- 3 hours ago
br br br RealityInsightHub br br Please subscribe to our official channel to watch the full movie for free as soon as possible Reality Insight Hubbr Official Channel httpswwwdailymotioncomTrailerBoltbr THANK YOU
Category
😹
FunTranscript
02:01Tomorrow, we bury Maxine.
02:04May she find the peace that eluded her in life.
02:07Guide me, oh spirit.
02:09Why have you abandoned me in my hour of need?
02:13I'm a hostage in my own home.
02:16Until her killer, Norma Delacorte, is brought to justice.
02:20You're out of cereal.
02:21May justice be done for the sake of Maxine's memory and our safety.
02:28Dinah, what on earth are you doing here?
02:37Identifying the body.
02:40Douglas can't bring himself to do it.
02:43You?
02:44I was Maxine's conservator.
02:45It's fallen to me to sign her out.
02:48One last time.
02:50So selfless of you.
02:52It's almost as selfless as throwing a funeral.
02:55A dead socialite and a fool.
02:56Tragedy rubberneckers from Orlando to Oka Humka will come just to say they were there.
03:00It's just what the Palm Royale needs to stay afloat after finding Maxine afloat.
03:13Will you please go in there with me?
03:19Ladies.
03:22Anne, what are you doing here?
03:23Maxine was my friend, but I'm just here as a member of the press to verify the identification.
03:34At least that's what I'm telling myself.
03:38How's that working for you?
03:41No comment.
03:45Stop eating.
03:48I'm grief-ding.
03:51Grief-ding?
03:52Grief-eating.
03:54For Mirabelle.
03:56And for me.
03:57I'm grieved him for two.
03:59Douglas must be devastated.
04:00Stop talking about Douglas, Maxine.
04:02I wouldn't expect you to understand.
04:03You always take her side anyway.
04:04Because Norma didn't kill Mirabelle thinking it was you.
04:07At least Douglas didn't try to poison or drown me like your sweet Norma.
04:10The way Douglas treats you, that's not love.
04:13If Tom did to me what Douglas did to you, oof.
04:15Tom is.
04:16The only difference is you can't get pregnant, Mitzi.
04:22Hey, Virginia said we can't leave.
04:29I know what that means.
04:36I've all seen dead bodies before.
04:37I haven't seen a dead body.
04:39Oh, oh.
04:39Oh, God.
04:41It's ghastly.
04:42Oh, what's that smell?
04:44Oh, God.
04:44Um, we've got to turn around?
04:49We must.
04:50Okay, on the count of three.
04:52Okay.
04:53One, two, three.
04:58What does she look like?
04:59No.
04:59Did you look?
05:00Didn't do it.
05:01I can't.
05:01Oh, God, I can't do this.
05:02Oh, God.
05:03Is this necessary?
05:04Do we have to?
05:05You have to.
05:06Okay, one, two, three, 3.5, four.
05:20That's not Maxine.
05:21That is not her.
05:22What?
05:22No, that's not her.
05:23I'm not sure who this is, but this is not our friend.
05:26Are you sure?
05:27Good luck with the, uh...
05:28Gina, I'm coming!
05:30There's a woman dog!
05:32Round them up, sequester them somewhere safe, and make sure no one else sees this body.
05:36No one.
05:38Yes, ma'am.
05:47Hey, Mama!
05:49What are you doing sneaking around up there?
05:52They got some good burgers here, right?
05:54Those weren't for me.
05:55I-I'm staying with the, uh, attractive but brooding gentleman.
05:58What are you two doing squirreled away up there?
06:01Uh, no one's supposed to see me.
06:03I'm dead.
06:05I'm sorry, mister.
06:06My friends call me Bruce.
06:07And your secret's safe with me, miss.
06:10Maxine.
06:11Um, just Maxine.
06:14Oh.
06:16My.
06:17God.
06:18Are you the dead socialite with the funeral tomorrow?
06:21Maxine Delacour?
06:22You know who I am?
06:23Oh, this is bad.
06:24Oh, this is so beyond bad.
06:28This is-this is a tragedy.
06:29This is Carmen.
06:31I-I really can't have another person crying over me.
06:33No, I'm not.
06:34A very close friend of mine from out of town is supposed to attend your funeral tomorrow,
06:39but if you're alive, then, well, I guess he's not coming to Palm Beach after all.
06:43I'm not supposed to tell you this, but great news.
06:50The funeral's actually still on.
06:53You better get down here to this hot tub right now.
06:58Come to the tub.
06:59Oh.
07:00Come to the tub.
07:02Come on.
07:02Come to the tub.
07:04Come to the tub.
07:06Come to the tub.
07:08Come to-
07:09She's coming.
07:10She's coming.
07:11I don't want to do this.
07:27The funeral, the big wedding, the constant public humiliation.
07:32Promise me, once the baby is born, I won't have to jump through any more hoops or loops
07:37or ex-wife funerals.
07:38Promise, we just have to fly to Switzerland first.
07:43Why are we flying to Switzerland?
07:44To sew up the baby trust with the bank.
07:48It's a paperwork thing.
07:50I'm sorry.
07:51I should have told you earlier.
07:52Dinah!
07:55Norma sent another note!
07:59Where's Dinah?
08:00She went to the morgue.
08:01Not if I can help her.
08:02The literal morgue, Perry.
08:03She just went there to identify Max's body for me.
