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00:00Don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:02These simple rhymes be good for your health
00:04Keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:06Live my life like you just don't care
00:09I believe it's never scared
00:11Crazy noise is the moment they fear
00:13Get up, sell a beer for my dear
00:16Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:18Get up, get up, get up
00:21Get up, get up
00:23Get up, get up
00:25Get up, get up
00:26Get up, get up, get up
00:30Cut out the dead weight
00:34Act like the teachers left the room and never mention rugby league again
00:37It's friday we're live and it's time for the last leg of stand up to cancer
00:43Tonight on the show Australia gets anti-social
00:46The US gives international travellers the finger
00:49And we continue to stand up to cancer
00:51Plus we'll be joined by John Richardson, AJ Adudu and Matt Ford
00:56On the show that always gives the news a helping hand
01:00The last leg of stand up to cancer
01:01The show that even more than usual feels like it's got a bit missing
01:15With me as always is the pride of Dartmoor Josh Widdicombe
01:18And the man who thought this day would never come
01:21Alex Brooker
01:27So, for those of you who've only just tuned in
01:31Look how smart we look
01:32We look like kids that have been dressed for a wedding
01:36Alex looks like Zelensky on his second trip to the White House
01:39I'm gonna get a good deal
01:44So, look, for those of you who've only just tuned in
01:48Adam's been doing the live stand up to cancer show
01:50So, I can't believe I'm saying this
01:52But me and Josh are in charge
01:54I tell you what, I'm so glad I found this magic lamp this week
02:11Honestly, I just can't believe I didn't use my one wish on healing my foot
02:15Yes, and just to be clear, if you wonder why I am moving around
02:22This morning the production realised they'd forgotten to get a second chair
02:26And I am on an exercise ball
02:33So, I am sorting my abs out while we do the show
02:40It's not exactly the call on me video, is it?
02:45But the man forget, I can't believe I'm actually
02:47Well, it's unsurprisingly
02:48But there's actually not a lot of leg room
02:50There isn't, but
02:52Do you want to...
02:53There is items that Hilsey keeps behind the desk
02:54So, there's this book
02:55Shoe-hauling rugby league into any conversation for dummies
02:59What else have we got in there?
03:00We've got a message that he's just got for himself
03:02Which just says
03:03You are enough
03:05He really did love that Barbie film, didn't he?
03:07This one is the rudest
03:09He's just got Josh and Alex with arrows
03:16The fucking cheek of it
03:17Well, look, so...
03:21Teachers away! Let's do this!
03:28Wow
03:31So, look, as Adam's not here, we had to work out who was going to host this part
03:34So we did...
03:35We did rock, paper, scissors backstage
03:37We did
03:38But as all mine looked the same
03:39Meant I won
03:40So, Josh
03:41You crack on over to the sofa
03:42I'm going to take the reins for part one
03:45Oh!
03:46There we are!
03:50Pressure's on, Brooker
03:52You know what? I've had a long time to think about how I'd host this show
03:55What I'd do
03:56And there's one change that I've always wanted to make
03:59So I've got myself an Aperol Spritz button
04:01Let's have a little go of it now
04:02Go
04:09I'm going to get through this
04:10I'm going to get through this
04:11And I'm going to make, I'm going to make a true
04:13Yeah
04:15I'm going to get through this
04:16I'm going to get through this
04:18Trying to take theç…§, the man above news
04:21This is gonna be brilliant right feel suitably refreshed now we are live in your television right now
04:38Which means you can send us any questions you'd like to ask us about the news and given look that it's nearly midnight
04:44I can imagine those questions are gonna be pretty wild
04:47Anyway, you can message us on Instagram with the hashtag. Is it okay?
04:51The answer is no it isn't or by whatsapp using the number 07956175908 or by scanning the QR code on the screen
05:02For example, is it okay to lose your head on live TV? No, no, no, no, it isn't or don't give me long enough in here
05:08We'll see
05:09Is it okay to lose your head on live TV if it's hilarious? Yes
05:13Yes, it is if you're our good mate James Acaster as proven by this incredible footage from last weekend's Saturday kitchen
05:20I
05:22Can tell you that 54% of you want
05:26Did you see the autocue?
05:28Yeah
05:30Outro
05:31Yes!
05:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:40Seen him punch up polar bear I now know why he didn't get the job on Blue Planet
05:44Oh!
05:52Seeing him punch up Polar Bear, I now know why he didn't get the job on Blue Planet.
05:56Now, Adam's currently making his way across town to the studio and will no doubt be using his freedom pass to get here.
06:02But, Hilsie, where are you at the moment?
