- 1 day ago
Anastasia "Granny" Gargoli gets no respect from her family. Only Kelly truly cares for Granny. The rest only feign love, hoping to inherit Granny's fortune. When Granny dies, the family even cheats Kelly out of her inheritance. Their money-grubbing glee turns to horror when Granny returns from the grave for revenge. An ancient potion has given Granny eternal life...with monstrous consequences. Now Granny intends to kill everyone and reunite them as a family of the undead. It's up to Kelly to stop the treacherous granny.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I don't know.
00:00:30Tell me, woman, did you give her the elixir straight away that morning,
00:00:35or did you wait until the sun had disappeared, as I instructed?
00:00:46We...
00:00:47She was so sick we couldn't wait.
00:00:50The law of the Kui Chao must not be broken.
00:00:52It can never be exposed to direct sunlight.
00:00:54I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We love her.
00:00:57She's just an innocent girl.
00:01:00I'm just an innocent girl.
00:01:14Help my husband and I, please.
00:01:18Leave. Now!
00:01:26Don't leave me, father.
00:01:28Please, don't leave me.
00:01:31No, it's a trick.
00:01:32It's my baby.
00:01:33My child.
00:01:35Back for another honking fuck.
00:01:38You wanted to save me from the clutches of death, yes.
00:01:48So you could turn me into what you wanted?
00:01:50Well, you did.
00:01:54Look what I've become.
00:01:57Do you like what you see?
00:01:59I know you do.
00:02:01I can read your thoughts.
00:02:03I can read your mind.
00:02:05I know you desired me from the very first time I looked into your eyes.
00:02:09No, Maggie.
00:02:11No, Maggie.
00:02:13That's...
00:02:14I...
00:02:14I dåskint.
00:02:19No, Maggie.
00:02:26I know you did.
00:02:29I know you did.
00:02:30I know you.
00:02:31I know you.
00:02:31I know you did.
00:02:32detention vas airplane.
00:02:32I know you,는데요.
00:02:33But you want me to be here for you.
00:02:34What I've seen?
00:02:35Youジeksk.
00:02:35You're the GYes.
00:02:36I know you.
00:04:39Rise up and bathe the world in light.
00:04:43There.
00:04:44That's a damn sight better.
00:04:46Now, come and help me take my medicine.
00:04:48God, am I stopped up.
00:04:56Give me some of that castor oil.
00:04:58I'm sorry, Granny.
00:05:04We can't all be graceful, or beautiful for that matter.
00:05:10Right, Wolfgang?
00:05:11Well, beauty passes like a dream, so the poet says.
00:05:20I used to be young and beautiful once.
00:05:24You still are, Granny.
00:05:27You still are, Granny.
00:05:28Beautiful anyway.
00:05:30You think so?
00:05:33Feh.
00:05:34For me, beauty is having a healthy bowel movement once a day.
00:05:49Not that I want to live forever, although that might be nice.
00:05:55That reminds me.
00:05:57Did I get any mail?
00:06:00Not today.
00:06:01What are you expecting?
00:06:03Ah, never you mind.
00:06:05Just a little something special I sent off for.
00:06:09Granny, I hate watching you throw your money away to every snake oil salesman that promises
00:06:14some sort of magic elixir.
00:06:15Well, it's my money, isn't it?
00:06:18God knows I've got enough of it.
00:06:21Besides, you never know.
00:06:25You just never know.
00:06:28Like I said, I don't want to live forever.
00:06:33Just one minute longer than the rest of that thieving magpie of a family.
00:06:39Vultures and crows, monkeys and magpies.
00:06:42Granny, please.
00:06:47You mark my words.
00:06:50They are up to no good.
00:06:52I don't trust them.
00:06:54Never have, never will.
00:06:57But don't you worry, little Kelly.
00:07:00Granny's gonna take real good care of you.
00:07:04Even after I'm gone.
00:07:05God knows you're no good on your own and no man would have you.
00:07:12Granny, don't talk like that.
00:07:15Oh.
00:07:16Oh, my poor little Cinderella.
00:07:31It's true.
00:07:31Nobody would have you but me.
00:07:34Not even your own family.
00:07:36The bastards.
00:07:37Why do we have to have them over every Thanksgiving?
00:07:41Like I always say, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
00:07:47Ha!
00:07:51When are they supposed to arrive?
00:07:53Anytime.
00:07:53Oh, my God.
00:07:55The soup.
00:07:56The soup.
00:07:56How do you like that?
00:08:19Hi, everybody.
00:08:22Hi, Kelly.
00:08:24Everything smells so good.
00:08:26Thanks, Evelyn.
00:08:28Good Lord.
00:08:30Hey, Kel.
00:08:32Hello, Kelly.
00:08:34How are you?
00:08:35I'm fine, Dad.
00:08:36That's nice.
00:08:37Hello, Kelly.
00:08:39You look lovely.
00:08:41Be sure to hang this on a padded hanger, won't you?
00:08:44Oh, Tyrus.
00:08:47If only you were here.
00:08:50Why'd you have to leave me with this pack of jackals?
00:08:55It's your fault, you know.
00:08:57You've spoiled them rotten, and I let you.
00:09:00The little shits.
00:09:02Mom, do I have to kiss Granny because she is so disgusting?
00:09:06Pretend you're taking medicine and hold your breath.
00:09:08That's what I do.
00:09:09I want you on...
00:09:11I want you on your best behavior, you little putz.
00:09:15You know what's good for you.
00:09:18That goes for all of you.
00:09:22Andrea, my dear, don't you think you've had enough?
00:09:24Albert, I intend on staying drunk this entire weekend.
00:09:28God, I hate Thanksgiving.
00:09:30Every year, the same thing.
