- 2 days ago
Dumped by his girlfriend, a high school grad decides to embark on an overseas adventure in Europe with his friends.
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TVTranscript
00:00:00Hey!
00:00:30Hey!
00:01:00Hey!
00:01:02Hey!
00:01:06Hey!
00:01:08Hey!
00:01:10Hey!
00:01:12Hey!
00:01:14Hey!
00:01:16Hey!
00:01:18Hey!
00:01:20Hey!
00:01:22Hey!
00:01:24Hey!
00:01:26Hey!
00:01:28Hey!
00:01:32Hey!
00:01:34Hey!
00:01:36Hey!
00:01:42Hey!
00:01:44Hey!
00:01:46Hey!
00:01:52Hey!
00:01:54Hey!
00:01:56Hey!
00:01:58Hey!
00:02:00Hey!
00:02:10Oh, my God.
00:02:40Congratulations, Hudson High class of 2004.
00:03:05There she is. Fiona!
00:03:08Hey, bye.
00:03:10Hey.
00:03:11Hey.
00:03:12Bye.
00:03:17Congratulations, graduate.
00:03:19Thanks, baby.
00:03:20And congratulations to you, Cooper.
00:03:22Aw, thanks, baby.
00:03:24Nice try.
00:03:26Alright, I'll see you at Wade's party tonight.
00:03:28See you then.
00:03:29Alright.
00:03:30So, it's just you and me for the entire summer.
00:03:34Next year you graduate, join me in college.
00:03:36It seems just like we planned.
00:03:38Scott, we need to talk.
00:03:39Yeah?
00:03:40About what?
00:03:41About me dumping you.
00:03:43Huh?
00:03:45There he is.
00:03:46The graduate and his beautiful girlfriend.
00:03:49Okay?
00:03:50Smile, you two!
00:03:52Action.
00:03:53Action.
00:03:54Dad.
00:03:55Mom.
00:03:56Grandma.
00:03:57Uncle Moak.
00:03:58Uh, I'm gonna need a minute here, okay?
00:04:00What do you mean you're dumping me?
00:04:02Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore.
00:04:06Stop it.
00:04:07What are you talking about, sweetie?
00:04:08I never cheated on you.
00:04:09I know.
00:04:10That's what makes this so hard.
00:04:12You're looking good, you guys.
00:04:14Scotty, it's not you.
00:04:15It's me.
00:04:16There I go, lying again.
00:04:17No, it was you.
00:04:18You were just so predictable.
00:04:19Smile.
00:04:20So that's it.
00:04:21Here's your letter jacket back.
00:04:22Goodbye.
00:04:23This isn't mine.
00:04:24You don't see the keeper, huh?
00:04:25Oh, wow.
00:04:26Oh, my God.
00:04:27Fiona!
00:04:28Fiona!
00:04:29Oh!
00:04:30Oh, my God!
00:04:31Fiona!
00:04:32Oh, my God!
00:04:34Fiona!
00:04:35I don't know.
00:04:36I'm just kidding.
00:04:37You're just so predictable.
00:04:38Smile.
00:04:39So that's it.
00:04:40Here's your letter jacket back.
00:04:41Goodbye.
00:04:42This isn't mine!
00:04:44Now, he's the keeper, huh?
00:04:45Oh, wow.
00:04:47Oh, my God!
00:04:48Fiona!
00:04:49Fiona!
00:04:50Fiona!
00:04:51Oh, my God!
00:04:52Let's see that again.
00:05:00Fiona!
00:05:02This is just so brutal, and yet I can't look away.
00:05:07Bert, play it again. Come on.
00:05:09Fiona!
00:05:11Bert, get out of here.
00:05:13Okay, see you, Cooper.
00:05:14All right. Stay black, Bert.
00:05:19Fiona!
00:05:20Mail, motherfucker!
00:05:22Hey, I got one for Mike.
00:05:28Happy Herzlichen.
00:05:29Are you still writing that guy?
00:05:31I thought that was just for German class.
00:05:33Uh, yeah, it was at first,
00:05:34but you know, we're actually becoming pretty good friends.
