- 5 hours ago
A Good Drama And Romance Story HD
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00:00:00Oh, my baby's back home. Hey, Mom. Hey, Mom. How are you? I'm good. You look good. Thanks. No dirty laundry? Plenty, but the hairline's lost. It's headed to Tokyo. Sweetheart, I'm sorry. Yeah. Oh, we'll go shopping. How's Dad? Oh, he's Dad, you know.
00:00:22I felt like a stranger in a strange land at home. Mom treated me like a three-year-old, and Dad obsessed with his hobbies. Hey, Dad. Good to see you. You look good. So, what would you like to eat? I have all your favorites. It's all right, Mom. I'm not that hungry. I'm really tired. I gotta get up early and do the speech. What would you like for breakfast, Cindy? Are pancakes or waffles? Waffles would be good. After graduation, I took my toothbrush and a pair of shoes and bailed as fast as I could.
00:00:52But I left one big what-if behind. And I knew that someday I'd have to go back and find out the answer.
00:01:04Hello. Where are you? I'm in my bedroom. Oh, dear. Hold on one second. I don't get very good reception. I've read your handbook on heartbreak five trillion and two times. I know this is a painful place for you to be right now. Right here.
00:01:17I'm your manager. Okay, you call me ASAP. If there's anything Javier can do, I can be there in less than 24. All right. I got you. All right, Javier. I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Okay.
00:01:26Hey, it is. You're listening to John John in the morning. K-R-A-C-88.1. The home of...
00:01:41Girls were a mystery to me. I didn't know how to smell or what to say to them or how to dress for them.
00:02:03Did girls want a guy with boxers or tighty-whities? I stuck to the tighties for comfort. I mean, my body was still changing and my testicles wouldn't drop like the other guys in gym class.
00:02:13Then I discovered... Lionel. He was cool and knew things about women. Secret things.
00:02:20Lionel said things like, you mean more to me than words can ever say. And you're the rain that makes my life this foolish game.
00:02:27I studied him. He became my crash course in getting late.
00:02:36Morning.
00:02:40I'm bringing sexy back.
00:02:44K-R-A-C-88.1. All right, hey, let's welcome to the studio live this morning our local talent best-selling author, Henry McCarthy.
00:02:53Let's talk about your book, How Lionel Got Me Laid. Folks, I gotta tell you, this is a serious look at high school heartbreak here.
00:03:01Hey, how about that girl in your book, Lauren? The cheerleader? Was she, uh, real heartbreaker?
00:03:05You can't name names.
00:03:06Think she, uh, she think she read the book?
00:03:08I would be surprised.
00:03:10Ow, ow.
00:03:11Hey! Thanks a lot, Henry. Listen, we'll be right back with a pause here for station identification.
00:03:16K-R-A-C-K rack in the morning. Be right back with John John. You know who it is.
00:03:19I think I'll have the T-bone steak and eggs. Well, that's it. And the, the, uh, strawberry pancakes. Just a short order. And no whipped cream. Light on the whipped cream.
00:03:37Is that it?
00:03:38Mm. No, hold on.
00:03:40I'll be back soon, it's just...
00:03:41I'm not gonna eat all of it, just...
00:03:43Is that Mike Miller?
00:03:45Mm-hmm, it is.
00:03:47I don't think he recognizes us.
00:03:48No, he knew who you were.
00:03:49He's been here for two years.
00:03:52And Stephanie Reed works at Bank of America, and Josh Williams works at the Duffy's Dry Cleaners.
00:03:56Look at me.
00:03:57Mm-hmm.
00:03:58You will see the entire class of 88 scattered around and littered throughout Rockville.
00:04:03If you see somebody in the grocery store, they won't even look you in the eye.
00:04:07It's as though you share some dark, dank, deep little secret.
00:04:11And as long as you don't register the other person's existence, then you're not losers for not leaving and doing something more profound with your lives.
00:04:17It's just embarrassing. It is wrong. It is self-hating. And Big Girl will have none of it.
00:04:23What about, um, Scarlett Smith?
00:04:29What?
00:04:30Come on.
00:04:31No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:04:35I'm just asking nothing more.
00:04:37You poor sad little creature. No. No, no, no, you may not do that. No.
00:04:43Forget about it.
00:04:44Yes, I will forget about it.
00:04:45And that's exactly what you should do. Forget it.
00:04:48Forget it, Henry.
00:04:50Forget I asked.
00:04:57This is our high school.
00:04:58What happened?
00:05:00Gone!
00:05:00They tore it down.
00:05:02Didn't want it to serve as a reminder of all the lives it ruled.
00:05:05Come on, let's go.
00:05:06Oh, I'm not going in there.
00:05:08No, sir.
00:05:10That, my dear friend, is a teenage torture chamber.
00:05:12I wouldn't go back in there if you paid me a million dollars.
00:05:15Wish me luck.
00:05:16Forty-five minutes.
00:05:17Is that good?
00:05:18Forty-five!
00:05:19Forty-five.
00:05:20Pull your pants up.
00:05:21That's mine now.
00:05:32That's mine now.
00:05:34What's that?
00:05:37It was your imagination.
00:05:39Let's go.
00:05:46It's a pen.
00:05:50Stop talking. Keep the line moving. Let's go.
00:06:01Henry!
00:06:02Christopher Marshall. Pleasure.
00:06:04Good to see you.
00:06:05Good to see you too. Thank you for having me.
00:06:06Well, you know, when they told me, uh,
00:06:08we have an alumnus who's a best-selling author,
00:06:10I knew right then and there,
00:06:11you're the man for the commencement speech.
00:06:13Forgive me, I haven't read any of your books, but...
00:06:15Yeah, you're the prime example
00:06:18of what a student can do with his or her life
00:06:20after he or she graduates from his or her high school.
00:06:24You are a winner. I always knew you'd do well.
00:06:26You're a winner.
00:06:27And these students need a winner to tell them how to be a winner.
00:06:30Yes, they do.
00:06:32And I don't want you to feel free to use any of the facilities here.
00:06:35Of course, the library, the cafeteria, the gym.
00:06:39Okay.
00:06:40Whatever you need to connect you in some way in the commencement.
00:06:43Okay, so would there be any parameters or guidelines you'd want me to follow?
00:06:47Well, profanity's out. We really don't want to offend anybody.
00:06:50Uh, I wouldn't use the word, uh, shit or penis.
00:06:54Uh, but, uh, yeah, as I say, we just don't really want to offend anyone.
00:06:59No, we don't.
00:07:00No. All right.
00:07:01Now, there's something else I forgot.
00:07:02I'm...
00:07:03Here are some sample speeches.
00:07:05Some of my all-time favorites.
00:07:06Okay.
00:07:07Yeah.
00:07:08These ones.
00:07:09Be good to look at, yes.
00:07:10I mean, think Gettysburg.
00:07:11Think, uh, Martin Luther, can't we all get along?
00:07:15Or, you know, Benton Midler, Wind Beneath My Wings.
00:07:18Okay.
00:07:19Whatever she needed.
00:07:20And, uh, whatever invigorates you.
00:07:22You just go with it, invigorate, energize our students, make them feel confident.
00:07:26Make them feel, I want a higher education.
00:07:28Of course.
00:07:30By the way, the, uh, senior class committee will be in charge of the schedule and events, uh,
00:07:35so I want you to, uh, meet with them after you see me.
00:07:37And you're seeing me.
00:07:38Uh, they're in room 502.
00:07:40I understand you all have other obligations and commitments, but this is a crucial time
00:08:00for the senior class committee.
00:08:02Oh, Mrs. Looch.
00:08:05May I help you?
00:08:06Uh, Principal Marshall sent me over here.
00:08:08Please take a seat.
00:08:09I will see you after class.
00:08:11Now, everyone needs to volunteer, give up a little bit more time.
00:08:15Your families are well aware of how important this is for you.
00:08:18Now, wouldn't you like to head up one of these committees?
00:08:21That has to go to the yearbook publishing company.
00:08:23And, um, Shasta, pay attention.
00:08:31I will need to review your speech prior to the graduation ceremony.
00:08:41Reason being?
00:08:42To assure the faculty and student body that your speech is sufficient while meeting the necessary requirements.
00:08:47And if it doesn't?
00:08:49We don't need to venture into that territory this early.
00:08:51It seems we already have.
00:08:53Oh, Liza, we have seen some times together, haven't we?
00:08:57Yes, we have.
00:08:58Yes, big girl.
00:08:59Who's your daddy?
00:09:00Yeah.
00:09:01Mm-mm-mm.
00:09:02I don't know why they call it a bra.
00:09:04Looks like a G-string to me.
00:09:06Mm.
00:09:07What happened?
00:09:08Don't even ask.
00:09:09Just walked through a thousand memories.
00:09:10I told you!
00:09:11It doesn't matter that they tore our school down.
00:09:12It's all there.
00:09:13I told you.
00:09:14You managed to get out of there the first time.
00:09:18You may not be so lucky this time.
00:09:20Mm.
00:09:21I'm just trying to reprocess these memories here.
00:09:24It's all be fine.
00:09:25I told you!
00:09:26That place ruins people's lives.
00:09:28That's its sole function on planet Earth.
00:09:30I know.
00:09:31I told you.
00:09:32You know what?
00:09:33When big girl talks, big girl means it.
00:09:34You see the kimono?
00:09:35The kimono means I'm right.
00:09:36You have to listen to me.
00:09:37Listen to the kimono.
00:09:38Reprocess your stupid things.
00:09:40Reprocess.
00:09:41What does that mean, anyway?
00:09:42I'd like to process your feelings on wheat toast.
00:09:44With mayo.
00:09:45I told you.
00:09:47Memories.
00:09:51Would you like a drink?
00:09:54No.
00:09:55Okay.
00:09:56So how was school?
00:10:01You know, it's school.
00:10:04I don't know what I'm going to write that's going to even inspire these kids.
00:10:17Let me see.
00:10:18Let me see.
00:10:19Just flipping through my yearbook.
00:10:22Oh, the old yearbook.
00:10:23Who else is in here?
00:10:24Yeah.
00:10:25Yeah.
00:10:26Yeah.
00:10:30Scarlet, thank you for being you and sweet.
00:10:34Huh?
00:10:36Call me this summer.
00:10:39Scarlet Smith.
00:10:41Scarlet Smith.
00:10:42Oh.
00:10:43Scarlet Smith?
00:10:44Ooh.
00:10:45You mean, I'm so in love, I don't know what to do with myself.
00:10:49That's Scarlet Smith?
00:10:50Are you done?
00:10:51Oh.
00:10:52Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:10:53Call it.
00:10:54Call it.
00:10:55No.
00:10:56Do it.
00:10:57That was 19 summers ago.
