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Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Oh, bad.
00:00:36Hello?
00:00:37Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:40I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:44So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:48Sue, um, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:00:52Um, I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.
00:00:56Uh, I'm going to lose my virginity to him.
00:00:58You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:00What?
00:01:01But you can't.
00:01:02I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:06Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:07You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:11This is bad.
00:01:12You know, I'm going to tell Lexi.
00:01:13She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:22Come on, Lexi.
00:01:23So, girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:41Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:44But this is the big one-eight.
00:01:47I mean, every year since her mom's met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:01:50But this has to be newer and more special.
00:01:54So, what's something we've never done before?
00:01:57Mushrooms?
00:01:58No, not like that.
00:01:59Like something nice.
00:02:01Like maybe a trip.
00:02:02Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:04No.
00:02:04Sorry, Sue.
00:02:08I have a date.
00:02:09Oh, so do I.
00:02:11Sorry, Sue.
00:02:12Don't worry, Sue.
00:02:13We'll figure it out.
00:02:25Oh, flowers.
00:02:26Are these from you?
00:02:27Yeah, sure.
00:02:30Here you go.
00:02:32No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:34I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:37I guess, um, you still make me nervous.
00:02:42Oh, Jake.
00:02:47Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:50Uh, no, Jake, not yet.
00:02:52When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:54The best night of my life.
00:02:56It will be.
00:02:57I promise.
00:02:58It'll always be amazing with you and me together.
00:03:04Jake, no, I have to go.
00:03:11I have to work on my art project.
00:03:14You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:16but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:20Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:23The Saturday?
00:03:24Of course.
00:03:24Thanks.
00:03:30Okay, bye.
00:03:40Nothing, nothing, nothing.
00:03:42Oh, baby, you're so hot.
00:03:45I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:46Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:47Yeah.
00:03:48What was your name again?
00:03:49Rod.
00:03:50Sex God.
00:03:50Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:03:59You're right, I bet.
00:04:07Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:10Oh, no.
00:04:11Does not compute.
00:04:13Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:15Oh, huh.
00:04:19Hi.
00:04:22When did you get home?
00:04:23So is it true?
00:04:24Yes, it is.
00:04:26It's just, it's the right time and Jake's the right man.
00:04:30I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy,
00:04:35and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:37So I just think it's the right time.
00:04:40Lexi, tell her, losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:45On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:47Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday, or maybe even like our 29th, 8th, maybe.
00:04:55Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:02I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:05I'm sorry.
00:05:09But Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:13We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:17Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:20It's not Jake.
00:05:22It's the male ideal.
00:05:24Like, a Greek god, or Sue's dad.
00:05:28Right.
00:05:30Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:32I mean, it kind of sucks.
00:05:33I'm not really an artist.
00:05:34Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:36The point is, we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.
00:05:40And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:42I'm waiting for a sign.
00:05:44And then I'll know it's right.
00:05:45Look, I can go either way.
00:05:48I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:05:51I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:05:55Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:05:59But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:04You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:10Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:13To church to pray for you.
00:06:15I want to be first in line.
00:06:18I'm getting some sleep.
00:06:19Yeah, me too.
00:06:21Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:31It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:33I accused myself of the following sins.
00:06:35Mm-hmm.
00:06:37Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...
00:06:41It's about sex.
00:06:43Mm-hmm.
00:06:45I mean, not me.
00:06:46I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:49Mm-hmm.
00:06:50I've never even seen a guy's...
00:06:53Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll, but I was dressing him up as Jesus, and I wanted to see his thing, but there was nothing there.
00:07:01Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:06My best friends.
00:07:08They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:10Okay.
00:07:12Third base.
00:07:13What?
00:07:14No.
00:07:15Like, sex.
00:07:16Like, intercourse?
00:07:18With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:19I mean, they really need us intervention, if you know what I mean.
00:07:22All the way.
00:07:24Go all the way.
00:07:26What are you...
00:07:27What?
00:07:29Ah!
00:07:30Ah!
00:07:31How could you do this?
00:07:33You're a bad, bad person!
00:07:37What?
00:07:38Yes!
00:07:44Yes!
00:07:44Yes!
00:07:45Run!
00:07:46Run!
00:07:47Home route!
00:07:48Ah!
00:07:49Damn it!
00:07:52Oh, fucking Yankees!
00:07:55Sorry.
00:07:56I'm sorry.
00:08:18Sue, it is 1 p.m.
00:08:20What do you have a little consideration?
00:08:22I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:24Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:26I have an announcement to make.
00:08:29I want to do it.
00:08:31Do you hear me?
00:08:32I want to do it.
00:08:35This weekend.
00:08:36On our birthday.
00:08:38Do what?
00:08:40It.
00:08:41Screw.
00:08:42You know, screwing, boning, making the beast with two backs.
00:08:45You know, shagging.
00:08:46Fucking.
00:08:49You do.
00:08:51But what about all your religious stuff?
00:08:53And what about your sign from heaven?
00:08:56Oh, I got a sign at church.
00:08:58Really?
00:08:59Well, okay, great.
00:09:02We're all in then.
00:09:04So we'll have a big pool party and we'll do it there.
00:09:07Right?
00:09:09Right.
00:09:10I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:21Hey, Frank.
00:09:23Hi, Sue.
00:09:25Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:27I don't know.
00:09:28Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:29Yeah, he's blind.
00:09:31Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:33We'll be back.
00:09:40Um, I was wondering, we're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:09:44It's for our birthdays.
00:09:45Do you want to come?
00:09:46Do you think he can see at my short?
00:09:48Well, the house looks done.
00:10:03Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:04We finally turn 18.
00:10:06And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:08Well, we better get our beauty sleep because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:11So, okay, we know who Cheryl's going to do it with, Jake, and I'll probably do that guy Rod.
00:10:17But, Sue, who are you going to pick?
00:10:18To pop your chair?
00:10:20It's easy.
00:10:21I've known for the past six years, ever since catechism.
00:10:26What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:28I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:38My soulmate.
00:10:40Okay.
00:10:42Chris?
00:10:44Sue, you, um, might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:48I mean...
00:10:48What?
00:10:49No, Chris is perfect.
00:10:50He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:10:54Plus, his name's Chris.
00:10:55It's a sign.
00:10:56Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:11:01What?
00:11:02He does not.
