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Rob and Romesh Vs Season 8 Episode 1
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#Rob and Romesh
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00:00Rob and I are back.
00:06It looks a bit like you're my guide.
00:10Throwing ourselves into the biggest challenges.
00:12Check, check, check.
00:15With the help of the world's best.
00:17You still own the office.
00:20Together we're going on a journey of discovery.
00:23No, no, no.
00:25To find out what we like.
00:27Oh wow, Rob, that's amazing.
00:29And what we don't.
00:30This feels like it's all going to come out.
00:33This week, we're heading to Mumbai.
00:36Right, relax, relax, relax.
00:38Home to one of the world's biggest film industries, Bollywood.
00:42Action.
00:43We'll be getting help from some of its biggest stars.
00:46Have you ever seen anybody that looks like this in a Bollywood feature?
00:49No.
00:49As we try to earn roles in a blockbuster Bollywood movie.
00:53So here we are, Rob.
01:04Mumbai.
01:05Oh, wow.
01:06It's quite overwhelming, isn't it?
01:08Oh my God, it's so close.
01:10Oh, I'm really impressed.
01:12Right, relax, relax, relax.
01:13It's my first time in India.
01:16I'd say there's a lot to take in, Rob.
01:19Yeah.
01:20It's an unusual decision to dress as the empire when you've done it.
01:27It looks a bit like you're my guide.
01:28You've been here before.
01:33Any tips you'd give me to that blend in?
01:35I've been here once.
01:37Lasted more than once.
01:38Why?
01:41TV work.
01:41Right.
01:42Why did you pause?
01:46Also, Rob, I'm a bit worried.
01:48Yeah, go on.
01:48I've had a bit of an upset for stomach.
01:51Since you've got here?
01:52No, before I got here.
01:53Did you have, like, a warm-up curry before you came?
01:55No, no, I actually had a cheese and pickle sandwich before I left.
01:59Do you know what?
02:01I could imagine how this went.
02:03Lou, go to India tomorrow.
02:05Can you, can I have the whitest thing in the world?
02:08I did.
02:09Fill me up with bread and dairy, babe.
02:12I'm off to India.
02:18Bollywood.
02:19Yeah.
02:19The ideal scenario is, Rom, to complete this mission, we get a part in a Bollywood movie.
02:23That's got to be the aim, yeah?
02:24Yeah.
02:25I know this sounds weird, but I think you've got a better chance of that than I have.
02:30Really?
02:30Because you've got, like, more of a unique look.
02:33I do feel like this is the show I get cancelled on.
02:35Yeah.
02:36Me attempting Bollywood.
02:37The only thing I would say is, like, on TikTok, which is banned over here, every time you see,
02:43like, a white guy who turns up to an Indian wedding and, like, nails the dance or whatever,
02:47it goes viral.
02:48Yeah.
02:48And that's, yeah.
02:49Yeah.
02:49I think if you manage to get over doing something cultural, I think, I genuinely, I'm not just
02:54saying this.
02:55Yeah.
02:55I think you could be a megastar over here.
02:58I honestly believe that.
02:59Bollywood is one of the world's biggest film industries, famed for its big dance numbers
03:06and incredible action sequences.
03:09If we had any chance of making it here, we desperately needed some help.
03:13So we tracked down the perfect person to get us on our way, a Bollywood star who's gone
03:20on to break Hollywood, Ali Fasau.
03:23From his breakout comedy performance in Bollywood classic Fukri to taking on full throttle blockbuster
03:29action in Fast and Furious 7.
03:31240 miles per hour, top speed.
03:34And it's bulletproof.
03:37Ali's range made him the guy to help us on our mission.
03:39We were dropping in on him during a photo shoot to pick his brains on all things Bollywood.
03:45Hi, Rob.
03:45Nice to meet you.
03:46Hi, yes.
03:46Hi, yes.
03:47How's it going?
03:48You all right?
03:48Oh, you look at this guy.
03:50You look great.
03:51Basically, we're trying to, one, find out about Bollywood as a phenomenon and, two, get a part
03:57in something.
03:57Yeah.
03:58Yeah, genuinely.
03:59And the truth is, have you ever seen anybody that looks like this in a Bollywood feature?
04:03No.
04:05No.
04:05What?
04:05What do you mean?
04:06It's unique.
04:07Really?
04:08I'm kidding.
04:08I'm kidding.
04:09I mean, no.
04:10Anybody can become an actor.
04:11Anybody can, like, enter Bollywood.
04:13It's diverse.
04:14So, what's the main differences you've done both between Hollywood and Bollywood, would
04:17you say?
04:18What's the big difference?
04:19Well, I mean, the economics, I think.
04:24Which one's better?
04:25Which one pays more?
04:26Well, I mean, the English side.
04:27Yeah.
04:28Yeah.
04:28Right.
04:29Seriously?
04:29Especially, like, Bollywood sets.
04:30The ones with the songs, 500 dancers.
04:33It gets really crazy on a set, right?
04:34You've got to be really, really, like, zen inside.
04:38So, it's going to be overwhelming and hectic, so we've got to try and be as...
04:41It can be, especially because you're white, so you're going to be a minority.
04:44Yeah.
04:45But I do like attention.
04:47You know what?
04:47You should be in front of the camera.
04:49Like, step one, I think, would be to just get photos.