00:11:00I told her you lost track of town.
00:11:02Yeah.
00:11:03Yeah.
00:11:04Come on, take date.
00:11:05Okay.
00:11:06Yes!
00:11:07Henry!
00:11:08Attaboy.
00:11:09Oh, yeah.
00:11:10All right.
00:11:11What's her number?
00:11:12Ooh, she is a cute little waver.
00:11:14Oh.
00:11:15There you go.
00:11:16Ready?
00:11:17869.
00:11:18Do you want me to get that, Mom?
00:11:20If it's Brad, I'm not here.
00:11:22Is this it?
00:11:23That's all I can find.
00:11:24Hello?
00:11:25Oh.
00:11:26Yeah.
00:11:27Um.
00:11:28Hello?
00:11:29Oh.
00:11:30Yeah.
00:11:31Um.
00:11:32Hello?
00:11:33Oh.
00:11:34Yeah.
00:11:35Um.
00:11:36Hello?
00:11:37Oh!
00:11:38Yeah.
00:11:39What'd you do that for?
00:11:40Because I shouldn't be calling her.
00:11:42No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:11:43Just don't call her.
00:11:44I'll call her for you.
00:11:45Just let me call her.
00:11:46Just let me call her for you.
00:11:47No, we don't have to call her.
00:11:48Give it to me.
00:11:49I'll call her.
00:11:50Yes.
00:11:51That's right, man.
00:11:52Hey!
00:11:53You just need to loosen up.
00:11:54That's right.
00:11:55What's her name?
00:11:56I'll get that.
00:12:01Let it break!
00:12:02It's over!
00:12:05No deal!
00:12:06Just...
00:12:07What?
00:12:08Too harsh?
00:12:09Hello?
00:12:10Is...
00:12:11Is Scarlet there?
00:12:12Um, who is this?
00:12:13This is, um...
00:12:14Henry, uh...
00:12:15Henry, uh...
00:12:16Henry...
00:12:17Henry McCarthy.
00:12:18Who's this?
00:12:19Um, this is her best friend of 30 years, Darcy.
00:12:21I went to...
00:12:22Henry McCarthy?
00:12:23High school?
00:12:24Oh, yeah.
00:12:25I was just, um...
00:12:27I was flipping through my yearbook, and, uh...
00:12:30She'd written in the yearbook, uh...
00:12:32You're a great, sweet guy, and, uh...
00:12:34You better call me this summer.
00:12:35That was with, uh...
00:12:36One of those exclamation, like, you're screaming thingies, kind of thing.
00:12:39Okay, well, she has no idea who you are.
00:12:42She doesn't.
00:12:43Just get your yearbook.
00:12:44She doesn't remember.
00:12:45Hold on one second.
00:12:46Just...
00:12:47If you turn to pages, if you get your yearbook, can you turn to pages 12, 133?
00:12:51Okay, well, we'll have to take a look.
00:12:52Get your yearbook.
00:12:53I don't think I even have it anymore.
00:12:55Also...
00:12:56There's a...
00:12:57There's a...
00:12:58It's 132.
00:12:59There's a pretty good picture of me there, so...
00:13:00But it's not listed.
00:13:01Okay, great.
00:13:02Okay, well, listen, Harry, she doesn't have it right now.
00:13:05She can't find it.
00:13:06What?
00:13:07Uh, no.
00:13:08It's not like it's sitting on her nightstand next to her retainer underneath her unicorn poster.
00:13:12All right.
00:13:13If you'd just tell her that, uh, Henry McCarthy called.
00:13:16Okay, I'm gonna get off the phone now, Harry, but thank you so much for your interest.
00:13:19Bye!
00:13:20That's all right.
00:13:21All right.
00:13:22Bye.
00:13:23This is so weak.
00:13:24I don't know, but he's in love with you.
00:13:27I'm so weak.
00:13:30Get serious.
00:13:33That sucked.
00:13:36You did what?
00:13:37I called Scarlet Smith.
00:13:38Well, we did.
00:13:39No.
00:13:40You did not.
00:13:41We did.
00:13:42I can't eat.
00:13:44I can eat.
00:13:45Yeah.
00:13:46All right, man.
00:13:48Please, let it go.
00:13:50You stop being such an enabler.
00:13:52He has nothing to do.
00:13:54He has nothing to gain, either.
00:13:56Look, I was just wondering what she's up to.
00:13:58That's it.
00:13:59She was wondering the same thing about you.
00:14:00Yes, she was.
00:14:01Let it go.
00:14:03Let it go.
00:14:04Let it go.
00:14:05Let it go.
00:14:06Henry may be proud.
00:14:08Self-destructive.
00:14:09She rendered me down to the geek like in two seconds flat.
00:14:12I mean, that's some serious power, dude.
00:14:14That's the first thing you've said that I absolutely agree with.
00:14:16Rendered you a geek means that you're not a geek now.
00:14:19You are, in fact, still a geek.
00:14:21Let it go.
00:14:22Let it go.
00:14:23You do not need that in your life.
00:14:25Yeah.
00:14:26All right?
00:14:27Smoking crack is easier on your heart.
00:14:28Have some trouble.
00:14:29Yeah.
00:14:30She's gonna take one good look at that yearbook photo and remember what she doesn't remember
00:14:34me.
00:14:35That's positive thinking.
00:14:36That's the power of positive thinking right there.
00:14:38I found it.
00:14:39I got the yearbook.
00:14:40Please, thank you very much.
00:14:41Here you go.
00:14:42The color works on you, Bob.
00:14:43You find him?
00:14:44Was he hot?
00:14:45Mm-mm.
00:14:46He did a car thing.
00:14:47You know him?
00:14:48We had chemistry.
00:14:49You had chemistry with that?
00:14:50We had chemistry class.
00:14:51He was such a sweet guy.
00:14:52He always tried to help me.
00:14:53No, he was taking advantage of your lack of intelligence.
00:14:54That's how geeks work.
00:14:55Oh, I feel bad now.
00:14:56Are you kidding me?
00:14:57There's like a thousand reasons why you forgot him.
00:14:59Let's see.
00:15:00I don't know.
00:15:01I don't know.
00:15:02I don't know.
00:15:03I don't know.
00:15:04I don't know.
00:15:05I don't know.
00:15:06I don't know.
00:15:07I don't know.
00:15:08I don't know.
00:15:09Are you kidding me?
00:15:10There's like a thousand reasons why you forgot him.
00:15:11Looks like something from the olden days.
00:15:12Like my dad.
00:15:13Yes.
00:15:14You're not going to call him back?
00:15:15I can't call him.
00:15:16I mean, he probably thinks I'm a total bitch.
00:15:18Well, you are.
00:15:19I mean, come on.
00:15:20Hey, what happened if I took one of these right now?
00:15:23Anal leakage.
00:15:24Jeez.
00:15:30Already ditching, huh?
00:15:32No.
00:15:34Shasta O'Neal.
00:15:35Senior class committee.
00:15:36Shasta.
00:15:37You weren't in class today.
00:15:38Didn't do my homework.
00:15:39Oh.
00:15:40That is not good.
00:15:41Well, I figured if I came in here, I'd probably get better insight to the past.
00:15:42Yeah.
00:15:43As far as I can tell, your library is still a sanctuary for the social media channel.
00:15:59Get down!
00:16:00Get down!
00:16:01Come on, tell the drill.
00:16:02Down!
00:16:03Get down!
00:16:04Get down!
00:16:05Get down!
00:16:06Are we supposed to leave with a fire alarm?
00:16:07It's not a fire alarm.
00:16:08It's a crisis alarm.
00:16:09A crisis alarm?
00:16:10Yeah.
00:16:11Someone could be on campus with a gun.
00:16:12Oh.
00:16:13Relax.
00:16:14Nobody has a gun, okay?
00:16:15It's just a drill.
00:16:16Oh.
00:16:17How often do you guys do this drill?
00:16:18A couple times a week.
00:16:19Oh.
00:16:20Lovely.
00:16:21Hello.
00:16:22Oh, I'm sorry.
00:16:23Is this too late to call?
00:16:24This is, uh, Scarlett Smith from high school.
00:16:25Yeah.
00:16:26Scar.
00:16:27You called me?
00:16:28Scarlett?
00:16:29Hey.
00:16:30Hello.
00:16:31Um, no, it's all right, Dad.
00:16:32I got it.
00:16:33It's for me.
00:16:34It's a little late for both of us.
00:16:35Oh.
00:16:36How often do you guys do this drill?
00:16:37How often do you guys do this drill?
00:16:38A couple times a week.
00:16:39Oh.
00:16:40Lovely.
00:16:41Hey.
00:16:42I'm sorry.
00:16:43I'm sorry.
00:16:44Is this too late to call?
00:16:45This is, uh, Scarlett Smith from high school.
00:16:48Yeah.
00:16:49Scar.
00:16:50You called me?
00:16:51Scarlett?
00:16:52Hello.
00:16:53Um, no, it's all right, Dad.
00:16:54I got it.
00:16:55It's for me.
00:16:56It's a little late for both of us.
00:16:57Dad, it's a girl.
00:16:58Come on.
00:16:59Hey.
00:17:00Hi.
00:17:01How are you?
00:17:02I'm...
00:17:03My life's just a little bit crazy right now.
00:17:05I'm in the middle of moving.
00:17:07I'm sort of in the middle of everything.
00:17:09It's good to hear from you.
00:17:11I'm temporarily living with my mom right now.
00:17:14And, uh, so I'm dealing with that, too.
00:17:17Ah, Henry McCarthy.
00:17:20How are ya?
00:17:21Good.
00:17:22Good.
00:17:23How are you?
00:17:24It's good to hear from you.
00:17:25And then I saw her.
00:17:26That makes me feel better.
00:17:27Lauren Landers.
00:17:28And something extraordinary happened.
00:17:30Now, even though we'd gone through grade school together
00:17:33and she'd never noticed me,
00:17:34suddenly she had blossomed into a woman,
00:17:37and from that point on, she haunted my every moment.
00:17:41She's what?
00:17:42One day in the middle of our junior year,
00:17:43Lauren bumped into me in the hallway.
00:17:45I caught the feel on my lower arm near the elbow.
00:17:47How about that?
00:17:48It was lightning.
00:17:49Tomorrow night, 7.30?
00:17:52Yeah.
00:17:53That sounds great.
00:17:54That sounds fun.
00:17:55It's perfect.
00:17:56Night.
00:17:57She walked away and I stood there like an idiot,
00:18:00whispering to myself,
00:18:02Lauren.
00:18:03I wondered, so is this what love feels like?
00:18:07Hello?
00:18:08Henry, wake up.
00:18:09It's Javier.
