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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:08All right, it's about that time.
00:00:10So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:12Uh, yeah, him.
00:00:21Hi.
00:00:23Just play him on.
00:00:24Six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:00:30Hey!
00:00:53You have a cute scar.
00:00:55It's just my birthmark.
00:00:58If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:00I don't want you to stop.
00:01:03I don't want you to stop.
00:01:07I don't want you to stop.
00:01:09I don't want you to stop.
00:01:11I don't want you to stop.
00:01:13I don't want you to stop.
00:01:15I don't want you to stop.
00:01:17Ah, I was so drunk last night.
00:01:37I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:42I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:47Happy New Year.
00:01:51Sam, it's me.
00:01:53Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:55I don't care how.
00:01:56Just do it.
00:01:58I will find you.
00:02:04Maximus, can you get married already?
00:02:08Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:10I need grandkids.
00:02:12I need you to...
00:02:13Message received, Mom.
00:02:14I need to go now.
00:02:16I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:17Seven years.
00:02:27Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:29And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:36Years.
00:02:39I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:42Your vest, sir.
00:02:43But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
00:02:46She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:47Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:49And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:02:52We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:02:55Good.
00:02:56Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:02:58Hi.
00:02:59I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:09I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:10Now, Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:14Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:17It's just for Christmas.
00:03:19But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:21Where's my real one?
00:03:22I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:32Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:33Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:04:03I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:10He's gorgeous.
00:04:17Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:21She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:23Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:24You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:27So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:29See, I knew you were the new daddy we hired, right?
00:04:32Hi, my name's Piper.
00:04:33What's your name?
00:04:35Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:37Max, Aurelius.
00:04:39Eva.
00:04:40I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:44I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:47I guess Mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:04:49So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:04:57$1,000 an hour?
00:04:58Well, yeah.
00:05:00It's $500 a day.
00:05:02Is that enough?
00:05:03That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:05Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:06That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:09You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:11Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:05:13Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:05:16and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:05:18And then my family will get off my back,
00:05:20so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:25So she's getting pressure from the folks, too.
00:05:28Fine.
00:05:29But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:31Okay, deal.
00:05:38Ready to go get married?
00:05:53Wow.
00:05:54Clean up nice.
00:05:55This is my wedding day, after all.
00:05:57Pictures.
00:06:01Wow, guys, you're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:09Touching.
00:06:31Okay.
00:06:32Well, I think we got it.
00:06:34Oh, I need some photos of us together, too,
00:06:37to prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:06:40and have a happy family.
00:06:41Yeah.
00:06:42Of course.
00:06:52Happy holidays, Mom.
00:06:54From my family to you.
00:06:56Bad news, boss.
00:07:06The agency said that the girl that they recruited
00:07:07to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
00:07:10Wait, she bailed?
00:07:11Then who is...
00:07:13Who is she?
00:07:17Whatever.
00:07:19It doesn't matter.
00:07:19I've got what I need.
00:07:24Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:25I already found someone.
00:07:31Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:35Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:37Christmas shopping?
00:07:38I should come.
00:07:40Look, if you want me to be the husband
00:07:41in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:43I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:46It will make it more believable.
00:07:50Fine.
00:07:51Yeah, fine.
00:07:52Okay.
00:07:53You can come.
00:08:01Let's go.
00:08:02Which mall are we going to?
00:08:04Um, let's go to that one.
00:08:05Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:08:06Damn elaborate pranks again.
00:08:14Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:20She does kind of look like him.
00:08:25So when we give these gifts to my parents,
00:08:27we will say they're from you.
00:08:30Here, let me get this.
00:08:33I'm going to love you, Max.
00:08:34Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married,
00:08:42we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
00:08:47Okay.
00:08:49Should we use our tongues or?
00:08:51No, no, definitely not.
00:08:52And absolutely no.
00:08:54Sex?
00:08:55Yes.
00:08:56This is strictly business.
00:08:59Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:09:02What?
00:09:03Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:04I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
00:09:09getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:12Let's go.
00:09:19Here.
00:09:20What are you doing?
00:09:21I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:23Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:09:32Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:3550% off pies?
00:09:37Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:3812 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:09:40They're the best kind.
00:09:42Hurry up and go, go.
00:09:43What are you standing here for?
00:09:44Hello there.
00:09:47Hi.
00:09:47You ready?
00:09:48Yes, yeah.
00:09:49Just these things.
00:09:49Okay, great.
00:09:51We have a holiday special today.
00:09:53Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the deal.
00:09:59Oh, great.
00:10:00Yeah.
00:10:00What do you have that's just $15?
00:10:02Will you get a move on?
00:10:04I just got here.
00:10:06Relax.
00:10:07Yeah, yeah.
00:10:10Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:12Okay, thank you.
00:10:15Hurry up and pay.
00:10:19I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:21You can wait your turn.
00:10:27Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:32Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:36Not the pies, not the pies.
00:10:37You can just set those on top.
00:10:43Hi, guys.
00:10:45I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:10:50Of course.
00:10:53Thank you so much.
00:10:54Of course.
00:10:54I hope you like pumpkin.
00:10:57She bought all 12 pies.
00:10:58Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:11:00Just to give it away.
00:11:03Merry Christmas.
00:11:04Merry Christmas.
00:11:10What?
00:11:11You do that often?
00:11:13As often as I can.
00:11:18We should go.
00:11:19We got to pick up paper.
00:11:23Sit, watch out.
00:11:24You done feeling me up?
00:11:46Shut up.
00:11:47Oh, sorry.
00:11:48I was just in character, wifey.
00:11:49Yeah, well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:11:57And don't be late.
00:12:09Harrison Group?
00:12:11Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:14Sort of.
00:12:15Not that I'm judging.
00:12:16I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:21Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:24I think that's respectable.
00:12:26Can we pick another company?
00:12:29No.
00:12:30Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:32And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:33My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:35So, it's perfect.
00:12:36Oh, and, uh, wear something nice for Christmas dinner.
00:12:44Don't worry.
00:12:45Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:12:46I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:12:50Too much.
00:12:50Let's go, Sam.
00:13:12It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:15Hold on, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:13:19It's my daughter's.
00:13:22My daughter's.
00:13:23Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:41Hey, there they are!
00:13:44Nice to meet you!
00:13:45So glad you made it.
00:13:48Oh, I missed you.
00:13:50So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:13:54He's coming.
00:13:55Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:13:57Good, good, good.
00:14:00So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:03When's he arriving?
00:14:05Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:09Coming.
00:14:10Good, good, good, good.
00:14:15So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:18When's he arriving?
00:14:20Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:25Poor thing.
00:14:25Not surprising.
00:14:27I mean, she's 30.
00:14:28Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:31Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:37This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:41Auntie Pamela?
00:14:42Debbie?
00:14:43My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:46We're only worried about you.
00:14:48All these years without a husband.
00:14:51Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:52You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:56And look what happened.
00:14:57She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:15:01I'm not alone.
00:15:02Mm-hmm.
00:15:03And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:15:09He's a manager.
00:15:11Manager of what?
00:15:13Trash.
00:15:15Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:15:19You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:21Actually, he's right here.
00:15:28Oh, wow.
00:15:30Wow.
00:15:31He is really good looking.
00:15:34Ah, must be AI.
00:15:36Mm-hmm.
00:15:37Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:40Fake.
00:15:41That's enough.
00:15:41She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:44Show some respect.
00:15:45Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William?
00:15:50And you turned him down?
00:15:52Well, guess what?
00:15:54William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:15:56Makes 500 grand a year.
00:15:59That's half a million.
00:16:01Half a million.