06:07Boys, I'm on my way to you. I'm just about to get on a bus with a tit, a ship and a giant vulva.
06:12And I'm going to be honest, it's not the first time I've said that sentence in my life.
06:16Oh, well, so...
06:18How's it all going back there? Are you looking after the show?
06:20Yeah, yeah, we're okay, thank you.
06:22Josh might have smashed a draw already, but other than that, we're, um...
06:25Yeah, we're doing alright, Hilsie. Thank you very much, yeah.
06:28We really can't wait for you to get back.
06:30Yeah, you...
06:31You guys are keeping people to account, speaking truth to power, right?
06:34Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:36Alex has got an Aperol spritz.
06:42Oh, hey, I'm going to have to go, um, for a number of reasons.
06:46I need to get to you, but also, it looks like I'm hosting
06:48the world's weirdest hen party.
06:50So, see you soon.
06:51See you in a bit, Hilsie.
06:52Cheers.
06:53Let's go, let's go.
06:59Um...
07:01Do you think he's going to make it back?
07:03I'm not... I don't think he is.
07:05No.
07:06Oh, good.
07:07Let's bring back the mariachis!
07:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:11Ho, ho!
07:13Celebrate your times, come on!
07:16Celebrate your times, come on!
07:21Celebrate your times, come on!
07:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:27I'm just going to...
07:28Just seeing what the next bit I've got to read is,
07:29I'm just going to move my Aperol spritz out of shot.
07:30Um...
07:31Just to remind you, we are still in fundraising mode,
07:32so you can still donate to Stand Up To Cancer.
07:33Um...
07:34Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
07:36Help us fight back.
07:37And to give 30...
07:38To give, sorry, 40, 30, 20 or 10 pounds
07:40to support Stand Up To Cancer.
07:42Text 40, 30, 20 or 10 to 70404.
07:44Or to donate any amount online,
07:45go to channel4.com forward slash su2c.
07:48100% of the money you give will fund
07:49life-saving cancer, right?
07:50Just to remind you, we are still in fundraising mode,
07:51so you can still donate to Stand Up To Cancer.
07:53Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
07:55Help us fight back.
07:56And to give 30...
07:57To give, sorry, 40, 30, 20 or 10 pounds
07:59to support Stand Up To Cancer.
08:01Text 40, 30, 20 or 10 to 70404.
08:04Or to donate any amount online,
08:06go to channel4.com forward slash su2c.
08:09100% of the money you give will fund
08:10life-saving cancer research.
08:13Um, Josh, you're looking...
08:14You're looking lonely.
08:15I am looking lonely, yeah.
08:16Well, there's normally someone sat next to me, Brooker.
08:18I know.
08:19Well, I think it's time to bring out
08:20my replacement, shall we?
08:21OK, yeah.
08:22So, he's my favourite diminutive comedian.
08:24What?
08:25A man who makes Josh look edgy.
08:26What?
08:27Please welcome, John Richardson!
08:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:31Oh, John.
08:32Welcome to the show.
08:33When's your dad back?
08:34How does it feel being in my seat?
08:35Can you feel the banter?
08:36Er, no, because you've taken your notes.
08:37Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:38Sorry, man.
08:39I've got all of them over here.
08:40How's it...
08:41How's it...
08:42How's it feel being in my seat?
08:43Can you...
08:44Can you feel the banter?
08:45Er, no, because you've taken your notes.
08:46Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:47Sorry, man.
08:48I've got all of them over here.
08:49How's it...
08:50How's...
08:51Can you see...
08:52I've definitely...
08:53I've put a proper bum groove in there.
08:54There is a little groove in there.
08:55It's taken me, like, 13 years.
08:56Look at that.
08:57You can see...
08:58I've got to get to the real big news of the week in a bit.
08:59But first, the big news between us was Josh's reaction.
09:01How's it...
09:02I don't know, because you've taken your notes.
09:03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:04Sorry, man, I've got all of them over here.
09:05How's it...
09:06How's...
09:07Can you see...
09:08I've put a proper bum groove in there.
09:09There is a little groove in there.
09:10It's taken me, like, 13 years.
09:11Look at that.
09:12I wondered why you used to rub yourself forward and back.
09:13I thought you had worms.
09:14Right, we're going to get...
09:18I think there was a couple of series when I did.
09:21We're going to get to the real big news of the week in a bit.
09:24But first, the big news between us was Josh's reaction
09:27to my Spotify rap.
09:29Now, here's just how impressed he was.
09:32Do you want my top five songs?
09:35Okay, hit me.
09:36Number five.
