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FunTranscript
00:00I wouldn't tell you.
00:04Maybe you could explain to me what it is that you've committed us to.
00:09So it's not going to be like a speed dating thing.
00:12What's it called?
00:13I don't know. It's like Vegas Girls or something like that.
00:16You're nervous.
00:17Well, because dating is weird.
00:20Dating is weird.
00:21I really have no idea what we've gotten into.
00:24We're just going to have fun, and if I meet somebody, cool.
00:30After the Sella Coyote Pass, I was disappointed.
00:34I've been saying embarrassed, but the real factor is that I felt ashamed.
00:40I'm in North Carolina right now.
00:42I'm traveling here to meet with Janelle.
00:47It's an effort to just say, have a great...
00:51I don't even know how to say it.
00:53I don't even know what to say, really.
00:56I was hurt, and I was angry, and I was betrayed,
00:59and I wanted to...
01:00I had a feeling of, let's get even.
01:03I'm on the right path.
01:05I'm looking forward to laying it all out bare with what I've done.
01:10I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:11I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:12I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:13I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:14I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:15I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:16I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:17I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:18I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:19I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:20I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:21I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:22I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:23I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:24I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:25I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:26I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:27I'm looking forward to seeing you next time.
01:29Do we have to do this?
01:47Do we have to?
01:49So Amber and I came to Vegas.
01:51We came for this speed dating type event.
01:54Hello, ladies.
01:55Hello.
01:56Hi.
01:57Are you guys ready to find love?
01:59Well, yes, actually.
02:01So this is kind of like a speed dating type event
02:04at a golf location and kind of like a bar area.
02:09Hopefully there's about an equal amount of girls and guys.
02:11I haven't seen that yet, but maybe it'll happen.
02:14OK.
02:15So you're going to scan the QR code.
02:16It'll have you fill out a questionnaire.
02:19So around 845 or so, we'll break you into some smaller groups.
02:23And then it'll do another countdown,
02:25and you're going to get the match that it thinks
02:26is your best match based on the answers that you put into there.
02:29That's a really long time from now.
02:30Uh, yeah.
02:31So we're supposed to mingle with random people for over an hour.
02:35That's what the liquid courage is for.
02:36OK.
02:37Got it.
02:38We're going to go far in here.
02:41I'm nervous.
02:42We both are.
02:43Not quite sure what to expect.
02:45We're just doing it.
02:47Here we go.
02:48Here we go.
02:52Now we have to answer these questions.
02:53OK.
02:54Flirting is a form of cheating.
02:56Yes.
02:58Strongly disagree.
02:59Strongly agree.
03:01I agree.
03:02Yeah, I definitely think that if you're flirting with somebody
03:05and you're in a relationship, I mean, you shouldn't be doing that.
03:10I think flirting in a plural relationship is, like,
03:14you need to be careful with it, and you need to actually
03:16nurture all of your relationships if you're
03:18wanting to flirt with somebody in front of somebody else.
03:22If one wife is not secure and you're out there flirting
03:26with the other wife in front of her, that's just rude.
03:30You know, Cody was naturally warm and was naturally
03:35demonstrative.
03:36You know, that was just what it was.
03:39You know, it was plural marriage.
03:40It was what we were living.
03:41And I never thought it was a good idea to hide it anyway.
03:44But that was something they had established before I even
03:47came along.
03:49I mean, Cody always had little things that he would do that
03:52would, to flirt with us all, and didn't, was normal.
03:55Didn't bother me.
03:56Yeah.
03:56He'd do a little wink or something, you know.
03:59And I guess sort of like a little flirt with us in front
04:02of each other.
04:03And it didn't really ever bother me.
04:04I mean, that's part of plural marriage.
04:08Everything pretty much was, like, when you're with
04:10everybody, you're classy.
04:12You know, you didn't really do stuff like that.
04:14That's like, that'd be like a polygamous family killer,
04:17I would think, you know, to be all like that.
04:19OK.
04:20Next question is going to be your favorite.
04:22I prefer kinky sex.
04:23Wait.
04:24Wait.
04:26I, what?
04:27Yep.
04:28Mm.
04:31What'd you put?
04:33What'd you put?
04:33One.
04:34I mean, to be fair, I wouldn't know.
04:38But there's that.
04:39OK.
04:40When you know, you would change your answer.
