- 2 days ago
Promises! Promises! (presented as Promises... Promises! on screen) is a 1963 American sex comedy film directed by King Donovan and starring Tommy Noonan (who also served as coproducer) and Jayne Mansfield. Released at the end of the Production Code era and before the MPAA film rating system became effective in 1968, it was the first Hollywood film of the sound era to feature nudity by a mainstream star (Mansfield).
The film was banned in Chicago, Illinois, and several other major cities in the U.S. upon its release.
Plot
Sandy Brooks is desperate to become pregnant, but her husband Jeff, a television script writer, is too stressed to make love to her. They take a pleasure cruise and meet Claire and King Banner. The couples set out on a drunken spree and change partners after returning to their rooms. Both women later discover that they are pregnant and must determine which man is the father of each baby.
The film was banned in Chicago, Illinois, and several other major cities in the U.S. upon its release.
Plot
Sandy Brooks is desperate to become pregnant, but her husband Jeff, a television script writer, is too stressed to make love to her. They take a pleasure cruise and meet Claire and King Banner. The couples set out on a drunken spree and change partners after returning to their rooms. Both women later discover that they are pregnant and must determine which man is the father of each baby.
Category
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Short filmTranscript
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00:03:29Oh, thank you, doctor.
00:03:31You're very welcome. Bye.
00:03:32All right.
00:04:02A simple experiment in the power of suggestion.
00:04:09Patent is, of course, unaware that the dosage is an aspirin tablet. It will be interesting
00:04:14to see what happens. Sandy?
00:04:17I'll be out in just a minute, Jeff. Hi, Annie. Sandy. Do you want something, Annie?
00:04:32Oh, it's all right.
00:04:35It's all right.
00:04:35Okay, so I'll be in just a minute.
00:04:39Yeah, you want something, Annie. Do you want something?
00:04:41You want something?
00:04:43I'm sorry.
00:04:44I want something.
00:04:45I want something.
00:04:46I want something.
00:04:48Yes, you want something to ask.
00:04:52Here I am, honey.
00:05:12Hi, sweetheart. I was just having a drink. Join me?
00:05:15Oh, no, thanks. It's not five yet.
00:05:22What are you doing, honey?
00:05:29I just thought it might be a little cozier like this.
00:05:38You know, Jeff, you look sort of strange.
00:05:42I do? I don't feel strange.
00:05:50I don't feel anything.
00:05:52Sandy, you look gorgeous.
00:06:19Oh, honey. Thank you.
00:06:23What are you doing?
00:06:28Jeff.
00:06:30You've been trying too hard, darling.
00:06:32It's unnecessary.
00:06:34Honey.
00:06:35Ah, am I going to die?
00:06:49Not just yet.
00:07:02It's only a hangover.
00:07:06Oh, Doc, if I could only unscrew this head for a few minutes.
00:07:09You know, sick as I am, I'm starving.
00:07:12Ah, that's all part of it. Here, drink this.
00:07:14What's in it?
00:07:1586 proof.
00:07:16Treffier old Scotch.
00:07:17More commonly called hair of the dog.
00:07:19On the hatch.
00:07:21Oh, Doc, I feel awful.
00:07:24You feel better in a minute.
00:07:25Oh, what was in that pill?
00:07:27A few drinks and bam, it's the next day.
00:07:30Ah, I mentioned amnesia as one of the side effects.
00:07:33You mean I'll never remember what happened?
00:07:35The amnesia is permanent unless an alcoholic drink is taken within 24 hours.
00:07:40But I just had a drink and I still don't remember it.
00:07:44Wow.
00:07:45Ah, it's beginning to come back. I see.
00:07:48Doctor, do you know what I did after I took that pill?
00:07:50I could make a few shrewd guesses.
00:07:53I was standing right in the middle of the room.
00:07:55Right about there.
00:07:56And I turned.
00:08:05I was standing right in the middle of the room.
00:08:35Good morning, Mrs. Brooks.
00:08:57Would you care for some hot broth?
00:08:58Hmm.
00:08:59Oh, no, nothing.
00:09:00My husband's in there right now.
00:09:03We might be going to have a baby.
00:09:08We're not?
00:09:10There's apparently a touch of seasickness.
00:09:12Of course, it might be too early to tell.
00:09:14I'll make another test next week.
00:09:16I know, it's a shame. What a big disappointment.
00:09:19Oh, it's not me I'm concerned about, it's Sandy.
00:09:21It's an obsession with her.
00:09:22She keeps knitting baby clothes, telling everybody she meets
00:09:24she's going to have a baby.
00:09:25This is going to be a big blow to the whole ship.
00:09:27I know, I know.
00:09:29I've never seen a woman so determined to have a baby.
00:09:31I was counting on that pill you gave me.
00:09:33You said it was going to work.
00:09:34That's most discouraging.
00:09:36I know, I know.
00:09:38Too bad we've got to tell her the truth.
00:09:41What do you mean too bad? She's got to know the truth.
00:09:43You think I'd lie to my wife about something as important as this?
00:09:46No, no, she's got to know the truth.
00:09:48Oh, Jeff, I'm so sorry.
00:09:50I couldn't stand it, I just couldn't wait another moment.
00:09:52I am, I know I am, say I am.
00:09:54You am, are.
00:09:55Oh, oh, oh, I knew it, oh darling, I knew it.
00:09:59Oh, I'm so happy, I knew it.
00:10:01I knew that this time it just had to be, it had to be true.
00:10:03Oh, Jeff, I'm so, I'm so happy for it, darling.
00:10:06Oh my goodness, the stress, I've got to get out of it right away.
00:10:09It's much too tight.
00:10:10Let's see, I brought some maternity clothes with me,
00:10:12so I'll go to my cabin.
00:10:13Maternity clothes?
00:10:14I've got so many things to do, I don't know where to begin.
00:10:16I haven't even told Claire yet.
00:10:18My hair, my, what am I going to do about my hair?
00:10:21I know, I know, I'm going to let it come in naturally,
00:10:23it's much more motherly that way.
00:10:25Oh, darling, oh.
00:10:29Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:10:31Bye, darling.
00:10:39Thanks a lot, thanks a lot.
00:10:41What did I do?
00:10:42What did you do?
00:10:43You put the whole idea in my head.
00:10:44I didn't do anything.
00:10:46You said I am, you are.
00:10:47You make that whole thing.
00:10:49When Sandy finds out the truth, we're finished.
00:10:51Finished.
00:10:52Don't be ridiculous.
00:10:54It might not be possible for her to have a baby.
00:10:56Are you kidding?
00:10:57Sandy's been checked and double-checked.
00:10:58She can have a hundred kids.
00:10:59Two at a time, one doctor said.
00:11:01Uh-huh.
00:11:02What do you mean, uh-huh?
00:11:04Well, let me do a little check and double-checking on you.
00:11:07Oh, well, that won't be necessary, doctor.
00:11:11Really?
00:11:12See, doctors,
00:11:14Well, there's something about me you ought to know.
00:11:17Yes?
00:11:18I, uh-
00:11:20Yes?
00:11:21Well, uh-
00:11:23Yes?
00:11:24Back when I was in military school,
00:11:26Yes?
00:11:27I, uh-
00:11:28Yes?
00:11:29Had the mumps.
00:11:31No.
00:11:33How now, brown cow?
00:11:38How now, brown cow?
00:11:41Grazing in the tall, thick thistle.
00:11:45Grazing in the tall, thick thistles.
00:11:48I got it.
00:11:49I got it.
00:11:50Well, good.
00:11:52Remember it.
00:11:53You never can tell when that's going to pop up in a conversation.
00:11:56An actor has got to keep in shape.
00:11:58Besides, it makes me feel well.
00:12:00You think I want to be the only one on this entire ship to be seasick?
00:12:03Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.
00:12:05My little friend next door does pretty well at that rail.
00:12:08She ought to hate to be a fish in this ocean.
00:12:10Sandia's different.
00:12:11She's expecting.
00:12:12She's not expecting.
00:12:13She's convinced.
00:12:14What's wrong with that?
00:12:16Now, look, don't you go getting caught up in that old mother act of hers.
00:12:22She's no more with child, as she so delicately puts it, than you are.
00:12:27You're kidding.
00:12:28Oh, look, here's an ad on our cruise.
00:12:30Picture yourself on a world cruise aboard a graceful ocean liner.
00:12:35You're cruising along at 25 knots over a gently rolling sea.
00:12:40Yep, it's rolling.
00:12:42Dining in Japan on succulent octopus.
00:12:46In Peru, enjoying delicious stuffed oysters.
