- 8 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:22In the beginning there was only darkness
00:00:26And out of that darkness was born the demon Zal
00:00:33Ruler of the Zikidis and oppressor of humankind
00:00:37But from out of the shadows came Kron
00:00:43Warrior above all warriors
00:00:46And bearer of the gods' sword
00:00:48He freed humankind
00:00:56And led them to victory
00:01:01But victory was dearly won
00:01:06But victory was dearly won
00:01:18Suffering a mortal wound to his heart
00:01:22Kron bled for seven days and seven nights
00:01:38And a hundred warriors drank of his spilled blood
00:01:42And bared his strength
00:01:47Kron looked down at them
00:01:56And what he saw was good
00:01:58And with that
00:02:00He died
00:02:01Thus were born the barbarians
00:02:07The mighty sons of Kron
00:02:10Baby
00:02:22Baby
00:02:34Oh yeah
00:02:42Yes
00:03:00Yes
00:03:04Yes
00:03:05Hey
00:03:07Listen up people
00:03:09Strength
00:03:11Courage
00:03:12Fearlessness
00:03:13These traits were Kron's gifts to our people
00:03:17For thousands of generations
00:03:19For thousands of generations
00:03:20His undiluted blood has been running through our veins
00:03:23That is what we celebrate on this day
00:03:25Every year before we go on a quest
00:03:28But first and foremost
00:03:30It is Kron's blood which makes us barbarians
00:03:33The greatest warriors in all of Metalonia
00:03:36Okay, Ronal, it's your turn.
00:03:40Uh, Ronal is ill.
00:03:41Uh, Ronal is taking a sick day.
00:03:43Ronal!
00:03:47Why don't you just skip me?
00:03:49My elbow is hurting.
00:03:50Maybe I'm getting osteoporosis.
00:03:53Jerk-off elbow?
00:03:55Oh, Ronal.
00:03:56Come on!
00:03:58Just give it all you've got, kid.
00:04:00Mm-hmm.
00:04:04I can't wait to see this shit.
00:04:09No!
00:04:11No!
00:04:13Oh!
00:04:30Oh, fuck me.
00:04:34Come on, one more.
00:04:35I can't...
00:04:37Come on.
00:04:38More!
00:04:40You have to get in shape before going out on a quest, Ronal.
00:04:43A barbarian who can't swing a double-headed axis.
00:04:46Well, it's just not a real barbarian.
00:04:49What the hell am I gonna do on a quest anyway?
00:04:51I'll just get in your way.
00:04:52Why can't I hang at home?
00:04:53You're a son of Cron, Ronal.
00:04:55Cron's sons go on quests to kill monsters and return home in glory.
00:04:59That's the essence of being a barbarian.
00:05:02Uncle, take a look at me.
00:05:04What can I do to harm a monster?
00:05:06Flex these muscles and hope it laughs itself to death?
00:05:09Yeah, yeah.
00:05:10Ugh.
00:05:11What's up, Ronal?
00:05:12Have you gotten some muscles?
00:05:15So friggin' funny.
00:05:16Hey, have you gotten yourself some brain cells, huh?
00:05:18What?
00:05:19Where?
00:05:20Ugh!
00:05:21If there's one on my back, can you pop it for me?
00:05:22So friggin' typical.
00:05:23Right before the party!
00:05:24Listen, Ronal.
00:05:25Going out on a quest is more about having big balls rather than big muscles.
00:05:29It's about courage.
00:05:31Once you show you're a real man, questing is fun and crushing the enemy is easy.
00:05:35Okay, maybe it's just me, but I can't get over the fact that you can seriously die from questing!
00:05:40I'll just shut up and train, idiots!
00:05:41It's actually pretty heavy!
00:05:50Huh?
00:05:51What the hell is that?
00:05:52Grrrr!
00:05:53Grrrr!
00:05:54Grrrr!
00:06:03The alarm!
00:06:04Take arms, people!
00:06:05On your marks!
00:06:06Protect your friends!
00:06:07Come on!
00:06:08Come on!
00:06:09Yeah!
00:06:10You too, Ronal!
00:06:11No!
00:06:12Barricades are getting me first, guys!
00:06:13Come on!
00:06:14Come on!
00:06:15Move!
00:06:16Move!
00:06:17Move!
00:06:18Move!
00:06:19Come on!
00:06:20Pull!
00:06:21Yeah!
00:06:25Man the barricades, you lazy bitches!
00:06:27Hold it!
00:06:36Hold it!
00:06:37Hold it!
00:06:47Wait!
00:06:48Wait...
00:06:51Hold it!
00:06:53Hold!
00:06:54Who goes there?
00:07:02Greetings, noble barbarians!
00:07:04Master Florian Bard at your service.
00:07:08We merely wish for a humble fee, of course,
00:07:11to enrich your spectacular buffet of muscles
00:07:15with noble sonatas from olden times
00:07:19about heroes and heroines.
00:07:24Voila!
00:07:39Singers!
00:07:40What the?
00:07:41They sing songs at parties.
00:07:42Parties?
00:07:43That badass weapon is not a flame hurler.
00:07:45It's a fucking tuba, man.
00:07:47Ah, it's coming.
00:07:49Damn.
00:07:50Oh, that sucks.
00:07:51Aw, crap.
00:07:52I haven't cracked open a skull in ages.
00:07:55How the hell would I know that was a tuba?
00:07:57Your mom plays a tuba.
00:08:01Wow.
00:08:02Oh.
00:08:05Howdy, girls.
00:08:06How about washing my massive, rock-hard, filthy, dirty,
00:08:10four-stringed lute?
00:08:12Lute?
00:08:13Hey, it's time for poems, not frivolity, my young Annibert.
00:08:16Duty calls.
00:08:17We must practice for the party.
00:08:19Isn't there just a little time to check out the honeys?
00:08:21No, no, no.
00:08:23A real bard has to know all poems down to the smallest detail.
00:08:27Oh, does it have to be so perfect?
00:08:29Isn't it about time we went on a quest and join the barbarians tomorrow?
00:08:32And get into all the action?
00:08:34Look at me.
00:08:35I really need to meet some chicks, man.
00:08:37I mean, write some very important poems and that sort of thing.
00:08:42Oh, young Annibert.
00:08:45You won't be ready for that until you know all poems ever written entirely by heart.
00:08:50What?
00:08:51But that'll take a hundred years.
00:08:52Nonsense.
00:08:53That's total rubbish, my little friend.
00:08:55I was only 57 when I was fully trained.
00:08:58A mere youngster.
00:08:59Now, spit!
00:09:00Ow.
00:09:01I'll suck shit.
00:09:13That's really good shit!
00:09:16Okay, who's gonna suck the jello shot out of my mitchet's ass?
00:09:23All right.
00:09:25All right.
00:09:27So I went hunting the other day, right?
00:09:29And just happened to run into an orc kindergarten.
00:09:32Cute kids.
00:09:34Here you go, sugar.
00:09:35This is for you.
00:09:36Wow, it's gorgeous.
00:09:37Oh, it really brings out your eyes.
00:09:39Oh, you gotta see this one, too.
00:09:41It's an invisibility body lotion.
00:09:44I used it last year when I snuck into a harem.
00:09:46Cool, right?
00:09:48Totally sneaky deaky man.
00:09:50You can't even see who's attacking.
00:09:52Ow!
00:09:54What?
00:09:55Ow!
00:09:56Please stop it!
00:09:57Now it's stopped.
00:09:58There it goes again!
00:09:59No, please stop it!
00:10:00Who's hitting you, Ronald?
00:10:01Is that really a...
00:10:02It just can't stop!
00:10:03Fucking stop it!
00:10:04You fat piece of shit!
00:10:05Oh, Ronald.
00:10:06You are such a pussy.
