his people, aren't they?
32:58Yeah, yeah, he's in with them all.
33:00There you go.
33:00You know, rather than them going through a lengthy Supreme Court thing,
33:05why didn't they ask chat GPT whether it's legal or not?
33:10Mr Trump said the decision, if allowed to stand, would literally destroy America.
33:14I think that's probably an exaggeration.
33:16He's doing quite a good job of that himself, isn't he?
33:18Yeah.
33:18He said the 2nd of April would be one of the most important days in American history.
33:23This is Liberation Day.
33:25Liberation from what?
33:26Like, why does no-one ask that question?
33:30Yeah.
33:30It's gone from liberation to buggeration overnight.
33:35Commiseration.
33:36It's not liberation, dude.
33:39Ronald.
33:40Donald.
33:41Ronald.
33:42Donald.
33:43Ronald McDonald.
33:45On his Truth Social website, the President was undaunted.
33:49All tariffs are still in effect.
33:50That's on Truth Social, which is quite an ironic name.
33:53That's a bit rich.
33:54Look at that, all capitals at the top.
33:56He's shouting.
33:57That's a sign of a mad person.
33:59President Trump...
34:00You text like that, Mum.
34:02No, I don't.
34:03You do?
34:03Excuse me, no.
34:04But even if the Supreme Court upholds this ruling, Trump could still impose similar tariffs
34:09through other legal routes.
34:11He said this ruling would literally destroy the United States of America.
34:15He won't give up on his tariff policies without a fight.
34:18He will just continue and bully on through.
34:21The only thing that's going to change it is people's reaction to it and the tariffs that
34:25they put on them, whether they're going to hurt America in any way.
34:28Oh, you sound semi-intelligent, darling.
34:30I mean, why is he introduced tariffs?
34:32Because he just wanted to piss people off.
34:34It's a bit like smart meters, innit?
34:37What?
34:38Yeah, a lot of people don't like them smart meters.
34:41What's that got to do with Trump?
34:43Well, now he hasn't introduced them, it's us who give us smart meters.
34:47They're all your life.
34:56In home.
34:57You want to hear about my new bed here?
34:59You've got a new bed, have you?
35:01Yeah.
35:02Oh, I bet you're christening that, aren't you?
35:04Oh, I am.
35:04I'm going up and down, up and down, up and down.
35:07It's lovely.
35:08It's electric.
35:09Best friends Jenny and Lee.
35:12Up and down.
35:13Up and down.
35:14That would annoy me, totally.
35:17I'd cut the bastard wires.
35:18No, it's lovely, Alan.
35:20Laying next to somebody going...
35:21Ray said, it's the most he's seen me move for a long time.
35:29On Monday night, a nail-biting new thriller had us on the edge of our seats on BBC One.
35:35God, we do love a good drama, don't we, darling?
35:38We do love a good drama.
35:39Less drama in our house, more drama on telly.
35:42Yeah, they don't have the dramas on in the summer, do they?
35:44No.
35:44Because it's because everybody's barbecuing, they won't be watching this.
35:46It's like, you don't, you don't have a drama, you don't have a drama in a barbecue, do you?
35:56The guest, here we go.
35:58All right.
35:59I love being a guest.
36:00Oh, yeah, you do, because you come here and get weighted on hand and foot.
36:04In the programme, we met a cleaner called Ria, arriving for her first day in a new job.
36:12Look at that pile.
36:13What?
36:14She wouldn't be doing her own shopping in Tesco's, would she?
36:16Imagine cleaning that.
36:18Christ, I wouldn't want to be doing a clean ad, it would go bloody far from me.
36:21Import from the States, Asia.
36:25Is she an interior designer?
36:27It looks like she's, yeah.
36:29Europe, I mean, obviously, that's not as easy as it used to be, but we do refurbs, refits.
36:36She's got a tab ad on, just so we can all identify that she is the cleaner of the house.
36:40Of course.
36:41She's got a tab ad on.
36:42Having taken her under her wing, Fran was keen for Ria to find a new boyfriend.
36:47Oh, hello, he's gorgeous.
36:51Oh, he is, isn't he?
36:52He is gorgeous, isn't he?
36:54Hi, hey.
36:57I can't believe she's actually gone on this date.
36:59She's got a boyfriend.
36:59Yeah, it's good money.
37:03Like, most years, I clear 100k, isn't he?
