Baylen Out Loud - Season 2 Episode 02- The Ticcer
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00:00Goddamn!
00:03My name is associated with a lot.
00:05Listen, no one's safe.
00:06No one is safe.
00:07I can tell you that.
00:09It's not bad.
00:10It's just, oh, my god.
00:12I have Tourette syndrome.
00:14you, bitch.
00:18And me and Colin are not married yet.
00:23Do you guys let the alpacas be at weddings?
00:27We haven't started a single thing.
00:28No wedding planning done.
00:30Yeah.
00:30Nothing.
00:31So that's the first thing we're thinking about,
00:33is if alpacas are coming.
00:35Because you haven't really asked me for any help,
00:37so that's our first child that's engaged to be married.
00:42I would love to be super involved.
00:45Can we talk?
00:46Yeah, honey.
00:47OK.
00:48This is about me and my dad, because I need clarity.
00:53I heard that Colin asked for y'all's blessing,
00:56and you said that there was no blessing to give.
01:00I mean it to be like, I'll do whatever Baylen wants to do.
01:03That is my blessing.
01:04That is my like, hey, if Baylen's OK, we are OK.
01:08What's really sunk in that, now it's them.
01:11It's not her.
01:11It's them.
01:13We have been talking about our marriage,
01:17and it started with some premarital counseling.
01:22I thought everything was fine, but this is definitely a curveball.
01:27So I don't want you guys to be offended,
01:45but I think some premarital counseling would be a good tool to have.
01:50Right now, I feel weird that my parents are bringing up premarital therapy.
01:57I'm sure this wasn't the birthday gift Colin was expecting.
02:00What the hell?
02:02It's not to test your fit.
02:05This isn't like, let's see if we fit, and if we don't, we're breaking up.
02:08That's not, that's not the-
02:10And you and dad did this?
02:11Yeah, that's not the-
02:12It was a requirement to get married in church.
02:14It was a requirement in the Catholic diocese.
02:16You know, like we want you guys to really like, get everything that you can-
02:22Get as grounded as possible.
02:24That's exactly it.
02:26I finally feel like things are in a better place with the DeBreeze.
02:30It's my birthday, we're all getting along and having a good time,
02:33and then premarital counseling popped up, and it's a complete shock.
02:38That's important stuff.
02:40It really is.
02:41Because life is tough.
02:42Yeah, it is.
02:43You add children, and-
02:45them kids.
02:46It doesn't hurt to kind of tackle some of the other intricacies that will come into play as
02:52your marriage develops over the years.
02:54I know that Alan and Julie are always just trying to help, but I just hope that they don't
03:01think Balen and I's relationship is not a healthy relationship.
03:06All right, guys.
03:08It's getting late.
03:09Thank you for having us.
03:10I appreciate you guys for coming.
03:11Yes.
03:12I was like nervous about saying anything because I didn't want you to be offended.
03:15Please don't be offended.
03:16I don't feel offended.
03:17I don't feel offended.
03:18I want you to be the opposite of offended.
03:19I want you to be like-
03:20We want you to be able to-
03:21They want us, they want it to work.
03:23I think this suggestion could be perceived a little harshly, only because Al was a little
03:30tough with Colin.
03:32I'm very confident that Colin is committed to Balen, but I do have some reservations about
03:38how healthy and happy the relationship will be if you don't make sure that you're growing
03:45together as a team.
03:47So what do you think?
03:51Of the marriage counseling?
03:54Are you offended?
03:58Um-
03:59It's hard to read you sometimes.
04:00It's our relationship, our marriage.
04:03And given the history, like it's not always been like a easy pathway with your parents.
04:11You know that.
04:12It's been kind of rocky.
04:13Okay.
04:14I think it really just comes down to her parents being really overprotective and wanting the
04:23best for Balen.
04:24And I feel like I'm trying to do everything in my power to show that to them, that I want
04:30the same thing, that we're on the same page.
04:33And sometimes it just feels like it's never enough.
04:38I just appreciated them bringing it up personally.
04:41Mm-hmm.
04:42Because I didn't look at it as a bad thing.
04:47Okay.
04:48I think for right now, I just want to take some time to think it over.
04:53Maybe talk to my parents, family members that may have done something like this,
04:59and kind of get their opinion on it as well.
05:12Good morning, everybody.
05:13Good morning.
05:14Today we're taking our first tour of a possible wedding venue.
05:25But before we leave, I need Colin's help putting in hair clip-ins that I bought.
05:30Get out of here!
05:33Can I have some help here trying to section this?
