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Celebrity Gogglebox (2019) Best of Series 7
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FunTranscript
00:00What are these for?
00:01Premier League nightly wins.
00:03Is that from this year?
00:04Probably this year or last year.
00:06Yeah. How many did you get? Five this year?
00:08Four, yeah.
00:09Five. And you get a nice bonus as well, don't you, for winning the night?
00:12We can all do the maths, Luke. What's that?
00:13Whoa, five times. Whoa, you're doing all right.
00:16Nice. Some nice family photos.
00:19But you can do all this.
00:20You can't pass your driving theory.
00:27This is what we've tuned in for.
00:29Muno, look at this.
00:30I can't.
00:31Oh!
00:32Wow!
00:33It's pretty racy telly, isn't it?
00:35Oh!
00:36What?
00:37Oh, no!
00:38Oh, this is awful.
00:39I'm crying.
00:41Oh!
00:42Oh, I'm happy.
00:44That makes me happy.
00:45This is a bit of you.
00:46My people.
00:47Fish bumpies!
00:48We've all got an undercarriage.
00:51Grow up!
00:53In the summer of 2025, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
00:58Singletons were full of hope as they looked for love abroad on Discovery Plus.
01:04People probably say, I'm a people pleaser.
01:06I like to say yes, not no.
01:08And I have, like, a resting happy face.
01:11A resting happy face?
01:12I think that would annoy me quite quick.
01:14Someone's just almost like this.
01:16Yeah, you're one of those people that frown upon people's happiness.
01:20No, I don't!
01:21You are.
01:22Like, that's such an amazing trait to have.
01:25And you're like, oh, you'd dump someone because they're too happy.
01:29Too happy!
01:31The hardest working man in pop was on his travels on ITV.
01:35I'm Gary Barlow from Take That.
01:38There's a big audience out there and we're ready.
01:41And we're on a huge world tour.
01:44I saw Jason Orange every day.
01:45And I've got to tell you this, the truth.
01:46No one sees him and everyone's looking for him on Reddit.
01:48It's just true.
01:49And he did like a traitors.
01:50When he recognised...
01:51When he realised I'd recognised him, I was in Muswell Hill.
01:54This is God's honest truth.
01:55I was like, that's Jason Orange.
01:56And he went like this.
01:57What, he hid?
01:58He hid and sort of smiled and scurried off.
02:00I love that.
02:01And then I Googled it and no one knows where he is.
02:04What did you Google?
02:06Where's Jason Orange?
02:07Jason Orange.
02:08What's he been up to?
02:09Does he live in Muswell Hill?
02:11And the bed-hopping began on ITV too.
02:15Is everyone happy now in their new couples?
02:17I don't even feel like I need to say it to you much, lad.
02:21I am glad, though, that I'm not in the dating game anymore.
02:25And to be clear, I never was.
02:27How did you meet your missus?
02:28Well, I did the classic move of working with her for a year.
02:32Oh, OK.
02:33Player!
02:35He got game!
02:39In Essex.
02:44They're lovely crisps, then.
02:46Mmm, I like them.
02:47Well, kettle chips.
02:48Oh, they were the kettle ones.
02:50They're nice.
02:51They cook them in a kettle.
02:52Rylan and his mum, Linda.
02:54So, you know, like your kettle?
02:56Yeah.
02:57For example, you could slice up potato.
02:58Right, this ain't a wind-up.
02:59I'm telling you now, Mum.
03:00You slice, that's why they're called kettle chips.
03:02Oh, I'm going to try, then.
03:03You slice up potato, put it in.
03:05Yeah.
03:06And...
03:07Oh, God, you're winding me up, aren't you?
03:10Oh, is that your bear's arms?
03:11Sorry.
03:12Look.
03:13Do you know what?
03:14No, it's only when you said,
03:15I'm going to try it, I thought you'd better not.
03:18You'd burn the ass down.
03:20In June, it was time to find out
03:22how clever some famous faces were on ITV.
03:26I'm actually getting a little bit hot now,
03:28thinking about the fact we're going to have to try
03:29and answer this question,
03:30and I think you're going to get it,
03:31and I'm not,
03:32because the 1% Club is not my comfort zone.
03:35How would you say your general knowledge is?
03:37Ooh, not good.
03:38No.
03:39I'll be honest, that was the answer as I expected.
03:40Yeah.
03:41And you got the right answer.
03:42You just have no general knowledge,
03:44because you don't watch the news.
03:46I do watch the news.
03:47Do you?
03:48Yeah.
03:49I always swipe to the little side-like thing on my phone.
03:51I don't mean the news on your phone,
03:52I mean on the TV.
03:53Yeah, I watch you.
03:54Do you?
03:55When Mum puts it on.
03:57Tonight, our contestants are all professional footballers
04:00and celebrities who support Soccer Aid.
04:02Why haven't they asked me to play in Soccer Aid?
04:05Oh, I hate it when they do celebrity versions of stuff.
04:08It's never as good as just the normal ones.
04:11The 1% Club Soccer Aid Special!
04:13I normally do quite all right on this.
04:18You're good at any quiz, you are.
04:20It's time for our first question.
04:24Right, get ready.
04:25Lock in.
04:26Lock in.
04:2790%, this is always easy.
04:28This is like, what day is it?
04:30Which of the following three pieces
04:32doesn't correctly match the image?
04:35Ooh, I like Jill Scott.
04:36I do.
04:40Easily, the ear.
04:41Earring B.
04:42Yeah.
04:43Earring B.
04:44Wait, the eye?
04:45No, it's not the eye.
04:46No, the earring.
04:47What, doesn't match?
04:48Doesn't match.
04:49No, I think there's an extra wrinkle there
04:51and there shouldn't be.
