- 9 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00All right, ladies.
00:00:03Why did you go in the first place?
00:00:06And, uh...
00:00:09Why don't we start from the beginning?
00:00:12From the beginning, huh?
00:00:17Yeah, I guess that would be best.
00:00:20It was back when we...
00:00:23A couple of years ago when we started going, um...
00:00:27Why don't you go ahead?
00:00:29Thanks.
00:00:32We really couldn't see any choice in the matter, I mean.
00:00:35Basically, we did everything we could in New York to break into the business,
00:00:38and we'd been waiting tables for a long time.
00:00:41Man, just praying for the big break to come along.
00:00:44Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Praying for the big break?
00:00:48We weren't exactly praying we busted our asses off.
00:00:50If you'd let me finish.
00:00:53We did everything we could to break into the business,
00:00:55from theater to showcases, a few commercials, a couple shitty films.
00:01:00That's for sure.
00:01:02Remember the one where we played the two-headed monster?
00:01:04And you didn't want to wear the green...
00:01:05Uh, let's not go there.
00:01:06Right.
00:01:08Well, in any case, the...
00:01:11The only real progress we made was getting the Friday and Saturday night shifts at Pepina's Pizzeria.
00:01:15Yeah, let's just say we were getting increasingly more frustrated.
00:01:17And quite frankly, even more depressed.
00:01:19Yeah.
00:01:20Well, one of those fine days, sulking over a pen in Ben and Jerry's.
00:01:25Or two.
00:01:26I said to Sherry, I said, what the hell are we thinking?
00:01:31Why don't we just write our own goddamn script?
00:01:33Actually, I think that was my idea.
00:01:35No, it wasn't.
00:01:36But anyway...
00:01:37Yes, it was.
00:01:38Anyway...
00:01:40The two of us had this great idea for a story and started writing...
00:01:45We started writing what we felt was a pretty damn good screenplay.
00:01:48That's right.
00:01:49And that's when it all just hit me.
00:01:51Us.
00:01:52Us.
00:01:53Well, that number one, we were clearly in the wrong town.
00:01:56And number two...
00:01:57And number two, as far as our screenplay is concerned, there was only one man.
00:02:02But one man who was capable of directing it.
00:02:05Once upon a time, I would have said I don't need it.
00:02:19But if it's mine, I've got to tell you we'd be better that way.
00:02:26We could cry.
00:02:28We could fall and lie.
00:02:32Cause we could always get high.
00:02:35It's every time.
00:02:36My other is a greedy soul.
00:02:41Rendezvous.
00:02:43In the springs we'll do it up like they used to.
00:02:48Like stars.
00:02:50A silver doubt from an eighties flick.
00:02:55Don't be shocked.
00:02:57I'm just adapting to this civilized existence.
00:03:02I want it all.
00:03:06Ooh uhh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Williams.
00:03:08So I'mma try it all.
00:03:11I want it all.
00:03:13Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
00:03:27So I'mma try it all.
00:03:29But don't be shy, let's be the days of all this civilized existence
00:03:38I want it all, oh-oh-oh
00:03:43Only self, I'ma try it all
00:03:46I want it all, oh-oh-oh
00:03:50Only self, I'ma try it all
00:03:53I want it all, oh-oh-oh
00:03:57Only self, I'ma try it all
00:04:00I want it all, oh-oh-oh
00:04:04Only self, I'ma try it all
00:04:08I want it all, oh-oh-oh
00:04:12Want some breakfast?
00:04:20No, I'm good, thanks
00:04:21See it yourself?
00:04:23Oh, good one
00:04:24Jan, here's a promising job offer
00:04:26Tired of the waitressing circuit?
00:04:28Need a refreshing change?
00:04:30Call us now at 1-800-BIG-HOOTERS
00:04:32Guess that leaves you out of job
00:04:35Way things are going, you might want to look into it
00:04:37What's money look like?
00:04:42Okay, so it's about two or three weeks now
00:04:44We were running out of money and we were desperately looking for waitressing jobs
00:04:48However, we were trying to remain focused on our screenplay
00:04:51Frankly, I couldn't understand why we couldn't just cut to the chase and hand spills to in the goddamn script
00:04:56Hand him the script, huh?
00:04:59Well, sure, we'll just walk right up to Stephen
00:05:01After, of course, he just jumped the fence
00:05:03Knocked over security past the attack dogs
00:05:05Then we'll ring the bell and, smiling sweetly, ask the butler if he'd mind fetching Stephen
00:05:10While we wait in the kitchen sipping tea
00:05:12Stephen just hanging around at home, of course, would gladly be our script
00:05:17Because, after all, he's got nothing better to do
00:05:20It's fucking perfect
00:05:22Yeah?
00:05:25Give me the goddamn paper
00:05:27Okay
00:05:40Okay, so we're starting off with a few challenges
00:05:44Like how we're going to eat tomorrow
00:05:46Okay, that's one of them
00:05:50Remember when we were little
00:05:55I think we were in the third or fourth grade
00:05:58And the fire department held a contest that whoever thought of the best fire prevention poster
00:06:02Would win a ride up in that fire engine lift
00:06:05Yeah, those were the good old days
00:06:06Well, I remember saying to you, what were my chances of winning
00:06:10And I remember you said to me, if you really believed in your poster
00:06:14And you gave it your all
00:06:16Well, you have as good a shot as any
00:06:20And I'll never forget the day the fireman called the winner's name
00:06:24You won that goddamn contest
00:06:29And when you were on that lift
00:06:32Waving your trophy to everyone
00:06:35I felt so ashamed of myself
00:06:40For not having the courage to try
00:06:42You know, you actually taught me something for once
00:06:47And I don't need to learn it twice
00:06:50Look
00:06:52There are no guarantees
00:06:54But I am gonna bust my ass off trying
00:06:59Damn, that fireman was cute
00:07:02You know, I'm gonna go ahead and let you get away with that one
00:07:08Just tonight
00:07:12It's the door
00:07:31All right, all right, I'm coming
00:07:40Hold on
00:07:40Good morning
00:07:44Good morning
00:07:45Oh my goodness
00:07:47Twins
00:07:48And don't we look pretty
00:07:52What is it they say?
00:07:56Double your pleasure?
00:07:58That's a good one
00:07:59My name is Brian, I'm your next door neighbor
00:08:03Hi Brian
00:08:04Hi
00:08:04I was hoping you ladies were a little bit hunkier and on my team
00:08:08Oh, but what the heck, we'll get along just fine
00:08:11Now, what are your names?
00:08:14I'm Sherry and this is Jane
00:08:15What time is it?
00:08:17It's 8 o'clock
00:08:18It's a pleasure to meet you
00:08:20Oh, it's 9 o'clock and the pleasure's mine
00:08:22Well now
00:08:23Come in
00:08:24Um, call me crazy, but didn't I see two men in here earlier?
00:08:36Oh, yeah
00:08:36Those were the movers
00:08:37Well now
00:08:40Looks like you two have got yourselves a nice little pad here
00:08:46Yeah, well, we think so
00:08:49We've been working with it
00:08:50Oh, I almost forgot
00:08:52I baked this just for you two
00:08:53Oh, great
00:08:54Well, actually, I got it for Christmas, but what the fuck
00:08:57Thanks
00:09:00Well, I'm right next door
00:09:03So just knock if you need anything
00:09:05Oh, well, thanks for the, uh, fruitcake
00:09:09Do you know any place we can get a waitressing job around here?
00:09:13Hmm
00:09:13I think I can help you
00:09:16If you can put up with all the
00:09:19Assholes
00:09:22Okay, ladies
00:09:24The name of the game here is money
00:09:26And they're all here to make some, right?