00:11:03Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:05He looks just like Justin Bieber.
00:11:07With a little bit of Zac Efron and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:11Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:14Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:17Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:19See you in the morning.
00:11:20I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:28I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:31I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:31Me?
00:11:31I just didn't expect it to happen.
00:11:33Yeah.
00:11:33Me?
00:11:33Come on.
00:11:34I don't know.
00:11:35I don't know.
00:11:35I don't know.
00:11:35I don't know.
00:11:36You're so perfect.
00:12:06I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:36Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:13:02Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:09Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:16Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:23Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:30Oh my gosh.
00:13:31They're coming.
00:13:32Lexi, Cheryl, hurry.
00:13:37Ew, why?
00:13:39It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:41It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:43I'm going to surprise you.
00:13:44You're going to die of asphyxiation.
00:13:46It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:48It's stupid.
00:13:49Just screw him.
00:13:50That's what he wants.
00:13:51That's what all guys want.
00:13:52Who hurt you as a child?
00:13:54Oh, Christ.
00:13:55Can I wrap your mouth, too?
00:13:57Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy, not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:02You're an idiot.
00:14:03A very smooth, plastic wrapped idiot.
00:14:07Seriously, come on, hurry up.
00:14:09Oh, what a cool bracelet.
00:14:15I love it.
00:14:16Um, you should put that down, though, because it's like, it's very fragile.
00:14:22Yeah.
00:14:23Okay.
00:14:24Set it down.
00:14:25Hurry up.
00:14:28Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:29Yeah.
00:14:30Okay, let's go.
00:14:45Let's go.
00:14:46Let's go.
00:14:47Let's go.
00:14:48Let's go.
00:14:49Let's go.
00:14:50Let's go.
00:14:51Let's go.
00:14:52Oh, Jesus.
00:14:53Whoa.
00:14:54Oh, we're going to have some fun.
00:14:55Oh, Attack of the Wet t-shirts.
00:14:57Nice.
00:14:58Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:14:59Let's go.
00:15:00Oh, fuck.
00:15:02Ah, fuck.
00:15:03Check, check, check, check, check.
00:15:07Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:09Oh, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:12That is lip poison to plump your lips, but be careful it stings.
00:15:16And the other one is edible massage oil.
00:15:19Oh, how did you know?
00:15:21I mean, I'm going to use both of these tonight.
00:15:23You can't.
00:15:29Buster, such a cutie.
00:15:31Please don't touch my service time.
00:15:33All right, sorry.
00:15:34Are you okay now?
00:15:35Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
00:15:36Okay.
00:15:37We'll see you later.
00:15:38I can't believe you haven't heard of this.
00:15:43This is crazy.
00:15:44Jake!
00:15:45Hi!
00:15:46Hey, Ben.
00:15:47Happy birthday.
00:15:50Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:53What?
00:15:54You want a beer?
00:15:58No.
00:16:01Oh, hon.
00:16:03Yeah.
00:16:04I have your present here.
00:16:07I'll give it to you later when the time's right.
00:16:09Aw.
00:16:10You didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:13And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:19Hey, bro.
00:16:20We need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:23A little bit.
00:16:27All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:29Hey.
00:16:30Hey.
00:16:31How you doing?
00:16:32Hey.
00:16:41Check it out!
00:16:43Dare me?
00:16:48Woo-hoo!
00:16:55Look at those.
00:16:56Look at the dummy.
00:16:57Are those real?
00:16:58Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:16:59Hey!
00:17:00Don't move!
00:17:01Come on, lame!
00:17:02Oh, all right.
00:17:03Okay.
00:17:04I'll see you guys later.
00:17:05Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:06Aw, the moves.
00:17:0720 bucks says, by the end of the day, I will be motorboating those titties.
00:17:10Yeah!
00:17:11They're fake anyways.
00:17:12Who cares?
00:17:13Okay.
00:17:14Oh, dude, dude.
00:17:15I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:17Sue, no.
00:17:18It's your birthday.
00:17:19Here, let me.
00:17:20Joanna, no.
00:17:21Just go enjoy the birdie.
00:17:22Come on.
00:17:23Open.
00:17:24Hey.
00:17:25Do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:26I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:27Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:28I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:29It just, like, disappeared.
00:17:30Ugh.
00:17:31I don't know.
00:17:32It's your birthday.
00:17:33Here, let me.
00:17:34Joanna, no.
00:17:35Just go enjoy the birdie.
00:17:36It's not.
00:17:37Open.
00:17:38Hey.
00:17:39Do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:40I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:45Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:46I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:47It just, like, disappeared.
00:17:50Are these real?
00:18:03Of course they are.
00:18:05How come I haven't met you before?
00:18:08I don't know.
00:18:09Maybe he's just gonna be around.
00:18:10Ryan, have you seen Jake?
00:18:12Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:15Maybe upstairs.
00:18:16I don't know.
00:18:17Maybe you want to go get my birthday present.
00:18:19That's probably where you went.
00:18:21Hello.
00:18:25Liquid courage?
00:18:26Yeah.
00:18:27Atta girl.
00:18:31Vodka cranberry?
00:18:32It's really simple.
00:18:35Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:37I can go meet around.
00:18:39Sue?
00:18:40Are you okay?
00:18:41Sue?
00:18:42Relax.
00:18:44They're just guys.
00:18:46Okay, nothing to be scared of.
00:18:47Seriously.
00:18:48You're gonna be fine.
00:18:49Is Chris here?
00:18:50Is Chris here?
00:18:55Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:18:58No.
00:18:59He does not have gatefakes.
00:19:00I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:02I'm gonna do it.
00:19:08Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:10No.
00:19:11He does not have gatefakes.
00:19:12I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:13I'm gonna do it.
00:19:14I'm gonna do this.
00:19:15Good luck.
00:19:17Hey, you can do this.
00:19:18Just act like a slut.
00:19:20Just pretend you're Lexi.
00:19:21Yeah, my favorite chapter is Solomon Galore.
00:19:23Chris.
00:19:24Hi.
00:19:25Can I talk to you?
00:19:26Uh-huh.
00:19:27Uh-huh.
00:19:28In private?
00:19:29No.
00:19:30Yeah, my favorite chapter is Solomon Galore.
00:19:37Chris!
00:19:38Hi.
00:19:39Can I talk to you?