08:08I'm coming for you.
08:10I'll see you at the funeral.
08:11I shouldn't have let her go in my place.
08:13I'll find Dinah before Norma does.
08:15Yeah, I'll come with you.
08:16Okay?
08:16Fuck, I gotta get changed first.
08:17Do not leave me here alone, Douglas!
08:19You're carrying the Delacorte air.
08:22Norma would never hurt you.
08:26I found out I had a twin sister, and her name is Mirabelle.
08:28And this woman, Norma, who was my husband's ex-husband's aunt, she tried to kill me, thinking
08:33it was me, but she ended up killing Mirabelle.
08:35I love you.
08:37You're the most fascinating woman I've ever met.
08:39You're like Doris Dave, she wasn't such a big jerk.
08:43I've told ex-lovers of mine they're gonna miss me when I'm gone, but you, you actually
08:46get to see your ex-husband missing you.
08:49You get to hear the tears, see the rending of garments.
08:52Shoot, I'm not gonna be able to see any of that.
08:54Well, Maxine, I do have a call.
08:58Oh.
08:59She really would love to see him cry.
09:02Did we just become best friends that are about to spy on our men?
09:05I think so.
09:06Let's go!
09:07Maxine, everybody!
09:09Excuse me.
09:19I need to speak to Agent Trainee Tom Sanka about the murder of Maxine Delacorte.
09:23Tom Sanka no longer works here.
09:25What?
09:26Why does the FBI care nothing about the endangered wives of Palm Beach?
09:30Robert?
09:30Why did Norma Delacorte want to kill your wife?
09:32Because Norma knows that Dinah knows that Norma killed Axel Rosenberg!
09:36I can't believe that she's gone.
09:38This is so fucked, man.
09:42This is so true, brother.
09:44So true.
09:46My wife, a potential future first lady of Palm Beach, is receiving death threats from the
09:53same killer who put this sad, sax ex-wife in the morgue across town.
09:57And?
09:58And we allowed my wife to identify the dead body of his ex-wife, and now my wife is in danger.
10:05If you don't hear from her in 24 hours, you can come back here and report her missing.
10:10Look at him.
10:13Look at him.
10:14The sad husk of a human.
10:15The morgue told us that no one could see his ex-wife on the orders of the FBI.
10:21No one else sees her until the funeral.
10:23You're gonna keep her on ice?
10:25When I know best what her wishes were?
10:29Shame on you.
10:29It's a doozy, Doug Boat.
10:35No doubt about it.
10:37A doozy.
10:39Maxine wouldn't want to be on display like some ornamental fern.
10:42She always said that if she went first, she'd want her ashes to be scattered in the wind
10:50from my bi-play.
10:53Hey, uh, do you need a hug?
10:59Yeah.
11:01Oh.
11:05That's it.
11:09Sorry.
11:10Don't worry about that.
11:12I just want to be able to honor her.
11:19Honor her in a way that I couldn't in life.
11:23I gotta get back to Mitzi.
11:26Let me drive you.
11:27Oh, thanks, man.
11:28I'll go off.
11:29I'll go off.
11:42Gosh, I really hope I didn't miss Douglas.
11:47I want to see him wail.
11:49Listen, who is the mystery man coming to my funeral?
11:52This is not a Japanese decorative pond.
11:57Do not be coy.
11:58I can't.
11:58I can't.
11:59He's well-known.
12:00Oh.
12:00Famous.
12:02Oh.
12:03Okay.
12:04Well, you can tell me.
12:06I'm dead, remember?
12:07Oh, please, just give me a hand.
12:08Okay, just a hand.
12:09Okay.
12:09Okay.
12:10A boulder plus a body of water in New York.
12:21No?
12:22No.
12:23Okay.
12:24Um, Doris Day's best friend.
12:28Oh.
12:30Tony Randall.
12:31No, but he's around.
12:33Okay.
12:35It rhymes with Sock Sudson.
12:39Rock.
12:41Rock Hudson's coming to my funeral.
12:43Shh, stop.
12:44He'd be ruined if it got out.
12:45Oh, gosh.
12:46That's so exciting.
12:47Yes.
12:48Oh, my God.
12:49I swear to God, it's like a fairy tale.
12:50Oh, my goodness.
12:51And then I never know if it's real.
12:53The other guys think I beat him up.
12:54If it's real to you, then who cares what the world thinks?
12:58It doesn't matter if he's a movie star or, well,
13:01an ex-husband.
13:03Yeah, back to you.
13:05Why, if he's your ex-husband, do you keep coming back?
13:10Do you promise you won't judge me or tell me to let it go
13:13or make me list all of his transgressions in detail?
13:15Who do you think I am?
13:18Okay.
13:22He can't go back to a man you never left.
13:26And Mirabelle, the twin sister I just found out I had,
13:29I told her the big secret that Douglas was the only man
13:32that no one ever loved.
13:34And then he confessed to her his love for her,
13:36which she thought was me.
13:37And then Mirabelle died.
13:39I know it's a lot to process.
13:41Yeah.
13:43You haven't had time to grieve your sister or your marriage.
13:47You are very wise.
13:49We're a wise people.
13:50Oh, yes.
13:56Speaking of grieving.
13:57Is that the new one?
13:58Gosh, yes.
13:59I hate to see a sheep girl cry.
14:03Here.
