- 7 weeks ago
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00:00Hello.
00:02These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home.
00:06And the pub I own.
00:08Thinking about all the big problems in the world.
00:12And some smaller ones that annoy me.
00:16Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all.
00:20Or at least try.
00:22My shed.
00:24Right.
00:26It's here that I have the tools.
00:28Let's just saw some wood up.
00:30The tea.
00:32And a couple of other highly competent blokes.
00:36Very good. Brace yourself.
00:38Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.
00:41Is she getting the ticket out?
00:42Great.
00:43Dirty flight at us.
00:45And small.
00:46The cereal has gone soggy.
00:48I'll also have to take on other people's problems.
00:51What is wrong with Peter?
00:52He used to make a sound and now he doesn't.
00:55By which I mean the locals at my pub who are always bringing me stuff to mend.
01:01Is it a train set?
01:03So join us and our excitable crew.
01:07Who will capture our endeavours.
01:10That was epic.
01:12As we create.
01:14Make.
01:15That feels like a terrible thing we've just done.
01:17Repair.
01:18So it's never worked.
01:19Not in my lifetime.
01:21And repurpose.
01:26In my shed load of ideas.
01:28What do you think?
01:29This is just brilliant.
01:31Here in Wiltshire I have time to reflect on those issues that concern us all.
01:44Such as how to preserve this beautiful landscape.
01:48The muse of England's poets and artists.
01:52The rustling hedgerow.
01:54The delightful babbling brook and the abject weeping willow.
01:59The heart of the idyll that nestles in the breast of every English man and woman.
02:04Oh and the fly tipping site.
02:06The blight of town and country alike.
02:09These people disgust me.
02:11There are over a million fly tipping incidents reported in the UK each year.
02:17And they cost local authorities hundreds of millions of pounds to tidy up.
02:23It's a huge problem.
02:25But no problem is too huge for me.
02:27And my two very handy right hand men.
02:30My trusty engineer Sim with his big ideas.
02:33Some kind of pivot from this point.
02:36Anywhere between here and here.
02:38And my ever ready carpenter Tony the tool.
02:42Don't worry I'll just do everything over here.
02:45You carry on chatting.
02:47And so to my large and well equipped workshop where the very practical magic happens.
02:54So we've decided that our revenge on fly tippers should be poetic.
02:59It is a fly trap or a fly tipper trap if you like.
03:02Taking our inspiration from good old school fly paper.
03:07Which is this stuff.
03:08It's really like a very big piece of sticky paper.
03:11And you hang it up in your house.
03:12Flies fly into it because they're stupid.
03:14Their brains are absolutely minute.
03:16And they stick to it.
03:18Ha!
03:19And that's the end of them.
03:20So we want to do something similar.
03:22But that acts on human beings.
03:24Which mean.
03:25God.
03:26Which means we need a sticky substance that will trap them.
03:30We'll leave Simi to search for something sticky enough to catch our human flies.
03:36As Tony and I move next door to start work on the actual trap.
03:41Now we have to devise the trap itself.
03:44How it will be.
03:45What would the trendy would be delivered.
03:47It's Tony's idea.
03:48So Tony will explain.
03:50Collapsable cattle grid.
03:54Oh.
03:55So we take a sheet of eight by four.
03:57Yes.
03:58We build a frame around it.
04:01Two supports.
04:03All our sticky stuff in the middle here.
04:06Mm-hmm.
04:07Box section.
04:08Forming a grid.
04:12Holes.
04:13Attached by string.
04:16Going to two pulleys.
04:20And go that way to a single pulley.
04:23With a mechanism that pulls and collapses.
04:26Why is the cattle grid there?
04:27Is there a gate?
04:28To stop cattle.
04:29No, I know what it does.
04:31But it's not...
04:32Yes.
04:33So it's a gate.
04:34Usually you dump it.
04:35Usually I've heard people who dump things.
04:37Right.
04:38Dump it in a field.
04:39So the van pulls up.
04:41People get out with the sofa.
04:42Say.
04:43And they walk across the cattle grid.
04:44Which is positioned in front of a gate.
04:46And therefore is perfectly normal.
04:48Because you get cattle grids in front of gates.
04:50They throw the sofa into the fly tipping area.
04:54And it triggers a weighted mechanism.
04:57We haven't quite worked that bit out yet, have we?
04:59Which, through this pulley system, concertinas.
05:03The cattle grid, like a Venetian blind, exposing the sticky stuff.
05:08The panicking fly tippers run back to their van through here and are stuck like flies on flypaper.
05:15That's basically it, isn't it?
05:16Easy.