04:52But then it...
04:53No, because of a mouth.
04:54Oh, my God.
04:55I think her eye is okay.
04:56The mouth isn't.
04:57I think it's the eyebrow.
04:58No, it's B.
04:59It's A.
05:00It's B!
05:03Nobody should get this wrong.
05:05We can't be out for this one.
05:06See, that's the thing as well.
05:08They always make it easy for celebrities
05:10because they're all thick.
05:11Yeah.
05:12I've even forgot what we did.
05:14Yeah.
05:15We were naming what we did.
05:16B.
05:17Did we do?
05:18Yeah, yeah.
05:19One out?
05:20Right, we lost one of you.
05:24He's a referee.
05:25Is he?
05:26Yeah.
05:27Do you know what they say about referees, boy?
05:28You don't know what you're doing.
05:31He's the ref that's always on Sky,
05:33stands by the wrong decisions.
05:35So I'm glad he's out.
05:36It's B.
05:37Because the earring is different on Jill's ear.
05:39Woo!
05:40We got it right, B.
05:41Yes, indeed.
05:4290% of the country got that right.
05:44And you and the ref got it wrong.
05:46Let's move on to the 35% question.
05:49Oh, 35, mate.
05:50Oh, no.
05:51Get on your game.
05:52This is going to be hard.
05:53Ooh, trickier.
05:54Ooh.
05:55Which Premier League football team is this rhyming code for?
05:58Nest Jam.
06:00Nest Jam.
06:01It's not West Ham, is it?
06:03Ah!
06:04He's on it!
06:05He's on it!
06:06It's West Ham!
06:07West Ham.
06:08Why is it West Ham?
06:09Nest Jam.
06:11Bird's Nest Jam Jam.
06:13Yeah?
06:14Bird's Nest Jam Jam.
06:16Come on.
06:17Tottenham.
06:18Nespot.
06:19Tottenham.
06:20Tottenham.
06:21No, it's rhyming.
06:22Yes, bro.
06:23Tottenham.
06:25Premier League football.
06:26West Ham.
06:27Nest.
06:28West Ham.
06:29Liverpool.
06:30I don't know all the teams.
06:31Arsenal.
06:32Brentford.
06:33Nest Jam.
06:34Nest Jam.
06:35No, don't say Nest Jam.
06:36You said Nest Jam 17 times now.
06:37It's not helping.
06:38West Ham!
06:39West Ham!
06:40What?
06:41Nest...
06:42No idea.
06:44Nest Jam.
06:45Nest Jam.
06:46Nest Jam.
06:47West Jam.
06:48West Ham!
06:49West Ham.
06:50West Ham rhymes with Nest Jam.
06:52I can't believe you actually got that right.
06:54That's fucking unbelievable.
06:56Mm.
06:57I'm not going to lie, that was very quick from me.
06:58I'm quite proud of that.
06:59That's...
07:00Nest Jam!
07:01Yeah, if you say it quick and...
07:02Ooh, ooh, ooh, Nest Jam!
07:04I don't know their chant.
07:05Also, yeah, you've never been to a football game.
07:08Ooh, ooh, ooh, Nest Jam!
07:11It's time for the 30% question.
07:13Come on, Perry.
07:14Head in the game.
07:1530% question.
07:17What does that even mean?
07:18Which England footballer is spelt out in this code below?
07:21Oh, no.
07:22Eh?
07:23How am I supposed to know hieroglyphics?
07:25I used to know them.
07:26I used to learn them.
07:27I used to have a hieroglyphics bookmark on papyrus.
07:33What?
07:34They've got to be Roman letters or something.
07:36Snake eye, bird wave.
07:38Whale, comb eye foot wings.
07:41What?
07:42Let me concentrate.
07:45Oh, er...
07:46It's got Frank Kirby, I think.
07:48I think one of us has to just gamble.
07:49You have to go somewhere and I'll go somewhere.
07:51Other buyers are both out.
07:55Hey, Mary Earps.
07:56I'm going to go Frank Kirby.
07:58It's Frank Kirby.
07:59Because the second letter of the first name
08:01and the third letter of the last name
08:03are the same in Fran and Kirby.
08:06Makes no sense at all.
08:07Absolutely not.
08:08I think I'm using a pass.
08:09Definitely used my pass.
08:11Let's see who got it right.
08:12Everyone's going to be out.
08:13This is going to separate the wheat from the chaff.
08:15I'll tell you that for now.
08:18Oh, and they're just ticking them off.
08:21Well, and me.
08:22No, because we used a pass.
08:23It's Frank Kirby.
08:24The only symbol that is repeated
08:26represents the second letter of the first name
08:28and the third letter of the second name.
08:30Mmm!
08:32Mmm!
08:33Ross, you need to go on there.
08:34Is that going to be on most clever now?
08:37No, absolutely not.
08:38You took a guess and I took a guess.
08:40Strategically, we played for each other there
08:41because we took a punt each.
08:43After whittling down the sports stars and celebrities
08:45here in the studio,
08:46we are left with the 1% question.
08:48This is it.
08:49Right, deals, come on.
08:50In the opening verse
08:52to the original version of Three Lions,
08:54what two words feature
08:56exactly three times in the lyrics?
08:59Three Lions...
09:00Mama, please don't.
09:01They've seen it all before
09:04They just know
09:06they're so sure
09:10Is it it?
09:11It!
09:12It!
09:13It!
09:14It!
09:15It!
09:16It!
09:17It!
09:18It!
09:19It!
09:20It!
09:21It!
09:22It!
09:23It!
09:24It!
09:25It!
09:26It!
09:27It!
09:28It!
09:29It!
09:30It!