14:06Stop.
14:07What are you doing?
14:09I can't watch someone cry, even if it's her.
14:11That was the whole point.
14:12We came to watch people cry.
14:13I have done everything you told me to.
14:20But I can't do it anymore.
14:24You said no one would get hurt.
14:30What happened?
14:34She fainted.
14:35She fainted.
14:35She fainted.
14:35She fainted.
14:37She fainted.
14:39She fainted.
14:43Is Agent Sanka here?
14:54Tom left.
14:55Robert.
14:56I am so sorry.
15:00I would never do anything to hurt him.
15:03And if I'd known he'd lose his job, I would...
15:06He didn't.
15:07J. Edgar Hoover himself was taking an interest.
15:10A transfer was offered, and I insisted he take it.
15:13Before something bad could happen.
15:16Again.
15:18I don't know what rules you live by in Palm Beach.
15:22But some things are hard to bore you.
15:26Including my husband.
15:28We have children together.
15:32Do you know what that's like?
15:33Of course you don't.
15:39Can you tell him I said goodbye?
15:42Please.
15:43Yes.
15:44I can.
15:47But I won't.
15:48Do you think she's okay?
16:01What about the baby?
16:02You think the baby's okay?
16:03She's a kimbo on the wall-to-wall.
16:05This is how I spent my 20s.
16:06She's fine.
16:06Let's get her to the bed.
16:07You get heads, I'll get tails.
16:08Yeah.
16:09I'm trying to keep her hair nice.
16:10Oh.
16:10Okay.
16:11From the knees.
16:12Oh.
16:13Oh.
16:14Okay.
16:14Okay.
16:15One.
16:16Step.
16:16Two.
16:16Two.
16:17Three.
16:17Alley-oop.
16:19Protect the head.
16:20Okay.
16:21Okay.
16:22Gorgeous.
16:25I really scared her, didn't I?
16:27You are literally haunting the woman who stole your husband.
16:31Golly.
16:32That is sweet revenge.
16:34Should we let her stew in it a bit longer?
16:37Yeah.
16:37Let's go back to the hot tub and do some old-fashioned gloating.
16:40Sleep down, Betsy.
16:41I actually used to think minestrone was boring, but I don't think that anymore.
16:48I used to feel that way about chowder.
16:49Oh, my gosh.
16:50Soup sisters.
16:51Soup sisters.
16:52What in the literal fuck have you been?
16:55Oh.
16:56Um, I went to see Douglas, just to soothe his grief over my alleged death.
17:01But don't worry, he did not see me.
17:02But Missy did, and she thinks Maxine's a ghost.
17:05Who are you?
17:06Oh, sorry.
17:07Manners.
17:08This is Bruce, my new best friend.
17:10He's gay.
17:10Maybe you don't tell people that.
17:12Oh, I'm sorry.
17:13Okay, look.
17:14One or two things are gonna happen.
17:15Either you stay dead and we catch Norma, or the next funeral in Palm Beach will actually
17:19be yours.
17:20Nobody else can see you.
17:22There's only so many women this gay hotel can hold.
17:25There's other women here?
17:28Nothing Norma could inflict on us would be worse than this room.
17:31I do like the bedspread.
17:32Not after you read the comments in the guest book.
17:34I'll sleep in the bathtub.
17:42You might want to rethink that.
17:46Maxine?
17:47I'm so glad you're alive.
17:49Now I can kill you myself.
17:51I will explain everything to you and answer all of your questions.
17:55Can we do it downstairs in the jacuzzi?
17:58See my new gay best friend, Bruce?
18:00He's invited us all to a pool party.
18:02Jacuzzi mixer, he called it.
18:03The guest book calls it egg drop soup.
18:05Virginia said, nobody can see us.
18:08We can't go cavorting in a jacuzzi.
18:10I am a target, Maxine.
18:11These men are very discreet.
18:13Why would we go to a gay party with you?
18:15Because in the wake of tragedy, the only thing we have is community.
18:21And there are no mini bars.
18:23They have tons of booze.
18:24Now you're talking.
18:27I should have led with that.
18:29I'm going to write about this, but...
18:31Ooh, white hanky.
18:32That means they just like to watch and stroke it together.
18:37Oh.
18:38Do you ever stroke it?
18:40Huh?
18:40I have.
18:42Not my favorite thing to do.
18:44It's more attitude that makes a bear a bear.
18:47And their general interest in nipples.
18:49I panic every time, and I just can't do it.
18:51And I feel like I'm broken.
18:55You just have to relax.
18:58And learn how to relax into your breathing.
19:03Do you have access to a bidet?
19:05Wait.
19:06Do you and your husband?
19:08Perry says it reminds him of boarding school.
19:10Oh, hey, no.
19:11We're not all sex-crazed perverts.
19:13That would be the pigs.
19:15I see.
19:17And what kind of a man would a whale be?
19:22I'm a blower.
19:24I love that light blue.
19:26Light blue, left pocket.
19:27This is stunning.
19:28Do you know that I was the inspiration for the roommate in the bell jar?
19:32Oh, gosh.
19:32I just love all your pals.
19:34Come on.
19:34Thanks for including us and making us feel welcome.
19:37Well, it's not totally selfless.
19:38Cops won't raid a party with women.
19:42What are you doing?
19:44Out here looking folks in the eyes telling people about your own fuel.
