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Reality Realm US
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh, yeah.
00:02All in there. What's up, motherfucker?
00:05Boys.
00:06All right, so tonight we can do the men's short form figure skating here.
00:08My buddy Joe is in that program.
00:10We train together.
00:11Would you guys be cool to do that?
00:13I'd love to show up for him.
00:14Oh, yeah, man.
00:15Show up for any dude who's that brave.
00:17What do you mean?
00:19Well, I'm assuming your buddy might be gay.
00:23I mean, fucking brave for a dude to show up to a place like this and be like,
00:27Hey, here's me.
00:28Hey, Russia is not safe for folks like that.
00:32Fucking balls of steel, man.
00:34Nope.
00:45Welcome back to Man in the Crease, your one-stop hockey shop.
00:49Today's first period topic is the inevitable one for the Admirals.
00:52What has happened to Scott Hunter?
00:5470 points last season.
00:55Yes, and we're six games into this season.
00:58A season he, he called, need to win.
01:01Those are his words.
01:03And he has zero, zero points.
01:06He's in a fog.
01:07His passes aren't connecting.
01:08He's barely skating.
01:09I can't imagine he's amazing in the room right now.
01:12And he's already been announced as Team USA captain at the Olympics in Russia.
01:16I'm sorry.
01:40I'm sorry.
01:40i am very sorry about that definitely not a big deal how may i help you uh what's uh what's good
02:03um just a bunch of very decent smoothies with deeply stupid names
02:09any allergies no no i'm easy okay um i mean the best one's the blueberry one but oh you mean blue
02:15moon over brooklyn yeah yeah that's it but what oh um nothing just when i make it for myself in the
02:22morning i add a banana oh so you're kind of wild i mean it wouldn't be the first time somebody's
02:29told me that uh yeah that actually sounds pretty good yeah blueberry with the banana i take that
02:36if it's okay to order off menu kip i mean technically it was my idea so i think we can get away with it
02:44this time
02:57oh you weren't kidding it's really hot oh yeah the banana makes a big difference i think
03:12i don't know i guess it must
03:21thanks
03:22um that's way too much for you it's a great smoothie thanks again kip
03:30girl
03:36holy
03:43was that scott hunter was that what scott hunter the hockey player
03:47this is what we're watching we barely get to see you because you're always working but at least
04:01when we do we get to watch uh what what is this let me check my hockey shut up sean we have to turn
04:07it off no no no please keep it up huh thank you kyle thank you kyle thank you kyle you're welcome
04:15twice he said tip like he used your actual name twice maria that is setting the bar so low and it
04:21didn't even sound stupid when he said it it almost sounded hot okay that's not fair not hot which is
04:26normal okay don't listen it fuck both of you okay kimp is short for christopher it's not that weird
04:31it's short bus for christopher and please don't tell me you use that name on your grad school application oh my
04:36god why are we talking about my dumb name he said it he said it another round thank you kyle thank
04:43you kyle and you thank you look look look he's on the tv right now sean look right now oh my god okay
04:54falls to hunter hunter's in front of the net and he scores a rare goal from scott oh wow right he knows
05:02your name yeah i mean he's definitely not gay but shut the fuck up he literally jesus christ
05:12he scored a hat trick last night are you asking me what that means or are you just telling me something i
05:16i already know i just didn't realize that we literally watched the game kip
05:26nice to see you again kip nice to see you again uh scott you're scott hunter right i am
05:34this is awesome i mean wow you had a night last night oh did you watch i did yeah i don't usually
05:39sorry that sounds rude i'm no i got it well i watched the playoffs last year with my dad it was
05:46amazing he's a huge fan but yeah i watched last night wow um yeah when something goes right with my
05:54game i try to repeat it and then i try to perfect it okay so i'd love another smoothie please
06:02anything you'd like different nothing at all okay okay you really can't keep doing this i really can
06:14uh see you next game day i hope
06:21dude girl was that yes it was
06:24sorry i'm late no outside food or drink fuck off kyle
06:39and i know the whole smoothie thing is dumb or whatever but he just keeps saying my name and
06:43it's low-key making me crazy wait you're still coming with me to that fundraiser though right
