Duffer. (1972 film)

deaddogsdam

A young man tries to balance the two relationships he has, one with a caring prostitute and the other with a cruel man.  Kit Gleave - Duffer Erna May - Your Gracie William Dumaresq - Louis-Jack (as James Roberts) Lisa Doran - Tobacconist Lady Marcelle MacHardie - Landlady Bogomir Rampre - Malevolent Man Anthony Lambert - Drunk Man Traute Kraus - Drunk Woman Jean-Pierre Roche - Man with Moustache Marie-Jeanne Savigny - Girl on Bridge Simon Peters - Boy in Launderette Miriam Kutas - Woman in Launderette Ann Kincaid - Girl in Street Johnny Lockwood - Hippie Guitarist Maria Gomez - Lady with Pram Jesus Rodriguez - Bystander at Fight Victor Sharp - Man in Pissoir Ann Langan - Shopper on Street Joseph Arthur - Frightened Tenant David Hudson - Policeman Victor Minay - Man Fighting Charles Morgan - Man Fighting Stephen Taylor - Boy on Embankment Eileen Bodey - Child with Pram Amos Weiss - Child in Sweet Shop Abby Reynolds - Child in Sweet Shop Antonio Vieras - Baby  Directors - Joseph Despins, William Dumaresq

Transcript

00:00:00I

00:01:30It was like something quiet, peaceful and mystical, being down there by the river.

00:01:36Helped you to get away from things if things got to be too difficult, you know.

00:01:40If Louis Jack was being too hard on me, or if your Gracie asked too many questions, or if I was just needing a rest.

00:01:48So I'd go down to Hammersmith near the bridge, or maybe take a bus to Richmond and just read my book, or maybe think, or just do nothing at all.

00:01:58Sure, I heard the traffic roaring around the bridge.

00:02:03Sure, there was some smoking stuff in the air and bits of litter around.

00:02:06But it was all beautiful and tranquil country to me.

00:02:10You and nobody else can tell me otherwise yet.

00:02:12I could be just lazy and peaceful and look at the river without a care in the world.

00:02:20There was even a tree or two on the other side.

00:02:22I had to go back, sure.

00:02:26But being down there from time to time was good for me.

00:02:29I figure it maybe even saved me.

00:02:32When I was down there, Louis Jack was only a dream.

00:02:36Not a reality at all.

00:02:37And your Gracie hardly even existed for me when I was down there.

00:02:56I imagine my troubles first started that day.

00:02:59I went around looking for your Gracie and found her there in the laundromat, trying to pick up some other duffer.

00:03:04I wasn't trying to pick up anybody, duffer, love.

00:03:08He was just a sweet boy who reminded me of you.

00:03:11Well, I'm not criticizing you, your Gracie.

00:03:13I don't mind.

00:03:14I liked his cat-toothed face.

00:03:17And with that old windbag he had there,

00:03:19kept on screaming at him to get away from me as if I had the plague or something.

00:03:24Well, I couldn't do not but call her stupid, love, now could I?

00:03:27She called you names, if I remember.

00:03:30That she did, though it don't affect me.

00:03:32I never let names affect me, Lou.

00:03:35Take this advice.

00:03:36Never let them affect you neither.

00:03:39He was a lovely boy in his way, just like you.

00:03:42And I thought, since it had been such a long time since I'd seen you,

00:03:47maybe I'd remember you if he came home and had a little jelly of me.

00:03:51You understand?

00:03:52I always loved boys.

00:03:55Understand?

00:03:57Having as I do this affliction of mine,

00:03:59having more jelly than I can cope with,

00:04:02you do understand.

00:04:03And my clients being mostly old men, well...

00:04:08Well, I'd never hardly blame you now, could I?

00:04:10I'd like to see you more often, sweet love.

00:04:15I would.

00:04:16So would I, your Gracie.

00:04:18If only you'd leave that terrible man.

00:04:21Then you could come and stay in my flouncy bed forever.

00:04:25Well, she gave me a royal welcome,

00:04:29because I hadn't seen her for some time,

00:04:30and was I glad to see her.

00:04:33Louie Jack had been kind of rough on me, and I wanted to forget it.

00:04:37Nothing better than a little jelly to forget with, so I thought.

00:04:40Well, we just sat there chatting away,

00:04:45and she said I could come along to her place for a treat if I liked.

00:04:49She was always like that with me.

00:04:51Let me come and go with never a question.

00:04:54But this day, she looked at me hard,

00:04:56and suddenly she started asking questions like,

00:04:59what's the matter, Duffer Love?

00:05:00And you don't seem the same, Duffer Love, and so on.

