مسلسل According to Jim الموسم الثامن الحلقة 10 مترجمة - توب سينما
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00:00موسيقى
00:02موسيقى
00:04موسيقى
00:04موسيقى
00:05ترسد شارك
00:09اشترك
00:27인� android
00:31I love you, Mandy
00:32from your man, Andy
00:35You're sweet as candy
00:37on ocean or dry landy
00:40I think you're just dandy
00:42I love walking with you hand in handy
00:46Don't you miss Jessica-tandy?
00:52What do you think?
00:54أعتقد أنه مجددا!
00:57أعتقد أنت تشفيدي!
01:09لا لا لا!
01:11لم تكن حدث مجدداً منذ دائمين لديك كثيرا!
01:14إنها سيئة!
01:15سأعطيها تحديدها!
01:16سأعطيها تحديدها!
01:17إذا لم تحديدها!
01:19تحديدها!
01:20لا أحتاج أيها الحمد!
01:22تبعينا بطاعة يقول
01:51Here, here's your stupid dollar.
01:53Thank you.
01:55Here's the thing.
01:57Most guys in a new relationship make the mistake of thinking a good gift is an expensive gift.
02:08That's it? That's your advice?
02:11No, that's what you're doing wrong.
02:13If you want advice, it's another dollar.
02:16Go to hell!
02:18Fine, change your own diapers when you're 80.
02:21Fine.
02:26And damn you to hell.
02:28Thank you.
02:30Okay.
02:31Anybody can do an expensive gift.
02:34What you should be looking for is a meaningful gift.
02:37You mean cheap?
02:41It can't be cheap if things line up right.
02:46Here's the thing.
02:47The gift women really love is the gift that says, I listen to you.
02:54Okay, okay.
02:57I can see the beauty of that, Jim.
02:59But here's the thing.
03:01I don't listen to Mandy.
03:04What do you mean?
03:04You're with her all the time.
03:06I know.
03:06But every time I'm with her, the only thing I hear is this voice inside my head saying, please don't leave me.
03:10Please don't leave me.
03:11Please don't leave me.
03:12Well, Andy, sounds like you need advanced lessons.
03:16Phew, yeah.
03:20No, no, no, no.
03:22I am desperate.
03:22All right.
03:26On our 10th anniversary, I gave Cheryl a teddy bear cookie jar that looked just like the one she had when she was growing up.
03:34Whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:34I don't remember us having a teddy bear cookie jar.
03:37Neither did Cheryl.
03:40Until I gave her one.
03:42Then suddenly, she remembered.
03:45She cried and gave me a back rub.
03:47Oh, I could use a back rub.
03:50Or one of those hot stone massages.
03:53Oh, it's how the Indians have relaxed for centuries.
03:56Andy, Andy.
03:57What I realized a little later was that wasn't Cheryl's story at all.
04:02I was thinking about the cookie jar in the Andy Griffith show.
04:06So you told Cheryl you made a mistake, right?
04:09No.
04:11See, Andy, women are so desperate to believe that their men are listening to them.
04:17that they'll buy into anything.
04:20So just buy Mandy a gift, make up a story.
04:26Eh, that sounds a little dishonest.
04:28Andy, it is totally dishonest.
04:32You have to understand, we're selling feelings, not the truth.
04:37Oh, no, no, no.
04:39I'm not following you.
04:39Well, it's kind of like when Mandy says you look great without your shirt on.
04:45Oh.
04:45Right?
04:47You know it's not the truth, but you love hearing it.
04:51All I hear is, please don't leave me.
04:53Please don't leave me.
04:53Please don't leave me.
04:58You know what?
04:59You know what, Mandy?
05:01I cannot wait anymore.
05:03I want to give you your birthday present.
05:04Hey, happy birthday.
05:10You are going to love it.
05:12Oh, I'm so excited.
05:15I put an extra little bit of the old ticker into this one.
05:20Oh, a Chinese checker set.
05:27Huh.
05:29So, what do you think?
05:30I think it's a Chinese checker set.
05:32Or is it a vintage Chinese checker set exactly like the one you and your favorite babysitter used to play with?
05:42I never played Chinese checkers in my life.
05:46I actually find it a bit racist.
05:49Uh, no.
05:52No.
05:52Of course you did.
05:54Um, you told me on our third date.
05:57Drinks at the Palmer house.
05:58You had a Tom Collins.
06:00I had a Cosmo.
06:00This gif says, I listen.
06:04Whew.
06:04Got a, got a hell of a kink right here.
06:08What was the babysitter's name?
06:15Eleanor.
06:16Eleanor what?
06:16Rigby.
06:18No.
06:19Wait.
06:19Roosevelt.
06:20No, wait.
06:21Robinson.
06:22Not, not Eleanor.