00:12:50How do you stuff an oyster?
00:12:52Then onto glamorous Siam savoring the exotic iguana.
00:12:58It's just a lizard, isn't it?
00:13:01I think I just lie down.
00:13:03Oh, King.
00:13:04You're not going to go through that whole bit again, are you?
00:13:08I might.
00:13:09Your fans should see you now.
00:13:12Go get them and let them look.
00:13:34I can see it all now.
00:13:35Sandy will find out our lives to her.
00:13:37She realized we can never have a baby.
00:13:39She'll leave the ship at the next port.
00:13:40We'll get a divorce.
00:13:41We're finished.
00:13:42I don't think it's as bad as all as that.
00:13:44Give yourself a chance.
00:13:46Claire, King.
00:13:48You'll never guess what.
00:13:50What?
00:13:51I am.
00:13:52Are you sure?
00:13:53I'm positive.
00:13:54I just got back from the doctor.
00:13:55Oh, I'm thrilled.
00:13:56Is the doctor still there?
00:13:58Oh, poor King.
00:13:59Who else did you tell?
00:14:00Well, you know, I came from the radio shack where I sent cables to everybody.
00:14:04And you and the radio operator are the first to know.
00:14:06Well, we're clattered.
00:14:08Oh, now where are you off to?
00:14:10I'm going to the beauty parlor.
00:14:11Want to come along?
00:14:12All right.
00:14:13You know what I feel like?
00:14:14A double dip hot fudge marshmallow sundae.
00:14:22It's no good.
00:14:23I can face up the facts.
00:14:24I'm no good to anybody.
00:14:25I can never be a father.
00:14:26I'm no good to my wife.
00:14:27I might as well be dead.
00:14:28Nonsense.
00:14:29Pure nonsense.
00:14:30Mr. Brooks, you're a young man.
00:14:32You have a whole lifetime ahead of you.
00:14:34I'm told you're a very fine writer.
00:14:35I was, but I'll never write another line as long as I live.
00:14:38You want to laugh?
00:14:39What?
00:14:40You know what they called me?
00:14:41You know what?
00:14:42Hollywood's most prolific writer.
00:14:44Ha!
00:14:45Thank you, Father.
00:14:50Bad Beck, dear.
00:14:52I'm going to be conservative.
00:14:54You're a genius.
00:14:56Oh, thank you so much, my dear.
00:14:58I mean it.
00:14:59The soft undulating wave.
00:15:01The contour caressing the skull.
00:15:04It's fabulously perfect, that's all.
00:15:07I'm so glad you like it.
00:15:08You like it?
00:15:09I adore it.
00:15:10Oh.
00:15:11Oh, Sherry, please.
00:15:12Don't touch.
00:15:13It's still wet.
00:15:14I'm sorry, love.
00:15:15You're a genius.
00:15:17Come on, Tulio, dear.
00:15:18We mustn't be late for lunch.
00:15:19Sandy.
00:15:20Oh, Claire.
00:15:21Sandy.
00:15:22Hi.
00:15:23You're just in time.
00:15:24You're both a mess.
00:15:25I'm celebrating.
00:15:26Oh, really?
00:15:27She's going to have a baby.
00:15:28Oh, marvelous.
00:15:29With the girl, the first permit is down the house.
00:15:30Good job.
00:15:31I'll tell you something, Bernie.
00:15:32Oh, my.
00:15:33Hold the phone, girl.
00:15:34All right.
00:15:35There you are, my dear.
00:15:36My latest creation.
00:15:37Burnt almonds.
00:15:38Oh, I love it.
00:15:41He is heavenly.
00:15:42Oh, I love it.
00:15:44Oh, my dear.
00:15:45Oh, my dear.
00:15:46Hold the phone, girl.
00:15:47Hold the phone, girl.
00:15:48There you are, my dear.
00:15:49My latest creation.
00:15:50Burnt almonds.
00:15:51Oh, I love it.
00:15:53He is heavenly.
00:15:54Look at it this way, Mr. Brooks.
00:15:55Sterility is a complex problem.
00:15:56We don't know a great deal about it, but we do know that there might be a good thing,
00:15:58a good thing.
00:15:59Just, like a good thing to say.
00:16:00Don't tell me what it is.
00:16:01Oh, that's a good thing.
00:16:02I love it.
00:16:09You look out.
00:16:10You look out.
00:16:11You look out.
00:16:12You look out.
00:16:14You look out.
00:16:15You look out.
00:16:16You look out.
00:16:19You look out.
00:16:20You look out.
00:16:21You look out.
00:16:22You look out.
00:16:23But we do know that tension can be a contributing factor.
00:16:26But you already gave me a pill for that.
00:16:28It was all right as far as the wind. It just didn't go far enough.
00:16:31Relax.
00:16:32Relax.
00:16:33Sure, relax. That's easy for you to say.
00:16:35I'm thinking about your wife.
00:16:38You mean give my wife a pill?
00:16:40Of course.
00:16:46Only this time, I'm going to give her something a little bit more potent.
00:16:51More potent?
00:16:53The reaction will be more pronounced than before.
00:16:56Particularly with both of you taking a pill.
00:16:58I assume, of course, that you're willing to try it.
00:17:01Oh, of course, I'm willing to try it.
00:17:03I mean, more potent, huh?
00:17:10Shall we cut and bleach it?
00:17:12No, no, just a wash and set.
00:17:14I'm going to let it come in natural.
00:17:16We'll put on 10 years.
00:17:18Well, it'll go with the extra 20 pounds I'm going to put on.
00:17:21Now that she's going to become a mother, she wants to look the part.
00:17:25You mean it's really true this time?
00:17:27I just came from the doctor.
00:17:29Well, isn't that a kick in the head?
00:17:31Oh, no, it's no good, Doc. It won't work.
00:17:34Why not?
00:17:35She's not going to take a pill from me for that.
00:17:37Use your head, Doc. She thinks the job's done.
00:17:39Why would she take a pill from me?
00:17:41For a writer, you use very little imagination.
00:17:44You don't tell her about the pill.
00:17:46Don't tell her about the pill?
00:17:48Of course not.
00:17:49Arrange for a private dinner party just the two of you.
00:17:52Be romantic.
00:17:54You know, candle lights, flour on the table, wine for a toast.
00:17:58She can't object to a little wine.
00:18:00You mean put the pills in wine?
00:18:02Big, big, one pill in each glass.
00:18:05A sentimental toast and...
00:18:11Imagine that, a baby after all this time.
00:18:14It's the nature full of screams.
00:18:16Well, if at first you don't succeed...
00:18:19Well, I'll tell you one thing.
00:18:21I'm not going to have any children.
00:18:23I should hope not.
00:18:25You're not even married.
00:18:30Doctor, if these pills work, my hat's off to medical science.
00:18:33They will work, I'm sure, if it...
00:18:35Just follow my directions.
00:18:36I will.
00:18:37Oh, Doctor, they won't hurt her, will they?
00:18:38I'm the contrary.
00:18:40Now, don't you worry about the thing.
00:18:41I won't, I won't.
00:18:46Patients are unusually open to suggestions.
00:18:49I'll describe two aspirin tablets, telling him they're even more potent than the first.
00:19:00I get such a charge out of her.
00:19:02She's so excited about the baby.
00:19:04Isn't she, though?
00:19:08Listen, would you like to go in with me and we'll give her a shower?
00:19:12I'll wash her hair, Claire, and that's as far as I go.
00:19:16The reaction will be more pronounced than before.
00:19:19Particularly with most of you taking a pill.
00:19:21Oh, Doctor, they won't hurt her, will they?
00:19:23The contrary!
00:19:24It's almost time for dinner, honey.
00:19:26You ready?
00:19:27Sweetheart, I have a wonderful idea.
00:19:30Why don't we not have dinner tonight?
00:19:32Hm?
00:19:33What's so wonderful about that?
00:19:34Well, I mean, not go out for dinner.
00:19:36I was thinking, why don't we have dinner here alone in the cabin?
00:19:39Just the two of us.
00:19:40Hm?
00:19:41Oh, you mean because of the baby.
00:19:43Yeah.
00:19:44Oh.
00:19:45Because of the baby.
00:19:46I figured we'd have a little candlelight, a little wine, and us.
00:19:50Oh.
00:19:51That's marvelous.
00:19:52Oh, then we can do it.
00:19:53I'd love to do it.
00:19:55Let me see.
00:19:56Oh.
00:19:57We can't, we promised King and Claire that we'd have dinner with them.
00:19:59Again?
00:20:00Again?
00:20:01Honey, you know they expect to have dinner with us every night.
