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Short filmTranscript
00:00That is wonderful!
00:07She likes those higher notes.
00:10You know what this means. You're going to have to get a piano.
00:15What's that, Mom?
00:16You're going to have to get a piano.
00:18Are you sure?
00:19Yes, I'm sure.
00:21Yes!
00:23That's wonderful!
00:25That's wonderful!
00:30One, two, C-State, C-1.
01:00It doesn't sound good at all.
01:07Once I get a cold, I just have it for a while.
01:11They just kind of linger.
01:13Do you like a coffee from the world's most depressing coffee shop?
01:21Oh, absolutely.
01:23What do you want? Just a cold beer?
01:25If you fill it that way, yeah.
01:27Have you ever heard of spatchcocking a turkey?
01:32I think I might be trying that this Thanksgiving.
01:34I don't know if we should get jazzy with the turkey.
01:36Remember when we tried to fry one?
01:38That was a disaster, but yeah.
01:40I think we had an oil patch in our yard for about six months.
01:44But besides that, it was inedible.
01:49And can you make those big ribs for Travis?
01:51I am making those big ribs for Travis.
01:53The ones he affectionately refers to as dinosaur bones?
01:55Texas-sized ribs for a Texas-sized man.
02:01Oh, my God.
02:02Touring is something that really brings my family together in a lot of ways.
02:05For me, part of the Paris tour is a celebration of my family.
02:14Ultimately, I just don't see any of this happening if all of my family hadn't been involved.
02:20There's my sage tree. That's my brother.
02:23I mean, we work together. We're kind of a family business for 20 years.
02:28This next song is by the Dixie Chicks.
02:30Oh, water. Yay.
02:31Her mom gets mad when she doesn't drink water.
02:34My parents didn't know anything about the music industry.
02:37But they were like, yeah, it's hard. Yeah, we know nothing about it right now.
02:40We'll get some books and read.
02:42Like, it's pretty insane.
02:45My mom does this every night.
02:47Draws the 13 on.
02:48So now, it's gonna be shiny and new.
02:52In an industry as cutthroat as a music industry,
02:55learning hard lessons and experiencing ups and downs and triumphs and failures,
03:01it was a huge challenge for my whole family.
03:04But everybody was so locked in for my whole life.
03:08They all banded together to be like, no, she wants this.
03:11We want this for her.
03:13This tour, it's an honor to work on it.
03:16It's a real privilege.
03:18And we know that.
03:19Because none of us would be doing anything that we're really good at doing
03:23if it wasn't for what she does that she's incredibly good at doing.
03:26It's incredible fun.
03:29But mostly, it's a way for us to be together as a family
03:32and to sort of honor this thing we've committed our entire lives to.
03:37I think me and Gracie are gonna change up the thing that we're gonna do.
03:44But we think we wanna do the song Us instead of...
03:47Because we just got nominated for the Grammy for Us.
03:50So, a few days before we played Toronto, the Grammy nominations came out.
03:55We were very lucky.
03:56We got six nominations.
03:58And one of those was for a song that I did with Gracie
04:02while we were still on the Heiress tour a year ago.
04:11This time last year, she and I went out to celebrate in between shows.
04:15We ended up having a lot of drinks.
04:17Wait, what do I do about this?
04:19Okay, you're gonna fire extinguishers.
04:21I think we're gonna die.
04:23Just press it.
04:24I don't know.
04:25Yeah, yeah.
04:26Oh, my God!
04:27Oh, my God!
04:28I'm gonna...
04:29You never end up on it.
04:33She ain't gonna learn from it.
04:35And then we ended up writing a song that we're really proud of.
04:38From you I want...
04:39How ironic...
04:40How ironic...
04:41How...
04:42Gifts from you...
04:43And just got nominated for a Grammy, so...
04:45I just thought, wouldn't it be cool to do that song in Toronto?
04:49Kind of create a little kind of special moment,
04:52mash it up with one of the other songs that the fans really love.