09:37I want it that way.
09:39Absolute banger.
09:41Yep.
09:42Number four.
09:43If you're getting down.
09:44By five.
09:50Number...
09:51Number three.
09:53Keep on moving.
09:55By five.
09:56I just realised how I'm saying these.
09:59This is no lie, by the way.
10:00This is genuinely my spot fire out.
10:01Number two.
10:02Flyed without wind.
10:03Oh my God.
10:04Are you ready for number one?
10:05No.
10:06My most listened to song of 2025.
10:07Yeah.
10:08Can you feel the love tonight?
10:09Oh my God.
10:10Oh my God.
10:11See you next year.
10:22Yeah, look.
10:23Five.
10:24I mean, just five absolute bangers mainly involving five.
10:28What's your beef with them?
10:29It's the line up to the 2003 smash hits poll winners party.
10:30Have you chosen flying without wings because you think it's a disability?
10:34John look, what did you make of it?
10:35John look, what did you make of it?
10:36I thought it was all right.
10:37I'm not saying this for the show.
10:38I think you need fucking help.
10:39I think it's pathetic.
10:40Oh, I think it's pathetic.
10:41Yeah.
10:42As do my, as do I.
10:43You might say back to the Shanghai.
10:44A huge bangers mainly involve with five.
10:46What's your beef with them?
10:48It's the line-up to the 2003 smash hits poll winners party.
10:50Have you chosen flying without wings because you think it's a disability?
10:53John look, what did you make of it?
10:54I thought it was all right.
10:55I'm not saying this for the show.
10:56I think you need fucking help.
10:58Oh, I think it's pathetic.
11:03You've, you think it's pathetic.
11:06I think it's pathetic.
11:07Yeah, as do I think it's but you had your chance to do anything at the start of the show and the naughtiest thing
11:13You could think of was putting on a feather bow and letting off a party pop
11:18Both of those have stopped me getting my pip
11:29It wasn't it wasn't just just you both who thought it was perfect somebody commented. I love this
11:34He seems okay that he will never be cool
11:39But I also say on that
11:41Can we can you feel the love tonight? We're all thinking it that we know why you're putting that on
11:48Come on, that's your shagging song, isn't it goes on for ages
11:55I'm at 21 seconds
12:04Well, I have a favorite comment on the Instagram post was someone saying that I must have a sign in my kitchen that says live laugh love I
12:15Don't doubt it Brooke. I don't actually I don't I don't have one that says be careful of sharp knives, which in hindsight was too little too late
12:24But look go into my spot like this spot for you properly you've you've mugged it off
12:28I've never well
12:31You've not been happy with it. Yeah, you mentioned last week that like four of your top five songs with Sabrina Carpenter
12:41She's the greatest songwriter of her generation incredible and you've never watched any of the videos on the spot of I don't get the videos on Spotify
12:47Not that I'd know because I haven't looked
12:49I
12:53John what sort of music toast have you got them?
12:56Terrible, but I think I was saying favor of your Spotify because no one's getting paid from Spotify the artists don't get any money
13:02At least you've picked people who aren't together anymore aren't performing
13:05So they're not gonna miss the money because they're fucking retired 20 years
13:09West Laugh for performing next year man. Are they going to see him? How did I not know?
13:14I don't think so so like what what what sort of thing are you in what are you into though?
13:22Well, it's my daughter that uses my Spotify. So that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it
13:28But I can I revert to that excuse for mine as well
13:34Well, I stand by my music selection so much I've decided to change hills his buttons as a little treat for him for when he get back
13:41So let's have a little go. This is the first button
13:49Honestly, he's gonna love it when he when he tries to make a political comment and punctuate with this
14:02Ready for the next Paralympics
14:04You know
14:08You found that special
14:14What's the fourth button?
14:16What's the fourth button?
14:17A turd the size of Disneyland Paris
14:20We ran out of money to clear any of the others
14:23But on to the big news now and Michael asked is it okay that I'm proud of Australia for banning social media access to children?
14:31Let's hope the rest of the world follows
14:33Yes, now usually news from Australia is less down under are more akin with the upside down
14:38But this week they've done something quite radical as of Wednesday
14:42All of the major social media platforms have had to take steps to remove any users under the age of 16 and the worst thing is about
14:51That is you're not even old enough to buy cigarettes to like get over it. So how do you boys feel about the ban?