00:09:28So, let me tell you the rules here
00:09:29First off, you've got to know how to work the road
00:09:32You scan it
00:09:33You learn who's who
00:09:34The regulars, you kiss ass
00:09:36Learn what they want
00:09:36And you'll never get a bad tip
00:09:38The tourists, your one-timers
00:09:39Tag on a dollar per drink
00:09:41That's yours to keep, honey
00:09:42And now the room
00:09:44See that group of gentlemen over there with their wives
00:09:47Bombay martini drinkers
00:09:48Chilled straight up
00:09:49Never let them hold an empty glass
00:09:51Off the record, I've slept with three out of four of them
00:09:53And I don't mean their wives
00:09:55Big motorcycle boy over there
00:09:57To your right
00:09:58Double jacked straight up
00:10:03Guinness back
00:10:04He's a five-dollar drink tipper
00:10:06Keep him double-fisted at all times
00:10:08Oh, and here information
00:10:09You can catch him every Thursday
00:10:10At Wolf Around's Transvestite Night
00:10:12Pink panties, pink toenails, pink pumps
00:10:15The whole works
00:10:16Man over there, bald
00:10:18Pina colada drinker
00:10:20Tip so-so
00:10:21Oh, and, uh, by the way
00:10:23He's a she
00:10:25Which explains the tip
00:10:26Well, you'll get the gist
00:10:28Hey, girl
00:10:32Oh, love your hair
00:10:33Oh, mistake
00:10:37Now that'll cost you
00:10:41Thank you, honey
00:10:43One for me
00:10:44And one for you, too
00:10:46Honey, if you're gonna cop a cheap pill
00:10:48You can't be so damn cheap
00:10:49Oh, look
00:10:51Now that's better
00:10:53Gimme that
00:10:54Now work it, girls
00:10:56So I said to those girls
00:11:03You can't be working here
00:11:04For dimes and nickels
00:11:05Oh, let me tell you
00:11:08I'm so glad
00:11:09I don't work in that
00:11:10Disgusting bust-your-ass-off
00:11:12Business anymore
00:11:13As a matter of fact
00:11:15I have my own little business
00:11:16On the side
00:11:16That is going extremely well
00:11:18Thank you
00:11:19I sell these incredible
00:11:21Herbs and vitamins
00:11:21That are just fabulous
00:11:22And would do absolute wonders
00:11:24For your bags
00:11:25Oh
00:11:27Well
00:11:29Anyway
00:11:31The night wasn't a total waste
00:11:34At least not for Jane
00:11:36She met some
00:11:37Guy
00:11:39He's cute
00:11:41But a short motherfucker
00:11:43That was Jane's night
00:12:01Unfortunately, mine didn't go so well
00:12:04Well, I probably overreacted
00:12:11But I, uh, I didn't know he was my boss
00:12:13Let's just put it this way, honey
00:12:19Every time his chubby little wandering hands went near me
00:12:22I'd make his drink just a little extra special
00:12:24Loved every last drop of it
00:12:33Ladies, I don't get mad
00:12:35I get even
00:12:36That's deep
00:12:37Okay, okay, don't panic
00:12:39We'll figure something out
00:12:40And why did you get fired?
00:12:44Unfortunately, when you fire one twin
00:12:45The other one's automatically out
00:12:48Personally, I'd kill her
00:12:49Thanks, buddy
00:12:50Now, let's see
00:12:51What can we get you two that will
00:12:54Oh!
00:12:55Oh, have I got a job for you two?
00:12:58Well, actually, I just started with it
00:13:00But I think the potential to make some money
00:13:01Is just astronomical
00:13:02We're not talking, um, drug dealing or prostitution, are we?
00:13:06Because we're not above that
00:13:07No
00:13:09No, what I'm talking about here, ladies
00:13:12Is something you two should consider taking for yourselves
00:13:14It's called Vita Life
00:13:17And let me tell you
00:13:18Their products will do wonders for you two
00:13:20Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment
00:13:21You don't want to push that shit on us
00:13:23Before I, um, will pull a remember
00:13:24Okay
00:13:25Okay
00:13:26Suit yourselves
00:13:27It's healthy for you, anyway
00:13:33So
00:13:35What happened with Tiny Tim last night?
00:13:38Oh, nothing really
00:13:39Went out for a cup of coffee
00:13:41Good conversation
00:13:42Nice guy
00:13:49Nice guy, whatever
00:13:51Small hands, small feet
00:13:53Doesn't take a rocket scientist
00:13:56To figure out the rest of that equation
00:13:57Now, ladies
00:13:59These
00:14:00These are something worth wasting your time for
00:14:05You dirty underwear
00:14:07Huge
00:14:14I mean, I wasn't regular for a week and a half
00:14:18Oh, he was fabulous
00:14:21Where was I?
00:14:27Oh
00:14:27So I told Jane, go ahead
00:14:30Date that cute little boy
00:14:33Why, honey
00:14:34You'll have the nicest nails in town
00:14:37Cause God knows you'll be fouling them enough in the sack
00:14:40Okay, my other option is sitting home Saturday night
00:14:44With my chronically PMSing twin sister
00:14:47Or a big flaming fairy
00:14:51Good point
00:14:53Hey, I got it
00:14:56Why don't you try waiting tables at that, that little restaurant
00:14:59What is it, um, TJ's
00:15:01Now that's probably a little more your speed
00:15:04I'm going back home today
00:15:08At Brian's recommendation, we did get that job at TJ's restaurant
00:15:13And we met our best friend in the whole world
00:15:16Lovely girl
00:15:18A real mover and shaker
00:15:20A real
00:15:21Sweetheart
00:15:24Christ, what the hell are you doing?
00:15:32Looking up doctors
00:15:33Why?
00:15:34I think I need Prozac
00:15:36You gonna let her do this?
00:15:37Well, I tried, but I had no luck
00:15:39Uh, Lily
00:15:40Uh, table 21 needs more coffee
00:15:42Right, right, I'll be right there
00:15:44I mean, Jane and I have done everything we can think of to get an agent
00:15:46Sort of sleeping with one
00:15:48And even I consider that
00:15:49I mean, first we tried going to see these agents
00:15:52Big mistake
00:15:53All they said was
00:15:55Ladies, don't bother us
00:15:57Send us your pictures
00:15:58We'll call you if we're interested
00:16:00So we did
00:16:01To the tuna 200
00:16:03No response
00:16:05Wanna
00:16:05Except for one
00:16:06Who basically told us
00:16:08Twins?
00:16:09You two look nothing alike
00:16:10Which brings us to plan B
00:16:12We start out auditioning for shows we got through the trade papers
00:16:15Yeah, well
00:16:16Take last night for instance
00:16:17There I was
00:16:19Waited two hours for this one
00:16:21Role was perfect for me
00:16:23I was to play the miserable bitch
00:16:26Oh, Heather, darling
00:16:28Oh, Heather, darling
00:16:32Darling
00:16:33I love you
00:16:34I love you
00:16:36But you know I can't possibly play the role
00:16:39I'm the producer
00:16:41The director
00:16:42I'm running the lights
00:16:44Now
00:16:46Heather, darling
00:16:48I'm no actor
00:16:49No shit
00:16:50But darling, my love
00:16:53I
00:16:53I can't go on without you
00:16:55Why my love is like a
00:16:56Shh
00:16:57Speak no more
00:16:59I've waited a long time for this
00:17:01Now kiss me
00:17:05This has been so long
00:17:17Since we had the special time to chat together
00:17:20It's been so soothing and comforting for me
00:17:23I know
00:17:24Me
00:17:25You
00:17:27And this lovely moment together
00:17:30Yeah, well
00:17:31Now
00:17:33Kiss me
00:17:35Over my dead body
00:17:42Ass breath
00:17:43Thank you, Sherry
00:17:45Howard, can you stay?
00:17:51It was a nightmare
00:17:53All right, all right, all right
00:17:54What, have you been here, seven weeks?
00:17:56Christ, what the hell do you expect?
00:17:58Throw, um, holding the coffee cups up
00:18:01All right, all right
00:18:01I'll be right there
00:18:02Nice, ladies
00:18:04I loved your script
00:18:07Wonderful, we got Lily's approval
00:18:09And I think there's a great role in there for me
00:18:10I was thinking of someone different for the hooker
00:18:12I wasn't talking about that role
00:18:14Now, in any case, my new manager, who I've been...
00:18:18Whoa, whoa, whoa, you got a manager?
00:18:20Yeah, I got a manager
00:18:21As of last weekend, and let me tell you
00:18:24He's awesome
00:18:25Yeah, but how is he as a manager?
00:18:27Very funny
00:18:28Now you two comedians gonna hear me out or not?
00:18:32Good
00:18:33Now, I'm gonna give my manager a call
00:18:35Have him set up an interview with you two
00:18:36He'll take a look at your stuff
00:18:38And, uh, we'll see what happens
00:18:39Lily, are you sure he's gonna listen to you
00:18:42After only a, uh, romp in the hay?