00:09:34Make yourselves at home.
00:09:35Dinner's almost ready.
00:09:38Padded hanger.
00:09:39Just remember, everyone, Granny will not be with us forever, you know.
00:10:00Are you kidding?
00:10:01She's like a corpse.
00:10:02You can't kill what's already dead.
00:10:04Listen here, buster.
00:10:05I want you to straighten up and fly right.
00:10:07You understand me?
00:10:08Yeah.
00:10:08And what are you doing with those darning needles?
00:10:11These?
00:10:12Yes, those.
00:10:13Oh, nothing.
00:10:14Speaking of the dead,
00:10:15somebody should tell Kelly to quit using embalming fluid as beauty aid.
00:10:19Yeah, what a loser.
00:10:20Regular freak show around here.
00:10:22Shh!
00:10:24She might hear you.
00:10:29She's on her way to the landing.
00:10:31Everyone knows the drill.
00:10:32Hop to it!
00:10:33Come on.
00:10:33Come on.
00:10:34Come on.
00:10:34Come on.
00:10:34Come on.
00:10:37Amy!
00:10:56Amy!
00:11:01It's your car.
00:11:01Ah!
00:11:02Ah!
00:11:03Ah!
00:11:04Ah!
00:11:04Ah!
00:11:05Ah!
00:11:06Albert.
00:11:14Oh, there, my dear.
00:11:15Hey, Mom.
00:11:17David.
00:11:18Junior, give your grandmother a kiss.
00:11:21No way.
00:11:23Junior!
00:11:24Good.
00:11:25I don't want his slobbery lips on me anyway.
00:11:29Junior, why don't you go down and play with Amy while I set the table?
00:11:33Whatever, Mom.
00:11:34Hurry up, girl.
00:11:35I don't want to miss this.
00:11:36Steamboat and sting in a tag team match.
00:11:38Where's Wolfgang?
00:11:39Wolfgang, kitty, kitty.
00:11:41I'll be right back with the soup, Mother.
00:11:44Come on, Kelly.
00:11:45It's the wrong channel.
00:11:46Good.
00:11:47Where's my pillow?
00:11:49Oh, here you are, Mother.
00:11:51Get off me, David.
00:11:53I can do it myself.
00:11:54I'm not a total invalid, you know.
00:11:55What?
00:11:59What is this?
00:12:00I have no idea how they got their mother.
00:12:02I really don't.
00:12:02Well, I do.
00:12:03That little bastard, Junior.
00:12:06Soup's on, Mother.
00:12:07I'll eat when I'm damn good and ready.
00:12:09But, Mother, the soup's...
00:12:10Shut up, Albert.
00:12:11I'm trying to watch my show now.
00:12:12Get out of here, all you scat.
00:12:17Yeah, Sting.
00:12:19Yeah.
00:12:20Hello, Uncle David.
00:12:23Hello, Antoinette.
00:12:24Yeah, Sting.
00:12:26Yeehaw.
00:12:26I see you aren't using my gravy recipe.
00:12:41No, I am.
00:12:42Look at this lumpy mess.
00:12:44No, no, Andrea.
00:12:46No offense, dear, but it hardly looks edible.
00:12:49That's the way Granny likes it.
00:12:50If you don't like it, that's just too bad.
00:12:53What was that?
00:12:54I said, if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it.
00:12:58How rude.
00:13:00Albert, did you hear what she said?
00:13:01Well, my dear, I think you asked for that one.
00:13:03Albert.
00:13:04Kelly, apologize to Andrea immediately.
00:13:07Kelly!
00:13:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:13:08Kelly, what do you think you're doing?
00:13:09I'm putting Granny's soup in the pot to keep it warm.
00:13:11Yeah, well, don't.
00:13:13Here, let me just take that for you.
00:13:14I'll put it in here, and now it'll stay nice and warm on it.
00:13:22Fine.
00:13:26Now, what am I supposed to do?
00:13:29Okay.
00:13:30So while I'm on my hands and knees,
00:13:31you take your left hand and you put it on my arm, like this.
00:13:34And then you take your other arm and you put it around my waist, like that.
00:13:39And then what happens?
00:13:41You try to take me down.
00:13:43You ready?
00:13:44One, two, three, go!
00:13:51One, two, three, go!
00:13:54I win!
00:13:55The crowd goes wild!
00:13:59Wait!
00:14:00Now you get to do it to me!
00:14:03Come back here, squirt!
00:14:04There's no escape here!
00:14:05No running!
00:14:07Oh, shut up!
00:14:08I'm gonna get you!
00:14:09Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:14:14Anastasia Gargoli?
00:14:18Kill him!
00:14:19Kill him!
00:14:21Yeah!
00:14:21That is so fake!
00:14:33What's so fake?
00:14:36Professional wrestling.
00:14:38What a bunch of hogwash.
00:14:39Oh, yeah!
00:14:39Oh, yeah!
00:14:41Yeah!
00:14:41Come on, Junior!
00:14:42Let's square off!
00:14:44I'll show you what's fake!
00:14:47Come on, Granny.
00:14:49You're in a wheelchair.
00:14:50I'd murderize you.
00:14:52Don't do it!
00:14:53He's mean!
00:14:53What's the matter, you chicken?
00:15:02Okay, Granny, you're on.
00:15:07Granny, there's someone here to see you.
00:15:09Yeah?
00:15:09Who?
00:15:11My name isn't important, but I believe you've sent away for this.
00:15:17Yeah.
00:15:19I've been expecting you.
00:15:20The rest of you, scat!
00:15:22Come on in.
00:15:23Rematch?
00:15:26Any time, any place.
00:15:31Turd!
00:15:31Bitch.
00:15:51Who was that, Kelly?