00:10:08I have a Kung Fu...
00:10:09あ!
00:10:10I have a Kung Fu...
00:10:11I have a Kung Fu...
00:10:13I have to stop!
00:10:14A Tr-Mi2.
00:10:15You gotta run it!
00:10:16A Tr-Mi2.
00:10:17I have a Kung Fu...
00:10:18A ton!
00:10:19Big Mummy!
00:10:20No, no, no!
00:10:22I have a Kung Fu...
00:10:23All sons of Kron are gathered, Lord Valkhazai.
00:10:44Then the time is come.
00:10:53Can I take over your shift?
00:11:08What about the party?
00:11:11Eh, I was a bit tired.
00:11:14Okay, then.
00:11:16But blow the horn if you see anything suspicious, okay?
00:11:18Think you can do that?
00:11:20Who cares if I can blow that shitty horn?
00:11:22I just want to be alone, okay?
00:11:24It's a big horn.
00:11:25First you draw in a big breath, deep in your gut.
00:11:29Then you...
00:11:30For God's sake, Uncle, who in the hell would bother attacking us?
00:11:34We're barbarians.
00:11:35We've crushed everything in the Northern Hemisphere.
00:11:38We've never been attacked, damn it.
00:11:40You may be right, but it's the principle that counts.
00:11:45Someday that kid's gonna be the death of me.
00:11:47We're fucking barbarians, man.
00:11:55And now what the hell is that?
00:12:12We're Pyke, he's laughing, man.
00:12:13Hope the've got no questions.
00:12:30We're under attack.
00:12:47We're under attack!
00:12:49Quick, grab your weapons!
00:13:00No, no, no, no!
00:13:05What is your command?
00:13:07Unleash the fires of hell upon them!
00:13:13Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
00:13:18Fire!
00:13:24Show them!
00:13:30Hey, look! Fireworks!
00:13:33I don't remember ordering any fireworks.
00:13:45God, we're under attack!
00:13:46Move!
00:13:47Ovarians, defend yourselves!
00:13:57Oh, thank heaven!
00:13:59You're safe!
00:14:00Mwah!
00:14:01Woo! This is one bitch party, man!
00:14:04Ha ha ha!
00:14:04Whoa!
00:14:05Whoa!
00:14:06Ow!
00:14:07Help!
00:14:08Help!
00:14:09Help!
00:14:10Help!
00:14:11Help!
00:14:12Help!
00:14:13Ah!
00:14:14Ah!
00:14:15Ah!
00:14:16Ah!
00:14:17Ah!
00:14:18Ah!
00:14:19Ah!
00:14:20Ah!
00:14:21Ah!
00:14:22Ah!
00:14:23Ah!
00:14:24Ah!
00:14:25Ah!
00:14:26Ah!
00:14:27Ah!
00:14:28Ah!
00:14:29Ah!
00:14:30Ah!
00:14:31Ah!
00:14:32Ah!
00:14:33Ah!
00:14:33Ah!
00:14:34Ah!
00:14:34Ah!
00:14:35Ah!
00:14:35Ah!
00:14:36Ah!
00:14:37Ah!
00:14:37Ah!
00:14:38Ah!
00:14:38Ah!
00:14:39Ah!
00:14:39Ah!
00:14:40Ah!
00:14:40Ah!
00:14:41Ah!
00:14:41Ah!
00:14:42Ah!
00:14:42Ah!
00:14:43Ah!
00:14:43Ah!
00:14:44Ah!
00:14:44Ah!
00:14:45Ah!
00:14:45Ah!
00:14:46Ah!
00:14:46Ah!
00:14:47Ah!
00:14:47Ah!
00:14:48Ah!
00:14:48Ah!
00:14:49Ah!
00:14:49Ah!
00:14:50Ah!
00:14:50Ah!
00:14:51Ah!
00:14:51Ah!
00:14:52Ah!
00:14:53Ah!
00:14:53Ah!
00:14:54Ah!
00:14:54Ah!
00:14:55Ah!
00:14:55Ah!
00:14:56Ah!
00:14:57Ah!
00:14:57He's mine.
00:15:03We've been totally overrun!
00:15:05Why didn't you throw the fucking horn, Ronald?
00:15:07I tried! I really did!
00:15:08You tried? Trying just isn't good enough, Ronald!
00:15:12Jump on! We've got to save the others!
00:15:27Are these the famous Sons of Kron? How pathetic!
00:15:39Chain them all up! And don't leave anyone behind!
00:15:47We Parparians never surrender!
00:15:57No!
00:16:16Everyone bows to Lord Volkazon.
00:16:22No!
00:16:24Or die!
00:16:25No!
00:16:28Take them away!
00:16:30You heard Lord Volkazon! Get the last ones locked up!
00:16:34That's it!
00:16:35Come on, hurry up! Get the pigs in the cart!
00:16:37I haven't got all night!
00:16:39Give me a little turk!
00:16:40I don't wanna go! It hurts! Help!
00:16:43Ow!
00:16:44Remember your shoes and purses? I mean axes!
00:16:46We won't be coming back to get them! So let's go!
00:16:49Mr. General?
00:16:50Now what?
00:16:51I got a small problem here. This prisoner don't with the cops.
00:16:53What should I do?
00:16:54Huh?
00:16:55That's not a buff, Parian!
00:16:56Take them all back and kill the bitch!
00:16:57What?
00:16:58Wow!
00:16:59No!
00:17:00Thanks, Chuck! Let me go!
00:17:01Lucky bastard!
00:17:02Damn it, he always gets the fun jobs!
00:17:04I love leather!
00:17:05It feels nice!
00:17:06I love leather! It feels nice!
00:17:07I love leather! It feels nice!
00:17:09Buy it in a tiny size!
00:17:13Buy it in a tiny size!
00:17:14It feels nice!
00:17:15Oh.
00:17:29Damn! I think I got a hot eye!
00:17:38Oh, shit. What a night.
00:17:41My head is killing me.
00:17:43Wow, this place looks pretty nasty.
00:17:45Where'd everyone go?
00:17:48You ahead and do the after party or something?
00:17:50Hey, dude, wait up!
00:17:59Oh, Ronal.
00:18:10Uncle? You're alive!
00:18:13Not for long.
00:18:16Kron is calling me home.
00:18:19No, Uncle. It's probably just a...
00:18:22Flesh wound?
00:18:24Ronal, when your parents died, I promised to look after you.
00:18:28I kept that promise.
00:18:30Now it's your turn.
00:18:31Promise me something.
00:18:33That you'll save the others.
00:18:36They're counting on you, Ronal.
00:18:38What? But I can't.
00:18:40Promise me!
00:18:41But...
00:18:42You must go north to the Oracle.
00:18:46He will help you.
00:18:48The Oracle? But how?
00:18:54You are their only hope, Ronal.
00:18:56You are the last free barbarian.
00:19:03Uncle?
00:19:06Uncle?
00:19:08Uncle...
00:19:09Uncle...
00:19:10Uncle?
00:19:28Uncle?
00:19:32Hmm.
00:19:32Quark's invisibility lotion.
00:19:34Yo
00:19:37What's up, you going on a quest?
00:19:41Uh, no
00:19:42I have to go find the other barbarians
00:19:44Okay
00:19:45That sounds like a quest, you're going on a quest
00:19:48I'm not going on a quest, I have to find my tribe
00:19:51That is so totally a quest
00:19:52Wait up
00:19:53Who are you?