00:05:04Well, when I told her Louie Jack had been rough on me,

00:05:06she said I should leave him, once and for all.

00:05:10Well, that hit me where it hurt,

00:05:13because I knew I'd have to leave her then for a while.

00:05:17I couldn't leave him.

00:05:19He needed me.

00:05:21But I wanted her, and there she was, crossing over the line.

00:05:26Crossing over the line.

00:05:33I was feeling terrible.

00:05:46Just awful.

00:05:48I had nowhere to go except back to Louie Jack.

00:05:52If only your Gracie hadn't got bossy and asked questions,

00:05:55then I wouldn't have been there then.

00:05:58I'd have been plowing at her and having a real fine time.

00:06:00I was in the mood for her.

00:06:03I didn't want to be back home putting up with him.

00:06:07It wasn't like her to ask questions and not understand me,

00:06:10but there she'd been, not understanding me and asking questions.

00:06:15And now there I was, calling Louie Jack.

00:06:18You never knew what he was going to do.

00:06:20One minute he'd be real nice,

00:06:21and the next minute he'd be at me with some kind of torture or other.

00:06:25But he really wasn't as bad as people like you might think.

00:06:28He was very intelligent and could be really pleasant,

00:06:31although grotty too.

00:06:33But he needed me.

00:06:35I knew that it was important to have human sympathy for other people.

00:06:39I had to let him do what he liked to me, you see,

00:06:41because it gave him so much pleasure.

00:06:45Who was I to deny him his little pleasures?

00:06:48He never had much of life,

00:06:50so anything I could give him was really very little, wasn't it?

00:06:54Still, sometimes it wasn't easy.

00:06:55What a bloody business.

00:07:12Louie Jack.

00:07:14Does anyone know what you are in and of of?

00:07:17You'd say that what Louie Jack liked best was hurting me.

00:07:46I didn't like it, but he liked it so much,

00:07:49I couldn't say no, now could I?

00:08:03You will find me black.

00:08:05You will find me where Lily's sick of song that's an universal song.

00:08:10But he didn't always hurt me.

00:08:12Well, sometimes just a little.

00:08:14He'd play around real nice sometimes,

00:08:16and just do this and that, pretending mostly.

00:08:19I'd sit and try to enjoy it.

00:08:21Sometimes I'd play at a piggy puzzle he gave me,

00:08:23kind of watch him.

00:08:25I had to be ready.

00:08:26No one knows apricots can yield head leather or black street of death.

00:08:45Monocle, debacle, debacle, stay back.

00:08:51And you won't take the tiniest rebuke.

00:08:56What else can I do?

00:08:57You could go to confession, anoint yourself,

00:08:59make out a will, commit suicide, force yourself onto people.

00:09:02I hope you don't get the wrong idea.

00:09:20Louis Jack was one of the best, one of the nicest.

00:09:23Even now, I think well of him.

00:09:26It's just that he shouldn't have done what he did, you see.

00:09:28Don't Louis Jack me.

00:09:32Still, even if you don't understand why he had to do those things to me,

00:09:40I hope you try.

00:09:42You can try.

00:09:55Though I liked Louis Jack a lot,

00:09:57he was just like my own blood, like a cousin or something.

00:09:59I couldn't be with him all the time.

00:10:03You see, he got too strong if you let him.

00:10:06So I had to go away every now and then and see your Gracie.

00:10:09It had been a long time since I saw her that day when she asked too many questions.

00:10:13So I thought maybe I could go and have a real good lay with her in her flouncy bed and all.

00:10:18It was so clean there.

00:10:20It would get Louis Jack off my mind.

00:10:21But he made me do so many things I really do not like doing.

00:10:26It was good to go to her and do what I really liked doing.

00:10:30Like diving into her and all that, you know.

00:10:32So I'd go along through the streets and all these characters I keep meeting up with kept me going.

00:10:41I can tell you.

00:10:42But it was all good, ordinary, down-to-earth people.

00:10:45Though sometimes they got out of hand a little.

00:10:47And some of them would as soon stick you with a knife as with a needle.

00:10:51If you know what I mean.

00:10:52You're Gracie.

00:11:06You're Gracie.

00:11:08You're Gracie.

00:11:09What's going on here now?

00:11:11The street is dark.

00:11:13I've come to see you're Gracie, officer.

00:11:15You're Gracie.

00:11:16Where is your relationship with this woman?

00:11:19Are you a murderer?

00:11:19What's the anointing power of the fallen angel?

00:11:23Why, we're friends, officer.

00:11:25Sir?

00:11:26Friends?

