Rented a Billionaire Husband for Christmas
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:11All right, it's about that time.
00:00:13So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:15Uh, yeah, him.
00:00:24Hi!
00:00:25Just play along.
00:00:26Six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:00:32Happy New Year!
00:00:56You have a cute scar.
00:00:58It's just my birthmark.
00:01:01If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:05I don't want you to stop.
00:01:06You're my urgent one.
00:01:10Mmm.
00:01:11Mm.
00:01:11Yeah, ma'am.
00:01:12You're my urgent one.
00:01:15Yeah, ma'am.
00:01:16Yeah, ma'am.
00:01:17Ah, I was so drunk last night.
00:01:40I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:42I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:53Happy New Year.
00:01:54Sam, it's me.
00:01:56Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:58I don't care how, just do it.
00:02:01I will find you.
00:02:06Maximus, can you get married already?
00:02:09Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:13I need grandkids.
00:02:15I need you to...
00:02:15Message received, Mom.
00:02:17I need to go now.
00:02:18I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:28Seven years.
00:02:30Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:32And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:33Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:43Boss, it's been years.
00:02:48I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:50Your vest, sir.
00:02:52But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:02:54She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:56Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:58And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:03:00We can't have her know you, the Harrison Group CEO, or she'll jack up the price.
00:03:04Good.
00:03:05Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:09Hi.
00:03:10One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:03:12And one hot chocolate.
00:03:15I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:18Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:24Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:26It's just for Christmas.
00:03:26But, Mommy, why do we have to rent, Daddy?
00:03:30Where's my real one?
00:03:38I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:40Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:50Daddy!
00:03:51Oh!
00:03:52What?
00:03:52What?
00:03:52What?
00:03:56I'm sorry.
00:04:02I'm not your dad.
00:04:03No, I know you're my daddy.
00:04:05Just as handsome as I thought.
00:04:07Oh.
00:04:08Mommy, hurry.
00:04:09Your fake Christmas husband has arrived.
00:04:18I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:21He's gorgeous.
00:04:22Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:30Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:32She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:33Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:35You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:38So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:40See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:43Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:04:44What's your name?
00:04:46Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:48Max.
00:04:49Aurelius.
00:04:49Eva, I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:55I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:58I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:05:02So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:05:08$1,000 an hour?
00:05:09Well, yeah.
00:05:11It's $500 a day.
00:05:13Is that enough?
00:05:14That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:16Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:17That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:20You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:22Look, my requirements are simple.
00:05:24Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:05:27and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:05:29And then my family will get off my back,
00:05:31so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:36So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:39Fine.
00:05:40But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:42Ready to go get married?
00:06:03Wow.
00:06:04Clean up nice.
00:06:06This is my wedding day, after all.
00:06:08Pictures!
00:06:08Y'all guys, you're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:20You're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:38You're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:40Okay, well, I think we got it.
00:06:45Oh, I need some photos of us together, too,
00:06:48to prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:06:50and have a happy family.
00:06:52Yeah, of course.
00:06:53Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:05From my family to you.
00:07:15Bad news, boss.
00:07:16The agency said that the girl that they recruited
00:07:18to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:07:20Wait, she bailed?
00:07:21Then who is...
00:07:23Who is she?
00:07:27Whatever.
00:07:28It doesn't matter.
00:07:30I've got what I need.
00:07:34Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:35I already found someone.
00:07:41Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:45Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:46Christmas shopping?
00:07:48I should come.
00:07:49Look, if you want me to be the husband
00:07:51in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:53I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:56It'll make it more believable.
00:08:00Fine.
00:08:01Yeah, fine.
00:08:02Okay.
00:08:03You can come.
00:08:11Let's go.
00:08:12Which mall are we going to?
00:08:13Um, let's go to that one.
00:08:15Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:08:20Oh!
00:08:22What the actual fuck?
00:08:27Sam,
00:08:28is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:32Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:39She does kind of look like him.
00:08:44So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:49Here, let me get this.
00:08:50They're going to love you, Max.
00:08:55Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married,
00:09:00we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
00:09:06Okay.
00:09:07Should we use our tongues or?
00:09:09No, no, definitely not.
00:09:11And absolutely no.
00:09:12Sex?
00:09:13Yes.
00:09:14It's strictly business.
00:09:17Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:09:21What?
00:09:22Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:25I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
00:09:27getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:31Let's go.
00:09:38Here.
00:09:39What are you doing?
00:09:40I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:44Well, I'm not your woman and this isn't a real relationship
00:09:47and I don't want your money.
00:09:50Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:5350% off pies?
00:09:55Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:5712 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:09:58They're the best kind.
00:10:00Hurry up and go.
00:10:01Go, what are you standing here for?
00:10:04Hello there.
00:10:05Hi.
00:10:06You ready?
00:10:06Yes, yeah, just these things.
00:10:08Okay, great.
00:10:09We have a holiday special today.
00:10:11Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the deal.
00:10:17Oh, great.
00:10:18Yeah, what do you have that's just $15?
00:10:20Well, can you get a move on?
00:10:22I just got here.
00:10:24Relax.
00:10:25Yeah, yeah.
00:10:28Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:30Okay, thank you.
00:10:31Hurry up and pay.
00:10:37I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:39You can wait your turn.
00:10:45Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:53Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:53Not the pies, not the pies.
00:10:55You can just set those on top.
00:10:57Hi, guys.
00:11:03I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:11:09Of course.
00:11:10Thank you so much.
00:11:12Of course.
00:11:12I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:15She bought all 12 pies.
00:11:16Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:11:18Just to give it away.
00:11:21Merry Christmas.
00:11:21Merry Christmas.
00:11:27What?
00:11:28You do that often?
00:11:30As often as I can.
00:11:36We should go.
00:11:37We got to pick up paper.
00:11:41Watch out.
00:11:42You done feeling me up?
00:12:04Shut up.
00:12:04Oh, sorry.
00:12:05I was just in character, wifey.
00:12:07Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:12:09And don't be late.
00:12:27Harrison Group?
00:12:28Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:31Sort of.
00:12:32Not that I'm judging.
00:12:33I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:37Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:42I think that's respectable.
00:12:44Can we pick another company?
00:12:46No.
00:12:47Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:49And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:50My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:52So, it's perfect.
00:12:57Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:13:01Don't worry.
00:13:02Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:13:03I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:04Too much.
00:13:28Let's go, Sam.
00:13:29It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:32Hold on, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:13:37It's my daughter's.
00:13:39Daughter's?
00:13:41Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:44Hey, there they are!
00:13:59Hey!
00:14:00Nice to meet you!
00:14:02Aw, dad.
00:14:04So glad you made it.
00:14:05Aw, I missed you.
00:14:07So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:14:11He's coming.
00:14:12Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:14:14Good, good, good.
00:14:17So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:20When's he arriving?
00:14:21Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:26Poor thing.
00:14:27Not surprising.
00:14:28I mean, she's 30.