00:19:55Howdy, Aliburt, Bard
00:19:57I am Tickle Pink to join ya
00:19:59Wait, hang on
00:19:59Listen, you can't say no, cause I'll just follow you like a shadow
00:20:02Oh, it's gonna be awesome, man
00:20:04You know what, since we're heading north
00:20:06Why don't we visit the Amazons along the way
00:20:08No, I hear the chicks up there are totally drool
00:20:11We gotta check it out, man
00:20:13Listen
00:20:14It's true
00:20:14Stop following me around, okay
00:20:16You know, Amazon chicks are born hotter and hornier
00:20:18Than a June bride in a feather bed
00:20:19Shit, you're a drag, man
00:20:22I've got it
00:20:25We'll go to Borrelia
00:20:26No
00:20:27The women there have curly tails and four titties
00:20:29Wouldn't that be great
00:20:31They sound like pigs
00:20:32Oh, come on
00:20:33What are we doing here, anyway?
00:20:36I need to talk to the Oracle
00:20:37So do you think this dude can hook us up?
00:20:44Great ass, buddy
00:20:44Don't touch me
00:20:46Sweet
00:20:47Uh, hello?
00:20:55Hello?
00:20:56Well, you sure took your sweet time
00:21:02I've been sitting here since last Sunday
00:21:04Are you coming in or what?
00:21:05Uh, sorry, what?
00:21:07Well, you need to wipe my shit-stained shriveled ass, you idiot
00:21:10What the fuck are you doing here?
00:21:11Aren't you the fucking nurse?
00:21:12Uh, what?
00:21:13No, uh, we, we, uh...
00:21:14Wait, wait, wait
00:21:15I mean, Ed Gundar sent me
00:21:19All right, that's it
00:21:22I'm done shitting
00:21:23Now get to wiping
00:21:24It's so easy on my goddamn hemorrhoids
00:21:26Jeez, did I wash my hands?
00:21:27People wash with their hands anyway
00:21:29Who is the fuck?
00:21:33I gotta tell you something about this Lord Volkizar
00:21:36He's a mighty warrior
00:21:38The dark forces of the Zacchitis protects him
00:21:41Yeah, well, well
00:21:44It's not as if I want to fight him or anything
00:21:46I just want to find my tribe
00:21:48Volkizar craves the power to rule all of Metalonia
00:21:51So far, no one's been able to stop
00:21:54So far, no one's been able to stop
00:21:54So far, no one's been able to stop
00:22:21This guy is surrounded by impenetrable armor
00:22:25No weapon can ever hurt this bastard
00:22:28There is only one sword with the power to defeat him
00:22:32Watch
00:22:33Oh, wow
00:22:44Uh, what's so special about that?
00:22:47You barbarian, of all people should know that
00:22:49This is Kron's sword
00:22:52Nah, it's a joke, right?
00:23:02Don't you know it doesn't exist?
00:23:05All barbarians have been searching for that stupid sword forever
00:23:08I'm sorry to break it to you, old man
00:23:10But it's just a silly fairy tale
00:23:12Kron's sword is no myth, you little shit
00:23:14Only that sword can hurt Lord Volkizar
00:23:17And you will never save your tribe without killing him
00:23:21I can't
00:23:22Only a fearless warrior will be able to use Kron's sword
00:23:27And without a great warrior, Volkizar is invincible
00:23:31And without a barbarian with big balls, your tribe is doomed
00:23:34Why do I care? I'm just an oracle
00:23:41I don't give a fuck
00:23:43It ain't my fault the barbarians were captured
00:23:46Is it now?
00:23:47No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:24:17Korra'zul! Sorcerer!
00:24:38My lord, the time is nigh. We must awaken the Zacchides Temple soon before it's too late for the ritual.
00:24:44Are all Kron's sons caught?
00:24:47My mission is complete!
00:24:49Fantastic, my lord. Now nothing can stop us.
00:24:52Mighties all, Kron's sons have all been captured. Awaken from your slumber!
00:25:01Hey! What's going on?
00:25:03At last!
00:25:14What?
00:25:16What now?
00:25:17The great and mighty Zal isn't pleased. One of Kron's sons is missing!
00:25:22Impossible! Unless...
00:25:24Hey, I don't understand. We didn't leave anyone alive.
00:25:28Fool! I need the blood of every living barbarian, and you go and let one escape!
00:25:34I can't explain.
00:25:36Bring him to me!
00:25:38No!
00:25:40They're on a quest!
00:25:43Allibert and Rona!
00:25:45The biggest heroes in Mentalonia!
00:25:49Woo-hoo!
00:25:50We're gonna rock!
00:25:52Woo!
00:25:55And all the darning girls will say,
00:25:57Allibert you're so sexy!
00:25:59Listen, Pigfuck, I just witnessed my village burn to the ground,
00:26:02and now I have to find Kron's sword even though I haven't got a rat's ass chance of finding it.
00:26:07So will you just shut up with your odes and give me a chance to think?
00:26:11Hey, I could strum a little barbarian tune instead!
00:26:14No, please, not that crap!
00:26:16And Kron, he pulls his mighty sword and thrust with all his strength,
00:26:20the sword in two's of Katie's skull which cracks along his wang, huh?
00:26:24Wait!
00:26:25That song.
00:26:26What?
00:26:27What is that?
00:26:28The Ballad of Kron?
00:26:29It has 2,073 verses.
00:26:31I know them all by heart.
00:26:32And seriously, dude, Kron gets laid in half of them.
00:26:35Why didn't you tell me about it, man?
00:26:37That it gets laid a lot?
00:26:39No, about the lyrics!
00:26:40It's about Kron, you idiot!
00:26:42That verse was about his sword!
00:26:43Was it?
00:26:44Any verses about where the sword is?
00:26:46Quick, get to the end!
00:26:47From his chest the blood gushed forth,
00:26:50it gushed out night and day.
00:26:52No, no, after he dies!
00:26:53Come on, sing it!
00:26:54In his grave the sword was lain,
00:26:56a place beyond recall.
00:26:58The Book of Wisdom in Elvingard
00:27:00is bound to make the call.
00:27:03The Book of Wisdom in Elvingard!
00:27:05That's it!
00:27:06What?
00:27:07We've gotta go to Elvingard and read the Book of Wisdom!
00:27:08Really?
00:27:09That's how we'll find the sword!
00:27:10Woohoo!
00:27:11Those elf babes are totally bitchin'!
00:27:13This is gonna be a kick-ass quest!
00:27:16Okay.
00:27:17I have two rules for this trip.
00:27:19One, this is not a quest.
00:27:21And two, if we ever see anything
00:27:23that is even remotely quest-like,
00:27:25we'll absolutely go around it.
00:27:27Deal?
00:27:28Go around it.
00:27:29Gotcha.
00:27:30Good.
00:27:31Oh, shit!
00:27:37I'm not quite sure,
00:27:38but did we just break rule number one or two?
00:27:41Run for your lives!
00:27:45Shit!
00:27:46What the hell is this?
00:27:55Do you hear that?
00:28:07Oh!
00:28:08No!
00:28:09No!
00:28:10No!
00:28:11No!
00:28:12No!
00:28:13No!
00:28:14No!
00:28:15Stop!
00:28:23Who are you?
00:28:24Are you one of them?
00:28:25Cut my throat!
00:28:26Answer me!
00:28:27I-I-I'm just an innocent traveler!
00:28:31I swear!
00:28:32I-I-I really don't want to disturb your-your-your-your-your-your massacre of random men!
00:28:38They challenged me to a duel!
00:28:41Oh no, not again!
00:28:43Hahahaha!
00:28:47Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:28:50Screw it.
00:28:51I'll let you live.
00:28:55Oh!
00:28:56Hey Ronald!
00:28:57I think we just found the Fairies Warrior we need for Cron D' SCHORN!
00:29:00What, are you crazy?
00:29:01She's a fucking psychopath!
00:29:03Uh, exactly. What are you waiting for? Ask her.
00:29:07No. Asshole.
00:29:09Hey, gorgeous. My buddy Ronald wants to ask you something.
