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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:10All right, it's about that time.
00:00:12So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:21Yeah, him.
00:00:23Hi!
00:00:24Just play him up.
00:00:25Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:31Hey, yeah, yeah!
00:00:55You have a cute scar.
00:00:57It's just my birthmark.
00:01:00If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:04I don't want you to stop.
00:01:05I don't want you to stop.
00:01:13I don't want you to stop.
00:01:15I don't want you to stop.
00:01:16I don't want you to stop.
00:01:17I don't want you to stop.
00:01:18I don't want you to stop.
00:01:19I don't want you to stop.
00:01:20I don't want you to stop.
00:01:21I don't want you to stop.
00:01:22I don't want you to stop.
00:01:23I don't want you to stop.
00:01:24I don't want you to stop.
00:01:25I don't want you to stop.
00:01:26I don't want you to stop.
00:01:27I don't want you to stop.
00:01:28I don't want you to stop.
00:01:29I don't want you to stop.
00:01:30I don't want you to stop.
00:01:31I don't want you to stop.
00:01:32I don't want you to stop.
00:01:33I was so drunk last night.
00:01:39I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:44I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:52Happy New Year.
00:01:53Sam, it's me.
00:01:55Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:57I don't care how, just do it.
00:02:00I will find you.
00:02:03Maximus, can't you get married already?
00:02:09Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:12I need grandkids.
00:02:14I need you to...
00:02:14Message received, Mom.
00:02:16I need to go now.
00:02:17I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:27Seven years.
00:02:29Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:31And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:33Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:42Boss, it's been years.
00:02:47I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:49Your vest, sir.
00:02:51But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
00:02:53She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:55Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:57And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:02:59We can't have her know you, the Harrison Group CEO, or she'll jack up the price.
00:03:03Good.
00:03:04Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:08Hi.
00:03:10One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:03:11And one hot chocolate.
00:03:13I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:17Now, Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:23Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:25It's just for Christmas.
00:03:26But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:29Where's my real one?
00:03:30I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:39Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:49Daddy!
00:03:50Yo!
00:03:51What?
00:03:58Daddy!
00:03:58No, I'm sorry.
00:04:01I'm not your dad.
00:04:03No, I know you.
00:04:03My daddy does this handsome as I have.
00:04:06Oh.
00:04:07Mommy, hurry.
00:04:08Your fake Christmas husband has arrived.
00:04:17I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:21He's gorgeous.
00:04:22Why does she feel so familiar here?
00:04:30She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:33Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:34You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:37So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:40See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:42Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:04:43What's your name?
00:04:45And?
00:04:46One thousand an hour?
00:04:47Well, yeah.
00:04:48It's five hundred a day.
00:04:51Is that enough?
00:04:53That's the most that I can pay you.
00:04:54Wait, you're paying me five hundred a day?
00:04:56That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:04:58You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:00Look, my requirements are simple.
00:05:02Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:05:05and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:05:08And then my family will get off my back,
00:05:10so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:12So, she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:17Fine.
00:05:18But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:23Okay.
00:05:23Deal.
00:05:27Ready to go get married?
00:05:28Okay.
00:05:28Wow.
00:05:42Clean up nice.
00:05:44It's my wedding day, after all.
00:05:46Pictures.
00:05:54Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:05:58I think we got it.
00:06:23Ooh.
00:06:23I need some photos of us together, too,
00:06:25to prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:06:28and have a happy family.
00:06:30Yeah.
00:06:31Of course.
00:06:41Happy holidays, Mom.
00:06:43From my family to you.
00:06:44Bad news, boss.
00:06:54The agency said that the girl that they recruited
00:06:56to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
00:06:58Wait, she bailed?
00:07:00And who is...
00:07:01Who is she?
00:07:05Whatever.
00:07:07It doesn't matter.
00:07:07I've got what I need.
00:07:12Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:14I already found someone.
00:07:20Okay.
00:07:20Well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:23Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:25Christmas shopping?
00:07:26I should come.
00:07:27Look, if you want me to be the husband
00:07:30in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:31I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:34It'll make it more believable.
00:07:39Fine.
00:07:39Yeah, fine.
00:07:40Okay.
00:07:41You can come.
00:07:49Let's go.
00:07:50Which mall are we going to?
00:07:51Um, let's go to that one.
00:07:54Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:07:58Oh!
00:08:00What the actual fuck?
00:08:05Sam, is Maximus pulling another one
00:08:08of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:11Give me a DNA test for that little girl
00:08:13that he's with.
00:08:17She does kind of look like him.
00:08:19So, when we give these gifts to my parents,
00:08:24we will say they're from you.
00:08:27Here, let me get this.
00:08:30I'm going to love you, Max.
00:08:33Also, I was, uh, thinking that
00:08:36since we're married,
00:08:38we should probably kiss once or twice
00:08:42in front of them.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:45Should we use our tongues, or...?
00:08:48No, no, definitely not.
00:08:49And absolutely no...
00:08:51Sex?
00:08:52Yes.
00:08:53It's strictly business.
00:08:55Anything physical outside of that
00:08:57is not happening.
00:08:59What?
00:09:00Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:03I just don't want Piper
00:09:04to have messy complications
00:09:06getting in the way
00:09:06of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:09Let's go.
00:09:10Here.
00:09:17What are you doing?
00:09:18I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:22Well, I'm not your woman,
00:09:23and this isn't a real relationship,
00:09:25and I don't want your money.
00:09:27Attention shoppers,
00:09:29all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:3150% off pies?
00:09:33Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:3512 pumpkin pies.
00:09:36I hear this right?
00:09:37They're the best kind.
00:09:38Hurry up and go.
00:09:39Go.
00:09:39What are you standing here for?
00:09:42Hello there.
00:09:43Hi.
00:09:44You ready?
00:09:44Yes.
00:09:45Yeah, just these things.
00:09:46Okay, great.
00:09:47We have a holiday special today.
00:09:49Spend 500, get 10% off,
00:09:52and you are just short 15 bucks
00:09:53if you want to take advantage of the deal.
00:09:55Oh, great.
00:09:56Yeah, what do you have that's just 15 bucks?
00:09:58Well, can you get a move on?
00:10:00I just got here.
00:10:02Relax.
00:10:03Yeah, yeah.
00:10:07Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:08Okay, thank you.
00:10:11Hurry up and pay.
00:10:12I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:17You can wait your turn.
00:10:23Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:31Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:32Not the pies, not the pies.
00:10:33You can just set those on top.
00:10:39Hi, guys.
00:10:40I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:10:47Of course.
00:10:49Thank you so much.
00:10:50Of course.
00:10:50I hope you like pumpkin.
00:10:53She bought all 12 pies.
00:10:54Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:10:56Just to give it away.
00:10:59Merry Christmas.
00:11:00Merry Christmas.
00:11:06What?
00:11:06Do you do that often?
00:11:07As often as I can.
00:11:14We should go.
00:11:15We got to pick up paper.
00:11:19Watch out.
00:11:20You done feeling me up?
00:11:41Shut up.
00:11:42Oh, sorry.
00:11:43I was just in character, wifey.
00:11:45Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:11:52And don't be late.
00:11:53Harrison Group?
00:12:06Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:09Sort of.
00:12:10Not that I'm judging.
00:12:11I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:16Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:20I think that's respectable.
00:12:22Can we pick another company?
00:12:24No.
00:12:25Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:27And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:28My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:30So, it's perfect.
00:12:31Oh, and, uh, wear something nice for Christmas dinner.
00:12:39Don't worry.
