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00:00possession so they're playing it safe and not going near any electronics this year which i'm
00:04trying not to take personally i'm the reason your mother-in-law likes you now you ingrate
00:09so you just want me to plug this christmas village in uh-huh that's right better safe
00:13than sorry this puppy draws a lot of current you know i'm gonna have to charge you my regular rate
00:17plus the holiday surcharge yes we are aware of that alberta what are you doing i'm came behind
00:25mark in case he gets shocked and thrown back you're trying to possess him but this is our
00:29first christmas together as a couple oh we'll be together i'll just be a mark man it would be so
00:35cool to possess someone i've had the munchies for like half a century i'm a pacifist but i'd murder
00:41somebody for a pringle okay there goes nothing huh damn it mama wanted a sazerac okay so i'll send
00:53you guys a bill merry christmas mark look trevor way in the back the orthodontist
00:58says a little menorah in the window i want to say that's an offensive stereotype but he looks
01:03a lot like dr rosenblad
01:05this dope furiously buying gifts on december 23rd that can be here by tomorrow it's like this
01:17every year when's he gonna learn okay you are not gonna believe this i just got off the phone with
01:23a publisher and apparently a booker on all day usa listened to my todd pod interview and he wants to
01:29include my book in a segment on last minute gift ideas it's crazy how long some people wait he didn't
01:36get you the jenny kane sweater because it was already sold out hope you enjoy your best buy gift card
01:41samantha this is huge for our book me a stocking stuffer huzzah this is incredible babe i'm so proud of
01:48you and we go she'll be able to witness the interview in person for it shall take place here
01:52in the mansion that i built i mean you didn't actually do any of the labor i married the man
01:58that signed the checks that paid for the gruel that fueled those young child workers
02:01sort of a sad little nursery rhyme i'm so nervous and so excited i mean national television what am
02:09i gonna wear maybe see what they have at the women's department at best buy
02:14it's so cozy everyone has hot cocoa in christmastown even that baby that don't seem safe
02:24all have questions about gifts for flower what the hell did i do that step back for a second
02:33thor i want to see something
02:34okay now come closer again
02:38this is wild thor your ghost power must be interacting with the electrical grid in christmastown
02:47yes thor feel power surging through body
02:51ow okay let's get you away from this thing before you burn down the whole house
02:58wait what were you asking something about a christmas gift for flower
03:03yeah i really want to wow her but not know what to get
03:06well what'd you get last year coupon for intercourse and candle so yeah
03:11bar set pretty high okay has flower mentioned anything in particular that she wants
03:15world peace and also food she often mentioned how she have munchies for many years
03:22well unfortunately there's no way to enjoy food or sazerac short of possessing a living
03:27interesting so you're saying thor should help flower possess living for christmas
03:32i mean if you could pull that off that'd be a pretty amazing gift
03:35yes then it is decided thor will get flower and living for christmas and sex coupon because
03:42tradition
03:43hello all hi
03:47every time you have got to learn how to enter a room woman
03:51i see it's not just the downstairs this room also reeks of christmas what are you so upset about
03:58uh the tree the decorations the general merriment that is so clearly afoot
04:04wait the merriment is afoot huh so steven stills had a merriment fetish
04:10i'm confused don't puritans love christmas
04:14puritans love christmas oh i would laugh were that not a trick the devil uses to enter thine
04:20body no there is only one proper way to celebrate christmas which is not at all you see puritans
04:26believed that to revel was a gateway to sin buckle up it's time for another depressing history lesson
04:32so on christmas there was no mirth in sight shops remained open work continued unabated and you would be
04:41fined for doing anything even close to celebrating
04:44it was wonderful
04:46well you've given us all a lot to think about
04:49and then came the tinsel
04:50oh it's still going
04:51fun
04:52how are you feeling babe you ready today's a big day
04:58i'm freaking out jay
04:59you should be nervous this interview is huge for both of us
05:02national television thousands of people could be watching
05:05it could be millions
05:06my god the 13 colonies must be bursting at the seams