00:29:12No.
00:29:12He's wondering if a feisty warrior babe like you would be into joining our quest, you know?
00:29:17To, like, save his tribe.
00:29:18Allie, you idiot.
00:29:19And as an added bonus, I'll let you play with Daddy's loot by the campfire.
00:29:24If you catch my drift, I'll...
00:29:26Listen, I have no idea what he's going on about. I really don't know this asshole.
00:29:29Wrap your hand around its neck and I'll teach you how to...
00:29:33I have zero interest in playing with your instrument.
00:29:36Hey! Where you going? This is a hell of an offer!
00:29:39I told you it was a bad idea. We'll find someone else to save the Barbarians.
00:29:43Did you say Barbarians?
00:29:46Uh, yeah.
00:29:47Barbarians? Are they your tribe?
00:29:49Uh, yeah.
00:29:51The ones they call the greatest warriors of Metalonia?
00:29:54Um, yeah.
00:29:58It's a worthy cause. I'll join you.
00:30:01Uh, sorry, what?
00:30:02I'm Sandra, Shieldmaiden of the Shieldmaiden clan.
00:30:06Where are you going?
00:30:06Uh, to the Elven Tower.
00:30:08We just have to figure out where it is first.
00:30:10I think we'll need a guide.
00:30:12There's probably one in the next town.
00:30:14Follow me.
00:30:14Hey, wait, you can't just take over the...
00:30:16Do you have a problem with that?
00:30:17Listen.
00:30:18Uh, no.
00:30:20Great. Let's go.
00:30:22Score, Ronald! She's so into you!
00:30:24You dog.
00:30:26Scraak! Son of crud!
00:30:38Son of crud!
00:30:39Son of crud!
00:30:39Ah!
00:30:40Ah!
00:30:41Faster!
00:30:42Wow, dude.
00:30:57You can butter my buns and call me a biscuit.
00:31:03Wow, dude. You can butter my buns and call me a biscuit.
00:31:12This place is sweet.
00:31:15Okay. Here we are.
00:31:17Uh, okay.
00:31:19Hey, what's up, assholes?
00:31:21Can any of you call a...
00:31:22Can any of you call a taxi?
00:31:23Oh, fuck.
00:31:26Oh, great. It's happy hour.
00:31:27It's really crowded today.
00:31:29Stay behind me.
00:31:31Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:31:32Easy now.
00:31:34We'll go in quietly, we'll find our guide,
00:31:35and get out of here without anyone noticing.
00:31:38And no fighting.
00:31:40Okay?
00:31:43Please?
00:31:46Your call?
00:31:48Thanks.
00:31:48You know what?
00:32:09Your tits look a bit heavy.
00:32:11Can I hold them for you?
00:32:13Your ma has to say he sits around.
00:32:15I'm just saying.
00:32:22But that's mom, right?
00:32:24You gotta love your mom.
00:32:25I love my mom.
00:32:27I love my mom.
00:32:28Big tits, you know?
00:32:31Shut the fuck up, ugly.
00:32:34What do you want?
00:32:36Uh, we were looking for a guide.
00:32:40There's only one left.
00:32:42In the back, behind the shitter.
00:32:43Ask for Elric.
00:32:45Hey!
00:32:46Who wanted a bear and a double banana?
00:32:48Okay.
00:32:49Thanks.
00:32:57Uh, hey.
00:32:59And are you Elric?
00:33:01The voice of the wind is a light in the evening sun.
00:33:05The children of the stars lead Mother Earth to rest.
00:33:08The darkness is filled by the moans of happy spirits, lovers.
00:33:14I sensed you would come.
00:33:16We elves are connected to all living things.
00:33:18Let our souls unite.
00:33:20Oh.
00:33:21Oh.
00:33:21Uh.
00:33:21Uh.
00:33:23You have the eagle's imagination on the cod's silent will.
00:33:26The music of the copper beech is in your heart.
00:33:29Well, now that sounds interesting.
00:33:33Listen, I'm Ronal and I'm...
00:33:35Shh.
00:33:36Shh.
00:33:37Shh.
00:33:38Shh.
00:33:41Names carry no meaning.
00:33:44Okay, right.
00:33:45But here's the thing.
00:33:46I need a guide.
00:33:46Yes, yes, all right.
00:33:47But do you need spiritual or physical guidance?
00:33:49We're going to the Elven Tower.
00:33:50I don't have a lot of gold, but...
00:33:51Shh.
00:33:52The wind will tell me what to do with you.
00:33:54Stand still.
00:33:56Let me penetrate your aura.
00:33:57Why?
00:33:58Cormamin lindua caelia.
00:34:02Cormamin lindua caelia.
00:34:03Uh.
00:34:04The wind tells me to go with you.
00:34:07My bow will sing with your sword.
00:34:08I'm ready.
00:34:10Mwah.
00:34:11Mwah.
00:34:12Oh.
00:34:13Mwah.
00:34:13Boy.
00:34:17You fucking idiot!
00:34:19Hey.
00:34:20I found him.
00:34:21My bow will sing with your sword.
00:34:23Whatever.
00:34:24Let's bounce.
00:34:27Hey, Shield Maiden.
00:34:29Leaving so soon?
00:34:31How about a little dance?
00:34:40Uh, hey, hey, guys.
00:34:42Everything, everything's okay.
00:34:43We're leaving now.
00:34:44No worries.
00:34:45We're cool.
00:34:45I accept your challenge.
00:34:47What?
00:34:48They must defeat me or die.
00:34:51You just fucking agreed not to cause any problems.
00:34:53But they challenged me.
00:34:54You promised.
00:34:56In and out without any fighting.
00:34:59Okay.
00:35:00It's all up to you, muscle boy.
00:35:02Hey, Shield Maiden.
00:35:03What's it gonna be?
00:35:04Yeah, what's it gonna be?
00:35:05Uh, listen, friends, I know you're itching for a big fight, but we're kind of in a hurry now.
00:35:14But I'm sure there must be someone else in here willing to go a few rounds with you, so if it's okay with you, we'll just leave now.
00:35:21Oh, Sandra!
00:35:29I'm not here.
00:35:30What?
00:35:35That will make a nice little boat.
00:35:38Oy, mate!
00:35:39What are you going, Wilder?
00:35:46Have you ever seen one of these?
00:35:48I can teach you how to play.
00:35:49It makes you horny good.
00:35:51Yeah?
00:35:55I sense an aura of aggression in this room.
00:36:01Any last words, shorty?
00:36:06Dude's dead.
00:36:07Come on.
00:36:08That's friggin' disgusting.
00:36:10I'm gonna cork you like a bottle, you little shit.
00:36:12That's enough.
00:36:13Leave him alone.
00:36:21Black Riders.
00:36:23Mama's dead sick.
00:36:29Where is he?
00:36:30Son of Christ!
00:36:36Son of Christ!
00:36:37That's him.
00:36:38Take him.
00:36:39Bring it up, son.
00:36:40Help!
00:36:40Help!
00:36:41Help!
00:36:42No!
00:36:43No challenge to Lord Volcazar's Riders goes unpunished!
00:36:52Let's go!
00:36:52Let's go!
00:36:54Let's go!
00:36:56Let's go!
00:36:59Hey, uh...
00:37:01Hurry!
00:37:04Hey, for the last time, which one of you assholes ordered the Manhattan?
00:37:08Ah, throw this!
00:37:10I should sell this!
00:37:12Oh, fuck me!
00:37:16Shit, I didn't even get my fist!
00:37:17Fabulous, my lord.
00:37:28One more strike and you'll beat your personal record.
00:37:32But, my lord, we have to find the last son of Kron before the next full moon, or else...
00:37:37When are you going to shut up, Hensel Dick?
00:37:39I beg your pardon, my lord.