04:51Okay.
04:52And we take it from there.
04:53So, Ali was going to help us out and let us use his team to get a portfolio of headshots.
04:58Just like the biggest Bollywood stars, we were getting a lookbook for Ali to send to
05:02Mumbai's biggest casting agents.
05:05Part of becoming an actor in any industry is you've got to have a portfolio done so you
05:08can go for castings and stuff like that.
05:10Yeah, very nice.
05:11Yeah, yeah.
05:11We like a bit of that.
05:12It's all good.
05:12I genuinely am quite excited about bringing Rob Beckett to Bollywood.
05:18If we can overcome Rob's inability to dance, his complete inability to connect with any
05:23kind of music and also teach him Hindi, I genuinely think this guy could be massive.
05:29But it was clear that Rob had a long way to go.
05:33Wow.
05:34Are you real?
05:36What does wow mean over here?
05:38Luckily for me, Ali had brought along Bollywood costume designer, Rick Roy, to help style
05:44us.
05:44This is Rick.
05:45Hi.
05:45I think, I mean, we need a lot of help.
05:48Yes.
05:48And maybe we can, like, spice things up.
05:49Yes.
05:50So, I think Copverse is really, really big in Bollywood.
05:53Like, every actor who is, like, trying to make it big, they always do a cop film.
05:58Because that's where all the...
05:58Okay, a cop film.
05:59So, Copverse.
06:01I mean, that's what I'm calling it.
06:02Right, okay.
06:04Copverse is one of Bollywood's biggest film franchises.
06:07And this was the first look Rick was about to try on us.
06:10We have options of names, whatever you're, like, kind of feeling it.
06:13Anyone's that say Paul?
06:15Uh, Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:17I think I'm more of a Rajiv.
06:18It could be Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:19Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:20I'm more of a Rajiv Kumar Singh to me.
06:22Do you get many sort of white cops from South East London in the Indian police force?
06:27Not really.
06:28No.
06:28No.
06:28But I'm not.
06:29I'm an actor and I'm Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:31One important part of the Copverse is to have a moustache only and no beard.
06:38Because cops don't have beard.
06:39You have to shave your fuzz and come back with just a moustache because it's very macho to have a moustache.
06:47We were a cutthroat shave away from entering the Copverse.
06:51Yeah, I'm ready.
06:52Yeah, yeah.
06:53Perfect.
06:54And this was already feeling like a bad idea.
06:57You seem quite nervous.
06:58What I'm nervous about is just looking like a Tamil guy from some exotic, erotic movie from the 70s.
07:06Uh, Rob, on the other hand, with a moustache, I predict unacceptable.
07:10The beards were gone in minutes, but we hadn't dared look in the mirror and the moment of truth arrived.
07:16Right, you ready?
07:17Three, two, one.
07:19Oh my God.
07:20Whoa.
07:21Whoa.
07:23Whoa.
07:24Oh my God.
07:26Why is your cheek so pale?
07:31Are you white?
07:31Rob, Rob, I'm not being funny.
07:32I'm not taking any banter from you about how I look.
07:35What, I...
07:35You genuinely look like you've got something buried under your patio.
07:39I look like a hard man from the 70s in a football team.
07:41You look like a fucking serial killer.
07:43Let's see what you start with the glasses.
07:45That's got a lot worse.
07:48Oh my God.
07:49I look like a fucking Asian Albert Einstein.
07:51Oh, mine's horrible.
07:57I look like Alpesh Einstein.
08:01It was hard to imagine anyone casting us looking like this, but we were only halfway there with our cop-verse look.
08:08Here, this is your shirt.
08:10Oh, thank you.
08:11How are you looking, Rob?
08:12I look mental.
08:13These trousers, I look like they've been painted on.
08:17It was a tight fit, but we were finally ready to reveal our outfits.
08:22Let's see the big reveal.
08:23Ta-da!
08:30Fabulous.
08:31Um, what do you think?
08:33I don't know what to say.
08:35Do you think he looks okay?
08:36Because he looks like he needs a copy of Mein Kampf.
08:41You must have.
08:42Have you got any big trousers?
08:43He looks like one of the biggest defenders of the Aryan race I've ever seen in my life.
08:49Look, I don't think Rob Beckett is an unattractive man.
08:52He's a good-looking guy.
08:53With a moustache, he looks horrible.
08:56Like, horrible.
08:57Glasses off, do you reckon?
08:58I think glasses off for everyone that sees you.
09:01Fuck!
09:02Let's deal with a moustache, okay?
09:04Some people have a moustache that look handsome and hunky.
09:07Some look camp.
09:08Some look like paedophiles.
09:11I'm a paedophile.
09:12Well, no, I'm not, but I look like I'm the paedophile option.
09:16Despite feeling more like a criminal than a cop,
09:18it was time for us to get in front of the camera
09:20and try to sell ourselves as serious Bollywood actors.
09:24Okay, you've got to be intimidated.
09:25Come on, Rob.
09:26Very nice, sir.
09:27Very good.
09:29Yeah.
09:29Fabulous.
09:30Gangster cop.
09:31Oh, wow, Rob.
09:32That's amazing.
09:33Rob had smashed his photo shoot, and now it was my turn.
09:37But if I was to stand any chance of getting a role in Bollywood,
09:40I was going to have to put aside all the obvious problems
09:42and get into character.
