- 1 day ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:08All right, it's about that time.
00:00:10So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:12Uh, uh...
00:00:15Yeah, him.
00:00:21Hi!
00:00:23Just play along.
00:00:24Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:30Happy New Year!
00:00:53You have a cute scar.
00:00:55It's just my birthmark.
00:00:58If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:02I don't want you to stop.
00:01:05I love you.
00:01:08Mm-mm.
00:01:09I love you.
00:01:09I love you.
00:01:12I love you.
00:01:14Ah, I was so drunk last night.
00:01:37I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:39I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:50Happy New Year.
00:01:52Sam, it's me.
00:01:53Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:55I don't care how, just do it.
00:01:58I will find you.
00:02:05Maximus, can you get married already?
00:02:07Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:11I need grandkids.
00:02:13I need you to...
00:02:13Message received, Mom.
00:02:15I need to go now.
00:02:16I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:26Seven years.
00:02:28Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:30And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:31Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:41Boss, it's been years.
00:02:46I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:48Your vest, sir.
00:02:50But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
00:02:53She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:54Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:55And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:02:58We can't have her know you, the Harrison Group CEO, or she'll jack up the price.
00:03:02Good.
00:03:03Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:08Hi.
00:03:09One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:03:11And one hot chocolate.
00:03:12I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:17Now, Auntie Debra and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:22Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:24It's just for Christmas.
00:03:26But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:28Where's my real one?
00:03:30Uh.
00:03:37I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:39Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:42Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:49Daddy!
00:03:50No!
00:03:50What?
00:03:58Daddy!
00:03:59No!
00:04:00I'm sorry.
00:04:02I'm not your dad.
00:04:03No, I know you're my daddy.
00:04:05Just as handsome as I am.
00:04:07Oh.
00:04:07Mommy, hurry!
00:04:09Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:04:12I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:21He's gorgeous.
00:04:28Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:30She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:33Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:35You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:38So, you're my new Christmas wife.
00:04:40See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:43Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:04:44What's your name?
00:04:45Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:48Max.
00:04:49Aurelius.
00:04:50Eva.
00:04:50Eva.
00:04:50I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:55I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:58I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:05:00So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:05:07$1,000 an hour?
00:05:09Well, yeah.
00:05:11It's $500 a day.
00:05:13Is that enough?
00:05:14That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:16Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:18That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:20You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:22Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:05:24Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:05:27and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:05:29And then my family will get off my back,
00:05:31so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:36So, she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:38Fine.
00:05:40But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:44Okay.
00:05:45Deal.
00:05:48Ready to go get married?
00:05:51Ready to go get married?
00:06:03Wow.
00:06:05Clean up nice.
00:06:06It's my wedding day, after all.
00:06:08Pictures.
00:06:17Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:21I need some photos of us together, too.
00:06:48To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:06:52Yeah.
00:06:53Of course.
00:07:03Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:05From my family to you.
00:07:07Bad news, boss.
00:07:17The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
00:07:21Wait, she bailed?
00:07:22And who is...
00:07:23Who is she?
00:07:28Whatever.
00:07:29It doesn't matter.
00:07:31I've got what I need.
00:07:35Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:36I already found someone.
00:07:37Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:46Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:48Christmas shopping?
00:07:49I should come.
00:07:51Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan, I think I should
00:07:55have some say in the gifts.
00:07:57It'll make it more believable.
00:07:58Fine.
00:08:02Yeah, fine.
00:08:03Okay.
00:08:04You can come.
00:08:12Let's go.
00:08:13Which mall are we going to?
00:08:15Um, let's go to the bank.
00:08:16Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:08:17What the actual fuck?
00:08:29Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:34Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:40She does kind of look like him.
00:08:42So, when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:50Here, let me get this.
00:08:53I'm going to love you, Max.
00:08:56Oh, so, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice
00:09:05in front of them.
00:09:07Okay.
00:09:09Should we use our tongues or?
00:09:11No, no, definitely not.
00:09:12And absolutely no.
00:09:14Sex?
00:09:15Yes.
00:09:16This is strictly business.
00:09:19Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:09:22What?
00:09:23Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:26I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:32Let's go.
00:09:39Here.
00:09:40What are you doing?
00:09:41I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:45Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:09:50Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:5550% off pies?
00:09:57Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:5812 pumpkin pies.
00:09:59Did I hear this right?
00:10:00They're the best kind.
00:10:02Hurry up and go.
00:10:02Go.
00:10:03What are you standing here for?
00:10:04Hello there.
00:10:07Hi.
00:10:07You ready?
00:10:08Yes.
00:10:08Yeah, just these things.
00:10:09Okay, great.
00:10:11We have a holiday special today.
00:10:13Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the deal.
00:10:18Oh, great.
00:10:19Yeah.
00:10:20What do you have that's just $15?
00:10:21Will you get a move on?
00:10:24I just got here.
00:10:26Relax.
00:10:27Yeah, yeah.
00:10:30Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:32Okay, thank you.
00:10:35Hurry up and pay.
00:10:36I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:41You can wait your turn.
00:10:47Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:55Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:56Not the pies, not the pies.
00:10:57You can just set those on top.
00:11:03Hi, guys.
00:11:04I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:11:11Of course.
00:11:13Thank you so much.
00:11:14Of course.
00:11:14I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:17She bought all 12 pies.
00:11:18Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:11:20Just to give it away.
00:11:23Merry Christmas.
00:11:24Merry Christmas.
00:11:30What?
00:11:31You do that often?
00:11:33As often as I can.
00:11:34We should go.
00:11:39We got to pick up paper.
00:11:43Sit, watch out.
00:11:44You done feeling me up?
00:12:06Shut up.
00:12:07Oh, sorry.
00:12:08I was just in character, wifey.
00:12:09Yeah, well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:12:17And don't be late.
00:12:18Harrison Group?
00:12:31Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:34Sort of.
00:12:35Not that I'm judging.
00:12:36I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:40Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:44I think that's respectable.
00:12:47Can we pick another company?
00:12:49No.
00:12:50Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:52And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:53My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:55So, it's perfect.
00:12:56Perfect.
00:12:56Oh, and, uh, wear something nice for Christmas dinner.
00:13:04Don't worry.
00:13:05Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:13:06I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:10Too much.
00:13:10Let's go, Sam.
00:13:32It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:35Hold on, you're covered in water, and you have a hair on your shoulder, and it's not yours.
00:13:39It's my daughter's.
00:13:42Daughter's?
00:13:43Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:14:01Hey, there they are!
00:14:03Hey!
00:14:04Nice to meet you!
00:14:06Aw, Dad.
00:14:07Aren't you native?
00:14:08Oh, I missed you.
00:14:10So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:14:14He's coming.
00:14:16Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:14:18Good, good, good.
00:14:20So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:24When's he arriving?
00:14:25Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:30Poor thing.
00:14:31Not surprising.
00:14:32I mean, she's 30.
00:14:33Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:36Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:41This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:46Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:51We're only worried about you.
00:14:54All these years without a husband.
00:14:56Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:57You know, you've always spoiled her rotten.
00:15:01And look what happened.
00:15:02She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:15:06I'm not alone.
00:15:08Mm-hmm.
00:15:08And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:15:14He's a manager.
00:15:16Manager?
00:15:17Of what?
00:15:18Trash.