00:37:44Hello?
00:37:45The target has escaped.
00:37:46Watch!
00:37:47It's been a very difficult evening.
00:37:49The Barbarian is being helped by a great warrior.
00:37:52Two of my Rikers are dead.
00:37:54I will not tolerate humiliation!
00:37:58Bring them to me!
00:38:00Both of them!
00:38:09Nice.
00:38:12Are you sure you know where we are?
00:38:15It feels like we're walking in circles.
00:38:16The wing speaking to my soul will be in the elf kingdom soon, I sense it.
00:38:21You said the same thing two days ago.
00:38:22You said the same thing two days ago.
00:38:23We're lost, goddammit!
00:38:25We'll end up dying like those dried-out losers.
00:38:29What's so funny?
00:38:31I've heard stories about the courage and strength of the Barbarians, but you have neither.
00:38:35You just moan and whine all the time.
00:38:37I happen to find it very funny considering who your ancestors are.
00:38:41So I'm a joke?
00:38:42Why did you come along if you think I whine so much?
00:38:44What's your deal with the Barbarians?
00:38:46That's my business!
00:38:47Stop!
00:38:50Look!
00:38:50Look!
00:38:55Uh, meaning what?
00:38:56We elves can connect with all living creatures.
00:38:58I will unite with its soul and make it show us the way out.
00:39:02Look!
00:39:16On the other side!
00:39:31There's no labyrinth over there!
00:39:33There's no labyrinth over there!
00:39:36The entrance to the elf kingdom!
00:39:39I did it!
00:39:51Elven gates, I salute you!
00:39:57Didn't you say this was the entrance?
00:40:01Elven gate!
00:40:21Yelly!
00:40:22Come!
00:40:22Stop! The keepers of the gate must weigh our souls.
00:40:29Only those of the right stature are allowed to enter.
00:40:34And, uh, what about those with, uh, lesser stature?
00:40:37What? Who? Well, the walls will crush them.
00:40:39What?
00:40:40Well, shall we go? It's just an FYI.
00:40:42But I... but I can't do it!
00:40:43What?
00:40:44Honestly, guys, I'm a pathetic excuse for a barbarian.
00:40:47And I'm certainly not of the right stature.
00:40:50I don't think that's how it's meant, Roanal.
00:40:52Forget it.
00:40:53We are going around it.
00:40:55That's not a good idea.
00:40:56When you're on a quest, you must follow the rules.
00:40:58Seriously?
00:40:59Going on quests is only gonna get you killed.
00:41:01And if you insist on calling this a quest, then read my lips.
00:41:04This is my quest.
00:41:06And I have decided that we are going around this gate.
00:41:09Come on!
00:41:10Super.
00:41:18See?
00:41:19No deathtraps, no gates, no nothing in our way.
00:41:22All this quest garbage is so dumb.
00:41:24If you just take a moment, think a little outside of the box...
00:41:34Oh, my man bits.
00:41:35What the hell was that?
00:41:36We've offended the keepers of the gate.
00:41:38Huh?
00:41:39I sense...
00:41:40Great meter!
00:41:41Come on!
00:41:47Come on, faster!
00:42:01Come on, pick it up, Sammy!
00:42:03You fucking loser!
00:42:16Your stupid idea almost got us killed!
00:42:18How the hell would I know the mountain would come alive?
00:42:20I'm just telling you I tried to avoid problems.
00:42:22Tried?
00:42:23Trying just isn't good enough, Ronal.
00:42:26Huh?
00:42:26There are always going to be problems on quests.
00:42:30You're going to have to solve them, not go around them.
00:42:33This is the Tower of the Elves.
00:42:45Whoa.
00:42:46All of the world's wisdom is in there.
00:42:52The Book of Wisdom sits within the top chamber.
00:42:56This way the moon can read it on its journey across the darkened sky of night.
00:43:01The most sacred of sacred.
00:43:04That's fine.
00:43:05That's where we're going.
00:43:08Look.
00:43:11No one from the outside can enter.
00:43:13The Elf King's archers have hawk's eyes.
00:43:15Huh?
00:43:16Shit.
00:43:28They kill everything, they see.
00:43:30So, we'll have to do it the hard way.
00:43:43I kill the two up front while you run across.
00:43:45No.
00:43:48I'll do it.
00:43:49What?
00:43:51Alone.
00:43:51Rono, are you crazy?
00:43:54They'll kill you before you make it to the bridge.
00:43:56Yeah, I know.
00:43:58But they won't see me.
00:44:02There isn't much left, and I'm the smallest one.
00:44:04Wait here.
00:44:05Boy, I could have used a case of that in high school.
00:44:09How do I look?
00:44:10Pretty sneaky, isn't it?
00:44:13This is awkward.
00:44:14What the fuck is so funny?
00:44:17You missed a spot?
00:44:19What?
00:44:20What?
00:44:21It's fucking empty?
00:44:22Thanks a lot, Gorak.
00:44:24Yo, relax, Rono.
00:44:26No one will notice those tiny balls.
00:44:28Just wait here until I get back, okay?
00:44:30Don't do it, Rono.
00:44:31They'll just get killed.
00:44:32I'll see you next time.
00:45:02It's open.
00:45:32Oh, my God, it's such magic.
00:45:50Bullshit.
00:46:02Oh, my God.
00:46:18Oh, my God.
00:46:20Oh, my God.
00:46:24Oh, my God.
00:46:30Whoa.
00:46:42There it is.
00:46:50Okay, let's see what we got.
00:46:52Sword of Kron, Sword of Kron.
00:46:56How the hell am I gonna find Sword of Kron?
00:47:00Oh, that's it.
00:47:02That's it.
00:47:03Kron, Sword.
00:47:05Piece of cake.
00:47:08Like anyone's ever gonna notice.
00:47:10Oh, boy.
00:47:16Yeah!
00:47:18Oh, my God it.
00:47:20Oh, my God it.
00:47:24Oh, my God.
00:47:26Oh, my God.
00:47:30Oh, my God.
00:47:32Oh, no, no, no, no!
00:47:35No!
00:47:36They're here!
00:47:37Oh!
00:47:38Oh!
00:47:42Oh!
00:47:42Oh!
00:47:43Oh!
00:47:43Oh!
00:47:49Call in after the hair, ah?
00:47:50Hm?
00:47:51Go ahead.
00:47:52Go ahead, man.
00:47:53Go ahead.
00:47:55Go ahead, man.
00:48:02The map says that Kron was buried with his sword
00:48:29in the Mountain of Eternity.
00:48:30My elf soul senses that it is far, far...
00:48:35Isn't that it?
00:48:37Fairly close by.
00:48:39Destiny is on our side.
00:48:45I was wrong about you.
00:48:49What?
00:48:50The tower.
00:48:51You made it.
00:48:53Well, sort of.
00:48:54You do the barbarian's honor.
00:48:58Uh, thanks.
00:49:00Well...
00:49:03I've got an axe to sharpen, so...
00:49:05Uh, I-I was thinking.
00:49:06Hmm?
00:49:07Well, it's just...
00:49:09Uh...
00:49:09I never thanked you...
00:49:11...for, uh...
00:49:13...joining me.
00:49:15Honestly, I couldn't have ever made it without you.
00:49:19Uh...
00:49:20Okay.
00:49:24Well, then, we better get some sleep.
00:49:26Maybe we'll find the sword tomorrow, so...
00:49:28How do you watch?
00:49:29We elves don't need any sleep.
00:49:31You can all rest easy.
00:49:32Hmm.
00:49:34Can I ask you something, Ronald?
00:49:36Uh, sure.
00:49:38Go ahead.
00:49:39What are they like, the barbarians?
00:49:42Well, they're not the brightest.
00:49:44I was thinking...
00:49:44...more like...
