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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I'm married.
00:00:01What?
00:00:02Yeah, and I can't marry someone who picks up dog crap for a living.
00:00:05Well, at least I don't pose in my tighty-whities for money.
00:00:08Your place, you're mine.
00:00:09I'm not staying in a doghouse.
00:00:12Ahem.
00:00:13Can you guys just keep it down? I have work tomorrow morning.
00:00:16Sorry.
00:00:17Hey, Amelia.
00:00:20Looks like someone needs obedience school.
00:00:23Are you gonna let him talk to me like that, Amelia?
00:00:25You started.
00:00:26Asshole!
00:00:27Crazy bitch!
00:00:28You told her?!
00:00:29She's my sister!
00:00:30I don't care! That violates our agreement!
00:00:32How?!
00:00:33What the fuck?!
00:00:36What?!
00:00:37Michelangelo?
00:00:38Don't walk around.
00:00:40You're such a hypocrite!
00:00:41I wish I never agreed to this awful engagement!
00:00:43I fucking hate you!
00:00:45I fucking hate you more!
00:00:53How was it?
00:00:55Well...
00:00:56That was the best sex I've ever had in my life.
00:00:59Wait.
00:01:00What are you doing?
00:01:01That is an original.
00:01:02I'm so sick of your bullshit!
00:01:05Oh!
00:01:06Fine!
00:01:07I'll just hop in my time machine, go back to ancient Rome, and get another one!
00:01:10I don't care about your art, your money, your stupid mansion!
00:01:13You're treating me like shit!
00:01:15That's from the Renaissance!
00:01:17You are history's worst nightmare!
00:01:18I tried to make this work with you!
00:01:19We signed a contract!
00:01:20For an arranged marriage!
00:01:21Did you actually think this arrangement would be anything more than a business transaction?
00:01:25You are such a simpleton!
00:01:27Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
00:01:28Well, at least I'm not a spoiled brat!
00:01:29I tried to get along with you!
00:01:30You brought this on to yourself!
00:01:31I wish I never agreed to this awful engagement!
00:01:32Right back at you!
00:01:33I fucking hate you!
00:01:43I fucking hate you more!
00:01:44I fucking hate you more!
00:01:46so you were arrested again
00:02:09to be fair
00:02:13he thought he was leaving
00:02:14we'll just swim there
00:02:15there is a fence around that reservoir
00:02:18it says here that you broke in
00:02:20using bolt cutters
00:02:22if I had known you invited me over here to lecture me
00:02:26I wouldn't have came
00:02:27come on Gucci
00:02:31good boy
00:02:33come on Gucci
00:02:41let's go
00:02:42hey
00:02:43come on Gucci
00:02:51let's go
00:02:52you know every time the paparazzi catch you acting crazy
00:02:59it reflects on me
00:03:01it reflects on the company that your mother and I built with our bare hands
00:03:06the same one that pays for your ridiculous lifestyle
00:03:09I make my own money
00:03:11see see
00:03:13underwear modeling lord
00:03:15I am the spokesperson for man thumb
00:03:17that means free underwear for life
00:03:19for life
00:03:21some parents would be proud
00:03:22other parents would be prouder if you went to your real job now and then
00:03:26you are next up to be CEO
00:03:29at Dino Verlino Cosmetics
00:03:32now how can I give you that job
00:03:33if you keep acting like a Kardashian
00:03:36don't forget the meeting this afternoon
00:03:40alright
00:03:40and don't be late
00:03:41bye dad
00:03:44excuse me
00:03:55I know my Gucci
00:04:05why won't Michelangelo just grow up
00:04:08he needs to settle down and find himself a nice girl
00:04:12like you Amelia
00:04:15good one
00:04:17these are great
00:04:35I still don't have what I'm looking for
00:04:38do you guys mind staying a little longer
00:04:40no problem
00:04:42cool let's take five and then I want to see you in that leopard print
00:04:45hi
00:04:50I'm Michelangelo
00:04:52Chantal
00:04:53nice to meet you
00:04:55I couldn't notice how hot you are
00:04:58I've got tickets to the premiere
00:05:01hold that thought
00:05:05hey dad
00:05:07where the hell were you
00:05:09dad I'm in a photo shoot
00:05:12you're supposed to be at the office
00:05:15Geppetto came here all the way from Milano
00:05:17I can meet him later
00:05:19now it's two ladies back on the plane again
00:05:21well you're the one who planned the meeting during my shoot
00:05:23Michelangelo you are 31 years old
00:05:26you gotta stop acting like an idiot teenager
00:05:28you could be running the world's largest cosmetic company right now
00:05:32you interned
00:05:33you went to business school
00:05:35well you have potential
00:05:37okay but you say you want to be the CEO
00:05:40well you're gonna have to prove it
00:05:41cause so far
00:05:43I ain't seen the end date from you
00:05:46but uh
00:05:47hey
00:05:51you okay?
00:05:52yeah
00:05:53um
00:05:54but
00:05:55it'd be a lot better if you'd go out with me tonight
00:05:58so it's a really rare form of cancer
00:06:15luckily my doctors did catch it early
00:06:20oh my god
00:06:21there is an experimental treatment
00:06:24but it's really expensive
00:06:26and my insurance doesn't cover it
00:06:29don't worry about that
00:06:31I have money saved
00:06:33I'll find the rest
00:06:35we will figure this out
00:06:36okay?
00:06:37we're gonna get through this
00:06:38together
00:06:39thank you
00:06:40yeah
00:06:41ciao Gucci
00:06:55did she have a good walk?
00:07:01what's wrong?
00:07:07I'm sorry
00:07:08this
00:07:08no no forget about it
00:07:10I'm sorry about your sister
00:07:11the treatments are just really expensive
00:07:14I have a savings
00:07:16for my doggy daycare
00:07:18my dream but
00:07:19it's only enough for one treatment
00:07:24and who knows how many she's gonna need
00:07:26Betsy practically raised us
00:07:28after her parents passed
00:07:31I would do anything for her
00:07:33Amelia
00:07:35I think I might know how to get you that money
00:07:39you do?
00:07:41hmm
00:07:41come back
00:07:43tonight
00:07:43and
00:07:44make something nice
00:07:47come on
00:07:49okay
00:07:50oh
00:07:59Amelia
00:07:59you look bellissima
00:08:01except for the dog hair
00:08:04come with me
00:08:07I have someone
00:08:09I want you to meet
00:08:10are they from Italy?