05:10hey you got this babe you can put the toothbrush down
05:14the mayor's car is clean
05:16hey why do you think he drives such a fancy car you think he's taking bribes for permits
05:20peppermints
05:22is this helping sam
05:24no i'm sorry jay i just really need to collect my thoughts
05:28all right but
05:28you're gonna do great babe
05:30you think
05:31i know it
05:32oh
05:35have permits
05:36that's that's good
05:37yeah i get it
05:38sam
05:39you got the moment
05:40she's kind of in a mood
05:42i'm a little busy thor
05:43just need little help with flower gift
05:45wanted to ask your opinion
05:47i'm sure whatever you have in mind is perfect
05:49okay but thor want to tell you
05:51and then have extensive conversation where you tell thor how you feel about idea
05:55you know what thor
05:56why don't you just let us all be surprised
05:58so we can experience the gift whatever it is along with flower
06:02yes great idea isaac surprise flower surprise me and have a merry christmas
06:07okay
06:08and uh
06:09flower
06:10come in here
06:11oh it's happening right now
06:13hey thor what's up
06:14stand there
06:15bye samantha
06:16okay
06:17what's going on
06:20thor
06:24merry christmas
06:26oh dear
06:30whoa
06:35am i wearing a bra
06:37hey who shaped my pits man
06:41okay something very weird is going on
06:47is it less pink in here
06:49does it smell less like patchouli
06:51flower you are inside of sam
06:54this giant animal used his ghost power to channel electricity from the christmas village
06:59and hurl sam's body through you
07:01thus resulting in yet another christmas possession
07:05thor
07:06you did that for me
07:07aww
07:08no not aww
07:10samantha has a very important interview about her book and we need you out of her body
07:13post haste
07:14interview
07:15uh
07:15who will not know about it
07:17thor what did you do
07:20samantha
07:21yeah
07:21it's me and you're in big trouble
07:23but you tell thor to surprise you
07:26yes because i didn't think you meant this
07:28okay so you were surprised
07:30sort of seemed like mission accomplished
07:32now that that misunderstanding is cleared up
07:34we can take care of this
07:35right
07:36okay flower i'm gonna drive you over the boundary and get you out of my body
07:39wait flower have munchies for many years please just let her eat one thing
07:44make fall's christmas gift complete
07:47fine
07:49flower you can have one thing
07:51but then i want my body back and i can't keep saying this every christmas
07:55okay flower it's your time to shine
07:59did it used to be more pink in here
08:04flower take bite of cookie and satisfy munchies
08:08okay
08:08wow that is so good
08:16what's going on
08:18flower possess sam bought a very generous christmas gift from four
08:21okay flower you've had your fun but it's time to go
08:29how long has you been in there
08:30couple of minutes
08:31what that's not long enough
08:33samantha has a very important interview in an hour and she needs to focus
08:36an hour that's plenty of time flower
08:38listen to me run to the light and shut the door behind you
08:42no no there's not time
08:43whoa hey nancy
08:48how's it going
08:49please excuse my hairless pits
08:51okay nancy you're not being helpful right now
08:53i'm just looking after my girl
08:55when you possessed that workman back in the 1800s
08:59you were in that dude for days
09:01what i do inside of a dude is none of your business
09:04everyone stop
09:05this is not problem
09:07flower can have a fun
09:08then before interview she leaves sam body
09:11right flower
09:12wait where's she go
09:15flower has absconded with sam's body
09:18hell yeah
09:19drive it like you stole it flower
09:21you disgust
09:25me fat man
09:26oh hey patience
09:29oh you left just in time
09:30they're upstairs singing the 12 days of christmas
09:33i had to get out of there
09:34trevor
09:34also have disdain for the vile celebration of this holiday
09:38i didn't want to say anything in front of the others
09:40i'd prefer to let you corner the wet blanket market
09:42oh thank you
09:43just kind of my thing
09:44but if i'm being honest
09:46i'm not the biggest fan of christmas either
09:47really
09:48i was like the only jewish kid in my town growing up
09:51and so when the holidays rolled around
09:52i always felt a little like i didn't belong
09:54and in elementary school
09:56every christmas pageant
09:57they made me stand up alone
09:58and sing dreidel dreidel dreidel
10:00patience understands
10:02it's like that winter
10:04when i was spared from the great pox
10:06but all of my siblings perished
10:09why not me
10:11yeah
10:12um
10:13not exactly the same
10:15thank you for talking with me trevor
10:19patience is
10:21enjoying herself
10:24ah but not too much right
10:26val gets it