00:49:46...in here.
00:49:50Oh.
00:49:53Uh...
00:49:53...a barbarian...
00:49:55...is always there to help when you need them.
00:49:59No matter how dangerous or difficult it is.
00:50:02And they go on quests all the time.
00:50:04They're totally fearless.
00:50:06Kind of hard to believe that I'm one of them, huh?
00:50:08And they're kick-ass warriors, right?
00:50:11Yep.
00:50:12The best in the world.
00:50:14Kick-ass warriors are so hard to find.
00:50:17Yeah.
00:50:18Uh...
00:50:19Uh, what?
00:50:20I descent from an ancient tribe of shield maidens.
00:50:23Far, far, far away.
00:50:27According to our ways, I must marry the warrior who defeats me in a duel.
00:50:36Many have tried to defeat me.
00:50:38But I was too strong.
00:50:42And with every new duel, I grew stronger and stronger.
00:50:46In the meantime, everybody else found themselves made.
00:50:50One by one.
00:50:52I was the only one left.
00:50:55The duels became few and far between.
00:50:57And in the end, warriors stopped coming to challenge me.
00:51:04The tribal elders got angry.
00:51:06They told me to leave and go out into Metalonia and find my own worthy husband.
00:51:12A warrior with the strength to conquer me.
00:51:15If somebody defeats me, I have to obey his every wish.
00:51:20But no warrior has been strong enough yet.
00:51:24But-but everywhere I go, everybody says that the barbarians are Metalonia's greatest warriors.
00:51:29So maybe one of the barbarians from your tribe can beat me.
00:51:32That's why I came along.
00:51:34Uh, okay?
00:51:36Uh, okay what?
00:51:37Yeah, well, uh, all that stuff you just told me.
00:51:40What's I got to do with love at all?
00:51:41What do you mean?
00:51:42Um...
00:51:43I'll love whoever defeats me.
00:51:44I've waited so long for this, I'm about to explode!
00:51:47Whoa.
00:51:49I, uh, I've never told anyone this before.
00:51:55Oh, I see.
00:51:57It feels...
00:51:59kinda...
00:52:01nice?
00:52:06You know, Ronald?
00:52:08It's actually...
00:52:10nice talking to you.
00:52:11You're pretty nice.
00:52:15Uh, to-to talk to, I mean.
00:52:19Okay.
00:52:20Because, uh, well, if I had met it, uh, the other way, then we would have to fight.
00:52:24Yeah, that would really...
00:52:26suck.
00:52:26Yeah, that'd be weird.
00:52:28You and me, in a duel.
00:52:33What was that?
00:52:34I don't know.
00:52:36Hey, Elric!
00:52:41We elves never sleep.
00:52:44Hey, what's that sound there?
00:52:45Oh.
00:52:46I sense a nasty voice in the wind.
00:52:50I told you no one to buy slow and Mocasar's riders on footage!
00:52:59Carol, watch out!
00:53:02Xandra!
00:53:03Xandra!
00:53:03Ronal, wait for me!
00:53:22Ronal!
00:53:24Ronal!
00:53:26Ronal!
00:53:26Ronal!
00:53:28Ah!
00:53:29Don't whip your ass to pieces!
00:53:35Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:53:44Goddammit!
00:53:50Let's go!
00:53:57Xandra!
00:53:58Xandra!
00:53:59No, no, no!
00:54:02Corona, we'll find her.
00:54:04If we leave now, we can catch up with them.
00:54:06Come on!
00:54:07What'd you do?
00:54:11I don't know.
00:54:18They're Amazons!
00:54:20Oh my god, you hit it, you silly bitch!
00:54:28So what are you wearing tonight?
00:54:32I don't know.
00:54:33I don't know.
00:54:34What are you wearing tonight?
00:54:34I don't know.
00:54:35I don't know.
00:54:36I don't know.
00:54:36I don't know.
00:54:38Oh my god, you hit it, you silly bitch!
00:54:40So what are you wearing tonight?
00:54:42I don't know.
00:54:42Is this wearing maybe nothing?
00:54:43Great idea!
00:54:44G-string, maybe nothing.
00:54:46Great idea!
00:54:47Ladies, they all look like dick tan.
00:54:50They're all women?
00:54:52I've died and gone to heaven.
00:54:55Hey, ladies, what's up?
00:54:58Ooh, what is that?
00:55:00Is that a fanny pack?
00:55:02Hey, hey, hey, nice to meet you.
00:55:06Scary-ass women.
00:55:07Scary-ass women.
00:55:14Glorious queen, we have caught these horrible women and have brought them here, so you may decide their fate.
00:55:19We're women?
00:55:21Pick them up.
00:55:22Let me check them out.
00:55:34Hmm.
00:55:35Most peculiar women.
00:55:39I've never seen anything like it.
00:55:41Oh!
00:55:42What's this?
00:55:44Ow!
00:55:44One of them even has hair on her cheek.
00:55:46Oh, my God.
00:55:47Oh, my God.
00:55:49Uh, Miss Queen, if I may...
00:55:50Silence, ugly girl.
00:55:52Who asked you to speak?
00:55:54We're not, uh, women.
00:55:55What?
00:55:56We're kind of more like men, you know?
00:55:59Men?
00:56:00Oh, my God.
00:56:01Well, almost.
00:56:03Men!
00:56:05Well, thank heaven!
00:56:09The gods have answered our prayers and sinners, too.
00:56:16Finally, the time has come to carry on our tribe.
00:56:20Take them to the sacred mating cabins at once.
00:56:23Oh, my God!
00:56:24What's the real?
00:56:26Oh, my God!
00:56:27I'm getting late.
00:56:33Oh, my God!
00:56:34We'll use the skinny one first, save the other one for tomorrow.
00:56:38What? What?
00:56:39Help! Help!
00:56:41Let me go! Let me go!
00:56:43Come on, man! This is just not fair!
00:56:46I wanna get fucked, too!
00:56:48Line up in pairs! No pushing! I know y'all are horny!
00:56:51Everyone, get their turn!
00:57:01My lord!
00:57:04Any news?
00:57:05We caught the warrior who helped the last barbarian escape.
00:57:08Bring it out!
00:57:10Get your fucking hands off of me!
00:57:22Well, look at this.
00:57:25A shield maiden.
00:57:30And a very pretty one at that.
00:57:32Give me a weapon and let me fight!
00:57:33All good things come to those who wait.
00:57:38Nobody touches me, you bastard!
00:57:40Then die!
00:57:43Anh!
00:57:46No!
00:57:47Ah!
00:57:48Ah!
00:57:50Ah!
00:57:51Ah!
00:57:52Ah!
00:57:53Aah!
00:57:54Ah!
00:57:55Whoa!
00:57:56Uh-huh!
00:57:57Come on.
00:58:27Oh, impressive. You really, really turned me on. Such a shame, I have to kill you!
00:58:42Son of a bitch!
00:58:53What?
00:58:57You silly girl.
00:59:21I know your rules, Shieldmaiden. You must obey me now!
00:59:28It is your destiny!
00:59:32You? You have to feed it me.
00:59:34Oh, yes! It's about damn time! Is it my turn now?
00:59:43Yes! It's about damn time! Is it my turn now?
00:59:57Tonight's mating ceremony is over. You're not up till tomorrow.
01:00:01What? T-tomorrow?
01:00:02Queen's orders!
01:00:04Come back! I've got the world's bluest balls!
01:00:08Where are you going?
01:00:19We have to go.
01:00:20Huh? What about the Amazons?
01:00:22Xandra's in danger. We've got to find Kron's sword and help her before it's too late.
01:00:26Xandra can wait a week or so.
01:00:28What? We can't just let her down.
01:00:29Can't we find another warrior?
01:00:31I don't want to find another warrior. I want Xandra.