00:15:19Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:15:24You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:27Actually, he's right here.
00:15:33Oh, wow.
00:15:36Wow.
00:15:37He is really good looking.
00:15:40Ah, must be AI.
00:15:42Mm-hmm.
00:15:42Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:46Fake.
00:15:46That's enough.
00:15:47She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:50Show some respect.
00:15:51Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned
00:15:57him down?
00:15:58Well, guess what?
00:15:59William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:16:02Makes 500 grand a year.
00:16:05That's half a million.
00:16:07Half a million.
00:16:09Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:12And speak of the devil.
00:16:15Oh, Willie, you've made it.
00:16:30There you are.
00:16:32Oh, look at you now.
00:16:34Living the dream.
00:16:36Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:38Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste
00:16:42manager.
00:16:43So married, huh?
00:16:45Is it serious?
00:16:48That's what marriage is.
00:16:49It's pretty serious.
00:16:51Wow.
00:16:52You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:16:55Makes sense, though.
00:16:56You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:59Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:17:02Yeah, a bullet dodged, Willie.
00:17:04Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:07That's right.
00:17:09Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:17:14Women love a man in red.
00:17:16Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:18When I sit on my lap.
00:17:20Don't touch me.
00:17:22Oh, so entitled.
00:17:24Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:28And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:32I mean, look at that car.
00:17:34Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:38Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:41Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:46I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:53My mom would never marry.
00:17:55She already has a husband.
00:17:56He's going to kick your butt.
00:18:02Is that so?
00:18:03Well, then, where is he?
00:18:06Because I don't see him.
00:18:07Does anyone see him?
00:18:11Now, just like I thought, telling lies just like Mommy.
00:18:16That puts you on the naughty list.
00:18:19And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:18:25Hey.
00:18:25Mommy.
00:18:26Hey, are you okay?
00:18:28I see your hands.
00:18:29Oh, my God.
00:18:30I'm going to take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:18:32Come on, now.
00:18:33Let's go.
00:18:35What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:38How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:42Let me go.
00:18:43Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:48Let me go.
00:18:49Let me go.
00:18:49Let me go.
00:18:49Let me go.
00:19:00Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:19:07Max, you came.
00:19:13Don't worry, sweetie.
00:19:16Where's Piper?
00:19:18William Hitter?
00:19:20Mom, Dad, I'd take her inside.
00:19:22Well, it looks like we have a real Grinch to dispose of.
00:19:24Well, well, well.
00:19:26If it isn't a waste marriage or I've been hearing so much about.
00:19:30That's right.
00:19:30Now, I'm about to take out the trash.
00:19:35Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
00:19:38It's an honor to meet you.
00:19:39I'm Max.
00:19:40Eva told us all about you.
00:19:42From New York.
00:19:43Polite.
00:19:44Handsome.
00:19:45Just like she said.
00:19:47Wow.
00:19:48He was an AI.
00:19:50See?
00:19:51He's real.
00:19:52And he's more of a man here than William would ever dream to be.
00:19:55You son of a bitch.
00:19:56You just ruined my suit.
00:19:58And watch the way that you drive that pristine automobile.
00:20:02That car.
00:20:04Oh, my God.
00:20:05That's worth more than a house.
00:20:08That car.
00:20:08It was all over the news when the CEO of the Harrison Group bought it.
00:20:13Wait.
00:20:14Are you?
00:20:19Like I said, I'm just Eva's husband.
00:20:23And that's all he needs to know.
00:20:24I'm not here to put on a show for anyone.
00:20:27You really are a criminal, aren't you?
00:20:29You stole it.
00:20:30That car belongs to the CEO of my company.
00:20:32Jesus.
00:20:33How did he get away with it?
00:20:35That's what I want to know.
00:20:37Enough, please.
00:20:40I trust my daughter.
00:20:42She would never marry a criminal.
00:20:45Max, be honest with me.
00:20:48Where did that car come from?
00:20:49How much do you want for it?
00:20:52I'll pay you more money than you'd make in three lifetimes.
00:20:56So, you need a breath, man.
00:21:01All right, that's it.
00:21:01I'm calling the cops.
00:21:02Oh, way ahead of you.
00:21:04Wait.
00:21:05What?
00:21:07Are you feeling nervous, Eva?
00:21:10Oh, well.
00:21:11Too late.
00:21:12Listen, hon.
00:21:19I believe you.
00:21:21But how could Max afford a car like that?
00:21:25Mr. Smith, don't worry.
00:21:26It's my car.
00:21:27Okay?
00:21:27It's not stolen.
00:21:29Yeah?
00:21:30If it's yours, then prove it.
00:21:32Cops will be here in 15 minutes.
00:21:35Enjoy Christmas behind bars.
00:21:36Okay, I'll prove that it's mine.
00:21:39But then you have to get lost.
00:21:41And never show your face around my wife or child again.
00:21:43Oh, so you're a tough guy, huh?
00:21:46Well, I hope they serve eggnog in prison.
00:21:48Loser!
00:21:49Say one more word, and I'll give him a real reason to take me in.
00:21:54Jesus.
00:21:55Maybe he is a crime boss.
00:21:57It's kind of sexy, though.
00:22:01Here.
00:22:02Title and proof of ownership.
00:22:06Mr. Harrison?
00:22:15Mr. Harrison?
00:22:19Mr. Harrison?
00:22:20Just play alone.
00:22:23Merry Christmas, Willie.
00:22:25Now get the fuck out of here
00:22:26before I kick your ass all the way up to the North Pole.
00:22:29Yes, sir!
00:22:30I'm so sorry, sir!
00:22:32Please, accept my serious apologies!
00:22:34Please!
00:22:36Oh, that William, what a jerk, huh?
00:22:48He fooled me.
00:22:49What can I say?
00:22:51Let's not let this little misunderstanding ruin the holidays.
00:22:54Oh, now you don't want to ruin Christmas?
00:22:57Oh, come on, Eva.
00:22:57We were just looking out for you.
00:23:00Please forgive us, Mr. Harrison.
00:23:02You know my youngest son is graduating soon.
00:23:05Do you think that you could help him get his foot in the door?
00:23:09A job at the Harrison Group, even in the mailroom, would open doors.
00:23:13We are family, aren't we?
00:23:15Family takes care of each other.
00:23:17If you guys want a job at the Harrison Group, you can put in an application like everyone
00:23:22else.
00:23:23Abby Gail, come on, talk to her for us.
00:23:26Didn't you just say that my daughter was undateable?
00:23:29Yeah.
00:23:30I think you need to take care of your own issues first.
00:23:33My daughter is just far too busy.
00:23:35Your best life, my new son-in-law.
00:23:39Come on, guys, let's go in.
00:23:40Welcome to the family.
00:23:41This is your fault, Pam.
00:23:52You can't tell the difference between AI and reality.
00:23:56My fault?
00:23:57You were the one who was pushing her onto that worm, William.
00:24:09Hey, how do you have that car?
00:24:11And how do you know the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:24:14And how do you...
00:24:14I told you.
00:24:15I work for Harrison Group, remember?
00:24:18I have a friend in high places.
00:24:20A friend who just hands you keys to million-dollar, one-of-a-kind luxury cars?
00:24:24Yes.
00:24:25It's the season of giving.
00:24:27He knows people.
