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Transcript

00:00:30Oh, Dad.

00:00:41Hello?

00:00:42Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.

00:00:45I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.

00:00:49So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip, too.

00:00:54Sue, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.

00:00:59I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.

00:01:03I'm going to lose my virginity to him.

00:01:05You know, I want to surprise him.

00:01:07What?

00:01:08But you can't.

00:01:10I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.

00:01:13Besides, you can't do that to us.

00:01:15You can't break tradition that way.

00:01:16This is bad.

00:01:20You know, I'm going to tell Lexi.

00:01:22She's going to be very unhappy about this.

00:01:32Come on, Lexi.

00:01:33So, girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?

00:01:52Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.

00:01:55But this is the big one-eight.

00:01:59I mean, every year since our mom's met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.

00:02:03But this has to be newer and more special.

00:02:07So, what's something we've never done before?

00:02:10Mushrooms?

00:02:11No, not like that.

00:02:12Like something nice.

00:02:15Like maybe a trip.

00:02:16Like a mushroom trip?

00:02:18No.

00:02:22Sorry, Sue.

00:02:22I have a date.

00:02:23Oh, so do I.

00:02:26Sorry, Sue.

00:02:27Don't worry, Sue.

00:02:28We'll figure it out.

00:02:42Oh, flowers.

00:02:43Are these from you?

00:02:44Yeah, sure.

00:02:47Here you go.

00:02:49No card, but I thought I saw one.

00:02:51I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.

00:02:54I guess, um, you still make me nervous.

00:03:01Oh, Jake.

00:03:06Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.

00:03:08Uh, no, Jake, not yet.

00:03:11When we do it, I want it to be really special.

00:03:14The best night of my life.

00:03:16It will be.

00:03:16I promise.

00:03:18It'll always be amazing.

00:03:19With you and me.

00:03:22Together.

00:03:22Jake, no, I have to go.

00:03:32I have to work on my art project.

00:03:35You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective, but I guess I should have taken more math.

00:03:43Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?

00:03:45The Saturday?

00:03:47Of course.

00:03:47Thanks.

00:03:54Okay, bye.

00:04:05Nothing, nothing, nothing.

00:04:07Oh, baby, you're so hot.

00:04:10I'm going to do you so good.

00:04:11Oh, yeah, baby.

00:04:13Yeah.

00:04:13What was your name again?

00:04:14Rod.

00:04:16Sex guy.

00:04:16Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.

00:04:26Yeah, right, I bet.

00:04:34Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?

00:04:38Oh, no.

00:04:39It does not compute.

00:04:41Want to talk in person ASAP.

00:04:44Oh, huh.

00:04:49Hi.

00:04:51When did you get home?

00:04:53So, is it true?

00:04:54Yes, it is.

00:04:56It's just, it's the right time and Jake's the right man.

00:05:00I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy, and he has a really bright future ahead of him.

00:05:08So, I just think it's the right time.

00:05:12Lexi, tell her, losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.

00:05:17On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.

00:05:19Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday, or maybe even, like, our 28th, maybe.

00:05:28Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.

00:05:33I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.

00:05:46But Cheryl, Sue is right.

00:05:49We do always do something special on our birthday.

00:05:52Does Jake only have such a tiny little needle dick?

00:05:56It's not Jake.

00:05:58It's the male ideal.

00:06:00Like, a Greek god, or Sue's dad.

00:06:05Right.

00:06:07Oh, yeah, I guess you're right.

00:06:09Me and it kind of sucks.

00:06:10I'm not really an artist.

00:06:12Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?

00:06:14The point is, we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.

00:06:18And I'm just not ready yet.

00:06:21I'm waiting for a sign.

00:06:23And then I'll know it's right.

00:06:23Look, I can go either way.

00:06:27I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.

00:06:32I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.

00:06:35Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.

00:06:39But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.

00:06:44You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.

00:06:48Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?

00:06:55To church.

00:06:56To pray for you.

00:06:57I want to be first in line, Mom.

00:07:00I'm getting this easy.

00:07:02Yeah, me too.

00:07:02Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

00:07:15It's been four days since my last confession.

00:07:17I accused myself of the following sins.

00:07:19Mm-hmm.

00:07:22Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...

00:07:25It's about sex.

00:07:27I mean, not me.

00:07:32I've never gone past second base with a guy.

00:07:35Oh.

00:07:37I've never even seen a guy's...

00:07:39Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.

00:07:42But I was dressing him up as Jesus, and I wanted to see his thing.

00:07:47But there was nothing there.

00:07:48Okay, so it's about my friends.

00:07:54My best friends.

00:07:56They're going to do something really bad this weekend.

00:07:58Okay.

00:08:00Third base.

00:08:02What?

00:08:03No.

00:08:04Like, sex.

00:08:05Like, intercourse?

00:08:07With boys, they barely even know.

00:08:09I mean, they really need us intervention.

00:08:11If you know what I mean.

00:08:12All the way.

00:08:13Go all the way.

00:08:16Woody.

00:08:17What?

00:08:17How could you do this?

00:08:24You're a bad, bad person.

00:08:28What?

00:08:35Yes.

00:08:36Yes.

00:08:37Run.

00:08:38Run.

00:08:39Home route.

00:08:42Damn it.

00:08:45Fucking Yankees.

00:08:46I'm sorry.

00:08:49Sorry.

00:08:49Sue, it is 1 p.m.

00:09:16What do you have a little consideration?

00:09:18I'm trying to sleep.

00:09:21Can you guys please keep it down?

00:09:25I have an announcement to make.

00:09:26I want to do it.

00:09:29Do you hear me?

00:09:30I want to do it.

00:09:33This weekend.

00:09:34On our birthday.

00:09:36Do what?

00:09:38It.

00:09:39Screw.

00:09:40Screwing.

00:09:41Boning.

00:09:42Making the beast with two backs.

00:09:44Shagging.

00:09:45Fucking.

00:09:48You do.

00:09:50But what about all your religious stuff?

00:09:53And what about your sign from heaven?

00:09:55Oh, I got a sign.

00:09:57At church.

00:09:58Really?

00:09:59Well.

00:10:00Okay, great.

00:10:02We're all in then.

00:10:04So we'll have a big pool party and we'll do it there.

00:10:09Right?

00:10:10Right.

00:10:13I'll start making the shopping list.

00:10:15Hey, Frank.

00:10:16Hi, Sue.

00:10:17Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.

00:10:18I don't know.

00:10:19Do you think he'd even have fun?

00:10:20Yeah.

00:10:21He's blind.

00:10:22Blind people can do everything regular people can do.

00:10:24Wait.

00:10:25Wait, are you back?

00:10:26Hey.

00:10:27Um.

00:10:28I was wondering.

00:10:29We're going to throw in this party tomorrow night.

00:10:31It's for our birthdays.

00:10:32Do you want to come?

00:10:33Do you think he can see up my shorts?

00:10:34I don't know.

00:10:35Hey, Frank.

00:10:36Hi, Sue.

00:10:37Hi, Sue.

00:10:38Hi, Sue.

00:10:39Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.

00:10:40I don't know.

00:10:41Do you think he'd even have fun?

00:10:42Yeah.

00:10:43He's blind.

