00:00My name is Antonia. I am 44 years old. I live with my husband. His name is Eric. He is 49 years old.
00:12We have been together for 21 years. We have three beautiful children.
00:20But even after all these years, I cannot forgive my husband's parents.
00:26More than 20 years have passed, but I still feel hurt and upset.
00:34I can't forget what happened when I moved to another country.
00:40I didn't know much about my husband's parents.
00:45If I had known what I was going to face, I would have asked for a divorce before I left.
00:52I was young, only 20, and I didn't understand how life worked.
01:00I didn't know how to speak up for myself. I just accepted everything.
01:07My husband didn't help me. He was afraid of his father and always listened to him.
01:14I had to deal with everything on my own.
01:19I felt very lonely, and I cried a lot holding my baby in my arms.
01:26Before we moved, we lived with my parents.
01:31At first, everything felt okay, but it was still hard for me to think about leaving.
01:39I knew that I would have to leave one day, but I didn't expect it to happen so quickly.
01:48We had to leave earlier than we planned.
01:52I said goodbye to my home, my family, and most of all, to my dear mother.
02:00She was everything to me.
02:03I had never been far from her before.
02:06Saying goodbye to her was like a part of me was being torn away.
02:12I was very young, and I didn't know what I was going to do in a new country.
02:19I was so sad that I thought I could not live with it.
02:25Moving away was very hard for me, and I became sick.
02:30My heart hurt for a long time.
02:33I couldn't stop thinking about how much I missed my home and my mother.
02:41My husband's parents didn't help me at all.
02:45They didn't care about how I felt.
02:48I was all alone.
02:49No one gave me the support I needed.
02:53I had to use all my strength for my son and for my mother,
02:59who was also very sad about the distance.
03:02I spent months going to doctors because I felt so weak and tired.
03:09I tried to stay strong, but it was hard.
03:13The doctor said,
03:15You need to rest.
03:16You are too stressed.
03:19But how can I rest?
03:21My husband does not care about me.
03:24His family hates me.
03:26I am all alone.
03:27Slowly, I began to work, but nothing was easy.
03:33I had to learn how to live in a new country where I didn't understand the language.
03:41At first, it was so difficult to communicate, but I worked hard.
03:47Over time, I learned new skills, and I found a good job.
03:53I began to earn money, and I started to feel better.
03:59I felt proud of myself because I was reaching my goals.
04:04My dream was to buy a house.
04:07I worked hard to make that dream come true.
04:11My husband, on the other hand, could not learn the language.
04:18He still struggles with it even today.
04:23For a long time, he didn't have a job, and I had to support our whole family.
04:28I always stood by him.
04:32I worked.
04:33I took care of him, and I supported him emotionally.
04:39But one day, everything changed.
04:43My mother-in-law started saying things that hurt me.
04:47She said she never had a daughter, but she always wanted one.
04:53She looked at me and said that all the other women had their mothers with them, but I didn't.
05:03She seemed to think I should be more like them.
05:07Now I wonder, what do they want from me?
05:11Do they want love?
05:13Do they want kindness?
05:15I can't give them that anymore.
05:19I don't feel that way about them.
05:21I only treat them with respect.
05:25I only greet them on holidays, and I try not to make them angry.
05:31I can't give them anything more than that.
05:36My mother passed away ten years ago, and I feel sad every day because I didn't visit her as much as I should have.
05:48I remember how my mother-in-law told me I shouldn't call my mother more than once a month because it was too expensive.
06:00It made me feel so bad.
06:03I only called my mother once, told her everything was fine, and then hung up.
06:09I did not want to make anyone upset.
06:13Now, after all these years, I understand what really happened.
06:21I realize my husband's parents didn't like me.
06:25They didn't care about me.
06:27They hated me.
06:28I don't even want to think about my father-in-law.
06:33He did something that I will never forget.
06:37One night, he kicked me out of the house with my baby.
06:43I was afraid of my husband, who was drunk and angry.
06:47I needed to stay there with my son to be safe, but my father-in-law didn't care.
06:56He told me I could go back to my home, but I couldn't take my son with me.
07:04That was too much for me.
07:07Of course I chose to stay with my son.
07:11He was my priority, and I would never leave him behind.
07:15It feels like this happened a long time ago, but even now when I think about it, I still
07:24feel pain.
07:26I still cry.
07:28Why was I so weak back then?
07:31Why couldn't I stand up for myself?
07:35Why do I still speak to them like nothing ever happened?
07:40It hurts me to be kind to them now.
07:43I can't pretend anymore.
07:47I can't wear this mask of happiness when inside I feel broken.
07:53I am sorry for writing this in such a confused way.
07:59It's hard to think about everything that happened, but I still need to figure out how to keep talking
08:07to them.
08:08I know I will never forget the pain, but I hope one day I can heal from it.
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