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HsTx
  • 2 days ago
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00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:27God is long.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:31We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:59Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, Neil, that's standing out here.
00:02:06It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no.
00:02:12Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14We're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25Feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36They were being stared at.
00:02:38Where?
00:02:39Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:03:58Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:02It's one place I've never been.
00:04:03Pardon?
00:04:04I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:05I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:06I'm Beryl.
00:04:07I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:08I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:10I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:22I'm Beryl. I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:41Don't you worry
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:49But they go together fine
00:04:54Every single time
00:04:59Love and rainy weather
00:05:01First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane and then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:19Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:44Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00You might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hassle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost
00:06:18They do their own thing
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:22Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:12I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41It's just that I don't like
00:08:42It's just that I don't like
00:08:43It's just that I don't like
00:08:44I don't like
00:08:45I don't like
00:08:46Oh, Sandra
00:08:48It is almost blonde in this light
00:08:50Oh Sandra, it is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic mother.
00:09:51Like your Tuttenhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing, and cooking, and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:36Have a good time last night.
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that they have done.
00:11:57They laid in for a change instead.
00:12:14Well, now it's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:03Rumour has it.
00:13:04Different girl every night.
00:13:12It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose.
00:13:193-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah.
00:13:40Well, um, no.
00:13:43I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28Oh, oh, oh.
00:14:43They score?
00:14:47Lose in.
00:14:483-1.
00:15:08Excuse me.
00:15:09I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:26Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:36I see.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know?
00:15:52You know?
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:54What do you, uh, what do you, uh, what do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's, uh, a fair sort of bird, sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:20You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's rabbinous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was he the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:17:00I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex.
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, and most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55It's not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:05Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not by Sir Filth-Motivated.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31This is it.
00:18:52I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere me mum's gone to bed would be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Ah.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27It's funny, ain't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:37Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53Good night.
00:19:53Good night.
00:19:59I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:09What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30Let's see.
00:21:01Well, hello, Mrs Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:48No-one's special.
00:21:49Oh, no.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:05Did she, uh...
00:22:06Does she yell?
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:10Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:20Chips.
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Jam sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17And go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:56Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may he reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:13What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travelers, Jax.
00:24:23Here you are.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why do we always do that?
00:24:47Ninety-three times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:52See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:10I heard a maiden singing in the valley low.
00:25:16My timing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:34He never promised he's going to take us to the bathroom film.
00:25:37I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:19Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:36It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:41That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:46Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:47Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:48Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:49Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:50Is that Beryl?
00:26:51Yes.
00:26:52Yes.
00:26:53Yes.
00:26:54Yes.
00:26:55Hi.
00:26:56Hi.
00:26:57Hi.
00:26:58Hi.
00:26:59Hi.
00:27:00Hi.
00:27:01It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:02Fantastic.
00:27:03It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:07Fantastic.
00:27:08I want to know all about you.
00:27:09That's what it's all about.
00:27:10What are you all about?
00:27:11Yeah.
00:27:12Hi.
00:27:13Hi.
00:27:14Hi.
00:27:15Hi.
00:27:16Hi.
00:27:17Hi.
00:27:18Hi.
00:27:20Hi.
00:27:21Hi.
00:27:22Hi.
00:27:23Hi.
00:27:24Hi.
00:27:25Hi.
00:27:26Hi.
00:27:27Hi.
00:27:28Hi.
00:27:29Hi.
00:27:31Hi.
00:27:32Hi.
00:27:33Hi.
00:27:34Hi.
00:27:35Hi.
00:27:36Hi.
00:27:37For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:59Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just... just sometimes.
00:28:34Yes, I do.
00:28:36It's such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know others.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:45He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:20See?
00:29:22Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:29It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:34Men can do anything.
00:29:36Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:42Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey bobbles, Bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:22Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:31Oh.
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:47Urgh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:30:59That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:18Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:27Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world? I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12What's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Very nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:46I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:49Your mind goes blank.
00:32:53I start thinking about life after death.
00:33:00Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:02Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:19I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Hmm.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:07No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you?
