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Breaking the News (2018) - Season 4 Episode 5
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04:53I suppose it's the first relationship I've ever had
04:56where we've got sort of effortlessly comprehensive
04:58and compassionate communication, zero status games,
05:01funniest partner I've ever had, most curious partner I've ever had,
05:03sort of equally, veriflessly equal division of domestic drudgery
05:06and, um, yeah.
05:09In the moment, though, I could only really think of a pants.
05:13So Rachel Reeves then said she wasn't satisfied
05:15with 1% economic growth.
05:18Stuart Mitchell, what are you not satisfied with at the moment?
05:21Well, I think you just think you've got some disposable income
05:25and then the Chancellor comes along and takes it away, do you know?
05:30I've taken the leaf out Bonnie Blue's book
05:33and I've joined OnlyFans.
05:36So if you go down Strathclyde Park this weekend,
05:39you'll see me touring the Bobby bus.
05:46Well, if you want to see 1% growth, you know where to go.
05:51So now, Jessica and Stu, it's over to you.
05:56What was the other story we were after?
05:58I think this is the story that the UK government
06:01has been urged to invest in the global race for space
06:04and that that's going to happen here in Scotland.
06:07And that is the right answer, Jessica.
06:09Yes, in a week where the UK government was urged to invest
06:12in the global race for space by a House of Lords committee.
06:16A leading space expert has been lauding Scotland's geography
06:20as the reason that we are in such a strong position here.
06:23Now, this is something that goes back many years.
06:25In 1957, the USSR proved that they were a serious contender
06:30in the space race by putting a dog into orbit.
06:33Well, Shetland Spaceport has a similar idea,
06:37but had to abandon it when they couldn't get the helmet on the pony.
06:44Did you know, Stuart McPherson,
06:46that Scotland had such a thriving space industry?
06:49I did know this, actually.
06:50I learned this recently.
06:52I go for curries once a quarter with my mates.
06:55We call it curry quarterly.
06:56It's very witty.
06:57We're all stand-up comedians.
06:59Do this for a living.
06:59And it's basically three pals that do stand-up
07:02and then one of our mates who quit stand-up like 10 years ago
07:05and we were having a curry, honestly, the other week.
07:07And you know how you just don't know
07:09what any of your mates do for work that have normal jobs?
07:12I know, you know, we never speak about work
07:14and he was sort of talking about work being stressy
07:16and I was like, what is it you do again?
07:18He was like, I work in space.
07:21I spat my poppadom out.
07:23I thought he was a librarian, this guy.
07:26He works in space.
07:27So it's like, how's this not coming up in conversation more?
07:29See, we've got very different mates
07:31because my mates are all involved in the space industry.
07:38We're also very good at that in Scotland as well.
07:41Josie, what about you then?
07:42Were you aware of this?
07:43Did you know that Scotland had such a thriving space industry?
07:46No, I didn't.
07:48And then, like, it does make sense that they were talking about,
07:50oh, we've got the right geography for it.
07:52And I was like, yeah, because Scotland's really far north,
07:54so that means it's closer to space, doesn't it?
07:57Everyone in the crew has gone, she's very clever, that is right.
08:03The problem with this whole bit for me is, I am English, sorry, I'm sorry.
08:09I can't help it.
08:11I was born with it.
08:12And this whole bit is inviting us as comedians to be cheeky about Scotland
08:18and say that it isn't sort of ready, perhaps, to be the next NASA,
08:22and it is inviting us to do that, but I'm not allowed to do it
08:26because, one, I've got a Scottish wife and I know the rules,
08:29and two, I just want to get out of here alive.
08:31I don't know, Stu, what about you then?
08:35How would you recruit more Scots into the space programme?
08:37I don't know, me and my girlfriend, I sort of look in at the minute
08:40about maybe trying to move, and we kind of want somewhere
08:43with more space, and I'm thinking, space?
08:47It's not that bad.
08:48If they figure out how long it takes, you know,
08:49you could just see it as an extension of the commuter belt,
08:52you know, it's basically like zero gravity Croy,
08:54when you think about it.