00:20:04I'm getting pretty sick of what they expect.
00:20:06Up to and including their little stranger.
00:20:10I'm getting sick inside of sitting opposite of that stupid actor every night and watching him sprinkle wheat germ on everything.
00:20:16Where's my wheat germ?
00:20:17No, you probably used it all up.
00:20:18After all, you only brought 15 quarts.
00:20:19A guy can get pretty, uh, watching, uh, sprinkle wheat germ on his raw meat.
00:20:32I know, honey, but he means well.
00:20:34I found it.
00:20:35Oh, goody.
00:20:36Here.
00:20:37Oh, hook me.
00:20:38I've got it.
00:20:39I'll tell him you're sick.
00:20:40That way we can have dinner here alone.
00:20:42Why don't I tell them that you're sick again?
00:20:44That way we can have dinner alone.
00:20:45Well, if you think they'd believe it.
00:20:46They never believe it.
00:20:47It's happened before.
00:20:48Well, it's happened before.
00:20:49Nonsense.
00:20:50I am as healthy as an ox.
00:20:51Well, I...
00:20:52Good, sweetheart.
00:20:53It's settled.
00:20:54I'll order some wine right now.
00:20:55Just for us, the two of us down here alone.
00:20:57Jeff, I don't know.
00:20:58You don't know?
00:20:59What do you mean you don't know?
00:21:00What's the matter with you?
00:21:01I, I think I, I've got a, a touch of...
00:21:04I don't know.
00:21:05I don't know.
00:21:06You don't know?
00:21:07What do you mean you don't know?
00:21:08What's the, what's the matter with you?
00:21:09I, I think I, I've got a, a touch of morning sickness.
00:21:13Morning sickness?
00:21:15At eight o'clock at night?
00:21:16Aren't you running a little fast?
00:21:18Oh, here's your yogurt.
00:21:20Strawberry.
00:21:21Shall we take it along?
00:21:22Claire, please don't.
00:21:23When you're expecting, there are just certain things that you have to expect.
00:21:28But you always have yogurt whenever there's pig, Knucklesons.
00:21:31So I'll try it on the menu.
00:21:32Oh, sweetheart.
00:21:33I hate to see you suffer like this.
00:21:35No, I don't mind at all.
00:21:36I, I really love every moment of it.
00:21:38Oh, really?
00:21:39What about our private dinner?
00:21:41Oh, I better not.
00:21:42I better take a rain check.
00:21:44You don't mind, do you, Jeff?
00:21:46I don't mind, baby.
00:21:47I'm just thinking about us.
00:21:49Want me to stay in with you?
00:21:50Oh, no, no.
00:21:51I'd really rather be alone.
00:21:53But you go out and eat, honey.
00:21:55Baby, I couldn't eat without you.
00:21:57I mean, it just wouldn't be right for me to walk.
00:21:59Of course, they do have pigs, Knuckles, and sauerkraut.
00:22:02I could have that with a little beer.
00:22:05Hey.
00:22:06Oh, what's the matter with me?
00:22:10I'm sorry, sweetheart.
00:22:12A little beer, a little pigs, Knuckles.
00:22:15Hi.
00:22:16Hi.
00:22:17I'm just going for a bite.
00:22:18So was I.
00:22:19You was down again?
00:22:20And out.
00:22:21Mine, too.
00:22:22Well, you know, we've had so many meals together,
00:22:23the whole ship's beginning to talk about it.
00:22:26Yeah.
00:22:27You're taking this news pretty bad, aren't you?
00:22:29What news?
00:22:30About the baby, I mean.
00:22:31Oh.
00:22:32You still seem to be in a state of shock.
00:22:33You just don't recognize me.
00:22:34I'm sorry.
00:22:35I'm sorry.
00:22:36I'm sorry.
00:22:37I'm sorry.
00:22:38I'm sorry.
00:22:39I'm sorry.
00:22:40I'm sorry.
00:22:41I'm sorry.
00:22:42I'm sorry.
00:22:43I'm sorry.
00:22:44I'm sorry.
00:22:45I'm sorry.
00:22:46I'm sorry.
00:22:47I'm sorry.
00:22:48I'm sorry.
00:22:49You just don't recognize happiness when you see us.
00:22:52I just don't understand.
00:22:54I don't understand this wild urge to leave your blood in the veins of some poor unsuspecting
00:23:01offspring.
00:23:02What is the population of the world, anyway?
00:23:05Three billion?
00:23:06Give or take a couple.
00:23:07I know we were told to be fruitful and multiply, but how fruity can you get?
00:23:15You don't understand.
00:23:16You just hate kids.
00:23:17I do not.
00:23:18If King and I get to the point of where we feel we're not enough for one another,
00:23:23well, I'll talk to Northen.
00:23:24That way we'll be making the world a little better place for some kid that's already stuck
00:23:29with it.
00:23:30Aren't you overlooking your little basic biological urge?
00:23:33Urge?
00:23:34Oh, now you're going to get the one about the natural urge for reproduction.
00:23:38Believe me, there is such a thing.
00:23:41Well, the dear days before I was married and in show business, I remember all the guys
00:23:46were just loaded with that biological urge.
00:23:49I remember the sales pitchers now.
00:23:52Like, look baby, I've spent a lot of money on you tonight.
00:23:58You're the first girl I've ever asked.
00:24:00Oh.
00:24:01But you can't send me home like this.
00:24:12Oh, and I'll reset you. That'll be our bond. Don't fight it. This thing is bigger than both of us.
00:24:23Two martinis. That would never work for me.
00:24:26You know, not once did I ever hear a guy say to me, please, I want to be a daddy.
00:24:33Urge for reproduction, my eye. There's a lot more urge around than there is reproduction.
00:24:40Yeah, yeah. You know, with the fatherhood potential I have, I should have married you.
00:24:46What's wrong with your father's potential? You just made it.
00:24:49Well, yeah, what a struggle. Two years ago, I told Sandy I thought we should adopt a kid.
00:24:55And she wouldn't do it? No, every time I discussed it, she'd tell me about the postman's sister-in-law's daughter.
00:25:02What about the postman's sister-in-law's daughter?
00:25:05Well, the doctor told us she had a tumor and could never have children.
00:25:08The tumor turned out to be a bouncing baby boy.
00:25:12You know, they thought I was a tumor, but I fooled them, didn't I? Didn't I?
00:25:17If you think so, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
00:25:24Look at that moon. They've got to be kidding.
00:25:33Yeah. I wonder if they've got one like that for tourist class.
00:25:39Just a half moon. Oh, look at them. Aren't they cute?
00:25:45Do you feel that way about me, dear?
00:25:48Sure. Would I be here otherwise?
00:25:51Oh, dear, Tulio. Oh, dear, Tulio. Oh.
00:26:09Oh, excuse me.
00:26:14Oh, excuse me.
00:26:27Ah!
00:26:31Oh, oh.
00:26:44You know, I surely hope that the King and Claire won't be hurt about this.
00:26:56Oh, sweetheart, let them be hurt. This is our night.
00:26:59You know, you're really very thoughtful.
00:27:01I'm just thinking about us.
00:27:03Hmm. That's cute, too.
00:27:05Oh, honey, I just made you look sick. I didn't change.
00:27:08You did?
00:27:14Well, voila.
00:27:18Oh, Captain, I've ordered a table for two for tonight, I trust I'm not too early.
00:27:23It would never be too early for madame.
00:27:25Après vous, madame.
00:27:27Merci bien.
00:27:28You are welcome, I am sure.
00:27:35A toast to the most ravishing creature in this cabin.
00:27:39You are ravishing, aren't you?
00:27:40Half ravishing, half Lithuanian.
00:27:44Thank you for remembering the old jokes, my love.
00:27:47To my wife.
00:27:48Oh, a toast to that. I'll drink to that.
00:27:51Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:27:52What's the matter?
00:27:53You know the way King and Claire always barge in here?
00:27:55Oh, by this time they've gone up to dinner.
00:27:57Why be half safe?
00:27:59Happy New Year!
00:28:01Is this a private role or can anybody come?
00:28:04We're celebrating.
00:28:05King hasn't been sick for 12 whole hours.
00:28:08Neither have I.
00:28:09Well, have a drink to them, huh?
00:28:11Why not?
00:28:12Oh, is there any more glasses in here?
00:28:16That was my drink.
00:28:17And let me tell you, it was delicious.
00:28:19You had no right to drink my drink.
00:28:21Come up to the bar, I'll buy your old bottle.
00:28:23Come on, Sandy, we all go up to the bar.
00:28:25I don't want you to take your hands off my wife.