00:10:44Blind people can do everything regular people can do.

00:10:47We're throwing this party tomorrow night.

00:10:49It's for our birthdays.

00:10:50Do you want to come?

00:10:52Do you think he can see up my shorts?

00:11:07Well, the house looks done.

00:11:10Tomorrow's the big day.

00:11:12We finally turn 18.

00:11:13And finally lose our virginity.

00:11:16Well, we better get our beady sleep because the party starts tomorrow at 2.

00:11:20So, okay.

00:11:21We know who Cheryl's going to do it with.

00:11:23Jake.

00:11:24And I'll probably do that guy Rod.

00:11:26But Sue, who are you going to pick?

00:11:27To pop your chair?

00:11:29It's easy.

00:11:30I've known for the past six years.

00:11:32Ever since catechism.

00:11:36What the fuck is catechism?

00:11:38I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.

00:11:40Yeah.

00:11:46My soul mate.

00:11:47Chris?

00:11:48Sue, you might want to think about picking a back up.

00:12:00I mean...

00:12:01What?

00:12:02No.

00:12:03Chris is perfect.

00:12:04He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.

00:12:07Plus, his name's Chris.

00:12:08It's a sign.

00:12:09Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major case of gay face.

00:12:14What?

00:12:15He does not.

00:12:16Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.

00:12:19He looks just like Justin Bieber.

00:12:21With a little bit of Zac Efron and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.

00:12:26Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?

00:12:28Look, Chris is my soul mate.

00:12:31Okay, well, sweet dreams.

00:12:34See you in the morning.

00:12:37I knew it would happen someday.

00:12:45I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.

00:13:07You're so perfect.

00:13:22I'm so perfect.

00:13:23You're so perfect.

00:13:24I ever know.

00:13:25It's all sure.

00:13:26What's this?

00:13:27You're so perfect and awesome.

00:13:28I just knew he was doing it.

00:13:29I didn't ask.

00:13:30I'd do it.

00:13:31You're too busy.

00:13:32You're so perfect.

00:13:33You do.

00:13:34Bye.

00:13:35Bye.

00:13:36Bye.

00:13:37Bye.

00:13:38Bye.

00:13:39Bye.

00:13:40Bye.

00:13:41Bye.

00:13:42Bye.

00:13:43I don't have a good day.

00:13:44Bye.

00:13:45Bye.

00:13:47Bye.

00:13:48Bye.

00:13:49Bye.

00:13:50Bye.

00:13:51I knew that's what I look like.

00:14:00Too bad no one could ever compare to you.

00:14:23Tomorrow's the day.

00:14:53Oh my gosh, they're coming.

00:15:03Lexi, Cheryl, hurry!

00:15:09Ew, why?

00:15:11It's for Jake to unwrap me.

00:15:13It's gonna be really sexy.

00:15:14I'm gonna surprise him.

00:15:16You're gonna die of asphyxiation.

00:15:18It's gonna be really sexy.

00:15:20It's stupid.

00:15:21Just screw him.

00:15:22That's what he wants.

00:15:23That's what all guys want.

00:15:25Who hurt you as a child?

00:15:27Oh, Christ.

00:15:28And I have your mouth, too.

00:15:30Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy, not someone they can just have sex with.

00:15:36You're an idiot.

00:15:37A very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.

00:15:42Guys, seriously, come on, hurry up.

00:15:45Oh, what a cool bracelet!

00:15:46I love it!

00:15:47Um...

00:15:48You should put that down, though, because it's like...

00:15:49It's really...

00:15:50Very fragile.

00:15:51Yeah.

00:15:52Okay.

00:15:53Set it down.

00:15:54Hurry up.

00:15:55Okay.

00:15:56Those were your anal beads, right?

00:15:57Yeah.

00:15:58I thought so.

00:15:59Yeah.

00:16:00Mm-hmm.

00:16:01Yeah.

00:16:02Mm-hmm.

00:16:03I thought so.

00:16:04So let's down.

00:16:05Hurry up.

00:16:06Hey!

00:16:07Hey!

00:16:08Hey!

00:16:09Those are your anal beads, right?

00:16:10Yeah.

00:16:11I thought so?

00:16:12Mm-hmm.

00:16:13We're gonna have some fun.

00:16:35Oh, Attack of the Wet T-Shirts.

00:16:37Nice.

00:16:38Happy birthday, Lex.

00:16:51Oh, Joanna, we said no gifts.

00:16:54That is lip poison to plump your lips,

00:16:57but be careful it stings.

00:16:59And the other one is edible massage oil.

00:17:02Oh, how did you know?

00:17:04I'm gonna use both of these tonight.

00:17:08Buster, such a cutie.

00:17:15Please don't touch my service time.

00:17:18All right, sorry.

00:17:19Are you okay now?

00:17:20Yeah, I'm fine.

00:17:21Okay, we'll see you later.

00:17:26I can't believe you haven't heard of it.

00:17:27This is crazy.

00:17:29Jake!

00:17:31Hi!

00:17:32Hey, Ben.

00:17:33Happy birthday.

00:17:36Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.

00:17:39What?

00:17:40You want a beer?

00:17:43No.

00:17:45Oh, hon.

00:17:49Come here.

00:17:54I have your present here.

00:17:56I'll give it to you later.

00:17:57The time's right.

00:17:59He didn't have to give me anything.

00:18:02And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.

00:18:08Hey, Rob.

00:18:10We need you to settle this bet over here real quick.

00:18:13We'll bet.

00:18:18All right, this is my man right here.

00:18:20Hey.

00:18:21How you doing?

00:18:22Hey.

00:18:23Hey.

00:18:24Hey.

00:18:25Hey.

00:18:26Hey.

00:18:27Hey.

00:18:28Hey.

00:18:29Hey.

00:18:30Hey.

00:18:31Hey.

00:18:32Hey.

00:18:33Hey.

00:18:34Hey.

00:18:35Hey.

00:18:36Hey.

00:18:37Hey.

00:18:38Hey.

00:18:39Hey.

00:18:40Hey.

00:18:41Hey.

00:18:42Hey.

00:18:43Hey.

00:18:44Hey.

00:18:45Hey.

00:18:46Hey.

00:18:47Hey.

00:18:48Hey.

00:18:49Hey.

00:18:50Hey.

00:18:51Hey.

00:18:52Oh, dude, look at those.

00:18:55Are those real?

00:18:56Have you guys seen Cheryl?

00:18:58Hey, dude, move!

00:19:00Come on, lame!

00:19:01Oh, all right, okay.

00:19:03I'll see you guys later.

00:19:04Go do some push-ups or something.

00:19:06Aw, the moves.

00:19:0620 bucks says, by the end of the day,

00:19:09I will be motorboating those titties.

00:19:13They're fake anyways.

00:19:15Who cares?

00:19:16Okay.

00:19:21Oh, dude, dude.

00:19:22I'm blind, you fucking asshole.

00:19:28Sue, no, it's your birthday.

00:19:30Here, let me.

00:19:30Joanna, no, just go enjoy the party.

00:19:33Come on.

00:19:36Open.

00:19:39Hey, do my lips look any plumper?

00:19:41I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.

00:19:46Have you guys seen Jake?

