- 2 days ago
Category
đŸ“º
TVTranscript
00:01Here are Robert Young and Jane Wyatt
00:07with Ellen O'Donohue, Billy Gray and Lauren Chapin in Father Knows Bed.
00:15Good morning, friends, Romans and countrymen.
00:17Man, am I hungry.
00:18My old Texas grandfather used to say I could eat a horse and chase the rider.
00:24Or as he also used to say, I'm so hungry...
00:26Shall we tell him?
00:28Tell me what?
00:29My head on backwards, my ears upside down.
00:31But we have no eggs for breakfast.
00:34No eggs?
00:36Is that what all the breath holding is about?
00:38So we have no eggs, we'll eat an extra piece of toast.
00:41We don't have any toast, either.
00:43No toast?
00:44I didn't realize when I got down to get breakfast that we had no bread or eggs.
00:48I'm sorry.
00:49We have lots of other stuff, though.
00:51We've got prunes and mush and similar goodies.
00:54I imagine we'll manage with what we have.
00:56Hand me the front part of that paper, will you, bud?
00:58Aren't you sore?
01:00Sore about what?
01:01No eggs or toast for breakfast.
01:04What do you want me to do, throw myself on the floor, kick my heels and scream?
01:07Well, the average man would at least grumble a little.
01:10Okay.
01:11Grumble, grumble, grumble.
01:12Are you happy?
01:13Father, stop.
01:14What are you trying to make your father do to me?
01:16Strike me?
01:17You ought to hear Mr. Davis holler.
01:19Just when his coffee is cold.
01:21Why does everyone suddenly want me to grumble and holler?
01:24I'm not angry at anyone.
01:26It's a beautiful morning.
01:27I love all of you.
01:28And I refuse to let the absence of an egg or a slice of bread shatter my life.
01:32Thank you, dear.
01:34I just wonder if it's normal.
01:39If what is normal?
01:40Well, you and Mom never get sore at each other.
01:43Well, almost never.
01:44Other kids' folks have big battles, like Earl's folks.
01:47Now, if Earl's dad came down to breakfast and there weren't any eggs, foam would go right through the roof.
01:52Well, maybe Earl lives in a one-story house in which going through the roof would be relatively simple.
01:56In a two-story house like this, I'd have to go through this ceiling and then Betty's room and then...
02:00Oh, Father, stop.
02:02I'm sorry, Mom.
02:03Christine.
02:04Uh, what do Earl's folks do that we don't do?
02:07They fight.
02:09They don't even raise your voices to each other.
02:11Well, there's no need to.
02:12We both hear pretty well.
02:14Now, you see, there you go.
02:16Always peace and quiet.
02:17Now, last week, Earl's father called his mother an old snake and she hit him with a record player.
02:21Well, your mother and I have our differences once in a while, but we don't settle them by throwing furniture at each other.
02:28Well, this morning, for example, we have no bread and eggs because I didn't get to the market yesterday afternoon.
02:33Now, your father understands.
02:34You seem to have an understanding about everything.
02:37Well, that's right, we do.
02:41You know, Earl asked his mother why she and his father had fights and she said because they love each other.
02:46Oh, that's nonsense.
02:48Well, you know what Shakespeare said.
02:50The course of true love never runs smooth.
02:52Because your father and I don't fight.
02:54I suppose that means we're not in love.
02:56I didn't say that.
02:57Well, when I find a record player light enough for your mother to throw, we'll schedule some regular fights.
03:02You're kidding, aren't you, Daddy?
03:04Of course I'm kidding, honey. Don't worry.
03:06Now, getting back to the eggs and the bread, the reason I didn't get to the store yesterday afternoon was because I had no one to take me.
03:13Remember, you were late coming home and so was Bud.
03:16Well, the car was in the garage. Betty could have taken you.
03:18Oh, I was over at Mildred's yesterday afternoon.
03:21Okay, now here's another question I'd like to ask.
03:24We haven't completely recovered from the last question you asked.
03:27How come you've never learned to drive?