00:05:36He's a really cool guy.
00:05:38Dear Mike,
00:05:40greetings from your American pen pal.
00:05:43Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals.
00:05:46Listen to yourself, all right?
00:05:47You met a cool guy on the Internet.
00:05:52Okay, this is how these sexual predators work.
00:05:54Next thing you know, he's going to want to arrange a meeting
00:05:56where he will gas you
00:05:58and stuff you in the back of his van
00:06:00and make a wind chime out of your genitals.
00:06:03Come on, let's go to Wade's.
00:06:04All right.
00:06:05Screw it.
00:06:06Let's go.
00:06:07I'm not going to let Fiona ruin my graduation night.
00:06:09Auf Wiedersehen, Mike.
00:06:11What's up, losers?
00:06:27What's up, Jenny?
00:06:28What's up, dude?
00:06:29Sorry to hear about Fiona.
00:06:31She's a whore.
00:06:32Well, that's very sweet of you, thanks.
00:06:34All right, enough Fiona talk.
00:06:35Look around.
00:06:36There's got to be a hundred drunk girls here,
00:06:37and we should be trying to have sex with every one of them.
00:06:39Hello?
00:06:40Mixed company?
00:06:42What?
00:06:43I'm a girl.
00:06:44No, you're not.
00:06:45Yeah, you're just a cool guy with long hair.
00:06:47So where's your evil twin brother at?
00:06:49Jenny!
00:06:50Oh, there he is.
00:06:53Hey, Jamie.
00:06:54You're fine form, I see.
00:06:56Mm.
00:06:57Why'd you give me gin and tonic?
00:06:59I hate gin.
00:07:01You do?
00:07:01You guys are the worst twins ever.
00:07:11So when are you guys taking off?
00:07:13Tomorrow morning.
00:07:14Hey, wait.
00:07:16Great party, buddy.
00:07:19And I am so excited.
00:07:21A whole summer backpacking around Europe.
00:07:24You really should have come with us
00:07:25instead of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty.
00:07:28Oh, it's going to be so awesome.
00:07:30Yeah.
00:07:30I have planned every detail of the trip
00:07:33to maximize the fun.
00:07:35You brought a guidebook to a party?
00:07:37Do you guys want to see my itinerary?
00:07:39Do you want to see my balls?
00:07:42So you guys decide where you're going to go first?
00:07:44Paris.
00:07:45I can't wait.
00:07:46I heard two years ago,
00:07:47Nicky Jager's sister Debbie
00:07:48met this really wealthy French guy,
00:07:50and they spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht.
00:07:53Isn't that just the most romantic thing you've ever heard?
00:07:56You're stuck on a boat with a weird French guy?
00:07:58That sounds a little gay.
00:08:02It's not gay.
00:08:03I'm a girl.
00:08:05Kind of gay.
00:08:05It's a little gay.
00:08:07All right.
00:08:08I got to piss like a pregnant woman.
00:08:12Hey, listen up, everybody.
00:08:15Got a little special thing I'd like to do tonight.
00:08:18We'll play a little song for you
00:08:19about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know.
00:08:26Fiona.
00:08:34This one's for you, baby.
00:08:36Happy anniversary.
00:08:36Scottie doesn't know that Fiona and me
00:08:46do it in my van every Sunday.
00:08:48She tells them she's in church,
00:08:50but she doesn't go.
00:08:51Still, she's on her knees.
00:08:53And Scottie doesn't know.
00:08:55Oh, Scottie doesn't know.
00:08:58So don't tell Scottie.
00:09:00Scottie doesn't know.
00:09:01Scottie doesn't know.
00:09:03I hope we're just as popular in college
00:09:05as we were in high school.
00:09:07We will be.
00:09:08I know.
00:09:10Who needs more Chablis?
00:09:13Candy, do you want to come with?
00:09:14No, I'll stay here.
00:09:16Hello, Candy.
00:09:22What?
00:09:22Oh, holy cow!
00:09:26Oh, this isn't where I park my car.