05:17Right, so should we put this on the floor and do a bit of spacing out?
05:21Yeah.
05:24Let's just rough it out.
05:26Tony and I start laying out the steel rods that will eventually become our cattle grid.
05:32How far apart are the rails of a cattle grid?
05:35Does it depend on what sort of animals you've got?
05:37Because cows have got bigger paws than sheep, haven't they?
05:41Obviously, if you're making one for an elephant, you could make them a little bit further apart.
05:45Right, the dilemma is we have to balance authenticity, i.e. the spacing of the rails on the cattle grid,
05:54with the requirements of the mechanism, because it's got to pull all these together over here.
06:00It's quite a weight, isn't it? It's a lot of steel.
06:03I think that gap is too big, but it could be bigger than that one, which it will be when they're evenly spaced,
06:09so there's no getting around this, Tony. We're going to have to do a bit of arithmetic.
06:13So, for our 1,220mm wide cattle grid, we're going to need 10 bars, 107.7mm apart.
06:22Yes, this is an exact science.
06:26Oh, well, our arithmetic is spot on.
06:29Well, nearly.
06:31Nearly.
06:34OK.
06:35That's our cattle grid, correctly spaced out.
06:40Come in with the sofa.
06:43Yes, I think that's...
06:45You'd walk across it carefully, because there's a cattle grid, because you tend to walk carefully across a cattle grid.
06:50I think, yes, I think we'll get away with that.
06:53Let's mark out the board with the exact positions of our roofing battens.
06:59We can fix those in place.
07:00Mm-hm.
07:01And go from there.
07:05Right, so the concept looks good. We've just got to make the thing now.
07:10First, Tony and I construct the wooden base frame, keeping a close eye on our maths.
07:15Then we need a bit of help from Simi to cut the steel rocks so that Tony and I can drill very precise holes into them, which we'll thread rope through to collapse the grid, as long as we can keep up with Simi's exacting standards.
07:31That's to put a hole in the middle, right?
07:34I mean, look at that. How in the middle is that?
07:37All is proceeding at pace until...
07:40The problem is, well, there's no easy way of putting this, it's Tony.
07:45Sim has spotted that the board isn't perfectly square.
07:51It's just I didn't cut the factory edge off because we were rushing.
07:54I'll just recut these.
07:561,790 then.
07:58Or thereabouts.
08:00Thank you, Simi.
08:02And once you've squared off our mistakes, Tony and I thread the poles together with rope, which will make this cattle grid collapsible.
08:09Ow!
08:10What have you done to that?
08:12We're going to have to flame it again.
08:14And finally, we get to see if our cunning concertina plan actually works.
08:18In three, two, one...
08:23Oh!
08:25Oh, that works!
08:26It's beauty!
08:27It doesn't need that much force either.
08:29Collapsible cattle grid success, but we still need to find some really sticky stuff to fill it with.
08:35We also have to drill all the remaining pieces, devise the weighted mechanism that will close this,
08:41and we have to take the whole thing to a secret location in the countryside, fill it with our gunk,
08:47and then wait.
08:51For now, though, we take a break from our war against fly tippers for a well-earned pint.
08:56And it's now, when I'm at the pub, that people start bringing me their broken stuff that they want me to mend.
09:03In fact, I'm so used to this, I take my toolbox to the pub every time I go.
09:09Hello.
09:10Hi, I'm Kirsty.
09:11Hello, Kirsty.
09:12Hi.
09:13What have you got for us?
09:14My teddy bear, Peter.
09:15He's 53 years old.
09:18Younger than me.
09:20Definitely younger than me.
09:22And apart from being utterly furless, what is wrong with Peter?
09:28He used to make a sound sort of like a sheep, and now he doesn't.
09:32He's been in a loft for 35-plus years.
09:36Poor sod.
09:37Yeah.
09:38Is it one of those where you do that?
09:39Yeah.
09:40You can hear it?
09:42Oh, yeah.
09:43Whatever that is.
09:45Something's moving.
09:46What noise did it make?
09:47It was like a sheep, like a bar.
09:49I think...
09:50Well, I do know somebody who used to run a thing called Teddy Bear Hospital, and these old bears, they've usually got a moving weight and some sort of bellows.
09:57They used to be classified as squeakers and growlers.
10:01Right.
10:02One of them had a reed, and the other one had...
10:05Some kind of diaphragm or...
10:06Yeah.
10:08Something like that.
10:09...to try and make the sound work again.
10:10If you could, that would be lovely.
10:12And you've had him since you were...
10:14How old?
10:15Before I was born, my grandmother gave it to my mother while she was pregnant with me.