05:36Help doing what?
05:37Do you know how to section?
05:38No, I do not.
05:39Okay.
05:40I don't know how you do your own hair.
05:43It's called I wake up, put water in it, and I go.
05:46You bend over the sink, and you .
05:48Put water in it and go.
05:50So a few months ago, I asked Colin to trim my hair.
05:53Because I was like, you know what?
05:54She's looking a little bit dead.
05:56And that led to my hair being chopped off.
06:07Colin.
06:08Yeah?
06:13They're just over here.
06:17To help my baldness, I got webbed-in hair extensions.
06:23I am now Luscious Goldilocks, okay?
06:25I feel like I just added life to my head.
06:32I was more relaxed at the salon, and so I wasn't ticking as much.
06:36But the next day, I was yanking on my extens- my weave.
06:40Goddamn!
06:42I was pulling on my hair extensions to the point where it was painful
06:46because the webbed-in extensions is sewed into your head.
06:50I had them for a solid two weeks before I had to get them taken out.
06:56So tease the hair.
06:58Mm-hmm.
07:03Now I'm trying to clip-in extensions, which I hope don't set my ticks off as much
07:07because I can take them out when I need.
07:10Get all that out of here.
07:12F**k.
07:13F**k.
07:14F**k.
07:15F**k.
07:16F**k.
07:17Okay.
07:22Weenie.
07:23Oh, oh, oh.
07:25Okay.
07:26All right.
07:27All right.
07:28Chase after the weenie.
07:29Doing Baylin's hair and trying to put these hair clip-ins into her hair.
07:34It's a struggle.
07:36Yeah, it's a struggle.
07:37It's especially hard for me to sit still getting my hair done, getting clip-ins.
07:44Just sitting still in general is not good.
07:46Is not good.
07:48It's not working.
07:50So no to the hair.
07:52This isn't working.
07:53We're saying no to the hair.
07:54Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
07:56Okay.
07:58Just add hair to the list of things that are more complicated when you have to wrap.
08:03I'm excited that we don't have to do this for another two hours and we can go and see our wedding venue.
08:08First question.
08:09Do you guys allow alpacas?
08:10And no?
08:11Walk right out.
08:13Thank you, everybody.
08:25I know we've looked at a lot of wedding venues online.
08:28I can't make up my mind with what I want and what I like, but I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of indoor.
08:38Today we're going to look at an indoor wedding venue and I don't really know if I'm going to like it because like I want like scenery in the background while we get married.
08:49I think that we should be open to an indoor wedding venue because thunderstorms trigger Balen's anxiety and make her Tourette's worse.
08:58No.
09:00No.
09:02If it were to somehow thunderstorm on our wedding, it would just make it easier if everything's already indoors.
09:11One of those.
09:15Chuck's bald.
09:16It is actually.
09:17Okay, you bald-alicious queen.
09:18Okay.
09:20Dumbass.
09:22State law bull.
09:24518.
09:25Exit.
09:27One way.
09:29Traffic.
09:30Info.
09:31Call.
09:33I'm losing my mind.
09:35Why am I on this side?
09:36Just don't look at this thing.
09:38Oh no, I'm sponsored by Joe Biden!
09:41Just look down.
09:43Look down.
09:45When I see road signs and I repeat them, it's because of my lexolalia.
09:50Lexolalia is a complex vocal tick that can also be associated with many other conditions, but also can be included in Tourette.
09:58I read something, then I vocalize it as a tick.
10:01So have you thought any more about the premarital counseling?
10:05I personally don't have a problem with trying the therapy.
10:09Yeah, it just makes me think that, like, your parents think our relationship isn't as good as it is.
10:16They brought up premarital therapy out of the love that they have for us.
10:23Yeah, but, okay.
10:24What?
10:25If someone gets involved in our relationship or marriage too much, where does it end?
10:33There's gotta be a line that's gotta be drawn somewhere.
10:36Yeah.
10:37Where does it end?
10:38Am I marrying Bailyn?
10:39Or am I marrying Bailyn, Julie, and Alan?
10:43Are they gonna be over every single day, involved in our household every single day?
10:49Or are we gonna be able to have our own marriage and family?
10:52I mean, I would love to have my parents over every day.
10:56I mean, I'm not even gonna lie.
10:57Family's really, really important.
11:00Are you okay?
11:01What?
11:02You just said, I would love to have my parents over every single day.
11:06Is this what our marriage is gonna be like?
11:09Are your tics okay?
11:14Yeah, I'm gonna take my shoes off, because you see how it's, like, around my ankle.
