A Group Of 30 Year Olds Who Have Been Friends HD ( Comedy, Romance )

Full English Movie

Transcript

00:00:00Let's hold the line till we got something

00:00:07This world is way too small to feel like nothing

00:00:19Eyes found at the train tracks looking so homeless at you

00:00:29All right, to the left, to the right

00:00:35You came like a cop but you said

00:00:39Oh, shit

00:00:41My love is coming like a barely hardly wait

00:00:51All right

00:00:59Hey, Calvin

00:01:01If you hide your questions there's no answer

00:01:09A valley found a cure for my own answer

00:01:17Hey!

00:01:19Hey!

00:01:21Come on, run!

00:01:23No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

00:01:27E aí

00:01:45According to the art of war by Sun Tzu,

00:02:06every battle is won and lost before it is fought.

00:02:09Well, then I guess you've already lost.

00:02:10How? How?

00:02:12Oh, that's not very sportsman-like.

00:02:17Let's fucking go!

00:02:22Yes, we can! Yes, we can!

00:02:32Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

00:02:38Woo! Woo! Woo!

00:02:42Ladies, hi again.

00:02:45Okay, this is the third time we've been out here.

00:02:47I know. We're shutting this party down.

00:02:49You don't want to shut the party down, you want to join us, right?

00:02:52That's why you put the guns back in the car and you come on in and have a good time.

00:02:55Hey, Bill!

00:02:56Sorry I'm late, buddy.

00:02:57Fucking MapQuest.

00:02:58Fucking MapQuest.

00:03:00I know it, bro.

00:03:01I'm right with you with that shit.

00:03:02Hey, look, guys, is this about earlier when you first came out and I thought you were strippers?

00:03:07Because that was an accident.

00:03:08All right?

00:03:09You're just very attractive and those uniforms are banging.

00:03:12Seriously, if we have to come out here again, it's like a thousand dollar fine.

00:03:15Close it down.

00:03:16Close it down.

00:03:17Okay. Message received.

00:03:19It's done.

00:03:20You got my word.

00:03:21I'm gonna go inside, get on the mic, shut it down.

00:03:23Johnny, rise up your bow and play your fiddle hard.

00:03:27Cause hell broke loose in Georgia and the devil is the cart.

00:03:31And if you win, you'll get this shiny fiddle made of gold.

00:03:35But if you lose, the devil gets your soul.

00:03:39I don't understand why you won't just put it on.

00:03:43Partly because I don't find the notion of mocking the American underclass as amusing as your friends do.

00:03:48And partly because I don't share your desperate need to fit in.

00:03:51By not putting the wig on, you are deliberately setting yourself and me apart from my friends,

00:03:56which is a controlling and hostile gesture.

00:03:59Fine.

00:04:04Happy now?

00:04:05Yes.

00:04:06Now I'm Mr. Funtimes.

00:04:07I'm very happy about that. Thank you.

00:04:08I'm going for a smoke.

00:04:09Good, because it's a fucking costume party.

00:04:15Do we need to talk quietly around her?

00:04:17Oh, no, no, no.

00:04:19She sleeps through anything.

00:04:20Yes, you do.

00:04:22Yeah, when the babysitter bailed, Glenn and I were like,

00:04:24fuck it.

00:04:25We have missed every party.

00:04:26There's no way we're missing the white trash bash.

00:04:28Give it up for Glenn.

00:04:29Glenn's getting married soon.

00:04:31I really did.

00:04:36What's the deal with your bachelorette weekend?

00:04:38Yeah.

00:04:39Okay, so I think it's going to be more of a bachelorette night.

00:04:42And it's going to be at my folks' place in Jersey.

00:04:48Sorry.

00:04:49No!

00:04:50Has anyone seen Glenn?

00:04:52Human torpedo!

00:04:54No!

00:05:07It's okay.

00:05:08He's a doctor.

00:05:09Hey, buttheads.

00:05:10You guys seen Duques?

00:05:11We gotta relax with the donuts.

00:05:12Oh, sweetie, I want to.

00:05:13Look, I'm trying to push the savory on these people,

00:05:14and all they want is the sweet.

00:05:15I promise you no one cares.

00:05:16Hey!

00:05:17Where the fuck are the donuts?

00:05:18Huh?

00:05:19Accept it.

00:05:20Guess what?

00:05:21Dee Duques is AWOL.

00:05:22It is unacceptable.

00:05:23This fucking behavior is unacceptable.

00:05:24I gotta have it out of that gun.

00:05:25The donut police.

00:05:26Hey, get off of that thing.

00:05:27It's Saturday night.

00:05:28Well, it's Sunday in Korea,

00:05:29and those motherfuckers don't stop working.

00:05:30Honestly, they make the Japanese look like Jamaicans.

00:05:31Is that the new blackberry?

00:05:32Yes, it is the new blackberry.

00:05:33I got it at the office.

00:05:34You know what?

00:05:35As punishment for not dressing up,

00:05:36I'm going to put this down my pants.

00:05:37No, no, no.

00:05:38You just don't do that.

00:05:39Just don't do that.

00:05:40My dick's checking your email.

00:05:41No, I'm sending a text.

00:05:42No, just don't do that.

00:05:43You have my life in your pants.

00:05:44I'm sending a text.

00:05:45You have my life in your pants.

00:05:46I'm sending a text.

00:05:47I'm sending a text.

00:05:48I'm sending a text.

00:05:49You have my life in your pants.

00:05:50I'm sending a text.

00:05:51I'm sending a text.

00:05:52I'm sending a text.

00:05:53You have my life in your pants.

00:05:54You cucks.

00:05:55I'm sending a text.

00:05:56I'm sending a text.

00:05:57I'm sending a text.

00:05:58I'm sending a text.

00:05:59You have my life in your pants.

00:06:00You cucks.

00:06:01I'm sending a door camera.

00:06:02I can't.

00:06:03I can't.

00:06:04I can't.

00:06:05I can't.

00:06:06I can't.

00:06:07Hey, you two, get a room,

00:06:08or get a video camera.

00:06:09Woo.

00:06:10Hello.

00:06:11Excuse me.

00:06:12Miss.

00:06:13Hi.

00:06:14My name's Eric.

00:06:15This is my house, my party.

00:06:16Sort of.

00:06:17You're looking at a bunch of different options here,

00:06:18but this is the one you want to go for.

00:06:19This is the one you're going for.

00:06:20This is the finest box of wine in the county.

00:06:23Really?

00:06:24Yeah, it's delicious.

00:06:25There's absolutely no body and an amazing cough syrupy aftertaste.

00:06:28Go ahead.

00:06:29Cheers.

00:06:30Knock it out.

00:06:31Don't get it on your skin.

00:06:32All right?

00:06:33Oh.

00:06:34Yeah.

00:06:35Wow.

00:06:36Not bad, right?

00:06:37Really good wine.

00:06:38Mm-hmm.

00:06:39Even better bean dip.

00:06:40That's not bean dip!

00:06:41What?

00:06:42I'm kidding.

00:06:43You knew that.

00:06:44That's awesome.

00:06:45You know you're the first person to actually eat out of that?

00:06:46Yeah.

00:06:47Not as many people are as thrilled about eating out of a shitter

00:06:49as I would have anticipated.

00:06:50Really?

00:06:51Yeah.

00:06:52Because in prison, we used our crapper as a punch bowl.

00:06:53Really?

00:06:54No kidding.

00:06:55I have never seen you at one of these things.

00:06:57Am I wrong?

00:06:58First time.

00:06:59Really?

00:07:00Yeah.

00:07:01We'll have to change that.

00:07:02We do these kind of things all the time, you know?

00:07:03You know, Labor Day, we're going to have a big winter wonderland party.

00:07:04It's going to be nice.

00:07:05Wow.

00:07:06It's going to be like a snow machine.

00:07:07You're going to be sledding.

00:07:08It should be interesting.

00:07:09Yeah?

00:07:10Information.

00:07:11What?

00:07:12Information?

00:07:13Are you kidding me?

00:07:14No.

00:07:15Really?

00:07:16Yes.

00:07:17Yes.

00:07:18Like what?

00:07:19Like my social security number, my college GPA?

00:07:20You know what?

00:07:21Why don't we start with your phone number and your shoe size?

00:07:23Okay.

00:07:24Not bad.

00:07:25I happen to have a pen.

00:07:26Of course you have a pen.

00:07:28You've got to be ready.

00:07:30Always be prepared for paper.

00:07:31What?

00:07:32All right.

00:07:33Look at that.

00:07:34Oh, I'm so jealous of this baby.

00:07:36I'm so jealous.

00:07:37Oh, you want to get out and I want to get in there.

00:07:40I'm kidding.

00:07:41Hey.

00:07:42Kelly, local number?

00:07:43Local girl.

00:07:44You kidding me?

00:07:45No.

00:07:46Size nine shoes.

00:07:47You know what they say.

00:07:48Big shoe, big uterus.

00:07:50I'll bring friends.

00:07:52Hey, sorry.

00:07:53If you excuse me, I see an old friend just showed up.

00:07:55Okay.

00:07:56I'll talk to you later.

00:07:57Okay.

00:07:58It's very nice meeting you.

00:07:59Nice to meet you too.

00:08:00Hey, fucko!

00:08:01Excuse me.

00:08:02He's really mad, actually.

00:08:03Only this guy.

00:08:04Bye, guys.

00:08:05Yeah, he's got to go home.

00:08:07No, one more for the rest.

00:08:09Shut up!

00:08:10Michael!

00:08:11I wasn't ready to throw me in at all.

00:08:13Nice asshole.

00:08:14You're supposed to catch that.

00:08:15Come on, baby.

00:08:16We're going.

00:08:17Hi, Katie.

00:08:18I'm sorry if I got beer on your baby.

00:08:20You.

00:08:21You.

00:08:22Where have you been?

00:08:23I'm sorry, man.

00:08:24There was a fucking mess in the studio.

00:08:25There was this buzzing undertone under the E string

00:08:27that was bending me over and fucking me in the ass.

00:08:29Yeah.

00:08:30I'm not seeing any donuts.

00:08:31Well, you specifically said get the glazed.

00:08:33Mm-hmm.

00:08:34They didn't have glazed.

00:08:35I tried.

00:08:36There was jelly.

00:08:37There was Boston cream.

00:08:38Jelly.

00:08:39Boston cream.

00:08:40Eric, I have a whole package of ginger candies in my bag.

00:08:43Hi, Willow.

00:08:45But we're gonna be okay.

00:08:46No, no, no, no.

00:08:47I found you a big pile of naked and I can't get it off!

00:08:49I can't take it off!

00:08:50Everybody naked in the pool!

00:08:53Yeah!

00:08:54Well, that's a half hour ahead of schedule.

00:08:56Yeah!

00:08:57Anybody?

00:08:58Anybody?

00:08:59Oh, you all suck!

00:09:00Chicken shit!

00:09:01Do you want me to go to Brent's?

00:09:02I'll pick up some Entenmann's.

00:09:03No, don't worry about it.

00:09:04No, it's all right.

00:09:05Right now, I'm gonna go jump in that pool,

00:09:06because McCrudden is dying in there alone.

00:09:07That's what friends do, you see?

00:09:08They don't leave each other hanging.

00:09:09Where is your patriotism?