00:18:45I know he will
00:18:46Wow, Lily, this is...
00:18:48This is really nice of you
00:18:50It sure is
00:18:51And, um, um, we're signed
00:18:54It's just that, uh...
00:18:57You wanna tell her?
00:18:59Uh...
00:18:59What?
00:19:01Uh, Lily, the, uh...
00:19:03They're really waiting...
00:19:04Well, pour the fucking coffee!
00:19:05Right, right, right
00:19:06I was just gonna get right on it
00:19:08No problem
00:19:09Anyway
00:19:09Well, just for shits and giggles
00:19:12We're really banking on trying to get our movie produced
00:19:15Your movie produced?
00:19:17And, uh...
00:19:18Well...
00:19:19Directed by Stephen Spielstein
00:19:22Directed by Stephen Spielstein
00:19:25The Stephen Spielstein
00:19:29That's right
00:19:30Okay
00:19:33Spielstein, huh?
00:19:37Give me a minute
00:19:38Alright
00:19:40Your movie's great
00:19:42It could really make us all big
00:19:44No shit
00:19:45Alright, we need some connections here
00:19:48Tony's got friends
00:19:51Producer friends
00:19:52The whole shit
00:19:54Ladies
00:19:55We can do this
00:19:57We're gonna find this Mr. Stephen Spielstein
00:19:59We're gonna find him
00:20:00And we're gonna titillate the goddamn motherfucking pants
00:20:03Off this Mr. Stephen Spielstein
00:20:04Yeah
00:20:07Titillate
00:20:09Yeah
00:20:10Yeah
00:20:13Titillate
00:20:14I can't work with you
00:20:21First of all, the two of you look like
00:20:24Mary Poppins and Mrs. Brady
00:20:26I couldn't say you for nothing but hosting a romper room
00:20:28Second
00:20:30The two of you need a look
00:20:31Do anything crazy
00:20:33Cut your hair, dye it, false eyelashes
00:20:35Whatever
00:20:36But you gotta make my dick hard
00:20:38Know what I'm talking about?
00:20:40Yeah, I think
00:20:40Oh yeah, and you gotta cut some weight
00:20:42How much?
00:20:4310, 15 pounds?
00:20:44Get your shit together
00:20:46A month, two?
00:20:47You call me
00:20:48Oh yeah
00:20:49Don't lose your tits
00:20:50I like your tits
00:20:52Tony, the model management
00:20:55I think it was the day we had the sundae together
00:20:59Shit
00:21:02I mean, something really, like, clicked
00:21:04I really got through to him, you know?
00:21:07Fuck, he got a cigarette on ya?
00:21:09Yeah
00:21:12Yeah, fuck you too
00:21:14Lily's here
00:21:15Christ, what the hell are you doing?
00:21:27Your manager hated us
00:21:28He thought we were all wrong for the business
00:21:30Just a few minor things
00:21:34Our look
00:21:35Our clothes
00:21:36Our thighs
00:21:37Everything, you name it
00:21:38Well now look at you two
00:21:40You two are pathetic
00:21:42Cause one asshole turned you down?
00:21:51You two should be ashamed
00:21:52Now you, listen to me
00:21:54Understand this
00:21:56And understand this well
00:21:57You are a product in this business
00:21:59Nothing but a product
00:22:00And you are selling a product
00:22:01Take the sundae, for example
00:22:04Several parts to this sundae, correct?
00:22:07Correct
00:22:07You got the whipped cream
00:22:09Three balls of ice cream
00:22:10And of course, nuts and the cherry
00:22:12Yeah, well, cherry's missing here
00:22:15Now, we need to sell this sundae, correct?
00:22:18Correct
00:22:18So, we put it together real nice
00:22:21Each of its separate parts make it a perfect whole
00:22:23You starting to get the picture here?
00:22:26Sort of
00:22:26Not at all
00:22:27What I mean is
00:22:29In order to sell this terrific looking sundae
00:22:31Each separate part is important
00:22:34In making this a terrific looking sundae
00:22:36Capiche?
00:22:39So, for instance
00:22:41In order to be the actress
00:22:44The sundae
00:22:45The product
00:22:46You must have all the separate parts
00:22:48The whipped cream
00:22:49The ice cream
00:22:49The topping
00:22:50Et cetera
00:22:50Perfect
00:22:51Whipped cream?
00:22:52Meaning
00:22:52Your clothes
00:22:53Your hair
00:22:53Your talent
00:22:54Your body
00:22:55Et cetera
00:22:55Perfect
00:22:56Look
00:22:56If your hair
00:22:57Looks like shit
00:22:59Well then
00:23:00That part of the product
00:23:01Is not doing its job, right?
00:23:02And then
00:23:03You're a little out of shape
00:23:04And your clothes are all wrong
00:23:06And you're sending out shitty headshots
00:23:07And you're not pushing your scripts
00:23:09Well then
00:23:09This
00:23:10This
00:23:11Is your goddamn
00:23:12Lousy-ass product
00:23:16Do you want to buy this product?
00:23:25Then how could you expect anyone
00:23:27To want to buy you?
00:23:33Now hurry up and finish
00:23:34I want to get out of here
00:23:46Check
00:24:16I'm tired of
00:24:18Taking it
00:24:20I'm tired of
00:24:21Taking it
00:24:23I'm tired of
00:24:25Taking it
00:24:27I feel like
00:24:28Feel like
00:24:29Breaking it
00:24:31I'm sorry
00:24:32We could not address your screenplay at this time
00:24:35At this time we are understaffed
00:24:38And are unable to open your submission
00:24:40Please try again at this time
00:24:42However
00:24:42If you would like to receive
00:24:43Thank you
00:24:44And we wish you the best of luck
00:24:46Taking it
00:24:49I'm tired of
00:24:50Taking it
00:24:52I'm tired of
00:24:54Taking it
00:24:56I feel like
00:24:57Can I tell you a joke?
00:24:58Huh?
00:24:59Hey, what's the difference
00:25:00Between a wife and a girlfriend?
00:25:01What?
00:25:0245 pounds
00:25:03Yeah
00:25:03Hey, what's the difference
00:25:05Between a husband and a boyfriend?
00:25:07What?
00:25:0845 minutes
00:25:09Yeah
00:25:09That's a good one
00:25:11Hey
00:25:12Hey
00:25:12How come you can't tell bankers any secrets?
00:25:15Uh, why?
00:25:16Cause they're tellers
00:25:17Yeah
00:25:18Gotta remember that one
00:25:19Hey
00:25:20How come roosters don't wear underwear?
00:25:22I don't know
00:25:23Why?
00:25:24Cause they're peckers
00:25:25On their faces
00:25:26Peckers
00:25:27On their faces
00:25:29Hey, you guys actresses?
00:25:32We're trying to be
00:25:32Oh, great
00:25:33I'm a photographer
00:25:33I'll make a deal for you
00:25:34Two for one
00:25:35Yeah
00:25:36Yeah
00:25:37Yeah
00:25:38Bye
00:25:39Yeah
00:25:40Bye
00:25:41Bye
00:25:41Bye
00:25:41Bye
00:25:42Bye
00:25:42Bye
00:25:43Bye
00:25:43Bye
00:25:44Bye
00:25:44Bye
00:25:45Bye
00:25:45Bye
00:25:46Bye
00:25:46Bye
00:25:47Bye
00:25:47Bye
00:25:48Bye
00:25:48Bye
00:25:49Bye
00:25:49Bye
00:25:50Bye
00:25:51Bye
00:25:51Bye
00:25:52Bye
00:25:52Bye
00:25:53Bye
00:25:53Bye
00:25:54Bye
00:25:54Bye
00:25:55Bye
00:25:55Bye
00:25:56Bye
00:25:56Bye
00:25:57Bye
00:25:57Bye
00:25:58Bye
00:25:58Bye
00:25:59Bye
00:25:59Bye
00:26:00Bye
00:26:01Bye
00:26:01Bye
00:26:02Bye
00:26:02Bye
00:26:03Bye
00:26:04Bye
00:26:04Bye
00:26:05Bye
00:26:05Bye
00:26:06I got it.
00:26:28I got it!
00:26:29Now I think I can work with you.