00:14:30Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:33Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:39This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:43Auntie Pamela?
00:14:44Debbie?
00:14:45My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:48We're only worried about you.
00:14:50All these years without a husband.
00:14:53Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:55You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:58And look what happened.
00:14:59She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:15:03I'm not alone.
00:15:04Mm-hmm.
00:15:05And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:15:11He's a manager.
00:15:12Manager of what?
00:15:15Trash.
00:15:17Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:15:19You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:24Actually, he's right here.
00:15:29Oh, wow.
00:15:32Wow.
00:15:33He is really good looking.
00:15:35Ah, must be AI.
00:15:37Mm-hmm.
00:15:38Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:41Fake.
00:15:42That's enough.
00:15:43She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:45Show some respect.
00:15:47Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned
00:15:53him down?
00:15:54Well, guess what?
00:15:55William works for the Harrison a year.
00:15:57That's half a million.
00:16:00Half a million.
00:16:01Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:05And speak of the devil.
00:16:10Willie, you made it.
00:16:12There you are.
00:16:23Oh, look at you now.
00:16:26Living the dream.
00:16:28Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:30Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal
00:16:34waste manager.
00:16:36So married, huh?
00:16:37Is it serious?
00:16:40That's what marriage is.
00:16:41It's pretty serious.
00:16:42Wow.
00:16:44You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:16:47Makes sense, though.
00:16:48You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:51Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:54Yeah, a bullet dodged, Willie.
00:16:56Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:00That's right.
00:17:01Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:17:06Women love a man in red.
00:17:08Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:10When I sit on my lap.
00:17:12Don't touch me.
00:17:14Oh, so entitled.
00:17:16Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:20And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:24I mean, look at that car.
00:17:26Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:30Think of the life I can give you on Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:33Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:37I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:45My mom would never marry.
00:17:47She already has a husband.
00:17:48He's going to kick your butt.
00:17:49Is that so?
00:17:55Well, then, where is he?
00:17:57Because I don't see him.
00:17:59Does anyone see him?
00:18:02No.
00:18:03Just like I thought.
00:18:05Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:18:08That puts you on the naughty list.
00:18:10And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:18:16Hey.
00:18:17Mommy.
00:18:18It's fine.
00:18:18Are you okay?
00:18:19I see your hands.
00:18:20Oh, my God.
00:18:22I'm going to take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:18:24Come on, honey.
00:18:25Let's go.
00:18:27What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:29How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:33Let me go.
00:18:34Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:40Let me go.
00:18:55Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:19:04So, I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:19:19All right.
00:19:19It's about that time.
00:19:21So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:19:30Yeah.
00:19:31Him.
00:19:32Hi.
00:19:33Just play along.
00:19:35Six, five, four, three, two, one, pay your hand!
00:20:03you have a cute scar
00:20:05it's just my birthmark
00:20:07do you want me to stop, tell me now
00:20:10I don't want you to stop
00:20:33I was so drunk last night
00:20:48I can't remember who I was with
00:20:50I must return this to her
00:20:54so I can see her again
00:20:56Happy New Year
00:21:02Sam, it's me
00:21:03hey, find me the girl from last night
00:21:06I don't care how, just do it
00:21:08I will find you
00:21:10Maximus, can't you get married already?
00:21:18bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend
00:21:20I need grandkids, I need you to
00:21:23Message received, Mom
00:21:24I need to go now, I have to inspect the new headquarters
00:21:32Seven years
00:21:37Why can't I ever find you?
00:21:40And why do you still haunt me?
00:21:49Still thinking about that girl?
00:21:51Boss, it's been years
00:21:53I'm ready to go to the inspection now
00:21:58Your vest, sir
00:21:59But first, we found your fake Christmas wife
00:22:02She's waiting in the coffee shop
00:22:03Blonde hair, red top
00:22:05And sir, make sure you use an alias
00:22:08We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO
00:22:10Or she'll jack up the price
00:22:11Good
00:22:12Finally, I can get my mother off my back
00:22:14Hi
00:22:18One iced vanilla latte, please
00:22:20And one hot chocolate
00:22:21I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy
00:22:26Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore
00:22:31Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend
00:22:33It's just for Christmas
00:22:35But Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:22:38Where's my real one?
00:22:40Uh
00:22:40I'll tell you when you're older
00:22:47Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:22:58Danny!
00:22:59Yo!
00:23:00What?
00:23:06Danny!
00:23:07Yo!
00:23:08I'm sorry
00:23:09I'm not your dad
00:23:11No, I know you're my daddy
00:23:13Just as handsome as I've had
00:23:14Oh
00:23:15Mommy, hurry
00:23:17Your fake Christmas husband has arrived
00:23:19I asked the agency for an average-looking guy
00:23:29He's gorgeous
00:23:31Why does she feel so familiar?
00:23:39She's waiting in the coffee shop
00:23:41Blonde hair, red top
00:23:43You must be my new Christmas husband
00:23:45So, you're my new Christmas wife
00:23:48See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:23:51Hi, my name's Piper, what's your name?
00:23:54Sam didn't say anything about a kid
00:23:56Max, Aurelius
00:23:57Eva
00:23:58I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage
00:24:02I just need a wife for the holidays
00:24:05I guess mom gets her grandkid too
00:24:08So, per hour agreement
00:24:12The rate is $1,000 per hour and
00:24:15$1,000 an hour?
00:24:17Well, yeah
00:24:18It's $500 a day
00:24:21Is that enough?
00:24:22That's the most that I can pay you
00:24:24Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:24:26That's what I agreed with the agency
00:24:27You'll make your thousands over the week
00:24:29Look, my requirements are simple
00:24:32Okay, play my pretend husband
00:24:33Come with me to my hometown
00:24:34And we all pretend to be one big happy family
00:24:37And then my family will get off my back
00:24:39So Piper can have a good Christmas for once
00:24:42So she's getting pressure from her folks too
00:24:46Fine
00:24:47But you have to help me get my mom off my case too
00:24:50Okay, deal
00:24:54Ready to go get married?
00:25:07Wow
00:25:11Clean up nice
00:25:13This is my wedding day after all
00:25:15Pictures
00:25:16Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love
00:25:37Okay, uh, well I think we got it
00:25:52Ooh, I need some photos of us together too
00:25:55To prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:25:58And have a happy family
00:25:59Yeah, of course
00:26:07Happy holidays, Mom
00:26:12From my family to you
00:26:14Bad news, boss
00:26:24The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife
00:26:27Bailed last minute
00:26:28Wait, she bailed?
00:26:30Then who is...
00:26:31Who is she?
00:26:35Whatever
00:26:36It doesn't matter
00:26:37I've got what I need
00:26:39Sam, don't worry about it
00:26:43I already found someone
00:26:44Okay, well
00:26:50I think it's time for us to go
00:26:53Christmas shopping waits for no one
00:26:54Christmas shopping?