14:57I think it's a great idea. I think
14:59I think that it's a bit weird that the only week in 13 years when we're praising Australia is the week Hillsies away
15:09Wait till the Ashes finishes next week
15:11Yeah, and I also I think I would totally ban social media for under-16s
15:17With the caveat unless they're being difficult and you want a bit of a rest
15:21Now reports suggest that the main hope is that it will stop young people from meeting men in their 40s online who Spotify top 5 are Sabrina Carpenter
15:32One drawback of it apparently is that for the kids who live in isolated areas
15:45So some people's closest neighbor lives about 50 miles away. So it's the best way to communicate
15:50How much of a concern do you think that is?
15:53It's the best way to communicate for everyone like there's nothing wrong with social media
15:57It's it's the adults we have failed to ask the companies to regulate what's on there. We're addicted to it
16:03It's adults banning a product that we are addicted to
16:06So no, I don't want you on your phone all the time because I need it
16:10Also if they're 50 miles away, I don't think you can use the word my nearest neighbor. They're not your fucking neighbor
16:17Neighbours was set in Australia. It wasn't Scott and Charlene with 50 miles
16:23There's a nightmare on trick-or-treat where you walk 50 miles
16:27To get a chopper chaps
16:29We were out for four hours. We only did one hour
16:31So under 16 to be banned from Facebook Instagram threads x YouTube snapchat reddit kick twitch and tick-tock
16:40Is there any of those?
16:42Well, I'm gonna say it threads are fucking lucky to be on that list
16:45Everyone banned themselves from Fred's 48 hours in
16:49I don't think anybody over 16 should be on twitch
16:53No, that's that you know, that's just the game the street. Yeah, that's the gaming one. Yeah, no one should be on that
16:59No, what the fuck was kick? What's kick? I don't know
17:02Snapchat in Australia is a how they check where the crocodiles are, isn't it?
17:06Tell me why
17:10Now apparently teenagers are already getting around the band if they look older than they are
17:19I'm about to start back in our day when you could buy cider from the off here if you had a bum fluff and moustache
17:24Do you ever... No, I don't... No, I never managed that
17:27I'm still waiting for that one
17:29We'll have a look at this insightful clip
17:31What about you? Are you going to miss your social media?
17:35I'm not removed from anything. The ban hasn't worked
17:38It hasn't worked? Why is that?
17:40Because my camera's terrible so they think I'm 16
17:45I mean that kid at the bottom... I know the kid at the top thinks that one at the bottom there is no way he's passing for over 16
17:52That's me, the little kid on the left looking at him going, fuck off
17:57They didn't seem... they didn't seem too bothered about it
18:00But I just think when you've grown up in a country where everything's trying to kill you from the sun to the plants
18:06Like hashtags are the least of your problems, aren't they?
18:09Yeah, and also the kids will always find a workaround
18:12They will all be on LinkedIn before you know it
18:18Er, so, erm, sorry, just the autocue's just got stuck
18:21I've already said that bit
18:22Yeah, I've already said that bit
18:25Hils has never had to say it!
18:30Hilsie's got air air and he's on the IRQ
18:32Hilsie's absolutely fucked you on the IRQ
18:36Hilsie's got it on fours
18:38Hilsie's upstairs now absolutely high-fiving the team
18:42To be honest with you, I've just felt a massive wave of sadness
18:45A bit like when Mufasa dies in the Lion King
18:48Which must mean I think we're due an update from Hils
18:50Um, yep, I'm hearing he's on the line now
18:53Where are you, Hilsie?
18:56Er, yeah, look, sorry boys, I had to get off the bus for a whole bunch of reasons
18:59Er, mainly the giant shit hit the fan
19:02Not even entirely sure why there was a fan on the bus
19:04But I'm now going to get on a motorbike
19:06Because apparently that's the quickest way to get to you
19:08Er, but I have to put some leathers on first
19:10Not entirely sure this is necessary, but I'll give it a crack
19:13Um, see you soon
19:15Oh no, this is ridiculous
19:17Look, looks up the hills on the bus did go round and round and round
19:29Ah, there we are
19:41What a highbrow show this has become
19:43Um, but look, don't worry, we've got some excellent guests to make up through his absence
19:47One's on Big Brother, the other's missing part of his bladder
19:50It's AJ O'Doodoo and Matt Fords
19:52Time Awards
19:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:58Hello
20:03Good to see you
20:09Hello!
20:11Hello!