10:28so yeah flowers running around in a brand new sam suit
10:33oh that lucky son of a bitch
10:34mark that could have been us
10:36oh hi mark
10:37hey david
10:39is that woodstone that looks amazing
10:42i helped build it
10:44we've been working on it for the last few weeks
10:45my kid wants to be a contractor
10:47so we started with the gingerbread house
10:48what do we say after we're done
10:50we'll send you an invoice
10:52oh that is so cute
10:54but you're not really charging me right
10:56no it's a gift
10:57merry christmas
10:57hi gary from all day usa
11:01we're here to interview sam arendaker
11:03that's gonna be difficult
11:04great well i'm jay
11:06i'm sam's husband
11:07uh yeah she was around here
11:08sam
11:09sam
11:10i'll just go look for her
11:13follow the smell of burning bras
11:15you'll find her
11:16amanda you're an amazing person
11:20and the love that you put out into the universe is gonna come back to you tenfold
11:25well thank you
11:27i had no idea you were so spiritual
11:29yeah i once slept with the dalai lama's brother
11:32what is happening right now
11:34i'd say samantha got into my laudanum but i don't think it has that kind of shelf life
11:39oh hey gabe how's it going man
11:42good
11:44say listen do you know anywhere that someone could score around here
11:47oh i just cook
11:49oh come on gabe i'm cool
11:51i heard pot's a lot stronger these days
11:53i haven't smoked any since the 60s
11:56how old are you
11:58oh my god the crazy bastard did it
12:00flower is that you
12:01yeah it's me
12:02hey guys
12:03what
12:04oh sorry i was just talking to my friend who used to be a virgin
12:07but he's invisible to you
12:09okay
12:10i want what you have
12:12why is the virgin thing jermaine
12:13what is going on
12:15thor wanted to help flower possess someone for christmas and i guess he did it
12:19oh
12:19so can you hook it up or not
12:22look
12:22i have something but it might be a little intense
12:26dude i used to party with bobby and jerry
12:29i hugged a bear after woodstock and lived to talk about it
12:33no no you didn't
12:34the point is i can handle it
12:36okay
12:37it's called mistletoe
12:39wow
12:40you just put this under your tongue
12:42and when you see god tell him gabe said
12:44what's up
12:46flower here comes jay
12:47no
12:47who
12:48um god
12:49our heavenly father
12:51there you are
12:52we gotta get you back to the house sam
12:54what are you doing back here
12:55oh i was just getting drugs from gabe
12:57it's hilarious
12:59come on let's go
13:00we should probably go watch this
13:04oh hell yeah
13:05so then i said to goody mather that i could finish the quilt by sunrise
13:10oh my candle did burn low that night
13:13i love it you got that grind mentality
13:16you know it did
13:17i gotta say patience even though this is not my favorite season
13:20i'm having a pretty good time
13:22i guess it's true what they say
13:24misery loves company
13:26oh indeed
13:27she also loved making little corn husk dolls
13:30and saying the lord's prayer
13:31misery was a woman of many hobbies
13:33ha ha ha
13:34you're mishiggana
13:35what's that
13:36oh it's
13:38a yiddish word
13:38yiddish is sort of like hebrew
13:41i've always had an interest in hebrew
13:43you know the language
13:44he spoke
13:45well i don't really know that much hebrew
13:48i can count to ten
13:49oh
13:50i would very much like to hear that sometime
13:52it's cool that you're so interested in jewish stuff
13:56i know a little about puritan stuff
13:59i went on a field trip to a colonial village in the fifth grade
14:01my favorite part
14:03the butter churning
14:04but i could never quite get it
14:06the
14:07oh
14:08you're not gonna get butter like that
14:11no it is less of a circular motion
14:12and more
14:13like this
14:14one
14:15two
14:16three
14:16it is important to keep a rhythm
14:18one
14:19two
14:19three
14:20perhaps
14:21count with me
14:22in the language of your people
14:24if that's what you want
14:27echad
14:28steim
14:30shalosh
14:30slower
14:31echad
14:33steim
14:34shalosh
14:35i think this butter is firming
14:37hell yeah it is
14:39you know
14:42makeup is just a tool the patriarchy uses to keep women down man
14:46are you okay babe
14:48oh
14:49wow
14:51your beard is so soft
14:54okay
14:55oh very happy you like christmas present
14:57but time to let sam do interview now flower
15:00and she's asleep
15:02babe
15:03they're ready for you sam
15:04sam
15:07you ready
15:09yeah man groovy
15:11this is gonna be a train wreck
15:15all right here we are
15:17walter
15:17this is sam
15:18hey walter storm
15:20all day usa
15:20very nice to meet you
15:22i had them set us up here in front of this gingerbread house
15:25pretty cool huh
15:25cool
15:26okay
15:28babe
15:29you got this
15:30can someone get them out of the shot