06:23Jackie.
06:25Yes, that's right.
06:26My babysitter is Jackie Robinson.
06:28and she broke the Chinese checkers barrier in my house.
06:32So it's coming back to you.
06:36Andy, you obviously heard this story from another woman.
06:38You know, probably that whack job, Emily.
06:40I knew you weren't over her yet.
06:42No, baby, baby.
06:43Please, please.
06:44You and me, we're for reals.
06:45Huh?
06:47No, no.
06:48I haven't been engaged to Emily for 17 days.
06:51This is the most insensitive gif I have ever gotten.
06:54No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
06:57No.
06:57No, um, no, there, there's no other girl that, no one told me this story.
07:05I made the whole thing up.
07:11You did what?
07:14I wanted to give you something really, really meaningful, but I couldn't think of anything.
07:18so I made a, I made up a stupid story that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
07:27You made the whole thing up?
07:29I cannot believe you would sink that low.
07:31I mean, is it really that hard to give me a gift based on who I am?
07:35Can I, can I just say one more thing in my defense?
07:40Go ahead.
07:42Please don't leave me, please don't leave me, please don't leave me.
07:44I can't stay for dinner.
07:50Wait, wait a minute, you can't barge in here without knocking first.
07:53What if I was nude?
07:55I knocked the last time and you were nude.
07:57Well, I thought you were the mailman.
07:59We got this running joke.
08:01I don't think he gets it though.
08:05I'm not staying for dinner because I'm very upset with Andy,
08:08but I did bring your three bean salad.
08:10Oh, wow, look at that.
08:12Nice work.
08:14Okay, see ya.
08:15No, no, no, wait.
08:17What happened?
08:18Andy gave me these Chinese checkers for my birthday,
08:21told me I played it as a kid,
08:22but it was just some stupid story he made up.
08:31That's weird.
08:35I mean, uh, why would he do that?
08:39Huh, I guess we'll never know.
08:42See ya.
08:43No, no, no.
08:44I know what happened.
08:48You do?
08:49Yeah.
08:50It's all your fault.
08:53How would you know that?
08:56Because you always get me such great anniversary gifts
08:59and Andy is trying to compete with you.
09:04That's how you know that.
09:06Of course.
09:07Look, you can't give Andy a hard time
09:09because I set the bar so high.
09:11I mean, he's trying.
09:12Well, I guess his heart was in the right place.
09:14Absolutely.
09:16Don't punish him because he's not as classy as moi.
09:19See ya.
09:21Is Jim really a good gift giver?
09:23Oh, the best.
09:24I wouldn't expect that.
09:26Oh, yeah, he gets these simple, inexpensive gifts
09:28that always have a thoughtful story behind him.
09:31He remembers every detail.
09:33Really?
09:33Him?
09:35He remembers stories I don't even remember telling.
09:39Oh, honey.
09:43Crap!
09:45I knew I never wanted wooden shoes as a kid.
09:48Kidney, garbanzo, green.
09:58Kidney, garbanzo, green.
10:01Kidney, garbanzo, green.
10:03Hey, this Mandy can cook.
10:06Yeah, you know, speaking of Mandy,
10:09our conversation last night got me thinking.
10:11Yeah.
10:12You know, you always get me such meaningful,
10:13emotional gifts for our anniversary.
10:15Mm-hmm.
10:15And this year, I wanted to do that for you.
10:18Well, that's gonna be kind of hard, Cheryl.
10:20I don't really have any meaningful emotions.
10:25It was tough,
10:26but I think I found the perfect gift,
10:28and it is waiting for you in the living room.
10:32Come on.
10:33You installed a toilet next to the couch?
10:38Oh, this is gonna be a great anniversary.
10:40Come on, what do you get me?
10:41What do you get me?
10:42Where the hell's my big-screen TV?
10:52I replaced it with this super-spectrum
10:55astrotron
10:57in living color.
11:00Ta-da!
11:03Remember?
11:04It's exactly like the one you used to watch
11:06with your uncle.
11:07When you were a kid,
11:11you used to stay up late
11:12and watch the Blackhawks games?
11:17I don't remember watching any hockey
11:19with any uncle.
11:20Oh, sure you do.
11:22You told me about it on our third date.
11:25I wouldn't make something like that up.
11:28You'd have to be a pretty horrible person
11:30to do something like that.
11:31So, Jim,
11:42is there something you'd like to tell me?
11:51Yes.
11:53Yes, Cheryl.
11:53I'd love this TV!
11:58Wow!
11:59Look at that!
12:00What a great gift, honey!
12:03Hey!
12:04Will you look at that?
12:06All three channels!
12:10Oh, this is so great.
12:11I feel like my uncle is here with me.
12:14My uncle, what was his name?
