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The Creep Tapes Season 2 Episode 2
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#TheCreepTapes
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Four years of film school for this shit.
00:26Yep, $200,000 in debt and now you get to film another shitty pilot presentation for another
00:33fucking house flipping show.
00:37God, what a fucking loser.
00:44Kill me.
00:53Hello?
01:00Hello?
01:05You're too late.
01:18I already sold it.
01:21You scared me.
01:22There's no reason to be scared.
01:23There's always another home right around the corner, just waiting to be flipped.
01:27I'm Tripp Ingold, and you must be Wes.
01:34Yes.
01:35Look at you.
01:36Yeah.
01:37You got a really good energy about you, Wes.
01:40You seem like a real professional.
01:42Oh, right.
01:43Yes.
01:44I brought my transcript for your request, and then also my degree in cinematography.
01:48There's no need.
01:49I already called the university and vetted you.
01:51I'm sorry to be such a stickler on the hiring process, but professionalism is very important
01:57to me, Wes.
01:58How do you feel about it?
02:01About what?
02:03Professionalism.
02:05I'm for it.
02:07I think it's the single most important quality a human being can possess.
02:13I think the lack of it is the reason our society has gone off the rails.
02:16Don't you agree?
02:17Uh, yeah.
02:18Uh, totally.
02:19Of course.
02:20Permission to hug?
02:21Okay.
02:22Coming in anyway.
02:23Okay.
02:24Okay.
02:25I hope you're ready to get going, because we are going to make magic.
02:29The first scene for the pilot of the greatest house flipping show ever made, flipped and
02:34sold with Tripp Ingold.
02:36Okay.
02:37Are you rolling?
02:38I'm rolling.
02:39Okay.
02:40That's a problem, because I know you're not rolling.
02:41I know this camera, and when it's rolling, the red light is beeping.
02:43And it's not beeping right now, Wes.
02:45Uh, no, no.
02:46You're not rolling, Wes!
02:47Look!
02:48Look!
02:49Look!
02:50I'm rolling!
02:51Look!
02:52The red light is on!
02:53Just take a look!
02:54You're lying!
02:55You're lying to me!
02:56I swear!
02:57Take a look at it!
02:58Man!
02:59I don't see it.
03:01I don't.
03:04I got you!
03:05I got you!
03:06Yeah, I know.
03:07You got me.
03:08Professionalism, Wes.
03:10The single most important quality, followed closely by a good sense of humor.
03:14Okay.
03:15You're alright, Wes.
03:18I think this is going to be a good day.
03:21I've never seen that.
03:22How it is.
03:23You're watching this game.
03:24I'm sorry.
03:25I'm sorry.
03:26I'm sorry, Wes.
03:27I'm sorry.
03:28I'm sorry.
03:29I'm sorry.
03:30I'm sorry, Wes.
03:31I'm sorry.
03:32I'm sorry.
03:33I'm sorry.
03:34You know, you did a really great job filming that intro back there, Wes.
03:58Oh, uh, thanks, man.
04:00Oh, 100%. Total pro.
04:04Are you going to tell me how I did?
04:12Um, I thought you were great.
04:14Really?
04:15Yeah.
04:16That means so much coming from you.
04:18I really want to get this right.
04:19So many of these house flipping shows, they're just janky, you know?
04:23And not just the filmmaking, the flips themselves.
04:26They're downright unethical, you know?
04:27They ignore the fundamental issues of the homes, the plumbing, the electrical.
04:31And they think, what, because you slapped some $0.22 subway tile on it, that it's a good flip?
04:36I don't think so.
04:37I don't think so.
04:38Yeah.
04:40Uh, yeah, totally.
04:41Yeah, you get it, man.
04:42You're so great.
04:43So, I think now would be a good time to get some B-roll, you know?
04:47I see this as the second part of the pilot, where some kind of funky music's playing, and
04:51I'm explaining to audiences that we're headed off to a remote section of the woods.
04:55We're going to see this dilapidated, kind of creepy home, which, spoiler alert, of course
05:00is going to be somebody's dream home.
05:01But right now, it's like, almost looks like a place you get murdered in, you know?
05:06So, yeah, look around.
05:08Get some stuff.
05:09Oh, okay.
05:14That's just some tools of the trade.
05:15I like to carry a shovel to dig into the foundation, make sure it's solid.
05:20Right.
05:21Um, and the, uh, what, the plastic tarp?
05:26You ask a lot of questions.
05:31Well, like you said, I'm a professional.
