- 4 hours ago
What do sheep and cocoa have in common? Hopefully nothing, but games may surprise you there.
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00:00So, when it comes to video games, of course, for every super serious narrative and emotional throughline that you can have,
00:07you get an equally silly or over-the-top game that doesn't take itself too seriously.
00:13And you know what, there are some great jokes in video games that are full of nuance, self-referential humour,
00:18and consist of complex diatribes and dialogues.
00:22But we're not talking about those today, we're going to be talking about the dirty jokes,
00:25so toss out all of your G-rated sensibilities.
00:28As I'm Jules, this is WhatCulture.com, and these are 10 Dirty Jokes Hidden in Your Favourite Video Games.
00:3510. Split What? You're Not Wearing Any Pants. Animal Crossing
00:39Now, Animal Crossing is aimed at children, regardless of how many adults enjoy playing it.
00:45And the Animal Crossing series, regardless of its audience, is filled with innuendo and crude humour,
00:50which, in part, is what makes it so fun.
00:52Whether it's catching a beetle and getting a joke about stag parties,
00:55or the fact the engagement ring in a box that Tom Nook sells in New Horizons costs 69,000 bells,
01:00and you even get the certainly blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment where Harve is watching what appears to be a, um,
01:05casting-couch-style video and quickly changes it when you enter his place.
01:09But one of the best is a potential conversation between villagers that goes something like this.
01:14Don't look! I've just split my pants! You aren't wearing any pants, so what just split?
01:19Um, gotta go!
01:21A solid butt-crack joke.
01:23Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
01:24And if that's not funny enough for you, then of course there comes a close second,
01:28which is the fact that Tom Nook is not actually a raccoon, but rather a tanuki,
01:32a creature for known for having abnormally large testicles.
01:36Charging 69,000 bells for a ring? Well, that does take some massive balls.
01:409. Don't thrust deeply into the motherland. Command and Conquer
01:46The third entry in the Red Alert series of the Command and Conquer franchise is filled with just
01:51as much camp and parody as any of the other games in the series, replete with great lines such as
01:57Tim Curry's beautiful delivery of,
01:59I'm escaping to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism, space.
02:04Then, of course, you have the Soviet faction's hammer tank that spouts solid lines like,
02:08Who's ready for a good pounding?
02:10But the, uh, creme de la creme, as it were, choice for this entry is Soviet General Krukov's
02:16chastisement between missions for you taking too long to rescue him.
02:20While you were hiding behind your barricades in Leningrad,
02:23the enemy was thrusting deeply into the motherland's tender nether regions.
02:27I mean, it speaks for itself.
02:298. Her Ladyship, My Balls Itch
02:32Dragon Age
02:33Dragon Age has its fair share of solid dirty jokes,
02:37especially amongst the flirty commentary you can have with the Warden concerning the licking
02:40of lampposts in winter, which, by the way, is an item you can acquire under certain conditions
02:45in the expansion pack.
02:46Perhaps it's a bit sophomoric, but there's some stupid joy to be had in Dragon Age Inquisition
02:51during the Ball when the Herald introduces a certain noblewoman to the crowd.
02:55Her Ladyship, My Balls Itch, Of Course
02:58The pun is apparent, especially when the Herald then laughs afterwards, so perhaps it's not
03:03hidden so well.
03:04My Balls Itch, Of Course
03:07But you know what, it's so over-the-top and stupid, it had to be included in this list.
03:147. Spartan Barrick Forward March
03:16Alpha Centauri
03:18Sid Meier's classic Alpha Centauri was released in 1999 and was set in a futuristic universe
03:24that was essentially what would happen if your civilization playthrough made it to space
03:27and lasted into the 23rd century.
03:29There aren't a whole lot of opportunities for good sex jokes in 4X games without getting obscure,
03:34or, you might think at least, but Sid Meier's crew thought differently.
03:38One of the facilities that you can build on your space base is the network node.
03:42It improves lab efficiency and unlocks alien artifact research options.
03:46Some of the Spartan soldiers on your base also have something to say about the things in their
03:50barracks.
03:51I don't know what I've been told, Deirdre's got a network node, likes to press the on-off
03:57switch, dig that crazy guy and witch.
04:00And this is spoken in full military cadence with a call and repeat response, followed by a
04:04command to march.
04:05Dig that crazy guy and witch!
04:07Dig that crazy guy and witch!
04:096.
04:10The Disturbing Truth Behind That Pet Sheep
04:13Total War
04:14Now, as I mentioned with Alpha Centauri, tactical games are not often filled with blatant innuendo.
04:20Diablo 2 had a basically naked scorpion-tailed demon, and Nova wears a skin-tight suit in StarCraft.
04:25Actually, maybe strategy games are replete with sexual references, but you know what?
04:29Creative Assembly's Total War series is not particularly known for them.
04:33Cue Total War Rome's numerous ancillaries, which are items that boost features for a
04:37character, including the courtesan and the dancer.
04:41But there's an ancillary that really must be mentioned here, and that is the pets.
04:45And there are a few animals that you can take as pets.
04:48A horse, a dog, a lion, and a sheep, for instance.
04:51The lion has a menacing passage about feeding it human flesh, but the description for the
04:55item Pet Sheep is,
04:56Ahem, being away from home and loved ones can be a lonely life.
05:01So yeah, after reading that aloud, poor old sheep.
05:055. Nintendo Has a Boundary Issue
05:07Zelda and Mario
05:09I'm not sure if anyone at Nintendo ever told their writers that reading a lady's diary
05:14without her permission is a kind of a breach of privacy, but it seems to be a regular occurrence
05:18in Nintendo games, and the greatest heroes of their franchise are guilty of the deed.
