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QI XL (2009) Season 18 Episode 9 - Winter Wonderland
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FunTranscript
00:00Good evening.
00:29Merry Christmas and welcome to QI, where we are walking in a winter wonderland.
00:34Let's meet our windswept wanderers.
00:37Driving home for Christmas, it's Julian Clary.
00:43Dashing through the snow, it's Fatia El Ghori.
00:49Jingling all the way, it's Jimmy Carr.
00:55And a reindeer in the headlights, it's Alan Davis.
00:59APPLAUSE
01:00Let's hear their wintry buzzers.
01:06Julian goes...
01:08Snow is falling, all around me.
01:12Fatia goes...
01:14Frosty the snowman.
01:17I was ready for a bit more, I thought it was nice.
01:18That's a bit tight, it's Christmas, hello.
01:20Yeah.
01:21Jimmy goes...
01:23Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
01:27And Alan goes...
01:28Why does it always rain on me?
01:34Right, let's start by looking under your desks.
01:38I have some Christmas presents for you all.
01:41Uh, Sandy.
01:42Yes, what?
01:43Each year...
01:44Yeah?
01:45You give us presents.
01:46I do, yeah.
01:46And this year, I have a present for you.
01:50Oh, OK.
01:50Applause, please.
01:52APPLAUSE
01:54This is from all of us.
02:00OK.
02:01And who, who wrapped it?
02:04Don't worry about the wrapping, the wrapping's fine.
02:06Don't worry about it.
02:07Right, why am I likely to be delighted by this gift, exactly the way it's been presented?
02:12That looks like a child has wrapped it.
02:15And so, maybe from...
02:17LAUGHTER
02:18From the heart.
02:21Yeah.
02:21I never want to get a present where I have to get an implement to open it.
02:25Yeah, you've got to get scissors out of it.
02:26You've got to get a pen knife or something to get into it.
02:28I don't like that.
02:29This is better.
02:31You could actually probably blow on it and it would open.
02:33I think you're probably right.
02:35So, there was an American writer called Drusilla Lowry, and she wrote a book called The Art of Wrapping Gifts, right?
02:40And she said that a sloppily wrapped package indicates poor taste and indifference or lack of skill.
02:46But there was a study done in 2019 at the University of Nevada, and they found the opposite.
02:51People actually react rather better to a poorly wrapped present because they have a much lower expectation of what's inside.
02:58I don't like getting gifts.
03:00Do you not?
03:01Why?
03:01No, because people then expect gratitude, and I don't rarely feel any.
03:07Keep your gift.
03:09Do you prefer to give or receive gift?
03:12Can we just clip that and put it on TikTok?
03:16I'm going to see what it is.
03:18Did you choose it yourself?
03:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:20OK.
03:20Jimmy, help.
03:22Oh, look!
03:24It's a waffle iron.
03:26That's so lovely.
03:27There you go.
03:27I love that.
03:31So this effect of responding better to poorly wrapped presents, it's true if you get it from a stranger or if you get it from a close friend, right?
03:40Where we don't like a poorly wrapped present is when it's from an acquaintance.
03:44Oh.
03:44I'm trying to shake off acquaintances.
03:47You're either in or you're out.
03:49Yeah, exactly.
03:49Is that right, Julia?
03:50It is.
03:51That's the spirit.
04:02I think that'll run all evening, don't you?
04:05Well, I'm sure there's an ointment for it.
04:07But if it's an acquaintance, apparently people prefer it to be neatly wrapped because then they feel that that person has taken some time about it.
04:14When they say to you in the store, would you like that wrapped, should you say yes or no?
04:19I sometimes think that really shows that you don't give a toss.
04:23Yeah, if you get somebody else to do it.
04:24It really does.
04:24Yeah.
04:24If you just get them to do a shh with the scissors and the ribbon.
04:28If someone gives you a poorly wrapped present, then that means you can give them a poorly wrapped present, so I don't mind.
04:34Yeah.
04:34Or you can just wrap it up the same again and give it back.
04:36Or sometimes what I do is throw it in the bin and then they come and visit me and then I go,
04:40can you put this in the bin, please?
04:41And then they see their present and then they know it's shit.