00:12:40Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:12:42I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:12:45Too much.
00:12:46Too much.
00:12:46Let's go, Sam.
00:13:08It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:10Well, Don, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:13:15It's my daughter.
00:13:17It's my daughter.
00:13:19Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:36Hey, there they are!
00:13:38Hey!
00:13:38Nice to meet you!
00:13:40Aw.
00:13:41Dad.
00:13:42So much you're native.
00:13:43Aw.
00:13:44I missed you.
00:13:45So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:13:49He's coming.
00:13:51Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:13:52Good, good, good.
00:13:55So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:13:58When's he arriving?
00:13:59Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:04Poor thing.
00:14:05Not surprising.
00:14:06I mean, she's 30.
00:14:08Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:11Oh, no.
00:14:12Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:17This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:21Auntie Pamela?
00:14:22Debbie?
00:14:23My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:26We're only worried about you.
00:14:28All these years without a husband.
00:14:31Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:32Ugh.
00:14:33You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:36And look what happened.
00:14:37She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:14:41I'm not alone.
00:14:42Mm-hmm.
00:14:43And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:14:49He's a manager.
00:14:50Manager?
00:14:52Of what?
00:14:53Trash?
00:14:55Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:14:59You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:02Actually, he's right here.
00:15:08Oh, wow.
00:15:10Wow.
00:15:11He is really good looking.
00:15:14Oh, must be AI.
00:15:16Mm-hmm.
00:15:16Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:19Fake.
00:15:20That's enough.
00:15:21She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:23Show some respect.
00:15:25Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William,
00:15:30and you turned him down?
00:15:32Well, guess what?
00:15:33William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:15:36Makes 500 grand a year.
00:15:39That's half a million.
00:15:41Half a million.
00:15:42Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:15:46And speak of the devil.
00:15:51Willie, you've made it.
00:15:53There you are.
00:16:05Oh, look at you now.
00:16:07Living the dream.
00:16:09Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:11Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste
00:16:16manager.
00:16:16So married, huh?
00:16:18Is it serious?
00:16:21That's what marriage is.
00:16:22It's pretty serious.
00:16:24Wow.
00:16:25You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:16:28Makes sense, though.
00:16:29You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:32Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:34Yeah, a bullet dodged, Willie.
00:16:37Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:16:41That's right.
00:16:43Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:16:46Women love a man in red.
00:16:49Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:16:52When I sit on my lap.
00:16:53Don't touch me.
00:16:55Oh, so entitled.
00:16:57Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:01And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:05I mean, look at that car.
00:17:08Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:11Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:14Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:19I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:22My mom would never marry.
00:17:28She already has a husband.
00:17:29He's going to kick your butt.
00:17:34Is that so?
00:17:36Well, then, where is he?
00:17:38Because I don't see him.
00:17:40Does anyone see him?
00:17:43No.
00:17:44Just like I thought.
00:17:46Telling lies just like mommy.
00:17:49That puts you on the naughty list.
00:17:52And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:17:57Hey.
00:17:58Mommy.
00:17:59Are you okay?
00:18:00I see your hands.
00:18:01Oh, my God.
00:18:03I'm going to take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:18:05Come on, now.
00:18:06Let's go.
00:18:08What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:09How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:14Let me go.
00:18:16Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:21Let me go.
00:18:22Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:18:39Max, you came.
00:18:45Don't worry, sweetie.
00:18:48Where's Piper?
00:18:50William Hitter.
00:18:52Mom, I'm dead.
00:18:52I'll take her inside.
00:18:53Well, it looks like we have a real Grinch to dispose of.
00:18:56Well, well, well.
00:18:58If it isn't a waste marriage or I've been hearing so much about.
00:19:01That's right.
00:19:03Now, I'm about to take out the trash.
00:19:07Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
00:19:10It's an honor to meet you.
00:19:11I'm Max.
00:19:12Eva told us all about you.
00:19:14From New York.
00:19:15Polite.
00:19:16Handsome.
00:19:17Just like she said.
00:19:19Wow.
00:19:20He was an AI.
00:19:22See?
00:19:23He's real.
00:19:24And he's more of a man here than William would ever dream to be.
00:19:27Son of a bitch.
00:19:28You just ruined my suit.
00:19:29And watch the way that you drive that pristine automobile.
00:19:34That car.
00:19:35Oh, my God.
00:19:37That's worth more than a house.
00:19:39That car.
00:19:40It was all over the news when the CEO of the Harrison Group bought it.
00:19:45Wait.
00:19:46Are you?
00:19:51Like I said, I'm just Eva's husband.
00:19:54And that's all he needs to know.
00:19:56I'm not here to put on a show for anyone.
00:19:58You really are a criminal, aren't you?
00:20:00You stole it.
00:20:02That car belongs to the CEO of my company.
00:20:04Jesus.
00:20:05How did he get away with it?
00:20:06That's what I want to know.
00:20:08Enough.
00:20:09Please.
00:20:11I trust my daughter.
00:20:13She would never marry a criminal.
00:20:15Max, be honest with me.
00:20:19Where did that car come from?
00:20:21How much do you want for it?
00:20:23I'll pay you more money than you'd make in three lifetimes.
00:20:27So, you need a breath, man.
00:20:32All right, that's it.
00:20:33I'm calling the cops.
00:20:34Oh, way ahead of you.
00:20:36Wait.
00:20:37What?
00:20:38Are you feeling nervous, Eva?
00:20:41Oh, well.
00:20:43Too late.
00:20:43Mr. Harrison?
00:20:50Just play along.
00:20:53Merry Christmas, Willie.
00:20:54Now get the fuck out of here
00:20:55before I kick your ass all the way up to the North Pole.
00:20:58Yes, sir.
00:20:59I'm so sorry, sir.
00:21:02Please, accept my serious apologies.
00:21:03Please.
00:21:04Oh, that William, what a jerk, huh?
00:21:18He fooled me.
00:21:19What can I say?
00:21:20Let's not let this little misunderstanding
00:21:22ruin the holidays.
00:21:24Oh, now you don't want to ruin Christmas?
00:21:26Oh, come on, Eva.
00:21:27We were just looking out for you.
00:21:29Please forgive us, Mr. Harrison.
00:21:31You know my youngest son is graduating.
00:21:34Soon.
00:21:35Do you think that you could help him
00:21:37get his foot in the door?
00:21:38A job at the Harrison Group,
00:21:40even in the mailroom, would open doors.
00:21:43We are family, aren't we?
00:21:45Family takes care of each other.
00:21:48If you guys want a job at the Harrison Group,
00:21:50you can put in an application like everyone else.
00:21:52Abigail, come on, talk to her for us.
00:21:56Didn't you just say that my daughter was undateable?
00:21:59Yeah.
00:22:00I think you need to take care of your own issues first.
00:22:02My daughter is just far too busy.
00:22:05For your best life, my new son-in-law.
00:22:08Come on, guys.
00:22:09Let's go in.
00:22:10Welcome to the family.
00:22:14Welcome.
00:22:15Come on in.
00:22:16Come on in.
00:22:19This is your fault, Pam.
00:22:21You can't tell the difference between AI and reality.
00:22:25My fault?
00:22:26You were the one who was pushing her onto that worm, William.
00:22:30Oh!
00:22:39Hey, how do you have that car?
00:22:41And how do you know the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:22:43And how do you...
00:22:44I told you.
00:22:45I work for Harrison Group, remember?
00:22:46I have a friend in high places.
00:22:49A friend who just hands you keys to million-dollar, one-of-a-kind luxury cars?
00:22:54Yes.