00:26:39Jane, do you think we're sort of selling ourselves out?
00:26:52No, I don't think we've strived that high yet.
00:26:55No, I'm serious.
00:26:56Do you think we're sort of, you know, pushing the sexy babe thing a little?
00:27:00No.
00:27:01No, Lily's right.
00:27:04It's what this business is all about.
00:27:09However, I do think you sell out when it comes to guys, though.
00:27:13What the hell is that supposed to mean?
00:27:16I mean you've dated a couple of doozies since we've been out here.
00:27:19Why, because they're short?
00:27:20No, not because they're short.
00:27:22Because they're losers.
00:27:25Did you just say what I think you said?
00:27:28What the hell is my alternative?
00:27:30Sit home like you and wait for the white knight to sweep me off my feet?
00:27:33Doesn't necessarily have to be white.
00:27:35Well, you're going to be one lonely lady waiting for him.
00:27:42I might be lonely, but I'm not desperate.
00:27:45What did you say?
00:27:48Nothing.
00:27:49No, I heard you.
00:27:52And how dare you make me feel inadequate about my choice of men?
00:27:55Yeah.
00:27:56And how dare you tell me to lower my standards?
00:27:58What, am I not good enough?
00:27:59Never said that.
00:28:00Well, you didn't have to.
00:28:02I'm simply pointing out the obvious.
00:28:05Well, that if you're waiting for Mr. Perfect, well then you better put down your crack pipe.
00:28:11Yeah.
00:28:12And I'm simply pointing out the obvious, too.
00:28:14Oh?
00:28:15That you're dating a loser.
00:28:17Well, fuck you.
00:28:19I'm sick of you picking on my...
00:28:23short boyfriends.
00:28:26At least I have one.
00:28:30Just tell him to take his stilts off by the front door.
00:28:33He's scuffing up the floor.
00:28:36You know what I think?
00:28:38I think you're just a little bit jealous.
00:28:40Because he's taking up all of my time.
00:28:43That's what I think.
00:28:45No, you're not my type.
00:28:49I got it.
00:28:51Why don't you deal with your life on your own terms?
00:28:54And I'll deal with my life on mine.
00:28:59Are you saying that we should go our own ways?
00:29:01That's right, kiddo.
00:29:06Well, I don't think I want to do that.
00:29:08Well...
00:29:10I don't think I'd give a rat's ass.
00:29:14Well, that's fine with me.
00:29:15And fine with me, too.
00:29:16Fine.
00:29:17Fine.
00:29:18Fine.
00:29:20Yoo-hoo!
00:29:22Ladies!
00:29:24I loved your script.
00:29:25Where's Jane?
00:29:27She's in the shower.
00:29:28You liked it?
00:29:29Yes, I liked it.
00:29:30I loved it.
00:29:31Did you say you two wrote it?
00:29:32Yes, Brian, we did.
00:29:33Well, I'll be a monkey's ass, then.
00:29:35Well, now, there's a stretch.
00:29:38Hello, ladies.
00:29:39Oh, hey, girls.
00:29:40Hey, Lily, what's going on?
00:29:41I just kicked ass at a diapers commercial audition.
00:29:44Dressed like that?
00:29:45Mm-hmm.
00:29:46What'd you do?
00:29:47Try to convince the casting director you could breastfeed?
00:29:49As a matter of fact, I did.
00:29:51What are you doing?
00:29:52Your mailings.
00:29:53Very good.
00:29:54Very good.
00:29:55Yeah, the usual.
00:29:56Just wasting my time and money.
00:29:57Compromising my already flagging standards.
00:29:59Will you stop it?
00:30:00Here.
00:30:03Sorry, Brian.
00:30:04Oh, that's okay.
00:30:05You can share mine.
00:30:07So, I heard Jane's got a date with a photographer.
00:30:10Yeah, she's getting ready right now.
00:30:11I think this is pretty serious.
00:30:13She's been in there for two hours.
00:30:14Hey, Jane!
00:30:15Banging a photographer, huh?
00:30:17Shut it, Lily!
00:30:18Is he cute?
00:30:19I don't know.
00:30:20All I can see was the top of his head.
00:30:21And especially you!
00:30:23Speak it ahead.
00:30:24How's my manager working out for you?
00:30:25Well, he sent us out on a twin men gum commercial.
00:30:27Yeah!
00:30:28I'm going out tonight.
00:30:29Everything's all right.
00:30:30And my black drop top looking tight.
00:30:33Storm shine bright.
00:30:34Champagne glisten.
00:30:35Sounds of a melody bump in my system.
00:30:37My mission's complete.
00:30:39Tonight be the night and I'm riding on the solo crease.
00:30:42That's real.
00:30:43Feel what I'm saying?
00:30:44Parlaying as I'm swaying.
00:30:46To the AM with my seat reclined.
00:30:48Rendezvous.
00:30:49Buster U, cause it's time to begin.
00:30:51Wheels spinning, I'm rolling.
00:30:52Getting gone.
00:30:53In the wind and I'm coasting.
00:30:54Posting out.
00:30:55Crawford Ballet.
00:30:56Are you her older sister?
00:30:58Get out of here, kid.
00:31:00We had so much fun.
00:31:01Thanks!
00:31:02Thanks a lot.
00:31:03You girls did a great job.
00:31:04Okay, next we've got Jane and Sherri Williams twins.
00:31:08Jane and...
00:31:09You guys gotta be joking me, right?
00:31:10Shit!
00:31:11Huh?
00:31:12Huh?
00:31:13Didn't get the call back.
00:31:14Oh.
00:31:15But I heard you had a big audition yesterday.
00:31:16Huh?
00:31:17So?
00:31:18How'd it go?
00:31:19I don't wanna talk about it.
00:31:20Alright.
00:31:21Okay.
00:31:22He was the only child in this isolated board that was just for patients with AIDS.
00:31:29He had had a bad bout, but he was feeling a lot better.
00:31:30And when I went to pick him up, he wasn't there.
00:31:36I reacted.
00:31:37And I stormed I'll go away, looking for anybody to hear.
00:31:40And when I went to pick him up, he... wasn't there.
00:31:47And I stormed our hallway looking for anybody to hear.
00:31:51Yeah...
00:31:52I like it.
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55That's a good story.
00:31:56That's it.
00:31:57I'm so sorry.
00:31:58I don't know if I'm sitting here at the bed.
00:31:59Oh, my gosh.
00:32:00Yeah, that's so bad.
00:32:01No, I'm so sad.
00:32:02I'm so sad.
00:32:03I'm so sad.
00:32:04Or anybody to hear.
00:32:07I can't talk about
00:32:10I can't talk about
00:32:12I can't talk to myself.
00:32:22My love is because I'm a soul
00:32:28I'm grateful for this stranger
00:32:30that I have been doing for my own son.
00:32:34Here, I have been ashamed when I should have been the other way around.
00:32:44Why didn't you ask the big bird to play the role?
00:32:47Well, when I was like that, she'd have to duck when she turns sideways.
00:32:51Uh, yeah, uh, we're the different types of, say, uh, some of the looks of, say, Gwyneth Paltrow,
00:32:58Winona Ryder, you know the ingenues, okay? But thanks, though.
00:33:05Big bird, huh? Okay, why don't you take this big bird and shove it up your ass where it's most comfortable?
00:33:21Eh, I don't want to talk about it.
00:33:28What's the matter with you?
00:33:32Nothing. I don't want to talk about it, okay?
00:33:35Doesn't anybody want to talk about anything?
00:33:37You know, Jane, I just got started with this really great therapist.
00:33:41Well, Tony referred him to me, who got it from a friend of his.
00:33:45But anyway, why don't you give him a call? He's really terrific, and he's helped out a lot.
00:33:50Oh, yeah, we can see. But, uh, give me the number anyway.
00:33:53God knows I can use it.
00:33:55God's not the only one.
00:33:57Look, I don't need a shrink, thank you.
00:33:59Is that up for a vote?
00:34:01Besides, it doesn't take a therapist to figure out that Sherry's been acting like an asshole lately,
00:34:06and, um, I bombed yesterday's audition, okay?
00:34:12All right, Jane, well, you know, these things are hard to tell.
00:34:16I mean, sometimes you have a bad audition, and you end up booking the role.
00:34:19Or you have a great audition, and you never hear from them again.