08:56Josie, we're going to need to staff this.
08:58Come on, how would you recruit more Scots into the space programme?
09:02OK, so I only have one idea, which is tell them
09:04it's part of the qualifiers for the Euros.
09:10Do you know what?
09:11We're there.
09:11After you play Belarus, you've got to go up to Mars.
09:17Scotland is home to the new Sax Award spaceport in Shetland,
09:22where the traditional launch phrase,
09:23three, two, one, liftoff, will be replaced with
09:26get it right up, you, you rocket.
09:30Yes, well done, Jessica and Stu.
09:31You get two points for that.
09:32It was the mash-up of Rachel Reeves' pre-budget statement
09:35and Scotland's position in the modern-day space race,
09:38and well done.
09:39At the end of that round, it is two points apiece!
09:49Now, much of our news is about public opinion,
09:51so to find out what stories people are talking about,
09:53we spoke to two friends of the show,
09:56broadcaster and auctioneer Natasha Raskin-Sharp
09:59and comedian David Kaye.
10:01So, Jessica and Stu, what is our David on about here?
10:05I think there's lots of Scottish places that could apply for this.
10:11And that's just the first ones that sprung to mind.
10:30And the government are launching a new scheme
10:38that's like the UK town of culture.
10:41That is the right answer, Stu.
10:42Well done.
10:43We're all familiar with the City of Culture programme,
10:45but a new Town of Culture initiative
10:47has been launched by Culture Secretary Lisa Nandy.
10:51The UK government said the first winning town would get £3.5 million
10:55to help it develop a cultural programme in the summer of 2028.
11:00Now, many of our towns here could be in contention.
11:03Scotland has so many beautiful sights to behold,
11:06whether it be the Kelpies in Falkirk,
11:08the Standing Stones in Callanish,
11:09or that guy punching a seagull in larks.
11:14A cultural hotspot indeed.
11:16What do you think, Stu?
11:17Is this a good idea?
11:19Well, yeah, I think it's good to shine a light on places
11:21that maybe aren't appreciated as much.
11:23It does feel a wee bit patronising, I think.
11:25If you're that culture, you wouldn't need to say it, really.
11:27It feels a wee bit like when I was at Youth Club
11:30and they gave me the Good Try Award.
11:31It feels a wee bit...
11:35It's come from a good place, but it's a wee bit condescending.
11:38Jessica, what do you make of this?
11:39Do you think it's a good idea?
11:41Yeah, it's probably a good idea.
11:43Why stop at town?
11:45You know, if it makes people feel good,
11:46we should have village of the year, village of culture,
11:49hamlet of culture, close of culture,
11:52tiny model village of culture.
11:54Why not? But we're descending money.
11:56And then I read that the winner of the town of culture,
11:58the first town of culture,
11:59gets £3.5 million.
12:03No wonder we're in debt.
12:04And that made me think,
12:06perhaps I could rebrand myself as a town.
12:10Town in need of a boost.
12:12I've got terrible infrastructure.
12:14I'm covered in potholes.
12:17I'm always complaining that I'm badly lit.
12:20I'm friendly in the day, but I'm scary at night.
12:24I've got a woefully neglected main thoroughfare.
12:29LAUGHTER
12:30Josie, what do you make about this proposal then?
12:35Do you think it's a good idea?
12:37Towns, I don't think they have much.
12:40Like, cities have a cathedral,
12:42but, like, what do all towns have?
12:44They've got a hall.
12:45But they've not got any other rooms.
12:50There's not even a town landing.
12:52It's got a town hall.
12:53And there is one town in the whole of the UK
12:55that has another room,
12:57and that is Grantham.
12:58Grantham has a town bathroom.
13:01But they're not even allowed to call it that.
13:03They have to call it the statue of Margaret Thatcher.
13:05LAUGHTER
13:06Stuart Mitchell, what do you make of the town of culture?
13:13Is it a good idea?
13:15Well, I think it would be funny
13:16if they ended up handing £3.5 million to a twat.
13:21LAUGHTER
13:21Because that's a town's name.
13:24Yeah.