04:55She had this idea to do Us and Out of the Woods, which, like...
05:00Out of the Woods is in my, like, top three favorite songs of all time.
05:06Hey, dude, I have a cold, so I'm just gonna, like, briefly go through.
05:09So we do double chorus, like, mash-up of Out of the Woods and Us,
05:13And I think it works in this key...
05:15Are we out of the woods, yet?
05:18Are we out of the woods, yet?
05:19Are we out of the woods, yet?
05:20Are we out of the woods, yet?
05:21Are we out of the woods?
05:22Are we in the clear, yet?
05:23Are we in the clear?
05:24So, like, do that whole chorus, and then we can do back-to-back bridges, right?
05:28Like...
05:58Anyway, so we do double bridges and then we go into, like, a double chorus, like, mashup of Out of the Woods and Us, and it'll be so, so cool.
06:16Then what does she do, though? The first chorus.
06:21It's just insane.
06:23She just, like, can do that in her sleep, where it's like, I'm gonna chop up two to five songs and make them all.
06:28How did she mastermind that?
06:29I don't know, because she's just a mastermind.
06:32I need to, like, write in Sharpie on my arm, like...
06:35Don't pass out.
06:37Don't pass out.
06:39The structure of the song, be like, me verse, me chorus, Taylor verse, Taylor chorus, me bridge, Taylor bridge, Taylor verse, me.
06:49Look out.
06:50Look out.
06:52Catch me projectile vomiting on the aero stage.
06:54stage
07:24so that this pain would be
07:26for
07:27evermore
07:29forgive me Peter
07:46my lost fearless leader
07:48evermore and Peter
07:49Jesus
07:50I don't for the life of me understand how she does it
07:53I have no idea
07:56because I couldn't do it
07:58if my life depended on it
08:00I couldn't do it
08:01there wasn't a creative bone in my body
08:05it's like the background music for like a horror flick
08:18I agree
08:20you want me to sign that now
08:28yeah
08:28I was completely the opposite
08:31I went into business in school
08:32I don't have a musical
08:35background or play instruments
08:37but I do have
08:39this sort of intimate knowledge
08:40of the psyche
08:43of someone who really
08:44has to do this
08:46then it goes back to my mother
08:49Marjorie
08:51she was an opera singer
09:04she was a music major out of college
09:07and went straight to work
09:09live radio performing
09:10out of New York
09:11but she married my dad
09:13and they started moving around the world
09:15so wherever they were living
09:17she would star in local operas
09:20everywhere we went
09:22she was absolutely beloved
09:24my sister and I were often
09:29brought along and put in the front row
09:31listening
09:32and on the way home
09:35I remember she would say to me
09:37so Andrea
09:38during that part of the delivery
09:42did it make you want to cry
09:44and I would say
09:46well mom
09:47um
09:48a little bit
09:50a little bit
09:50you know
09:51she was always looking for feedback
09:52but
09:53from an eight year old
09:55like
09:55opera
09:57so I would
10:05give her what I could
10:06but I knew that
10:07I had a job to do
10:08because I was going to be quizzed
10:10on the way home
10:10it
10:12was a beautiful
10:13relationship I had with my mom
10:15but
10:16it was all
10:17with a full awareness
10:19that my mom was this person
10:21who loved singing
10:22who loved to perform
10:23and that people love
10:25so it began with my mother
10:37and I think that that prepared me
10:41probably better
10:42than anything that could have
10:44for having
10:44a child like Taylor
10:46who
10:48pretty much wanted to follow
10:50in my mother's footsteps
10:52Taylor
10:54always knew
10:55she wanted to perform
10:57and
10:59she was already
11:00writing her own music
11:02without any co-writers
11:03this is a song I wrote
11:05yesterday
11:06I wrote this song yesterday
11:07this is a song
11:08I wrote like a week ago
11:09it's called
11:10One Sided Goodbye
11:11this song is called
11:12Beautiful Days
11:12and the title's kind of
11:14self-explanatory
11:15so
11:15and then
11:15at 11
11:17is when
