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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Not bad.
00:00:30Hello? Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans. I mean, it's only two days away and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate. So, I was thinking maybe we could all take a trip to-
00:00:42Sue, um, I meant to tell you before but I wanted to be sure. Um, I think I'm gonna spend my birthday with Jake. Uh, I'm gonna lose my virginity to him. You know, I want to surprise him.
00:00:54What? But you can't. I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:00Besides, you can't do that to us. You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:05This is bad. You know, I'm gonna tell Lexi. She's gonna be very unhappy about this.
00:01:17Come on, Lexi.
00:01:30So, girls, what are we gonna do for our birthday?
00:01:33Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something in.
00:01:38But this is the big one-eight. I mean, every year since our mom's met in the hospital, we've done something new and special. But this has to be newer and more special. So, what's something we've never done before?
00:01:50Mushrooms?
00:01:51No, not like that. Like something nice. Like maybe a trip.
00:01:56Like a mushroom trip?
00:01:57No.
00:01:58Sorry, Sue. I have a date.
00:02:02So do I. Sorry, Sue.
00:02:05Don't worry, Sue. We'll figure it out.
00:02:08Oh, flowers. Are these from you?
00:02:21Yeah, sure. Here you go.
00:02:25No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:28I didn't know how to put my feelings into words. I guess, um, you still make me nervous.
00:02:35Nervous.
00:02:36Oh, Jake.
00:02:41Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:44Uh, no, Jake. Not yet.
00:02:46When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:48The best night of my life.
00:02:50It will be. I promise.
00:02:52It'll always be amazing. With you. And me. Together.
00:02:56Jake, no. I have to go. I have to work on my art project.
00:03:07You know, I thought art was gonna be a really easy elective, but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:13Uh, so you're gonna come to my birthday, okay? This Saturday?
00:03:17Of course.
00:03:22Thanks.
00:03:24Okay. Bye.
00:03:34Oh, baby. You're so hot. I'm gonna do you so good.
00:03:39Oh, yeah, baby. What was your name again?
00:03:42Right. Sex guy.
00:03:49Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:03:52Yeah, right. I bet.
00:04:00Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday? Oh, no.
00:04:05Does not compute. Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:13Oh, huh. Hi.
00:04:16When did you go home?
00:04:17So, is it true?
00:04:19Yes, it is.
00:04:20It's just, it's the right time and Jake's the right man.
00:04:25I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:32So, I just think it's the right time.
00:04:34Lexi, tell her. Losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:39On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:42Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday.
00:04:44Or maybe even like our 29th.
00:04:478th.
00:04:48Maybe.
00:04:50Listen guys, I know it's tradition, but...
00:04:54I'm sorry.
00:04:57I know it's tradition, but...
00:04:59I'm sorry.
00:05:00But Cheryl, Sue is right. We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:11Oh, does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:15It's not Jake. It's the male ideal.
00:05:19Like, a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:22Sue's dad.
00:05:23Right.
00:05:25Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:27I mean, it kind of sucks. I'm not really an artist.
00:05:29Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:31Point is, we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.
00:05:35And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:37I'm waiting for a sign.
00:05:39And then I'll know it's right.
00:05:40Look, I can go either way.
00:05:43I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal...
00:05:47I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:05:50Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:05:53But, if you want to do it this year, then...
00:05:57Maybe we all should.
00:05:59You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:05Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:07To church, to pray for you.
00:06:10I want to be first in line.
00:06:12I'm getting some sleep.
00:06:14Yeah, me too.
00:06:23Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:26It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:28I accused myself of the following sins.
00:06:30Oh.
00:06:32Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...
00:06:35It's about sex.
00:06:38Mm-hmm.
00:06:40I mean, not me.
00:06:41I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:44Uh-huh.
00:06:46I've never even seen a guy's...
00:06:48Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.
00:06:51But I was dressing him up as Jesus, and I wanted to see his thing.
00:06:55But there was nothing there.
00:06:57Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:01My best friends.
00:07:03They're gonna do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:05Okay.
00:07:07Third base.
00:07:09What? No. Like, sex.
00:07:11Like, intercourse?
00:07:13With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:14I mean, they really need us intervention.
00:07:16If you know what I mean.
00:07:17All the way.
00:07:19Go all the way.
00:07:21What are you...
00:07:25How could you do this?
00:07:28You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:32What?
00:07:33What?
00:07:38Yes.
00:07:39Yes!
00:07:40Run!
00:07:41Run!
00:07:42Home route!
00:07:44Damn it!
00:07:47Fucking Yankees.
00:07:50Sorry.
00:08:03Sue!
00:08:13It is 1pm.
00:08:15Would you have a little consideration?
00:08:17I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:19Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:23I have an announcement to make.
00:08:24I wanna do it.
00:08:26Do you hear me?
00:08:27I wanna do it.
00:08:30This weekend.
00:08:31On our birthday.
00:08:32Do what?
00:08:35It. Screw.
00:08:37Screwing.
00:08:38Boning.
00:08:39Making the beast with two backs.
00:08:41Shagging.
00:08:42Fucking.
00:08:44You do.
00:08:46But what about all your religious stuff?
00:08:49And what about your sign from heaven?
00:08:51Oh, I got a sign.
00:08:52At church.
00:08:54Really?
00:08:56Okay, great.
00:08:58We're all in then.
00:09:00So we'll have a big pool party and we'll do it there.
00:09:02Right?
00:09:04Right.
00:09:06I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:16Hey, Frank!
00:09:18Oh, hi, Sue.
00:09:20Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:22I don't know, do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:24Yeah, he's blind.
00:09:26Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:29Let me be back.
00:09:32Hey, um, I was wondering, we're throwing this party tomorrow night. It's for our birthdays. Do you want to come?
00:09:41Do you think he can see at my shore?
00:09:55Well, the house looks done.
00:09:57Tomorrow's a big day.
00:09:58Tomorrow's a big day.
00:10:00We finally turn 18.
00:10:02And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:04Well, we better get our beady sleep because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:07So, okay, we know who Shara's gonna do it with, Jake, and I'll probably do that guy Rod.
00:10:12But Sue, who are you gonna pick?
00:10:14It's a poppy chain.
00:10:16It's easy.
00:10:17I've known for the past six years, ever since catechism.
00:10:19What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:23I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:25Sure.
00:10:34My soulmate.