15:33okay
15:34flowers inside me
15:35do something
15:36oh
15:37hey
15:37actually can we just have five more minutes
15:39nope
15:40we're live in
15:41five
15:41four
15:42three
15:43and we're live here with author samantha arendecar to talk to her about her historical fiction book
15:51about vampires
15:52oh no
15:53not vampires
15:54they're scary
15:55what kind of historical research did you do for the novel
16:02um seven
16:03what
16:04teen
16:05seventeen
16:08i'm sorry
16:09tell him you unearthed previously undiscovered primary source documents
16:15i found something in the earth
16:17was that good
16:18uh
16:21moving on to theme
16:23what was it about vampires that uh piqued your interest
16:26whoa
16:27is that a giant cookie house
16:29what is she doing to the gingerbread house
16:36i don't know
16:38thor the chimney tastes amazing
16:41okay sweetie i think that's enough
16:43hey get your own cookie house man
16:45yum
16:46yum
16:47it's like watching godzilla trample candy land
16:52okay
16:52the book is isaac higgingtooth colonial vampire
16:56available online and at bookstores left
16:58pick up yours today
16:59impressive composure under difficult circumstances
17:03he's a pro
17:04you made out with patience
17:08there was hebrew and churning
17:09things got out of hands
17:10we just couldn't stop ourselves
17:11this is a wild turn of events
17:14and now i'm freaking out
17:15because you know
17:16it's patience
17:17puritans don't do casual hookups
17:19she probably thinks we're engaged now
17:21trevor
17:22we need to speak
17:23i wanted to talketh about what happened earlier
17:26about our sensual union
17:30i should go
17:32please stay
17:33i have prayed on it
17:34and i have come to the conclusion
17:36that we cannot be together
17:39oh
17:40i mean
17:41oh no
17:42why not
17:43i do not want to hurt you
17:45but
17:46we come from two different worlds
17:48i do not think it could ever work out
17:50well
17:50i was hoping for something serious
17:53but
17:54if that's how you feel
17:55i wish there was some other way
17:57for i am sad as well
17:59goodbye trevor
18:01no harm no foul
18:07yeah except you just got dumped by patience
18:10any chance that stays between us
18:11well
18:12would it be embarrassing for you if it got out
18:14a little
18:15then no
18:16okay sam
18:18i mean flower
18:19here we go
18:20yay
18:29they're back
18:31i said i was sorry sam
18:34i don't want to hear it flower
18:36and you
18:36i can't believe you thor
18:37that was not cool big guy
18:39oh very sorry
18:41but maybe somehow this
18:42helped book sales
18:44maybe now sam
18:45sort of
18:46hot
18:47to a girl
18:47books
18:49you guys knew
18:50today was a big deal for me
18:51why didn't anyone do anything to help
18:54oh but samantha
18:55what can we do
18:56we're ghosts
18:57you know we love you sam
18:58we screwed up
18:59but can we just get to the part
19:00where you forgive us
19:01and we can all have a merry christmas
19:03no
19:03not this time
19:05because
19:06that interview aired
19:07and just like you guys
19:09it'll be around forever
19:10don't know why we need to drag our immortality
19:12into this
19:13babe let's just
19:14go to sleep
19:15and calm down
19:16and tomorrow's another day
19:17exactly
19:18it's another day
19:19of living with this curse
19:21another chance for a ghost
19:22to ruin something
19:23that's important to me
19:24god i wish i had never
19:26gotten this power
19:27i wish i had never been able to see ghosts
19:30did flower at least like christmas gift
19:38what'd you get me
19:40you don't remember possessing sam
19:43what
19:44no
19:45oh but that would have been amazing
19:48i have had the munchies for like 50 years
19:50jay
20:05jay
20:05hey guys
20:11oh
20:14okay i see
20:15giving me the silent treatment
20:17don't mind
20:22don't mind
20:22thaw
20:22thaw not sitting there
20:23what the hell
20:28what the hell was that
20:34hello
20:40jay
20:41surprise
20:46surprise
20:47carol
20:49what are you doing here
20:51you got sucked off
20:52you're right
20:53and i've been having a blast up there
20:55i can't say too much
20:56but they have pickleball
20:58that's it
20:59that's all i'll say
21:00carol what is happening
21:01i'm your little christmas carol
21:03you see around christmas
21:05we carols are given special powers
21:07including the ability to grant wishes
21:09oh
21:10also
21:11we can give out
21:12candy canes
21:14i think there's been some sort of misunderstanding
21:18i didn't make a wish
21:20oh yes you did
21:21you said and i quote
21:22i wish i had never been able to see ghosts
21:26okay
21:28so why are you here
21:30i'm here to show you what your life would be like
21:33if you'd never tripped on that vase
21:35if you had never fallen down the stairs
21:37if you had never gained the ability to see ghosts