00:28:26Hey, you're a couple of uns ahead of us.
00:28:28Would you like to have a drink?
00:28:29Would you like to have a drink?
00:28:30Claire, please, I don't have a drink.
00:28:31Would you bring me all right back?
00:28:32Sweetheart, would you like to go?
00:28:33Honey!
00:28:34Oh!
00:28:35Sandy!
00:28:36Hey!
00:28:37I saw it happen.
00:28:38He's not bleeding, is he?
00:28:39No, but he's sure knocked out.
00:28:40Oh, that's good.
00:28:41I can't stand the sight of blood.
00:28:42Come on, Claire.
00:28:43Let's get him to sick day.
00:28:44Oh!
00:28:45Oh!
00:28:46What?
00:28:47I wonder what happened to Jeff and Claire.
00:28:49Probably dancing.
00:28:50Have a drink.
00:28:51Oh, we'd better wait for them.
00:28:52Listen to the way my addiction has improved.
00:28:53How, now, brown cow grazing in a thick thistle?
00:28:56It's cute.
00:28:57Very cute.
00:28:58It took me a long time to get it just right.
00:29:00Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:29:02I don't know what happened to them.
00:29:03Listen to the way my addiction has improved.
00:29:05How, now, brown cow grazing in a thick thistle?
00:29:10It's cute.
00:29:13Very cute.
00:29:14It took me a long time to get it just right.
00:29:18Well, you artists are never satisfied.
00:29:21Did you know they thought I was a tumor?
00:29:26Second thought, I think I had that drink.
00:29:30Two scotch.
00:29:32Make a double.
00:29:58Let's have a drink.
00:29:59It's for you and one for me.
00:30:29Oh, no.
00:30:30I'm blind.
00:30:31Oh, no.
00:30:32Morning.
00:30:33Oh, no.
00:30:34Oh, no.
00:30:35I'm blind.
00:30:36Oh, no.
00:30:37Morning.
00:30:38Oh, no.
00:30:39Oh.
00:30:40Oh.
00:30:41Morning.
00:30:42Oh, no.
00:30:43Claire.
00:30:44Claire.
00:30:45Claire.
00:30:54Claire.
00:30:56Good morning, sweetheart.
00:30:57What are you doing here?
00:31:01What am I doing here?
00:31:02Oh, it's you.
00:31:03We're in sick bay.
00:31:04How'd we get here?
00:31:05Don't you remember?
00:31:06I don't remember a thing.
00:31:07Oh.
00:31:08Well, frankly, I was feeling a little high myself last night, but I'll do my best to fill you in.
00:31:16I remember you had a pretty nasty fall.
00:31:17Oh.
00:31:18I was worried about a concussion.
00:31:19That's why I brought you up here.
00:31:20You mean...
00:31:21You mean we spent the night here together?
00:31:22Apparently.
00:31:23And you were babbling something.
00:31:24I couldn't quite make it out.
00:31:25Something about pills and...
00:31:26Oh.
00:31:27Well, that's what scared me.
00:31:28That's why I went over there and looked in that medicine cabinet, and I found something
00:31:29that looked like aspirin.
00:31:30I gave you one, and I took one.
00:31:31Oh.
00:31:32Oh.
00:31:33Oh.
00:31:34Oh.
00:31:35Oh.
00:31:36Oh.
00:31:37Oh.
00:31:38Oh.
00:31:39Oh.
00:31:40Oh.
00:31:41Oh.
00:31:42Oh.
00:31:43Oh.
00:31:44Oh.
00:31:45Oh.
00:31:46Oh.
00:31:47Oh.
00:31:48Oh.
00:31:49Oh.
00:31:50Oh.
00:31:51Oh.
00:31:52Oh.
00:31:53Oh.
00:31:54Oh.
00:31:55Oh.
00:31:56Oh.
00:31:57Oh.
00:31:58Oh.
00:31:59Oh.
00:32:00Oh.
00:32:01Oh.
00:32:02Oh.
00:32:03Oh.
00:32:04Oh.
00:32:05Oh.
00:32:06Oh.
00:32:07Oh.
00:32:08Oh.
00:32:09Oh.
00:32:10Oh.
00:32:11Oh.
00:32:12Oh.
00:32:13Oh.
00:32:14Oh.
00:32:15Oh.
00:32:16Oh.
00:32:17Oh.
00:32:18Oh.
00:32:19To see my wife, he's done enough already
00:32:27Good morning, mr. Brooke. Oh, excuse me good morning. Did you by any chance see my wife this morning? Yes, sir
00:32:31She's near cabin having breakfast with mr. Banner. Oh, I'm glad she's got her sea legs again. She ordered coffee Royale
00:32:38Oh coffee, right?
00:32:40That's brand
00:32:42I
00:32:49Never slept so well in my life. I didn't even hear Claire get up and Jeff didn't wake me up this morning either
00:32:55I think he's getting more considerate now that he's going to become a daddy
00:33:04Hey, I am insane. You know I'm insane about my coffee and brandy
00:33:07Then you're calling yourself for nothing. That's just plain black coffee. Here's the brandy. Oh, thank you. Thank you, sweetheart
00:33:13I love I love brandy in my coffee
00:33:15Oh, what happened to your poor head? I fell out of a plane. Well, your mommy will fix it for you
00:33:23Have some coffee with us, oh boy. No, thanks. I just had some what are you eating?
00:33:28Finest tonic in the whole world oatmeal black shirt molasses weed germs. I'm sorry. I asked
00:33:34But you are hungry, huh? Famous me too. I've never been so hungry in all my life
00:33:41And that's all part of it
00:33:44Well, oh
00:33:45Well, I get dressed for a tournament
00:33:48Me too. I'll be ready
00:33:52Baby, how did you hurt your little head a trip chasing you and King last night funny? I don't remember when it happened
00:34:00Do you remember anything about last night anything at all?
00:34:03Nothing really after I left the cabin except
00:34:06Except you know that that that awful sea sickness feeling came around again
00:34:11My goodness it must have hit me pretty hard. I don't even remember how I got to bed
00:34:15You don't, huh?
00:34:17But I had a marvelous sleep. Thank you for not awakening me this morning
00:34:23It's all right
00:34:24You know when I woke up I felt like I owned the whole world
00:34:28I never remember feeling so good before
00:34:32Never?
00:34:32Never
00:34:34Say
00:34:35How about a game of deck tennis?
00:34:37Deck tennis?
00:34:38Yes
00:34:39King entered us in a tournament
00:34:42We should stop being our social director
00:34:45What are you smiling at?
00:34:47Oh nothing darling
00:34:49I'm just so very happy
00:34:51At last we've got what we always wanted
00:34:54What our marriage always needed
00:34:55Yeah
00:34:57You know I think it's going to make the world of difference in our lives
00:35:01It could
00:35:02I uh
00:35:03I suppose King got seasick too, huh?
00:35:05Yeah, so he said
00:35:07Isn't that funny?
00:35:10Yeah
00:35:11It's a riot
00:35:13You know we finally figured it out
00:35:14It was all that wine we drank
00:35:15We drank it so fast
00:35:17Yeah, no doubt about it
00:35:18It was the wine
00:35:19Well it's all over now
00:35:20Thank goodness
00:35:21Thank goodness
00:35:22Yeah
00:35:22It's amazing how it changes you though
00:35:25I can promise you
00:35:25I'll put on a whole inch around the top
00:35:28That's impossible
00:35:31You like my new scent?
00:35:33Yeah, what is it?
00:35:35My sin
00:35:41Figures
00:35:46You know what today is honey?
00:35:48You know what day this is?
00:35:50Thursday?
00:35:52No, it's King's birthday
00:35:54The captain's giving him a party
00:35:55That's nice
00:35:57You know I just thought of a wonderful present to give him
00:36:00It's something of yours
00:36:02Something of mine?
00:36:03What?
00:36:04You know that pair of binoculars you picked up in Tokyo?
00:36:08Oh those, yeah
00:36:11Well, do you want to give him something yourself?
00:36:14I've given him too much already
00:36:17Oh darling, I'm so happy right now
00:36:21I think this is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to us
00:36:25I tell you if another catastrophe had come along
00:36:27I don't know what really would have happened to our marriage
00:36:31Sometimes I think of all kinds of terrible things
00:36:34Sweetheart, we'd have made out somehow, wouldn't we?