00:10:37Chris?
00:10:39Sue, you, um, might want to think about picking a backup. I mean...
00:10:43What? No, Chris is perfect. He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp. Plus, his name's Chris. It's a sign.
00:10:51Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:10:57What? He does not. Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face. He looks just like Justin Bieber. With a little bit of Zac Efron and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:07Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:10Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:12Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:15See you in the morning.
00:11:22I knew it would happen someday. I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:41You're so perfect.
00:11:57You're so perfect.
00:12:27I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:30I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:48Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:12:50Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:04Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:05Oh my gosh, they're coming.
00:13:28Lexi, Cheryl, hurry!
00:13:33Ew, why?
00:13:35It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:37It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:38I'm going to suppress him.
00:13:40You're going to die of asphyxiation.
00:13:42It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:43It's stupid.
00:13:44Just screw him.
00:13:45That's what he wants.
00:13:46That's what all guys want.
00:13:47Who hurt you as a child?
00:13:49Oh, Christ.
00:13:50And I wrap your mouth, too.
00:13:52Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:13:56not someone they can just have sex with.
00:13:57You're an idiot.
00:13:58A very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.
00:14:03Guys, seriously, come on, hurry up.
00:14:05Oh.
00:14:09Oh, what a cool bracelet.
00:14:12I love it.
00:14:14Um...
00:14:14You should put that down, though,
00:14:15because it's like, it's really...
00:14:17Very fragile.
00:14:17Yeah.
00:14:18Okay.
00:14:19Set it down.
00:14:19Yeah.
00:14:20Hurry up.
00:14:21Bye.
00:14:23Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:25Yeah.
00:14:25That's so...
00:14:26Mm.
00:14:27What are we going to have some fun?
00:14:51Oh, Attack of the Wet T-Shirts, nice!
00:14:53Nice!
00:15:00Happy birthday, Lex!
00:15:05Oh, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:08That is lip poison to plump your lips, but be careful it stings.
00:15:12And the other one is edible massage oil.
00:15:15Oh, how did you know?
00:15:17I'm going to use both of these tonight.
00:15:23Buster, you're such a cutie.
00:15:27Please don't touch my service time.
00:15:29Alright, sorry.
00:15:30Are you okay now?
00:15:31Yeah, I'm fine.
00:15:32Okay.
00:15:33See you later.
00:15:36I can't believe you haven't heard of it.
00:15:38This is scary.
00:15:39Jake!
00:15:40Hi!
00:15:41Hey, Bear.
00:15:42Happy Birthday.
00:15:44Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:48What?
00:15:49You want a beer?
00:15:50No.
00:15:51Oh, hon.
00:15:52Yeah.
00:15:53I have your present here.
00:15:54I'll give it to you later.
00:15:55The time's right.
00:15:56You didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:57And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:00Hey, bro.
00:16:01We need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:02A little bit.
00:16:03Alright, this is my man right here.
00:16:04Hey.
00:16:05How you doing?
00:16:06Good.
00:16:07Good.
00:16:08Good.
00:16:09Good.
00:16:10Good.
00:16:11Good.
00:16:12Good.
00:16:13Good.
00:16:14Good.
00:16:15Good.
00:16:16Good.
00:16:17Good.
00:16:18Good.
00:16:19Good.
00:16:20Good.
00:16:21Good.
00:16:22Good.
00:16:23Good.
00:16:24Good.
00:16:25Good.
00:16:26Good.
00:16:27Good.
00:16:28Good.
00:16:30Good.
00:16:31Good.
00:16:32Good.
00:16:33Good.
00:16:34Good.
00:16:35Good.
00:16:36Good.
00:16:37Good.
00:16:38Good.
00:16:39Good.
00:16:40Good.
00:16:41Good.
00:16:42Good.
00:16:43Good.
00:16:44Good.
00:16:45Good.
00:16:46Good.
00:16:47Good.
00:16:48Good.
00:16:49Good.
00:16:50Good.
00:16:51Good.
00:16:52Good.
00:16:53Good.
00:16:54Good.
00:16:55Good.
00:16:56Good.
00:16:57Good.
00:16:58Good.
00:16:59Good.
00:17:00Hey, ah, dude, move!
00:17:01Come on, lame!
00:17:02Oh, all right, okay.
00:17:04I'll see you guys later.
00:17:05Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:06Aw, the moves.
00:17:07Wendy Buck says,
00:17:08by the end of the day,
00:17:09I will be motorboating those titties.
00:17:11Yeah!
00:17:13They're fake anyways.
00:17:14Who cares?
00:17:16Okay.
00:17:20Oh, dude, dude.
00:17:21I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:27Sue, no, it's your birthday.
00:17:28Here, let me.
00:17:29Joanna, no, just go enjoy the party.
00:17:32What?
00:17:33I win.
00:17:36Hey, do my lips look any flumper?
00:17:39I put this stuff on,
00:17:40but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:43Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:44I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:45He just, like, disappeared.
00:17:46Are these real?
00:17:59Of course they are.
00:18:01It's...
00:18:02How come I haven't met you before?
00:18:04I don't know.
00:18:05Maybe you just don't be around.
00:18:06How do you see Jake?
00:18:07Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:11Maybe upstairs.
00:18:12I don't know.
00:18:13Oh.
00:18:14Maybe you want to go get my birthday present.
00:18:16That's probably where you went.
00:18:18You're wrong.
00:18:21Liquid courage?
00:18:22Yeah.
00:18:23Atta girl.
00:18:27Vodka cranberry?
00:18:28Surely simple.
00:18:31Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:33I can go meet her dad.
00:18:35Sue?
00:18:36Are you okay?
00:18:37Sue?
00:18:38Relax.
00:18:40Oh, they're just nice.
00:18:42Okay.
00:18:42Nothing to be scared of.
00:18:43Seriously.
00:18:44You're gonna be fine.
00:18:45Is Chris here?
00:18:46Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:18:54No.
00:18:54He does not have gay face.
00:18:57I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:18:58I'm gonna do it.
00:19:04Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:07No.
00:19:08He does not have gay face.
00:19:10I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:11I'm gonna do it.
00:19:13I'm gonna do this.
00:19:14Good luck.
00:19:16Oh, God.
00:19:17Hey, you can do this.
00:19:19Just act like a slut.
00:19:23Just pretend you're Lexi.