00:15:53I don't know.
00:15:55Kind of unusual for Granny to receive a kiss, isn't it?
00:15:58He gave me the creeps.
00:15:59Yeah, let's go kick his ass.
00:16:02I thought he was handsome.
00:16:04Well, you don't get out much, Kelly, so I suppose anything in pants looks good to you.
00:16:10That's not true, and he is handsome.
00:16:12Oh, yes, a regular knight in shining armor.
00:16:15You're a prince.
00:16:16You're a prince.
00:16:16Of darkness.
00:16:17Yeah, Kelly, what are you going to do, marry him?
00:16:20It seems you have a wonderful, loving family, Anastasia.
00:16:36Ha!
00:16:37The last time I felt anything like love from this family, it turned out to be gas.
00:16:42The only thing they're really wonderful at is their capacity for greed and treachery, Mr.
00:16:48You may call me Namon Ami.
00:16:53Well, Mr. Ami, I don't mean any disrespect, but my family is a pack of vultures.
00:17:01Vultures of crows, monkeys, and magpies.
00:17:04All except one, Kelly.
00:17:08Ah, she's the only one with a decent bone in her body.
00:17:22Kelly, is she your granddaughter yet?
00:17:24Yes.
00:17:26Bless her humbly heart.
00:17:28Oh, she is beautiful.
00:17:30Very beautiful indeed.
00:17:32Well, the eye of the beholder.
00:17:36She is my eldest son's bastard child, born on the other side of the blanket, as we say.
00:17:43She's not much to look at, if you ask me, but she's got beauty inside.
00:17:49Only the rest of my family had one tenth of what she has in her heart.
00:17:55They just need to be shown by you.
00:17:57What I'd really like to show them is my foot to their backside.
00:18:02But, what does this have to do with what I sent away for, Mr. Ami?
00:18:08More than you think, Anastasia.
00:18:10I'm here to give you a second chance.
00:18:14Unwrap it.
00:18:15I'm here to give you a second chance.
00:18:27Oh, my God.
00:18:28Say what?
00:18:28that nothing lasts forever this is the lesson of the revolving years and the
00:18:34flight of time which snatches from us the sunny days
00:18:39what would you do with immortality Anastasia for this is the gift we have to
00:18:46give a gift few receive a second chance to spread love and in the process save
00:18:54your own soul you got to be kidding no you are holding the kui chow mautai it's
00:19:02been called many things through the centuries the holy grail the lotus cup
00:19:07the fountain of eternal youth can you not feel its power
00:19:15yes I believe I can oh I feel so light I feel like I just float up
00:19:29oh my oh I haven't been able to do that in years
00:19:35this is the power of the kui chow it is the power of goodness and healing in order to receive it we
00:19:48must make ourselves as pure a vessel as the kui chow itself our old ideas cease to exist but we
00:19:57live on forever what the hell did I do to deserve this there must be other people more worthy we
00:20:04have our reasons we choose our candidates most carefully for instance we know that
00:20:12you've secretly donated over a million dollars to humanitarian causes this year
00:20:16alone yet you've cut your own family out of your will how how could you know this
00:20:25nobody knows any of this it's our job to know you see we need people like you to become converts to
00:20:34become part of the legion of universal goodness
00:20:36hey Jim what's it gonna cost me we have no use for money we give this gift freely
00:20:48yeah I mean I'm gonna live forever yes and it's not gonna cost me anything not a penny
00:20:58yeah count me in good there are only three rules first the elixir must not be exposed to direct
00:21:09sunlight second before taking the elixir you must perform the cleansing ritual and make peace with
00:21:14your family peace with them oh I don't know it's been too long I don't think they'd go far all you
00:21:23need is a second chance believe me the third and final rule is the most important of all these rules
00:21:33have to be to the grave I think she's been up there long enough will you go up and
00:21:42get her or should I father what is it Kelly nothing I'll go
00:21:58once you've taken the elixir you yourself must stay out of direct sunlight understood
00:22:04yes remember if the elixir is hit by direct sunlight it will mutate and the results could be disastrous
00:22:14I got it and if you do not perform the cleansing ritual before taking the elixir
00:22:19the results could also be disastrous I got it I got it granny granny everybody's waiting
00:22:27I'm coming I'm coming
00:22:29I don't know how to thank you Mr. Rami
00:22:34my pleasure
00:22:37my loving family is waiting would you be so kind as to help me downstairs I would be so obliged
00:22:49certainly
00:22:51thank you so much
00:22:55hello again
00:22:58hello
00:23:00granny will your friend be staying for dinner
00:23:04gracious no child Mr. Rami is a busy man people to see souls to save right Mr. Rami
00:23:12some other time perhaps
00:23:14Mr. Rami
00:23:19of course
00:23:22he's well done
00:23:31he's감
00:23:34no
00:23:38thanks
00:23:39no
00:23:40no
00:23:41no
00:23:43no
00:23:45no
00:23:46no
00:23:48no
00:23:48no
00:23:48no
00:23:49no
00:23:49no
00:23:52Good-bye, Anastasia.
00:24:01Remember, this is our little secret.
00:24:06My lips are sealed, Mr. Army.
00:24:22Finally, dinner.
00:24:37Junior, wheel your grandmother into the dining room.
00:24:39Hop to it.
00:24:40Dinner with my loving family, my angel.
00:24:43And watch where you're going, you little bastard.
00:24:45Sorry, Granny.
00:24:46Pats!
00:24:47How come we always got to have roast beef?
00:24:54Why can't we have turkey like the rest of America?
00:24:57Junior?
00:24:58Is that a complaint?
00:25:01No.
00:25:02It's prime rib, dear.
00:25:03I love prime rib.
00:25:05The rarer, the better.