03:29Now, lots of times Dad drives downtown with Ed Davis and the car's just sitting out there in the garage.
03:33Just sitting there. Well, you could be driving all over town. Why don't you learn?
03:38I never had any reason. With two gallant men in the family.
03:42Oh, the other kids' mothers drive around.
03:45Yeah, everybody drives but you, Mom.
03:47All right, I'll drive. Where do I get the ten easy lessons?
03:50Well, honey, I've told you any number of times. Whatever you want to learn, I'll be glad to teach you.
03:54Okay, she's ready.
03:55I'm ready.
03:56All right, that's a promise. And we'll strike while the iron is hot.
03:59I'll come home early this afternoon and give you your first lesson.
04:02Oh, boy.
04:03I want to drive!
04:04Margaret Anderson, girl motorist.
04:06If I'd known how much trouble those darn bread and eggs were going to cause,
04:09I'd have crawled to the market on my hands and knees.
04:12Oh, I see. I was going by there. I'll hurry right there.
04:14Come on, dear.
04:15Don't forget. I'll go about three o'clock.
04:20Hey, Mom.
04:21I'm up in the bedroom, Bard. If you want to talk to me, come up here.
04:25Dad's home.
04:28Dad's home. He just came in the front door.
04:30Margaret, I'm home.
04:31Father's home.
04:32So I hear.
04:33I'm upstairs, Jim.
04:34Why was fuss about your father coming home?
04:37After all, he comes home every day.
04:39Well, yeah, but you're going to drive.
04:41That's why he came home early, so he'd give you your first driving lesson.
04:43That's right.
04:46Well, what are you waiting for?
04:48Well, if you're going to drive, you ought to be getting ready.
04:51I'm ready.
04:55What are you looking so glum about?
04:57Well, she's going to have her first driving lesson today
04:59and she's just sitting there like it was nothing.
05:01Well, what do you expect me to do?
05:02Well, let's go.
05:03I guess I have something more important to do.
05:06What?
05:07Kiss your father.
05:10Excuse me, bud.
05:12How can you two be so lovey-dovey after you've been married so long?
05:15For a woman like your mother, it's easy.
05:18Now, the open road call.
05:19Shall we go, student?
05:20Now, be careful, Adam. Don't get in any accidents.
05:32Well, I'll do my best.
05:34Oh, if you could get dinner started while I'm going, I'd adore you both.
05:37We will. We just want to see you start off.
05:38All right, student. Let's go.
05:42Now, if you're too far back, there's an adjustment right down there by the seat.
05:45No, this seems fine.
05:47Gee, you look great in there, Mom.
05:48It's funny to see you sitting on this side and Daddy over there.
05:52Oh, can you reach the pedals?
05:54Oh, yes. I can reach them all right. The question is, what do I do with them?
05:57You won't have any trouble. It's easy.
06:00Can I go with you?
06:01No, you stay here and help Betty with the dinner.
06:04Oh, now, you start it with a key. Just turn the key.
06:06Yeah, but if you've got it in neutral, you've got to have it in neutral.
06:08But wait a minute. Slow down. I have to find things here.
06:11I think you kids will help more if you go in the house.
06:13Too many cooks spoil the soup, you know.
06:14All right. Good luck.
06:16Be careful.
06:17It's been nice knowing you, Dad.
06:18Well, if we're not back in an hour, send out a searching party.
06:24Now, let's see.
06:26As I remember, you push or turn something to start the motor.
06:30Oh, we'll get to that in just a second.
06:32First, I want to explain about these two pedals on the floorboard here.
06:36Ah, there's your brake pedal there and your accelerator.
06:40You push the little one to go and the big one to stop.
06:43Isn't that right?
06:45Well, yes.
06:47Roughly.
06:49Well, it's not very complicated.
06:51Oh, honey.
06:52Even though there are only two pedals on the floor and it looks simple, there's a lot more to driving an automobile than just going and stopping.
07:01Oh, I know, dear.