00:22:55It's the season of giving.
00:22:57He knows people.
00:22:58Has connections.
00:23:00He's a big deal kind of guy.
00:23:02You're a crime boss, aren't you?
00:23:04Yeah, and you best not forget it.
00:23:05Capisce?
00:23:06Oh, my God.
00:23:06Just don't blow your cover.
00:23:07Dad, Mom, thank you so much for letting Max and I stay in your home.
00:23:14Oh, honey, we're just so happy that you found such a handsome, strong, good-looking.
00:23:22I think they get it, hon.
00:23:26How's Piper?
00:23:27Oh, she's fine.
00:23:28One of you guys just gets settled in, and we will go check on her.
00:23:31And after your mom takes a cold shower, we'll come back and finish decorating the tree.
00:23:37Great.
00:23:37See you in a bit.
00:23:38Joey?
00:23:39What are you doing?
00:23:42Okay.
00:23:44Hey, was that not a, uh, breach of contract?
00:23:50Relax.
00:23:51It was just a hug.
00:23:53Ugh.
00:23:55We just got here, and I'm already exhausted.
00:23:58You'll be okay.
00:23:59It's just one week.
00:24:00Kill me now.
00:24:01Well, I would, but I need to get paid.
00:24:03What are you doing?
00:24:10That's weird.
00:24:12They were so lovey-dovey just a second ago.
00:24:14I don't know.
00:24:15Something just feels off.
00:24:16Come on.
00:24:17That's ridiculous.
00:24:19I mean, what do you want him to do?
00:24:21Make him a promise to prove him?
00:24:25Later.
00:24:28Let's go.
00:24:29Here we go.
00:24:35Piper is all tucked in, honey.
00:24:37Everything looks amazing, and happy holidays.
00:24:40To the newest member of our family, Max.
00:24:43Oh.
00:24:44Welcome.
00:24:45Cheers.
00:24:46Thank you, Ms. Smith.
00:24:47Looks great.
00:24:48Oh, just call me mom, honey.
00:24:50I had no idea what you liked, so I just whipped up a little bit of everything.
00:24:55But we all know what Eva's favorite Christmas dish is, right?
00:24:59Ooh.
00:25:00Oh, no.
00:25:00Mom's testing him.
00:25:01She's trying to see if he's legit.
00:25:03You mean to tell me you two are married, and you don't even know my baby girl's favorite food?
00:25:07I don't know my baby girl's favorite food, but I don't know my baby girl's favorite food, but I don't know my baby girl's favorite food.
00:25:37Pumpkin pies.
00:25:37Did I hear this right?
00:25:38They're the best kind.
00:25:41Well, of course.
00:25:42It's pumpkin pie.
00:25:44See?
00:25:46Are you happy now?
00:25:47That's good, but something still falls off.
00:25:50Mom, don't make it weird, okay?
00:25:53We had a whirlwind romance, and we eloped before we got to know everything about each other, but our marriage is real.
00:26:00I guess your mom's just watching too many of those real short shows.
00:26:04Ah, now those are quality.
00:26:08Okay, well, then answer this.
00:26:11Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:26:14Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:26:18I knew it was a good idea to pick this up.
00:26:21Well, um, it's...
00:26:23Silly face.
00:26:24Dropped it outside on the sidewalk.
00:26:27Luckily, I was there to pick it up for her.
00:26:30Silly face.
00:26:32I am not paying extra for this.
00:26:34Consider it a Christmas gift.
00:26:36Those are both lousers.
00:26:38That's nice.
00:26:40You can afford this on a waste manager's salary?
00:26:43Well, believe it or not, Miss Smith, there is a lot of garbage out there.
00:26:46And I'm not just talking about William.
00:26:48I'll drink to that.
00:26:50I agree with you there.
00:26:52So, come on, guys.
00:26:53Let's eat.
00:26:54Come on.
00:26:54And this is where y'all will be staying.
00:27:10I have another room set up for Piper.
00:27:13Nice and festive for you.
00:27:15No complications, right?
00:27:17Sorry, honey.
00:27:18Mom, you know what?
00:27:19I should stay with Piper tonight.
00:27:21Oh, honey.
00:27:22Newlyweds shouldn't sleep apart.
00:27:24Oh, I just remembered.
00:27:27The city's turning the water off at 10.
00:27:29Something about water conservation.
00:27:31That means you have 15 minutes to shower.
00:27:3315 minutes?
00:27:36Honey, it's no big deal.
00:27:37Just shower together.
00:27:39Shower together?
00:27:43Just shower together.
00:27:45Okay, you guys.
00:27:46Have a good night, okay?
00:27:51You heard her.
00:27:54Oh, wow.
00:28:15Why are you stripping?
00:28:17Well, I can't take a shower with my clothes on.
00:28:20Come on, we're wasting time.
00:28:21You have 15 minutes.
00:28:22Nice try.
00:28:22I am not showering with you.
00:28:25All right, suit yourself.
00:28:26All room for getting in there.
00:28:28Not if I meet you there first.
00:28:29Come on, Max.
00:28:47Get out of the way.
00:28:49We agreed.
00:28:50Nothing physical.
00:28:51You're the one with the dirty thoughts, wifey.
00:28:53Relax.
00:28:54I won't touch you.
00:28:56Unless you say you want me to.
00:28:57But that'll cost extra.
00:29:10And your dreams.
00:29:13Free to join me.
00:29:14You know, if you keep staring at my ass, you're not going to have any shower water left.
00:29:37You wish.
00:29:38Why don't you give in?
00:29:40Pray you'll fall for me.
00:29:41It's you who has to worry about resisting me.
00:29:45Oh, yeah?
00:29:46True.
00:29:47Holy shit.
00:29:59Holy shit.
00:30:02Oh, this is, I'm, this is going to be harder than I thought.
00:30:08I'll say.
00:30:09What happened to all that cool guy confidence?
00:30:11I don't think you can resist.
00:30:15Oh, baby.
00:30:16I don't think I want you.
00:30:23I should have.
00:30:27Or maybe we should.
00:30:29God, he's such a good kisser.
00:30:31Why does this feel so familiar?
00:30:40Wow.
00:30:41We're so sexy.
00:30:51Max, we cannot do this.
00:30:52What?
00:30:54I didn't mean to cross any...
00:30:56It's not you, Max.
00:30:57It's us.
00:30:58It's this.
00:30:58This is all an act.
00:30:59Let's not make it more complicated than it is.
00:31:02You're right.
00:31:05I'm sorry.
00:31:06I just need to be sorry.
00:31:08Just...
00:31:08That birthmark.
00:31:22What is that?
00:31:25It's him.
00:31:26The man from New Year's.
00:31:27Is he Piper's father?
00:31:32Why are you acting?
00:31:36Oh, my God.
00:31:37Max is Piper's father.
00:31:40Are you okay?
00:31:41Yeah.
00:31:42I just, um...
00:31:44I just got lightheaded.
00:31:45I think I just need a few more minutes.
00:31:47Alone.
00:31:50Of course.
00:31:53We have a daughter together.
00:31:55Oh, my God.
00:31:57What do I do?
00:32:03I'm going to sleep on the floor.
00:32:06You can take the bed.
00:32:08Thanks.
00:32:10Hey.
00:32:12Are you sure you're okay?
00:32:14Look, fake marriage aside, I'm your husband for the next few days.
00:32:18So if there's something you need, I can help.
00:32:21I want to help.
00:32:22He's Piper's father.
00:32:24He has a right to know.
