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00:00Tooblers, Groovy Gricks, Brainy Sages, Neenomys in Little Ages
00:03Gory Stories, we do that!
00:05And your host, a Talking Rats!
00:08The past is no longer a mystery!
00:11Welcome to...
00:12Horrible Histories!
00:17Horrible Histories presents...
00:19Pityful Princes and Princesses!
00:22Have you ever dreamt of being a prince or princess?
00:26Living in a fancy castle,
00:28wearing cool crowns,
00:30and drinking only the finest bean juices.
00:34Mmm, nice!
00:35Of course, that only happens by magic in fairy stories.
00:39Normally, a lot of work goes into being a royal.
00:43Guys, what an incredible show we've got for you today!
00:47I'm famous French hairdresser, Cyr Larsonel.
00:49And I'm portrait artist, Joseph Ducreux.
00:52And we are here to collect an Austrian princess.
00:56Say hi to the viewers!
00:58Hello!
00:58This princess knows she's headed to France
01:00to marry Prince Louis,
01:02who's going to be king one day?
01:04What she doesn't know
01:05is how much the French public will hate her
01:08if she looks Austrian.
01:10What?
01:10They literally won't let her into the country looking like this.
01:13They'll rip her to shreds!
01:15Which, quite frankly, would be an improvement.
01:17So we're here to make this Austrian wench
01:19look really French.
01:21Now I'm thinking we'll call you Marie Antoinette.
01:36But that is not my name.
01:37My name is Maria Antonia.
01:39Not anymore!
01:40We're changing it to Marie Antoinette.
01:42It sounds more French.
01:43Future queen of France,
01:44let's dance.
01:45What is going on with this hair?
01:53You've got it scraped back so far.
01:55It's pulling out the roots in clumps.
01:57Well, it's very fashionable in Austria.
01:59That explains everything.
02:01At the moment, honey, this forehead gives me a sore head.
02:04OMG, you are so right.
02:06That's why when I was sent to Austria to paint you,
02:09I painted what I wanted to see, not what I did see.
02:13She is so fresh, so fly, so French.
02:17Doesn't look anything like me.
02:19Exactly.
02:21So good. Thank you.
02:27Wow, it's magnificent.
02:29I know.
02:30Now, sweetie, we want this makeover to get you smiling again.
02:34But only after we fixed your disgusting Austrian fangs.
02:38Look at those jagged little teeth pointing out all over the place.
02:42It's like, guys, pick a direction.
02:44So we're going to give you a very beautiful and very straight smile.
02:48And all it will take is some light dentistry.
02:51Using these state-of-the-art metal tools.
02:54Ah, won't that hurt?
02:55You won't feel a thing.
02:57Oh.
02:58Because you'll feel everything.
03:00We don't have pain relief.
03:02Open wide.
03:03Let's make our dentures all Frenchers.
03:06Oh.
03:11When we met Maria Antonia, she was a real nonononia.
03:15But Maria Antoinette is trĆØs chic.
03:18She's glamorous.
03:19She can barely move her mouth after agonizing dental surgery.
03:23But she is fit for France.
03:26So, what do you think of your transformation?
03:30Are you happy?
03:33Oh, she's speechless.
03:35Yes.
03:36And now you're finally ready to enter France and marry a prince.
03:40Yes, queen.
03:42This is the happiest day of my life.
03:45Well, let's dance.
03:52Yeah, we probably should have worked on our dancing too.
03:54Definitely.
03:56Please, just stop.
03:57You're embarrassing everyone.
04:01Some can spend their whole lives searching for true love and never find it.
04:05But for Prince Arthur, Tudor heir to the throne of England, his true love was arranged by his father's lawyers as part of a peace treaty when he was two years old.
04:15And they say romance is dead.
04:17But while Arthur has known the name of his true love since he was a toddler, this will be their very first date.
04:24Enjoy.
04:26I really hope we get on.
04:28We're getting married at the end of next week.
04:30Prince Arthur's first date, and soon to be wife, is Spanish Princess Catherine of Aragon.