04:42I don't want to think.
04:45I feel bad because I know that these days with dating,
04:48it's very complicated.
04:49It's not what it used to be.
04:51You know, the smartphone has just totally annihilated
04:53that whole thought process.
04:54I feel bad for people that are having to go through this
04:56process now.
04:59You're in.
04:59Keep an eye on your text.
05:00When your host runs the algorithm,
05:02you'll get your match from this number.
05:04Yay.
05:06This is weird.
05:08My.
05:09What's.
05:09Where are we going?
05:10I don't know.
05:11I don't know.
05:12Let's walk.
05:13I definitely go in with low expectations.
05:15And then if something happens, great.
05:17You know?
05:19What about the guy there looking at his phone?
05:25Not for me.
05:25For you.
05:26No, I don't think so.
05:27No?
05:28I don't think so.
05:31I wanted to wait.
05:32You know, maybe not everybody was there yet.
05:34Maybe other people were going to show up.
05:36There is this one guy here who's got his eye out
05:39for that girl.
05:40Yep.
05:41100%.
05:42I saw him walk in, and he was like, yep.
05:45I know who I want.
05:46Oh, my God.
05:48I mean, there's a decent amount of people.
05:51Definitely the majority are women.
05:53I was kind of hoping that there would be more men
05:58and maybe more men that I would be interested in.
06:01But at the same time, like, this is what dating is about.
06:04This is dating.
06:06And I don't know if, I mean, I haven't dated
06:09since I was a teenager.
06:11But I think the dating scene is just kind of tough for,
06:15I think it's just tough all around.
06:18Are we just being party poopers?
06:19Maybe.
06:20Are we being too picky?
06:21Maybe.
06:24Are we, are we closed off?
06:28I see nobody of interest at all for me or for you.
06:32I don't either.
06:33I see nobody.
06:36I feel like I get to be picky.
06:38You know, and I get that, like, I'm not going to find, like,
06:42the perfect person that checks all the boxes.
06:46And I don't think the perfect person exists.
06:49But the perfect person for me exists.
06:50And that's, that's who I'm looking for.
06:53So I think I get to be picky.
06:54I'm here in North Carolina so that I can meet up with Janelle,
07:12and basically just following through with my plans for apology
07:17to my ex-wives.
07:18And I'm willing to accept that it might happen with rejection.
07:23And I might have to just do my best to stay the course.
07:26I don't want to fight.
07:27I just want to apologize.
07:29You know, since Cody first called me and said,
07:35I want to come meet with you, I thought, why?
07:38Like, I mean, why now?
07:40You know, and I think that was part of the reason I was like,
07:43well, I'll go see.
07:44I'm curious what you have to say,
07:46but is this going to be even for real?
07:51Hi.
07:52Hi.
07:52How are you?
07:53Good.
07:54Are you feeling healthy?
07:55Yeah, I am.
07:56Good, good.
07:57Nice to see you.
07:58Thanks for meeting with me.
07:59Thanks.
08:05I guess, you know, I saw Cody in person
08:07when we all met up at Coyote Pass, and that was so awkward.
08:09We didn't really talk to each other.
08:11It was just awkward.
08:12Robin was there, and that makes the dynamic really weird.
08:15Cody feels like he has to run interference
08:17and protect Robin and, like, I don't know, whatever.
08:19I don't know whatever.
08:20Like, it was so awkward and disjointed
08:22when we all met up at the property.
08:24And this is just he and I.
08:26There's no other outside parties.
08:27There's no politics.
08:28Have you eaten here before?
08:30I have.
08:31It's really good.
08:32Yeah?
08:33Awesome.
08:34Yeah.
08:35So.
08:36Well, good choice then.
08:38Yeah, like, um, it's, like, people that I know
08:41like this place, and so they recommended it.
08:42Oh, okay, cool.
08:43And I'm like, when you said this, I'm like, okay, sure.
08:44Yeah.
08:45Sure.
08:46All right.
08:47But the town, it's all quaint.
08:49Yeah.
08:50I wore a jacket because I couldn't see the humidity,
08:52assuming that it would be a little bit high.
08:54Yeah.
08:55But it seemed cold because all the weather was pretty cool.
08:57Yeah, we've had an unusual year.
08:59We have.
09:00Like, it's cool.
09:01So that's, that's great.