00:32:26Um...
00:32:27Max, how would you feel if you found out you had a kid?
00:32:36A child?
00:32:37No, no, no.
00:32:39That's impossible.
00:32:40I'm very careful.
00:32:43Mostly.
00:32:44I just mean I'm not the type of guy to sleep around.
00:32:48Family to me is a big commitment, and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:32:54Right.
00:32:56He wouldn't want a kid tying him down.
00:32:58I shouldn't tell him about Piper.
00:33:01Why do you ask?
00:33:03No reason.
00:33:04Just...
00:33:04Just curious.
00:33:06No, I feel like you're going somewhere with this.
00:33:09What?
00:33:10No.
00:33:12Well, then, can I ask you a question?
00:33:15Shoot.
00:33:21Where did you get these?
00:33:23And how did you know my exact size?
00:33:25I did not get those.
00:33:27I don't know where those came from.
00:33:28Are you sure you're just not trying to break the contract?
00:33:34Come on.
00:33:35Come on.
00:33:36Come on.
00:33:36Come on.
00:33:37Woo!
00:33:40Eva, the truth is...
00:33:51is that I...
00:33:53Go, go, go, go, go.
00:33:57Just a second.
00:33:58Come in.
00:34:00Hey, hon.
00:34:02Oh!
00:34:03Sorry for interrupting, but Piper is asking for a bedtime story before I tuck around.
00:34:09Do you think you can take this one, Dad?
00:34:10We're kind of in the middle of something.
00:34:12I can see that.
00:34:14Well, why don't I read it to her?
00:34:16I mean, if you don't...
00:34:17If you don't mind.
00:34:19Well, atta boy.
00:34:20You know what?
00:34:21Just put a shirt on.
00:34:22I'm gonna go get her.
00:34:23Piper!
00:34:24Here comes Grandpa!
00:34:27To his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew, like the down of a thistle.
00:34:32But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to all, and to all,
00:34:40a good night.
00:34:41If Piper knew he was her real dad, she'd be over the moon.
00:34:48Good night, Piper.
00:34:52Is her dad still around?
00:34:55Yeah, but he doesn't know it, because you're her dad.
00:34:59Uh, no.
00:34:59Well, that man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:35:08Do you really think so?
00:35:10From the bottom of my heart.
00:35:13Maybe I should tell him.
00:35:15He deserves to know.
00:35:22Max.
00:35:23Max.
00:35:26You're Piper's father.
00:35:29I'll tell you one of the times, right?
00:35:36I'll tell you one of the times, right?
00:35:58I'll tell you one of the times, right?
00:35:59Where's Piper?
00:36:03She must have snuck off while we were asleep.
00:36:21God, he's such a good kisser.
00:36:23Just gonna kiss and run?
00:36:34Not on my watch.
00:36:39Yeah, this.
00:36:41I remember this.
00:36:42Good morning, you two love bugs.
00:36:56How was your stay at Chateau Smith?
00:36:59Good morning, Miss Smith.
00:37:00It was, uh, it was great.
00:37:02Wonderful.
00:37:03Well, it's about to get even better.
00:37:04Oh, no.
00:37:05Oh, no.
00:37:08What is that?
00:37:09Sardines and saltines.
00:37:11It's a Smith family classic.
00:37:13It was my gram-gram's favorite during wartime.
00:37:15Don't be shy.
00:37:16Go ahead and grab a handful.
00:37:19Max, you don't have to.
00:37:20No, no.
00:37:21It's okay.
00:37:22It's a Smith family staple.
00:37:24Oh, there we go.
00:37:34Here we go.
00:37:35Yeah.
00:37:44Good?
00:37:45Mmm.
00:37:46Good?
00:37:47It's grumpy.
00:37:49Well, you two better get dressed.
00:37:51You gotta go see Aunt Miranda.
00:37:54Could I, um, could I have some water, please?
00:37:57That means there's no escaping Aunt Miranda and her brood this year.
00:38:01What's the deal with them?
00:38:02Every year, Aunt Miranda bullies Piper and I.
00:38:05Says Piper's a fatherless brat and I'm...
00:38:09Hey, don't worry.
00:38:11I'll protect you and Piper.
00:38:15Better have Sam on standby tonight, just in case.
00:38:19Well, looks like it's time to get dressed up then.
00:38:24Wait, that earring.
00:38:35Wait.
00:38:36That earring.
00:38:38You like it?
00:38:39I was so bummed when I lost the matching one years ago.
00:38:42Did you lose it seven years ago?
00:38:44I don't really remember the details, but luckily I was able to find a new pair.
00:38:51Right.
00:38:52And it's just a common earring.
00:38:53Anyone can have it.
00:38:55Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
00:38:56She can't be the woman from seven years ago.
00:39:01So Ava and Piper still aren't here.
00:39:05But Derek said that Ava got married.
00:39:07What kind of man could she possibly have landed?
00:39:12An aging single mom.
00:39:14Slim pickings.
00:39:15I heard he's in waste management.
00:39:18That explains it.
00:39:19She's probably too embarrassed to show up.
00:39:23Oh, please, Miranda.
00:39:24No, Ava is your niece.
00:39:26Oh, come on, Grandpa.
00:39:28Everyone knows Ava had a kid with a random one-night stand.
00:39:31Her track record speaks for itself.
00:39:33Exactly.
00:39:34Not like my Sierra, married to a legal advisor for Harrison Group.
00:39:41Oh, they're here.
00:39:43Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:39:50Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:39:52Merry Christmas.
00:39:54You must be Grandpa Harold.
00:39:55I am.
00:39:57I'm Ava's husband, Max.
00:39:59Pleasure to meet you.
00:39:59Welcome.
00:40:00You're Ava's husband.
00:40:02But you're gorgeous.
00:40:06But not as handsome as you.
00:40:09Look at you two.
00:40:10You look like you just stepped out of a movie.
00:40:12Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:40:13Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:40:15This is from Max and I.
00:40:16Oh, my goodness.
00:40:18Thank you, Ava.
00:40:18Let me grab that for you, Daddy.
00:40:21Oops.
00:40:22Oh, my bad.
00:40:23Ooh, a homemade gift.
00:40:26How thrifty.
00:40:28Not all gifts are about the price tag.
00:40:30Mommy's right.
00:40:31You mean I'll have.
00:40:33You little.
00:40:35You will not lay a hand on my daughter, or you will lose yours.
00:40:40Oh, I think you broke my wrist.
00:40:43Look what you just did to my mother.
00:40:45My husband is Harrison Group's top legal advisor.
00:40:48He could ruin your life.
00:40:50Honey, are you okay?
00:41:04I'm fine.
00:41:04I'm just wet, honey.
00:41:06Yeah.
00:41:06It's okay.
00:41:07It's okay.
00:41:08It's okay.
00:41:08It's fine.
00:41:10What are you?
00:41:12Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:41:15Did you just slap me?
00:41:17Next time, it'll be a closed fist.
00:41:19You're a fucking psycho.
00:41:21You know what, Sierra?
00:41:21I can take your little insults, but leave my family out of this.
00:41:27Her family.
00:41:29She means me.
00:41:29You okay, honey?
00:41:35Do I look okay to you, dumbass?
00:41:37Do something.
00:41:39You don't know who you're messing with.
00:41:41I've got the full weight of the Harrison Group behind me.
00:41:43Oh, wow.
00:41:44I'm sure the CEO would love to hear that you're using his company's name to bully people.
00:41:50Like you'd have any idea how a CEO thinks.