00:24:29Has connections.
00:24:30He's a big deal kind of guy.
00:24:32You're a crime boss, aren't you?
00:24:34Yeah, and you best not forget it, capisce?
00:24:36Oh, my God, just don't blow your cover.
00:24:40Dad!
00:24:40Mom!
00:24:41Mom, thank you so much for letting Max and I stay in your home.
00:24:44Oh, honey.
00:24:46We're just so happy that you found such a handsome, strong, good-looking.
00:24:52I think they get it, hon.
00:24:56How's Piper?
00:24:57Oh, she's fine.
00:24:58One of you guys just gets settled in, and we will go check on her.
00:25:02And after your mom takes a cold shower, we'll come back and finish decorating the tree.
00:25:07Great.
00:25:07All right, see you in a bit.
00:25:09Shall we?
00:25:10Okay.
00:25:10What are you doing?
00:25:13Okay.
00:25:15Hey, was that not a, uh, breach of contract?
00:25:20Relax.
00:25:21It was just a hug.
00:25:22We just got here, and I'm already exhausted.
00:25:28You'll be okay.
00:25:29It's just one week.
00:25:30Kill me now.
00:25:31Well, I would, but I need to get paid.
00:25:34What are you doing?
00:25:39What are you doing?
00:25:40That's weird.
00:25:42They were so lovey-dovey just a second ago.
00:25:45I don't know.
00:25:45Something just falls off.
00:25:47That's ridiculous.
00:25:49I mean, what do you want them to do?
00:25:51Make our progress to prove it?
00:25:53Something like this.
00:25:55Later.
00:25:58Let's go.
00:25:59Here we go.
00:26:05Piper is all tucked in, honey.
00:26:07Everything looks amazing, and happy holidays.
00:26:10To the newest member of our family, Max.
00:26:13Aw.
00:26:14Welcome.
00:26:15Cheers.
00:26:16Thank you, Miss Smith.
00:26:17Looks great.
00:26:18Aw, just call me mom, honey.
00:26:20I had no idea what you liked, so I just whipped up a little bit of everything.
00:26:24But we all know what Eva's favorite Christmas dish is, right?
00:26:29Mmm.
00:26:30Oh, no.
00:26:30Mom's testing him.
00:26:32She's trying to see if he's legit.
00:26:33You mean to tell me you two are married, and you don't even know my baby girl's favorite
00:26:37food?
00:26:40Ow.
00:26:41Eva, sweetie.
00:26:43Kicking my foot.
00:26:44Oh, sorry, mom.
00:26:46Oh, jeez.
00:26:48It's okay.
00:26:50Look, mom, of course he knows it.
00:26:51I would like to hear Max say it.
00:26:5312 pumpkin pies.
00:27:08Did I hear this right?
00:27:09They're the best kind.
00:27:11Well, of course.
00:27:12It's pumpkin pie.
00:27:14See?
00:27:16Are you happy now?
00:27:17That's good, but something still falls off.
00:27:20Mom, don't make it weird, okay?
00:27:22We had a whirlwind romance, and we eloped before we got to know everything about each
00:27:28other, but our marriage is real.
00:27:30I guess your mom's just watching too many of those real short shows.
00:27:34Ah, now those are quality.
00:27:37Okay, well, then answer this.
00:27:41Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:44Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:48I knew it was a good idea to pick this up.
00:27:51Well, um, it's silly face dropped it outside on the sidewalk.
00:27:57Luckily, I was there to pick it up for her.
00:28:00Silly face.
00:28:02I am not paying extra for this.
00:28:04Consider it a Christmas gift.
00:28:07Those are blousers.
00:28:08It's nice.
00:28:10You can afford this on a waste manager's salary?
00:28:13Well, believe it or not, Miss Smith, there is a lot of garbage out there.
00:28:16And I'm not just talking about William.
00:28:19I'll drink to that.
00:28:21I agree with you there.
00:28:22So, come on, guys.
00:28:24Let's eat.
00:28:24Come on.
00:28:25And this is where y'all will be staying.
00:28:40I have another room set up for Piper.
00:28:43Nice and festive for you.
00:28:45No complications, right?
00:28:47Sorry, honey.
00:28:48Mom, you know what?
00:28:49I should stay with Piper tonight.
00:28:51Oh, honey.
00:28:52Newlyweds shouldn't sleep apart.
00:28:54Oh, I just remembered.
00:28:58The city's turning the water off at 10.
00:28:59Something about water conservation.
00:29:02That means you have 15 minutes to shower.
00:29:0415 minutes?
00:29:06Honey, it's no big deal.
00:29:07Just shower together.
00:29:10Shower together?
00:29:14Just shower together.
00:29:15Okay, you guys.
00:29:16Have a good night, okay?
00:29:22You heard her.
00:29:24Whoa!
00:29:43Whoa!
00:29:44Whoa!
00:29:45Why are you stripping?
00:29:47Well, I can't take a shower with my clothes on.
00:29:50Come on, we're wasting time.
00:29:51You have 15 minutes.
00:29:52Nice try.
00:29:53I am not showering with you.
00:29:55All right, sleep yourself.
00:29:56More room for me in there.
00:29:58Not if I meet you there first.
00:29:59Come on, Max.
00:30:18Get out of the way.
00:30:20We agreed.
00:30:20Nothing physical.
00:30:21You're the one with the dirty thoughts, wifey.
00:30:23Relax.
00:30:24I won't touch you unless you say you want me to.
00:30:30But that'll cost extra.
00:30:40In your dreams.
00:30:43Free to join me.
00:30:44You know, if you keep staring at my ass, you're not going to have any shower or water left.
00:31:07You wish.
00:31:08Why aren't you getting in?
00:31:11Pray you'll fall for me.
00:31:13It's you who has to worry about resisting me.
00:31:16Oh, yeah?
00:31:17True.
00:31:17Holy shit.
00:31:30Holy shit.
00:31:33This is...
00:31:35This is going to be harder than I thought.
00:31:38I'll say.
00:31:39What happened to all that cool guy confidence?
00:31:42Still think you can resist?
00:31:44Oh, baby.
00:31:47I don't think I want you.
00:31:53Max, I shouldn't.
00:31:57Or maybe we should.
00:32:00God, he's such a good kisser.
00:32:02Why does this feel so...
00:32:05familiar?
00:32:11Well, we're so sexy.
00:32:14Max, we cannot do this.
00:32:24What?
00:32:24I didn't mean to cross any...
00:32:26It's not you, Max.
00:32:27It's us.
00:32:28It's this.
00:32:29This is all an act.
00:32:30Let's not make it more complicated than it is.
00:32:33You're right.
00:32:35I'm sorry.
00:32:37I just need to be sorry.
00:32:38You just...
00:32:39That birthmark.
00:32:48What is that?
00:32:55It's him.
00:32:56The man from New Year's.
00:32:57Is he...
00:32:58Piper's father?
00:32:59Why are you acting?
00:33:06Oh, my God.
00:33:07Max is Piper's father.
00:33:10Are you okay?
00:33:11Yeah.
00:33:12I just, um...
00:33:14I just got lightheaded.
00:33:15I think I just need a few more minutes.
00:33:18Alone.
00:33:18Of course.