00:36:36Well, anyway it's silly to talk about it because we've been so lucky
00:36:41Wonder what King will say when he finds out we're going to give him a party
00:36:45He'll say something
00:36:45I know
00:36:48You'll be in charge of the entertainment committee
00:36:50Because you're so cute and thinking of wonderful things to do
00:36:55Yeah, I always think of wonderful things to do
00:37:00All ready
00:37:03Ready and waiting
00:37:04Bye, Annie
00:37:05Bye
00:37:07Oh, wonderful things
00:37:08Oh, Captain, I'm so sorry I'm late
00:37:21How nice to see you, dear
00:37:23Nice to see you, dear
00:37:28Contemporary sociological phenomena
00:37:31Yes, um, ladies and gentlemen
00:37:33I think you all know that this is, um, this little gala
00:37:37Is being given in honor of one of our most famous passengers
00:37:40Mr. King Balor, who I'm sure he won't mind if we all call him King
00:37:44We all know of his ability as an actor
00:37:47But a few of us know that he is one of the really great weightlifters
00:37:52And I think with a little more encouragement from all of you
00:37:55Including myself
00:37:56We would be able to get him up here to lift a few for us
00:38:10Thank you, thank you, thank you
00:38:13He's lifting a few himself
00:38:16Uh, would you hold it, please? I'd like to get just one quick picture
00:38:22Oh, thank you, you love it
00:38:24You're not ashamed of me, are you?
00:38:27What could you possibly think of?
00:38:28Ah, you dear boy
00:38:43Oh, thank you, sir
00:38:49Hold it
00:38:51Thank you
00:39:00Look at them up there, fathead
00:39:04Fine father my baby's gonna have
00:39:13It'll probably be born with an hernia
00:39:29And he doesn't even know how lucky he is
00:39:32Suppose he ever found out
00:39:34And he will find out when he sees the baby
00:39:37Only thing to do is tell him
00:39:39Come right out and face him like a man
00:39:42And tell him
00:39:43He'd understand
00:39:45We've been friends a long time
00:39:48King, we've been friends a long time
00:39:50There's something very important I have to discuss with you
00:39:54Sure, Bob
00:39:55What?
00:39:57You've been around a lot
00:39:58I mean, you know what the scholar is
00:40:00Sure
00:40:01I guess so
00:40:02Wow, what a build
00:40:04I take pretty good care of myself, you know
00:40:08Yeah
00:40:10Wow
00:40:14What's eating you?
00:40:16King, I have a problem
00:40:17I mean, it happened when I was in military school
00:40:20For four years, Sandy and I
00:40:21We want, I want desperately
00:40:22But we can't
00:40:23I mean, I try
00:40:24But I just can't
00:40:24I can't
00:40:26You mean
00:40:28Poor Sandy
00:40:30You married her
00:40:34I have a problem
00:40:36And I might as well admit it
00:40:38I am just beginning to realize that
00:40:40It's not the sort of thing you talk about
00:40:42Are you sure right?
00:40:44Like I say, it started when I was in military school
00:40:46No excuse
00:40:48Look, Bob
00:40:49Have you ever thought of going to a doctor about this?
00:40:52I did
00:40:53That's where the whole trouble started
00:40:54He gave me these pills, see
00:40:56I put the pills in the wine
00:40:57That's where you came in
00:40:58Poor Sandy
00:41:00You like Sandy, don't you?
00:41:02Sandy is a wonderful girl
00:41:04Then you can realize how this whole thing started
00:41:06Keep away from me or so
00:41:08Help me, I'll belt you
00:41:10You'll belt me
00:41:11That's a switch
00:41:12You wind up with my wife and you hit me
00:41:14Me and Sandy?
00:41:15Why, you dirty
00:41:16Go, you dirty
00:41:17Go, get out for speed
00:41:19Oh, he's a Johnny Goodfell, he's a Johnny Goodfell, he's a Johnny Goodfell, he's a Johnny Goodfell,
00:41:35who makes no big hand in time.
00:41:45Send me a big one I wanted for a calendar.
00:41:49Oh, look at that, it's not a thing.
00:41:53Oh, don't bother to count them, darling, I'll keep you a secret.
00:41:55I didn't know you were gonna do this too.
00:41:58Jeff and I have something for you.
00:41:59I can't wait.
00:42:01Happy birthday, you from us.
00:42:04Oh, it's marvelous.
00:42:07You shouldn't have really given me anything.
00:42:09He's absolutely right.
00:42:11Oh, Jeff, behave yourself.
00:42:13He's a perfect physical specimen, listen to me, Claire.
00:42:17A wife can't testify against her husband.
00:42:19Next, you wanna examine my teeth?
00:42:21That's a good idea.
00:42:23May I?
00:42:23Oh, Jeff, why are you so interested in dentistry all of a sudden?
00:42:27Listen, all of a sudden, I had an uncle who was a friendly friend of dentists.
00:42:33He was a friendly friend of...
00:42:35Anyway, I inherited my interest from him.
00:42:37You believe in heredity, don't you, King?
00:42:40Of course, very possible.
00:42:42Good, so do I.
00:42:43Take off your shoe.
00:42:46Go ahead, I just did.
00:42:47I'm quite comfortable, thanks.
00:42:49Come on, take them off.
00:42:50We can learn a lot from the Orientals.
00:42:52I take mine off every day.
00:42:54Solid comfort.
00:42:57Cut it out, I don't wanna take off my shoes.
00:43:00He's got a hole in the sock.
00:43:01I think he's got a hole in his hat.
00:43:03He's got a hole in this sock and doesn't want anybody to know about it.
00:43:08For Beats sake, all right.
00:43:11He's really smashed.
00:43:12A liquor like fire.
00:43:14A good servant, but a bad master.
00:43:17Kingpuss thinks so well.
00:43:19Yes, he's always thinking.
00:43:22He's got perfect arches, perfect.
00:43:24That's great.
00:43:25What's so great about normal Beats?
00:43:27Jeff, Jeff, I think I have something in my eye.
00:43:29Could you aid me?
00:43:30She wants me to aid her.
00:43:32That means I'm gonna get something in my eye.
00:43:35Connie, cut it out.
00:43:37You know how sensitive King is about his looks.
00:43:39You can sit there and talk to him about anything.
00:43:41Anything but his appearance.
00:43:46She's absolutely right.
00:43:48King, any insanity in your family?
00:43:53Jeff!
00:43:54That's all right, Sandy.
00:43:55He's just joking.
00:43:56That's right, Sandy.
00:43:57I'm just joking.
00:43:58I'm just joking.
00:44:00Is there?
00:44:01No, but I've got a friend.
00:44:03I'm not too sure.
00:44:05I'd better help you back on with your shoes.
00:44:11I'm sorry, old boy.
00:44:12I didn't mean to do that.
00:44:13That's all right.
00:44:15He has perfect reflexes.
00:44:16Perfect.
00:44:17If you two boys are still playing footsies, I'd like to dance.
00:44:23Good idea.
00:44:24I'll dance with you, Claire.
00:44:25King, would you dance with Sandy?
00:44:28Come on, Claire.
00:44:29Up and out.
00:44:30I gotta get my shoes.
00:44:32Never mind your shoes.
00:44:33I guess you're stuck with me.
00:44:34Be proud of you, Claire.
00:44:35You said.
00:44:36On my birthday.
00:44:37I never saw Meg this way before.
00:45:02Oh, he's just exhilarated.
00:45:04What do you suppose got into him?
00:45:06I'd say about a quart.
00:45:21I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
00:45:23Well, it's all right.
00:45:24How many more told us where that came from?
00:45:26I'm a clumsy clod and I can't do anything right.
00:45:29Oh, I don't know about that.
00:45:31You drink a pretty mean drink.
00:45:34Thanks.
00:45:35I don't mind if I do.
00:45:44Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?
00:45:47Ladies and gentlemen, with a little encouragement from all of us,
00:45:49I think we can persuade Sandy, who is the wife of King's best friend,
00:45:53to sing a little song for us.
00:45:54Now, let's have a hand for Sandy, all right?
00:46:00Promise her anything?
00:46:06Promise her anything, if you're in love.
00:46:13True love comes but once, so they say.
00:46:28When you find it, don't let it slip away.
00:46:34Oh, promise her everything, everything grand.
00:46:44And if she's right for you, she'll understand.
00:46:49No go to her, a woman instinctively knows.
00:46:56Yes, promise her anything, in love, anything grand.
00:47:06She's beautiful.
00:47:07Right.
00:47:08She's beautiful.
00:47:21Right.
00:47:22I'm not good enough for her, that's all.
00:47:38Right.
00:47:43I'm not good enough for her, that's all.
00:47:48Right.
00:48:00Oh, promise her anything, in love, anything grand.
00:48:08Mr. Brooks.