00:08:12yes
00:08:12wow
00:08:13yes of course
00:08:14everything's from Italy here
00:08:15well
00:08:17Amelia meet
00:08:19Michelangelo
00:08:20on my side
00:08:21I believe you both
00:08:23bumped into each other yesterday
00:08:24huh?
00:08:24mm-hmm
00:08:25yeah
00:08:25aren't you the cleaning lady?
00:08:28I'm a dog walker
00:08:29don't be so defensive
00:08:30I wasn't
00:08:33well I
00:08:37suppose I'll let you two
00:08:39get acquainted
00:08:40I have some unfinished business to do
00:08:42why don't you give yourself a glass of vino
00:08:44that'd be really hard
00:08:45hey
00:08:46arrivederci
00:08:47huh?
00:08:55do you want to do me a favor?
00:08:57do you want to do me a favor?
00:09:01what
00:09:02exactly
00:09:03how does it look?
00:09:12not half bad
00:09:12I mean
00:09:14it's fine
00:09:15whatever
00:09:16let's do some sexy ones
00:09:20okay?
00:09:22or not
00:09:22I don't feel like being your photographer all night
00:09:25you work for my dad
00:09:26you have to do what I say
00:09:28you don't look like Romulus to me
00:09:30just a few more pictures
00:09:32I'm not here to update your Tinder profile
00:09:34I don't need Tinder
00:09:36I'm an underwear model
00:09:37my DMs are flooded like Florida in a hurricane
00:09:39whatever
00:09:41pour me another
00:09:47I told you
00:09:49I'm
00:09:49fine
00:09:53see
00:10:00dog walker
00:10:00that wasn't so hard
00:10:02what the fuck
00:10:06this is fucking product
00:10:08asshole
00:10:13you crazy bitch
00:10:15Amelia
00:10:19what's wrong?
00:10:21I asked her to pour me another drink
00:10:23and she flipped out
00:10:24I'm sorry Romulus
00:10:26but your son is a prick
00:10:27I'm gonna be leaving
00:10:28no no please
00:10:29I apologize
00:10:30my son he's just immature
00:10:32alright
00:10:33and that's why I invited you
00:10:34poor Florida
00:10:36please
00:10:37alright
00:10:38just have a seat
00:10:39alright
00:10:40and I promise
00:10:40he'll be on his best behavior
00:10:42for the rest of the night
00:10:43won't you son?
00:10:45so
00:10:45Amelia needs money
00:10:46to pay for her sister's cancer treatment
00:10:48cancer?
00:10:50yeah
00:10:51and you need to settle down
00:10:54and prove that you're worthy
00:10:55of running the family business
00:10:57make my own money dad
00:10:58okay
00:11:01I want the business
00:11:02I think we can
00:11:05make a deal
00:11:06whereby
00:11:07everyone gets what they want
00:11:09what kind of deal?
00:11:12well
00:11:13nothing crazy
00:11:14no
00:11:15you two just have to get married
00:11:18that's all
00:11:18what?
00:11:21what?
00:11:22Romulus
00:11:23what are you saying?
00:11:24I can't marry the
00:11:25male Paris Hilton
00:11:26yeah
00:11:27and I can't marry
00:11:28someone who picks up
00:11:28dog crap for a living
00:11:29well at least I don't pose
00:11:31in my tighty-whities for money
00:11:32you have to grow up
00:11:36before you can run out business
00:11:37and the best way to do that
00:11:39is to get married
00:11:40we're not even a match
00:11:41we hate each other
00:11:43at least I do
00:11:44obviously
00:11:44I see
00:11:46there's something
00:11:47uncommon already
00:11:48look you know
00:11:49my wife and I
00:11:51we were opposites
00:11:52oh yeah
00:11:53we were like
00:11:53pizza and
00:11:54Hawaiian pizza
00:11:56she sure drove me crazy
00:11:58when we first met
00:11:59I know you're probably thinking
00:12:02I'm just some old fool
00:12:03huh
00:12:03but
00:12:03I learned a thing or two
00:12:05in 70 years
00:12:06you two have chemistry
00:12:09yeah
00:12:09like a nuclear bomb
00:12:11as if
00:12:12Romulus
00:12:13isn't there another way
00:12:14I don't want to be miserable
00:12:16for the rest of my life
00:12:17Amelia
00:12:17you do want to help
00:12:18your sister
00:12:19don't you
00:12:19well you'll be able
00:12:21to afford the treatment
00:12:22if you just agree
00:12:24to this arrangement
00:12:24what's it gonna be
00:12:31what's it gonna be
00:12:35what's it gonna be
00:12:36fine
00:12:38I'll do it
00:12:40for Betsy
00:12:41well Angelo
00:12:46it's not polite
00:12:47to keep a lovely lady waiting
00:12:48if you're not gonna agree
00:12:50to marry her
00:12:51then you're gonna lose
00:12:54the business
00:12:55and you're also gonna lose
00:12:57your inheritance
00:12:58what the hell dad
00:12:59fuck it
00:13:03fine
00:13:03I'll do it
00:13:04now let's just
00:13:06go into the office now
00:13:08the lorries have already
00:13:10drafted the contract
00:13:11and son
00:13:12we're gonna need
00:13:13some champagne
00:13:14I ran my mind
00:13:16try and make yourself
00:13:17look decent
00:13:18you will be engaged
00:13:22for a period of 30 days
00:13:24followed by a wedding
00:13:26planned by me
00:13:27and I'll tell you
00:13:28it's gonna be a big one
00:13:29for the ages too
00:13:30I hope the Halloween
00:13:32Bowl's not booked
00:13:32anyway
00:13:34you must move in together
00:13:36immediately
00:13:36to avoid any suspicion
00:13:38you know
00:13:38look there's nothing wrong
00:13:40with an arranged marriage
00:13:42but
00:13:42well
00:13:43it can't do any good
00:13:44if word got out
00:13:45to the public
00:13:45right
00:13:46that's why this has to be
00:13:47our own secret
00:13:48are we agreed
00:13:50sure
00:13:52all right
00:13:53sign in
00:13:54salute
00:14:13to the new couple
00:14:15so
00:14:24your place
00:14:26or mine
00:14:26I'm not staying at a dog
00:14:28house
00:14:29fine
00:14:30then we'll stay at yours
00:14:32so this is
00:14:43michelangelo's place
00:14:44it's like a museum
00:14:45in here
00:14:46a michelangelo museum
00:14:49ugh
00:14:50whoa
00:15:04what
00:15:05what's this
00:15:05put it in the trash
00:15:07this isn't trash
00:15:08these are my sisters
00:15:09she's an artist
00:15:10so put them in your room
00:15:12I said you could live here
00:15:13not decorate
00:15:14oh I'm sorry
00:15:15is it clashing