11:18When I hold my tics in at the venue, later on, they will all come out at once.
11:23I'm experiencing a dystonic tic in my foot and in my leg.
11:27So when my foot's locked, I'm twisting my ankle to the point where I want to snap my ankle off.
11:36Come on, Bex!
11:40Oh my god!
11:41This is actually our team mascot.
11:44The ticker!
11:45That's me! The ticker's here!
11:54You just said, I would love to have my parents over every single day.
11:58Is this what our marriage is gonna be like?
12:03I know how close you and your parents are.
12:06Close, dick.
12:07But you're becoming more independent, and do you think your parents being so involved is them not being able to fully let you go?
12:21I don't think they ever will.
12:26I do think that my parents hold on a little bit more because of my Tourette syndrome.
12:32It's gonna be a constant juggling act throughout our relationship.
12:35I hear you.
12:36I do see where my parents are coming also with the premarital therapy because the relationship has worked out and they've taken it.
12:48Have your parents taken it?
12:49My parents did take it.
12:51They went through the church, but they did do something similar.
12:56So I talked to my mom about premarital counseling, and she thinks that it would be good for us.
13:03However, I still am on the fence about everything.
13:06I mean, what if it opens up stuff that we just aren't ready to deal with?
13:11So, I mean, let's make the best of it, and maybe it could end up being really helpful.
13:16Oh, that's it right there.
13:29It's so pretty.
13:33So, Crystal View is about 30 minutes away from where we live.
13:37At this point, we really don't know what we want versus what we don't want.
13:40We're really just kind of looking at all the options to figure that out.
13:46This is even better than the website.
13:48It's so pretty.
13:51You know how to work one of those?
13:55I'm going backwards into the revolving door because I don't want to touch it because of my OCD and having a fear of germs.
14:04I'll wear, like, long sleeves to purposely, like, touch things.
14:08Or you'll just wait 10 feet back and wait for me to open the door.
14:11Yeah, yeah.
14:14Okay.
14:17Oh, my gosh.
14:22This is pretty.
14:24Where do we even go?
14:25My first impression of the wedding venue when we walk in is breathtaking because of the stairs and the flowers and everything being white.
14:34But it's very echoey.
14:37And with my tics, it just makes me very insecure.
14:42Hey, Colin.
14:43Hey, Galen.
14:44How are you?
14:45Nice to meet you.
14:46Nice to meet you, Amanda.
14:47How are you?
14:48Nice to meet you.
14:49Welcome to Crystal View.
14:50Lots of bling.
14:51Lots of bling.
14:52Lots of glam.
14:53We love our chandeliers.
14:59I don't think we've had anybody get married here that's had Tourette's Syndrome.
15:02But we are aware of tics.
15:03And I think it's important with our knowledge to create an environment and an atmosphere that's comfortable for that individual.
15:11And that's what focused today.
15:14When did you guys get engaged?
15:16Last year.
15:17I love it.
15:18I love it.
15:19So you've had some time to think.
15:20Have you thought about colors, theme, anything for the big day?
15:22I love where it's, like, very colorful.
15:24Yes.
15:25And very bright.
15:26And I love oranges and pinks.
15:27She loves flowers.
15:28Yes.
15:29I love flowers.
15:30I'm obsessed with flowers.
15:31Perfect.
15:32I found a baby pink dress that I really, really liked.
15:34No.
15:35And I showed him and he was like, no.
15:37So I was like, okay, well, I guess that's it.
15:40There's certain things that can have color and then other things.
15:42And I listen.
15:43You're not showing up in a pink dress.
15:44And I listen.
15:45Or a purple dress.
15:46Like, it's just not going to happen.
15:47But I listen.
15:48That's the thing.
15:49It's like, if he says, I don't really want to be in a pink tux, I'd be like, okay, can we have a pink bow tie?
15:55So there's different ways that we incorporate it, but I don't really want the wedding.
16:00What?
16:01Nothing.
16:02Fine, I'll stop talking.
16:03So the ceremony space is really a hop, jump, and a skip from your reception space.
16:11Welcome.
16:12Okay.
16:13I call it the Bridgerton Room.
16:16No, I'm kidding.
16:17Pretty much.
16:18The vow exchange is typically in between the mirrors and then theater-style seating on both sides of the column.
16:24And then the magic fills in all the gaps with the florals and the columns and all the beauty.
16:29Yeah, that's nice.
16:30This place is really fancy-smancy.
16:33It is very blingy.
16:34It is very blingy.
16:36Can we see the reception space?