00:11:27Where is your relationship with this woman?

00:11:30If I were the police.

00:11:31Yeah, I like her and she likes me, you see.

00:11:34Oh, what does that mean?

00:11:37Do you know where I am?

00:11:39Where I must wait for you.

00:11:41Are you not betraying me?

00:11:43Funk.

00:11:44Daffer, love.

00:11:45Is that you?

00:11:46Yes, it's me, your Gracie.

00:11:48Who is that with you?

00:11:48It's, uh, it's Sir.

00:11:51He wants to know...

00:11:52Sir who?

00:11:53Sir C's?

00:11:54Where's your relationship with this lad?

00:11:57We're friends, officer.

00:11:59Come on, love.

00:12:00Push the gate hard.

00:12:03Hear now what's going on.

00:12:06I won't let it happen again, sir.

00:12:10What?

00:12:11What does this mean?

00:12:13Daffer, don't go with that disease, disgusting creature.

00:12:17I won't let it happen again, Louie Jack.

00:12:25Your Gracie was one of your solid kind of females.

00:12:29She had breasts like jelly, only firm jelly.

00:12:32And boy, was she built.

00:12:34Strawberry jelly is my favorite, and she was like that.

00:12:37Although she was years and years older than me,

00:12:39she was so full of life, she reminded me of my poor old mum a little,

00:12:42who's dead and all.

00:12:44But my mum and I never had sex together.

00:12:46It never entered our heads.

00:12:49You with your psychology books might think we wanted to because we liked each other a lot.

00:12:53But you're wrong.

00:12:54We didn't want to.

00:12:55You might say it was unconscious, an unconscious desire, but it wasn't even unconscious.

00:13:00You see, you don't know, because you didn't know mum.

00:13:05And you weren't there either, were you?

00:13:09You might say that because I had no father, it made her want me, her oldest offspring as I was.

00:13:13But I say I must have had a father, even though I never met him.

00:13:18Otherwise I'd be Jesus, and mum would be the Virgin Mary.

00:13:21I can tell you that mum was no virgin.

00:13:24I know it for a fact.

00:13:27And I'm probably not Jesus either.

00:13:28I know it for a fact.

00:13:58I know it for a fact.

00:14:28But I never could somehow last long enough.

00:14:46I tried God knows.

00:14:48Yeah.

00:14:49I'm sorry.

00:14:49Yeah.

00:14:57I don't know.

00:14:58I don't know.

00:14:58You are cruel, cruel, cruel.

00:15:29Louie Jack liked to make up little tortures for me, and I did my best to act like I enjoyed them.

00:15:34You see, he was in my blood, and I couldn't say no to him if he wanted to hurt me a little, could I?

00:15:40Sometimes he'd hurt me a little too much, and then I'd get mad and have to resist.

00:15:48I expect you to think I'm crazy for doing this, but when I think how little pleasure people seem to get out of life,

00:15:54I can hardly deny somebody a little pleasure at my expense now and then.

00:15:57Now could I? Once when he almost smothered me to death by putting cotton wool up my nose, I offered some resistance.

00:16:05But I soon realized my mistake.

00:16:07You see, if you're going to be kind to somebody, and I had decided to be kind to him, you don't always get off light.

00:16:19Sometimes you have to suffer for it.

00:16:20That's part of the game.

00:16:24And even if it killed you, that's part of the game.

00:16:27It was cowardly of me to object to what he was doing to me.

00:16:31After all, gee whiz, what did I to lose anyway?

00:16:34What's just one insignificant life?

00:16:36That was all I had, really.

00:16:38The worms that reach within, no war of humanity, singing in the darkness on the lawn.

00:16:47A bad boy, a bad sailor you will meet.

00:16:51Yes, death.

00:16:52When you come back, there is nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing but dust.

00:16:57Combs all dusty.

00:16:58Ladies gone, murdered.

00:17:00Nothing but dust.

00:17:00Raped, torn up from the worms inside, the worm life within.

00:17:05You're no wormologist, just ungrateful, ungrateful, unkind, ingratitude.

00:17:10The moon is black over your body.

00:17:15The sailors on the seas look out and hear only.

00:17:20Your cruelty is considerate, not considerate, and kind, and human.

00:17:25The moon is black over your body.

00:17:31The sailors on the seas look out and hear only.

00:17:34The beauty of your movement.

00:17:36Black streets will tell you the truth.

00:17:39Your youth means nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing,

00:17:48nothing, nothing, nothing.

00:17:53Nothing, nothing, nothing.

00:17:57You will find it.

00:18:02Back in black streets.

00:18:23Back in white...

