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00:00It is truly a historic day, as America is poised to become the first nation to inhabit Mars.
00:07A select group of our finest and brightest will populate a Martian colony
00:12that will become the bedrock for humanity's future.
00:16Couldn't find love on Earth. Maybe I'll find it on Mars.
00:19I want to be the first human to ever punch an alien in their beaks or noses or green d***.
00:25How to fly a spaceship.
00:30We are cleared the law.
00:33Let's populate some planets.
00:35Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
00:36Hey, boss man, can you turn off the mic in your helmet?
00:38Earth time are the worst.
00:40Last time I fly commercial.
00:42Shut up! It's go time!
00:45If I don't come back, delete my browser history.
00:49Me too.
00:50Aw, dammit, I forgot my protein powder.
00:53Turn it around.
00:53Oh, the G-force is hitting my G-spot.
00:57No haters in space, babe!
00:59Well, I'll just set this puppy on autopilot.
01:05Oh!
01:06You forgot your sleeves, sir.
01:08No, Cap! Please, sir!
01:10Excuse me, you just killed Jake Paul.
01:12Jake, who?
01:13Where's the real captain?
01:14Well, I'm the captain now.
01:1519%...
01:16The other guy is caught up in the madness of the new Call of Duty Black Ops 7.
01:21I'm his replacement.
01:22We're all gonna die!
01:24It's time to call for some backup.
01:26Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Let's wait. Let's let it ring out. We don't want to seem too desperate.
01:37Okay?
01:37Yo, boss man, what's shaking?
01:40Listen up.
01:41Your training days are over.
01:43It's finally time for you to replace the replacer.
01:4850%...
01:49Say no more. We've got this.
01:51Thank you so much, sir. Thank you so much. Listen, we will not let you down.
01:55He hung up.
01:57You need to get your s**t together. You're a replacer now, okay?
02:04Replace her.
02:09Our boss is 200,000 miles away.
02:11We got half a tank of gas.
02:13My license is expired.
02:14And I have to pee.
02:15Let's blow this banana stand.
02:17That's what's working on the sand.
02:28Hm!
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