00:19:47I haven't seen him anywhere.

00:19:48It just, like, disappeared.

00:19:49Are these real?

00:20:04Of course they are.

00:20:07How come I've never met you before?

00:20:10I don't know.

00:20:10Maybe he's going to be around.

00:20:12Ryan, have you seen Jake?

00:20:14Um, I think he's around or something.

00:20:17Maybe upstairs.

00:20:18I don't know.

00:20:20Maybe you want to go get my birthday present.

00:20:22That's probably where he went.

00:20:25Oh, well.

00:20:28Liquid courage?

00:20:30Yeah.

00:20:31Atta girl.

00:20:31Vodka cranberry?

00:20:37Surely simple.

00:20:40Well, I guess it's now or never.

00:20:42I gotta go meet around.

00:20:44Sue?

00:20:45Are you okay?

00:20:47Sue?

00:20:48Relax.

00:20:50They're just nice.

00:20:51Okay, nothing to be scared of.

00:20:53Seriously.

00:20:54You're gonna be fine.

00:20:55Is Chris here?

00:20:56Is Chris here?

00:20:56Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?

00:21:05No, he does not have gateways.

00:21:08I'm gonna prove it to you.

00:21:10I'm gonna do it.

00:21:16Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?

00:21:19No, he does not have gateways.

00:21:22I'm gonna prove it to you.

00:21:23I'm gonna do it.

00:21:26I'm gonna do this.

00:21:27Good luck.

00:21:30Hey, you can do this.

00:21:33Just act like a slut.

00:21:37Just pretend you're Lex.

00:21:48Yeah, my favorite chapter is Sarmic War.

00:21:51Chris.

00:21:53Hi.

00:21:53Can I talk to you?

00:21:56What?

00:21:57Um, in private?

00:21:59Oh.

00:22:14Hey, Lexi.

00:22:15Hey, Lexi.

00:22:16What?

00:22:18Chris.

00:22:19You're so sexy.

00:22:21Ever since you played Jesus at camp, I've just, I've known that we were meant to be together.

00:22:29And I really want to...

00:22:33Oh, what are you doing?

00:22:35Is that wrong?

00:22:36Sue, what's gotten into you?

00:22:38Nothing.

00:22:39I'm sorry.

00:22:40I don't know how to do this.

00:22:41Sue.

00:22:43Sue.

00:22:44Sue.

00:22:45Sue.

00:22:45I understand these urges.

00:22:51And, you know, I like you too.

00:22:55Really?

00:22:56You do?

00:22:58I do.

00:22:58I really do.

00:23:00I like you too.

00:23:02Really?

00:23:03You do?

00:23:04I do.

00:23:05I do.

00:23:05I really do.

00:23:07It's just...

00:23:08I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man.

00:23:15Right.

00:23:16Lexi said you were...

00:23:17Jesus.

00:23:18Oh.

00:23:20That man.

00:23:21Of course.

00:23:22What did you think?

00:23:23Oh, nothing.

00:23:25So we can still do this then?

00:23:28Oh, Sue.

00:23:31You know, for me, when I think about that man who died for our sins, when I think about him

00:23:41up there on that cross, so helpless, yet so muscular, with his strong thighs crossed over

00:23:54each other so delicately beneath that ragged loincloth, growing so hot, so sweaty, under

00:24:06that hot, hot sun, and I just feel such compassion.

00:24:12I think about those things, too.

00:24:15So you understand why I can't do this?

00:24:20Not really.

00:24:21I just find it too hard it is to give in to carnal pleasure when he sacrificed so much for

00:24:30us.

00:24:32So...

00:24:33We're going to go out there, right?

00:24:45Andy, we're going to totally throw these on.

00:24:47Hey, hi.

00:24:48Whoa!

00:24:50Have you seen Jake?

00:24:51Uh, no.

00:24:53No.

00:24:54All right.

00:24:58Okay.

00:24:59All right, focus.

00:24:59Focus, focus.

00:25:03Oh, there he is.

00:25:11Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.

00:25:14How could he?

00:25:33Sue, what happened?

00:25:35Did you guys do it?

00:25:37Sue?

00:25:38He doesn't want me.

00:25:39Because he's gay.

00:25:42No, he's not.

00:25:43He just really loves Jesus.

00:25:45Oh, come on, Sue.

00:25:47The only reason we even liked him is because you knew he was never a real possibility for

00:25:51you.

00:25:53Look, the only way you are going to find out what kind of man you really want is to know

00:25:58what kind of woman you really are deep inside.

00:26:03What?

00:26:03Sue, come with me.

00:26:06We're to meet your dark side.

00:26:15Out.

00:26:17Everyone out.

00:26:18Sue, it's time for you and your vagina to meet face-to-face.

00:26:33I really can't.

00:26:46I really don't think I can do this.

00:26:49I'm not letting you out until you look.

00:26:55I'm not letting you out until you look.

00:27:00Sue?

00:27:01Can you see it?

00:27:05Sue.

00:27:09I'm almost...

00:27:10I'm almost there.

00:27:15Oh!

00:27:17What?

00:27:19What?

00:27:20Sue, what happened?

00:27:21What did you see?

00:27:23A raccoon?

00:27:25What?

00:27:26You overshot it.

00:27:28Aim the mirror further up.

00:27:31I can't.

00:27:38Please don't make me do that again.

00:27:40Okay.

00:27:40Fine.

00:27:41Fine.

00:27:42I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.

00:27:46What?

00:27:47You really need an orgasm.

00:27:50Honestly, I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else when you've

00:27:54never even had it with yourself.

00:27:56This really has to be your first step.

00:27:58Lex, I'm ready.

00:28:00Coming.

00:28:01Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.

00:28:03Just find it and use it.

00:28:06Wait, what does the black vibrator look like?

00:28:09It's black.

00:28:10It vibrates.

00:28:11Come on, Rod.

00:28:14Let's go to Sue's room.

00:28:17And don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.

00:28:20Hey, cutie!

00:28:34Cutie!

00:28:39Oh!

00:28:40Boozeye!

00:28:41Oh, yeah!

00:28:46Bang.

00:28:47Bang.

00:28:48Bang.

00:28:49Bang.

00:28:51Good boy.

00:28:52Straighten up.

00:28:53Good boy.

00:28:55Good boy.

00:28:56He knows over a hundred commands.

00:29:00I'm sorry.

00:29:01I can't see anything.

00:29:02That is not funny, Cheryl.

00:29:04What a bitch.

00:29:06Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.

00:29:09I can't see anything like that.

00:29:10I can't see anything like that.

00:29:11I can't see anything like that.

00:29:12I can't see anything like that.

00:29:13I can't see anything like that.

00:29:14I can't see anything like that.

00:29:15I can't see anything like that.

00:29:16I can't see anything like that.

00:29:17I can't see anything like that.

00:29:18I can't see anything like that.

00:29:19I can't see anything like that.

00:29:20I can't see anything like that.

00:29:21I can't see anything like that.

00:29:22I can't see anything like that.

00:29:23I can't see anything like that.

00:29:24I can't see anything like that.

00:29:25I can't see anything like that.

00:29:26I can't see anything like that.

00:29:27I can't see anything like that.