00:33:23We have a daughter together.
00:33:25Oh, my God.
00:33:27What do I do?
00:33:28I'm going to sleep on the floor.
00:33:36You can take the bed.
00:33:38Thanks.
00:33:40Hey.
00:33:42Are you sure you're okay?
00:33:44Look, fake marriage aside, I'm your husband for the next few days.
00:33:48So if there's something you need, I can help.
00:33:51I want to help.
00:33:53He's Piper's father.
00:33:54He has a right to know.
00:33:55Um, Max, how would you feel if you found out you had a kid?
00:34:06A child?
00:34:08No, no, no.
00:34:09That's impossible.
00:34:10I'm very careful.
00:34:13Mostly.
00:34:15I just mean I'm not the type of guy to sleep around.
00:34:18Family to me is a big commitment, and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:34:24Right.
00:34:25He wouldn't want a kid tying him down.
00:34:28I shouldn't tell him about Piper.
00:34:31Why do you ask?
00:34:33No reason.
00:34:34Just curious.
00:34:36No, I feel like you're going somewhere with this.
00:34:39What?
00:34:41No.
00:34:42Well, then, can I ask you a question?
00:34:45Shoot.
00:34:46Shoot.
00:34:46Where did you get these?
00:34:52And how did you know my exact size?
00:34:55I did not get those.
00:34:57I don't know where those came from.
00:34:58Are you sure you're just not trying to break the contract?
00:35:02What?
00:35:04Give me that.
00:35:04Give me that, give me that.
00:35:05Give me that have.
00:35:06Give me that.
00:35:07Give me that.
00:35:08Woo!
00:35:14Oh.
00:35:15Oh.
00:35:17Elon, the truth is, is that I-
00:35:22Go, go, go.
00:35:25Go, go, go, go, go.
00:35:27Just a second.
00:35:28Come in.
00:35:30Hey, hon.
00:35:31Oh, sorry for interrupting,
00:35:34but Piper is asking for a bedtime story
00:35:37before I tuck her in.
00:35:38Think you could take this one, Dad?
00:35:39We're kind of in the middle of something.
00:35:42I can see that.
00:35:44Well, why don't I read it to her?
00:35:45I mean, if you don't mind.
00:35:48Well, that a boy.
00:35:50You know what?
00:35:50Just put a shirt on.
00:35:51I'm going to go get her.
00:35:53Piper!
00:35:54Here comes Grandpa!
00:35:57He sprang to his sleigh,
00:35:59to his team gave a whistle,
00:36:01and away they all flew,
00:36:03like the down of a thistle.
00:36:05But I heard him exclaim,
00:36:06as he drove out of sight,
00:36:09Merry Christmas to all,
00:36:11and to all,
00:36:12a good night.
00:36:16If Piper knew he was her real dad,
00:36:18she'd be over the moon.
00:36:20Good night, Piper.
00:36:21Is her dad still around?
00:36:27Yeah, but he doesn't know it,
00:36:29because you are her dad.
00:36:31Uh, no.
00:36:32That man has no idea
00:36:34what a treasure
00:36:36he's missing out on.
00:36:40Do you really think so?
00:36:43From the bottom of my heart.
00:36:44Maybe I should tell him.
00:36:47He deserves to know.
00:36:54Max.
00:36:55Max.
00:36:58You are Piper's father.
00:37:00I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:09I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:09Where's Piper?
00:37:35She must have snuck off
00:37:36while we were asleep.
00:37:53God, he's such a good kisser.
00:37:55Just gonna kiss and run?
00:38:06Not on my watch.
00:38:11Yeah, this.
00:38:13I remember this.
00:38:14Good morning, you two love bugs.
00:38:27How was your stay at Chateau Smith?
00:38:30Good morning, Miss Smith.
00:38:31It was, uh, it was great.
00:38:33Wonderful.
00:38:34Well, it's about to get even better.
00:38:38Oh, no.
00:38:39What is that?
00:38:40Sardines and saltines.
00:38:42It's a Smith family classic.
00:38:44It was my gram-grams favorite during wartime.
00:38:47Don't be shy.
00:38:48Go ahead, grab a handful.
00:38:50Max, you don't have to.
00:38:52No, no.
00:38:52It's okay.
00:38:53It's a Smith family staple.
00:39:06Yeah.
00:39:06Yeah.
00:39:14Good?
00:39:15Good?
00:39:16Mmm.
00:39:17Good?
00:39:18Scrunches.
00:39:20Well, you two better get dressed.
00:39:22You gotta go see Aunt Miranda.
00:39:25Could I, um, could I have some water, please?
00:39:28That means there's no escaping Aunt Miranda and her brood this year.
00:39:31What's the deal with them?
00:39:34Every year, Aunt Miranda bullies Piper and I.
00:39:36Says Piper's a fatherless brat and I'm...
00:39:40Hey, don't worry.
00:39:42I'll protect you and Piper.
00:39:46Better have Sam on standby tonight, just in case.
00:39:50Well, looks like it's time to get dressed up then.
00:39:53Wait, that earring.
00:40:07Wait, that earring.
00:40:09You like it?
00:40:11I was so bummed when I lost the matching one years ago.
00:40:13Did you lose it seven years ago?
00:40:16I don't really remember the details, but luckily I was able to find a new pair.
00:40:22Right.
00:40:22Yeah, it's just a common earring.
00:40:25Anyone can have it.
00:40:26Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
00:40:28She can't be the woman from seven years ago.
00:40:32So, Ava and Piper still aren't here.
00:40:37But Derek said that Ava got married.
00:40:38Oof.
00:40:39What kind of man could she possibly have landed?
00:40:43An aging single mom.
00:40:46Slim pickings.
00:40:47I heard he's in waste management.
00:40:49That explains it.
00:40:51She's probably too embarrassed to show up.
00:40:54Oh, please, Miranda.
00:40:55No.
00:40:56Ava is your niece.
00:40:57Oh, come on, Grandpa.
00:40:59Everyone knows Ava had a kid with a random one-night stand.
00:41:03Her track record speaks for itself.
00:41:05Exactly.
00:41:05Not like my Sierra.
00:41:07Married to a legal advisor for Harrison Group.
00:41:12Oh, they're here.
00:41:14Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:21Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:22Merry Christmas.
00:41:25You must be Grandpa Harold.
00:41:26I am.
00:41:27I'm Ava's husband.
00:41:29And Max.
00:41:29Pleasure to meet you.
00:41:30Welcome.
00:41:30You're Ava's husband.
00:41:33But you're gorgeous.
00:41:37But not as handsome as you.
00:41:40Look at you two.
00:41:41You look like you just stepped out of a movie.
00:41:43Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:41:44Merry Christmas.
00:41:46This is from Max and I.
00:41:47Oh, my goodness.
00:41:48Thank you, Ava.
00:41:49Let me grab that for you, Daddy.
00:41:52Oops.
00:41:53Oh, my bad.
00:41:54Oh, a homemade gift.
00:41:57How thrifty.
00:41:58Not all gifts are about the price tag.
00:42:01Mommy's right, you mean, old hat.
00:42:03You little.
00:42:06You will not lay a hand on my daughter.
00:42:09Or you will lose yours.
00:42:10Oh, I think you broke my wrist.