10:21So it predates you?
10:22Yeah.
10:23The teddy was waiting for you as you popped out of the womb?
10:26He was.
10:27And are these your initials?
10:28They are my initials, yeah.
10:29My mum stitched them in because he used to go everywhere with me.
10:32I've got a picture of him, actually.
10:35Oh, that's when he still had his fur.
10:38Yeah.
10:39And his head was on properly.
10:40Yes.
10:42At what point did Peter lose his speech?
10:46I have no idea.
10:48He's travelled with me.
10:49I was in the army, and he came everywhere with me.
10:52And then he ended up in a loft, and I thought I'd lost him.
10:59And then I got him back about three months ago, and he doesn't make any sound.
11:04How would you feel about us opening Peter up?
11:07That's fine.
11:08Are you sure?
11:09Yeah.
11:10We'll have to ask you to sign a consent form.
11:13Absolutely.
11:14And a do not resuscitate.
11:15Oh, look, there is my special superpower magnifying spectacles.
11:20And there is a scalpel.
11:23Has this been opened before?
11:25Not that I know of, no.
11:26How are you feeling about this, Kirsty?
11:28I'm slightly nervous.
11:29Whoop.
11:30Oh, swab.
11:31We found something that has not been exposed to the light since the early 1970s.
11:38Can I put my finger in?
11:39You might want to look away.
11:40I am.
11:42My God, it's huge.
11:45We need a bigger hole.
11:46We need a bigger hole.
11:48I'm actually getting nervous.
11:50Here it comes.
11:51Come on, there.
12:00Is that the noise it used to make?
12:02Slightly.
12:04But longer?
12:05Longer, yeah.
12:06See him, you afford him some dignity.
12:08Oh, sorry.
12:11We'll put him in the recovery position.
12:13OK, we will take this back to the workshop, Kirsty.
12:16We will mend it, reinsert it in the bowels of Peter.
12:21Simi will stitch him back together.
12:23He will be returned to you, growling as he did in your youth,
12:27and you will never know, and neither will he,
12:30that anything had ever happened.
12:31Excellent.
12:33Either that or it will go wrong and we'll chuck him on the bonfire.
12:37Please don't.
12:39Will we be able to perform this important and life-saving operation?
12:43Will Peter growl again?
12:46Have a great day.
12:51All the work we will do now.
12:55To be a good lady.
12:57When were with you.
12:58You stood part ofote the boat w・s of the building
13:01Alles onze pas sert of this thing.
13:07Ah, Wiltshire.
13:08The beautiful countryside.
13:11But did you know that each twenty seven seconds
13:13ruins it by fly tipping causing damage to farmland and wildlife. Luckily Tony,
13:20Simi and I have come up with a cunning plan involving a collapsible cattle
13:25grid that will expose a sticky substance beneath to stop our fly tippers in their
13:30tracks. Now we just have to select our gunk. The options we have arrived at are
13:39cornflour, epoxy resin and this one which is a mastic so it remains plastic and
13:47sticky. Is that right? Yeah. What should we try? Should we try cornflour? I mean cornflour
13:54isn't it thixotropic so if they run across a cornflour mix quickly they will
13:57simply go across it. Go across it but if they amble across it. Yes then sink. How much
14:03should we put in? Let's put it all in. Do you think? Yeah.
14:08The cornflour is weird stuff I think. I don't like using it in the kitchen. It's
14:14useful though. It is useful. I mean it's a crafty way to thicken up your cheese sauce.
14:18That is quite, so it's solid but if you put gentle pressure you sink. Oh yeah.
14:26It's quite nice actually. And then it just goes liquid. The trouble with this is so much
14:33fun you'd find millions of fly tippers just frolicking in your cornflour. This cornflour
14:39and water goo is non-Newtonian meaning it doesn't follow Newton's laws as it can act as both a solid
14:47and a liquid and handily for us this ambiguity makes it very sticky. So we put it on the floor and put some
14:54shoe covers on. Who wants to try? We can try one each. Off to you. I'll do, I'll do this one then so.
15:01Make sure you use the right foot. Yeah good thinking Batman. So you've thrown your sofa away or your fridge or whatever.
15:15Fly tips. Nobody saw that. I'm off.
15:22It's not very good. What's the drag on your foot there? No it's, it's, it's pretty grippy but I don't know that you'll
15:30necessarily get stuck. The idea is that the fly tipper is stuck to the fly tipper trap.
15:35I mean let's reserve judgment so we've tried a few other things. Shall we try the mastic? So it never sets.
15:43No. It remains plastic in the true sense and hopefully quite sticky. Shall I? Yes, carry on.