11:18Taylor
11:19looked at me
11:19and said
11:20we gotta go to Nashville
11:22please
11:22please
11:23take me to Nashville
11:24that is where
11:25Faith Hill went
11:26very quickly
11:32I realized
11:33this is where
11:34my past with my mother
11:36was gonna really
11:36really come into play
11:38I think Taylor
11:40wanted to
11:41experience something
11:43that she thought
11:44was
11:45I hate to say
11:48the word
11:48but destiny
11:49I do think
11:51that at a very young age
11:53we tend to know
11:54where we're going
11:55in life
11:56and it's
11:58it's good to listen
12:00to them
12:00and where their dreams
12:02are even at that age
12:03so we're in Toronto
12:09in my hometown
12:10everything that I own
12:13I don't realize
12:15because it's just
12:15always here
12:16it's a part of
12:16the fabric of my life
12:18but truly
12:19everything
12:20is dance related
12:21everything is dance
12:22this is a
12:23I believe
12:24a Christmas tree ornament
12:25I'm such a dance geek
12:27I think more than
12:29just loving dance
12:29I'm a true dance nerd
12:31yes
12:32too much
12:33I think you have to have
12:35a certain personality
12:36to tour
12:37truly
12:38it's like one thing
12:39to be a dancer
12:40or a musician
12:41but it's another thing
12:42to be able to handle
12:43what a tour entails
12:45and it's not for everybody
12:47it was always for me
12:49I did great
12:49I loved being on the road
12:51my whole life
12:54it was my dream
12:55to tour like this
12:56and I've loved
12:57performing in this show
12:58but after this tour
13:01my dance career
13:03is coming to an end
13:04it's like that
13:05beautiful bittersweet
13:07I think is how
13:08it'll end for me
13:09everything that I saw
13:13had dance on it
13:14so I knew from a young age
13:16that this is what
13:18you wanted to do
13:19before you could even write
13:21you drew yourself
13:22dancing
13:23and the teacher wrote
13:27Amanda wants to be a dancer
13:28I like dancing
13:30because it is fun
13:31I dance good
13:32my mom takes me to dancing
13:36and sometimes my dad does
13:38thanks for sometimes
13:40taking me dad
13:40thanks for always
13:42taking me mom
13:42you're welcome
13:44are you guys excited
13:46to come
13:46oh my gosh
13:47of course
13:47on Saturday
13:48I'm going to try
13:49to wave to you guys
13:50a little bit
13:51yeah yeah
13:52but watch your step
13:53though
13:53I'll fall
13:54so as we go into
14:06these last few shows here
14:08I can't help but think
14:09that this is potentially
14:11the last time
14:12that I will ever do this
14:13in front of my family
14:14and friends
14:15you know
14:15but I think we all know
14:19how rare and special
14:21opportunities like this are
14:22and Tay
14:25you are
14:27oh god
14:28you are
14:32all things kindness
14:33and all things grace
14:35and
14:35absolutely
14:36my life is different
14:38from now
14:38moving forward
14:39because of you
14:40so
14:41have an incredible show
14:42you too
14:42I love you guys
14:43let's enjoy
14:45thank you for
14:47on retiring
14:48oh
14:48my favorite pop star
14:50you are my favorite pop star
14:52let's go out there
14:54fuck it up
14:55fuck it up
14:56up
14:57up
14:57up
14:58up
14:58if you love like this
15:01love
15:01run
15:02cause baby now we got that one
15:04and I don't think we can solve them
15:18you need her in the deep eyes
15:21and baby now we got that one
15:24hey
15:24for Taylor
15:37it's always been about
15:39the audience
15:40making sure that she
15:43felt an intimate connection with them
15:46meeting people
15:47talking to them
15:48hugging them
15:49but with the errors tour
15:51that could no longer be possible
15:54because of COVID
15:56and
15:56the risk that it brought to
15:59everybody backstage
16:00that you know
16:01you've got this massive production
16:02having it shut down
16:04would be a disaster
16:05I decided that if I couldn't meet fans
16:09in the crowd
16:10in the show
16:11then I have to come up with different ways
16:16to still give people an intimate experience