13:25It was either that or Cockermouth.
13:27LAUGHTER
13:28LAUGHTER
13:29And I didn't think you would put that in.
13:31LAUGHTER
13:32Ironically.
13:33LAUGHTER
13:34Well, the town of culture could be a thing.
13:42Who should win it, though?
13:44Stu, I'll come to you first on this one.
13:45What town would you recommend and why?
13:48Well, I've got to stick up for my hometown of Kokodi.
13:50You know, it's not great like a lot of these towns are,
13:52but, you know, I think we've given a lot to the world.
13:54I like to defend it.
13:55If you don't know Adam Smith, he's from Kokodi.
13:57He's the economist, forefather of modern capitalism.
14:00That was us.
14:01I feel if Adam, you know, if Adam Smith could come back now
14:04and see Kokodi, he'd be buzzing.
14:06If you could see the high street...
14:07LAUGHTER
14:08..ten vape shops and a Greggs.
14:10You've nailed it, lads.
14:11LAUGHTER
14:12That's exactly what I had in mind.
14:13LAUGHTER
14:14Stuart and Josie, it's your turn now.
14:17What do you think Natasha is talking about here?
14:20Talk about an idea I wish I'd had.
14:23People are loving going from one extreme to another.
14:26Of course it's taken British people forever to get into this.
14:30I mean, it's very good for you,
14:31but generally, on the continent, they do it in the nude.
14:34And come on.
14:36I know what this is.
14:37This is that there's been an explosion,
14:39not literally, thank God,
14:41of sauna culture...
14:43LAUGHTER
14:44..in the United Kingdom in the last few years.
14:47Well done, Josie, that is the right answer.
14:48Yes, it has been revealed this week
14:50that the UK is in a bit of a sauna boom.
14:52The British Sauna Society said that the number of dedicated public saunas
14:57has indeed increased from just 10 in 2020 to 450 this year.
15:02Yes, saunas and ice baths have increased in popularity,
15:05with proven health benefits of going quickly
15:08from roasting to freezing temperatures,
15:10a process which we here in Scotland call summer.
15:14LAUGHTER
15:14I don't know what you feel about this.
15:16Are you getting on board with this trend?
15:18I love it.
15:19I've joined one of the posh swimming clubs
15:22in the West End of Glasgow,
15:24and it's changed my life.
15:25It's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me,
15:27because I spend my life now in the sauna,
15:30completely nude, with women 30 years my senior,
15:34who, out of nowhere,
15:37start very detailed conversations about their sex lives.
15:42It's one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me.
15:45I love it.
15:46The only problem is...
15:47So, I know I have a thick Glaswegian accent,
15:49but I'm actually from the south of England.
15:52And I'm used to living in London,
15:54and I was talking about this on stage,
15:56and I forgot that this city is too small
15:58and everyone knows my business.
15:59So I'm on stage and I'm going,
16:01oh, I love it there.
16:02Everyone's naked.
16:03Everyone's telling me dirty stories.
16:05And these women to the side of the stage went,
16:08we know we see you there all the time.
16:10LAUGHTER
16:11But, yeah, it's changed my life.
16:16That is life-changing.
16:18That is so different from the guys in a sauna.
16:21I've been in a sauna with a load of bollocks.
16:26LAUGHTER
16:26So, is it fair to ask you then, Stuart,
16:31are you on board with this trend?
16:32Not at all.
16:33I always think when you're sitting in a sauna
16:35you're just sitting there looking as if
16:36your shed's been robbed.
16:39LAUGHTER
16:40LAUGHTER
16:40Near us, near where we live,
16:44there's all these big posh houses,
16:46not where we live, but near,
16:47and they've all got them in their back gardens now.
16:49They've got the sheds,
16:50and it's like a bougie kind of status symbol.
16:53And like you say, it's such a new thing, isn't it?
16:55Like, even three years ago,
16:57if you said to someone, you know,
16:58do you want to come round mine
16:59and sit in your pants in my shed?
17:01LAUGHTER
17:03Sweating, and then we'll take a dunk in a big barrel
17:06like we're duking for apples,
17:08but there's no apples.
