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FunTranscript
00:00I'm sorry, you guys.
00:13Hola, mama. I'm your new son-in-law.
00:23Princeton mom dream?
00:24Yeah.
00:25Tell the truth tomorrow?
00:26Yeah.
00:27Great.
00:30The truth is, Cam and I have been exploring an open relationship.
00:44Oh, honey, we have no problem with your modern, fun, open relationships.
00:51Fuck whoever you want.
00:53Just not a Republican.
00:55Oh, like Aaron Schock.
00:58Lindsey Graham.
01:01Mike Johnson, yuck.
01:04Donald Trump, senior or junior.
01:07Oh, never even considered them options.
01:09Well, now you're ready to tell Cam's parents.
01:12Just remember that people of a certain age do need time to absorb things.
01:19Well, other people of a certain age.
01:22She's right.
01:23It took me a while to absorb a move she used on me in the bedroom back in 87.
01:29The screw top.
01:31Oh, they took it so well.
01:32You took it so well.
01:33Yeah.
01:34Oh, no.
01:35Wait.
01:36This isn't the dream, is it?
01:37What?
01:38What?
01:39Oh, no.
01:40Oh, no.
01:41They took it so well.
01:42You took it so well.
01:43Yeah.
01:44Oh, no.
01:45Oh, no.
01:46Oh, no.
01:47Wait.
01:48This isn't the dream, is it?
01:49What?
02:05Glad you're finally clearing your conscience.
02:08I feel so bad leaving Jasper and Princeton on red.
02:11That's what you feel bad about?
02:13Not that my mom thinks that I'm cheating on you?
02:16Cam, I feel bad about a lot of things.
02:18That's why I'm a therapist.
02:19Who's in therapy?
02:20Hmm.
02:24It's open.
02:25Like us?
02:26Shhh.
02:48Okay.
02:49Okay.
02:50Okay.
02:51I prefer to leave no trace of our home invasion.
02:54Okay, again.
02:55Greg said we could use a spare key in case of emergency.
02:57This is an emergency.
02:58It's not.
02:59It's not an emergency.
03:00It is bad luck to host a double date at your own place on New Year's Eve.
03:05Okay.
03:06Who told you that?
03:07Kat.
03:08She also said I died sometime last year.
03:09I think it was during Women's Week in Provincetown.
03:10Yeah, okay.
03:11That's unlikely.
03:12Your daily dose of man is here.
03:13Mwah.
03:14Mwah.
03:15Mwah.
03:16Princeton.
03:17You look.
03:18Look at you.
03:19Hot Topic purple.
03:20I know.
03:21It was supposed to be more TikTok E-boy than straight Twitch streamer, but nevertheless,
03:48he persisted. You? Ah, a half empty screw top. Isn't that nice of him? Thanks. Man, being back at Greg and Cam's place is so weird. But it's so much better than hosting a double date on New Year's Eve. When did Kat say you died? Last year. She said it was Bear Week in Provincetown. Mine was Lemon's Week. Oh my god, we're like twins. Oh my god. Death twins? Death twins.
04:18Let's get rid of women.
04:22Reggie? Hi. Darling. Hi.
04:26Oh, hi. Purple. Do you like it? Mm-hmm. Hey, is it okay if I park my car?
04:34I thought this was a double date. It is. For me. Think of it like one of those three ways where one person just never gets any.
04:42I can't relate. Wish you the best, though.
04:48Mm-hmm.
04:50Okay.
04:51Mm-hmm.
04:52I am so sorry. I mean, the wind, it's just...
04:57I know, right? It's no worries. My hair's a mess.
05:00I'm glad you think so. I agree.
05:03Hey!
05:08Hey.
05:09Cassava cake? And it's not made by Mom? It's a New Year's miracle!
05:13Aaron!
05:14Yeah, don't let her hear you.
05:15Oh, she's not here.
05:17No, she's coming. She went to check on Grandma. She'll be back soon.
05:20Well, that one, that one.
05:22Hey.
05:22Um, well, hey, Aaron, do you mind helping me with the cake, please?
05:26Sure.