00:19:33Yeah, my favorite chapter is Sodom and Glory.
00:19:36Chris.
00:19:37Hi.
00:19:38Can I talk to you?
00:19:40Uh-huh.
00:19:41Uh-uh.
00:19:42In private?
00:19:43Oh.
00:19:43Hey, Lexi.
00:19:57Hey, Lexi.
00:19:58What?
00:20:00Chris.
00:20:01You're so sexy.
00:20:03Ever since you played Jesus at camp, I've just...
00:20:07I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:20:10And I really want to...
00:20:13Oh, what are you doing?
00:20:15Is that wrong?
00:20:16Sue!
00:20:17What's gotten into you?
00:20:18Nothing.
00:20:18I'm sorry.
00:20:19I don't know how to do this.
00:20:21Sue.
00:20:23Sue.
00:20:24Sue.
00:20:25I understand these urges.
00:20:30And, you know, I like you too.
00:20:34Really?
00:20:35You do?
00:20:36I do.
00:20:36I really do.
00:20:39I like you too.
00:20:40Really?
00:20:41You do?
00:20:42I do.
00:20:43I really do.
00:20:44It's just...
00:20:45I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man.
00:20:51Right.
00:20:52Lexi said you were...
00:20:53Jesus.
00:20:54Oh.
00:20:56That man.
00:20:57Of course.
00:20:58What did you think?
00:20:59Oh, nothing.
00:21:00So we can still do this then?
00:21:03Oh, Sue.
00:21:04You know, for me, when I think about that man who died for our sins, when I think about
00:21:14him up there on that cross, so helpless, yet so muscular, with his strong thighs crossed
00:21:26over each other, so delicately, beneath that ragged loincloth, growing so hot, so sweaty,
00:21:37under that hot, hot sun, I just feel such compassion.
00:21:44I think about those things too.
00:21:45So you understand why I can't do this?
00:21:49Not really.
00:21:50I just find it too hard, it is, to give in to carnal pleasure when he sacrificed so
00:21:59much for us.
00:22:01So.
00:22:11We're going to go out there, right?
00:22:12And then we're going to tell you through these lines.
00:22:15Hey, Ty.
00:22:15Whoa!
00:22:17Have you seen Jake?
00:22:18Uh, no.
00:22:20No.
00:22:21Alright.
00:22:24Alright, focus, focus, focus.
00:22:32Oh, there he is.
00:22:36Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:38How could he?
00:22:52Sue, what happened?
00:22:57Did you guys do it?
00:22:59Sue?
00:23:00He doesn't want me.
00:23:02Because he's gay.
00:23:03No, he's not.
00:23:05He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:06Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:08The only reason you even liked him is because you knew he was never a real possibility for
00:23:12you.
00:23:13Look, the only way you are going to find out what kind of man you really want is to know
00:23:18what kind of woman you really are.
00:23:21Deep inside.
00:23:22What?
00:23:23Come with me.
00:23:24Where?
00:23:25To meet your dark side.
00:23:27To meet your dark side.
00:23:29Lead everything.
00:23:33Out.
00:23:35Everyone out.
00:23:39Game over.
00:23:41Sue.
00:23:41Sue, it's time for you and your vagina to meet face to face.
00:23:50I really can't.
00:24:02I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:04I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:09I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:15Sue?
00:24:16Can you see it?
00:24:18Sue.
00:24:20I'm almost...
00:24:23I'm almost there.
00:24:28What?
00:24:32What?
00:24:32Sue, what happened?
00:24:34What did you see?
00:24:35A raccoon?
00:24:36What?
00:24:38You overshot it.
00:24:39Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:47I can't.
00:24:48Please don't make me do that again.
00:24:50Okay, fine.
00:24:51Fine.
00:24:52I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.
00:24:55What?
00:24:56You really need an orgasm.
00:24:59Honestly, I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else when you've
00:25:03never even had it with yourself.
00:25:04This really has to be your first step.
00:25:06Liz, I'm waiting.
00:25:08Coming.
00:25:09Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:11Just find it and use it.
00:25:14Wait, what does the black vibrator look like?
00:25:16It's black.
00:25:17It vibrates.
00:25:20Come on, Rod.
00:25:21Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:24Don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.
00:25:26Hey, cutie!
00:25:39Cutie!
00:25:44Booseye!
00:25:45Oh, yeah!
00:25:50Bang.
00:25:51Bang.
00:25:52Bang.
00:25:54Good boy.
00:25:55Straighten up.
00:25:56Good boy.
00:25:57Good boy.
00:25:59He knows over a hundred commands.
00:26:02I'm sorry I can't see anything.
00:26:04That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:06What a bitch.
00:26:08Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:10Oh, shit.
00:26:39Oh, shit.
00:26:40What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:47Nice shot.
00:26:49Direct hit.
00:26:55Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:04Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:07He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl.
00:27:10For sure?
00:27:12I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him, so maybe it's my fault.
00:27:16That's no excuse.
00:27:17He's a dirtbag.
00:27:18How dare he?
00:27:19No, it's awful.
00:27:21I mean, I thought I was going to marry him.
00:27:23It's a text.
00:27:29It's from him.
00:27:30Um, I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:32Okay.
00:27:33Uh, he's looking for you.
00:27:34He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:37Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:38Um, I have to go.
00:27:40I'm going.
00:27:40No, you can't just leave.
00:27:42Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:45I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:27:47No.
00:27:48He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:27:51Either way, it's bullshit.
00:27:52I see only one option.
00:27:55I'm leaving.
00:27:56Revenge sex.
00:27:58Re- I mean, what?
00:27:58What does that even mean?
00:27:59It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:03Okay.
00:28:06Revenge sex.
00:28:08Re- I mean, what?
00:28:09What does that even mean?
00:28:10It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:15But he- I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:28:17He doesn't even care about me.
00:28:18I mean, why would- he's just into other girls.
00:28:20Trust me, he'll care.
00:28:23Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:28:25To his ego.
00:28:26To screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him.
00:28:30Especially if it's with someone smarter, better looking, and with a bigger dick.
00:28:33No, I- I couldn't.
00:28:37Plus, I mean, there's- there's no one smarter and better looking.
00:28:41Eric!
00:28:42He's perfect!
00:28:43Eric Hall?
00:28:44Are you kidding?
00:28:46I mean, he wouldn't even be into me.