20:12Welcome to the show
20:13All right
20:14Tonight
20:15We're also presenting our Hands Awards to people who've inspired us this year
20:18this year who would you both nominate AJ starting with you I would nominate bus
20:24auntie she is a respected mental health nurse but she's gone viral for her love
20:33of double-decker red buses okay really great here's a video of bus auntie in
20:42action
21:03the problem with that though is she just looks like she keeps missing the bus
21:06she raves at the bus drivers shows of appreciation she loves them she rides them she met kia
21:17stomping on one who do you nominate 40 I want to nominate um a nurse who's helped me this year
21:32called Sharon Hall at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital and she's the lead urology nurse there
21:37and I had surgery recently to deal with them I've realized this sort of thing but it's only when
21:43you're saying out on live TV you realize I'm not sure this was something I should be divulging to
21:47deal with my male incontinence and I've had a artificial urinary sphincter put in to stop me
21:54peeing my pants following spinal surgery I had cancer a couple years ago I'm a brave survivor
21:59and what in service will get it I've had it so it's coming to have two of you guys watch out
22:15thanks for joining us the angel of deaths arrived Josh last week I nominated Sabrina Carpenter we've
22:27discussed this but we couldn't get her the award we we contacted her agent and they said I'm really
22:34sorry it's unlikely we'll get anything for the show tomorrow apologies I don't want to give you any
22:39false hope as if we had any fucking false hope at least now you can rescript your segment but we've
22:44got that we've got it made so here is like a classic racy picture of what people remember Sabrina
22:50Carpenter's outfits and here is the hands there it is gorgeous oh that's like twins so there we go
22:58I think that is very similar is it John who's yours I like the fact even her agent said you can
23:04re-script the segment and you went now we'll just do it anyway well I didn't know Matt was going to
23:12do a nurse that had operated on him so I have picked a darts player who has suffered a different kind of
23:19adversity this year he's got to change his nickname because his name is Tim Pussy and he wanted to be
23:25called the magnet I just think it's a sign that darts has lost its way a little bit that's what's
23:34wrong with magnet Tim yeah well he's changed it to the muncher so we dealt with it very well well we'll
23:42have more last leg of stand-up to cancer for you after the break as we hand out more hands awards and
23:47check-in on Faraway Hills we'll see you soon
24:03welcome back to the last leg of stand-up to cancer we're joined by John Richardson AJ
24:09doodoo and Matt Ford but still not Adam Hill come on that's unfair now let's focus on the important
24:20people the ones that could be bothered to be here Matt yes it's stand-up to cancer tonight which is
24:26obviously a topic close to your heart yeah my stand-up stroke spine so tell us what happened with you
24:34then I got spinal cancer a couple of years ago I was performing at the Edinburgh Festival a terrible
24:40nerve pain in my buttock and and went to see a doctor they said you probably just slipped a disc
24:44got an MRI and there's a rare cancer at the base of my spine called a chordoma that only one in a
24:50million people get at that point obviously you just you can't quite comprehend that it's cancer
24:56because you go to the point where when you told me you texted me and did it in the form of a quiz
25:02question that reflects really badly on me but it was Josh and I are part of a text group
25:10running joke and there are quizzes as part of the theme and I invented a yeah I was but it was I said
25:18what is wrong with me it was a asthma B something G cancer and knowing full well no one was gonna
25:24guess it it just added a game show element to proceedings I think now you've had some good
25:29news recently yes so my last scan was clear so I'm two years clear of cancer now
25:33Matt Matt that only means one thing bring them out
25:42that's very cool now earlier in the show you mentioned your neurology nurse Sharan
26:12Gill you wanted to give her a hands award yeah much like Hillsy she couldn't be with us tonight but
26:18she has got you a message here is thank you so much Matt for the nomination it's very very kind
26:25of you I'm very grateful I'm so sorry I couldn't be with you tonight but I wish you all the very best and see you soon
26:30you can still donate stand up to cancel reveal the total raise tonight at the end of the show now almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime help us fight back to give 40 30 or 10 pounds to support stand up to cancer text 40 30 20 or 10 to 70 404 or today any amount online go to channel 4.com forward slash
27:00we'll fund life-saving cancer research now it's time for our hands awards as we recognize some of the heroes of the year