09:44I am Rajesh Kumar Singh.
09:46But despite his best efforts, Rob wasn't fooling anyone.
09:53Rob is supposed to be playing Rajesh Kumar Singh.
09:58The camera guy couldn't keep a straight face.
10:01He looks like somebody that moved to Tyrone under mysterious circumstances.
10:05With a load of headshots already in the bag,
10:12Rick and Ali had one last look for our portfolios.
10:14The traditional romantic lead.
10:17So it's basically a multi-purpose outfit in Bollywood.
10:20You can do this look for, like, celebrations.
10:23You can do it for weddings.
10:24It's all over.
10:25This is why.
10:26This is it.
10:26I don't think this is okay.
10:29Okay, guys.
10:30Come out.
10:30Let's see what your looks are looking like.
10:32Ooh.
10:38Yeah.
10:39I love it.
10:39Also.
10:40Yep.
10:41Yep.
10:41Perfect.
10:44I'll be honest with you.
10:45I'm not sure what I've got.
10:46It's all right.
10:48See, now I just feel like...
10:50Like what?
10:52I don't know.
10:53It just looks strange, doesn't it?
10:55Look, Romesh looks sensational.
10:57The colour they gave you really suits his skin tone.
11:00He looks unbelievable.
11:01Romesh arrives with praise.
11:03I arrive with questions.
11:05Do you know what he looks like?
11:06He looks like he's doing five weeks in Worthing for the panto.
11:10Okay, let's get you in.
11:12So how should we be posing?
11:14Is it like...
11:14Yes.
11:16Could Rob be a romantic lead?
11:18Yes.
11:19If the other character in the relationship was an animal.
11:23Very nice.
11:25There you go.
11:26Have you ever done a white guy before?
11:28Not this fight.
11:29Romantic leads still felt like a long shot for Rob.
11:33But with Rick and Ali's help, we'd managed to complete our portfolios and were one step
11:38closer to breaking into Bollywood.
11:40Oh my God.
11:41Yeah, I think the pictures are done.
11:51That's nice.
11:52That's a good one.
11:53And do you think we've got any potential?
11:54I think so.
11:55We'll edit them a little and send them to the producers.
11:57Why don't you focus on acting lessons?
11:59Yeah, we're up for that, aren't we?
12:00Yeah.
12:01That'll help, I think.
12:02All right.
12:03Well, look, we'll do that.
12:04But seriously, best of luck.
12:05Great.
12:06Thanks.
12:06Thanks.
12:07All right.
12:07We'll be in touch.
12:07Thanks, man.
12:08Thank you very much.
12:08Thanks so much.
12:14Rom and I are on a mission to break into Bollywood.
12:16Ta-da!
12:17After learning the tricks of the trade from Bollywood star Ali Fazal.
12:21Oh my God.
12:22We now looked the part and we were ready to up our game.
12:26Why don't you focus on acting lessons?
12:28Yeah, we're up for that, aren't we?
12:29Yeah.
12:30But as we set off from the gateway of India for a spot of sightseeing before school tomorrow,
12:35something was on my mind.
12:38Right, so we've done our photo shoot stuff with the moustache.
12:42Are we keeping this then for the rest of the Bollywood adventure?
12:45I think we sort of have to.
12:46Yeah, we can't go back now.
12:47I can't go clean shaven.
12:48All clean shaven for me is worse.
12:50For me, same.
12:50I think for the rest of this trip, certainly, we're the Tash Bros.
12:53But I think if I'm super confident, people won't question it.
12:57So it's like, oh, you've got a moustache.
12:58Yeah.
12:59Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.
13:00That feels quite, like, quite defensive.
13:02Not confident.
13:03Sexy.
13:04No.
13:04Powerful.
13:04No, it feels like it's, you've got a chip on your shoulder about it.
13:07Okay, we've just met each other.
13:08Peter, I'll be right back.
13:08Rob, nice to meet you.
13:09Hey, man.
13:10Oh, you've got a Tash too?
13:11Yeah.
13:11I like it.
13:12Okay, yeah, I like yours as well.
13:14Thanks.
13:15I don't like that.
13:16No?
13:17No.
13:18Why not?
13:18How about this?
13:19Oh, you're a sex offender as well?
13:21To kickstart our acting ambitions, the next day we headed into one of India's top drama
13:33schools, Actor Prepares Academy in Mumbai, founded by Bollywood icon Anupam Ker.
13:39With a career spanning over four decades, in acclaimed roles ranging from Bollywood dad
13:44in Dilwalia Dulhania Lajiange.
13:46I am proud of you, my son.
13:48To therapy guru in the Oscar-winning Silver Linings playbook, Anupam's an absolute giant
13:54of world cinema.
13:55Hello.
13:56Hi.
13:57Hi.
13:57Hi.
13:57And with his school's track record of producing some of India's finest actors, it was the perfect
14:02place to help us on our Bollywood journey.
14:06So when did you start the academy?
14:07About 20 years back.
14:09Our tagline is, we bring out the actor in you.
14:12Well, that's one of the problems that we've got, I think, if I can speak on behalf of both
14:15of us.
14:15We're quite inhibited.
14:18Musical-wise, that's probably our biggest obstacle.
14:21Yeah, that's going to...