00:28:48He likes your type.
00:28:49Really?
00:28:50And what type is that?
00:28:51Slutty.
00:28:53Yeah.
00:28:54Trust me, he's amazing.
00:28:55I fooled around with him once.
00:28:56He has this very tongue ring.
00:28:58Oh, no, I could never fool around with somebody you've fooled around with.
00:29:02Okay, then.
00:29:03Fine.
00:29:03We will find someone else.
00:29:05Someone that I haven't...
00:29:07fooled around with.
00:29:11Okay, what does it matter?
00:29:13That I fooled around with him?
00:29:14I mean, it's like you're not going to marry the guy.
00:29:16No, I just couldn't do it.
00:29:18Fine.
00:29:19If you want to live the rest of your life knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing,
00:29:23to make your boyfriend feel like a total, worthless piece of garbage,
00:29:26and possibly even scar him with the rest of his existence,
00:29:28and you chose not to do it,
00:29:30go ahead.
00:29:31But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:35I don't know.
00:29:38But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:43I don't know.
00:29:44Trust me.
00:29:45It's going to work.
00:29:48I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:29:55Hi, Cheryl.
00:29:56Happy birthday.
00:29:57Oh, no.
00:30:10Hey.
00:30:12Happy birthday.
00:30:15Thanks.
00:30:18Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:37So, happy birthday.
00:30:47Uh, do you know that most people think that the happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:30:51But it's actually from us.
00:30:52U.S.
00:30:54America?
00:30:57United States?
00:30:58I know where we live.
00:31:00Right.
00:31:01Of course.
00:31:01Hey, Jesus, Eric, are you going to make your move or not?
00:31:15Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:16Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:31:17I just...
00:31:18No, you're fine.
00:31:19I can't.
00:31:31Jake!
00:31:31You make a scene!
00:31:34So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:31:36Oh.
00:31:38I'm sorry.
00:31:38It?
00:31:39What, um...
00:31:40It, like, monkey boning and, like, pigs in a blanket get real nasty.
00:31:47Oh.
00:31:48Oh, you mean, like, uh, right now?
00:31:52I mean, well, yeah.
00:31:54You know, the sooner the better.
00:31:57Yeah, sure.
00:31:58I mean, yeah, of course.
00:32:00Um, I just never realized that you...
00:32:02I mean, whew, uh, it's just, you're so, you're so beautiful.
00:32:14Okay, um, uh, no cuisine.
00:32:18Right, um, of course.
00:32:21Sorry?
00:32:24So, um, do you want to unwrap me?
00:32:29Oh, wow.
00:32:30Uh, you're wrapped up like a Hot Pocket.
00:32:32Or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:35Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:37Yeah, uh, you're fresh.
00:32:40Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:43Yeah, uh, you're fresh.
00:32:45Organic.
00:32:46Yep.
00:32:49So, the wrap.
00:32:50Right.
00:32:52Um, where's the, uh...
00:32:54It's, uh, the end is...
00:32:56I just, like, right over here.
00:32:57Oh, yeah, here it is.
00:32:58Yeah.
00:32:58That's where I see it.
00:32:59Um, let me just, uh...
00:33:00Got it.
00:33:01Uh.
00:33:02Ow.
00:33:03Ow.
00:33:03Ow.
00:33:03Oh, sorry.
00:33:04Sorry, sorry.
00:33:04I, um...
00:33:05It's, it's okay.
00:33:07Do it again.
00:33:09Sorry, I, uh, I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:33:12You know what?
00:33:13Let me just lay on the bed.
00:33:16Okay.
00:33:21Uh, let me just see.
00:33:24Oh, here it is.
00:33:25I got it.
00:33:26All right.
00:33:26All right.
00:33:26Um, well, let's...
00:33:28Let me just...
00:33:29Oh, gee, uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:33:34You okay?
00:33:35Hey!
00:33:36Help!
00:33:36Uh...
00:33:36Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:41Oh, geez.
00:33:43Oh, geez.
00:33:47Well, that was stupid.
00:33:50Yeah.
00:33:51Yeah.
00:33:53Ha, ha, ha.
00:33:54Ha.
00:33:59How you doing tonight?
00:34:00Good.
00:34:00Good.
00:34:00You having a good time?
00:34:01Yeah?
00:34:01Good.
00:34:02Good.
00:34:02Jake, I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:06What?
00:34:07I can't hear you.
00:34:09You need another beer.
00:34:11Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:12Jake!
00:34:13Sorry, we're...
00:34:14Upstairs.
00:34:15Yeah.
00:34:16Hold on.
00:34:17Take a piss.
00:34:18How much beer?
00:34:19Yeah.
00:34:21Bad girl, you got a bad brain.
00:34:23I'm running bad pills.
00:34:25I'm driving down the insane.
00:34:27No, you're fine.
00:34:28I'm so what you're doing.
00:34:29You can cry, I'm so what you're doing.
00:34:31You can cry, I'm so what you're doing.
00:34:32Oh.
00:34:33Oh.
00:34:42Finally.
00:34:47I, uh...
00:34:49I'll just get the blinds.
00:34:51Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:34:53Um, don't, don't worry about it.
00:34:55What?
00:34:56I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:00Oh.
00:35:01Oh.
00:35:01Well, okay.
00:35:03Okay.
00:35:17Finally.
00:35:19I, uh, let me just get the blinds.
00:35:22Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:35:24Um, don't worry about it.
00:35:26What?
00:35:27I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:31Oh.
00:35:33Well, okay.
00:35:34Okay.
00:36:01What are you doing?
00:36:02Uh, I think it's time.
00:36:03You know, to do it.
00:36:04Um, not yet.
00:36:05More foreplay.
00:36:06Huh?
00:36:07Oh.
00:36:08Oh.
00:36:09Oh.
00:36:10Oh.
00:36:11Oh.
00:36:12Oh.
00:36:13Oh.
00:36:14Oh.
00:36:15Oh.
00:36:16Oh.
00:36:17Oh.
00:36:18Oh.
00:36:19Oh.
00:36:20Oh.
00:36:21Oh.
00:36:22Oh.
00:36:23Oh.
00:36:24Oh.
00:36:25Oh.
00:36:26Oh.
00:36:27Oh.
00:36:29What?
00:36:30Oh.
00:36:31Oh.