00:34:22They're crazy, these casting people.
00:34:24That's true, they are.
00:34:25Well, I dated one once.
00:34:26Talk about screaming assholes.
00:34:28Yeah?
00:34:29Yeah.
00:34:30So, go ahead.
00:34:31Tell us what happens.
00:34:32Okay.
00:34:33All right.
00:34:35There I was, you know, really connecting to my piece on a deep, emotional level.
00:34:44I really prepared myself.
00:34:45And he said it was near Christmas time, and could he come see us?
00:34:54You said, no, that he was drunk as usual.
00:34:59He said if he couldn't see his little girl near Christmas time, it wasn't worth living.
00:35:06You said, stop threatening when you don't mean it.
00:35:09He said, I do mean it.
00:35:12And I'm going to kill myself.
00:35:18You believed him enough to hand me the phone, Mama.
00:35:25You said, I'm going to go next door, and you said you're going next door to call the police that you knew where he was.
00:35:34But then you said, don't talk to him.
00:35:39Talk to him.
00:35:40Hello?
00:35:41Because he's drunk as usual.
00:35:43A bottle of wine would be fine.
00:35:44And I don't want him talking to you under those circumstances.
00:35:48No telling what he might say.
00:35:50No, I'm going to drop him off for Francine's when I get home.
00:35:53So I held onto the phone like you said, Mama.
00:35:56He might be fine, too.
00:35:58And I heard him say it.
00:36:00Okay.
00:36:01Okay.
00:36:02What?
00:36:03Yeah.
00:36:04Why don't we get the next girl in here?
00:36:07She said, uh, um, Jane, um, thanks.
00:36:11Can you go ahead and send the next woman, please?
00:36:13Oh, she's pretty.
00:36:20So you think I have a shot at it?
00:36:24You might have a shot at it.
00:36:27Yeah, sure.
00:36:28I don't see why not.
00:36:31What do I know?
00:36:32Yeah.
00:36:34Oh, I'll get that.
00:36:36Hello?
00:36:38Hey, Tony.
00:36:40Yeah, you dirty bastard.
00:36:43Yeah, hold on.
00:36:45Hey, Tony.
00:36:47You liked the script.
00:36:49He loved the script.
00:36:51I told you.
00:36:52A producer.
00:36:53Yeah, yeah.
00:36:54The what hotel?
00:36:56What did you say this, uh, producer's name was?
00:37:00Mr. Slavenport.
00:37:01The producer.
00:37:02Well, he's supposed to meet us in the lounge.
00:37:03Yeah.
00:37:04Uh-huh.
00:37:05I'll call.
00:37:06Hold on.
00:37:07Mr. Slavenport.
00:37:08Yes.
00:37:09You have two more here.
00:37:10Uh-huh.
00:37:11Uh-huh.
00:37:12Uh-huh.
00:37:13Uh-huh.
00:37:14The usual.
00:37:15Okay.
00:37:16I'll send them up.
00:37:18He said to take the elevator up to room 410.
00:37:25It's right around the corner.
00:37:27That's right.
00:37:28My love for you.
00:37:29Honey.
00:37:30Honey.
00:37:31Honey.
00:37:32Honey.
00:37:33Honey.
00:37:34Honey.
00:37:35Honey.
00:37:36Honey.
00:37:37Honey.
00:37:38Honey.
00:37:39Honey.
00:37:40Honey.
00:37:41Honey.
00:37:42Honey.
00:37:43Honey.
00:37:44Honey.
00:37:45Honey.
00:37:46Honey.
00:37:47Honey.
00:37:48Honey.
00:37:49Honey.
00:37:50Honey.
00:37:51Honey.
00:37:52Honey.
00:37:53Honey.
00:37:54Honey.
00:37:55Honey.
00:37:56Honey.
00:37:57Honey.
00:37:58Honey.
00:37:59Honey.
00:38:00Honey.
00:38:01Honey.
00:38:02Honey.
00:38:03Honey.
00:38:04Honey.
00:38:05Honey.
00:38:06Honey.
00:38:07Honey.
00:38:08Honey.
00:38:09Honey.
00:38:10Honey.
00:38:11Honey.
00:38:12Honey.
00:38:13Honey.
00:38:14Honey.
00:38:15Honey.
00:38:16Honey.
00:38:17I'm sorry, I'm Jane, and this is my twin sister, Sherry.
00:38:43We're both actresses and writers.
00:38:47And we wrote on script.
00:38:50We were referred to you by our manager, Tony D'Amato.
00:38:55Yeah, I know.
00:38:56Guy's a scumbag. Don't trust him worth shit.
00:39:01Well, the two of us wanted to propose a plan for a film we were hoping you might want to produce.
00:39:13We have it right here, in fact. We were hoping you might want to take a look at it.
00:39:17You know, whenever you have free time, of course.
00:39:29Did you hand me one of those?
00:39:31Sure.
00:39:35Right, of course.
00:39:36Girls, I don't want to waste your time.
00:39:51Now take a look at these.
00:39:54Now I helped launch the career of all those beautiful women.
00:39:58But you know what?
00:39:59What?
00:40:00They had to prove they were committed.
00:40:02Committed?
00:40:03Yeah, that's right. Committed.
00:40:05Oh, you have our commitment, believe me.
00:40:07We were afraid you weren't going to be committed to us.
00:40:09That's right.
00:40:09Girls, I have had too many bad experiences with beautiful, sexy women, such as yourselves,
00:40:18pitching me on similar propositions.
00:40:20You know, they all want to be stars in one way or another, so I give them a shot.
00:40:25Star in one of my movies.
00:40:27And you know what?
00:40:28No. What?
00:40:29They up and they walk out on the deal.
00:40:31Up and walk out?
00:40:31No, no, no, no, no.
00:40:32We'll even draw up a contract and sign it right now.
00:40:35You take Roxanne, for instance.
00:40:37I cast her in the lead in Veronica's Vegas.
00:40:40Good title.
00:40:41Original.
00:40:42So she's on her way.
00:40:44But she had to commit herself first.
00:40:47Mr. Slavonport.
00:40:48Dick.
00:40:50Dick.
00:40:52Dick, this is our movie.
00:40:53We wrote.
00:40:54I mean, we're even trying to get Stephen Spill's, let's just say, a big-name director to do this.
00:41:01If you read our proposal, our script, we're 110% committed.
00:41:05Ladies, bottom line, I need you to prove that you're committed.
00:41:10Now, every woman in this business has to.
00:41:13And you are no exception.
00:41:14Do you mind if I help myself?
00:41:20Please.
00:41:33Now, where were we?
00:41:39We were talking about commitment.
00:41:41That's right.
00:41:42So we'll draw up a contract.
00:41:45Girls, let me get straight to the point.
00:41:49Two lovers are, uh, bound together.
00:41:53Having proven their commitment to one another by the simple and pleasurable act of lovemaking.
00:42:02Let a little look here.
00:42:03We don't need to go there, okay?
00:42:05Let's talk figures.
00:42:07Precisely.
00:42:09She means money.
00:42:10Lots and lots of money.
00:42:12Dick.
00:42:13Ladies, I got all the money in the world.
00:42:16I don't need your money.
00:42:18What I need is your commitment.
00:42:22Oh, and trust me.
00:42:24You'll be satisfied.
00:42:27It's a tough choice, but I, uh, I think we're going to pass.
00:42:31I'll be right back.
00:42:57I thought you'd reconsider.
00:42:58I thought you'd reconsider.
00:43:09In fact, I did.
00:43:10Hmm?
00:43:10Come here, big boy.
00:43:12All right.
00:43:12All right.
00:43:15You're right.
00:43:20I am satisfied.
00:43:21That fucking pig.
00:43:45Yeah, no kidding.
00:43:48What does he think we are, stupid?
00:43:55Fucking idiot.
00:43:56Why?
00:43:56Why isn't he calling me back?
00:44:00You know, I think that dirty bastard's seeing one of his other girls.
00:44:05I don't know.
00:44:07Maybe it's all in my head.
00:44:08That little bitch.
00:44:13Copying a prima donna attitude with me.
00:44:15They were stupid enough to come into my motel room.
00:44:38Guy's a prick.
00:44:40But he owe me a favor.
00:44:41Man's got to try.
00:44:43But I need some business.