14:21We don't really...
14:22Obstacle?
14:22Obstacle, yeah.
14:23I can't dance.
14:24Okay.
14:25You can't dance?
14:25No.
14:26You've done 500 films?
14:27Yeah, I have danced.
14:28So I go speak to the choreographer and I say, either the camera should be on my feet
14:33or on my face.
14:35Never at the same time?
14:36Never in the body.
14:38So it will be face will be doing...
14:40And the feet will be doing the same.
14:41But together, it will be so difficult.
14:44So as long as you get one?
14:45Yeah.
14:46Yeah, that makes sense.
14:47That is a great tip.
14:48That is a great tip.
14:49That's brilliant.
14:50I think the moment you do not worry about making a fool of yourself, you can act.
14:56Yeah.
14:56Okay.
14:57Especially in today's time, you don't want to be a fool.
14:59So you do a balanced acting where you do not look stupid and you cannot act brilliantly.
15:05Right.
15:05So you are competent.
15:06And I think competence is the biggest enemy of brilliance.
15:10Oh, yes.
15:11I love this.
15:11This is so good.
15:12What about us?
15:13Because obviously...
15:14Yeah, do you think our faces are assets?
15:15I think you look very good for a lot of roles.
15:17Even me?
15:18Because obviously, Bollywood...
15:20I would like to say, yeah.
15:21Yeah.
15:22Really?
15:22So, yeah.
15:23You can be a curious man who is always curious to find out.
15:28So a curious man...
15:29A man who will hide behind a tree and sort of will check out people.
15:31Like a pervert.
15:32Sorry?
15:33Like a pervert.
15:33Sort of like a pervert.
15:34Yeah.
15:34We can train you.
15:36In five minutes, I can make you feel that you can act.
15:39Really?
15:39Yeah.
15:40Well, listen, we are open to learning.
15:42And just be free and go for it and have no fear.
15:45Is that right?
15:46I think you should be ready to make it fool of yourself.
15:49You can become a good actor.
15:50Okay, okay.
15:52So, to help us loosen up and lose our inhibitions,
15:56Anupam was teaming us up with his senior acting coach, Paresh Parekh.
15:59Let's go.
16:00Yeah.
16:01So, let's begin with the first lesson of the day.
16:07It's voice work.
16:08Okay.
16:09Voice work?
16:09Ready?
16:10Yeah.
16:10So, just talk about something.
16:13Have you spoke to Lisa and the kids?
16:16Yeah.
16:18Theo's not very happy with the moustache.
16:20You sort of said you haven't really done that to your face.
16:21Okay, fine.
16:22So, can you raise the volume, please?
16:25Yeah, of course.
16:26What's his problem?
16:28I don't know.
16:28I just feel like he finds it embarrassing.
16:30You know, like I posted up on Instagram and now all of his mates are going,
16:33Your dad looks like a nonce.
16:35It's just a bit of an embarrassing, horrible situation.
16:37Okay.
16:37So, now can you raise the pitch?
16:39Yeah, sure.
16:40And so, basically, it's a situation where he sort of finds it difficult
16:45because opinion of his friends is important to him.
16:47Fine.
16:47So, can you try this?
16:48Do you think the voice is going to help with the moustache
16:53when he sees this back and all his friends goes,
16:56Your dad looks like a pervert but also sounds like a child.
16:59Okay.
17:00I think he'll think that the other person looks much more like a sex offender than he does.
17:04I don't think this voice is helping anyone.
17:06Fine.
17:07Now you're using the false tone of the voice.
17:11Okay.
17:12I think one of the things that holds me back is inhibition.
17:17It's sort of embarrassment.
17:19I think Rob has got that less.
17:21Rob has got sort of a self-confidence and a self-belief that, in my opinion, exceeds his talent.
17:28Oi.
17:29Come here.
17:29I've still got a lot of hope that I am sort of sitting on the great white rhino of Bollywood.
17:34And I think that today, if he shows something about himself, I don't have to do this anymore.
17:39I just become Rob's manager and they call him, I don't know, Ghost or something like that.
17:45And he becomes the biggest thing in the Indian film industry.
17:49That's the big hope.
17:50That's the big white hope.
17:51Paresh had one last exercise to help us lose our inhibitions.
17:56And worryingly, it involved role play and a camcorder.
17:59Okay.
18:00Let's go to the second exercise.
18:03Okay.
18:04There's a situation.
18:05And you are in bus.
18:08You both are passengers.
18:09Yeah.
18:09You are standing.
18:10And you are singing a song.
18:14Okay.
18:15And suddenly, he bumps to you.
18:18Because driver suddenly breaks.
18:20And you get pissed off.
18:22Okay.
18:22And he says, what can I do when driver is doing this?
18:26Yeah.
18:27Again, you start singing.
18:29Yeah.
18:29And this time, the bumping person is in the opposite direction.
18:33Someone new.
18:34And you are really pissed off.
18:36And now you are shouting at that person.
18:38Yeah.
18:39That person turns out to be a girl.
18:42Right.
18:43And you suddenly smile.
18:44Okay.
18:45It's okay.
18:46Now you are pissed off.
18:48That I bumped to you, you have shouted at me.
18:51And that's a girl.
18:52Yeah.
18:52He's smiling.
18:53Yeah.
18:54Prick.