09:06Uh, this is so awkward, but even if you have to start out with the weather, you've got
09:13to start out with some conversation to break a little bit of ice.
09:16You can't just jump into something, especially as heavy as an apology.
09:27I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
09:31Cody contacted me and wants to have a conversation.
09:35I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
09:39I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
09:44There's no way I would ever do that again.
09:46This is the weirdest experience.
09:59You know what?
10:02Golfing has never been my thing, right?
10:04I mean, I've done mini golf and I think mini golf is a lot of fun.
10:07I don't know.
10:08I'm not good at golf.
10:09And so I'm not going to go up with a bunch of people that I'm not comfortable with
10:12and like do something that I look stupid doing either.
10:15I'm not trying to discount my 30 years of marriage.
10:29But I know what I want and I know what I don't want based on experiences that I've had.
10:36I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
10:40We knew each other for six months at the time that we got married.
10:44And, you know, like we came from a religious culture that promoted that for sure.
10:51And so it was normal for us.
10:53But there's no way I would ever do that again.
10:56All right, everybody.
10:57It's the moment that you've all been waiting for.
11:02In a few seconds, you are about to get a text message to your phone.
11:07You will get your marriage.
11:13I, you know, it's, I think it's going to be interesting to see if they even match me with
11:18somebody, um, just based on this questionnaire that maybe they will, maybe they won't.
11:23I don't know.
11:23But it doesn't feel like a speed dating event at all.
11:37Yeah, I think the structure of the speed dating event that I went to up in Salt Lake was so much better.
11:43Tell me about yourself.
11:45Are you, um, how long have you been single?
11:47Single, two years.
11:48Two years.
11:49I have a dog.
11:50Nice.
11:51I have a child.
11:52I'm really glad that I met Ron at the other event.
11:55Um, he and I have a really cool connection.
11:57But this is just the world that I'm living in right now.
12:01You know, the dating scene is weird.
12:05You know, it's like, sometimes it's going to be fun.
12:09Sometimes I'm going to be interested in a guy and he's not going to be interested in me.
12:13Sometimes vice versa.
12:14You know what I mean?
12:15Like, it's just, it just is what it is.
12:18Matches are here.
12:22We didn't match with anybody.
12:28I didn't end up getting matched with anybody.
12:33And I'm okay with that because I didn't see anybody that I wanted to be matched with.
12:38So it, it was a win.
12:41I don't know what to do now.
12:46Now we've raced early lead.
12:48Okay.
12:49I think we're out.
12:51No, I'm not disappointed.
12:54I think this is just the process.
12:56I think this is the game that I'm in right now.
12:59But I'm up for the adventure because I do want to find my person.
13:03You know?
13:07You know, they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
13:10And I'm definitely leaving this experience here.
13:13And we'll just have to find a better version next time.
13:18We live where there's a pickleball court.
13:33Christine's like, let's go play.
13:35She thinks she can beat me.
13:38It's on.
13:41Hey, cheater.
13:42Behind the line.
13:44You have dessert from here?
13:45Uh-huh.
13:46So pickleball is like this rage.
13:47This rage is easier than tennis.
13:49And it's not bad.
13:50It's okay.
13:51I've really honestly never played it before.
13:52I have tried so many different sports, and I'm terrible at all of them.
13:55All sports.
13:57You have sunglasses, you cheater.
13:59How is wearing sunglasses cheating knowing the elements?
14:03That's not cheating.
14:04That's preparing for battle.
14:09Out.
14:10So that was one point for you.
14:12One to me.
14:13You know why you're not good at this game?
14:15Why?
14:16Because you can't cheat.
14:17Oh, my God.
14:18You know what, asshole?
14:19I love to trash talk.
14:21Four.
14:22Do you have a hole in that pedal?
14:23Check it.
14:24Do you have a hole in your mouth?
14:25It gets in their head.
14:26Then they can't win.
14:27So if I'm cheating that way, hey, that's part of the game.
14:28No, I swear.
14:29David, go on!
14:30I hate sports.
14:31David can aim.
14:32Ah!
14:33I swear to the love.
14:34You're getting it now.
14:35Go get it.
14:36Go get it.
14:37You get it.
14:38He can aim where he hits the ball.
14:40He can aim where he hits the ball.
14:42He can aim where he hits the ball.
14:45He can aim where he hits the ball.