00:48:25Mr. Brooks.
00:48:26Mr. Brooks.
00:48:27I'll have what?
00:48:28I didn't mean anything by it.
00:48:30That's all right.
00:48:31Oh, I'm sorry.
00:48:32There you go.
00:48:33It's really not necessary.
00:48:34Are you sure you're all right?
00:48:36I'm fine.
00:48:38Sandy doesn't know.
00:48:42She doesn't know what I did.
00:48:44But she's gotta know.
00:48:46A marriage has to be based on trust.
00:48:48I've gotta tell her.
00:48:50I've gotta come right out like a man and tell her what I did.
00:48:56Do you want something?
00:49:01See you later.
00:49:03Sandy, you're gorgeous.
00:49:06Jeff, you're trying too hard, darling.
00:49:08Sweetheart, I love you more than life itself.
00:49:11Do you really?
00:49:12No, darling.
00:49:13You wanted a baby.
00:49:14I wanted you to have a baby.
00:49:15I never intended it to work out like this.
00:49:18But King's a healthy guy.
00:49:20I look at it like this.
00:49:21We're modern, sophisticated adults.
00:49:23Whatever happened, has happened.
00:49:25And there's nothing we can do about it.
00:49:27And there's nothing we can do about it.
00:49:29I don't know.
00:49:30It's crazy.
00:49:31Do you know what you're doing?
00:49:32I don't know.
00:49:33I don't know.
00:49:34I don't know.
00:49:35I don't know.
00:49:36I love that body, don't you think it's weird?
00:49:57No, no, no.
00:50:00Oh, what divine zombie glasses.
00:50:11Oh, the baby bottle.
00:50:13Come on now.
00:50:14My neck, dear heart.
00:50:16Let me get through there.
00:50:18Come on, girl, clear out.
00:50:21There we go.
00:50:23Oh, I got carried away.
00:50:26Oh, I got wigs.
00:50:31What if it's a boy?
00:50:34I have a blue one, sweetie.
00:50:37Now, if you decide to let it come in natural, you can always wear one of these.
00:50:41I am going to let it come in natural.
00:50:43Would you like me to model it?
00:50:45Oh, I love it.
00:50:46Look at this.
00:50:47Change is called fewer.
00:50:50Oh, here, darling.
00:50:53Now, remember your condition, honey.
00:50:56Oh.
00:50:57If it bites me, I'm going to kill it.
00:50:59Oh, well.
00:51:00She killed me, too.
00:51:02Now, I'd like to show you girls how a wig can completely transform your personality.
00:51:09There we go.
00:51:11Now, baby, I'm going to let you argue.
00:51:14Oh, darling.
00:51:18It's absolutely divine of you to invite me on your little soiree.
00:51:25I'm adrift, you know.
00:51:27I just closed my latest play in New York.
00:51:30I thought it would be a tour de force.
00:51:32However, I was forced to tour.
00:51:35Oh, what a bore.
00:51:38What?
00:51:39Now, we have glasses, identification, a darling, darling red one this time.
00:51:46Really?
00:51:47And I should like to read a nursery rhyme for you.
00:51:54Oh, Betty.
00:51:55Oh, Betty.
00:51:56Oh, Betty.
00:51:57Little Miss Moffett sat on a tosset eating her curds and whey.
00:52:07There came a big spider and sat down beside her and said,
00:52:13I haven't had decent curds and whey since they closed Romanoff.
00:52:20Oh!
00:52:21Oh!
00:52:22Is that one fun?
00:52:24That's nice.
00:52:25Now, for this nest, I need a little production.
00:52:28May I have that over there?
00:52:29You may.
00:52:30Thank you, dear.
00:52:31Now, will you darlings make a little curtain for me?
00:52:33A little curtain.
00:52:34Curtain, curtain.
00:52:35Kind of a puppet theater.
00:52:36Yes.
00:52:37Up we go.
00:52:38All right.
00:52:39Ready.
00:52:40Curtain.
00:52:41Hello, everybody.
00:52:42James Phil.
00:52:43Has everyone seen my beautiful new present?
00:52:58It's Diamond Study.
00:53:00It's a diaper for the baby that has everything.
00:53:07Now, let's see if I know how to fold it.
00:53:10Oh, there.
00:53:12Isn't that just too perfect?
00:53:15I can do her, too.
00:53:18Isn't that just too perfect?
00:53:20It's Diamond Study.
00:53:22Oh, Sandy, you're terrible.
00:53:27Oh, I've been looking all over for you.
00:53:41Five scotch and sunscreen.
00:53:42Hiya, Doc.
00:53:43Have a drink?
00:53:44Oh, dear me.
00:53:45It's a little early in the day for that, isn't it?
00:53:47I hate a clock watcher.
00:53:49Mr. Brooks, you are a lucky man.
00:53:52How do you figure that out, Doc?
00:53:55I examined your wife this morning.
00:53:58There's absolutely no doubt about it this time.
00:54:01You're going to be farther.
00:54:04More or less.
00:54:05Of course.
00:54:06I didn't let her see that I was surprised.
00:54:08I let her go.
00:54:09I'm thinking that it was true two weeks ago when you told her.
00:54:11Obviously, my pills worked.
00:54:14Obviously.
00:54:15Frank.
00:54:16Becpum?
00:54:17I didn't say anything.
00:54:18Have a drink.
00:54:19Oh, no, no.
00:54:20Thanks.
00:54:21I knew you could do it.
00:54:22I knew it.
00:54:23Thanks, Doc.
00:54:25Oh, well.
00:54:26Merci.
00:54:31Don't worry, dear heart.
00:54:32I'll reach out the wig for you.
00:54:35Thank you, everyone.
00:54:36It was just fun.
00:54:37Thank you, dear heart.
00:54:38Thank you so much.
00:54:39Thank you so much.
00:54:40It was just heaven.
00:54:41It was just heaven.
00:54:42It was just heaven.
00:54:43Where are you?
00:54:47Wasn't it fun?
00:54:49Wonderful.
00:54:50Did you ever see so many beautiful presents?
00:54:52Wonderful.
00:54:53Oh, thank you.
00:54:55Now, don't forget we've got hair appointments this afternoon.
00:54:58I won't forget.
00:54:59And this is yours.
00:55:00Oh, yeah.
00:55:01Bye.
00:55:02Bye.
00:55:07How was the shower?
00:55:09Wonderful.
00:55:10It stinks.
00:55:11Dang.
00:55:12I've never seen so many lovely presents.
00:55:15She's up to her ears and junk.
00:55:17And you should have seen the girls.
00:55:20And those broths.
00:55:22Every time she opened the gift, it was oohs and ahhs.
00:55:26And how cute.
00:55:27And how divine.
00:55:29How nauseating.
00:55:30You're getting fat.
00:55:31I know it.
00:55:32You're a jealous.
00:55:33I am not.
00:55:34And you shut up.
00:55:35You don't love me anymore.
00:55:36It's been a month since I've seen you sober enough to think about it.
00:55:37Ooh.
00:55:38King never gets drunk, does he?
00:55:40No, he doesn't.
00:55:41You suck.
00:55:42You suck.
00:55:43You suck.
00:55:44You suck.
00:55:45You suck.
00:55:46You suck.
00:55:47You suck.
00:55:48You suck.
00:55:49You suck.
00:55:50You suck.
00:55:51You suck.
00:55:52You suck.
00:55:53You suck.
00:55:54You suck.
00:55:55You suck.
00:55:56No, he doesn't.
00:55:59You sound just like your mother.
00:56:02That's a nasty remark.
00:56:05And you meant it to be nasty.
00:56:07You know something my own true love?
00:56:10You sound just like her too.
00:56:13For your information, my mother is going to meet us in New York.
00:56:17Are you going to let her see you like this?
00:56:19If she's good?
00:56:26I'm not supposed to get upset.
00:56:28So don't upset me.
00:56:30If you want to drink yourself silly, go right ahead.
00:56:32I do.
00:56:33Leave me alone.
00:56:34I do.
00:56:45Why don't you wear glasses?
00:56:47Don't be silly.
00:56:49For once, why don't you admit that you're not completely perfect?
00:56:53We're nasty today, huh?
00:56:55You know, I'm just fed up with everything.
00:56:58Claire, what's getting to you all of a sudden?
00:57:01Now look, don't you start defending her.
00:57:04Who?
00:57:05Don't blow that instant act with me.
00:57:07You know darn well who.
00:57:09What did I say?
00:57:10You don't have to say anything.
00:57:12I know what you're thinking.
00:57:13Just how many kids are you expecting?
00:57:16What do you mean by that?