18:55You have to act this in gibberish.
18:57In gibberish?
18:58In gibberish?
18:59Gibberish.
18:59Gibberish.
19:07Okay.
19:08Everything in gibberish.
19:09Okay.
19:09You can't a single English word.
19:12Okay.
19:12So you both are standing.
19:14And one, two, three, go.
19:18Salelulala.
19:21In gibberish.
19:46The la la la, the salue.
19:49The salue.
19:50What?
19:51You have to say something.
19:52What?
19:53I'll say something.
19:54Salue.
19:55I'll do it.
19:56Salue.
19:58Oh!
19:59Don't you tell me I'm the only one.
20:01Not this.
20:02I'm the only one.
20:03This is the salue.
20:04I'm the only one.
20:05Salue.
20:06Oh!
20:07Oh!
20:08You're the only one.
20:09Salue.
20:11Salue!
20:12Salue.
20:13Oh, that's a good one.
20:20That's a good one.
20:27So, let's see the result.
20:31It turns out Paresh was filming us
20:37so we could watch back and study our performances.
20:40But all I could focus on was how we looked.
20:43Why did he show it back?
20:45Why did you do that?
20:46I do not want to watch a video of me inside profile
20:49when the old gobble-gobble toad face comes out
20:53and watch me and Romesh talk gibberish.
20:56I'm half-decent straight on to the side, fucking toad boy.
21:00Fuck me.
21:01It was horrible.
21:02Our profiles are disgusting.
21:05I didn't know what a beard was for.
21:07Now I know it's to hide that.
21:09As for the gibberish thing, there's two possible options.
21:12Option number one, it's useful exercise
21:14in being able to act without using any words.
21:17And the other interpretation is that Paresh has some sort of fetish.
21:20It's very niche fantasy, but Paresh was incredibly specific.
21:23He filmed it.
21:24I don't know what he's going to do with that.
21:25He's now left with that footage.
21:27Anna Pam's inhibition course had been an eye-opener, but we'd passed,
21:35and we had the T-shirts to prove it.
21:36I actually felt like we learnt some stuff today.
21:39I think there's something that was said today
21:40that I'll keep with me for the rest of my life,
21:43which is competence is the enemy of brilliance.
21:45Yes.
21:46I like that.
21:47I like Paresh a lot.
21:48And sometimes he'd go,
21:50Out of nowhere.
21:52Yeah.
21:52And I don't know what that meant.
21:54Yeah.
21:54And I just did it back at him.
21:56Yeah.
21:57Is that the right thing to do?
21:58No, yeah, I think so.
21:59I mean, I don't know.
21:59I don't know what you're asking.
22:00I don't know.
22:00You're not Indian, are you?
22:01No.
22:02That's the problem.
22:02That's something I keep forgetting.
22:03What series are we?
22:06Also, he said I look like a pervert.
22:08We've got it, Anna Pam.
22:09I know.
22:09He should be pretty.
22:10You look like the curious man behind a tree.
22:11Oh, thanks, Anna Pam.
22:13Anna Pam?
22:14Anna Pam.
22:14Oh, God.
22:15Here we go.
22:16And he's cancelled.
22:17Clip it up.
22:18He can't act to me for Anna Pam.
22:21It's written on me fucking chest.
22:28We were in India hoping to land roles as Bollywood stars.
22:32We'd met Indian movie legend Anna Pam Ker,
22:34who'd helped us lose our acting inhibitions.
22:39Now all we needed was a film to star in,
22:41and I just had some huge news.
22:44So, Robert.
22:45Yeah?
22:45What did I say was, like, the big thing about us coming here?
22:48Obviously, learn about Bollywood,
22:50but the ultimate dream beyond all dreams.
22:52Be in Bollywood?
22:53Be in Bollywood.
22:54Be in a film?
22:54Yeah.
22:55Got a text from Ali's team.
22:57Yeah?
22:59We've got a part in a Bollywood movie.
23:01Have we?
23:02Yes.
23:02Right, OK.
23:04The film is a sequel to the successful movie,
23:06Rishto Kabatwara,
23:07which I remember you talking about a lot.
23:08You like to division relations.
23:09Yeah, big fan of that.
23:09Got the box set.
23:10It's a drama.
23:11It's not a box set, it's a film.
23:12Yeah.
23:12You don't have a box set of a film.
23:13Got a deep Blu-ray.
23:15Rob and Romesh will be playing the role of visitors
23:17travelling from a foreign country.
23:18Joining in on one of the songs in the film,
23:21the song will have the hero and heroine involved,
23:23as well as about 20 dancers.
23:25Right, OK.
23:26Finally, and this is the bit I think you're going to be very excited about,
23:29Rob will have a line in Hindi.
23:32Whoa.
23:34What?
23:35Let me look at that.
23:39Is this allowed?
23:43I don't know.
23:43We'll find out in the edit.
23:45Go on.
23:50Which means, why are you fighting?
23:51I'm going to have to speak to someone who can speak Hindi to find out how to say it.
23:54Rob, 100%.
23:56I can't just go on and re-freestyle that.
23:58But listen, we're in Bollywood, baby.
24:00We're in Bollywood?
24:01No, as in we're going to be in a Bollywood film.
24:03Oh, right, yeah.
24:03Sorry.
24:04Yeah.