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:16No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:22You'll never thump me, will you?
00:34:24Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:33Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:36It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:37He used to talk to me.
00:34:38All right.
00:34:40Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:01Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too. It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:18It was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:22Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:29It's been a gasp.
00:35:30You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well red barrel.
00:35:42There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:52You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thund me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it in?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18Your Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:22Two months.
00:36:23Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:36:48Well.
00:36:50You're all good.
00:36:51But.
00:36:54All of you have to ask us.
00:36:56Laughlin.
00:36:58I'm at the window.
00:37:00No.
00:37:02Go.
00:37:04Go.
00:37:07Go.
00:37:09Go.
00:37:10Go.
00:37:11Go.
00:37:13Go.
00:37:14Go.
00:37:15Go.
00:37:16John for Pope.
00:37:42Longmare Rain.
00:37:46Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:34...is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Good.
00:38:52Woo!
00:38:54Woo!
00:38:56Did she turn you on?
00:38:58Beryl?
00:38:59Yeah.
00:39:00I haven't really looked.
00:39:02You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:04Not quite all.
00:39:06I've gone and got me coat.
00:39:08Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:10Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:12I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:14They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:16Yes, they are.
00:39:17Mmm.
00:39:18Mmm.
00:39:19Mmm.
00:39:20Mmm.
00:39:21Mmm.
00:39:22Mmm.
00:39:23Mmm.
00:39:24Mmm.
00:39:25Mmm.
00:39:26Mmm.
00:39:27Terrific self-control.
00:39:30Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:37Or am I thinking of me?
00:39:38Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking of mine.
00:39:41And then I always make a good quality.
00:39:42Add on it.
00:39:43This is the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:44I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:46They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:48Yes, they are.
00:39:49Mmm.
00:39:50Mmm.
00:39:51Terrific self-control.
00:39:52Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with my Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's through a night of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please. Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please. You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I'll go outside.
00:40:50Okay.
00:40:51I'll probably go outside.
00:40:52I had a McGee-off for a while.
00:40:53I'll get to do a little bitше.
00:40:54I don't really care for you.
00:40:55I can't even see him as he was into having trouble.
00:40:57I'm also a little bit too.
00:40:58If you think of him if he was a football player,
00:40:59you know, kiddo me.
00:41:00I'm gonna walk away.
00:41:01You're a good boy with those things?
00:41:02You're a good boy.
00:41:03I'm widowed on my bicycle.
00:41:04I'm so glad you're a little bit.
00:41:05I lost my boy with your brother.
00:41:06I'm kind of on my back.
00:41:07what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:37when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of
00:41:44conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:07testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:37I'm fed up who are you who are you what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:54no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:12well this is your uncle Stephen this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:22how do you do don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake him up and tell
00:43:28um Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:35even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:41do you say no no I don't say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood
00:43:51cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has
00:43:57as well and he goes through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has who told you
00:44:04that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the
00:44:10others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby did they teach you that at
00:44:18school they don't would work in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:25but animals like dogs and cats are rats i think do it all the time
00:44:29and no um that's people what is
00:44:38well people do it all the time
00:44:45whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:55good night jeremy
00:44:5825p
00:45:0050
00:45:0250
00:45:0350
00:45:13good night uncle stephen
00:45:17a friend of jeremy's he's going now
00:45:42good night love
00:45:48we would have done that wouldn't we and how
00:45:54you can't win them all can you anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day tomorrow
00:46:07tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:12not unless you happen to be in plymouth
00:46:15where
00:46:16i'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:20what wrens
00:46:21the royal navy's wrens
00:46:24it's time tomorrow i'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30 000 sailors
00:46:31i hope i like it
00:46:36well thanks thanks for nearly everything
00:46:41we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:44we're as good as dead in a way really almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have only better
00:46:52good night love
00:46:55try a barrel
00:47:09morning previous generation
00:47:27what's for breakfast
00:47:31you knew it was your mother's birthday now what we'd like to know is where were you while
00:47:35we were fiddling on the flaming roof i'm sorry mum i'll take you out another night something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:43dad you understand
00:47:47i don't jeffrey
00:47:49well you always say you do
00:47:51jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:54yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different
00:47:59i knew you'd understand
00:48:06there's also
00:48:09to have seen
00:48:11aside
00:48:12and
00:48:14yeah
00:48:15snap
00:48:15up
00:48:15now
00:48:16well
00:48:18k
00:48:32sortNow
00:48:34Pound's down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers. You should know. Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean? What a night. Wow. A lot, including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't? It's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey. It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey. Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel. I'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra. I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:42He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:46Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:48Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:49:52The entire navy had gone strike.