27:07the year
27:14I can be your hands baby I can hands away the pain
27:30I will hands by you forever
27:37you can take my hands away
27:45our first award is for Faye who adapts and teaches Strictly Come Dancing performances so they can be performed by wheelchair users and post them to her Instagram all whilst battling M.E. herself
28:08Hi it's Faye I just wanted to say a huge thank you for the last leg
28:13I'm delighted to accept this Hammers award for creating and teaching adaptations of Strictly Come Dancing routines each week to show fellow chronically ill and disabled people that dances for everyone
28:23our next award of the night goes to Celia Imry who was nominated by Adam Hills on last week's show for owning her own embarrassment on the traitors
28:37here she is accepting her award
28:40I'm absolutely delighted to be an award winner and if it's for making everybody laugh then I couldn't be happier and I wish you all health and happiness in the year ahead and thank you again
28:55we'll have more last leg of stand-up to cancer for you after the break and I'll still be in the hot seat and we'll have another mystery guest see you soon
29:02welcome back to the last leg of stand-up to cancer joined by John Richardson AJ Doodoo and Matt Ford but still not Adam Hills and don't forget you can still donate
29:09the last leg of stand-up to cancer joined by John Richardson AJ Doodoo and Matt Ford but still not Adam Hills and don't forget you can still donate
29:17there there we go we'll announce the total amount raised at the end of the show now Matt you're going on tour in the new year yes my new tour Define Calamity's going across the UK from January to June next year where I'll talk about the
29:34male incontinence erectile dysfunction all the usual cliches it's a classic stand-up show all the well-worn topics plus impressions of Donald Trump Keir Starman well let's get back to Donald Trump because David asked is it okay that the last leg team may be
29:49banned from the US for being nasty to Trump yes this week it was revealed that travelers planning to visit the US will soon have to provide a variety of extra information including dates and birthplaces of family members and their social media activity the US will soon have to provide a variety of extra information
30:14Including dates and birthplaces of family members and their social media activity going back five years worried
30:23No, no, I'm not worried at all
30:25But it's mainly because all of the dodgy tweets I send out are from my burner account at Josh Whittakam
30:39How are you two feeling about it
30:41Ah
30:42Well, you don't want to feel like you've been spied on you don't want to feel like no
30:47Vetted it's hard enough getting through passport control. Do you know what I mean? It is and you'll have to give your parents
30:53birthdays
30:55I don't know that
30:57I need to go to America. I need to know my daughter's birthday. I'm fucked
31:02To give your parents social media day. What do you mean know what my mum's like on
31:08She's in my DMS too much
31:11We've looked into it right not in that way not in that way
31:15She did I just get a lot of traction for my content and now that's not you for me, sir
31:20That's
31:21What is this show turned into without Elsie?
31:24She hit the bell on your YouTube channel as well
31:27Um, so she wants that there are examples these are like the red lines, right?
31:33These are the red flags people can't cross so if your social media is deemed too dangerous something like this
31:40Look at that John. Oh
31:42People who brag too much about their holidays on social media. They are the absolute
31:46work
31:47Look at that absolute wanker
31:50And total nut jobs
31:52Number two
31:54Flied without wings
31:55However, right there is a workaround for those looking to move to America president Trump has announced a scheme offering
32:05Fast-track u.s. Visas for cost of at least one million dollars
32:10Would you like to see this is the taste? This is the genuine
32:14Tasteful gold card you will get
32:16Look at that
32:19That's a real picture of Donald Trump riding an eagle past the Statue of London
32:32Do you want to see right a very cheery snap of someone who is so happy with their gold card?
32:39He looks like Charlie Bucket is unbelievable
32:44It's more like Grandpa Joe
32:47Now one of the great things about Hillsy not being here is I can do stories on whatever I want this week huge news
32:53From the world of bears from the happy Mondays who has said he could lose his job to an AI bot
33:01You're right John
33:02Yeah, well, he didn't know today
33:06He did he speaking to big issue. He said this is the quote
33:09I thought no way could AI actually do that but can just rob everyone and
33:14Anybody's life are you worried about bears or yourself? John? I
33:18Ain't got time to worry about bears. Have you seen my life?
33:22AI's not coming for bears. Is it no one cares if a computer does drugs?
33:26These are
33:37AJ you're worried about AI or doo-doo?