00:36:32Ah.
00:36:33Oh.
00:36:34It's so good.
00:36:40Oh.
00:36:42Yep.
00:36:43Oh, my God.
00:36:45Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:36:47What? What?
00:36:48Ah, ah, oh.
00:36:49Ah, dear.
00:36:51Lock jaw, lock jaw.
00:36:52Is that even a thing?
00:36:55I don't know.
00:36:57Ah.
00:36:58Are you okay?
00:37:02No, no, no, no, it's, uh,
00:37:04it's fine, I'm just, uh,
00:37:05I'm embarrassed, I, it's
00:37:07probably TMJ or
00:37:10fracture or swollen.
00:37:13Are you sure you're okay?
00:37:15Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
00:37:16Okay, great, have fun.
00:37:18Oh.
00:37:23Now, now, let's do it now.
00:37:25No, not yet, not yet.
00:37:29I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come.
00:37:31Are you ready?
00:37:31No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:34No, no, not yet.
00:37:35Lexi, Lexi, oh, shh.
00:37:41Oh, no, no, no, not yet.
00:37:42Lexi, Lexi, oh, shh.
00:37:45Oh.
00:37:46No news, no.
00:37:48Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:37:49I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:37:51It's been a really long time
00:37:52and I just, I haven't masturbated for anything.
00:37:57Uh-oh.
00:38:00Oh, hey, Jake.
00:38:03How you doing?
00:38:05How's it going?
00:38:06Good.
00:38:07Eric?
00:38:08Help.
00:38:09Eric, help me.
00:38:10I'm glad I can't see anything.
00:38:13Excuse me.
00:38:17Cheryl's in here.
00:38:22What's up, bro?
00:38:24What the fuck is...
00:38:26Hey, wait!
00:38:29Lex, man, I'm still waiting.
00:38:37Oh, I'm sorry, I can't see. I'm blind.
00:38:42Damn it.
00:38:43I'm going to say something to that bitch.
00:38:46Hey, you!
00:38:47You better stop making fun of the blind
00:38:49or I'm going to teach you a lesson.
00:38:52I'm so sorry!
00:38:55I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:39:00Watch the wheels go around.
00:39:18Oh, what the hell?
00:39:20Oh, man, no more water balloons.
00:39:24Sparty's ass.
00:39:27Yeah.
00:39:31This just isn't working on.
00:39:35Nothing.
00:39:36It's the big deal about these vibrators anyway.
00:39:40I can care of the man who life sticks.
00:39:43Spark it up.
00:39:44Yes.
00:39:48Oh, man.
00:39:49I love this game.
00:39:51Where's the controllers?
00:39:52We got to play.
00:39:52Here, here, here.
00:39:53Okay.
00:39:53I'm coming up.
00:39:57Woo!
00:39:59Whoa.
00:39:59Look at this.
00:40:02Oh, man.
00:40:04Get that thing away.
00:40:05Jesus.
00:40:13Hey, dude.
00:40:13Nice shot.
00:40:16What about me?
00:40:19Whoa, whoa.
00:40:22Nice.
00:40:24Are you sitting around or something?
00:40:27Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:29Nice.
00:40:29Nice.
00:40:29Nice.
00:40:38Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:43Whoa.
00:40:54Whoa.
00:40:56You are the controller.
00:40:57No, I just.
00:40:59I didn't.
00:41:00I swear.
00:41:01All right.
00:41:10When she came over right, and I was like, don't leave.
00:41:13Hey, it's Sue.
00:41:13You know, it's like, what's going on, man?
00:41:17It's all right.
00:41:18Hey, Sue.
00:41:19Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:32Yeah, I just needed to, um.
00:41:34Oh, sure.
00:41:37Listen, Sue, I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:41:41You were?
00:41:43You mean?
00:41:44Yeah.
00:41:49So you think we should give it a try?
00:41:52Could we go get a drink?
00:41:57Wow.
00:41:57Um, your toilet's really, oh, you, do you know what?
00:42:02I, I gotta go.
00:42:03Um, happy birthday.
00:42:04Uh, no, Chris.
00:42:05No, there wasn't.
00:42:06I didn't.
00:42:07Oh, God.
00:42:08Never mind.
00:42:08I need a love.
00:42:13It's the end of the world.
00:42:17This was the worst idea ever.
00:42:23Never going to have sex.
00:42:25Ow.
00:42:38Hello?
00:42:46A little attention here.
00:42:48Oh, yeah.
00:42:48Sorry.
00:42:54Lex, don't be selfish.
00:42:57All right.
00:42:58Sorry.
00:42:58Sorry.
00:42:58Oh, jeez.
00:43:12Who invented this stupid position anyway?
00:43:15Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:18Screw it.
00:43:18I don't want to see your face no more.
00:43:43Hey, little girl, get out of my clothes.
00:43:45That's all.
00:43:46That's all.
00:43:46That's all.
00:43:47That's all.
00:43:47That's all.
00:43:48Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
00:43:55Oh, oh.
00:43:58Oh, no, no.
00:43:59That was bad.
00:44:01That was so bad.
00:44:15Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?
00:44:17I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:25Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:44:29Yes, it does.
00:44:31So, you're JJ?
00:44:33Uh-uh.
00:44:47Hello. Welcome to 1-900-CONFESS. Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:45:01A nun.
00:45:01Please punch in your credit card number.
00:45:08Please hold.
00:45:141-900-CONFESSION. How may I be of service?
00:45:16It's been one day since my last confession. I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:21One day?
00:45:24Ow!
00:45:29Is that too long?
00:45:30I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:33Go on.
00:45:35Um, okay. Well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:45:39Well, actually, I didn't know a washing machine did.
00:45:41What's her problem?
00:45:43A washing machine touched her.
00:45:44Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine, and, well...
00:45:49All right, freak. Time's up.
00:45:51What? But what do I do?
00:45:53Just unplug the thing.
00:45:55No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:45:58Well, then be happy. You found the perfect man.
00:46:02I'm serious!
00:46:02Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:46:06I'll tell you this.
00:46:09Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:46:11No contritions?
00:46:13You broke no covenant with God. It's not in the Bible.
00:46:17So, the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:46:20Like, morning, afternoon, night?
00:46:22Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:46:26Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:46:29Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:46:31Huh. God's pretty cool that way.
00:46:34He sure is. Now run along.