14:50And he is hitting it out there on purpose because he likes to just get me worn out.
14:55That's his tactic.
14:56Who's the cheater now?
14:57Oh, that was out.
14:58No, that was in.
14:59Damn it to hell.
15:00David, can you go that way?
15:01Can you aim that way?
15:03Hey, I just know how to angle the ball right through that door opening there to let her
15:08go chase him.
15:09Good job, babe.
15:10Let's do the pump chest.
15:11Ready?
15:12That hurts.
15:13Oh!
15:14David won.
15:16David won.
15:17No one is surprised.
15:18He's never played pickleball either.
15:20So I thought that it would be less of a big huge gap between the winner and the loser.
15:26Good job, babe.
15:27That was awesome.
15:29No.
15:32So Cody reached out to me and wants to have, like, a conversation.
15:36Like, Olive Branch, Benevolence was in there.
15:39I was completely shocked when Cody reached out.
15:41It came out of absolutely nowhere.
15:45Janelle told me that Cody reached out to her.
15:47I'm like, well, you know, how are you feeling about that?
15:49And she's like, well, I just know, I don't know why.
15:51You know, I don't know what the agenda is, but apparently there's, like, an olive branch
15:55or something.
15:56And I'm like, I don't know.
15:57But she didn't know.
15:58It just came out of nowhere for her as well.
16:00I feel like I had so much anxiety today.
16:03Just so much anxiety today.
16:05Why?
16:06I don't want to have it.
16:07I just feel so hypocritical.
16:09But I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
16:12I just don't want to.
16:14David, I don't want to.
16:15But why?
16:16Why?
16:17Because it was brain damage for so many years.
16:19When Cody first reached out, I was like, no.
16:22No, I'm not going to go.
16:23That's ridiculous.
16:24I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
16:26Why would I put myself in that situation?
16:28No.
16:29Like, the last conversation that we had together,
16:33last several conversations we've had, haven't been great.
16:36Man!
16:37Just the knife in the kidneys over all these years!
16:42Like, every single time, they just turn around and bite me in the butt.
16:48Why?
16:49Why?
16:50Why?
16:51Why?
16:52You got to realize that people do change.
16:53Even though we don't ever think they will, they will.
16:55You got...
16:56Where's the proof of the last time that I heard him talking about me?
16:59He was mean.
17:01I need to know what the motive is.
17:03Which is so sad to admit.
17:05But before I agree to have a conversation with Cody, why?
17:07I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
17:18That wasn't true.
17:20We used to be lovers.
17:22And we used to really like being around each other.
17:27I wanted to fly out here and meet with you.
17:42Basically, I just wanted to come and say that I apologize.
17:46Wow.
17:47All right.
17:48Yeah.
17:49Um...
17:50Oh.
17:51I have a list.
17:52Okay.
17:53I'd just love to apologize for...
17:55The first thing is I want to kind of go backwards.
17:56I want to apologize for just being so angry and so bitter over the family breakup.
18:11And just nobody deserved to have me be that angry.
18:16Wow.
18:17Thanks.
18:18Yeah.
18:19I kept thinking, I don't know who this guy is.
18:22I used to always tell everybody, I'm like, this is not the guy that I was married to forever.
18:27Like, you know what I mean?
18:28This...
18:29Yeah.
18:30So...
18:31Yeah.
18:32I...
18:33You weren't the only one saying that.
18:34The person I would see speaking all these things publicly, I'm like, I don't know who
18:38that guy is.
18:39I still don't recognize him.
18:40It's like, again, like somebody I've seen that I used to know a long time ago.
18:44Lots of pieces that I recognize, lots of common things that we can remember together.
18:48But I don't recognize me.
18:49He lives a completely different life, it feels like now.
18:51So do I.
18:52I didn't...
18:53I never saw this coming in a million years, right?
18:56Like, when the family fell apart, I was really...
18:58I mourned more of the loss of the ideal of what we were trying to do, right?
19:02I understand that.
19:03Like, I just...
19:04We had that ideal.
19:05Like, when we all got together and we were going to raise the kids, and thank goodness
19:07the kids are all still pretty much their siblings, really, you know?
19:11And that was one of the biggest things that we did accomplish.
19:13We had this idea, this whole ideal, right, of how it was going to be.