00:25:07Wolfgang?
00:25:09Wolfgang?
00:25:10Where is that damn cat?
00:25:17Oh, God, I hate it when you call me that.
00:25:26What did that gentleman come to see you about?
00:25:28None of your damn business.
00:25:30I see.
00:25:32Have you given any more thought to...
00:25:34Your plans to ship me off to an old folks' home?
00:25:36Yes.
00:25:37And you can forget it, Buster.
00:25:39Granny, I'll have you know Vista de Playa is...
00:25:41A shithole.
00:25:42They're all shitholes.
00:25:45I see right through you.
00:25:47You want to get rid of me?
00:25:48Tear down my house.
00:25:51And build some ultra-modern, pretentious piece of crap.
00:25:54Don't you?
00:25:56I would never.
00:25:59I love this old house.
00:26:01I have such fond memories of growing up here.
00:26:06Really, Dad?
00:26:07Like what?
00:26:09Like, uh...
00:26:11Well...
00:26:12Well, they escaped me at the moment.
00:26:15But right you are, Granny.
00:26:17Vista de Playa is out.
00:26:18Now eat your soup while it's hot.
00:26:20How's your meat?
00:26:35Um...
00:26:36Hard.
00:26:38Maybe I should tenderize it for you.
00:26:44Did I overcook?
00:26:45Why is everybody staring at Granny?
00:26:47Why is everybody staring at Granny?
00:26:48I'm going to play my stuff.
00:26:49Why are you so happy?
00:26:50I'm going to go for my stuff.
00:26:50Have I?
00:26:51I've got to go for your support.
00:26:51Well, I do.
00:26:52I'm going to go for my stuff.
00:26:52I have to go for my stuff.
00:26:53OK.
00:26:54I have to go for your stuff.
00:26:54Why is everybody staring at Granny?
00:27:15You're not staring, Amy.
00:27:17Yes, you are.
00:27:18You all look like you're waiting for Granny to swallow poison or something.
00:27:25Amy, darling, it's not nice to say things like that.
00:27:29Well, it's true.
00:27:30Mom, children at this age have incredible imaginations.
00:27:32In fact, they can also be amazing little liars.
00:27:35I'm not a liar.
00:27:37Well, look what you did.
00:27:38What I did?
00:27:39You're the kid's father for crying out loud.
00:27:41I'd say a lack of breeding is entirely on your head.
00:27:44You make me sick.
00:27:46But, Mother...
00:27:47You!
00:27:49You're a load I should have swallowed.
00:27:51But, Mother, I...
00:27:53Shut your mouth.
00:27:55Spineless ninnies, all of you.
00:27:58That little girl is the only one among you who isn't afraid to say what she thinks,
00:28:02to speak the truth.
00:28:04You're all a pack of jackals.
00:28:06All of you are just waiting for me to die.
00:28:08You want my money.
00:28:09And don't think I don't know it.
00:28:11Well, three words for you shitheels.
00:28:14Not.
00:28:15A.
00:28:16Die.
00:28:17You hear that?
00:28:18Not.
00:28:19A.
00:28:20For God's sake, somebody do something.
00:28:36All right, Mother.
00:28:38I'm here.
00:28:39Henry, get my bag.
00:28:40What are you going to do?
00:28:41Give her a facelift?
00:28:42Shut up.
00:28:43Take your gun-picking hands off me, Albert.
00:28:47Call Dr. Hardy.
00:28:48That quack?
00:28:49Do it now!
00:28:53She's with me.
00:28:55Follow me.
00:28:56Doctor.
00:28:57Well, what's a good word?
00:29:14Is she dead yet?
00:29:15No such luck.
00:29:16She won't even let me get near her.
00:29:18We have to wait for the quack to finish the examination.
00:29:20You know, this is unbelievable.
00:29:22We poison her soup, and what does she do?
00:29:23She goes ahead and has one of her goddamn...
00:29:24Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:29:25She's resting, but it don't look good.
00:29:31Ah, that's it?
00:29:33That's the extent of your professional opinion, doctor?
00:29:35Don't look good?
00:29:37Well, for your information, Mr. Smarty Pants,
00:29:40she is suffering from a severe subluxation
00:29:43between her seventh and eighth vertebrae.
00:29:44Now, just maybe, if I give her a spinal adjustment,
00:29:48I might be able to free up her life force.
00:29:50But I'm not promising nothing.
00:29:52She had a heart attack, you idiot!
00:29:57You chiropractors are unbelievable!
00:29:59That's it!
00:29:59I want her out.
00:30:00I want her in a hospital right now!
00:30:03Actually, no.
00:30:05She's fine right here.
00:30:06I think you're right, Dr. Hardy.
00:30:08What was it you said?
00:30:09Uh, subluxations.
00:30:11Interesting.
00:30:11Um, are they usually fatal?
00:30:13Oh, never mind.
00:30:14Please, you know,
00:30:16I entrust my mother into your capable hands.
00:30:18Please, feel free to adjust away.
00:30:23Asshole.
00:30:23What'd he say?
00:30:25I don't know.
00:30:25Look, Albert,
00:30:42I took care of my part of the bargain.
00:30:44That will is a perfect piece of forgery.
00:30:45Now, when are you gonna stop being such a pany-waste about this?
00:30:48And what do you suggest,
00:30:49you thumb-sucking bedwetter, huh?
00:30:50Something inconspicuous
00:30:51like smothering her with a pillow?
00:30:53Oh, that's a very good idea.
00:30:54Very effective and to the point.
00:30:56Yeah, God forbid you should get your hands dirty in this.
00:30:58Shh, shh, shh.
00:31:00Look at the two of you standing there like vultures.
00:31:04Probably plotting on how to try to kill me.