00:15:16with your banana hammock
00:15:17that's man thong
00:15:18it's trademarked
00:15:21look
00:15:24I gotta go meet somebody
00:15:25if this isn't cleaned up
00:15:27by the time I get back
00:15:28we're throwing it all in the fireplace
00:15:28it's electric
00:15:31oh by the way
00:15:37this is gonna work
00:15:39you might want to start wearing that
00:15:41gee thanks
00:15:45welcome
00:15:45you're getting married
00:15:54shh
00:15:55Betsy
00:15:56don't tell the whole world
00:15:57sorry
00:15:58Amelia
00:15:59it's just
00:15:59it's not like you
00:16:02you're saying we're
00:16:03reserved
00:16:05safe
00:16:06like I always taught you
00:16:09well
00:16:11things change when you find out
00:16:13your sister has cancer
00:16:14and besides
00:16:16michelangelo offered to help
00:16:17pay for some of your treatments
00:16:19so
00:16:19I'm okay with a quick proposal
00:16:21michelangelo
00:16:22the ninja turtle
00:16:24well
00:16:26michelangelo
00:16:27Dino Villino
00:16:29maybe you've heard of him
00:16:31michelangelo
00:16:32Dino Villino
00:16:33shh
00:16:34socialite man
00:16:39will have you like start a hundred
00:16:40canceled bravo shows
00:16:42how did you even meet?
00:16:43his dad is one of my clients
00:16:45it's been a whirlwind of a romance
00:16:50he's so
00:16:52toxic
00:16:54speak of the devil
00:16:56oh yeah
00:16:59you know that's probably an old issue
00:17:02this is a doctor's office
00:17:04Amelia
00:17:06Amelia
00:17:06Betsy Carlisle
00:17:09doctor's ready
00:17:11we'll talk about this later
00:17:14you ready to get wet baby?
00:17:37we're already wet
00:17:40where did that come from?
00:17:58nice place
00:18:10I love the artwork
00:18:15thanks
00:18:27finally
00:18:28oh good taste
00:18:29oh I'm good
00:18:33we had plenty of dinner
00:18:35more for me
00:18:36you know
00:18:41if you like it down here
00:18:42you should see the bed
00:18:44who are you?
00:18:57who are you?
00:18:59Chantel this is Amelia
00:19:02my roommate
00:19:06whatever
00:19:07can you guys just keep it down?
00:19:08I have work tomorrow morning
00:19:11this is my house?
00:19:13we will be as loud as we want to be
00:19:15scream at the top of our lungs
00:19:19you've got to be kidding me
00:19:21what's wrong dog walker?
00:19:23who's jealous?
00:19:24jealous?
00:19:25I'm not jealous
00:19:29sweet dreams
00:19:32I can't believe he said I was jealous
00:19:38how could I ever want to be with a party boy like him
00:19:41even if he is kind of hot
00:19:43see you later
00:20:03and um
00:20:05don't worry about last night
00:20:07sorry
00:20:08I had one so many to drink it
00:20:10it won't happen again
00:20:11you better not
00:20:12how's the hangover?
00:20:25roomie?
00:20:26not now
00:20:27my head's killing me
00:20:28we need to talk about last night
00:20:30no
00:20:30what we need to do is order a three egg omelet and home fries
00:20:35I don't care if you're fooling around with your bimbos
00:20:37monogamy wasn't in the contract
00:20:39but your dad doesn't want people knowing that this is an arranged marriage
00:20:42and you made it pretty clear to that girl last night that you don't care about me
00:20:45fine I'll have her sign an nda just give me my phone
00:20:48my sister needs this money michelangelo
00:20:52and if the paparazzi find out about this then the contract is violated
00:20:56then neither of us get what we want
00:20:57yeah no shit
00:20:58I'm serious
00:21:00don't screw this up
00:21:02I've been dealing with paparazzi since I was a teenager
00:21:06I know what I'm doing
00:21:07dog walker
00:21:08and just so we're clear
00:21:10I will fuck whoever I want
00:21:12whenever I want
00:21:13wherever I want
00:21:14fine
00:21:15do whatever you want
00:21:17sorry
00:21:19it's a bit harsh
00:21:21just really
00:21:22hungover
00:21:25that could have gone better
00:21:28hey baby
00:21:35you know you don't have to keep working
00:21:37you're rich now
00:21:39I know
00:21:40I like it
00:21:41oh that's good to hear
00:21:43you know I just hope that
00:21:44your work ethic rubs off on my son
00:21:47tell me uh
00:21:48how are things going between the two of you huh
00:21:51oh
00:21:52fine
00:21:52yeah
00:21:53we're still getting to know each other
00:21:55all right
00:21:56well give him time all right
00:21:57oh and listen
00:21:59he is not as bad as TMZ says all right
00:22:02look I
00:22:02I promise
00:22:03I wouldn't be so sure
00:22:05yeah
00:22:06you're right
00:22:07well we'll see you later
00:22:09yeah
00:22:10come on Gucci
00:22:11come on
00:22:12bye Gucci
00:22:13hey Amelia
00:22:17hey Jake
00:22:18Gucci no
00:22:21Royce
00:22:21I'd say bad dog but
00:22:25I'm not actually mad about this
00:22:26it's to see you up close for once
00:22:29yeah
00:22:30same here
00:22:31sorry
00:22:38Gucci's um
00:22:40a bit crazy
00:22:41his whole family actually
00:22:43all these rich people are nuts
00:22:45I should make a reality show
00:22:47we're all dog owners of Beverly Hills
00:22:50do you want to walk together
00:22:53let these two get to know each other
00:22:55yeah
00:22:57I'd like that
00:22:58so
00:23:04how long have you been a dog walker
00:23:06couple months
00:23:07I like it
00:23:09I had a bunch of terrible gigs before
00:23:11barista
00:23:12Uber driver
00:23:14delivery guy
00:23:15movie extra
00:23:17you were in a movie
00:23:18actually it was a toothpaste commercial
00:23:20just trying to impress you
00:23:22how about you
00:23:24how long you been doing this
00:23:26I don't know
00:23:27my whole life I guess
00:23:28it started as a summer job
00:23:30and then I turned it into my own business
00:23:32I want to open a doggy daycare someday
00:23:35wow
00:23:36I guess you really like dogs
00:23:38well they're easier to hang out with than humans sometimes
00:23:41if you want to hang out with this human sometime
00:23:46my band's playing at the Echoplex tonight
00:23:48do you want to go?