06:47because i am not looking for a date yes i told you i could come and it's in like two months could you
06:52please listen to me kyle remote
06:59extra shrimp thank you
07:03new york with control okay now i'm fully listening what are you doing she's putting
07:08the game on elena what it's a sports bar let's watch sport am i being crazy what does maria say
07:15she says he's learning me too well she is much smarter than you and probably this idiot
07:19he's an idiot scott hundry stay jesus right when's his next home game
07:30come on if you don't know when his next home game is how are you going to plan your next shift
07:33i don't plan my shifts i just gobble up as many as i can
07:37saturday they play at home again on saturday are you working
07:41i don't know if you're going to plan your next home game
07:44fuck no fix that
07:54yep hey i didn't know if you uh
08:01it's uh it's nice to see you
08:02uh blue moon over brooklyn please extra banana
08:15this one's on the house oh come on it's about my pay grade management heard you came in
08:20and no you may not tip me and yes i'm using proper grammar to prove to you that i'm being serious
08:25okay um uh may i drink this here uh i've got some emails to answer so i thought yeah you totally may
08:48you're not worried about breaking your routine uh no i'm not actually that obsessive
09:13turns out i'm too lazy to be a serial killer i took a quiz i don't even think i could be a spree
09:20killer what's a spree killer someone who kills multiple people at the same time but isn't a
09:27serial killer as someone who kills multiple people minimum three but over a period of time not all at
09:32once how do you know that i i read a lot of murder books and uh yeah serial killers make me feel
09:44not obsessive which which is a relief well i've read some things about athletes okay okay before
09:52you say anything else yes i agree and yes there are at least two guys on my team that
09:57possibly off the record yes maybe but no not me oh i swear barely had two concussions
10:05okay so what no left sock right sock stop shaving no sex all that stuff oh no yeah yeah all of that
10:12but that's that's not cte stuff that's just science and science only really matters during the
10:16playoffs oh okay that's super comforting listen i know you're more of an art guy so it's not like i
10:21expect you to get the ins and outs of science and just to be clear i'm not complaining about the
10:25whole stop shaving thing i mean you all look like hot lumberjacks by the end of may
10:41um do you want to come to my game tonight i have two seats no one's taking them so i mean uh if if if
10:51you want yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i want um fuck man that's crazy thank you super happy to do it
10:59you sure i'm sure
11:08these are better than my company seats i get it those are really good seats well yeah they they're his
11:16you know we're first date but i think i'm into this what are you talking about well you're with
11:21a girl and he's out oh my god shut up elena oh wow that wasn't it wasn't to me that was he just nodded
11:29at you no there's no proof of that wait back for fuck's sake
11:40good job i love you i love you i love you i love you hey hunter too bad you can't play at home every
11:59night right it's better for you huh go yourself rosanoff all right it's more fun if you're there
12:05hey thanks hope next time we play you decide to show up
12:20cheap true
12:25starting to sound like them i'm sorry what
12:28you fucking heard me hollander what the fuck is that supposed to mean well there's something
12:35you really don't expect to see especially after the final whistle and especially from hollander and
12:40hunter a fittingly brutal end to yet another brutal road trip to the album
12:49i'm gonna hit the sack yeah here you go handsome all right have a good day off it's not a day off i'm
12:55doing that uh that catering thing tomorrow yeah yeah i just you know you get sleep in for once
12:59so i'm just happy for you it's all i meant you know i uh i'm proud of your hustle kiddo you know
13:07you didn't get that uh scholarship anyway so please no jinxing me oh wait no way good night
13:14night dad love you love your guy
13:15what's happening to you uh what's your problem i can't find my my black suit and i have to leave
13:32so so soon okay well it's with the dry cleaning in my closet so why are you freaking out thank you
13:37okay hey hey are you okay yeah i'm fine i just i need the money and i can't this job yes and i get it
13:44it but you're not gonna fuck it up because you're amazing and it's gonna be great i love you yeah you