16:38So let's head on that way.
16:39All right.
16:42You okay?
16:44I can definitely tell that Baylen's holding in her tux.
16:47I don't want her to go through that.
16:49I always want her to feel free and be herself.
16:51I still want to see the rest of the venue, but this does make me think that this might not be the right one for us.
16:57Here's the ballroom.
16:59Welcome to the grand ballroom.
17:02Oh, wow.
17:04This is massive.
17:05This is definitely grand.
17:07It's really nice.
17:08I like these chandeliers, too.
17:10I have a question.
17:11Yes.
17:12Have you guys ever had alpacas at a wedding?
17:14Absolutely.
17:15In the tent outside.
17:16Yes.
17:18The bride made the exact same face on that day.
17:21Have they been allowed inside?
17:23No.
17:24That's not a deal breaker.
17:25I told Colin, I said, deal breaker?
17:26No alpacas.
17:27Yeah.
17:28We're having a white horse for an upcoming event.
17:30So we love animals here.
17:31We love animals here.
17:32We don't like horses.
17:33I'm petrified horses.
17:34Oh, okay.
17:35Sorry.
17:36He's like, yeah.
17:37Let's get all the horses.
17:38Let's ride horses in here.
17:39We'll stick to alpacas for now.
17:40We'll stick to alpacas for now.
17:41That would be sick wedding photos.
17:42Yeah.
17:43Us on a horse?
17:44You love alpacas that love to kick people.
17:47I like horses.
17:48The one animal that I'm more than afraid of is a meaty horse.
17:53Like, your mom's a whore.
17:55Marlene's a dirty, filthy horse.
18:00Marlene's Colin's mom.
18:02Yeah.
18:03I feel like I just heard Marlene and heard the word whore,
18:06and that's how we integrated.
18:08So we won't be going down to see her until the tick goes away,
18:11actually, because I don't actually want to make eye contact with her
18:15when I say that, so.
18:16Thank you guys so much.
18:17Thank you so much.
18:18Thank you so much.
18:20Lots to talk about.
18:21Have a great day.
18:23I think we can go up this one.
18:25All right, so.
18:26How did you feel about everything?
18:28I feel like you already know what you want to say, so go ahead.
18:31Um, it's too glam for me.
18:34It was great that they allowed, like, the alpacas.
18:40Mm-hmm.
18:41But, like, I want, like, instead of, like, the place to be luxury,
18:45like, we make it look luxury, if that makes, like, any sense.
18:49I feel the same way.
18:51I think it's just a little bit too boozy for us.
18:54Boozy, boozy dick.
18:56Boozy, boozy.
18:57Definitely Crystal View.
18:59I can, I can see the name now.
19:01Yep.
19:02The crystal, really.
19:03Crystal math.
19:04Joe Biden does crystal math.
19:06Joe Biden and JB do crystal math together in my basement.
19:13That's a crazy combo.
19:16JB is the head of photography, and he is always in my peripheral vision.
19:21So, that is where the tick comes from.
19:28Our director of photography right here doesn't do crystal math.
19:33Yeah.
19:34Nailed it.
19:35Whore.
19:36Wh-H hockey sticks O-R-E.
19:40Ow.
19:41You okay?
19:52I'm gonna, I'm gonna take...
19:53Are your tics okay?
19:54Yeah, I'm gonna take my shoes off, because you see how it's, like, around my ankle.
19:58When I hold my tics in at the venue, it's incredibly painful.
20:02It's uncomfortable, and later on, they will all come out at once.
20:07I'm experiencing a dystonic tick in my foot and in my leg.
20:12It's basically like a locking and a twisting.
20:15So, when my foot's locked, I'm twisting my ankle to the point where I want to snap my ankle off.
20:20Rainy.
20:24During the tour, did you hold your tics?
20:26Maybe a little bit, because I started ticking, and it was, like, echoing, and I was like, okay.
20:32My wedding day has been something that I've always dreamed of, and me holding in my tics would look like a disaster.
20:40Your mom's a filthy, fat whore.
20:44I could have a tic attack in front of all my guests, because it's pretty much bound to happen when I hold my tics in.
20:49Hmm.
20:53Between my Tourette's, I have Tourette syndrome, stupid, and my OCD, obsessive compulsive tic,
20:59I'm not like every other bride.
21:01So, who knows what we have in store for us.
21:09Me and Colin just looked at our first wedding video.
21:13Pailin's my first kid getting married, and as a mom, I've poured my heart into her.
21:21So, a little part of me feels like a tiny bit left out.