05:38Plastic tarp is for some painting we're going to do.
05:42Also, occasionally find some, uh, dead vermin underneath the house, and plastic's always
05:47good for carrying out bodies.
05:52That makes sense.
05:54Yeah, totally.
05:56Um, yeah.
06:01Um, could you remind me again where we're going?
06:05Yeah, it's just, uh, about 20 minutes up ahead here.
06:08We're getting there.
06:09Right.
06:11Um, what, what, what's the address?
06:14Why do you need the address?
06:17I'm just, uh, curious.
06:21You're a squirmy little bugger.
06:23Look at you.
06:23You're shaking over there.
06:24Yeah, I, I, I think I, I think I need to go to the bathroom.
06:28Oh, well, there's not many rest stops out here.
06:30Not much of anything, but, you know, you can just wait till we get to the house.
06:33I'm, I'm just not, I'm not sure if I could hold it.
06:35Well, it's really close.
06:36You're fine.
06:37Right.
06:37It's, it's, it's number one.
06:38So maybe, maybe you could pull over real quick and I can just, I can just, no, there's no shoulder on the road.
06:43I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you.
06:44I know, I just, I just, I really, I really, really got to go.
06:47This came on kind of suddenly.
06:49Yeah, man.
06:49I don't know.
06:50I just, uh, I can't, um, I don't know.
06:53Can you, can you, I just, can you pull over please?
06:55No, I can't do it because it's dangerous.
06:58How do you, no, please stop.
06:59I just really got to go.
07:00How do you open this thing?
07:02Oh, fine.
07:03You got to go.
07:04You got to go.
07:06Whoa, whoa.
07:07Not very professional, Wes.
07:11Oh, Jesus.
07:15All right.
07:20I'm in trouble.
07:22Sure.
07:23It's a real bummer, Wes.
07:31Not only is this unprofessional, it's downright anticlimactic.
07:40I mean, I spent a lot of time in that house.
07:45It's a house of horrors, the likes of which we haven't seen since the climax of
07:52Home Alone 2.
07:56Oh, no.
07:58Please don't tell me.
07:59You're going to make it this easy.
08:00It's okay.
08:04It's okay.
08:05It's okay.
08:06This is just a little confusing.
08:08It's all, I mean, I'm confused, you know?
08:13It's all happening a lot faster than it normally does.
08:17I mean, part of me wants to stretch it out, you know?
08:24Like, put your arm around a little bit, I could chase you some more.
08:28But also, another part of me is like, this feels kind of sad.
08:34Please, I just...
08:36Please, I just...
08:38Yeah, it's sad.
08:45I think you can do this all over.
08:55Play my calendar tomorrow.
08:58Find someone else.
09:00A little more professional.
09:01Oh, my God.
09:12Didn't even come close to using you.
09:15Sorry, PF.
09:16Not your night.
09:21Maybe it's me.
09:23Maybe I'm getting rusty.
09:25It's on to me so quickly.
09:28Too many clues in the back seat, maybe?
09:31I wonder if I'd put the tarp...
09:35Yeah, just the tarp in the back.
09:37And then save the shovel, the big reveal at the house.
09:41Might be a...
09:49Yes!
09:59Thank God!
10:00Step away from the car!
10:03Thank God!
10:04Thank God, Jamie!
10:04Do not move!
10:06Hands on your head!
10:07Yes!
10:07You got a mark.
10:08Yeah, but look!
10:09Look what happened!
10:09Look!
10:10Look!
10:11Hands on your head!
10:12Yes!
10:14We got a male.
10:1520s.
10:17Unconscious.
10:17He's not unconscious!
10:18He's dead!
10:19It's my sweet lesson that man killed him!
10:22Oh, God!
10:24He's in the woods and he's getting away!
10:26Get down on the ground!
10:27Right now!
10:28You don't understand!
10:28On the ground!
10:29On the ground!
10:29Now!
10:30Okay, all right, okay, okay.
10:32You guys are great.
10:33You're great and you're very in command and you're doing a great job, but you're missing
10:37one very important thing.
10:39There is a man, a killer, who killed my friend and he is in the woods.
10:45Who are you talking about, sir?
10:46I don't know.
10:48Okay.
10:49I'm sorry.
10:50I'm just so stupid.
10:52I don't get his name.
10:53Tell us what happened step by step, sir.
10:56Okay, but it's really scary.
11:03There was a man.
11:05He was a bad man, but he didn't seem like it.