12:16Bite Me.
12:16Yeah, yeah.
12:21Uncle Bite Me,
12:22who was married to my Aunt Kramit.
12:26Stop it!
12:27All right.
12:28All right, you got me, all right?
12:29Maybe I fudged a few details
12:30on a couple of anniversaries.
12:32No, Jim!
12:33Eight anniversaries!
12:34Eight!
12:35Eight?
12:35There was no eight!
12:36What are you talking about eight?
12:42Yeah, eight.
12:44Yeah, but eight out of 15...
12:46Nineteen!
12:47Nineteen, right.
12:49You told me that my mom and I
12:50used to drink cocoa out of a mug like this
12:52after we'd go ice skating.
12:54Oh, Cheryl.
12:56That is such a beautiful story.
12:59I'm getting all choked up.
13:01You lied!
13:02And this stupid thing!
13:06Sheep on wheels?
13:08Stupid?
13:10Do you know how hard it is
13:11to find a sheep on wheels?
13:13I mean, you can find a pig on wheels,
13:18but try coming up with a story on that.
13:22And my personal favorite?
13:25The wood plane.
13:27A wood plane, Jim?
13:29Cheryl, Cheryl,
13:30if we didn't have that wood plane,
13:32these wooden shoes
13:33wouldn't have fit right.
13:34You suck!
13:39Okay, Cheryl,
13:40to be fair here, okay?
13:41If you would have caught me
13:42with that cookie jar,
13:43the other seven lies
13:44wouldn't have happened.
13:46It kind of rests on your shoulders, too, babe.
13:50This is my fault?
13:51Yeah, you know what?
13:52You even admitted to it.
13:54When?
13:54Well, we'd been dating
13:55for about six months.
13:56We were having drinks
13:57at the Palmer House,
13:58and you said,
13:58if you ever have to lie...
14:00Oh, my God!
14:01You're doing it now!
14:04You caught me!
14:06See?
14:07We're progressing!
14:10We have a growing relationship.
14:15Fine.
14:16I'm gonna go grow
14:17in the kitchen.
14:19Wait, Cheryl, stop.
14:21Before you go.
14:24Can you flip it over to seven?
14:25So, tell me again
14:42how much you love
14:42those diamond earrings.
14:44Ooh, I love
14:44my new diamond earrings.
14:46Ha, ha, ha.
14:47I knew you would, baby.
14:49Diamonds don't need a story.
14:52Okay, you can go get
14:53those hot stones
14:54out of the oven now.
14:55Okay.
14:56Are you sure
14:57this is how they do this?
14:58Oh, yeah.
14:59It's an old Indian ritual
15:00dating back a thousand years.
15:02Of course,
15:03they didn't have
15:03the convection oven.
15:06I know,
15:06but an hour at 4.50...
15:08Just do it!
15:09I get earrings!
15:15Ah!
15:17Can't take him off!
15:19Can't take him off!
15:20Oh!
15:21Ah!
15:22Ah!
15:23Ah!
15:24Ah!
15:24Ah!
15:24Ah!
15:25Oh, my God!
15:31Are you okay?
15:32Ah!
15:32Ah!
15:33Ah!
15:37Hey!
15:38I think I'll be all right!
15:42Well, I hope so,
15:43because later I want to
15:44thank you properly
15:44for my new earrings.
15:46I'm fine.
15:47I'll be great.
15:47Yeah.
15:48Hey, what are you cooking
15:52in here?
15:52Burgers?
15:54Honey, let me go get you
15:55some ointment, okay?
15:56mwah!
15:56Mwah!
15:57Mwah!
15:57Mwah!
15:57Mwah!
16:02I'm tapping that!
16:06I thought you were in a doghouse!
16:08Ah, I bought her diamonds, Jim.
16:10I can do no wrong.
16:11Diamonds.
16:11I can listen, not listen,
16:13call her by the wrong name.
16:14All she hears is,
16:15look at me sparkle.
16:17Andy,
16:18I really need you...
16:19Can you put those cows
16:20back in the barn?
16:25Look,
16:25you really screwed me up
16:27with Cheryl.
16:28How is that my fault?
16:29Because your lies sucked
16:30and that screwed up
16:31my brilliant lies.
16:32You know what, Jim?
16:34What?
16:34Hmm?
16:34Andy, please,
16:35put it away!
16:36No, no, no,
16:37why don't you buy your wife
16:38something nice
16:39instead of taking
16:40the easy way out?
16:41Easy?
16:42You think it's easy
16:43coming up with convincing lies
16:45and sticking to them
16:46for all these years?
16:49Nothing.
16:49in here
16:50is easy!
16:53Jim,
16:53I'm all blissed out
16:54from my massage.
16:55You're kind of harsh
16:56in my rub.