00:57:17My mind happened to be an absolute blank, if you want to know.
00:57:20Look at all this junk.
00:57:21Your mind's always a blank when it comes to me.
00:57:24Maybe it's because I'm not collecting bottle warmers like little Mother McCree in there.
00:57:30And you ought to see that layout she's collected.
00:57:33If it isn't all cashmere, it's Yak's hair.
00:57:37That kid will be seven years old before it gets over the itch.
00:57:40Well, don't climb on me about it.
00:57:42I had nothing to do with her baby.
00:57:44Flares.
00:57:45Look at this.
00:57:46The kid's going to be smothered in all this fuzz.
00:57:49I don't know what's the matter with you.
00:57:51Give me that.
00:57:52Oh, I suppose King would never say anything like that, would he?
00:57:55Would he?
00:57:56Hmm?
00:57:57I suppose Sandy would never be nasty, would she?
00:57:59Stop knocking my friend.
00:58:01I think I'll go out and get some fresh air.
00:58:05Bring some back.
00:58:06Ho, ho, ho.
00:58:08It's getting stuffy in here.
00:58:11I'm going out.
00:58:12I wish you'd just go away and leave me alone.
00:58:14If you're so miserable with me, why don't we just call it quits?
00:58:18Okay.
00:58:19If you want a divorce, you've got it.
00:58:26We were just talking about you.
00:58:28So were we.
00:58:41Read any good labels lately?
00:58:43If she only knew that nobody knows.
00:59:00Just me.
00:59:01Sandy's got to know, though.
00:59:04You can't build a marriage in a lie.
00:59:06Not a lie like that.
00:59:08Sooner or later, I've got to tell her.
00:59:12Do you want something?
00:59:30See you later.
00:59:32Darling, the time has come.
00:59:35Dinner will be ready for another 15 minutes.
00:59:38Sweetheart, forget dinner.
00:59:39I've come to talk to you about our child.
00:59:42Oh, isn't he the most precious little baby?
00:59:46Yeah, he's precious, all right.
00:59:48But what would you say if I told you that that child isn't mine?
00:59:52Well, of course he's yours, Jeff.
00:59:54It says the right of birth certificate.
00:59:56Forget the birth certificate.
00:59:58Forget the birth certificate.
00:59:59Forget the birth certificate.
01:00:00That child's real father is kicking for a manor.
01:00:05Oh, darling, you're just upset.
01:00:08Here, I've prepared for you a little drink.
01:00:11Oh, you don't believe me.
01:00:13Yes, I do believe you.
01:00:15I've always said that's because you've never lied to me.
01:00:19You're too good.
01:00:21To us.
01:00:22To us.
01:00:23Why did you put in that drink?
01:00:27Oh, just a pill, darling.
01:00:29You know all about pills and drinks.
01:00:32You couldn't.
01:00:34You didn't.
01:00:35You couldn't.
01:00:36You couldn't.
01:00:40Couldn't I?
01:00:43Poor little baby.
01:00:45As if we didn't know.
01:00:53You look awful.
01:00:55I thought we were going to have to slide you over the side at daybreak.
01:00:58They say it's the only way to go.
01:01:01Want a drink?
01:01:02No, thanks.
01:01:04You're mad at me, too.
01:01:07No, I'm not.
01:01:10I wonder where that ship's going.
01:01:16Down.
01:01:19Enough of this.
01:01:20I'll buy you a cup of black coffee.
01:01:23Claire, I want to talk to you.
01:01:25Sure, after a nice cup of black, strong coffee.
01:01:29What a revolting idea.
01:01:32More coffee, sir.
01:01:33No, no, thanks.
01:01:38Now you were saying?
01:01:40Think back to the night I bumped my head.
01:01:42Do you remember anything unusual about it?
01:01:45Well, it was quite a bump.
01:01:46What about it?
01:01:47No, I'm talking about you and me.
01:01:49Do you remember what happened to us?
01:01:52Well, as I recall, we spent the night together.
01:01:54Right.
01:01:55Right.
01:01:56And I was knocked out.
01:01:57But what did we do?
01:02:00Oh, I just told you, honey.
01:02:01We spent the night together.
01:02:03Oh, Claire.
01:02:04Come on, Claire.
01:02:05Uh, perhaps, madam would like mince pie.
01:02:12Oh, I'd love it.
01:02:14But if I ate anything so rich, it'd probably kill me.
01:02:18She'll have it to mince pie.
01:02:20Oh, Antonio, you're so good to me.
01:02:23But the doctor said I shouldn't.
01:02:27I'm the wolf.
01:02:37Now do you remember?
01:02:38I remember falling asleep in here.
01:02:40But before you fell asleep.
01:02:43I remember giving you a pill.
01:02:45Right.
01:02:46Now, did you make love to me?
01:02:48Did I make love to you?
01:02:50I like the way you put that.
01:02:51Did you?
01:02:53You're out of your mind.
01:02:54Claire.
01:02:55Really, listen.
01:02:57No, you are serious.
01:02:59It's like it's driving me crazy.
01:03:00At times, I almost remember it.
01:03:02Then, like now, it seems like a dream.
01:03:05Was I fascinating?
01:03:06Overwhelming.
01:03:08You're an idiot.
01:03:09In the first place, I'm not casual with my favors.
01:03:13And...
01:03:16And in the second place, the doctor was right there with us all night.
01:03:20What was he doing? Selling tickets?
01:03:21He wasn't there.
01:03:23He was, too, there.
01:03:24He was not there.
01:03:25And what about my wife and your husband?
01:03:26They were selling tickets.
01:03:28They were all dancing to something somewhere, weren't they?
01:03:30All night?
01:03:32No.
01:03:34No.
01:03:36No.
01:03:38No.
01:03:40No.
01:03:42No.
01:03:44No.
01:03:45No.
01:03:47Come to think of it, he never has mentioned that night to me.
01:03:51Not once.
01:03:53Claire, you ought to know everything.
01:03:55Are you putting me on?
01:03:57I hope to cut up my tongue after I tell you this, or I'll never be able to repeat it.
01:04:01Okay.
01:04:16I'll never be able to read it.
01:04:17No.
01:04:18I'll never be able to read it.
01:04:19No.
01:04:20No, no, no, no.
01:04:21No.
01:04:22No.
01:04:23No.
01:04:24No.
01:04:25No.
01:04:26No.
01:04:27No.
01:04:28No.
01:04:29No.
01:04:30No.
01:04:31Sandy and Cain?
01:04:33Go ahead. Whatever you say, I deserve it.
01:04:35What's so funny?
01:04:37Oh. Oh, if you only knew.
01:04:41Look, Jeff, why is this so important to you?
01:04:44Why? You want your own baby. That's why.
01:04:47It's a fundamental instinct.
01:04:49Oh, look, if you feed it and clothe it and love it, then it's yours.
01:04:54I found this out when I was seven years old.
01:04:57Seven?
01:04:58I had a dog. This dog had puppies right under my bed.
01:05:03And when the puppies died, I went out and found a litter of kittens to console it.
01:05:07Well, she licked them and she fed them.
01:05:10And most important of all, she loved them.
01:05:14And believe me, they were hers.
01:05:16Well, if Sandy has a litter of kittens, I'll love them too.
01:05:19But just in case she happens to have a baby, it'll be King's.
01:05:23The baby is yours.
01:05:25Oh, sure.
01:05:27There's not a doubt in the world.
01:05:31I'd give anything in the world to believe that.
01:05:34Well, I guess it's my turn to tell a story.
01:05:39I won't promise to cut out my tongue, but I would appreciate it if you'd keep the secret.
01:05:44Sure.
01:05:46No! King Banner?
01:06:03Yeah, it gets her right here, doesn't it?
01:06:05All these years and he never let on.
01:06:07Oh, he doesn't know. Can you imagine anyone telling King he's anything less than perfect?
01:06:14Do you realize what you're saying?
01:06:15Precisely my words to the doctor five years ago.
01:06:32Good old King.
01:06:33Thanks for telling me.
01:06:34Isn't it wonderful?
01:06:35Wonderful.
01:06:36Oh, excuse me.
01:06:37My wife's having a baby and I'm the father.
01:06:38I'm the father.
01:06:39Baby.
01:06:40Baby.
01:06:41Baby.
01:06:42Baby.
01:06:43Julio.
01:06:44He landed with me.
01:06:45Oh, excuse me.
01:06:46Oh, excuse me.
01:06:47My wife's having a baby and I'm the father.
01:06:48I'm the father.
01:06:49Baby.
01:06:50Baby.
01:06:51Baby.