00:09:10Leave!

00:09:11My man!

00:09:12I gotcha!

00:09:13Oh, my man!

00:09:14Fucking Blackberry!

00:09:15Let's go!

00:09:16Get in!

00:09:17Get in!

00:09:18Get in!

00:09:19Get in!

00:09:21Get in!

00:09:22Get in!

00:09:23Get in!

00:09:24Get in!

00:09:25Get in!

00:09:26Get in!

00:09:27Get in!

00:09:28Get in!

00:09:29Get in!

00:09:30Get in!

00:09:31Get in!

00:09:32Get in!

00:09:33Get in!

00:09:34Get in!

00:09:35Get in!

00:09:36Get in!

00:09:37Get in!

00:09:38Get in!

00:09:39Get in!

00:09:55Hey Dad, what are you doin' here?

00:09:56Uh, hmm.

00:09:58Oh yeah, I own the place.

00:09:59Cherie, this is my son Eric.

00:10:01Hi.

00:10:02He's told me all about you.

00:10:06Ah, yeah.

00:10:07Yeah. Great party. Thanks for letting us sleep at all.

00:10:10No problem.

00:10:12Hmm. Must have been quite a fiesta.

00:10:15Oh, yeah, I guess so.

00:10:16You did the best to cook with the turds.

00:10:17I know you did, Bill.

00:10:19You know, I wish you would have let me know you were coming out.

00:10:21Maybe we can throw someone down on a couch or something like that.

00:10:24Ah, we're not staying.

00:10:25I just came out for the day to do a meet and greet with the brokers.

00:10:30Brokers?

00:10:31You got the message, right?

00:10:33I saw that you called.

00:10:35I'm putting the house on the market.

00:10:38What?

00:10:39Wait, you're selling our house?

00:10:41Eh, I'm hardly ever out here anymore.

00:10:45It's time to unload.

00:10:48Hey, what about me?

00:10:49I'm always out here.

00:10:50My friends are always out here.

00:10:53So, make me an offer.

00:10:58Dad, come on.

00:10:59I don't ask you for anything.

00:11:00How about this?

00:11:01How about we go get breakfast?

00:11:02We talk over the house situation?

00:11:04Maybe we all can chip in for utilities or something, huh?

00:11:06Eh, I'm a little pressed for time, kiddo.

00:11:09We're gonna go play a quick nine and then gotta get back.

00:11:13Cherie's never played before.

00:11:15I'm so excited.

00:11:16Dad, this is fucking bullshit.

00:11:18I'll call you next week.

00:11:20We'll do yoga.

00:11:21Oh, I have said it before.

00:11:34I will say it again.

00:11:35Your dad is a selfish prick.

00:11:38Smoothie?

00:11:39Ooh.

00:11:40It's gonna be so sad not coming out here anymore.

00:11:42Yeah, me and Willie might not even be around next summer.

00:11:44What, the L.A. thing again?

00:11:46Are you serious?

00:11:47You guys just moved into that place in Brooklyn.

00:11:49I know.

00:11:50Willow's doing really good with her acting career.

00:11:51She did that, um, Pizza Hut Latin America commercial now, so...

00:11:54Ooh, delicioso!

00:11:58And her daddy's gonna try and hook me up with a job out there at a big law firm.

00:12:01Dude, what about the fucking album?

00:12:03I'll work on the album while I'm doing the law thing.

00:12:05Oh, yeah? Will you?

00:12:06Oh, you know what I'm excited about?

00:12:07Throwing one of these parties in my one-bedroom apartment in New York City.

00:12:10That'll be fun, right?

00:12:12Maybe I can put, like, the food out on the fire escape or...

00:12:14Eric.

00:12:15And the band in the bathroom.

00:12:16Eric.

00:12:16I'll have to get more outlets, though.

00:12:18I'll get a power strip.

00:12:19Why not?

00:12:19I'll split up.

00:12:21Eric.

00:12:21What?

00:12:21This is...

00:12:22This is a major moment.

00:12:24It's okay to let the hurt in.

00:12:26You know, to allow yourself to actually be present in a moment.

00:12:29Okay, thanks, Doc.

00:12:31You really make the moment more real by talking about how real the moment is while I'm in the

00:12:34middle of the moment.

00:12:35No, I understand.

00:12:36You're probably feeling some anger and some misdirected frustra...

00:12:40Feel better now?

00:12:43A little bit, yeah.

00:12:45Oh, fuck!

00:12:48What about now?

00:12:49Oh, much better.

00:12:50Now I'm in the moment.

00:12:54I don't understand an old summer school thing.

00:12:55Isn't the point of being a teacher that you get the summers off?

00:12:58Yeah, well, they pay us poop, so what am I going to do?

00:13:01Waitress?

00:13:02Oh, my God.

00:13:03The big news.

00:13:04So, the principal told me today that the friendship bracelets that the girls are wearing

00:13:10are actually sex bracelets.

00:13:14What?

00:13:14I saw something about that on Oprah.

00:13:17Girls wear these different color bracelets, and every color represents, like, a sex thing.

00:13:22So if you tear off a girl's blue bracelet, that means she has to give you oral.

00:13:27Yep.

00:13:27All right, what's a yellow bracelet?

00:13:29A hug.

00:13:30Aw, sweet.

00:13:32I know.

00:13:32What about purple?

00:13:34Tea bagging.

00:13:35Oh!

00:13:37Really?

00:13:38Well, what is tea bagging?

00:13:40Balls in mouth.

00:13:42Oh, no!

00:13:43Tea bagging?

00:13:44What is with the kids today?

00:13:46Well, the blowjob is a new French kiss.

00:13:49Wow, we really missed a boat on that one.

00:13:51I feel like if we had had sex bracelets back then, no one would have torn mine off.

00:13:56Aw, no, no, no, sweetie.

00:13:58I would have torn off your BJ bracelet.

00:14:00You're just saying that, but thanks, Eric.

00:14:03Thanks for letting me blow you.

00:14:05You're welcome.

00:14:06You're such a good friend.

00:14:11Hey, Dodie.

00:14:13Mm-hmm.

00:14:13Um, can I help you?

00:14:19Are you Eric?

00:14:21Yes.

00:14:22Hi.

00:14:23We spoke on the phone.

00:14:24I'm Dodie Henderson from Henderson Realty Group, and this is my associate, Kelly Tanner.

00:14:29Hi.

00:14:29How are you?

00:14:33No, thank you.

00:14:34Lame.

00:14:35Oh, I shouldn't.

00:14:36What?

00:14:36We can't wait to get your house sold.

00:14:40We need this place clean, clean, clean every day.

00:14:43Water the lawn, skim the pool.

00:14:44You never know when buyers are going to stop by to say hi and bye-bye.

00:14:49I'll B-U-I.

00:14:50B-U-I.

00:14:51Whatever.

00:14:52Oh, and make sure the toilets are clean enough to eat out of.

00:14:57Yeah, whatever.

00:14:59Maybe I should sprinkle some rose petals on the driveway every morning, too.

00:15:02Just do what you can.

00:15:04Will do.

00:15:04Wow.

00:15:06Hey, what are the chances of maybe selling this puppy sometime after Labor Day?

00:15:10You want to sell a summer home during the summer.

00:15:13That's kind of the point.

00:15:15So glad we're in business together.

00:15:17Om Shanti.

00:15:19Om Shanti it is.

00:15:25Vultures.

00:15:26Yeesh.

00:15:28It's light.

00:15:30It's light.

00:15:31You should put it up somewhere closer, right?

00:15:33Like there?

00:15:34Oh, yeah.

00:15:34We're bringing all the right clientele.

00:15:46Hey, listen, listen.

00:15:47Have you given any more thought to the final Labor Day blowout?

00:15:49I don't know.

00:15:50I really don't know.

00:15:51Oh, shit.

00:15:51Obviously, you know, we got to do something, something huge.

00:15:53But what do you do for a final blowout?

00:15:55You know, it's...

00:15:55We owe it to ourselves.

00:15:56We got a big fucking blaze of glory.

00:15:57Head's held high.

00:15:58You know what I'm saying?

00:15:59I get it.

00:15:59Deserve it.

00:16:00Holy shit.

00:16:01Oh, shit.

00:16:01Here we go.

00:16:02Bingo.

00:16:02What?

00:16:02I got the concept right here.

00:16:04Brown party.

00:16:06Brown party.

00:16:07Brown party.

00:16:07Brown clothes.

00:16:08Brown food.

00:16:09Brown drink.

00:16:10Brown clown.

00:16:11Brown balloons.

00:16:11Live music supplied by Jackson Brown.

00:16:15I don't know what you're thinking right now.

00:16:16Is that good?

00:16:17It's fucking awful.

00:16:19All right.

00:16:19Take it easy, all right?

00:16:20I'm just spitballing here, Chief.

00:16:21Not like you're throwing ideas my way left, right, and center.

00:16:23He spells it with an E at the end.

00:16:24Is that...

00:16:25It doesn't matter.

00:16:25Does that qualify?

00:16:26Holy shit, we got a situation here.

00:16:29Oh, my fucking God.

00:16:31Dude, she's wearing a sex bracelet.

00:16:33Holy fuck, she is.

00:16:35Oh, boy, that's trouble.

00:16:36It's blue.

00:16:37It's blue.

00:16:38Sword swallower.

00:16:39Holy fuck, man, when she reaches out of my cone, I'm going to snag that thing off her wrist,

00:16:42and it's fucking Deep Throat City all night long.

00:16:44Just...

00:16:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:16:46Please don't do this.

00:16:47Don't.

00:16:47No, stop.

00:16:49Stop.

00:16:50Stop it.

00:16:52I bet she unhinges her jaw like a fucking python slowing a rat.

00:16:55Um, do you guys know what you want?

00:16:59Yes.

00:16:59Yeah?

00:17:00Yes, we do.

00:17:00We got a pretty good idea.

00:17:01No, ice cream is what we're into.

00:17:05Do you think a girl like that looks at us like we're a couple of old dudes?

00:17:09You know, like the way we used to look at 30-year-old guys back in high school and say,

00:17:12Oh, man, look at that lame old guy, you know, like, hitting on Sue.

00:17:18Yeah, probably.

00:17:19Shit, I don't know, though.

00:17:20Weren't 30-year-old guys a lot older back then with, like, mustaches and jobs?

00:17:24It certainly seemed like it.

00:17:25Yeah.

00:17:25What?

00:17:29Fuck, dude, we're getting old.

00:17:30Oh, bullshit, come on.

00:17:31Seriously, I got a foot cramp the other day when I was masturbating.

00:17:33What?

00:17:34I swear to God.

00:17:34It certainly makes sense.

00:17:35It happened.

00:17:36What about this?

00:17:37Hey, do you think that girl and her friends really have those BJ orgy parties?

00:17:40Indubitably.

00:17:41Really?

00:17:41Fucking A, man.

00:17:42Duques is right.

00:17:42We got fucking hoes.

00:17:43God dang.

00:17:46Hey, what about that?

00:17:48What about what?

00:17:50What about that for the final party?

00:17:51What?

00:17:53An orgy.

00:17:54An orgy.

00:17:55You want to have a fucking orgy?

00:17:56Yeah.

00:17:57Why not?

00:17:57Get the fuck out of town.

00:17:58It'll never happen.