04:44Oh.
04:45My mother once gave me the ugliest kitchen clock I've ever seen in my whole life.
04:49Anyway, Terry Wogan in those days was doing The Wogan Show and he asked for ugly things you'd received that they could sell off for children in need as a joke, right?
04:57So I sent this clock in.
04:59My mother's there.
05:00She says, let's watch The Wogan Show.
05:02And the thing comes on and I can see the clock in front of him and I pretended I was having a seizure.
05:10Anyway, I did receive an absolutely fantastic gift, which I want to show you, so I just want to handle this very, very carefully.
05:20I'm just going to bring these gloves around.
05:21Are you going to give me an enema?
05:24So, look at this marvellous box that we've got here and when I open it up inside, this is a saint's relic, okay?
05:35This is Saint Wolfstan.
05:36You'll like this, patron saint of vegetarians and peasants.
05:40It looks like a chicken bone.
05:42It does.
05:42Okay.
05:44It is a chicken bone from one of the researchers' lunches today.
05:47It is.
05:48What I was trying to prove is what they call the reliqui effect.
05:53So if you show a random bone and you put it in a marvellous reliqui case, people will think it is much more valuable than it is if it's just a chicken bone, which is in fact what it was.
06:04That's a bit like, you know, when I wear makeup?
06:05Yes.
06:05Well, there was a time when perfectly ordinary brown paper was used.
06:10I'm going to put the, put my relic away.
06:12Brown paper was used a lot in shops to wrap presents.
06:161910s, paper commonly used in American grocery stores and the newspapers started to write editorials against the practice.
06:22So why might that be 1910s?
06:25Where are we heading for 1910?
06:27The war?
06:28World War I.
06:29You need paper.
06:30It's essential for war.
06:31And it was becoming increasingly expensive.
06:33And I think they thought if you could reduce demand by trying to get people to stop having their things wrapped.
06:38Nevertheless, in this country, each year we use 227,000 miles of wrapping paper, which is...
06:47Oh, good little murmur there.
06:48Yeah.
06:49It's enough wrapping paper to go around the earth nine times.
06:53The amount of card used in Christmas cards every year could stretch between London and Lapland over 100 times.
06:58I mean, it's a lot of paper that we...
07:00Yeah, we'll do it.
07:00And most of it can't be recycled.
07:02No.
07:02I don't know what...
07:03With the Christmas card thing, I don't know what the etiquette's meant to be.
07:05I'm the same with birthday cards.
07:06How long are you meant to keep it?
07:08Are you meant to read it and pop it straight in the bin, or...?
07:10I like the ones where people have done the photo themselves.
07:13And I love a round robin.
07:15Oh, a round robin.
07:16We were very pleased that the footings for the conservatory have gone in.
07:19Wow.
07:21This tells you that they've buried a relative.
07:26We've got a new patio.
07:28You know, my uncle is a proper tight prick, yeah?
07:33I swear down, one day on my birthday, I got a card, and I'd opened it,
07:38and he tip-exed out happy Christmas and put happy birthday.
07:41And there was a robin on the front.
07:43I was like, we're Muslim, for God's sake!
07:45What are you doing?
07:47I quite like that.
07:48I like to go and buy, like, a happy retirement card for a sixth birthday.
07:52I just think...
07:53My gran would do that.
07:55She would get a card and tear it in half.
07:58Yeah.
07:59And give you the picture bit just written on the back.
08:02And claimed that it was because, during the war, you had to be frugal.
08:06Right.
08:06And it's 1976, Grant.
08:08But why can't you recycle most Christmas cards?
08:12Tinsel?
08:12Yeah, it's all the glitter and all the extra bits and pieces.
08:15There's metallic materials, shiny laminates and that kind of thing.
08:18Do you know there's a trend happening at the minute, yeah?
08:21Probably not.
08:22What women are doing and girls are, like, spraying their cells of glitter.
08:27Yeah.
08:28And then if your man's cheating, you'll find glitter on him.
08:31And then you know it's not you and you know he's cheating and then you bust his arse up.
08:35Wow.
08:35Sorry, so you're spraying yourself in glitter and then if he's cheating, you'll know?
08:38Yeah.