01:06:52Julio.
01:06:53He landed with me.
01:06:54Julio.
01:06:55Julio.
01:06:56He landed with me.
01:06:57Whoa.
01:07:17Excuse me.
01:07:18Captain, she's my wife and the baby.
01:07:21I'm going to be the father.
01:07:22Excuse me.
01:07:23My wife's baby's going to look like me.
01:07:24My wife's baby, like me.
01:07:25Well, that's a risk you have to take.
01:07:27Honey, I'm back.
01:07:28What happened to you?
01:07:29I just realized what a lucky guy I am.
01:07:30I've been behaving like an awful rat.
01:07:31Where have you been just now?
01:07:32To a revival meeting?
01:07:33Sweetheart, I just...
01:07:34I just...
01:07:35I just...
01:07:36I just...
01:07:37I just...
01:07:38I just want to watch you knit.
01:07:39Sorry.
01:07:40The show just broke.
01:07:41Claire and I have hair appointments.
01:07:42Then I'll knit for you.
01:07:43Think I can't?
01:07:44Hmm.
01:07:45Watch.
01:07:46Watch.
01:07:47You nuts.
01:07:48All right.
01:07:49Behave yourself.
01:07:50Be a good boy.
01:07:51I'll be back in a couple of hours.
01:07:52Okay.
01:07:53I just want to watch you knit.
01:07:55Sorry.
01:07:56The show just broke.
01:07:58Claire and I have hair appointments.
01:07:59Then I'll knit for you.
01:08:01Think I can't?
01:08:03Watch.
01:08:10You nut.
01:08:11All right.
01:08:12Behave yourself.
01:08:13Be a good boy.
01:08:14I'll be back in a couple of hours.
01:08:15Okay?
01:08:23There you are.
01:08:27We've got hair appointments.
01:08:29Oh, for goodness sakes, I almost forgot.
01:08:31And that I couldn't afford.
01:08:36Come in.
01:08:39Hi.
01:08:40Hi.
01:08:44You're sober.
01:08:45Just an affectation.
01:08:47Sit down, King.
01:08:48You look a little peaked.
01:08:49I've never felt better in my life.
01:08:51That's right.
01:08:52You're right at the peak of your powers.
01:08:53Darn right.
01:08:54Right at the peak.
01:08:56You should have seen him running all over the ship.
01:08:59Yelling he was a father.
01:09:00I thought he finally flipped.
01:09:02Oh, he just went on the wagon.
01:09:04Oh.
01:09:07Oh, strawberries and cream.
01:09:08I think I'll have some of those.
01:09:10Yes, ma'am.
01:09:11Oh, make mine a watercress sandwich.
01:09:13I'm counting calories.
01:09:14Well, that sounds good.
01:09:16I'll have that.
01:09:17Instead of strawberries?
01:09:19No, with the strawberries.
01:09:20Oh, strawberries and cream and a watercress sandwich.
01:09:23That's right.
01:09:24Mmm.
01:09:25The clam chowder looks yummy.
01:09:26I'll have that.
01:09:28I'll have that, too.
01:09:29Strawberries and cream and a watercress sandwich and clam chowder.
01:09:33That's right.
01:09:34But the olives are nice.
01:09:36Of course.
01:09:37Oh, and would you bring me a side order of those little sour pickles?
01:09:41Sour pickles.
01:09:46Sour pickles.
01:09:47I just all of a sudden crave something a little sour.
01:09:53Claire, honey.
01:09:56By any chance, would you be feeling upset, dizzy or something?
01:10:01No.
01:10:02No.
01:10:03I feel fine.
01:10:04I'm just...
01:10:05Oh.
01:10:06Oh, look out below.
01:10:07Cool.
01:10:08Oh, look out below.
01:10:09Cool.
01:10:10Miss.
01:10:11My Frau.
01:10:12Well.
01:10:13This business is speeding up.
01:10:14Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:10:15Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:10:16Huh, ha, ha, ha.
01:10:17Ha!
01:10:18Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:10:19Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:10:20Well, this business is speaking up.
01:10:36Where's King?
01:10:37Probably in the gym.
01:10:38Why?
01:10:38He hasn't heard.
01:10:39I want a girl.
01:10:40What do you want?
01:10:41I want a throw-up.
01:10:43Well, naturally.
01:10:44How'd you expect that?
01:10:45Why?
01:10:46Claire's going to have a baby.
01:10:48It happened just like that.
01:10:49Isn't that wonderful?
01:10:50Wonderful?
01:10:51It's impossible.
01:10:52What in the world are you talking about?
01:10:54The doctor said you could have some bony for your nausea.
01:10:57I'll try anything.
01:10:58I'll go up to the pharmacy and get you something.
01:11:00Bring me back to you.
01:11:02Claire, I'm happy as anything about you and King.
01:11:05Look, dear heart, I've got to get back to the shop.
01:11:07Besides, this may be catching.
01:11:09Thanks, Babette.
01:11:10See you later.
01:11:11Okay.
01:11:12Claire, I behave like an ass.
01:11:15I deserve your story about King.
01:11:17That was no story.
01:11:19Please.
01:11:20That was no story.
01:11:21I didn't make it up, I swear.
01:11:23You didn't?
01:11:24I guess you didn't make up that story you told me either.
01:11:27Forget the story I told you.
01:11:28It couldn't have happened.
01:11:29Couldn't have.
01:11:30You can't fight facts.
01:11:31There's always the postman's sister-in-law's daughter.
01:11:34That's right, there is.
01:11:35And it could be, King.
01:11:37It's couldn't it, Jeff?
01:11:37Could be.
01:11:38It's got to be.
01:11:39It is.
01:11:40And if there's any doubts in your mind, just remember the dog and the litter of kitten.
01:11:43I remember.
01:11:44And, Jeff, I want you to be the first to know.
01:11:49King's been offered a six-picture deal in Europe, and we'll be gone for years.
01:11:54When did King decide that?
01:11:56Oh, don't be silly.
01:11:57He doesn't even know he's going to accept it yet.
01:12:00Here's Big Daddy.
01:12:02Claire, Claire, Sandy just told me.
01:12:05That's a mistake, isn't it?
01:12:07No, King.
01:12:08Do you mind?
01:12:09Mind?
01:12:10For your information, I've been told, not by a quack, but by two competent doctors, that
01:12:16I could never be a father.
01:12:18Jeff.
01:12:19Oh, no.
01:12:20And not this.
01:12:22We'll discuss it later.
01:12:23We'll discuss it right now.
01:12:25My wife and my best friend.
01:12:27Sandy, wait in our cabin.
01:12:28I want to hear.
01:12:29Stay where you are, Sandy.
01:12:31King, I love you.
01:12:32Remember that.
01:12:33No matter what happened, I love you.
01:12:35Remember that, King.
01:12:36You two didn't fool me for a minute.
01:12:38Now, wait a minute.
01:12:39I wish somebody would tell me what's going on.
01:12:42My wife and my best friend laughing at you.
01:12:44I wasn't laughing.
01:12:45We didn't laugh at you.
01:12:45We'd never laugh at you.
01:12:46Go ahead.
01:12:46Laugh at me now.
01:12:47Laugh at my pills, my health food, my exercises.
01:12:51They worked, didn't they?
01:12:53Ho, ho.
01:12:54Oh, come on.
01:12:56Oh, here you.
01:12:58Hey.
01:12:58Oh, Jimmy.
01:13:00Darling, this has been so much fun.
01:13:01Let's do the same thing next year.
01:13:06And so, two childless couples are no longer childless.
01:13:10Two men who thought they would never be fathers now find their greatest hopes fulfilled.
01:13:16In conclusion, the path suggestion is a marvelous thing.
01:13:21It can work at the most unexpected times.
01:13:25Doctor?
01:13:25Hi.
01:13:26Can I come in?
01:13:32Doctor, I have a problem.
01:13:35Wait, just a minute.
01:13:39To be continued.
01:13:42I see we're saying it.
01:13:43Oh, yes.
01:13:43As I was saying, I have a problem, Doctor.
01:13:46And it's this.
01:13:47You see, my husband and I have been on board the ship for six weeks now.
01:13:51And it's been six weeks of nothing but sick, sick, sick.
01:13:54He has to be out of that cabin once.
01:13:56Well, maybe one, that's one thing as well.
01:13:58I wonder if we're going to go into the ship.
01:14:00I don't know.
01:14:00I don't know.
01:14:01I don't know.
01:14:01I don't know.
01:14:01I don't know.
01:14:01I don't know.
01:14:02I don't know.
01:14:02I don't know.
01:14:11The End
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