00:29:28I can't see anything like that.

00:29:29I can't see anything like that.

00:29:30I can't see anything like that.

00:29:31What's wrong with this thing?

00:29:49Nice shot.

00:29:52Direct hit.

00:30:06Cheryl, what is wrong?

00:30:09Lexi, it's Jake.

00:30:11He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl.

00:30:15For sure?

00:30:17I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him, so maybe it's my fault.

00:30:21That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag. How dare he?

00:30:25No, it's awful.

00:30:27I mean, I thought I was gonna marry him.

00:30:35It's a text. It's from him. I can't bear myself to read it.

00:30:39Okay.

00:30:41He's looking for you. He wants to give you your birthday gift.

00:30:45Oh, I can't face him.

00:30:47Um, I have to go. I'm going.

00:30:49No, you can't just leave.

00:30:51Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.

00:30:55I mean, maybe I should confront him.

00:30:57He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.

00:31:01That's bullshit. I see only one option.

00:31:05I'm leaving.

00:31:07Revenge sex.

00:31:09Re- I mean, what? What does that even mean?

00:31:11It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.

00:31:17Revenge sex.

00:31:19Re- I mean, what? What does that even mean?

00:31:21It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.

00:31:27But he- I mean, he doesn't even care.

00:31:29He doesn't even care about me. I mean, why would-

00:31:31He's just into other girls.

00:31:33Trust me, he'll care.

00:31:35Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.

00:31:38To his ego.

00:31:39Just screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him.

00:31:43Especially if it's with someone smarter, better looking, and with a bigger dick.

00:31:49No, I- I couldn't.

00:31:51Plus, I mean, there's- there's no one smarter and better looking.

00:31:55Eric! He's perfect!

00:31:58Eric Hall? Are you kidding?

00:32:00I mean, he wouldn't even be into me. He likes your type.

00:32:04Really? And what type is that?

00:32:06He's bloody.

00:32:08Yeah.

00:32:10Trust me, he's amazing.

00:32:12I fooled around with him once. He has this great tongue, right?

00:32:15Oh, no. I could never fool around with somebody you fooled around with.

00:32:19Okay, then. Fine. We will find someone else.

00:32:22Someone that I haven't fooled around with.

00:32:29Okay, what does it matter that I fooled around with him?

00:32:32I mean, it's- you're not gonna marry the guy.

00:32:34No, I just couldn't do it.

00:32:37Fine. If you want to live the rest of your life

00:32:39knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing,

00:32:42to make your boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage

00:32:45and possibly even scar him with the rest of his existence,

00:32:48and you chose not to do it, go ahead.

00:32:51But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.

00:32:54I don't know.

00:32:56Trust me. It's going to work.

00:33:00I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.

00:33:03Hi, Cheryl.

00:33:04You're not going for yet?

00:33:05Are you okay?

00:33:06Are you okay, now?

00:33:07Just jab what it hurts.

00:33:08Oh, no.

00:33:09Oh, no.

00:33:26Oh, no.

00:33:27Oh, no.

00:33:29Oh, no.

00:33:31Oh, no.

00:33:32Hey. Happy birthday. Thanks.

00:34:02Have you guys seen Jake?

00:34:09So, happy birthday. Uh, do you know that most people think that the happy birthday song

00:34:19was from Britain? But it's actually from us. U.S. America? United States?

00:34:28I know where we live. Right. Of course. I know where we live. Right. Of course.

00:34:42Hey, Jesus, Erica, are you gonna make your move or not? Oh, you want me to move? Yeah,

00:34:48no, I can totally move. I just... No, you're fine.

00:35:04Jake! So, Eric, do you want to do it or not? Oh, I'm sorry. It? What, um...

00:35:14It. Like, monkey boning and, like, pigs in a blanket get real nasty.

00:35:22Oh. Oh, you mean, like, uh, right now? I mean, well, yeah. You know, the sooner the better.

00:35:32Yeah, sure. I mean, yeah, of course. Um, I just never realized that you... I mean...

00:35:40Whew. Uh... It's just... You're so... You're so beautiful.

00:35:52Okay. Um... Uh, no cuisine.

00:35:56Right. Um, of course. Sorry.

00:36:00So, um... Do you wanna unwrap me?

00:36:08Oh, wow. Uh, you're wrapped up like a Hot Pocket or leftover macaroni and cheese.

00:36:14Now that you're left over, you're not. You're fresh.

00:36:22Now that you're left over, you're not. You're fresh. Organic. Yep.

00:36:31So, the wrap. Right.

00:36:34Um... Well, where's the, uh... It's, uh, the end is...

00:36:38The edges, like, right over here. Oh, oh, yeah. Here it is. Yeah.

00:36:41I see it. Um, let me just, uh...

00:36:44Uh... Ow, ow, ow. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I, um...

00:36:49It's... It's okay. Here. Do it again.

00:36:53Sorry. I, uh, I, uh... I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.

00:36:56You know what? Let me just lay on the bed.

00:37:01Okay.

00:37:06Uh, let me just see.

00:37:10Oh, here it is. I got it.

00:37:12All right. Just, um, pull it.

00:37:14Let me just...

00:37:19Oh, geez. Uh, Cheryl, are you...

00:37:22You okay?

00:37:22Help! Help!

00:37:23Uh...

00:37:23Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?

00:37:30Oh, geez.

00:37:38Well, that was stupid.

00:37:39Yeah.

00:37:48How you doing tonight?

00:37:49Good. Good.

00:37:49You having a good time?

00:37:51Yeah? You good?

00:37:53Jake, I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.

00:37:56What? I can't hear you.

00:38:00Another beer. Chips are so damn salty.

00:38:03Jake!

00:38:04Sorry, we're...

00:38:05Upstairs.

00:38:06Yeah.

00:38:07Hold on. Take a piss.

00:38:10How much beer?

00:38:13Put a bag into a bag?

00:38:14No?

00:38:15Look out, that's what I'm doing.

00:38:15I feel like I'm drinking.

00:38:16I'm drinking milk.

00:38:17I'm drinking milk.

00:38:18But, you don't want to fight.

00:38:18You don't want to fight.

00:38:19Look out, that's what I'm doing.

00:38:20Oh, God.

00:38:21But, who am I doing?

00:38:21Here's what I'm doing.

00:38:23Oh, God, who am I doing?

00:38:24So, I'm doing it.

00:38:24You don't want to do the trick on me.

00:38:25Nice and you're doing this.

00:38:26Oh, God, who am I doing this?

00:38:28Ah, oohh.

00:38:29Ah, oohh.

00:38:30Ah, oohh, ahh.

00:38:32Finally, I, uh, went just to get the blinds.

00:38:47Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:38:48Um, don't worry about it.

00:38:51What?

00:38:52I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.

00:38:57Oh.

00:38:59Well, okay.

00:39:00Okay.

00:39:02Uh-oh.

00:39:31Uh-oh.

00:39:32Well, okay.

00:39:34Okay.

00:39:34Uh-oh.

00:39:36Uh-oh.

00:39:38Uh-oh.

00:39:39Uh-oh.

00:39:41Uh-oh.

00:39:43Uh-oh.

00:39:45Uh-oh.