08:39She'll know.
08:39The other woman will know.
08:40Oh.
08:41Oh.
08:41Does it not cause chafing?
08:46I don't think that's the main worry, Julie.
08:49Right, that's Christmas wrapping all tied up with a bow.
08:52But I do have presents for all of you as well.
08:54If you would look underneath your desks, please.
08:57I've gone with a sort of theme of wellness with these.
09:01So, Alan, Loda, why don't we start with you?
09:04It's easy to undo, you see.
09:06It's easy to undo, a nice bit of ribbon.
09:10There we go.
09:11Beads.
09:11Yeah, so why might you give beads to somebody?
09:16Because...
09:19Because you don't really like them.
09:23Because you're obligated, because you work with them and you have to think of something.
09:27Because these were at the back of your drawer.
09:29So what I can tell you is that all of your gifts are from early Christmas adverts,
09:33so yours was first advertised in 1728 and it's called an anodyne necklace.
09:39Oh.
09:40Actually, this advert for it is from 1756, a little tiny bit later on.
09:43So this is the weirdest thing.
09:44These necklaces contained a poisonous plant called henbane.
09:48It's also known as stinking nightshave.
09:50LAUGHTER
09:53It was meant to help children with teething pain.
09:55At this time, one in three children in England would not expect to reach their fifth birthday.
10:02And teething pain was seen as a sort of sign of something much more serious and possibly something fatal.
10:06So they claimed that if you wore one of these anodyne necklaces,
10:09curative substances would flow from it into the skin, up into the mouth and so on.
10:13You didn't have to chew on it, which was just as well, because it is actually a poison.
10:18But it did seem to work, even though there's no medical reason for it.
10:23Why do you think it might have worked?
10:25They were quite expensive.
10:26There's five shillings for one.
10:29It's one of those things where you tell people it's going to be good for you and then it works.
10:33I think it is partly that, Julian, but also it is the fact that infant mortality rates were lower
10:37amongst rich people and it was only rich people who were able to buy them.
10:43We used to give the kids bicky pegs.
10:46What, for the teething?
10:47For the teething.
10:48And then I don't know what it was.
10:49And then...
10:50And it would sort of gradually get smaller and smaller.
10:53Like a dog biscuit, like a good dog biscuit that lasts.
10:56Yeah.
10:57You know.
10:58Sounds like you're giving the kids dog biscuits.
10:59Yeah.
11:00I know what you're talking about.
11:03It's like cork, isn't it?
11:05That's a good idea, though.
11:06Have a bottle of wine and give the children the cork.
11:08Give the children the cork.
11:10But rich people like Augusta, Princess of Wales, her daughter Queen Caroline of Denmark
11:14and Norway, who's the one on the left there.
11:16In very small quantities, this particular thing, henbane, that was in it,
11:20it is a mild sedative.
11:21If you have more than three grams, it can cause constipation.
11:24Manic episodes, hallucinations and possible death.
11:27Is this sort of a replica or...?
11:29Yes, darling.
11:30We also didn't want to kill Alan.
11:32I mean, today.
11:33Not till the Z series.
11:34Don't miss that episode.
11:38We are going to need a big finish, so...
11:40Yeah.
11:41Right, Julian, do you want to open yours, darling?
11:42Ah, have you pushed the boat out?
11:43This is from a Christmas ad from 1825.
11:46Oh!
11:47What is it?
11:48It's macassar oil.
11:49So, do you know about macassar oil?
11:50Oh, I'm sure you're going to tell me.
11:51Have you heard of anti-macassars, darling?
11:52Anti-macassar?
11:53Yes.
11:54What does that mean?
11:55It was a sort of a piece of cloth that sat on the back of the train.
11:56I thought it was a band from Camden Town.
11:57That's such a good name for a band, isn't it?
11:58It doesn't smell.
11:59It's not such a bad way.
12:00It's because you would have had oily...
12:01Yeah.
12:02...people wouldn't wash their hair?
12:03It's to stop the oil from the back of your head going on to the train seat and it's called
12:21an anti-macassar.