15:50It looks sticky. It does look sticky. This particular mastic forms an elastic watertight sealant that sticks
16:01firmly to wood, metal, concrete and, we hope, humans.
16:06This smells fantastic. So has anybody got any Bob Dylan records?
16:12Right. Whose turn is it to try? Are you going to do it Tony?
16:19Yeah I can't.
16:20Are you going to put both feet in?
16:23Yeah I want to get splashes of it on my trainers.
16:26So, remember, remember to method act. What are you dumping Tony?
16:35A telly. A telly, okay.
16:37Whoa, we've done that before. Whoa!
16:40Whoa!
16:41Hey that looked like it could be quite good.
16:44Wow. It's slippy as well. Really slippy.
16:47That's really sticky.
16:49Oh that's pretty good. It's very good.
16:53So, the mastic works. But because Simmy hates to feel left out, we decide to let him test the epoxy resin option.
17:01Also, he's got a bit of a thing about shoe covers.
17:04You ready Sim?
17:05Right.
17:05With your big fridge and action.
17:07I've got my fridge all over the hedge it goes.
17:10Oh ****.
17:12That's not very good.
17:16It's not very good is it? It's also all over the floor.
17:18This is all over the floor.
17:19You can get it off the floor.
17:20It's very slippery.
17:22So that's not ideal is it?
17:24No.
17:25It's rubbish.
17:27So to conclude this scene, men, because we've wanted to do it, you have one.
17:33Are you ready?
17:35In three, two, one.
17:37The mastic is a clear winner. It's the stickiest that we agreed.
17:47Absolutely.
17:48Right, so that's what we'll do.
17:50Once that sticky mastic is added to our cattle grid fly trap, we may just be able to protect rural iddles up and down the country from the blight of fly tipping.
18:02But there's another danger threatening the countryside, and that's the worrying demise of pub games.
18:09As a landlord myself, I'm not keen on fruit machines and dreary pub quizzes.
18:15But what about revisiting one of the old standards?
18:19The game of darts, it's essential to the formation of England's character, because without our prowess at darts, we wouldn't have been good at archery and defeated the French at Agincourt, for example.
18:34Now, this is a standard dartboard, probably the one you're familiar with. It's got doubles on the outside, trebles on the inner ring, and then a bull and a double bull.
18:42But there are other types of dartboard. For example, there is a Yorkshire dartboard, which only has the doubles.
18:48And then there's a Manchester dartboard, which has the numbers in a different order.
18:52There's also a Bath dartboard, which has some extra scoring areas around the outside, and so on and so on.
18:59Wiltshire does not have its own dartboard, so we thought maybe we'd come up with one.
19:06What do you think, Tony?
19:08Uh, yeah. What would you do, though?
19:11When I was a kid, me and my brother used to play drop darts, where you put the dartboard on the floor.
19:18We actually used to do it out of the bedroom window, with the dartboard down below in the garden.
19:24Let's try holding it by the...
19:26Oh, shot! Is it in?
19:28No, it's 25.
19:31Miles off.
19:32Yeah.
19:33I mean...
19:36It involves a lot of bending down, though.
19:38What if the dartboard starts rotating?
19:43Imagine how difficult it would be to throw at a rotating darts board.
19:47Yeah. That'd be... Yeah, we could do that. That'd be fun.
19:51Obviously, because we are, in fact, engineers, we need to test out the concept.
19:57OK, so stand on the Occy, but about two feet back from the Occy.
20:03Oh, I don't want to throw darts at you like that.
20:05No, no.
20:06Oh!
20:07You ready?
20:08You having a laugh?
20:11No.
20:16Yes, three on the board.
20:18OK, now it's my turn.
20:20Crap rolling.
20:27Crap rolling.
20:28Crap rolling.
20:29It's supposed to go over there.
20:30You deflated it with your first dart.
20:32So the rotation idea works, but not rolling the board.
20:36Now we need Simi's help to try and make the board rotate in space.
20:41Shall we have a beer?
20:42Good idea.
20:44While Tony and I head off for a pint,
20:46Simi throws himself into creating a mechanism
20:49that will rotate our Wiltshire dartboard.
20:53First, he attaches a rotary switch to a wooden frame,
20:57and then he rigs up a variable speed controller
21:01before, after a quick swig,
21:04soldering together a small motor with a manual switch.
21:09Then he attaches a battery,
21:11has another essential beer break,
21:13and finally tests the rotating mechanism
21:15that will eventually attach to the dartboard,
21:18which we'll try out later,
21:20once Simi's joined us in the garden for another pint.
21:24Exciting!