16:21Ethan Tobin is a brilliant production designer
16:26I've been working with him
16:27mainly I started on music videos
16:29this was the biggest undertaking that we had
16:32I'd like to build worlds around a storyteller
16:37their relationship with their fans
16:39our relationship with the songs
16:41if every idea that you have
16:43creates an emotional response
16:44you are able to make people in the last row
16:48feel like they're in the first row
16:49I wanted to make sure that our production
16:56was accessible from every part of the stadium
16:59well these people are all the way up here
17:01so we make the floor video
17:03and the video screen on the floor
17:05so now as they look down
17:06they get this incredible view
17:08but now the people on the floor can't see
17:10and so we're going to get a camera
17:12that's overhead
17:12we'll be able to shoot the floor
17:14we'll put up on the screen
17:14I mean we have a cinematographer for this tour
17:18which we've never had before
17:20so many people are going to be
17:21watching those screens
17:22so we know which shots are cooler than other shots
17:26and then also I was like
17:39do some wild card stuff Ethan
17:41I want there to be a moment
17:42where the fans are like
17:43what just happened
17:44and that's when he comes up with things like
17:46me diving into the stage
17:48at which point I'm like
17:50Ethan that is not going to work
17:53how does that even work
17:55you get red lights
17:59until you get the green lights
18:02green lights tell you
18:03that you're not going to run into anything
18:04oh my god
18:04and then you're into a bag
18:06I wonder what that looks like from the top
18:08you have a window
18:10downstage inside
18:12from the top
18:13yeah
18:13and it looks cool
18:14it looks even better
18:15like as if I'm coming back
18:17from the piano
18:18I'm walking here
18:20and I just
18:21did it look good
18:24I love it so much
18:27do it again
18:28yeah if you're comfortable with it
18:30people scream
18:49it's happening right in front of your eyes
18:55that creates joy
19:00and that's I think what great shows do
19:06make adults feel like children
19:10what we were trying to do with this tour
19:17was make it the biggest thing we've ever done
19:21but truthfully
19:23none of it happens
19:25without a song
19:27and a person up there willing to sing it
19:30I love songs
19:32I love songs
19:34I love songs
19:38storytelling for me is one of
19:44the key aspects
19:46that makes me feel like life is worth living
19:48cause our song is a slamming screen door
19:51sneaking out of a tapping on
19:53here's a window
19:54when we're on the phone
19:55and he talks real slow
19:57it's just
19:58it's that important to me
19:59it gets better than this
20:02you'd take my hand
20:03and drag me head
20:05but fearless
20:06and crafting a song is
20:09just
20:10the happiest I ever am
20:12hi
20:12okay
20:14so let's go
20:15I liked it better
20:17when you were on my side
20:20sorry hold on
20:24I just wrote this 15 minutes ago
20:26if you're in a writing session with me
20:28like I'll go into my lyric space
20:30and it's just sort of like
20:31just rocking back and forth in a corner
20:33muttering
20:33what if you start
20:38what if you start over with the same melody
20:41so it's
20:42so it's
20:43in the middle of the night
20:44yeah so it starts over
20:45yeah yeah yeah
20:46it's very
20:47I've never lost that sense of just like
20:49I don't know
20:51it's for me
20:52it's
20:52it's endlessly fascinating
20:55I never get bored of it
20:58songwriting happens
21:04whether I'm on tour or not
21:06because my life has just always
21:10been a kind of free-flowing state of
21:13you live it
21:14you feel it
21:15you wonder about it
21:16you write about it
21:17I started going to Sweden
21:22in between my shows
21:23and it just felt like the most
21:25exciting way to make a secret album
21:28it would just be the three of us
21:32and
21:33we would write
21:34and we would record
21:36do you want to hear the vocals?