00:23:52I kind of have to admit I
00:23:53had a crush on you
00:23:54you did?
00:23:58yeah
00:23:58I still do
00:24:01he's cute
00:24:05I wish he'd asked me out before I got legally engaged
00:24:07then again
00:24:09that fuckboy has been out having fun
00:24:12I'd love to go to the concert
00:24:16hell yeah
00:24:18I mean uh
00:24:20regular
00:24:21yeah
00:24:22I know it's risky
00:24:25but
00:24:26I'm not a socialite like Michelangelo
00:24:28I won't have to worry about paparazzi spotting me at the show
00:24:31hey what's your ring?
00:24:36um
00:24:36it's
00:24:37just a class ring
00:24:38from high school
00:24:40looks pretty big
00:24:42it was a big school
00:24:43public schools
00:24:45am I right?
00:24:46I mean it kind of looks like an engagement ring
00:24:54me?
00:24:56engaged?
00:24:57no
00:24:57are you kidding?
00:24:58I'm 24
00:24:59I'm practically still a baby
00:25:00I mean I should be
00:25:01wearing diapers
00:25:03crawling around
00:25:04drooling
00:25:05nope
00:25:05single and ready to mingle
00:25:07okay
00:25:08Royce pooped
00:25:13you should pick it up
00:25:14where?
00:25:15I don't see it
00:25:16just over there
00:25:17come on
00:25:20do I have to wear a suit every day?
00:25:26of course
00:25:27it's an office
00:25:28you want to be CEO
00:25:29you gotta look the part
00:25:31you mean like
00:25:32you look like Willy Wonka without the chocolate factory?
00:25:36very funny
00:25:37you know I'm retiring next year
00:25:38yes I know
00:25:39yeah
00:25:39that means you gotta get up to speed
00:25:41rapidamente
00:25:42so today you're gonna be my shadow
00:25:44you'll be my extra hands
00:25:45and we got a lot to do
00:25:46can I get Starbucks first?
00:25:48fuck no
00:25:48come on dad
00:25:50okay
00:25:52wow
00:25:59oh my goodness
00:26:03are you okay?
00:26:06hi
00:26:06I'm Michelangelo
00:26:07you're engaged
00:26:13remember?
00:26:15and
00:26:16this is our new palette
00:26:17it's
00:26:19Matt's collection
00:26:20he really liked these colors
00:26:21so we did them twice
00:26:22but yeah
00:26:25that's
00:26:26presentation
00:26:27from me
00:26:28Michelangelo
00:26:30what dad?
00:26:39what a day dad
00:26:40it's not even lunch time yet
00:26:42look at you
00:26:43you got so lazy
00:26:44just sitting around
00:26:44taking pictures of yourself
00:26:45all the time
00:26:46just stick with it
00:26:48will you kid?
00:26:50hard work does pay off
00:26:51let me just look at Amelia
00:26:52what about her?
00:26:54she comes from nothing son
00:26:56nobody taught her
00:26:57how to run a business
00:26:58but she just worked hard
00:26:59and now
00:27:00well now she earns money
00:27:02doing what she loves
00:27:03I guess that's impressive
00:27:05yeah see
00:27:06see it is
00:27:06I hope she rubs off
00:27:08on you a little
00:27:08you know
00:27:09I just hope I don't get that uptight
00:27:12break's over
00:27:19well not too bad
00:27:36one day down
00:27:38forty more years to go
00:27:40now this is the time
00:27:43when you go home with Amelia
00:27:46you talk about the day's work
00:27:48raise you closer together
00:27:50comfort each other
00:27:51just like your mom and I
00:27:52used to do
00:27:54you know I'm thinking
00:27:56it's time for the world
00:27:58to meet
00:27:59Amelia
00:28:00tonight
00:28:02tonight?
00:28:05shit
00:28:05when am I going to tell Chantel
00:28:07I promised we'd Netflix
00:28:08and bang tonight
00:28:09the LA Zoo fundraiser
00:28:11lights, camera, red carpet
00:28:12perfect time to announce
00:28:14our lovely new addition
00:28:15to the Dino
00:28:17Dino
00:28:17now
00:28:18don't you think it's a bit
00:28:20soon dad?
00:28:21I mean
00:28:22we just signed the contract
00:28:23what's the matter
00:28:24you're getting along
00:28:27aren't you?
00:28:27yeah
00:28:28yeah
00:28:28we're just
00:28:28really starting to
00:28:30warm up to each other
00:28:31alright
00:28:32so it's all settled
00:28:33I'll see you at 8 o'clock
00:28:34tonight
00:28:34in the limo
00:28:35and
00:28:36don't be late
00:28:37my dad
00:28:42so
00:28:53remind me
00:28:55why are we getting
00:28:56makeovers done again?
00:28:58because I want to do
00:28:59something nice
00:29:00for my favorite big sister
00:29:01and
00:29:03and
00:29:04you know I never splurge
00:29:06on stuff like this
00:29:07but
00:29:08since I'm part of the
00:29:09Dino Levino family now
00:29:10I think I can afford
00:29:12to let my hair down
00:29:13you better not let that
00:29:14hair down
00:29:15sorry
00:29:16just an expression
00:29:17how's it going in there?
00:29:25I'm coming out
00:29:27is that bad?