00:26:56I should come
00:26:57Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan
00:27:01I think I should have some say in the gifts
00:27:03It will make it more believable
00:27:05Fine
00:27:09Yeah, fine
00:27:10Okay
00:27:10You can come
00:27:11Let's go
00:27:20Which mall are we going to?
00:27:22Um, let's go to that one
00:27:23Oh, let's go to the bank
00:27:25What the actual fuck?
00:27:35Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:27:41Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with
00:27:44She does kind of look like him
00:27:49So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you
00:27:55Here, let me get this
00:27:58I'm gonna love you, Max
00:28:01Also, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice
00:28:12In front of them
00:28:14Okay
00:28:14Should we use our tongues or
00:28:17No, no, definitely not
00:28:19And absolutely no
00:28:20Sex?
00:28:21Yes
00:28:22Strictly business
00:28:24Anything physical outside of that is not happening
00:28:27What?
00:28:30Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:28:31I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas
00:28:38Let's go
00:28:40Here
00:28:46What are you doing?
00:28:48I'd never let my woman pick up the tab
00:28:50Well, I'm not your woman
00:28:53And this isn't a real relationship
00:28:55And I don't want your money
00:28:57Attention shoppers
00:28:59All bakery items are now 50% off
00:29:0150% off pies?
00:29:03Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies
00:29:0512 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:29:06They're the best kind
00:29:07Hurry up and go
00:29:09Go, what are you standing here for?
00:29:12Hello there
00:29:13Hi
00:29:14You ready?
00:29:14Yes, yeah, just these things
00:29:15Okay, great
00:29:16We have a holiday special today
00:29:19Spend $500, get 10% off
00:29:21And you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the deal
00:29:25Oh, great, yeah
00:29:26What do you have that's just $15?
00:29:28Will you get a move on?
00:29:30I just got here, relax
00:29:33Yeah, yeah
00:29:34Here, this will do the trick
00:29:38Okay, thank you
00:29:39Hurry up and pay
00:29:42I will pay when I'm ready
00:29:47You can wait your turn
00:29:49Thank you
00:29:53Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her
00:29:55Oh, wait, wait, wait
00:30:01Not the pies
00:30:02Not the pies
00:30:02You can just set those on top
00:30:05Hi, guys
00:30:10Gonna hand you all these pies
00:30:14Thank you
00:30:16Thank you
00:30:17Of course
00:30:18Thank you so much
00:30:20Of course, I hope you like pumpkin
00:30:21Thank you
00:30:22She bought all 12 pies
00:30:24Don't worry, I have enough for everybody
00:30:26Just to give it away
00:30:27Thank you
00:30:29Merry Christmas
00:30:29Merry Christmas
00:30:31What?
00:30:36You do that often?
00:30:37As often as I can
00:30:40We should go
00:30:45We gotta pick up paper
00:30:46Watch out
00:30:50You done feeling me up?
00:31:11Shut up
00:31:12Oh, sorry
00:31:13I was just in character, wifey
00:31:14Yeah, well
00:31:15Stay out of character
00:31:16Until Christmas
00:31:17And don't be late
00:31:23Harrison Group?
00:31:36Do you do construction for them or something?
00:31:39Sort of
00:31:40Not that I'm judging
00:31:41I just need to get my story straight
00:31:44Or my mom will eat both of us alive
00:31:45Why don't we say that you do mid-level management
00:31:49For Harrison Group?
00:31:50I think that's respectable
00:31:51Can we pick another company?
00:31:54No
00:31:55Harrison Group is perfect
00:31:56And they'll find it impressive
00:31:58My cousin's husband works for them too
00:32:00So
00:32:00It's perfect
00:32:01Oh, and uh
00:32:07Wear something nice
00:32:08For Christmas dinner
00:32:09Don't worry
00:32:10Okay, I clean up nicely
00:32:11I wouldn't embarrass you
00:32:12Too much
00:32:16Let's go, Sam
00:32:37It's time to check out the new HQ site
00:32:39Well, Don, you're covered in water
00:32:41And you have a hair on your shoulder
00:32:43And it's not yours
00:32:44It's my daughter's
00:32:46Daughter's?
00:32:49Get me a DNA test
00:32:50For that little girl
00:32:51That he's with
00:32:52Hey, there they are
00:33:07Hey, nice to meet you
00:33:10Aw
00:33:11Dad
00:33:12So glad you made it
00:33:13Aw
00:33:14I missed you
00:33:15So
00:33:15Where's this mysterious husband
00:33:18We heard all about?
00:33:19He's coming
00:33:19Please don't tell me Maximus bailed
00:33:22Good, good, good
00:33:23So
00:33:25Heard you got a new hubby, sweetie
00:33:28When's he arriving?
00:33:30Oh, it's probably just some story
00:33:32She cooked up to stop people talking
00:33:34Poor thing
00:33:35Not surprising
00:33:36I mean, she's 30
00:33:38Once a woman hits that age
00:33:40You become undateable
00:33:41Plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps
00:33:45This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas
00:33:51Auntie Pamela
00:33:52Debbie
00:33:53My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern
00:33:56We're only worried about you
00:33:58All these years without a husband
00:34:00Zip it, Pamela
00:34:02You know, you always spoiled her rotten
00:34:05And look what happened
00:34:07She got knocked up out of wedlock
00:34:09Raising a kid all alone
00:34:11I'm not alone
00:34:12Mm-hmm
00:34:13And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:34:19He's a manager
00:34:20Manager
00:34:21Of what?
00:34:23Trash
00:34:24Probably a cover for criminal activity
00:34:28You don't have to lie to us, Eva
00:34:31Actually
00:34:32He's right here
00:34:35Oh, wow
00:34:38Wow
00:34:40He is really good looking
00:34:43Ah, must be AI
00:34:45Mm-hmm
00:34:46Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills
00:34:49Fake
00:34:50That's enough
00:34:51She's our daughter and your niece
00:34:53Show some respect
00:34:54Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William
00:34:59And you turned him down?
00:35:02Well, guess what?
00:35:03William works for the Harrison Group now
00:35:05Makes 500 grand a year
00:35:09That's half a million
00:35:11Half a million
00:35:12Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York
00:35:16And speak of the devil
00:35:19Willie, you made it
00:35:33There you are
00:35:34Oh, look at you now
00:35:37Living the dream
00:35:38Oh, just think, Eva
00:35:40Well, you could be driving around in a car like that
00:35:43Had you not married that criminal waste manager
00:35:46So married, huh?
00:35:48Is it serious?