04:36So great to finally meet you.
04:38I'm Prince Arthur.
04:39My father is King Harry VII, which means I will be the first official King Arthur of Britain, eventually.
04:49Bye.
04:50I don't know who you are.
04:51We'll be the next week.
04:56Do we eat food or do we eat food first?
05:01So it turns out she can't speak any English at all, which is, you know, a shame.
05:06Because English is my best language.
05:08Gracias chorizo Barcelona.
05:13Nachos.
05:14Si?
05:16Ay caramba.
05:17You like food?
05:19Food?
05:20Oh, yum yum yum yum yum yum.
05:22Chicken?
05:24Que es una idiota.
05:26Si, el es un idiota.
05:27The idiot means something completely different in Spanish.
05:31Actually, it's the same thing.
05:32Right.
05:34This is an absolute disaster.
05:36I mean, I probably should have seen this coming, right?
05:38Because we just use the right to each other in Latin, so...
05:41Wait.
05:43Game on!
05:44Te amo.
05:46Te amo.
05:47I'm so sorry.
05:48I do not speak Latin.
05:49Idiota.
05:50Do you think you'll see each other again?
05:51Uh, yeah.
05:52I mean, we're getting married in ten days.
05:53Hitch!
05:54Sorry, bros.
05:55We're in touch there.
05:56That's just my little brother, Prince Henry.
05:57Ah.
05:58Henry, er...
05:59Ocho.
06:00Henry, er...
06:01Henry VIII?
06:02No!
06:03Fat chance at that!
06:04He can only be called that if he became king, and that's not going to happen unless I die,
06:07so, no.
06:08Once we get married, you'll never have to worry about him at every...
06:09Bullseye!
06:10Ha ha!
06:11Right, come here!
06:13Prince Arthur and Princess Catherine married one week after they met, but Arthur and
06:16the other one is not going to be a king.
06:18We're going to be a king.
06:19You're going to be a king.
06:20You're going to be a king.
06:21I'm going to be a king.
06:22I'm going to be a king.
06:23I'm going to be a king.
06:24I'm going to be a king.
06:25I'm going to be a king.
06:26I'm going to be a king.
06:27I'm going to be a king.
06:28Henry VIII married one week after they met, but Arthur croaked five months later, so Catherine
06:32moved on and married his little bro, Prince Henry.
06:35Standard.
06:36Gives me all the feels, actually.
06:42Bonjour.
06:43I am Marie, Queen of Scots, and as you can imagine, being Queen of Scotland may be quite
06:48a catch in the 16th-century dating world.
06:51I'm also well-fet.
06:53Tsss!
06:54Ouch!
06:55Ha ha!
06:56My hand in marriage was so sought after that I was engaged to be married when I was just
07:01six months old.
07:02Henry VIII wanted me to marry his son, Prince Edward.
07:06But tell me, what did he send to help seal the marriage?
07:11I like presents.
07:12Who doesn't?
07:13Did he send?
07:14A.
07:15A ship full of flowers.
07:16Aww.
07:17B.
07:18A toy throne.
07:19Ooh.
07:20Or C.
07:21An army.
07:22Oh.
07:23The answer is C.
07:25He sent an army.
07:26He started a war to make sure I married his son.
07:29It's called the rough wooing, and it lasted for eight years.
07:33So I married the King of France instead.
07:36Do one, Edward!
07:38You see?
07:39You probably think that princes and princesses have an easy life, but that's not always been
07:44the case.
07:45Mm-mm-mm.
07:46Back in history, they were often married off to other royals just to make their own family
07:51more powerful.
07:52And if that sounds bad, wait until you see what giving birth could be like.
07:57It's poor old Marie Antoinette again.
08:00Hmm.
08:01Where is my husband?
08:04I cannot see the King, Your Majesty, unless he is at the back.
08:09Why are they watching?
08:11I'm trying to give birth here.
08:13Right this way.
08:14Room at the front, Your Majesty.
08:16I love a royal birth.