00:18:10Hold on.
00:18:11I don't get that.
00:18:12Hello?
00:18:13Just a second.
00:18:14I don't get reception.
00:18:15Henry?
00:18:16Hold on.
00:18:17Hold on.
00:18:18I don't get that.
00:18:19Hold on.
00:18:20I don't get that.
00:18:21Just a second.
00:18:22I don't get reception.
00:18:23Henry?
00:18:24Hold on.
00:18:25I have some news.
00:18:26Hey, man, are you okay?
00:18:27Henry?
00:18:28I don't talk to you yet.
00:18:29Guess what?
00:18:30Great news.
00:18:31A major studio wants an itsy-bitsy option on your book.
00:18:34I doubt it's itsy-bitsy, but...
00:18:35The only thing is they tested the name of the book
00:18:36and they want to update the title from Lionel.
00:18:38What would they want to do?
00:18:39What would they want to change it to?
00:18:40They want to go with something more modern,
00:18:42like Linkin Park.
00:18:43Linkin Park.
00:18:44I don't know.
00:18:45I don't know.
00:18:46I don't know.
00:18:47I don't know.
00:18:48I don't know.
00:18:49I don't know.
00:18:50I don't know.
00:18:51I don't know.
00:18:52I don't know.
00:18:53Linkin Park.
00:18:54Oh, I don't think Linkin Park gets you laid, but...
00:18:56I guess women 15 to 25 test it best to Linkin Park,
00:18:59and males 15 to 35 seem to like it hands down.
00:19:02Hello?
00:19:03Henry?
00:19:04Trust me, remember you wanted to call your last book
00:19:06My Testicles Were the Last to Drop?
00:19:07And I said I know you went through that,
00:19:09but that's not a great name, remember?
00:19:10I doubt Linkin Park gets you laid.
00:19:12Of course they do.
00:19:13Do they get you laid?
00:19:14Great.
00:19:15I'll tell them you agree.
00:19:23You treat Desiree nice, she'll treat you nice.
00:19:34She does like to be manhandled now and again.
00:19:40I'm not gonna take her anywhere you don't want her to go.
00:19:44She needs to get out and get socialized.
00:19:47Oh, damn it.
00:19:49If you'd like.
00:19:50If it makes you feel more comfortable.
00:19:51I'll just rent a car.
00:19:52It'd be easier.
00:19:53No, no, no, no.
00:19:54This is caviar on the book.
00:19:56Okay.
00:19:59Oh dear.
00:20:00She's already making me break out.
00:20:05Let's have a little look here.
00:20:07Careful.
00:20:08My God.
00:20:09What is that?
00:20:10Your parasitic twin?
00:20:11I think I see an arm.
00:20:12Okay, good.
00:20:13Ladies.
00:20:14Come on, some privacy please.
00:20:15This isn't a tourist attraction.
00:20:16Look here.
00:20:19Okay, ladies.
00:20:21I'm gonna need a cold compress, some herbal tea, a nice light foundation and a donut.
00:20:27Donut?
00:20:28It's for me.
00:20:29I know.
00:20:30I know.
00:20:31Come on.
00:20:32What are you gonna do?
00:20:33Well, not much at this point.
00:20:35It's subterranean.
00:20:36I mean, we could attack it, but the outcome would be disastrous.
00:20:39I mean, we're talking a seven day war that the world would notice.
00:20:42This is Scarlet related.
00:20:45Stress related.
00:20:46This is...
00:20:47I'll do something.
00:20:48What can I do?
00:20:49Relax.
00:20:50Do you like little Tibetan bells or little whale sounds?
00:20:51Aww.
00:20:54Let's go cold compress!
00:20:56Senior year.
00:20:57Somehow, I had the karmic good luck of sitting beside Lauren in chemistry class.
00:21:01But all I could say to her was, would you like some help dissecting that frog?
00:21:06Henry?
00:21:07Scarlet?
00:21:08Hey.
00:21:09Hey.
00:21:10Hey.
00:21:12This is really weird, huh?
00:21:13No, I don't.
00:21:14I just...
00:21:15I keep thinking about Henry from chem and, you know, like, the kid and I'm sitting across
00:21:24from you.
00:21:25I'm just getting used to it, you know?
00:21:26Yeah.
00:21:27That bad.
00:21:28No!
00:21:29No!
00:21:30No, it's just, you know, Henry from class is...
00:21:34And you're now, you're this, you know, you're a man with facial hair and...beer.
00:21:39Yeah, that...
00:21:40That just happened.
00:21:41Like...
00:21:42It just...
00:21:43You still look the same.
00:21:45It...
00:21:46Is that good or bad?
00:21:48You're really pretty.
00:21:50Yeah.
00:21:51That was awkward, huh?
00:21:53I'm a pharmacist.
00:21:54It's good.
00:21:55It's depressing handing out anti-depressants.
00:21:56It's alright.
00:21:57I could spin it, though.
00:21:58Okay.
00:21:59I'm a small town drug dealer in the past ten years.
00:22:00I don't feel like I'm where I should be, you know?
00:22:01Yeah, well, we all kind of ain't where we think we should be, but...
00:22:02You know.
00:22:03Well, you've clearly done something as you do the commencement speech.
00:22:04Yeah.
00:22:05I, um...
00:22:06I read a few books.
00:22:07You write books?
00:22:08Well, if people actually read it, it would mean you mean something.
00:22:11I'm sure you have many fans out there who read your books, and I would like to be one
00:22:16of them.
00:22:17So I'm gonna get it.
00:22:18Where do I get it?
00:22:19Where do I get it?
00:22:20I'll get your copy.
00:22:21No, I want to buy it!
00:22:22With my purse!
00:22:23I want to buy it!
00:22:24Get your purse!
00:22:25And I'd like to be one of them!
00:22:26I'll get you a copy!
00:22:27I want to buy it!
00:22:28I want to buy it!
00:22:29I'll get you a copy!
00:22:30I want to buy it!
00:22:31I'll get you a copy!
00:22:32I want to buy it!
00:22:33I want to buy it!
00:22:34I want to buy it with my own money.
00:22:36I want to buy it.
00:22:37All right.
00:22:38Now, bookstores have it.
00:22:39They'll have the most recent copy.
00:22:41Okay.
00:22:42It was good to see you.
00:22:44It was really good to see you, too.
00:22:48Bye.
00:22:49Bye-bye.
00:22:53So what's the name of your book?
00:22:55How Lionel Got Me Laid.
00:22:58Oh.
00:22:59Okay, just a moment.
00:23:00Um, who's Lionel?
00:23:02Richie.
00:23:04As in dancing on the ceiling, Lionel Richie?
00:23:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:23:07Lionel Richie got him laid.
00:23:08I don't, perhaps.
00:23:10Maybe I have to read it.
00:23:11Wow.
00:23:12Sounds like a winner.
00:23:13Um, the book is in aisle E and that's alphabetical by author.
00:23:19Okay, fess up.
00:23:20Nothing happens.
00:23:21No, you are smiling like either he was really cute
00:23:23or you're totally embarrassed you even went on a date with him.
00:23:26It wasn't a date.
00:23:27Oh, come on.
00:23:28I will not tease you, I promise.
00:23:30He was bald and fat, right?
00:23:31Oh, he was okay.
00:23:32What, mustache?
00:23:33Was he wearing pleated jeans?
00:23:34He was okay, really.
00:23:35He was one of those like weird divorced guys with like 18 kids.
00:23:38He was okay.
00:23:39Hmm.
00:23:40Well, he must have been pretty okay if you're willing to invest in this relationship.
00:23:42I'm not.
00:23:43What?
00:23:44I wouldn't.
00:23:45You are buying his book.
00:23:46I would never read something for a guy.
00:23:48Ooh, got it.
00:23:51Bingo, author's photo.
00:23:53Let's see what okay looks like.
00:23:55Does that really matter?
00:23:56Uh, yeah, it's the only thing that matters.
00:23:58Do you want to dilute your gene pool?
00:23:59Well, betting it all on looks got me living with my mother at 36 years old.
00:24:03Please, I love your mama.
00:24:04Wait a second.
00:24:05Is this him?
00:24:06Yeah.
00:24:07Yes.
00:24:08Are you sure?
00:24:09Yeah.
00:24:10Well, he is actually kind of cute.
00:24:14I know.
00:24:15Huh.
00:24:16I wonder what other geeks got hot after high school.
00:24:21You're so pretty.
00:24:22Oh, you're pretty blonde hair.
00:24:23Oh, you're so pretty.
00:24:24Why can't Scarlet be 500 pounds with five fat kids and then all would be fine?
00:24:40All would be wrapped up.
00:24:42Life would go on.
00:24:44Why can't that happen?
00:24:45But world peace depends on it, my friend.
00:24:48I'm gonna act like that made complete sense.
00:24:50Beautiful.
00:24:53Nice choice.
00:24:54Penmate.
00:24:55Hey.
00:24:56Hey, Shasta.
00:24:57Hi.
00:24:58Hey.
00:24:59How are you?
00:25:00Good morning, Mr. McCarthy.
00:25:01May I see your speech?
00:25:02I'm still working on it.
00:25:03Is there a problem?
00:25:04Indeed, you do have a problem.
00:25:05As stated before, I, the faculty and the committee will need sufficient time to review
00:25:08your speech.
00:25:09Without our review, it is highly unlikely you will be able to deliver the speech.
00:25:12That being said, when can we expect to see something, Mr. McCarthy?
00:25:14As soon as I do.
00:25:16I won't.
00:25:17Every morning, sit down.
00:25:18Without our review, it is highly unlikely you will be able to deliver the speech.
00:25:21That being said, when can we expect to see something, Mr. McCarthy?
00:25:25As soon as I do.
00:25:40I won't.
00:25:48Hi.
00:25:51Hey, Scarlett.
00:25:53What are you doing?
00:25:55Just seeing what you're doing.
00:25:57Oh, the speech.
00:25:59Just trying to get it going.
00:26:02Oh.
00:26:03How's it going?
00:26:05It's not going.
00:26:07I gotta...
00:26:08Well, how about a distraction?
00:26:09I could use that.
00:26:10I could do that.
00:26:13Meet me out front.
00:26:15Oh, okay.
00:26:15I want to know who this Lionel guy is.
00:26:20Hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:26:23It's a school night.
00:26:24I'll be back later.
00:26:27To Mrs. Looch, who's looking for any reason to crack on me.
00:26:32Mrs. Looch.
00:26:36How can we call Mrs. Looch-denberger Mrs. Looch?
00:26:39Say her last name.
00:26:41Looch-denberger.
00:26:42Looch-denberger.
00:26:44Looch.
00:26:44Yeah, like Looch-denberger.