19:47Bruce invited us all to a party.
19:48Oh, everyone.
19:49This is Virginia.
19:50She's a federal agent.
19:53Ladies, do you mind joining me for a private chat?
19:57This woman is like the plague.
19:59Oh, God.
20:00Get rid of her.
20:03Thanks.
20:08Ladies, nothing can go wrong tomorrow.
20:10Evelyn, you're in charge of the funeral, while Dinah will sit in the pew and wait.
20:14For what?
20:15For Norma to kill me?
20:17Will I at least get a security detail or a bulletproof vest?
20:22Discretion is key.
20:22Y'all can't tell nobody about this thing, not even your husband's.
20:25Great.
20:26And then you and I will be in the balcony together.
20:28Well, we'll, you know, surveil the premises.
20:32I think it's best for you to attend the services and provide credibility as press.
20:36But this was our case.
20:37We were working it together.
20:39You know, it's the FBI's case now.
20:41I got complete buy-in for once.
20:45Your staff is to proceed as instructed.
20:47May I point out that, like Dinah, there is zero upside in my participation here.
20:53And what about me?
20:54What's my role?
20:55Your sister is playing your role.
20:57I have to go to my own funeral.
20:58I need to see Norma's capture.
20:59I must be there.
21:00I'll see you all tomorrow.
21:02Except Maxine.
21:09Oh, well, look who it is.
21:13Boys!
21:14Boys, I have a question for you.
21:16If your best friend was almost killed by an old lady,
21:19and that same old lady accidentally killed her twin sister instead,
21:24whose side would you be on, huh?
21:25Your best friends or the mean old ladies?
21:30Yours!
21:31Thank you, Bruce.
21:32See?
21:33I saw Douglas.
21:34He's not taking your death well.
21:37Even I feel bad for you.
21:38But don't let us spoil your fun with your new friends.
21:46Have a dear,
21:50didn't you?
21:50Oh, my God.
21:53Wow!
21:54You're listening!
21:55I think it's enough to apologize.
21:56I'm going to kill you!
21:56Please!
21:57Yes!
21:57Let me projahelon!
21:57Let me release you!
21:58What?
22:02You're listening!
22:06All I want to do at that moment of recovery is no morecut.
22:08Yeah, the funniest thing I've ever heard from a male friend.
22:27What in the world?
22:33Excuse me, you're not allowed in here.
22:35You can't take those.
22:36What do you, what, what to put those down?
22:39Huh? Hello?
22:42Virginia, get your officers out of my office.
22:45It's out of my jurisdiction.
22:46What's that saying about death and taxes?
22:48Not even the FBI can stop a federal audit.
22:51Taxes? You mean...
22:52I told you and Maxine to let me handle Pinky.
22:54But no, you had to call the IRS.
22:56They showed up last night.
22:57Where were you? You never came to bed.
23:00Well, late night funeral prep.
23:03This is the biggest event of the season.
23:06Insomnia.
23:07I thought this might help, ma'am, with your grief and the IRS.
23:12Jed, thank you.
23:14You don't ask how to help. You just do it.
23:17I like that.
23:20Why don't you go clean the pool, Jed?
23:22Actually, I'm gonna need Jed on door duty.
23:25This is still an active murder scene, so we're gonna need extra security.
23:28Ma'am, we have a major problem.
23:32It's hard enough grieving my sister.
23:34I've only known for as long as I've known you.
23:36But the event of the off-season, in my honor, and I can't even go.
23:41You have to report back to me in full detail.
23:44Preferably written.
23:44I'm not going.
23:48What?
23:49We both can't not go.
23:51Rock sent a note.
23:53Too much publicity.
23:54A rendezvous rescheduled.
23:56He said he'd call after, but...
23:58Not getting my hopes up.
24:00If you want to make a man hear you, you've got to make a man see you.
24:03Some advice?
24:04Don't take her advice, especially if it's about men.
24:07And where are you off to with that fancy suitcase?
24:09I'm going to your fake funeral to give a fake eulogy as a fake American hero.
24:13I hear you.
24:14Fake.
24:15But what's with the bag?
24:15Well, I'm taking this Norma, just in case she gets arrested.
24:18You know what it's like, Maxine, to be stripped from your dignity,
24:21tossed in a cell, and stuffed into a paper gown?
24:26Well, at least I didn't kill my sister!
24:30That middle finger again.
24:32Let's blow this joint.
24:37Wow, you are very good at this, Bruce.
24:42You should have seen me outside the Ice Station Zebra premiere.
24:45Oh.
24:45By the way, look at that one.
24:46She's devastated.
24:48Oh.
24:48Yeah, her plastic surgeon.
24:50He's a heavy drinker.
24:51I always say if she sneezes, she might look like a basset hound.
24:56Careful.
24:57Oh.
24:59Look who just zipped up on his Vespa.
25:01Oh.
25:03Oh, my God.
25:05It's him.
25:05Who?
25:07My Rock.
25:08Oh.
25:09Oh.
25:10And he's with me.
25:12Break.
25:12I don't know.
25:13The governor of California?
25:15No.
25:17His wife.
25:18She's Rock's best Judy.
25:20I think her name's Nancy.
25:23You have a lot to learn.
25:25Nancy learned a lot from me, too.
25:26She can fit a golf ball through a garden hose now, thanks to me.
25:29Oh, gosh.