12:22Macassar oil comes from originally from the ebony trees in Indonesia, but this was a much easier
12:26a much cheaper blend of vegetable oils palm oils and coconuts so it's the 19th century equivalent
12:31of hair gel pure grease is undoubtedly the best nourisher of the hair yeah it's supposed to be
12:37very very tell my daughter that good luck do you want to apply some yes go on then open your hand
12:48times i've said that
12:49now there you are but you have to follow it by saying here's some oil right it's a lovely colour
12:58what is that you've got to run it run your fingers through that the thing is sandy what
13:03will happen if i do that is yeah we'll stop the show and the makeup department will come on really
13:08fucked off yeah you know those people can you imagine the language back there now they're watching
13:17on the monitor don't you dare put your fingers through that hair don't touch your hair don't touch
13:29i like it oh it is whiffy does it smell nice i thought you said it didn't smell well i lied
13:39that's an exchange you've had before
13:41right jimmy come on let's see what you've got five minutes in and you've lubed him up
13:50okay you've not pushed the boat out here this is again this is something from the past 1857
13:56well that's some some pills of some description okay so these are from mr page woodcock of lincoln
14:03so there were two christmas adverts for wind pills to treat indigestion to cure wind or to give you
14:09well so it depended which advert that you had a look at so the very first advert claimed that the
14:14pills would conjure happy festive memories so this is the christmas advert the second was the boxing
14:20day advert which was inspired by christmas carol it said the pills would cure people haunted by the
14:25christmas ghost of indigestion so if you took them on christmas day made you happy if you took them on
14:31boxing day got rid of indigestion those are your basic happy pills that we've given you lovely yeah
14:37should we smash them up and do a line i'm very concerned about those two children in the
14:45sent off unaccompanied well not just that not dressed are they the ones with the wind is that
14:50what we think you can still get wind pills they're called windy's yes you can actually promise you
14:56that my wife did buy me some for christmas fun which really really amused the children
15:01i said stop listening at the door go to another room did it work i haven't tried them actually
15:09could you i should yeah i really should right fatia come on yes mine's the biggest one here
15:16uh 1830 is this one this better not be like a gym or some like that yeah oh no no we don't do fitness
15:23you're fine because i'll i'll go mad can you imagine if i should do that should i do a rental
15:43service yeah you can rent me i'll hide in your toilet and then you'll come i'll go merry christmas
15:48christmas advert for a toilet appeared in several publications in the 1830s there was a man called
15:54robert wis there it is and he said it was the perfect gift for christmas and new year's it's a
16:00portable self-acting water closet so it's a kind of commode they used to be known as thunder boxes
16:07because alan used to go in there so it looks like a cabinet from the outside and then when you open
16:12it up it's got a commode on the inside a chamber pot that is the worst james bond gadget
16:19what did they do before just had a sort of a bowl under the bed you know a pot but this had a cistern
16:24with stored water and you could actually flush the waste out of the pot and it went into a concealed
16:29hidden bucket which was then emptied by the staff discreet yes exactly exactly i mean you say discreet
16:35portable so presumably people would see you in the high street with it what's he doing with that
16:41cupboard he seems to be shitting in it during lockdowns i like to go for a really long walk
16:47i bought a portable toilet tent and it was it was like a big
16:54you didn't do that i did i did it goes completely over you well no what it was was it it was a pop-up
17:00thing it was a flat circle and you just popped it and popped up like the size of a telephone booth
17:05and i thought this was marvelous and then you went in you have to sing when you're in there in case
17:09someone comes along well tell me it was great apart from when it blew over outside
17:16outside the tower of london
17:21you come across a tent wandering around always have a little look inside because it could be
17:25sandy toxford technician
17:29okay presents away please what's most dangerous a lion a witch or a wardrobe definitely a witch
17:39would a lion be scared of a witch though you could reason with a lion
17:51enjoy that that's a show we'd all watch i think
17:55hi welcome to reason with a lion and the witch if she's in a good mood you could get away with it but