00:39:46Uh-oh.

00:39:49Oh

00:40:19What are you doing?

00:40:25Uh, I think it's time, you know, to do it.

00:40:34Um, not yet.

00:40:35More foreplay.

00:40:36Huh?

00:40:37Oh.

00:40:44So good.

00:40:47Oh.

00:40:49Yep.

00:40:50Oh, my God.

00:40:52Jaw, jaw, jaw.

00:40:54What?

00:40:55What?

00:40:56Ah, ah, oh.

00:40:58Ah, dear.

00:40:59Lock jaw, lock jaw.

00:41:01Is that even a thing?

00:41:03I don't know.

00:41:05Ah.

00:41:07Are you okay?

00:41:11No, no, no, no, it's, uh, it's fine.

00:41:14I'm just, uh, embarrassed.

00:41:16I, it's probably TNJ or fracture, swollen.

00:41:24Are you sure you're okay?

00:41:26Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

00:41:27Okay, great.

00:41:28Have fun.

00:41:29Oh.

00:41:35Now.

00:41:37Now, let's do now.

00:41:37No, not yet, not yet.

00:41:42All right, I'm gonna come.

00:41:43I'm gonna come.

00:41:44Are you ready?

00:41:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:41:47No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:42:03I'm so sorry.

00:42:04I, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

00:42:05It's been a really long time and I just, I haven't masturbated for anything.

00:42:09Uh-oh.

00:42:10Oh, hey, Jake.

00:42:11How are you doing?

00:42:12How's it going?

00:42:13Good.

00:42:14Eric?

00:42:15Come.

00:42:16Eric, help me.

00:42:17I'm glad I can't see anything.

00:42:18Excuse me.

00:42:19Cheryl's in here.

00:42:40What's up, brother?

00:42:42What the fuck is...

00:42:45Hey, wait!

00:42:48Lex.

00:42:49Hey, still waiting.

00:42:57Oh, I'm sorry.

00:42:58I can't see.

00:42:59I'm blind.

00:43:02Damn it.

00:43:03I'm gonna say something to that bitch.

00:43:06Hey, you.

00:43:07You better stop making fun of the blind,

00:43:10or I'm gonna teach you a lesson.

00:43:13Help!

00:43:15I'm so sorry.

00:43:16I'll never make fun of the blind again.

00:43:19Ah!

00:43:37What the hell?

00:43:38I can't crash.

00:43:39Oh, man.

00:43:40No more water balloons.

00:43:41This party's ass.

00:43:43Yeah!

00:43:44This just isn't working out.

00:43:45Nothing.

00:43:46It's the big deal about these vibrators anyway.

00:43:47All right.

00:43:48All right.

00:43:49This just isn't working out.

00:43:56Nothing.

00:43:57What's the big deal about these vibrators, anyway?

00:44:02Lock it carefully, man.

00:44:04The lock sticks.

00:44:05Spark it up.

00:44:06Yes.

00:44:07Oh, man.

00:44:08I love this game.

00:44:09Boilet controllers.

00:44:10We got a lot of fun.

00:44:11Oh, man.

00:44:12I love this game.

00:44:13Boilet controllers.

00:44:14We got a lot of fun.

00:44:15Oh, man.

00:44:16Oh, man.

00:44:17I love this game.

00:44:18Boilet controllers.

00:44:19We got a lot of fun.

00:44:20Here.

00:44:21Here.

00:44:22Here.

00:44:23Okay.

00:44:24Let me find another one.

00:44:25All right.

00:44:26Watch out.

00:44:27Woo!

00:44:28Look at this.

00:44:29Oh, my God.

00:44:30Fuel.

00:44:31Fuel.

00:44:32Fuel.

00:44:33Get that thing away.

00:44:34Jesus.

00:44:39Oh.

00:44:40Hey, dude.

00:44:43Nice shot.

00:44:44Are you sitting in there or something?

00:44:46Hey, you found the grenade launcher.

00:44:59Nice.

00:45:00Thanks.

00:45:14Do you have the extra controller?

00:45:28Whoa!

00:45:30You are the controller!

00:45:32No, I just...

00:45:34I didn't, I swear, I...

00:45:44Hey, hey, Sue!

00:45:50Where are you going, man?

00:45:54It's okay, um, hey, Sue!

00:46:08Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?

00:46:09Yeah, I just needed to, um...

00:46:13Oh, sure.

00:46:15Listen, Sue, I...

00:46:18I was rethinking what I said earlier.

00:46:21You were?

00:46:23You mean...

00:46:25Yeah.

00:46:29So you think we should give it a try?

00:46:33Can we go get a drink?

00:46:38Wow, um, your toilet's really clogged.

00:46:42You should...

00:46:43Do you know what?

00:46:44I gotta go.

00:46:45Um, happy birthday.

00:46:46Uh, no, Chris, no, there wasn't...

00:46:48I didn't...

00:46:49Oh, God, never mind.

00:46:51It's the end of the world.

00:47:04This is the worst idea ever.

00:47:07Never going to have sex.

00:47:10Ow.

00:47:10Hello, a little attention here.

00:47:34Oh, yeah, sorry.

00:47:35Lex, don't be selfish.

00:47:44Oh, right.

00:47:46Sorry.

00:47:46All right.

00:47:47All right.

00:47:47Oh, jeez.

00:48:02Who invented this stupid position anyway?

00:48:05Too much fucking multitasking.

00:48:08Screw it.

00:48:08All right, let's do it.

00:48:25Wait.

00:48:25Mm-hmm.

00:48:26Um, ha-ha-ha.

00:48:28Ah-ha-ha.

00:48:31Huh.

00:48:32Uh-huh.

00:48:33Uh-huh.

00:48:34Ah-uh.

00:48:35Oh, you never even put on me.

00:48:35You never quit.

00:48:36You never hit, you never hit.

00:48:37No, that was bad.

00:48:55That was so bad.

00:49:07Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?

00:49:17I think that guy's name starts with a J.

00:49:22Hey, does your name start with a J?

00:49:27Yes, it does.

00:49:29So, you're JJ?

00:49:31Yes, I'm completely concerned.

00:49:55Hello, welcome to 1-900-CONFESS.

00:49:59Would you like a priest or a nun today?

00:50:01A nun.

00:50:03Please punch in your credit card number.

00:50:09Please hold.

00:50:11Thank goodness.

00:50:161-900-CONFESSION, how may I be of service?

00:50:19It's been one day since my last confession.

00:50:21I accuse myself of the following sins.

00:50:24One day?

00:50:26Is that too long?

00:50:28I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.

00:50:32Go on.

00:50:34Okay, well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.

00:50:38Well, actually, I didn't know a washing machine did.

00:50:40What's her problem?

00:50:42A washing machine touched her.

00:50:44Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...

00:50:48All right, freak, time's up.

00:50:49What?

00:50:50But what do I do?

00:50:51Just unplug the thing.

00:50:52No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.

00:50:54Well, then be happy.

00:50:55You found the perfect man.

00:50:56I'm serious.

00:50:57Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so...

00:51:11I'll tell you this.

00:51:12Masturbation isn't a sin.

00:51:14No contritions?

00:51:16You broke no covenant with God.

00:51:18It's not in the Bible.