25:32There's a mirror bells in there.
25:35And I'm sitting here talking about movie stars and golf balls.
25:38I need to give her a proper goodbye.
25:40I'm going in.
25:41Maxine, you'll never get in through the front door.
25:44There's one thing I know how to do.
25:45It's sneak into the Palme Royale.
25:47And you are still invited to my funeral.
25:51You'll never let me undress like this.
25:53Wish me luck.
25:54Good luck, Maxine.
25:56Promise me you'll make him see you!
25:57Oh.
26:24Oh, Mirabelle.
26:27I just had to see you one more time.
26:36I'm going to assume your head's over here.
26:44You know, I've always wanted a family of my very own.
26:49And I just want you to know, I cherished every second we had together.
27:00I'm going to miss you, my little buttercup.
27:02I can't believe we're going through with this shit.
27:14I can't believe we're going through with this shit.
27:27Everyone out there believes Maxine's in that casket when she's actually in a hot deal with her new gay best friend.
27:32If it makes you feel any better, there's nobody in the coffin.
27:35I can't go.
27:36I can't believe we're going through with this shit.
27:37I can't believe we're going through this shit.
27:38I can't believe we're going through this shit.
27:39The whole town thinks I'm the one who killed Maxine.
27:41Well, we all know that Norma's the one who killed her.
27:44They think I killed her spirit.
27:47That's why she's haunting me.
27:49That's just your guilty conscience playing tricks on you.
27:52It'll pass.
27:53She was at our back door, I'm telling you.
27:56I can't go to the funeral and see her body.
28:00I may never see my wife again, but here's yours.
28:04What is this?
28:06Maxine.
28:08As per the grieving wishes of you, my stag brother.
28:14Let's get her away.
28:15Apparently, Perry Donahue went down to the morgue and threw a temper tantrum until they agreed to cremate the body.
28:20This town is so fucked up.
28:25And you know who the most fucked up of them all is?
28:28Maxine.
28:29I can't believe I have to eulogize someone that I actually want to kill.
28:32Just get through today.
28:34Norma is in Palm Beach.
28:36You know she won't be able to stay away.
28:38I appreciate your persistence, Mirabelle, whoever you are.
28:48But until I find my bootlegger, I won't be delivering any messages today.
28:53You'll be delivering a message, Mary.
28:56I know.
28:57As soon as the processional starts, I make my move, and then you...
29:00Don't worry about me.
29:01You do your part, and I'll take care of the rest.
29:06And once that's done, I'll be free?
29:11We'll all be free.
29:13Come on, Norma.
29:15Show yourself.
29:23Rock Hudson.
29:24He's even cuter up close.
29:26Now, as soon as the ceremony is underway, I want you to head out back and start scrubbing.
29:29Nobody's going to want to swim in a pool with pieces of Maxine's decomposing body floating about.
29:34Right away, ma'am.
29:36Hey, hey.
29:38Do you want to talk?
29:39No, I do not want to talk.
29:41I want Jed to clean the rotting flesh out of the pool.
29:45Oh, gosh.
29:46Happy Rockefeller.
29:49And as I live and breathe, Babe Paley.
29:53Oh.
29:54Oh.
29:54Excuse me.
29:59Excuse me.
30:04Diana, I thought you were a goner.
30:07Perry, not now.
30:08Not now.
30:09Norma could be anywhere.
30:10I don't want to draw attention to myself.
30:12Dude, no, I do.
30:13I've been through it.
30:14Now Maxine's gone.
30:15Get your shit together, Perry.
30:16Gee, Perry.
30:17Didn't think we knew each other that well.
30:18Are you wearing a bulletproof vest?
30:22Two.
30:23I took yours when I thought you weren't coming.
30:24Yes, give it to me right now.
30:26Give it to me.
30:26Give it to you right now.
30:27You don't have the balls.
30:29To protect me, I am just going to have to protect myself.
30:34Where are you going?
30:35The only place a woman can truly feel safe in this world.
30:39The ladies' room.
30:41Thank you very much.
30:44Excuse me.
30:45Excuse me.
30:45Excuse me.
30:47See?
30:51They're all looking at me.
30:53And so is Maxine.
30:56She's following me.
30:58And she's right, too.
30:59I've been terrible to her.
31:01I promise you, Maxine is on the counter where we left her.
31:07No, she's not.
31:08She's right there.
31:09If she's in there, then whose ashes do we have?
31:12Someone's in the kitchen at Dinah's.
31:13I am so sorry.
31:15There must have been a mix-up with the cremains, but I can assure you there's no one in that coffin.
31:21See, Mitz?
31:21It's all fine.
31:22Come on.
31:25Welcome, friends.
31:27I can hardly believe this is happening.
31:31It all feels so terribly unreal.
31:35I can't help but feel somehow that Maxine's just going to turn up one day.
31:41And yet, here we are, saying our final farewell to Maxine.
31:47Who knows what her last name is now?
31:51Maxine came to us as an outsider.
31:54But she worked and wormed her way into our hearts and burrowed in like a barnacle.
32:04A clung on into a piece of driftwood and could not be scraped off.
32:08Oh, no, no, no.
32:11Mary.
32:12Mary, stop right there.
32:16Mary.
32:17Mary, what are you doing?
32:21I have a message for Maxine from the other side.
32:26So, if you all would just give us a moment of privacy.