17:09Nude section, then.
17:11Stuart, I asked you because I wanted to be your friend.
17:13LAUGHTER
17:14Ah, Jessica, what do you think about this then?
17:18It seems to be that there is a growing trend for this.
17:20Are you on board with this trend?
17:22I'm into it, and I think it is a craze.
17:24I'm from this seaside town on the Jurassic Coast,
17:27and they've got one of these saunas, like, on the beach.
17:29And now, after the school run,
17:31but it's like the mums are possessed.
17:35They drop the kids off, and then it's like zombies.
17:37They all turn as one,
17:39but instead of the uniform of having kind of rotting flesh
17:41and eating brains,
17:42it's just a dry robe, whatever the weather,
17:45and a coffee and a reusable carry cup,
17:48and that's the uniform,
17:49and we all totter down together to get hot and cold.
17:53Hey, Stuart, what about you?
17:54We're talking about the boom in saunas
17:55because it's good for our health,
17:57but what is the most unusual thing
17:58that you have done for your health?
18:00I tried cupping once,
18:03but never again.
18:06My coffee burnt my buzz.
18:10There we have it.
18:11A new trend of healthy hedonism
18:13is driving a boom in the UK sauna industry
18:16imported from Scandinavia.
18:18The idea of sauna-ing
18:19is much like flat-packed furniture,
18:22and that it will leave you hot, sweaty,
18:24and looking at some extra parts
18:25that you weren't expecting.
18:26Of course, that is the right answer.
18:29Healthy hedonism and a rise in saunas is correct,
18:32and two points go to Stuart and Josie.
18:42This is Breaking the News from BBC Scotland
18:45with me, Des Clark.
18:46Now, this round is all about who's in the news.
18:48I'm going to play you a clip of a mystery person.
18:51All you have to do is tell me who it is.
18:53So, Stuart and Josie, you're up first this time.
18:56Who is this?
18:57The work that I do here
18:59is the work that I want to do,
19:01although there have been times
19:02when I've had to choose between a job
19:03that I didn't particularly want
19:05and getting some painting and decorating.
19:07Oh, this is Daniel Day-Lewis, isn't it?
19:10Around this sort of spat
19:12with method acting
19:14and with Brian Cox.
19:15That is the right answer, Stuart.
19:16Yes, in an unexpected feud,
19:19Daniel Day-Lewis has hit out at Brian Cox
19:22for criticising method acting.
19:24Day-Lewis suggested that Cox's success
19:27had given him a soapbox
19:28which he shows no sign of climbing down from.
19:32Of course, Daniel Day-Lewis is legendary
19:34for his commitment as a method actor.
19:38Famously for his role in The Crucible,
19:39he spent six months with Stephen Hendry.
19:42And so whose side are you on then?
19:47Oh, I'm on Brian Cox's side.
19:49I think you just...
19:50I mean, it's quite funny.
19:51Aye, I think you just do what you want to do,
19:53don't you?
19:53And I think it's all this pretentious nonsense
19:56and...
19:56I mean, I remember I did a sort of drama
19:59and you'll get them all sort of shaking
20:01and all this
20:02and getting their face right
20:03and getting ready
20:04and you think,
20:04you realise this is for the radio.
20:09Jessica, go on.
20:10Deciding vote.
20:11Whose side are you on?
20:12I'm actually method acting right now.
20:16I'm actually in a film
20:17playing the part of a comedian
20:19who hasn't written enough jokes
20:20for this section of the show.
20:23No, it's actually very, very hard
20:25to speak about Daniel Day-Lewis
20:27on a show that goes out
20:28at a time where you can't say wanker.
20:33It's tricky.
20:34It's tricky
20:34because he's clearly
20:35a deeply annoying person
20:37to work with
20:37or have in your life
20:38but, oh, he's good, isn't he?
20:40He is good.
20:41Apparently, he lived in a tent
20:42for the whole time
20:43he was filming
20:43There Will Be Blood.
20:44My favourite thing about that film
20:45is my dad said,
20:47what film did you go and see last night?