00:49:56I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:00I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:04She might have changed, of course.
00:50:06If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:10He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:14Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:18At least I've got me pride.
00:50:20I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:22I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:24Oh!
00:50:26I'm sorry.
00:50:28I'm sorry.
00:50:30I'm sorry.
00:50:32I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:34And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:36United.
00:50:37We're winning every game, now.
00:50:38Oh, good.
00:50:39And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:50:40Well, I do accept we've finally split up.
00:50:41Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:43Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:45I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:46Oh, hi.
00:50:47Didn't see you.
00:50:48No, nor me.
00:50:49And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:50United.
00:50:51We're winning every game now.
00:50:52Oh, good.
00:50:53And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:50:54Well, I'm sorry.
00:50:55I'm sorry.
00:50:56I'm sorry.
00:50:57I'm sorry.
00:50:58I'm sorry.
00:50:59I'm sorry.
00:51:00I'm sorry.
00:51:01Good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with him.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:53I don't have a baby.
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:19I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:36This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:42Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:51Dig?
00:52:53Hmm?
00:52:54Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:19It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:42Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:46Erm...
00:53:48A banana.
00:53:50Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:28I really dare you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:33What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Cassinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty-sville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning bras.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's licence, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Balls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything.
00:55:51I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinist, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:11Beryl, grass, no thank you.
00:56:12Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:14No!
00:56:15Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've knocked.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50You see, what we believe...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:52Listen.
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville.
00:57:25Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just show in real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:44Perfect girl.
00:57:45Red hair.
00:57:46Not too skinny.
00:57:47Very gentle and shy.
00:57:49Passionate when roused.
00:57:50Yeah.
00:57:51Yeah.
00:57:52I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:57:53You're very sweet, Roland.
00:57:54I've always thought you were.
00:57:58Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:57:59It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:00No, it's nice.
00:58:01No, it's nice.
00:58:02I've always thought you were.
00:58:03I've always thought you were.
00:58:04Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:05It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:06No, it's nice.
00:58:07I made a big dog.
00:58:08Although you're ready to have trouble keeping your teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:10Well, I've always thought you were.
00:58:12Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:13It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:14No, it's nice.
00:58:27I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl? She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:20Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right. Honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:45Geoffrey.
00:59:52Geoffrey.
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Oh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a Quilmslow road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:28This grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Like you, Beryl.
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:06Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:15Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I then?
01:02:18My family.
01:02:37Your mother would like to know if you have a residence.
01:02:40I am.
01:02:41I am.
01:02:41I am.
01:02:42A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:12Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48We're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:57PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:33The Small World.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:16I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:18I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:21Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you mum?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:24They've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:30So what do you think?
01:06:31I think I nearly love you.
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:39No!
01:06:40No!
01:06:41Let's go, Mother!
01:06:42Do you?
01:06:44No!
01:06:46So how do you play?
01:06:47No!
01:06:49It's still summer!
01:06:50What do you play?
01:06:51No!
01:06:53No!
01:06:55No!
01:06:59No!
01:07:01Never mind.
01:07:02It's only a game.