00:09:28I can't believe he's so trusting
00:09:32While I'm right behind you, thrusting
00:09:38Because Scottie doesn't know
00:09:40Scottie doesn't know
00:09:41Cooper Harris, you're a pig!
00:09:43Uh, wait, Candy?
00:09:44Before you go,
00:09:45you might want to clean that off.
00:09:48Clean what off?
00:09:50It's like, uh, dirt or something.
00:09:51Go like this.
00:09:52Well, no, it's kind of under.
00:09:58And to the side, and under.
00:10:02Is it off?
00:10:03No.
00:10:05I think your top is getting in the way.
00:10:08Really?
00:10:09Trust me.
00:10:10That's better.
00:10:21Uh, but keep rubbing it.
00:10:26I did it on his birthday
00:10:31Scotty doesn't know
00:10:34Scotty doesn't know
00:10:35Scotty doesn't know
00:10:37Scotty doesn't know
00:10:38Don't tell Scotty
00:10:39Scotty doesn't know
00:10:41Mm-hmm.
00:10:44Mm-hmm.
00:10:46No, it's just not coming off.
00:10:49What is it?
00:10:51Fine, I'll do it.
00:10:52Come here.
00:10:54Oh, my God!
00:10:55Candy!
00:10:57Cooper!
00:10:59Hey!
00:11:01This man rocks!
00:11:25Yeah!
00:11:26Scotty doesn't know
00:11:26Scotty doesn't know
00:11:28Scotty doesn't know
00:11:28Scotty doesn't know
00:11:29Scotty doesn't know
00:11:30what the fuck!
00:11:52Mail, mother fucker!
00:11:52hey mike dear scott i was very sad to hear about your lady woman fiona dumping you
00:12:08since you no longer have a girlfriend maybe i could come to america and we could get to know
00:12:13each other better perhaps we could zoos a minute arrange a meeting no no no come on cooper was
00:12:33right this guy wants to have sex with me um listen mike i don't want to arrange any meetings with you
00:12:41you sick german free so so please keep your hands off of my genitals and never write to me again
00:12:50and don't come to america goodbye
00:12:53ow
00:13:00i'm never drinking again
00:13:15that's nice
00:13:17burt what are you doing reading your email don't do that
00:13:26why are you wearing my bathrobe
00:13:30oh i'm sorry but somebody pissed all over mine last night
00:13:35wow i can't believe this german chick wants to come here and hook up with you
00:13:42yeah i don't think so buddy mike's a guy
00:13:44um no it says right here trojas matching
00:13:48i was a sad girl to hear about fiona
00:13:50i'm taking intro to german and even i know that
00:13:54come here
00:13:55you sent me a picture retardo
00:13:58see
00:13:59that's a picture of mike and that's his cute cousin jan
00:14:02no retardo
00:14:03that's jan a man's name
00:14:06and that's not mike
00:14:08it's mika
00:14:09a common german girl's name
00:14:11similar to our michelle
00:14:12i hope you wrote her back and told her to come and visit
00:14:15you didn't
00:14:19you thought you was a guy
00:14:22i'm getting the video camera
00:14:24what an asshole
00:14:28no
00:14:29no
00:14:30no
00:14:32i don't understand scott thomas
00:14:53but if you don't want to talk to me
00:14:58i don't want to talk to you
00:15:00address blocked
00:15:06email not delivered
00:15:07no
00:15:08no
00:15:08come on
00:15:09hey mom made waffles
00:15:12what's going on
00:15:14i'm in love with my pen pal
00:15:15i'm in love with mike
00:15:18okay
00:15:22okay
00:15:23you know what
00:15:26i was actually expecting this
00:15:28and frankly no listen i'm flattered you picked me to come out to first
00:15:31and don't worry about telling your folks because uh
00:15:34i think they already know
00:15:36no you idiot mike is a girl
00:15:38no no no i get it yeah
00:15:39he's the girl and you're the girl
00:15:41and sometimes uh you're both the girl
00:15:44right
00:15:45right
00:15:47that's hot
00:15:48but you know whatever works for you i'm i'm not gonna judge it
00:15:52will you stop look
00:15:53come here
00:15:53i'll get this picture
00:15:54wow who's the hot chick
00:15:58that's mike
00:15:59i mean mika
00:16:01wait that's mike that's who you've been writing to all this time