19:16Like, I think when I finally left Cody, I thought about the family so much more than our relationship
19:23for many, many, many years.
19:25I think he and I especially really held that ideal of the family, like this family unit thing
19:29that would work out.
19:31And I think maybe I lost track of our relationship, and it might have been detrimental, really.
19:35I probably should have been focused a little bit more on our relationship and not so much
19:38the family.
19:39Well, aren't you glad that I was angry?
19:41Well...
19:42Let me tell you why.
19:43Okay?
19:44It's a compliment to you.
19:45If I'd have been apathetic, it would have meant you weren't important.
19:50Yeah.
19:51My anger and my bitterness and my, I didn't ever love her.
19:54That was all from attachment.
19:57Yeah.
19:58We used to be lovers.
20:01And we used to really like, I think we liked being around each other.
20:07And I'm in a space now with this apology where I'm not looking back at my past
20:12and going, I want to burn that to the ground.
20:15Instead, I'm looking back at my past like, that was really cool.
20:19We were part of something special.
20:25I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
20:32That wasn't true.
20:34That was a lie from the perspective of pain.
20:37I knew.
20:39I knew it.
20:40I knew that you loved me.
20:42I did.
20:43Like, I know that we had a great relationship.
20:48And I didn't understand.
20:49Like, I was like, okay, whatever.
20:51But I knew it.
20:52I knew.
20:54Thanks for making that easy.
20:55Yeah.
20:56I knew.
20:57And I, it was fine.
20:58Like, I knew.
21:00Because I knew, I knew how it was for all those years.
21:03Yeah.
21:04You know what I mean?
21:05But I knew that we, I knew that you loved me.
21:07Yeah.
21:08So.
21:12Yeah.
21:13Just because I've not had any kind of real emotional connection with him like this for a long time.
21:18I, I'm like, where is this going?
21:20I don't know.
21:21Do you know what I mean?
21:23At one point I thought, wow, you're really bringing it on heavy.
21:27I'm like, if you're going to ask for some sort of reconciliation.
21:30I kept thinking.
21:31I, it wouldn't have made any sense.
21:33But he was just being so intense and so, like, trying to connect with me emotionally.
21:37And I'm like, I just didn't know why.
21:40Like, I didn't, I just couldn't think of any reason why.
21:42How would you react if one of the ex-wives wanted to return?
21:53Return to the family?
21:55Uh, uh, I, I mean, like, what?
22:05Really?
22:08I would be very surprised.
22:10I, I don't want to even answer this because I'm just like.
22:13Okay.
22:14It, it, yeah.
22:20So making me sad right now.
22:22I'm sorry.
22:23No, because you, like, just opened this little portal of hope.
22:27And I'm just like, I didn't even think of that.
22:29And now I'm just like, what if, and I'm going down that road.
22:32I can't, I can't, just, I got to move away from that.
22:35Because I'll just, I'll fall apart and I can't be on this set.
22:38Okay.
22:39Okay, I just.
22:43Hope is dangerous sometimes.
23:06This is the new office and I like it.
23:09Amber and I have something we need to discuss with Jen.
23:12It's going to be very uncomfortable for Jen.
23:15But sometimes that's what friends do is make friends uncomfortable.
23:19Hi.
23:20How you doing?
23:21Hi.
23:22I'm great.
23:23Good.
23:24How are you guys?
23:25Better than you.
23:26Chipper.
23:27We're peachy.
23:29Better than you.
23:30So Jen's husband has been fighting cancer for a couple of years.
23:34But this year it's been definitely more intense because he's gotten into like all the radiation and all the surgeries.
23:44And now he's moving into another treatment that's going to help the recovery of his leg.
23:49And you know, so there's a lot that has been going on.
23:53So we wanted to give you an update though of what we're going to do for the fundraiser.
23:58We have a plan.
23:59We are so excited about this, Jen.
24:03Thank you guys.
24:04Amber and I have decided that we are going to do a fundraiser for her.
24:08And that kind of thing makes Jen very uncomfortable accepting help and being in a place where she needs help.
24:17She doesn't feel like she needs it.
24:18But you know, this is what we can do.
24:20You know, we can't do anything about the cancer, but we can help alleviate the financial burden.
24:25So we'll do a bike ride.
24:27We'll just do a loop around town.
24:29Okay.
24:30But we are putting out there that people can rent bikes from your shop.