09:31Oh, this game's stressing me out.
09:32Three no's, it's no and it! No and it!
09:35Yeah, there's three no's.
09:36No and it.
09:37No and it.
09:39It and no.
09:42That's what I said.
09:43I said no, did I?
09:44Yeah, you said no.
09:46No and it!
09:48Yeah!
09:51It's literally the greatest moment of my life!
09:54Oh, I just thought...
09:55Why didn't they ask you on then?
09:56I can't believe it.
09:57And they all thought I was dopey.
09:59Yeah.
10:00But why did we get it right?
10:01Because you're fucking intelligent.
10:03You're answering things right and you just do it automatically.
10:06Yeah.
10:07Yeah, without thought.
10:09Since you start thinking...
10:10I do everything without thought.
10:11I mean, there's nothing worse than fucking thinking, is there?
10:14Yeah, yeah.
10:21In Brighton...
10:23I like your socks, Joe.
10:24They're, erm...
10:25They're tartan.
10:26Where are they from?
10:27Scotland.
10:28Friends Roshin and Joe.
10:30You're not from Scotland.
10:31I get all my socks in Scotland.
10:33You don't get all your socks in Scotland?
10:34I do.
10:35I get my...
10:35Where is your socks off?
10:36I get my socks in Scotland, my trousers from Wales, and my top and my underwear from England.
10:43I don't care about the rest of your clothes.
10:45I only care about the socks.
10:46The rest of your clothes are boring.
10:47The socks add some pizzazz.
10:47Do you want to work up my luggage?
10:48No.
10:49Do you want to work up my luggage?
10:50No.
10:51Mainland Europe.
10:52In July, there was some transatlantic dating on Discovery+.
10:54Hey, Clay, you're single.
10:56Would you let me matchmake you?
10:57No.
10:58No.
10:59What do you mean, no, right away?
11:00Who would you put me with?
11:01Would you not trust me?
11:02I don't know.
11:03I don't know.
11:04I don't know.
11:05I've got a friend who's married to someone who lives abroad and he quite likes it because
11:08he's got a birthday party.
11:09It's not a birthday party.
11:10I don't know.
11:11No.
11:12No.
11:13No.
11:14No.
11:15No.
11:16No.
11:17No.
11:18No.
11:19No.
11:20No.
11:21No.
11:22No.
11:23No.
11:24No.
11:25No.
11:26No.
11:27No.
11:28No.
11:29No.
11:30No.
11:31No.
11:32come back here for work so he gets to be away from her quite a lot that sounds like a good
11:36relationship oh yeah rock solid i'm victoria hi victoria i like her already i love her in a few
11:43hours i'm headed to the airport going to ireland ireland i love an irish accent i mean i do love
11:49a ginger i love a ginger i love a ginger that's why i'm going to ireland love some freckles
11:55they drink a lot i mean she has to stereotype the whole notion yeah she's going to ireland because
11:59you think they drink a lot they're ginger and they have freckles sorry she calls herself an equal
12:06opportunity dater this is the matchmaker but what it actually means is that she's desperate to date
12:12anyone all right straight up desperate to date anyone i want to see your wish list oh wish list
12:20here we go all right let's find out what she wants so what have we got here okay full head of hair
12:26hair full head of hair good no bald people right because i feel like i'm like spontaneous and i
12:32want someone with like a dark side a dark side yeah i'm really into golfs yeah or evil villains
12:40yeah preferably stroking a cat on a spinning chair what tattoos do like drugs on the spur of the moment
12:47did she say drugs did she say you know someone who could do drugs at the spur of the moment i thought
12:53she said that what the someone like wild like maybe they've been arrested
13:00i've been in prison she wants an absolute rogue you normally you say i quite like bad boys but i
13:05shouldn't she got really excited i need him to have been arrested a few tattoos preferably on the neck
13:11i really love a mug shop today is my first official date katarina has picked an oyster farm for our date spot an
13:20oyster farm bit obvious an oyster farm with a bad boy so the match i have for victoria is dave
13:26dave dave dave the dangerous day dangerous dave watch out let's see if an irish bad boy is the kind of guy victoria needs
13:38irish bad boy come on where's dave at freaking hell
13:49is he sound like the cross channel fairy
13:54how are you good how are you very good nice to meet you he looks like a nice boy no he looks quite
13:59nice doesn't he it's all just there ah there you go oh god don't give dangerous dave a hose
14:08can i blast myself with it can i blast myself with it
14:13whoa he's mad he's mad he's mad
14:19fucking mad that was kind of sore actually
14:22of course it was you just jet washed your face dave probably got a black eye
14:29yeah i'm sure actually victoria seems like she's up for
14:32good fun and i really like that about her i appreciated that so like i wouldn't mind like
14:36sleeping with her
14:42dave is unbelievable that is definitely an aprodisiac i am getting so excited
14:47i'm feeling randy now what about you you sweet talking bastard imagine in broad daylight without
14:54a drink without even a bit of flirting someone just goes i've got the horn for you uh just to let
15:00you know i have an erection um i've had four oysters and uh i'm as hard as a tank let me try some like
15:08a green sauce do how's that oh that's a good is that enough he's gonna be put too much on there
15:13and there's going to be another dave wild moment isn't it not wow yeah
15:18that's taken the horn out of him speaking of spice let's put something in my eye please do it
15:30please do it please do it please do it please do it what are you doing no no no no no
15:38oh my eye
15:54he's an absolute fucking lunatic for her next date great icebreaker but to be able to go what's your
16:03worst first date no one would believe her yeah that's true a guy turned up with a train horn that
16:07told me he was horny and then poured tabasco in his eyes yeah and sprayed himself in the face with
16:13a high pressured hose in manchester do you know what in all my time i've never been on a parent's
16:22whatsapp group how good is that that's terrible friends mark and kelly oh they're funny though
16:29they're not they are i was clap rep when you class rep went
16:32class rep yeah what did you have to do to be class rep i don't know but i put a lot of gifts