00:35:51That's what marriage is
00:35:52It's pretty serious
00:35:53Wow
00:35:54You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:35:58Makes sense, though
00:35:59You not being a hot young thing anymore
00:36:01Dragging that kid around with no daddy
00:36:04Ugh, a bullet dodged, Willie
00:36:07Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder
00:36:10Mm-hmm
00:36:11That's right
00:36:12Just bought this brand new suit
00:36:14My Christmas bonus
00:36:16Women love a man in red
00:36:18Sexy, like Santa Claus
00:36:21When I sit on my lap
00:36:23Don't touch me
00:36:25Oh, so entitled
00:36:27Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste
00:36:31And yet, for some reason
00:36:33He's willing to overlook your baggage
00:36:35I mean, look at that car
00:36:37Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:36:41Think of the life I can give you and Piper
00:36:42With all my Harrison Group money
00:36:44Ditch your nobody husband
00:36:46And marry me instead
00:36:48I wouldn't marry you
00:36:50If you were the last man on Earth
00:36:51My mom would never marry
00:36:57She already has a husband
00:36:59He's gonna kick your butt
00:37:00Is that so?
00:37:06Well then, where is he?
00:37:08Because I don't see him
00:37:10Does anyone see him?
00:37:13No
00:37:14Just like I thought
00:37:16Telling lies just like mommy
00:37:18That puts you on the naughty list
00:37:21And let me show you
00:37:23What happens to naughty children
00:37:24Hey, hey
00:37:28Mommy
00:37:28Hey, are you okay?
00:37:30I see your hands
00:37:31Oh my god
00:37:32I'm gonna take her in
00:37:33And get her packed up, okay?
00:37:35Come on, honey
00:37:35Let's go
00:37:36What the hell's the matter with you?
00:37:39How dare you put your filthy hands
00:37:42On my daughter
00:37:42Let me go
00:37:45Now why would I go and do a thing like that
00:37:48When I'm having such a good time
00:37:50Let me go
00:37:51Touch my wife again
00:38:07And I will snap every finger that you've got
00:38:21So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time
00:38:28And this guy passes out
00:38:30Alright, it's about that time
00:38:31So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:38:34Yeah, him
00:38:43Hi
00:38:44Just play along
00:38:45Six
00:38:47Five
00:38:48Four
00:38:49Three
00:38:49Two
00:38:50One
00:38:51Hey
00:38:52You have a cute scar
00:39:16It's just my birthmark
00:39:19If you want me to stop, tell me now
00:39:21I don't want you to stop
00:39:51I was so drunk last night
00:39:59I can't remember who I was with
00:40:01I must return this to her
00:40:06So I can see her again
00:40:07Happy New Year
00:40:13Sam, it's me
00:40:14Hey
00:40:15Find me the girl from last night
00:40:17I don't care how
00:40:18Just do it
00:40:19I will find you
00:40:21Maximus
00:40:26Can you get married already?
00:40:29Bring home a wife
00:40:30Or at least a girlfriend
00:40:31I need grandkids
00:40:33I need you to
00:40:34Message received, Mom
00:40:35I need to go now
00:40:37I have to inspect the new headquarters
00:40:38Seven years
00:40:48Seven years
00:40:48Why can't I ever find you?
00:40:51And why do you still haunt me?
00:41:00Still thinking about that girl?
00:41:02Boss, it's been years
00:41:04I'm ready to go to the inspection now
00:41:09Your vest, sir
00:41:10But first, we found your fake Christmas wife
00:41:13She's waiting in the coffee shop
00:41:14Blonde hair, red top
00:41:16And, sir, make sure you use an alias
00:41:19We can't have her knowing you're the Harrison Group CEO
00:41:21Or she'll jack up the price
00:41:22Good
00:41:23Finally, I can get my mother off my back
00:41:26Hi
00:41:29One iced vanilla latte, please
00:41:31And one hot chocolate
00:41:32I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy
00:41:37Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore
00:41:42Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend
00:41:44It's just for Christmas
00:41:46But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:41:49Where's my real one?
00:41:55I'll tell you when you're older
00:41:58Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:42:01Daddy!
00:42:10No!
00:42:11What?
00:42:17Daddy!
00:42:18No!
00:42:19I'm sorry
00:42:20I'm not your dad
00:42:22No, I know you're my daddy
00:42:24Just as handsome as I've had
00:42:25Oh
00:42:26Mommy, hurry
00:42:28Your fake Christmas husband has arrived
00:42:30I asked the agency for an average looking guy
00:42:40He's gorgeous
00:42:42Why does she feel so familiar?
00:42:49Why does she feel so familiar?
00:42:51She's waiting in the coffee shop
00:42:52Blonde hair, red top
00:42:54You must be my new Christmas husband
00:42:56So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:42:59See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:43:02Hi, my name's Hyper
00:43:03What's your name?
00:43:05Sam didn't say anything about a kid
00:43:07Max, Aurelius
00:43:08Eva
00:43:09I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage
00:43:13I just need a wife for the holidays
00:43:16I guess mom gets her grandkid too
00:43:19So, per our agreement
00:43:23The rate is $1,000 per hour
00:43:25And
00:43:26$1,000 an hour?
00:43:28Well, yeah
00:43:29It's $500 a day
00:43:32Is that enough?
00:43:33That's the most that I can pay you
00:43:35Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:43:37That's what I agreed with the agency
00:43:38You'll make your thousands over the week
00:43:40Look, my requirements are simple
00:43:43Okay, play my pretend husband
00:43:44Come with me to my hometown
00:43:45And we all pretend to be one big happy family
00:43:48And then my family will get off my back
00:43:50So, Piper can have a good Christmas for once
00:43:53So, she's getting pressure from her folks too
00:43:57Fine
00:43:58But you have to help me get my mom off my case too
00:44:01Okay
00:44:04Deal
00:44:05Ready to go get married?
00:44:15Wow
00:44:23Clean up nice
00:44:24This is my wedding day after all
00:44:27Pictures
00:44:27Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love
00:44:39I need some photos of us together too
00:45:06To prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:45:09And have a happy family
00:45:10Yeah
00:45:11Of course
00:45:12Happy holidays, Mom
00:45:23From my family to you
00:45:25Bad news, boss
00:45:35The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife
00:45:38Bailed last minute
00:45:39Wait, she bailed?
00:45:40Then who is...
00:45:42Who is she?
00:45:45Whatever
00:45:47It doesn't matter
00:45:48I've got what I need
00:45:50Sam, don't worry about it
00:45:54I already found someone
00:45:55Okay, well
00:46:02I think it's time for us to go
00:46:04Christmas shopping waits for no one
00:46:05Christmas shopping?
00:46:07I should come
00:46:08Look, if you want me to be the husband
00:46:10In this fake it to your family plan
00:46:12I think I should have some say in the gifts
00:46:14It will make it more believable
00:46:16Fine
00:46:20Yeah, fine
00:46:21Okay
00:46:21You can come
00:46:22Let's go
00:46:31Which mall are we going to?
00:46:33Um, let's go to that one
00:46:34Oh, let's go to the bank
00:46:36What the actual fuck?