00:44:55Prick.
00:44:57Hey, Lily.
00:44:58It's Sherry.
00:44:58How's it going?
00:45:00Hey, you got some time tonight to meet me at the brass bar?
00:45:04Oh, I don't know.
00:45:07Say, uh, sometime around seven o'clock?
00:45:10Drinks on me.
00:45:12Yeah.
00:45:13Yeah.
00:45:15Yeah.
00:45:17Hello.
00:45:17Hi.
00:45:25Okay, Lily.
00:45:28Oh, how am I going to say this?
00:45:31Oh, I hate this shit.
00:45:33I am so pissed off I can barely speak.
00:45:36Okay, Travis.
00:45:38You look me in the eye and you tell me that I didn't see you with the pink pony kissing another boy.
00:45:44Oh, boy, I got something I want to ask you, Jane.
00:45:47One second.
00:45:51Okay, Lily.
00:45:52I'm just going to come straight out with it.
00:45:54I want to break up with you.
00:45:56Tony's cheating on you.
00:45:59I want to marry you.
00:46:00Oh, what?
00:46:03What the hell are you talking about?
00:46:06No.
00:46:08It's Jane, isn't it?
00:46:10Oh.
00:46:11No, no, even she never date that two-timing loser.
00:46:16I mean, no.
00:46:17No, it's not Jane.
00:46:20Look, I stopped by his office the other day, right after he called me.
00:46:23Tony, so sorry.
00:46:31Hi, how are you both?
00:46:33I see you're getting head shots together.
00:46:37Great.
00:46:38Well, I'll just leave my head shut some outside the door.
00:46:44Nice to meet you.
00:46:52Oh, God.
00:46:53I knew it.
00:46:57I just knew it.
00:47:00That good-for-nothing lousy lay that...
00:47:02Bitch.
00:47:03Take you back, huh?
00:47:06The answer is...
00:47:08No.
00:47:09I can't.
00:47:11I want to.
00:47:12Sort of.
00:47:13Maybe.
00:47:14It's just that...
00:47:16I'm sorry.
00:47:17I'm sorry.
00:47:19I'm sorry.
00:47:20I'm sorry.
00:47:23Intoxification's got me under command, and I am crazy.
00:47:35Crazy.
00:47:36It's all the same to me.
00:47:38My liberation tests me
00:47:43Emancipation keeps me sleazy
00:47:45Sleazy
00:47:46It's all the same too
00:47:48I've been weeding for too long
00:47:57It made me crude, it made me wrong
00:47:59I don't want no fantasy
00:48:00This special life right next to me
00:48:02Something maybe I'll regret tomorrow
00:48:05Cause I'll just forget
00:48:06Calling tragic selfishness
00:48:08Your empathy, my disrespect
00:48:10Intoxication's got me under command
00:48:20And I am crazy, crazy
00:48:22It's all the same to me
00:48:25To me
00:48:26My liberation tests me
00:48:29Emancipation keeps me sleazy
00:48:32Sleazy
00:48:33It's all the same too
00:48:38I've been weeding for too long
00:48:43It made me crude, it made me wrong
00:48:45I don't want no fantasy
00:48:47This special life right next to me
00:48:49Something maybe I'll regret tomorrow
00:48:51Cause I'll just forget
00:48:53Calling tragic selfishness
00:48:54Your empathy, my disrespect
00:48:56Intoxication's got me under command
00:49:08Intoxication's got me under command
00:49:20And I am crazy, crazy
00:49:22It's all the same too
00:49:25Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:49:31Life you waited for too long
00:49:33It made me crude, it made me wrong
00:49:35But I don't want no fantasy
00:49:37What?
00:49:38You sent Playboy that picture?
00:49:42Yeah
00:49:42For the W pleasure, twin issue
00:49:48Yeah, the
00:49:51The twin issue, yeah
00:49:52And let me get this straight
00:49:56We have an appointment right after work
00:49:58That's right
00:50:01Oh, this is wonderful
00:50:07Knock it off, Junior
00:50:12Hi, can I get you folks?
00:50:14Yeah, let me get two Cokes and four waters
00:50:16I'll take a white Zinfandel
00:50:17Oh, and making $30 a lunch is better
00:50:19I'm sorry, was that a Coke or a 7-0?
00:50:22I said a white Zinfandel
00:50:24Should have guessed
00:50:25I don't know
00:50:27Our friends and family seeing us rub asses together
00:50:30Just doesn't quite sit well with me
00:50:32I'm sorry, what did you sit?
00:50:35Two Cokes and four waters
00:50:37Our refill's for free
00:50:39Put it out, Patsy
00:50:41I didn't say we'd take the job
00:50:45I just thought it might help us break into
00:50:47Well, if you haven't noticed
00:50:49Our non-existing acting careers
00:50:50Oh, come on
00:50:51Now that's retarded
00:50:53It's real smooth, Sherry
00:51:03Real fucking smooth
00:51:05You wanted a what?
00:51:08I said her refill's for free
00:51:10Stop it, Maggie
00:51:12Fucking unbelievable
00:51:13Uh, and?
00:51:15No, not you
00:51:16Well, that's brilliant Einstein
00:51:17And while we're at it
00:51:18Why don't we hook ourselves
00:51:19To keep a roof over our heads?
00:51:21Come
00:51:21What is wrong with this bitch?
00:51:24I told you I asked not to come to this white shop
00:51:26That's what I'm saying
00:51:28That's what I'm saying
00:51:29Stop it, Maggie
00:51:31I told y'all
00:51:31Well, man, y'all said y'all want our tech
00:51:33That's Eric's fault
00:51:34Okay, Sherry
00:51:36And at the fine rate we're going
00:51:38We'll be slinging burgers
00:51:39For the next 20 years
00:51:40Now, what the hell do you want already?
00:51:42Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:51:45Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:52:15stupid at times. But I love those girls. I love them. I love them. I love them. I love you. I love you.
00:52:45Here we go.
00:53:15So, after they were fired, I couldn't stay at TJ's without my best friends. So Sherry and I got a job at this place called Tony's Topless. Well, we didn't go topless. We wore these... Well, it was good money anyway. Jane, well, she ended up at this joint called Domino's Deli. Excellent burgers.
00:53:45And remember, the customer gets anything they want. Okay? Right, of course. Now, here's our breakfast menu. Just breakfast? We also have a separate menu for lunch and one for dinner. All of which have to be memorized. Okay? Of course. Now, make sure you ask the following ten questions with each egg order. It's on the test. Test?
00:54:15Tell us what you like. White wheat, 7th grade, pepper, nickel, rye, marble, raisin, challah, English, weapon, or bagel. Would you like cream cheese, butter, peanut butter, or jam? Would you like potatoes, tomatoes, or cottage cheese? And if potatoes, mashed, baked, or fried? Would you like fresh and squeezed juice with that? Orange juice or grape juice? Small or large? Coffee? Tea with skimmed milk or cream?
00:54:31I think that was 11. Oh, and you don't have to worry about the sugar choices. It's on the table. We just got set. Let's go. Hi. You have Team Marianne working with you today. What can I get you folks?
00:54:43Uh, I'll take a cheese almond. Great. One, two, or three eggs? Two. Cheddar Swiss, American, provolone, blue, ricotta, farmer, parmesan, brie, mozzarella, or jack? Cheddar. Whole egg or white only? Whole.
00:54:55Pancake style or closed? Closed. Well or runny? Runny. How about toast? White wheat, 7th grade, pepper, nickel, rye, marble, raisin, challah, English, weapon, or bagel? Bagel. Oh.
00:55:05Plain water, egg, raisin, raisin, cinnamon, wheat, poppy seed, blueberry, or everything? Poppy seed. Cream cheese, butter, peanut butter, or jam? Butter. On it or on the side? On the side, I guess. Great. Cottage cheese, potatoes, or tomatoes? Potatoes.
00:55:17Mashed, baked, or fried? Fried. Would you like freshly squeezed orange cheese or grape fritches? O.J. Large or small? Small. Ice or no ice? No ice. Coffee, tea? Coffee. Regular milk? Black. Ice or no ice? Hot. Great. And how about you? I'd like a turkey club sandwich, hon. But could I get mayo on the side? We can get you whatever you want. Be right back.