18:03if a wardrobe fell on you then you'd be in trouble and that is the correct answer my darling absolutely right
18:13so the wonderful book the lion the witch and the wardrobe by
18:16c.s lewis
18:17c.s lewis dedicated to lucy barfield and maude lucy's mother was extremely worried that children
18:23would go looking for narnia and get stuck inside a wardrobe so he had to put some extra lines of text
18:27in and every time you'll notice in the book somebody goes through the wardrobe he says they
18:31took care to leave the door ajar and c.s lewis does say it's a very silly thing to lock oneself
18:35in a wardrobe but apparently we are facing an accident crisis britain loses 10 times more working
18:41days to domestic accidents than we do to strikes so driving accidents have significantly decreased
18:47in the past 20 years but pretty much all other accidents have increased falls are by
18:53far the biggest culprit why do you think we might be having more and more falls because there's more
18:58stairs oh i like that we've had a tremendous increase in stairs yes well if i have an accident
19:05likely to be on the stairs or sometimes i open the fridge door and hit myself on the head
19:13this is going to be the worst ever episode of miss marple
19:18it's the aging population oh it's the old people and there's that terrible fact about if you break
19:22a hip as well you're you're better off having stage four cancer than a broken hip in terms of yeah
19:27it's in peter attia's book on longevity if you break a hip it's very very bad news why are you
19:32reading books on longevity now i've had a lot of work done my face is like trigger's broom
19:42there we learned the original still there
19:46in 2016 since according to the national accident helpline one in 75 people surveyed had been injured
19:51while shopping in a sales rush one in 50 people reported falling out of the loft while retrieving
19:57christmas decoration one in 90 people had suffered burns while roasting chestnuts on an open fire
20:04one in 50 had fallen out of the loft yeah i know it seems an extraordinarily high number yeah what do
20:10you think is the gift in recent years it's caused the most accidents knives
20:16i bought you a very sharp knife sandwich maker yes you could trap your finger in the thing e-scooters is
20:24exactly right darling my nephew's nearly died oh he cut his the back of his ankle and he cut an artery
20:31what and then yeah he nearly died foolish boy i mean 416 people seriously injured in 2023 and 965
20:41slightly injured 338 fires still a lot more people falling out the loft though isn't it
20:46they what's the worst or most embarrassing accident anybody here has ever had oh you're counting soiling
20:53yourself i mean we are now i've got a soiling myself story if you go for it darling well i've told this
21:05story before i think last time i was on this show but it's so long ago darling no it's in colour now anyway
21:10but no beat this i once i once shot myself while meeting the queen
21:27it's a royal variety show yeah and you had to queue up and you know she came and shakes your hand
21:34and i don't know if it was nerves or i'd had a bit of trouble i can't remember but it was only a little
21:40pellet but that's a true story let's see you're soiling yourself
21:52i can remember doing a little pellet as a child
21:55and it came out of my trouser leg is that what happened to you yes it's shot across the stage
22:07in the general direction of claire sweeney
22:11this story's got everything i've got a poo story so i was going to tell a story about shaving
22:19and now you i'm going to go with the poo yeah i want to go with the poo shaving that's actually fine can
22:23i just say to me i don't have a poo story this will be the last one oh i cut my uh scrotum with
22:37is this at the royal variety performance
22:41shaking hands with the queen and trying to shave my balls at the same time
22:45you know how that goes i was alone sure to do a podcast and there was a company
22:50that's there are lots and lots of podcasts about football nearly all by boys and mostly listened
22:55to by boys anyway they started sending these shaving kits around giving the shaving kits for
23:01shaving your undercarriage with and we were all sort of in 40s and 50s and thought what
23:07people are doing what now anyway i tried it and i cut myself on this shirt
23:12this shouldn't be possible it's got all this kind of protective thing on it but i got a little
23:19bit carried away and that is the most embarrassing accident and now you've made me say it on the
23:24christmas show i'll tell you where you went wrong you need to stretch the skin that's what it is you
23:34just went like this because you're lazy but you need to stretch the skin trust me i know i'm arab i know
23:39about hair thank you so much for doing mine
23:44room in that bathroom to get that smooth