00:26:47Looch.
00:26:48Looch.
00:26:49Looch-denberger.
00:26:51Yeah, see?
00:26:51Did you not have a Looch-ray dog?
00:26:53Totally.
00:26:54Why did she do that to me?
00:26:55It's so crazy.
00:26:56That's where she gets her name.
00:26:58Right there.
00:26:59Looch.
00:27:00She's still trying to fail me.
00:27:02I gotta let it go, Henry.
00:27:03Those who can do and those who can't turn into Mrs. Looch.
00:27:07Oh, I don't know if she's going.
00:27:09Do you think you could drive?
00:27:13Are you sure not?
00:27:13Do you mind?
00:27:13Yeah, I'll drive.
00:27:14Hold on.
00:27:14Watch it.
00:27:15All I need is a DUI.
00:27:17Can I get any more lights on the truck?
00:27:31Yeah, it's Brad.
00:27:32Oh, God.
00:27:34Hey, Brad?
00:27:35You're Brad?
00:27:36No, my ex, Brad.
00:27:37Is he aware of that?
00:27:38Uh, well, you know, if he has a disability, he doesn't hear things that he doesn't want
00:27:42to hear, so...
00:27:44Can you lose him?
00:27:45Why?
00:27:45Yeah, just, trust me, if you can lose him, do it.
00:27:48Are you thinking I'm going to kick my ass?
00:27:49Yeah, well, he doesn't want to sit down and have a tea party and, like, shoot the breeze
00:27:53about the great times you had in high school.
00:27:56Yeah, Brad.
00:27:58All right.
00:27:59I don't think I'm going to miss.
00:28:01Did we lose him?
00:28:04I don't think so.
00:28:05I think we lost him.
00:28:08Hold him right there, driver.
00:28:09Hands where I can see him.
00:28:10Nice and easy.
00:28:11Out of the car.
00:28:12Come on.
00:28:13Come on.
00:28:15Hands on the hood.
00:28:16Yes, take it easy.
00:28:17Let's spread him there.
00:28:18Oh, my goodness.
00:28:20Going a little fast, don't you think?
00:28:21Yeah.
00:28:22Sorry, I'll shoot.
00:28:23You know, there's a school zone through here.
00:28:25You know what the speed limit is, don't you?
00:28:27Uh, 25.
00:28:30Been drinking tonight?
00:28:31No, sir.
00:28:31You sure about that?
00:28:32Yes.
00:28:33New York, figures.
00:28:38What the hell, McCarthy?
00:28:40Bird.
00:28:40Kimmy, yeah!
00:28:41Bird.
00:28:42Good bird.
00:28:42Come on.
00:28:43Good to see you, Bird.
00:28:44You look good.
00:28:44Good to see you, thanks.
00:28:45Didn't recognize me dressed like a pig, huh?
00:28:47Well, it's, um, you're...
00:28:49Yeah, yeah, dropped a couple pounds.
00:28:51I'd say more than, like, two.
00:28:53Two, buddy.
00:28:54Had the surgery done.
00:28:55No more deep dish pizzas for me.
00:28:57I was going to shoot you there, man.
00:28:59That was intense.
00:29:00Right, he did.
00:29:01Who's your buddy here?
00:29:05Hey, that's, uh, Scarlett Smith, isn't it?
00:29:08Yeah, Scarlett.
00:29:09Right on.
00:29:10Um, you got Scarlett Smith in your car?
00:29:14Yeah, she would just call me.
00:29:15Dick!
00:29:16Yeah.
00:29:17Isn't she with, um, Brad, no?
00:29:19I think, um, Dick Brokaw.
00:29:20Hey, ain't?
00:29:21We're just talking to you.
00:29:22No, I'd rather not.
00:29:24Um, Office 320 responding.
00:29:26Sorry, duty calls.
00:29:27I want to take it a little bit slower there.
00:29:29It's good seeing you, McCarthy.
00:29:30You look good, Bird.
00:29:31You do, too.
00:29:32Watch your back, and, uh, you need to borrow my handcuffs.
00:29:35You let me know.
00:29:37Have a good night!
00:29:42Look, I'm so sorry.
00:29:44Man, I should have told you that Brad is totally still Brad.
00:29:49Yeah, he's Brad, yeah.
00:29:50I kind of figured that.
00:29:51Yeah, he just hasn't really accepted that we're over for good.
00:29:58It's all good.
00:29:58You can drive.
00:30:05Yeah.
00:30:06All right.
00:30:07Okay.
00:30:07Good night.
00:30:08Okay.
00:30:09All right?
00:30:09I'll call you.
00:30:10Go, Coach Nelson.
00:30:14I'm a plunker.
00:30:14Go, Coach.
00:30:16You're doing it for a while.
00:30:17Ow!
00:30:18Oh!
00:30:18Because you're late.
00:30:19You're standing out there and scratching your balls.
00:30:21Check it up.
00:30:22Speaking of a set of balls, you and I need to have a little chat.
00:30:25About what?
00:30:26About Scarlet.
00:30:27Nothing's happening.
00:30:28You're damn right nothing's happening.
00:30:29If you're planning on something happening, you and I are going to have problems.
00:30:32Hey, hey!
00:30:33Coach Nelson's going to throw down!
00:30:35No, no, no, stop coming at you.
00:30:36Don't worry about that.
00:30:37All right, boys.
00:30:37Just throw the food.
00:30:38I'm going to take this into my office.
00:30:39Come on.
00:30:40Coach is in trouble.
00:30:41Oh!
00:30:41Oh!
00:30:42Oh!
00:30:42Oh!
00:30:42Oh!
00:30:43Oh!
00:30:43Oh!
00:30:43Oh!
00:30:43Oh!
00:30:43Oh!
00:30:43Oh!
00:30:44Oh!
00:30:44Oh!
00:30:45Oh!
00:30:45Oh!
00:30:46Oh!
00:30:47Oh!
00:30:47Oh!
00:30:48Oh!
00:30:49Oh!
00:30:49Oh!
00:30:50Oh!
00:30:51Oh!
00:30:52Oh!
00:30:53Oh!
00:30:54Oh!
00:30:55Oh!
00:30:56Oh!
00:30:57Oh!
00:30:58Oh!
00:30:59Oh!
00:31:00Oh!
00:31:01Oh!
00:31:02Oh!
00:31:03Oh!
00:31:04I'll tell you this.
00:31:06We will resolve this issue today in my office before either of you leave.
00:31:11Is that clear?
00:31:14Let's start with you, Coach.
00:31:16You know, I'm sorry, Chuck.
00:31:19I was just minding my business, teaching my students, trying to coach my team when NumNuts
00:31:23decides to confront me.
00:31:25Really, Brad?
00:31:26NumNuts?
00:31:27Can we just stick to the story?
00:31:28Yeah.
00:31:29Can you just tell him what happened?
00:31:30Yeah, I'll tell him the story.
00:31:31I'm walking the hall without a badge.
00:31:32NumNuts.
00:31:33I wasn't issued a badge.
00:31:34They didn't give me a badge.
00:31:35I didn't need a badge.
00:31:36I don't need a badge.
00:31:37I'm walking down the hallway, Principal Marshall, minding my business.
00:31:39He's walking down the hallway.
00:31:40Pops his head in.
00:31:41He tries to interrupt my practice, just trying to win another state championship, Chuck.
00:31:45That's so unnecessary, Brad.
00:31:46Seriously.
00:31:47Have some easily.
00:31:48Now, you have some issues, Henry.
00:31:55You really should just be writing.
00:31:56You really should just be writing.
00:31:58But zip it.
00:31:59Zip it.
00:31:59Zip it.
00:32:04I think I understand Brad's frustration.
00:32:06I do.
00:32:07Think about it.
00:32:08He's around a ton of hot teenage boys, half naked, half his age.
00:32:13Hmm.
00:32:14He could take its toll on anybody.
00:32:16It is.
00:32:17It's taking it.
00:32:18Come on, dude gives losers a bad name.
00:32:20You know what I mean?
00:32:21Yeah.
00:32:22It does.
00:32:23So what are you going to do?
00:32:24He's going to stay away.
00:32:25No.
00:32:26Henry, honey, some people don't evolve.
00:32:29He'll kick your ass.
00:32:30He's a bad.
00:32:31Don't be a young buck and lock horns with him.
00:32:33Brad will break your neck.
00:32:36Sometimes you have to do with what nature gave you.
00:32:39All right?
00:32:40The geek doesn't get the girl.
00:32:42They're hoping a lot.
00:32:43Check, please.
00:32:52Bob!
00:32:53Woo!
00:32:54Woo!
00:32:55Woo-hoo!
00:32:56Woo!
00:32:57Woo!
00:32:57Woo!
00:32:58Woo!
00:33:02Zeca!
00:33:08So listen!
00:33:10Yeah!
00:33:11Whoa!
00:33:12I have one small announcement to make.
00:33:24To all those seniors attending the prom and fellow students attending the prom,
00:33:28please, please, I urge you, use your best judgment.
00:33:32Don't let this dance be your last.
00:33:36And one other thing.
00:33:39Go Wildcats!
00:33:42I found the nerve to ask Lauren to the senior prom, but I did it in writing.
00:33:51The thought of asking her face-to-face was terrifying.
00:33:53I slipped a note in her chemistry book.
00:33:56She never even acknowledged my request.
00:33:59I began to count not only the days, but the hours until graduation,
00:34:04waiting for my liberation.
00:34:10Hey.
00:34:11Hey.
00:34:12Hey.
00:34:13Are you okay, Shasta?
00:34:14Shasta?
00:34:15You okay?
00:34:17Hey.
00:34:18You okay?
00:34:19So stupid.
00:34:21I just need a hug.
00:34:23My boyfriend just broke up with me.
00:34:25Okay.
00:34:25Oh!
00:34:27Good.
00:34:28Not appropriate.
00:34:32Are you good?
00:34:33Okay.
00:34:34Please just tell me that your senior ball sucked butt and you regret ever going.
00:34:40Actually, I didn't go.
00:34:41What?
00:34:42Why?
00:34:45Stupid.
00:34:45Dumb.
00:34:46Dumb reasons.
00:34:48Just dumb.
00:34:48It looks like you need a hug.
00:34:49No, it's okay.
00:34:51I'm good.
00:34:51Are you sure?
00:34:52Yes.
00:34:53A good hug can just, like, unlock all those years of pentapain.
00:34:57Yeah.
00:34:58One good hug would probably get me locked up for another good 20 years of pain.
00:35:05Yeah, I know.
00:35:06It's okay.
00:35:07You're good.
00:35:08Let's go.
00:35:09Okay.
00:35:10You all right?
00:35:12Oh, you'll be okay.