00:31:08Vultures, all of you!
00:31:11Andrea, get out of there!
00:31:14Put that down, you greedy bitch!
00:31:15You can't have it!
00:31:16I'm not dead yet!
00:31:18Sorry, Granny.
00:31:20You'll get what's coming to you, all right.
00:31:23All of you!
00:31:24You mark my words!
00:31:32Mmm, it smells so good!
00:31:35Believe it or not, she actually looks better.
00:31:38Wonderful.
00:31:40Why do you even keep up this charade?
00:31:42You're all only interested in one thing, Granny's money.
00:31:44Why don't you admit it?
00:31:45She can't die soon enough for any of you!
00:31:48This family is cursed with greed!
00:31:51I hate you all!
00:31:53Granny, dear!
00:31:54Come here, please!
00:31:55I need you!
00:32:01Well, we'd got her panties in a bunch.
00:32:04Well, look who came to join the Death Watch.
00:32:17You don't fool me.
00:32:19You're gonna outlive us all your battle acts.
00:32:21You thought this was it, didn't you?
00:32:24You thought I was dead.
00:32:26Well, I'm not!
00:32:28How do you like them apples?
00:32:30I like them just fine, Granny.
00:32:31Well, you're the only one, you poor, homely child.
00:32:40It's a good thing your mother didn't live long enough to see what's become in this family.
00:32:45Even though she had you out of wedlock with that bastard son of mine,
00:32:49she still was a good and decent woman.
00:32:52Well, didn't that man come to see you about, Granny?
00:32:55He gave me that bottle.
00:32:56He said it would bring me eternal life.
00:33:01How much did it cost you?
00:33:04That doesn't matter.
00:33:06I'm gonna turn over a new life, Kelly.
00:33:10You're right.
00:33:11There is no fountain of youth.
00:33:14We get old and die.
00:33:17I'd like to paint you a prettier picture, but that's all she wrote.
00:33:21But you don't have to end up like me.
00:33:25An ugly, lonely old woman.
00:33:29I spent too many years.
00:33:31Not loving, not trusting, not living.
00:33:36If I did have a second chance,
00:33:40there's no telling what might happen.
00:33:44Don't you make the same mistakes I made, you hear?
00:33:48I have to go.
00:33:52I'm gonna start your soup.
00:33:55You call me if you need anything.
00:33:57I'm gonna start your soup.
00:33:57I have to go.
00:33:58I have to go.
00:33:58I have to go.
00:34:06I have to go.
00:34:14Wolfgang!
00:34:42Wolfgang!
00:34:44Where is that damn cat?
00:34:54Crap!
00:34:55The cleansing ritual!
00:35:04Cleansing ritual, close your eyes and imagine the light of universal love coming through
00:35:09the top of your head and passing through your body.
00:35:11Take a deep breath and repeat these words.
00:35:17I love everybody with a universal love.
00:35:21What crap!
00:35:31What the heck?
00:35:41I love you!
00:35:48I love you!
00:35:50I love you!
00:35:58I love you!
00:36:00I love you!
00:36:08I love you!
00:36:10I love you!
00:36:12I love you!
00:36:15Kill it!
00:36:18Quick!
00:36:19The soup's almost ready, Granny. I'll be up in a minute.
00:36:39Granny, I brought you soup.
00:36:45Granny?
00:36:50Granny, it's time for your soup.
00:36:55Granny?
00:36:57Granny?
00:36:59Granny?
00:37:01No!
00:37:02No!
00:37:03No!
00:37:04No!
00:37:05No!
00:37:06No!
00:37:07No!
00:37:08No!
00:37:09No!
00:37:10No!
00:37:11No!
00:37:12No!
00:37:14Oh, Albert, don't you think you're overdoing it just a tad?
00:37:15These are tears of joy, you idiot!
00:37:16I thought I'd never live to see the day, and her mother would be loaded in the back of a hearse!
00:37:22Oh, Albert, don't you think you're overdoing it just a tad?
00:37:27These are tears of joy, you idiot!
00:37:30I thought I'd never live to see the day, and her mother would be loaded in the back of a hearse!
00:37:35No!
00:37:36No!
00:37:37No!
00:37:38No!
00:37:39No!
00:37:40No!
00:37:41No!
00:37:44No!
00:37:45No!
00:37:47No!
00:37:49No!
00:37:51No!
00:37:53No!
00:37:54We are gathered here to read the last will and testament of Anastasia.
00:38:24Anastasia Gargoli. I don't know whether you're aware of the fact that Granny recently revised her will. I haven't had a chance to read it myself.
00:38:35Anastasia Gargoli.
00:38:43I, Anastasia Gargoli, being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath equally among my surviving family, with the exception of Kelly, my entire estate and the proceeds thereof.
00:38:59Uh, excuse me, Mr. Sadler, is it?
00:39:03Exactly what is the estate?
00:39:07Well, as close as I can figure it, it's worth about 170 million, give or take a few hundred thousand, which means that each of you will receive 15 million dollars.
00:39:21Yes, after taxes, of course.
00:39:23Yes!
00:39:27What about me, Mr. Sadler?
00:39:32For my granddaughter, Kelly, I leave the sum of one dollar.
00:39:38But that can't be right.
00:39:45That's what it says, Kelly.
00:39:47Too bad.
00:39:48I never wanted any of Granny's money, even though I deserve it more than any of you.
00:39:58This just can't be right.
00:40:01Are you saying that you're disputing the will?
00:40:09No.
00:40:11Let them have it.
00:40:12Crazy coots.
00:40:23You know, if you'll just sign this for my fee, I'll be gone.
00:40:31Your grandma talked about you all the time.
00:40:35Right proud of you she was.
00:40:38Really?