13:50too yes buddy
13:55i am so sorry save it
14:06i'm so sorry about that i'm really sorry oh you're a mess it's okay it's not my only talks
14:11new york used to have professional waiters now it's all just models you can't carry a train
14:18it's uh it's really okay i'm so sorry again oh bunny
14:23hey i don't know what that was i know i'm a complete fuck up and i'm sorry you're not a complete
14:29fuck up this is not rocket science or whatever it is you're into art sean please don't fire me no one is
14:35firing you just calm down okay and get your shit together all right okay i know you need the money
14:41baby okay deep breath inhale exhale
14:47you think you can handle quiche they're dry
15:07hey hey i am so sorry about earlier that woman is horrible and i'm the one who should apologize i was
15:14standing right in front of the kitchen door like an idiot no i'm the idiot you're just a normal hungry
15:18person at a fundraiser and that woman did seem horrible full disclosure i hate this food oh full
15:23disclosure i hate serving it i'm i'm sorry i have to do you like mexican food yeah of course i'm not a
15:33serial killer or even a spree killer you sure yeah it was the time but do you have the time to grab
15:40a bite with me like when this this thing is over tonight yeah with you uh wow um yeah yeah okay yeah
15:51yeah because there's uh there's this great place right around the corner and it's open late and
15:55okay um you don't mind wait until i'm done not even a little
16:10okay
16:20hi hi
16:21hi
16:23oh
16:29that's a long line is it worth it um probably not right
16:36we also don't actually have to do this how would you feel about where to be in
16:57holy
16:57i mean i i figured you'd have a nice place but
17:27this is insane
17:31do you want a full tour now or uh or i pick or
17:48do you want a full tour now or i pick or do you want a full tour now or i pick or do you want a
17:57do you want a full tour now or i pick or do you want a full tour in cool
18:08well you are so beautiful
18:10I can't believe you're even into me.
18:20I'm so into you.
18:22I'm so into you.
18:24I guess I'm thinking about you.
18:40Oh, my God.
19:06What are you doing?
19:08Oh, I didn't want to wake you.
19:10And I just thought since you have your game tomorrow and...
19:14You know...
19:22Can you stay?
19:24Yeah.
19:28Then stay, please.
19:38Did I wake you?
19:52Did I wake you?
20:06Oh.
20:08Okay, I meant to surprise you and I was gonna go out and get stuff, but I looked in your fridge and you basically had all the ingredients.
20:12I know I shouldn't be snooping around, but I didn't have to do that much snooping. You were very organized.
20:18And I thought since I'm not working today, but you still have your game, that you probably still want you.
20:24Can I fuck you?
20:36Absolutely.
20:38So...
20:54I should probably go.
20:56Hmm.
20:58Hmm.
21:00Um...
21:02What if you didn't...
21:04Go?
21:05Yeah.
21:06Like ever?
21:08Fuck.
21:09Fuck.
21:10All that serial killer talk was you warning me, wasn't it?
21:18Um...
21:20I'm, um...
21:23I'm gonna say a bunch of things, okay?
21:26And...
21:27I know I'm too intense, everyone tells me that, but I just, I can't help it.
21:31Is it okay? Can I be too intense?
21:34Yeah.
21:35Yeah.
21:38Yeah, I, um...
21:41I never do this.
21:44Never brought anyone back here.
21:46Like ever.
21:48Um...
21:49Yeah.
21:50My life is, uh, is complicated.
21:53Yeah, I, I get that.
21:59And I can't, um...
22:04Come out.
22:05Like...
22:07Not, not right now.
22:10Too many people depend on me for too much.
22:12And it would just, it would fuck everything up.
22:15And so I just thought I would, um...
22:18I don't know.
22:20Wait, I guess.
22:22Yeah.
22:23Wait till...
22:25Hockey was over and...
22:27And maybe I could fade away better.
22:29Uh...
22:32But I, um...
22:36You, it's just, uh...
22:41I want you so bad.
22:45So bad.
22:47And I know that you barely know me, so why would you even consider something that's, that's probably fucked up.
22:52Like, I, I know I'm fucked up. I get it. I'm, I'm not pretending. I'm not.
22:56But I really, really like you.
23:01And I want you to stay.
23:04So I'm, I'm asking for what I want.
23:09I want you to be here when I get back from practice later.
23:11And I, uh, want you to be here when I come home from my game tonight.
23:17I, um...
23:20I want you more than I've wanted anything in a long time.
23:24Is, uh, is that too much?
23:29Too much?
23:33You can say it if it is, um...
23:37Do you say something, though?
23:38Well...
24:02I think I'd love to be here when you get back.
24:04And I don't think you're too lazy to be a serial killer.