11:08He was a little weird and hyper, but he seemed harmless and he hired me and Wes, my filmmaking
11:16partner, to film this pilot for this really interesting new house-flipping type show, you know?
11:25And he had a cool take.
11:28It was like integrity and professionalism and...
11:32Sir, please get to the point.
11:34Yes.
11:35I'm sorry.
11:36It's so...
11:37So are you okay?
11:41I feel like I'm in a horror movie.
11:45Is this real?
11:46Are you even real?
11:47Sorry, I'm sorry.
11:49I'm sorry.
11:50He put us in the car and he drove us out into these woods and there was like...
11:56All these weird things started happening.
11:59Like I looked in the back and there was a shovel and there was a plastic tarp.
12:02And then I looked at Wes and I was like, this is weird, right?
12:07And then Wes is really smart and he was like, sir, I have to go to the bathroom.
12:12And these guys are like, no, you can't go to the bathroom.
12:14We're almost to the house.
12:15And Wes is like, I really have to pee.
12:16And he's like, no.
12:18And so Wes just bolted out of the car and he ran in that direction and I ran in that direction.
12:22And the guy, he just chased Wes instead and he killed him.
12:27And I feel guilty that I'm alive and he's not.
12:31But then I got...
12:35But wait, wait.
12:36I'm not finished.
12:37Hold on.
12:38That's when I got really brave.
12:40And I jumped on his back and I whacked him with the shovel like two times really hard.
12:45And he started wobbling.
12:46He was like, get up.
12:47Okay, stay down.
12:49Stay down.
12:50Right.
12:51But he was wobbling away.
12:53And so I said, I just got to grab Wes and put him in the car and take him to the police.
12:57And that's when you showed up.
12:59Why didn't you just call us?
13:00Because there's no cell phone.
13:03Get her hands out of your pockets.
13:05Stop yelling at me like I'm the bad guy.
13:09I'm the good one here.
13:11The bad guy is out in the woods and you are wasting your time here with me.
13:14I promise you.
13:15I'll stay here.
13:16I'll be a little well-behaved nugget.
13:18So have you used any substances?
13:20No, I haven't used any substances.
13:21Please, one of you, I'm begging you, you or you, go in the woods.
13:28He could be out there.
13:31Please.
13:33Go check it out.
13:36Sir, on the ground and just wait here.
13:39Yes.
13:40Okay, I will.
13:41He's wearing a black button-up shirt and silk black pants.
13:45I'll take care of it, sir.
13:46Make sure you get the right one.
13:48Dispatch.
13:48This is Officer Marr.
13:50I'm out on Old Hutt Road.
13:52I need backup.
13:53We have an incident out here.
13:55About 50 yards off the turnout.
13:58Thank you so much.
14:01Listen, Officer, I have a question.
14:03It's totally okay if this is a no, but my knees are really just barking at me.
14:06Is it okay if I just sit like crisscross applesauce?
14:09Sir, that is...
14:11Oh, thank you so much.
14:13It's fine, sir.
14:14Good at your job and kind, too.
14:17I hope your friend's doing okay out there.
14:20This guy is really dangerous.
14:22I mean, I think he could be an actual serial killer.
14:26The poise, the charisma.
14:31He's just a real professional.
14:32Please be quiet.
14:34Sorry.
14:39Copy.
14:42Is that backup calling in?
14:45Sorry.
14:47None of my business.
14:50Good thing for backup, though, right?
15:07Did you always know you wanted to be a cop?
15:09That's personal.
15:11I'm sorry.
15:13I'm just curious about the whole process, you know?
15:16It's such an important job.
15:18You've got to be really good at it.
15:20So do they vet you?
15:22Is it like a really long school?
15:24Can anybody become a cop?
15:27So many people's lives in your hands.
15:30You know, it's like airline pilots, you know?
15:31You're just like, okay, he's flying us around.
15:35I hope he's competent.
15:36I know I'm talking a lot.
15:54Just two more quick things.
15:55First, I'm so sorry I was such a crazy person earlier.
15:59I'm together now.
16:00And secondly, thank you.
16:02Thank you for showing up and being so good at your job.
16:07There's no one out there.
16:08Yeah?
16:09Yeah.
16:10But I did find some blood and some evidence of a scuffle, for sure.
16:15So let's not lie about that.
16:17Not lie?
16:18Wait, you think I...
16:19You thought I was lying?
16:21We don't know what happened here, sir.
16:22Sir, all we know is that we found you dragging a dead body in a sheet of plastic heading towards your car.