21:40wow
21:42so let's get this started
21:43sam
21:44you're coming with me
21:45well that was supposed to whoosh us away
21:50but it's my first time
21:52hey
21:52i need to get some steps in anyway
21:54let's go
21:55you know carol
21:57i'm actually feeling a little silly about this whole wishing not to see ghosts
22:00ghosts thing
22:01holy crap am i day drinking with sasha and libby
22:05sam this eggnog is delicious
22:07and these gingerbread men you made
22:09so cute
22:10not to brag but i think this one is flirting with me
22:13look at you
22:14just enjoying a little christmas eve tipple with two of your closest gal pals
22:18but i don't get it sasha thinks i'm crazy
22:20no sasha thought you were crazy because she caught you performing a seance for the ghosts
22:25and she thought you and jay were murderers
22:27but that was because of the ghosts in this world none of that happened
22:31so she thinks i'm sane
22:32so she thinks i'm sane
22:33yep
22:34and not just sane
22:35funny
22:36short
22:37short bald and covered in crumbs
22:39i'm sorry is this a gingerbread man or the guy i dated before jay
22:42sam you are hilarious
22:46without the ghosts interrupting you all the time you're actually a much better conversationalist
22:50man i love to see these ladies in bikinis
22:53how does this place not have a hot tub
22:55ugh disgusting
22:56bright
22:57but you can't hear him so you don't care
22:59i hate to say it but we've gotta run
23:02next time at my place
23:03uh do you have wine
23:05of course
23:06then yeah i think i'll be there
23:12so what am i doing now
23:14oh just sitting there
23:15since you're not always taking care of the ghosts you actually have time to yourself
23:20whoa
23:21i can't remember the last time i just sat and read a book
23:24and look at me i don't even mind that trevor's reading over my shoulder
23:27i'm pretty sure he's trying to look down your dress but hey you don't know so who cares
23:32stupid camisole i'm getting nothing
23:35so if i have all this free time i guess that means the b&b still isn't doing very well
23:40are you kidding
23:41without the ghost to worry about
23:43you've really been able to throw yourself into making this place a success
23:47the b&b is thriving
23:50oh come
23:54woodstone b&b how may i help you
23:56freddie
23:57freddie
23:58he used to work here he was incredible but he quit
24:00he quit because of the ghosts but now he's all in on woodstone
24:04i'm so sorry we don't have any availability until january 17th
24:07hold on the b&b is sold out
24:10great we'll see you then
24:11who keeps searching girls gone wild on this thing
24:15i should've gone to arizona state
24:17i'm home
24:19hey freddie
24:21jay i missed you
24:22i missed you too
24:23i missed you too
24:24uh-oh
24:27mistletoe
24:28no
24:29oh
24:30i missed you
25:01i missed you
25:32Magic and heady
25:33but that is impossible
25:34and yet in this world
25:35it's happening
25:36your wish
25:37Your wish.
25:38We just wanted to remind you that the ceremony is to begin promptly at 2 o'clock.
25:42Weather permitting, of course.
25:44The wedding is indoors, my love.
25:45Right, right, right.
25:47Could be a tornado.
25:48No, no.
25:49The only tornado shall be tonight.
25:52And how a marriage bid.
25:54Oh.
26:01Wait, wait, wait, wait.
26:02Carol, what is going on?
26:04Isaac can't marry Hetty?
26:05He's gay.
26:07Why did you whisper that?
26:09I don't know.
26:10It seemed like a weird thing to shout.
26:11Here's the thing.
26:12Isaac only came out because you were there to support him.
26:16Without you, he still hasn't figured out who he truly is.
26:19Huh.
26:20I guess I did have kind of a big effect on him.
26:23You've had a big effect on all of them.
26:25Without you, Operator never found out who killed her.
26:28Thor's still having his night terrors, and Pete never learned he could leave the property.
26:32He never even tried?
26:33He was told he couldn't, and the man loves rules.
26:36He won a goldfish at the state fair once and reported it on our taxes.
26:41Let me guess.
26:42He also tried to report a free sample from the grocery store.
26:46It's actually the other Sam that's funny.
26:48Come on.
26:49I have a lot to show you.
26:49Christmas is always one of the toughest times to be dead.
26:54Wondering about my family.
26:56Are they doing okay?
26:57Do they even think about me?
26:59They do.
27:00Your daughter, Laura, named her son after you.
27:03Pete doesn't know that.
27:04In this world, you never invited me here to dedicate that weird bench.
27:08Pete never watched Laura get married.
27:10He doesn't even know little Pete.
27:11Oh, also miss his family.
27:14Leave behind young son.
27:17We'll never get to know what he like as man.
27:19No, Thor.
27:21Your son is like a hundred yards away.