21:38yes please
21:38all right
21:39you don't have to hold back
21:40on the violence
21:41so go more violent?
21:43I mean
21:44it was almost like you were a little
21:46I think I was trying to be in tune
21:47and I didn't have the click track
21:48yeah
21:49I can be more violent
21:50trust me
21:53all right
21:53making the album
21:55while I was on the Ares tour
21:56I was in a place in my life
21:59where life felt so full of possibility
22:01and it felt like I was figuring things out
22:04and it felt like
22:04so romantic and magical
22:06and passionate
22:07and I wanted to encapsulate that feeling
22:09on this album
22:10we hadn't made any music
22:31together since Reputation
22:33which came out in 2017
22:34so going back and working with Max and Shellback
22:39our relationship is very much that I feel like
22:42they've always been mentors
22:44and I've always felt like their apprentice
22:46and they are so brilliant
22:49good job everyone
23:04mostly dog
23:05it's really a very respectful relationship
23:09that you would have with people
23:10that you
23:10you know they're your peers
23:12but you also look up to them
23:13okay so this is a Swedish Christmas dinner
23:16no
23:17what is this
23:18this is a
23:19I don't know about dinner
23:21I mean
23:22this is the first station
23:25first station of Swedish
23:27Christmas
23:29so we put nuts and raisins in the cup
23:32and then we put
23:34the spiced wine
23:36in there
23:37and it's hot
23:39and we drink it
23:40yes
23:40I'm excited
23:41that's absolutely delicious
23:43this is
23:45this is incredible
23:46yeah
23:47go yul
23:48go yul
23:49go yul
23:50merry Christmas
23:51go yul
23:51go yul
23:53I was really ready
23:56for that sort of challenge
23:57to go back in
23:58with these two people
23:58and really try to
24:00stretch
24:01and challenge myself
24:02as much as possible
24:03to make
24:04hopefully the best album
24:06that I could possibly make
24:07I think it should be high
24:09good thing
24:14you know what I mean
24:15like so that it's
24:16it's got something weird
24:17and creepy about the high
24:18oh I'm obsessed with this
24:21Jesus
24:24I usually hear about new music
24:30within five minutes
24:32of it being written
24:33if anyone call me
24:34honey
24:35it was standing in the bottom
24:37that is the best thing
24:39I can possibly think of
24:40and also the scariest
24:42because now I know something
24:45that nobody else knows
24:46other than the people
24:47who are in that room
24:48and that's a massive responsibility
24:50it's like I don't know
24:51don't send
24:52no don't send it to me
24:53I don't want it on my phone
24:54no no no
24:54or like I'm immortal now
24:55baby dolls
24:56like that you're still
24:58talking to all those girls
24:59yeah
24:59but I'm immortal now
25:02baby dolls
25:03I couldn't
25:05if I tried
25:07nah
25:08I like that other one
25:09that you went to
25:10yeah
25:10I couldn't
25:11if I tried
25:14thank you for the lovely bouquet
25:19I think
25:20I think you put
25:20bring the beat back on
25:22bouquet
25:22damn it
25:24I just love it
25:25I love
25:26being
25:28hyper detailed
25:29and
25:30having
25:31having
25:32several overarching themes
25:34that are woven throughout
25:35and I think the fans
25:37have really gotten into
25:39that obsessive nature
25:41of my storytelling too
25:42I think for a lot of people
25:44they feel such a personal
25:46connection to her
25:46her deeply personal
25:48writing
25:49the drama that she's been through
25:52the heartbreak and regret
25:54that she's shared with people
25:55and I think it must be meaningful
25:56to her
25:57for that to resonate
25:58woo
25:59yeah
25:59all right
26:01this is going to be
26:02my last song for today
26:04Taylor Swift is one of my
26:05favorite singers
26:06and it inspired me to sing
26:07one of her songs
26:08I think a lot of people
26:11can relate to this
26:12I wanted to give a compilation
26:14of lyrics that I still have
26:15yet to recover from
26:16when you were young