00:40:39That's right.
00:40:40I really didn't care for the others too much.
00:40:44I can hardly blame her.
00:40:46Be careful of what you wish for, that's what I say.
00:40:49Well, I'll be going.
00:40:53If you change your mind about disputing the will, give me your calls.
00:40:59Don't mention it.
00:41:00Shh, shh, shh, shh, quiet down everyone, please, quiet.
00:41:11Quiet.
00:41:13We could all have a moment of silence for our dearly departed Granny.
00:41:17Saturday there will be memorial service for my mother, but tonight, tonight we will have
00:41:36a small, intimate, unpretentious party.
00:41:43Hey, Toast, to my dearly departed mother, and whatever miracle it was that inspired her
00:42:06to change her will.
00:42:10We only have one question, Helder.
00:42:12Don't keep it a secret.
00:42:14What are you going to do with all this money?
00:42:16Oh, Freddy boy, I have plans.
00:42:19Do I have plans?
00:42:20My first project is to tear down this antediluvian monstrosity, and then, in honor of mi amore,
00:42:28build...
00:42:30Voila!
00:42:31Casa Andrea!
00:42:32Hi, Amy.
00:42:56Hi, Kelly.
00:42:58How come you're not down at the party?
00:43:00I'm not in a party mood, honey.
00:43:05Why are you packing?
00:43:08Well, with Granny going, there's really nothing left for me here.
00:43:13Where are you going to go?
00:43:18I don't know.
00:43:20This is the only home I've ever known.
00:43:24Can I go with you?
00:43:28No, sweetheart.
00:43:30But I promise I'll visit.
00:43:40Maybe you can come and stay with us.
00:43:46No.
00:43:48I don't think that that would work out.
00:43:49You're right.
00:43:54My family's kind of weird.
00:43:58Yeah.
00:43:58Do you want me as badly as I want you?
00:44:08Oh, yeah.
00:44:09I have to tell you, I'm into total honesty.
00:44:13Oh, so am I.
00:44:15Good.
00:44:16Are you happy being single?
00:44:19Uh, why?
00:44:20Because I don't think that you are.
00:44:22And if you want me, you're going to have to choose.
00:44:26Bachelorhood or me.
00:44:28You drive a hard bargain.
00:44:33Well, I'm not my father's daughter for nothing.
00:44:36Could we negotiate this?
00:44:39I would suggest a trial period.
00:44:42You see, that way, we could see if both parties were satisfied before actually closing the deal.
00:44:48Oh, I think you'll be more than satisfied with these.
00:44:55Okay.
00:44:57Besides, I can bring more than this to the party.
00:45:02Such as?
00:45:03Such as my part of the inheritance.
00:45:07Would you do that?
00:45:10For you, I would.
00:45:12We can join forces.
00:45:15Think of it as a collective bargaining agreement.
00:45:18Maximize our returns.
00:45:20Profit from our investments.
00:45:21Oh, my God.
00:45:22I think I'm in love.
00:45:23We'll close the deal at midnight.
00:45:25Don't be late.
00:45:29See you later, Uncle David.
00:45:42I thought she was like, you know, immortal.
00:45:53Like she was never going to die.
00:45:56Well, she's dead now, honey.
00:45:59Dead, dead, dead.
00:46:02I've never seen a rich person dead before.
00:46:07It's kind of a turn-on.
00:46:10Yeah?
00:46:11Yeah, thinking about all that money.
00:46:15Whoa, what is it, Leanne?
00:46:17She moved, Lenny.
00:46:18I swear to God, she moved.
00:46:22For dumb, for stupid.
00:46:25Her arm just fell down.
00:46:26Look.
00:46:27See?
00:46:29Dead, D-E-D.
00:46:32Look at that.
00:46:34God, that ring could choke a horse.
00:46:38Can I have it, Lenny?
00:46:39Lee-Ann.
00:46:40Well, she don't need it no more, Lenny.
00:46:42And I'd be so appreciative if you gave it to me.
00:46:45And you know how appreciative I can be.
00:46:49Whoa.
00:46:55Oh, Lee-Ann, honey, it's stuck.
00:46:57It won't budge.
00:46:58You get me that ring, Lenny Dupree, or you won't ever get none, never.
00:47:03Okay.
00:47:05Okay.
00:47:09Woo-woo.
00:47:11Here I come.
00:47:14Oh, God.
00:47:15Don't worry, honey.
00:47:20I'll have this all for you and-
00:47:21Just want to savor this minute a bit longer.
00:47:34I'll be right there.
00:47:35You won't be long.
00:47:43I promise.
00:47:44Very nice.
00:48:07Very nice.
00:48:14There you are, father.
00:48:21Well, the bitch is with you now.
00:48:27God help you both.
00:48:29You deserve each other.
00:48:32Two of you are venal, vile, and overbearing.
00:48:36Let's not forget you're as incompetent a father as you were a surgeon.
00:48:43They used to call you Tyrus the Butcher.
00:48:50You're a man with the feelings and empathy of a toad.
00:48:54I can't wait to wipe every trace of the two of you off the face of the earth.
00:48:58Then I'll finally be free of you.
00:49:00Free! Free!
00:49:02What's going on here?
00:49:06What is it?
00:49:07Is that a joke?
00:49:09Help me!
00:49:11Bye bye!
00:49:12This is not funny.
00:49:15Who's there?
00:49:16Who's that?
00:49:17What's going on here?
00:49:20That's right!
00:49:21The bitch is back!
00:49:23The bitch is back!
00:49:24The bitch is back!
00:49:25The bitch is back!
00:49:30Ah!
00:49:31Oh ah!
00:49:32Ah!
00:49:33Ah!
00:49:35Ah!