00:18:24Back in whiteators.

00:18:42Back in black.

00:18:43Back in black potem também.

00:18:46Back in black houses.

00:18:48Back in black years.

00:18:48Back in black her own mother.

00:18:50Back in white.

00:18:51Back in white someone named rich her only.

00:18:51Back in black jour.

00:24:04your tongues and strange tongues. The gift of tongues is in your blind mouths. Yes, and

00:24:10all is there upon the world, and yet not there at all.

00:24:13The illusion of love, tougher love. The illusion.

00:24:19What are you? What are you but your image? The way you must be destroyed.

00:24:22Look and see me. See through me, dearest love. See through me. I'm opening wide, my dearest.

00:24:33And you may dig a hole in me, and lay your body into me, and I shall cover you over.

00:24:40And you can die, dearest love. And keep your soul. The darkening of illusion.

00:24:48Keep your soul. The song you hear is dead. The worms sing and tell untold stories.

00:24:55You will be the denial, the end of your soul, the embracement of darkness.

00:25:01I knew what I knew but your image and your images without soul the way you must be.

00:25:06Eternally.

00:25:07Only the worms ever sing and waiting for the explosion of hatred in you, in you, in you, where they belong.

00:25:13The reality beyond which does not exist but exists, exists, exists, exists.

00:25:19So more than arms and legs.

00:25:22My landlady was so suspicious, you couldn't get away with hardly anything in that house.

00:25:27But I was so glad to get away. All I wanted was to get to your Gracie's and have a good old roll in the hay.

00:25:34But it's funny, like I said, everywhere I went, people were having trouble with their relationships.

00:25:53I couldn't understand it, and I still don't understand it.

00:25:56After all, we're all made the same way, aren't we?

00:25:59It made me realize and count my blessings.

00:26:02I loved your Gracie, and she loved me, and...

00:26:05Well, Louis Jack wasn't really very awful when you stopped to think about it.

00:26:08He hadn't killed anybody, had he?

00:26:11No, no, I wished you hadn't made me remember that. I really wished you hadn't.

00:26:21Oh!

00:26:27Oh!

00:26:40This time at your Gracie, she really put on a spread for me.

00:26:43Wine, and candles lit, and music, and she got all dressed up, just like in the flick she was.

00:26:50I got a little drunk on the wine, and it was all so grand,

00:26:54and she gave me some bangers and mash to eat, just what I liked best.

00:27:20Are you hungry, Duffa, my love?

00:27:30Are you hungry, my love?

00:27:34Like what I'm wondering about, you, Duffa, my love?

00:27:38Oh, you're a Gracie.

00:27:39Don't you look great, though, in one of your flouncy dresses?

00:27:42That's a new flouncy dress now, isn't it?

00:27:44Isn't it?

00:27:44I mean, it looks new.

00:27:46And I can almost see you through your dress with any x-ray type eyes, I can.

00:27:52And what I see is a good thing, a golden lady.

00:27:56Oh, you bad boy, you do carry on so.

00:28:01But I ain't seen you so long now, I swear.

00:28:05Have you been going to some other Gracie than me?

00:28:09We had strawberry jelly cake and made it into a race just to see who'd win.

00:28:14And we both knew we both would win because that's the way we were.

00:28:19Even an equal, even though she was so big.

00:28:22Well, I'm telling you, you might not understand this,

00:28:26but she seemed to me to be the nicest, the best, the most powerful and softest.

00:28:30And, well, that's what she was, a strawberry jelly lady through and through.

00:28:35What can I do to eat your weakness, love?

00:28:38Wouldn't you like to come over and practice your old exercises?

00:28:41Oh, I'm just worn out, you're Gracie.

00:28:45You know that any time I'd love nothing better than to take the dive in your flouncy bed.

00:28:50But, oh, Swanella, I'm wrecked.

00:28:52Oh, Swanella, I'm wrecked.

00:29:06Oh, Swanella, I'm wrecked.

00:29:18Oh, Swanella, I'm wrecked.