05:26Yeah.
05:34Gracias.
05:35You and I never get a chance to talk just us, do we?
05:39No.
05:42So...
05:43Ooh, football.
05:47Isn't it crazy?
05:48You are following the playoffs.
05:50Yeah. What a quarter. Season.
05:56Huh.
05:57So who do you think is going to be at the Super Bowl?
06:00Mm-hmm.
06:01Mm-hmm.
06:04Ideally, Cher.
06:06Realistically, Ariana.
06:13I need your help coming out.
06:15I thought your Shakira-themed ninth birthday party took care of that.
06:18No, I mean about being open.
06:21Remember how Mom walked in my name with that guy on Christmas?
06:24Uh-huh.
06:24She thinks I'm cheating.
06:26Oh, like a Shakira-themed charades.
06:29We said no humming.
06:30I'm being serious.
06:32It's really killing me. I need to get it off my chest.
06:35And I need to tell Dad before she convinces him that I'm cheating, too.
06:39Oh, I gotcha.
06:41Well, better way for Mom to come back.
06:43Kill two parents' dreams with one stone.
06:45Thanks, Aaron.
06:46I'm kidding.
06:46I mean, sort of, you know, I think she'll take it okay.
06:51But who knows how Mr. Catholic in there is going to react.
06:54We're going to need her help.
06:55Besides, you don't want to come out twice.
06:57That's how you ruined your Shakira lip sync.
06:59You are oddly fixated on my ninth birthday party.
07:02How can I not be?
07:03I love Shakira and my big brother.
07:05Okay, so we have a plan.
07:07Yeah.
07:08Okay.
07:08Here, bring out Mom's mofongo.
07:13Oh, that...
07:15Why is that sweet?
07:17You try telling her the difference between plantains and bananas.
07:19Oh, whoops.
07:37I had this spot reserved.
07:39I'm so sorry.
07:41There was a wait list.
07:42Time for resolutions.
07:44Yeah, it is almost midnight.
07:45Yes, that is why I said it.
07:54Girlfriend?
07:56Queen!
07:57Slay!
07:59I saw this at Kohl's, right?
08:00It's a sale, 50% off.
08:02Smart shopper.
08:03Anyway, um, I am looking to get a girlfriend this new year, so...
08:09Oh.
08:11Don't you mean girlfriend?
08:14I'm bad.
08:15Either's fine.
08:16That is so sweet, Princeton.
08:18I'm going to manifest that for you.
08:21You're so sweet.
08:22Thank you, baby.
08:23The sweetest!
08:25So, so sweet!
08:27Would anyone like more mofongo?
08:34He's in the time for dessert.
08:35I'm waiting for New Year grapes, so...
08:37Oh, I...
08:39I'll feel that if I don't.
08:46Oh, that, that, that's...
08:47That's enough.
08:48Um, so, uh, Dad, um, there was something I wanted to tell you and Mom tonight.
08:56It's about me and Greg.
08:58Terrific.
08:59You should wait until Mom comes back.
09:01Grandma passed the stone.
09:03Oh.
09:04Uh, okay.
09:05Uh, no.
09:06Actually, I just want to tell you now, while I still have the courage.
09:10Dad, relationships are like, um, like food.
09:20Like, isn't it nice how sometimes Greg and I want different things?
09:25Yeah?
09:25Like, um, like we both had mofongo.
09:28But I'm not going to get jealous if Greg wants a little more.
09:33You know what I mean?
09:34Right?
09:35Um, or, or like, if, for instance, by having mofongo, Greg is cheating on his diet.
09:45But it's fine because there is no diet, so...
09:48Did your mother put you up to this?
09:50I am not eating that much sugar.
09:52Oh, Mr. Navarro, I can tell you are so slim.
09:55I mean, fit.
09:56I mean, sports.
09:58What are you guys talking about?
09:59I think I'm once more mofongo.
10:01It's not about having more.
10:03It's about having different types of food.
10:05Like, why would you want to eat the same thing forever?
10:07Cam, I love you, but please wait.
10:10If you have something to say about mom's mofongo, say it to her face.