00:17:59Why not?

00:18:00Because people don't have orgies, you know?

00:18:03Oh, come on.

00:18:03They used to.

00:18:04True.

00:18:05Yeah, think about it, dude.

00:18:06An orgy.

00:18:07A good old-fashioned orgy.

00:18:09Why not?

00:18:10Why not?

00:18:10That.

00:18:11That is a blaze of glory.

00:18:12Okay, now you know.

00:18:13You know I hate naysayers, right?

00:18:15But I'm going to have to say nay.

00:18:17Really?

00:18:17Really.

00:18:18Hey, are you throwing down the gauntlet?

00:18:20Oops.

00:18:20What's that?

00:18:22It's on the ground as we speak.

00:18:26We're going to have an orgy.

00:18:29We're going to have an orgy.

00:18:31Oh, boy.

00:18:32Here we go.

00:18:32Okay, guys.

00:18:35I've been mulling it over,

00:18:36and I have a concept for the final fiesta.

00:18:38All right.

00:18:39Okay.

00:18:40Woo!

00:18:41Yes.

00:18:42All right, now while this will be the most spectacular

00:18:44and insane party any of us have taken part of,

00:18:47it's not going to be a big thing.

00:18:48It's just going to be us.

00:18:50It's going to be small,

00:18:52intimate,

00:18:54special.

00:18:55Oh, I'll make lasagna.

00:18:57Yummy.

00:18:58Oh, yeah.

00:18:59We're going to have an orgy.

00:19:02Who?

00:19:06Us.

00:19:08Where?

00:19:09Here.

00:19:09Right here.

00:19:10Labor Day weekend.

00:19:11Us.

00:19:12A naked sex orgy.

00:19:15You're kidding, right?

00:19:16No, I'm not.

00:19:16Why not us?

00:19:18People used to have them all the time.

00:19:20All the time.

00:19:20Yeah.

00:19:21What happened to our generation?

00:19:22What happened?

00:19:23I'll tell you exactly what happened.

00:19:25AIDS.

00:19:26AIDS.

00:19:27AIDS hit right when we hit puberty,

00:19:29and it scared the shit out of all of us.

00:19:31It turns sex into this big, frightening thing.

00:19:36He's right.

00:19:37Kids today are freaks.

00:19:39Our parents were freaks.

00:19:41We're a bunch of fucking pussies.

00:19:43We're the lamest generation.

00:19:44This is our chance.

00:19:46Our chance to do it right.

00:19:47Take back what's been taken from us.

00:19:49Isn't that from Goonies?

00:19:50I am paraphrasing Goonies there, yes.

00:19:51Orgy.

00:19:53Orgy.

00:19:55Orgy.

00:19:57Orgy.

00:19:58Orgy.

00:19:59Duques, come on.

00:19:59My man, you're into this, right?

00:20:01What?

00:20:03No.

00:20:04We're all friends.

00:20:06It would just be too weird.

00:20:07How do you know that unless you try?

00:20:09Ew!

00:20:10Look, if we all went into this with an open mind,

00:20:13it could be amazing.

00:20:15In theory, a noble call to arms.

00:20:19In practice, I cannot imagine a more awkward

00:20:23and uncomfortably terrible evening.

00:20:25Laugh, laugh, laugh all you want.

00:20:28Seriously.

00:20:29Don't you get it?

00:20:29This is it.

00:20:31The final blowout.

00:20:33And then the house is gone.

00:20:34People move away.

00:20:36Things change.

00:20:37We need to think outside of the box.

00:20:40And inside the box.

00:20:44Mike, come on, man.

00:20:45Seriously.

00:20:46It's not what I'm going for.

00:20:47I'm in.

00:20:49What?

00:20:50Are you serious?

00:20:51Yes, it worked.

00:20:52Are you serious?

00:20:53Come on.

00:20:54An orgy?

00:20:55It's madness.

00:20:57Ugh.

00:20:58It's gonna be a fucking blast.

00:21:00Success!

00:21:01Success!

00:21:02Susan, thank you.

00:21:03Yes.

00:21:04There we go.

00:21:04Come on.

00:21:05I'm gonna go meet Marcus.

00:21:06Oh, my God.

00:21:07I'm fucking Marcus.

00:21:08All right, well, think it over.

00:21:09Think it over.

00:21:10Everybody, okay, I get it.

00:21:11All right, I get it.

00:21:12It's gonna take a while to come around to this whole orgy idea.

00:21:15Right?

00:21:16Here?

00:21:16No.

00:21:16Okay.

00:21:17Very good.

00:21:18But go ahead, type it into your Blackberries, pencil it into your assignment notebooks.

00:21:22Orgy.

00:21:23Orgy.

00:21:24Orgy.

00:21:25Orgy.

00:21:26Orgy.

00:21:27Orgy.

00:21:28Orgy.

00:21:29So, Sue, you think this is how you're gonna finally sleep with Eric?

00:21:39What?

00:21:40We dated in high school.

00:21:42Come on, that was ages ago.

00:21:43You guys never, you know, did it, so it's kind of unfinished business.

00:21:47Uh, yeah, but I've slept with, like, a ton of guys since then, so this doesn't have anything

00:21:52to do with it.

00:21:54Okay, fine, but other than social awkwardness, give me one reason.

00:21:58Oh.

00:21:58Very well.

00:21:59How about I give you several reasons?

00:22:01Like, oh, I don't know, chlamydia, the herp, gonorrhea, syphilis, papilloma?

00:22:09That's a Steve McQueen movie?

00:22:10No, that's papillone.

00:22:11I'm talking about the virus that causes genital warts.

00:22:14Ugh, why do you think of this stuff?

00:22:16Don't you guys remember the article my mom clipped from The New Yorker?

00:22:22No.

00:22:23Condoms can't stop it, and it causes cervical cancer.

00:22:26You don't have a cervix!

00:22:27I don't know how you could have sex in front of a room full of people.

00:22:32I mean, I don't even like to get naked at the spa.

00:22:36I'm not saying that this is going to be easy for me, but isn't that what kind of makes

00:22:40it exciting?

00:22:42I'm not saying that it wouldn't be fun, but it's in the war, G.

00:22:47What's the point of losing all this weight if you're not going to show off your new bod?

00:22:51I mean, you haven't even worn your bikini yet.

00:22:53I still have five more pounds.

00:22:55I just think this really could help build your self-esteem.

00:22:57Yeah, there's the miracle cure.

00:22:59I'm going to start turning my clients on to group sex instead of Zoloft.

00:23:03Okay, we're going to the beach.

00:23:04At least do that.

00:23:05Come on, it's our last summer here.

00:23:06Let's go to the beach!

00:23:07You know what?

00:23:08Shockingly, I'm going to pass on the stroll through the tick-infested dunes.

00:23:12Dude, I've had Lyme disease.

00:23:14It's not a big deal.

00:23:14It's antibiotics.

00:23:15Boom, done.

00:23:16You know I have a needle phobia, okay?

00:23:18I can't go to the doctor.

00:23:20They're puncturing the veins and the...

00:23:21Okay, whatever.

00:23:24Enjoy the great indoors.

00:23:25Okay, bye.

00:23:26Oh, hey, Eric.

00:23:29Could you grab some sand for my ass crack?

00:23:31I'll grab some for your service.

00:23:34Okay, let's say you dated four guys in one year, right?

00:23:38And you slept with them.

00:23:39You'd be cool with that?

00:23:41Totally.

00:23:42And how many guys have you slept with this year?

00:23:46None.

00:23:47Or the year before.

00:23:49So, really, all you're doing is sleeping with four guys in, like, a shorter time frame.

00:23:56I never really thought of it that way.

00:24:00What do you think?

00:24:01Insane, idiotic, and self-destructive.

00:24:03Okay, hypothetically, if I did decide to do it, but at the last minute, I totally freaked out, they would let me out, right?

00:24:17Laura, it's an orgy.

00:24:19Not the accused.

00:24:20It's not fun unless everybody's into it.

00:24:22I'm going to do it.

00:24:26I'm going to do it.

00:24:27I'm going to do it.

00:24:29Yeah?

00:24:30I'm going to do it.

00:24:31Yeah, girl.

00:24:32Hey, guys, what's the celebration?

00:24:36Just talking about how to get Laura back in the saddle.

00:24:39Oh, yay.

00:24:40I'm going to find you a guy.

00:24:42Glenn's cousin Frank is coming to the wedding.

00:24:44He runs a karate studio in Hoboken.

00:24:46Pretty cool.

00:24:48Okay, game on.

00:24:50Let's go.

00:24:51All right, John Kroc.

00:24:52I'm going to tell you what I'm going to throw, and you're still going to whiff at it.

00:24:56Slow break and curveball.

00:25:00Oh, goddammit!

00:25:02I dare you to throw that shit again.

00:25:03Bring that shit.

00:25:03Swiffle.

00:25:04The nerd's revenge.

00:25:06Ooh, I got my bunt face on.

00:25:08Drills, ladies.

00:25:09Drills, drills.

00:25:09Let's go.

00:25:10Look alive.

00:25:11Album cover.

00:25:11Hat or no hat?

00:25:12Oh, Doug, come on, man.

00:25:14You've been doing this for two years.

00:25:16Mixing, remixing, hatting, no hatting.

00:25:19Your music's awesome.

00:25:20You just got to get it out there.

00:25:21No one's going to give my music a shot if they don't dig my look.

00:25:23Man, it's an image-based industry.

00:25:25What the fuck?

00:25:25This is exactly why you're headed for a shitty fucking law job.

00:25:28All right, you need to stop trying to look like a rock star and start fucking living like one.

00:25:32Yeah, do the orgy.

00:25:33Do the orgy?

00:25:34I mean, do you think Mick Jagger would have said,

00:25:35Oh, no, no thanks, mate.

00:25:37No orgy for me tonight.

00:25:38I've got an on-again, off-again girlfriend.

00:25:39Yeah, I don't want to cheat on that.

00:25:41Cheat on David Bowie.

00:25:42No cheating on Bowie.

00:25:42All right, here, Willow.

00:25:45I know what Tom Hanks feels like now.

00:25:47See, now, my only concern, Dookie, is that the hat maybe doesn't make you look gay enough.

00:25:51Oh, yeah.

00:25:52Maybe you could Photoshop in three guys jizzing on your face right there, there, there.

00:25:55Or on the hat.

00:25:56On the hat.

00:25:57Ooh, ooh.

00:25:58That's good.

00:25:59Hey, you know what you could do is you could take that five-song demo,

00:26:02maybe make it a double album, like one with the hat, one without it.

00:26:04Yeah, that's a good idea.

00:26:05You could call it Exile on Hat Street.

00:26:07Yeah, or Jagged Little Hat.

00:26:08Meatloaf, hat out of hell.

00:26:10What about Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hats Club hat?

00:26:13What if I just call it, My Shitty Friends Don't Respect Me?

00:26:18Pretty indie.

00:26:19I don't think you'd be able to sell it at Walmart.

00:26:20All right, who's next up the hat?

00:26:21Two and two to Harvey King.

00:26:24Sandy winds up and delivers.

00:26:27Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

00:26:28Buck P.

00:26:29Hey, Alley Cat.

00:26:30Hi.

00:26:31Like what you see?

00:26:32This could be all yours, Labor Day weekend.