00:42:14Look what you just did to my mother.
00:42:16My husband is Harrison Group's top legal advisor.
00:42:19He could ruin your life.
00:42:28Mommy, are you okay?
00:42:35I'm fine.
00:42:35I'm just wet, huh?
00:42:36Yeah.
00:42:37It's okay.
00:42:37It's okay.
00:42:38It's fine.
00:42:40What are you?
00:42:43Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:42:46Did you just slap me?
00:42:48Next time, it'll be a closed fist.
00:42:50You're a fucking psycho.
00:42:51You know what, Sierra?
00:42:52I can take your little insults.
00:42:53But leave my family out of this.
00:42:57Her family.
00:42:59She means me.
00:43:04You okay, honey?
00:43:06Do I look okay to you, dumbass?
00:43:08Do something.
00:43:09You don't know who you're messing with.
00:43:11I've got the full weight of the Harrison Group behind me.
00:43:14Oh, wow.
00:43:14I'm sure the CEO would love to hear that you're using his company's name to bully people.
00:43:20Like you'd have any idea how a CEO thinks.
00:43:23Let's call him.
00:43:24I'm sure he'd be more than happy to be on my side.
00:43:27Please.
00:43:28Who do you think you are?
00:43:30Enough!
00:43:32There will be no arguing during Christmas.
00:43:36Fine, Dad.
00:43:37Let it go, Nathan.
00:43:39They're just jealous.
00:43:42For Grandpa's sake, I'll let you off easy.
00:43:44I think you owe Nathan a thank you.
00:43:48I think you owe me a thank you for slapping some sense into you.
00:43:52Do you want me to get the other cheek?
00:43:53All right, that's enough.
00:43:55Everyone come inside and sit down.
00:43:57Is this a joke?
00:44:20Can you please pass me some food?
00:44:21Hold it.
00:44:22Who said you could eat anything else?
00:44:25My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:30My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:34King crab, fresh from Alaska, and grass-fed wagyu.
00:44:39Three times the price, 50 times the flavor.
00:44:43And you don't get a single bite.
00:44:45It's just petty.
00:44:46Maybe so, but gourmet food isn't meant for bottom feeders.
00:44:51Fine.
00:44:53Then we won't stay and eat with you.
00:44:55Come on, let's go.
00:44:56No, no.
00:44:57Don't you dare leave our family dinner.
00:45:00Grandpa, I'm sorry, but they're treating us like...
00:45:03I know, dear.
00:45:05I just want to have our family together.
00:45:07Fine.
00:45:08We'll let the strays sit and eat with us.
00:45:11Better a stray than a bitch.
00:45:12What was that?
00:45:16I just want to have our family together.
00:45:19Fine.
00:45:20We'll stay.
00:45:22Can I have a little napole?
00:45:24It's okay, sweetie.
00:45:25We'll get something right after.
00:45:27Like drive-thru?
00:45:29I hope you enjoy food poisoning.
00:45:31That will be a particularly memorable Christmas present.
00:45:36No strays.
00:45:37Ow.
00:45:38Sweetie, sweetie, are you okay?
00:45:40Yes, please.
00:45:41You hit my child.
00:45:43You're fucking crazy!
00:45:44Well, if you'd teach her some manners, maybe I wouldn't have to.
00:45:51Don't worry, baby.
00:45:53I'll handle it.
00:45:56Don't worry, baby.
00:45:57I'll handle it.
00:46:01Piper.
00:46:03Sweetie, are you ready to try the best food you've ever had in your life?
00:46:06Okay, sweetheart.
00:46:07Give me two minutes and one phone call.
00:46:09As if you have a chef on speed dial.
00:46:11Actually, I do.
00:46:13He's such a liar.
00:46:14This ought to be hilarious.
00:46:16Oh, it will be.
00:46:18Sam!
00:46:20Yeah, send the troops and bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:21I'm already on my way.
00:46:23Bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:25I'm already on my way.
00:46:27You hear this guy?
00:46:28He wants the best king crab in the world.
00:46:29From Antarctica.
00:46:31Now I get why you married him, Eva.
00:46:33His silly delusions are just adorable.
00:46:35Vicks, what are you doing?
00:46:49Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
00:46:50Santa's already on his way.
00:46:59Five, four, three, two, one.
00:47:07A helicopter?
00:47:14There's no way.
00:47:20How did you pull this off?
00:47:22Sam is like family.
00:47:23I thought I'd introduce you to.
00:47:25Thanks, boss.
00:47:27Boss?
00:47:28Eva's always been genuine with me.
00:47:30Maybe it's time she knew who I really am.
00:47:32Eva, I think it's time you actually know the truth.
00:47:36I'm Maximus Harrison.
00:47:39You're the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:47:43Mm-hmm.
00:47:46Come on.
00:47:48You can stop kidding around.
00:47:50If you were the CEO, why would you be here pretending to be my husband?
00:47:54No, I actually am the CEO.
00:47:56Come on.
00:47:56You can stop the charade.
00:47:58Okay, this is just another favor from that bigwig friend, isn't it?
00:48:01Eva, I'm not pretending.
00:48:04Mr. Harrison, the Antarctic king crab as you requested.
00:48:08How is this possible?
00:48:19This loser brings Antarctic king crab and has his own personal chef?
00:48:26Who are you?
00:48:27I told you, I'm Eva's husband.
00:48:30That chef called him Mr. Harrison.
00:48:32Wait, no.
00:48:34Hold on.
00:48:36You're the actual CEO of the Harrison Group?
00:48:41You're worth more than some whole countries.
00:48:43Some of the small ones.
00:48:46I mean, you know that.
00:48:47You work for me.
00:48:48Oh, God.
00:48:50I insulted my own boss.
00:48:52I'm finished.
00:48:57Oh, God.
00:48:59I insulted my own boss.
00:49:01I'm finished.
00:49:01Didn't think Max would commit this hard.
00:49:04Pretending to be CEO is a hell of a move.
00:49:07Worth every penny I'm paying him.
00:49:08For tonight, your feast ends.
00:49:11And with that, your career.
00:49:14You're fired.
00:49:15Fired?
00:49:16Sam?
00:49:21Fired?
00:49:21Oh, God.
00:49:22I can't be fired.
00:49:25What?
00:49:26Mr. Harrison, please.
00:49:28You can have as much crab as you want.
00:49:30Please, Mr. Harrison.
00:49:31I'll do anything.
00:49:32Guys, take out the trash.
00:49:40And you.
00:49:41Oh, me?
00:49:43Mr. Harrison, come on.
00:49:45That was a Christmas joke.
00:49:46A family tradition.
00:49:48Yeah, well, there's a new family tradition.
00:49:51Sam?
00:49:56Will you do me the honors?
00:49:59Gladly.
00:50:03Merry Christmas, Aunt Lina.
00:50:07Father, do something.
00:50:09Well, you kind of deserve that.
00:50:11I'm leaving.
00:50:13Mm, pumpkin, my favorite.
00:50:15Ha, ha, ha.
00:50:21Come on, sweetie.
00:50:22Daddy had this crab flying just for you.
00:50:25Eat as much as you want.
00:50:26Thanks, Daddy.
00:50:30I am so sorry I ruined your Christmas.