08:18Don't get me wrong.
08:19An execution is fun, but it's over so quickly.
08:22Darling, do we really have to have all of these people here watching?
08:25My love, we are here to celebrate the birth of a prince.
08:28Oh, princess.
08:29We need an audience.
08:30They need witnesses to prove the Queen actually gave birth, and they didn't use somebody else's
08:35baby.
08:36Plus, if it is a girl, it stops them swapping it out for a boy, so the King then has an heir.
08:41Bonjour!
08:42The doctor has arrived!
08:43It is a bit quiet in here.
08:45I thought we were having a royal birth.
08:47More people!
08:48What?
08:49I was all here to sweep the chimney.
08:52Get your grabby stick away from me.
08:54Ignore them, my darling.
08:56Just imagine they are not there.
08:58What if I didn't have to imagine, and they actually weren't there?
09:02She doesn't mean it.
09:04I do.
09:05It is coming!
09:06Yay!
09:07How do you feel?
09:08A little bit woozy, actually.
09:09It was too cute.
09:10Can somebody open the window, please?
09:11The princess de Lombard clearly needs some air.
09:12Okay.
09:13Everyone ready?
09:14Oui!
09:15Oui!
09:16Oui!
09:17Oui!
09:18Oui!
09:19Oui!
09:20Oui!
09:21Oui!
09:22Don't panic!
09:23I will stick a spike into her foot to release the blood pressure in her body.
09:26Was that whack?
09:27It will certainly wake her up.
09:28She's back!
09:29Yay!
09:30Come on, your majesty.
09:31Push!
09:32Push!
09:33Push!
09:34Push!
09:35Push!
09:36Push!
09:37Push!
09:38Push!
09:39Push!
09:40Push!
09:41Push!
09:42Push!
09:43Push!
09:44Push!
09:45Push!
09:46Push!
09:47Push!
09:48Push!
09:49Push!
09:50Push!
09:51OKAY!
09:52So, we need some time to meet my daughter, so.
09:53consultorio ć
09:54L ģė¦¬
09:57Consultorio
10:00ęøcherchercherchercherchercherchaub
10:02baby in public. Anne Miller. My first wife Catherine of Aragon gave me a daughter Princess Mary
10:11which was great and everything but I wanted a son and heir to my throne. A prince. I did actually
10:19then have a son but I'm not with the Queen so he couldn't be an official prince. Awkward. But now
10:27my second wife Anne is pregnant and I'm certain it's going to be prince time baby. Although
10:33I wouldn't lose my head if it's a girl. Someone might though. Anne Boleyn my new wife is pregnant
10:40and everybody's thrilled. You lie about my mum to get a divorce. You ban me from visiting
10:45her and you say I'm not a princess anymore and you expect me to be happy about your wife
10:50being pregnant. Too right Mary. Can I get a whoop whoop? Yeah she's pretty upset. I should
10:57probably go see if she's okay. Or I could organise a special joust for the birth of my son. He's
11:03bound to be a boy this time. Right? Wrong. King Henry is delighted to announce the birth
11:11of a prince. Yes. The whole point of divorcing the last one was so that I could get a son
11:16and now look what's happened. A beautiful healthy baby girl. But not now guys. Read the room.
11:26Can I just double check? She's definitely a girl. Okay fine.
11:36Father. Hello. Father's fake wife.
11:38Queen Anne actually. For now. Let's see what happens next time you don't have a son.
11:47Speaking of the king's sons. Henry Fitzroy in the house.
11:52You don't count. Oh. Just because the king wasn't married to my mum. Typical.
11:56Sorry girls. I can't believe you gave him better rooms than me at Christmas.
12:00Let's give me one of those days. Right. Can we try and smile here?
12:03Wonderful news Mary. We want you to live with Princess Elizabeth. It will be convenient
12:12because you will be working for her as a servant. That's no position for a princess.
12:18But you're not a princess anymore are you? Your daddy took your title away. Didn't you darling?
12:24Hmm. I certainly feel a bit peckish actually.