00:46:46Sam
00:46:47Is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:46:52Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with
00:46:55She does kind of look like him
00:47:00So when we give these gifts to my parents
00:47:05We will say they're from you
00:47:06Here, let me get this
00:47:09I'm gonna love you, Max
00:47:12Also, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married
00:47:19We should probably kiss once or twice
00:47:23In front of them
00:47:25Okay
00:47:25Should we use our tongues or?
00:47:28No, no, definitely not
00:47:30And absolutely no
00:47:31Sex?
00:47:33Yes
00:47:33Strictly business
00:47:35Anything physical outside of that is not happening
00:47:38What?
00:47:41Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:47:44I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
00:47:46Getting in the way of her having a good Christmas
00:47:49Let's go
00:47:51Here
00:47:57What are you doing?
00:47:59I'd never let my woman pick up the tab
00:48:01Well, I'm not your woman
00:48:04And this isn't a real relationship
00:48:06And I don't want your money
00:48:08Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off
00:48:1250% off pies?
00:48:14Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies
00:48:1612 pumpkin pies, I hear this right?
00:48:17They're the best kind
00:48:18Hurry up and go, go
00:48:20What are you standing here for?
00:48:21Hello there
00:48:24Hi
00:48:25You ready?
00:48:25Yes, yeah, just these things
00:48:26Okay, great
00:48:28We have a holiday special today
00:48:30Spend $500, get 10% off
00:48:32And you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the deal
00:48:36Oh, great
00:48:37Yeah, what do you have that's just $15?
00:48:39Well, can you get a move on?
00:48:41I just got here, relax
00:48:44Yeah, yeah
00:48:45Here, this will do the trick
00:48:49Okay, thank you
00:48:50Hurry up and pay
00:48:53I will pay when I'm ready
00:48:58You can wait your turn
00:49:00Thank you
00:49:04Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her
00:49:06Oh, wait, wait, wait
00:49:12Not the pies
00:49:13Not the pies
00:49:13You can just set those on top
00:49:16Hi, guys
00:49:21I'm going to hand you all these pies
00:49:25Of quarters
00:49:29Thank you so much
00:49:31Of course, I hope you like pumpkin
00:49:32Thank you
00:49:33She bought all 12 pies
00:49:35Don't worry, I have enough for everybody
00:49:37Just to give it away
00:49:38Thank you
00:49:40Merry Christmas
00:49:41Merry Christmas
00:49:42What?
00:49:47You do that often?
00:49:49As often as I can
00:49:51We should go
00:49:56We got to pick up paper
00:49:57Watch out
00:50:01You done feeling me up?
00:50:23Shut up
00:50:23Oh, sorry
00:50:24I was just in character, wifey
00:50:26Well, stay out of character
00:50:27Until Christmas
00:50:28And don't be late
00:50:34Harrison Group?
00:50:47Do you do construction for them or something?
00:50:50Sort of
00:50:51Not that I'm judging
00:50:52I just need to get my story straight
00:50:55Or my mom will eat both of us alive
00:50:56Why don't we say that you do mid-level management
00:51:00For Harrison Group?
00:51:01I think that's respectable
00:51:02Can we pick another company?
00:51:05No
00:51:06Harrison Group is perfect
00:51:07And they'll find it impressive
00:51:09My cousin's husband works for them, too
00:51:11So
00:51:11It's perfect
00:51:12Oh, and uh
00:51:18Wear something nice
00:51:19For Christmas dinner
00:51:20Don't worry
00:51:21Okay, I clean up nicely
00:51:22I wouldn't embarrass you
00:51:23Too much
00:51:27Let's go, Sam
00:51:48It's time to check out the new HQ site
00:51:50Hold on
00:51:51You're covered in water
00:51:52And you have a hair on your shoulder
00:51:54And it's not yours
00:51:55It's my daughter's
00:51:57Daughter's
00:51:59Get me a DNA test
00:52:01For that little girl
00:52:02That he's with
00:52:03Hey, there they are
00:52:18Hey, nice to make it
00:52:21Aw
00:52:22Dad
00:52:23So glad you made it
00:52:24Aw
00:52:25I missed you
00:52:26So
00:52:26Where's this mysterious husband
00:52:29We heard all about
00:52:30He's coming
00:52:30Please don't tell me Maximus bailed
00:52:33Good, good, good
00:52:34So
00:52:36Heard you got a new hubby, sweetie
00:52:39When's he arriving?
00:52:41Oh, it's probably just some story
00:52:43She cooked up to stop people talking
00:52:45Poor thing
00:52:46Not surprising
00:52:47I mean, she's 30
00:52:49Once a woman hits that age
00:52:51You become undateable
00:52:52Plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps
00:52:56This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas
00:53:02Auntie Pamela
00:53:03Debbie
00:53:04My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern
00:53:07We're only worried about you
00:53:09All these years without a husband
00:53:11Zip it, Pamela
00:53:13You know, you always spoiled her rotten
00:53:16And look what happened
00:53:18She got knocked up out of wedlock
00:53:20Raising a kid all alone
00:53:22I'm not alone
00:53:23Mm-hmm
00:53:24And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:53:30He's a manager
00:53:31Manager?
00:53:33Of what?
00:53:34Trash?
00:53:36Probably a cover for criminal activity
00:53:39You don't have to lie to us, Eva
00:53:42Actually
00:53:43He's right here
00:53:46Oh, wow
00:53:50Wow
00:53:51He is really good looking
00:53:54Ah, must be AI
00:53:56Mm-hmm
00:53:57Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills
00:54:00Fake
00:54:01That's enough
00:54:02She's our daughter and your niece
00:54:04Show some respect
00:54:05Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William
00:54:10And you turned him down?
00:54:13Well, guess what?
00:54:14William works for the Harrison Group now
00:54:16Makes 500 grand a year
00:54:20That's half a million
00:54:22Half a million
00:54:23Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York
00:54:27And speak of the devil
00:54:30Willie, you made it
00:54:34There you are
00:54:45Oh, look at you now
00:54:48Living the dream
00:54:49Oh, just think, Eva
00:54:51Well, you could be driving around in a car like that
00:54:54Had you not married that criminal waste manager
00:54:57So married, huh?
00:54:58Yeah
00:54:59Is it serious?
00:55:01That's what marriage is
00:55:03It's pretty serious
00:55:04Wow
00:55:05You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:55:09Makes sense, though
00:55:10You not being a hot young thing anymore
00:55:12Dragging that kid around with no daddy
00:55:15A bullet dodged, Willie
00:55:18Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder
00:55:21That's right
00:55:23Just bought this brand new suit
00:55:25My Christmas bonus
00:55:27Women love a man in red
00:55:29Sexy, like Santa Claus
00:55:32When I sit on my lap
00:55:34Don't touch me
00:55:36Oh, so entitled
00:55:38Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste
00:55:42And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage
00:55:46I mean, look at that car
00:55:48Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:55:52Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money
00:55:55Ditch your nobody husband
00:55:57And marry me instead
00:55:59I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth
00:56:02My mom would never marry
00:56:08She already has a husband
00:56:10And he's gonna kick your butt
00:56:11Is that so?