01:00:33Hello? You didn't even want her long in the first place.
01:00:36Just... come!
01:00:38Screw you!
01:00:40I want to stay here and get laid by some really hot babes!
01:00:42That's the only reason I joined you on your lousy quest.
01:00:46Oh, I forgot. You're not on a quest.
01:00:49You're more boring than a yeast infection.
01:00:52Fine! Then stay here.
01:00:56You're such a tool, anyway.
01:01:00Huh?
01:01:01Huh?
01:01:05Oh, my God! I love that song!
01:01:08I know! I could just do it all day!
01:01:17Oh, fucking damn it!
01:01:19This sucks!
01:01:20What the hell am I doing here?
01:01:35Ronald!
01:01:35I'm coming!
01:01:36Are those real?
01:01:47Of course!
01:01:48I just had to see you!
01:01:51Since the first time I laid eyes on you,
01:01:53I've wanted to rub my naked body all over your manly chest.
01:01:57Forget the silly rules.
01:01:58I just gotta have you now, boy!
01:02:00Just a second!
01:02:01I'm about to lose control!
01:02:03Take me!
01:02:04Take me hard!
01:02:05Whoa!
01:02:06Whoa!
01:02:07Mama's holding!
01:02:09Let me eat your baby!
01:02:11Bring out more woman in me!
01:02:14Take me hard!
01:02:15Woo-hoo!
01:02:16Stop!
01:02:18I find you very sexy, Miss Queen,
01:02:21but my friend needs me, and I have to go.
01:02:23What?
01:02:24Listen, just have your girls capture me again on my way back.
01:02:27Sound the alarm!
01:02:33You fat saliva!
01:02:35Come here, pig!
01:02:36Come here, pig!
01:02:36Crazy fucking pig!
01:02:38Come here, pig!
01:02:42Wait until I get my hands on you,
01:02:45you little fat fuck!
01:02:46You're not taking me out right there!
01:02:48Come on!
01:02:48Then do I get my hands on you?
01:03:06Can I get my hands on you?
01:03:09No!
01:03:10I have to buy you!
01:03:12I have to buy you!
01:03:13I have to pick you up!
01:03:15Oh, my God.
01:03:45Whoa, these must be the first barbarians.
01:04:15Whoa.
01:04:16Um, uh, Mr. Kron, sir, I need to borrow your sword for a bit.
01:04:33Whoa.
01:04:34Oh, shit.
01:04:35Uh, yeah.
01:04:36Sorry about that.
01:04:40Whoa.
01:04:41Oh, shit.
01:04:43Uh, yeah.
01:04:48Sorry about that.
01:04:49Xandra?
01:04:50I'm sorry, Ronald.
01:04:51How you've managed to escape my best men is beyond me.
01:05:04But now you show up here.
01:05:05Watch out!
01:05:06Exactly like my shield maiden said you would.
01:05:07What?
01:05:08My lord, Kron's sword, the only weapon that can ever harm you.
01:05:13Xandra?
01:05:14Excellent.
01:05:15You have served me well.
01:05:16I live to serve you, my lord.
01:05:17What the hell is going on?
01:05:18Now go!
01:05:19Xandra!
01:05:20You have served me well.
01:05:21I live to serve you, my lord.
01:05:23What the hell is going on?
01:05:24Now go!
01:05:25Xandra!
01:05:26Xandra!
01:05:27You little barbarian, have a date with my sorcerer.
01:05:30Xandra?
01:05:31Oh, my lord.
01:05:32My lord, really?
01:05:33Oh my lord.
01:05:34Did fuck?
01:05:35No!
01:05:36Look at him.
01:05:37What the hell?
01:05:38I'm jadi old guru, my lord.
01:05:39The emperor is actually Mr. Serpenty.
01:05:40I'm sorry.
01:05:41Oh my lord, you're dead.
01:05:43Oh my lord.
01:05:44And this is like him.
01:05:45My lord!
01:05:46only powers.
01:05:47Me too little barbarian, have a date with my sorcerer.
01:05:51Oh!
01:06:00Do with him what you must sorcery
01:06:30Oh
01:06:32Finally
01:06:34Mighty Zal, hear your humble servant
01:06:38The blood of Grandsons await you
01:06:40Open the doors to your mighty temple
01:06:54What's going on here?
01:06:56Only once every ten thousand years
01:06:59Is it possible for Zal
01:07:01The god of the zakinis
01:07:03To contact our world
01:07:05I'm bringing him the ultimate sacrifice
01:07:08The sons of Kron
01:07:10The warrior who sent him into the exile of the hereafter
01:07:14As my reward
01:07:16He will give me his divine power
01:07:18Everybody will obey me
01:07:22Hard die
01:07:25Oh
01:07:36Shit, how are we gonna get past these dudes?
01:07:38May we fly like the seeds of dandelions
01:07:40Underlines
01:07:41Oh
01:07:42Oh
01:07:43Oh
01:07:44Oh
01:07:45No
01:07:46No
01:07:47No
01:07:48No
01:07:49No
01:07:50No
01:07:51No
01:07:52Mentor
01:07:53No
01:07:54No
01:07:55No
01:07:56No
01:07:58Ronald?
01:08:19Ronald?
01:08:20Stupid asshole!
01:08:21What's wrong with you?
01:08:22Go!
01:08:23Go!
01:08:24That's a great mess.
01:08:26What do you think?
01:08:28Wait here.
01:08:29I'm trying to be daddy.
01:08:30I'm trying to be daddy.
01:08:31I'm trying to be daddy.
01:08:32I'm trying to be daddy.
01:08:33I'm trying to be daddy.
01:08:34Ronald!
01:08:35Halliburts!
01:08:36Shh!
01:08:37Shut up!
01:08:38What's going on?
01:08:39Ow!
01:08:40Will you stop?
01:08:41Move it, you skinny bitch!
01:08:43Ronald!
01:08:44What's happening, man?
01:08:45What'd you do with Crown Sword?
01:08:46It's down there on that altar.
01:08:47It's too late.
01:08:48There's nothing we can do.
01:08:49Get out of here.
01:08:50Oh no!
01:08:51Oh no!
01:08:52Oh no!
01:08:53Oh no!
01:08:54Oh no!
01:08:55Oh no!
01:09:04Chain them up!
01:09:05Be sure to make them tight.
01:09:07Don't worry, kids, I like it like that.
01:09:09Tighter!
01:09:10I won't be happy until I hear them squeal my pigs!
01:09:13Hahahaha!
01:09:17Mighty Zal, receive this offering of the blood of the sons of Cron.
01:09:23Bless us with your darkness! Bless us!
01:09:28Soon, I will be mightier than a god.
01:09:31And you will be my immortal queen for all eternity.
01:09:43Hey! What are you doing in here?
01:09:49I, um...
01:09:51Kill him!
01:09:52Aye!
01:09:53No, no, wait!
01:09:54Um, Master Allimert! The, uh, Bard!
01:09:58I'm with the band, you know, for the party!
01:10:01Um, a cult ritual?
01:10:04Let me tell you a ditty I wrote.
01:10:06Ahem!
01:10:07Your leather clothes, they drown me on
01:10:10And the way you shake your ass, it makes me hard
01:10:14Let's dance tonight until the morning
01:10:17Baby, I really wanna hold your hand
01:10:23That's so fucking lame!
01:10:25Oh, well. Adios!
01:10:27Hey! Stop! Come back here, you stupid shit!
01:10:33Let the chosen one step forward!
01:10:40Hey, Cronie!
01:10:42Huh? Cron's sword!
01:10:43Move it! I'll free you!
01:10:44Hurry up! We gotta free the others!
01:10:45I'll free you, man!
01:10:46What the hell?
01:10:47Oh my god!