07:02I only said that basically it's not complicated.
07:05No, uh, basically it's not.
07:10Uh, now here's the ignition.
07:12You mean the key?
07:14The ignition key.
07:16All right, the ignition key.
07:17What's the difference?
07:18Well, if this were only a key and there were no ignition hooked up to it, you wouldn't be able to start the car.
07:25That's the difference.
07:27You wouldn't have any spark in your engine.
07:29Why are you getting angry about the key?
07:32Oh, honey, I'm not angry.
07:33I'm, I'm just trying to get across to you that an automobile is not like an automatic washing machine or something where you push a button and pull a lever and away it goes.
07:44You can't drive a car unless you have some idea of why it runs.
07:48If you say so.
07:49Well, it stands to reason.
07:51Not one woman in our circle of friends knows anything about a car except how to start it and how to stop it.
07:56Then they're not safe drivers.
07:58The husband's had three accidents this past year.
08:00The wives had none.
08:02How do you explain that?
08:07Now, we'll go back to the beginning.
08:09You have two pedals here on the floor.
08:12The little one, the accelerator, makes it go.
08:16The big one, the brake, makes it stop.
08:19It's so much easier that way.
08:21Oh, sure.
08:23Now, let's start the engine and get going.
08:26You turn the ignition key to the right, but first you make sure that your gearshift handle up here is in neutral.
08:35Okay, turn the key.
08:37Just a minute.
08:38What are you doing?
08:39Hmm?
08:40Well, why the beauty checkup?
08:41We're only driving around the block.
08:42Well, you never can tell who we might run into.
08:45Are you ready?
08:49Am I ready?
08:50I've been ready for 20 minutes.
08:51Start the car.
08:57How's that?
08:58Magnificent.
09:05Now, before you put the gearshift handle into reverse, look back and make sure the driveway is clear.
09:10All clear.
09:11All clear.
09:15All right.
09:17Now, put it in reverse and back up slowly.
09:20Slowly.
09:25Slowly.
09:26Put on the brake.
09:28Slowly.
09:29Put on the brake.
09:34What happened?
09:35You gave it the gas too quickly.
09:38You didn't listen when I told you to back up slowly.
09:40Now, you don't have to push the accelerator clear to the floor, you know.
09:46I didn't.
09:47I just touched it.
09:48Well, you touched it hard enough, so I nearly went through the windshield.
09:52Now, go easy.
09:53Gently.
09:54Hold it!
09:55Hold it!
09:56Hold it!
09:57Hold it!
09:58Hold it!
09:59Hold it!
10:00Hold it!
10:01Hold it!
10:02Hold it!
10:03Hold it!
10:04Hold it!
10:05Hold it!
10:07Hold it!
10:08There's something wrong with this car.
10:10Something wrong with the car?
10:11What is exactly what you told me?
10:13You had it in low gear.
10:15I had what in low gear?
10:17The gear shift handle.
10:18This!
10:19This!
10:21What happened to the engine?
10:22You probably left it back there.
10:41That's enough for today.
10:55Better look a little happier before we face the kids.
10:58Now you sound like Jim Anderson again.
11:00In the car, I wasn't sure who you were.
11:02Oh?
11:03Well, I wasn't too sure who you were either.
11:06You certainly didn't act like anyone I know.
11:09Hi!
11:10How'd it go?
11:11Any fingers up from the car?
11:13Yes, everything's fine.
11:14How do you like driving?
11:15Oh, fine.
11:16Say, how far did you go?
11:18Oh, uh, not very far.
11:21How's father as a teacher?
11:23Oh, fine.
11:24It was the first time.
11:26I have a lot to learn.
11:28It's difficult.
11:29You know.
11:30She's gonna do all right.
11:33Can't expect to be perfect right off.
11:36Now, what was that for?
11:37I just can't figure you and Mom.
11:39Now, if Earl's dad had been teaching his mom how to drive, why they'd have come back slamming the doors and yelling at each other.
11:49But you two are so calm and speak so nice.