16:41on my uh on my whatsapps you'd have hated me you just put gifts on your whatsapps all the time
16:46you'd have hated me i would put little things out going morning everyone
16:50leave leave mark chapman has left the group
16:58in the summer we were taken on another big boating adventure with this
17:03quick hurry up because we're gonna miss canal boat diaries so you don't change the channel have you
17:09been on a canal boat yeah bro slept on one really horrible experience
17:13i'm robbie coming that's me hello that's him i've watched this before i love him you know what
17:22i think robbie's now become one of the heroes and this is my narrowboat home the naughty lass
17:29the naughty lass hello i like that i like that naughty lass double entendre come on come on i learned
17:36that word recently you know really i've been waiting to use it boy lovely start to the morning
17:43he just had his hands in the naughty lass's gearbox then and can you show that on the tally
17:49this time i'm tackling the basing stoke canal the basing stoke canal don't want to throw shade
17:57at anyone here doesn't sound amazing
18:00do you reckon by lock three it's a bit boring like the first one's quite fun yeah second one
18:10you get the end of it and then you're like this novelty's worn off yeah this trip is likely to be
18:15a bit of a challenge for me go on the basing stoke canal is notorious for weed basing stoke canal's
18:23notorious for weed it is always always always was yeah always was mate wait wait wait wait wait oh
18:31getting caught on the propeller oh no weeds oh wait i thought you meant wait no although it's
18:37somewhere i'm really looking forward to exploring there is a side of me that's thinking can i actually
18:42make it to the end i don't know oh there's the jeopardy robbie don't be mad get turned back
18:48it's the basing stoke canal as soon as i enter it there's a massive raft of weeds oh he's got to
18:55get through those weeds yeah and what we know the basing stoke canal is notorious for them denise
19:02here we go i love you go on thankfully that weed wasn't a worry oh thank god for that
19:10i'm so happy for you right another early morning and i just need to make myself some breakfast
19:18before i set off oh what's he gonna have this is gonna be interesting what's he got looking at my
19:24supplies here of my homemade muesli that needs to be topped up oh there's tea there's nothing like
19:32watching someone make their own muesli i'll tell you what mate that's it life in the fast lane add some
19:38more oats some seeds dried fruit that's not breakfast no and i usually put in some kind of
19:47naughty sugary cereal so i've got some hoops hang on he's chucked some cheerios in there yeah that's not
19:54healthy oh it's the most wholesome but boring man i've ever been and guys no one said anything but
20:01frosted trees oh oh i feel sorry for him now why i don't know look at him look at his little hat so
20:14patronizing look at his little hat he's coming into fleet oh he's coming into fleet now oh i've just seen
20:25possibly the lowest bridge that i've ever come across oh oh no
20:32this is the highlight of his day this is hilarious
20:39that's gonna be tricky
20:42i think it's that bit the boat gets that well if it does it'll liven it the up yeah
20:46oh no robbie i think there might have been some breakage oh he's gonna be stuck this is what we've
20:57tuned in for the boat is basically wedged underneath this bridge why did he go that far in i don't know
21:05what i'm gonna do and they thought the weed was gonna be the problem common sense like why did he not
21:11it's think oh i'm not getting under there take all the stuff off all his energies i'm knocking
21:17up his own muesli yeah i have to call my friend jamie he lives locally with his family and he helped
21:22me the other day so i'm hoping he can help me again unless he's superman or something
21:30i imagine turning up to that going what the do you want me to do yeah why have you called me well
21:35because you're a mate and i know you live local you know i work in an office he came down jumped on
21:43the front of the boat adding a bit more weight he jumped way out does he that gave us just enough
21:49room with jamie on the front to get the boat underneath the bridge wow and he's through oh
21:55thank god that was real that was touch and go then thanks for rescuing me thanks jamie see you
22:03is this actually a show yeah yeah i'll be honest with you he's not done a good job of showing you
22:08how good a life could be on a little narrow boat no what he has done is show you what it's really like
22:13no he has you need to eat food out of boxes you get stuck under the way television works it was
22:20all x-factored and made to look more interesting than what it was that was more interesting yes
22:33in essex do you tell me what shocks me to this day i can't get over it do you know how much a pack
22:39of dishwasher tablets are i don't know why they're pricing them there it's you need a small mortgage
22:44yeah for dishwasher tablets best mates jordan and perry oh sorry if i take them home and i've got to
22:51rip the packet open yeah fuming fuming like it's not like a little pot that pops yeah but even when you
22:56rip the packet open i find it all the time it's like putting my hand and you put your hand in it a lot of them
23:00a burst like all the time maybe i'm just too rough on my shopping no you're heavy-handed i am quite
23:05heavy-handed i love i'm nine and never burst i like doing that and then go okay i think you need
23:11to you need to grow up a bit man really yeah that's how you that's how you turn the dishwasher i think
23:15you need to live a little next time next time you put your hand in that packet i'm telling you do that
23:24is that it yeah but it's it's better without the eye contact
23:27back in june weatherfield's finest were on the warpath again on itv i don't submit in coronation
23:37sheet i could never tell anyone i went to the party there once i won't let you know what happened
23:43but what you mean on set on the set there's the back of the rovers coronation street all right
23:49the funniest of the soaps am i wrong what's the concept
23:57is it one street is it like sesame street