12:26See who you are.
12:27Dad. You can't let that woman talk.
12:30Uh. The queen. My mother Catherine of Aragon is the queen.
12:34Not anymore she hasn't.
12:37I'm just going to go grab a couple pork chops.
12:41No. I eat when I'm nervous. And when I'm not nervous.
12:46I'm a hungry boy.
12:47They've taken away my household.
12:52And Boleyn has destroyed my life.
12:55I'm not calling her queen.
12:57And I'm not calling her daughter princess.
12:59And I'm not agreeing with her about anything ever.
13:02Hey guys. Just came to say hello to the baby.
13:04What's he doing here?
13:06Weird. Suddenly all I can think about is pork chops.
13:09Chop off your block.
13:10I hate him.
13:12Oh jinx.
13:13Ha.
13:14Ha ha.
13:15You can't keep calling yourself princess.
13:17This is my final word.
13:19Please daddy.
13:21Oh go on then. You can carry on.
13:22What can I say? I'm a big softie.
13:25I'm a princess.
13:26Have we had lunch already?
13:29Better have another one.
13:30Just go on the safe side.
13:32Yeah?
13:33Lunch. Swap it up.
13:34Hi. I'm the Prince of Wales.
13:39And when my old man King George III dies,
13:42I'm going to be made King George IV.
13:44Let's hope that's not too far away.
13:46I'm King George III, his father.
13:49And I'm still alive.
13:50What's the best thing about being a prince?
13:53All that pampering.
13:55Spoiled rotten.
13:55I blame your mother.
13:56She thought he was so perfect
13:57that she put him on display to the public
13:59when he was just a week old.
14:00And people came from all over
14:02just to see his royal cuteness.
14:04I mean you just look like any other baby.
14:06Yeah well mummy didn't think so.
14:08She had a life-size waxwork model made of me.
14:10Get in this little glass display jar.
14:13Actually kind of creepy now that I think about it.
14:16Dad?
14:20Am I going to be King George IV?
14:24No.
14:25Clearly asleep.
14:27What's wrong with you?
14:30Many princes and princesses
14:32lived a life of luxury
14:34but others
14:35but others
14:35had much more difficult lives.
14:38Some
14:38suffered like you wouldn't believe.
14:41One 18th century African prince
14:43was taken from his home
14:45sold into slavery
14:46and forced to travel to America
14:48where he did back-breaking work
14:51on a cotton plantation
14:52in Mississippi.
14:53His life did eventually improve a little
14:55but it took time.
14:57A long time.
14:58A long, long, long time.
15:00Ladies and gentlemen
15:03I am Prince Abdul Rachman
15:06Ibrahim Asurai.
15:07Thank you all for coming tonight
15:10to hear the tale
15:11of my escape
15:12from captivity.
15:14Oh forget it.
15:15I can't believe me I.
15:17Could it really be?
15:19Prince Abdul?
15:20Oh you tell you
15:22he was a prince too?
15:23Ignore him
15:24he's just a slave.
15:25Prince Abdul?
15:26It's me
15:27Dr. John Coates Cox.
15:29Your father
15:29King Ibrahim
15:30saved me life
15:31when I was in West Africa.
15:33Dr. Cox!
15:33I was taken from my family's kingdom
15:37and I have been enslaved here
15:39for 19 years.
15:41So sorry Abdul.
15:42Hey!
15:43In your face
15:43grumpy villager lady!
15:45I am a prince!
15:46It's true
15:46he is a prince.
15:48Well
15:48that's nice
15:49the authorities here won't care
15:51he's still enslaved.
15:53Over my dead body
15:55your royal highness
15:55you will be free
15:58within a year.
16:0021 years later
16:01I was still a slave.
16:03and my potential rescuer
16:05Dr. Cox
16:06was dead.
16:08But while my hopes
16:09were fading
16:10others
16:11were still fighting
16:12my cause.
16:13Thank you
16:14for continuing
16:15Dr. Cox's work
16:16Mr. Marshak
16:17but I'm still here.