11:52Now, don't get me wrong.
11:53I'm not against it.
11:54I'm not against it.
11:55I just can't figure it out.
11:57I was telling Bud before you came in that, well, we should both apologize for the way we talked at breakfast this morning.
12:03Oh, I don't recall anything you should apologize for.
12:05But all I can remember is Mrs. Earl hit Mr. Earl with a record player or vice versa.
12:11Well, we just want you to know how much we appreciate you.
12:13Well, that's very gratifying.
12:15What have we done to earn this praise?
12:18Well, you behave like mature, civilized people.
12:22We should give thanks to heaven every night that we have parents who don't bicker and quarrel.
12:27You see, we realize how lucky we are.
12:29Jim, hand me the magazines from the table, will you?
12:56We're turning in pretty early, aren't we?
12:58You, uh, tired from your days driving?
13:01It was a pretty exhausting trip.
13:05What got into us anyhow?
13:08We'd never jawed at each other like that before.
13:11We must have sounded like Maggie and Jigs.
13:14Well, seriously, how do you account for it?
13:17Is there some chemical change takes place in a person as soon as they get behind the wheel of a car?
13:22Chemical? Psychological or what?
13:25Something happened.
13:26You've never been as dumb as you were this afternoon.
13:32I'm not defending myself, dear.
13:35But you've never been as impossible as you were this afternoon.
13:38Could be, but what made us that way?
13:41I'd had something to do with a car, that's for sure.
13:44Now, if I'd been driving and you were sitting on the passenger side, we wouldn't have had an argument.
13:48Maybe when a husband and wife change places in a car, it upsets the cosmic order of things.
13:56I think it was because it was late in the afternoon and, well, we were both tired.
14:02Well, that's probably the simple answer.
14:08Everybody's going to bed so early. How come?
14:10Oh, we're tired. It's been a long day.
14:12Didn't seem any longer than any other day.
14:18Mommy, you wouldn't hit Daddy with a record player, would you?
14:22No, Angel, of course not.
14:26Well, I wouldn't hit Daddy with anything.
14:31Good night, you all.
14:32Good night.
14:34Just wanted to be sure.
14:35Good night.
14:36Oh, good night, dear.
14:37Good night, honey.
14:39Good night.
14:40See, I was talking to Earl on the phone tonight and his folks had another battle.
14:43A real good one.
14:44You know, things really jump around his house.
14:46I can't figure, Bud.
14:48Do you suppose he thinks we're dull because we don't fight like Earl's father and mother?
14:53It's possible.
14:54Earl's stories probably sound very exciting.
14:58Well, father and mother battles are very funny in the comic strips.
15:02And in someone else's family.
15:05They can be pretty unfunny when they happen in your own family.
15:08Oh, don't pay any attention to Bud.
15:11Tomorrow he'll probably think we're odd because we don't rent a house trailer and drive to Alaska.
15:16Well, in the morning after breakfast, when we're not tired and grouchy,
15:20we'll make a new start on the driving lesson.
15:22Right?
15:23Right.
15:29Hi.
15:30Good morning, son.
15:31Dad.
15:32Mom didn't talk much about her driving lesson yesterday.
15:34What's the deal?
15:35She give the whole thing up?
15:36Oh, no.
15:37No, of course not.
15:38No, we're going out again this morning.
15:41Of course, you have to understand, Bud, that your mother's...
15:43Well, she's a woman.
15:47Her attitude toward a car is a little different from yours and mine.
15:53What do you mean different?
15:55It's...
15:56It's...
15:57Well, she does all right.
15:58It's just...
15:59Breakfast is ready.
16:01Let's go.
16:02Coming!
16:03See, Dad says you're going out for another driving lesson after breakfast.
16:09Would you like to come along?
16:11If Bud goes, I get to go.
16:13Wouldn't that be a lovely driving lesson, you two sitting in the back seat?
16:16I'd like to go.
16:17No kidding.
16:18I'd like to hear what goes on.
16:20Now, this is not being fresh, Dad, but...