24:04This isn't Bollywood.
24:05Now we're in Mumbai.
24:07Right, OK.
24:07But where is Bollywood then, actually?
24:09Is there a sign?
24:11There probably is, actually.
24:11I've not seen it, though.
24:13Actually, in hindsight, probably we should have done that.
24:15I'm quite stressed now.
24:16Don't get stressed.
24:17Easy for Rom to say he wasn't the one delivering lines in Hindi in a Bollywood movie,
24:21especially because Ali had warned me what I was in for.
24:25It gets really crazy on a set, right?
24:26Especially, like, Bollywood sets.
24:28You've got to be really, really, like, zen inside.
24:32Right now, zen felt miles off.
24:35Rom was buzzing about our Bollywood debut,
24:37but I was going to bed worrying I'd be getting cancelled mid-scene.
24:40The next day, on Ali's advice, we were travelling east of Mumbai into the countryside
24:51on a mission to find some inner peace.
24:53We were heading to an Ayurveda spa to relax.
24:57Ayurveda is a traditional Indian system of medicine focused on balance and well-being.
25:02Bollywood swears by it.
25:04Stars like Amitabh Bachchan have promoted books on it,
25:06and Rohit Roy has raved about it on social media.
25:09So if it worked for them,
25:11it could get Beckett in the right frame of mind for his performance tomorrow.
25:15Rob's sort of pranging out a little bit about it, as he should do,
25:18because he wouldn't be prepared to be in a movie if it was in English.
25:22Is there a strong argument that we should spend today
25:24doing some acting lessons and learning rudimentary Hindi?
25:27Absolutely.
25:28But that's not what we're doing.
25:29We're coming here to get, like, really very zen,
25:31and rather than Rob learning the Hindi, he will become Hindi.
25:38We'd gone for the Ayurvedic taster menu,
25:41and based on the welcome, it wasn't going to be your average spa day.
25:50This is what you've got to wear.
25:52For massage?
25:53Yeah.
25:53Can I put it around my waist?
25:54Our first treatments were Ayurvedic massages in traditional Ayurvedic dress.
26:03If you undid a loo roll completely and attached a string to it,
26:09that's what we've got to wear.
26:10And then, I assume, after you've finished the treatments, you burn that immediately.
26:17What's going on there?
26:18What?
26:19Well, I've got three of them on.
26:21They put three in the room.
26:24So, please.
26:25Romesh looked like a giant baby because he'd made a special loincloth out of his loincloth.
26:32Absolutely horrendous.
26:34I was having a treatment called Piri Chill.
26:36Basically, warm oil poured all over me.
26:39Rob was getting a massage called Kashira Dara, which involved milk.
26:42Oh, it's going colder.
26:48I feel like I'm watching your only face.
26:51I feel like you're milk tripping out of your mouth.
27:01No, I'm tripping out of your mouth.
27:06Having milk poured all over you.
27:08Sorry.
27:09He's going to be finding, like, cottage cheese in his crack.
27:12This couldn't look worse.
27:14Wow.
27:14He's going to smell like an edam.
27:18It's a little milky.
27:20What it looked like was Rob's dick had been murdered and they put a shroud over it for its decency.
27:25Is that nice, like a massive?
27:27Yeah.
27:27It's good.
27:28It's not slipping.
27:30It's good.
27:33My skin cannot be more oil.
27:38I'm ready to go in the fucking air fryer.
27:42I was feeling a little more zen after the milk massage, but with ropes involved in our next treatment, things are about to get a lot more intense.
27:50Hello.
27:51Hello, namaste.
27:52Nice to meet you.
27:52Nice to meet you.
27:53I'm Prabhat.
27:55Nice to meet you.
27:55I'm Prabhat.
27:56Nice to meet you, Prabhat.
27:57Please.
27:57You walk into a room that looks like it's somewhere where they'd extract sort of secrets from you.
28:02The rope coming from the ceiling.
28:04You think this might be the last room I ever walk into?
28:06You have to lie down, face down, okay?
28:09Okay.
28:09Prone.
28:10Prone.
28:11I will put you in position.
28:13Prabhat's a master in the art of Chavuti Turumal, an Ayurvedic technique that means foot pressure.
28:18Full body, deep tissue, all done with the feet.
28:22Basically, Beckett was about to get trampled.
28:25I'm a big fan of Prabhat, but he is using his feet, and I'm firmly of the belief that feet should not be seen.
28:33They're certainly not for applying oil and rubbing you up and down your body.
28:39Oh, that felt...
28:40Your Achilles tendon went between his toes, then.
28:43Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:44It felt like the tendon was a credit card, and his toes was a machine.
28:49I think I might use your arsecracker's chip and pin in a minute.
28:51Oh!
28:52Sphinx position, please.
28:55Sphinx?
28:55Yeah.
28:56Oh, there you go.
28:57I'd say that's probably the worst way my body could look.
29:00Yes.
29:01There we go.
29:02My little Womble tits hanging down.
29:05What?
29:05The tits.
29:07The tits.
29:11Oh, my gosh.
29:13He's using it like a ski slope.
29:16He's doing slalom on the bottom of your back.
29:18Face up, please.
29:21What's that done there?
29:22I've seen absolutely everything in profile.
29:25Have you ever looked up at the sun for a second, and you look away, and that image is still in your eye?