24:02it's just the area isn't it it's not
24:07big bird's gonna make it a bit my favorite mrs snufflepuggers snufflepuggers like oscar in the
24:12episode we dropped into rye's roles and a tense standoff between lou and maria do you want something
24:19what me and my family are decent people i'd prefer if you kept your distance wow hold on hold on hold
24:27that's a bold opener yes i mean you scumbag yeah just stay out of my business and i'll stay out of yours
24:33oh judge judge judge judge that's what you're like oh dear something wrong
24:43i don't know i just i guess i just feel like i'm trying so hard to fit in around here and no one
24:47wants to know me well no one wants to know lee why what if old fella killed the cop killed craigie
24:55did it yeah so her husband's been done for murder and she's just trying to fit in now well i think
25:00everybody's still very angry with that husband of yours so he's i just think everybody's a bit
25:09miffed with your husband for killing that police officer he's a cheeky bugger isn't he david was
25:16supposed to take this to the back but i haven't seen hide nor hair of him she's not daft did you see
25:20her eyes like up on audrey was doing the till yeah i can take it if you like no no it's all right
25:26thank you uh shona can give it to him and give him a kick up the backside she's been in a lot of
25:32plates here audrey yeah this is this is her in the scene hold on hold on what do you want no you take
25:39it no no you take it no you no which one of you will take it a bit later and everyone had popped round
25:49to david platts for a barbecue said it was a deal breaker why david's so iconic this is the fella
25:55that's just one big brother and a copper load of that i saw that last time i came oh what is it oh
26:04david loves his new table today right everyone nibbles no not on there seriously don't don't put them on
26:11there come on so it's four massive chat about a table i was gonna say what are they we're just talking
26:16about the one piece of table yeah it's a big topic in the hours that must have been a local tree all
26:21right uh barry keoghan's got same one apparently no he has who's barry keoghan barry keoghan the actor
26:27barry kian is it called kian from saltburn david oh yeah what do you want me to do with this
26:36what is it it's cash from the salon oh she's got an eye on that cash from the salon again lou
26:43lighting and scheming it's like a front for a heroine business isn't it audrey would be right
26:47on it wouldn't she yeah she ironed up the coffee table she is as well she's seen that coffee table
26:57she's going is that barry keoghan's one i was snicking the cat don't do it lou
27:07she's putting it back good choice
27:16i knew it oh oh how dare you oh i was just uh looking yeah i know exactly what you were doing
27:23you thieving cow oh thieving cow see that's what i would have called the two i was looking for a
27:27brown envelope i brought my own brown envelope with me saw a brown envelope there i thought oh is that my
27:32brown envelope no that's the one with all the money yeah that's got the money i don't want that one
27:36my one's the one without the money in it yeah which is um so if you do see that let me know
27:41anyway love this coffee table i know you're up to summit you're going nowhere do it get off
27:50you're going nowhere you're going to sit on that coffee table love they're going to smash the table
27:55david's going to be livid don't fight near the table shut up captain know it all right i think
28:00we're going to have to send out for pizza i wouldn't even give that to david the duck
28:05no what was that the table barry keoghan's coffee table
28:09what was that smash you know what it was david it's your coffee table mate oh my arm is killing me
28:22are you joking are you okay you're joking you're joking you're joking are you that was barry keoghan's
28:30one i didn't fall and i'm not drunk she pushed me oh come on who's standing
28:39on what side she was rummaging through that bag yeah and i said to her what are you playing at
28:44she said nothing so i said right okay show me your pockets then she did look at them all standing
28:49around there like it's no cluedo i like how she's explaining everything and um poor old david's there
28:57just looking at his table just just looking through just picking up the bits you don't believe me just
29:04look and she's on his bag oh money's still here still she's guilty it's not all arrow is it is it
29:13not why is the painting of jim broadbent behind her oh yeah do you reckon that was a real table
29:20they used or was it a stunt i hope not it's gonna keep me up tonight i'm not gonna stop thinking about
29:27that coffee table claire sorry matt in london shall we compare helmets because you got a vespa here
29:35i got a bike wow yours is very pink and shiny mates monja and jamie i'm aerodynamic yeah look at that
29:43look at you look like a professional look at the point on that yeah i'm a professional cyclist when i do
29:48this it's unbelievable stay like that stay like do you know how you can tell if it's good stay like that
29:52don't move don't move this is how it's like this is how you can tell ready let's just ready look at
29:57the arch the arch is crazy because now i can't move okay yeah but now now do the legs do the legs
30:04no because it's going to spill on me you've just trapped me you've trapped me in some sort of weird
30:09twisted sore challenge right if i cycle real slowly okay go on pedal look at that i'm pedaling i'm just
30:15going up a hill i am pedaling bro pedal in the summer gary barlow was enjoying some culinary delights
30:26down under on itv i'm into my wine at the minute aren't i yeah you have really got into wine i love
30:33it every time i ring you it's like yeah i've just enjoyed a bottle of red and i'm like he's aged better
30:39actually he looks much better now than when he was first and take that yeah really yeah men do seem
30:45to age well don't we generally most men no he had a good lockdown didn't he follow what do you mean
30:56what did he do in lockdown he played his piano a lot online did he yeah so that someone was watching
31:02him a lot on lockdown he couldn't stop him couldn't not watch him i'm hundreds of miles from the
