Skip to playerSkip to main content
  • 1 day ago
After nearly a decade away, Kumail Nanjiani returns to Chicago, where he got his start in standup, in a new special that | dG1fTUFDQUdoZnp4V0U
Transcript
00:00Watching your movie made me want to get therapy.
00:02Oh, that's good.
00:03That's clever.
00:05Do not get weird about the muscles.
00:07These muscles can't hurt you.
00:09These muscles are decorative.
00:11Never been in a fight because I'm super good at apologizing.
00:15I am an immigrant.
00:17I am.
00:18Are there any other immigrants here?
00:21OK, what you can't do is point at someone else.
00:27I thought I was happy.
00:28And then every now and then, I'd get very angry out of nowhere.
00:32I washed bananas in the sink.
00:35Anyone remember what it was like buying marijuana before it was legal?
00:40You had to go to a guy's house, pretend to be friends with a guy.
00:44You had to, like, watch a little bit of The Matrix with him.
00:48You guys get night thoughts?
00:50When you're laying in bed in the middle of the night and you can't sleep
00:52and your brain's like, here's something new for you to worry about.
00:55Oh, you hadn't thought of that?
00:58It's because you're a little bit stupid.
01:01Night thoughts are like day thoughts, except they hate you.
01:04This one's really keeping me up at night.
01:06White people, there's more.
01:09Which one's a big part of our league that had to be
Be the first to comment
Add your comment

Recommended