21:34You find me back in my Wiltshire pub, and for good reason.
21:39There isn't enough entertainment in the pub,
21:41especially since I've banned Morris dancers and minstrels,
21:44so we're looking at how to refresh the greatest of all pub games.
21:49With the introduction of the Wiltshire dartboard,
21:54allow me to show it to you.
21:56Here it is, hanging on the wall at the regulation height,
22:00with the 20 at the top, where you'd expect.
22:02My two players, if you'd like to take the occi, gentlemen,
22:07then you will remember where you were when you first saw this,
22:10because the game of darts was changed forever.
22:15There it goes.
22:17The rotating Wiltshire dartboard.
22:20Doesn't look like much, but it makes the game extremely difficult,
22:23and let's be honest, it wasn't easy to start with.
22:27We're playing highest score, three darts, your throw, sir.
22:30It's making me dizzy.
22:31Here's the 20, but it's going round and round, you see,
22:33because it's the Wiltshire dartboard.
22:35Rubbish.
22:36Oh, he's going for the bull.
22:38Oh, it's tricky.
22:4043.
22:4212.
22:4419.
22:46Oh, rubbish.
22:47James, come on.
22:48Do your best.
22:50Oh.
22:55And again.
22:5734.
22:59No.
23:00No.
23:01No, no, no.
23:02Right, I'm speeding it up for round two.
23:07Oh.
23:09Oh.
23:10Yes.
23:12Shall we reverse?
23:15Oh.
23:17Oh, he's got 60.
23:21Oh, I didn't believe I missed the ball, James.
23:23Now what am I going to do?
23:24Now what am I going to do?
23:25I've only got this one left, and I have to score 29 or more.
23:29That means the winner is Sim.
23:35But this invention wasn't meant just to entertain the three of us.
23:42It has to work on the seething, roaring mass that is the general public.
23:46Let's see if any of the locals would like to play Wiltshire Darts.
23:54Hmm, no.
23:56It's not looking good.
23:58Well, yes, you're right.
23:59It's not ideal.
24:00It's not ideal.
24:01It's not good.
24:02It's 24.
24:04But that's nothing.
24:06At least I tried.
24:10Five.
24:12Six.
24:14Ten.
24:16Congratulations.
24:17That's truly terrible.
24:20Eight.
24:23Oh, dear.
24:24That's 17, sir.
24:26That's very poor.
24:28I hope you don't mind me saying.
24:30Scores may be low, but the game is a huge hit with the regulars, and also, it turns out, with our film crew, with producer Lucy very keen to play.
24:40You've thrown it away.
24:43As everybody rushes to stand in front of the board for their own safety, it's probably time to sum this up.
24:49I'm not entirely sure what to say about Wiltshire Darts, apart from that it's excellent.
24:58That's one successful step along the path to revitalise British pub entertainment.
25:03And I've got plenty more ideas up my sleeve.
25:05But now, we must return to the pressing matter of Kirsty's bear, who, after years in the loft, has lost his growl.
25:14And Simi and I have been entrusted with the weighty task of giving Peter his voice back.
25:20Right, viewers. Our mission today is to provide Peter the bear, beloved of Kirsty, with a more impressive one of those.
25:29According to Kirsty, it was originally louder and longer, and we may be able to improve the sound as well.
25:36We've never done this before, oddly.
25:39First, we need to remove Peter's growl box to see how it works.
25:46What if we made that just twice as long, and this twice as long, and then you'd get a longer...
25:54So, it is. It's like...
26:01Oh, God.
26:05It's got a very simple reed there, similar to something you would find in a crude musical instrument.
26:11And this seems to be some sort of very, very simple amplifier.
26:15We could remake that...
26:18Bigger.
26:19Much bigger.
26:20And much longer.
26:22There's a lot of room.
26:23There's tons of it. It could go right down to his...
26:26And up to his neck.
26:27So, we could, you know, we could put an enormous growler in there.
26:34Yes.
26:36Right. That's the plan.
26:38We're going to remake it bigger and better, which in terms of a teddy bear growl means longer.
26:45To see if we can give Peter a larger, longer growl, Sim and I want to see what happens when we elongate the sandbox's journey
26:54by throwing it down the longest tube we can find.
26:57Three metres of cylindrical polyvinyl chloride.
27:00Is everybody ready?
27:02Also known as a drain pipe.
27:03One pipe.
27:04Let her go.
27:14I think it needs to be totally upright.
27:24That was epic!
27:26Nice!
27:27You're trying with the shorter legs?
27:28Yes.
27:29So, Peter's growler needs to be...
27:31Oh, no?