00:16:03Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:07And speak of the devil.
00:16:09Oh, Willie, you made it.
00:16:24There you are.
00:16:26Oh, look at you now.
00:16:28Living the dream.
00:16:29Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:32Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:16:38So married, huh?
00:16:40Is it serious?
00:16:42That's what marriage is.
00:16:43It's pretty serious.
00:16:45Wow.
00:16:46You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:16:49Makes sense, though.
00:16:50You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:53Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:56Yeah, a bullet dodged, Willie.
00:16:59Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:02That's right.
00:17:04Just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus.
00:17:07Women love a man in red.
00:17:10Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:13Want to sit on my lap?
00:17:14Don't touch me.
00:17:16Oh, so entitled.
00:17:18Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:22And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:26I mean, look at that car.
00:17:29Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:32Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:35Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:40I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:43My mom would never marry.
00:17:49She already has a husband.
00:17:50He's going to kick your butt.
00:17:56Is that so?
00:17:57Well, then, where is he?
00:18:00Because I don't see him.
00:18:01Does anyone see him?
00:18:05No.
00:18:06Just like I thought.
00:18:08Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:18:11That puts you on the naughty list.
00:18:13And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:18:19Hey.
00:18:19Mommy.
00:18:20Hey.
00:18:21Are you okay?
00:18:22I see your hands.
00:18:23Oh, my God.
00:18:24I'm going to take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:18:26Come on, now.
00:18:27Let's go.
00:18:29What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:32How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:36Let me go.
00:18:37Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:42Let me go.
00:18:43Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:19:01Max, you came.
00:19:07How are you, sweetie?
00:19:10Where's Piper?
00:19:12William Hitter.
00:19:14Mom, Dad, I'll take her inside.
00:19:15Well, it looks like we have a real Grinch to dispose of.
00:19:18Well, well, well.
00:19:20If it isn't a waste manager I've been hearing so much about.
00:19:24That's right.
00:19:25Now, I'm about to take out the trash.
00:19:29Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
00:19:32It's an honor to meet you.
00:19:33I'm Max.
00:19:34Eva told us all about you.
00:19:36From New York.
00:19:37Polite.
00:19:38Handsome.
00:19:39Just like she said.
00:19:41Wow.
00:19:42He was an AI.
00:19:44See?
00:19:44He's real.
00:19:46And he's more of a man here than William would ever dream to be.
00:19:49Son of a bitch.
00:19:50You just ruined my suit.
00:19:51And watch the way that you drive that pristine automobile.
00:19:56That car.
00:19:58Oh, my God.
00:19:59That's worth more than a house.
00:20:01That car.
00:20:02It was all over the news when the CEO of the Harrison Group bought it.
00:20:07Wait.
00:20:08Are you?
00:20:13Like I said, I'm just Eva's husband.
00:20:16I'm not here to put on a show for anyone.
00:20:18You really are, Grinch.
00:20:19I'm the CEO of my company.
00:20:20Jesus.
00:20:21How did you get away with it?
00:20:23That's what I want to know.
00:20:25Enough.
00:20:26Please.
00:20:28I trust my daughter.
00:20:30She would never marry a criminal.
00:20:33Max.
00:20:34Be honest with me.
00:20:36Where did that car come from?
00:20:38How much did you want for it?
00:20:40I'll pay you more money than you'd make in three lifetimes.
00:20:43So, you need a breath, man.
00:20:49All right, that's it.
00:20:49I'm calling the cops.
00:20:50Oh, way ahead of you.
00:20:52Wait.
00:20:53What?
00:20:55Are you feeling nervous, Eva?
00:20:56Oh, well.
00:20:59Too late.
00:21:00Listen, hon.
00:21:07I believe you.
00:21:08But how could Max afford a car like that?
00:21:13Mr. Smith, don't worry.
00:21:14It's my car.
00:21:15Okay?
00:21:16It's not stolen.
00:21:17Yeah?
00:21:18If it's yours, then prove it.
00:21:20Cops will be here in 15 minutes.
00:21:23Enjoy Christmas behind bars.
00:21:25Okay.
00:21:25I'll prove that it's mine.
00:21:27But then you have to get lost.
00:21:29And never show your face around my wife or child again.
00:21:31Oh, so you're a tough guy, huh?
00:21:34Well, I hope they serve eggnog in prison.
00:21:36Loser!
00:21:37Say one more word, and I'll give him a real reason to take me in.
00:21:42Jesus.
00:21:43Maybe he is a crime boss.
00:21:45It's kind of sexy, though.
00:21:49Here.
00:21:50Title and proof of ownership.
00:21:59Oh, spirit.
00:22:01Harrison?
00:22:04Mr. Harrison?
00:22:07Mr. Harrison?
00:22:09Just play along.
00:22:11Merry Christmas, Willie.
00:22:13Now get the fuck out of here before I kick your ass all the way up to the North Pole.
00:22:17Yes, sir.
00:22:18I'm so sorry, sir.
00:22:20Please, please, please.
00:22:21I'm so sorry, sir.
00:22:21I'm so sorry, sir.
00:22:22Please.
00:22:31Oh, that William, what a jerk, huh?
00:22:37He fooled me.
00:22:38What can I say?
00:22:39Let's not let this little misunderstanding ruin the holidays.
00:22:42Oh, now you don't want to ruin Christmas?
00:22:45Oh, come on, Eva.
00:22:46We were just looking out for you.
00:22:48Please forgive us, Mr. Harrison.
00:22:50You know my youngest son is graduating.
00:22:53Soon.
00:22:53Do you think that you could help him get his foot in the door?
00:22:57A job at the Harrison Group, even in the mailroom, would open doors.
00:23:02We are family, aren't we?
00:23:04Family takes care of each other.
00:23:05If you guys want a job at the Harrison Group, you can put in an application like everyone
00:23:11else.
00:23:12Abigail, come on.
00:23:13Talk to her for us.
00:23:15Didn't you just say that my daughter was undateable?
00:23:18Yeah.
00:23:19I think you need to take care of your own issues first.
00:23:21My daughter is just far too busy for your best life for my new son-in-law.
00:23:27Come on, guys.
00:23:28Let's go in.
00:23:29Welcome to the family.
00:23:33Welcome.
00:23:34Come on in.
00:23:35This is your fault, Pam.
00:23:41You can't tell the difference between AI and reality.
00:23:45My fault.
00:23:46You were the one who was pushing her onto that worm, William.
00:23:59Hey, how do you have that car?
00:24:01And how do you know the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:24:03And how do you...
00:24:04I told you.
00:24:04I work for Harrison Group, remember?
00:24:07I have a friend in high places.
00:24:09A friend who just hands you keys to million-dollar, one-of-a-kind luxury cars?
00:24:13Yes.
00:24:14It's the season of giving.
00:24:16He knows people.
00:24:17He knows people.
00:24:17He has connections.
00:24:19He's a big deal kind of guy.
00:24:21You're a crime boss, aren't you?
00:24:23Yeah, and you best not forget it, capiche?
00:24:25Oh my God, just don't blow your cover.
00:24:27Dad, Mom, thank you so much for letting Max and I stay in your home.
00:24:34Oh honey, we're just so happy that you found such a handsome, strong, good-looking.
00:24:40And I think they get it on you.
00:24:43Uh, how's Piper?
00:24:46Oh, she's fine.
00:24:47One of you guys just get settled in and we will go check on her.
00:24:51And if your mom takes a cold shower, we'll come back and finish decorating the tree.
00:24:55Great.
00:24:56See you in a bit.
00:24:57Joey?