00:19:40Uh-huh.
00:19:41In private?
00:19:42No.
00:20:00Hey, Lexi.
00:20:01Hey, Lexi.
00:20:02Hey, Lexi.
00:20:03What?
00:20:04Chris.
00:20:05You're so sexy.
00:20:08Ever since you played Jesus at camp, I've just...
00:20:11I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:20:14And I really want to...
00:20:17Oh!
00:20:18What are you doing?
00:20:19Is that wrong?
00:20:20Sue!
00:20:21What's gotten into you?
00:20:22Nothing.
00:20:23I'm sorry.
00:20:24I don't know how to do this.
00:20:25Sue.
00:20:27Sue.
00:20:28Sue.
00:20:29I understand these urges.
00:20:34And, you know, I like you too.
00:20:38Really?
00:20:39You do?
00:20:40I do.
00:20:41I really do.
00:20:43I like you too.
00:20:44Really?
00:20:45You do?
00:20:46I do.
00:20:47I really do.
00:20:48It's just...
00:20:50I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man.
00:20:55Right.
00:20:56Lexi said you were...
00:20:57Jesus.
00:20:58Oh.
00:20:59That man.
00:21:00Of course.
00:21:01What did you think?
00:21:02Oh, nothing.
00:21:03So we can still do this then?
00:21:07Oh, Sue.
00:21:08You know, for me, when I think about that man who died for our sins, when I think about
00:21:18him up there on that cross, up there on that cross, so helpless, yet so muscular, with his strong thighs crossed over each other so delicately beneath that ragged loincloth, growing so hot, so sweaty under that hot, hot sun.
00:21:43I just feel such compassion.
00:21:47I think about those things too.
00:21:49So you understand why I can't do this?
00:21:52Not really.
00:21:53Not really.
00:21:54I just find it too hard, it is, to give in to carnal pleasure when he sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:03So...
00:22:04We're gonna go out there, right?
00:22:05Andy, we're gonna totally throw these on.
00:22:06Hey, hi.
00:22:07Whoa!
00:22:08Have you seen Jake?
00:22:09No.
00:22:10No, no.
00:22:11Alright.
00:22:12Okay.
00:22:13Alright, focus, focus, focus.
00:22:14Oh, there he is.
00:22:16Oh, there he is.
00:22:19Whoa!
00:22:21Have you seen Jake?
00:22:23No, no.
00:22:24All right.
00:22:28Okay. All right, focus, focus, focus.
00:22:36Oh, there he is.
00:22:40Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:49How could he?
00:22:59Sue, what happened? Did you guys do it?
00:23:03Sue?
00:23:04He doesn't want me.
00:23:06Because he's gay.
00:23:07No, he's not. He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:10Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:12The only reason we even liked him is because you knew he was never a real possibility for you.
00:23:17Look, the only way you were gonna find out what kind of man you really want
00:23:21is to know what kind of woman you really are deep inside.
00:23:26What?
00:23:27Come with me.
00:23:28Where?
00:23:29To meet your dark side.
00:23:37Out. Everyone out.
00:23:47Sue, it's time for you and your vagina to meet face to face.
00:24:04I really can't. I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:07I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:13I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:18Sue?
00:24:20Can you see it?
00:24:22Sue.
00:24:26I'm almost...
00:24:28I'm almost there.
00:24:29What?
00:24:34What?
00:24:36Sue, what happened? What did you see?
00:24:39A raccoon?
00:24:40What?
00:24:42You overshot it. Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:51I can't. Please don't make me do that again.
00:24:53Okay, fine. Fine.
00:24:56I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.
00:24:59What?
00:25:00You really need an orgasm.
00:25:03Honestly, I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else
00:25:06when you've never even had it with yourself.
00:25:08This really has to be your first step.
00:25:10Lex, I'm waiting.
00:25:12Coming.
00:25:13Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:15Just find it and use it.
00:25:17Wait, what does the black vibrator look like?
00:25:19It's black. It vibrates.
00:25:23Come on, Rod. Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:27And don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.
00:25:42Hey, cutie! Cutie!
00:25:43Oh!
00:25:48Boozeye!
00:25:50Oh, yeah!
00:25:53Bang.
00:25:55Bang. Bang.
00:25:58Good boy. Straighten up.
00:26:00Good boy. Good boy.
00:26:02He knows over a hundred commands.
00:26:05I'm sorry, I can't see anything.
00:26:08That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:10What a bitch.
00:26:12Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:15Ah!
00:26:16Ah!
00:26:21Ah!
00:26:23Ah!
00:26:29Ah!
00:26:31Ah!
00:26:32Ah!
00:26:34Ah!
00:26:35Ah!
00:26:36Ah!
00:26:37Ah!
00:26:39Ah!
00:26:40Ah!
00:26:41Ah!
00:26:42Ah!
00:26:43Ah!
00:26:44Ah!
00:26:45Ah!
00:26:46Ah!
00:26:47Ah!
00:26:48Ah!
00:26:49Ah!
00:26:50Ah!
00:26:51Ah!
00:26:52Ah!
00:26:53Ah!
00:26:54Ah!
00:26:55Ah!
00:26:56Ah!
00:26:57Ah!
00:26:58Ah!
00:26:59Ah!
00:27:00Ah!
00:27:01Ah!
00:27:02Ah!
00:27:03Ah!
00:27:04Ah!
00:27:05Ah!
00:27:06Ah!
00:27:07Ah!
00:27:08Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:10He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl.
00:27:14For sure?
00:27:15I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him,
00:27:17so maybe it's my fault.
00:27:19That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag. How dare he?
00:27:22No, it's awful.
00:27:24I mean, I thought I was going to marry him.
00:27:32It's a text. It's from him.
00:27:34I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:35Okay.
00:27:36He's looking for you.
00:27:38He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:40Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:42Um, I have to go. I'm going.
00:27:43No, you can't just leave.
00:27:45Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:48I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:27:50No.
00:27:51He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:27:54Either way, it's bullshit.
00:27:55I see only one option.
00:27:58I'm leaving.
00:27:59Revenge sex.
00:28:01Reve- I mean, what? What does that even mean?
00:28:02It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out,
00:28:05and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:06But he- I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:28:20He doesn't even care about me.