00:16:04yeah you know until last night when i took your advice and told her to keep her hands off my genitals
00:16:09well given what we know now it seems like the exact opposite of what you want
00:16:13this is a total disaster
00:16:18oh come on it's not that bad
00:16:20though she is really hot
00:16:22you're not listening i don't even care what she looks like
00:16:25mika and i made this
00:16:27incredible bond
00:16:29i told her things i couldn't even tell you
00:16:31like what
00:16:34nothing it's a figure of speech
00:16:36no seriously what
00:16:37nothing the point is
00:16:39well you stop listen this girl is not only smart and funny and stunningly beautiful
00:16:45but until i screwed it up she actually wanted to come all the way to america just to be with me
00:16:49so do something about it
00:16:51what can i do
00:16:52she blocked her email account her phone number's not listed
00:16:55the only thing i know is that she lives in berlin
00:16:58so go to berlin
00:16:59i can't just go to berlin coop
00:17:03why not
00:17:04because
00:17:05i just can't okay
00:17:07i'm supposed to work for my dad this summer stuff looks really good on my med school application
00:17:11oh jesus scotty
00:17:13man fiona was right
00:17:15you're so predictable
00:17:16i'm going to germany
00:17:28no
00:17:28we're going to germany
00:17:30how are we going to get to germany
00:17:41don't worry i've got it covered
00:17:42we're going to be couriers
00:17:46it's the best way to get a cheap flight
00:17:49all we have to do is carry their packages
00:17:50and then drop them off when we get there
00:17:52my cousin did it when he went to india
00:17:54yeah
00:17:55of course he ended up using a public restroom in new delhi
00:17:59and they had to cut off his leg
00:18:01but he got there cheap
00:18:04you know i'm saying
00:18:05okay i don't have anything to germany for a week
00:18:09but i can get you both to london today for 118 dollars
00:18:13anything else
00:18:14europe is like the size of the eastwood mall
00:18:16we can walk to berlin from there
00:18:18cooper england's an island
00:18:20okay swim
00:18:21whatever
00:18:23we'll take it
00:18:25hey
00:18:40thanks for coming with me
00:18:42i know you had that internship at the law firm this summer
00:18:45well forget about the law firm
00:18:47and don't thank me i should be thanking you
00:18:50this trip is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me
00:18:54to broaden my sexual horizons
00:18:56what are you talking about
00:18:59i'm talking about crazy european sex
00:19:01you know america was founded by prudes
00:19:06prudes who left europe
00:19:08because they hated all the kinky steamy european sex that was going on
00:19:13and now i
00:19:15cooper harris
00:19:17will return to the land of my perverted forefathers
00:19:21and claim my birthright
00:19:22which is a series of erotic and sexually challenging adventures
00:19:28you really thought a lot about this haven't you
00:19:31it's my passion
00:19:34come on
00:19:50come on
00:19:51the adventure of a game
00:19:55welcome to jolly old england
00:19:57yeah read that sweet sexy european air
00:20:01oh what is that
00:20:04uh it's it's the phone they gave me at the law firm
00:20:07yeah it's pretty neat huh
00:20:09works anywhere
00:20:10yeah
00:20:10yeah
00:20:11excuse me
00:20:12cooper here
00:20:14hello mr walters
00:20:16uh yes sir i'm down to file storage
00:20:19uh is hanging once again
00:20:22no sir i can't find the gooderman file anywhere
00:20:30yes sir i'll keep looking
00:20:32no i don't rest until i find it
00:20:35didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country
00:20:38they would have stopped paying me
00:20:39right
00:20:39it seemed easier
00:20:40so where to
00:20:42uh i don't know
00:20:44first bus to berlin doesn't leave till tomorrow morning