24:11Really?
24:13Yeah, really.
24:15Yeah, you're definitely not lazy.
24:23Hey.
24:25How much practice?
24:26I don't know, like, uh, a few days ago?
24:36Yes, I sent in the applications.
24:38Yes, and even to be you.
24:40And yes, I know we hate Boston.
24:42With Elena, Dad, I'm staying with Elena.
24:45So I don't have to schlep to work.
24:47I get to sleep in the next hour.
24:49Fuck yes!
24:51Hiya.
24:57Morning, Scott.
25:00Morning, Kev.
25:01The usual, please.
25:02Yeah.
25:04Extra banana.
25:09I'm not sure what I'm gonna do without these on my road trip.
25:12I'm pretty sure they have smoothies in other cities.
25:14Not like these, they don't.
25:15Do you really think this is a secret?
25:20What's the secret?
25:22Nothing's happening.
25:24He's just flirting with me or whatever.
25:26He's straight, I think.
25:28Girl.
25:36There's pasta salad in the fridge.
25:38Chicken, no feta.
25:40Oh, yeah? Where?
25:42From me. I made it.
25:43You dead?
25:47I'm not just a pretty face.
25:52Oh, but you're a very pretty face.
25:58What's that?
26:00It's an artist I love.
26:01He has a new shot.
26:02Oh, cool.
26:04I should buy some art.
26:06What?
26:07Hey, I'm not just a pretty face either.
26:09No, no, no, no.
26:10Also a very, very hot body.
26:11Oh, my God.
26:13Oh, my God.
26:14Oh, my God.
26:15Oh, my God.
26:19Oh, my God.
26:24It's a good part of the garden.
26:26We don't have to do this.
26:28Exactly.
26:29That's cool.
26:30This would look great in the living room.
26:41Not on the fireplace wall, but on the way to the bedroom, I think it would...
26:45Shh.
26:49Sorry.
26:50It's just...
26:51It's okay.
26:52Um...
26:53Maybe we should...
26:54Amazing, isn't it?
26:56Yeah, it's beautiful.
26:59So are you two just browsing or shopping to buy?
27:03Oh, I think we're...
27:04Yeah, I think we're just browsing right now.
27:05Yeah.
27:07Excuse me.
27:08I'm sorry.
27:09He's not feeling well.
27:10No problem.
27:12I'm, uh...
27:13I'm really sorry.
27:15I thought I could do that.
27:16I really thought I could.
27:17I wanted to.
27:18I just...
27:19It's okay.
27:20No, it's not.
27:21I know it's not.
27:22Come here.
27:23Come here.
27:24Come here.
27:25Come here.
27:26Come here.
27:29I really thought I could.
27:30I-I wanted to.
27:31I just...
27:32It's okay.
27:33No, son.
27:36I know, son.
27:37Come here.
27:38Come here.
27:55these road trips are just killing me i mean it's brutal i think i'm cursed cursed like scary old
28:13lady i i know i know it's dumb but i'm not the only one who's superstitious would you be jealous
28:19if i got my smoothies from some other guy maybe probably well what if i filled you in on all the
28:26juicy details like like how he blended them oh what if i actually was a scary old lady
28:31or what if you always kind of had one with you what do you mean
28:35oh here
28:38okay i know it's dumb i know it's dumb but i saw them at a bodega and i thought they looked like
28:47your smoothie
28:48i love them yeah i love them so much
28:57can i fuck you absolutely
29:07fuck yes
29:25what say it out loud say what
29:43okay it's not
29:46it's what
29:49okay here's what i know
29:53helena
29:53shut up you're in love with him
29:55i'm not in love with him
29:57you are
29:58have you at least told your dad
30:01for how long now
30:06a little over two months
30:08oh baby
30:09helena okay you you can't tell
30:12if anyone finds out that it's
30:13that it's scott
30:14obviously i'm not gonna tell anyone but
30:17kip
30:18he can't come out right now okay he really wants to
30:20it's amazing he's amazing
30:24and i've never been happier
30:26honestly
30:28what's the plan babe
30:33i don't know
30:36what does your dad think
30:38that i'm
30:41fucking some married guy probably
30:43kind of wish you were
30:45just don't say that please just
30:47please be happy for me
30:49i can't wait to see you in a tux tomorrow night