00:35:13Thank you for making me feel better.
00:35:14Hey, what's this problem?
00:35:17So, before we discuss your book, can I ask you a few questions?
00:35:22Sure.
00:35:23So, is there any truth to getting into a fight with Coach Nelson?
00:35:26What?
00:35:27Are you denying that you threw down with Coach Nelson?
00:35:29There are eyewitnesses.
00:35:30Would you like to comment on what exactly happened?
00:35:32Not really.
00:35:34Does that mean yes or no?
00:35:36It means neither.
00:35:37Any truth to the rumors about Shasta O'Neil?
00:35:40Sources say they saw you two embracing.
00:35:43Embracing?
00:35:45We hugged.
00:35:46No.
00:35:47The average hug lasts 3.2 seconds.
00:35:49Witnesses say it was closer to 20.
00:35:50I would say that the hug qualifies as an embrace.
00:35:53She was upset.
00:35:54So, are you or aren't you seeing each other?
00:35:57Neither.
00:35:58You have the opportunity to set the record straight on both of our findings.
00:36:02Tell the truth.
00:36:03We promise we'll blog it word for word.
00:36:05Do you even read the book?
00:36:07The back cover's really good.
00:36:09I like the title.
00:36:10I want to meet Lionel.
00:36:11There you do.
00:36:16Cool Ranch.
00:36:17Looking good like I knew you would.
00:36:19Oh, look at this.
00:36:20This is sweet.
00:36:21This is nice.
00:36:22Huh?
00:36:23Oh, baby's breath.
00:36:24How classy.
00:36:25Yep, Brad's a real charmer.
00:36:27Well, you know, you got him in a jealous rage.
00:36:29He called me 20 times today.
00:36:31Well, that's not what I was intending to do.
00:36:34Oh, really?
00:36:35How did you think Brad was going to respond?
00:36:37Exactly like this.
00:36:39I mean, I just, I can't allow him to dictate my behavior, how I live my life.
00:36:46I mean, or who am I going to see?
00:36:48Hey, listen.
00:36:49You got him where you want him.
00:36:50All right?
00:36:51Now just make some demands and it'll change.
00:36:52Hey, Brad doesn't change his underwear.
00:36:54Hmm.
00:36:55Brad's all about Brad.
00:36:57It's over.
00:36:58I think you've got to come to terms with that too, Darce.
00:37:01Oh, my God.
00:37:02You really like this guy.
00:37:04Yeah, I do.
00:37:05Wait, no, no.
00:37:06You like him like him, don't you?
00:37:08Yeah, I like him like him.
00:37:10All right.
00:37:11Well, just remember what happened to the last guy you really liked.
00:37:15Glass Eye.
00:37:19All right.
00:37:20I think we're being followed.
00:37:22Yeah.
00:37:23Oh, it's not him.
00:37:33Andy!
00:37:34Andy!
00:37:50Hey!
00:37:51What?
00:37:52You knocked us off.
00:37:53Oh.
00:37:54Oh, Henry!
00:37:55You can't be worried.
00:37:56You can be worried, but you're being a freak now.
00:37:57Look, I just think you need a little more protection than what's in your world.
00:38:00I get it.
00:38:01I understand.
00:38:02I totally appreciate it.
00:38:03Is that Scarlet Smith?
00:38:04Can I say hi?
00:38:05Just a little hello?
00:38:06Let's say hi.
00:38:07Stations.
00:38:10Phil?
00:38:11Yeah, how you doing?
00:38:13Good.
00:38:14Listen.
00:38:15Girl to girl.
00:38:16Girl to girl.
00:38:17You break it.
00:38:18You own it.
00:38:21You kids have a good time.
00:38:23Start it up!
00:38:24I'm a big strong man.
00:38:25Come on.
00:38:26You can do it.
00:38:27You're being very quiet.
00:38:30I've always been quiet.
00:38:31I've always been quiet.
00:38:32You are a cheerleader.
00:38:33Right?
00:38:34Yeah.
00:38:35I'm sorry.
00:38:36I'm just remembering, just thinking.
00:38:43Yeah.
00:38:44Are you not happy?
00:38:45No, I'm not sad.
00:38:46I know that.
00:38:47You mean I'm not sad?
00:38:48I know that.
00:38:49I mean, I...
00:38:50...gosh, it's right.
00:38:51I was sorry.
00:38:52I was just, um...
00:38:54just remembering, just thinking.
00:38:56You're really happy now.
00:38:57It's not sad.
00:38:58I don't know why.
00:39:00It's not sad.
00:39:01I know that.
00:39:02I mean, I...
00:39:03It's not sad, I know that.
00:39:05I mean, God, I see so many depressed people every day.
00:39:09I mean, no, seriously, you'd be shocked
00:39:13at the sheer number of people in this town
00:39:15that are taking something for something.
00:39:18I mean, it's just their way of coping with some mundane.
00:39:23I think I've made just about every bad decision there is
00:39:26to make, ever.
00:39:28Yeah, well, we don't stop making them.
00:39:31You're gonna make one a minute from now that's gonna affect your life.
00:39:34And the minute you start realizing that every decision amounts to something,
00:39:37then you have to start making them count.
00:39:45There's a decision.
00:39:46Is that a good decision or a bad decision?
00:39:48Um, what do you think?
00:39:51Did what?
00:39:52Very.
00:39:53Very.
00:40:01Was it Make Out Mountain right around here?
00:40:07I don't know.
00:40:08I've never been here.
00:40:10What do you mean you don't know?
00:40:12Hello, slut.
00:40:14I've never been here.
00:40:16Oh, please.
00:40:18No, you haven't been here for a while.
00:40:20They've, like, paved it.
00:40:21It's like a neighborhood now.
00:40:22It's developed and stuff.
00:40:23But this is definitely it.
00:40:25This is exactly the end result when you make out too long.
00:40:29You already know where you're going.
00:40:31I don't know what this is.
00:40:33Hmm?
00:40:34What are you doing?
00:40:35I can't...
00:40:36Come here.
00:40:37We're gonna get a better view.
00:40:38Come here.
00:40:39Come here.
00:40:40Come here.
00:40:41We're gonna see what's behind model house number four.
00:40:45Come on.
00:40:46Come on.
00:40:49Shhh.
00:40:50Come on.
00:40:54Shhhh.
00:40:55Close the door.
00:40:56Come on.
00:40:57Come on.
00:40:58Come on.
00:40:59Come on.
00:41:00Come on.
00:41:02Wow.
00:41:03It's been a big screen TV.
00:41:04Come on.
00:41:05What do you think?
00:41:09Sad, man. Look at the view.
00:41:11It's not bad.
00:41:13Yeah.
00:41:14You asked me to see in your prom, didn't you?
00:41:18Yeah.
00:41:20You didn't answer.
00:41:23But that's okay.
00:41:25That's fine.
00:41:35That's what I wish I would have said.
00:41:39That's a good answer.
00:41:45Here, activate this thing.
00:41:47I don't have one.
00:41:49Here, here. Put the address. Like, put your home address in there.
00:41:57Oh.
00:41:59It's brown.
00:41:59Ow, my...
00:42:05I've worn him at this point.
00:42:10Where's the bar?
00:42:15Let me talk to him.
00:42:29I'll talk to him. Just let me tell you.
00:42:31Scarlett? Scarlett, I'll talk to him.
00:42:33No, just, Henry, please get back in the car.
00:42:36Let me do this.
00:42:40I can't believe you. Why?
00:42:43Because I have nothing to say to her.
00:42:52This is Linda from OnStar, Mr. McCarthy.
00:42:54Are you hurt?
00:42:55I'm fine.
00:42:56Have you been in an accident?
00:42:58Are you lost?
00:43:00Very.
00:43:10Lauren moved to another seat in chemistry class.
00:43:14It was as if I no longer existed.
00:43:17I ceased to be in her line of sight,
00:43:19so I somehow evaporated into the ethers
00:43:21like a worm dropped into an acid bath.
00:43:28I would ride my bike to my Lauren's house nightly,
00:43:31dreaming of the day she'd realize how great I really was,
00:43:34how cool and interesting I was.
00:43:37Lauren consumed my every waking thought,
00:43:40and as she continued to ignore me,
00:43:43the days turned into endless torture.
00:43:52Fortunately, I had my friends.
00:43:55Brian and Wayne, who were always there to yank me out of my hole
00:43:58and make me feel like I belonged to something bigger than my self-pity.
00:44:01I never told them how grateful I was for their friendship.
00:44:04I wouldn't have survived Lauren Landers if not for them.
00:44:14They knew the antidote to my depression,
00:44:16and they always made me laugh.
00:44:18Once Wayne got a tattoo of a cow smoking a cigar,
00:44:21just to crack me up.
00:44:25You move just like heaven.
00:44:31What's your mark?
00:44:38She did what?
00:44:39Don't make it worse than it already was.
00:44:41It wasn't that sharp.
00:44:42We just, we, we didn't go out.
00:44:44It's...
00:44:46You went out to dinner.
00:44:48You went out in your car.
00:44:50Technically, that's going out.
00:44:52What?
00:44:53At least get a souvenir?
00:44:54Panties?
00:44:56I'm gonna slap you.
00:44:57What?
00:44:58It'd be nice to get a little som-som
00:44:59to anchor in the rear view, man.
00:45:00You know what I'm saying?
00:45:02Ow!
00:45:04She just can't get over herself.
00:45:06Hey, man.
00:45:07That was a long road.
00:45:08But you stayed the path.
00:45:10I'm proud, man.
00:45:14You're my hero.
00:45:15Give it up.
00:45:18Gotta run, Rockstar.
00:45:21It's history repeating itself.
00:45:24Everything's exactly the same.
00:45:25Everything's changed.
00:45:26It's like the day after we just graduated.
00:45:2920 years.
00:45:30Down the vacuum.
00:45:32You know what?
00:45:34You beat this scarlet fever once before.
00:45:36I know you can do it again.
00:45:39We were 18.
00:45:41A lot younger.
00:45:42My genetic makeup doesn't let me get the girl.
00:45:46I know exactly how you feel.
00:45:48Come here.
00:45:50Come here.
00:45:51Yeah.
00:45:52All right.
00:45:53I get it.
00:45:54Do you want a hug?
00:45:55Yeah, I need a hug.
00:45:56Okay, good.
00:45:57Is that Old Spice?
00:45:58I think that's your problem.
00:45:59You need to change.
00:46:00Hold on.
00:46:01Come to the club.
00:46:02I'll get you something.
00:46:03And we will be able to put everything together and have a wonderful celebration.
00:46:08Now, who has envelopes with the completed work?
00:46:12Is everyone finishing up their projects?
00:46:15Very good.