00:46:39Wow. How do you know all that?
00:46:43Because I'm a nun.
00:46:44Now eat my pussy, bitch!
00:46:46Huh. Accidental masturbation.
00:46:49Who'd have thunk?
00:46:52Revenge sex. What a stupid fucking idiot.
00:47:03God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:06Yeah, admit it. I've got no game.
00:47:09I guess I just get to eat like a son of a beautiful night.
00:47:12You're welcome.
00:47:15Fucking douchebag!
00:47:18Damn it.
00:47:19Now I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:21Here you go, girl.
00:47:24What?
00:47:26What are you doing here?
00:47:28We needed someplace private.
00:47:30But hey, listen.
00:47:31If you're serious about getting laid.
00:47:33Yeah?
00:47:34If you want someone great.
00:47:35I mean, really, the best ever.
00:47:39No offense.
00:47:41Frank.
00:47:42The blind guy?
00:47:43Really?
00:47:44I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:48I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:47:50It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:47:53It was like, he saw our senses.
00:47:56Everything.
00:47:59If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:02All right.
00:48:03What about him?
00:48:10Jeremy.
00:48:12Oh yeah, I know Jeremy.
00:48:13Hey, I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:16I didn't know his last name though.
00:48:18It's Jones.
00:48:20Jeremy Jones.
00:48:21Oh.
00:48:22This all makes sense.
00:48:23Excuse me.
00:48:25Jeremy.
00:48:27Hi.
00:48:28Who's on the phone?
00:48:30Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:31You'll meet her.
00:48:33It'll be here in like an hour.
00:48:34Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:48:49Oh.
00:48:50Hi, Frank.
00:48:51Sit.
00:48:56Oh, you meant...
00:48:56You meant the dog.
00:48:59Relax.
00:49:02You need to relax and calm down.
00:49:13Oh, I'm relaxed.
00:49:15I'm fine.
00:49:16And why are you biting your nail?
00:49:18I'm not.
00:49:22How did you know that?
00:49:25Corner.
00:49:29Sit.
00:49:32Roll over.
00:49:35Oh, you mean me.
00:49:39Roll over.
00:49:42Oh, you mean me.
00:49:44Oh, how do you...
00:49:45How do you want me to...
00:49:47Just lay down.
00:49:48I know it.
00:49:48I...
00:49:49I...
00:49:49I...
00:49:49I...
00:49:57I shouldn't even be doing this, but...
00:50:03Considering it a teachable moment.
00:50:05Okay.
00:50:09Oh.
00:50:12See me with your hands.
00:50:13You know, I should really...
00:50:26I have a boyfriend, and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:50:28Really.
00:50:32Oh.
00:50:33Oh.
00:50:33Mmm, peanut butter.
00:50:42Mmm, peanut butter.
00:50:56Frank.
00:50:58Frank.
00:50:58Oh.
00:50:59Oh, Frank.
00:51:03No, ma'am.
00:51:27Dude, give me a chip.
00:51:29My chips, old boy.
00:51:31Dude, give me a chip, man.
00:51:32My chips.
00:51:33Dude.
00:51:34My chip.
00:51:34Dude, give me a chip.
00:51:35I've talked to you.
00:51:36My chips.
00:51:38Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:41Sorry.
00:51:49It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:51:52That's all.
00:51:52I don't want to let me do this.
00:51:58Go ahead.
00:51:59I got it.
00:51:59I got it.
00:52:00No, really.
00:52:00Please.
00:52:01I want to help.
00:52:02Please.
00:52:04Okay.
00:52:05Everybody out.
00:52:07Leave.
00:52:07I have to back you.
00:52:11Hey, little girls.
00:52:12I ain't standing there.
00:52:13Kissing that guy with a purple hair.
00:52:15I don't want to see your face no more.
00:52:18Hey, little girl.
00:52:18Get out of my way.
00:52:19You're not even getting the chips.
00:52:22They're over here.
00:52:24I see some dust over here.
00:52:29It's just so much dust on this floor.
00:52:34It's a dirty floor.
00:52:36Such a dirty, dirty floor.
00:52:40All right.
00:53:00I think I got all that.
00:53:03I'm just going to...
00:53:04I'll see you.
00:53:05Oh.
00:53:10Frankie.
00:53:16Oh, my.
00:53:17Oh.
00:53:17What was that?
00:53:18What?
00:53:20Oh, shit.
00:53:21Man, we got a smoke.
00:53:22Oh, we can smoke it here.
00:53:25Stop.
00:53:26Frank.
00:53:26Stop teasing Frank.
00:53:29Oh, shit.
00:53:29Oh, shit.
00:53:30Sorry, man.
00:53:31We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
00:53:33Oh, I heard something.
00:53:34You want to join us?
00:53:35Oh, you got to do it.
00:53:38Come on.
00:53:39Seriously, guys.
00:53:40What's your job, man?
00:53:41What's it like being blinded?
00:53:42It's tripping.
00:53:47Frank?
00:53:49Frank, are we going to do something soon?
00:53:53Bro, you are too funny.
00:53:57Thanks, man.
00:53:58Oh, this is some good stuff.
00:54:00I haven't smoked since junior high.
00:54:01Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high.
00:54:04Wait, wait, wait.
00:54:06I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
00:54:10Damn, I really can't remember.
00:54:11This is some good shit.
00:54:30Oh, no.
00:54:32You're the devil.
00:54:32Oh, no more.
00:54:37JJ, Jeremy, you have to remember that amazing time we had
00:54:41together, don't you?
00:54:43Please.
00:54:44Lex, I can't.
00:54:47I mean, I got a girlfriend.
00:54:49I really like this girl.
00:54:50Fine.
00:54:52It's just so sad because I'm wearing this coupless bra.
00:54:56And I also have on crotchless panties with just a little string of pearl in front for extra stimulation.
00:55:04We've got, like, 30 minutes before she gets here.
00:55:12Perfect.
00:55:17Before she gets here.
00:55:18Perfect.
00:55:18Let's do it.
00:55:31Fuck me.
00:55:32Fuck me now.
00:55:37What?
00:55:37What's wrong?
00:55:38I can't get it in.
00:55:41Try down there.
00:55:43It's a desert down there.
00:55:44It's sandpaper.
00:55:46Okay, I get the picture.
00:55:48Just try it again.