00:49:36Ah!
00:49:37Oh!
00:49:38Ah!
00:49:39Ah!
00:49:40Ah!
00:49:41Ah!
00:49:42Ah!
00:49:43Ah!
00:49:44Ah!
00:49:45Ah!
00:49:47OK kids!
00:49:48Time for bed!
00:49:49Chop chop!
00:49:50It's the Twilight Zone marathon, Uncle David.
00:49:52yeah Angela Lansbury's just about to get it what was that what was what it's
00:50:03scream Angela Lansbury no that wasn't it where's Kelly she's in her room and
00:50:12your parents who knows probably bumping ugly somewhere okay I want you two in
00:50:19bed in five minutes got it yeah we got it
00:50:24I'm scared I'm scared shut up
00:50:34Al Albert
00:50:49so
00:50:54I'll take it, I'll take it, I'll take it.
00:51:24Amy! Junior!
00:51:34What's going on? Where is everybody?
00:51:36Put some clothes on, we're leaving now.
00:51:38What is it, Kelly?
00:51:39I don't know, honey, you've got to listen to me, right?
00:51:41No!
00:51:42Stay right here.
00:51:50Junior! You go help Amy.
00:51:53Do it now!
00:52:05I heard you were having a party!
00:52:12Mind if I crash?
00:52:18What's going on, Junior? Are you scared?
00:52:20I don't know, but whatever it is, kick his ass!
00:52:23Ready for that rematch, you little turd?
00:52:25Fuck you, Granny!
00:52:27Oh, tough guy, huh? Come on!
00:52:29Show me what you've got!
00:52:31Come on!
00:52:32Take that, you bitch!
00:52:36Granny sighs his shorty up.
00:52:41Come on!
00:52:42She grabs him in her wrist lock.
00:52:44Then she swings him around and slams him back against the wall.
00:52:48Again and again!
00:52:49Now she grabs his head and bangs his head down on the railing.
00:52:53How's your headache, kid?
00:52:54Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:52:57Now we go!
00:52:58What been over?
00:52:59Ow!
00:53:05Come on!
00:53:06Ready or not, coming at you up!
00:53:09Ow!
00:53:14Come on! Come on!
00:53:15Ah!
00:53:16Ah!
00:53:17Ah!
00:53:18Ah!
00:53:19Ah!
00:53:20Ah!
00:53:22Ah!
00:53:23Ah!
00:53:24A crowd goes wild!
00:53:25Granny hears his body over her head,
00:53:27and pummels him down with a knitter!
00:53:31Toast, Junior!
00:53:34You always were my favorite!
00:53:39My favorite.
00:53:41Come to...
00:53:53I fed you.
00:53:55Put a roof over your head.
00:53:57And you shoot me in the back.
00:54:09It's okay, Amy. It's okay.
00:54:11She can't hurt us anymore.
00:54:13We gotta get out of here.
00:54:15Let's go.
00:54:17What about Junior?
00:54:19He's dead, Amy.
00:54:21Let's go.
00:54:31No!
00:54:33I can't get through!
00:54:35We...
00:54:37Amy, honey.
00:54:39It's not that far into town.
00:54:41You think you can make it?
00:54:43I think so.
00:54:45You're gonna be just fine.
00:54:47You just stay on the road and you don't suffer anything.
00:54:49Do you understand me?
00:54:51I understand.
00:54:53Now you go. You run like the wind. Go!
00:55:07Yeah.
00:55:13I didn't know I found this to work.
00:55:15It's okay.
00:55:17I'm gonna be taking it.
00:55:19It's okay.
00:55:21Still then?
00:55:23I'm young, but I'm a young.
00:55:25I think all of those places are alright.
00:55:28They do nothing for Zeus.
00:55:30They're always alright.
00:55:31They do nothing.
00:55:32They don't like the royal footer.
00:56:04It's all right. It's okay. It's me. Here to help.
00:56:34It's all right. I'm over here.
00:56:42Hi, Kelly. Want some soup? Made it myself.
00:56:50With a little help from me.
00:56:53Glad you could join us, sweetheart.
00:57:02Kelly, my dear. Nice to see you.
00:57:05Join us, won't you?
00:57:06She really doesn't have much choice, does she?
00:57:08Are we going to help Kelly?
00:57:14I hope so.
00:57:15And Granny?
00:57:16We'll see.
00:57:17Listen, Amy. You're going to have to be very brave and create a diversion so I can go in and get Kelly. Do you understand?
00:57:23I understand.
00:57:24Good. Look...
00:57:25That's right. No, right there!
00:57:27God, I hate the headless.
00:57:28You walked right by either side!
00:57:30Get him!
00:57:30Get him!
00:57:31Would you turn around?
00:57:32Come, get back here!
00:57:34Hey!
00:57:34I thought I'd never see you again.
00:57:38Grab him! Grab him!
00:57:40Follow my point!
00:57:42Don't check me out for quite a while!
00:57:58All clear.
00:57:59That goes double for me, too, bitch.
00:58:29No!
00:58:52It's a holy sword of the Pichau.
00:58:54No!
00:58:59Amy, Amy, where are you, darling?
00:59:07Amy, come to me.
00:59:11Mommy?
00:59:13Amy, Amy, where are you, darling?
00:59:17Mommy, I'm here, Mommy.
00:59:19Amy, come to me, sweetheart.
00:59:22I'm worried about you.
00:59:24Mommy, I'm so scared.
00:59:25I thought you were one of them.
00:59:26It's all right, Amy.
00:59:28It's all right now.
00:59:30That's right, Amy.
00:59:31Always listen to your mother.
00:59:33After all, mother knows best.
00:59:43Kelly!
00:59:44Come on!
00:59:45It's a trap!