01:10:48Would you believe this shit?
01:10:49Or you for real, man?
01:10:50Hmm?
01:10:51Drop it, sweet cheeks! Your ass is mine!
01:10:52Hmm?
01:10:53Hmm?
01:10:54Hmm?
01:10:55Hmm?
01:10:56Hmm?
01:10:57Hmm?
01:10:58Hmm?
01:10:59Hmm?
01:11:00Hmm?
01:11:01Hmm?
01:11:02Hmm?
01:11:03Hmm?
01:11:04Hmm?
01:11:05Hmm?
01:11:06Hmm?
01:11:07Hmm?
01:11:08Hmm?
01:11:09Hmm?
01:11:12Hmm?
01:11:13Hmm?
01:11:14Wait, why don't you chain yourself back up?
01:11:18why don't you chain yourself back up
01:11:20what the fuck
01:11:28uh sorry
01:11:29what
01:11:31what the fucker
01:11:47I've been so wanting to do this
01:11:50kill them
01:12:07but
01:12:08order
01:12:10you belong to me shield maiden
01:12:13don't ever forget that
01:12:16yes my lord
01:12:18rona
01:12:27xandra you don't have to do this
01:12:29focus are beat me in a duel
01:12:31it's my destiny
01:12:33you've completely freaking lost it
01:12:50is it really your destiny to kill the only person who actually cares about you
01:12:54just because some ironclad madman beat you in a fight
01:12:57is it
01:12:59watch out
01:13:05rona
01:13:06xandra
01:13:11you must drink the blood
01:13:30there's no time left
01:13:32excellent
01:13:37every last drop
01:13:38yes
01:13:40die
01:13:51no
01:13:55Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:13:58Yes!
01:14:19Darkness will rise in Macaroni-a!
01:14:24The sounds of terror will rise towards the sky!
01:14:30All shall bow to me, or die!
01:14:35Oh, fuck!
01:14:55Kron Saga!
01:15:00Kron, he pulled his mighty sword and thrust with all his strength, the sword into Tzatziki's skull, which cracked along its length!
01:15:06What?
01:15:07You have to hit him in the forehead with Kron's sword!
01:15:09It's his weak point, man!
01:15:14That's just impossible.
01:15:21Krono!
01:15:22You have to get out of here!
01:15:24Go!
01:15:25Save yourself!
01:15:26What are you talking about?
01:15:27Dammit!
01:15:28This is no place for you!
01:15:29Beat it!
01:15:31No!
01:15:32I'm done being a pussy!
01:15:34Krono!
01:15:39You better not give me any shit!
01:15:45Yeah!
01:15:46Way to go!
01:15:47Stab his forehead!
01:15:51No forehead!
01:15:52Do you wanna fucking try this?
01:15:53Whoa!
01:15:54Whoa!
01:15:55Whoa!
01:15:56Whoa!
01:15:57Whoa!
01:15:58Whoa!
01:15:59Whoa!
01:16:00Whoa!
01:16:01Whoa!
01:16:02Whoa!
01:16:03Whoa!
01:16:04Whoa!
01:16:05He's gonna get himself fucking killed!
01:16:07Oh, shit!
01:16:08Whoa!
01:16:09Huh?
01:16:10Huh?
01:16:11Huh?
01:16:12Huh?
01:16:13May I aim with the eyes of a hawk?
01:16:15My arrow does fly with wings!
01:16:17The eyes are gonna fly with wings!
01:16:18Haaaah!
01:16:19Ah!
01:16:21Legoat!
01:16:22Huh?
01:16:23Huh!
01:16:24Huh?
01:16:25Huh…
01:16:26Huuh...
01:16:27Ha的!!
01:16:28Eh…
01:16:42I got you, you little prick!
01:16:44Eat my loot, ouch!
01:17:11No, no, no, no!
01:17:14Zadra?
01:17:22My queen!
01:17:24Kill this flea for me!
01:17:35Now!
01:17:36What are you doing, Shieldmaiden?
01:17:39Your destiny is to serve me!
01:17:42No! It's over!
01:17:44Really?
01:17:45Then you must die!
01:17:57Zadra!
01:17:59Okay, tribe!
01:18:01Let's show them how we barbarians really fall!
01:18:10Gorak!
01:18:17It's okay, guys! I got him under control!
01:18:20I am invincible!
01:18:28I am invincible!
01:18:39What the fuck?!
01:18:40This one's for Gundar!
01:18:50Huh...
01:18:51No!
01:18:52No!
01:19:05Lord!
01:19:11Holy shit!
01:19:12My g-string hasn't been this high in years!
01:19:14Ronal!
01:19:16Ronal!
01:19:24Ronal!
01:19:29Oh, no!
01:19:30Heal ice, Ronal!
01:19:31The bestest barbarian who ever lived!
01:19:32Heal ice, Ronal!
01:19:33The bestest barbarian who ever lived!
01:19:36Heal ice!
01:19:37Heal ice, Ronal!
01:19:39The bestest barbarian who ever lived!
01:19:40Heal ice, Ronald. The bestest barbarian who ever lived.
01:19:49What are you staring at?
01:20:13He's alive? Ronald's alive? Praise God!
01:20:16Oh, this is amazing! I mean, I've never heard of you.
01:20:19I sense... la mort. Young Glove.
01:20:29We don't have to fight a duel now, do we?
01:20:31No. You've already conquered my heart, Ronald.
01:20:40Oh, this is cheesy. Get alone!
01:20:43The party! Here's the pain! Here's the pain! Here's the pain!
01:20:52Cheers, everyone! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
01:20:56Want to see something nasty?
01:21:02Yes!
01:21:03Oh, that's good.
01:21:05I sense a really big tightness in your groin.
01:21:08Yeah, we'll try being strapped to a leather cross for a week.
01:21:12Everyone shut up! I got something important to say!
01:21:17It's Ronald! The palsiest barbarian!
01:21:22Cheers!
01:21:24But you still drink like a pussy!
01:21:26Fucking barbarians!
01:21:27Fucking barbarians!
01:21:36Yeah! Yeah!
01:21:41Ronald! The barbarian!
01:21:47Ronald! The barbarian!
01:21:53Oh, he was a weak boy
01:21:56Lacked a pair of balls
01:21:59He wasn't pierced at all
01:22:05Oh, he was a geek boy
01:22:08With a chest so small
01:22:10Oh!
01:22:25Big balls
01:22:26Happy balls
01:22:27Hairy balls
01:22:28Hard balls
01:22:29Hock be
01:22:31Navy
01:22:33Yummy
01:22:34美味
01:22:35And Only Mus- Evil
01:22:37RONO THE BARBARIAN HEROES
01:22:47RONO THE BARBARIAN HEROES
01:22:53RONO THE BARBARIAN HEROES
01:22:59RONO THE BARBARIAN HEROES
01:23:05Big balls, hairy balls, hot balls, hot babes, hairy babes, yummy babes, yummy balls, and oily muscles too
01:23:20RONO THE BARBARIAN HEROES
01:23:24RONO THE BARBARIAN HEROES
01:23:30RONO THE BARBARIAN HEROES
01:23:34RONO THE BARBARIAN HEROES
01:23:37We'll keep on fighting
01:23:40Muscles are shining
01:23:43We are the champions
01:23:49Thunder and lightning
01:23:52Actions are frightening
01:23:55Fighting with balls and thorns
01:24:01We are together
01:24:05All dressed in leather
01:24:08All pits are waxed
01:24:11And we're perfectly tanned
01:24:14We have pierced our nipples
01:24:18Okay
01:24:20DISTURY
01:24:30TREATS
01:24:31TREATS
01:24:32TREATS
01:24:33LARRY
01:24:38guitar solo
01:25:08guitar solo
01:25:38guitar solo
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