00:24:58What are you doing?
00:25:00Okay.
00:25:01Hey, was that not a, uh, breach of contract?
00:25:07Relax.
00:25:08It was just a hug.
00:25:10Ugh.
00:25:11We just got here and I'm already exhausted.
00:25:14You'll be okay.
00:25:15It's just one week.
00:25:16Kill me now.
00:25:17Well, I would, but I need to get paid.
00:25:20What are you doing?
00:25:21That's weird.
00:25:22They were so lovey-dovey just a second ago.
00:25:23Ugh.
00:25:24I don't know.
00:25:25Something just falls off.
00:25:26Come on.
00:25:27That's ridiculous.
00:25:28I mean, what do you want them to do?
00:25:29Make out progress to prove it?
00:25:30I don't like this.
00:25:31Later.
00:25:32Let's go.
00:25:33Let's go.
00:25:34Come on.
00:25:35Come on.
00:25:36Come on.
00:25:37Come on.
00:25:38Come on.
00:25:39Come on.
00:25:40Come on.
00:25:41Come on.
00:25:42Come on.
00:25:43Come on.
00:25:44Come on.
00:25:45Come on.
00:25:46Come on.
00:25:47Come on.
00:25:48Come on.
00:25:49Come on.
00:25:50Come on.
00:25:51Come on.
00:25:52Here we go.
00:25:53Piper is all tucked in, honey.
00:25:57Everything looks amazing, and happy holidays.
00:25:59To the newest member of our family, Max.
00:26:02Aw.
00:26:03Welcome.
00:26:04Cheers.
00:26:05Thank you, Miss Smith.
00:26:07Looks great.
00:26:08Aw, just call me mom, honey.
00:26:10I had no idea what you liked, so I just whipped up a little bit of everything.
00:26:14But we all know what Eva's favorite Christmas dish is, right?
00:26:18Mmm.
00:26:19Oh, no.
00:26:20Mom's testing him.
00:26:21She's trying to see if he's legit.
00:26:23You mean to tell me you two are married, and you don't even know my baby girl's favorite
00:26:26food?
00:26:30Ow.
00:26:31Eva, sweetie.
00:26:32Kicking my foot.
00:26:33Oh, sorry, Mom.
00:26:34I...
00:26:35Oh, jeez.
00:26:36Oh, jeez.
00:26:37Come on.
00:26:38Look what you're doing.
00:26:39It's okay.
00:26:40Look, Mom, of course he knows it's...
00:26:41I would like to hear Max say it.
00:26:4312 pumpkin pies, did I hear this right?
00:26:58They're the best kind.
00:27:01Well, of course.
00:27:02It's...
00:27:03It's pumpkin pie.
00:27:04See?
00:27:05Are you happy now?
00:27:06That's good, but something still falls off.
00:27:09Mom, don't make it weird, okay?
00:27:12We had a whirlwind romance, and we eloped before we got to know everything about each other.
00:27:17But our marriage is real.
00:27:19I guess your mom's just watching too many of those real short shows.
00:27:23Ah, now those are quality.
00:27:27Okay, well, then answer this.
00:27:30Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:34Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:38I knew it was a good idea to pick this up.
00:27:41Well, um, it's...
00:27:43Silly face, dropped it outside on the sidewalk.
00:27:47Luckily, I was there to pick it up for her.
00:27:50Silly face?
00:27:52I am not paying extra for this.
00:27:54Consider it a Christmas gift.
00:27:57That's lousers.
00:27:58That's nice.
00:28:00You can afford this on a waste manager's salary?
00:28:03Well, believe it or not, Miss Smith, there is a lot of garbage out there.
00:28:06And I'm not just talking about William.
00:28:09I'll bring to that.
00:28:11I agree with you there.
00:28:12So come on, guys, let's eat.
00:28:14Come on.
00:28:27And this is where y'all will be staying.
00:28:30I have another room set up for Piper.
00:28:33Nice and festive for you.
00:28:35No complications, right?
00:28:37Sorry, honey.
00:28:38Uh, Mom, you know what?
00:28:39I should stay with Piper tonight.
00:28:41Oh, honey.
00:28:42Newlyweds shouldn't sleep apart.
00:28:46Oh, I just remembered.
00:28:47The city's turning the water off at 10.
00:28:49Something about water conservation.
00:28:51That means you have 15 minutes to shower.
00:28:5415 minutes?
00:28:56Honey, it's no big deal.
00:28:57Just shower together.
00:28:59Shower together?
00:29:00Shower together?
00:29:01Shower together?
00:29:04Just shower together.
00:29:05Okay, you guys.
00:29:06Have a good night, okay?
00:29:11You heard her.
00:29:12Why are you stripping?
00:29:13Well, I can't take a shower with my clothes on.
00:29:26Come on, we're wasting time.
00:29:27You have 15 minutes.
00:29:28Nice try.
00:29:29I am not showering with you.
00:29:30All right, suit yourself.
00:29:31More room for me in there.
00:29:32Not if I reach you there first.
00:29:33Not if I reach you there first.
00:29:34No.
00:29:35No.
00:29:36Let's go.
00:29:37Oh, no.
00:29:38No.
00:29:39And I can't take a shower with my clothes on.
00:29:40Come on, we're wasting time.
00:29:41You have 15 minutes.
00:29:42Nice try.
00:29:43I am not showering with you.
00:29:45All right, suit yourself.
00:29:46More room for me in there.
00:29:47Not if I reach you there first.
00:29:49Come on, Max. Get out of the way. We agreed, nothing physical.
00:30:11You're the one with the dirty thoughts, wifey.
00:30:13Relax. I won't touch you unless you say you want me to.
00:30:19But that'll cost extra.
00:30:30In your dreams.
00:30:33Free to join me.
00:30:49You know, if you keep staring at my ass, you're not going to have me shower while you're left.
00:30:57You wish.
00:30:58Why aren't you getting in?
00:31:00Pray you'll fall for me.
00:31:02It's you who has to worry about resisting me.
00:31:05Oh, yeah?
00:31:06True.
00:31:19Holy shit.
00:31:20Anyway, this is going to be harder than I thought.
00:31:27I'll say.
00:31:29What happened to all that cool guy confidence?
00:31:31Oh, baby.
00:31:33I don't think I want you.
00:31:35Maybe we should.
00:31:36God, he's such a good kisser.
00:31:48Why does this feel so familiar?
00:31:52Well, we're so sexy.
00:32:07Max, we cannot do this.
00:32:10What?
00:32:11I didn't mean to cross anything.
00:32:13It's not you, Max.
00:32:14It's us.
00:32:15It's this.
00:32:16This is all an act.
00:32:17Let's not make it more complicated than it is.
00:32:19You're right.
00:32:21I'm sorry.
00:32:23I just don't need to be sorry.
00:32:25That birthmark.
00:32:39What is that?
00:32:43It's him.
00:32:44The man from New Year's.
00:32:45Is he Piper's father?
00:32:50Why are you acting?
00:32:54Oh, my God.
00:32:55Max is Piper's father.
00:32:57Are you okay?
00:32:59Yeah.
00:33:00I just, um, I just got lightheaded.
00:33:03I think I just need a few more minutes.
00:33:05Alone.
00:33:07Of course.
00:33:11We have a daughter together.
00:33:13Oh, my God.
00:33:14What do I do?
00:33:21I'm going to sleep on the floor.
00:33:23You can take the bed.
00:33:25Thanks.
00:33:28Hey.
00:33:29Are you sure you're okay?