00:28:21I mean, why would-
00:28:22He's just into other girls.
00:28:23Trust me, he'll care.
00:28:26Seriously, this is the worst thing you can do to him.
00:28:28To his ego.
00:28:30To screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him.
00:28:33Especially if it's with someone smarter, better looking, and with a bigger dick.
00:28:37No, I- I couldn't.
00:28:40Plus, I mean, there's- there's no one smarter and better looking.
00:28:44Eric!
00:28:45He's perfect!
00:28:46Eric Hall?
00:28:47Are you kidding?
00:28:49I mean, he wouldn't even be into me.
00:28:51He likes your type.
00:28:52Really?
00:28:53And what type is that?
00:28:54He's bloody.
00:28:56Yeah.
00:28:57Trust me, he's amazing.
00:28:59I fooled around with him once.
00:29:00He has this great tongue, right?
00:29:01Oh, no.
00:29:02I could never fool around with somebody you fooled around with.
00:29:05Okay, then.
00:29:06Fine.
00:29:07We will find someone else.
00:29:08Someone that I haven't fooled around with.
00:29:14Okay, what does it matter that I fooled around with him?
00:29:17I mean, it's like you're not going to marry the guy.
00:29:19No, I just couldn't do it.
00:29:21Fine.
00:29:22If you want to live the rest of your life knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing,
00:29:26to make your boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage,
00:29:29and possibly even scar him with the rest of his existence,
00:29:32and you chose not to do it,
00:29:33go ahead.
00:29:34But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:38I don't know.
00:29:41But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:46I don't know.
00:29:47Trust me.
00:29:48It's going to work.
00:29:54I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:29:58Hi, Cheryl.
00:29:59Okay, enough to chat with her.
00:30:01Oh, no.
00:30:13Hey.
00:30:15Happy birthday.
00:30:17Thanks.
00:30:27Oh.
00:30:28Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:44So, happy birthday.
00:30:48Do you know that most people think that the happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:30:54But it's actually from us.
00:30:55U.S.
00:30:57America?
00:31:00United States?
00:31:01I know where we live.
00:31:02Right.
00:31:03Of course.
00:31:07I know where we live.
00:31:09Right.
00:31:10Of course.
00:31:10Hey, Jesus, Eric.
00:31:16Are you going to make your move or not?
00:31:18Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:19Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:31:20I just...
00:31:20No, you're fine.
00:31:22No, you're fine.
00:31:22Jake!
00:31:22Jake!
00:31:23So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:31:38Oh.
00:31:39I'm sorry.
00:31:41It?
00:31:41What?
00:31:42Um...
00:31:42It.
00:31:43Like, monkey boning and, like, pigs in a blanket get real nasty.
00:31:50Oh.
00:31:51Oh.
00:31:51You mean, like, uh, right now?
00:31:55I mean, well, yeah.
00:31:57You know, the sooner the better.
00:31:58Yeah, sure.
00:32:01I mean, well, yeah, of course.
00:32:02Um, I just never realized that you...
00:32:04I mean...
00:32:07Whew.
00:32:09Uh...
00:32:09It's just...
00:32:12You're so...
00:32:14You're so beautiful.
00:32:17Okay.
00:32:17Um...
00:32:17Hmm?
00:32:19Uh, no cuisine.
00:32:21Right.
00:32:22Um, of course.
00:32:23Sorry?
00:32:27So, um...
00:32:28Do you want to unwrap me?
00:32:32Oh, wow.
00:32:32Uh, you're wrapped up like a Hot Pocket or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:37Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:39You, uh, you're fresh.
00:32:43Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:45You, uh, you're fresh.
00:32:47Organic.
00:32:49Yep.
00:32:51So, the wrap.
00:32:53Right.
00:32:54Um, where's the, uh...
00:32:57It's, uh, the end that I just like right over here.
00:32:59Oh, oh, yeah.
00:33:00Here it is.
00:33:00Yeah.
00:33:00It's where I see it.
00:33:01Um, let me just, uh...
00:33:03Yeah.
00:33:04Uh...
00:33:04Ow, ow, ow.
00:33:05Oh, sorry.
00:33:06Sorry, sorry.
00:33:07I, um...
00:33:08It's...
00:33:08It's okay.
00:33:09Here.
00:33:09Do it again.
00:33:12Sorry.
00:33:12I, uh...
00:33:12I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:33:15You know what?
00:33:15Let me just lay on the bed.
00:33:18Okay.
00:33:23Uh, let me just see.
00:33:27Oh, here it is.
00:33:28I got it.
00:33:29All right.
00:33:29Just, um, pull it.
00:33:31Oh, let me just...
00:33:32Oh, jeez.
00:33:35Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:33:37Are you okay?
00:33:38Help.
00:33:38Uh...
00:33:39Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:43Oh, jeez.
00:33:50Well, that was stupid.
00:33:55Yeah.
00:34:01How you doing tonight?
00:34:02I'm good.
00:34:03You having a good time?
00:34:04Yeah?
00:34:04You good?
00:34:05Jake!
00:34:06I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:08What?
00:34:09I can't hear you.
00:34:11You need another beer.
00:34:13Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:15Jake!
00:34:15So are you with me?
00:34:16Upstairs.
00:34:17Yeah.
00:34:18Hold on.
00:34:19Take a piss.
00:34:21How much beer?
00:34:22Oh.
00:34:23Oh.
00:34:23Oh.
00:34:24Oh.
00:34:25Oh.
00:34:26Oh.
00:34:27Oh.
00:34:28Oh.
00:34:29Oh.
00:34:30Oh.
00:34:31Oh.
00:34:32Oh.
00:34:33Oh.
00:34:34Oh.
00:34:35Oh.
00:34:36Oh.
00:34:37Oh.
00:34:38Oh.
00:34:39Oh.
00:34:40Oh.
00:34:41Oh.
00:34:42Oh.
00:34:43Injured to get the blinds.
00:34:53Oh.
00:34:54Oh.
00:34:54Oh.
00:34:54Oh.
00:34:55Oh.
00:34:55Oh.
00:34:56Oh.
00:34:56Oh.
00:34:57What?
00:34:58I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:01Oh.
00:35:02Well, okay.
00:35:03Okay.
00:35:04Finally.
00:35:05I, uh...