21:25We're back.
21:36We're back.
21:37Come back.
21:53Have a good rest of your day.
21:56With my tics, I don't drive, so today I took a ride share from D.C. to Beckner's baseball game.
22:03It's his first game of the season, and I haven't been to one of his games in a long time
22:06because there's a lot of things that will set my tics off.
22:09For example, I purposely miss the beginning of the game because the silence during the national anthem is a huge trigger for my tics.
22:17I tend to just be tossing away, and everyone's just looking my way, so there's a rhyme for the day.
22:25Oh my God, and all that rhymed.
22:28Woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo.
22:30F*** you, Kevin.
22:32Hey, baby.
22:33Hi.
22:34But these are parents with Beckner's team.
22:37All of those people know my mom.
22:39All of those people know that I have Tourette, so it's a safe space, and I'm here to support Beckner.
22:46How was your trip?
22:48You shopped the whole way here.
22:50You did what?
22:51I shopped the whole way here on my phone.
22:53Of course.
22:54Shocker.
22:54Yeah.
22:55Becky's playing shortstop.
22:57Hi, Beckner!
22:58Oh my gosh.
23:02Double dick zero.
23:04That's where he's playing.
23:05Is he a pink glove?
23:06Yeah.
23:07Yeah.
23:07Okay.
23:08Only Beck's would pick out a pink glove.
23:10Yeah, he used to play center field, but now he's shortstop.
23:12We need to get him pink cleats, too.
23:13Mm-mm.
23:14No, he's fine.
23:15He's out!
23:19How would you describe Beckner?
23:21Loud.
23:21Confident.
23:22He's a lot.
23:23I heard you guys talking about me.
23:25No.
23:25Make room.
23:25I heard you were saying something about my confidence.
23:36What's wrong with it?
23:37Nothing.
23:38Nothing is wrong with it.
23:39We love it.
23:43All right, Beck.
23:43Come on, Beck.
23:45Oh, Beck's cheese.
23:49Okay.
23:50Got a little star in the fan.
23:52Yeah.
23:52Did it actually hit the fence?
23:54Yeah.
23:54Did it?
23:55It means a lot to me to have been at my game, because she hasn't been to one in like a year,
24:06so I've improved a lot.
24:07Like, I'm at top notch right now.
24:10So what's new with you?
24:12What have I been missing out on?
24:14Me and Colin just looked at our first wedding video.
24:16It was beautiful, a little bit too bougie, too glam.
24:21Oh, my God.
24:22They had 260,000 crystals.
24:26Baylin's my first kid getting married, and as a mom, I've poured my heart into her, so
24:34a little part of me feels like a tiny bit left out, another reason why it just really didn't
24:41work out was I held my ticks in to the point when, when I got out, my legs locked, and I don't
24:47know why I held them in other than the fact that I was, like, echoing through the whole place.
24:54Oh.
24:55Like, well, that is, that's, like, awkward, though, that you felt it necessary to be holding
25:01them in.
25:02Honestly, it wouldn't hurt to get back in to see Dana and talk to her about some of these
25:08concerns just to, like, readdress with her.
25:10Dana is Baylin's CBIT therapist, and CBIT is a technique that Baylin uses to manage her
25:17tics.
25:18When you have that urge to say an obscene word, breathe in through your mouth and out through
25:23your nose, that sensation will go away.
25:26It's just hard to, like, get there.
25:29I know that Baylin still meets with Dana virtually, but I also think it would be smart for her to
25:34plan an in-person session soon.
25:37That's a good idea.
25:38I'm going to schedule another appointment with Dana.
25:40Dana.
25:41So speaking of therapy, how are you feeling about premarital counseling?
25:46Well, me and Colin are going to do it.
25:48So, okay, it hasn't started, but, I mean, I have high hopes about it.
25:53I feel this deep sense of relief that they're going to give premarital counseling a try, and
25:59I think that they'll be glad that they did it.
26:01Oh, it's all right.
26:03Way to hit the ball, guys.
26:06Becker's team lost?
26:07Yep, they lost.
26:08I'm so glad that you ride-shared here and came to this.
26:12I know it's not easy.
26:13I have so much fun.
26:14I know it means a ton to Beckner to have Baylin at his game.
26:18The two of them are a lot alike with their anxiety and then certain behaviors that Beckner
26:24is starting to exhibit.
26:25Thank God he has baseball right now, because I think baseball really keeps his mind in a place
26:30where he can put some of that on the back burner.
26:34Come on, boo.
26:35You did so good.