00:55:39Okay. Okay, Jane. Now here's our computer. Get stuck sometimes. Okay. Now, first we put our card through. Then press number one. Now enter once, press five. Enter twice, press seven. Enter once, press three. No, wait. Two seconds. Then press six. Okay. Now enter twice, key up, arrow over, then print three, then hit one, then key up, arrow over, then again, then print ticket. Okay?
00:56:08Okay? Oh, we just got set. Here we go. Johnny, or the waiter went home sick, so you're filling in for him. Consider this your test.
00:56:28Hi. Hi. Uh, what can I get you? Can I get a BLT, leave the lettuce and tomato, and can you add chicken, please?
00:56:46We can get you whatever you want.
00:56:52Uh, are you going to go take Table 21's order, or should they go to the kitchen and fend for themselves?
00:57:04Miss, more coffee? Mother will have the hamburger.
00:57:07Medium. Better make it rare so we can get out of here sometime today.
00:57:11Can I espresso, please, before I fall asleep?
00:57:14Honey, we're not dealing with a rocket scientist.
00:57:16It's a little stupid at least, huh?
00:57:18Ma'am, my kid don't like his burger. It's cooked too well.
00:57:22And it tastes like shit. You eat it.
00:57:25Bitch, is there a charge for this extra cheese?
00:57:27I asked the sooner.
00:57:29Still waiting for me, son.
00:57:31It's a hamburger.
00:57:33It's in my food.
00:57:34Keep it in the goddamn food before Christmas.
00:57:46Okay.
00:57:47Don't you try to tell me how your baby up and left you
00:57:59When you thought that she would never ever roam
00:58:02Ah, ha!
00:58:03Don't you try to tell me about the plans that you were making
00:58:07When you thought that she was yours and yours alone
00:58:10Don't sigh, don't you moan
00:58:13Don't cry, don't you groan
00:58:16Don't look so darn sad
00:58:18It's just too darn bad
00:58:20I can still remember not so very long ago
00:58:23When all your lovin' belonged to me
00:58:28And if you recall it wasn't very long ago
00:58:31That you had told me I had better set you free
00:58:36Jane
00:58:48You awake?
00:58:49Now I am
00:58:52Sorry
00:58:59Jane
00:59:03Huh?
00:59:06Nothing
00:59:16Jane
00:59:21What?
00:59:22Do you remember we were little and we couldn't sleep at night?
00:59:24Mom would let us sleep with her for a couple hours
00:59:27Oh no
00:59:28Do you mind moving over?
00:59:29Making a little room for me in your bed
00:59:31I'd prefer if you didn't
00:59:32Oh come on
00:59:34Move over
00:59:36I'm a little uncomfortable with this
00:59:38Really, don't bother her much
00:59:39Oh be quiet
00:59:41Move over
00:59:43I just wanna apologize
00:59:45Come on
00:59:46Give me a hug
00:59:47My handshake would do just fine
00:59:48I'll be quiet
00:59:50Give me a hug
00:59:54People let me tell you about my best friend
00:59:58Okay, I'm good with this
00:59:59Okay, well
01:00:00I'm sorry I've been acting like such a jerk lately
01:00:03Now there's an understatement
01:00:05Now you weren't exactly a bowl of cherries either
01:00:08Nah
01:00:09I guess I wasn't
01:00:11You pissed I walked off the top?
01:00:13No
01:00:14You would've been fired eventually
01:00:18Thanks
01:00:20I'm sorry about the fight the other day
01:00:21Which one?
01:00:22You know
01:00:24Shorty
01:00:26At least you'll always wear comfortable shoes
01:00:34It's not that funny
01:00:38No, no, not that
01:00:40I just can't believe it
01:00:43And no more scholarship to law school
01:00:48And I had a full scholarship too
01:00:53And we gave it all up just for a shot in the dark
01:00:59What was that lame story you were telling me about?
01:01:02Which one? Which one?
01:01:04About the fire engine lift
01:01:05That little red fire engine that could
01:01:18Christ that was stupid
01:01:20What the hell were we thinking?
01:01:23I don't know
01:01:25We threw it all away
01:01:27Oh no
01:01:29Oh God
01:01:30Oh God
01:01:32I saw your light on it
01:01:39Okay
01:01:42Now this is a little weird
01:01:46Even for my taste
01:01:52I don't know what to do
01:01:58I don't know what to do
01:02:07Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you
01:02:10I just happened to notice that you were doing the exercise improperly
01:02:14I was?
01:02:16Yes actually you were
01:02:18Do you mind if I show you?
01:02:20No!
01:02:22No of course not!
01:02:24Let me show you
01:02:25See the difference now?
01:02:27Why don't you put your hands across my chest?
01:02:29See if you can feel the difference
01:02:31Me?
01:02:33Okay
01:02:34Okay
01:02:35Right here?
01:02:36Right there?
01:02:37Do you feel it now?
01:02:39Not yet
01:02:40Keep going
01:02:41Keep going
01:02:42Oh
01:02:43Okay
01:02:44Okay
01:02:46I'm starting to feel it now
01:02:47I'm starting to feel it now
01:02:48Wait
01:02:49Come here
01:02:50Come here
01:02:51Come here
01:02:52Come here
01:02:54Come here
01:02:55Okay
01:02:56Okay
01:02:57Okay
01:02:58Come here
01:02:59Okay
01:03:00Okay
01:03:01Yeah
01:03:02Right here
01:03:03Okay
01:03:04Right here
01:03:05Okay
01:03:06Right there
01:03:07Do you feel it now?
01:03:08Okay
01:03:09Okay
01:03:10Okay
01:03:11I'm starting to feel it now
01:03:12Okay
01:03:13Okay
01:03:14I'm starting to feel it now
01:03:15Wait
01:03:16Come here
01:03:17Come here
01:03:23Let me level with you
01:03:25This whole thing was just a lame excuse to get to talk to you
01:03:28Talk to me?
01:03:29Talk to me?
01:03:30Yes
01:03:31I've been watching you
01:03:34You're kidding
01:03:35No
01:03:36I'm dead serious
01:03:38I've been watching you for a while
01:03:40Watching me for a while?
01:03:42Uh huh
01:03:43This is unbelievable
01:03:44I can bench myself
01:03:46You've been watching me
01:03:49I've been watching you
01:03:51You have no idea
01:03:53Since the day I laid my eyes on you
01:03:56I
01:03:57Oh no wait
01:03:59How do you know you weren't watching her?
01:04:02Who?
01:04:03Her
01:04:04Her
01:04:05Her
01:04:06My twin sister
01:04:07Oh no
01:04:08Cute isn't she?
01:04:09She always did get off it
01:04:10Shhh
01:04:12This is you
01:04:13I want
01:04:16Come here
01:04:17Kiss me
01:04:27No
01:04:29Are you coming yet?
01:04:32Well
01:04:33Not exactly
01:04:34What do you mean not exactly?
01:04:36Are you coming yet or not?
01:04:37Huh?
01:04:38Are you coming or not?
01:04:39Come on
01:04:40Let's go
01:04:41Move it out
01:04:42Anthony Robbins
01:04:56This is really distracting
01:05:06Let me get rid of them
01:05:08Alright alright
01:05:09I'll be right there
01:05:11Give me a second
01:05:13It took you so long
01:05:16Do you have the help on that section?
01:05:18Yeah come in
01:05:19It's on the table
01:05:21Baby we got company
01:05:22Put some shorts on
01:05:24Um
01:05:26Oh
01:05:30Oh God
01:05:31No
01:05:32No
01:05:33Oh
01:05:34Oh
01:05:35Oh
01:05:36Oh
01:05:37Oh
01:05:38What the hell was that?
01:05:39It's on my head on campus
01:05:40What the hell is going on?
01:05:42Oh
01:05:43Oh
01:05:44Oh
01:05:45Oh
01:05:46Oh
01:05:47Oh
01:05:48Oh
01:05:49Oh
01:05:50Oh
01:05:51Oh
01:05:52Oh
01:05:53Oh
01:05:54Oh
01:06:02Oh
01:06:03Oh
01:06:04Oh
01:06:05Oh
01:06:07Oh
01:06:09Oh
01:06:11How old must I get before I'm young and innocent again, but I can't take much more of this.
01:06:31I'm being picked up by my tail with fury but to no avail.