05:22In Super Mario RPG, for the Schneears, the player, as Mario, gets to examine Princess Peach's
05:28bedroom.
05:29While there, they can examine a nook behind the fireplace and find what is referred to as
05:33Toadstool's?
05:34And in the original Japanese version, it's even called Peach's Triple X.
05:40If Peach is in your party, she'll even scold you for violating her privacy.
05:44Likewise, our good old hero of time, Link, can violate a young lady's privacy by reading
05:49a hidden journal which contains a passage suggesting that Link has a horny secret admirer.
05:54That new guy in town looks like he really knows how to tune a bow.
05:57I hope he comes by and knocks an arrow for me.
06:00It's been way too long.
06:02Alright, I'm just going to close this book now because that is dirty.
06:05But speaking of books,
06:064. The Sentient Book's Secret of Mana
06:09In the Schneears classic Secret of Mana, or Seiken Densetsu 2 in Japan if you want to be a
06:15weeb about it, there are a pair of enemies that you can find called the Mystic Book and
06:19the National Scar.
06:20They are sentient books who float around and flip themselves open to random pages that then
06:25fire off a variety of spells.
06:27And one of the pages that they can land on, however, does not contain a thunder spell or
06:30a fire spell, but instead it must be some sort of charm spell?
06:34Because sometimes the book enemies will flip open to a centerfold-style picture of a nude
06:38blonde woman with a heart just above her buttocks.
06:41The book will then get flustered and flip itself closed before trying again.
06:44This little tidbit is funny because this came during a time when Nintendo were super
06:48conservative with its censorship levels, especially for English ports.
06:52The theory is that because the book flips to the page so rarely,
06:55none of the censors ever saw it occur when testing the game.
06:593. Do You Want Some Coco?
07:01SteamBot Chronicles
07:02SteamBot Chronicles was a great underrated game with an adorable, if not rather depressing,
07:08world, as well as interesting characters and a dark plot twist that was the spice of life,
07:12my friend. And you know what, spice of life is actually quite applicable here because half
07:16the cast is named after cooking seasonings. Now, a few of the characters in this game are able to
07:20be courted in a romantic fashion, and this is where the game can get that little extra weird.
07:25If you invite a lady up to your apartment and make some dinner with them, you might be able
07:29to get her into the right mood through food and conversations, and if you have the right item,
07:34you can get her to sit on your bed and clean your ears with a cotton swab.
07:37No, I'm not joking. While she's swabbing your wax deck, you can, as the game calls it,
07:43make your move. This, of course, makes her a cup of hot chocolate. Cue the screen going dark
07:48and the character saying a sultry line like, mmm, delicious. I guess there's a reason that this
07:54game is sometimes called the Grand Theft Auto of video games, but without any of the psychopaths.
07:592. Joker's Not Safe For Work Viewing Habits
08:02Mass Effect
08:03Now, Mass Effect has no small number of dirty jokes scattered throughout the original trilogy,
08:08and of course, when it came to Andromeda's first release, it itself was a dirty joke because it
08:12was a disgusting dump right over your face. But one of the best lines in the entire series
08:16comes from Mass Effect 2 when trying to romance Garrus. After using the term cross-species
08:21intercourse, he admits that he feels dirty and clinical, but that doesn't try to stop him from
08:26trying to flirt a bit a moment later by promising music and research to figure out how to make it happen.
08:30When you finally decide to actually go for it, he fires off this great line,
08:34you know me, I always like to savour the last shot before popping the heatsink.
08:38Then, after a mild pause and a grin from Shepard, he follows up with,
08:42wait, that metaphor just went somewhere horrible. As adorable as flirty Garrus is, though,
08:47the absolute best hidden dirty joke has to be when you're standing around in the cockpit
08:51and hear some moaning sounds before Joker quips, whoops, sorry, that was supposed to go into my earpiece.
08:56Bad boy Joker, you're watching porn on the job, come on, mate.
09:061. I Like A Man With A Big Vocabulary
09:09Phoenix Wright
09:10The Phoenix Wright series is overflowing with innuendo in both the Japanese and English versions.
09:16Solid quality lines like when Athena says,
09:18Tie me up, wait, you're not into that, are you? Or the gigantic breasted defense attorney,
09:24commenting, well, we all know those milkshakes brings the boys to the yard.
09:27And maybe you like the scene where the ventriloquist dummy says,
09:30The pay sucks, the clown sucks, and my partner has his hand up my pants.
09:33But you know what, the best or worst choice, depending on how you look at it,
09:36comes from when one of the witnesses, the flirtatious April, gives the sultry line,
09:41I Like A Man With A Big Vocabulary.
09:44It's stupid, it's dumb, but again, it's in total keeping with this over-the-top and silly game.
09:49And there we go, my friends, those were 10 dirty jokes hidden in your favorite video games.
09:53I hope that you enjoyed that, and please let me know what you thought about it down in the comment section below.
09:58As always, I've been Jules, you can go follow me over on Twitter at RetroJ with a zero,
10:02or you can swing by Liv and Let's Dice, where I do all of my streaming outside of work,
10:06and also do my Warhammer battle reports as well, and it'd be great to see you over there.
10:09But before I go, I just want to say one thing.
10:12We discussed today a lot about silly jokes in video games,
10:14but you, my friend, you are not a punchline, you are not a joke, you are a big ledge,
10:18and I want nothing but the best for you.
10:20I want you to go out there and smash your life goals today,
10:22because you deserve all of the best things in life,
10:25and do not let anything or anyone else tell you otherwise, alright?
10:28You are a massive ledge.
10:30Now go out there and smash it.
10:32As always, I've been Jules, you have been awesome,
10:34never forget that, and I'll speak to you soon.
10:37Bye.
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