10:16I am so confused.
10:17Me too, actually.
10:25Speaking of girlfriends, girlfriends...
10:29I don't want to expand a little bit, because there's something just so beautiful about bringing people together, just like all of you people right here, right now.
10:44I just adore you people.
10:47I love you so much.
10:51Like, ugh.
10:53Ruth, Reggie, my love.
10:59And you, Princeton, my prince, my doll.
11:05And cat, meow, my kitten.
11:09And you, you, with your, all of you two.
11:18Oh, you, with your beauty and your name.
11:28Well, my New Year's resolution is to have more quiet dinners at our own home.
11:38Mm-hmm.
11:39Together.
11:39Yeah.
11:40Mm-hmm.
11:41Mm-hmm.
11:41With no one else.
11:43Yeah.
11:43I mean, who needs Cam and Greg?
11:48Cam, Cam and Greg.
11:51I mean, this group is all we need.
11:56I mean, give or take a few bodies.
11:58You know what I can do to be honest.
12:00Yeah.
12:05You guys ready for the countdown?
12:07Already.
12:08Where's mom?
12:09Uh, she texted me.
12:10She'll be back soon.
12:11Grandma needed a Doralee foot drop.
12:14Oh, great.
12:15So she's texting you back.
12:16Cam, sweetie, it's okay.
12:18I know it is.
12:19I'm not ashamed.
12:21Dad, I'm done waiting.
12:23Greg and I have something important to tell you.
12:27Greg and I are...
12:28We forgot the New Year's grapes!
12:30Aaron, come on, stop.
12:32You wouldn't want Dad to miss this important tradition and ruin your lovely evening, would you?
12:38Okay, look.
12:39What I wanted to tell you was...
12:40It's a lovely tradition, Mr. Navarro.
12:42Greg, stop bonding and help me.
12:46Well, you take one grape for good luck for each month of the New Year.
12:50Yes!
12:51Look, would you guys please just listen to me?
12:53I can't hear you over the countdown.
12:55Eric.
12:55You.
12:56I can't hear you.
12:57Come.
12:58Which one?
12:59I'll tell you.
13:00We, uh, I...
13:01We just...
13:02I'm...
13:03I'm only on me having sex with another guy.
13:05I'm not alive.
13:14No.
13:15Oh!
13:16Those are for good luck.
13:19He's choking on them.
13:21Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
13:30I'm good.
13:31We're good.
13:32We're good.
13:33We're good.
13:34We're good.
13:35Happy New Year.
13:37Do I get mine?
13:39Yeah, of course.
13:41Oh.
13:42I want one more.
13:45For good luck.
13:46For good luck.
13:47Oh.
13:48I need a second one too then.
13:50Okay.
13:51Should we three-way kiss?
13:53Uh, no, I...
13:54Well, my New Year's resolution is to never do something like this again.
13:59It's your turn.
14:01You.
14:03Oh.
14:04Huh.
14:05No new resolutions for me.
14:09Everything's pretty perfect as is.
14:11Oh.
14:12Yep.
14:13So perfect.
14:15The truth is, Greg and I have been exploring an open relationship.
14:24Open relationship?
14:25Why is...
14:26That's...
14:27Wow.
14:28I...
14:29I can't believe it.
14:30But you know what?
14:31I love you, Cam.
14:32And I 100% support this decision.
14:36So...
14:37You both sleep with each other and other people.
14:42And other people with each other.
14:45And that makes you both happy?
14:48You got it.
14:49Basically, yes.
14:50Huh.
14:51Well, Abuela and Abuela did it.
14:54Abuelita...
14:55What?
14:56Yeah.
14:57There were swingers in the 60s.
14:581969?
14:59No, Greg.
15:001962.
15:01Oh.
15:02You know, they've been together for over 50 years.
15:05And I think the reason why is because they allowed themselves to explore new things.
15:10Like you and Greg.
15:12Wait.
15:13So your parents were open.
15:15And Cam and I are open.
15:18Eduardo.
15:19We finally have something in common.
15:21I did it.
15:22I saved New Year's.
15:23So what have you told your mother?