00:29:38I've
00:29:39never seen a dog walker
00:29:41look this hot
00:29:42by that dress
00:29:44ASAP
00:29:45leave me alone
00:29:50party boy
00:29:51I've got my own
00:29:52function tonight
00:29:53I've got my own
00:29:53I've got my own
00:29:55that I'm going to
00:30:09what are you looking at you're spilling all over yourself thanks
00:30:32did you forget my name no there's just something different did you change your hair why do you
00:30:43care the man whorehouse is yours tonight i'm going out i just forgot my charger awesome thanks
00:30:49i'm taking this wait i've been calling you we're supposed to go to a fundraiser i told you i'm busy
00:30:58hold on amelia
00:31:02all right hey look who's right on time nice where's amelia she's sick she can't make it
00:31:19whoa whoa whoa if your fiance is sick you know you can't go out and party yeah you gotta stay
00:31:25home with her give her some give her some nice soup i'll catch both of you for the next one
00:31:31telling me that i hope she feels better soon poor thing okay dad see you in the office
00:31:37stupid dog walker tricking me with her makeover i'll teach her to mess with my plans
00:31:48hey it's michael angelo dino avino you still track people
00:31:59wow amelia hi you look like you just walked off a runway without a dog sorry i don't come to
00:32:25concerts off and i kind of panicked no worries i should have mentioned this is more of a five
00:32:30dollar beer kind of place yeah but you're drinking for free tonight talk to the bartender
00:32:36wow the ip treatment you look like
00:32:39thanks jenny
00:32:41hey lover boy we're on
00:32:45gotta go find me in the green room after hope you like it
00:32:52break a leg
00:32:53break a leg
00:32:53break a leg
00:32:53break a leg
00:32:53break a leg
00:32:53rock stars are so much better than underwear models
00:33:16good nothing from michelangelo maybe he's learned his lesson
00:33:28one more please
00:33:31but that doesn't mean i'm not hooking up with jake tonight
00:33:38jake you guys were great
00:33:47you really think so
00:33:50i just feel like we're ripping off the strokes
00:33:53the who
00:33:54you don't know the strokes
00:33:57are they older i'm more of a top 40 kind of girl
00:34:03it's all right lots of stuff to introduce you to
00:34:07you want something to drink
00:34:09yeah thank you
00:34:11so when did you learn how to play guitar
00:34:19since i was 13
00:34:22played in bands all through high school and college but
00:34:25i feel like this one's finally going someplace
00:34:27that's awesome
00:34:29when i get my record deal i can fully quit my job
00:34:32focus on music full time
00:34:34you're gonna quit dog walking
00:34:36i thought you liked it
00:34:38i do but
00:34:39it's just another gig until i hit it big in music
00:34:42i don't even like dogs that much
00:34:44i'm more of a cat person
00:34:45a cat person
00:34:48who doesn't like dogs
00:34:52even michelangelo's good with gucci
00:34:54i don't want to talk about work tonight
00:34:56i just want to relax
00:34:58have a good time
00:35:00you're beautiful you know that
00:35:03i thought i wanted to hook up with jake
00:35:07now i'm not sure
00:35:09we have nothing in common
00:35:10is it weird that i feel a tiny bit guilty
00:35:13what the heck
00:35:17i'm tipsy and he's cute
00:35:19michelangelo had his fun
00:35:20now i can have mine
00:35:22looks like someone needs obedience
00:35:38what's going on
00:35:40that's michelangelo dina lavino
00:35:42the nepo baby underwear model
00:35:44he's not
00:35:45you're coming with me dog walker
00:35:47don't make me get the leash
00:35:49what the hell michelangelo
00:35:50back off dude
00:35:52back off
00:35:53grubby little hipster
00:35:55she's my fiance
00:35:55so that was an engagement ring
00:35:58jake i can explain
00:36:00let's go
00:36:02i'm really sorry jake
00:36:05i'm not jake
00:36:06this
00:36:12is for making me uber
00:36:14all the way to fucking silver mic
00:36:15and this is for making me listen andy
00:36:19i can't believe you did that
00:36:26after your high and mighty speech
00:36:27you're such a hypocrite
00:36:28yeah well i don't have the paparazzi following me around
00:36:31just an italian american psycho
00:36:33i'm not following you around
00:36:36you know what i get it
00:36:37you saw me with chantelle last night
00:36:39and now you're jealous
00:36:41me jealous
00:36:43did you see the way that you were acting around jake
00:36:46like i would ever fuck a dog walker
00:36:48i am more than a dog walker you playboy prick
00:36:51i have a name
00:36:52wait what are you doing
00:36:54that is an original
00:36:55i'm so sick of your bullshit
00:36:57oh fine
00:36:59i'll just hop in my time machine
00:37:00go back to ancient rome
00:37:01and get another one
00:37:02i don't care about your art
00:37:03your money
00:37:04your stupid mansion
00:37:05you're treating me
00:37:05like shit
00:37:06that's from the renaissance
00:37:09you are history's worst nightmare
00:37:11i tried to make this work with you
00:37:12we signed a contract
00:37:13for an arranged marriage
00:37:15did you actually think this arrangement would be anything more than a business transaction
00:37:18you are such a simpleton
00:37:20wait wait wait wait
00:37:23well at least i'm not a spoiled brat
00:37:27i tried to get along with you
00:37:28you brought this on to yourself
00:37:30i wish i never agreed to this awful engagement
00:37:32right back at you
00:37:33i fucking hate you
00:37:35i fucking hate you more
00:37:37i fucking hate you more
00:38:05i fucking hate you more
00:38:07but i'm gonna need you longer
00:38:07i'm gonna need you more
00:38:08okay
00:38:09and i'm gonna need you more
00:38:11it's awesome
00:38:12so watch the tutorial
00:38:13i love you
00:38:14i ав
00:38:26and i love you
00:38:28uh
00:38:29uh
00:38:31where am i who's spooning me is that jake how drunk was i
00:38:54michelangelo dog walker oh i forgot we did that last night
00:39:01must have been all those free beers we don't have to talk about this right yeah too many drinks
00:39:09just forget it ever happened if that's what you want definitely um i have to go to work
00:39:20i should get up too oh my head there's pedialite in the fridge
00:39:26thanks for coming today sis of course my doctor did say i needed lots of exercise
00:39:35well you look great thanks don't feel great the treatment's taking a lot out of me
00:39:43a lot out of me you on the other hand are glowing today what's going on
00:39:52so michelangelo and i had sex last night wait for the first time
00:40:00yeah we're taking it slow michelangelo the male gigolo is taking it slow
00:40:10maybe i did misjudge him
00:40:11and how was it well really bad right i knew it actually it was the best sex i ever had
00:40:23well that explains the glow
00:40:30i am happy for you sis physical chemistry is important that's actually what i wanted to
00:40:36talk to you about i don't get it he and i are nothing alike and yet he knows how to push all of