00:26:34Oh, Eric.

00:26:36Mind if I make an observation?

00:26:38Oh, boy.

00:26:40Sure, go ahead.

00:26:41You have intimacy issues.

00:26:43Really?

00:26:44Yeah.

00:26:45I always figured an orgy is about as intimate as it can get.

00:26:47No, no, no, but intimacy isn't about intercourse, Eric.

00:26:50It's about emotion.

00:26:51You don't need to get laid.

00:26:53You need to be in a relationship.

00:26:56Look, just because you're in an unhappy relationship

00:26:59doesn't mean the rest of us need to be as well.

00:27:01I'm not in an unhappy relationship.

00:27:03I'm in an adult relationship.

00:27:06It's a lot of fun, whatever it is.

00:27:08Wait, hold on one sec.

00:27:09Say, hey, Marcus, you want to take a few cracks

00:27:10with the wiffle ball bat?

00:27:12No, thank you.

00:27:13Football is my game.

00:27:15European football.

00:27:17Gotcha.

00:27:18Did he date Siegfried or Roy?

00:27:19I can't remember.

00:27:20God, it's embarrassing watching you play this sport.

00:27:27It's cow shit.

00:27:29Look, Doc, it's your life.

00:27:32You can do whatever you want.

00:27:33All I'm saying is that maybe Labor Day weekend

00:27:35might be the last chopper out of Saigon for you.

00:27:46Mac, Mac.

00:27:48Guess who?

00:27:49Doty!

00:27:50These are the Webers.

00:27:53How you doing?

00:27:54We brought some extra signs

00:27:55because someone is stealing ours.

00:27:57Oh, that's too bad.

00:28:00Oh, good.

00:28:01Okay.

00:28:02Hey, guys, if you do me a favor, though,

00:28:03when you go in the house,

00:28:04just don't go into the basement or anything.

00:28:06Not that there's anything

00:28:07or anyone down there in a cage

00:28:09or otherwise.

00:28:10Thanks, Eric.

00:28:11Thanks, Eric.

00:28:12That's so helpful.

00:28:13What is he talking about?

00:28:15Oh, gosh.

00:28:16Don't worry.

00:28:17Don't worry.

00:28:17He's a little...

00:28:19Oh, fuck.

00:28:21It's a head injury.

00:28:23That's why he wears the helmet.

00:28:25Oh, are they...

00:28:26Are they all challenged?

00:28:28Yes.

00:28:29But at least they have each other.

00:28:31Oh, that's so great.

00:28:32Um, have fun with your game, sweetie.

00:28:37Thanks, Mrs. Weber.

00:28:39We are five minutes

00:28:41from Indian Wells Beach.

00:28:43And wait,

00:28:44you should go back in the room.

00:28:46Wait, wait.

00:28:47I don't problem.

00:28:51Don't throw you in the couch.

00:28:52No, no, no.

00:28:53Don't throw you in the couch.

00:28:54No, no, no.

00:28:55No, no, no, no.

00:28:56What if someone comes in?

00:29:25These people never know.

00:29:26I just locked the door.

00:29:29Fine, but you really must be quiet.

00:29:33None of your usual screeches.

00:29:35Okay, okay, okay.

00:29:36Yes?

00:29:36Yeah.

00:29:40Oh, Marcus.

00:29:43Get out of these dirty, licking panties.

00:29:46Do it.

00:29:47What?

00:29:48What's going on?

00:29:49Why are you sorry?

00:29:50What's going on?

00:29:51Hey.

00:29:52What?

00:29:54What have you done to your vagina?

00:29:55I shaved it.

00:30:04Why?

00:30:05I don't know.

00:30:07Because I thought it would be something different.

00:30:11Sexy.

00:30:12Women are supposed to have pubic hair.

00:30:13Why would I find it sexy?

00:30:16You look like a prepubescent girl.

00:30:18I'm not a child molester.

00:30:19Okay.

00:30:20You know what?

00:30:20It's hair, Marcus, and it's going to grow back.

00:30:24Well, I wish you would have told me about your little secret before I unwrapped this.

00:30:28The slam-skinned condoms cost two euros.

00:30:32It's wasteful.

00:30:34I fucking did it for you.

00:30:36You could have consulted with me.

00:30:37I don't think you fucking wear deodorant because you don't fucking want to.

00:30:41Allison, you're being like a child.

00:30:44I'm trying to-

00:30:44Fuck you!

00:30:45Go away!

00:30:47You go away.

00:30:49I think this is chemical.

00:30:50Darling, what dosage are you taking?

00:30:53No.

00:30:53You-

00:30:54Fuck you!

00:30:54This is your problem!

00:30:56I was just expressing my sexuality in a healthy manner!

00:31:00God forbid, Marcus, that we experiment a little bit!

00:31:03Fine.

00:31:05I'm going back to the city, and I'm taking the iPod.

00:31:09Fine!

00:31:11Leave!

00:31:12And your breath is terrible!

00:31:14My breath is natural, unlike your vagina!

00:31:18Fuck you!

00:31:25Akupado?

00:31:26Oh.

00:31:27Jesus.

00:31:29Sorry.

00:31:30It's alright.

00:31:33The worst part is, I'm just peeing right now.

00:31:55Alright, I've been kicking around a few ideas.

00:31:57You know, themes for the party.

00:31:58Let me know what you think.

00:31:59First one, Roman, right?

00:32:00You're talking togas, wine, bushels of grapes, the whole deal.

00:32:05Then I also have 70s, alright?

00:32:08You got the swinger vibe, polyester, big hair upstairs and down, you know.

00:32:13I don't know.

00:32:14What about the Kama Sutra?

00:32:16That's actually not bad.

00:32:17Yeah?

00:32:18Yeah, yeah.

00:32:18Like, the sex secrets of the East, right?

00:32:21Oh, that's-

00:32:21You know, you have like, uh, like incense, tapestries, uh, veils, diaphanous fabrics.

00:32:30Yeah, I have no idea what the hell that is, but I like it, I like it.

00:32:33Yeah, you and me, we're on the same page with this thing.

00:32:35Right?

00:32:35I think so.

00:32:36Absolutely.

00:32:37Very nice, but Kama.

00:32:39Kama.

00:32:39Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, people are at three o'clock.

00:32:41Three o'clock, my three, my three!

00:32:48Wait a minute.

00:32:48That hurts my dink.

00:32:49Wait a minute, that's- that's Kelly.

00:32:51Who?

00:32:52My realtor.

00:32:54Oh, shit, the enemy.

00:32:56Please come here, please come.

00:32:58We cannot afford to lose the Casabas sex before Labor Day, okay?

00:33:01Here's what you do.

00:33:01You go over there, you get in tight with her, lay on the charm nice and thick, and get her

00:33:04to drag some ass selling the house.

00:33:06Yes, yes.

00:33:07No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, she is a tough cookie.

00:33:09She- no, she'll see right through that.

00:33:10Her, please, dude, you're the king.

00:33:12Little whiny diners should be your humble winch servant.

00:33:16Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

00:33:19Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.

00:33:20Just go fucking charming, okay?

00:33:22Okay.

00:33:23Go go go go do the thing do the thing what the smile thing

00:33:29Kelly Kelly hi

00:33:33Hey, I hope anything. I said the other day didn't screw anything up with a client. I was just sort of joking around didn't freak him out

00:33:43Luckily I was you're wearing that helmet, so I was able to convince them that you know you ride the short bus

00:33:48Oh, that's good. Well played. Thanks. Hey, do you mind if maybe I can make it up to you

00:33:55You know take you out to dinner or something be fun. Yeah. Oh gosh. Thanks. Um

00:34:00Technically, I'm not supposed to go out with clients. Well, technically my dad's the client

00:34:06Right now. I'm just some random dude on the beach. She's smiling. Look she's smiling. She's smiling. She's smiling. She's buying it

00:34:12Okay

00:34:13I'll go to dinner with you. All right, but tell me which party we met at

00:34:18Was it one of my parties?

00:34:20Okay, what um

00:34:22Oh, was it the Cuba Libre party because because I was in mojito haze that whole day, and I just no no

00:34:29October fest in July. Oh, oh, no, no. I know I know

00:34:34It was the Star Trek versus Star Wars battle for the universe party, and you were dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi

00:34:40How drunk do you get at these parties?

00:34:43Pretty drunk. It's kind of a social obligation. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna give you a hint

00:34:48I wear a size 9 shoe

00:34:52Oh my god. Oh my god, you're bean dip girl. You're bean dip girl?

00:34:57I am

00:34:58Have you been bean dip girl the whole time?

00:35:00Oh, he's so good

00:35:02I can't believe that I was gonna call you. I swear. I mean I had your number on my hand and then I jumped to the pool and it was gone

00:35:08And I thought I lost you. I thought you're gone forever

00:35:11and you

00:35:12You look so much better without the fake baby

00:35:14I actually prefer the mullet

00:35:16Oh, I just cut it yesterday for work

00:35:19And by the way, I don't think this whole funny charming thing you've got going right now gets you off for stealing my son's I

00:35:25Know I don't know what you're talking about. I'm I'm furious. Those signs are gone. You're lying. I'm not lying

00:35:30Your voice just went up

00:35:32I

00:35:34I'm not lying. I am not lying

00:35:36You're so lying. No, I'm not

00:35:38Fucking James Bond

00:35:40Wow

00:35:42Look at that, huh?

00:35:44Holy smokes. Another gorgeous shot

00:35:46Yeah, thanks

00:35:48What should I use?

00:35:50Hitching wedge or a 9?

00:35:52I use the 9

00:35:54I think maybe I should use the wedge

00:35:56I think maybe I should use the wedge

00:35:58Oh, you use the wedge

00:36:02Why am I like this?

00:36:04Let's just pick a club and hit it. What is the big deal?

00:36:08Will you do the orgy with me?

00:36:12Hey, can we play through?

00:36:14Hold on a second man

00:36:18The orgy

00:36:20You think that would be a good idea?

00:36:22I'm stuck

00:36:24I'm stuck and I think the reason is

00:36:26Is because I feel like a fucking fraud

00:36:28I'm not cool

00:36:30I have a law degree

00:36:32I ride a motorcycle and it scares the fucking shit out of me

00:36:36And I play golf at my mom's fucking country club

00:36:38With assholes like this

00:36:40What's the hold up?

00:36:42Play the wedge

00:36:44This is not rock and roll

00:36:48This could be really good for me

00:36:50For me and for us

00:36:52Will you do the orgy with me?

00:36:58Sure, yeah, yeah, whatever, yeah

00:37:00Really?

00:37:02Holy shit

00:37:04Yeah

00:37:06If

00:37:08You're sure this is what you want

00:37:10Yeah

00:37:12Absolutely

00:37:13Good

00:37:14I think

00:37:16Bart!

00:37:18So you wanna know why guys don't get as excited about their wedding as women do?

00:37:30See, it used to be like a guy would get rewarded for his commitment with sex

00:37:34But you know, you and Glenn have had sex like a billion times

00:37:36God sakes you guys have a kid together

00:37:38So for Glenn it's just kind of like all commitment, no reward, you know?

00:37:46I'm the fucking reward

00:37:48Of course you are!

00:37:50Of course you are!

00:37:52No!