16:58Fine.
16:59I'll figure out
17:00something for myself.
17:02Be cool, bro.
17:10Hey, bro,
17:11thanks for the help.
17:12this TV sucks.
17:20I hate teaching gym lessons.
17:25Hello, my dear wife.
17:29Happy anniversary.
17:31What's this?
17:32A regular sock?
17:33Did my feet go to different sizes
17:34when I was eight?
17:35No.
17:38This is a real gift
17:40from a real store,
17:41not from some guy
17:42in the corner
17:42selling rugs
17:43or day-old meats.
17:45Which, by the way,
17:46I got dinner covered.
17:49Happy anniversary.
17:52Oh!
17:54Jim!
17:56Oh, my God,
17:56diamond earrings?
17:58Mm-hmm.
17:58And the only story
18:00that goes with that
18:01is that they were
18:02very expensive.
18:04Oh, Jim,
18:07they're beautiful.
18:08I love them.
18:09Thank you.
18:10You like them, huh?
18:11Oh, yes.
18:12You sure?
18:13You sure you want
18:14to keep them?
18:14Uh.
18:19Are they from
18:19a dead person?
18:22No, Cheryl.
18:23You know I've been
18:23banned from the morgue.
18:24Then I want
18:30to keep them.
18:31Hold on to that thought.
18:32Ah!
18:33Would you like
18:34to keep these diamonds
18:35that you have
18:37no emotional connection
18:39to whatsoever
18:40or would you rather
18:43have this mug
18:45in my hand?
18:49What are you doing?
18:50I'm giving you
18:50a choice.
18:52Expensive,
18:53meaningless earrings,
18:54inexpensive,
18:57meaningful mug.
18:58What's so meaningful
18:59about that?
19:00You got it free
19:00when you opened
19:00a checking account.
19:04Yes.
19:05But then you started
19:06using this mug
19:07every morning
19:08to drink your tea.
19:10And I remember
19:11you telling me
19:12that you were
19:13pregnant with Kyle
19:14while drinking
19:14out of this mug.
19:17Oh, my God.
19:19You're not
19:19making that up.
19:22No.
19:22Because I remember
19:23hoping that you
19:24were making that up.
19:27So,
19:28what's it gonna be?
19:30Earrings mug,
19:31earrings mug,
19:31earrings mug.
19:33Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
19:34Before you decide,
19:36if you take this mug,
19:38I will throw in
19:39for free
19:41sheep on wheels.
19:45Don't you remember
19:45Kyle picked this up
19:46and uttered his first words?
19:48Doggy.
19:52Okay, okay,
19:53I get it.
19:54We built a lifetime
19:55of memories
19:55on your foundation
19:56of lies.
19:57No, Cheryl.
19:58We built a lifetime
19:59of memories
19:59on my...
20:01Oh, you do get it.
20:05Cheryl,
20:06I know I may be
20:08different than other men,
20:09but I certainly
20:11am not boring.
20:14No, honey,
20:15you're not boring.
20:16In fact,
20:17you sparkle,
20:18which is what makes
20:19these so meaningful.
20:21It's like they're
20:22a reflection of you.
20:28Cheryl,
20:29all I did was go
20:30to a mall
20:30and buy them.
20:31Uh-huh.
20:31But I put a lot
20:34of thought
20:35and effort
20:35into finding
20:36these gifts.
20:37Uh-huh.
20:39But I thought
20:40the most important
20:40thing about a gift
20:41is the time
20:42and thought
20:42you put into it.
20:44No, actually,
20:45that's not as important
20:45as how shiny they are.
20:48In fact,
20:50the less you think,
20:51the sexier
20:52you get to me.
20:54Really?
20:56Oh, yeah.
20:56If you stop
20:57thinking altogether,
20:59you just might
20:59get lucky.
21:01Really?
21:03Mm-hmm.
21:04Oh, honey,
21:05I love these.
21:07What do you think?
21:09Nothing.
21:15Hey, uh, Jim,
21:17Mandy can't
21:18find her earrings.
21:19Oh!
21:31What do you think?
21:32What do you think?
21:33What do you think?
21:33What do you think?
21:33What do you think?
21:34What do you think?
21:34What do you think?
21:35What do you think?
21:35What do you think?
21:36What do you think?
21:36What do you think?
21:36What do you think?
21:37What do you think?
21:37What do you think?
21:38What do you think?
21:38What do you think?
21:39What do you think?
21:39What do you think?
21:40What do you think?
21:40What do you think?
21:40What do you think?
21:41What do you think?
21:41What do you think?
21:42What do you think?
21:43What do you think?
21:43What do you think?
21:44What do you think?
21:45What do you think?
21:45What do you think?
21:46What do you think?
21:47What do you think?
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