00:40:41my buttons i feel like like an arcade game and it just keeps getting the high score again and again
00:40:48you get the picture hey
00:40:53opposites attract i mean that's why you guys love each other so much because you're so different something
00:41:01like that
00:41:10here comes right on the schedule dog walkers in love with me i'll have to let her down easy
00:41:18weird i haven't heard from the dog walker all morning
00:41:28what was that about must be the hangover
00:41:42hey i'd like to hang out tonight maybe we can finish what we started last time
00:41:56hey unfortunately something came up i i can't make it tonight
00:42:06why can't i stop thinking about the dog walker and why hasn't she texted me yet
00:42:22the dog walker and why haven't she texted me yet
00:42:31hey
00:42:34hi
00:42:36we should talk
00:42:42i'm not very good with words me neither but last night i you don't have to say anything
00:42:47we both know it was a mistake and we can just go back to hating each other like nothing ever
00:42:53happened i don't think you understand if you just listen to me for a second
00:42:56you don't have to worry about me catching feelings i'm a big girl i've had a one night stand before
00:43:02i've never been with someone like you before okay i get it i'm not one of your your models or your your
00:43:09d-list actresses you don't have to give me some big speech about letting me down easily i know that
00:43:16if you would take back last night that you would frankly so would i i mean you're driving me nuts you
00:43:21don't understand let's let's get some takeout and figure this thing out i don't need you to mansplain
00:43:27my own feelings to me wait did you just call me amelia
00:43:35what happened to dog walker i have a confession to make
00:43:42last night i don't know how i don't know why that was the best sex i've ever had in my life
00:43:49really do i look like i'm lying i'm not a good actor i could even do reality tv but there is
00:44:02a fire between us amelia some kind of crazy cosmic chemistry you sound like you're reading a horoscope
00:44:11amelia please i know you felt it too amelia please don't act like you didn't feel it too
00:44:27i felt it too
00:44:32so why are we fighting it i've been thinking about you all day
00:44:36me too
00:45:06so i set the kitchen on fire how am i supposed to know you're not supposed to
00:45:17lot fireball shots on fire it's not my fault they should change the name
00:45:22no wonder they canceled vanderpump's super yacht
00:45:27if you think that's funny just wait till the next episode the captain gets super
00:45:31drunk off espresso martinis and he almost sinks the boat
00:45:33you know when you're not acting like a complete douchebag you're not so bad
00:45:44thanks you know we could actually try this
00:45:49hey if the sex stays this good i'm open for anything i'm serious the wedding's coming up
00:45:58we could give it a shot you mean like you and me together together
00:46:04why not were you planning on marrying someone else
00:46:08oh gucci what's the rush
00:46:23oh hey royce
00:46:30jake how's it going
00:46:33good yeah
00:46:36look the other night was kind of crazy i know i should have told you about michelangelo
00:46:42you're kind of in a fight i'm sorry for bringing you into this
00:46:49is he always like that so aggressive and controlling
00:46:52i couldn't believe the way he just dragged you off like that
00:46:55he was like a caveman lugging home his woman
00:46:58well i am his woman he saw us together and he got jealous
00:47:03and i don't blame him oh my god am i actually sticking up for michelangelo
00:47:08dina volino i didn't mean a pride i just wanted to make sure everything's
00:47:13okay i'm here if you need to talk thanks jake
00:47:18but i'm engaged remember and the only person i want to talk to
00:47:23is my fiance
00:47:25we had a connection you're a cat person it never would have worked
00:47:31come on gucci let's go
00:47:36cats are awesome
00:47:41that was a great presentation the marketing director loved your ideas for
00:47:46the new line you think so
00:47:47oh maybe i'm finally starting to get the hang of the ceo thing
00:47:52oh yeah yeah now listen i gotta fly to paris for a few days you mind watching uh
00:47:57your little brother for me gucci sure but i mean
00:48:01your dog's more amelia's specialty yeah but that's how you impress her
00:48:05you invite her for a romantic date at the dog park at the dog park
00:48:09mm-hmm i just texted her it's all set now go get a lover boy
00:48:20so you just throw it and he brings it back you've never played fetch before
00:48:34it's my dad's dog not mine let me try that's okay i know you don't want to touch a slobbery ball with your
00:48:42dainty hands
00:48:47do you ever get tired of the dog stuff
00:48:50no i like my work what's the point of working if you never get a chance to
00:48:55have fun
00:48:58you're right i should work less
00:49:01if nothing else you're letting me get closer to my little brother
00:49:08fetch gucci
00:49:09i've got a big surprise a surprise just wait and see
00:49:18what's that special delivery from masterione's italian deli
00:49:39but gucci it's your favorite prosciutto
00:49:47you know that's awful for dogs right i thought you were off the clock today besides a special occasion
00:49:57i also thought we could use his water bowl to pour a little chianti into it
00:50:01okay this is for us why don't you get us a core script what else is in the back
00:50:08just some imported italian ingredients so i can make you a real italian dinner
00:50:12that was so good i feel like i just went to italy even though i've never been
00:50:33i've never been to italy even though i've never been to italy even though i don't know how did you
00:50:39do this i can't cook at all making italian food is one of my favorite things to do did you learn in
00:50:42culinary school
00:50:43my mom taught me tell me about her i never told a girl about my mom
00:50:50sorry i don't mean to pray
00:50:52she passed away when i was 11. breast cancer but i have a lot of good memories of her
00:51:01she grew up in a little village in tuscany and she taught me everything i know about cooking
00:51:07we'd spend hours in the kitchen just cooking and eating and laughing
00:51:13i still have all of her recipes here handwritten in italian that's really special
00:51:23i miss her this might sound corny but i feel a little closer to her when i make her recipes
00:51:30it's not corny but i didn't know you're such a softy just don't tell tmz what about your parents
00:51:41my parents died in a car accident when i was 13. it's been me and betsy ever since i'm sorry
00:51:48i just really hope these treatments work
00:51:54i don't want to lose her too
00:51:57i'm sorry your story made me emotional i'm gonna go do the dishes
00:52:02i'll help you no no it's fine i like doing the dishes it relaxes me good because i hate them