00:51:20So the washing machine could touch me any time?

00:51:22Like morning, afternoon, night?

00:51:24Yes, and other things can touch you.

00:51:27Accidental masturbation is not a sin.

00:51:29Neither is intentional masturbation.

00:51:31Huh.

00:51:32God's pretty cool that way.

00:51:33He sure is.

00:51:34Now run along.

00:51:35Oh, my God.

00:51:36Oh, my God.

00:51:37Oh, my God.

00:51:38Oh, my God.

00:51:39Oh, my God.

00:51:40Oh, my God.

00:51:41Oh, my God.

00:51:43Oh, my God.

00:51:44Oh, my God.

00:51:45Oh, my God.

00:51:46Oh, my God.

00:51:47Oh, my God.

00:51:48Oh, my God.

00:51:49Oh, my God.

00:51:51Wow.

00:51:52Wow.

00:51:53How do you know all that?

00:51:55Because I'm a nun.

00:51:56Now eat my pussy, bitch.

00:51:59Huh.

00:52:00Accidental masturbation.

00:52:02Who'da think?

00:52:13Revenge sex was a stupid fucking idiot.

00:52:16God, I'm getting out of here.

00:52:20Yeah, I admit it. I've got no game.

00:52:23I guess I can skip it.

00:52:25I guess I'm a beautiful man. Thank you.

00:52:30Fucking douchebag.

00:52:33Damn it.

00:52:35Now I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.

00:52:38You go, girl.

00:52:40What?

00:52:42What are you doing here?

00:52:45We needed some place private.

00:52:47But hey, listen. If you're serious about getting laid.

00:52:50Yeah?

00:52:51If you want someone great.

00:52:53I mean, really, the best ever.

00:52:57No offense.

00:52:59Frank, the blind guy?

00:53:02Really?

00:53:03I'm telling you, he's amazing.

00:53:07I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.

00:53:09It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.

00:53:12It was like we used all our senses.

00:53:15Everything.

00:53:18If you're interested, I'll set it up.

00:53:22All right.

00:53:30What about him?

00:53:31Jeremy.

00:53:33Yeah, I know Jeremy.

00:53:35Hey, I think I fooled around with him once.

00:53:37I didn't know his last name, though.

00:53:38I didn't know his last name, though.

00:53:41It's Jones.

00:53:42Jeremy Jones.

00:53:44This all makes sense.

00:53:46Excuse me.

00:53:48Jeremy.

00:53:50Hi.

00:53:52Who's on the phone?

00:53:53Oh, that's my new girlfriend.

00:53:54You'll meet her.

00:53:55She'll be here in like an hour.

00:53:57Wait, you have a girlfriend?

00:53:59Oh, hi.

00:54:00Hey, Frank.

00:54:01Sit.

00:54:05Oh, you meant...

00:54:07You meant the dog.

00:54:08Relax.

00:54:09You need to relax and calm down.

00:54:15Oh, I'm...

00:54:16I'm...

00:54:17I'm relaxed.

00:54:18I'm fine.

00:54:19Why are you biting your nail?

00:54:20I'm not.

00:54:21Oh, I'm...

00:54:22I'm relaxed.

00:54:23I'm fine.

00:54:24Why are you biting your nail?

00:54:25I'm not.

00:54:26How did you know that?

00:54:27How did you know that?

00:54:29That's great.

00:54:30I'm not...

00:54:31I'm biting your nail.

00:54:32I'm not...

00:54:34How did you know that?

00:54:35Oh, I'm...

00:54:36Oh, I'm not biting you.

00:54:38No, no, no, no, no.

00:54:39I'm not in line with my nails.

00:54:41Please.

00:54:42You didn't know how it came out here.

00:54:44That's okay, I'm not in line with my nails.

00:54:45You don't know how you're dying.

00:54:46Why are you biting your nail?

00:54:47I'm not.

00:54:48How did you know that?

00:54:49How did you know that?

00:54:53Corner.

00:54:57Sit.

00:55:01Roll over.

00:55:05Oh, you mean me?

00:55:09Roll over.

00:55:13Oh, you mean me? Oh, how do you...

00:55:17How do you want me to...

00:55:19Just lay down.

00:55:33Oh, oh.

00:55:35I shouldn't even be doing this, but...

00:55:37considering it a teachable moment.

00:55:39Okay.

00:55:43Oh.

00:55:45See me with your hands.

00:55:51Alright.

00:55:53Uh...

00:55:55You know, I should really...

00:56:01I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.

00:56:03Really.

00:56:05Mmm, peanut butter.

00:56:15Mmm, peanut butter.

00:56:21Frank.

00:56:23Frank.

00:56:25Oh.

00:56:27Frank.

00:56:29Frank.

00:56:31Frank.

00:56:33Oh.

00:56:35Oh, Frank.

00:56:37Oh, Frank.

00:56:39Oh, Frank.

00:56:43You know, man, look, give me a chair.

00:57:12Guys, why are you making such a mess?

00:57:26Sorry.

00:57:31It's just a case of accidental masturbation.

00:57:37That's all.

00:57:38Come on, let me do this.

00:57:44Go ahead.

00:57:45I'm not it.

00:57:46No, I'm not it.

00:57:47No, really, please.

00:57:48I want to help.

00:57:51Okay, everybody out.

00:57:53Leave.

00:57:54I have to back.

00:57:55You're not even getting the chips.

00:58:11They're over here.

00:58:12I see some dust over here, so there's so much dust on this floor.

00:58:27Turn here.

00:58:28Turn here.

00:58:29Turn here.

00:58:30Poor ass.

00:58:34Okay.

00:58:37Oh.

00:58:39No, no, no..

00:58:42Oh.

00:58:43Oh.

00:58:44Okay.

00:58:49Oh.

00:58:51Oh, all right.

00:58:53All right, I think I got all that.

00:58:56I'm just gonna, I'll see how, oh.

00:59:09Frankie, oh my, oh.

00:59:12What was that?

00:59:13What?

00:59:14Ah, fuck your shit.

00:59:17Man, we gotta smoke, oh, we can smoke in here.

00:59:19Stop, Frank, stop teasing Frank.

00:59:25Oh shit, sorry man.

00:59:28We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.

00:59:30Oh, I heard something.

00:59:31You wanna join us?

00:59:32Uh, no, I might.

00:59:34Come on, you gotta do it, come on.

00:59:37Seriously, guys, I need to go.

00:59:38Watch your dog, man, dude.

00:59:39What's it like being blinded?

00:59:40It's tripping.

00:59:45Frank?

00:59:46Frank, are we gonna do something soon?

00:59:49Bro, you are too funny.

00:59:54Thanks, man.

00:59:55Ooh, this is some good stuff.

00:59:56I haven't smoked since junior high.

00:59:57Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high.

00:59:59Wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:00:00I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.

01:00:03Damn, I really can't remember.

01:00:04This is some good shit.

01:00:05Oh, no.

01:00:06Oh, no.

01:00:07There's no good stuff.

01:00:08I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.

01:00:10Damn, I really can't remember.

01:00:11This is some good shit.

01:00:12This is some good shit.

01:00:33Oh, no.

01:00:34You're the devil.