27:23Tragic.
27:23I hope he grew up to be a great warrior.
27:27Kill many Danes.
27:29Never eat best friend.
27:30What?
27:31Nothing.
27:32Random example not taken from Thor's life.
27:35The nice thing about the holidays is that the girls on the dating apps are lonely as hell.
27:40I'm talking to like six separate livings right now.
27:43One may fly in from Miami to meet up.
27:45And what do you hope happens when she gets here?
27:47I don't know.
27:48Maybe she'll choke on something and die.
27:49It happens.
27:50I get it.
27:51Sex with women, you know, nothing like it.
27:54Which I know because of the 43 times.
27:56Oh, that's right.
27:57Sass is still hiding the fact that he's a virgin.
28:00This is painful.
28:01Has anyone found love?
28:03What about Thor and Flower?
28:04Not even close.
28:06Flower fell into the well two years ago.
28:08Flower's in the well?
28:09Well, she was until you filled it with cement.
28:12So now she's lost in the dirt.
28:14A fact she keeps forgetting and then quickly rediscovers in an endless cycle of horror.
28:19Okay, so is that it?
28:20Or do you have more bad news to show me?
28:23More bad news?
28:24The basement ghosts are really upset about your shiny new water heater.
28:30Wait.
28:31Everyone shut up.
28:33I think I heard a gurgle.
28:36Oh, there it is again.
28:38Sorry, that was my tummy.
28:39Oh, damn it, Stuart.
28:41You got our hopes up for nothing, you toad's ass.
28:44This newfangled water heater hasn't made a peep since that blonde witch put it in.
28:48God, I hate her.
28:50She's very rude.
28:51Last week I saw her drop a piece of pizza on the ground and pick it up and eat it.
28:56And it fell cheese side down.
28:59I think we can move on.
29:01What's going on here?
29:05I need to talk to you about the wedding.
29:06Are you still waffling on a best man?
29:09I do agree.
29:10Slim pickings.
29:11But Sasami's probably presents the most handsome stage picture.
29:16No.
29:16It's more than that.
29:19Oh my gosh.
29:19Is he going to tell her?
29:20Could you just watch?
29:22You'd be a very annoying person to go see a movie with.
29:25Maybe we push it.
29:26What?
29:26Why rush a wedding in the dead of winter when spring is just around the corner?
29:31Because we were supposed to get married in spring.
29:33Last spring.
29:34And you wanted to push till summer, citing the April racket of the birds.
29:38But then summer was too hot, and then fall came around,
29:40and you started whining about how it's the season when you're most sleepy.
29:43I've always been very sleepy in the fall.
29:45Everyone knows that.
29:46Isaac, what's wrong?
29:48If there is something else going on, just tell me.
29:52Well, actually.
29:55Come on.
29:56Isaac, tell her.
29:58She's your dearest friend.
29:59You can trust her.
30:03Wedding prank.
30:05I'm sorry, what?
30:06You've been wedding pranked.
30:12Score one for Higgintude.
30:13You should have seen the look on your face.
30:15You are freaking out.
30:16Indeed.
30:18Oh, it's funny.
30:19I don't want to have this talk again.
30:22Oh, sounds like the show's about to start.
30:23Come on.
30:24It's Christmas Eve.
30:24You can't go back into the city already.
30:26You just got home.
30:27I don't know what you want me to tell you.
30:29I have to work.
30:30These two back at it.
30:32Classic Sam and Jay fight is like Tiff's between Whoopi and Megan, but they can't cut the commercial.
30:38We get to see everything.
30:40Wait, why is Jay working in the city?
30:42Jay never wanted to move out here, remember?
30:44He only stayed because of your accident.
30:46But in this world, you were just pulling him away from his cooking and his friends and his career.
30:52Didn't he open his own restaurant at the B&B?
30:55Without the ghosts, the idea for Mahesh never came up.
30:58So Jay's resentment built until he finally took a job back in the city.
31:02Oh, Sam's mad.
31:04There goes the vein.
31:04Can't you just call in sick or something?
31:06I don't want to call in sick.
31:07I love my job.
31:09Yeah, but you're never here.
31:10I never wanted to be here.
31:13You dragged me here.
31:14Not nice to drag people places.
31:19Skin on back of head wear way quicker than you think.
31:22This one time.
31:23I don't want to hear it, though.
31:25We seemed so happy together this morning.
31:28A performance for your assistant, Freddy.
31:30He's seen so many of your fights, so now you guys overcompensate in front of him.
31:35Okay, let's give this one more shot.
31:39Isaac Higantut and Henrietta Woodstone.