23:51you'd need two people like if you were folding a sheet
23:57two people pulling it out and one other person with a lawnmower
24:00so yeah i was like seven or something and then we went on a school trip to a farm
24:15and i wanted to do a poo but the teacher goes go on your own to the toilet and i was like no
24:19so i just shit in my pants and then like i sat in here and had it in my pants all day
24:24and all the kids shut up all the kids i wouldn't mess with them all the kids were like oh there's a
24:32we can smell poo and i was like oh yeah i wonder who it is maybe it's the stinky kid
24:36and when i got home my mum put me in the bath and it was stuck to my skin
24:40she had to soak me and then put it off with a butter knife merry christmas everyone
24:45merry christmas one spoke on a coach trip
24:52and the driver was a huge man really really big man and he pulled over on the hard shoulder and
24:57he got out of his cab and he made his way down the aisle we thought what's going on and he went
25:02down the stairs into the loo and eventually he re-emerged and he said no one can use the toilet
25:10it's full
25:18anybody in the audience want to talk about
25:23now i've got everybody a bowl of christmas walnuts so can anybody open you know there's
25:28that thing where you crush two in your hand and oh i've just done it oh i don't know my own strength
25:39there is a sort of straight look of it isn't it it really is okay there really is
25:46yeah i know the i know the trick so what you do is you put one there and then put the other one
25:50next to it and then you just go like that and then it opens does it happen yeah it will just just
25:56what do you mean it will so it hasn't it will stop flirting with me okay i can't believe i've got to
26:04sit next to the stinky kid
26:11it's a bit like the patsy if you don't know who the stinky kid is it's you
26:17so i've done it by the way look congratulations yeah yeah it's a mess but i've done it
26:21now why is it so hard to find a walnut's anus what have i just eaten
26:32are they heterosexual walnuts it depends what kind of walnut we're talking about i'm looking at the
26:37walnut but this is not the kind of walnut is it no you've done this game before haven't you
26:41different kind of walnuts the ones in front of us the walnut bird
26:48walnut snake let's go beetle the walnut fish walnut whip the walnut
26:58it is a creature in the sea and they are called sea walnuts look at this it is so beautiful i love
27:04those see-through ones they're also called wartycomb jellies it's not a jellyfish it's a bit like a
27:09jellyfish that's not a jellyfish no yeah i'm not sure who you're talking to but that my friend is a
27:15jellyfish so why isn't it a jellyfish i'm telling you i'm telling you it is no well the reason that
27:21we know it isn't is because it does have an anus so if it was a jellyfish it wouldn't but what is
27:27extraordinary about them is that these are transient anuses what do we think that means it moves around
27:35well it's only there for a very short time they only create one on a temporary basis when they need
27:41to poo so when it needs to go the digestive system fuses with its skin to form an opening it does a poo
27:48and the opening then closes in a matter of minutes and they do this about once an hour unless they're
27:53a very very young one in which case it's about every 10 minutes so it is a jellyfish most of the time
27:57no it isn't you're saying once an hour it isn't a jellyfish briefly wonder why they do that though
28:05what's in it what's in it for them what to do to have a permanent i think it's that they're not so
28:11vulnerable darling i think it's that it's basically it you know it's an exit for them and an entrance for
28:15others well tell me about it when you think about it though it would be practical if you're on i don't
28:25know let's say a school trip perhaps yeah just created our soul and then gone again yeah just to not
28:32have one the whole time because you know accidents happen a long walk to the toilet maybe i'll just
28:38shit myself what jellyfish don't have anuses they expel their waste through the mouth so it's the difference
28:45between the two how do you know it's its mouth what's it saying i mean i think people have studied
28:50this there's a fantastic there's an amazing american zoologist called libby hyman and it was
28:55because she noticed that these particular creatures the sea walnuts have these transient
28:59anuses what she realized that they were not the same as jellyfish i don't even think that's a real
29:03person libby hyman libby hyman sounds made up she's from a limerick
29:08if it's still intact but you horse ride
29:21now this picture is a wassail box it's a traditional christmas item you would have to pay to look inside