24:33Okay.
24:34So that's another way they can support you is to come and rent bikes and stuff.
24:39Hopefully that will bring people to your shop.
24:41They can see what you guys offer there too.
24:43So that'll be good.
24:44And that will do a breakfast out here.
24:47Okay.
24:48On the front lawn.
24:51As we've been planning this event, you know, I've been telling people about it.
24:54I texted all my sisters, told them about it.
24:56I've also mentioned it to Ron and he's going to be coming down for it, so.
25:01Hello.
25:04So how's it going?
25:05Good.
25:06Yeah.
25:07Good so far.
25:08Have you done this before?
25:09Never in my life.
25:10I met Ron months ago at the speed dating event.
25:13So ever since then, he and I have just stayed in touch.
25:16We've hung out.
25:17We've just become friends and we're just having fun getting to know each other.
25:22This will actually be the first time that Ron is down here in Parowan to see me and in my space.
25:31And I'm kind of excited about it.
25:32It'll be kind of cool.
25:33You okay with this?
25:34You know, like you are so loved.
25:40I hate this from you.
25:44Sorry.
25:45Your glasses are in the way.
25:57She's very uncomfortable with it.
25:59She doesn't love this.
26:01You know what?
26:02Maybe the lesson that you're going to take out of this, Jen, is to accept support.
26:06You give it all the time.
26:08Now it's your turn to learn how to accept it.
26:11Okay, so I've been a bastard for about three years about this whole breakup.
26:28Four years, all right?
26:29There's some mistakes I made in plural marriage specifically.
26:33I don't know that she was expecting.
26:36I didn't tell her I was coming to apologize.
26:38What I offered her was an olive branch, and that was it.
26:41And so, well, an olive branch, well, that's a symbol of peace.
26:44Let's see what he's got.
26:46You know?
26:47When you and I got married, I remember this affection that we shared.
26:53Whew, and this really made me question plural marriage pretty hard.
26:58I wish I would have seen the need for you and I to protect our special place.
27:08If I would have understood that, I think it would have been a lot safer for you.
27:15I feel like I put you in harm's way, and that it didn't step up to protect you.
27:25Wow, thank you.
27:28I, yeah.
27:31When Janelle and I got married, I didn't feel like we had a lot of room, space with each other.
27:38We didn't know each other that well when we got married.
27:41We weren't good communicators, but we started out with a tenderness.
27:45We started out with a sweetness.
27:52And for that, and the fact that I didn't protect, like...
27:55We didn't know.
27:56We didn't have no idea.
27:57God, she's Jill.
27:58There was no book or anyone advising us?
28:01No, there wasn't.
28:02But I, I, my mistake in just not being brave enough, man enough, strong enough,
28:09because I know you didn't feel safe in that space, and you were probably thinking to yourself a lot,
28:15I made a huge mistake in marrying this guy.
28:17There were some things that happened through the years that I kind of...
28:22Well, there were things that happened, especially that first year or two,
28:25that I kind of wish he would have stood up for me as much as he may be.
28:30Um, by default sort of took the other position, you know?
28:36Mary and I have very different personalities.
28:39We just clash.
28:40Like, I don't, we would never be friends, right?
28:43I never would.
28:44We just are so very different.
28:46So add that to the fact that there was a lot of, of jealousy and insecurity and stuff that we were working through,
28:54and it just was not, it was not good.
28:57I, I have an experience, um, where I was going off to the mountain to log,
29:04and you were sobbing, and you were saying,
29:07Do you love me?
29:08Do you love me?
29:09Do you love me?
29:10I just didn't realize that you weren't feeling safe.
29:13I've thought about that scene in my mind, that scenario where you were there,
29:18and I have just felt ashamed because you deserved to feel safe in that relationship,
29:23and I failed that.
29:25So I was pregnant with Logan, and he was on the road.
29:29He was a route sales guy.
29:30And so his time at home was very, like, there was a lot of, his time at home was limited.
29:35And I think he was trying so hard to, like, be a family that I think we sort of, again, lost track of who we were as just a couple.
29:44Yeah, I mean, I was obviously the first plural wife, so there's a lot that comes with that.
29:50And I think over the years, I just sort of learned to just keep the peace, and I lost a lot of my identity, like I did.
29:57I think I had to sort of emotionally close down to survive in those early years, and I think we just never got that back.