30:54i am gonna be super well behaved for you
30:57i only care that you're handsome
30:58you bitch
30:59scott's gonna be there tomorrow night too
31:04oh i know
31:04and he better be ready for me
31:07you
31:37hey dad oh my god you're not dead no i'm alive well that is a relief i didn't want to have to
31:44call them more you know i miss you i miss you too dad all right yeah you're gonna be making
31:50an appearance here at some point in the near future yes i will um i'm gonna come for dinner
31:56this week i promise perfect how's uh how's work well work is fine you know barry's being a pain
32:02in my ass but well barry's an asshole no he hurt his foot so at least it's something new this time
32:07yeah well barry's always been an asshole who taught you to talk like that you did you taught me to talk
32:13like that that sounds about right and um nothing in the mail right kip if there was something in
32:21the mail i would not have forgotten about it i know i know i just figured i'd check okay
32:26don't worry about that okay don't think about that okay it's gonna come when it comes
32:32look i'm not gonna keep you i love you all right you too dad you you too dad what i i love you too
32:39dad there i said it oh my god sorry it's such a struggle okay bye bye
32:44oh my god
32:57oh my god
32:59oh my god
33:02oh my god
33:11I have to say,
33:40stop it.
33:42Stop what?
33:46He's here.
33:47You need to chill out.
33:50My God.
33:52Can I have some of yours?
33:54Yeah.
33:54Thanks.
33:59Well, I like our playoff chances this year.
34:01I think we might even get some home ice advantage.
34:03Well, if this guy keeps playing the way he has been, maybe.
34:06What changed?
34:07You mean a nice girl or something?
34:10I think we just found an agreement with the team.
34:13Excuse me, gentlemen.
34:14I think I spotted an old friend.
34:16No, I'm just ridden you, Scott.
34:18You know your parents would be so proud of you, right?
34:21Your mom especially.
34:22She would have just been thrilled.
34:25Thanks, Tom.
34:26Thanks.
34:27Excuse me.
34:28Yeah.
34:31Hey.
34:32Okay?
34:33Yeah.
34:33Yeah.
34:33I should be used to it.
34:41I'm Kip, right?
34:44Christopher.
34:45When he's all dressed up.
34:46I'm Elena.
34:47Nice to meet you, Elena.
34:49I'm Scott.
34:49Pleasure.
34:50Scott.
34:50You look beautiful.
34:52You both do.
34:54Sorry.
34:56Yeah, we both clean up pretty well.
35:02Okay.
35:03If I go get more drinks, do you promise to start talking, Christopher?
35:06Yes.
35:06Of course.
35:07Great.
35:07Another beer, Scott?
35:08That'd be lovely.
35:09Are you enjoying the evening?
35:17I am.
35:19Are you?
35:20Looking forward to the after party, honestly.
35:26Tucked this perfectly.
35:28Thanks.
35:29And thanks.
35:30I mean, you didn't have to.
35:32I wanted to.
35:36Okay.
35:37Okay.
35:39Elena knows.
35:42And I'm sorry.
35:44Yeah.
35:44I kind of got that.
35:46It's okay.
35:47She's discreet, right?
35:50Yeah, totally.
35:50Totally.
35:51I just...
35:52She kind of figured it out.
35:53I guess I had to tell someone.
35:56It's okay.
35:57Really?
35:58Okay.
36:02This is so weird.
36:05Yeah.
36:06You should leave early.
36:07As soon as I do my speech.
36:08Not before you dance with me.
36:10Pardon?
36:11I want to dance.
36:12Elena's a killer.
36:15How could I possibly say no?
36:21So, what are your intentions with my kid?
36:25I'm serious.
36:26He's crazy about you.
36:28I'm crazy about him, too.
36:29I really am.
36:31He's also miserable.
36:32Are you miserable, too?
36:34Are you?
36:37No.
36:39Wait.
36:41What do you mean?
36:42Nobody wants to be kept a secret.
36:44He's not.
36:45He is.
36:48Eyes on me, handsome.
36:51I'm doing my best.
36:53I...
36:53I love him.
36:55I just can't do better right now.
36:57I...
36:57I've been honest.
36:59I know.
37:00And he's so in love with you that he'll put up with it.