31:10nearest city alice springs we've been there yeah but i'm not quite as alone as i look oh he's got
31:17company who is it because unless i'm hallucinating it's ronan i'd swear that was ronan keaton coming
31:25towards me what's he doing oh it's boy band heaven yes yes what are the chances
31:34i hate things like this on programs like this because it's not a surprise gary it's not a
31:39surprise production i've told you they've told you ronan keaton's not walked there across australia
31:44don't you bring me to all the nice places look at this sworn enemies up until 10 minutes ago
31:50that's the truth i've got another surprise for ronan they should like this one they're actually
31:57very similar aren't they yes they are they're slowly turned into the same person aren't they
32:01i think that's what gary barlow shows about he just slowly turns everyone into gary barlow yeah
32:05we try our hands at creating a sound that's become synonymous with australia's indigenous culture
32:11bt i sense a didgeridoo will be upon oh the didgeridoo it's going to be the didgeridoo
32:19so we've come to a sand dune for a didgeridoo master class i'd love to have a go on one of
32:23them i think quite hard i don't know there's no buttons is there to learn all about the rhythms
32:29of this ancient mystical instrument are they not allowed one they've got to play there's only one
32:34they can only afford one you know what i really really wanted to see today yeah is gary barlow and
32:41ronnie keaton banging sticks together you said that before we started this yeah love that sound
32:47of the didgeridoo absolutely you can't not look that sound all day with that buzzing around you
32:53nut hey that'll twist your melon where you breathe is on the chit and on the do
32:58yeah what did he say so just a bit so two lucky two lucky go on try that two lucky two lucky
33:05so two lucky i leap out of the water going two lucky two lucky then i come up to the part where
33:08i'm going to breathe and go he's like the worst teacher in the whole world i haven't got a single
33:14clue what he's talking about air here air here mouth didge air air two forces meeting oh shut up
33:23can i just say it's a didgeridoo all you got to do is just blow yes hum hum hum at the back of your
33:28throat and just go diggerie diggerie diggerie diggerie diggerie diggerie diggerie diggerie digger
33:35oh fucking darlick
33:40that's it that's beautiful love it broena's involved now i think he might be winding them up i think it is
33:46i feel like ant and deck are going to come out in a second
33:48And then the guy's got an earpiece the whole time.
33:52Listen.
33:53That's the didgerie.
33:54That's the didgerie.
33:55Oh, didgerie.
33:56Yeah, where's the do?
33:57Then the do.
33:59Not massively different.
34:01Put them together.
34:05He literally is just saying didgeridoo.
34:07Didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo.
34:15What was the thing I need to do?
34:16Oh, no, he's not going to have a go, is he?
34:18Didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo.
34:26Excuse me.
34:27Thanks, mate.
34:28And with that, we're both back where we started, on the rhythm section.
34:33Gary didn't have a go.
34:34Why isn't Gary going to have a go?
34:36Doesn't want to make an idiot of himself.
34:38Oh, OK.
34:44Is this really, I feel like I'm hallucinating.
34:47What, would you rather play the maracas or didgeridoo?
34:49Well, the maracas are easy, but I play both equally as bad.
34:54In North London.
35:04You want a crisp?
35:05No.
35:06Try not to eat crisps.
35:07Why not?
35:07I'm just trying to, you know, keep it real.
35:11Stephen and his sister Anita.
35:13I did the marathon and then what happens is you stop running and you just eat for six months.
35:18So I'm going to try not to do that.
35:19Oh, I see.
35:20So you try not to eat or just try not to eat crisps.
35:22Well, I'm trying not to eat rubbish.
35:24I see, yeah.
35:24Because you think you can eat anything when you're running that much and then you stop running and then you carry on eating that much.
35:30I love the way you just got that in there because I've just done the marathon.
35:33I just like to drop that into every occasion.
35:35Excuse me.
35:35Do you know that I just run the marathon a few weeks ago?
35:39Hello?
35:403.56 and 22 seconds.
35:42Oh, my God.
35:44In June, ITV livened up our morning with more of this.
35:49Wakey, wakey, mate.
35:51Fucking this morning's up.
35:53Come in, Bea.
35:54Let's see how they managed to fill a few hours of television.
35:59Jeez, come on, bro.
36:06This is something called morning TV.
36:08Yeah.
36:09You know, while you're asleep, other people are making television.
36:12Yeah.
36:12So you've never watched this, have you?
36:14Because you've literally never been awake.
36:15Yeah.
36:16Not just any old Fish Friday today.
36:18No.
36:19It's officially...
36:20Officially.
36:21Get it?
36:22National Fish and Chip Day.
36:23National Fish and Chip Day.
36:24National Fish and Chip Day, okay.
36:26Wow.
36:27Do you like Fish and Chips?
36:27I do, I love Fish and Chips.
36:29I like fish, chips, Lord Sutton Vinger and curry sauce to dip in.
36:34Oh, you're so northern.
36:36To celebrate, we've got the potato queen herself, Poppy O'Toole.
36:39Oh, I like Poppy, the potato.
36:41She cooks potatoes in lots of different ways.
36:43Yeah, Poppy's amazing.
36:44She's incredible.
36:45I've seen this girl do things with potatoes that are inhuman.
36:47What's your favourite way to have a potato?
36:48Go.
36:49Dock from moi.
36:50You fancy fucker!
36:52So we've got the mega Fish and Chip Butty,
36:54but all of the components are quite flashy.
36:57Oh, look at that.
36:58Oh, man.
37:02That's not a fish butty, mate.
37:03That's a banquet.
37:04And I'm all for it, 10.30 or not, mate.
37:06I'm in there.
37:07So we're starting off with a vodka and tonic battered fish.
37:11Yes.
37:12Vodka?
37:12Vodka in the batter.
37:13Oh, she's my sort of, I like her.
37:14Yeah.
37:15A vodka tonic batter.
37:16Yeah.
37:16Just when it couldn't get any better.
37:18You would love that.
37:19Vodka, fish and chips, my worlds are colliding.
37:21So what's your favourite fish to have as fish and chips?
37:25Are you cod, girl, haddock?
37:26Cod.