16:21Well, just what do you say to Mom when she's driving?
16:24Pardon me for mentioning this, darling, but...
16:27I think you're driving on the wrong side of the street.
16:30The whole thing bearing down on us is a ten-ton truck.
16:33I mean, how do you pour her out?
16:36There he goes again, trying to start trouble.
16:38Oh, now, hold it.
16:39Well, he is.
16:40Ever since yesterday, he's been needling you and Mother.
16:41Just trying to start a fight between you two.
16:44If you want to fight, I'll give you one.
16:47Don't hammer your hollow head till it rings like a big spin.
16:50Fighting is for little kids and boxers and wrestlers and guys like that.
16:56Isn't that right?
16:57That's right.
16:59Well, let's get to the driving lesson, shall we?
17:00Before the Saturday morning traffic.
17:03I'll back up the car for you.
17:04Okay.
17:05Betty, will you and Kathy stop the dishes?
17:07What's Bud doing?
17:08Oh, he's going out to back out the car.
17:09He'll be in to help you.
17:11Well, I just assume he didn't help me, that warmonger.
17:16I'm going to clout him.
17:20Everybody in this family fights except Mom and Daddy.
17:25Let's get off the battlefield.
17:27Well, if anyone calls, we'll be back in about a half hour.
17:30Oh, here you are, Mom.
17:38Good luck.
17:40Oh, go in and help Betty with the dishes.
17:42And don't start any trouble.
17:44All will be calm and angelic.
17:46No harsh words will contaminate the domesticated bliss of our home sweet pumpkin.
17:50Okay.
17:56Domesticated bliss.
17:58Shall we start?
17:59Any time.
18:00Fire it up.
18:04Very good.
18:06How do you feel, honey?
18:07Fine.
18:08How do you feel?
18:09Great.
18:10This is the time for driving lessons in the morning.
18:13Okay.
18:14Back her on out.
18:15Slowly this time.
18:20That's fine.
18:21See how easy it is?
18:23That's fine.
18:24See how easy it is?
18:26That's fine.
18:30See how easy it is?
18:49Now, you did that perfectly.
18:51At least I didn't hit anything.
18:54Well, where should we go now?
18:57Oh, just swing down the street and make a right turn at the corner.
19:00Let's see.
19:00To go forward, I...
19:02Put the gear shift in drive position.
19:04Oh, the gear shift, that's it.
19:09Honey, wait.
19:10Hold it, hold it.
19:11Why doesn't it go?
19:13How can it?
19:14You have it in neutral.
19:15But I moved the lever down.
19:17Well, honey, it's not the direction you move the lever that's important.
19:20It's the position in which you set it.
19:21You want it in drive.
19:25Oh!
19:31How's that?
19:32That's fine.
19:36Which way are you going, lady?
19:37Make up your mind.
19:38Well, just wait a minute, will you?
19:40I'm waiting.
19:41I'm waiting.
19:42Let's go.
19:43Now, simmer down.
19:44She's learning to drive.
19:56Stupid man.
19:57What did he expect me to do?
19:59He expected you to get out of his way.
20:02You have to be rude.
20:04All right.
20:04Oh, there's Myrtle Davis.
20:06Hello, Myrtle.
20:07Hello?
20:09Margaret!
20:12Margaret, you're driving.
20:14How exciting.
20:15Congratulations.
20:16How long has this been going on?
20:17Oh, just since yesterday.
20:19Where are you going?
20:20Oh, the drugstore.
20:21Well, get in.
20:21I'll drive you over.
20:23All right.
20:25Oh, this is certainly a surprise.
20:28I never thought I'd be riding in a car you would be driving.
20:33Hi, Jim.
20:34Hello, Myrtle.
20:34Well, Margaret, I suggest if we're going to have a driving lesson...
20:37We can take Myrtle to the drugstore.
20:38We're driving in that direction anyway.
20:40The children made such a terrible fuss because I hadn't learned to drive.
20:43And you know how it is.