37:06He's talking about money on the first date.
37:08Red flag.
37:09Ooh.
37:11Oh, my bingo wings are flapping.
37:13Uh, so, sorry, what about you?
37:14What do you do for, um, for work?
37:17Oh, what is she going to say?
37:19Oh, sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm, I run a company.
37:21Do you now?
37:26Yeah, um, hand finisher, light fittings, prefurbishments, that sort of thing.
37:31Oh, she's taking on the personality of Fran.
37:35We just, we saw some of the world, the States, Asia, Europe, which isn't as easy as it used to be now, obviously.
37:42She's copying what Fran said earlier.
37:45Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
37:47That's really cool.
37:48Do you think there's a spark between them, Mary?
37:52There seems to be.
37:53A bit later, we saw Fran heading off for the weekend, leaving Ria in charge of the big fancy house.
38:06Oh, she's getting rid of all the pictures, all the evidence.
38:09She's going to have a dirty weekend in the house with the boyfriend, the new boyfriend.
38:14Hey.
38:16I wasn't sure if I was in the right house.
38:18OK.
38:19You're not.
38:20You'd have a ring doorbell on a gaff like that, wouldn't you?
38:22Of course she would.
38:23How's he got up the drive?
38:24She's not left them gates open.
38:26Bloody hell.
38:27This is a bit nice.
38:28He's thinking he's landed on his feet here.
38:31Do you want to talk?
38:34Yeah.
38:34When I come round to your house, when I first met you, you didn't say, do you want to talk?
38:39It would have took all of 20 seconds, wouldn't it?
38:42You're so fucking hot.
38:44The rats already?
38:45That escalated fast.
38:47La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
38:49Well, I read quite a lot of rumpy-pumpy novels because they help me go to sleep.
38:59Who's that?
39:00Who's that?
39:02Who's in that car?
39:03Hi, this is Ria.
39:04Please leave a message.
39:07Hi, it's me.
39:08Oh, it's Fran.
39:09I got halfway there and realised I forgot my bloody key.
39:12Oh!
39:13She's on her way home.
39:14Pictures, man in the house.
39:16This is not going to go down well.
39:17Well, he says I should be there in ten minutes.
39:19Ten minutes!
39:20Shit!
39:21They're gonna be caught in Play Grante.
39:28Oh, turn it off.
39:30Answer the bloody fawn.
39:32Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God.
39:37Anyway, where he says I should be there in ten minutes?
39:39What are you gonna do now?
39:41How's she gonna cover up this one?
39:43I don't know.
39:44Who keeps calling you?
39:45Oh, he's getting a bit aggy, isn't he?
39:47My boyfriend is on the way back home, so I need you to leave.
39:50Oh!
39:52She's admitted she's got a boyfriend!
39:55I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
39:56This is fucked.
39:57This is fucked.
39:58It's gonna get nasty.
39:59So why are you being like that for?
40:00Oh, my God, I'm not being like anything.
40:01Can you just leave, please?
40:02I've asked you.
40:03He's not gonna leave now.
40:04I don't think he's gonna, you know.
40:06He's off his rocker.
40:07Get out!
40:11Oh!
40:12Oh, she's...
40:13Oh, my God!
40:18No, no, no.
40:20Don't, don't, don't, no, don't!
40:23Run!
40:24Oh!
40:26Oh!
40:28This has gone from nought to a hundred in about ten seconds.
40:31Oh
40:58She's got about two minutes sleep at the mess
41:01My god, that was dramatic. This is proof as to why we shouldn't use dating apps, isn't it? Because it's the devil's playground. Yeah
41:09Nothing good ever comes from a dating app. Well has never for me. Definitely hasn't for you
41:15All right
41:20In Soli Hall, what do you look like with them socks and slippers? I don't care
41:25Teresa and her wife Anita when I met you you had real high levels
41:32Of you know dress sense
41:34And you criticized a lot of what I wore. I had to throw out a flowery coat because of you
41:39Well, you just hit the nail on the head there when I met you things changed
41:46On Thursday night there were more canine capers with the nation's favorite homeless hounds on Channel 4
41:53Oh
41:54It's the dog house
41:59It's okay. We're not getting it. Don't worry. Do you mind getting your feet off those?