20:48And I said,
20:49There Will Be Blood
20:49and he went,
20:50I knew there would.
20:53Stuart McPherson,
20:54it's the big debate.
20:55Whose side are you on?
20:56I've got basically no regard
20:58for acting at all
20:59as a profession.
21:00They take it so seriously.
21:02Do you know what I mean?
21:02Daniel Day-Lewis is the worst
21:03and you've got the Oscars
21:04and they've got these big long speeches
21:05and they're acting like
21:06they're solving famine or whatever.
21:09It's kidding on!
21:12It should be like,
21:13you know,
21:13the award for best kidding on this year
21:15goes to...
21:16Cillian Murphy for kidding on.
21:19He was up in high
21:19and he had a daft heart on.
21:21He was sad.
21:25Josie, what about you?
21:26We're talking about
21:26two great actors here
21:27but have you ever tried
21:29to act your way out
21:30of a situation?
21:31Yeah, I do it all the time
21:32which is where
21:32I'm walking along
21:33and I realise
21:34I'm going the wrong direction
21:35but I don't want strangers
21:37to think that I'm weird
21:38so I have to like
21:39concoct a little story
21:41and be like,
21:42oh, oh, oh, oh.
21:44Hang on.
21:45Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
21:47Oh, right, sorry.
21:47Okay, I'll turn around then.
21:49Yeah, yeah.
21:49And then everyone
21:51will just think
21:51I'm normal
21:52and I didn't go the wrong way
21:53and they'll think
21:54oh, she had a good reason
21:55she was obviously
21:56going that direction
21:56she hadn't got it wrong
21:57but then she had
21:58an emergency call
21:59and she better turn around
22:00and that way
22:01just nobody thinks
22:02you're weird
22:03everyone thinks
22:03you're just normal.
22:05But we're talking
22:06about the big spat
22:06between Daniel Day-Lewis
22:08and Brian Cox.
22:09Daniel Day-Lewis
22:10has accused
22:11Brian Cox
22:11of misrepresenting
22:13the craft
22:13of method acting
22:14as attached
22:15to some kind
22:16of lunacy
22:17an allegation
22:18to which Cox replied
22:19why you talk to me
22:20Daniel
22:20I'm a toaster.
22:23Right, Jessica
22:24and Stu
22:25it's your turn now
22:26who is this
22:26and why are they
22:28in the news?
22:29Welcome to Mr Gruber's shop
22:30I've brought you
22:32this marmalade sandwich
22:33but it's only
22:34for emergencies.
22:36That's Paddington!
22:37Well of course
22:38that is Paddington
22:39and Paddington
22:40the musical
22:40is here
22:41after almost a decade
22:43in the works
22:43the bear from Peru
22:45has hit the stage
22:46at the Savoy Theatre
22:47in London
22:47seeing how well
22:48the British public
22:49responded to somebody
22:50walking about London
22:51carrying a wee briefcase
22:52Rachel Reeves
22:53nipped straight out
22:54to buy a red hat
22:55and a blue duffel coat.
22:57Stu, why do you think
22:58we are so obsessed
22:59with Paddington?
23:00Well you know
23:01he's an immigrant
23:01who came over
23:02on a small boat.
23:11And it's a pretty big
23:11hoosey's and I've seen
23:12the film
23:13and people
23:13the British public
23:15seem to be pretty
23:16obsessed with that
23:17at the minute
23:17so it makes perfect
23:19sense to me.
23:20Josie, what do you think?
23:21Paddington
23:22why is the UK
23:23so obsessed
23:23with Paddington?
23:25Because it is
23:26a society
23:27terminally
23:27in decline
23:28devoid of ideas
23:29pathetic
23:30listless
23:31yet refusing
23:32to die
23:32or because he's
23:34actually really cute.
23:37One or the other?
23:38One of the two.
23:38It's hard to tell.
23:39Stuart Mitchell
23:41Paddington the musical
23:42is here
23:43but why do you think
23:44the UK is so obsessed
23:45with Paddington?
23:46Well we're not all
23:47obsessed up here
23:48because I mean
23:49he had tea with the Queen
23:50he wears red, white and blue
23:51and he is a bear.