37:05But it's killing him.
37:11I'm not saying any of this to be mean.
37:13I'm really not.
37:15And you seem great.
37:17But he's great, too.
37:18He deserves the best.
37:26He deserves sunshine.
37:38And so do you.
37:39It's my birthday on Sunday.
37:49I know.
37:51I've already got the key to we're going to surf and turf.
37:54Because we're not choosing.
37:57You know, uh, the Kingfisher?
37:59It's the bar I told you about where I watch all your games?
38:02Mm-hmm.
38:04A couple of my friends are throwing me just like a little party there.
38:07It's not even really a party.
38:09It's just hanging out or whatever.
38:11Right.
38:12It's a...
38:13It's a gay bar.
38:14But it's not a club.
38:16It's just a bar.
38:17It's honestly more of a hockey bar now, thanks to me.
38:19It's too.
38:20And I was thinking that you could just come as my friend.
38:24As somebody who buys smoothies from me.
38:26I mean, Maria knows.
38:28My friend Sean knows.
38:30They know that you buy smoothies from me.
38:36I can't.
38:39I can't do that.
38:43I wish I could.
38:44I want to.
38:47I want to tell everyone.
38:50I want people to know you're mine.
38:52That I love you.
38:54I love you too.
38:57Soon, maybe.
38:57I mean, in a few years.
39:06I know.
39:07I know how it sounds.
39:09But it'll go by quickly.
39:11I promise.
39:12And then we can be normal with...
39:13Like...
39:14Like other people.
39:15I heard what you said in your speech tonight.
39:23And I know that they're your family.
39:26And that you feel responsible for them.
39:28And I get that, Scott.
39:29I really, really get that.
39:33But...
39:33I...
39:34I have a family too.
39:36And...
39:37I keep lying to them.
39:39And I don't want to.
39:42And I miss them.
39:43I miss my dad.
39:47Sorry.
39:48That's not what I meant.
39:49It's okay.
39:50I know what you meant.
39:50I'm gonna go home tonight.
39:58I need to.
39:59I need to.
40:28Thank you for coming.
40:30For those of you who've attended before,
40:33feel free to ignore my sob story
40:34and go straight to the bar.
40:37But for those of you who don't know it,
40:39here's the short version.
40:42My parents were both junior hockey coaches.
40:46And they were hit by a drunk driver
40:48when I was 12 years old.
40:51Mercifully for them,
40:52they died instantly.
40:54Mercifully for me,
40:57the St. Thomas Scholarships existed.
41:00I didn't have anybody else to help me.
41:04I had a lot of memories,
41:06a love of hockey,
41:07and a huge hole in my heart.
41:11St. Thomas filled it with hope.
41:14The hope of a new family.
41:17Things weren't always easy.
41:19You know, they never are for anybody.
41:20But in hockey, I found what I was missing.
41:26First at my high school,
41:27then later at college,
41:28and now here with the Admirals.
41:30And I never looked back
41:32because I never had to.
41:34The family I craved,
41:38the family that I needed,
41:39that I still need today.
41:43Hockey gave it to me.
41:46And St. Thomas gave me hockey.
41:47So from the bottom of my heart,
41:51I want to thank you all for being here tonight
41:53and for supporting this cause
41:55because it's not just a scholarship.
41:57It's everything that comes with it.
42:00It's a whole world,
42:01a whole life.
42:02It's, uh...
42:03It's everything.
42:07Get up.
42:27Hey, Dad.
42:28Hey, buddy.
42:28The prodigal son returned home.
42:31Look, I got to send the mail here for a certain someone,
42:34and it's pretty heavy.
42:35Hey, my boy.
42:48Come here.
42:49What's up?
42:50Oh, hey.
42:52I'm sorry.
42:53What?
42:54You got nothing to be sorry for, silly.
42:57Oh.
43:00Oh.
43:00There we go.
43:05Oh, yeah.
43:07Wow.
43:08Oh, wait.
43:08No, wait.
43:09Here's a pretty 26, and a bullfucker ride.
43:12Congrats.
43:12Welcome to the event.
43:13Oh.
43:16Hey.
43:16Hey.
43:45Good dress, man.
43:46It's a bullfucker fucking game.
43:47Yeah.
43:49Yeah, totally.
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