00:33:31Look, fake marriage aside, I'm your husband for the next few days.
00:33:35So if there's something you need, I can help.
00:33:38I want to help.
00:33:40He's Piper's father.
00:33:42He has a right to know.
00:33:44Um, Max.
00:33:46How would you feel if you found out you had a kid?
00:33:54A child?
00:33:56No, no, no.
00:33:57That's impossible.
00:33:58I'm very careful.
00:34:01Mostly.
00:34:02I just mean I'm not the type of guy to sleep around.
00:34:05Family to me is a big commitment and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:34:12Right.
00:34:14He wouldn't want a kid tying him down.
00:34:16I shouldn't tell him about Piper.
00:34:19Why do you ask?
00:34:21No reason.
00:34:22Just...
00:34:23Just curious.
00:34:24No, I feel like you're going somewhere with this.
00:34:27What?
00:34:29No.
00:34:30Well then, can I ask you a question?
00:34:33Shoot.
00:34:34Where did you get these?
00:34:39And how did you know my exact size?
00:34:42I did not get those.
00:34:44I don't know where those came from.
00:34:46Are you sure?
00:34:47You're just not trying to break the contract.
00:34:52Stop coming.
00:34:54Get off.
00:34:55Woo!
00:35:05Oh.
00:35:06Eva.
00:35:07The truth is...
00:35:09Is that I...
00:35:12Go, go, go, go, go.
00:35:14Just a second.
00:35:16Come in!
00:35:18Hey, hon.
00:35:29Oh!
00:35:30Sorry for interrupting, but Piper is asking for a bedtime.
00:35:34We're kind of in the middle of something.
00:35:37I can see that.
00:35:38I mean, if you don't...
00:35:39If you don't mind.
00:35:40Well, attaboy.
00:35:42You know what?
00:35:43Just put a shirt on.
00:35:44I'm gonna go get her.
00:35:45Piper!
00:35:46Here comes Grandpa!
00:35:50He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
00:35:53and away they all flew, like the down of a thistle.
00:35:56But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
00:36:01Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.
00:36:08If Piper knew he was her real dad, she'd be over the moon.
00:36:12Good night, Piper.
00:36:17Is her dad still around?
00:36:19Yeah, but he doesn't know it.
00:36:21Cause you are her dad.
00:36:23Uh, no.
00:36:25That man has no idea what a treasure...
00:36:29he's missing out on.
00:36:33Do you really think so?
00:36:35From the bottom of my heart.
00:36:37Maybe I should tell him.
00:36:39He deserves to know.
00:36:46Max...
00:36:47You're Piper's father.
00:36:51You're Piper's father.
00:37:00I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:01Where's Piper?
00:37:03She must have snuck off while we were asleep.
00:37:11Where's Piper?
00:37:28She must have snuck off while we were asleep.
00:37:41God, he's such a good kisser.
00:37:56Just gonna kiss and run?
00:37:58Not on my watch.
00:38:02Yeah, this.
00:38:05I remember this.
00:38:11Good morning, you two lovebugs.
00:38:19How was your stay at Chateau Smith?
00:38:22Good morning, Miss Smith.
00:38:24It was great.
00:38:25Wonderful.
00:38:26Well, it's about to get even better.
00:38:30Oh, no.
00:38:32What is that?
00:38:33Sardines and saltines.
00:38:34It's a Smith family classic.
00:38:36It was my gram gram's favorite during wartime.
00:38:39Don't be shy.
00:38:40Go ahead and grab a handful.
00:38:43Max, you don't have to.
00:38:44No, no.
00:38:45It's okay.
00:38:46It's a Smith family staple.
00:38:49There we go.
00:39:04Good?
00:39:05Good?
00:39:06Mmm.
00:39:07Good?
00:39:08It's grumpy.
00:39:10Well, you two better get dressed.
00:39:11You gotta go see Aunt Miranda.
00:39:15Could I, um, could I have some water, please?
00:39:18That means there's no escaping Aunt Miranda and her brood this year.
00:39:22What's the deal with them?
00:39:23Every year, Aunt Miranda bullies Piper and I.
00:39:26Says Piper's a fatherless brat and I'm...
00:39:30Hey, don't worry.
00:39:31I'll protect you and Piper.
00:39:36Better have Sam on standby tonight, just in case.
00:39:39Well, looks like it's time to get dressed up then.
00:39:43Wait, that earring.
00:39:44Wait.
00:39:45That earring.
00:39:46You like it?
00:39:47I was so bummed when I lost the matching one years ago.
00:40:02Did you lose it seven years ago?
00:40:04I don't really remember the details, but luckily I was able to find a new pair.
00:40:12Right.
00:40:13It's just a common earring.
00:40:14Anyone can have it.
00:40:15Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
00:40:17She can't be the woman from seven years ago.
00:40:19So, Ava and Piper still aren't here.
00:40:26But Derrick said that Ava got married.
00:40:29What kind of man could she possibly have landed?
00:40:33An aging single mom.
00:40:35Slim pickings.
00:40:36I heard he's in waste management.
00:40:39That explains it.
00:40:40She's probably too embarrassed to show up.
00:40:44Oh, please, Miranda.
00:40:45Look, Ava is your niece.
00:40:47Oh, come on, Grandpa.
00:40:49Everyone knows Ava had a kid with a random one-night stand.
00:40:52Her track record speaks for itself.
00:40:54Exactly.
00:40:55Not like my Sierra.
00:40:57Married to a legal advisor for Harrison Group.
00:41:02Oh, they're here.
00:41:04Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:11Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:12Merry Christmas.
00:41:15You must be Grandpa Harold.
00:41:16I am.
00:41:17I'm Ava's husband.
00:41:18Max.
00:41:19Pleasure to meet you.
00:41:20Welcome.
00:41:21You're Ava's husband.
00:41:23But you're gorgeous.
00:41:27But as handsome as you.
00:41:29Look at you two.
00:41:30You look like you just stepped out of a movie.
00:41:33Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:41:34Merry Christmas.
00:41:36This is for Max and I.
00:41:37Oh, my goodness.
00:41:38Thank you, Ava.
00:41:39Let me grab that for you, Daddy.
00:41:42Oops.
00:41:43Oh, my bad.
00:41:44Oh, a homemade gift.
00:41:47How thrifty.
00:41:49Not all gifts are about the price tag.
00:41:51Mommy's right.
00:41:52You mean all high.
00:41:54You little.
00:41:56You will not lay a hand on my daughter, or you will lose yours.
00:42:00Oh.
00:42:01I think you broke my wrist.
00:42:03Look what you just did to my mother.
00:42:05My husband is Harrison Group's top legal advisor.
00:42:09He could ruin your life.
00:42:11Mommy, are you okay?
00:42:12I'm fine.
00:42:13I'm just wet, huh?
00:42:14Yeah.
00:42:15It's okay.
00:42:16It's okay.
00:42:17It's okay.
00:42:18It's okay.
00:42:19What are you?
00:42:20Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:42:22Did you just slap me?
00:42:24Next time it'll be a closed fist.
00:42:25You're a fucking idiot.
00:42:26I'm sorry.
00:42:27I'm sorry.
00:42:28I'm sorry.
00:42:29I'm sorry.
00:42:30I'm sorry.
00:42:31I'm sorry.
00:42:32I'm sorry.
00:42:33I'm sorry.
00:42:34I'm sorry.
00:42:35I'm sorry.
00:42:36I'm sorry.
00:42:37I'm sorry.
00:42:38I'm sorry.
00:42:39I'm sorry.