31:42Holy crap, it worked.
31:43It's so lovely to be gathered here today with you and all of your closest friends.
31:47Fun.
31:47My sincere hope is that the two of you enjoy a marriage as loving and as loyal as what I had with Carol.
31:54Let's see.
31:55Now, if anyone here sees any reason why these two should not wed, then now would be a great time to pipe up.
32:02Nothing?
32:04Really?
32:06Captain Higantut.
32:08Lieutenant Colonel Chesham.
32:09You've come.
32:10Yes, I know we've had our differences.
32:13But I couldn't let you get married without saying.
32:17Come on, Nigel.
32:19You got this.
32:20Congratulations.
32:23Okay.
32:25Well, I guess there's nothing left to do.
32:27Except continue.
32:29Uh, unless...
32:31Go on once.
32:33Anyone?
32:34Look at me.
32:34I'm 15 feet away from this train wreck and there's nothing I can do.
32:39Why do I look so happy?
32:41Jay and I just had a huge fight.
32:43Well, you're not going to want to hear this one.
32:45But with you and Shay growing apart, you started an emotional affair with someone you met online.
32:50What?
32:51Who?
32:51No.
32:54No.
32:55No.
32:56No.
32:56No.
32:58No.
33:03Okay, I'll call you when I get to the city.
33:06No.
33:06Jay, don't go.
33:07Okay.
33:08Hedy, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
33:13I do.
33:14You've got to stop this.
33:15None of this is right.
33:16I'm sorry, Sam, it's too late.
33:18What do you mean?
33:18Isaac, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
33:22Well, you made a wish and I was sent here to grant it.
33:24I do.
33:25But this isn't what I want.
33:28Hedy and Isaac, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
33:31Isaac, you may kiss the bride.
33:38That's it.
33:39The tour's over.
33:40This is now your life.
33:41Merry Christmas, Sam.
33:49No!
33:51Oh, great.
33:52That's a lot of jokes.
33:54I mean, I love you.
33:56Oh.
33:58Carol?
34:00Carol!
34:01Come back!
34:02What's wrong with Sam?
34:03I want things to go back to the way they were.
34:05I want Pete and Alberta to be dating again.
34:08Me and Pete?
34:08How does she know our names?
34:10Sass shouldn't be hiding the fact that he's a virgin.
34:13Virgin?
34:14Okay, yeah, tell that to all my satisfied customers.
34:16And I want to live in a world where Isaac is proud to be gay.
34:20Gay?
34:20A red-blooded billy goat like me?
34:23You jest.
34:25Most of all, I want Jay back.
34:29I don't care if things aren't perfect or if our life is complicated sometimes.
34:34I just want to face it all with him.
34:36I wish things could go back to how they were.
34:40I wish I could see ghosts again.
34:46That's my girl.
34:48Welcome back, Sam.
34:55I can see you.
34:57Hedy, can you hear me?
34:59Alberta, can you see me?
35:01What's with Sam?
35:02She sounds like Yentl.
35:03Oh, thank God.
35:05I made a terrible wish that I couldn't see ghosts.
35:07And then Carol granted it.
35:09My Carol?
35:10Yes, but she was Christmas Carol.
35:12And everything was messed up.
35:14You were there, Isaac, but you were marrying Hedy.
35:17And you were there, Thor, but you didn't know your son.
35:20Was I there?
35:21I don't really remember.
35:23The point is, I regret what he said.
35:25I'm sorry.
35:26I'm so happy I can see you guys.
35:29I was just upset.
35:30Hey, uh, I was just talking to that guy, babe, and I'm not...
35:35Whoa.
35:36What was that for?
35:38For everything.
35:39I love you, Jay.
35:43Whoa.
35:44I think I fell asleep for a few minutes,
35:47but then the smooching woke me up.
35:49Hey, man, it's Flower.
35:51What?
35:52What's happening?
35:55Jay, it's me.
35:57Flower possessed me.
35:58Thor did it as a gift to her.
36:00Next year, we'll only give sex coupon.
36:03It's enough.
36:04What?
36:04Okay, well, we gotta get Flower out of you before this interview.
36:07What interview?
36:08I thought I blew the interview.
36:10What are you talking about?
36:11The interview hasn't happened yet.
36:12You were just getting your makeup done.
36:15There she is.
36:16It's showtime.
36:19Hey, man.
36:20Aren't you that guy from TV?
36:22You know, I was on TV once.
36:24I flashed the second basement at a San Francisco Giants game.
36:27Cool.
36:28Maybe we don't mention stuff like that on the air, huh?
36:31This way, please.