33:39I feel I feel like it's complex isn't it it's already here
33:52I don't think it's something to fear it's something that we need to get our
33:56heads around and embrace because it's not something that's gonna happen it's
34:00already happening generally exactly poor old best he's a gone already 40 you
34:07worried about it no I think I think it's basically not as good as people worry
34:12about I think it's basically rubbish I'm more worried about bears there's poses a
34:21bigger threat to my safety than a I all right I was just googling it it's in
34:27their Spanish monkey that does ASMR though what are you having you on the
34:32drugs now John it's good stuff just like a Spanish monkey that eats food on
34:39Instagram and tells you about it in Spanish you whispers you know what John you
34:46have got a lot to worry about it's time to bring out this week's mystery guest it's
34:50someone from the news and our guests have to try and identify them can we have
34:53this week's mystery guest please okay Alex who is the mystery guest so this is
35:10hard bang but why was he in the news this week can we have the dramatic lighting
35:16change please right was he in the news because he traveled to Delhi where he
35:24made the final of the throwing a teabag into a mug World Series did he travel to
35:30Las Vegas where he made the final of the Microsoft Excel World Championships or did
35:36he travel to Buenos Aires where he made the final of the sock pairing World Cup okay
35:43teabagging
35:50so what are you thinking guys I'm going to be whatever the middle one was that is a
35:59spirit don't even remember what they are just because Microsoft well I just think
36:05his face moved less on the second option all right fuck you know Joe fucking Marla on
36:11the traitors don't need AI we don't need AI so what we're saying is if it is
36:18Microsoft Excel you've proven we don't need AI hundred percent and if it's teabagging AI
36:23all the way okay we'll have more last leg to stand up to cancer after the great one
36:29we'll find out if this man is very quick at pairing socks and announce the final
36:32hands award of 2025 but for that let's see where Hillsy is Hillsy where are you
36:39yeah boys look I've had to get off the bike but only because I've spotted someone that
36:44I think you're going to want to meet and I'm going to bring them to the studio
36:47Alex it's not abs from five or Jay from five or Richie from five I'm going to keep it a surprise
36:54but because it's another person I can't put them on the bike so I've got a rickshaw I
36:59think we're going to make it in time you're going to be very happy to see this
37:03person have we checked the rickshaw's got a blue badge we'll be fine I'll see in a bit
37:07find out if Hillsy makes it back after the break see you soon
37:25welcome back to the last leg of stand up to cancer I'm back in the big chair and we're
37:30joined by John Richardson AJ Adudu and Matt Ford now before the break we challenged AJ and Matt
37:36to work out how this person was connected to the news John please can we have the options
37:42again yes sorry I forgot how well produced this is after midnight man nobody's anyway he traveled
37:54to Delhi where he made the final of the throwing a teabag into a mug world series he traveled to
37:58Las Vegas where he made the final of the Microsoft Excel world championships or he traveled to Buenos
38:03areas where he made the final of the sock bearing world cup so AJ 40 what you thinking
38:09they are all believable but I I'm gonna stick to the teabagging you're gonna stick to the teabagging yeah
38:16I'm going Microsoft Excel I think
38:32Someone's got a bit of power behind the desk
38:41Okay, you're looking in those answers so you're going to see bagging 40 computers you're going for the computers well
38:48Mystery guests can you reveal the correct answer, please and tell us why you've been in the news
38:53I went to Las Vegas last week, and I made the final of the Microsoft Excel World Championship
39:01Oh
39:09What happens at the Microsoft Excel World Cup?
39:13so they
39:15each battle is a 30-minute challenge where you have to answer a hundred questions on
39:21Seven levels of increasing difficulty and you're supposed to use Excel to solve them as quickly as possible
39:26And how did you get into it?
39:28Well, I attended an Excel conference in February, and I saw an advert for the UK chapter of the championship
39:35I thought that looked fun. I tried it out, and I want the UK championship
39:40Hooray!
39:41Thank you!
39:46You don't need AI!
39:47No, so what sort of questions did I ask you?
39:50Well, it's a mix of critical thinking data analysis and some mathematics involved for instance
39:57You might be given the names of ten and ten people and say how many of those names have a B in it?
40:03So it could be quite interesting if you put a context into it
40:07And what you like with socks and teabags?
40:09LAUGHTER
40:10Is it just Excel, Microsoft Excel, or would you do another spreadsheet like pages?
40:17You're supposed to use Excel, but the reigning champion, he was so good
40:22He challenged himself to do one of the rounds in Google Sheets
40:25Ooh!
40:26A showboater!
40:28I mean, it's incredible, but if you turn around to your other half and you were just like
40:33By the way, I'm going to Vegas for an Excel World Championship
40:36LAUGHTER
40:38But, John, you've got a dart shirt, haven't you, with a new nickname?
40:41I have. I've got a new nickname for you. It's the Excel Bullock.
40:45LAUGHTER
40:47Give that over.
40:51All right, thank you very much!
40:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:56Legend.
40:57What are you doing?
40:58Now, John has been punching the news this week.
41:02John, what have you got for us?
41:04Er, hey, would you like to see an utterly perfect clip to the
41:08which I call, what did you think was going to happen?
41:11Yes, please.
41:12LAUGHTER
41:14LAUGHTER
41:16LAUGHTER
41:18LAUGHTER
41:19I'm going to get in here, I'm going to get in here.
41:22LAUGHTER
41:25LAUGHTER
41:27LAUGHTER
41:29LAUGHTER
41:31LAUGHTER
41:33LAUGHTER
41:35LAUGHTER
41:37LAUGHTER
41:43What else have you got?