00:46:17I'm sorry, Mrs. Luchtenberger, but if I could have just one minute, it's about the speech.
00:46:22If it's done, leave it.
00:46:23If not, take a seat and we can discuss this when class is dismissed.
00:46:26Okay.
00:46:27Now, we don't have much time.
00:46:29I need you all to finish up your individual projects.
00:46:32Bring them up to the front so I can cross them off and be able to finalize everything.
00:46:38This is going to be a special event.
00:46:41And we have got to finish.
00:46:47I'll take that.
00:46:48Oh, I bet you will.
00:46:49You have two options.
00:46:53Would you like me to read it or throw it away?
00:47:04It depends on what it says.
00:47:10I'd be lying if I didn't say how disappointed I am in your conduct.
00:47:14You seem to be getting yourself into quite a few altercations.
00:47:17This is the second time you've been in my office on disciplinary issues.
00:47:23And this particular incident is quite damaging.
00:47:28She passed me a note.
00:47:31Are you aware of its contents?
00:47:32No.
00:47:36Would you like to be?
00:47:37I think I should since it was intended for my eyes only.
00:47:48That's pretty funny.
00:47:49I'm glad you find it humorous, Mr. McCarthy.
00:47:50I do.
00:47:54When I asked that you get connected with the senior class, this was not what I was implying.
00:48:00So you're saying I shouldn't go to the prom with Shasta?
00:48:03I can't control what happens off campus.
00:48:06What happens on campus is my full responsibility.
00:48:08I and the district employ a no-tolerance policy.
00:48:13Therefore, I have no option but to suspend you.
00:48:17I'm suspended.
00:48:18You're suspended.
00:48:20You're suspending me.
00:48:21Shh, shh.
00:48:25Beat it.
00:48:27Ring ten.
00:48:29You lie alone in your bed.
00:48:32Another long day ahead.
00:48:35Hey.
00:48:36Hey.
00:48:37Oh my God, everything's cool, right?
00:48:38Yeah, it's cool.
00:48:39Oh, it's fine.
00:48:40It's fine.
00:48:41No worries.
00:48:42I just got suspended.
00:48:44I know.
00:48:45Oh my God.
00:48:46Oh, I'm so, so sorry.
00:48:47It's okay.
00:48:48It's okay.
00:48:49It's okay.
00:48:50He's been wanting to do that for a long time now.
00:48:53Really?
00:48:54Yeah, he got his wish.
00:48:56What do you think?
00:48:57About?
00:48:58About the no?
00:48:59Oh.
00:49:00No.
00:49:01No.
00:49:02That's funny.
00:49:03You're damn funny.
00:49:04I can't go with it with Tom.
00:49:06Why not?
00:49:07Because they go against everything.
00:49:09Like what?
00:49:10Like gravity.
00:49:11Like what we're walking on.
00:49:12What keeps us on earth.
00:49:13Okay, okay, okay.
00:49:14Just think of it like research, you know?
00:49:17If you just say yes now, then you can always say no later.
00:49:21But if you say no now, then you may never, ever, ever get a chance to say yes.
00:49:27That's very clever.
00:49:28Yeah.
00:49:29I like that.
00:49:30But no way.
00:49:31Isn't there just a hundred guys waiting to take you?
00:49:34You're very cute.
00:49:35There's gotta be a hundred of them.
00:49:36Maybe a thousand.
00:49:37I'm standard, okay?
00:49:38And Mr. Marshall did not suspend you from the senior ball.
00:49:41He didn't.
00:49:42So, kiss him off and go with me.
00:49:45Please.
00:49:46Please, please, please, please, please.
00:49:49My days of defiance are done.
00:49:51They just ended in those doors over there.
00:49:53You suck butt.
00:49:54You know that.
00:49:55You totally, totally suck butt.
00:49:57I guess that's what happens when you turn 37.
00:50:00Come on.
00:50:01Good.
00:50:02Oh, dear God.
00:50:05What color's your dress?
00:50:06Really?
00:50:07Teal!
00:50:08Teal.
00:50:09Great.
00:50:10I should have never agreed to go to this.
00:50:17But you did.
00:50:18So just accept it, grace it, own it.
00:50:22This is your golden crowbar that you are going to use to pry yourself from your past.
00:50:27All right?
00:50:28And don't let Scarlet keep you from going to another ball.
00:50:30I'm just going to call Shasta and say, look, I can't go.
00:50:33Wait.
00:50:34Let me explain something to you, okay?
00:50:36Once you achieve a certain level of success, okay, you get celebrity immunity.
00:50:41You can do no wrong.
00:50:42Well, if you do, you just give a slap on the wrist.
00:50:44You can sleep with your stepdaughter.
00:50:46You can have a slumber party with little boys.
00:50:48I'm not a celebrity.
00:50:49Well, let me explain something to you, okay?
00:50:51If you can do what you want and answer to nobody but yourself,
00:50:54in the big girl's world, you are a celebrity.
00:50:57Look at that.
00:51:00Voila.
00:51:01I got arrested.
00:51:02I'm calling you.
00:51:03You should be taking me.
00:51:04And him.
00:51:05Of course, you want to try it on me first?
00:51:06Yes.
00:51:13Whoa, Francesca.
00:51:14Oh, my.
00:51:17Henry McCarthy.
00:51:20Yeah.
00:51:21Yeah.
00:51:22Oh, Shasta told us all about you.
00:51:25Yeah, okay.
00:51:26Yeah.
00:51:27Thanks.
00:51:28Uh, please.
00:51:29She would not.
00:51:30Yeah, please come in.
00:51:31She's not mine.
00:51:32No.
00:51:33Oh, please, no.
00:51:34Come in.
00:51:36Monkey could have got that.
00:51:49What is it that you do?
00:51:50Um.
00:51:51Oh, I write.
00:51:52I'm a writer.
00:51:53No.
00:51:54What do you write?
00:51:55Oh.
00:51:56That's a good question.
00:51:57Um.
00:51:58It's a how-to book.
00:51:59Here she is.
00:52:00Looking smashing.
00:52:01Hi.
00:52:03Hi.
00:52:06Daddy, what's wrong?
00:52:07You're wearing that?
00:52:08Mom likes it.
00:52:09She looks so pretty, honey.
00:52:11What?
00:52:12Oh.
00:52:13Oh.
00:52:14Come on, let's go.
00:52:15Have a good time.
00:52:16Whatever.
00:52:17She's still so cute.
00:52:18No!
00:52:19Happy place.
00:52:20Happy place.
00:52:21Happy place.
00:52:22Hello?
00:52:23You're swimming in sorrow right now.
00:52:24All I ask is for you to swim to me.
00:52:25Swim to your rock.
00:52:26Do you want anything?
00:52:27No, I'm fine.
00:52:28I'm fine.
00:52:29Sure?
00:52:30Talk to me.
00:52:31Pickle, slurpee.
00:52:32Something's going on.
00:52:33No, I'm fine.
00:52:34I'm just at a 7-Eleven.
00:52:35It's okay.
00:52:36What the hell are you doing at a 7-Eleven?
00:52:37I am worried, Henry.
00:52:38I am really worried.
00:52:39Does anything good ever happen at 7-Elevens?
00:52:41You're a victim before you even walk in.
00:52:42Don't worry, Javier.
00:52:43It's gonna be okay.
00:52:44I beg you to get out of there.
00:52:457-Elevens are the gateway to life in prison.
00:52:46Okay.
00:52:47Bye.
00:52:48I'll talk to you later.
00:52:49I've got us some refreshments.
00:52:50Great.
00:52:51All right.
00:52:52What'd you get us?
00:52:53Refreshments.
00:52:54Okay.
00:52:55Come on.
00:52:56Okay.
00:52:57What'd you get us?
00:52:58Okay.
00:52:59Treat.
00:53:00Oh my god, I'm so excited.
00:53:01Woo!
00:53:02Hey.
00:53:03Yeah.
00:53:04Come on.
00:53:05Come on.
00:53:06All right.
00:53:07What'd you get us?
00:53:08Okay.
00:53:09A treat?
00:53:10Before you try to catch me…
00:53:15Before you try to catch me…
00:53:17Oh my god, I'm so excited!
00:53:18Woo!
00:53:19Bye, Lu!
00:53:20Come on!
00:53:21Woo!
00:53:22Come on.
00:53:23Woo!
00:53:25I'm not gonna be contributing to your mind,
00:53:27I'm not going to be contributing to a minor.
00:53:30You know what? You're not contributing to it because I paid for it.
00:53:33But any congregation is welcome.
00:53:36Cheers!
00:53:37Cheers.
00:53:39Any political aspirations I may have is going to end when I down this.
00:53:44Come on.
00:53:45You better vote for me.
00:53:54Good, right?
00:53:55Oh, yeah.
00:53:56I didn't kill it.
00:53:59Let's go!
00:54:12Shasta, how's it going out with the pedophile?
00:54:15B, OMG, what are they wearing? You look fabulous.
00:54:21Hey, Shasta.
00:54:22Hey, how are you?
00:54:23You look great. What are you wearing?
00:54:25It's forever 21.
00:54:26Shh.
00:54:27Who's he?
00:54:28He never did.
00:54:33I'm so excited.
00:54:35It's not my film.
00:54:36It's hurting myself.
00:54:37Everybody have fun tonight.
00:54:40God, love coming.
00:54:42A million miles.
00:54:44Haley!
00:54:45To be with you and I.
00:54:48So if you're feeling low.
00:54:51Turn off your radio.
00:54:53Wow, okay, got it.
00:54:58Spotted Henry and Shasta dancing in very close proximity across the country.
00:55:04You know, isn't it so beautiful tonight?
00:55:06Ew! Rave! Rave!
00:55:08Hey, Mary.
00:55:13Wow, I got old moves.
00:55:15You need your body.
00:55:23Everybody have fun tonight.
00:55:29Everybody have fun tonight.
00:55:35Across the nation, around the world.
00:55:39Everybody.
00:55:40Everybody.
00:55:42Celebrations run the world.
00:55:46Everybody have fun tonight.
00:55:49Everybody have fun tonight.
00:55:53Lauren was so beautiful, I could barely look at her.
00:55:57And school politics didn't allow her to look at me.
00:56:01She was too popular. She'd become a cheerleader
00:56:05and started dating a football jock. She went to the prom
00:56:09with the jerk. I didn't go. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing them together.
00:56:13King and queen of the ball.
00:56:17I anonymously sent Lauren a corsage.
00:56:21On prom night, I waited in my car across the street from her house
00:56:25to see if she wore it. She did.
00:56:29It was a ridiculous gesture, but I wanted to be a part of her life in some small way.
00:56:33The next day, I pretended to be sick.