42:03Sorry
42:04You're about to eat my cheesy feet instead of your cheese straws. Do they taste good these cheese straws? They're lovely
42:13This house at the moment is bonkers. I've got six puppies, a Labrador and two Tibetan Terriers
42:2114 year old Lucy has rallied the whole family in search of a four-legged friend to finally call her own
42:27I hope they find something special for Lucy
42:29I think for us it's about the personality and temperament of the dog more than the necessarily the
42:36Yes, you want a dog this cut she didn't do I do you want something she can have on her lap? Yeah
42:41Yeah, like my dachshund. Yeah, if she had my dachshund he she would love it. They both love a dachshund
42:50Oh, wow, okay. They're quite small aren't they Pomeranian?
42:53Small fluffy one. Yeah, but they yuppie Lucy be very careful with them. Not all of them
42:58Occasionally you said haven't you I'm lonely and I'd like a dog. Yeah
43:03Give her a dog give her two. Oh, I want her to find a nice Pomeranian. She's gonna find a nice Pomeranian. We've narrowed it down
43:11To two possibilities. Okay. Oh, I wonder what they got for her. Who is it? Pomeranian
43:19Perfect. Oh
43:22That ticks every box. Bloody brilliant. I want you to understand that fox is a stray
43:29A stray Pomeranian? Yeah. How did that happen?
43:32Is there just like a pack of Pomeranians breeding in the wild somewhere?
43:37That would be a gold mine if we find it. I know
43:39He has an affectionate side, but we don't know if he's ever lived in a house before
43:45Oh, that's a bit tricky. It might not be good with people
43:48So the other option is a little beagle
43:52Okay. And her name is Poppy. Oh, beagles are cute. Let's see both Lucy. Don't jump the gun
43:57Give me my name
44:00Good boy. Hello
44:03Oh, look at her
44:05Oh, Fox looks like a fox
44:07Fox is a fox
44:09Fox?
44:11Fox?
44:13Come on, Foxy
44:15Foxy
44:16Go on, have a little jump up. Say hello
44:19Foxy Geralt
44:21Fox
44:23Oh, no, he's gone the other way
44:28Go and see her
44:30Please
44:32Fox isn't obviously gonna just come and curl up on your lap today, Lucy
44:36Or maybe not even in a week
44:37Or never
44:39Exactly, it might not ever happen
44:41And he doesn't like being picked up
44:43Oh, well, what's your dream for then?
44:45Maybe they could have mentioned that
44:47Yeah, and that would have been a good one to start with
44:50Lucy
44:52Oh, she's disappointed
44:54Well, that's understandable
44:55Fox is no good for her
44:57You can't even pick it up
44:59Get out, get it out, get the next one
45:01Why did they bring it in for her then?
45:02Who are they?
45:03Exactly
45:05Oh
45:07Oh, Poppy
45:09This is Poppy
45:11Hello, Poppy
45:12Come on, Poppy
45:13Come on, knock it out of the court, Pops
45:15Now, I like that dog instantly
45:16Because it's got the face of an old bloke
45:19Puppy
45:21Good girl
45:23Here we go
45:24Come to see Lucy
45:25Come to see Lucy
45:27That's better
45:28Mother's like
45:29Come on, Poppy
45:30Come on
45:31Fucking
45:32See
45:33Lucy
45:35She said hello to you
45:37She loves me
45:38Oh, she likes her
45:40Poppy might be the one
45:41I think Poppy might be the winner
45:42Yeah
45:45Yes, yes, yes
45:47Lucy
45:48I do love her
45:50Poppy, I love you
45:52Oh, she loves her
45:53Oh, Poppy, I think you might have just found your forever home, sweetheart
45:57Oh, it's making me cry
45:58She's crying
45:59Oh
46:00Does it make you cry?
46:01No
46:02No
46:03First I thought she wanted the Pomeranian
46:06Please make it work for her
46:08But then everything worked out in the end and the bagel was actually better
46:12The bagel?
46:13Not the bagel
46:15Of what they're called
46:16Beagle
46:18Fucking bagel
46:20So you have for your breakfast?
46:25Well, if you want your share of Elizabeth Hurley's inheritance after tonight, the deliciously devious new game continues on Sunday night at nine, when it's time to go big or go home
46:35Now, if you like your Friday nights and new comedy-free zone, well, Mitchell and Webb are not helping with that, next, tonight here on Channel 4
46:45Do you feel perfect, perfect world
46:50Perfect world
46:53Yeah.
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