00:29:20but it couldn't last i knew that sometimes it was hard having to go back to louis jack

00:29:39i knew i could have stayed with her for always but i had my responsibilities didn't i

00:29:46what would happen to him without me i didn't want to go back but i had to

00:30:16what oh do i have to tell you about that

00:30:29how can i say it i hope i haven't made you think that louis jack wasn't maybe

00:30:39the best person who ever lived because he was he may have seemed selfish and even sometimes rough

00:30:48and it's true that he was selfish and rough but you see i knew him he was my own he felt about me

00:30:57the way you feel about your dog and who was i not to feel about him the way your dog feels about you

00:31:03it might be that too many people want everybody to feel like a dog to them if more than half of the

00:31:09world wanted the other half to be their dogs and the dog half didn't want to be the dog half and

00:31:13please the master half even if the dog half wasn't a masochist well there'd be hell to pay i bet

00:31:19that's why i decided that since louis jack wanted me to be his dog the least i could do was obey his

00:31:26every whim so you see the hardest thing i ever had to do was was let him father a child i didn't think

00:31:36he could do anything to me because well he just wasn't able to you see there was something the

00:31:41matter with him but i didn't know at first that he'd cut some aphrodisiac or something

00:31:47and that made a difference he got it into his head that we'd have a baby even if i wasn't a girl

00:31:55so

00:32:00so

00:32:04so

00:32:08so

00:32:10so

00:32:14so

00:32:18so

00:32:20so

00:32:32so

00:32:34so

00:32:38so

00:32:52so

00:32:56so

00:33:02some people like sodomy i suppose because some people do it but i just have a black spot there i'm

00:33:22prejudiced you see there are some things a fool can never learn and that's one with me

00:33:28but you know it's funny how even with a thing like that you get some good out of it

00:33:44take me for instance it helped me to understand your grace in a way

00:33:48in a way not of course her enjoyment of me but i felt afterwards and even during that

00:33:54your grace he was in my place in a way though not exactly

00:34:00i just thought of all the hours days months and years when this wasn't happening to me and

00:34:06i was thankful to god to the world and to louie jack for not having had me all the time and

00:34:12making me sick and all and upsetting me till i was a nervous wreck

00:34:18so i thought then mainly of what real pleasure i got out of your grace and

00:34:23resolved that the first chance the very first chance i got i'd see her and

00:34:28i'd restore my manhood thereby first chance

00:34:42i restored my manhood all right but did i did i really something was wrong

00:35:03even down at the river it didn't make me feel better

00:35:06i was in a real depression and all the good offices of your gracie and the best will in the

00:35:10world from louie jack couldn't seem to shake me out of it even strangers when they were friendly

00:35:17which was not often could hardly get me out of what i was thinking you see i had the blackest thoughts

00:35:23i did it was like i was out of my mind i don't know i i didn't know the difference between waking

00:35:30and sleeping like once i imagined myself going down this strange street or did i imagine it there

00:35:37was a person there a person who seemed to want me someone there drawing me forward i had to go to

00:35:43him but who was he and i could hear that funny song in the distance what did it mean where was i

00:35:50who was i for the first time in my life i felt i was getting confused about everything

00:35:55something something ever since louie jack had tried to have a baby with me something something had gone wrong

00:36:11something like this

00:36:12because just to see where the last person is Aha!

00:36:18And that's how it was, is this town where he had gone wrong

00:36:21and I was going to go, to take a walk to the door i should go, to come, to walk my load

00:36:24and and then i'd say, I'd say, I'd say, to be your life

00:36:25and my faith in that day, I'd say, I'd say, to be your life

00:36:28and my faith in that day, I'd say, to be your life

00:36:30and I'd say you're not going down to go, to become my faith in that day, to know

00:36:31how he would be your life in that day, to know

00:36:36I'm worried. The blood test was negative, and so was the breath test, and so was the standing on your head for an hour.

00:37:02If this fails, then I have no way of guarding against despondency. Oh, don't be desperate, Louis Jack. To please you, I will.

00:37:10It was about that time that Louis Jack got it into his head to try his pregnancy tests on me. He took blood samples and watched for morning sickness.

00:37:17I didn't even try to tell him it was no use. Boys did not have infants, said I to myself. But I knew he wouldn't listen, so I went along with the games.

00:37:26The craziest test was the apricots one. He read in an old book that if the hopeful mother ate apricots and got sick, then she was going to breed.

00:37:34So he made sure, and he gave me so many apricots that I had to be sick, didn't I? It was funny, and I didn't think so.

00:37:41That's beautiful. Really beautiful, Louis Jack. Sing some more.

00:37:56No! You must want it, Duffer! I must have an offspring.

00:38:01Me and women! If a woman can do it, a man can do it every time. Women are inferior to us, Duffer!

00:38:07Look, Louis Jack, we have the tilt of tongues. We can bear children. We are superior. Women are men without men, who would Duffer.

00:38:14Animal! Manimal! Womanimal! Womanimal! Womanimal! Get sick, Duffer!

00:38:20Yes! Yes, Louis Jack.

00:38:28That's right.

00:38:37I was beginning to get fat around the middle. Louis Jack called my tummy a clitellum. I couldn't understand it, and I didn't feel good.