00:56:37I couldn't face sitting next to Lauren.
00:56:45Please, please, please, please, please, please, with the cherry on top.
00:56:49No, I can't, no. Look, I had a really good time in there. That was fun.
00:56:53We're only gonna stay at the party for ten minutes. Ten minutes!
00:56:55I've stayed ten minutes too long already.
00:56:57Henry, think of it as doing charity.
00:56:59Like, you can just write it off on your taxes.
00:57:01And what caused this before?
00:57:03Because I want you to, and because why not?
00:57:07Come on!
00:57:09I'll drink at home.
00:57:13You know what? Just go home.
00:57:15I think your mommy's calling you.
00:57:17Ten minutes, right? You just said...
00:57:31You're gonna want to stay longer than ten minutes when you get sick,
00:57:33but I promise you that you're gonna have fun.
00:57:35You're on the grass!
00:57:39Hey! Oh, my God, was that crazy?
00:57:41I died on the stairs.
00:57:43It's cool!
00:57:45Hey!
00:57:47Come on!
00:57:49Hey!
00:57:51We're gonna get you next day, okay?
00:57:53Wait, wait, wait, wait
00:58:17Ohh, wait, wait, no!
00:58:21Okay. All right. You don't have to do that.
00:58:29I don't see a ring around your finger.
00:58:31Yeah, I don't want to run around my ankle either.
00:58:36Wow, okay.
00:58:37Yeah.
00:58:38Okay, how's this? Is this okay?
00:58:39Okay, that's fine.
00:58:40You know, if you keep your hands to yourself, I can accept it.
00:58:43Okay.
00:58:44All right?
00:58:44Wait, wait.
00:58:47Um, are you afraid that I don't know what I'm doing?
00:58:51Why would you say yes to this if you weren't going to follow through?
00:58:56I promise you won't have any more friends.
00:59:02Yeah, I know.
00:59:04But there's nothing about taking this moment further that's going to benefit our lives.
00:59:10What is that supposed to mean?
00:59:12It means that messing around with an 18-year-old won't even come close to fixing the problem of the heartbreak I had 20 years ago.
00:59:23Oh, she is such a bitch.
00:59:29Yeah.
00:59:30And I have to deal with it.
00:59:31I get to feed from her.
00:59:32No!
00:59:32No!
00:59:33No!
00:59:34Oh, she's not that bad.
00:59:36What?
00:59:37What?
00:59:38Oh, my God.
00:59:39Come on.
00:59:39Oh, my God.
00:59:41Oh, my God.
00:59:44Oh, my God.
00:59:45Oh, my God.
00:59:46Come on, jump.
00:59:56Jessa, jump.
00:59:56I can't do that.
00:59:57Trust me.
00:59:58Jump.
00:59:59Damn it.
00:59:59If you don't jump right now, you're going to be doing the same exercise in rehab.
01:00:02Come on.
01:00:02Jump.
01:00:03Ah!
01:00:03Ah!
01:00:04Ah!
01:00:08Oh, my God.
01:00:09Could you think of anything better to do with your Saturday night than this?
01:00:28Yeah.
01:00:28I could be cuddled up on the couch watching cops.
01:00:32Love that show.
01:00:33Yeah.
01:00:34The one thing I thought I could learn was never to run from them.
01:00:39Please come out from behind the bushes.
01:00:54It's not what it looks like, officer.
01:01:00I won't be the judge of that.
01:01:03You two been drinking?
01:01:04No.
01:01:04Not at all.
01:01:05Oh, my God.
01:01:09Lodgah?
01:01:11When Brian, my best buddy, came out of the closet that year, he became the token gay of
01:01:15West Rockville High.
01:01:17After that, I was uncomfortable hanging out with him.
01:01:20It was tough enough for me to be accepted without being associated with another freak.
01:01:24In a vain attempt to fit in with a cool crowd, I snuck out with a group of guys during a pep
01:01:30rally and egged Brian's car.
01:01:33We spelled P-U-S-S-Y in soap and covered his entire car with panty liners, implying that
01:01:39he should have been a woman.
01:01:42I'm going to kill him.
01:01:44I will kill that boy.
01:01:45I will kill him dead.
01:01:47Brian.
01:01:47He could have at least picked a name like Trevor.
01:01:49Trevor.
01:01:49No priors.
01:01:57Yeah.
01:01:58That just leaves us with a 37-year-old at a high school party.
01:02:03Sir.
01:02:04Carthy?
01:02:06Hey, bird.
01:02:08I got this.
01:02:13Nothing happened, I swear to you.
01:02:15Nothing happened.
01:02:17Uh-huh.
01:02:19You're the man.
01:02:26Yeah.
01:02:28Go make it happen.
01:02:30Thanks.
01:02:33He's good.
01:02:35Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed.
01:02:38Well, it's better you do this stuff now.
01:02:40Get it out of the way.
01:02:41Henry.
01:02:42Wow.
01:02:43Henry!
01:02:44Yeah.
01:02:44Oh my god.
01:02:48Um, you suck.
01:02:54You suck.
01:02:55Yeah, I suck.
01:02:57Yeah.
01:02:59Oh no.
01:03:00Come on, come on.
01:03:16Young lady, get in the house.
01:03:18My sincerest apologies, Mr. O'Neill.
01:03:21She's in one piece, at least.
01:03:23There's nothing I can do to you, that your dad isn't going to do, when he sees that car.
01:03:27Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
01:03:31Oh.
01:03:34Okay.
01:03:42Dad, I'm so sorry.
01:03:43Sorry?
01:03:44We are in the Lord's name.
01:03:47Did you take her?
01:03:50I think it's just cosmetic.
01:03:51Really, I'm sorry.
01:03:52I'll take care of it.
01:03:53You know something, son?
01:03:54Your smart-ass attitude isn't welcome in a time like this.
01:03:57I'm sorry.
01:03:58I think it's cosmetic only.
01:03:59It's coming out of your allowance.
01:04:01I don't get allowance, Dad.
01:04:02I mean your inheritance.
01:04:04So how is the speech coming?
01:04:12I haven't even started working on it yet.
01:04:14I know.
01:04:16Scarlet.
01:04:16Something really cold.
01:04:18Scarlet cold?
01:04:19Dad, you were in for the night.
01:04:21Dad, you trying to ground me?
01:04:22You don't think you were going to take the Cadillac?
01:04:25I think I got two feet.
01:04:26I think I can walk over to her house.
01:04:34Pick up the phone.
01:04:43Pick up.
01:04:53Come on.
01:04:59Dammit.
01:05:02Sometimes you have to take action.
01:05:04I discovered sitting in the back of the class doesn't get you the grades or the girl.
01:05:08So, I moved up a seat.
01:05:10By that time, Lauren was in danger of flunking chemistry.
01:05:12This was the perfect scenario for boy genius to swoop in and rescue the damsel in distress.
01:05:18The token town gay?
01:05:20I was 500 pounds, Henry, because it took me a while to figure out that I was craving the wrong ding-dong.
01:05:27You like what I did to your dad's car?
01:05:29Whip on it, away from me.
01:05:32Stop that.
01:05:34There you go.
01:05:38Hi, how you doing?
01:05:43That's right.
01:05:44Wait, you got...
01:05:45Hey, hey, go, go!
01:05:49We're having a will.
01:05:50Hello!
01:05:51BJ...
01:05:51Hey, man!
01:05:52I'm talking now.
01:05:53What's going on here now?
01:05:54Let's go, okay?
01:05:55Come on!
01:05:56Oh, yeah!
01:05:58Sorry.
01:05:58Leave.
01:05:59Sorry.
01:05:59Sorry.
01:06:00Sorry. Leave.
01:06:03Sorry.
01:06:08Bitch.
01:06:10I had to make Lauren excruciatingly aware of my existence.
01:06:13When moving up a seat didn't work, I became her chemistry tutor.
01:06:16But the only thing that was heating up in that class was on top of the Bunsen burn.
01:06:21I'll admit I made it a little more complicated than it needed to be,
01:06:24but I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her.
01:06:27I was distracted by her beauty, her soft pale skin, her haunting eyes, and her silky hair.
01:06:32Somehow, I managed to guide her to an A in the class.
01:06:36The day she thanked me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek was the happiest day of my life.
01:06:41I felt as if I'd been touched by an angel.
01:06:44That was the day she signed my yearbook, Stay Cool.
01:06:50I thought it was code for I Love You Forever.
01:06:55Henry?
01:06:56Yes?
01:06:57What are you doing here?
01:06:58Is it too late?
01:06:59No, no.
01:07:00Um, come in.
01:07:01My bag's right there.
01:07:02Oh.
01:07:03Yeah.
01:07:04Yes.
01:07:06One of the reasons that I was calling was because I'm reading your book.
01:07:11I was just wondering how much of it was true.
01:07:14Ah.
01:07:15Everything but the late part.
01:07:19Yeah.
01:07:20Oh.
01:07:21Um, the girl in it that you write about, Lauren.
01:07:25Yeah.
01:07:26Yeah.
01:07:27I was really moved and touched by...
01:07:31You wrote about her so beautifully and, um, I thought she must be really special and inspiring.
01:07:37She's both.
01:07:38Uh, who is she?
01:07:42Who do you think she is?
01:07:50Stop!
01:07:51Stop it!
01:07:52Stop!
01:07:53Get out of here!
01:07:54What are you doing?
01:07:55Go home!
01:07:56It doesn't matter!
01:07:57It doesn't matter?
01:07:58Please, okay?
01:07:59I'm gonna call the police.
01:08:00Please, please!
01:08:01I'm gonna beat his ass!
01:08:02Super Tramp!
01:08:03No!
01:08:04No!
01:08:05No!
01:08:06Don't!
01:08:07No, it's hard.
01:08:08You know what?
01:08:09There's tomorrow and there's next week.
01:08:10He's gonna come after me.
01:08:11He wants me.
01:08:12He wants to kick my ass.
01:08:13So let's go do this.
01:08:14Hey.
01:08:15Look out.
01:08:16Here's your little pansy ass.
01:08:17Be your mess.
01:08:19How about that?
01:08:24Get back!
01:08:25Get back!
01:08:26How about that?
01:08:27You better be attention.
01:08:33Move the algorithm!
01:08:34They're coming in right now!
01:08:36Now!
01:08:37That's all.
01:08:38Now!
01:08:43You better be the catcher with her again.
01:08:45T Barriss, please!
01:08:46How is he?
01:09:13I don't know yet.
01:09:16He can see you now.
01:09:36Hey guys, what did you do?
01:10:04It's in there.
01:10:09Is that it?
01:10:10Just here?
01:10:11Yeah.
01:10:12And a couple ribs, too.
01:10:15I told you.