00:50:32I just couldn't take them treating you like that.
00:50:35Honestly?
00:50:36This is the best Christmas I've ever had.
00:50:39Well, if you want, we can have many more.
00:50:40Just like this.
00:50:42Does he really mean that?
00:50:44Or is he just playing the part?
00:50:46I can't tell.
00:50:48And that terrifies me.
00:50:53Merry Christmas, Mrs. Harrison.
00:50:55I brought you a gift.
00:50:56Here's the paternity test between the boss and that little girl.
00:50:59Oh.
00:50:59Oh, this is wonderful.
00:51:07Sam, I have a granddaughter.
00:51:10Tell me everything.
00:51:12Miss Eva Smith, single mother, small town gal, didn't finish high school, currently works
00:51:16in retail.
00:51:17Oh, Maximus, I thought I raised you better.
00:51:21A high school dropout?
00:51:23In the Harrison family?
00:51:24Ha, ha, ha.
00:51:26Not a chance.
00:51:27She is clearly unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:51:34Maximus seems to like her.
00:51:35Silence.
00:51:36Get me the address where she works.
00:51:38It's Happy Heels on Broadway.
00:51:39That's nice.
00:51:41We own that one.
00:51:43Good work.
00:51:44But take off that stupid hat.
00:51:56Thanks.
00:51:56So your dad insisted that I try this wine that he's been saving for 20 years.
00:52:02Sounds like he's happy with his new son-in-law.
00:52:05And how about you?
00:52:10Me?
00:52:11Yeah.
00:52:13Are you happy with your new husband?
00:52:18Eva.
00:52:19Eva.
00:52:19Eva.
00:52:19Eva.
00:52:19Eva.
00:52:19Eva.
00:52:19Eva.
00:52:26Eva.
00:52:41No feelings, no complications.
00:52:45That's what we agreed upon.
00:52:46Yeah, I didn't sign a contract.
00:52:48Max.
00:52:50Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:52:52It's cold.
00:52:54Maybe I'll go grab some more firewood.
00:52:58Max.
00:53:00I need to tell you something.
00:53:04Something important.
00:53:05What's gotten into her?
00:53:08Is she hiding something?
00:53:09Is this the part where you tell me there's no Santa?
00:53:12I haven't been completely honest with you.
00:53:17Piper is...
00:53:19Piper is...
00:53:21Mommy, Daddy, my hand hurts.
00:53:24Sweetie.
00:53:25Oh, my gosh.
00:53:26I'm swollen.
00:53:27Must have been when that witch smacked her with the fork earlier.
00:53:30Listen, you stay here with Daddy.
00:53:31Mommy's gonna go get a first aid kit, okay?
00:53:35Come on, Piper.
00:53:39Okay, let me see.
00:53:41I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or Mommy again.
00:53:48But that's not true.
00:53:49You're leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:53:53Uh...
00:53:53Daddy!
00:53:54No!
00:53:55No!
00:53:56Well...
00:53:56Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:54:07Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:10Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:12Really?
00:54:13Please stay, Daddy.
00:54:14Daddy.
00:54:14You think it was Scar?
00:54:21Hmm.
00:54:24I wouldn't worry about it.
00:54:25Scars make you look like a badass.
00:54:27I have one, too.
00:54:29Dad.
00:54:29I got that when I was about your age.
00:54:33Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:54:36Really?
00:54:36No way.
00:54:38No.
00:54:38It was actually a cactus.
00:54:40But it's still cool.
00:54:43I have something like that on the back of my neck.
00:54:45Piper, how long have you had that?
00:54:51My mom said I had that when I was born.
00:54:59And how old are you?
00:55:00Six.
00:55:01Six?
00:55:02That one night stand was about seven years ago.
00:55:05Okay, I found the first aid kit.
00:55:06Ivar, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:55:11What do I even say?
00:55:13And how do I explain it to Piper?
00:55:15Sorry, honey.
00:55:16This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:55:20Um, yeah.
00:55:24Can I see your hand, sweetie?
00:55:26Ivar.
00:55:31Okay, look.
00:55:34Piper is...
00:55:35Go on.
00:55:47Ah, must be an emergency.
00:55:50Excuse me.
00:55:51Sorry, I'm gonna take this.
00:55:59Mommy, are you okay?
00:56:01Yeah.
00:56:03Mommy's just realizing she's a coward.
00:56:05I don't even have the guts to tell the truth.
00:56:10Why haven't you picked up my calls?
00:56:13I'm telling you, Max, that woman is manipulating you.
00:56:17She's a high school dropout.
00:56:19Doesn't even have a decent job.
00:56:21And she's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:56:24I'm Eva's husband.
00:56:25Max.
00:56:25That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:56:34I'm sorry, Max.
00:56:35You can't know Piper's your daughter.
00:56:37Your mother would take her away.
00:56:39After Christmas, it's over.
00:56:41I'm sorry.
00:56:43Eva?
00:56:44Maximus?
00:56:45Are you even listening to me?
00:56:48No, Mom, Mom.
00:56:48Listen, I'm sorry, okay?
00:56:50Eva's my wife.
00:56:51And I've made up my mind.
00:56:52I'm not leaving her.
00:56:55Eva?
00:56:56Oh, wow.
00:57:15That's so cool.
00:57:16What did you make?
00:57:17Derek, this is from Eva and I.
00:57:20Oh, thank you so much.
00:57:23Thanks, Dad.
00:57:23I'm glad you're here.
00:57:27Got it.
00:57:27Oh!
00:57:29Damn, these are nice.
00:57:30Grandpa, language, little ears.
00:57:38Piper, do you want to go see your present?
00:57:41It's in the other room by the train set.
00:57:42Here, I'll go with you.
00:57:43Remember the song that we sang?
00:57:45Ready, ready?
00:57:46Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
00:57:48What have we got, guys?
00:57:49Billy.
00:57:49Walking home from our house, Christmas Eve.
00:57:53You never told me.
00:57:59Have we met before?
00:58:04Have we met before?
00:58:07She's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:58:09I don't know what you're getting at.
00:58:15Eva, I have the same birthmark as Piper.
00:58:26I don't know what you're talking about.
00:58:28Lots of people have birthmarks.
00:58:29They're very common.
00:58:30I feel so awful, but I can't lose my child.
00:58:33No matter how I feel about him.
00:58:35Maybe.
00:58:40Are you okay?
00:58:44Are the clogs a bad idea?
00:58:47No.
00:58:48I'm fine.
00:58:50Um.
00:58:52Oh, I almost forgot.
00:58:55I got you this.
00:58:57You got me a gift, too?
00:58:59Tis the season.
00:59:00Open it.
00:59:01Gloves.
00:59:16Did you make these?
00:59:17Yeah.
00:59:19I know this is a fake marriage, but that's Christmas.
00:59:23You've already done so much for me.
00:59:24I just wanted to do a little something for you.
00:59:26How did I feel?
00:59:30Warm, right?
00:59:31Yeah.
00:59:33Warm.
00:59:35Soft.
00:59:38Perfect.
00:59:42Thank you, Eva.
00:59:43I've never gotten anything this meaningful before.
00:59:49Really?
00:59:50Yeah, my mom.
00:59:51She partied all the time.
00:59:53And I got gifts.