26:17they assume you're nothing
26:19one of the things that sets her
26:24apart from a lot of other people
26:25is how she writes
26:26you choose stars
26:28around my scars
26:30but now I'm
26:32bleeding
26:34so I knew you
26:37stepping on the last train
26:39on me like a last day
26:42night
26:43I knew you
26:45leaving like a father
26:47running like water
26:50I knew you
26:53handing down my sweater
26:55baby
26:56cause you better
26:57run
26:58her writing is personal
26:59and it's vulnerable
27:00and it's very specific
27:01but in that specificity
27:03people
27:03see themselves
27:05cause there we are again
27:08when I
27:09loved you so
27:11back before you lost
27:15the one real thing
27:17you've ever known
27:18I don't remember a time
27:20existing without her music
27:21every chapter of my life
27:23is marked by an album of hers
27:25that came out
27:25around the same time
27:26I started writing music
27:29when I was 8
27:30I remember
27:31my friends saying
27:33would you rather
27:34have 10 trillion dollars
27:37or like write a song
27:38with Taylor Swift
27:38I'm like
27:39write a song
27:40with Taylor Swift
27:41oh this is going to be a fun one
27:50hello
27:51hi hi hi hi
27:52hi
27:52how's your dress
27:54thanks man
27:55how are you feeling
27:56I'm you know
27:58I'll get there
27:59this is going to pull me
28:00through my cold
28:00this is a medical thing
28:02for me
28:02so what I would do
28:05is I'd start out
28:06by like talking to them
28:07about
28:07how we're so excited
28:10cause we just got nominated
28:11for a Grammy together
28:12so we thought
28:13what better than to
28:15play a little song
28:16for you
28:16now
28:17and then I'll be like
28:18Gracie come out
28:19what
28:21the way they
28:22oh it's crazy
28:24no the double bridge
28:25is going to send me
28:26off a cliff
28:27it still feels surreal
28:39to be here
28:40you know
28:40she is just
28:42the easiest person
28:42to be around
28:43she's such a dear friend
28:44I fucking love her
28:46and then sometimes
28:47I'm like
28:47how is it
28:49that we're singing
28:49this song
28:50for me
28:51this is like
28:52a dream
28:52I always get
28:57like so smiling
28:58it's going to be great
28:58I won't tell you
29:00how did you miss
29:02us
29:04us
29:05wonder if you
29:10regret the secret
29:12of us
29:14us
29:17us
29:18us
29:19us
29:20I think
29:29you'll remember
29:29the genius
29:31young lady
29:32you saw
29:33earlier tonight
29:34Gracie Abrams
29:35so will you please
29:38welcome to the stage
29:39once again
29:41Gracie Abrams
29:44there's something that happens
30:03between friends who make music
30:06it's this kind of undeniable bond
30:09it's this kind of undeniable bond
30:09that you have
30:10with Gracie
30:14we've had so many special moments
30:16with Gracie
30:18we've had so many special moments
30:20looking at it now
30:22looking at it now
30:23but I seem so simple
30:26we were flying on your couch
30:32I love you Gracie
30:33you know my opening acts
30:35on this tour
30:36are kids that were like
30:3810 years old at my show
30:39and now that we're singing together
30:42like
30:42you just can't believe
30:44the way that everything's falling into place
30:46and the way you
30:47never could have dreamed it would
30:49Toronto give it up again for Gracie Abrams
31:09you know I look forward to seeing
31:24the different ways
31:25that the fans react
31:27from night to night
31:27you see the tears
31:29and you see the hugging each other
31:31and it just
31:31I love it
31:32for me personally
31:34watching the show
31:35that moment
31:37that Taylor appears
31:38and there she is
31:39that to me
31:41is
31:43absolutely worth
31:45everything
31:46it makes me feel
31:49like this was my
31:50calling
31:51in life
31:52whether it was Taylor
31:54or my mom
31:56it was to be around someone
31:57who loves entertaining
31:59and is extraordinarily talented
32:01it was just
32:03just ditto
32:06it just happened all over again
32:07you know Taylor sings Marjorie
32:13which is dedicated to my mother