01:00:35No more.

01:00:36JJ, I'm Jeremy.

01:00:38You have to remember that amazing time we had together, don't you?

01:00:43Please.

01:00:44Lex, I can't.

01:00:45I mean, I got a girlfriend.

01:00:46I really like this girl.

01:00:47Fine.

01:00:48It's just so sad, because I'm wearing this coupless bra, and I also have on crotchless panties,

01:01:05with just a little string of pearl in front for extra stimulation.

01:01:11Oh.

01:01:12We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here.

01:01:19Perfect.

01:01:24Before she gets here.

01:01:25Perfect.

01:01:38Do it.

01:01:39Let's do it.

01:01:40Fuck me.

01:01:41Fuck me now.

01:01:46What?

01:01:47What's wrong?

01:01:48I can't.

01:01:49I can't get it in.

01:01:51Just try down there.

01:01:53It's like desert down there.

01:01:55It's sandpaper.

01:01:56I just...

01:01:57Okay.

01:01:58I get the picture.

01:01:59Just try it again.

01:02:03No.

01:02:04Why is this happening?

01:02:06We fooled around before.

01:02:08I...

01:02:09I was dripping wet.

01:02:10I came like four times.

01:02:11Remember?

01:02:12Just do what you did then.

01:02:13Go on.

01:02:14I already did my thing.

01:02:15I already tried.

01:02:16What?

01:02:17What?

01:02:18What?

01:02:19What is different this time?

01:02:21I don't know.

01:02:23Last time...

01:02:27I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.

01:02:29What?

01:02:30What?

01:02:31You're not JJ?

01:02:32But your name is Jeremy Jones.

01:02:35How can you not be JJ?

01:02:37Who the hell is this JJ?

01:02:41Where are you going?

01:02:43We're not done here.

01:02:44I can still do this.

01:02:45I just need a little bit of foreplay.

01:02:46What?

01:02:47I can do this.

01:02:48I don't need JJ.

01:02:49I don't need anyone else.

01:02:51We can do this.

01:02:54Go team.

01:02:59What?

01:03:00Just keep going.

01:03:05Jeremy?

01:03:06Are you...

01:03:07Shit.

01:03:10Jeremy?

01:03:14Where's Jeremy?

01:03:19What?

01:03:21We were just, you know, coming here.

01:03:24Hey babe.

01:03:25Just working out.

01:03:31How could you?

01:03:32You bastard!

01:03:37You might wanna...

01:03:38What?

01:03:40What?

01:03:44Ah!

01:03:46Mariela!

01:03:47Mariela!

01:03:49You know those aren't mine!

01:03:51At least not all of them.

01:03:54What is wrong with you?

01:04:00What is wrong with you?

01:04:03Used to be so pure.

01:04:05Well no more.

01:04:06That's it.

01:04:07Really.

01:04:08That's the last one.

01:04:14The last one.

01:04:17Oh.

01:04:19That's the last two.

01:04:20Is it really wrong?

01:04:21We're all right.

01:04:22You are right.

01:04:24It's horrible.

01:04:25That's...

01:04:26It's horrible.

01:04:27I don't really want that.

01:04:29It could have been.

01:04:30It could have been my thing.

01:04:31I don't know.

01:04:32I don't know.

01:04:33It's horrible.

01:04:36I love that.

01:04:37I was.

01:04:38Cheryl. What is it? What are you doing down here?

01:04:51Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.

01:04:56What? Why? Nothing. Just this blind guy and his dog and...

01:05:02Honey, it's gonna be okay.

01:05:05No, it's not okay.

01:05:08Oh, God. And you know whose fault it is?

01:05:11I'm sorry.

01:05:12It's Jake's. Jake's fault. That blind, cheating bastard.

01:05:17Yes. He is such a dickwad. You need to confront him.

01:05:21Yeah. Yeah, I need to confront him. I mean, it's my birthday and where is he anyway?

01:05:28Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?

01:05:30You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.

01:05:33Yeah, a big piece. A big old chunk of my mind. A big piece of it.

01:05:38Yeah. You know, you might wanna...

01:05:42You need to look hot while you break up with him.

01:05:44Yeah, you're right.

01:05:46I'm not wearing a sheet.

01:05:47I know.

01:05:56I'm sorry. I'm so...

01:05:59I get shy around beautiful women like you.

01:06:04I got no game.

01:06:13It's not important.

01:06:14Hey, um...

01:06:28Eric, I can't talk right now.

01:06:29No, no, no. I really need to talk to you.

01:06:31Really, Eric, I can't right now, so...

01:06:34No, no, no. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier and I'm just embarrassed and I wanna make it up to you.

01:06:41Eric, really?

01:06:43I don't care. It's fine.

01:06:44No, but I do.

01:06:45I mean, I do. I care.

01:06:50I haven't known how to tell you.

01:06:52Maybe because, I don't know, I'm a little shy.

01:06:55But I was wondering or hoping that we could go out sometime.

01:07:02Soon.

01:07:03Because I'm gonna be leaving for a little while and it would be nice to go out.

01:07:07Really? Eric, you're shy. You have no game.

01:07:13No, not really.

01:07:16Yeah, no, I can't do this. Sorry.

01:07:22Okay. All right.

01:07:24I, uh...

01:07:27Happy birthday, then.

01:07:28Happy birthday, then.

01:07:41Oh, I'm sorry. I was trying to kiss your...

01:07:43Go, baby.

01:07:44Here I come, baby. Get ready for your big birthday surprise.

01:07:49Here I come, baby. Get ready for your big birthday surprise.

01:08:13Oh, Eric, stop. Um, we can't do this.

01:08:17Oh, God, baby. Not again.

01:08:18Oh, no. Honey, happy.

01:08:22What the fuck is this? Who the hell are you, dude?

01:08:26Okay, guys, don't.

01:08:31Cheryl, baby, what is this?

01:08:36Oh, gee, Cheryl. You're...

01:08:40I've been looking for you all night, and you've been...

01:08:42Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.

01:08:45You couldn't find me?

01:08:47What about all those girls' vaginas you were in, or your penis getting sucked?

01:08:52Cheryl, honey.

01:08:54No, no.

01:08:54We can work this out.

01:08:56Baby, I love you.

01:08:58Jake, no, you have to go.

01:08:59Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please.

01:09:01I promise.

01:09:02No, Jake, I can't do this. I'm sorry.

01:09:05Cheryl, come on.

01:09:06No, Jake, please, just go.

01:09:08Just go. I'm sorry.

01:09:10You're a harmless bitch!

01:09:12How can you do it for me?

01:09:14Yay! You did it.

01:09:16I'm so proud of you.

01:09:17You got your revenge sex.

01:09:19You left him under your shell of a man.

01:09:21Revenge sex?

01:09:24It's really not what it sounds like at all.

01:09:27Right.

01:09:30That'll make sense now.

01:09:31Wow, I feel really stupid.

01:09:36Eric, I'm really, I'm really sorry.

01:09:39Cheryl, I really liked you.

01:09:42And you used me.

01:09:44Eric, please don't go. Please, Eric!

01:09:49Aren't you happy?

01:09:52Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.

01:09:56You mean the sex? Was that real?