41:44Would you like to see some delightful footage of an Australian man
41:47and his leaf blower proving that instant karma exists in Australia?
41:50LAUGHTER
41:51Yes, please!
41:53We've got the dog.
42:04Tries to blow the leaf blower up the dog's anus.
42:08LAUGHTER
42:09We've got an extra one.
42:10LAUGHTER
42:11We've got an extra one.
42:13LAUGHTER
42:15We've got an extra one.
42:16John, this is for you.
42:17This is a message from a Hans winner.
42:19Let's have a look.
42:21Hello, everyone.
42:23At the last leg, it's Tim Pusey.
42:25I'm really happy to accept the Hans Award.
42:27I'd like to thank everyone who nominated me,
42:29especially John Richardson.
42:31The Hans Award will look great in the trophy cabinet.
42:35It's a perfect preparation for the world championship.
42:38I'll be beaming with confidence after receiving this.
42:41APPLAUSE
42:43I love that guy.
42:44APPLAUSE
42:46Now, we've just heard the amount you've raised
42:49for Stand Up To Cancer since it was on air two years ago.
42:52It currently stands at...
42:54..the drum roll.
42:57£14,212,660!
43:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:06..Celebration times, come on!
43:12MUSIC PLAYS
43:17Celebration times, come on!
43:20MUSIC PLAYS
43:24Now, we're about to end the show with our final Hans Awards.
43:31But before we do, would you please thank our guests, Adia Doodoo!
43:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:37Matt Ford!
43:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:39My co-host, Alex Brooker!
43:41And my co-host, Josh Winnikin!
43:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:45And our other co-host, John Richardson!
43:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:48We'll be back next week
43:49with everyone's fur favourite host, Adam Hills,
43:51plus our guests, Fatia El Ghori, Roisin Conaty.
43:54But for now, let's see who our final Hans Awards go to.
43:58MUSIC PLAYS
43:59I can be your hands, baby
44:14I can hands away the pain
44:20I will hands fire you forever
44:27You can take my hands away
44:34Our penultimate Hans Award of the evening
44:40goes to Chris Stevenson and David Spencer.
44:44They are Kevin Sinfield's fellow runners
44:47who cover every mile alongside him,
44:51completing challenges all in aid of the charity MND.
44:56Kevin was recognised with the Hans Award last year,
44:59so this year we're recognising Chris and David too.
45:03Hello to the last leg, thank you very much for this nomination.
45:08It means a great deal.
45:10It's an incredible honour and a privilege
45:12to represent the MND community,
45:14to be part of such an incredible team
45:16and to run alongside Kevin.
45:18Mine and Chris's job, as far as I'm concerned,
45:20is the easiest and most enjoyable part.
45:23It's running with a mate, before a mate.
45:25Anything that shines a light on MND
45:27and the cruel disease that it is, is good.
45:30And I feel very humbled that I've been able to see
45:34and touch people that have been impacted
45:37by this cruel disease.
45:39We will continue to run with a mate, for a mate
45:42until we find a cure for MND.
45:45Thank you so much.
45:51Our last hand's award goes to 15-year-old Charlotte Gower,
45:54who won triple gold as Great Britain scored 12 medals
45:57at the Deaf Olympics in Tokyo.
46:01Hello the last leg.
46:02I'm so pleased to accept the 2025 Hands Award
46:05and extremely grateful to have been nominated
46:07for winning seven medals, including three golds,
46:10for Great Britain at the Deaf Olympics in Tokyo last month.
46:14I hope this award will help raise the profile of Deaf sport
46:17and give Deaf athletes the recognition they deserve.
46:20Thanks again to everyone who nominated me.
46:22It means a lot.
46:28Incredible stuff.
46:29That's it for the 2025 Hands Awards!
46:33And bad news.
46:37Genuinely, we've just heard
46:39Hilsey isn't going to make it back,
46:41but we've got one more surprise hands.
46:43AJ and John, can you take the Hands mascot costume off
46:48to reveal our final winner behind you?
46:51There we go.
46:52It's Match Specialist Nurse Sarah and Gil!
47:00I don't know what I do.
47:01I don't know what I do.
47:02I don't know what I do.
47:03My last hand of the stand-up for cancer,
47:04our name's Josh Winnikon
47:06and Alex Brooker.
47:07We'll see you next week for the next week.
47:10I can be your hands, baby I can hands away the pain, oh yeah
47:21I'm all hands by you forever You can take my hands away
47:40You can take my hands away, oh yeah
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