00:42:40You're a fucking psycho.
00:42:41You know what, Ciara?
00:42:42I can take your little insults, but leave my family out of this.
00:42:48Her family.
00:42:49She needs me.
00:42:55You okay, honey?
00:42:56Do I look okay to you, dumbass?
00:42:58Do something.
00:43:00You don't know who you're messing with.
00:43:02I've got the full weight of the Harrison Group behind me.
00:43:04Oh, wow.
00:43:05I'm sure the CEO would love to hear that you're using his company's name
00:43:09to bully people.
00:43:10Like you'd have any idea how a CEO thinks.
00:43:13Let's call him.
00:43:14I'm sure he'd be more than happy to be on my side.
00:43:18Please.
00:43:19Who do you think you are?
00:43:21Enough!
00:43:23There will be no arguing during Christmas.
00:43:26Fine, Dad.
00:43:27Let it go, Nathan.
00:43:29They're just jealous.
00:43:31For Grandpa's sake, I'll let you off easy.
00:43:34I think you owe Nathan a thank you.
00:43:38I think you owe me a thank you for slapping some sense into you.
00:43:42Do you want me to get the other cheek?
00:43:43All right, that's enough.
00:43:45Everyone come inside and sit down.
00:43:48No.
00:44:08Is this a joke?
00:44:10Can you please pass me some food?
00:44:12Hold it.
00:44:13Who said you could eat anything else?
00:44:15My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:21My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:24King crab, fresh from Alaska, and grass-fed wagyu.
00:44:29Three times the price, 50 times the flavor.
00:44:33And you don't get a single bite.
00:44:35It's just petty.
00:44:36It's just petty.
00:44:37Maybe so.
00:44:38But gourmet food isn't meant for bottom feeders.
00:44:42Fine.
00:44:43Then we won't stay and eat with you.
00:44:45Come on, let's go.
00:44:47No, no.
00:44:48Don't you dare leave our family dinner.
00:44:51Grandpa, I'm sorry, but they're treating us like...
00:44:54I know, dear.
00:44:55I just want to have our family together.
00:44:57Fine.
00:44:58We'll let the strays sit and eat with us.
00:45:01Better a stray than a bitch.
00:45:03What was that?
00:45:06Can I have a little nipple?
00:45:07It's okay, sweetie.
00:45:08We'll get something right after.
00:45:09Like, drive-through?
00:45:10I hope you enjoy food poisoning.
00:45:11That will be a particularly memorable Christmas present.
00:45:13No strays!
00:45:14Ow!
00:45:15Please, are you okay?
00:45:16Yes, please.
00:45:17You hit my child!
00:45:18You're fucking crazy!
00:45:19Well, if you don't know what's going on, I'm sorry.
00:45:20No strays!
00:45:21No strays!
00:45:22Ow!
00:45:23Please, are you okay?
00:45:24Yes, please!
00:45:25You hit my child!
00:45:26You're fucking crazy!
00:45:27No strays!
00:45:28No strays!
00:45:29No strays!
00:45:30No strays!
00:45:31No strays!
00:45:32No strays!
00:45:33No strays!
00:45:34No strays!
00:45:35No strays!
00:45:36Well, if you'd teach her some manners, maybe I wouldn't have to.
00:45:42Don't worry, baby.
00:45:43I'll handle it.
00:45:44Don't worry, baby.
00:45:45I'll handle it.
00:45:46Don't worry, baby.
00:45:47I'll handle it.
00:45:49Piper.
00:45:50Sweetie, are you ready to try the best food you've ever had in your life?
00:46:00Okay, sweetheart.
00:46:01Give me two minutes and one phone call.
00:46:03One phone call.
00:46:04As if you have a chef on speed dial.
00:46:06Actually, I do.
00:46:08He's such a liar.
00:46:10This ought to be hilarious.
00:46:12Oh, it will be.
00:46:16Sam!
00:46:17Yeah, send the troops and bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:21I'm already on my way.
00:46:26Bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:28I'm already on my way.
00:46:31You hear this guy?
00:46:32He wants the best king crab in the world from Antarctica.
00:46:37Now I get why you married him, Eva.
00:46:40His silly delusions are just adorable.
00:46:43Max, what are you doing?
00:46:45Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
00:46:46Santa's already on his way.
00:46:48Actually, five, four, three, two, one.
00:46:55Four.
00:46:58A helicopter?
00:47:06There's no way.
00:47:12How did you pull this off?
00:47:14Sam is like family.
00:47:15I thought I'd introduce you, too.
00:47:16Thanks, boss.
00:47:18Boss?
00:47:19Eva's always been genuine with me.
00:47:21Maybe it's time she knew who I really am.
00:47:24Eva, I think it's time you actually know the truth.
00:47:28I'm Maximus Harrison.
00:47:31You're the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:47:34Mm-hmm.
00:47:38Come on.
00:47:40You can stop kidding around.
00:47:42If you were the CEO, why would you be here pretending to be my husband?
00:47:46No, I actually am the CEO.
00:47:47Another favor from that bigwig friend, isn't it?
00:47:49Eva, I'm not pretending.
00:47:51Mr. Harrison, the Antarctic king crab as you requested.
00:47:56How is this possible?
00:47:57This loser brings Antarctic king crab and has his own personal chef?
00:48:02Who are you?
00:48:03I told you.
00:48:04I'm Eva's husband.
00:48:05That chef called him Mr. Harrison.
00:48:06Wait.
00:48:07No.
00:48:08Hold on.
00:48:09You're the actual CEO of the Harrison Group?
00:48:10You're worth more than some whole countries.
00:48:11Hmm.
00:48:12Some of the small ones.
00:48:13I mean, you know that.
00:48:14You work for me.
00:48:15Oh, God.
00:48:16I insulted my own boss.
00:48:17I'm finished.
00:48:18I'm finished.
00:48:19Okay.
00:48:20Oh, God.
00:48:21I insulted my own boss.
00:48:22I'm finished.
00:48:23Oh, God.
00:48:24I insulted my own boss.
00:48:25You're the actual CEO of the Harrison Group?
00:48:30You're worth more than some whole countries.
00:48:33Some of the small ones.
00:48:35I mean, you know that.
00:48:37You work for me.
00:48:38Oh, God.
00:48:39I insulted my own boss.
00:48:41I'm finished.
00:48:47Oh, God.
00:48:48I insulted my own boss.
00:48:50I'm finished.
00:48:51Didn't think Max would commit this hard.
00:48:53Pretending to be CEO is a hell of a move.
00:48:56Worth every penny I'm paying him.
00:48:58For tonight, your feast ends.
00:49:00And with that, your career.
00:49:03You're fired.
00:49:04Fired?
00:49:05Sam.
00:49:10Fired?
00:49:11God.
00:49:12I can't be fired.
00:49:14What?
00:49:16Mr. Harrison, please.
00:49:17You can have as much crab as you want.
00:49:19Please, Mr. Harrison, I'll do anything.
00:49:22Guys, take out the trash.
00:49:29And you.
00:49:30Oh, me?
00:49:32Mr. Harrison, come on.
00:49:34That was a Christmas joke.
00:49:36A family tradition.
00:49:38Yeah, well, there's a new family tradition.
00:49:40Sam.
00:49:45Will you do me the honors?
00:49:46Gladly.
00:49:52Merry Christmas, Aunt Limey.
00:49:56Father, do something.
00:49:59Well, you kind of deserve that.
00:50:01I'm leaving.
00:50:03Pumpkin, my favorite.
00:50:04Come on, sweetie.