00:39:00You know, I felt sickly most of the time. I thought of going to a doctor on the national health, but I was too scared to, so I just went around and did nothing much.

00:39:09One day, I wanted to eat dirt, but didn't. Another day, I stole a book from Smith's.

00:39:14I was going to steal an artistic book by Henry James or Henry Miller, but instead, I found myself with a book on baby care, of all things, by a Dr. Spock.

00:39:23You know, the one who was disobedient.

00:39:25I have within me the power to create, to create and to destroy, the power to assuage or to annoy.

00:39:43I have within my hands a bottle of power, enough to create humanity or to destroy it.

00:39:51I have the power of hatred in me, and a pill to take to make me grow so great, and the power to kill all love, and kindle hatred, and kindle hatred.

00:40:06It got worse and worse, the way I was feeling.

00:40:09I tried not to go home.

00:40:11I couldn't stand Louie Jack forever talking about babies and being so happy over something that could never be.

00:40:17I almost began to hope I would have an infant, just to content him.

00:40:22I couldn't go to your Gracie in my condition, could I?

00:40:25And I held off for a long time.

00:40:27But at last I was so desperate, I thought I'd better see her anyway, and tell all, and get her expert advice.

00:40:36She'd know all about these things, because she was a woman, wasn't she?

00:40:39Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:41:09You're welcome.

00:45:57Louie Jack was upset because there was no baby.

00:46:23There was nothing.

00:46:24The baby was a phantom.

00:46:25It just came and went at the same time.

00:46:29He was heartbroken.

00:46:38I got out of the place as soon as I could, and was I changed.

00:46:42I was thin again and could run around just like I used to.

00:46:45No more pains.

00:46:46Freedom, that's what it was.

00:46:48You don't understand.

00:46:49You have to realize how great it is for a person to be free

00:46:52and not have babies all the time, especially men and boys.

00:46:55It's good, I found, not to have babies if you're a man or a boy.

00:47:00Well, Louie Jack was unhappy, but I was so happy I had to be selfish.

00:47:04So I got out first thing, and I ran down to the river at Richmond.

00:47:07I did.

00:47:08Was life a breeze now?

00:47:10I'd never worry again.

00:47:11Never.

00:47:13Or so I thought.

00:47:22And right after that, I went back to her.

00:47:25Your Gracie seemed like she'd been waiting for me for months, for years, forever.

00:47:31Like she didn't live without me.

00:47:34She was changed, but I didn't care.

00:48:02I just wanted her again.

00:48:05And she was good to me, just like always.

00:48:08And with no questions asked about all the months I hadn't been around.

00:48:17Worldlight.

00:48:18But what about poor Louie Jack?

00:48:20He was really in the dumps.

00:48:22I kept away as much as possible, but I had to go back to him sometimes, didn't I?

00:48:27He was listless.

00:48:29He just sat around like a dead person.

00:48:31Or if he talked, he fretted about there being no baby or nothing.

00:48:36I tried saying that there was a baby if only he saw it.

00:48:39I even pretended there really was one there, but he didn't believe it, though he tried sometimes

00:48:47to believe it.

00:48:48At last I got the idea of stealing a doll, maybe, and he could pretend it was a real baby

00:48:53and carry on with it and get off my back a little.

00:48:57With woe to him for the heavens.

00:49:02Wormlight singing in five tongues.

00:49:07The gift of tongues is within you.

00:49:10So when I saw this little girl going along with her pram, I thought I could just run up

00:49:15and take it and she'd probably get over it.

00:49:19This is where I might have made my mistake.

00:49:22You see, was it a little girl with a doll in her pram?

00:49:26Or was it a lady with a real baby?

00:49:30I never could know for sure.

00:49:32Though when I took it, I would have swore that it was a little girl only with a toy doll

00:49:37and not a real lady with a real infant.

00:49:40Mommy's darling little baby, come on as you do for the world of ideals.

00:49:56Ideals.

00:49:58Pure beauty.

00:49:59Beauty.

00:50:00Truth.

00:50:01Darling, truth, honey, lambkins.

00:50:03You won't go balty.

00:50:04The beautiful little baby goes balty.

00:50:08Insanity.

00:50:08Born within the fibers of the brain.

00:50:11Torn there into shreds.

00:50:14Little baby Jesus.

00:50:16Little baby Jesus.

00:50:18Little baby Jesus will not love you if you don't go potty.

00:50:21Anyway, I had got something, real or not, for Louie Jack.

00:50:25And he was very happy mothering it and fussing about with all the junk he's got when I was

00:50:30gestating around.