00:41:52Let's call him.
00:41:54I'm sure he'd be more than happy to be on my side.
00:41:57Please.
00:41:57Who do you think you are?
00:42:00Enough.
00:42:02There will be no arguing during Christmas.
00:42:05Fine, Dad.
00:42:07Let it go, Nathan.
00:42:08They're just jealous.
00:42:10For Grandpa's sake, I'll let you off easy.
00:42:14I think you owe Nathan a thank you.
00:42:18I think you owe me a thank you for slapping some sense into you.
00:42:21Do you want me to get the other cheek?
00:42:22All right, that's enough.
00:42:24Everyone come inside and sit down.
00:42:40Is this a joke?
00:42:49Can you please pass me some food?
00:42:51Hold it.
00:42:52Who said you could eat anything else?
00:42:54My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:42:57My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:43:04King crab, fresh from Alaska, and grass-fed wagyu.
00:43:09Three times the price, 50 times the flavor.
00:43:12And you don't get a single bite.
00:43:15It's just petty.
00:43:16Maybe so.
00:43:17But gourmet food isn't meant for bottom feeders.
00:43:21Fine.
00:43:22Then we won't stay and eat with you.
00:43:25Come on, let's go.
00:43:25No, no.
00:43:27Don't you dare leave our family dinner.
00:43:30Grandpa, I'm sorry, but they're treating us like...
00:43:33I know, dear.
00:43:34I just want to have our family together.
00:43:36Fine.
00:43:37We'll let the strays sit and eat with us.
00:43:40Better a stray than a bitch.
00:43:42What was that?
00:43:46I just want to have our family together.
00:43:49Fine.
00:43:50We'll stay.
00:43:52Can I have a little napole?
00:43:54It's okay, sweetie.
00:43:54We'll get something right after.
00:43:57Like drive-thru?
00:43:59I hope you enjoy food poisoning.
00:44:01That will be a particularly memorable Christmas present.
00:44:06No strays.
00:44:07Ow.
00:44:08Please, sweetie, are you okay?
00:44:10Yes, please.
00:44:11You hit my child.
00:44:13You're fucking crazy!
00:44:14Well, if you'd teach her some manners, maybe I wouldn't have to.
00:44:17Don't worry, baby.
00:44:22I'll handle it.
00:44:26Don't worry, baby.
00:44:27I'll handle it.
00:44:31Piper.
00:44:33Sweetie, are you ready to try the best food you've ever had in your life?
00:44:36Okay, sweetheart.
00:44:40Give me two minutes and one phone call.
00:44:42As if you have a chef on speed dial.
00:44:45Actually, I do.
00:44:48He's such a liar.
00:44:49This ought to be hilarious.
00:44:50Oh, it will be.
00:44:54Sam.
00:44:56Yeah, send the troops and bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:45:00I'm already on my way.
00:45:05Bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:45:07I'm already on my way.
00:45:08You hear this guy?
00:45:12He wants the best king crab in the world.
00:45:14From Antarctica.
00:45:16Now I get why you married him, Eva.
00:45:19His silly delusions are just adorable.
00:45:22Max, what are you doing?
00:45:24Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
00:45:25Santa's already on his way.
00:45:27Actually, five, four, three, two, one.
00:45:36A helicopter?
00:45:38There's no way.
00:45:51How did you pull this off?
00:45:52Sam is like family.
00:45:54I thought I'd introduce you to.
00:45:55Thanks, boss.
00:45:57Or there's some whole countries.
00:45:58Hmm.
00:45:59Some of the small ones.
00:46:01I mean, you know that.
00:46:03You work for me.
00:46:04Oh, God.
00:46:05I insulted my own boss.
00:46:07I'm finished.
00:46:08Didn't think Max would commit this hard.
00:46:20Pretending to be CEO is a hell of a move.
00:46:22Worth every penny I'm paying him.
00:46:24For tonight, your fee stands.
00:46:26And with that, your career.
00:46:29You're fired.
00:46:31Fired?
00:46:32Sam.
00:46:36Fired?
00:46:37God.
00:46:38I can't be fired.
00:46:40What?
00:46:42Mr. Harrison, please.
00:46:43You can have as much crab as you want.
00:46:45Please, Mr. Harrison.
00:46:47I'll do anything.
00:46:48Guys, take out the trash.
00:46:50And you.
00:46:57Oh, me?
00:46:59Mr. Harrison, come on.
00:47:01That was a Christmas joke.
00:47:02A family tradition.
00:47:04Yeah, well, there's a new family tradition.
00:47:07Sam?
00:47:11Will you do me the honors?
00:47:13Gladly.
00:47:19Merry Christmas, Aunt Ryan.
00:47:23Father, do something.
00:47:25Well, you kind of deserve that.
00:47:27I'm leaving.
00:47:29Mmm, pumpkin's my favorite.
00:47:31Come on, sweetie.
00:47:38Daddy had this crab line just for you.
00:47:41Eat as much as you want.
00:47:42Thanks, Daddy.
00:47:46I am so sorry I ruined your Christmas.
00:47:48I just couldn't take them treating you like that.
00:47:51Honestly?
00:47:52This is the best Christmas I've ever had.
00:47:55Well, if you want, we can have many more.
00:47:57Just like this.
00:47:58Does he really mean that?
00:48:00Or is he just playing the part?
00:48:02I can't tell.
00:48:04And that terrifies me.
00:48:10Merry Christmas, Mrs. Harrison.
00:48:11I brought you a gift.
00:48:12Here's the paternity test between the boss and that little girl.
00:48:15Oh.
00:48:20Oh.
00:48:21This is wonderful.
00:48:23Sam, I have a granddaughter.
00:48:26Tell me everything.
00:48:28Miss Eva Smith?
00:48:29Single mother, small town gal, didn't finish high school, currently works in retail.
00:48:33Oh, Maximus, I thought I raised you better.
00:48:37A high school dropout?
00:48:39In the Harrison family?
00:48:42Not a chance.
00:48:43She is clearly unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:48:50Maximus seems to like her.
00:48:51Silence.
00:48:52Get me the address where she works.
00:48:54It's Happy Heels on Broadway.
00:48:56That's nice.
00:48:57We own that one.
00:48:59Good work.
00:49:00But take off that stupid hat.
00:49:02Thanks.
00:49:12Thanks.
00:49:13So your dad insisted that I try this wine that he's been saving for 20 years.
00:49:19Sounds like he's happy with his new son-in-law.
00:49:21And how about you?
00:49:22Me?
00:49:26Me?
00:49:27Yeah.
00:49:29Are you happy with your new husband?
00:49:34Eva.
00:49:35That birthmark.
00:49:47Family to me is a big commitment, and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:49:54Maximus, there's so much we don't know.
00:49:56So much we're not telling each other.
00:49:57No feelings, no complications.
00:50:01That's what we agreed upon.
00:50:02Yeah, I didn't sign a contract.
00:50:05Max.
00:50:06Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:50:09It's cold.
00:50:11Maybe I'll go grab some more firewood.
00:50:14Max.
00:50:17I need to tell you something.
00:50:20Something important.
00:50:22What's gotten into her?
00:50:24Is she hiding something?
00:50:25Is this the part where you tell me there's no Santa?
00:50:29I haven't been completely honest with you.
00:50:34Piper is...
00:50:36Piper is...
00:50:38Mommy, Daddy, my hand hurts.
00:50:41Sweetie.
00:50:42Oh, my gosh.
00:50:43It's almost swollen.