37:27It's got to be cod.
37:27This is journalism.
37:29This is good.
37:29I'm haddock.
37:30I am haddock.
37:31I love haddock.
37:32They all taste the same.
37:33They're in batter.
37:34I'd have a remote control for one in a deep fat frayer.
37:37What's your favourite fish for a...
37:38Haddock.
37:39Is it?
37:39Yeah, what's yours?
37:40Haddock as well, actually.
37:42Well, that's...
37:42Good chat.
37:43If you go to a fish and chips shop, what's your normal order?
37:46What about a pickled egg?
37:48I don't mind a pickled egg.
37:49I love a pickled egg.
37:50What are you?
37:51Oh, chips and a battered sausage.
37:53Oh, you love your sausage.
37:55I do.
37:56And a bit of curry sauce to dip it in.
37:58You.
38:02I've got another question.
38:03Really?
38:04What do you drink with fish and chips?
38:06Dandelion and burdock.
38:08Yes!
38:09Water.
38:09You drink water?
38:10Yeah, because there's enough going on.
38:12Also, you know,
38:12Oh, and I like to make the fish feel at home.
38:15Yeah, I go lemonade or a cup of tea.
38:17Oh!
38:18Cup of tea!
38:19Nah, nah.
38:20Get Phil back.
38:21Get Phil back.
38:22Cos he wouldn't drink tea.
38:24No, he wasn't.
38:24He wouldn't.
38:25Get Phil back on.
38:26Really?
38:26A cup of tea?
38:27Love a cup of tea with fish and chips.
38:28You know what's nice with a fish and chips?
38:29A Malbec.
38:30A Malbec with fish and chips?
38:32Is that wine?
38:33Well, I think it is.
38:34You don't fucking drink wine,
38:36Malbec wine with fish and chips.
38:39Unless you're in alcohol.
38:40Well, unless you're a twat.
38:42Very nice.
38:43What do you drink at home?
38:45Just send that in to us so that we know.
38:47Let them know, Kelly.
38:48Let them know.
38:49Who's messaging this morning
38:50to tell them what drink they have
38:51with a chippy tea?
38:52More people than you think.
38:55Oh, hang on one second.
38:56I'm just going to message this morning.
38:57I must let Alison and Dermot know.
38:59I have a glass of water send.
39:01Some of your lovely goujons
39:02with your vodka tonic.
39:03How are we going to get our mouth roundly?
39:05Well.
39:06Well, I'm glad someone said it, Alison.
39:08That's too big for my mouth.
39:09Yeah, you can't open your mouth very wide,
39:11so that's not going in.
39:12Can't do it.
39:13Guys, I cannot eat that sandwich.
39:15Look at the size of that.
39:16That is a big sandwich.
39:17Go on.
39:18Go on.
39:19I would be like,
39:20you've got to go to break
39:21because things are about to get real freaky,
39:22this sandwich.
39:24Honestly,
39:24you would not want to cut back to me.
39:26You come back from break
39:27and I'll be on the sofa going...
39:28In Birmingham...
39:32Do you know what I've got?
39:33What?
39:33What have you got?
39:34It's been so hot recently.
39:36It has, Bob.
39:36I've got these at home that I use.
39:38What is that?
39:39They're fans, look.
39:40Alison, her son Aiden,
39:42and her sister Sandra.
39:43Oh, you put them round your neck?
39:45You put them...
39:45You can put...
39:46But this one...
39:47That one's huge.
39:47Look at the size of it.
39:48Yeah, but look, it twists.
39:49It's really, really good.
39:51Look, you can have it anywhere.
39:52And at night, you know when you can't see?
39:54Yeah.
39:56Turn it on.
39:58Feel that.
39:59You can have one up there.
40:01I need that.
40:03Then, just...
40:03Where's the other one?
40:05Wherever you want it.
40:08Over the summer,
40:10Channel 4 turned up the heat
40:12with another toe-curling trip
40:13to the open house.
40:15What are we watching now?
40:16Sex.
40:18Come on.
40:18I'm so excited for this.
40:19Sexy time.
40:20Come on.
40:21It's basically loads of up-frit people
40:23go to a house
40:24and bang.
40:27Nice house.
40:27It's a great house.
40:28If you're going to have sex in a house,
40:30go there.
40:30Do it in that one.
40:31How are you with sex?
40:32Well, I'm just...
40:33Do you like it?
40:34I think I'm rather splendid at it.
40:35In my own opinion.
40:37I mean, it's brief,
40:37but it's enjoyable.
40:38That's all you need.
40:39Heading to the retreat
40:40are married couple,
40:42hairdresser Tanya
40:43and window cleaner Ashley
40:45from Leeds.
40:46Okay.
40:46All right.
40:47Classic.
40:48Window cleaner.
40:49What?
40:49Club?
40:51Window cleaner.
40:52Yeah.
40:53Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
40:55Tanya brought up the idea
40:56of an open relationship
40:58and letting other women join us,
40:59which was a bit of a shock at first.
41:01I didn't know if it was like a trap.
41:04He goes like,
41:05shred carefully, boy.
41:07He's like,
41:07no, I would never do that.
41:09The male that wants to push it.
41:10Yeah, yeah.
41:11I couldn't.
41:13I mean, if it's going to make you happy.
41:17Tanya and Ashley
41:18have been having sex
41:19with other people
41:20for five years.
41:22Oh.
41:22I see.
41:23How do they get in?
41:24Have you got underwear
41:25that looks like that?
41:26Is that underwear?
41:27I think so.
41:28Okay.
41:28I have a lot of ribbons
41:29so I can probably make that
41:31out of my art and crafts drawer.