00:20:46what do you want to do
00:20:47got the tower of london
00:20:48this buckingham palace
00:20:50there's no drinking age
00:20:53there you go
00:20:54come on
00:20:54hey
00:20:57the feisty goat
00:20:58all right
00:21:04what do you want to
00:21:06soccer hooligans
00:21:19hey this isn't where i parked my car
00:21:26oi
00:21:28look at the bloody hell of you
00:21:31this is a private members bar
00:21:35exclusively for the supporters of the greatest football team in the world
00:21:39manchester united
00:21:42now please
00:21:44enlighten me
00:21:45who the fuck are you
00:21:47that is a good question
00:21:49and scotty
00:21:51we're the manchester united fan club
00:21:59from ohio
00:22:01if you're manchester united supporters
00:22:04sing the manchester united song
00:22:07excuse me i'm sorry
00:22:09i'm not much of a singer
00:22:10my baby takes the morning train
00:22:16he works from nine to five and then
00:22:20he takes another home again
00:22:25to find me
00:22:28watching the manchester united football team
00:22:33the best freaking team in all the land
00:22:37pretty good
00:22:46pretty damn good
00:22:49pretty damn good lads
00:22:49you find me waiting for him
00:23:00you find me waiting for him
00:23:13i've unblocked your email address
00:23:22but this scot
00:23:24is not responding
00:23:25he was the one
00:23:28i was going to give myself to him
00:23:34perhaps you should give yourself to someone else
00:23:39i'm never drinking again
00:23:51i'm never drinking again
00:24:05coop wake up
00:24:08oh man that was a wild night
00:24:11you think
00:24:14scotty where the hell are we going
00:24:25don't worry
00:24:26if anything bad happens
00:24:27my parents will find us
00:24:28honey
00:24:30where's scotty
00:24:31cooper said they were going camping
00:24:33oh
00:24:34that's nice
00:24:36and where's bert
00:24:38the fuck have i know
00:24:40but given the current geopolitical climate
00:24:57all european countries should have a seat at the table
00:25:00except those fucking eye ties
00:25:03i hate them italian bastards
00:25:05you know what i mean
00:25:06excuse me
00:25:07hello boyo
00:25:08so what the hell happened last night
00:25:10you got steamed up
00:25:12pissed as a fart
00:25:13too much sauce son
00:25:15don't worry
00:25:16i'll come and got you
00:25:17so you wouldn't miss the trip
00:25:19what what trip
00:25:21where are we going
00:25:23you mean where are we going
00:25:24we're gonna see the mighty reds
00:25:26through the frogs in paris
00:25:28and we boys
00:25:29why are you yelling at me
00:25:33so i tell the swamp donkey
00:25:35so i tell the swamp donkey
00:25:35to sack it
00:25:36before i give her a tonk in the tradesman's entrance
00:25:38and have a lick me yabbles
00:25:41wow
00:25:44you guys are on like a completely different level of swearing over here
00:25:48cooper we're going to paris
00:25:51i know cecil told me
00:25:52mika's in berlin
00:25:54we're not going to berlin
00:25:56what are we going to do
00:25:56we need a plan
00:25:57all right you see what i'm talking about
00:25:59this is predictable scotty talking
00:26:00relax
00:26:02paris is practically a suburb of berlin
00:26:04it's a nothing commute
00:26:06this is why france and germany
00:26:08have always been allies
00:26:09allies
00:26:09the twins
00:26:13the twins were in paris right
00:26:15we could give them a call
00:26:16they could help us out
00:26:17let me see your phone
00:26:17i'll give them a call
00:26:18all right
00:26:19but i'm really only supposed to use this
00:26:20for business calls
00:26:21i don't
00:26:22you're on the wrong side of the road you snail eating puss
00:26:44fuck off
00:26:45go on you gaelic fucking garlic breath tossers
00:26:48get in here and say that
00:26:51you froggy eye ties
00:26:52shy ties
00:26:53fucking bitch
00:26:58we'll feed you bastard all over your fucking nose
00:27:01get out of the way