00:50:12Daddy had the scrapped line just for you.
00:50:14Eat as much as you want.
00:50:16Thanks, Daddy.
00:50:20I am so sorry I ruined your Christmas.
00:50:22I just couldn't take them treating you like that.
00:50:24Honestly?
00:50:26This is the best Christmas I've ever had.
00:50:28Well, if you want, we can have many more.
00:50:30Just like this.
00:50:31Does he really mean that?
00:50:34Or is he just playing the part?
00:50:35I can't tell.
00:50:37And that terrifies me.
00:50:43Merry Christmas, Mrs. Harrison.
00:50:45I brought you a gift.
00:50:46Here's the paternity test between the boss and that little girl.
00:50:48Oh.
00:50:53Oh.
00:50:54This is wonderful.
00:50:57Sam, I have a granddaughter.
00:50:59Tell me everything.
00:51:01Miss Eva Smith, single mother, small town gal, didn't finish high school, currently works in retail.
00:51:07Oh, Maximus, I thought I raised you better.
00:51:11A high school dropout?
00:51:13In the Harrison family?
00:51:15Not a chance.
00:51:20She is clearly unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:51:23Maximus seems to like her.
00:51:25Silence.
00:51:25Get me the address where she works.
00:51:28It's Happy Heels on Broadway.
00:51:29That's nice.
00:51:31We own that one.
00:51:32Good work.
00:51:34But take off that stupid hat.
00:51:44Thanks.
00:51:45Thanks.
00:51:46So your dad insisted that I try this wine that he's been saving for 20 years.
00:51:52Sounds like he's happy with his new son-in-law.
00:51:55And how about you?
00:51:59Me?
00:52:00Yeah.
00:52:02Are you happy with your new husband?
00:52:04No.
00:52:08Eva.
00:52:15That birthmark.
00:52:20Family to me is a big commitment and I don't...
00:52:24That birthmark.
00:52:35Family to me is a big commitment and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:52:41Maximus, there's so much we don't know.
00:52:44So much we're not telling each other.
00:52:46Uh...
00:52:47No feelings, no complications.
00:52:49That's what we agreed upon.
00:52:51Hey, I didn't sign a contract.
00:52:53Max.
00:52:54Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:52:57It's cold.
00:52:59Maybe I'll go grab some more firewood.
00:53:03Max.
00:53:03Max.
00:53:05I need to tell you something.
00:53:08Something important.
00:53:10What's gotten into her?
00:53:12Is she hiding something?
00:53:14Is this the part where you tell me there's no Santa?
00:53:17I haven't been completely honest with you.
00:53:22Piper is...
00:53:24Piper is...
00:53:27Mommy, Daddy, my hand hurts.
00:53:30Sweetie.
00:53:31Oh my gosh.
00:53:32It's unswollen.
00:53:33Must have been when that witch smacked her with the fork earlier.
00:53:36Listen, you stay here with Daddy.
00:53:37Mommy's gonna go get a first date kit, okay?
00:53:38Okay.
00:53:40Come on, Piper.
00:53:45Okay, let me see.
00:53:49I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or Mommy again.
00:53:53But that's not true.
00:53:55You're leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:53:58Uh...
00:53:59Daddy!
00:54:00Daddy!
00:54:00Yo!
00:54:02Well...
00:54:06Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:54:13Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:17Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:19Really?
00:54:19Please stay, Daddy.
00:54:20Please stay, Daddy.
00:54:24You think it will scar?
00:54:30I wouldn't worry about it.
00:54:32Scars make you look like a badass.
00:54:34I have one, too.
00:54:36Dad...
00:54:36I got that when I was about your age.
00:54:39Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:54:42Really?
00:54:43No way.
00:54:44No.
00:54:45It was actually a cactus.
00:54:47But it's still cool.
00:54:50I have something like that on the back of my neck.
00:54:52Piper, how long have you had that?
00:54:58My mom thought I had that when I was born.
00:55:05And how old are you?
00:55:07Six.
00:55:08Six?
00:55:08That one night stand was about seven years ago.
00:55:11Okay, I found the first aid kit.
00:55:13Ivor, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:55:19What do I even say?
00:55:20And how do I explain it to Piper?
00:55:22Sorry, honey.
00:55:23This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:55:27Um, yeah.
00:55:31Can I see your hand, sweetie?
00:55:33Eva.
00:55:38Okay, look.
00:55:42Piper is...
00:55:48Go on.
00:55:52Uh, must be an emergency.
00:55:57Excuse me.
00:55:59Sorry.
00:55:59I'll take this.
00:56:06Mommy, are you okay?
00:56:08Yeah.
00:56:10Mommy's just realizing she's a coward.
00:56:12I don't even have the guts to tell the truth.
00:56:15Why haven't you picked up my calls?
00:56:21I'm telling you, Max, that woman is manipulating you.
00:56:25She's a high school dropout.
00:56:26Doesn't even have a decent job.
00:56:29And she's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:56:31I'm Eva's husband.
00:56:33Max, that man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:56:39I'm sorry, Max.
00:56:43You can't know Piper's your daughter.
00:56:45Your mother would take her away.
00:56:46After Christmas, it's over.
00:56:51Eva?
00:56:52Maximus?
00:56:53Are you even listening to me?
00:56:55No, Mom, Mom, listen.
00:56:56I'm sorry, okay?
00:56:58Eva's my wife.
00:56:59And I've made up my mind.
00:57:00I'm not leaving her.
00:57:03Eva?
00:57:12Did you?
00:57:14Oh, thank you.
00:57:15This is for you, Grandma.
00:57:17Oh, wow.
00:57:23That's so cool.
00:57:25Did you make it?
00:57:26Derek, this is from Eva and I.
00:57:29Oh, thank you so much.
00:57:31Thanks, guys.
00:57:32Glad you're here.
00:57:35Oh!
00:57:37Oh!
00:57:37Damn, these are nice.
00:57:39Grandpa, language, little ears.
00:57:42Oh, my God.
00:57:47Piper, do you want to go see your present?
00:57:49It's in the other room by the train set.
00:57:51Here, I'll go with you.
00:57:52Remember the song that we sang?
00:57:54Ready?
00:57:54Ready?
00:57:54Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
00:57:57What do we got, guys?
00:57:58Billy.
00:57:58Walking home from our house, Christmas Eve.
00:58:04You never told me...
00:58:06Have we met before?
00:58:14Have we met before?
00:58:15She's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:58:22I don't know what you're getting at.
00:58:25Eva, I have the same birthmark as Piper.
00:58:36I don't know what you're talking about.
00:58:37Lots of people have birthmarks.
00:58:38They're very common.
00:58:39I feel so awful, but I can't lose my child.
00:58:43No matter how I feel about him.
00:58:44Maybe.
00:58:50Are you okay?
00:58:53Are the clogs a bad idea?
00:58:56No.
00:58:57I'm fine.
00:59:00Um...
00:59:01Oh, I almost forgot.
00:59:05I got you this.
00:59:06You got me a gift, too?
00:59:08Tis the season.
00:59:10Open it.
00:59:10Gloves.
00:59:26Did you make these?
00:59:27Yeah.
00:59:28I know this is a fake marriage, but that's Christmas.
00:59:33You've already done so much for me.
00:59:34I just wanted to do a little something for you.
00:59:36How do they feel?
00:59:39Warm, right?
00:59:42Yeah.
00:59:43Warm.
00:59:45Soft.
00:59:48Perfect.
00:59:49Thank you, Eva.
00:59:49Thank you, Eva.