26:38I assume you almost hit it out.
26:39Yeah, we did.
26:40And I love your pink glove.
26:43I know, right?
26:44Did you, like, hear her?
26:45Yeah.
26:46You did?
26:46I heard her before I saw her.
26:49You heard her before I saw her?
26:51Of course.
26:52That's our baby.
26:54This is actually our team mascot.
26:56The ticker.
26:57That's me.
26:58The ticker's here.
27:00We should change our name.
27:01Look at my birdie!
27:03What mascot would I even be?
27:07Uh, a mockingbird.
27:10Ooh, I'd be a parrot.
27:12I'd be a parrot.
27:13Do you still want to play baseball over now?
27:16Yeah, I'm getting drafted out of middle school.
27:18One million dollar deal.
27:19No.
27:20If I ever make it, that's going to be, like, 90 million.
27:23Okay, yeah.
27:24Mm-hmm.
27:24Maybe if we make it to the car?
27:26Yeah.
27:27We can make the 90 million happen.
27:29Get out of here.
27:31Only 90?
27:33That's not a lot of money.
27:34Max, you're so full of yourself.
27:37I love you, though.
27:40Do you have anxiety about therapy today?
27:43I have a little bit of anxiety therapy for the first time.
27:46Bailen and I are headed to premarital couples counseling.
27:49We're going in there completely blind.
27:51So it's really hard for you to express your emotions.
27:55Does it feel kind of overwhelming?
27:57Yeah.
27:58Yeah.
27:58Yeah.
27:58I'm taking my mom's advice, and I'm meeting with my CBIT therapist today.
28:12I haven't seen Dana in a while because of the engagement, moving.
28:32Some things that help manage my tics, other than CBIT, are having headphones on or listening
28:38to music, being around my dogs.
28:43However, with my wedding coming up and not wanting to say certain tics, it's so important
28:49that I meet with her to get the right tools to not have those tics happen.
28:58Hi!
29:00How are you?
29:00Oh, I'm so good.
29:02I'm so good.
29:03I'm good.
29:04My name is Dana Wachter.
29:05I'm a registered nurse certified in CBIT therapy.
29:08CBIT is an acronym for Comprehensive Behavioral Intervention for Tics.
29:13So I love your apartment.
29:14It's beautiful.
29:16Do you want to do a walkthrough?
29:17That's your flair.
29:17I would love to.
29:18Okay, sweet.
29:19Okay.
29:20We have the bar stools because the backs of the chairs set my tics off to lean my head
29:26back, so instead of having anything there, it helps because I can hold on to the things.
29:31The stovetop is electric, but I also learned that I need a stove cover because I don't want
29:40to break the stovetop.
29:41Right.
29:41We also have plastic everything.
29:44Tick proof.
29:46Seeing Baylin's progress, I am so proud because I always reflect back to our first meeting.
29:52She was in tears.
29:53She couldn't control her tics.
29:55She was ashamed by them.
29:56So she's come such a long way.
29:58It's so rewarding to see.
30:00So what did you want to work on today?
30:02I would like to work on dick.
30:06My, um, yeah, my goddamn.
30:11On your goddamn tics.
30:12Yes, absolutely.
30:14I've had my mmm tick for a long time, but I don't really know what set it off.
30:24It's either from a movie or something that someone said, but I definitely don't want to
30:31say it on my wedding day, so.
30:32So typically, we would recommend using a competing response whenever an urge comes on.
30:39We'll review your reverse breathing when you breathe in through your mouth, and you hold
30:45it, and then you breathe out through your nose, and the reason why you're reverse breathing
30:49is you're fighting with speaking.
30:52By breathing in through your mouth, it makes it impossible.
30:55How do you feel?
31:03Like I didn't need to say my tic.
31:05Beautiful.
31:06Mm-hmm.
31:07Now, sometimes what happens is if you're speaking and you feel an urge to have a vocalization,
31:15to stop and do a competing response interrupts the natural flow of speech, right?
31:20So, it's okay to do a less intense version of the tic, such as whispering the tic.
31:26Like, I can do it without saying it, but just make like...
31:30Exactly.
31:31Or you can camouflage it as a yawn, if you want.
31:34That's awesome.
31:35I never thought about that.
31:36Yeah.
31:37I practice my SIBA exercises pretty much every day, but it's a lot to do deep breathing or
31:45masking for every tic.
31:51And there will be times where I do hold in my tics when I feel uncomfortable.
31:55So me and Colin went to look at a wedding venue.
31:59It was completely indoor, and I was just echoing.