27:32Yeah.
27:34Now we've established how big we can make Peter's new growler, we cut it to size.
27:40Let's just see how long a growl we get.
27:42It's got to be a bit safer than that.
27:43To slow the movement of the growler and thus lengthen the growl, we need some sort of fabric cap with holes punched through.
27:56That's a bit on the wonk, isn't it?
27:58I mean, it doesn't matter. I mean, no one's ever going to see it because it's going to be deep in Peter's bowel, apart from all the people watching it on the television, obviously.
28:08Yeah.
28:09I think to get the result, we need to tape this on to the end, to seal that one end.
28:14The noise goes in that way?
28:15Yeah.
28:16Yeah.
28:17Yeah.
28:18Yeah.
28:19Yeah.
28:20Yeah.
28:21Yeah.
28:22Yeah.
28:23Yeah.
28:24Yeah.
28:25Yeah.
28:26Yeah.
28:27Yeah.
28:28Yeah.
28:29Yeah.
28:30Yeah.
28:31Yeah.
28:32Yeah.
28:33Yeah.
28:34Yeah.
28:35Yeah.
28:36Yeah.
28:37Yeah.
28:38Yeah.
28:39Okay.
28:40Anyway, we're not going to give up.
28:41Luckily, Simi, ever the optimist, has an idea that might help create the sound.
28:44And it involves a pair of black rubber gloves.
28:48We're making a replacement bellow.
28:51The old one is a rather elaborate.
28:55We're not sure what material it is.
28:58It's almost like a waxed paper.
29:00But it has been ironed so that it has effectively a helix in it.
29:06So it's ironed in two directions.
29:09So it's got ridges on the outside and the inside.
29:12But that seems unnecessarily complicated in a world of modern materials such as rubber gloves.
29:17So we're making it out of the rubber glove.
29:20The theory here is that the rubber glove should fill with air and force it past the reed,
29:24which makes the sound.
29:27Okay.
29:28Are we ready?
29:29I'm slightly...
29:40Oh, ****.
29:41How can that not work?
29:43The addition of the bellows has made...
29:47Let's have a look.
29:48...the growlers stick in the tube.
29:50Oh, is that what it's doing?
29:52That's so feeble.
29:59Situation update on Peter the teddy bear.
30:02Situation update is that since Peter the bear was admitted to our bear growler hospital,
30:09his condition has deteriorated quite significantly.
30:13Some of his stuffing's come out.
30:15He's got a massive wound in his spine and his voice doesn't work anymore.
30:20But apart from that...
30:21It's not easy, is it?
30:22I hate this bear.
30:26So our attempts at repairing Peter's existing growl box have run adrift.
30:31But we can't let Kirsty and her precious bear down.
30:35And so, after some deliberation, Sim and I decide that desperate times call for desperate measures.
30:41Are you sitting comfortably, children?
30:44Kirsty had a very special bear called Peter.
30:48And Peter could growl like a proper grown-up bear.
30:51But one day, Peter's growl failed and Kirsty sent poor Peter to Simeon James to be repaired.
31:00It's proved rather difficult because Peter's reed is bent and worn out, his bellows have perished.
31:06But, of course, you know all that, children, because you've been on this incredible adventure with us.
31:12But now, Simeon James have had to do something they've never done before on this show,
31:18which is, order a spare part and fit that instead.
31:21Here it is, commercially available growler from a bear specialist.
31:28Peter can growl again.
31:33And now, Mr Oakley the surgeon is going to sew it into Peter.
31:39And nobody need ever know.
31:41It's our secret.
31:44Here you go, Sim.
31:45Thank you very much.
31:46Once Simmy has sewn up, the patient will send him to convalesce.
31:50The bear, I mean.
31:51Before returning him to Kirsty.
31:53As good as new.
31:55Well, almost.
32:00You rejoin us in Wiltshire, where I'm coming up with ideas to solve problems big and small that bother us all.
32:07Whether that's flytippers ruining the glorious countryside, or that your lunch is just lacking that certain something.
32:16We have identified a problem, which is that you go out to a pub or a restaurant, and you have some food, and it's all jolly nice.
32:22But you think, I'd like a little bit of garnish on that.
32:25What if you could take the garnish with you, and then you could garnish whatever it was you were eating, wherever?
32:31So we thought, why not incorporate them into an item of clothing?
32:35To wit, a hat.
32:37You see, this rests very conveniently on your head.
32:40If the brim were full of soil and herbs, you could merely pluck one and add it to your cheesy pasta.
32:48So, join me as we make the world's first herb hat.
32:59This is harder than it looks.