15:27Why?
15:28What did she say?
15:34It was so great getting to spend some time with you tonight, Princeton.
15:37You're so funny.
15:38The way you kept pretending to be mad at me all night.
15:41Quite hilarious.
15:42Olive.
15:43Cat's really lucky.
15:48Bye.
15:49Cat, wait.
15:50I'm sorry for acting out tonight.
15:51I mean, look at me.
15:52I'm just not used to sharing.
15:55Although, Erasmus, I'm sorry for acting out tonight.
16:00I mean, look at me.
16:05I'm just not used to sharing.
16:09Although, Erasmus did say, there is no joy in possession without sharing.
16:16But what I mean is, I'm sorry, Cat.
16:21Olive is perfect.
16:24I would like a redo of our date, though.
16:27I promise to be a good boy.
16:30Unless you want a bad one.
16:31And I am so much better at that.
16:41That's the Princeton I like.
16:45Aww.
16:46Aww.
16:47Aww.
16:48Get out.
16:49Please.
16:51You're welcome.
16:52Wait.
16:53Was that just because they kissed?
16:54Leave no trace.
16:55That's the guy.
16:56Leave no trace.
16:57Leave no trace.
16:58Leave no trace.
16:59Elsa.
17:00Elsa.
17:01Elsa.
17:02Elsa.
17:03Let's move.
17:04Let's move.
17:05Let's move.
17:06Like we're in a fire.
17:07Let's go.
17:08Please.
17:09I don't want to get caught.
17:10Let's go.
17:12I don't want to get caught.
17:13Let's go.
17:14Oh, my God.
17:16What is that, you see?
17:17That's right.
17:18Holly, my gosh, no.
17:19I don't want to get caught.
17:20Elsa.
17:21Elsa.
17:22Elsa.
17:23Elsa.
17:24Let's move.
17:25Let's move.
17:26Let's move.
17:27Let's move.
17:29Let's move.
17:30Let's move.
17:31Let's move.
17:32Let's move.
17:33Like we're in a fire.
17:34Let's go please.
17:35I don't want to get caught.
17:36Let's go.
17:37Oh.
17:38Ha ha.
17:39did we throw a party i can't believe she won't even see me
17:47am i that disgusting sweetie of course not she just doesn't know what's going on yet
17:54when i came out in high school she was the understanding one like my dad was not even
18:03talking to me but she showed up to the church bake sale with this rainbow cake with rainbow
18:12sprinkles i mean it did not taste good but it was her idea she wanted me to know that she was on my
18:24side and i just really need my mom right now
18:31i know i can't can you just yeah
18:45cam baby i'm so sorry we didn't get to talk tonight i just couldn't deal with what i thought
18:56i saw in your room that night but your dad and brother filled me in i know it's late now but
19:04whenever you want to talk i'm open to it love mom
19:08oh almost forgot i sent you a little something happy new year's cami
19:17with rainbow sprinkles
19:46is it good
19:51yeah
19:52it's better
19:53there you go
19:57there you go
19:57away
19:58i never feel love until this night
20:04if you stress we can drive in the wet boat day
20:06that's my good i gotta finally win my way baby
20:08if you ever need me just call me
20:10oh
20:10oh
20:12oh
20:13oh
20:14oh
20:15i said if you ever need me just call me
20:20oh
20:20oh
20:21oh
20:22oh
20:23oh
20:24oh
20:25oh
20:26oh
20:27oh
20:28oh
20:29oh
20:30oh
20:31oh
20:32oh
20:33oh
20:34oh
20:35oh
20:36oh
20:37oh
20:38oh
20:39oh
20:40oh
20:41oh
20:42oh
20:43no
20:44i
20:46oh
20:49oh
20:53i
21:02oh
21:06oh
21:07You don't ever forget it
21:08You said that this past you've been born
21:10And I know that's the shit that you ate
21:12Barely talked if it wasn't the morning
21:14I was trying to do something great
21:16But you rose just when I was just born
21:18Cause I know that it would make your day
21:20And I could do your favor, fool
21:22Cause I need to make sure that you ate
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