00:35:06Let me just get the blinds.
00:35:07Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:35:09Um, don't.
00:35:10Don't.
00:35:11Don't.
00:35:12Don't.
00:35:13Don't.
00:35:14Don't.
00:35:15Don't.
00:35:16Don't.
00:35:17Don't.
00:35:18Don't.
00:35:19Don't.
00:35:20Don't.
00:35:21Don't.
00:35:22Don't.
00:35:23Don't.
00:35:24Don't.
00:35:25Don't.
00:35:26Don't.
00:35:27Don't worry about it.
00:35:28What?
00:35:29I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:33Oh.
00:35:34Well, okay.
00:35:35Okay.
00:35:36Mm.
00:35:55What are you doing?
00:35:56Uh...
00:35:57I think it's time.
00:35:58You know, just.
00:35:59Huh?
00:36:00Yeah.
00:36:01What are you doing?
00:36:02Uh...
00:36:03I think it's time, you know...
00:36:05what are you doing uh i think it's time you know to do it um not yet more foreplay huh
00:36:35so good oh yep oh my god draw draw draw what what what ah ah oh ah ah lock jaw lock jaw is that even a thing
00:36:56i don't know ah are you okay
00:37:04no no no it's uh it's fine i'm just a embarrassed i it's probably tmj or fracture swollen
00:37:15you sure you're okay yeah yeah i'm fine okay great have fun
00:37:20oh
00:37:26now now let's do it now no not yet not yet
00:37:31all right i'm gonna come i'm gonna come
00:37:33no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no not yet lexi
00:37:47no means no oh i'm so sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry it's been a really long time and i just
00:37:50Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's been a really long time and I just, I haven't masturbated for anything.
00:37:59Uh-oh.
00:38:02Oh, hey Jake.
00:38:05How you doing?
00:38:07How's it going?
00:38:08Good.
00:38:09Eric?
00:38:11Eric, help me, I'm glad I can't see anything.
00:38:15Excuse me.
00:38:16Cheryl's in here.
00:38:24Sup, brother?
00:38:26What the fuck is...
00:38:29Hey, wait!
00:38:31Lex, babe, still waiting.
00:38:39Oh, I'm sorry, I can't see, I'm blind.
00:38:41Damn it, I'm gonna save somebody to know that bitch.
00:38:47Hey, you!
00:38:49You better stop making fun of the blind, or I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:38:53Help!
00:38:55I'm so sorry!
00:38:57I'll never make fun of the blind again!
00:38:59Ah!
00:39:00Oh, man, no more water balloons.
00:39:01This party's ass!
00:39:17Oh, man, no more water balloons.
00:39:24This party's ass.
00:39:27Yeah!
00:39:32This just isn't working.
00:39:35Nothing.
00:39:36What's the big deal about these vibrators, anyway?
00:39:40Oh, man.
00:39:51I love this game.
00:39:52We need the controllers.
00:39:53We gotta play.
00:39:54Here, here, here.
00:39:55Okay, let me find another one.
00:39:57Whoa!
00:40:00What's this?
00:40:03Oh, man.
00:40:05Get that thing away.
00:40:07Hey, dude, nice shot.
00:40:17Wasn't me.
00:40:22Whoa, whoa, nice.
00:40:25Are you sitting in there or something?
00:40:28Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:30Nice, nice.
00:40:37Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:44Whoa!
00:40:45You are the controller.
00:40:46No, I just...
00:40:47I didn't.
00:40:48I swear, I...
00:40:50I swear, I...
00:41:02It's okay.
00:41:03Hey, Sue.
00:41:04Come on, Sue.
00:41:05Come on, Sue.
00:41:07It's okay.
00:41:09Um...
00:41:10Hey, Sue.
00:41:11Come on, Sue.
00:41:13Hey, hey, Sue.
00:41:15Come on, man.
00:41:18It's okay. Um, hey, Sue.
00:41:30Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:32Yeah, I just needed to, um...
00:41:35Oh, sure.
00:41:37Listen, Sue, I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:41:42You were? You mean...
00:41:46Yeah.
00:41:49So you think we should give it a try?
00:41:53Can we go get a drink?
00:41:57Wow, um, your toilet's really clogged.
00:42:01You know what? I gotta go.
00:42:04Um, happy birthday.
00:42:05Uh, no, Chris, no, there wasn't... I didn't...
00:42:07Oh, God, never mind.
00:42:12I'll be the one.
00:42:14It's the end of the world.
00:42:21This was the worst idea ever.
00:42:24Never going to have sex.
00:42:26Ow.
00:42:46Hello? A little attention here.
00:42:48Oh, yeah. Sorry.
00:42:55Lex, don't be selfish.
00:42:57Oh, right. Sorry.
00:42:59Sorry.
00:43:11Ugh.
00:43:12Jeez.
00:43:13Who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:43:16Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:19Screw it.
00:43:20I don't know anything about you.
00:43:21Huh?
00:43:41Haha!
00:44:01That was bad. That was so bad.
00:44:11Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?
00:44:19I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:23Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:44:29Yes, it does.
00:44:31So, you're JJ?
00:44:33Uh-oh.
00:44:41Hello. Welcome to 1-900-CONFESS. Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:45:01A nun.
00:45:03Please punch in your credit card number.
00:45:05Please hold.
00:45:11Thank goodness.
00:45:131-900-CONFESSION. How may I be of service?
00:45:17It's been one day since my last confession.
00:45:19I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:21One day?
00:45:23Ow!
00:45:29Is that too long?
00:45:31I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:33Go on.
00:45:35Um, okay, well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:45:39Well, actually, I didn't know a washing machine did.
00:45:41What's her problem?
00:45:43A washing machine touched her.
00:45:47Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:45:50Alright, freak. Time's up.
00:45:52What? But what do I do?
00:45:53Just unplug the thing.
00:45:55No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:45:58Well, then be happy. You found the perfect man.
00:46:02I'm serious!
00:46:03Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:46:07I'll tell you this.
00:46:09Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:46:11No contritions?
00:46:13You broke no covenant with God.
00:46:15It's not in the Bible.
00:46:17So, the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:46:20Like, morning, afternoon, night?
00:46:23Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:46:26Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:46:29Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:46:31Huh. God's pretty cool that way.
00:46:34He sure is. Now run along.