29:30what will you give me to look inside a penny penny i like the idea yes for the guy a penny would be fine
29:36there was a christmas tradition called wassail but where where where yes uh yorkshire was very
29:42newcastle doesn't it was well it's actually scandinavian thing so you would ask for somebody
29:48and then you would show what's inside what do you think is in the box that they're going to
29:51it's a music box no it it well let's have a look on the picture this was the christmas tradition
29:56june whitfield it's in the kids version two tiny dolls representing the virgin mary
30:05and the baby jesus and that's not the real virgin mary and baby jesus
30:09yes this is the real version smaller than you'd think do you think people were smaller
30:20because my children are really getting really big my daughter's taller than nearly all of us
30:29so it's if you really went backwards through time with people getting a little bit smaller a little
30:35bit smaller a little bit smaller that probably is how big virgin mary was
30:43can i ask you know you can well you're going to ask why alan doesn't sit in this chair
30:48no i was going to say he's hot today isn't it this tradition we don't know how old it is maybe 18th
30:5419th century but it has carried on except in america i don't think they've really got the hang
30:58of it because sometimes when people do it they open the box and inside is ken and barbie
31:04the one in the middle there is from the distant past when people were small
31:13i'd say you're from the 1400s
31:18this is adult wassailing you go door to door and you would sing and you would offer alcoholic
31:22drinks from a wassail bowl that's what she's holding there in return for gifts she's saying
31:27we are banana rama i don't think i'd like some random man knocking on the door asking for money
31:35to look in the box no you'd like to look in my box okay moving along um why did oliver cromwell
31:45ban christmas don't tell anyone right but he was a muslim
32:00damn you anybody else um oh i thought i was going to think of something
32:07nothing nothing came out imagine you're meeting the queen yeah
32:17what's he doing there he feels like he's signaling to someone
32:19the answer is that he didn't yeah a while you might want to check again because yeah he did
32:26no it's a christmas myth truth is he actually quite liked a party he enjoyed smoking and drinking
32:31scandalously he allowed dancing at his daughter's wedding so he wasn't anti-party the christmas ban
32:38started with the scottish presbyterians so they had been discouraging christmas celebrations for
32:42years since 1583 and the puritans needed the scottish support so it's his party that were trying to
32:49keep the scots calm and it wasn't cromwell himself who thought let's get rid of christmas there are parts
32:54of the country where they didn't pay any attention at all so devon and cornwall for example
32:57they just carried on they probably hadn't heard about it when do you think christmas day became a
33:03holiday in scotland i'll give you 10 points if you're within the right decade 1974. not far
33:1059. you win 58. yes absolutely
33:16so it wasn't a holiday it wasn't a holiday until 1958. yeah
33:20anyway moving on why were christmas day weddings so popular in the past
33:30snow is it one of those things where like if you have your wedding on christmas you can't forget your
33:37anniversary do you forget yours do you forget your anniversary yeah yeah if you get married at
33:46christmas it feels like that or valentine's you go it's also one gift yeah great are you may i
33:52ask are you married no no we're just friends i mean we're getting on great no i've been married and
34:00divorced twice because i don't learn the first time so i'm lucky is that what we're saying no i'm sick of
34:06these people either of her husband it turned out to be both i've married her twice i'm a master of
34:18disguise i'm moroccan and we have a saying we say if it rains on your wedding day then it means it's
34:25going to turn out bad and that's why it rained on both my weddings in in morocco yeah yeah not famous
34:31for its reign is it yes my husband slipped his finger into my ring
34:42eight years ago now but anyway getting back to the question yes why get married on everyone's got
34:50the day off unless it's got it is the correct answer i was about to say that i'm so sorry
35:01that's it well pretend he hasn't said it what were you going to say julian no don't patronize me
35:11it's because they didn't have many days off yeah so christmas day was off what better day
35:17exactly right christmas day and boxing day were the sort of days that very clever boys yes you are
35:23yes you are a clever boy so it was a very popular time in fact churches would give discounted rates
35:28if multiple couples got married at the same time this is a picture at st george church in london in 1920.