00:37:54Something's wrong

00:37:56He's never late

00:37:57Try him again

00:37:58I have been trying him

00:37:59He's not answering his phone

00:38:00At least he's not gonna wear a white tuxedo like you dickheads

00:38:03Oh god

00:38:05That's good

00:38:10Oh sweet lord in heaven

00:38:11What the fuck, are you stoned?

00:38:13No, no, no, no, better

00:38:15I'm wearing this thing called the yank, got it from the Adam and Eve catalog

00:38:18See one end straps around your leg and the other end around your wang

00:38:21And like the brochure says with every stride, it gives your member a gentle tug

00:38:26What the fuck are you doing with the rope on your cock at my wedding?

00:38:29Endurance training, labor day

00:38:31Mm-mm

00:38:32For what, a jack-off marathon?

00:38:35What, uh, yeah, that's exactly it, you nailed it

00:38:40Hey yo, check it out, look who's here

00:38:42Oh fantastic, another asshole in white tails

00:38:45You keep the change, Matt

00:38:49Oh my god

00:38:52Well, well, well, look at you, you're late

00:38:54You're in costume and you appear to be hammered

00:38:56Who the hell are you?

00:38:58Long story, I got fired

00:39:00What?

00:39:01What?

00:39:02I think it had more to do with the fact that I almost blew a two billion dollar merger deal

00:39:05Because some bozo jumped into the pool with my Blackberry

00:39:09Oh shit

00:39:10Dude

00:39:11I spent most of the last night crying and drinking

00:39:13And then I drunk-dialed my mom, she kinda talked me down

00:39:17Then I woke up this morning, had a little more to drink

00:39:20And I realized, you know what?

00:39:22This is good, I'm free

00:39:24Adam, I'm so sorry about that

00:39:25Adam, shush, shush, shush

00:39:27You're my friend

00:39:28No, they took my twenties from me

00:39:30And I plan to make my thirties, making up for it

00:39:33And you know what else?

00:39:35I'm doing the orgy

00:39:37Fuck it

00:39:38Orgy?

00:39:39What orgy?

00:39:41What the fuck are you talking about?

00:39:43See, this is exactly why we should have told America

00:39:46Told me what?

00:39:47That's what we're doing for the Labor Day party, we're having an orgy

00:39:50Bullshit, who's having an orgy?

00:39:52It's me, Willow, these two fellas, Laura, Sue, now drunky

00:39:57Waiting on Allison

00:39:58Jesus H fucking Christ

00:40:00How come you cocksuckers didn't think of this fucking orgy idea five fucking years ago?

00:40:05God damn it

00:40:06Uh, Glenn?

00:40:08I'm afraid we're gonna have to start without your friend

00:40:11Oh, he's here

00:40:12He's, uh...

00:40:13All right, bye-bye

00:40:14Pardon my French

00:40:20All right, everybody

00:40:22Introducing for the very first time

00:40:24Mr. and Mrs. Glenn Facilium

00:40:27Facilium

00:40:28Facilium

00:40:29Facilium

00:40:30Facilium

00:40:39Here we go!

00:40:40Here we go!

00:40:45Yeah!

00:40:46Yeah!

00:40:48I don't believe that you guys broke up because you shaved

00:40:50He's the weirdest, creepiest guy ever

00:40:53Here we are, ladies

00:40:55You guys are definitely broken up this time, right?

00:41:01Fuck relationships

00:41:02Right now, all I wanna do is have some

00:41:04Bye!

00:41:05Bye!

00:41:06No, I'm not afraid of love

00:41:07No, I'm not afraid of love

00:41:11No, I'm not afraid of love

00:41:13No, I'm not afraid of love

00:41:14Just because I run away

00:41:17When you're mad, leave me

00:41:18I'm not afraid of love

00:41:19When you're mad, leave me

00:41:20I'm not afraid of love

00:41:22I'm not afraid of love

00:41:23I'm not afraid of love

00:41:24Labor Day

00:41:28Labor Day.

00:41:35I'm in.

00:41:37Yes.

00:41:38Yes.

00:41:39Oh, and I'm fully shaved.

00:41:42Allison.

00:41:43Oh, no, no, no.

00:41:44I'm not making a speech.

00:41:46Sorry about that.

00:41:47It's a private conversation.

00:41:51Are you okay?

00:41:52You know what they're doing over Labor Day?

00:41:55Do you know what their party is?

00:41:56What?

00:41:57They are having a fucking orgy.

00:42:01I don't even...

00:42:02They are having an orgy.

00:42:06Like a sex orgy?

00:42:07Like a sex orgy, and we're not invited.

00:42:13Hey, hi.

00:42:15So is it true that all of you are having this orgy,

00:42:18and you didn't think to invite us?

00:42:22What are you all looking at me for?

00:42:24Guys, you just got married, okay?

00:42:29You have a kid.

00:42:30Don't you think it's a little inappropriate?

00:42:33Well, of course we wouldn't come.

00:42:35Yeah, it's that you didn't ask us.

00:42:36Right.

00:42:37You didn't even think of us.

00:42:38In fact, you specifically hid this from us.

00:42:40We invited all of you to be here today.

00:42:42Just the most special day of our lives.

00:42:44And you, who are supposed to be our closest friends.

00:42:49There were family members who didn't get invited so you could all come.

00:42:52Family members.

00:42:53Right.

00:42:54Now we're just totally out of your pervy little social club, huh?

00:42:58I don't believe this.

00:43:07Sorry.

00:43:08Are you happy?

00:43:10Because you and your stupid orgy just ruined our goddamn wedding.

00:43:14Come on, Glenn.

00:43:15Kate!

00:43:16Is it too late to invite them?

00:43:18I'll go talk to her.

00:43:19No!

00:43:20Are you kidding me?

00:43:21Guys, it's Katie.

00:43:23She's going to be fine in like an hour.

00:43:25I just realized I'm really hammered and I would really like to dance.

00:43:28I'm dancing too.

00:43:30Reminds me of our senior prom.

00:43:33You still won't give me a handjob though, right?

00:43:34Shake it, baby.

00:43:48Oh, God.

00:43:55It's amazing to me that you're still so tight with all of your high school friends.

00:44:00None of mine moved back after college.

00:44:02Yeah, I'd say, uh, I don't know, it's maybe corny to say, but these guys and gals are kind of like the closest thing I've got to a family these days.

00:44:09Yeah.

00:44:09That's why the house, you know my dad's house, the summer house, it's like our rec center.

00:44:13I think we're getting an offer on the rec center.

00:44:17My dad will be thrilled.

00:44:18I knew it.

00:44:19What?

00:44:20I knew it wasn't a family decision to sell that house.

00:44:22No, no, no.

00:44:23We're not big into family decisions anymore.

00:44:25My mom, she lives in Portland, Oregon with this, uh, Reiki healer asshole.

00:44:32Tell me exactly how you feel.

00:44:33Oh, he's good.

00:44:34He's good.

00:44:35Uh, no, she's kind of out of the picture, her doing.

00:44:38Um, yeah, it's just me and my dad.

00:44:40Well, your dad seems like a fun guy.

00:44:43Oh.

00:44:44Yeah, yeah, he's very fun.

00:44:45He's a hoot.

00:44:46He's kind of like being raised by an older fraternity brother, actually, sometimes.

00:44:49He hit on me a little bit.

00:44:50No.

00:44:52What, did he ask you to play golf?

00:44:53Yes.

00:44:54Yeah, that's his move.

00:44:54He's very good at golf.

00:44:56Very good.

00:44:57But he did it right in front of Cherie, and she had no idea.

00:45:00Yeah, neither did my mom for a while.

00:45:02Now, if you will excuse me, I, uh, I have to win this game.

00:45:05Yeah?

00:45:05Yeah.

00:45:06What?

00:45:06Does this make you?

00:45:07It's a little distracting.

00:45:08Is that?

00:45:09That's not distracting at all.

00:45:10Oh, oh.

00:45:11Jesus.

00:45:11I lied.

00:45:12It was a little distracting.

00:45:13Help!

00:45:17Fred's beds?

00:45:18Are you sure this is the right place?

00:45:20Yeah.

00:45:21What do you think they're going to do?

00:45:22Put up a sign that says underground sex club?

00:45:25They said they're coming through the warehouse entrance.

00:45:28Hey, you got rubbers on you?

00:45:29No.

00:45:30What?

00:45:30No, no, no.

00:45:30We are strictly here to observe.

00:45:32That is all.

00:45:32Dude, it's a sex club.

00:45:34Semper Fi always prepared, you know what I mean?

00:45:36Doesn't that mean always faithful?

00:45:37Hey, who took Latin in the seventh grade?

00:45:40Moi, okay?

00:45:42I brought a pack with me if you need one.

00:45:43Give me the signal.

00:45:44I won't need one.

00:45:45I'll do it.

00:45:45Yeah.

00:45:51What do you want?

00:45:52The password is chandelier.

00:45:57Who's your connection?

00:45:58Vic George, friend of my uncle's.

00:45:59Oh, yeah.

00:46:00He told me to expect you.

00:46:01Come on in.

00:46:07You know, sometimes a girl just wants to have a heart-to-heart,

00:46:09and she ends up pulling a train.

00:46:12Pulling a train?

00:46:14Hmm.

00:46:15Yeah, you know.

00:46:16Oh, oh, oh, chicka, chicka, chicka.

00:46:18Woo, woo!

00:46:20Oh, my God.

00:46:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:22Woo!

00:46:22Congratulations.

00:46:23Choo-choo train.

00:46:24Here's another thing.

00:46:25Every wolf pack has a leader.

00:46:27I take it you're the lead wolf?

00:46:28Fucking ahead.

00:46:29Uh, yes.

00:46:30I guess so, yes.

00:46:31Yeah.

00:46:31Yeah, so, yeah.

00:46:33Well, then it's all on your shoulders.

00:46:36If you don't run, nobody behind you can run.

00:46:40Oh, that's good.

00:46:41What does that mean?

00:46:41What do I do?

00:46:42You have to get naked.

00:46:45Naked in your mind, in your heart, in your soul.

00:46:50You've got to be honest with yourself and everybody else about what you want.

00:46:54If you're a pegger, be honest about that.

00:46:57What is a pegger?

00:46:59Chick fucks a dude up the ass with a strap on.

00:47:02Eh, not really my bag, but like I always say, I'm willing to try anything twice.

00:47:08Oh, this is a lot to process.

00:47:11You listen to me.

00:47:13You can't force it.

00:47:15You can't fake it.

00:47:16So you better cut the bullshit, nut up, and be a man.

00:47:25Now, if you'll excuse me, I feel the blood rushing back to my sword.

00:47:30I noticed that.

00:47:33Well, hey, Vic, thank you.

00:47:34This is all good stuff.

00:47:36Good advice.

00:47:36Good.

00:47:38My pleasure, guys.

00:47:39Oh, there.

00:47:40Watch that thing.

00:47:41There, there.

00:47:41Not good.

00:47:42Good luck.

00:47:44Okay.

00:47:44We should probably leave now.

00:47:48You don't eat anything here.

00:47:50You son of a bitch.

00:47:56Uh-oh.

00:47:57Holy shit, is that...

00:47:58Yeah, yeah, keep going.

00:47:59Don't let us eat.

00:48:02Oh, man, oh, man.