00:52:09well then i guess we make a good team
00:52:15is it just the wine or am i really falling for him
00:52:19him
00:52:20her
00:52:33hey hey do you want an espresso i just figured out how to make the machine work
00:52:39no thank you me and dad have a morning meeting i'm kind of in a rush okay well don't forget gucci
00:52:45how could i
00:52:48ready bro well let me fix your tie
00:52:53what do you know about ties you wear t-shirts to work
00:52:57and you wore man thongs two weeks ago
00:52:59touche
00:53:01there you go okay bye bye
00:53:07love you love you too
00:53:18sorry reflex i didn't mean to say that me neither too soon
00:53:23uh talk about it later yeah okay uh could that have been any more awkward
00:53:33and is michelangelo really in love with me
00:53:41look who's here hey my little guy hey little gucci look at this right here
00:53:48oh yeah now here's mine right just like that huh yeah even got one for big brother right there
00:54:02come to papa yeah my boy all right all right so we got to talk about this uh this wedding right this
00:54:10is two weeks off hollywood bowl they're waiting for an answer and i bumped into chris martin on the plane
00:54:17he says the band is free you like cold play right that we can't have the wedding at the hollywood
00:54:26well all right then we'll book the magic castle how about that not too big plenty room for cold
00:54:31play huh let's just pump the brakes we cannot plan a wedding like this what something wrong with
00:54:38amelia no everything is great it's better than great honestly but we cannot have a big flashy wedding
00:54:48that's our thing it's not amelia's thing i think it'd make it uncomfortable
00:54:54wow wow i never thought of that you know you have a very good point yeah
00:55:02i'm very impressed you've never acted like this with any other woman i can't say i've ever felt like
00:55:10this with another girl sounds like you might be falling in love love yeah i don't know
00:55:22all right all right change the deal gonna cancel the hollywood bowl all right and then we'll have a
00:55:28nice small intimate affair a wedding with cold play no cold play dad no cold play
00:55:43so it's about my cancer treatment it's not working i know it i talked to my doctors yesterday
00:55:52and i'm cured what you're cured oh congratulations thank you i wasn't expecting it i didn't think i
00:56:05would be cured in only two sessions it only took two sessions i almost had enough in my savings to cover
00:56:12that maybe i didn't need the dina volino's money what's wrong sis we should be celebrating
00:56:19i brought prosecco no yeah no i'm good yeah amelia i'm your sister you can tell me anything
00:56:31is it michelangelo is everything okay if that punk pretty boy hurts you i will take that man thong
00:56:39and give him a wedgie so far up his butt that it will cut him in two it's not michelangelo let's see
00:56:45it's me i have to tell you something
00:56:55i cannot believe that they convinced you to do an arranged marriage what is this game of thrones it's
00:57:03the only way that i could pay for your treatments and you know that i would do anything for you
00:57:07actually he's not that bad i kind of like him yeah babe that's called stockholm syndrome we need to get
00:57:19you out of there betsy i have real feelings for him but what about the tabloid stories you heard what
00:57:31he did to that floozy in disney world they banned him for life you'll never go to epcot he's not actually
00:57:38like the stories or at least not to me he's only acting like that to get into your pants amelia
00:57:47if you marry michelangelo he will make your life a living hell what if you meet him yeah meet him
00:57:58maybe he'll change your mind maybe maybe you'll actually like him don't count on it please me just
00:58:05give him a chance fine yes only one yes
00:58:13you won't regret it i'm gonna go get the prosecco
00:58:18you better bring the whole bottle
00:58:19thank you for making dinner of course i'm glad she's cancer free we need to celebrate
00:58:32michelangelo you know that betsy is the most important person in the world to me right you
00:58:38mean besides me i'm serious it's really important to me that you two get along
00:58:43have a glass of wine tonight's gonna be great
00:58:49it's enormous why would anybody need so much room it's nice to see you too sis
00:59:09nice to finally meet you betsy
00:59:11so this is the infamous uh michelangelo
00:59:22how about we start off with a glass of champagne 96 domperion amelia said that's the year that you
00:59:27were born yeah sorry i can't drink that fancy stuff it's worth more than my car why would anybody spend
00:59:34that much on a drink
00:59:388.99 at ralph's it's delicious this was made in france
00:59:44sorry can't touch that stuff so who wants a drink
01:00:04you hardly touch your food it's a little too rich for me mine tastes great
01:00:21so michelangelo i have some big sister questions to ask about the prenuptials coming up you don't mind do
01:00:29you fire away so i know you two have been having your fun um but what's this relationship gonna look
01:00:40like once that honeymoon phase wears off i don't think it's going to
01:00:47that's cute and all but what about her career are you gonna support her or kids what's your stance on
01:00:53that or are you just gonna jump to the next person once you get bored and this gets too serious betsy
01:00:59look i know i have a past but i'm committed to it we haven't talked about kids but i'm open to anything
01:01:08see michelangelo that's my point you two are getting married and you barely know each other
01:01:15we know now easy betsy
01:01:17i just think it's a bad idea getting married this soon and if you really cared about amelia
01:01:24you would give her the time and what makes you such an expert i don't see a ring on your finger
01:01:30michelangelo you probably picked them apart the way you're doing me right now
01:01:34it's no wonder amelia was so uptight when i met her she gets it from you
01:01:38are you gonna let him talk to me like that amelia you started it
01:01:48why don't we all just calm down betsy's just looking out for my best interest no she's alone
01:01:54and miserable and trying to drag you down with her that's not fair michelangelo she's not been fair
01:01:59to me since she walked through the door you're the horniest bastard in beverly hills and you're
01:02:03a frigid lonely woman who cannot stand to see her sister happy you know what you can't talk to
01:02:07betsy like that that's my sister she just survived cancer
01:02:10that doesn't give her a right to insult me inside my own house this is my house too and she can say
01:02:18whatever she wants not to me you know maybe she should be concerned i don't like this side of you
01:02:23see i told you you should have spent more time getting to know each other but i guess the contract