29:30That's what it was like with Rob's dick and balls.
29:33What do you think is going to happen now?
29:50OK.
29:51OK.
29:51Right.
29:52Fuck it.
29:53Fuck it.
29:54Oh, my God.
29:55Give it.
30:02It's like a new creep on it.
30:05I've never been filled like this before.
30:08Oh, my God.
30:09Sorry.
30:12What the fuck is going on?
30:15Oh, my God.
30:17Are you joking?
30:21Even like that?
30:23Sort of tweaking his nose with his foot?
30:26Is his foot?
30:26OK.
30:27That's it.
30:29Thank you very much.
30:29Now, Rob, be careful now.
30:31Rob, be...
30:32Oh, fuck it.
30:33Or don't.
30:35I was up.
30:36Please lay down.
30:37Probe.
30:37I'd love to, yeah.
30:38Probe.
30:39And my foot aversion was about to be put to the test.
30:42I don't want to do this.
30:43It's good to finally get some oil on my skin.
30:47I had about three to four minutes where I wasn't completely oiled up from top to bottom, so that's good.
30:51And it didn't take long for Prabhat to turn me into a human doormat.
30:55It'd be good for your marathon training.
30:58You're supposed to get time on feet, not time under feet.
31:00Whacka, whacka!
31:03And as Prabhat hit me with a sphinx, and then the ski slope, it was only a match of time before the inevitable happened.
31:12Here we go.
31:13Welcome to the Thunderdome.
31:15Oh, no.
31:17Oh.
31:21What is happening?
31:31Here it comes.
31:36Close your eyes, please.
31:37Okay, yeah.
31:38Gladly.
31:39Why are you laughing, Prabhat?
31:42Don't forget his nose, Prabhat.
31:46Oh, my God!
31:48Come on!
31:48Buy me a drink first, Prabhat.
31:55Okay, sir.
31:57Thank you so much.
31:58That was lovely.
32:05Thank you so much, Prabhat.
32:07Having Prabhat put his foot on my face felt like the natural end to our Ayurvedic journey, but we still had one more treatment to go.
32:24Shiro basti.
32:26It involved dough, a hat, and more oil.
32:29This is what, a pastry turban?
32:31I just never felt so helpless.
32:33I just don't know what I am anymore.
32:34I'll tell you, you're about to be a pie.
32:35The paste was a mystery, until the hats went on.
32:39It was there to seal them to our heads so they could pour in the oil.
32:43It's good, actually.
32:44It's been about seven or eight minutes since I've had some oil applied.
32:47We'd been thoroughly oiled and told to sit back, relax, and enjoy the feeling.
32:53I started in a position that means the only way this stays straight up is if I look at your crotch.
33:05Have a good look.
33:08Please, Rob, don't.
33:10Rob, don't.
33:11Do you like it?
33:13I'm feeling de-stressed.
33:14All I can see, I can't, this angle's terrible.
33:17You're going to sleep well tonight.
33:19Shall we take a closer back up?
33:20Please.
33:23You know what I think would have been a good treatment?
33:25A lesson in Hindi.
33:29I don't know if that's right or not.
33:32It had been a mixed day.
33:33Part relaxing, part traumatic.
33:36Rob had barely practiced for his role tomorrow,
33:38but we ticked Ayurveda off the Bollywood to-do list.
33:40All that was left now was to become Bollywood stars.
33:47We're in India, taking on Bollywood.
33:53Thanks to our mentor, Ali Fazal, we'd somehow ended up in a film.
33:57And unbelievably, Rob had been given a line in Hindi.
34:00Is this allowed?
34:07Today, we were heading north from Mumbai to the film's location,
34:11a set called Focus City.
34:13If you'd have said to me at the beginning of this whole thing,
34:15at the end of the week, you are going to be playing a tourist
34:18at Focus City in a Bollywood film,
34:20I would say, what is Focus City?
34:23But here we are.
34:25We're in a Bollywood film.
34:26It's a hell of a day, Mum.
34:28We were here to star in the sequel of Rishtoka Batwara 2,
34:32which translates as Division of Relationships.
34:38The first film was a big hit,
34:40a family drama packed with dance numbers.
34:42So with Bollywood fans already on board,
34:45expectations were high.
34:46This film is a sequel to a film that on YouTube has got 13 million views, right?
34:57So this is not Rob Beckett's Smart TV, right?
35:01Lots of people actually watch this.
35:03First up, we were meeting the film's producer, Mr. Shah.
35:07Yeah.
35:07Good morning.
35:08So he could talk us through the scene.
35:10It's a song sequence in which a hero and heroine
35:15is having a very sweet fight.
35:18Sweet fight, yeah.
35:19Where the heroine says to the hero,
35:22you bring me the Jumka, that is the airing.
35:25The big one.
35:27Then only I will allow you to kiss on my chick.
35:30Oh!
35:31So you are watching all this,
35:33why these people are fighting?
35:35There is one guy who is selling airings.
35:37Yeah.
35:37You get that airing, you go to the heroine,
35:40and then you have to explain it in one line in Hindi.
35:44Yes, yes.
35:45Like,
35:45Go on, he's doing the line, he's got this.
35:49Only little word in Hindi.
35:51All right, great.
35:51And you can take part when the song is going on,
35:54you can just do whatever kind of...