00:55:51No.
00:55:52Why is this happening?
00:55:54We fooled around before.
00:55:56I was dripping wet.
00:55:57I came, like, four times, remember?
00:55:59Just do what you did then.
00:56:00Go on.
00:56:01I already did my thing.
00:56:02I already tried.
00:56:04What?
00:56:05What is different this time?
00:56:08I don't know.
00:56:09Last time...
00:56:11I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.
00:56:15What?
00:56:17You're not JJ?
00:56:19But your name is Jeremy Jones.
00:56:21How can you not be JJ?
00:56:23Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:25Well, where are you going?
00:56:28We're not done here.
00:56:29I can still do this.
00:56:30I just need a little bit of work.
00:56:31I can do this.
00:56:33I don't need JJ.
00:56:34I don't need anyone else.
00:56:35We can do this.
00:56:38Go team.
00:56:42What?
00:56:43Just keep going.
00:56:49Shit.
00:56:49Shit.
00:56:49Where's Jeremy?
00:57:01Hi.
00:57:02We were just, you know, from here.
00:57:05Hey, babe.
00:57:06Just working out.
00:57:11How could you, you bastard?
00:57:13You might want to...
00:57:17What?
00:57:19What?
00:57:22Ah!
00:57:24Mariela!
00:57:25Mariela!
00:57:27You know those aren't mine!
00:57:29At least not all of them.
00:57:31What is wrong with you?
00:57:33What is wrong with you?
00:57:38You used to be so pure.
00:57:42Well, no more.
00:57:43That's it.
00:57:44Really, that's the last one.
00:57:49Oh.
00:57:56Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
00:57:57Ah!
00:57:58Ah!
00:57:58Ah!
00:57:58Ah!
00:57:58Ah!
00:57:58Ah!
00:57:58Ah!
00:57:58Ah!
00:57:58Ah!
00:57:59Ah!
00:58:00Ah!
00:58:00Ah!
00:58:01Ah!
00:58:01Ah!
00:58:02Ah!
00:58:02Ah!
00:58:03Ah!
00:58:04Ah!
00:58:04Ah!
00:58:05Ah!
00:58:05Ah!
00:58:06Ah!
00:58:06Ah!
00:58:07Ah!
00:58:08Ah!
00:58:10Ah!
00:58:10Ah!
00:58:11Ah!
00:58:11Ah!
00:58:12Ah!
00:58:12Ah!
00:58:12Ah!
00:58:13Ah!
00:58:13Ah!
00:58:14Ah!
00:58:15Cheryl!
00:58:19What is it?
00:58:21What are you doing down here?
00:58:23Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.
00:58:27What?
00:58:27Why?
00:58:28Nothing.
00:58:29Just this lying guy and his dog and...
00:58:32Ah!
00:58:33Honey!
00:58:34It's going to be okay!
00:58:35No!
00:58:36It's not okay!
00:58:37God, and you know whose fault it is?
00:58:41I'm sorry
00:58:42It's Jake's, Jake's fault
00:58:44That wine cheating bastard
00:58:46Yes, he is such a dickwad, you need to confront him
00:58:50Yeah, yeah, I need to confront him
00:58:53I mean, it's my birthday, and where is he anyway?
00:58:56Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:58:58You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind
00:59:01Yeah, big piece, a big old chunk of my mind, a big piece of it
00:59:06Yeah
00:59:06You know, you might want to
00:59:08You need to look hot while you break up with him
00:59:11Yeah, you're right
00:59:12What am I wearing a sheet?
00:59:15I don't know
00:59:15I'm sorry
00:59:22I'm sorry
00:59:23I get shy around beautiful women like you
00:59:26I got no game
00:59:36It's not important
00:59:37Hey, um
00:59:50Eric, I can't talk right now
00:59:52No, no, no, I really need to talk to you
00:59:53Really, Eric, I can't right now
00:59:56No, no, no, no, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier
01:00:00And I'm just embarrassed
01:00:02And I want to make it up to you
01:00:03Eric, really?
01:00:05I don't care
01:00:05It's fine
01:00:06No, but I do
01:00:06I mean, I do
01:00:08I care
01:00:09Eric, I haven't known how to tell you
01:00:12Maybe because, uh, I don't know, I'm a little shy
01:00:15But I was wondering, or hoping, that we could go out sometime
01:00:21Soon
01:00:22Because I'm going to be leaving for a little while
01:00:24And it would be nice to go out
01:00:26Really?
01:00:27Eric, you're shy
01:00:28You have no game
01:00:29No, not really
01:00:32Yeah, no, I can't do this
01:00:35Sorry
01:00:35Okay
01:00:40Okay, alright
01:00:40I, uh
01:00:42Happy birthday, then
01:00:45Oh, I'm sorry
01:00:57I was trying to kiss you
01:00:58Here I come, baby
01:01:20You're ready for your big birthday surprise
01:01:22Oh, babe, stop
01:01:26Um, we can't do this
01:01:27Oh, goddammit, not again
01:01:29Oh, no, um
01:01:30Cheryl, honey, happy
01:01:31What the fuck is this?
01:01:35Who the hell are you, dude?
01:01:37Okay, guys, don't
01:01:38Cheryl
01:01:41Baby
01:01:43What is this?
01:01:46Aw, gee, Cheryl
01:01:47You're
01:01:47I've been looking for you all night
01:01:50And you've been
01:01:51Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you
01:01:53You couldn't find me?
01:01:54What about all those girls' vaginas you were in
01:01:58Or your penis getting sucked?
01:02:00Cheryl, honey
01:02:01No, no
01:02:02We can work this out
01:02:03Baby, I love you
01:02:05Jake, no, you have to go
01:02:06Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please
01:02:08I promise
01:02:09No, Jake, I can't do this
01:02:10I'm sorry
01:02:11Cheryl, come on
01:02:12No, Jake, please
01:02:14Just go
01:02:14Just go
01:02:15I'm sorry
01:02:15You're a heartless bitch
01:02:17How can you do?
01:02:19Yay!
01:02:20You did it
01:02:21I'm so proud of you
01:02:22You got your revenge sex
01:02:24You left him a mere shell of a man
01:02:26Revenge sex?
