Alex Madison Reflects on 1st Holidays With Newborn After Pregnancy Loss: ‘Double Edged Sword’

Transcript

00:00That's a great question because I feel like she's still so little.

00:03She's growing so much and learning so much every day.

00:07Like just showing her a Christmas tree in our house, like, and seeing her eyes light up.

00:11I'm like, this is your first time seeing a Christmas tree.

00:13And realizing that, it feels like a lot of pressure.

00:16But at the same time, I'm also like, she's not going to remember this.

00:19But I want to capture everything.

00:22And so what I'm actually looking forward to is really being able to create a photo book

00:26at the end of the season to just remember all of this because it's so fleeting and it goes by so quickly.

00:33So, I mean, it's definitely a 180 from the last holiday season.

00:38I think we were not feeling any type of joy last year.

00:42And so this year, it is a little bit of a double-edged sword where we still are.

00:51We're able to be so appreciative and grateful for the season of life that we're currently in

00:58while recognizing without going through that hard season of life.

01:02Like we wouldn't have this.

01:04And so we're finding space for them to exist together, which it doesn't, it's not necessarily

01:12as, it's as painful as I want it to be.

01:15You know, like I can, I've, we've done a lot of growth and a lot of healing.

01:19But I think that we need to give ourselves permission to really find the joy in this season

01:26and soak it in with our daughter because it is our first year, our first holiday season

01:32as a family of three.

01:33And it's something that we've been looking forward to now for a few years of just growing

01:37our family and being able to enjoy this time.

01:39And so again, it's just allowing ourselves to be able to soak it all in and really feel

01:44it.

01:44Okay.

01:44So my husband and I, I have to be honest, have never really been into holiday cards in

01:49the past.

01:49Like we loved getting them of course, and like seeing other people's families, but we were

01:53just like, we don't need to take the time to take a photo of ourselves to share with

02:00family and friends.

02:00It just felt pointless until we had our daughter.

02:03And then I was like, I get, I get the hype now.

02:06We want to show her off.

02:07We want to say, look at our beautiful family and it should hang on.

02:11We should hang on your refrigerator for the rest of the year.

02:14And hopefully, you know, that's, that's where people display us.