32:32No, no, no.
32:33Don't do it, Mary.
32:34Mary.
32:34Mary.
32:34Mary.
32:34Mary.
32:35Mary.
32:35Mary.
32:35Mary.
32:36Mary.
32:37Mary.
32:38Mary.
32:38Mary.
32:38Mary.
32:40No, no, no, no, no.
32:41I just need a minute.
32:42I need a minute.
32:42What?
32:52What the fuck?
32:57Someone named Maribel came to me.
33:03She says, don't worry about her.
33:07She's having a good time.
33:08A lot of fun.
33:09A lot of fun.
33:10And she loves you.
33:11And I'm not sure what this part means, but she said, there's lots of man rods in heaven.
33:19All right, Mary.
33:21That's quite enough from the spirit world for today.
33:23Mary.
33:24Now we'll continue with the service.
33:26Actually, I do have another message to deliver.
33:28I know what you're all thinking, that I shouldn't even be here, much less speak, but I'm gonna.
33:40Maxine.
33:41Maxine and I were married for 20 years.
33:53And I loved her.
33:57I loved her.
33:58And Maxine, I just want you to know that I am so sorry for everything that I have done.
34:04I don't know if you chose me or I chose you.
34:08Or if love is just something that happens when two people choose each other at the same moment.
34:17Like a bargain.
34:18And that beautiful, fragile bargain that may only happen once for a person could last a lifetime.
34:28If both people keep believing in the singularity of that magic.
34:34I'm so sorry.
34:35I'm so sorry.
34:36I'm so sorry.
34:37I let you down.
34:38Okay.
34:39Hold it.
34:40Oh, how deeply, Maudlin.
34:43If anyone else has the urge to express themselves, please have the good sense to repress it.
34:57We will now resume the scheduled eulogy delivered by Maxine's dearest friend, patriot, warrior, American hero, Mr. Robert Diaz.
35:10I don't know about y'all, but I can't bear to look at her.
35:29Oh.
35:30Oh.
35:31If Maxine were here with us today,
35:38she would want us to move on with our lives.
35:42Yes.
35:43She wouldn't want us to get stuck in sentimental stories or touching anecdotes.
35:50Oh, I love touching anecdotes.
35:52Maxine, contrary to popular opinion, she was a very private person.
35:57I was.
35:58So I'm gonna ask you all to make a sullen pact where we don't talk about Maxine ever again.
36:06Life is too fucking short.
36:13And now, before the Palm Royale waitstaff brings Maxine to her eternal resting place on the ninth hole, won't you join me in singing Maxine's favorite song honoring her hometown, Chattanooga?
36:33Chattanooga.
36:34The lyrics are on the back side of your prayer cards.
36:40Hello.
36:42Hello.
36:43Hello, railroad.
36:45This is the railroad.
36:48Hello.
36:49I'm on the long way.
36:50Take it down to Tennessee.
36:51I'm leaving to meet you, see.
36:53Chattanooga.
36:54Here I come.
36:56Pardon me, boys.
36:57In that Chattanooga.
36:59Choo-choo.
37:00Marjorie Merriweather-Post.
37:10Pass the mayoral campaign, Dinah.
37:13I must admit, it is a terrifying time to be in politics.
37:19Ever since my speech at your square dance,
37:21someone's been threatening to unleash the dogs on us.
37:23Ruff!
37:27Ruff!
37:30You are the one that's been sending the threatening letters?
37:44But why?
37:46Because you took my dick.
37:49I'm sorry?
37:50My dick.
37:51Richard Milhouse Nixon.
37:53My little Ricky.
37:55My little Dickie.
37:56My little droopy dog cutie pie.
37:59Oh, I am so sorry.
38:02I didn't realize that you and the president were so close.
38:05Of course you didn't.
38:05Then to have your hand in the next Carolina.
38:09When you hear the whistle blow and ain't to the bar,
38:12then you know the Tennessee is not very far.
38:15Shovel all the coal and gun.
38:17The only way for a woman to have power in this world is to obtain three things.
38:21A buttload of money, a buttload of guns, and the ear of the most powerful man in the country.
38:28I've been seeing after Dick's needs for decades.
38:33I'm the one that always made sure that his milk was lukewarm and his saltines were cold.
38:39Whatever he needed, I provided.
38:41How very nurturing of you.
38:49I know.
38:49I'm a saint.
38:51Unfortunately, some little hippie tried to kill him, so now he doesn't want to come to Palm Beach anymore.
38:56So I thought I'd sweeten the pot.
38:59I offered to donate Mar-a-Lago to the cause of liberty.
39:03Use it as his winter White House.
39:06And then we could continue to canoodle under the cover of real estate.
39:10But now I realize the real reason he didn't want to come around.
39:14There wasn't a gun-wielding assassin.
39:16It was something far more dangerous.
39:18What?
39:18You.
39:19Me?
39:20You.
39:20With your white teeth and your tight little tush.
39:23I can see you are upset.
39:38How can I make this up to you?
39:40I'll give you one hint.
39:41You can crack it, pour a little milk on it, add some herbs, but you'll never get an omelet.
39:47Axel's Faberge egg.
39:48I can assure you, I have looked high and low all over my home.
39:57Believe me, we've looked too.
39:58You've?
39:59Yes, in your home, with my men, eating malta meal in your kitchen whilst they tore the place apart and put it all back together again.