00:48:04What'd you think?

00:48:04That was good.

00:48:05That was good.

00:48:06That was pretty good.

00:48:06Yeah, okay, here we go.

00:48:08You ready?

00:48:08Showtime.

00:48:11Shit.

00:48:13I'm going to count that.

00:48:14Okay.

00:48:14I'm going to count that there.

00:48:15Okay.

00:48:16Really?

00:48:16Yeah, juvenile.

00:48:18Hey, I was mean to ask you something.

00:48:19What?

00:48:20What's Dodie like as a boss?

00:48:22She just seems like she could be a little, you know, domineering.

00:48:26Oh, my gosh, no.

00:48:27I mean, she's not what you think, you know?

00:48:30I mean, of course, at work, she's all business.

00:48:32Right.

00:48:32But Eric, she's traveled the world.

00:48:35She speaks all these different languages.

00:48:37She's just full of surprises.

00:48:40No, I bet she is.

00:48:41Oh, man, I bet she's been places I can only imagine.

00:48:44So, like, now that you're super into me...

00:48:47No, there's something I actually have to tell you.

00:48:51Sincerely, I am.

00:48:52Really?

00:48:53Yeah, I kind of misled you.

00:48:55What you saw today was not an actual representation of my frisbee golf skills.

00:49:00Yeah.

00:49:01I let you win.

00:49:03Really?

00:49:03Yeah, so I want a rematch, like, big time.

00:49:07Or you could just stick to sucking at pool.

00:49:10Ooh.

00:49:12Oh.

00:49:19One more.

00:49:20That's it, though.

00:49:21No.

00:49:22Okay, that was the last one.

00:49:23That's for the road.

00:49:24I will call you.

00:49:26Okay.

00:49:27All right.

00:49:28See ya.

00:49:29Hey, um, what are you doing for Labor Day?

00:49:33Oh, yeah.

00:49:36Oh, yeah, Labor Day.

00:49:37Um, you know what, the guys and the crew, we're all gonna, um, we're doing just this small

00:49:43little thing, this intimate little thing.

00:49:45Nothing special.

00:49:47Well, I was thinking that maybe, you know, your friends and my friends could get together.

00:49:52Yeah.

00:49:53Oh, that sounds great.

00:49:55Yeah?

00:49:55Yeah, we should definitely look into that, maybe.

00:49:57Yeah.

00:49:58That'd be fun.

00:49:58But, so wait, Eric, is that a, is that a maybe?

00:50:02Yeah, it's a maybe.

00:50:02It's a definite maybe.

00:50:03It's a hard, hard maybe.

00:50:05Yeah, we should, we should definitely think about doing that.

00:50:07Let's lock it in as a possibility.

00:50:10Okay.

00:50:11I'll call you about it.

00:50:13Or write you.

00:50:16Okay.

00:50:17Carry your pigeon.

00:50:17Oh, something, I'll get a hold of you.

00:50:18Don't worry.

00:50:19Okay, good night, Eric.

00:50:20Good night, Kelly.

00:50:38Hey.

00:50:39Hi.

00:50:40What are you doing up?

00:50:41I never went down.

00:50:42I stayed up drinking with a dude from Blues Traveler in the Talk House parking lot for like

00:50:46an hour ago.

00:50:47Fucking dude says the bubonic plague is back.

00:50:50Great.

00:50:51Another thing to worry about.

00:50:54What are you doing up?

00:50:56Kind of a bit of a situation.

00:50:59Hit me.

00:51:01Okay, but first off, you can't tell anyone.

00:51:04Dude, look who you're talking to.

00:51:06It's the vault.

00:51:07Seriously.

00:51:08I know a lot of people tell people you can't tell someone, and those people go and tell someone.

00:51:12That cannot happen this time.

00:51:14Hey.

00:51:15You tell no one.

00:51:17My name is Rodrigo.

00:51:18Why would you tell a 50-year-old Guatemalan landscaper about my life?

00:51:22Because he's a good sounding board, okay?

00:51:25But if you're going to get all weird about it, I won't tell Rodrigo.

00:51:28I appreciate it.

00:51:31I went on a date last night.

00:51:33So far, so good.

00:51:34With the realtor chick.

00:51:36Dodie Henderson?

00:51:37Did she peg you?

00:51:38No, not Dodie.

00:51:40I went out with Kelly.

00:51:41Oh, thank the Lord.

00:51:42I felt bad for your little butthole there for a minute.

00:51:44Yeah, and I think, I think we've got a problem, because I really kind of dig her now, and I don't know what to do about the whole orgy situation.

00:51:57Are you fucking with me right now?

00:51:58I know.

00:51:59What are the odds?

00:52:00I mean, seriously, I'm smack dab in the middle of organizing an orgy.

00:52:05Yes.

00:52:05Yeah.

00:52:06And I meet the first girl in a long time that I can actually see myself having a relationship with.

00:52:11Oh.

00:52:12I've got to tell her about the orgy, right?

00:52:14What?

00:52:15No.

00:52:16No.

00:52:17No.

00:52:17That's so stupid.

00:52:19No.

00:52:19Listen to me.

00:52:20No, no.

00:52:21You don't ever, ever, ever tell her about our little soiree here.

00:52:25Ever.

00:52:26Have you porked her yet?

00:52:28Oh, goddammit, Mike.

00:52:29I hate when you say stuff.

00:52:30No.

00:52:31No, we've kissed.

00:52:33Kissed?

00:52:33Good.

00:52:34Okay, good.

00:52:35Keep it PG until after Labor Day, okay?

00:52:37As long as you guys haven't had the exclusivity talk, and you're not currently boning.

00:52:41I know.

00:52:41Then you, my friend, are a free agent.

00:52:44Oh.

00:52:45God, no, dude.

00:52:46Listen to me.

00:52:47You do not know what or who she's been doing in free time, Ace.

00:52:52So just keep it in your pants until a pray Labor Day, and then it'll just be this crazy,

00:52:58wet, vivid, erotic, sexual misadventure in your past that you never have to tell her about.

00:53:11Okay.

00:53:13Okay?

00:53:13All right, that's the plan.

00:53:16That was oddly helpful.

00:53:18I am not just a pretty face.

00:53:22Oof, my goof.

00:53:24Daddy really needs to get in shape.

00:53:26Oh, I'm with you.

00:53:27I may even cut out carbs.

00:53:28Except for pizza and sandwiches, obviously.

00:53:31Are you guys worried at all about performing in front of everyone else?

00:53:36Look, it's not a race.

00:53:38Well, assuming that we can all get wood, one of us is going to have the smallest dick,

00:53:42and I, for one, do not want to have the smallest dick.

00:53:45Okay, two things.

00:53:47First off, the ladies are going to be too concerned about their own bodies to even think about yours.

00:53:50And secondly, that's all myth.

00:53:53Women do not care about penis size.

00:53:55Who do you think has the biggest dick?

00:53:58I think I know.

00:54:00Boom!

00:54:02You're next, Uncle Addy.

00:54:03Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:54:05No one fucking said anything about giving any fucking blood.

00:54:08Oops.

00:54:08And can someone explain to me why they need to puncture your vein to find out if there's a problem with your schwanz?

00:54:13The summer after freshman year, I walked in on one of the guys.

00:54:20We're hacking off.

00:54:22Shut up!

00:54:23Who?

00:54:24I'm just saying, no, no, no, no.

00:54:25Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:54:26Come on.

00:54:27I'm sorry to tell you, but I will say that he was a monster.

00:54:32Hey, that is my blood.

00:54:35That used to be inside you.

00:54:37I'm going to lie down.

00:54:38What?

00:54:38You cast a gagee!

00:54:39You got to give us, like, ballpark.

00:54:41Right, right.

00:54:42Like, is that?

00:54:43Oh, it's more like, it was like that.

00:54:45What?

00:54:46But the head.

00:54:47It's even bigger.

00:54:48Mama likes.

00:54:50I don't know if you're going to like it.

00:54:54Oh, hi.

00:54:56Eric?

00:54:57Kelly?

00:54:59We're just heading back to the city.

00:55:00Yeah, we'll be in touch this week.

00:55:01Good.

00:55:02Regarding the house?

00:55:03Of course, the house.

00:55:04Yes.

00:55:04Yeah, I'll pay you.

00:55:05Dodie.

00:55:09Eric?

00:55:11The password this week is unicorn.

00:55:14I don't know if that'll be nice.

00:55:15We're here to share our experiences in creating the perfect orgy of your personal fantasies.

00:55:37See that?

00:55:44Everybody's always touching two people.

00:55:46Yeah, little teamwork over there.

00:55:48They're playing good team ball.

00:55:49Yeah.

00:55:50Okay, I think we get the only ass.

00:55:59Hey, McGrud, you want some pizza?

00:56:01No, I'm not hungry, thank you.

00:56:03I don't know I can eat both eggs around right here.

00:56:05What is that?

00:56:13Oh, shit.

00:56:15Oh, he's doing my move.

00:56:16Look at that.

00:56:17He knows the thush.

00:56:18Mm-hmm.

00:56:23Hey, you guys, you guys, back to the music.

00:56:25Are we really going to listen to Indian the whole night?

00:56:28I mean, I think it might get a little...

00:56:29Cab riding?

00:56:30Agreed, yeah.

00:56:31Yes, cab riding.

00:56:31I'm working on a killer playlist right now.

00:56:33Got some obscure Radiohead.

00:56:35Who has sex to Radiohead?

00:56:38Tom York.

00:56:40No Radiohead.

00:56:41No Radiohead.

00:56:41I think we need something sensual, like Sting.

00:56:45I love Sting.

00:56:45No, no, no, no.

00:56:46Unacceptable.

00:56:47Absolutely not.

00:56:48Fucking Sting.

00:56:48That's bullshit, man.

00:56:49If Sting comes on the fucking stereo, guess who's walking?

00:56:52This guy.

00:56:53Sting it is, then.

00:56:54So, I got you a little present.

00:57:01Really?

00:57:02Mm-hmm.

00:57:03It's filled with some great things for next weekend.

00:57:05It's not my birthday.

00:57:07Oh, hey.

00:57:09Yeah?

00:57:09Oh, boy.

00:57:10Oh, wow.

00:57:11Look at that guy.

00:57:12He's like a Swiss Army dude.

00:57:13Wow, that's great.

00:57:14People are going to love that.

00:57:15Just so you know, I'm not wearing any underwear right now.

00:57:20Ew, on these stools?

00:57:21Well, well, well, the gang's all here.

00:57:24Taya!

00:57:25Taya!

00:57:27Hi, Keith.

00:57:28Hi, guys.

00:57:29What's up?

00:57:30We have some business to discuss.

00:57:32Right, so, Glenn and I have talked it over, and we would like to be included in the orgy.

00:57:41We're in.

00:57:45We want to do it.

00:57:50No.

00:57:54Why not?

00:57:55We already lined up my folks to babysit.

00:57:58Guys, guys, as a friend and a mental health professional, I think it is a horrible, horrible idea.

00:58:03If you're feeling sort of disconnected from the group, I can understand why you don't answer.

00:58:06Allison, with all due respect, you're an MA.

00:58:10I'm an MD.

00:58:11You're a podiatrist.

00:58:13Okay, let's take a boat.

00:58:15How many people want us in?