33:01The problem I'm experiencing is that the brim of the hat is not as deep as the typical English garden herb bed.
33:10So maybe we need to get rid of some bigger...
33:13And maybe make the soil a bit wetter.
33:15But don't I have to retain the root?
33:18Yes, but if you just...so if we get rid of those boys, and keep that one in its root...
33:23What, and discard those?
33:25I think snip that off.
33:27I always have my comedy carrot-shaped Japanese scissors in my pocket, fortunately.
33:32I snip those off.
33:34We're now getting somewhere with the herb hat.
33:37Compacted soil and a sprig of basil.
33:41I've been on television quite a long time now, I think it's about 25 years.
33:45And because I understand the basics of television, I know that we're going to skip forward to a comedy shot of me approaching my own pub with a hat full of herbs on my head.
33:55And here I am.
33:58Afternoon.
33:59Afternoon.
34:00Ham, egg and chips.
34:01Yes.
34:02Epic.
34:03Nice hat, James.
34:06Yeah, you're rocking that.
34:11Sorry.
34:12It was a bit of a breeze.
34:15Would you like some Garni?
34:18Have you got any coriander?
34:20I have.
34:21I believe it's there, isn't it?
34:23Yes.
34:24May I?
34:25Yes, of course.
34:26Here are the exquisite Japanese scissors.
34:32Sim, anything you'd like?
34:33A little basil would be nice.
34:35Basil is... ooh.
34:37Can Tony reach that?
34:38Ooh, ooh.
34:39Is that enough?
34:40Yeah.
34:41I think ham, egg and chips, I would like...
34:44I'd like a few chives on my eggs and my chips.
34:47Allow me.
34:48Here you go.
34:49Thanks awfully.
34:50What do you think of my hat?
34:51I mean, be honest.
34:53Well, honest.
34:54Yeah, yeah.
34:55I mean, you look like words of gummage, but...
34:56It's a bit Morrie style, isn't it?
34:57It is.
34:58It's actually very useful.
34:59It's a top hat.
35:00See what did there?
35:01I'd say this works.
35:02Mmm.
35:03It's a little uncomfortable, but it's very achievable at home.
35:04All you need is a hat, some nutrient-rich soil, some herbs, a low sense of self-esteem.
35:27Robert's your mother's brother.
35:30Next, spice shoes.
35:33No, that's ridiculous.
35:36Shoes covered in spices would just look stupid.
35:39Meanwhile, here are some lovely shots of the Wiltshire countryside.
35:43And we're hoping to keep it that way, with our cunning invention to stop the curse of fly-tipping.
35:52We return to the fly-tipper-fly-trap.
35:55Fly-tipping is becoming a blight.
35:57In the countryside, we have devised a way of catching people in the act.
36:01It is essentially a fly-trap.
36:03It's based on the idea of a retracting cattle grid that exposes a very sticky substance that traps the miscreants so that they can be apprehended and then they can pay their debt to society.
36:15Now, in a previous instalment, we proved the principle of the retracting cattle grid and now we've set it up in this fly-tipping area.
36:23It's already full of junk.
36:24It's a very popular location.
36:26You know, saw horses, old records, players, speakers, badminton bats and so on.
36:31And amongst is a fairly typical old bicycle.
36:34Or is it?
36:35No, it isn't.
36:36It is actually the trigger mechanism for the whole thing.
36:39Let me explain to you how it works.
36:40When our fly-tippers approach, they walk over the cattle grid, which is closed and it's outside a gate, they suspect nothing.
36:46And they lob whatever it is, their bread-maker, whatever, over here and it hits this trigger string.
36:54This trigger string, via this pulley here, pulls on this hinged piece of wood, which releases the front brake of the bicycle.
37:05The front wheel, now free to rotate, begins to rotate under the tension of this bungee cord until the sledgehammer, which is attached to the wheel,
37:14passes top dead centre and then gravity does its work.
37:19The rotation of the wheel and the extra torque provided by the sledgehammer operates this pulley system, which retracts the cattle grid.
37:28They think we got away with that, run away, stuck, we turn up with clubs and beat them to death.
37:32Now, we're going to test this out with some fictitious fly-tippers.
37:35This is not real, this is a set-up, but me, Tony and Simi, to see if it works, are going to watch from over there behind the wall.
37:43If you didn't understand the explanation, don't worry, we're filming it all with little cameras and we'll do a slow motion action replay and you can see it all working in graphic detail.
37:53Right, are we ready? Let's prime the trap.
37:58So, a few redesigned and repurposed bits of junk could, if we've got our calculations correct, trigger our trap and catch some fly-tippers in the world's first ever fly-tipping fly-trap.