00:50:31I was sure it was only a doll.

00:50:34Every time I looked at it, it was a doll.

00:50:38Damn.

00:50:39God damn stupid little.

00:50:44Be a good baby now.

00:50:45Our big mama Louie Jack will be sending you off destroyed to the outer reaches.

00:50:49Yeah, he will.

00:50:56Lamb and darling, breathing little darling, mommy Louie Jack's darling.

00:51:00Give daddy or mommy your new squawker now, babykins.

00:51:03If you're not a good little baby, Louie Jack will send you to heaven.

00:51:07He will.

00:51:08Oh, baby love.

00:51:11Maybe big man with him words with, he'll come and eat you up if he ain't good and shit

00:51:15a little for mama now and eat you shit like good little junkie baby.

00:51:19Hey, baby, he's going to get his baby all wet now.

00:51:22Is that a good thing to do?

00:51:23I can't miss him.

00:51:24Yeah.

00:51:25Ye sairs and such.

00:51:28Beautiful, pure, beautiful, nice and a baby like as to which I ain't never seen.

00:51:32All my new bone days.

00:51:34New bone days.

00:51:35Yeah.

00:51:35Like as to which.

00:51:38What art thou?

00:51:40What art thou now?

00:51:42A child of the load.

00:51:44A child of the devil.

00:51:46A child of, yeah.

00:51:47Louie, Louie Jack and that bad, bad boy Duffer.

00:51:51Two daddies, yes.

00:51:52And two mummies and a two-headed little motherfucking puppy dog, yes.

00:51:57But sometimes I seem to hear it crying.

00:52:01In fact, I heard it crying almost all the time.

00:52:04And I thought there was something wrong with my ears, maybe.

00:52:08Until the time when it stopped crying.

00:52:10Then I thought I'd better find out once and for all.

00:52:26Louie Jack was asleep and the doll looked like it was dead.

00:52:30After Louie Jack had thrown it down on the floor, you see.

00:52:32So I bundled it up in newspapers and went off with it.

00:52:39There was this Mrs. Rundle, the tobacconist lady.

00:52:42She had lots of kids go in there.

00:52:44She knew all about them.

00:52:46She'd tell me the truth.

00:52:48Was it real or not?

00:52:49And then I'd know.

00:52:50I can tell you I was that scared to go in there with it in case it really was real.

00:52:56What kind of person am I?

00:52:58It's murder, all right.

00:53:00It's looking very poorly.

00:53:02Can you tell me, Mrs. Rundle, is this baby real?

00:53:05It's real enough, but it's looking poorly.

00:53:07Can you tell me, Mrs. Rundle, is this a real baby?

00:53:09It's real, all right, but it don't look good.

00:53:12Can you tell me, oh, Mrs.

00:53:13Oh, is it really real?

00:53:15It's real, all right.

00:53:16But are you, what's happened to it?

00:53:18Can you tell me, oh, don't tell me.

00:53:20It's real enough, but it's looking poorly.

00:53:22What did you do to it?

00:53:23Is it murder?

00:53:24Oh, is it murder, Mrs.?

00:53:26It's murder, all right.

00:53:27It's real enough.

00:53:29It's looking very, very poorly.

00:53:31What kind of a person am I?

00:53:32It's murder, all right.

00:53:34It's looking very poorly.

00:53:37What could I do?

00:53:38I had to get rid of it.

00:53:40She said it was real.

00:53:41She did.

00:53:41I never had anything against babies or kids, never.

00:53:45But I had to get rid of that one, didn't I?

00:53:52It's real enough, but it's looking poorly.

00:53:56It's real, all right.

00:53:58I felt like I was really lost.

00:54:01How could I tell the difference between what was true and what wasn't?

00:54:05It's real, all right.

00:54:06I thought the infant was a doll.

00:54:07Well, of course I did.

00:54:09But Mrs. Rundle wouldn't lie.

00:54:11I knew that.

00:54:15She wouldn't.

00:54:17She had no reason to.

00:54:20I wanted to die.

00:54:21You didn't tell me.

00:54:23I did.

00:54:26So I went down to the river to try to figure out what to do.

00:54:29What did you do to eat?

00:54:42What did you do to eat?

00:54:56What did you do to eat?

00:54:57What did you do to eat?

00:54:58What did you do to eat?

00:54:59What did you do to eat?

00:55:00What did you do to eat?

00:55:01What did you do to eat?

00:55:02What did you do to eat?

00:55:03What did you do to eat?

00:55:04What did you do to eat?

00:55:05What did you do to eat?

00:55:06What did you do to eat?

00:55:07What did you do to eat?