00:59:46She's under Granny's power.
01:00:12Amy, Amy, listen to me.
01:00:19Amy, answer me, sweetheart.
01:00:38Since when did you become such a softie?
01:00:53Amy, one thing I despise is weakness.
01:00:59Always have.
01:01:00David was weak.
01:01:02And Albert, ha, spineless.
01:01:05But you, you I had hope for.
01:01:08You had potential.
01:01:12This is my fight.
01:01:14I must face her.
01:01:15Stop this in the name of the Holy Creechow.
01:01:30Fenn, look who comes riding in here like a lone ranger.
01:01:35You are to blame for all of this whole mess.
01:01:38Although, I have to thank you for one thing.
01:01:41What would that be?
01:01:42I feel better than I felt in years.
01:01:48You have corrupted the power of the Holy Creechow.
01:01:51Well, what did you expect, you pious fuck?
01:01:54I'm Granny!
01:01:56Oh, look out!
01:01:57Oh!
01:02:04Yeah!
01:02:08Perfect!
01:02:09You, bitch!
01:02:16Bitch!
01:02:19Bitch!
01:02:20Me?
01:02:21I was gonna give you everything, don't you know?
01:02:24But those weasels screwed you out of it!
01:02:26And did you really think you were gonna ride off into the sunset with that?
01:02:34No, but I liked it.
01:02:37He probably just wanted your money.
01:02:39Boy, was he in for a big surprise.
01:02:43But the money means nothing now.
01:02:45Because you are gonna inherit something much better.
01:02:50What do you mean?
01:02:51You are gonna get a second chance.
01:02:56A second chance at making this world into the scum pit it really is!
01:03:03A world filled with greed and corruption.
01:03:06You're gonna get a shot.
01:03:07And all the people who made fun of you, who hurt you,
01:03:11you're gonna get to burn them!
01:03:13Burn them all!
01:03:14I got my second chance, now you're gonna get yours!
01:03:19You don't frighten me.
01:03:21I don't?
01:03:23Well, tell me, little Kelly,
01:03:25what does scare you?
01:03:27What frightens you the most?
01:03:29Nothing.
01:03:29Nothing?
01:03:30Nothing frightens me.
01:03:32Oh, come on!
01:03:34Ah!
01:03:35Ah!
01:03:36Are you kidding me?
01:03:36Ah!
01:03:37Ah!
01:03:37Ah!
01:03:38Ah!
01:03:38Ah!
01:03:38Ah!
01:03:38Ah!
01:03:38Ah!
01:03:39Ah!
01:03:39Ah!
01:03:39Ah!
01:03:40Ah!
01:03:40Ah!
01:03:41Ah!
01:03:41Ah!
01:03:42Ah!
01:03:43Ah!
01:03:43Ah!
01:03:44Ah!
01:03:44Ah!
01:03:45Ah!
01:03:45Ah!
01:03:46Ah!
01:03:46Ah!
01:03:47Ah!
01:03:47Ah!
01:03:48Ah!
01:03:48Ah!
01:03:49Ah!
01:03:49Ah!
01:03:50Ah!
01:03:50Ah!
01:03:51Ah!
01:03:51Ah!
01:03:52Ah!
01:03:52Ah!
01:03:53Ah!
01:03:53Ah!
01:03:54Ah!
01:03:54Ah!
01:03:55Ah!
01:03:55Ah!
01:03:56Ah!
01:03:56Ah!
01:03:57Ah!
01:03:57Ah!
01:03:58Ah!
01:03:58Ah!
01:03:59Ah!
01:03:59Ah!
01:04:00Ah!
01:04:00Ah!
01:04:01Ah!
01:04:01Ah!
01:04:02Ah!
01:04:02Ah!
01:04:03Ah!
01:04:03Ah!
01:04:04Ah!
01:04:04Ah!
01:04:05Ah!
01:04:05Ah!
01:04:06Ah!
01:04:06Ah!
01:04:07Ah!
01:04:08Ah!
01:04:09Ah!
01:04:09Ah!
01:04:10Ah!
01:04:10Ah!
01:04:11Ah!
01:04:11Ah!
01:04:12Oh, no!
01:04:14Ah!
01:04:17Get out!
01:04:21No!
01:04:25Ah!
01:04:28Ah!
01:04:30Ah!
01:04:32Ah!
01:04:34Ah!
01:04:37Ah!
01:04:38Ah!
01:04:39Oh, yeah!
01:04:42Ah!
01:04:44Ah!
01:04:45Ah!
01:04:46Ah!
01:04:55Ah!
01:04:57Now I'm gonna run this up your ass,
01:05:00just like I did your boyfriend!
01:05:02Run!
01:05:08Ah!
01:05:10Ah!
01:05:15Ah!
01:05:19Ah!
01:05:21Ah!
01:05:23Ah!
01:05:25Ah!
01:05:26Do you think they'll believe us?
01:05:56I don't know why not. It's almost the truth.
01:06:00Granny faked her own death, discovered her family had forged a will and murdered them.
01:06:11That's the goddamnedest thing I've ever seen.
01:06:14She used high explosives, huh?
01:06:16That's right.
01:06:18Well, she was one crazy coot, that's for sure.
01:06:21No offense.
01:06:23None taken.
01:06:26Well, you're free to go, but let us know of your whereabouts in case we need to get a hold of you.
01:06:36I will.
01:06:37We'll be in touch.
01:06:48I'm really going to miss everybody.
01:06:57Me too, sweetheart.
01:07:01It's just you and me now, Amy.
01:07:04The others were weak.
01:07:06But you and I are strong.
01:07:10I've got hope for you.
01:07:13You've got potential.
01:07:15You've got your ass, bitch!
01:07:17Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
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