01:02:27doesn't allow for that you told her she's my sister i don't care that violates our agreement
01:02:33oh is that all i am to you a contractual agreement some kind of obligation it's not what i meant
01:02:39it came out wrong amelia i love you you love me don't listen to him he doesn't even know what
01:02:46that means shut the fuck up you know what maybe she was right i shouldn't have signed that contract it's
01:02:53over we need to get out of here i've seen too many true crime documentaries on netflix to know what
01:03:05happens when you tell rich people secrets amelia i know this is hard to hear but you did the right
01:03:16thing you do so much better than him yeah but he isn't a monster i shouldn't have said that we can
01:03:25talk about it on the road get packing and if we leave now we can get to mexico by dawn lay low for a bit
01:03:32mexico or canada whatever it's that or stay here and get sued by the dino lovinos or worse
01:03:41i don't think romulus and michelangelo would sue us i mean i only told you about the contract
01:03:47it's not like i told the media you don't know that we're liabilities loose ends you should listen
01:03:55to more true kind podcast get rid of that thing it could be tracking us right now
01:04:05yeah you know michelangelo did manage to follow me to the echoplex the other day
01:04:09see you could have a sniper on us
01:04:17it's romulus hey romulus
01:04:21what what do you mean gucci's missing
01:04:24you came
01:04:39against my better judgment i'm not happy you've been blowing me off
01:04:43i've just been busy but it's over with now
01:04:47you should punish me for straying you make me sick i make me sick
01:05:05nice underwear it's a great craftsmanship
01:05:11okay let's get this over with
01:05:21is that all you have to say do you even realize how hot i am i'm sorry jantel
01:05:30i thought i wanted this but i don't i'm not the stud that i used to be
01:05:41amelia broke up with me
01:05:47it feels like she's stomping on my heart with one of your shoes
01:05:52never in a million years did i think i'd fall for a dog walk with my hair i am
01:05:56fucking devastated and all her wishes i could take back how i acted
01:06:00i just wanted to come back
01:06:13amelia
01:06:16hi dad
01:06:18gucci's gone i'll be right there
01:06:21romulus
01:06:34well i i only had him off the leash for a second you know
01:06:37we're practically in the house and then all of a sudden he just shot off like a rocket
01:06:41i've been calling him all night but he won't come back
01:06:45well we can help you find him yeah right
01:06:51good thanks good gucci this better not be a trap just come on
01:06:59gucci gucci
01:07:01gucci gucci hey hey where's michelangelo huh i thought you're both together why isn't he here
01:07:06with you oh um he's sorry i'm late dad where were you i had to stop for late night delivery at
01:07:14mastriani's it's gucci's favorite prosciutto this doesn't ring out of hiding nothing will
01:07:19go smart move dude here ladies take a piece of this prosciutto here that's it
01:07:29give me the urk
01:07:41gucci
01:07:42he's hopeless we've been looking for him all night long we're never gonna find him
01:07:55don't give up dad he's just off having a little adventure keep looking he'll turn up in a few minutes
01:08:01see they're not gonna kill us i do have to admit though i didn't expect to see this side of him
01:08:07he's really there for his dad his dad's dog so you approve now they didn't say that
01:08:19gucci
01:08:23gucci my boy's back
01:08:25gucci
01:08:33okay okay i'm a little closer to approving
01:08:43i might have possibly misjudged you a little
01:08:52it's okay most of what the tabloids publish is true they just leave out part of the story amelia
01:09:02can we talk
01:09:06please
01:09:09amelia can we talk
01:09:14please okay
01:09:22amelia amelia i'm sorry about earlier tonight i shouldn't have attacked your sister
01:09:32and i shouldn't have blown up at you for mentioning the contract
01:09:38i hope that you know you mean so much more to me than just a business agreement
01:09:44thanks for saying that i needed to hear that
01:09:47and i'm sorry for calling you a monster you're not one i'm still learning new things about you
01:09:58most of them are good
01:10:01i'm happy we signed the contract
01:10:04i'm not
01:10:08you're not what do you mean
01:10:09amelia this might sound crazy but i meant it when i said that i love you
01:10:19and i don't want some silly piece of paper to be the reason that we stay together
01:10:25i want to know that our love is real
01:10:29dad what is this son i want to cancel the contract between me and amelia
01:10:35why son because i want to ask her to marry me and not because of some legal obligation
01:10:47but because she wants to
01:10:53consider our contracts null and void
01:10:56amelia
01:11:03amelia
01:11:05where will it be
01:11:08will you marry me
01:11:12will you marry me
01:11:15yes i'll marry you
01:11:26you've made me the happiest underwear model in the world
01:11:36and i'm the happiest dog walker
01:11:39look at me i'm dripping like a roman aqueduct
01:11:44all right all right you two that's enough all right
01:11:48we spent this whole night together come over to my place all right we'll have a nice breakfast italian
01:11:54style hopefully it's not too rich for you
01:11:58i think i can get used to it and then we can all discuss the wedding all right i want to hear
01:12:03from everybody involved especially uh coldplay we're not getting coldplay dad was worth a try
01:12:24and now the bride and groom would like to give their vows michelangelo
01:12:42amelia
01:12:45even though we're far from a perfect couple we're
01:12:48perfect together i've learned so much from you in such a short amount of time and
01:12:56not just about dogs i don't know how i ever managed anything without you
01:13:04i'm looking forward to your support and counsel as i take over the family business from my father this
01:13:12year and in return i promise
01:13:18to be patient and a loving husband as you turn our backyard into the doggy daycare you've always dreamed of
01:13:25i amelia you're the only thing better than free underwear i love you so much
01:13:41i never thought i would end up with a former man thong model but here we are michelangelo you've
01:13:52helped me come out of my shell and you've taught me how to live life to the fullest something i hope
01:13:56to do more of on our honeymoon in italy
01:13:58and although we haven't spent much time together it feels like a lifetime in a good way i know your
01:14:10mom would be proud of you ti amo michelangelo i love you with the power vested in me by almighty god
01:14:17and the city of beverly hills i now pronounce you husband and wife you may kiss your bride
01:14:32thanks i'm betsy amelia's sister i'm jake another dog walker it's crazy you know given my sister
01:14:42but i've always been more of a cat person me too
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