00:55:08What did you do to eat?

00:55:09But wherever I went, I couldn't ever be alone.

00:55:34It seemed that way.

00:55:37Who were these people?

00:55:39Were they all after me?

00:55:46All I could think of was to run.

00:55:58But you can't run forever.

00:56:00When I got back to Louis Jack, he was in a dead sleep.

00:56:04I didn't know what he would say about the baby being gone.

00:56:08All I could think of was maybe to kill him.

00:56:11I was a murderer already, wasn't I?

00:56:14Well, one more didn't matter.

00:56:17And wasn't it all his fault?

00:56:19Well, almost all his fault.

00:56:21No one had never done.

00:56:26I was a murderer.

00:56:28I was like, don't you?

00:56:28Well, I'm just like a monkey.

00:56:29I didn't know what he would say.

00:56:29I was like, don't you?

00:56:30I'm like, don't you?

00:56:31No, I'm just like a monkey.

00:56:32I'm like, don't you?

00:56:33I'll see you next time.

00:57:03But I had to think it out better.

00:57:33I'd go and tell your Gracie everything, and she'd know what to do, she'd know.

00:58:04Everywhere I went, the world seemed out of its head.

00:58:07Everybody hated everybody else.

00:58:09And it was weird, I can tell you, to see and hear them.

00:58:12I knew his face.

00:58:25He was frightening.

00:58:26I knew his face.

00:58:28He was from somewhere.

00:58:29I'd seen him before.

00:58:31Maybe in a dream.

00:58:33I knew his face.

00:58:41In the room?

00:58:47Yeah.

01:01:56made it all up. Maybe I didn't ever take it to Mrs. Rundle's even. Maybe I'm not really

01:02:02even here. Oh, you're crazy. Oh. There, there, Duffelove. I'll piece it all out. I'll figure

01:02:13it all out. You can trust me. I'll fix everything up for you. Everything. Everything will be

01:02:21all right. I'll see to it. Really? Really? Yes, really, love. It's all right. I'll look after

01:02:31you from now on. I did just as she said. I could just relax, forget everything. I was like I was

01:02:42in a seventh heaven or something. I suppose I was like putty in her hands.

01:02:51She'd put me in one of her own nightgowns.

01:03:21She had me bedded down. She was going to manage everything. Everything. Forever.

01:03:29Never.

01:03:35The End

01:04:05And it was wonderful at first, to be so looked after, but then it gradually came over me, gradually.

01:04:14I had done wrong.

01:04:36I shouldn't have told her it was wrong.

01:04:40I shouldn't have been there.

01:04:43She shouldn't be with Louis Jack.

01:04:47I shouldn't put those two together, ever.

01:04:50What had made me do it?

01:04:52I'd forgotten.

01:04:53All I knew was that I had to get back to Louis Jack as fast as I could.

01:05:00What kind of a person was I to do all these things?

01:05:02Come on.

01:05:04Open up.

01:05:05I know you're there.

01:05:08Come on.

01:05:09Open up, you.

01:05:11You, I know you're there.

01:05:14If you don't open up, I'll break in.

01:05:16Stay away.

01:05:22You, stay away.

01:05:25It's not even locked.

01:05:27So you, you are the one who's been taking him away from me.

01:05:34Well, we'll see about that.

01:05:37Give me back my baby.

01:05:40Give me back my baby.

01:05:42If you don't give me back my baby, woman, I'll kill you.

01:05:52You, stay away from me.

01:05:54Stay away.

01:05:55Ah!

01:06:02Ah!

01:06:07Ah!

01:06:09Ah!

01:06:10Ah!

01:06:15Ah!

01:06:21Ah!

01:06:22Pile!

01:06:25Just now.

01:06:26Pile!

01:06:28Femame!

01:06:31God!

01:06:34You're fits me around, Siphan.

01:06:38Ah!

01:06:39Ah!

01:06:40I have nothing, nothing now.

01:06:46I have him.

01:06:50Oh, come on.

01:06:52You thought you could get him from me.

01:06:54You thought you could get him from me.

01:06:56No woman could ever get him away from me.

01:06:59Ever.

01:07:10No, no, no.

01:07:14No woman could ever get him together.

01:07:17Over and over, he passed.

01:07:20No woman could ever get him from me.

01:07:23He passed the test line and earned!

01:07:27He passed, I went off the bank and and

01:12:38I am thou and thou art I.

01:12:43I am thou and thou art I.

01:12:47In the shadows, the folds of time, I appear.

01:12:52I disappear, the reality beyond which does not exist.

01:12:59I am dark, I am thab, I am not death.

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