00:50:44Must have been when that witch smacked her with the fork earlier.
00:50:47Listen, you stay here with Daddy.
00:50:48Mommy's gonna go get a first aid kit, okay?
00:50:52Come on, Piper.
00:50:55Okay, let me see.
00:51:00I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or Mommy again.
00:51:04But that's not true.
00:51:06You're leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:51:10Uh...
00:51:10Daddy!
00:51:11No!
00:51:12Well...
00:51:13Well...
00:51:14Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:51:24Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:51:28Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:51:30Really?
00:51:30Please stay, Daddy.
00:51:31Daddy.
00:51:35You think it was Sky?
00:51:36I wouldn't worry about it.
00:51:43Scars make you look like a badass.
00:51:44I have one, too.
00:51:46Dad.
00:51:48I got that when I was about your age.
00:51:50Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:51:53Really?
00:51:54No way.
00:51:55No.
00:51:56It was actually a cactus.
00:51:57But it's still cool.
00:51:58I have something like that on the back of my neck.
00:52:06Piper, how long have you had that?
00:52:08My mom said I had that when I was born.
00:52:16And how old are you?
00:52:17Six.
00:52:18Six?
00:52:19That one night stand was about seven years ago.
00:52:22Okay, I found the first aid kit.
00:52:24Ivar, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:52:26What do I even say?
00:52:30And how do I explain it to Piper?
00:52:32Sorry, honey.
00:52:33This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:52:37Um, yeah.
00:52:41Guys, you're here.
00:52:42You were leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:52:46Uh...
00:52:46Daddy!
00:52:47No!
00:52:49What?
00:52:49Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:53:00Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:53:04Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:53:06Really?
00:53:06Please stay, Daddy.
00:53:11You think it was Scar?
00:53:12I wouldn't worry about it.
00:53:19Scars make you look like a badass.
00:53:20I have one, too.
00:53:22Dad.
00:53:24I got that when I was about your age.
00:53:26Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:53:29Really?
00:53:30No way.
00:53:31No.
00:53:32It was actually a cactus.
00:53:33But it's still cool.
00:53:34Well, I have something like that on the back of my neck.
00:53:39Piper, how long have you had that?
00:53:44My mom said I had that when I was born.
00:53:52And how old are you?
00:53:53Six.
00:53:54Six?
00:53:55That one night stand was about seven years ago.
00:53:58Okay, I found the first aid kit.
00:54:00Ivar, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:54:04What do I even say?
00:54:06And how do I explain it to Piper?
00:54:08Sorry, honey.
00:54:09This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:54:13Um, yeah.
00:54:17Can I see your hand, sweetie?
00:54:19Eva.
00:54:24Okay, look.
00:54:28Piper is...
00:54:34Go on.
00:54:38Uh, must be an emergency.
00:54:43Excuse me.
00:54:44Sorry.
00:54:45I'll take this.
00:54:52Mommy, are you okay?
00:54:54Yeah.
00:54:56Mommy's just realizing she's a coward.
00:54:59I don't even have the guts to tell the truth.
00:55:01Why haven't you picked up my calls?
00:55:06I'm telling you, Max, that woman is manipulating you.
00:55:10She's a high school dropout.
00:55:12Doesn't even have a decent job.
00:55:14And she's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:55:17I'm Eva's husband.
00:55:18Max.
00:55:19That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:55:24I'm sorry, Max.
00:55:28You can't know Piper's your daughter.
00:55:30Your mother would take her away.
00:55:32After Christmas, it's over.
00:55:36Eva?
00:55:38Maximus?
00:55:38Are you even listening to me?
00:55:41No, Mom, Mom, listen.
00:55:42I'm sorry, okay?
00:55:43Eva's my wife, and I've made up my mind.
00:55:46I'm not leaving her.
00:55:46Eva?
00:55:55Oh, I need that.
00:55:57Ha, ha.
00:55:58Good day?
00:55:59Oh, thank you, Mom.
00:56:00This is for you, Grandma.
00:56:06Oh, wow.
00:56:08That's so cool.
00:56:09Did you know?
00:56:10Uh, Derek, this is from Eva and I.
00:56:14Oh, thank you so much.
00:56:16Thanks, girl.
00:56:17Look wide, you're here.
00:56:20Oh!
00:56:21Wow!
00:56:22Damn, these are nice.
00:56:24Grandpa, language, little ears.
00:56:32Piper, do you want to go see your present?
00:56:34It's in the other room by the train set.
00:56:36Here, I'll go with you.
00:56:37Remember the song that we sang?
00:56:38Ready, ready?
00:56:39Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
00:56:42What have we got, guys?
00:56:42The reindeer.
00:56:43Walking home from our house, Christmas Eve.
00:56:45Ha.
00:56:47You never told me.
00:56:53Have we met before?
00:56:58Have we met before?
00:57:01She's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:57:03I don't know what you're getting at.
00:57:09Eva, I have the same birthmark as Piper.
00:57:12I don't know what you're talking about.
00:57:22Lots of people have birthmarks.
00:57:23They're very common.
00:57:24I feel so awful, but I can't lose my child.
00:57:27No matter how I feel about him.
00:57:29Maybe.
00:57:30Maybe.
00:57:32Are you okay?
00:57:37Are the clogs a bad idea?
00:57:41No.
00:57:42I'm fine.
00:57:44Um.
00:57:45Oh, I almost forgot.
00:57:47I got you this.
00:57:51You got me a gift, too?
00:57:53Tis the season.
00:57:54Open it.
00:58:08Gloves.
00:58:08Did you make these?
00:58:12Yeah.
00:58:13I know this is a fake marriage, but that's Christmas.
00:58:17You've already done so much for me.
00:58:18I just wanted to do a little something for you.
00:58:22How do they feel?
00:58:24Warm, right?
00:58:26Yeah.
00:58:27Warm.
00:58:27Soft.
00:58:32Perfect.
00:58:37Thank you, Eva.
00:58:39I've never gotten anything this meaningful before.
00:58:43Really?
00:58:45Yeah, my mom.
00:58:46She partied all the time, and I got gifts.
00:58:49Plenty of them, but I don't think she ever bought one herself.
00:58:55Nothing personal.
00:58:56Well, you deserve it.
00:58:59You're a good guy.
00:59:01And someday you'll find someone special to spend all your Christmases with.
00:59:09What if that day's today?
00:59:13What if I already found someone special?
00:59:18Right here.
00:59:26Max, we can't.
00:59:46If you want me to stop, you better tell me right now.
00:59:49No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:00:05No matter how many years pass, I want you.
01:00:06It's true.
01:00:19It's true.
01:00:20I want you.
01:00:20Oh God, you are driving me fucking insane.
01:00:31Yeah.
01:00:32Piper!
01:00:35Piper!
01:00:44Piper?
01:00:47She can't see us.
01:00:50Piper!
01:01:06Eva?
01:01:10Grandma, I'm up here!
01:01:20That was way too close.
01:01:26Yeah.
01:01:27We would have gotten on the naughty list.
01:01:33Sometimes it's fun to be naughty.
01:01:35Can I still unwrap my present?
01:01:41You still haven't given me mine.
01:01:48Let me give it to you.
01:01:50Oh, we do it.
01:02:03Oh.
01:02:05You're right!
01:02:07Hank!
01:02:09Good morning, Guy!
01:02:11Why are you calling me to serve me?
01:02:30Hello?
01:02:33Hello Eva Smith.
01:02:35I'm Max's mother.
01:02:37Name your price.
01:02:38What will it take for you to leave my son alone?