41:32So we're coming in
41:33to venture off
41:34our own separate ways
41:35to have sex
41:36separately from each other.
41:38Oh, right.
41:38So now
41:39having done everything together
41:41now it's doing it apart.
41:43It's so dangerous
41:44this game, isn't it?
41:45I would be so nervous
41:46right now, would you?
41:47Yeah.
41:48So obviously there's always
41:48a worry about rejection
41:49but I'm hoping
41:50that that doesn't actually happen.
41:52Oh, Tanya finds someone
41:53she sort of goes off
41:54and I just sit in her room
41:55clock watching
41:56waiting to come back
41:57will be pretty horrible.
41:59Oh, no.
42:00He's struggling
42:01and I feel sorry for him already.
42:02I'm worried he's going to be
42:03sat there with a word search
42:05and a cup of cocoa
42:06while she's off.
42:08I've been, you know.
42:09The time of her life.
42:11Yeah.
42:12How are you going?
42:14Have fun.
42:15See you soon.
42:15See you soon.
42:17God, how are you going?
42:18Go on.
42:18How are you going?
42:19Go on.
42:19Off you go.
42:20Go on.
42:20Let Mummy have some fun.
42:22This is going to work out
42:23quite badly, I think.
42:24Right.
42:24See you back here
42:25in half an hour.
42:26Yeah.
42:26Or not.
42:27Or not.
42:27I'm Olivia.
42:28It's lovely to meet you.
42:29Is Tanya like your comfort blanket?
42:31Yep.
42:32Yeah.
42:32It's not very sexy though,
42:33is it?
42:34That, the nervousness thing.
42:36I mean, it's relatable
42:36and I'm definitely that person.
42:38But if you're looking
42:39to go upstairs
42:40to the West Wing
42:40and get banged,
42:41you're not going to be
42:41looking to him, are you?
42:43My husband too.
42:44He's in there
42:45and I'm like,
42:46where is he?
42:46Oh, so her husband's
42:49in there
42:50and talking to his wife.
42:52Right.
42:53Is this you asking me
42:53back, is it?
42:55Potentially.
42:55Yeah, I'm interested.
42:56I'm definitely interested.
42:57Yeah, I'm definitely interested.
42:58You're not going to reject me.
42:59I'm not going to reject you, no.
43:00Because if you do,
43:01honestly, I'll hunt you down.
43:02No, no, no.
43:04Oh, look at him.
43:05Yeah.
43:06I want to go
43:06and give Ashley a hug.
43:08Now, that may be
43:08misinterpreted
43:09within that environment.
43:10In the context.
43:12See you soon.
43:13Oh, my God.
43:14Oh, my God.
43:15See you soon.
43:16Oh, God.
43:16Oh, listen.
43:17Each to their own,
43:18but he clearly ain't into this.
43:20You all right?
43:21Yeah, I'm good.
43:21How are you?
43:22I'm good.
43:23It's got all really quiet.
43:24Oh, she's sweet.
43:25She's sweet.
43:26So, this is the bloke's wife.
43:28Plot twist.
43:30This Prosecco's nice.
43:32That was his chat.
43:33Prosecco's nice.
43:36Yeah, I wonder if you wanted
43:37to go spend a bit more time together?
43:41Yeah.
43:42I would like to get to know you more.
43:43That's good to hear.
43:44Yeah?
43:44Yeah.
43:44Come on, Ash.
43:45Come on, Ash.
43:47Do the best.
43:47Taking my shoes off.
43:48Yeah, take your shoes off.
43:49Let's get comfortable.
43:51Mummy, there's cameras.
43:52Mummy, there's cameras everywhere.
43:54Are we going to...
43:54We're not.
43:55We're not.
43:56Are we...
43:56We're not.
43:57Are they going to...
43:59Do you want to have fun?
43:59We can go to the yurt, if the yurt's available.
44:02The yurt.
44:03Oh.
44:04What is a yurt?
44:05I think it's like a...
44:06I thought it's where you milked goats.
44:09Oh, it's nice.
44:11Oh, it's a nice yurt.
44:12It's a sort of glamping idea.
44:13He's got, like, Peter Stringfellows' bedroom
44:15or we've gone camping.
44:17Yeah.
44:18You are good?
44:20Yep.
44:20Oh, Ash.
44:21It's unbearable, Josh.
44:23I can't bear this.
44:26Meanwhile...
44:46Oh, no, it's a bit near the mark now, isn't it?
44:51Oh, my...
44:52No!
44:55What?
44:56Please!
45:00No!
45:02Whoa!
45:03She's twerking.
45:05Where's our guy?
45:07Come on, man.
45:08I swear, if we go back to this year
45:10and they're just eating pombeers
45:11and having a chat,
45:12I'm not going to be happy.
45:13It better be a mess in there.
45:15It better be.
45:16It better be.
45:17She can't be doing our guy like that, man.
45:19Shall I plan for pizza?
45:20No!
45:21No, no pineapple pizza.
45:23Do you have pineapple on your pizza?
45:25Pineapple pizza?
45:29Oh.
45:31Ash.
45:32Right, shall we get this awkwardness out of the way?
45:34Because this is making me cringey.
45:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:38Oh, he's dripping off.
45:39Just take it off.
45:42Have a...
45:43Come on, Ash.
45:45Oh, we're not going to see some awkward sex now.
45:47Come on, stuff her crust.
45:48Oh, good luck to them both.
45:55It's a happy ending.
45:56Yeah.
45:57In more ways than one.
45:59Mm, very much so.
46:00Always great to watch with your sister.
46:02In a perfect world, in a perfect world.
46:11In a perfect world, sing it out.
46:18In a perfect world.
46:21You're a perfect world
46:25You're a perfect, perfect world
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