35:34she's got stars on her head the third one from the left why has she got two stars oh yeah a trip
35:40advisor they made their own she's not great in 1913 the guardian reported the church and stepney had
35:50married 25 couples all on the same day now it's almost time for the bum note that we call general
35:57ignorance but this year i have some friends to help me with the questions please welcome the qi choir
36:02under the direction of john riddell take it away
36:16oh
36:39hey
36:44what occasion was this tune composed for oh yes julian easter
36:54is it the john lewis christmas ad home alone when the thieves breaking in
36:59well that is true it is in home alone yes but that's not what it was composed for
37:04it's after christmas what comes after christmas twelfth night boxing day easter
37:08it's on the holiday mother's day new year yes yes alan it's new year's exactly right
37:18what do we call this tune does anyone in the audience know this carol the bells is exactly
37:24right but it was originally a ukrainian folk song for new year's eve it was called shed rock which means
37:30bountiful evening so the lyrics are nothing to do with bells nothing to do with christmas
37:35it's actually about a swallow visiting a home and delivering luck for the new year
37:39the very first modern arrangement was 1919 a ukrainian composer called mikolai leontovich and then a
37:45ukrainian american called peter wilhouse key he rearranged it and added the english lyrics and renamed it
37:50carol of the bells in 1922 but it has always been associated with christmas ever since let's have
37:55another tune who sang this song in the 1982 animated film the snowman
38:13julian's off who was it ali jones
38:19it was written by howard blake specifically for the film
38:22but it was actually sung by a choir boy named peter orti there he is he's now professional
38:28operatic tenor but he didn't get any credit in the film because they forgot to put his name on
38:331985 the song was used in an advert for toys r us and it had to be re-recorded but him this guy peter
38:39orti's voice had already broken and so a new version was sung by alad jones and that was released
38:43and that became a huge hit and that is why we think alad jones sang it in the film but it isn't actually him
38:50here's another song that was originally written for new year but what is the first line
39:02what are you going to say la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
39:15is it deck the halls with something and holly
39:25deck the halls with no no no no no no no no no no i didn't say bow so i don't
39:31know why you buzzed me well i don't know is it tis the season to be jolly
39:36i think it's i think it's ant in deck with phil and holly
39:43so i asked for the original lyrics and it's an old welsh tune called nosgallen or new year
39:49uh the oldest version of the lyrics are translated into english as this
40:03oh
40:15oh i like that oh how soft my fair one's bosom absolute filth
40:26finally have a listen to this
40:30now who wrote it and what instrument is performing the lead melody
40:35so the nutcracker it is the nutcracker you are absolutely right tchaikovsky tchaikovsky is very
40:44good and the oboe it's not an oboe harpsichord we're nearer with the harpsichord triangle
40:50it's the dance of the sugar plum fairy tchaikovsky's the nutcracker it's played on a celesta
41:04there it is a celesta if you lift that up you can take a shit in it
41:14if you lift it up sandy talks things
41:17i'm busy
41:20a celesta comes from the french word for heavenly so it looks like a piano but when you press
41:24the keys hammers hit metal plates with wooden resonators underneath it gives it a sort of soft
41:29almost like a triangle it was invented in 1886 by a parisian organ maker charles victor mustel
41:35and his son august and tchaikovsky ordered one immediately does anybody know what a sugar plum
41:41is it's the dance of the sugar plum fairy isn't it a thing that hangs off a tree christmas tree that you
41:47can eat yes it's exactly right it's kind of sweet it's what's called a comfit it's a seed and nut or a
41:52berry which has got layers of hard sugar and i will give 10 points to anybody who can tell me where we
41:58saw sugar plums at the beginning of the show oh now they were mentioned on one of the adverts
42:05that came up earlier you're exactly right it was for your anodyne necklace yeah you get 10 points very
42:12very very very well done
42:20at the top of the advert it says sugar plums for worms and it was thought to be a cure for intestinal
42:26worms it was widely believed they might kill the tooth worms as well that caused toothache so well
42:31spotted darling i read it all no i love that you've actually remembered something um
42:38now it's time to look at our scores let's see who's top of the nice list and who's on
42:42thin pretty sure i nailed this joy to the world in first place with 16 points it's alan
43:00don't worry ski happy in second place with minus nine it's julian
43:08nobody's perfect in third place with minus 27 fatia
43:17and in last place a lost claws with minus 29 jimmy
43:29julian and alan and a very merry christmas from all of us uh let's all go and join the choir and sing off
43:40off you go
43:51Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
43:53Oh, how blessed, love, this is
43:56Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
43:59Words of love and mutual kisses
44:01Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
44:05Merry Christmas, everybody!
44:07Cheers!
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