36:33Flower.
36:34Sam.
36:34Flower Sam.
36:35Okay, this is right over here.
36:37Cool.
36:38Oh, guys, you know what?
36:40Um, actually, I think Sam needs to go outside for just a minute.
36:44Sorry, we're about to go live.
36:46We need to buy Sam some time to regain control and get to the boundary.
36:49I got this.
36:50Uh, Walter, just a minute.
36:57I'm picking up a weird room tone.
36:59Guys, can we fix this now?
37:00Tiny camera.
37:02Feel Odin's wrath!
37:05Oh, we lost picture.
37:07Unbelievable.
37:08All right, we need a battery change on camera one.
37:10This is incredible teamwork.
37:12And if it were St. Patrick's Day, I'd be jumping in with a contribution of my own.
37:15Whoa, what the?
37:21Hey, hold the roll.
37:22Let's get this cleaned up.
37:23All right, we're taking a type two, and we're going live.
37:26Take control, Sam.
37:27This is your moment.
37:30I'm back.
37:31No, go!
37:32Get to the boundary.
37:35Run!
37:35Like there's a sail in Old Navy!
37:37Man, the Pringles were good.
37:50Sorry about all that possession stuff, Sam.
37:52All good.
37:54She's back!
37:55All right, I think we're good to go.
37:57Camera's ready?
37:59You good, babe?
38:01We're live in three.
38:05That's right, Jill.
38:06I'm here in New York's Hudson Valley with the author of Isaac Higgintooth, Colonial Vampire.
38:12Hey, Sam, thanks for being here.
38:13Thank you so much for having me.
38:16And so this is a book where you can have a laugh, maybe a cry, and hopefully learn something
38:21about the origins of our nation.
38:22Well, I certainly enjoyed when George Washington turned into a bat.
38:26Did that really happen?
38:28I'm kidding, of course.
38:30Well, anyhow, thanks, Sam.
38:31Jill, back to you.
38:33Oh, you crushed it, Sam!
38:35And if I had money and the ability to turn pages, I would buy your book for sure.
38:40Babe, you were amazing.
38:42Thanks, Jay.
38:43I couldn't have done it without you.
38:45Without any of you.
38:47I just feel so lucky to have all of you in my life.
38:49Even Thor?
38:51Yes, Thor.
38:52Even you.
38:53And not to relitigate, but you did sort of say to surprise you.
38:57We'll leave it at that.
38:59I know the possession wasn't ideal, but it was a really groovy gift.
39:04I mean, I got to take drugs for the first time in 60 years.
39:07I'm sorry, what do you mean you took drugs?
39:09The mistletoe.
39:10The drug I got from Gabe.
39:11I took it, well, we took it, on my way back from the restaurant.
39:15Well, look at that.
39:17You were high as a kite.
39:18I suppose that explains this whole visit from Carol nonsense.
39:23I guess it does.
39:24Okay, I can't help it.
39:25I got to watch it again.
39:27I'm so proud of you, babe.
39:34Trevor, help me out with this scratch and sniff Sam got me for Christmas.
39:40Come on, come on, come on.
39:42Wow, for a piece of paper with cartoon eyes and a pepperoni bow tie, that's pretty good.
39:52Great days.
39:54Every time.
39:55Patience.
39:56What's up?
39:57I come with good news.
40:00Your disappointment at our parting gave me pause.
40:03What?
40:03What are you saying?
40:04I'm saying that I now believe that we should be together.
40:08Yeah, but different worlds.
40:14Oh.
40:15Sometimes that first thought is the best thought.
40:18Oh, but that can be remedied.
40:19I have met your friends, and you can meet my people.
40:22Where is this going?
40:23Trevor Lefkowitz, dweller of the overground, son of Abraham, holder of my heart.
40:29Allow me to introduce you to the others.
40:32Oh, holy night.
40:39New CBS Next.
40:43Our victim got crushed in this nutcracker of contraptions.
40:46Tis the season.
40:47Tis indeed.
40:48Andrew Rannell's guest stars.
40:50Is she okay?
40:52No.
40:53Elsbeth is all new CBS Next.
40:56We wanted more Everybody Loves Raymond.
40:59We got it.
41:00Get your hand out of my pants!
41:01The new Everybody Loves Raymond 30th Anniversary Part 2.
41:05CBS Monday.
41:07Live CBS January 11th.
41:09Hollywood's biggest party is now bigger than ever.
41:12Ariana, hold my finger.
41:14Nikki Glaser is back, hosting the Golden Globes.
41:17Live CBS Sunday, January 11th.
41:19And streaming on Paramount+.
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