00:46:36Wow. How do you know all that?
00:46:42Because I'm a nun.
00:46:44Now eat my pussy, bitch!
00:46:46Huh. Accidental masturbation. Who'da think?
00:46:50Revenge sex. What a stupid fucking idiot.
00:47:02God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:04Yeah, admit it. I've got no game.
00:47:08I guess I'll just get away by myself.
00:47:12Fucking douchebag!
00:47:16Damn it.
00:47:18Now I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:22You go, girl.
00:47:23What?
00:47:26What are you doing here?
00:47:28We needed someplace private.
00:47:30But hey, listen.
00:47:31If you're serious about getting laid.
00:47:33Yeah?
00:47:34If you want someone great.
00:47:35I mean, really.
00:47:37The best ever.
00:47:39No offense.
00:47:41Frank.
00:47:42The blind guy?
00:47:43Really?
00:47:44I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:48I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:47:50It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:47:53It was like we used all our senses.
00:47:56Everything.
00:47:59If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:02Alright.
00:48:09What about him?
00:48:10Jeremy.
00:48:11Oh yeah, I know Jeremy.
00:48:13Hey, I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:15I didn't know his last name though.
00:48:19It's Jones.
00:48:20Jeremy Jones.
00:48:21This all makes sense.
00:48:23Excuse me.
00:48:25Jeremy.
00:48:26Hi.
00:48:27Hey.
00:48:28Who's on the phone?
00:48:29Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:31You'll meet her.
00:48:32She'll be here in like an hour.
00:48:34Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:48:36Oh.
00:48:37Hey Frank.
00:48:38Sit.
00:48:39Oh, you meant...
00:48:40You meant the dog.
00:48:42Relax.
00:48:43You need to relax and calm down.
00:48:44You need to relax and calm down.
00:48:49Oh, I'm...
00:48:50I'm...
00:48:51I'm relaxed.
00:48:52I'm fine.
00:48:53Why are you biting your nail?
00:48:54Why are you biting your nail?
00:48:55I'm not.
00:48:56How did you know that?
00:48:57How did you know that?
00:48:58I'm fine.
00:48:59Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:00I'm not.
00:49:01How did you know that?
00:49:02Corner.
00:49:03Sit.
00:49:04I'm fine.
00:49:05You need to relax and calm down.
00:49:07Good.
00:49:08I'm fine.
00:49:09Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:10I'm not.
00:49:11How did you know that?
00:49:12Corner.
00:49:16Sit.
00:49:17I'm fine.
00:49:18I'm fine.
00:49:19I'm fine.
00:49:20I'm fine.
00:49:21How did you know that?
00:49:22I'm fine.
00:49:23I'm fine.
00:49:24I'm fine.
00:49:25I'm fine.
00:49:26I'm fine.
00:49:27I'm fine.
00:49:28Sit. Roll over.
00:49:32Oh, you mean me.
00:49:36Roll over.
00:49:40Oh, you mean me.
00:49:44Oh, how do you... how do you want me to...
00:49:48Just lay down.
00:49:58Oh, oh. I shouldn't even be doing this,
00:50:02but considering it a teachable moment.
00:50:06Okay.
00:50:08Oh.
00:50:10See me with your hands.
00:50:14All right.
00:50:18Uh...
00:50:24You know, I should really...
00:50:26I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:50:28Really.
00:50:41Mmm, peanut butter.
00:50:56Frank, Frank.
00:50:58Oh.
00:51:00Oh, Frank.
00:51:02Oh, Frank.
00:51:04Oh, man.
00:51:06Oh, give me a chip.
00:51:08Hell, I have a bop.
00:51:10Yeah, girl.
00:51:13I didn't mean to my för-
00:51:14game to hide.
00:51:20Oh, you know, it was a very good year
00:51:22It went off to now.
00:51:24Oh, there's dad, somebody to us.
00:51:26going toari.
00:51:28Oh, man.
00:51:29travelers are better for the kids.
00:51:30My chips, boys.
00:51:31Kid is gone.
00:51:32His money is saved.
00:51:33It's a sick sin.
00:51:34You know, we need this.
00:51:35Why don't we know if this musky would like to kids.
00:51:36My chips?
00:51:38Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:41Sorry.
00:51:49It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:51:51That's all.
00:51:56No, let me do this. Go ahead.
00:51:58I got it. No, I got it.
00:51:59No, really, please. I want to help.
00:52:04Okay, everybody out.
00:52:06Leave. I have to back you.
00:52:20You're not even getting the chips. They're over here.
00:52:24I see some dust over here, so...
00:52:29There's just so much dust on this floor.
00:52:33Oh, this is a dirty floor.
00:52:35Such a dirty, dirty floor.
00:52:39And I just...
00:52:41I think I got all of that.
00:52:42I'm just gonna...
00:52:43I'll see how...
00:52:47Frankie!
00:52:48Oh my...
00:52:49Oh.
00:52:50Oh my...
00:52:51Oh.
00:52:53Oh.
00:52:54Oh.
00:52:55Oh.
00:52:56Oh my...
00:52:57Okay.
00:52:58Oh.
00:52:59Oh.
00:53:00All right.
00:53:01Oh.
00:53:02Think I got all of that.
00:53:03I'm just gonna...
00:53:04See how...