01:07:03it's only a game i thought he said you nearly loved me
01:07:17i don't recall grace kelly enticing prince rainier by going to watch united i may be wrong
01:07:22grace who we live in a permissive society beryl read any color supplement mother you're supposed
01:07:29to be my mother i am love and it wasn't through going to football matches you are the same mother
01:07:35that makes me tug my skirt down every time i stand up even if he's only on the phone yes so well uh
01:07:41boys are very safe and i am your mother that's what i said
01:07:47i don't mean uh permissive permissive see romantic
01:07:53pardon kissing cuddling things of that nature
01:08:02oh we do do what what you just said good not too much i hope oh god boys are very funny
01:08:12the novices compared to mothers
01:08:18did i tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:23fantastic
01:08:38the cowgills mr and mrs cowgill married couple newlyweds not long married
01:08:47you go bald doing that doing what
01:09:04did i tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains
01:09:09living in sin
01:09:10can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it
01:09:21if i said to you do you think cassius clay would have beaten rocky marciano
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married
01:09:28i don't think so
01:09:31a barrel would
01:09:35giving you a bad time is she
01:09:38oh i wouldn't say that
01:09:39i haven't even mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a
01:09:49relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically i've never
01:09:53said you were
01:09:54said you were
01:10:09all right jeffrey i hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage
01:10:16never
01:10:19well until i am
01:10:21if i ever do which i fervently hope i never will
01:10:24for someone who's not uttering something when's your lp coming out
01:10:31no two people have a divine right to happiness jeffrey
01:10:34you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:38sorry
01:10:40no one can say you've completely ruined my life
01:10:44not yet
01:10:50what are you staring at
01:10:55hello you all right son terrific
01:10:58why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then your mother's theory as you're overworking
01:11:05my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:08oh what's your theory indigestion oh what's your sundance
01:11:17hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if god had meant sardines to
01:11:23be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right the weeks and months dragged by and with neither
01:11:30side willing to compromise we still have deadlock her majesty's government have consistently tried
01:11:37to find a way out of this dilemma another wild night learning what no spells and how many of
01:11:42other school pals are getting married and what no spells and what no spells great
01:11:49i might as well go bald and open my own monastery and so society that's you and me says
01:11:55end this dispute end it now good night
01:12:01here here good one day terrific especially when he said good night
01:12:08we're just enjoying ourselves
01:12:10having a good time just having fun being happy take two a day after meals
01:12:19and one if you find yourself crying hard out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at
01:12:23all
01:12:27you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:33that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:38make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look beryl how's this for a peace plan you join a marriage bureau and i'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in denmark then we'll both be happy right right for jesus christ superstar amen
01:13:03to be on our own
01:13:33so as we can talk
01:13:42that old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:48the only bit i can remember is and that's what i think
01:13:51last night i jumped i was in goal for manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:57grace who she was playing for united as well weird isn't it
01:14:03the main thing is
01:14:10the main thing is
01:14:12we do communicate
01:14:14oh we do
01:14:17See, what face did I want to...
01:14:24See, what I think...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:40No, I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:46Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13Well, if I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:55Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:15No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53Used to say, dig before I met you.
01:17:59Used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:04So, that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:27Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With a sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:27I know.
01:20:27Spells, no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra,
01:20:38this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest,
01:20:49seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside,
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more,
01:20:56no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:21:00Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please,
01:21:03you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:14And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here.
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:30Whew.
01:21:31Whew.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group with the parents, please.
01:21:43Right.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it, a little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05I see, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17Oh, yeah.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:34Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:32When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind.
01:26:23Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:28I wish we had a ball.
01:26:38I'd play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:58Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:28There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out.
01:28:04Imagine!
01:28:06Imagine!
01:28:08Imagine!
01:28:09Imagine!
01:28:09Imagine!
01:28:11Imagine!
01:28:12Imagine!
01:28:14And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:44When the crying's done
01:28:49Love and rainy weather
01:28:54Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:03Love and rainy weather
01:29:09When the crying's done
01:29:14Love and rainy weather
01:29:19Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:30What I'm going to say
01:29:36What I'm going to say
01:29:38It's been the most part of the sun
01:29:42Love and rainy weather
01:29:43Love and rainy weather
01:29:44The sun is coming
01:29:46It's been the most part of the sun
01:29:49It's been the most part of the sun
01:29:51It's been the most part I was
01:29:53And I'm not sure