40:06I feel so violated.
40:08Good.
40:08And after we searched your home, I now know that Axel had a top-secret safety deposit box in Switzerland.
40:16It's the only conceivable place that final imperial egg could possibly be.
40:21So if I go to Switzerland and get that egg, then we'll be square?
40:26We'll be square.
40:30And if I don't get that egg?
40:32I'll kill you.
40:32What?
40:33Societally, I mean.
40:35I'll tell everyone you're Nixon's whore.
40:36But won't that hurt Nixon?
40:38No.
40:39People never remember what the man did.
40:41Only the woman.
40:43You'll have to carry that stench for the rest of your life.
40:47Ruff!
40:50Egg!
40:50Hello, friend.
41:18I have a message for you from Norma.
41:24Go home.
41:26Now.
41:27She's gonna cry, she's gonna cry until I tell her family.
41:34Norma.
41:46Norma.
41:56Virginia.
41:56Virginia.
41:57Virginia.
41:58Ann, I thought I told you to stay down there with the mourners.
42:00She just went into the baby's room.
42:02Veil, Norma.
42:03There.
42:10I got eyes on Norma.
42:12Suspect is on the premises.
42:14Hold your positions.
42:15God!
42:16God.
42:17God!
42:35Ha!
42:36Ha!
42:37Gotcha!
42:38Hey, Bruce.
42:53Don't shoot.
42:55Please hold your fire.
42:56Put your guns down.
42:58What are you doing?
42:59What you told me to do.
43:04I just want to talk.
43:05I just want to talk to him.
43:09Rock, please.
43:11Rock, don't go.
43:13Nancy, you are such an evil bitch.
43:15You listen to me, Rock Hudson.
43:17That woman is not your friend.
43:19She's a mediocre actress, too.
43:21And a superior bitch.
43:23Nancy Reagan is a fair one, you're friends.
43:26Stand down.
43:27Not our target.
43:31I can explain.
43:33I mean, um, you see, um, I was forced against my will by the, it's going to sound crazy,
43:39but the federal government, they made me do this and, tell them, Virginia, tell them.
43:45Thank you so much for coming.
43:48We have open swim tomorrow at 11 a.m.
43:51You would let me believe that you were dead?
43:59I, I, I never wanted to.
44:01Just let me live my life in peace.
44:07Douglas.
44:07I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
44:37Oh, you've really let the place go to hell, haven't you?
44:54Roma, the entire town is looking for you.
44:57The FBI is looking for you.
44:59Ditch the turban, ditch the moo moo.
45:02Nobody's gonna pay a little old lady any bite.
45:06I could get away with murder dressed like this.
45:11I should turn you in to the police.
45:13But you won't.
45:15We're family, you and I.
45:17What are you doing here?
45:19Darling, I can see it in your face.
45:24This town has become cruel to you,
45:28which is why I've come back to spirit you away.
45:33Don't you realize I've always thought of you as a son?
45:40Come on, let's blow this popsicle stand.
45:46Yes, mother.
45:47Mrs. Martinez, we have concluded our investigation.
45:51Our final assessment.
45:52Oh, my God.
45:53Evelyn?
45:54What's going on?
45:55What's going on?
45:56Well, dead corpse floating in the pool.
45:58FBI sting foiled by Maxine rising from the dead.
46:00And now, the Palme Royale owes $8 million in back taxes.
46:05So the IRS is shutting us down until we settle.
46:06That's what's going on.
46:10Oh, my God.
46:14Evelyn?
46:17What's going on?
46:19Well, dead corpse floating in the pool,
46:22FBI sting-foiled by Maxine rising from the dead,
46:25and now the Palme Royale owes $8 million in back taxes,
46:28so the IRS is shutting us down until we settle.
46:31That's what's going on.
46:32At least you didn't lie to me.
46:33I'm sorry. I cooperated with the FBI. My mistake. I'm sorry.
46:37I took charge of our lives while my husband sat around looking pretty.
46:42That is so unkind.
46:44The Palme Royale is finished. There's no coming back from this shit parade,
46:47and it's all on me to dig us out of another goddamn hole!
46:51It's all on you because you want it that way.
46:53Because you like it that way.
46:56And how about you stop being so fucking nasty?
46:58How about you tell Jed to get out there and scrub the goddamn pool?
47:01Ay, por favor. Arroligate and clean the goddamn pool yourself.
47:07Where are you going?
47:24Don't talk to me.
47:26What? What did I do?
47:27Rock left for it at the front desk.
47:30He never wants to see me again.
47:32You did the right thing.
47:33I know you're right, but I still feel like shit.
47:38So thanks for that.
47:42See you around, maybe.
47:45Okay. See ya.
47:56Tetris.
47:56Virginia filled me in on what happened with Mirabelle.
48:04And I brought you her ashes.
48:06I thought you might want them.
48:09I know you always wanted a family, Max.
48:12I'm just, I'm so sorry.
48:16This is so...
48:18This is so sweet.
48:20What you will ever learn
48:23Is just to love
48:26And be loved in return
48:30Jed,
48:38These are my
48:39Private quarters.
48:43You shouldn't be here.
48:45I was wondering if
48:46There was anything you needed.
48:48Did you clean the pool?
48:56Maybe I did.
48:59Maybe I didn't.
49:06Oh.
49:09Shit.