00:53:05Frankie oh my oh what
00:53:18stop Frank stop teasing Frank
00:53:27I'm sorry man we're just looking for a place to finish this road
00:53:32oh I heard something so you want to join us
00:53:36come on you gotta do it come on
00:53:38seriously guys I need to go
00:53:39where's your dog man dude what's it like being blind a bit it's tripping
00:53:46Frank Frank are we gonna do something soon
00:53:50bro you are too funny
00:53:56thanks man oh this is some good stuff I haven't smoked since junior high
00:54:00dude I didn't stop smoking since junior high
00:54:04wait wait I feel like I was supposed to be doing something
00:54:08damn I really can't remember this is some good shit
00:54:12oh no you're the devil no more
00:54:22JJ I'm Jeremy you have to remember that amazing time we had together don't you
00:54:30please
00:54:40Lex I can't I mean I got a girlfriend I really like this girl
00:54:44fine it's just so sad because I'm wearing this
00:54:48coupless bra and I also have on crotchless panties with just a little string of pearl in front for extra stimulation
00:55:02oh
00:55:04oh
00:55:06we've got like 30 minutes before she gets here
00:55:10perfect
00:55:12before she gets here
00:55:16perfect
00:55:26oh yeah
00:55:28let's do it
00:55:30fuck me
00:55:31fuck me now
00:55:34what what's wrong
00:55:36I can't
00:55:38can't get it in
00:55:40try down there it's like desert down there it's sandpaper
00:55:44it's just okay I get the picture
00:55:46just try it again
00:55:48no
00:55:50why is this happening
00:55:52we fooled around before
00:55:54I was dripping wet I came like four times remember
00:55:56just do what you did then
00:55:58go on
00:56:00I already did my thing I already tried
00:56:02what
00:56:04what is different this time
00:56:06I don't know
00:56:08last time
00:56:10I honestly don't even know what you're talking about
00:56:14what
00:56:16you're not JJ
00:56:18but your name is Jeremy Jones
00:56:20how can you not be JJ
00:56:22who the hell is this JJ
00:56:24where are you going
00:56:26we're not done here
00:56:28I can still do this I just need a little bit of foreplay
00:56:30I can do this
00:56:32I don't need JJ
00:56:34I don't need anyone else
00:56:36we can do this
00:56:38go team
00:56:40what
00:56:42just keep going
00:56:46Jeremy
00:56:48shit
00:56:50Jeremy
00:56:58where's Jeremy
00:57:00we were just you know
00:57:02hey babe
00:57:04just working out
00:57:10how could you you bastard
00:57:14you might wanna
00:57:16what
00:57:18what
00:57:22Mariela
00:57:24Mariela
00:57:26you know those aren't mine
00:57:28at least not all of them
00:57:30what is wrong with you
00:57:36what is wrong with you
00:57:38you used to be so pure
00:57:40well no more that's it
00:57:42really
00:57:43that's the last one
00:58:12Cheryl
00:58:14what is it
00:58:18what are you doing down here
00:58:20waiting for everyone to leave
00:58:22so I can sneak out and get far far away from here
00:58:24what
00:58:26why
00:58:28nothing just this lying guy and his dog
00:58:30and ugh
00:58:32honey it's gonna be okay
00:58:34no it's not okay
00:58:36god
00:58:38and you know whose fault it is
00:58:40I'm sorry
00:58:41it's Jake's
00:58:42Jake's fault
00:58:43that blind cheating bastard
00:58:45yes
00:58:46he is such a dickwad
00:58:48you need to confront him
00:58:49yeah
00:58:50yeah I need to confront him
00:58:52I mean it's my birthday
00:58:54and where is he anyway
00:58:55like why isn't he hanging out with me
00:58:57you know you just call him here
00:58:58and give him a big piece of your mind
00:59:00yeah big piece
00:59:01a big old
00:59:02chunk of my mind
00:59:03a big piece of it
00:59:04yeah
00:59:05you know you might wanna
00:59:07it's
00:59:08you need to look hot
00:59:09while you break up with him
00:59:10yeah you're right
00:59:11for a moment we're in a sheet
00:59:13I don't know
00:59:20I'm sorry
00:59:21I'm sorry
00:59:22I get shy around beautiful women like you
00:59:27I got no game
00:59:29it's not important
00:59:35it's not important
00:59:48hey um
00:59:49Eric I can't talk right now
00:59:50no no no I really need to talk to you
00:59:52really Eric I can't right now so
00:59:54no no no no
00:59:55I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier
00:59:57and and and I'm just embarrassed
00:59:59and I wanna make it up to you
01:00:01Eric really
01:00:02I don't care
01:00:03it's fine
01:00:04no but I do
01:00:05I mean I do
01:00:06I care
01:00:07I haven't known how to tell you
01:00:10maybe cause I don't know I'm a little shy
01:00:13but I was wondering or hoping
01:00:16that we could go out sometime
01:00:19soon
01:00:20because I'm gonna be leaving for a little while
01:00:22and it would be nice to go out
01:00:23really
01:00:24Eric you're shy
01:00:25you have no game
01:00:27no not really
01:00:29no not really
01:00:32yeah no I can't do this sorry
01:00:37okay
01:00:38alright
01:00:39I uh
01:00:42happy birthday then
01:00:54I'm sorry I was trying to kiss your
01:00:56it's here
01:01:05wow
01:01:17here I come baby
01:01:18get ready for your big birthday surprise
01:01:20oh
01:01:23Eric stop
01:01:24um
01:01:25we can't do this
01:01:26sorry
01:01:27oh god damn it not again
01:01:28oh no um
01:01:29honey happy
01:01:31what the fuck is this
01:01:33who the hell are you dude
01:01:34okay guys
01:01:35don't
01:01:39Cheryl
01:01:40baby
01:01:41what is this
01:01:43aww gee Cheryl
01:01:45you're
01:01:46I've been looking for you all night
01:01:48and you've been
01:01:49oh man no wonder I couldn't find you
01:01:51you couldn't find me
01:01:53what about all those girls vaginas you were in
01:01:55or your penis getting sucked
01:01:58Cheryl honey
01:01:59no
01:02:00we can work this out
01:02:01baby
01:02:02I love you
01:02:03Jake no you have to go
01:02:04baby I'll be faithful from now on please
01:02:05I promise
01:02:06no Jake
01:02:07I can't do this
01:02:08I'm sorry
01:02:10Cheryl come on
01:02:11no Jake please
01:02:12just go
01:02:13I'm sorry
01:02:14you're a harmless bitch
01:02:15how did he do it with me
01:02:17yay
01:02:18you did it
01:02:19I am so proud of you
01:02:20you got your revenge sex
01:02:21you left him a mere shell of a man
01:02:23revenge sex
01:02:24revenge sex
01:02:27it's really not what it sounds like at all
01:02:30right
01:02:32all makes sense now
01:02:34wow
01:02:35I feel really stupid
01:02:37Eric I'm really sorry
01:02:38I'm really sorry
01:02:40Cheryl
01:02:41I really liked you
01:02:43and you used me
01:02:45Eric please don't go
01:02:46please Eric
01:02:49aren't you happy
01:02:52well no that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like
01:02:55you mean the sex
01:02:56was it
01:02:57yeah
01:02:58no we didn't quite do it
01:03:00oh you know I couldn't seem to do it either
01:03:02really
01:03:03I just never found the right guy
01:03:05or guys
01:03:07anyway
01:03:08we better get downstairs people are starting to leave
01:03:09I wonder how Sue did
01:03:10I wonder how Sue did
01:03:11I wonder how Sue did
01:03:20I can't believe she dumped me man this is bullshit
01:03:27oh
01:03:29dude suck it
01:03:30what the
01:03:32come out of here
01:03:34yeah
01:03:35he has good hair though
01:03:39don't you puke on me
01:03:42and don't puke on my car either
01:03:44right set break that
01:03:46I might need a vacation
01:03:49vacation vacation vacation
01:03:51take this information through your head
01:03:56oh Sue are you alright
01:03:58was it from sex?