30:04So there's been some healing for me for him to say those things about those early years, which were really, really, really not pretty.
30:12The, um, well, I think the experience was much harder than you thought it was going to be.
30:22Yeah, I think I went in pretty idealistic.
30:24Yeah, and if I, once again, if I would have protected you, if I would have made you safe in that space, if you would have felt like I had your back.
30:32Yeah, yeah, our relationship, yeah, we might have not have struggled as much as we did in those early years, you know what I mean, for sure.
30:40And I always, and that's an ache in my heart that I have felt four or five years.
30:49We always had a really good relationship as far as, like, being able to talk to each other.
30:55I think we still do care for each other. I mean, like, how can you not?
30:59I've spent so many years married to him. I just think there is always a level of connection when you spend that much time married.
31:12If Cody started to be mean or anything, or aggressive towards me or anything like that, David, oh my God, he'd become unglued.
31:18He wants to have a relationship. I just don't think he knows quite how to.
31:22If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now, down the road when you need them, they're not going to be there.
31:29Do you think Cody wants to meet up to talk crap on you?
31:42No, he said that he wants to extend an olive branch. I just don't trust that. I just don't trust him.
31:49No, I haven't told Cody whether or not I'm going to meet up with him at all. I'm not 100% going yet.
31:54So why? Why would I do that? I'm not going to trust anything that comes out of his mouth, so...
32:00He's just going to be mean. He's just mean.
32:02It's years of him being mean and putting me down and making me feel less than.
32:06You know, I'm nauseous. I'm already nauseous thinking about it. My stomach's already upset thinking about it.
32:10But you have done so much in your life in the last, what, three years?
32:14Uh-huh. Yes.
32:15Look where you're at now.
32:16Yes.
32:17You're a very independent woman.
32:18Yes.
32:19I've seen it in you.
32:20And watch what you can do, and things will be better because it's you and I there.
32:24Okay.
32:25And it will be fine.
32:27I promise you.
32:29David's always been pushing for more communication.
32:33And he's like, and what do you want more than anything?
32:35And I'm like, oh, for my kids to have a better relationship with their dad.
32:39And he goes, okay.
32:40Then you have to show them how to have a good relationship with him.
32:44See, he's right with this too. It just sucks.
32:48You didn't marry him because he was a terrible guy.
32:51No, he was great. He was a great guy.
32:53But times change and things change. People change.
32:56And people start going separate ways.
32:57Yeah.
32:58Everybody wants to keep living in the past.
33:00No.
33:01And the past will never make you go to the future.
33:03So I need to think about it. This isn't an olive branch.
33:05This is a peace talk.
33:06That's a peace talk.
33:07This is not an olive branch from him.
33:09No.
33:10Let's just have to be a peace talk. Let's just move on.
33:11It doesn't matter. Things were said.
33:13Yeah.
33:14They're just going to move on.
33:15And what can we do to make this better for our kids?
33:17And for us to be in the same room too, because if we're going to all do family reunions
33:21like I wanted and get together like I wanted, this needs to happen.
33:24But I'm not going to be in that mosh pit, okay?
33:26Cody could be in that mosh pit.
33:28You don't want to be in the dancing mosh pit?
33:29No.
33:30I'll just tackle people.
33:31Okay.
33:32Okay.
33:33That sounds good.
33:35I've decided to leave. I'm going to leave Cody.
33:40When I first was leaving Cody, I remember like there were a couple of conversations where
33:45I'd be like, look, I'm sure that we could all get together at some point, you know, and
33:49have a family reunion, you know, once a year or something like that.
33:52And everyone kind of looked at me like I was a fool.
33:54But getting the kids together would be an awesome thing.
33:57I don't need to see the adults, but the kids need to get together for sure.
34:04If you want to have a reunion, a family, and I'm all for it.
34:07I have zero.
34:08I'm not jealous.
34:09I'm not insecure about them all having to get together.
34:13Because my main focus on is the kids having a good relationship with everybody.
34:17If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now, down the road when you need
34:21them, they're not going to be there.
34:24I tell you, don't let people walk all over you.
34:26No, I won't.
34:27So there you go.
34:28I won't.
34:31No, it's not going to be like it was before.
34:33I mean, I wouldn't allow it.
34:34I wouldn't put up with it.