35:55Okay, great.
35:56Yeah.
35:56You met my director?
35:57No.
35:58No, not yet.
35:58KDG?
35:59KDG?
35:59It's busy.
36:01Hi.
36:02Rob, nice to meet you.
36:04Yeah.
36:04Hello.
36:04He's Rob and he's Robin.
36:06Hi.
36:06Nice to meet you.
36:07It's too hard, it's too hard.
36:08It's hard, isn't it?
36:09It's hard.
36:09So he's my director?
36:11Yeah.
36:11He told you what you were supposed to do.
36:12He told you what you were supposed to do.
36:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:13Perfect.
36:14He's been in X, man.
36:15Brilliant.
36:15Thank you so much.
36:16Thank you so much.
36:16See you, Rob.
36:18Looking around,
36:20the production was big,
36:21and the thought of Rob dancing
36:22and trying to speak Hindi in front of everyone
36:24was too good to be true.
36:26I can't wait.
36:28I'm absolutely buzzing.
36:30I feel like it's my birthday.
36:32While Ron was chilling with his coffee,
36:34I'd hit the Google Translate panic bar.
36:36Here we go.
36:36Why are you doing this?
36:38Oh, fuck's sake.
36:40I feel like Dom King.
36:42I've brought my prize fighter to Focus City
36:45to be in a film.
36:47You want to speak Hindi?
36:47Yeah, hell yeah, he speaks Hindi.
36:49Why?
36:53You'll speak as much Hindi as you want.
37:00Rob, speak some goddamn Hindi, boy.
37:07I'd said my line so many times
37:09i didn't even know if it was right anymore but with the cast and crew gearing up and filming
37:16about to start we got the call to costume and once we put on our tourist outfits the line felt like
37:23the least of my worries so what do you think what we plan again um yeah some sort of tourist i've
37:29got a guess of what type um the through line of me being a pervert in this show is not stopping is
37:35it no i think you suit the look i mean i think the socks and sandals are doing most of the heavy
37:40lifted what i want to know is what are us two on holiday doing well now that's the question isn't
37:50it yeah we just we just go yeah we're on a little little trip we've got india cambodia thailand
37:56have a look about yeah feel more feel more welcome over here than a new back at home
38:02all right come on should go do it
38:05we had three scenes to shoot that made up one big dance number but we were still trying to get our
38:13heads around the story it's a very confusing narrative we're two tourists let's not get
38:19into specifics of what we're doing how we've come together why we're wearing what we're wearing all
38:24of that i think is makes it a much darker project first we had to watch the loved up couple have a
38:30barney over a pair of earrings while we stared through a window like a pair of creeps luckily
38:35kd was on hand to guide us through it i'll tell you look each other okay then you'll become look
38:40what's going on i'm a big fan of kd he looks like sherman clump the later years ready ready i'll be
38:47here okay you'll tell me when i'll say go i love the fact he's very nice to us but then shouts at
38:53anyone brown that works on the show so then you um you do this and then you come and i'll tell you
39:05go and then look each other yeah then start dancing okay yeah
39:09look each other
39:15wow you're done
39:19the way our little way to pop out i don't know if this is a massive stitch up
39:25because at the moment what it feels like is this is the most mental thing i've ever done
39:29in the next part of the scene our characters were joined by a bloke in a scarf who was selling
39:44earrings junker that we were going to buy to please the leading lady and unfortunately for us
39:50this meant the start of our big dance sequence so we were shown the classic bollywood dance move
40:00the thumka and once kd was happy we were ready to go for a take
40:07roll
40:07what the hell's going on what's going on what's going on
40:13oh
40:14junker junker
40:15and once we'd started
40:23junker
40:24it didn't stop
40:25fucking how long is this going for
40:28just how long is this junker tune
40:33i danced more today for those scenes that i have done at every asian wedding i've ever been to
40:40added together
40:41thank god
40:43all good
40:45thankfully the dancing was done but that meant it was time for rob's line
40:50and he wasn't looking good
40:52i'm absolutely exhausted already and it's happened yet
40:54it's 39 degrees the geyser said this is an indian heat wave
40:58i can't handle a british heat wave
41:00i was melted in the heat and kd was pressuring me to rehearse
41:04what's the dialogue
41:05i've got no idea what the line is anymore
41:14every single indian actor or producer or director that comes up to me has a different accent and
41:24pronounce it in a different way
41:31i think it's accents you know like in the uk people have got different accents so it's like
41:40i feel like an italian player that's signed for liverpool
41:42i've learned english and everyone's a scouser
41:45rob was all over the place
41:47hearing the line pronounced 20 different ways and scrambled his brain
41:50kyun jagra karaki ho hello
41:53just you don't start
41:54don't shout the line at everybody
41:56you cannot get in my head right now
41:58show me how you're gonna do it
42:00kyun
42:01that sounds chucked to me
42:02it's a bit Chinese yeah but don't worry about that don't get that in your head about that
42:06now we had to deliver in hindi in front of the entire cast and crew
42:10and eventually millions of bollywood fans
42:13oh fuck
42:15but if he nailed it he'd be a bona fide bollywood movie star
42:20ready
42:20rolling
42:21roll
42:22rolling
42:24action
42:25here's our big bollywood moment in rishtok abatwara 2.
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