01:06:39I'm being parted like some prayers. I'm scary but captured every day.
01:06:50Hello everybody. I would like you to meet my two very best friends in the whole world, Sherry and Jane.
01:07:01Sherry and Jane, welcome to the Vital Life family.
01:07:06Welcome to the Vital Life. We are very proud to have you aboard.
01:07:16Hi.
01:07:28Hi.
01:07:29Okay, welcome Jane and Sherry to Vital Life. We are very proud to have you aboard.
01:07:35Okay, before we begin, we'd like to get all psyched up and hear about this month's champions.
01:07:44Malik.
01:07:46Hi, my name is Malik.
01:07:48My sales are up $1,000 this month.
01:07:54I love you America. I love you America.
01:07:57Thank you, thank you.
01:08:01Hey, I'm Matt.
01:08:02I don't think I've lost any weight, but it's the best fucking high I've ever had.
01:08:14Hi, I'm Bobby.
01:08:16I lost 14 pounds in 15 minutes.
01:08:23And I've never been more energetic in my life.
01:08:27I love you America.
01:08:28I love you America.
01:08:29You said, you said you just, you just want to do what's right.
01:08:34We'll get it on.
01:08:36You said, you only want to dance all night.
01:08:41Well, come along.
01:08:43Ain't nobody gonna stop your moving to the beat time.
01:08:47Nobody will want you for a minute in your seat.
01:08:50If you got a feeling, pop it through the ceiling.
01:08:54Cause dancing's just a measure of response to what you're feeling.
01:08:58Make a dance.
01:09:00I'm doing fantastic.
01:09:02You know, when David Koresh went down and all, I didn't know what I was going to do.
01:09:08But I got me a new family.
01:09:10My Violin family!
01:09:12Yeah!
01:09:14Are you ready, everybody?
01:09:16Yeah!
01:09:17Who are we?
01:09:18What do we thrive on?
01:09:19What?
01:09:21Want it to me?
01:09:23Yeah!
01:09:25Who are we?
01:09:27What do we thrive on?
01:09:29What's it to me?
01:09:31South America!
01:09:33What?
01:09:35What do we thrive on?
01:09:36What's it to me?
01:09:38South America!
01:09:40Who are we?
01:09:41What do we thrive on?
01:09:48Read aloud.
01:09:58Use inflection when needed.
01:10:01Brand new themed restaurant opening called Live.
01:10:03Needed top waitresses, bartenders, hostesses and runners.
01:10:06Owned in part by Brooke and Company.
01:10:09And director mogul Steven Spielstein.
01:10:12Spielstein's opening up a restaurant?
01:10:14You're kidding.
01:10:15Jane, your interviews at 3 p.m. show up today.
01:10:17Sherry, 3.30.
01:10:19Don't be late.
01:10:20My interview's in a half hour.
01:10:21Get yourselves ready.
01:10:23And don't fuck this up.
01:10:30She's the best.
01:10:36So, there we were.
01:10:39The night we got hired.
01:10:40Three of us acting like a bunch of fucking morons.
01:10:44You know, you really don't need to sit down.
01:10:46I'm a little short in the poor cowboy here.
01:10:50You know what?
01:10:50I'm gonna make a toast.
01:10:53Easy, big guy.
01:10:55All right, I'm making a toast.
01:10:57All right, to my best friends.
01:11:01A friendship based on kindness and trust and love.
01:11:07A friendship I'll always cherish.
01:11:09And to me, who finally got us a fucking shot at meeting this Spielstein.
01:11:14Katie, get out!
01:11:19All right, that's the game.
01:11:20Sweeties.
01:11:21So, shortly after that hangover, we started our training at Live, Spielstein's new restaurant.
01:11:29We worked our asses off getting ready for opening night.
01:11:33The night we meet this guy.
01:11:36We were fucking psyched.
01:11:39Dear Lord, as you know, we've been busting our asses trying to get our shit together to meet this Mr. Spielstein.
01:11:45Please, dear God, understand that we've been working long and hard.
01:11:51Speaking of which, God forgive me for my affair with Tony Jesus, his poor wife.
01:11:56Lily, will you get to the point here?
01:11:57Right.
01:11:59Where was I?
01:12:00Working hard.
01:12:01Right.
01:12:02God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
01:12:06the courage to change the things we can,
01:12:08and the wisdom when to know what to get the hell out of this goddamn business.
01:12:11Amen.
01:12:12Amen.
01:12:13Amen.
01:12:15God help us.
01:12:17Let's go.
01:12:17Let's go.
01:12:41Let's go.
01:12:58Let's go.
01:14:01I've got it.
01:14:02No, no, no, I've got it.
01:14:03I've got it.
01:14:04I give it to my job.
01:14:05No, I've got it.
01:14:05I've got it.
01:14:06It's a war.
01:14:07I've got it.
01:14:07No, no, no.
01:14:08I'm fine.
01:14:09No, no, I've got it.
01:14:09No, I...
01:14:10Just give me a little atomic bomb.
01:14:32Not too much, just a little atomic bomb.
01:14:44So I can breathe a little deeper.
01:14:51So I can taste a little sweeter.
01:14:57I've had enough.
01:14:59Pass the cup of shallow grave for winter's day.
01:15:09So send me one before someone else does.
01:15:17Just give me a little atomic bomb.
01:15:33It's over.
01:15:59I know.
01:16:04So much for your fire engine theory.
01:16:24Yeah, yeah, I know.
01:16:25But there's always the Peace Corps.
01:16:33I guess I'll say yes to Sam.
01:16:39Nothing.
01:16:39I don't want it.
01:16:47Lousy script.
01:16:48I thought I knew you.
01:16:56Sometimes I stood friends.
01:17:00Friends are cold.
01:17:05Now I am torn.
01:17:08Gave roses, you gave thorns.
01:17:11Sister, goodbye.
01:17:13Goodbye.
01:17:13Goodbye.
01:17:15Goodbye.
01:17:17I needed you.
01:17:21Believed in you.
01:17:23I...
01:17:24I'm at a loss.
01:17:27Who can I count on?
01:17:32You were here and now you're gone.
01:17:35Sister, goodbye.
01:17:38Goodbye.
01:17:38Goodbye.
01:17:39I forgive you, it's who you are.
01:18:09Oh great, fucking great. Who wrote this?
01:18:28There's no name on it. No goddamn fucking name.
01:18:39Oh shit.
01:19:09We'll buy a pack of cigarettes and drink all night.
01:19:17Let's take a trip tonight
01:19:24Into a psychedelic morning beneath the California sky
01:19:31To the ocean, deep and blue
01:19:38To the ocean, just me and you
01:19:46Let's take a drive tonight
01:19:53Down a breezy highway
01:19:58And feel alright
01:20:01That's right
01:20:03Let's take a trip tonight
01:20:10We are to oblivion
01:20:13We are to oblivion
01:20:15Until we see
01:20:16So that's the whole story
01:20:20And since my divorce
01:20:22Well I'm a chappier now
01:20:24The two of us are a lot closer again
01:20:26And now that I'm back I have a whole new perspective on life
01:20:29I know what's important to me
01:20:31Oh and uh, Doc, I don't think I'm gonna need any more medication
01:20:35How about you?
01:20:37No, film pretty good
01:20:39I think that'd be my last prescription too
01:20:41Oh, excuse me Doc
01:20:43Is that you?
01:20:45Hello?
01:20:46Not mine
01:20:47Yes, it's Jane
01:20:49Yeah, the two of us wrote a screenplay, yeah
01:20:54I'm sorry, Lily from the Weinberg agency sent you what?
01:20:58She did
01:21:00I'm sorry
01:21:03This is who?
01:21:07Oh, God
01:21:10Who is it?
01:21:11Oh, God
01:21:12I am so sorry about you
01:21:14I'm still having nightmares about it
01:21:16I mean, this is everything working okay
01:21:18And you know
01:21:22Who is it?
01:21:23It's uh
01:21:26It's uh
01:21:27It's Stephen
01:21:29It's Stephen
01:21:57We're gonna drink the cigarettes
01:21:59And drink all night
01:22:04Let's
01:22:07Take a trip tonight
01:22:11Into a psychedelic morning
01:22:15Beneath the California sky
01:22:19To the ocean
01:22:22Just you and I
01:22:24Just you and I
01:22:40You and I
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