00:56:17Well, then
00:56:17Where is he?
00:56:19Because
00:56:19I don't see him
00:56:21Does anyone see him?
00:56:24No
00:56:25Just like I thought
00:56:27Telling lies just like Mommy
00:56:29That puts you on the naughty list
00:56:32And let me show you what happens to naughty children
00:56:35Hey
00:56:39Mommy
00:56:39Are you okay?
00:56:41I see your hands
00:56:42Oh my God
00:56:43I'm gonna take her in and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:56:46Come on, honey
00:56:46Let's go
00:56:47What the hell's the matter with you?
00:56:51How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:56:55Let me go
00:56:56Now, why would I go and do a thing like that
00:56:59When I'm having such a good time
00:57:01Let me go
00:57:02Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got
00:57:20So I'm finding the space shuttle for the second time
00:57:39And this guy passes out
00:57:41All right, it's about that time
00:57:42So are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:57:45Uh
00:57:46Yeah, him
00:57:54Hi
00:57:55Just play him on
00:57:56Six
00:57:58Five
00:57:59Four
00:58:00Three
00:58:01Two
00:58:01One
00:58:02Hey
00:58:03Yeah
00:58:04You have a cute scar
00:58:27It's just my birthmark
00:58:30If you want me to stop, tell me now
00:58:32I don't want you to stop
00:58:36I don't want you to stop
00:59:06I was so drunk last night
00:59:10I can't remember who I was with
00:59:12I must return this to her so I can see her again
00:59:18Happy New Year
00:59:24Sam, it's me
00:59:25Hey, find me the girl from last night
00:59:28I don't care how, just do it
00:59:30I will find you
00:59:32Maximus
00:59:37Can't you get married already?
00:59:40Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend
00:59:42I need grandkids
00:59:44I need you to
00:59:45Message received, Mom
00:59:46I need to go now
00:59:48I have to inspect the new headquarters
00:59:50Seven years
00:59:59Why can't I ever find you?
01:00:02And why do you still haunt me?
01:00:11Still thinking about that girl?
01:00:13Boss, it's been years
01:00:15I'm ready to go to the inspection now
01:00:20Your vest, sir
01:00:21But first we found her fake Christmas wife
01:00:24She's waiting in the coffee shop
01:00:26Blonde hair, red top
01:00:27And sir, make sure you use an alias
01:00:30We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO
01:00:32Or she'll jack up the price
01:00:33Good
01:00:34Finally I can get my mother off my back
01:00:37Hi
01:00:40One iced vanilla latte please
01:00:42And one hot chocolate
01:00:44I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy
01:00:48Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela
01:00:50Can't say I have no daddy anymore
01:00:53Sweetie, remember
01:00:54It's just pretend
01:00:55It's just for Christmas
01:00:57But Mommy
01:00:58Why do we have to rent a daddy?
01:01:00Where's my real one?
01:01:06I'll tell you when you're older
01:01:09Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
01:01:12Daddy!
01:01:21No!
01:01:22What?
01:01:28Daddy!
01:01:29No!
01:01:30I'm sorry
01:01:31I'm not your dad
01:01:33No, I know you're my daddy
01:01:35Just as handsome as I've
01:01:36Oh
01:01:37Mommy, hurry
01:01:39Your fake Christmas husband has arrived
01:01:41I asked the agency for an average-looking guy
01:01:51He's gorgeous
01:01:53Why does she feel so familiar?
01:02:02She's waiting in the coffee shop
01:02:03Blonde hair, red top
01:02:05You must be my new Christmas husband
01:02:08So, you're my new Christmas wife?
01:02:10See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
01:02:13Hi, my name's Hyper
01:02:14What's your name?
01:02:16Sam didn't say anything about a kid
01:02:18Max
01:02:19Aurelius
01:02:19Eva
01:02:20I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage
01:02:25I just need a wife for the holidays
01:02:27I guess Mom gets her grandkid too
01:02:30So, per our agreement
01:02:34The rate is $1,000 per hour
01:02:37And...
01:02:38$1,000 an hour?
01:02:39Well, yeah
01:02:40It's $500 a day
01:02:43Is that enough?
01:02:44That's the most that I can pay you
01:02:46Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
01:02:48That's what I agreed with the agency
01:02:49You'll make your thousands over the week
01:02:52Look, my requirements are simple
01:02:54Okay, play my pretend husband
01:02:55Come with me to my hometown
01:02:57And we all pretend to be one big happy family
01:02:59And then my family will get off my back
01:03:01So, Piper can have a good Christmas for once
01:03:04So, she's getting pressure from her folks too
01:03:08Fine
01:03:09But you have to help me get my mom off my case too
01:03:12Okay
01:03:15Deal
01:03:16Ready to go get married?
01:03:33Wow
01:03:34Clean up nice
01:03:35This is my wedding day after all
01:03:38Pictures
01:03:38Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love
01:04:08Touching
01:04:11Okay
01:04:12Uh, well I think we got it
01:04:14Ooh
01:04:15I need some photos of us together too
01:04:17To prove to my parents that I'm actually married
01:04:20And have a happy family
01:04:21Yeah
01:04:22Of course
01:04:23Happy holidays, Mom
01:04:34From my family to you
01:04:38Bad news, boss
01:04:46The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife
01:04:49Bailed last minute
01:04:50Wait, she bailed?
01:04:52Then who is
01:04:53Who is she?
01:04:57Whatever
01:04:58It doesn't matter
01:04:59I've got what I need
01:05:01Sam, don't worry about it
01:05:05I already found someone
01:05:06Okay
01:05:12Well
01:05:13I think it's time for us to go
01:05:15Christmas shopping waits for no one
01:05:16Christmas shopping?
01:05:18I should come
01:05:19Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan
01:05:23I think I should have some say in the gifts
01:05:26It'll make it more believable
01:05:27Fine
01:05:31Yeah, fine
01:05:32Okay
01:05:32You can come
01:05:34Let's go
01:05:42Which mall are we going to?
01:05:44Um, let's go to that one
01:05:45Oh, let's go to the bank
01:05:47What the actual fuck?
01:05:57Sam
01:05:58Is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
01:06:03Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with
01:06:06She does kind of look like him
01:06:11So when we give these gifts to my parents
01:06:16We will say they're from you
01:06:17Here, let me get this
01:06:21I'm gonna love you, Max
01:06:23Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married
01:06:30We should probably kiss once or twice
01:06:34In front of them
01:06:36Okay
01:06:37Should we use our tongues or?
01:06:40No, no, definitely not
01:06:41And absolutely no
01:06:42Sex?
01:06:44Yes
01:06:44Strictly business
01:06:46Anything physical outside of that is not happening
01:06:49What?
01:06:52Afraid you'll fall for me?