00:58:16Well, I would just like to say that I think they maybe have a point here, okay?

00:58:21Just because they have a baby doesn't mean that we should discriminate against them.

00:58:24Plus, Kate's rack is killer right now.

00:58:27Thank you, Michael.

00:58:28Yeah.

00:58:29Jesus, Mike, are you insane?

00:58:31No.

00:58:32No, no.

00:58:33Dude, dude, dude, dude, 10 o'clock.

00:58:3410 o'clock.

00:58:34My 10.

00:58:35My 10.

00:58:37Shit.

00:58:39Hey, look at what it is.

00:58:41Hi.

00:58:42There it is.

00:58:43Hey, this is my realtor, Kelly.

00:58:45This is the group of the gang.

00:58:47Everybody.

00:58:47Hey, Kelly.

00:58:48How are they are?

00:58:49Hi.

00:58:49Gosh, I've heard so much about all of you guys.

00:58:51How?

00:58:52Happy to meet you.

00:58:52When?

00:58:53What?

00:58:53What are you talking about?

00:58:54Hey, let's get a drink, shall we?

00:58:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:58:56Okay.

00:58:57So...

00:58:57You think we couldn't handle this because we're parents?

00:59:02Well, we can handle shit that you can't even imagine.

00:59:04You know, you motherfuckers have no idea.

00:59:07That's right, honey.

00:59:08No idea.

00:59:09Come on.

00:59:09You're all lightweights.

00:59:13You are all playing J.B. Ball.

00:59:16All right, come on.

00:59:16Lightweights!

00:59:17Whoa!

00:59:17All right, Gwen.

00:59:19Come on, honey.

00:59:19On a lighter note, I have this present!

00:59:24Oh, yeah.

00:59:26Dildos!

00:59:27You know, in a pinch, this would actually be great for a toothbrush.

00:59:33I have no idea what this is.

00:59:35Hey, Eric, what's up with all the dildos?

00:59:38Hey, those are my friends, lady.

00:59:39Hey, what's going on with the house?

00:59:41Um, I've been able to slow things down to buy you till the end of the summer.

00:59:46Really?

00:59:47Yeah.

00:59:47Oh, you're the best!

00:59:53Thank you so much.

00:59:55What?

00:59:56What's going on?

00:59:57Nothing.

00:59:58No, he told me not to tell anybody, so...

01:00:00Yeah, okay.

01:00:00You know.

01:00:02Keep it on the down low.

01:00:03Yeah.

01:00:03All right, all right.

01:00:04He asked her out to get them to stall and sell in the house, okay?

01:00:06Went on a couple dates with her, started to like her,

01:00:08decided that he doesn't want to sleep with her before the orgy

01:00:10because it's wrong to do both.

01:00:11Oh, he doesn't want to sleep with her.

01:00:13That actually means he likes her.

01:00:16Oh.

01:00:17Hey.

01:00:18Build a wave.

01:00:18Hi!

01:00:19Hi!

01:00:20Hi!

01:00:21Hi!

01:00:22Hi!

01:00:23Hi!

01:00:23Yo, Maharaja, wanna get my bag for me?

01:00:43What is this shit?

01:00:44Self-tanner, man.

01:00:45Wanna look like a porn star.

01:00:46Fuck me, I just stroked down my third batch du jour.

01:00:50Boys might wanna do the same, don't wanna come quick like a bunch of amateurs.

01:00:53Oh God, I am not touching you.

01:00:57Fuck it, I'm gonna whack it again.

01:01:00You look so pretty.

01:01:03I love it.

01:01:05Consider yourself worn.

01:01:07This absinthe is the real deal, okay?

01:01:09I had it flown in from Amsterdam.

01:01:10The guy that sold it to me said it's the same stuff that Van Gogh was on when he cut his ear off.

01:01:15Uh-oh.

01:01:16It's gonna be a starry night, huh?

01:01:18It smells like licorice.

01:01:19A toast.

01:01:20A toast.

01:01:22To friends.

01:01:23Awe.

01:01:24To friends.

01:01:25Awe.

01:01:26Into making sweet love with, to, near, on, in, under, and behind.

01:01:32Awe.

01:01:33Awe.

01:01:34Awe.

01:01:35Awe.

01:01:36Awe.

01:01:37Awe.

01:01:38Awe.

01:01:39Ga ga ga.

01:01:40Woo!

01:01:41Sober.

01:01:42Nevermore.

01:01:43Never, never more.

01:01:52Pillows look really nice.

01:01:54Yeah.

01:01:55Is Crate and Barrel, or...?

01:02:06You guys look great.

01:02:07Oh, yeah.

01:02:08Oh, thanks.

01:02:09You look so fucking hot.

01:02:10Just being honest.

01:02:11I'm gonna lick your belly button.

01:02:13Nice.

01:02:14And yours, your belly button's nice, too.

01:02:15Wow.

01:02:16I'm gonna go into it.

01:02:17I haven't seen yours yet, but...

01:02:18I don't lick the shit out of that thing.

01:02:20Wow.

01:02:21As the de facto lead wolf, right?

01:02:23Oh.

01:02:24I, uh, I should kick this mofo off,

01:02:27but I gotta be honest with you,

01:02:29I have no idea what to do.

01:02:30So, lead wolf?

01:02:31Oh, yeah.

01:02:32No, you had to be there.

01:02:33Tut, tut, tut.

01:02:34Okay.

01:02:35Listen up, everybody.

01:02:36As per usual,

01:02:38it is up to me to get this party started.

01:02:41Hang on, I got something for you.

01:02:42Hang on a second, ladies.

01:02:43Oh!

01:02:44Oh!

01:02:45Oh!

01:02:46Yeah!

01:02:47Rock and roll!

01:02:48Holy moly!

01:02:49We're on safari now.

01:02:50Yeah!

01:02:51How many leopards had to die?

01:02:52Just one big old kinky leopard.

01:02:55They won't kick us out.

01:02:56If we're here, they won't kick us out.

01:02:57Okay.

01:02:58They won't do it.

01:02:59And we're totally sure we want to do this.

01:03:01Yeah.

01:03:02Yeah.

01:03:03Somebody do something.

01:03:04Huh?

01:03:05Right?

01:03:06Anybody?

01:03:07All right, fuck it, I'm gonna call it Sue.

01:03:08Kiss Allison, I'm gonna start touching myself.

01:03:10Oh, no!

01:03:11There we go.

01:03:12Oh!

01:03:13We could start with a back rep circle like in college.

01:03:15Oh!

01:03:16I like that.

01:03:17No donuts, hat, no hat, orgy, no orgy.

01:03:18We take a little look-see through the window, and if it looks like too freaky or lame, we

01:03:25take off.

01:03:26Right.

01:03:27And if it looks, you know, cool, we go in.

01:03:28Okay?

01:03:29Okay.

01:03:30Okay.

01:03:31Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

01:03:32I'm not mad at you.

01:03:33Eric, Eric, I love what's going on here, but I don't think you need to insult each other.

01:03:36You should actually communicate.

01:03:37Oh, my God, Allison, please, for all of us, will you just give it a rest?

01:03:41Just one night.

01:03:42Eric, you're totally uncomfortable with real emotion.

01:03:43Oh, yeah, I can't.

01:03:44I can't.

01:03:45I'm the only one here with issues.

01:03:46It's just me.

01:03:47What about you and your dysfunctional relationship?

01:03:48We broke up.

01:03:49You broke up?

01:03:50Yes.

01:03:51Oh, you broke up?

01:03:52Like the same way you guys broke up a couple years ago at the Oktoberfest in July party?

01:03:56Like that kind of breakdown?

01:03:57What happened in Oktoberfest?

01:03:58What happened in Oktoberfest?

01:03:59What happened in Oktoberfest?

01:04:00What happened in Oktoberfest?

01:04:01You broke up?

01:04:02You broke up?

01:04:03Yes.

01:04:04You broke up?

01:04:05Like the same way you guys broke up a couple years ago at the Oktoberfest and July party?

01:04:09What happened in Oktoberfest?

01:04:11This one tells me that her and Marcus are broken up.

01:04:13They're overdone.

01:04:14Finito, right?

01:04:15So we're joking around.

01:04:16We're having some drinks.

01:04:17She's telling me about it.

01:04:18Then we hook up.

01:04:19Very next morning, she's having brunch with the guy.

01:04:20Whoa, wait, wait.

01:04:21What?

01:04:22You never told me this.

01:04:24Sue, I don't need to tell you because nothing happened.

01:04:27We didn't sleep together.

01:04:28You told me it was a blow drop that she wouldn't swallow.

01:04:30No, I did not, Mike.

01:04:32I did not say that.

01:04:33It was a fucking hand job.

01:04:34Oh, it was a hand job.

01:04:35That's right.

01:04:36It was a hand job.

01:04:37I'm sorry.

01:04:38My bad.

01:04:39No, no, no.

01:04:40You know what, Allison?

01:04:41No, Allison, shut up.

01:04:42You're a hypocrite.

01:04:43You're a hypocrite.

01:04:44What's going on?

01:04:45Well, first of all, they're dressed like Indians from India.

01:04:50That makes much more sense.

01:04:52This is why I don't tell you these things.

01:04:53You're just giving them a blow job.

01:04:54I mean, hey, why didn't you just fuck them?

01:04:56Dude, why don't you get over it?

01:04:57How long are you going to be obsessed with Eric?

01:05:00Oh, shit.

01:05:02Wait, what?

01:05:04Okay, okay.

01:05:07Urch your brakes on people.

01:05:10We are rapidly losing the erotic vibe.

01:05:13I'm going to get this party rocking right here in a major way.

01:05:17What you got, man?

01:05:18Ready, set.

01:05:19Yeah.

01:05:20You give it a break, Mike?

01:05:21This shit's pathetic.

01:05:22Oh, fuck you.

01:05:23Fucking pussy.

01:05:24You're lame.

01:05:25You're the lame one, man.

01:05:26You don't have a job.

01:05:27You don't have a girlfriend.

01:05:28You just follow Eric around and do everything he tells you to do.

01:05:31You're like his little fucking pet.

01:05:34Dougie.

01:05:35Fuck you, Doug.

01:05:38Is that what you all think of me?

01:05:39You think that I'm his fucking pet?

01:05:40No.

01:05:41No.

01:05:42No.

01:05:43He...

01:05:44He...

01:05:45He...

01:05:46He...

01:05:47He...

01:05:48He...

01:05:49He...

01:05:50He...

01:05:51He...

01:05:52He...

01:05:53He...

01:05:54He...

01:05:55He meant pet in a nice way.

01:06:00Is he fucking with me right now?

01:06:02He's the worst orgy ever.

01:06:05Should we just go home?

01:06:07No.

01:06:08We got...

01:06:09Already got a sitter.

01:06:11Wanna go see a movie or you want...

01:06:18Okay.

01:06:19Okay.

01:06:20Alright.

01:06:21Time out.

01:06:22Time out.

01:06:23I think...

01:06:24Everyone just needs to...

01:06:25Take a deep breath.

01:06:26Alright?

01:06:28You need to relax...

01:06:29And chill out for a second.

01:06:31Alright?

01:06:32Whoa.

01:06:33Where are you going?

01:06:34I'm just going outside to get some fresh air.

01:06:37Clear my head.

01:06:41I swear to God, guys.