01:10:16Didn't I tell you?
01:10:17I told you.
01:10:19Yeah.
01:10:23Let's get some of that dry blood off.
01:10:26We never got to play a doctor, did we?
01:10:28No.
01:10:29And you don't make this a chapter in one of your books either.
01:10:31Okay.
01:10:32Mm-hmm.
01:10:33That's good.
01:10:34Stay behind a typewriter.
01:10:37Fist fighting.
01:10:38Now, I'm going to get a doctor.
01:10:40Hey.
01:10:41Hey, why no?
01:10:43Okay.
01:10:44Yeah?
01:10:45This guy's crying here.
01:10:46Yeah, that hurts.
01:10:48Yeah.
01:10:49Check this out.
01:10:50Yeah.
01:10:51I'll be back in the morning.
01:11:06Yes, I did.
01:11:07I did.
01:11:08I told you.
01:11:09I read it and it's crap.
01:11:11It's crap.
01:11:13I told you the first.
01:11:14Nobody will care about it.
01:11:16It's a story about manure salesmen.
01:11:18No one will care at all.
01:11:21Henry?
01:11:23Henry?
01:11:24Henry, if you can hear me, this is Javier.
01:11:27Hey, Javier.
01:11:30Oh, so much for being in a coma.
01:11:32Have your painkillers kicked in yet?
01:11:34What is that?
01:11:37That is the review in your hometown paper.
01:11:40Let's hope Mr. McCarthy doesn't repeat any of his dribble
01:11:43during his commencement speech this Friday.
01:11:45Don't worry.
01:11:46I think she meant dribble.
01:11:47It didn't inspire.
01:11:48It nearly made me slit my wrists.
01:11:50Who is this?
01:11:51Who is this fields woman?
01:11:52You know, I don't know.
01:11:53You know, I probably did something to her.
01:11:55You know, I probably egged her house or something.
01:11:57Who knows at this point?
01:11:59Well, we need to get you out of here
01:12:00before your next review is in the obituary section.
01:12:02You know, I wish I could, but I can't.
01:12:06These people don't like you.
01:12:08I get it.
01:12:10I can get you out of your commencement duties
01:12:11as well as this, uh, cat TV interview
01:12:13scheduled for later today,
01:12:14and we can be on the first flight out of here.
01:12:16Javier.
01:12:17If I leave now,
01:12:18I'm gonna be right about this for the next 20 years.
01:12:21I want a new subject.
01:12:24How Lionel got me laid out.
01:12:26Help me get to graduation.
01:12:31You can pick up your prom photos today after school
01:12:33in room 113 between 3 and 4.
01:12:36And now to John Candle in sports.
01:12:37Excuse me.
01:12:39Dios mío.
01:12:41I think we're pushing a book about domestic violence.
01:12:44You know what?
01:12:46I got a punch in.
01:12:48Mm-hmm.
01:12:49I don't know where, but I got one.
01:12:50Okay.
01:12:51I'm gonna take a moment to digest that
01:12:52because that's what people like in their writers.
01:12:54They like a little sort of rugged,
01:12:55sort of beat-up look.
01:12:57You're on.
01:12:58Henry McCarthy.
01:12:59Hello, West Rockville students.
01:13:08Today I'll be talking with former student and author,
01:13:11Henry McCarthy.
01:13:12Now, I was wondering if you could share with us
01:13:14how you came up with this title,
01:13:15how Lionel got me laid.
01:13:17Sure.
01:13:18It's based on the singer.
01:13:19So his music was influential?
01:13:20Yeah.
01:13:21Yeah.
01:13:22It had a lot to do with it.
01:13:23It wasn't as popular.
01:13:24I mean, he was popular, but we listened to other music,
01:13:27but yeah, Lionel.
01:13:28Lionel should have gotten a lot of people laid.
01:13:30I developed a philosophy in my last days of high school.
01:13:36I realized as long as I just concentrated on being alive
01:13:39and stopped worrying about a future I couldn't predict
01:13:41and a past I couldn't change,
01:13:43then my time on earth would be a hell of a lot more enjoyable
01:13:46and I'd probably get laid, I figured, at least once.
01:13:51Years later, I noticed that the lessons I'd learned in high school
01:13:55were being repeated in my life over and over.
01:13:57There didn't seem to be an end in sight.
01:14:01I was an A student in school.
01:14:03Why did I feel like a C- in life?
01:14:05Did I need to go back to West Rockville for a refresher course?
01:14:09Ow.
01:14:10Ow.
01:14:11Ow.
01:14:12Got you pretty good, didn't I?
01:14:13Mm-hmm.
01:14:14You know, I can help you.
01:14:15All you have to do is tell me who did this to you.
01:14:17It's nothing.
01:14:18It's nothing.
01:14:19What are you gonna do?
01:14:20Suspend them too?
01:14:21If necessary, yes.
01:14:22I'll be okay.
01:14:23I'm fine.
01:14:24Just let me cross campus over here
01:14:25and get my speech approved.
01:14:27All right?
01:14:28There's a running track.
01:14:29Goes around the campus.
01:14:30Various entrances for guests.
01:14:32Seventy-two percent of the graduating class will be on an antidepressant.
01:14:37Sixty-one percent will be divorced.
01:14:40Very interesting.
01:14:42I do find your choices humorous, somewhat shocking, and very clever, but overall I can't allow this.
01:14:49While you will be grabbing their attention with frightening statistics about the future, ultimately it will be ineffective.
01:14:54The truth just doesn't go over well these days, does it?
01:14:57Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
01:15:00Lawrence Peter.
01:15:02I just don't think time would permit me to write a speech that you would approve.
01:15:12You already have.
01:15:14Henry, your suitcases arrived!
01:15:18Even when it was uncomfortable, high school forced me to live in my own skin, which included my clothes.
01:15:25Now I would like to introduce Wes Rockville to one of my all-time favorite students.
01:15:44He attended the school some years ago and he's a writer now.
01:15:48Doing quite well, I understand.
01:15:50Please welcome your commencement speaker, Mr. Henry Carton.
01:16:00If I could read from this little book that I wrote.
01:16:05I would eventually learn that every one of us would carry our moments differently.
01:16:11Their color, their shape, their feeling.
01:16:15They would all be different depending on our intentions and use for them.
01:16:19I sat with each moment for a long period of time.
01:16:22One moment I would continue to feed, give it all my love and attention.
01:16:27I would worry.
01:16:28Was it going to hatch into a beautiful memory?
01:16:32Or would it die on a vine?
01:16:35I stand here today because of that memory.
01:16:39Every day it bounces from my head to my heart to my stomach, aimlessly.
01:16:46There is no place to hide this memory, not even the pages of this book.
01:16:50It has affected the way I speak, the way I talk, the way I live.
01:16:57Remember this, our memories make us who we are.
01:17:00These four years will only become that, your memories.
01:17:04You can define them or they can define you.
01:17:09Congratulations.
01:17:10Come on, Amy!
01:17:13Woo!
01:17:14This is Jesse, right?
01:17:16It's all you know when the big picture is found.
01:17:19You can search for all your life.
01:17:21But don't look in the clouds.
01:17:22This is Jesse, right?
01:17:23It's all you know when the big picture is found.
01:17:26You can search for all your life.
01:17:28But don't look in the clouds.
01:17:29This is Jesse, right?
01:17:31Oh my God.
01:17:33Oh my God.
01:17:34This is Jesse, right?
01:17:36Jessie, right?
01:17:39Thank you! Thank you!
01:17:41That's a good speech!
01:17:43You'll be good, okay?
01:17:48Honey.
01:17:49Hi!
01:17:50Brilliant.
01:17:51Brilliant jerk.
01:17:52Listen, I got a plank again.
01:17:53I'm good.
01:17:54Give me go.
01:17:55Go.
01:17:56Go hog here.
01:17:57Right.
01:17:58Good.
01:17:59Call me!
01:18:03God created IHOP.
01:18:04Ugh.
01:18:05God said, let there be IHOP.
01:18:06And there was IHOP.
01:18:09You didn't come back here to talk to a thousand students.
01:18:12You came back to talk to one person.
01:18:14Yeah, well.
01:18:16It is what it is.
01:18:19She is what she is.
01:18:21It is what it is, he says.
01:18:24You know what I have to say to that?
01:18:27Mm.
01:18:28Mm-hmm.
01:18:29Yeah.
01:18:30Mm-hmm.
01:18:31Yeah.
01:18:32Mm-hmm.
01:18:33There have been times in my life.
01:18:37I have been wondering why.
01:18:41Still somehow I believe.
01:18:44It's here.
01:18:45The moment is now.
01:18:47I'm bout to deal.
01:18:49Henry?
01:18:51What are you doing?
01:18:52Seeing what you're doing.
01:18:53I was debating whether I'd stand outside and hold a boombox over my head.
01:19:02This is your room?
01:19:03Yeah.
01:19:04Wow.
01:19:05This is it.
01:19:06This is it.
01:19:09To have Lauren kiss me.
01:19:12Just once.
01:19:13I was wondering if Lionel would get me late.
01:19:16Oh.
01:19:17The way I dreamed of kissing her would make my life complete.
01:19:22Yeah.
01:19:23You okay?
01:19:24Yeah, I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I'm shaking.
01:19:27Lionel's words taught me about love.
01:19:48Loyalty.
01:19:51Desire.
01:19:53And romance.
01:19:57I wanna get a shot at you and mom.
01:19:59My family taught me tolerance.
01:20:00You wanna take that?
01:20:01Oh, yeah.
01:20:03My friends gave me brotherhood and Lauren showed me what my ideal woman could be.
01:20:09You ought to follow your own advice.
01:20:11Did you read your own book?
01:20:12Mm-hmm.
01:20:13I did.
01:20:14I wonder sometimes if she's even remotely like the woman I used to imagine her to be.
01:20:18Or if I made it all up in order to stay alone.
01:20:21There he goes.
01:20:22Wake up.
01:20:24What?
01:20:25Henry needs our support.
01:20:26Why else would you fall in love with the most unattainable girl in the entire school?
01:20:30Who had the perfect boyfriend?
01:20:34I love you, Scarlett.
01:20:36Ultimately, what I learned from my imaginary relationship with Lauren was to seize and experience life as it happens.
01:20:43Henry.
01:20:45Override my fears and stop dragging around the unfulfilled dreams of yesterday.
01:20:50Stay cool.
01:20:52Okay.
01:20:57Some nights I lie awake, wondering whatever happened to Lauren.
01:21:01Did she marry the jock?
01:21:02Does she have kids?
01:21:04Would she even remember who I was?
01:21:06Well, and now I'm not afraid of love.
01:21:09My heart might be squashed again, but at least I know I'll live to write about it.
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