01:06:55I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
01:06:58Getting in the way of her having a good Christmas
01:07:00Let's go
01:07:02Here
01:07:08What are you doing?
01:07:10I'd never let my woman pick up the tab
01:07:12Well, I'm not your woman
01:07:15And this isn't a real relationship
01:07:17And I don't want your money
01:07:19Attention shoppers
01:07:21All bakery items are now 50% off
01:07:2350% off pies
01:07:24Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies
01:07:2712 pumpkin pies
01:07:28Did I hear this right?
01:07:29They're the best kind
01:07:29Hurry up and go
01:07:31Go
01:07:31What are you standing here for?
01:07:34Hello there
01:07:35Hi
01:07:36You ready?
01:07:36Yes, yeah
01:07:37Just these things
01:07:37Okay, great
01:07:39We have a holiday special today
01:07:41Spend $500
01:07:42Get 10% off
01:07:43And you are just short
01:07:45$15 if you want to take advantage of the deal
01:07:47Oh, great
01:07:48Yeah
01:07:48What do you have that's just $15?
01:07:50Will you get a move on?
01:07:52I just got here
01:07:54Relax
01:07:55Yeah, yeah
01:07:56Here, this will do the trick
01:08:00Okay, thank you
01:08:01Hurry up and pay
01:08:04I will pay when I'm ready
01:08:09You can wait your turn
01:08:11Thank you
01:08:15Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her
01:08:17Oh wait, wait, wait, not the pies
01:08:24Not the pies
01:08:25You can just set those on top
01:08:27Hi guys
01:08:32I'm gonna hand you all these pies
01:08:36Thank you
01:08:38Of course
01:08:40Thank you so much
01:08:42Of course, I hope you like pumpkin
01:08:43Thank you
01:08:44She bought all 12 pies
01:08:46Don't worry, I have enough for everybody
01:08:48Just to give it away
01:08:49Yeah
01:08:49Thank you
01:08:51Merry Christmas
01:08:52Hi
01:08:52Merry Christmas
01:08:53What?
01:08:58You do that often?
01:09:01As often as I can
01:09:02We should go
01:09:07We gotta pick up paper
01:09:08Watch out
01:09:23You done feeling me up?
01:09:34Shut up
01:09:34Oh, sorry
01:09:35I was just in character, wifey
01:09:37Well, stay out of character
01:09:38Until Christmas
01:09:39And don't be late
01:09:53Harrison Group?
01:09:58Do you do construction for them or something?
01:10:01Sort of
01:10:02Not that I'm judging
01:10:03I just need to get my story straight
01:10:06Or my mom will eat both of us alive
01:10:08Why don't we say that you do mid-level management
01:10:11For Harrison Group?
01:10:12I think that's respectable
01:10:13Can we pick another company?
01:10:16No
01:10:17Harrison Group is perfect
01:10:19And they'll find it impressive
01:10:20My cousin's husband works for them too
01:10:22So
01:10:22It's perfect
01:10:23Oh, and uh
01:10:29Wear something nice
01:10:30For Christmas dinner
01:10:31Don't worry
01:10:32Okay, I clean up nicely
01:10:33I wouldn't embarrass you
01:10:35Too much
01:10:52Let's go, Sam
01:10:59It's time to check out the new HQ site
01:11:01Well, Don, you're covered in water
01:11:03And you have a hair on your shoulder
01:11:05And it's not yours
01:11:06It's my daughter's
01:11:08Daughter's?
01:11:11Give me a DNA test
01:11:12For that little girl
01:11:13That he's with
01:11:14Hey, there they are
01:11:29Nice to meet you
01:11:31Nice to meet you
01:11:31Nice to meet you
01:11:32Aw
01:11:33Dad
01:11:33So glad you made it
01:11:35Aw, we missed you
01:11:37So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
01:11:41He's coming
01:11:42Please don't tell me Maximus bailed
01:11:44Good, good, good
01:11:46So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie
01:11:50When's he arriving?
01:11:52Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking
01:11:56Poor thing
01:11:57Not surprising
01:11:58I mean, she's 30
01:12:00Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable
01:12:03Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps
01:12:07This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas
01:12:13Auntie Pamela
01:12:14Debbie
01:12:15My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern
01:12:18We're only worried about you
01:12:20All these years without a husband
01:12:22Zip it, Pamela
01:12:24You know, you always spoiled her rotten
01:12:27And look what happened
01:12:29She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone
01:12:33I'm not alone
01:12:34Mm-hmm
01:12:35And what does this mysterious husband do?
01:12:41He's a manager
01:12:42Manager
01:12:43Of what?
01:12:45Trash
01:12:46Probably a cover for criminal activity
01:12:50You don't have to lie to us, Eva
01:12:53Actually
01:12:54He's right here
01:12:58Oh, wow
01:13:01Wow
01:13:02He is really good looking
01:13:05Ah, must be AI
01:13:07Mm-hmm
01:13:08Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills
01:13:11Fake
01:13:12That's enough
01:13:13She's our daughter and your niece
01:13:15Show some respect
01:13:16Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William
01:13:21And you turned him down
01:13:23Well, guess what?
01:13:25William works for the Harrison Group now
01:13:27Makes 500 grand a year
01:13:31That's half a million
01:13:33Half a million
01:13:34Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York
01:13:38And speak of the devil
01:13:41Willie, you made it
01:13:46There you are
01:13:57Oh, look at you now
01:13:59Living the dream
01:14:00Oh, just think, Eva
01:14:03Well, you could be driving around in a car like that
01:14:05Had you not married that criminal waste manager
01:14:08So married, huh?
01:14:10Is it serious?
01:14:13That's what marriage is
01:14:14It's pretty serious
01:14:15Wow
01:14:17You must have rushed the time of the night, huh?
01:14:20Makes sense, though
01:14:21You not being a hot young thing anymore
01:14:24Dragging that kid around with no daddy
01:14:26A bullet dodged, Willie
01:14:29Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder
01:14:32That's right
01:14:34Just bought this brand new suit
01:14:36My Christmas bonus
01:14:38Women love a man in red
01:14:40Sexy, like Santa Claus
01:14:43When I sit on my lap
01:14:45Don't touch me
01:14:47Oh, so entitled
01:14:49William's a successful man of taste, not waste
01:14:53And yet, for some reason
01:14:55He's willing to overlook your baggage
01:14:57I mean, look at that car
01:14:59Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
01:15:03Think of the life I can give you and Piper
01:15:04With all my Harrison Group money
01:15:06Ditch your nobody husband
01:15:08And marry me instead
01:15:10I wouldn't marry you
01:15:12If you were the last man on Earth
01:15:14My mom would never marry
01:15:19She already has a husband
01:15:21And he's gonna kick your butt
01:15:22Is that so?
01:15:28Well, then
01:15:28Where is he?
01:15:30Because
01:15:30I don't see him
01:15:32Does anyone see him?