01:02:40What?
01:02:42We both know my son is way out of your league.
01:02:45Take the money, leave my granddaughter with us, and go.
01:02:49My son will find a better wife and a better mother for his child.
01:02:53Piper is my daughter.
01:02:55And no amount of money you offer could ever make me give her up.
01:02:58So you keep your money, and I'll leave on my own.
01:03:00But I am not handing Piper over to you.
01:03:05There's my beautiful wife.
01:03:10You okay?
01:03:16Look, we made it through Christmas.
01:03:19So I think it's best we go our separate ways.
01:03:23What are you talking about?
01:03:25It's over.
01:03:26It's not that hard to understand.
01:03:31Eva, wait!
01:03:33So last night meant nothing to you?
01:03:43Max, it's not real.
01:03:45None of it was real.
01:03:47So, it's just a goodbye?
01:03:51Didn't realize I was so disposable for you.
01:03:53Look.
01:03:56Last night...
01:03:59I let my guard down.
01:04:00But I'm a mother, and my choices affect Piper.
01:04:03And being with you can mess up everything between us.
01:04:05Just tell me what you need.
01:04:08I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:04:13Just say the word.
01:04:14You don't get it.
01:04:19You don't get it.
01:04:21You don't get it.
01:04:29I think it's time Piper and I go back to New York.
01:04:31I won't give up on us.
01:04:53Are we here?
01:04:55Yes.
01:04:57As much as I don't want us to be, we're back.
01:05:02Piper.
01:05:04Sweetie, wake up.
01:05:05We're home.
01:05:10How can she just walk away?
01:05:19Don't forget you have to meet my mom.
01:05:21It's part of the agreement too.
01:05:23Can I just pay you a little extra and skip it?
01:05:26You promised.
01:05:28Eva, I haven't asked you for much.
01:05:29Can you do this for me, please?
01:05:33All right, fine.
01:05:35When?
01:05:37Two days.
01:05:38I'll come pick you up.
01:05:40No need.
01:05:41Just send me the address and I'll meet you there.
01:05:43I know you and mommy thought, but she still really likes you, so don't give up. Okay, daddy?
01:05:56Thank you, sweetie.
01:05:58If there's one thing you should know about your daddy, I always fight for the ones I love.
01:06:01Thank you for the ones I love.
01:06:03If you'd like me to jump in, then jump in and see if the rest is coming, please.
01:06:05Love us the truth.
01:06:07Mr. Newfoundland.
01:06:08Come on.
01:06:09Do you have a great day?
01:06:10See?
01:06:11That's my teller.
01:06:12Don't forget.
01:06:13If it's coming.
01:06:14You're sleeping.
01:06:15You're sleeping.
01:06:16I have an entertainer.
01:06:17I have an entertainer.
01:06:18This is the truth.
01:06:19This is the truth.
01:06:20You said it 10 times.
01:06:23Eva's meeting my mother today.
01:06:24Time to finally tell her the truth.
01:06:27Boss?
01:06:29Boss?
01:06:33Lady and gentlemen, I am so sorry.
01:06:36I need to go win back my family.
01:06:39Family?
01:06:40Boss, you okay?
01:06:41Never better.
01:06:44Go get her, Max.
01:06:49Give it your best smile.
01:06:51Ah, there he is.
01:06:54Maximus, darling.
01:06:55I have some prospects for you.
01:06:58Nice high society girls from the city.
01:07:03Oh.
01:07:06I told you.
01:07:07I already found the woman I love.
01:07:11Well, I...
01:07:12Maximus, stop this.
01:07:17That evil woman is scamming you, son.
01:07:21Tell me what kind of woman you want
01:07:23and I'll find you another.
01:07:24Sir, you are heir to the Harrison dynasty.
01:07:28No, I'm not.
01:07:30Oh.
01:07:31I work in waste management
01:07:33and I'm a secret crime boss.
01:07:36I'm Eva's husband
01:07:37and I'm a father.
01:07:40What?
01:07:41Oh, that's her.
01:07:56The woman who got my son head over heels.
01:08:01Hi.
01:08:01Welcome in.
01:08:02Can I help you find something?
01:08:04I wanted to try those.
01:08:05Awesome.
01:08:09I'll get him for you right away.
01:08:11Are you sure you wouldn't want something more sensible?
01:08:17No, no, no.
01:08:19I know what I want.
01:08:20Size seven.
01:08:23Oh, baby can't even walk,
01:08:25but she wants $3,000 heels.
01:08:27Come on.
01:08:28She wants the white shoes.
01:08:29Ignore her.
01:08:36She's just grumpy over the holidays.
01:08:38Here, let me help you.
01:08:39Come on.
01:08:43She seems kind.
01:08:46I shouldn't be that impressed.
01:08:53She's just doing her job.
01:08:56How do they feel?
01:08:57Well, I love the style,
01:08:59but it's too small.
01:09:01I think I need a size up.
01:09:03Maybe my feet are still growing.
01:09:07Right away.
01:09:09I'll be right back.
01:09:10She's not only kind,
01:09:12she's patient.
01:09:13Was I wrong about her?
01:09:16Are you gluing the heel back on?
01:09:33Well, who gives a shit?
01:09:35She can't walk.
01:09:39That's just pure evil.
01:09:42Oh, come on, St. Eva.
01:09:47She's in a wheelchair.
01:09:49Who cares?
01:09:49It's the last pair.
01:09:51I get paid commission.
01:09:57I am not doing that, Vanessa.
01:10:01See?
01:10:03This is your whole problem.
01:10:05This is why you'll always be broke.
01:10:09I don't care if she can walk or not.
01:10:12I'm not selling her junk.
01:10:15She has to deal with people like this?
01:10:18People who insult her all day?
01:10:21I'm your manager.
01:10:26Sell the old bitty the shoes
01:10:28or you're fired.
01:10:35Did I stutter?
01:10:40You don't have to fire me.
01:10:44I quit.
01:10:45I don't work here anymore.
01:10:53Listen.
01:10:54Don't buy the shoes.
01:10:56They're broken.
01:10:57Spend your hard-earned money elsewhere, okay?
01:10:59You're a good person after all.
01:11:03Looks like I misjudged you.
01:11:05I'm sorry?
01:11:06Okay?
01:11:06Why are you still here, Eva?
01:11:10Get out.
01:11:17You're not disabled?
01:11:18Selling a broken heel
01:11:20to someone you thought was handicapped?
01:11:23Absolutely shameful.
01:11:25Who are you?
01:11:26I am the chairwoman
01:11:28of the Harrison Group
01:11:30and the owner of the store.
01:11:33You're Eleanor Harrison?
01:11:35Mother of the CEO?
01:11:37I am.
01:11:39And you, my dear,
01:11:40are fired.
01:11:42What did I do?
01:11:46You are a good person.
01:11:49From now on,
01:11:50this store is yours to run.
01:11:54Are you serious?
01:11:58That's right.
01:12:00Don't be nervous, child.
01:12:02You are professional,
01:12:04responsible,
01:12:05far better than that two-bit manager.
01:12:11You.
01:12:12Out.
01:12:14I'll leave.
01:12:17I'm leaving.
01:12:18I, I, I, I feel like I'm dreaming.
01:12:24No, don't worry.
01:12:27You're getting a promotion.
01:12:29You deserve it, my dear.
01:12:33First assignment,
01:12:35I want that row
01:12:36and that row
01:12:38and the entire display case.
01:12:41Pack it all up
01:12:43and bring it to my house.
