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00:00He's the love guru, here to solve all of your love problems.
00:06Graduating from the College of Mystic Arts, the guru is the master of mysterious magic.
00:13But you provide love for everybody, yes?
00:15I want to kiss my girlfriend.
00:17Darling.
00:21So I have a girlfriend.
00:22Yeah.
00:23A little bit more on the quiet side.
00:26Wake up.
00:26Wake up.
00:30Uh, love bro guru.
00:32Love guru?
00:33Whether you're the father, the half-son, or the horny ghost, he's got all the solutions for yo heart.
00:44You know what we're saying?
00:50Love guru, what's up, what up?
00:53Good, how are you?
00:54I'm great, I'm great.
00:55So I need your help.
00:56So I have a girlfriend.
00:57Yeah.
00:58She's a little bit more on the quiet side.
00:59Okay.
00:59I need you to help her become, you know, a little bit more talkier.
01:02Okay, so where is she?
01:04Bring her in.
01:04I do.
01:05All right, this is my girlfriend.
01:08Her name is Amber.
01:10Okay.
01:12This is Amber?
01:13Yeah, I just need your help to just, you know, bring the best out of her.
01:17There is a psychiatric link.
01:18Next door, 50% off if she say my name.
01:20What did you say?
01:22Huh?
01:22It's not getting physical, what can I do?
01:24Make her more animated.
01:26You're the goo.
01:26Do your thing.
01:27Let's go.
01:27Close your eyes.
01:29Abracadabra, here comes Alexander.
01:32Hello, can I open my eyes?
01:34Yes.
01:34What is this?
01:39It's me, Alexander.
01:42I said her name was Amber.
01:45Her name was Amber.
01:50Her name was Amber.
01:55Darling.
01:55Baby.
01:56Baby.
01:56Baby.
01:57Darling.
01:58Hmm, sugar plum.
01:59Oh, hello, love boats.
02:02Oh.
02:04We're not alone.
02:06What's your problem?
02:08Can't take my hands off her.
02:09Neither can I.
02:11Well, okay, I can help you.
02:14Shush, shush, shush.
02:16Make them whoosh.
02:19Why do you always wear that lipstick?
02:20You know I don't like it.
02:22You leave your dirty socks and underwear all over the floor.
02:25The best I can, I shower every day.
02:26Oh, stop.
02:27And then I find your hair in the toilet.
02:29And in the sink.
02:31You know what, that's what it's like to have a girlfriend.
02:32Blah, blah, blah.
02:34You stink.
02:34This is not working.
02:35You stink.
02:36Baby, you stink.
02:36No.
02:38Stop.
02:39Ow, get your hands off me.
02:40Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
02:42Make them shush, shush, shush.
02:44Whoosh.
02:44My dear love, where have you been my whole life?
02:52You stink.
02:53Baby, you stink.
02:54No.
02:54Good evening, Mr. Guru.
02:58Good evening.
02:59My name is Vlad and I'm looking for love.
03:02Yes, yes.
03:03You have to book an appointment.
03:05I have an interview with Hot Player magazine right now.
03:07But you provide love for everybody, yes?
03:10Temporary love for the evening.
03:11Virgin, non-virgin, it does not matter.
03:14This is not that kind of place.
03:15Come on, just a little bit of time.
03:18Please, Vlad, leave.
03:19But I am hungry.
03:22I am hungry.
03:24Hello, Guru.
03:24I'm so sorry.
03:25I had the appointment with you and I'm so late.
03:27I'm so sorry.
03:30Oh, hello.
03:36Perfect.
03:44Virgin, non-virgin, it does not matter.
03:46Yeah, so I love Guru.
03:50There's this girl that I really like and I don't know how to approach her.
03:59There's this girl that I don't know how to...
04:00Can you speak faster?
04:01I don't know.
04:02Can you speak faster?
04:03I don't have the confidence.
04:06Drink this, Mike.
04:12Okay, now, what is it?
04:13Oh, wow.
04:13Yeah, so this girl that I really like, Diane, I really like her and I really want to talk to her.
04:17But you can give me the power, the confidence to speak to her.
04:19I don't know.
04:20It's so frustrating that I can't...
04:21Slow around!
04:21I don't know how to...
04:22Okay, here.
04:23What is this?
04:24I don't know how to do this.
04:32Hey, Mike.
04:34Hey, Mike.
04:35Mike.
04:39Mike.
04:40Mike.
04:41Oh, Mike.
04:42Love, bro, Guru.
04:54Guru.
04:54Can you move a bit?
04:55You're too tough.
04:56Yeah, okay.
04:57Yeah, okay.
04:58Love, bro, Guru.
05:00As you can tell, I'm having trouble with intimacy.
05:02You don't even let me touch you at all.
05:06I can't even touch you once.
05:07Stop fighting for the future of your eyes.
05:12I don't think so.
05:40Isn't that all you want?
05:41I want love from the love, Guru.
05:44Come over here.