01:09:58No, we didn't quite do it.

01:10:01Oh.

01:10:01You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.

01:10:04Really?

01:10:04I just never found the right guy.

01:10:06Or guys.

01:10:09Anyway, we better get downstairs.

01:10:10People are starting to leave.

01:10:12I wonder how Sue did.

01:10:21I can't believe she dumped me, man.

01:10:27This is bullshit.

01:10:29God!

01:10:30Oh!

01:10:31Oh!

01:10:32Oh!

01:10:32Dude, suck it!

01:10:34What the?

01:10:36Come out of here!

01:10:38Yeah!

01:10:39He has good hair, though.

01:10:44Don't you puke on me.

01:10:47Don't puke on my car, either.

01:10:49Right, set, break, dot.

01:10:52I might need a vacation.

01:10:54Vacation, vacation.

01:10:56Take this information through your head.

01:11:02Oh, Sue, are you all right?

01:11:06Was it from sex?

01:11:08Did you pop your cork?

01:11:09I don't think so.

01:11:10Not with the guy, anyway.

01:11:13Oh, don't ask.

01:11:14Every possible object.

01:11:17It's like every mechanical thing.

01:11:18It was like...

01:11:19Transformers.

01:11:21They just all became vibrators.

01:11:23I told you.

01:11:25It's addicting.

01:11:28So what about Chris?

01:11:30Well, last time I saw him, he was running away through your life.

01:11:32I told you he was gay.

01:11:34Oh.

01:11:34Well, I think I'm just...

01:11:36Oh.

01:11:37Cramp.

01:11:39Oh.

01:11:40Oh.

01:11:41I think it's broken.

01:11:42So wait.

01:11:45None of us cashed an RV card.

01:11:47Ha!

01:11:51Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.

01:11:53So let's go grab some food.

01:11:56Want to go?

01:11:57No.

01:11:59I think I should finish up here.

01:12:02Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?

01:12:04No.

01:12:06I don't know.

01:12:07For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.

01:12:11Or something.

01:12:13Why?

01:12:14Do you know him?

01:12:15Sort of.

01:12:16Oh.

01:12:17Well, hey, if you happen to run into him, just tell him I'd like to see him again.

01:12:21Leave everything, please.

01:12:28Love him.

01:12:29Shut it.

01:12:30You want to do it?

01:12:30I don't want to hear it from you.

01:12:31I want to get married.

01:12:32You want to do it?

01:12:33All right.

01:12:34All right.

01:12:35All right.

01:12:36All right.

01:12:51All right.

01:13:10Oh well, there's always next year.

01:13:40It's you, I've been waiting for you, J.J.

01:13:57Joanna.

01:14:10I've been waiting for you, J.J.

01:14:27And when the heat is on, you never take it away.

01:14:49Wow, that's amazing.

01:15:06Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.

01:15:10I guess something inspired me.

01:15:14You really captured his expression and his eyes.

01:15:18Yeah, even that little callic he has in his hair.

01:15:23Who's?

01:15:25Eric's.

01:15:26Well, it's him, right?

01:15:29Oh.

01:15:31Yeah.

01:15:33I have to go see him.

01:15:37Well, I think you know what we should do.

01:15:43One-nine-hundred confess.

01:15:58Sister Terese?

01:16:00Yeah, hon.

01:16:01Um, there was a problem with your credit card.

01:16:03I just need the last three numbers in the back.

01:16:06Oh, sure.

01:16:07Oh.

01:16:08It's two-seven-one.

01:16:10Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession, but can I ask your opinion on something?

01:16:16Do you think if you do something bad that God will forgive you, like, take you back?

01:16:22Sure, hon.

01:16:23Why-why not?

01:16:24As long as you're on the right path.

01:16:25Well, how do you know if you're on that path?

01:16:27I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.

01:16:32Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.

01:16:37Sister?

01:16:38Can I get up now?

01:16:39I really gotta pee.

01:16:40No!

01:16:41Hust your trap!

01:16:42Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work, but call back any time.

01:16:55I will.

01:16:56Thanks.

01:17:00Sister?

01:17:01Shut up or I'll punish you hard, you sheep fucker!

01:17:04Sister!

01:17:21Eric, wait!

01:17:26Cheryl?

01:17:29Eric, um...

01:17:31Look, I am so sorry about everything.

01:17:34I was trying to have revenge sex with you.

01:17:37At the beginning, but then at the end I wasn't.

01:17:41I just didn't want to do that with you.

01:17:44The revenge part, not the sex part.

01:17:48Um...

01:17:49I...

01:17:50I do want to go out with you.

01:17:53And I didn't realize that until this morning.

01:17:56I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is, and he's all over these...

01:18:01Eric!

01:18:03Come on, I gotta get going.

01:18:06Oh.

01:18:07Wow.

01:18:08Um, Cheryl.

01:18:09Uh, this is...

01:18:10my sister Tina.

01:18:11Tina, Cheryl.

01:18:14Hi!

01:18:15Nice to meet you.

01:18:19Uh...

01:18:20So, um...

01:18:21Do you mind if I call you...

01:18:23in a few days?

01:18:24When I get back?

01:18:26Yeah.

01:18:27Sure.

01:18:33Oh.

01:18:35Sorry.

01:18:36No kissing, right?

01:18:37No. Kissing.

01:18:38Oh.

01:18:39Mmm.

01:18:41Mmm.

01:18:42Yeah, did you ever, uh...

01:18:57get those flowers I sent you?

01:19:01I...

01:19:02I don't even care that you hooked up a plexi.

01:19:04Wait, what?

01:19:05I never did that.

01:19:08I mean, you don't have to lie about it.

01:19:09She told me all about your pierced tongue.

01:19:17She must have me mixed up with someone else.

01:19:20I wonder who it was.

01:19:39At least this birthday's over.

01:19:57Dear Lord, please forgive me.

01:20:01I mean, if you could just...

01:20:04I don't know, like, send me a sign?

01:20:06I don't know who it is.

01:20:07But she doesn't care.

01:20:08Oh, she doesn't care.

01:20:09I don't care.

01:20:10I don't care.

01:20:11I don't care.

01:20:12I don't care.

01:20:13I don't care.

01:20:14Don't care.

01:20:15I don't care.

01:20:16Uh, I don't care.

01:20:18I don't care.

01:20:19You're the one whoγkarrud.

01:20:20bitch.

01:20:21I don't care.

01:20:22Uh...

01:20:23Yeah, but you don't know.

01:20:24Let's take ajob.

01:20:25You'll be the one who's left.

01:20:26You come out.

01:20:27Do you want to go?

01:20:28No?

01:20:29All right.

01:20:31Go.

01:20:32Alex, we're on a place.

01:20:33excuse me excuse me do you know where the church is it's on fountain street um yeah that's the

01:20:48church I go to or used to go to um it's straight up that way and then left thank you you're more

01:20:57than welcome to come with me if you like oh I don't know well that's pretty powerful oh 250 horsepower

01:21:15225 pounds of torque like I said you're more than welcome to hop on I don't think so but thanks

01:21:25what's your name Sue what's yours hey Sue's really see maybe I could use the ride

01:21:55you

01:22:25you

01:22:55you

01:23:25you

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