32:02And I also did suppress to the point where, when we left the wedding tour, my legs were
32:07locked up from, like, motor tics.
32:09Yeah.
32:10From almost, like, holding in all my vocal.
32:12From hearing the echoing.
32:14Remember, we also want to eliminate triggers.
32:16Maybe go look at venues that are outdoors, so you won't have that feeling of, you know...
32:21Being trapped, almost.
32:22Yeah.
32:23Like a claustrophobic, maybe, type feeling.
32:24Yes.
32:25That would be eliminated if you were outdoors.
32:27I'm excited to look into that.
32:29And remember, you have your CBIT therapy in your back pocket, and you can use those competing
32:36responses as you see fit.
32:38Whatever feels comfortable for you at the time.
32:41Yeah.
32:42Thank you for coming all this way.
32:43Thank you so much.
32:44You've come so far.
32:45I want you to focus on that.
32:46You live on your own now.
32:47Yay!
32:48That was big for you, so I'm so proud of you.
32:50Keep up the good work.
32:53Sometimes the CBIT sessions with Dana can be difficult if my tics are bad.
32:58Today's went well, but I would like to do more as the wedding gets closer, so I can be the
33:04best version of myself on my big day.
33:07Hey.
33:08Hey.
33:10Hey.
33:11How are you?
33:12Hey.
33:13I'm good.
33:14How are you?
33:17I'm good.
33:19How was work?
33:20It was good.
33:23I just got off work and Balin and I are headed to premarital couples counseling.
33:25Yay!
33:26I'm going from one therapy session to the next.
33:27I, um, have my CBIT session with Dana today.
33:31How'd that go?
33:32It went well.
33:33One thing that Dana reminded me of is that CBIT is all about removing triggers.
33:38And, remember when we went to the wedding venue, it was kind of like setting my tics off or
33:58making me feel like I had to suppress in a way?
34:00Mm-hmm.
34:01Now that we know that it's a trigger, I would just not like to see any more indoor
34:08venues.
34:09Yeah.
34:10No, I get it.
34:11I think an outdoor venue would probably fit.
34:13Finding the perfect wedding venue is like a moving target.
34:17Trying to avoid the triggers of thunderstorms.
34:21I have a gun.
34:22By looking at an indoor wedding venue only created more triggers that we were unaware of.
34:29So I know that we both filled out the assessment form.
34:34What do you think is going to be something that we should probably focus on?
34:39There's so many questions.
34:40Do you remember one?
34:41I know the questions.
34:43There's a lot.
34:44So the therapist sent over an assessment for us to complete before we got there.
34:49There was a lot of questions.
34:50There was like a hundred questions.
34:52I know there was a lot of sex questions.
34:54Okay.
34:55There was.
34:56I remember.
34:57That's the only thing I remember.
34:58I don't know how they were worded.
35:00I just remember it was like one after the other.
35:02Was it like how often are you doing it?
35:04Or like.
35:05Literally.
35:06Literally.
35:07Kind of both.
35:08Both.
35:09Kind of both.
35:10Does your partner not please you?
35:11Or like do you not please your partner?
35:13Or is there ever times that one person's more pleased than the other and you're upset?
35:20Or just like any type of specific question like that was on there.
35:25Is that an issue with you guys?
35:28No.
35:29Why'd you say it like that?
35:32Because I'm nervous.
35:33I don't like talking about it.
35:44This guy can a whole bag of .
35:46Suck a whole bag of .
35:48Colin.
35:49Sorry.
35:50Suck a whole bag of .
35:53Suck a whole bag of .
35:56And that's how tics start ladies and gentlemen.
35:59Right there.
36:00Right there.
36:01Suck a whole bag of .
36:02Sorry.
36:03Suck a whole bag of .
36:04Dude's honking.
36:05Suck a whole bag of .
36:07I know you're watching.
36:09Suck a whole bag of .
36:11.
36:13Just don't say anything else.
36:15Suck a whole bag of .
36:17I got it.
36:18Should we bring this up in therapy?
36:21Do you have anxiety about therapy today?
36:24I have anxiety?
36:25Yeah.
36:26I have a little bit of anxiety for therapy for the first time.
36:29Are you not?
36:30No.
36:31Okay.
36:32Good for you.
36:33I'm super nervous right now.
36:36Alright.
36:37We're here.
36:38Let the therapy begin.
36:41Alan's bald.
36:43We're going in there completely blind.
36:45Like we have no idea.
36:51Yeah.
36:52Hey, Your room is so nice.