34:35And David, oh my God, he'd become unglued.
34:37If Cody started to be mean or aggressive towards me or anything like that, no, no, God,
34:42David, no, he wouldn't allow that.
34:44But I wouldn't either.
34:45He wants to have a relationship.
34:48I just don't think he knows quite how to.
34:50No, I don't need to talk about anything with Cody.
34:53I would love to see him have a better relationship with his kids.
34:56If he's extending an olive branch here, we'll really then have a better relationship with
35:00my kids.
35:01You know?
35:02Put them first.
35:03I love you.
35:04Love you, too.
35:15Do you ever feel like our breakup was just inevitable?
35:22By the time it happened, I didn't see that we were ever going to turn around.
35:25Okay.
35:26But, you know what I mean?
35:27I was really ready to move on.
35:30So Cody and I, as any relationship does, has had like ups and downs.
35:34And some of our lows were pretty low.
35:36And we always managed to come back.
35:38You stay and talk.
35:39I'm done listening to you.
35:40You stay and talk.
35:41Uh, no.
35:42I'm not going to.
35:43Because you're not listening.
35:45You're not listening to me.
35:46And I'm not going to.
35:47Okay, so we're done?
35:48Goodbye.
35:49you.
35:51The last time, I didn't want to reconcile.
35:53I didn't have any desire.
35:55The kids were definitely older.
35:57I didn't need the family's financial support as much.
36:01Like, it just, it just, there wasn't a lot of reasons to work through it.
36:05I feel like we've needed an olive branch, the entire family.
36:09And Janelle, you get the high owner of being the person I felt the safest with to start offering
36:14that olive branch.
36:16Oh, we did.
36:17We had a good, we had a, we had a great, like, like, I, I'm grateful for what we had.
36:23Yeah.
36:24I really am.
36:26Yeah.
36:27Thank you for being cool about this.
36:29I'm glad you came.
36:30Make it easy.
36:31Like, it was a great relationship.
36:34I still care about him.
36:35And I think he still cares about me.
36:37But I don't, he's not in my life.
36:39And I'm not going to be in his life.
36:40And there's nothing there now.
36:43I wish he had a better relationship with the children.
36:46Because then, you know, then there would be a little bit more cohesion for the family.
36:49But, I don't know.
36:51That's not, that's a long ways away, I suspect.
36:53I was thinking, though, um, Garrison can qualify, I think, for a military headstone.
37:00And I think he would love that.
37:01Because the military was a big part of his, like, what he loved, right?
37:04Oh, okay.
37:05Yeah, he'd like him.
37:06So it's a matter of filing paperwork?
37:07Yeah, and I've got half of it done.
37:09I mean, I guess if you wanted to come up and meet me there, we can do that.
37:12So would it just be you and I going there to place the headstone?
37:15I'm okay.
37:16It doesn't have to be a big deal.
37:17Yeah, let's do it.
37:18We'll both go up there.
37:19Okay.
37:20I mean, that's fine.
37:21Like, we can just meet there or something.
37:22You know what I mean?
37:23Yeah.
37:24All right.
37:25Um, you know, I didn't know what to expect coming.
37:28I'm grateful for the experience.
37:30And I'm grateful he came.
37:31It's been healing to hear some of those things.
37:34That's a great idea.
37:35Thanks for meeting with me.
37:36I really appreciate it.
37:37I think it went very well.
37:41Janelle was very gracious.
37:42She was very kind.
37:44I felt like she made it easy to do this apology.
37:50Like, this is a pilgrimage.
37:52And I have planned it for so long.
37:55And I've needed this for four years.
37:58Boy, there's a lot of pressure.
38:01It's windy.
38:02The door wasn't easy to open.
38:04Yeah.
38:05So...
38:06All right.
38:07Anyway, thank you.
38:08Thanks for meeting with me.
38:09I really appreciate it.
38:10We'll see you.
38:11All right.
38:12See you later.
38:13All right.
38:14Yeah, I've got two more wives to visit with.
38:19I get a little bit nervous thinking that it could go really, really wrong.
38:23This is my journey.
38:27This is something I am required to do.
38:30My hope is for them to receive it well.
38:34And if they don't, then we'll go back to God and say, what next?
38:39Do I do it again?
38:41I...
38:42I don't know.
38:48Next time on Sister Wives.
38:50Is there any part of you?
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