49:10Permission to come aboard.
49:19Permission granted.
49:21And be loved in return
49:23Oh.
49:24Oh.
49:25Oh.
49:25Oh.
49:28Thanks for bringing me Mirabelle.
49:35It's very
49:37Graceful of you
49:39Considering the
49:41Circumstances.
50:00Maxine?
50:01Trust me.
50:07She'll be happy in here.
50:16Maxine, I need to ask you something.
50:18I'm going to Switzerland
50:19And I want you to come with me.
50:22Actually, I need you to come with me.
50:25To be there in person.
50:26So that you can sign away your claim on the baby trust.
50:31It's just, it's, it's, it's kind of a red tape thing.
50:35Because of us having been married.
50:39I'm sorry it's so last minute.
50:41It didn't matter when you were dead.
50:44But now that you're alive.
50:46I heard what you said
50:55At the funeral
50:56That you love me
51:01And
51:02I want you to know that I accept your apology
51:04And I love you too
51:07Ah, this has all just gone
51:11It's gone too far
51:13I've had so many feelings today
51:16And I just
51:16I need to go home
51:19And stop feeling
51:20Did you mean what you said?
51:43Take that as a yes
51:46I'll go to Switzerland
51:47Wait, Switzerland?
51:53That's the scene of Norma's first crime
51:56Max
51:58You ready for round two?
52:06I'm ready for you to clean the pool
52:08That'll be all, Jed
52:10Well, God damn
52:13Get back inside your coffin, Maxine
52:28She's mad at you
52:29Yeah, I can tell
52:30You know they almost fired me today
52:32And if I was a white man
52:33They probably would have
52:34The only reason why they're keeping me around
52:35Is to trot me out
52:36Whenever the FBI is accused of being racist
52:38I'm so sorry
52:39She's in a very dark place
52:41Maxine
52:43Oh
52:44Hello, Mary
52:46Virginia
52:48Now that you are in law enforcement
52:52I would like to report a missing person
52:55Oh, yeah?
52:57Who?
52:57Me
52:58For three days
53:02I was being held hostage
53:06In my very own home
53:08What?
53:09By
53:09The same murderess
53:13That you have been
53:14Trying to capture
53:16And no one cared
53:19No
53:20No one sent up flares for Mary
53:23Meanwhile
53:25My bootlegger
53:27Is gone
53:28My one chance
53:32At finding true and lasting passion
53:37Evaporated into thin air
53:40As soon as Norma arrived
53:42And took me hostage
53:44When will I find love?
53:49When?
53:51I
53:51I don't know
53:53But can we go back to Norma?
53:55I'm sorry
53:55She's
53:56She's at your house?
53:59Was
53:59She left
54:00She had me
54:02Deliver a message to Robert
54:05Saying to go home
54:06And I did that
54:07And now I'm free
54:09No thanks to you
54:10To go and search
54:12For my bootlegger
54:15And now
54:20I do not need any help
54:24From law enforcement
54:26The spirit is strong
54:30And she
54:32Will guide me
54:34We gotta get to the Delacorte
54:40Norma's a genius
54:44They're gone
54:48They're both
54:50Gone
54:51Both?
54:53Norma and Robert
54:54Don't you see
54:55While this whole town
54:56Was here
54:56Trying to trap her
54:57She slipped in
54:59And she took him
55:00Where her trail ran cold
55:02Where she vacations
55:03With Mary in the Alps
55:04Where she had Robert
55:05Send her paintings
55:06Switzerland
55:08And so I come to you
55:31My love
55:33My heart
55:35Above my head
55:38Though I see
55:43The danger there
55:49To Chad
55:52I'll love you forever
55:53You're Mitzi
55:55Well
55:58This
56:00Will do quite nicely
56:02I know
56:09Today was
56:09A bit challenging
56:10But I'm going to Switzerland
56:12With Douglas and Mitzi
56:13Strictly business
56:15But since you're my
56:17Conservator
56:18I need your permission
56:20To travel
56:21Just a quick
56:22John Hancock
56:23With Mitzi
56:24You don't say
56:25I know
56:26I'll do you one better
56:28Maxine
56:28I'll come with you
56:30Eddie and I
56:32Could use a little time away
56:33And Switzerland
56:34Could be
56:35Just the thing
56:36Maribel said
56:46I would find
56:49The killer
56:49By the pool
56:50Look at this
56:53The energies
56:55Are strong
56:56Right here
56:57Killer
57:00Of Maxine
57:02Reveal thyself
57:05My bootlegger
57:17At last
57:19Where have you been?
57:24I've missed you
57:25Rushed in
57:30Rush in
57:31Someone's in the kitchen
57:40With Dinah
57:41Someone's in the kitchen
57:43I know
57:44Someone's in the kitchen
57:46With Dinah
57:47Strumming on the old banjo
57:49Dinah didn't make no pudding
57:52Didn't make the apple pie
57:54Cause she's pitching
57:56In the kitchen
57:57With the apple of her eye
58:00Someone's in the kitchen
58:02Someone's there I know
58:04Someone's in the kitchen
58:07I know
58:09Somebody's in the kitchen
58:12Somebody's there I know
58:15Someone's in the kitchen
58:18Strumming on the old banjo
58:19Come on out of the kitchen
58:22Get away
58:23From the old banjo
58:26Come on out of the kitchen
Be the first to comment