01:12:44Okay, yeah.
01:12:48Once we're home,
01:12:49I'll tell her
01:12:50I'm her mother-in-law.
01:12:51I can't wait
01:12:53to finally meet
01:12:53my granddaughter.
01:13:01She's the mother of a CEO.
01:13:03Of course she lives like this.
01:13:04Mrs. Harrison?
01:13:16I'm here with your delivery.
01:13:20Max?
01:13:21Eva?
01:13:22What are you doing here?
01:13:26I, uh...
01:13:27There you are, Eva.
01:13:30Wonderful we can finally
01:13:31meet each other properly.
01:13:33My new daughter-in-law.
01:13:36What are you talking...
01:13:38That means you really are
01:13:41the CEO of Harrison Group.
01:13:45Well, I tried to tell you, but...
01:13:47Stop!
01:13:48And you,
01:13:49you lied to me at the store.
01:13:52You were both just testing me?
01:13:54Is this some sick game
01:13:56rich people play?
01:13:57I'm sorry, Eva.
01:13:58I thought you might be
01:13:59using my son
01:14:00just after his money.
01:14:02But I was wrong.
01:14:03Eva, please.
01:14:04I don't deserve
01:14:05to be treated like this.
01:14:07Not every working-class girl
01:14:08is after your money.
01:14:10How could you think
01:14:10that of me?
01:14:12It's not like that, dear.
01:14:14Eva, what are you
01:14:15talking about?
01:14:16Mom,
01:14:17what did you do?
01:14:18I was just trying
01:14:20to get the two of you
01:14:20back together.
01:14:21We're not together.
01:14:22World, stop pretending
01:14:24like you care.
01:14:25I'm not pretending.
01:14:27Okay, I can't fake
01:14:28what we have.
01:14:29And everything I've done
01:14:30for you, and Piper,
01:14:31this is real.
01:14:37Touch my wife again
01:14:38and I will snap
01:14:39every finger
01:14:40that you've got.
01:14:41Max, you came.
01:14:43God, you were
01:14:43driving me
01:14:44fucking insane.
01:14:46Yeah.
01:14:47I'll do whatever it takes
01:14:49to be a good husband,
01:14:50a good father.
01:14:51or just say the word.
01:14:56See?
01:14:58Stop fighting.
01:15:01We belong together.
01:15:04You're wrong.
01:15:05Wrong about what?
01:15:07That you care?
01:15:09Or we belong together?
01:15:11Look, I already told you.
01:15:12We're from two
01:15:13completely different worlds.
01:15:15Now, I held up
01:15:16my end of the deal
01:15:16and I met your mother,
01:15:17like we discussed.
01:15:18I don't know if they
01:15:20get divorced
01:15:20from my fake husband.
01:15:25Eva.
01:15:28Eva!
01:15:31I'm sorry, Maximus.
01:15:33Walking away
01:15:34is the only choice I have.
01:15:35Ow!
01:15:43Are you okay, Mommy?
01:15:46Yeah, sweetie.
01:15:47I'm fine.
01:15:48Come here.
01:15:57No, you're not fine.
01:15:59You're sad.
01:16:00Oh.
01:16:02I'm okay, sweetie.
01:16:03I miss Daddy, too.
01:16:10I want Max to be
01:16:11my real daddy.
01:16:15Don't you want to be with him?
01:16:18I'm a bug.
01:16:19You're right.
01:16:22What am I doing?
01:16:23Running like a coward?
01:16:26I've always taught you
01:16:27to be brave.
01:16:29Now it's time for Mommy
01:16:30to be brave, too.
01:16:32I believe in you.
01:16:33What are you gonna do, Mommy?
01:16:36I know exactly
01:16:37what to say to him.
01:16:41Maximus deserves to know
01:16:42Piper is his daughter.
01:16:44Enough sulking.
01:16:53Go get your wife
01:16:54and my grandbaby back.
01:16:56Don't you think
01:16:57I want to?
01:16:59She doesn't want me.
01:17:00I didn't raise you
01:17:01to give up.
01:17:02Your daughter is still
01:17:03out there.
01:17:04You can't abandon her.
01:17:05Mom, you don't get it.
01:17:07I made a deal with Eva
01:17:09to play my wife.
01:17:10And Piper,
01:17:11she was an added bonus.
01:17:14What are you talking about?
01:17:16I already ran a DNA test.
01:17:19Piper is your daughter.
01:17:22What?
01:17:23See for yourself.
01:17:30I was right.
01:17:31Seven years ago.
01:17:33New Year's.
01:17:34That woman was Eva.
01:17:35Eva.
01:17:48Hey.
01:17:50Daddy!
01:17:52Daddy!
01:17:53Piper!
01:17:55Oh.
01:17:56I missed you so much, sweetheart.
01:17:58You came back.
01:18:07I, uh...
01:18:09Don't forget to be brave, Mommy.
01:18:18I, uh...
01:18:19I was scared.
01:18:22But I don't want to be scared anymore.
01:18:24Because what we have is real
01:18:26and it's worth fighting for.
01:18:29Sweetheart, I have
01:18:30something to tell you.
01:18:32I have something to tell you, too.
01:18:36Piper is your daughter.
01:18:38Piper is your daughter.
01:18:39You knew.
01:18:40My sweet granddaughter.
01:18:42Mama.
01:18:43Oh.
01:18:43Well, I just found out for sure
01:18:48a few minutes ago.
01:18:49But you've known this whole time?
01:18:50I was scared.
01:18:52Okay, I didn't know
01:18:53if you were gonna take her from me.
01:18:54I didn't know
01:18:55how you were feeling.
01:18:57How could you not know
01:18:58how I felt?
01:18:59I love you, Eva.
01:19:12I love you, too.
01:19:16I promise.
01:19:18For the rest of my life,
01:19:19I'm going to make it up to you.
01:19:22As long as we're together,
01:19:23it doesn't matter where we are.
01:19:25Will you marry me, Eva?
01:19:37For real this time?
01:19:39Yes.
01:19:41Yes, of course I'll marry you.
01:19:46Yes.
01:19:47Hi.
01:19:48Hi.
01:19:48Hi.
01:19:48Hi.
01:19:48Hi.
01:19:48Hi.
01:19:48Hi.
01:19:49Hi.
01:19:49Hi.
01:19:49Hi.
01:19:50Hi.
01:19:51Hi.
01:19:51Hi.
01:19:52Hi.
01:19:52Hi.
01:19:53Hi.
01:19:54Hi.
01:19:55Hi.
01:19:55Looks like you're stuck with me
01:19:56the next Christmas
01:19:57and the Christmas after that
01:19:59and forever.
01:20:02I wouldn't have it any other way.
01:20:09Who's that?
01:20:11Eva!
01:20:14Take me back!
01:20:17I'm sorry!
01:20:18I'm struck your tire!
01:20:19It looks like I have to take out the trash again.
01:20:28No?
01:20:28Not funny?
01:20:29No?
01:20:30Not funny?
01:20:32I'm not funny.
01:20:33No, man.
01:20:34Here you go!
01:20:38I'm sorry.
01:20:41Man, no.
01:20:42I'm sorry!
01:20:42Come see you there now.
01:20:42Don't do it there!
01:20:43Me?
01:20:44I know.
01:20:44I know.
01:20:44I know.
01:20:45I know.
01:20:46No, I guess you're dead.
01:20:47I know.
01:20:48I know.
01:20:50I know.
01:20:53I know.
01:20:53Kinda things like you...
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