05:46Give me your love.
05:47I want your love.
05:51I want your love.
05:56Love, Guru.
05:57Can you help me?
05:59I have to find my high school boyfriend, Bobby Johnson.
06:02Can you help me, please?
06:04I sure can, Ladybug.
06:06Show your eyes.
06:08Om Bin Bush.
06:11I'm sorry to say.
06:16He's dead.
06:17But we have a good news.
06:19What is that?
06:20He's reincarnated.
06:22Can you bring him to me?
06:23Yes.
06:24Om Bin Bush.
06:29What is this?
06:31This is my tenth husband's second son.
06:33What?
06:34How can you do this to me?
06:36It's not Bobby Johnson.
06:37What have you done to me?
06:39Where is Bobby Johnson?
06:40Oh, oh.
06:49Hey, love, Guru.
06:51I'm sick and tired of my life.
06:57She keeps troubling me.
06:58I'm exhausted. I want divorce.
07:02The best way to do a breakup is to do in person.
07:06Okay, where is she?
07:08India.
07:09I have a solution.
07:10Mia, Mia, Mama, Mia, Mama Mia.
07:13What are we doing here?
07:15What are you doing here? Who are you?
07:17Oh, I love your necklace.
07:18I don't love you.
07:19Isn't she a wife?
07:20That's not my wife.
07:22What are you doing here?
07:23Is she a wife?
07:24They confront with immigration.
07:25Let's go.
07:26I am citizen. Take her, take her.
07:28No, no, I'm legal.
07:29Take her.
07:30I'm legal.
07:31I want divorce.
07:35Hello, Guru.
07:37Hello.
07:38I want to kiss my girlfriend.
07:40Oh.
07:41I can send you some YouTube tutorials.
07:43What tutorial?
07:44She's right there.
07:47She's a ghost.
07:48She's a ghost?
07:49Can you help me?
07:50Send me to the spirit world.
07:52Then we can be in together.
07:54I don't know how.
07:55How?
07:56I just want to kiss her.
07:58It is scary.
07:59I just want to kiss her.
08:01Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
08:03Make this guy disappear.
08:08Tommy?
08:09Tommy, are you here?
08:10Where are you?
08:11Dang, you didn't pay the bill, Tommy.
08:16He started already.
08:17Hey, this is not a model, man.
08:19What the heck?
08:20Oh, my eyes are bleeding.
08:28Hello.
08:29Love, Guru?
08:31Wake up.
08:33Oh, there he is.
08:34What is this I'm sitting on?
08:35Do you know how uncomfortable this is?
08:37I deserve better.
08:38What is it, Mr. CEO?
08:39I need help.
08:40My wife doesn't talk to me for weeks.
08:43I took Janet.
08:44She's from HR.
08:45I took her to a hot play concert a few weeks ago.
08:47They put us on the Jumbotron.
08:49Now everybody knows.
08:50Can you help?
08:51Let me show her.
08:52Let me show you what happened, okay?
08:53Okay.
08:54Cola, cola, cola.
09:00It's the wife.
09:01She wants to talk.
09:02You are amazing.
09:04Please, help me make sure I don't ever do this again and make the wife get back to me.
09:08Okay.
09:09Cola, cola, cola, cola.
09:13Now, drink this cola.
09:14Okay.
09:15How much does this cost?
09:16I don't care.
09:17I'm rich.
09:18What's this?
09:24Janet from HR.
09:25She wants to go for church tonight.
09:26That's the wrong woman.
09:27You really are magic.
09:30Hey CEO.
09:32Mr. CEO.
09:40She's from HR.
09:45Love the room?
09:48People tell me you solve everyone's love problem.
09:51Yes.
09:52I solve everyone's problems.
09:55Hmm.
09:56Solve mine.
09:58Okay.
09:59I have a solution for your problem.
10:01Boom, boom, bush.
10:03Boom.
10:04What?
10:05Drink this.
10:06What is this?
10:07A portion that solves all of your problems.
10:09We'll see.
10:14That didn't change anything.
10:16And I'm a detective.
10:19And you're under arrest.
10:20Detective Hart with the fraud department.
10:22You're under arrest.
10:23Boom, boom, bush.
10:24Come on.
10:25Let's go.
10:26I know my rights.
10:27It's too powerful to be silenced.
10:29Tell it to the judge.
10:30Ellen, you're back.
10:31Judge.
10:32Ellen, you're back.
10:33Let's go, fry.
10:34Hear.
10:35Over arrest.
10:37You're good.
10:38That reminds me of the...
10:40Your political democracy.
10:41Okay.
10:42We did a little bit.
10:43This movie does happen here.
10:44Oh, see you as with a artist.
10:46Here you as with a guy.
10:47I went by two amazing collectors of objects.
10:49You say I am, bok.
10:50You.
10:51people say, what?
10:52You're off.
10:53Very well.
10:54In a cave.
10:56Like one more than you,
10:57a daughter.
10:58Why is a living observe?
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