16:29It's his car, not my car.
16:32Yeah, okay.
16:32But you're the only person out here.
16:35And we have a responsibility to go with only the evidence we have.
16:38So, Wes?
16:41Wes!
16:42You're alive!
16:43Easy, easy.
16:44Back away, sir.
16:45Back away.
16:46Sit down.
16:48Are you okay?
16:49Are you okay?
16:50You're okay, buddy.
16:51You're okay.
16:51Sir, we need you to be quiet so that we can ask your friend some questions.
16:55Slowly, slowly.
16:55Okay, okay.
16:55Slowly, slowly.
16:56Look, take it slow.
16:57Take it slow.
16:58Okay, sir.
16:58We've got you.
16:58We've got you.
16:59We've got you.
16:59We've got you.
17:00We've got you.
17:00Easy breaths.
17:01We've got you.
17:02Easy breaths.
17:02We've got you.
17:03Okay.
17:06Sir, are you okay?
17:08I don't know.
17:10I don't.
17:12Sir, I'm a police officer.
17:14I'm here to help.
17:15I can't.
17:16I'm sorry.
17:17I can't really see you.
17:19Who are you?
17:20I'm a police officer.
17:22I'm here to help.
17:23You are?
17:24Yeah.
17:24You are?
17:25Oh, my God.
17:27Oh, my God.
17:31Where is he?
17:31Where is that horrible man?
17:33Which man?
17:34Which man?
17:34Who are you talking about?
17:35The killer.
17:36The killer.
17:37He's wearing a black button-up shirt with some black pants.
17:43He's so fucking evil.
17:45He's so evil.
17:48He said he was a real estate agent and he wanted to make a video for some stupid fucking house
17:53show.
17:53And then he chased me into the woods.
17:56And then he tried to kill me with a shovel.
18:01Okay.
18:01Okay.
18:02All right, sir.
18:02Yeah.
18:03Oh, wow.
18:09That's a lot of blood.
18:13Oh, boy.
18:16Oh, shit.
18:16We need to get him to a hospital.
18:17Okay.
18:17All right.
18:18Wait, wait.
18:19You're not finished questioning him yet, though.
18:20No, no.
18:21Get him to the hospital.
18:23Take him in.
18:23Take him in.
18:23I got him.
18:24I got him.
18:24Here we go.
18:25Here we go.
18:25Follow me.
18:26Sir, sir, we need you to back away.
18:28You're okay.
18:29Okay.
18:29Come on.
18:30Come on.
18:31Come on.
18:32Listen.
18:33Sir, follow us to the hospital, okay?
18:35Yes, and then we'll continue the question.
18:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:37Yeah.
18:37Yeah.
18:38Are you serious?
19:04Sir, sir, what are you doing?
19:08Get back in the car.
19:10Follow us directly to the hospital.
19:11I have to talk to you about something.
19:14Get back in your car.
19:17It's going to be a bit uncomfortable, but very, very important.
19:20I don't know.
19:20It's your turn, man.
19:21We don't have time for this.
19:23Is he kidding me?
19:23We don't.
19:24We have somebody.
19:25I know.
19:25Get him to the hospital.
19:26One day.
19:27Go ahead, man.
19:28I'll go check.
19:29Yeah.
19:30Oh, okay.
19:31I mean, we got to get there.
19:31Yeah, I know we got to get there.
19:33Come on, man.
19:33God damn it.
19:35Sir, what are you doing?
19:37You have to follow us to the hospital.
19:39Turn around here so we can turn around.
19:44No, no, no, no.
19:45Yeah, I'll be 23 back on the town property gates,
19:48and I'll be 76 to the William Crowder address
19:51at the same point.
19:53What I wanted to tell you is that you're incredibly unprofessional.
20:00They're unproved.
20:03You guys should not be letting people like me go.
20:11It's so disappointing.
20:15You're supposed to protect us.
20:22I don't know.
20:24Maybe it's me.
20:26Maybe I'm just getting old.
20:28Is excellence not a thing anymore?
20:35It's like all we're shooting for is just a B minus.
20:43Everybody gets a trophy, you know?
20:45Sure, everybody gets a trophy.
20:48You get a trophy.
20:50You get a trophy.
20:51Maybe everybody gets a trophy.
20:58Oh, right.
21:07It's time 42.
21:08Yeah.
21:12We're on the phone.
21:13On River Street.
21:14Relax.
21:14Yes.
21:16Awesome.
21:21We're going to the patch.
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