23:56People are raving about it
24:04but
24:05does it top your list?
24:06What is the best thing
24:07that you have ever seen live?
24:09Jessica
24:10I once saw a man
24:13ask for directions
24:14No no no
24:18a real answer
24:18a real answer
24:19I loved it
24:20I loved it
24:21I loved it
24:21No to be fair
24:22I genuinely made that up
24:23never seen it
24:24Stuart what are your thoughts then
24:27we've got Paddington live
24:28on stage in London
24:29what is the best thing
24:30that you've ever seen live?
24:31Well I did actually see
24:32the video live
24:33when the Queen
24:33was with Paddington
24:35and Paddington
24:36had the marmalade sandwich
24:37under his hat
24:38and the Queen
24:39had Andrew's allegations
24:40under hers
24:41Well done
24:47on giving us the right answer
24:47the legend is
24:48Paddington Bear
24:49The creator said
24:50that their animatronic
24:51Paddington is better
24:52than any puppet
24:53or actor could ever be
24:55It's been described
24:56as magical by critics
24:57and so I ate
24:58all those marmalade sandwiches
24:59for nothing
25:00by Daniel Day-Lewis
25:01Yes well done
25:04of course Paddington
25:06is the right answer
25:06and two points
25:07go to Jessica
25:08and Stuart
25:09It's time now
25:18for our final
25:18quickfire round
25:19which is all about
25:20deciphering the numbers
25:21in the news
25:21I will read out a headline
25:23all the teams have to do
25:24is fill in the blanks
25:25so get ready teams
25:26when we run out of time
25:27you will hear this
25:29I'm not having this
25:30That is Lorraine Kelly there
25:31after being asked
25:32to present her TV show
25:33for more than three days
25:35this week
25:35Right yeah
25:38put your fingers on the buzzers
25:39and here we go
25:40one in ten adults
25:42do what every day
25:43Josie
25:45Is it walk slowly
25:47in front of me
25:48in the middle of town?
25:51Feels that way doesn't it
25:52at the moment?
25:53It's not that
25:54keep going
25:54these are great
25:55one in ten adults
25:56do what every day?
25:58Stuart McPherson
25:58Is it visit
25:59Stuart Mitchell's
26:00booby bus
26:00one in ten adults
26:04do what every day?
26:06Jessica
26:07Parkour
26:08I thought that
26:11I'm sure that would
26:11land in this crowd
26:12Yeah
26:13it's not parkour
26:15no
26:15one in ten adults
26:16do what every day?
26:19Stuart Mitchell
26:19get accidentally
26:20released for jail
26:21The answer is
26:29that one in ten adults
26:30vape every day
26:32I'm not having this
26:33Oh there's a klaxon
26:34that means Lorraine
26:35has Kelly'd
26:36it's all over
26:37and at the end of the quiz
26:38our winners this week
26:39are
26:40Jessica Fosterkew
26:41and Stuart McPherson
26:42and commiserations
26:49to Stuart Mitchell
26:50and Josie Long
26:52and we'll leave you
26:58with the breaking news
26:59breaking news
27:00just in
27:01one of Scotland's
27:03most successful
27:03police dogs
27:04has hung up
27:05her harness
27:06Amber
27:07who was trained
27:07in Glasgow
27:08can now relax
27:09and live out
27:09her retirement
27:10no longer needing
27:11to sniff out drugs
27:13for work
27:13but just for fun
27:14Marks and Spencers
27:18have launched
27:19secret support pants
27:21that offer men
27:21a subtle lift
27:23it's a little message
27:24sewn into the hem
27:25that says
27:25you've got this champ
27:26scientists in Aberdeen
27:31have developed
27:32a tool
27:32which they say
27:33can identify
27:34the type of meat
27:35in shop bought
27:36ready meals
27:37and even the breed
27:38of animal
27:39it comes from
27:39one critic said
27:40personally
27:41I think that's bull
27:42but it could be horse
27:43the news is broken
27:46I've been Des Clark
27:47goodbye
27:47I've been in los
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