00:59:55I've never gotten anything this meaningful before.
00:59:59Really?
00:59:59Yeah, my mom.
01:00:02She partied all the time, and I got gifts.
01:00:05Plenty of them, but I don't think she ever bought one herself.
01:00:11Nothing personal.
01:00:12Well, you deserve it.
01:00:16You're a good guy.
01:00:18And someday you'll find someone special to spend all your Christmases with.
01:00:25What if that day's today?
01:00:30What if I already found someone special?
01:00:34Right here.
01:00:35Max, we can't.
01:01:01If you want me to stop, you better tell me right now.
01:01:10Come on.
01:01:12I don't want you to stop.
01:01:19No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:01:26Max.
01:01:31I don't want you to stop.
01:02:01Piper?
01:02:05She can't see us.
01:02:23Eva?
01:02:27Grandma, I'm up here!
01:02:31That was way too close.
01:02:43Yeah.
01:02:44We would have gotten on the naughty list.
01:02:50Sometimes it's fun to be naughty.
01:02:54Can I still unwrap my present?
01:02:58And you still haven't given me mine.
01:03:05Let me give it to you.
01:03:06Let me give it to you.
01:03:07Let me give it to you.
01:03:08I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
01:03:38Hello?
01:03:40Hello, Eva Smith.
01:03:53I'm Max's mother.
01:03:54Name your price.
01:03:55What will it take for you to leave my son alone?
01:03:58What?
01:04:00We both know my son is way out of your league.
01:04:03Take the money, leave my granddaughter with us, and go.
01:04:07My son will find a better wife and a better mother for his child.
01:04:11Piper is my daughter, and no amount of money you offer
01:04:14could ever make me give her up.
01:04:16So you keep your money, and I'll leave on my own,
01:04:18but I am not handing Piper over to you.
01:04:23Well, there's my beautiful wife.
01:04:29You okay?
01:04:30Look, we made it through Christmas.
01:04:37So I think it's best we go our separate ways.
01:04:41What are you talking about?
01:04:43It's over.
01:04:44It's not that hard to understand.
01:04:49Eva, wait!
01:04:50So last night meant nothing to you?
01:05:00Well, Max, it's not real.
01:05:03None of it was real.
01:05:04So, it's just a goodbye?
01:05:08Didn't realize I was so disposable for you.
01:05:10Look.
01:05:13Last night, I let my guard down.
01:05:17But I'm a mother, and my choices affect Piper.
01:05:20And being with you can mess up everything between us.
01:05:23Just tell me what you need.
01:05:25I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband,
01:05:28a good father.
01:05:30Just say the word.
01:05:31You don't get it.
01:05:37You don't get it.
01:05:39You don't get it.
01:05:47I think it's time Piper and I go back to New York.
01:05:54I won't give up on us.
01:06:01Are we here?
01:06:12Yes.
01:06:14As much as I don't want us to be,
01:06:17we're back.
01:06:20Piper, sweetie, wake up.
01:06:22We're home.
01:06:27How can she just walk away?
01:06:31Don't forget you have to meet my mom.
01:06:38It's part of the agreement, too.
01:06:40Can I just pay you a little extra and skip it?
01:06:44You promised.
01:06:46Eva, I haven't asked you for much.
01:06:48Can you do this for me, please?
01:06:51Alright, fine.
01:06:53When?
01:06:55Two days.
01:06:56I'll come pick you up.
01:06:57No need.
01:06:59Just send me the address and I'll be there.
01:07:02I know you and mommy thought,
01:07:07but she still really likes you.
01:07:11So don't give up, okay, daddy?
01:07:13Thank you, sweetie.
01:07:15If there's one thing you should know about your daddy,
01:07:17I always fight for the ones I love.
01:07:19I love.
01:07:32If you're trying to get me on the internet,
01:07:35it's the truth.
01:07:37Just do it ten times.
01:07:39Eva's meeting my mother today.
01:07:41Time to finally tell her the truth.
01:07:44Boss?
01:07:46Boss?
01:07:50Lady and gentlemen, I am so sorry.
01:07:53I need to go win back my family.
01:07:55Family?
01:07:56Boss, you okay?
01:07:58Never better.
01:08:01Go get her, Max.
01:08:02Give it your best smile and...
01:08:08Ah, there he is.
01:08:10Maximus, darling.
01:08:12I have some prospects for you.
01:08:14Nice high society girls from the city.
01:08:20Oh.
01:08:22I told you.
01:08:23I already found the woman I love.
01:08:31Maximus, stop this.
01:08:33That evil woman is scamming you, son.
01:08:37Tell me what kind of woman you want and I'll find you another.
01:08:41You are heir to the Harrison dynasty.
01:08:44No, I'm not.
01:08:46Oh?
01:08:48I work in waste management and I'm a secret crime boss.
01:08:52I'm Eva's husband and I'm a father.
01:08:56What?
01:08:57Oh, that's her.
01:09:12The woman who got my son head over heels.
01:09:17Hi.
01:09:18Welcome in.
01:09:19Can I help you find something?
01:09:21I want to try those.
01:09:22Awesome, I'll get him for you right away.
01:09:26Are you?
01:09:28Sure you wouldn't want something more sensible?
01:09:33No, no, no.
01:09:35I know what I want.
01:09:37Size 7.
01:09:39Oh, Bitty can't even walk but she wants $3,000 heels.
01:09:43Come on, she wants the white shoes.
01:09:45Who's?
01:09:50Ignore her.
01:09:51She's just grumpy over the holidays.
01:09:53Here, let me help you.
01:09:55Come on.
01:09:59She...seems kind.
01:10:06I shouldn't be that impressed.
01:10:09She's just doing her job.
01:10:11How do they feel?
01:10:12Well, I love the style.
01:10:15But it's too small.
01:10:17I think I need a size up.
01:10:19Maybe my feet are still growing.
01:10:23Right away.
01:10:25I'll be right back.
01:10:27She's not only kind, she's patient.
01:10:29Was I wrong about her?
01:10:42Are you gluing the heel back on?
01:10:46Are you gluing the heel back on?
01:10:49Well, who gives a shit?
01:10:51She can't walk.
01:10:55That's just pure evil.
01:10:57Evil.
01:11:00Oh, come on, St. Eva.
01:11:03She's in a wheelchair.
01:11:04Who cares?
01:11:05It's the last pair.
01:11:07I get paid commission.
01:11:13I'm not doing that, Vanessa.
01:11:16See?
01:11:18This is your whole problem.
01:11:21This is why you'll always be broke.
01:11:24I don't care if she can walk or not.
01:11:28I'm not selling her junk.
01:11:30She has to deal with people like this?
01:11:33People who insult her all day?
01:11:35I'm your manager.
01:11:41Sell the old bitty the shoes or you're fired.
01:11:51Did I stutter?
01:11:56You don't have to fire me.
01:12:00I quit.
01:12:06I don't work here anymore.
01:12:09Listen.
01:12:10Don't buy the shoes.
01:12:12They're broken.
01:12:13Spend your hard-earned money elsewhere, okay?
01:12:15You're a good person after all.
01:12:18Looks like I misjudged you.
01:12:21I'm sorry?
01:12:24Why are you still here, Eva?
01:12:26Get out!
01:12:32You're not disabled?
01:12:33Selling a broken heel to someone you thought was handicapped?
01:12:38Absolutely shameful.
01:12:40Who are you?
01:12:42I am the chairwoman of the Harrison Group.
01:12:46And the owner of this store.