00:59:55Plenty of them, but...
00:59:57I don't think she ever bought one herself.
01:00:00Nothing personal.
01:00:02Well, you deserve it.
01:00:05You're a good guy.
01:00:07And...
01:00:08Someday you'll...
01:00:09Find someone special...
01:00:11To...
01:00:12Spend all your Christmases with.
01:00:15What if that day's today?
01:00:19What if I already found someone special?
01:00:23Right here.
01:00:24Max, we can't...
01:00:50If you want me to stop, you better tell me right now.
01:00:59Come on.
01:01:00I don't want you to stop.
01:01:07No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:01:11I don't want you to stop.
01:01:15No.
01:01:23It's true.
01:01:24It's true.
01:01:25I don't want you.
01:01:29It's true.
01:01:34God, you are trying to be fucking insane.
01:01:39It's true.
01:01:41Hyper!
01:01:41Hyper!
01:01:45She can't see us.
01:01:54She can't see us.
01:02:11Eva?
01:02:11Eva?
01:02:15Grandma, I'm up here.
01:02:29That was way too close.
01:02:31Yeah.
01:02:32We would have gotten on the naughty list.
01:02:38Sometimes it's fun to be naughty.
01:02:39Can I still unwrap my present?
01:02:47You still haven't given me mine.
01:02:53Let me give it to you.
01:02:54Let me give it to you.
01:02:55Baby, shan.
01:02:56Let me give the daughters so much for me.
01:03:05Bye.
01:03:05Bye.
01:03:10Bye.
01:03:15Bye.
01:03:18Bye.
01:03:20Bye.
01:03:20Bye.
01:03:21Bye.
01:03:21Bye.
01:03:22Bye.
01:03:23Bye.
01:03:23Why are you calling me to serve me?
01:03:37Hello?
01:03:38Hello, Eva Smith.
01:03:40I'm Max's mother.
01:03:41Name your price.
01:03:43What will it take for you to leave my son alone?
01:03:46What?
01:03:47We both know my son is way out of your league.
01:03:50Take the money.
01:03:52Leave my granddaughter with us.
01:03:53And go.
01:03:55My son will find a better wife and a better mother for his child.
01:03:58Piper is my daughter.
01:04:00And no amount of money you offer could ever make me give her up.
01:04:03So you keep your money.
01:04:04And I'll leave on my own.
01:04:05But I am not handing Piper over to you.
01:04:10Well, there's my beautiful wife.
01:04:16You okay?
01:04:21Look, we made it through Christmas.
01:04:23So I think it's best we go our separate ways.
01:04:28What are you talking about?
01:04:30It's over.
01:04:31It's not that hard to understand.
01:04:36Eva, wait!
01:04:37So last night meant nothing to you?
01:04:47Max, it's not real.
01:04:50None of it was real.
01:04:51So, it's just a goodbye.
01:04:55Didn't realize I was so disposable for you.
01:04:57Look, last night, I let my guard down.
01:05:05But I'm a mother and my choices affect Piper.
01:05:07And being with you can mess up everything between us.
01:05:10Just tell me what you need.
01:05:13I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:05:16Peter, just say the word.
01:05:23You don't get it.
01:05:26You don't get it.
01:05:34I think it's time Piper and I go back to New York.
01:05:36I won't give up on us.
01:05:42Are we here?
01:05:59Yes.
01:06:01As much as I don't want us to be, we're back.
01:06:07Piper, sweetie, wake up.
01:06:09We're home.
01:06:09How can she just walk away?
01:06:23Don't forget, you have to meet my mom.
01:06:25It's part of the agreement, too.
01:06:27Can I just pay you a little extra and skip it?
01:06:30You promised.
01:06:32Eva, I haven't asked you for much.
01:06:34Can you do this for me, please?
01:06:38All right, fine.
01:06:39When?
01:06:41Two days.
01:06:43I'll come pick you up.
01:06:44No need.
01:06:45Just send me the address and I'll meet you there.
01:06:47I know you and Mommy thought, but she still really likes you.
01:06:58So don't give up, okay, Daddy?
01:07:00Thank you, sweetie.
01:07:02If there's one thing you should know about your Daddy, I always fight for the ones I love.
01:07:06If you find me, I'm interested in the side of this insurance.
01:07:22Just do it ten times.
01:07:25Eva's meeting my mother today.
01:07:27Time to finally tell her the truth.
01:07:30Boss?
01:07:30Boss?
01:07:36Lady and gentlemen, I am so sorry.
01:07:39I need to go win back my family.
01:07:41Family?
01:07:42Boss, are you okay?
01:07:44Never better.
01:07:47Go get her, Max.
01:07:48Give it your best smile.
01:07:53Ah, there he is.
01:07:56Maximus, darling.
01:07:58I have some prospects for you.
01:08:00Nice high society girls from the city.
01:08:03Oh.
01:08:08I told you.
01:08:09I already found the woman I love.
01:08:17Maximus, stop this.
01:08:19That evil woman is scamming you, son.
01:08:23Tell me what kind of woman you want and I'll find you another.
01:08:26You are heir to the Harrison dynasty.
01:08:30No, I'm not.
01:08:31Oh.
01:08:33I work in waste management and I'm a secret crime boss.
01:08:38I'm Eva's husband and I'm a father.
01:08:42What?
01:08:55Oh, that's her.
01:08:57The woman who got my son head over heels.
01:09:01Hi, welcome in.
01:09:04Can I help you find something?
01:09:05I want to try those.
01:09:10Awesome, I'll get them for you right away.
01:09:13Are you sure you wouldn't want something more sensible?
01:09:16No, no, no.
01:09:20I know what I want.
01:09:22Size seven.
01:09:25Oh, baby can't even walk, but she wants $3,000 heels.
01:09:28Come on, she wants the white shoes.
01:09:36Ignore her.
01:09:37She's just grumpy over the holidays.
01:09:38Here, let me help you.
01:09:40Come on.
01:09:44She seems kind.
01:09:51I shouldn't be that impressed.
01:09:53She's just doing her job.
01:09:56How do they feel?
01:09:57Well, I love the style, but it's too small.
01:10:01I think I need a size up.
01:10:04Maybe my feet are still growing.
01:10:08Right away.
01:10:10I'll be right back.
01:10:11She's not only kind, she's patient.
01:10:14Was I wrong about her?
01:10:15Are you gluing the heel back on?
01:10:34Well, who gives a shit?
01:10:36She can't walk.
01:10:39That's just pure evil.
01:10:42Oh, come on, St. Eva.
01:10:46She's in a wheelchair.
01:10:48Who cares?
01:10:49It's the last pair.
01:10:50I get paid commission.
01:10:57I'm not doing that, Vanessa.
01:11:00See?
01:11:02This is your whole problem.
01:11:05This is why you'll always be broke.
01:11:09I don't care if she can walk or not.
01:11:11I'm not selling her junk.
01:11:14She has to deal with people like this?
01:11:17People who insult her all day?
01:11:20I'm your manager.
01:11:25Sell the old bitty the shoes,
01:11:28or you're fired.
01:11:34Did I stutter?
01:11:36You don't have to fire me.
01:11:43I quit.
01:11:49I don't work here anymore.