16:19So I wrote to your father
16:20the Sultan of Morocco
16:22and now he's written
16:23to the President of America.
16:25The Sultan of Morocco
16:26is not my father.
16:27Are you sure?
16:28I'm pretty sure yeah.
16:29Anyway
16:29the Sultan was so moved
16:31that he wrote directly
16:32to President Adams
16:34who has now approved
16:36your journey home.
16:38To Morocco?
16:39Uh huh.
16:39Which is not my home.
16:40I'll admit
16:40there's some details
16:41that need ironing out
16:42but Prince Abdul
16:43don't you see?
16:44You can leave this place.
16:46You're free.
16:46This is really happening.
16:50Where's my wife?
16:51Darling
16:51get the children
16:52we are all free.
16:55Ooh
16:55you did get
16:57the freedom
16:58for my wife
16:59and children right?
17:00Oh
17:00this is awkward.
17:02My eight children
17:04I'm a free man now.
17:06I would do it to myself.
17:08And that is why
17:09I am here today
17:10telling my story
17:12and raising money
17:13to buy freedom
17:14for the rest
17:15of my family
17:16and I will not rest
17:17until I am done.
17:19Can't your dad
17:19the Sultan of Morocco
17:20help?
17:21Not my dad.
17:23Please
17:23pay attention.
17:25This tour
17:26is very long.
17:28Prince Abdul
17:29did eventually
17:30make it back to Africa
17:31but he sadly died
17:32before reaching
17:33his home again.
17:35Some princes
17:35and princesses
17:36choose to live
17:37their lives
17:37differently
17:38to most royals
17:39and march to the beat
17:40of their own drum
17:41like my fellow suffragette
17:43Princess Sophia de Leap Singh.
17:45Have you not heard of her?
17:46Wow
17:47she's a huge celeb
17:48here in Edwardian England.
17:50She uses her fame
17:51to raise awareness
17:51for our cause.
17:53Votes for women
17:53votes for women
17:55Votes for women
17:55Votes for women
17:56Votes for women
17:58Votes for women
17:59Votes for women
18:00Votes for women
18:02Votes for women
18:04Hi Cass
18:04I don't see you
18:06at Hampton Court much.
18:07I thought Buckingham Palace
18:08was your vibe
18:09I'm not your cause
18:10Princess Sophia
18:11I am your king
18:12Whatever
18:12make it quick
18:13I've got rights
18:14to fight for
18:15and bikes to fix
18:16Okay look
18:16I know you're not
18:17a member of the
18:18British royal family
18:18but you are
18:19a princess
18:20and we royals
18:21are expected to
18:22behave in certain ways
18:24Give us a hand
18:24oiling this chain
18:25Certainly not
18:26The daughter of a Maharaja
18:27should ride in a coach
18:28not on a bike
18:29I'm the newspaper's
18:30face of female cycling
18:32And how can you
18:33campaign for equality
18:34riding in a royal carriage
18:35Look Princess Sophia
18:36your behaviour
18:37is embarrassing
18:38the family
18:39Any more
18:40and I shall have
18:41to ask you
18:41to stop living
18:42in Hampton Court Palace
18:43You can't
18:44Your grandmother
18:46Queen Victoria
18:46was my godmother
18:48and she gave me
18:49these rooms to live in
18:50before she died
18:51They're mine
18:52Cycling
18:53selling suffragette
18:54newspapers
18:54protesting
18:55with a troublemaking
18:56rabble
18:57I'm just trying
18:58to do my bit
18:59You could do your bit
19:02by paying some taxes
19:03I won't pay tax
19:05until women
19:06have fair representation
19:07in government
19:08Votes for women
19:09Votes for women
19:11Votes for women
19:12Fine
19:13Do what you want
19:14Forget your royals
19:15Please
19:16Try and make sure
19:18to keep your room tidy
19:19Tidy my room
19:20No way
19:21We have maids for that
19:23I am a princess
19:24after all
19:26Votes for women
19:28Votes for women
19:29Votes for women
19:31Horribly Historical Musicals
19:35presents
19:35Alfield
19:36Alfield
19:39Your mother and I
19:40can't always be with you
19:42making sure
19:43you don't meet
19:44any boys
19:45That's why
19:46we're putting
19:47a couple of
19:47deadly snakes
19:48in your room
19:49to keep them away
19:51Sleep well
19:53What?