01:12:48You're Eleanor Harrison?
01:12:50Mother of the CEO?
01:12:52I am.
01:12:54And you, my dear, are fired.
01:12:57What did I do?
01:12:58I do.
01:13:01You are a good person.
01:13:04From now on, this store is yours to run.
01:13:10Are you serious?
01:13:11Are you serious?
01:13:14That's right.
01:13:16Don't be nervous, child.
01:13:18You are professional.
01:13:20Responsible.
01:13:22Far better than that two-bit manager.
01:13:27You.
01:13:29Out.
01:13:31I'll leave.
01:13:33I'm leaving.
01:13:37I...
01:13:39I feel like I'm dreaming.
01:13:41No.
01:13:42Don't worry.
01:13:44You're getting a promotion.
01:13:46You deserve it, my dear.
01:13:49I...
01:13:50First assignment.
01:13:51I want that row.
01:13:53And that row.
01:13:55And the entire display case.
01:13:57Pack it all up and bring it to my house.
01:14:00Okay.
01:14:02Yeah.
01:14:04Once we're home, I'll tell her I'm her mother-in-law.
01:14:08I can't wait to finally meet my granddaughter.
01:14:10She's the mother of a CEO.
01:14:18Of course she lives like this.
01:14:30Mrs. Harrison?
01:14:32I'm here with your delivery.
01:14:36Max?
01:14:37Eva?
01:14:39What are you doing here?
01:14:41I, uh...
01:14:43There you are, Eva!
01:14:45Wonderful we can finally meet each other properly.
01:14:48My new daughter-in-law.
01:14:51What are you...
01:14:55That means you really are the CEO of Harrison Group.
01:15:00Well, I tried to tell you, but...
01:15:02Stop!
01:15:04And you!
01:15:05You lied to me at the store!
01:15:06Y...
01:15:07You were both just testing me?
01:15:10Is this some sick game rich people play?
01:15:12I'm sorry, Eva.
01:15:13I thought you might be using my son just after his money.
01:15:17But I was wrong.
01:15:19Eva, please.
01:15:20I don't deserve to be treated like this.
01:15:22Not every working-class girl is after your money.
01:15:25How could you think that of me?
01:15:27It's not like that, dear.
01:15:29Eva, what are you talking about?
01:15:30What are you talking about?
01:15:32Mom!
01:15:33What did you do?
01:15:34I was just trying to get the two of you back together.
01:15:37We're not together.
01:15:39And I can't love something that was never real.
01:15:42I made a horrible mistake.
01:15:48What are you waiting for, son?
01:15:49Go after her!
01:15:54Eva...
01:15:55Let me go!
01:15:56I swear, it's not what you think!
01:15:58Look, we come from two completely different worlds.
01:15:59Stop pretending like you care!
01:16:01I'm not pretending!
01:16:02Okay, I can't fake what we have.
01:16:04And everything I've done for you, and Piper, this is real.
01:16:12Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
01:16:16Max, you came.
01:16:18God, you weren't driving me fucking insane.
01:16:22I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:16:26Just say the word.
01:16:30See?
01:16:33Stop fighting.
01:16:36We belong together.
01:16:38You're wrong.
01:16:40Wrong about what?
01:16:42That you care?
01:16:44Or we belong together?
01:16:45Look, I already told you.
01:16:47We're from two completely different worlds.
01:16:49Now I held up my end of the deal, and I met your mother, like we discussed.
01:16:53Now I want a fake divorce from my fake cousin.
01:16:58Eva!
01:17:02Eva!
01:17:05I'm sorry, Maximus.
01:17:06Walking away is the only choice I have.
01:17:15Ow!
01:17:17Are you okay, Mommy?
01:17:19Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine.
01:17:21Come here.
01:17:29No, you're not fine. You're sad.
01:17:31You're sad.
01:17:32Oh.
01:17:34I'm okay, sweetie.
01:17:37I miss Daddy, too.
01:17:42I want Max to be my real Daddy.
01:17:47Don't you want to be with him?
01:17:48I love Bug.
01:17:51You're right.
01:17:53What am I doing? Running like a coward?
01:17:56I've always taught you to be brave.
01:18:00Now it's time for Mommy to be brave, too.
01:18:03I believe in you. What are you gonna do, Mommy?
01:18:06I know exactly what to say to him.
01:18:12Maximus deserves to know.
01:18:15Piper is his daughter.
01:18:17Enough sulking.
01:18:20Go get your wife and my grandbaby back.
01:18:23Don't you think I want to?
01:18:26She doesn't want me.
01:18:28I didn't raise you to give up.
01:18:30Your daughter is still out there.
01:18:31You can't abandon her.
01:18:33Mom, you don't get it.
01:18:34I made a deal with Eva to play my wife.
01:18:38And Piper, she was an added bonus.
01:18:41What are you talking about?
01:18:43I already ran a DNA test.
01:18:45Piper is your daughter.
01:18:47What?
01:18:49See for yourself.
01:18:51I was right.
01:18:53Seven years ago.
01:18:55I was right.
01:18:57Seven years ago.
01:18:59I was right.
01:19:01Seven years ago.
01:19:02New Years, that woman was Eva.
01:19:17Eva!
01:19:19Hey.
01:19:21Daddy!
01:19:23Daddy!
01:19:24Piper!
01:19:27I missed you so much, sweetheart.
01:19:32You came back.
01:19:36I, uh...
01:19:38Don't forget to be brave, Mommy.
01:19:40I, uh...
01:19:42Don't forget to be brave, Mommy.
01:19:45I, uh...
01:19:47I was scared.
01:19:49But I don't want to be scared anymore.
01:19:50Because what we have is real, and it's worth fighting for.
01:19:52Sweetheart, I have something to tell you.
01:19:54I have something to tell you, too.
01:19:56Piper is your daughter.
01:19:57Piper is your daughter.
01:19:58You knew.
01:19:59My sweet granddaughter.
01:20:00Mama!
01:20:01Oh!
01:20:02I just found out for sure a few minutes ago, but you've known this whole time?
01:20:05I was scared.
01:20:06Okay, I didn't know if you were going to take her from me.
01:20:07I didn't know how you were feeling.
01:20:09How could you not know how I felt?
01:20:11How could you not know how I felt?
01:20:13I have something to tell you.
01:20:14I have something to tell you.
01:20:15I have something to tell you, too.
01:20:17Piper is your daughter.
01:20:18Piper is your daughter.
01:20:19Piper is your daughter.
01:20:20Piper is your daughter.
01:20:21Piper is your daughter.
01:20:22You knew.
01:20:23My sweet granddaughter.
01:20:24If you were going to take her from me, I didn't know how you were feeling.
01:20:28How could you not know how I felt?
01:20:42I love you, Eva.
01:20:45I love you, too.
01:20:47I promise, for the rest of my life, I'm going to make it up to you.
01:20:52As long as we're together, it doesn't matter where we are.
01:21:06Will you marry me, Eva?
01:21:08For real this time?
01:21:10Yes.
01:21:11Yes, of course, I'll marry you.
01:21:17Yes!
01:21:21It looks like you're stuck with me the next Christmas, and the Christmas after that, and forever.
01:21:33I wouldn't have it any other way.
01:21:40Who's that?
01:21:42Eva!
01:21:45Take me back!
01:21:46I'm sorry!
01:21:48I'm sorry!
01:21:49I'm sorry!
01:21:50You're tired!
01:21:53Looks like I have to take out the trash.
01:21:56Again.
01:21:59No?
01:22:00Not funny?
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