20:45If you can't drive, you're always waiting for someone to take you here or take you there.
20:49I know it.
20:49You're absolutely stranded these days if you don't drive.
20:53You know, I was telling Mrs. Gilmore the other day...
20:54Margaret, we're sitting right in the middle of the street.
20:56Let's go.
20:56For Pete's sake, what are you trying to do?
21:05Kill us all?
21:06Well, you told me to go.
21:07I've seen some harebrained performances in my time, but nothing like that.
21:25You keep screaming and shouting.
21:27Harebrained performance.
21:28What did I do?
21:29Picking up Myrtle Davis when you were supposed to be taking a driving lesson.
21:33Getting that female public address system in the backseat.
21:36Yack, yack, yack.
21:36Paying no attention to where you were going.
21:38Jim Anderson!
21:39Myrtle Davis is one of my dearest friends.
21:41Myrtle Davis is a friend of mine, too, but she's an empty-headed chapbook.
21:44I can't announce the sense I'd have told her to get out of the car.
21:47And what happens to you when you get behind the wheel of a car?
21:49That's what I want to know.
21:51You turn into an absolute feather brain.
21:54Feather brain?
21:55Just because I do everything you ask me to do?
21:57Learning to drive wasn't my idea.
21:59I have other things to do.
22:00I don't care if I never drive a car.
22:03That's because I'm stupid.
22:05Just because I don't do everything absolutely perfect.
22:07I don't expect you to be perfect.
22:09I don't expect you to use your head.
22:11Think! Think!
22:12Not go plowing along willy-nilly, paying no attention to where you're going.
22:15I mean, I have other things to do, too, you know, besides taking my life in my hands.
22:19Sitting in that car while you steer with one finger.
22:22Carry on an idiotic conversation with that female in the back seat.
22:26Believe me, if that's the way you're going to drive a car, you might as well quit right now.
22:29I'll be happy if I never sat and put in that car again.
22:32You and your superior, I know it all and you know nothing out of you.
22:34I was patient. I tried. I explained.
22:36Yes! Like you were teaching a child.
22:39Ignorant, simple-minded little Margaret.
22:41You were just sitting there waiting for me to make a mistake.
22:44You were just waiting.
22:45How can you say I...
22:48Bravo!
22:59It's very convincing. You staged a very good imitation of a quarrel.
23:04You didn't think they were really fighting, did you? They were just kidding.
23:07This quarrel was for your benefit, bright eyes. You've been insisting they fight.
23:11All right, admit it. You were only fooling, weren't you?
23:14You were only fooling, weren't you?
23:16Yes. Yes, it was just an act. Wasn't it, honey?
23:21Well, yes. Yes. Yes, it was just an act.
23:26Very foolish act.
23:31You know, it gave me kind of a sick feeling when I thought you and mom were fighting.
23:33You know, it was funny when Earl told me about his folks, but you and mom, I don't know, it just didn't seem right.
23:48Well, we can understand that, bud.
23:51Well, it's okay. It was just a gag.
23:53It looks so real.
23:55Sure fool me.
23:56Well, I guess we're ready to go.
23:57Oh, Margaret.
23:59Good luck, dear.
24:03Bye.
24:04Bye.
24:05Good luck.
24:06Bye.
24:09Father, I don't understand this at all.
24:11Well, princess, I really don't understand it myself.
24:14It has something to do with chemistry.
24:16Black magic, I don't know.
24:18Hurry back.
24:19Be careful.
24:20Watch out for pedestrians and all.
24:29There are some things you cannot teach to the person who is closest to.
24:37I think one of them is driving a car.
24:40Now, with a professional driving teacher, your mother will probably get along just fine.
24:44Just take my word for it, it's better this way.
24:49Talking to Rudy.
25:11The End
Recommended
25:37
|
Up next
24:48
25:29
25:34
25:37
25:36
25:35
25:36
25:36
22:34
25:36
25:23
40:17
40:53
39:05
24:45
24:44
25:21
23:19
25:32
25:29
Be the first to comment