38:12It's quite sticky.
38:13Patent pending.
38:15Right, I think we can go and hide.
38:29So, the trap is set and, as if by magic, a mysterious van pulls up.
38:35Oh, he's stopping.
38:36He is, he is.
38:37Oh, he's got to be one.
38:38That's a really tatty van, that's always a sign.
38:39He's getting out.
38:40Oh, they've got hoodies on.
38:41Oh, look at them, dirty fly-tippers.
38:42Yes, dirty fly-tippers that do look remarkably like members of our crew.
38:54What is it?
38:55What is it?
38:56What is it?
38:57Washing machine?
38:58It's a bloody mat.
38:59Mattress.
39:00God.
39:01Over the kettle grid.
39:02Go on.
39:03There you go.
39:04Yes, yes, yes.
39:05Oh.
39:16Yes!
39:17Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
39:20Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
39:50flies in a trap, and that is engineering and poetic success.
39:58So, we've solved fly-tipping, pub entertainment, garnishing on the move,
40:04but we've really struggled trying to fix Peter the bear,
40:08whose growler was no longer fit for purpose.
40:11I never imagined I would end up being involved in the repair of a teddy bear.
40:15I was expecting clocks or lawnmowers, you know.
40:20Not teddies.
40:21Not a teddy bear. What a pain.
40:24I'll be quite glad to see the back of him.
40:26Aw, I'll miss Peter.
40:27I can see the back of him now.
40:29I don't know how she's going to react when we admit that we haven't really mended him as such.
40:34What happens if she throws one?
40:36I don't think she will.
40:38You think so? No.
40:39What we've actually done here is a transplant.
40:41We have, yes. And a successful one.
40:43And that's really the cutting edge of teddy bear medicine.
40:53Hello. Hello. Hello.
40:54Have a seat. Nice to see you again.
40:57Hi.
40:59Here is Roger. Peter!
41:02Have you missed him?
41:03I've missed him a lot.
41:05Have you? I have.
41:06Well, it's strange. We've become very familiar with Peter.
41:09He's been a constant lurking presence in our lives.
41:13And looked after very carefully, of course.
41:16I'm glad. I'm glad you did.
41:17Well, do you want to know what we've done?
41:18Yes, please.
41:19Well, Simi began the quite difficult operation with a long incision down his spine.
41:25Yeah.
41:26And then we successfully removed his growler.
41:29Yes.
41:29And that's where things became a bit difficult.
41:31It had sort of disintegrated a bit and his growl wasn't very strong anymore.
41:36No.
41:37And we looked at making a longer tube and a bigger bellows.
41:41We tried various fabrics.
41:42We tried a rubber glove.
41:44Sounds a bit complicated.
41:45It was complicated.
41:46He was on the table for hours and at one point we thought we might lose him.
41:49I don't know about him.
41:50Eventually, we consulted a consultant teddy bear surgeon who said I'm afraid he had to have a new growler.
42:02So he's had a transplant.
42:06Okay.
42:06But if you'd like to tip him on his back.
42:09Oh, it's the same.
42:19It sounds exactly the same.
42:24Oh, it does.
42:27It sounds exactly the same.
42:28If you tip him right back and wait for a bit for sort of the router to extend and then
42:37It sounds just like a telephone.
42:39Good.
42:41So you're pleased.
42:42Very pleased.
42:43Thank you so much.
42:46Oh, it's so good.
42:48Well, I'm delighted that you're pleased.
42:50I'm very pleased because I thought I'd lost him for a long, long time.
42:53And now he sounds exactly like he did when I was a child.
42:56So, yeah, he's quite emotional.
43:01Well, you can take him back to your home and enjoy the rest of your lives together.
43:07I will.
43:07Thank you so much.
43:08It's really appreciated.
43:09That's okay.
43:10It's a pleasure.
43:11Thank you very much.
43:13Bye.
43:14Bye.
43:14Bring him back when his head falls off.
43:19Can you see her?
43:20She's properly delighted.
43:22That bear is loved.
43:25And if we as humanity could love each other the way Kirstie loves that bear, everything would be okay.
43:32Apart from for me.
43:36Take care.
43:37Joan.
43:40It is Pakch.
43:41Take care.
43:41Leave me here.
43:42Bye.
43:42Bye.
43:42Bye.
43:42Bye.
43:44Bye.
43:44Bye.
43:46Bye.
43:46Bye.
43:48Bye.
43:48Bye.
43:50Bye.
43:50Bye.
43:55Bye.
43:56Bye.
43:59Bye.
44:00Bye.
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