01:15:35Now
01:15:36Just like I thought
01:15:38Telling lies just like Mommy
01:15:40That puts you on the naughty list
01:15:43And let me show you
01:15:45What happens to naughty children
01:15:47Hey
01:15:50Mommy
01:15:50It's fine
01:15:51Are you okay?
01:15:52I see your hands
01:15:53Oh my God
01:15:54I'm gonna take her in
01:15:56And get her packed stuff, okay?
01:15:57Come on
01:15:57Let's go
01:15:58What the hell's the matter with you?
01:16:02How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
01:16:06Let me go
01:16:07Now, why would I go and do a thing like that
01:16:10When I'm having such a good time?
01:16:13Let me go
01:16:14Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got
01:16:44So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time
01:16:50And this guy passes out
01:16:52Alright, it's about that time
01:16:53So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
01:16:56Uh, yeah, it's him
01:17:05Hi
01:17:06Just play along
01:17:07Six, five, four, three, two, one
01:17:13You have a cute scar
01:17:38It's just my birthmark
01:17:40Do you want me to stop, tell me now
01:17:43I don't want you to stop
01:17:47I don't want you to stop
01:18:17I was so drunk last night
01:18:21I can't remember who I was with
01:18:23I must return this to her so I can see her again
01:18:29Happy New Year
01:18:35Sam, it's me
01:18:36Hey, find me the girl from last night
01:18:39I don't care how, just do it
01:18:41I will find you
01:18:47Maximus, can't you get married already?
01:18:51Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend
01:18:53I need grandkids
01:18:55I need you to-
01:18:56Message received, Mom
01:18:57I need to go now
01:18:59I have to inspect the new headquarters
01:19:00Seven years
01:19:10Seven years
01:19:10Why can't I ever find you?
01:19:13And why do you still haunt me?
01:19:22Still thinking about that girl?
01:19:24Boss, it's been years
01:19:26I'm ready to go to the inspection now
01:19:31Your vest, sir
01:19:32But first, we found your fake Christmas wife
01:19:35She's waiting in the coffee shop
01:19:36Blonde hair, red top
01:19:38And, sir, make sure you use an alias
01:19:41We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO
01:19:43Or she'll jack up the price
01:19:44Good
01:19:45Finally, I can get my mother off my back
01:19:48Hi
01:19:51One iced vanilla latte, please
01:19:53And one hot chocolate
01:19:54I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy
01:19:59Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore
01:20:04Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend
01:20:06It's just for Christmas
01:20:08But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
01:20:11Where's my real one?
01:20:13Uh
01:20:13I'll tell you when you're older
01:20:20Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
01:20:31Daddy!
01:20:32No!
01:20:33What?
01:20:40Daddy!
01:20:40No!
01:20:41I'm sorry
01:20:42I'm not your dad
01:20:44No, I know you're my daddy
01:20:46Just as handsome as I have
01:20:47Oh
01:20:48Mommy, hurry
01:20:50Your fit Christmas husband has arrived
01:20:52I asked the agency for an average-looking guy
01:21:02He's gorgeous
01:21:04Why does she feel so familiar?
01:21:11She's waiting in the coffee shop
01:21:14Blonde hair, red top
01:21:16You must be my new Christmas husband
01:21:18So, you're my new Christmas wife?
01:21:21See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
01:21:24Hi, my name's Hyper
01:21:25What's your name?
01:21:27Sam didn't say anything about a kid
01:21:29Max
01:21:30Aurelius
01:21:30Eva
01:21:31I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage
01:21:35I just need a wife for the holidays
01:21:38I guess mom gets her grandkid too
01:21:41So, per hour agreement
01:21:45The rate is $1,000 per hour
01:21:48And...
01:21:48$1,000 an hour?
01:21:50Well, yeah
01:21:51It's $500 a day
01:21:54Is that enough?
01:21:55That's the most that I can pay you
01:21:57Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
01:21:59That's what I agreed with the agency
01:22:00You'll make your thousands over the week
01:22:02Look, my requirements are simple
01:22:05Okay, play my pretend husband
01:22:06Come with me to my hometown
01:22:07And we all pretend to be one big happy family
01:22:10And then my family will get off my back
01:22:12So, Piper can have a good Christmas for once
01:22:15So, she's getting pressure from her folks too
01:22:19Fine
01:22:20But you have to help me get my mom off my case too
01:22:23Okay
01:22:26Deal
01:22:27Ready to go get married?
01:22:44Wow
01:22:45Clean up nice
01:22:46It was my wedding day after all
01:22:49Pictures
01:22:49Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love
01:23:01Touching
01:23:22Okay
01:23:23Well, I think we got it
01:23:25Oh, I need some photos of us together too
01:23:28To prove to my parents that I'm actually married
01:23:31And have a happy family
01:23:32Yeah
01:23:33Of course
01:23:34Happy holidays, Mom
01:23:45From my family to you
01:23:47Bad news, boss
01:23:57The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife bailed last minute
01:24:01Wait, she bailed?
01:24:03Then who is...
01:24:04Who is she?
01:24:08Whatever
01:24:09It doesn't matter
01:24:10It doesn't matter
01:24:10I've got what I need
01:24:12Sam, don't worry about it
01:24:16I already found someone
01:24:17Okay, well
01:24:24I think it's time for us to go
01:24:26Christmas shopping waits for no one
01:24:27Christmas shopping?
01:24:29I should come
01:24:30Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake it to your family plan
01:24:34I think I should have some say in the gifts
01:24:36It will make it more believable
01:24:38Fine
01:24:42Yeah, fine
01:24:43Okay
01:24:43You can come
01:24:45Let's go
01:24:53Which mall are we going to?
01:24:55Um, let's go to that one
01:24:56Oh, let's go to the bank
01:24:58What the actual fuck?
01:25:08Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
01:25:14Get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with
01:25:17She does kind of look like him
01:25:22So when we give these gifts to my parents
01:25:27We will say they're from you
01:25:28Here, let me get this
01:25:32I'm going to love you, Max
01:25:34Also, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married
01:25:41We should probably kiss once or twice
01:25:45In front of them
01:25:47Okay
01:25:47Should we use our tongues or?
01:25:50No, no, definitely not
01:25:52And absolutely no
01:25:53Sex?
01:25:54Yes
01:25:55Strictly business
01:25:57Anything physical outside of that is not happening
01:26:00What?
01:26:03Afraid you'll fall for me?
01:26:06I just don't want Piper to have messy complications
01:26:08Getting in the way of her having a good Christmas
01:26:11Let's go
01:26:13Here
01:26:19What are you doing?
01:26:21I'd never let my woman pick up the tab
01:26:23You
01:26:23I'll be I'll probably get back to allлиз文ica
01:26:27I'd never let my mom pick up the dro appendix
01:26:28I'm going to let them go
01:26:44And you're, you know, shifting there
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