32:14and you know we
32:17I knew I was going to do it at some point
32:24the experience writing Marjorie
32:34was
32:35I was kind of a wreck at times writing it
32:39I'd sort of break down sometimes
32:41she died when I was 13
32:50when I was on a trip to Nashville
32:52to try and make it
32:53so I've always just sort of felt like
32:57she was
32:58seeing this
33:00you know
33:00one of the things that still rips me apart
33:04when I listen to it
33:05is that she's singing with me on this song
33:07I wrote these lyrics
33:10and if I did know better
33:12I think you were
33:14singing to me now
33:17then you hear her actually sing
33:21it's things like that
33:27that just make you feel like
33:28your whole heart
33:29is in this whole thing
33:30during the tour
33:33she does Marjorie
33:37and I said to her
33:39God Taylor
33:40I don't know if I can make it through the tour
33:42crying every night
33:44when you sing that song
33:45it just gets me
33:47it started off as something very simple
33:52you know
33:54we didn't even have lights prepared for that song
33:57we didn't know
34:00that the fans were going to
34:02honor that song
34:03with the reverence that they do
34:05that they were going to hold their phones up
34:09it just became
34:18a very loving tribute to her grandmother
34:22we do Marjorie every night
34:24you know
34:25I think about family
34:28my dad passed away last year
34:31she's singing about her grandmother
34:32but those of us that have
34:34gone through something similar
34:35in the recent years
34:36like that's always kind of an emotional moment in the night
34:38my papa was a big part of the family
34:42my favorite person in the whole world
34:45and he unfortunately passed
34:47every single time I'm on that stage
34:50I definitely feel his presence
34:51especially the first night
34:53just this big rush fell over me
34:55and I was like
34:55it's my grandpa
34:56Marjorie is about Taylor's grandmother
35:01but it's personal to me
35:03and I think that's a testament
35:04to Taylor's writing
35:06because it really feels like
35:09it's your own experience
35:10the idea that
35:13that you have a loss
35:15and yet they are still here with us
35:19is kind of what I need to cling to
35:22in every night
35:23I've been performing with Taylor
35:33for 12 years
35:35and truly the Aeros tour
35:38was a surprise
35:39to all of us
35:41we had had COVID
35:43we all wanted to be together
35:45to make music again
35:46I know I very much needed to
35:48be here to make music again
35:50I lost my mother
35:54September of 21
35:56so when rehearsal started
35:58not only did I need music
36:00and need to be with my band family
36:04I needed to heal
36:10music is the thing
36:18that is the most healing to me
36:21and I'm like
36:26I'm like don't fall
36:27I for the past few years
36:32have been really learning
36:34to accept and lean into
36:38that two different things
36:41can be true at one time
36:42and last year
36:45that really smacked me in the face
36:48because we started this tour
36:50and we were all making memories
36:53and falling in love
36:54with each other
36:54and I was the happiest
36:56I had been in some time
36:58and at the same time
37:01I was heartbroken
37:03every moment
37:05because my mother wasn't here
37:07to experience this joy
37:09and to see the Aeros tour
37:13yeah like if you saw me sobbing somewhere
37:20you would never know
37:21that I was the happiest
37:22I had been in a while
37:24and if you saw my joy
37:27it was often that I was
37:30pretty devastated
37:31and so knowing that
37:34I just want to
37:35I don't know
37:37give permission
37:38to feel both
37:40to be here
37:42feel what we feel
37:45be as present as you can
37:46in these next four shows
37:48thank you to all of you
37:50things go fucking down
37:52oh my god
37:57oh my god
37:57alright
38:00alright
38:01alright guys
38:03you heard her
38:03let's go out there
38:04fuck shit
38:05uh fuck shit
38:06up
38:07up
38:07up
38:07up
38:08up
38:09up
38:09Go!