01:06:43I thought this was gonna be fun.

01:06:44I'm just gonna have fun.

01:06:52Oh...

01:06:54Oh...

01:07:04My God...

01:07:05Woo!

01:07:06Oh!

01:07:07Oh, yeah.

01:07:08Oh!

01:07:09Why won't God just let me have an orgy?

01:07:21Oh, you're kidding me.

01:07:23All right, here we go.

01:07:28Eric.

01:07:29Kelly.

01:07:30What are you doing here?

01:07:31I thought you were doing something with your friends.

01:07:33I know, I know.

01:07:34Did you fly here on a carpet?

01:07:36No, no, no.

01:07:38I, uh, it was the last second.

01:07:39Costume concept for, uh, look, I, uh, I've been thinking about things and I realized something.

01:07:46Oh, shit.

01:07:47I thought we ordered pizza.

01:07:48Would you get any new food?

01:07:53I'm sorry.

01:07:54I, uh, sorry to interrupt.

01:07:56Sorry.

01:07:57Uh, Pete, give us a second.

01:07:58Yeah.

01:07:59Hey, hey, hey, hey, Eric, Eric.

01:08:00Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:01You didn't call.

01:08:02I know.

01:08:03I'm sorry.

01:08:04I'm sorry.

01:08:06Oh, pizza.

01:08:08Really.

01:08:09I'm sorry.

01:08:09No, that's all right.

01:08:11Hey, what's up, man?

01:08:1218 bucks.

01:08:13Cool.

01:08:13Have fun.

01:08:14I'll, honestly, no biggie.

01:08:16I'll call you tomorrow.

01:08:20Bye.

01:08:23Like, I don't know that I don't have a girlfriend.

01:08:27Like, I'm not trying to remind me that every fucking night of my life.

01:08:32It's hard.

01:08:34It's hard.

01:08:41So, where were we?

01:08:44Where'd you go?

01:08:45I know, I know, I know.

01:08:46I, uh, I'm sorry I left.

01:08:48You know, I, I, I, I'm going to be honest with you guys.

01:08:52Um, I'm freaking out a little.

01:08:57I have had the best times of my life with, you know, with you guys in this house.

01:09:03And I, I'm going to miss it.

01:09:08I'm going to miss it so much.

01:09:11I love you guys.

01:09:13I love every single one of you.

01:09:14She wasn't home, huh?

01:09:19No.

01:09:19No, she, she was home.

01:09:21She was on a date.

01:09:23Oh!

01:09:24Yeah, and I showed up dressed like fucking Aladdin.

01:09:28Oh.

01:09:30Well, I think that you look adorable.

01:09:33And I am so happy that you're back.

01:09:37It's been a pretty emotional night for all of us.

01:09:40But a big, super gay group hug.

01:09:44Oh, yeah.

01:09:45Group hug.

01:09:46Yeah.

01:09:47Oh, I love you guys.

01:09:50Oh, my God.

01:09:57Hey, what was that about earlier?

01:09:59Yeah, nothing.

01:10:00What?

01:10:00Later.

01:10:03What?

01:10:07It's happening.

01:10:08It's really happening.

01:10:10We can do this.

01:10:11I don't know if I can.

01:10:12We'll do it together.

01:10:14Okay.

01:10:17One.

01:10:20Amigos y amigas

01:10:22You...

01:10:24Tequila!

01:10:25A little girl!

01:10:27A little girl!

01:10:29A little girl!

01:10:49Everybody drink from the ceiling.

01:10:51Oh, yes! Yes! Yes!

01:11:16Hey. Good morning, everybody.

01:11:19So, uh, look at what I got.

01:11:21Commemorative Labor Day orgy T-shirts right here.

01:11:24Pink and blue. You and the sex.

01:11:27100% cotton.

01:11:28You made T-shirts.

01:11:29Yep. Laura. Huh?

01:11:33Where are we gonna wear these?

01:11:35Anywhere. What do you mean?

01:11:38Jesus Christ, I'm hungover like a madman.

01:11:42All right, ladies, ladies, I got one...

01:11:45one easy question for all of you.

01:11:47Overall, where would you rank me?

01:11:50Mom, please, just have a bagel and relax.

01:11:52Listen, I just... I need to know. I just... I need to know.

01:11:55Well, for me, there was one clear winner.

01:11:58Ah, okay, I know. Good, Eric. Blah, blah, blah. Big surprise.

01:12:01What about this guy?

01:12:02I was gonna say Adam.

01:12:04Adam!

01:12:05What?

01:12:06What?

01:12:07For a neurotic hypochondriac with panic attacks, he was really uninhibited.

01:12:12So what? Out of the four dudes in the house, I didn't even rank in the top two.

01:12:16That's what you're telling me? Didn't I do my move?

01:12:19Didn't I do the move with the fingers and the tongue? The thush?

01:12:22Oh.

01:12:23Laura. Yeah, you did it.

01:12:24Come on. I thushed you. I know I did.

01:12:25You don't need to do it now. Stop it. Stop. You did do it last night. We don't need to see it again.

01:12:28Yeah, can we just eat breakfast?

01:12:34It's Marcus.

01:12:38Hello?

01:12:41Tell him how much we missed him last night.

01:12:44Hey.

01:12:45What is up?

01:12:46Hey.

01:12:47Morning.

01:12:48Hey, man. How about the shit that went down last night?

01:12:51Dude.

01:12:52Oh, shit, I'm sorry if I did anything weird to you or Willow, like any thushing, anything like that.

01:12:56I'm sorry. I was so fucking hammered I don't remember anything.

01:13:00Seriously? Nothing? You don't remember anything?

01:13:02No. Nothing. None of it. I remember the fucking absence shots and then that's it.

01:13:07I was so bummed that was gonna be fucking spank fodder for the next 20 years of my life.

01:13:12Total fucking blackout.

01:13:13Thank God.

01:13:14Hey, man.

01:13:15I got something for you.

01:13:17Holy shit!

01:13:18I did it. I got more coming for everybody else.

01:13:21Oh, my God. Dude, this is major.

01:13:23I wanted hat, but he was so passionate about no hat.

01:13:28No fucking hat.

01:13:29Good shit, man.

01:13:30Although I still would have photoshopped into three dudes schnitzing on your face, but it's just me.

01:13:35You made fucking shirts.

01:13:36Fuck.

01:13:37Yeah, hey, Willow, grab one of those.

01:13:39It's blue and pink, my favorite.

01:13:41Fucking medium. Awesome.

01:13:42Oh, well, well, it's the breakfast one.

01:13:44Oh, there he is.

01:13:46Say it rock well.

01:13:47Thank you, I'm sorry, and you're welcome.

01:13:56It's a little sore.

01:14:01Hey.

01:14:03Yeah, I think we're headed down shortly.

01:14:07Yeah, I'll see you there.

01:14:10That was Kelly.

01:14:11Slut.

01:14:13Uh, she's, uh...

01:14:14She's headed to the beach.

01:14:15I was gonna meet her there.

01:14:16Oh, that's gonna be some crazy awkward shit.

01:14:18I wanna be front row center.

01:14:20Let's do it!

01:14:23Give the tix a goodbye hug for me, please.

01:14:25I will do so.

01:14:26Okay.

01:14:27Yes!

01:14:33I can stay here and hang out with you if you want.

01:14:36Yeah.

01:14:37Yes.

01:14:39Okay.

01:14:40We could, uh, take a dip in the pool or something.

01:14:43Oh, the, yeah.

01:14:44I don't know about the pool after what happened in there last night.

01:14:48Yeah.

01:14:50But you wanna do the crossword with me?

01:14:53I'd love that.

01:14:54Uh, the 60 across.

01:14:59So, what happened with, uh, you know who?

01:15:02Marcus apologized for everything and he wants to go to couples therapy.

01:15:05Let me guess. Get them back together.

01:15:06No, we're just gonna go down to City Hall, get married, see if we can make it work.

01:15:10What the fuck?

01:15:11Just kidding.

01:15:14Yeah, no, it's, it's totally over.

01:15:17Nice. I'm proud of you.

01:15:20That's too bad. I always liked that guy.

01:15:22God, I hope Kate has some guys for us.

01:15:26Hell, I'd even go to Hoboken.

01:15:28I mean, if he's really amazing, I'd consider going to Jersey City.

01:15:32Oh, you would not.

01:15:33I'm just making a point.

01:15:35Uh, so, Eric, um, last night some things came up.

01:15:39Yeah, I swear, I had no idea.

01:15:41No, it's fine, really.

01:15:43This, it was just something that I needed to get out of my system.

01:15:54I hope she likes my sloppy second.

01:15:55Oh, come on.

01:15:59Morning, Kelly.

01:16:00Good morning, Eric.

01:16:01Hey.

01:16:02Hey.

01:16:03Hey.

01:16:04Hi, Kelly.

01:16:05I'm Mike.

01:16:06We haven't officially met.

01:16:07Nice to meet you.

01:16:08Oh, wait.

01:16:09Mike.

01:16:10Right, you're the guy that Dodie was asking about.

01:16:12She wanted your number for some kind of business thing or something.

01:16:18Oh, what the fuck?

01:16:19You're my digits, all right?

01:16:20Yeah.

01:16:21Nice to meet you.

01:16:22Let it loose to crack it.

01:16:24Yeah.

01:16:25Come on!

01:16:26Oh, wow.

01:16:27Okay.

01:16:28How about last night?

01:16:29How about this?

01:16:30What?

01:16:31How about this about last night?

01:16:32We never talk about it ever.

01:16:35Ever again.

01:16:36It never happened, all right?

01:16:38You and I have just met.

01:16:40We're starting fresh right here, right now.

01:16:44Done.

01:16:45Done.

01:16:46Hi.

01:16:47Hi.

01:16:48I'm Kelly.

01:16:49Hi, Kelly. I'm Eric.

01:16:50Nice to meet you.

01:16:51Ah!

01:16:52Come on, Eric.

01:16:53Oh!

01:16:54Oh!

01:16:55Oh!

01:16:56Uh!

01:16:57Oh!

01:16:58Oh!

01:16:59Oh!

01:17:00Oh!

01:17:01Oh!

01:17:02Oh!

01:17:03Oh!

01:17:04Oh!

01:17:05Oh!

01:17:06Oh!

01:17:07Oh!

01:17:08Oh!

01:17:09Oh!

01:17:10You're Blackberry!

01:17:11Ah!

01:17:12It's just an empty symbolic gesture.

01:17:14I'm getting a new one on Tuesday, but that did feel really, really good.

01:17:19Oh, really.

01:17:20so this is the beach huh it's pretty beautiful who knew this is it what's going on

01:17:31okay listen i've got some bad news you're al-qaeda no you know the delay i pulled

01:17:36was closing the house yes well it spooked the buyers and they pulled out so the house isn't

01:17:41sold yet no are you mad no no no no no hey wait hold on a sec though hey guys

01:17:49yeah quick announcement i have a really shitty realtor and she blew the deal and the house

01:17:55still isn't sold they're pissed they're really mad they're pissed they're mad wonderful right now i

01:18:05gotta start thinking of something to do for memorial day you know we've actually been kicking

01:18:09around this idea for a brown party you know brown clothes brown food hey you guys remember kelly right

01:18:19i always do what i am told

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