01:04:00did you pop your cork?
01:04:01I don't think so
01:04:02not with the guy anyway
01:04:04oh don't ask
01:04:06every possible object
01:04:08it's like every mechanical thing
01:04:10it was like transformers
01:04:12they just all became vibrators
01:04:14I told you
01:04:16it's addicting
01:04:18so what about Chris?
01:04:20well last time I saw him he was running away for dear life
01:04:22I told you he was gay
01:04:24well I think I'm just
01:04:26oh cramp
01:04:28oh
01:04:30I think it's broken
01:04:31so wait
01:04:33none of us
01:04:34cashed in our v card
01:04:36ha
01:04:40oh Joanna you're so sweet
01:04:42so I was gonna go grab some food
01:04:44wanna go?
01:04:45no
01:04:46thank you
01:04:47I think I should finish up here
01:04:49did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:04:51no
01:04:53I don't know
01:04:54for some reason I just realized
01:04:56he needs to be my first
01:04:58or something
01:05:00why do you know him?
01:05:01sort of
01:05:02oh
01:05:03well hey if you happen to run into him
01:05:05tell him I'd like to see him again
01:05:13love him
01:05:14shut it
01:05:15I don't wanna hear it from you
01:05:16shh
01:05:17shh
01:05:18shh
01:05:19shh
01:05:20shh
01:05:21shh
01:05:23shh
01:05:27shh
01:05:30shh
01:05:33shh
01:05:44shh
01:05:45no
01:05:46no way
01:05:47shh
01:05:48Oh well, there's always next year.
01:06:18It's you. I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:06:34I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:06:52I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:22I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:24I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:26I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:28I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:07:32Wow, that's amazing.
01:07:36Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:40I guess something inspired me.
01:07:42You really captured his expression in his eyes.
01:07:46Yeah, even that little callic he has in his hair.
01:07:50Who's?
01:07:52Eric's.
01:07:54It's him, right?
01:07:56Oh.
01:07:58Yeah.
01:08:00I have to go see him.
01:08:04Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:10One nine hundred confess.
01:08:22Sister Therese?
01:08:24Yeah, hon, there was a problem with your credit card.
01:08:26I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:28Oh, sure.
01:08:30It's 271.
01:08:32Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession, but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:38Do you think if you do something bad that God will forgive you?
01:08:42Take you back?
01:08:44Sure, hon.
01:08:45Why not?
01:08:46As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:48Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:08:50I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:08:56Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.
01:09:00Sister?
01:09:01Can I get up now?
01:09:03I really gotta pee.
01:09:05No!
01:09:06Hush your trap!
01:09:08Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work, but call back any time.
01:09:12I will.
01:09:13Thanks.
01:09:14Sister?
01:09:15Shut up, or I'll punish you hard, you sheep, fucker!
01:09:20Eric, wait.
01:09:21Cheryl?
01:09:22Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:09:28Eric, wait.
01:09:41Cheryl?
01:09:42Eric, um, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:09:49I was trying to have revenge sex with you, at the beginning, but then at the end I wasn't.
01:09:54I just didn't want to do that with you.
01:09:57The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:10:00Um, I, I do want to go out with you.
01:10:05And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:10:08I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is, and he's all over these pink hair.
01:10:13Eric!
01:10:14Come on, I gotta get going.
01:10:16Oh, wow.
01:10:18Um, Cheryl, uh, this is my sister Tina.
01:10:21Tina, Cheryl.
01:10:23Hi, nice to meet you.
01:10:26Uh, so, um, do you mind if I call you in a few days, when I get back?
01:10:34Yeah, sure.
01:10:41Oh, sorry, no kissing, right.
01:10:44No kissing, right.
01:10:45No, kissing.
01:10:46Oh.
01:10:47Mmm.
01:10:48Mmm.
01:10:49Great.
01:10:50Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:05I-I don't even care that you hooked up a plexi.
01:11:10Wait, what?
01:11:11I never did that.
01:11:12I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:11:14She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:11:17Oh.
01:11:18She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:11:23I wonder who it was.
01:11:25At least this birthday's over.
01:11:46Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:11:59I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like send me a sign.
01:12:05All right.
01:12:06You're
01:12:10talking about a person who did not belong to me.
01:12:10Oh...
01:12:12Where's my soul with a man from other planets?
01:12:16Yes.
01:12:23Who cares?
01:12:24He's here to me.
01:12:27And joining the house, we have to follow my heart.
01:12:29So don't help us.
01:12:30What do you do?
01:12:33Excuse me, excuse me, do you know where the church is?
01:12:40It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:42Um, yeah, that's the church I go to, or used to go to.
01:12:46Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:12:51You're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:12:54Oh, um, I don't know.
01:12:56Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:13:05Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:13:10Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:13:14I don't think so, but thanks.
01:13:17What's your name? Sue. What's yours?
01:13:20Jesus.
01:13:22Really?
01:13:24Si.
01:13:25Maybe I could use the ride.
01:13:55I'm not going to be across the line.
01:13:57Besides, I think I could use this pastor if I could play.
01:13:59Meet him.
01:14:01Yes.
01:14:02Tim Theory.
01:14:04Far West.
01:14:05Come on.
01:14:06I would also joke.
01:14:07I think he'd remember the transition from photos of truly selling my sad mascot data
01:14:12in mine.
01:14:14Beautiful days.
01:14:16I would like to reach out to you since then.
01:14:18I wasn't here for right jumping.
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