01:11:52Listen, don't buy the shoes.
01:11:55They're broken.
01:11:56Spend your heart and money elsewhere, okay?
01:11:57You're a good person, after all.
01:12:01Looks like I misjudged you.
01:12:04I'm sorry?
01:12:07Why are you still here, Eva?
01:12:09Get out!
01:12:15You're not disabled?
01:12:17Selling a broken heel to someone you thought was handicapped?
01:12:22Absolutely shameful.
01:12:24Who are you?
01:12:25I am the chairwoman of the Harrison Group,
01:12:29and the owner of this store.
01:12:32You're Eleanor Harrison, mother of the CEO?
01:12:36I am.
01:12:37And you, my dear, are fired.
01:12:41What did I do?
01:12:41You are a good person.
01:12:47From now on, this store is yours to run.
01:12:53Are you serious?
01:12:56That's right.
01:12:58Don't be nervous, child.
01:13:00You are professional, responsible,
01:13:03far better than that two-bit manager.
01:13:09You, out.
01:13:12I'll leave.
01:13:15I'm leaving.
01:13:19I, I, I feel like I'm dreaming.
01:13:22No, don't worry.
01:13:25You're getting a promotion.
01:13:27You deserve it, my dear.
01:13:31First assignment, I want that row, and that row,
01:13:37and the entire display case.
01:13:40Pack it all up and bring it to my house.
01:13:43Okay.
01:13:44Yeah.
01:13:46Once we're home, I'll tell her I'm her mother-in-law.
01:13:50I can't wait to finally meet my granddaughter.
01:13:52She's the mother of a CEO.
01:14:01Of course she lives like this.
01:14:12Mrs. Harrison?
01:14:14I'm here with your delivery.
01:14:18Max?
01:14:19Eva?
01:14:20What are you doing here?
01:14:23I, uh...
01:14:24There you are, Eva!
01:14:27Wonderful we can finally meet each other properly.
01:14:30My new daughter-in-law.
01:14:33What are you talking...
01:14:36That means you really are the CEO of Harrison Group.
01:14:40Well, I tried to tell you, but...
01:14:44Stop.
01:14:46And you?
01:14:47You lied to me at the store.
01:14:50You were both just testing me?
01:14:52Is this some sick game rich people play?
01:14:54I'm sorry, Eva.
01:14:55I thought you might be using my son just after his money.
01:14:59But I was wrong.
01:15:01Eva, please.
01:15:01I don't deserve to be treated like this.
01:15:04Not every working class girl is after your money.
01:15:07How could you think that of me?
01:15:09It's not like that, dear.
01:15:11Eva, what are you talking about?
01:15:13Mom, what did you do?
01:15:15I was just trying to get the two of you back together.
01:15:18We're not together.
01:15:19And I can't love something that was never real.
01:15:26I made a horrible mistake.
01:15:30What are you waiting for, son?
01:15:31Go after her.
01:15:35Eva.
01:15:36Let me go!
01:15:37I swear, it's not what you think.
01:15:39We come from two completely different worlds.
01:15:41Stop pretending like you care.
01:15:42I'm not pretending.
01:15:44Okay, I can't fake what we have.
01:15:46In everything I've done for you, and Piper,
01:15:48this is real.
01:15:49Touch my wife again,
01:15:55and I will snap every finger that you've got.
01:15:58Max, you came.
01:15:59God, you weren't driving me fucking insane.
01:16:03I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband,
01:16:06a good father.
01:16:08Just say the word.
01:16:12See?
01:16:14Stop fighting.
01:16:17We belong together.
01:16:19You're wrong.
01:16:21Wrong about what?
01:16:23That you care?
01:16:25Or we belong together?
01:16:27Look, I already told you.
01:16:28We're from two completely different worlds.
01:16:31Now, I held up my end of the deal,
01:16:32and I met your mother, like we discussed.
01:16:35Now, I want a fake divorce from my fake cousin.
01:16:37I'm sorry, Maximus.
01:16:38I'm sorry, Maximus.
01:16:38Walking away is the only choice I have.
01:16:56Ow!
01:16:57Are you okay, Mommy?
01:16:59Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine.
01:17:02Come here.
01:17:10No, you're not fine.
01:17:12You're sad.
01:17:15I'm okay, sweetie.
01:17:16I miss Daddy, too.
01:17:23I want Max to be my real Daddy.
01:17:28Don't you want to be with him?
01:17:29I love bug.
01:17:33You're right.
01:17:35What am I doing?
01:17:36Running like a coward?
01:17:39I've always taught you to be brave.
01:17:42Now it's time for Mommy to be brave, too.
01:17:45I believe in you.
01:17:46What are you going to do, Mommy?
01:17:47I know exactly what to say to him.
01:17:54Maximus deserves to know.
01:17:56Piper is his daughter.
01:18:03Enough sulking.
01:18:05Go get your wife and my grandbaby back.
01:18:08Don't you think I want to?
01:18:11She doesn't want me.
01:18:12I didn't raise you to give up.
01:18:14Your daughter is still out there.
01:18:15You can't abandon her.
01:18:17Mom, you don't get it.
01:18:19I made a deal with Eva to play my wife.
01:18:22And Piper, she was an added bonus.
01:18:26What are you talking about?
01:18:28I already ran a DNA test.
01:18:31Piper is your daughter.
01:18:33What?
01:18:35See for yourself.
01:18:42I was right.
01:18:43Seven years ago.
01:18:45New Year's.
01:18:46That woman was evil.
01:18:47Eva.
01:18:58Eva!
01:18:59Hey.
01:19:01Daddy!
01:19:03Daddy!
01:19:04Piper!
01:19:06Oh.
01:19:08I missed you so much, sweetheart.
01:19:10you came back
01:19:16I
01:19:19don't forget to be brave mommy
01:19:24I
01:19:30I was scared
01:19:33but I don't want to be scared anymore
01:19:35because what we have is real
01:19:37and it's worth fighting for
01:19:39sweetheart I have
01:19:41something to tell you
01:19:43I have something to tell you too
01:19:46Piper is your daughter
01:19:49you knew
01:19:51my sweet granddaughter
01:19:53mama
01:19:54I just found out for sure a few minutes ago
01:20:00but you've known this whole time
01:20:01I was scared
01:20:03I didn't know if you were going to take her from me
01:20:05I didn't know how you were feeling
01:20:07how could you not know how I felt
01:20:10I love you Eva
01:20:23I love you too
01:20:26I promise
01:20:28for the rest of my life
01:20:30I'm going to make it up to you
01:20:31as long as we're together
01:20:34it doesn't matter where we are
01:20:36will you marry me Eva
01:20:47for real this time
01:20:49yes
01:20:50yes of course
01:20:52I'll marry you
01:20:53looks like you're stuck with me the next Christmas
01:21:08and the Christmas after that
01:21:09and forever
01:21:10I wouldn't have it any other way
01:21:15who's that
01:21:21Eva
01:21:23take me back
01:21:26I'm sorry
01:21:28I'm sorry
01:21:29you're tired
01:21:30looks like I have to take out the trash
01:21:35again
01:21:36no
01:21:39not funny
01:21:40no
01:21:41no
01:21:41no
01:21:42no
01:21:43no
01:21:43no
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