01:02:29It's really not what it sounds like at all
01:02:31Right
01:02:32All makes sense now
01:02:35Wow, I feel really stupid
01:02:38Eric, I'm really, I'm really sorry
01:02:41Cheryl, I really liked you
01:02:44And you used me
01:02:46Eric, please don't go
01:02:48Please, Eric
01:02:49Aren't you happy?
01:02:54Well, no
01:02:54That's not exactly what I was supposed to feel like
01:02:56You mean the sex?
01:02:58Was it?
01:02:59Yeah
01:02:59No, we didn't quite do it
01:03:01Oh
01:03:02You know, I couldn't seem to do it either
01:03:04Really?
01:03:05I just never found the right guy
01:03:06Or guys
01:03:07Anyway
01:03:09We better get downstairs
01:03:10People are starting to leave
01:03:11I wonder how Sue did
01:03:19I can't believe she dumped me, man
01:03:26This is bullshit
01:03:27Oh, oh
01:03:30Suck it
01:03:32I'm out of here
01:03:35Yeah
01:03:35Yeah
01:03:36He had good hair though
01:03:38Don't you puke on me
01:03:43And don't puke on my car either
01:03:45Might says Frank
01:03:47That I might need a vacation
01:03:50Take this information
01:03:56Through your hair
01:03:57Oh, Sue, are you alright?
01:04:01Was it from sex?
01:04:02Did you pop your cork?
01:04:03I don't think so
01:04:04Not with the guy anyway
01:04:06Oh, don't ask
01:04:07Every possible object
01:04:09It's like every mechanical thing
01:04:12It was like
01:04:12Transformers
01:04:13They just all became vibrators
01:04:15I told you
01:04:18It's addicting
01:04:19So what about Chris?
01:04:22Well, last time I saw him
01:04:23He was running away
01:04:24Through your life
01:04:24I told you he was gay
01:04:25Oh
01:04:26Well, I think I'm just
01:04:27Oh
01:04:28Cramp
01:04:29Oh
01:04:31I think it's broken
01:04:33So wait
01:04:34None of us
01:04:36Cashed in our V-card
01:04:38Oh, Joanna
01:04:42You're so sweet
01:04:43So I was gonna go grab some food
01:04:46Can I go?
01:04:47No
01:04:47Thank you
01:04:48I think I should finish up here
01:04:50Did you ever find that guy
01:04:52You were looking for?
01:04:53No
01:04:53I don't know
01:04:56For some reason I just realized
01:04:57He needs to be my first
01:04:59Or something
01:05:00Why, do you know him?
01:05:03Sort of
01:05:03Oh
01:05:04Well, hey
01:05:05If you happen to run into him
01:05:06Just tell him I'd like to see him again
01:05:08What is that?
01:05:13Love him
01:05:15Shut it
01:05:16You wanna do it
01:05:17I don't wanna hear it from you
01:05:17You wanna get married
01:05:18You wanna do it
01:05:19I'm alright
01:05:20I'm alright
01:05:20I'm alright
01:05:20No, no way.
01:05:50Oh, well, there's always next year.
01:06:20It's you.
01:06:27I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:06:32I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:06:35I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:06:36I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:02I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:09I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:11I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:20Never take it away!
01:07:25Kill me your robot no more!
01:07:31And when the heat is on...
01:07:35Wow. That's amazing.
01:07:39Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:42I guess something inspired me.
01:07:45He really captured his expression and his eyes.
01:07:48Yeah, even that little callic he has in his hair.
01:07:53Whose?
01:07:55Eriks. That's him, right?
01:07:59Oh.
01:08:01Yeah.
01:08:03I have to go see him.
01:08:08Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:11Mmmmm.
01:08:191-900 confess.
01:08:24Sister Therese?
01:08:26Yeah, hon. There was a problem with your credit card. I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:32Oh, sure.
01:08:34It's 271.
01:08:36Sister, I know this isn't a confession, but...
01:08:38Can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:41Do you think if you do something bad that God will forgive you?
01:08:45Like, take you back?
01:08:47Sure, hon. Why not?
01:08:49As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:52Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:08:55I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:08:58Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.
01:09:02Sister?
01:09:04Can I get up now?
01:09:06I really gotta pee.
01:09:07No! Hush your trap!
01:09:10Okay, honey. I really need to get back to work, but call back any time.
01:09:15I will.
01:09:17Thanks.
01:09:20Sister?
01:09:21Shut up, or I'll punish you hard, you sheep fucker!
01:09:24Mwahahahaha!
01:09:31I will.
01:09:32I'll punish you hard.
01:09:41Eric, wake!
01:09:43Cheryl?
01:09:47Eric, um...
01:09:49Look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:09:52I was trying to have revenge sex with you...
01:09:55at the beginning, but then at the end I wasn't.
01:09:57I just didn't wanna do that with you.
01:09:59the revenge part, not the sex part.
01:10:02Um, I do want to go out with you.
01:10:07And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:10:10I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is,
01:10:13and he's all over these pink-
01:10:15Eric!
01:10:17Mom, I gotta get going.
01:10:19Oh, wow.
01:10:21Um, Cheryl, this is my sister Tina.
01:10:24Tina, Cheryl.
01:10:26Hi, nice to meet you.
01:10:29Um, so, um, you mind if I call you in a few days?
01:10:35When I get back?
01:10:37Yeah, sure.
01:10:43Oh.
01:10:45Sorry, no kissing, right.
01:10:47No, kissing.
01:10:48Oh.
01:10:49Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:09I don't even care that you hooked up a plexi.
01:11:12Wait, what?
01:11:13I never did that.
01:11:15I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:11:17She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:11:19She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:11:25I wonder who it was.
01:11:27I don't know who it was.
01:11:47At least this birthday's over.
01:11:49Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:12:02I mean, if you could just...
01:12:05I don't know, like, send me a sign?
01:12:07I don't know who it is.
01:12:28Excuse me, excuse me, uh, you know where the church is?
01:12:41It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:44Um, yeah, that's the church I go to, or used to go to.
01:12:47Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:12:53You're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:12:56Oh, um, I don't know.
01:12:58Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:13:07Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:13:12Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:13:16I don't think so, but thanks.
01:13:20What's your name?
01:13:20Sue.
01:13:21What's yours?
01:13:23Jesus.
01:13:25Really?
01:13:26Si.
01:13:26Maybe I could use a ride.
01:13:45Oh.
01:13:46Oh
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