19:54Don't touch me
19:55Oh, snakes
19:56Get off
19:56I'll never get
19:58a boyfriend now
19:59I'm
20:00Princess Alfield
20:02You're gonna get killed
20:03by the viper
20:04that guards me
20:05Watch where you tread
20:07or you'll end up
20:08dead with a capital D
20:10Do away
20:11Yes, I'm surrounded
20:12by snakes
20:13And those are some
20:15serious snakes
20:16for a termini-curious prince
20:18or three
20:19Like a princess
20:23from an old-school fairy tale
20:25Alfield wants to find
20:26her prince
20:27Prince Alf
20:29You got past the snakes
20:31and rescued me
20:32Let's get married
20:34It'll be
20:35A whole new life
20:39Golden slippers
20:41and silver frocks
20:43I'll be your wife
20:47No snakes hiding
20:49in my socks
20:51Wait!
20:52You're getting married?
20:54All you know about him
20:55is that he can avoid snakes
20:56Fine
20:57You win
20:58I won't marry him
20:59Yes
21:00I'll dress up as a man
21:01and become a pirate
21:02Happy now!
21:05Wait
21:05What has happened?
21:07Alfield
21:07The true story
21:08of the princess
21:09whose parents
21:09filled her bedroom
21:10with snakes
21:11and who ran off
21:12to become a pirate
21:13Piracy
21:14Dead's for me
21:15Plundering
21:16Boats at sea
21:18I think we can
21:19all agree
21:20There'll never be
21:21a queen like me
21:22Alfield
21:23A princess tale
21:25like you've never
21:26seen before
21:26Um, I'm still a bit
21:28confused by the whole
21:29pirate thing
21:29Oh, and does anyone
21:31have any anti-venom
21:32for my bottom?
21:33Oh!
21:35Loom and loom
21:36and a living toilet
21:37who ran
21:38from the Middle Ages
21:39with a bucket
21:40so that you can
21:41have a poop
21:42in a private place
21:44Steaking on my bucket
21:45with a cape
21:46to hide your face
21:47And bum
21:48and when you're done
21:50I won't charge
21:51depending
21:51if you did
21:52a two or one
21:53Loom and loom
21:54Please welcome
21:56today's historical figure
21:57who really needs
21:58the loo
21:59Bonnie Prince Charlie
22:01Good evening friend
22:08Are you Bonnie Prince Charlie
22:09the 18th century prince
22:11who laid claim
22:11to the thrones
22:12of England, Scotland
22:13and Ireland?
22:14Yeah?
22:15Who are you?
22:16Sorry, I just really need to vote
22:18I am Loom and loom
22:21You have travelled through time
22:24from the 18th century
22:25to use
22:26my first rate
22:27toilet facility
22:28Hello
22:30It's
22:31plot quiz
22:33Answer questions 1 and 2
22:36and I'll let you do a
22:37woohoo!
22:38I really, really need the toilets
22:40can we say no more?
22:41Question number one
22:42What is your proudest moment?
22:45Well, my grandfather
22:46James II
22:47was robbed of his English throne
22:49during the glorious revolution
22:51just for being a bit Catholic
22:52so my proudest moment
22:54would be when
22:55I and my Jacobite troops
22:56crushed
22:57the British
22:58in battle
22:59bringing me closer
23:00to taking my throne back
23:02from the usurper
23:03George II
23:04Throne, as in the toilet?
23:06No, the throne as in the throne
23:08I am the rightful king of Britain
23:10and I really need a poo
23:12Alright
23:13Question number two
23:15What?