36:53Oh, thank you.
36:58It's nice to meet you.
36:59Nice to meet you.
37:00Hi Colin.
37:01Are you a Hucker-Cooley great?
37:02Nice to meet you.
37:03Sit wherever you'd like.
37:04My name is Amy Begnaud.
37:05I am a licensed professional counselor,
37:07It's so nice to meet you.
37:09Yeah, it's so nice to meet you.
37:10Nice to meet you.
37:12Hi, Colin.
37:13Are you a hugger queen?
37:14Nice to meet you.
37:15Sit wherever you'd like.
37:16My name is Amy Begnall.
37:18I am a licensed professional counselor.
37:20I've been practicing for the last 11 years,
37:24specializing with couples for the last eight years.
37:27How does it feel to be here today?
37:29I was a little nervous before getting here.
37:32Just therapy scares me.
37:33Okay.
37:33My parents came to him and I
37:36and said that they did premarital counseling,
37:40basically kind of as like an avenue
37:42to grow the relationship together.
37:44So anyway, to just make our marriage as strong as possible.
37:48Yeah, that's a really good note of a bitch.
37:53I've never had a client with Tourette's syndrome.
37:56What I know about Tourette's syndrome
37:57is that it is a neurological disorder.
38:00So Valen and Colin might have a little more of a challenge
38:05than your typical couple.
38:06But I'm really grateful for the opportunity to sit
38:10and establish a safe space for Valen and Colin
38:13to be able to open up
38:15so that they can share really vulnerable pieces
38:17of their relationship.
38:18So before you came here today,
38:22I sent you an assessment
38:23to complete a premarital assessment
38:25that was able to highlight your strengths
38:28as well as some growth areas.
38:31And I'm just curious,
38:32what were some areas of strength
38:33that really popped out for you?
38:36Do you recall any other things?
38:36It's definitely not communication.
38:38Definitely not communication.
38:40It's definitely not communication.
38:41Okay.
38:41You seem pretty confident in that.
38:43Tell me more.
38:44Yes, because I'm very bad at communicating.
38:46Okay.
38:46Tell me more.
38:47Like everything.
38:48Like everything that I can be.
38:50Like I don't know how to like express my feelings.
38:53And then I also struggle with like
38:54everything to do with vocally.
38:56Like everything.
38:59So does it feel kind of overwhelming?
39:02Yeah.
39:03Yeah.
39:04And stressful.
39:04How frequently do you feel?
39:07Like every day.
39:09Okay.
39:10Like every day.
39:11Yeah.
39:11Just don't get myself.
39:13It's fine.
39:14Yeah.
39:14Is this bringing up some emotion for you?
39:17Yeah.
39:17Okay.
39:18Yeah.
39:19Yeah.
39:20This wasn't supposed to happen.
39:23I mean, I was on board for therapy.
39:25Of course I was.
39:26But I wasn't expecting to be in a puddle of tears
39:28in five minutes.
39:29But I guess that's what therapists are for
39:31is to actually say something.
39:34How about you, Colin?
39:35Did anything come up for you
39:37that you thought would be important
39:39to bring up together?
39:40Um, I think, I don't know,
39:49like, I guess, like.
39:53I've been holding on to something
39:54for a while now,
39:56and it's not easy to say out loud
39:59because I know it's going to affect Baylen.
40:01It's something that's been a burden,
40:03and I can't keep pretending that it's not.
40:05I am having a girls' night.
40:16Woo-hoo!
40:17Woo-hoo!
40:17Woo-hoo!
40:19Woo-hoo!
40:19Woo-hoo!
40:21Girls' night with a twist.
40:24Twist that dick around.
40:25Wrap it, slap it, tap it, that dick.
40:27Holy s***, I look like Beckner.
40:29I look like Beckner.
40:29This is the first time
40:31that I've had a solid, tight group of girlfriends.
40:35It's great.
40:38Here soon, I have to make, like, a career decision.
40:41That is a super heavy burden
40:45that I guess I could say that I have.
40:47So what's Colin's plan
40:48after he gets out of the military?
40:50He doesn't honestly know.
40:52Because he knows you can't work a normal job.
40:54I think there is some tension
40:56between my siblings and Colin
40:57because my siblings are very, very protective of me.
41:04Maylon, I want to show you something
41:05that we got outside, okay?
41:07My dad's been bugging me
41:09to come by the house to see something,
41:11and I have no idea what it is.
41:14What are we doing?
41:16Yeah, what are we doing?
41:19Tell us that funny.
41:20No, I'm being serious.
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