38:10Go!
38:11Go!
38:12Go!
38:14Go!
38:15Come!
38:17Go!
38:18Go!
38:19Go!
38:20Go!
38:21Go!
38:26Never be so kind
38:33You forget to be clever
38:35Never be so clever
38:43You forget to be kind
38:45And if I didn't know better
38:53I think you were talking to me now
38:58If I didn't know better
39:03I think you were still around
39:08But I didn't say that
39:13But I didn't say that
39:15You're alive, you're alive in my head
39:20But I didn't say that
39:23Once I didn't say that
39:25You're alive, you're alive
39:28The autumn chill that wakes me up
39:32You love the amber sky so much
39:35Long limbs and flows and swims
39:37You always go past where I feel you can touch
39:40And I complained the whole way then
39:42A car ride backing up the stairs
39:45I should've asked you a question
39:47I should've asked you how to be
39:49Asked you to write it down for me
39:53Should've kept every grocery store receipt
39:56Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me
40:00Watched as you signed your name Marjorie
40:03All your closets are backlogged dreams
40:06On how you left them all in my head
40:09And how you left them all beneath
40:09What died didn't stay dead
40:13What died didn't stay dead
40:15You're alive, you're alive in my head
40:20What died didn't stay dead
40:23What died didn't stay dead
40:25You're alive so alive
40:27And if I didn't know better
40:33I think you were
40:35Singing to me now
40:38If I didn't know better
40:43I think you were still around
40:48I know better
40:53My mom's voice is in that song.
40:55And she would have loved to have seen all of this.
41:01She'd be so proud
41:02and I think she'd also be really, really stoked
41:07that she's now singing in a stadium every night.
41:25I don't know.
41:26I'm sorry, I'm not sorry, I'm sorry.
41:29I don't know.
41:30I'm sorry.
41:30I can't wait.
41:31I don't know.
42:01No, no, we're at the very end of this tour, so you doing that, you have no idea how much it means to me and to my band and to my crew and everybody who's put so much of this into this tour, into their, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, I'm just having a bit of a moment, sorry.
42:31It's not even the last show.
42:37I love you guys, thank you so much for that.
43:16Oh, I got emotional, I felt like a dumbass.
43:19That was the best part.
43:20I couldn't put words together, Austin, that was kind of embarrassing.
43:25That's nice of you to say, though, you're a very supportive person.
43:27That was the first part of the whole thing.
43:29It was nice of you just saying that.
43:32You know what got me was, like, Camila made this speech before the show where she was talking about how her mom died, like, her mom died recently, and she was just saying, like, how heartbroken she is that her mom never got to see the aerosaur, never got to see her do this.
43:50And I was just, and I was just, and I, you know, and I knew that, and I, we always used to, like, make eye contact on Marjorie, me and Camila because of her mom.
43:57But it put it in perspective, like, I don't know, like, the fact that mom did get to see it.
44:04And, like, Travis got to see it, and dad got to see it, and, like, I just felt so lucky, and that's what, it's, like, cracked me.
44:14It cracked me wide open.
44:18Oh, my God, it was unreal.
44:20It was just incredible.
44:22It really was, and I think you have every right to feel emotional because it has to be hitting you, honey, that this has been the dream tour of your life.
44:30Yeah, it has.
44:31I just never thought, I never thought we'd ever do something this good.
44:35I mean, it's going to be an emotional time from here on out to the end.
44:39It's so crazy that, like, all this has happened, and we all got to experience it together.
44:44We love you.
44:44Love you.
44:45Love you, too.
45:01Love you, too.
45:03Love you, too.
45:18Love you.
45:21Love you, too.
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