23:16It gets me every time
23:18Come on, come on, come on
23:19What was your most embarrassing moment?
23:23Er, a rebellion ran out of luck
23:25around the time of the Battle of Culloden
23:26and the English captured 3,500 of my men
23:29and executed 120
23:30And?
23:32I had to escape in a boat
23:33while disguised as an Irish maid
23:35Now, can I please go to the toilet?
23:36I'm nearly touching Tartan
23:37You may pass
23:39Liquids and or solids
23:40That are hot, man
23:42Come on
23:43Join me next time
23:45when I'll be stopping another
23:46historical soleil
23:47from doing a poo
23:48to ask the questions
23:49just for
23:51Can you say it with me?
23:53Johnny, please, Charlie
23:54Just for you
24:03Hi, I'm Prince Edward
24:05Eldest son of Edward III
24:07Earl of Chester
24:08Prince of Wales
24:09Duke of Cornwall
24:11and absolute lad
24:12People also call me the Black Prince
24:14on account of my sleek black armour
24:16and because I'm hard as nails
24:18What's the best thing about being a prince?
24:21Easy
24:21The weapons
24:23Like this bad boy
24:25This beauty's retired now
24:30but I've given it a place of honour
24:32in the Royal Hall
24:33Every day it gets fed a ration
24:34of its own food
24:36Got to keep your strength up, haven't we?
24:38Huh?
24:39What's that?
24:40He likes chops
24:41Such a great sense of humour
24:44So, that was some of history's
24:47most pitiful princes and princesses
24:49and many of them
24:50never even got to be king or queen
24:53especially the girls
24:54Until 2013
24:56it was the oldest boy
24:57who took the throne
24:58even if he had older sisters
25:01Imagine
25:02The most important thing
25:04you've got to do
25:04if you want to be in charge
25:06is to stay alive
25:07and that wasn't so easy
25:09in the old days
25:10Just ask the Black Prince Edward
25:12Prince Arthur Tudor
25:13and Frederick Prince of Wales
25:15When I was
25:21a young prince
25:22my father
25:23took me into the palace
25:26to say I'd rule the land
25:29He said
25:32Son, when
25:32you grow up
25:34you'll be king
25:35the great king
25:37Arthur Tudor
25:38your life's already planned
25:41But I dropped dead
25:45at fifteen
25:46They gave my
25:48crowned queen
25:49to my brother
25:50who later
25:52divorced her
25:53And they left me
25:57a side note
25:58a phantom
25:59in the sad parade
26:02great king
26:03of great kings
26:04that never were
26:06poor Edward
26:12poor Edward died
26:13of dysentery
26:14we call him
26:15the Black Prince
26:16no throne for him
26:18that stylish warrior
26:19when Frederick
26:23got awful sick
26:24his dad George
26:25was relieved
26:26cause as an heir
26:28Fred was below par
26:30he can't roll on
26:33we can't roll on
26:35so let's hear it
26:38for the roll call
26:39of kings
26:40you never knew
26:42at all
26:42we can't roll on
26:45but don't forget
26:47the kings
26:48you never had
26:49cause we all died
26:51before our dad
26:52disappointing Fred
26:54drew his last rat
26:55Ed looked cool
26:58but put himself
26:59to death
27:00and there's also me
27:04and don't forget
27:05Alfonso
27:07Alfonso
27:09yeah
27:10Alfonso
27:11Dad was Edward I
27:12I was going to be
27:13King of England
27:14but I died in 1234
27:15come on
27:16we could have ruled
27:18but we won't come so
27:19we could have had
27:20a King Alfonso
27:22there's no King Fred
27:23to be anointing
27:25because he's dead
27:26dead disappointing
27:27they're never kings
27:29for sad procession
27:30it really stings
27:31with no succession
27:33we died too young
27:34that much is clear
27:35so I get a diary
27:40can we all stop going on
27:46about how I pooed myself
27:47to death
27:47there's nothing wrong
27:48with pooing yourself
27:49to death
27:49people did it all the time
27:51shut up Alfonso
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