00:27:02piss off
00:27:04hey lads
00:27:13that wanker's got a frog football shirt on
00:27:15let's give this nancy a fucking good kick in
00:27:18come on lads
00:27:19it's going off
00:27:21yeah
00:27:21all right
00:27:36twins said they'd meet us here
00:27:38hey
00:27:39oh look at that
00:27:40come on
00:27:40jenny
00:27:41jenny
00:27:42hey
00:27:43come here
00:27:44no no no no
00:27:46thank you thank you
00:27:49what is that a new camera
00:27:51this isn't just a camera this is a leica m7
00:27:54uber sensitive exposure settings legendary cloth shutter system
00:27:58let me see that then
00:27:59no can do
00:28:00spent the last four years tutoring lacrosse players just to pay for it
00:28:04so nobody touches my camera so nobody touches my camera but me
00:28:06so it's like your wiener
00:28:08no it's not like my jenny
00:28:09jenny cooper leave him alone
00:28:11wow scotty i still can't believe you came all the way to europe for a girl
00:28:15oh wait no not just any girl show her the picture scotty
00:28:18she makes every girl in their high school look like a walrus
00:28:21i'm a girl from your high school
00:28:23no i mean girl girls
00:28:25guys we're wasting the whole day here we're in paris let's go to the lube
00:28:29to the lube
00:28:32yeah just get a little closer together
00:28:40wait
00:28:42so you guys want to stay here should we go check out the huge line at the eiffel tower
00:28:57here's a fun fact volterra contracted syphilis just two blocks from here should we go
00:29:15please just get out of here this guy is really creeping me out
00:29:18who robot man he's just trying to feed his robot family
00:29:22i really don't like him
00:29:24why
00:29:25because he's doing this
00:29:29seriously don't do that
00:29:30cooper do not hate me
00:29:35i am familiar with over 600 dance moves and i am programmed to get
00:29:44freaky
00:29:53what do you think you're doing here i am the sole robot in this place
00:29:57haha you're just upset because people like me better
00:30:00it's ok
00:30:01why
00:30:06god
00:30:11who
00:30:12oh
00:30:14why
00:30:15what real
00:30:16what am i calling those about
00:30:18I'm not a robot, we're not a robot, really.
00:30:41Fight! Fight!
00:30:42Fight! Fight!
00:30:46Fight!
00:30:47Sweep the leg, Scott!
00:31:05Don't look at his eye, Scotty! Don't look at his eye!
00:31:13Oh, that was not funny!
00:31:16Agh!
00:31:34Aaaaaaah!
00:31:40Oh!
00:31:41Oh!
00:31:42Oh!
00:31:43Oh!
00:31:44Oh!
00:31:45Guys, go!
00:31:46Come on!
00:31:47Me fool!
00:31:48Error!
00:31:49Error!
00:31:50Error!
00:31:51Error!
00:31:52How cool is this?
00:31:55It's a shame that we only get to spend one day together.
00:32:00Hey, why don't you guys come to Berlin with us?
00:32:03No.
00:32:04Jamie, come on.
00:32:05In a few months, we're all going off to different colleges.
00:32:07This could be the last chance that the four of us are together like this.
00:32:10Plus, we're in Europe.
00:32:12Huh?
00:32:13It should be the trip of a lifetime.
00:32:15There's no way that we should split up.
00:32:18All right, this table is now Europe.
00:32:20Okay?
00:32:21Okay.
00:32:22Excuse me.
00:32:23We are right here in Paris, and I have got to get to Mika, who is over here in Berlin.
00:32:31And, Jamie, if you come with us, I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff that you can see.
00:32:35It's right along the way.
00:32:36We can go to Denmark.
00:32:38Denmark.
00:32:39I love Denmark.
00:32:40We've got to hit Amsterdam.
00:32:41Definitely.
00:32:42And the cathedral at Cameray.
00:32:45Yeah.
00:32:46Maybe.
00:32:47We'll see.
00:32:48Whatever.
00:32:49If there's time.
00:32:51Come on.
00:32:53I really want you to be the one.
00:32:55I mean Mika.
00:32:56Fine.
00:32:57Excellent.
00:32:58All right.
00:32:59Toast.
00:33:00Toast.
00:33:01To Mika.
00:33:02To Europe.
00:33:03To Europe.
00:33:04To Europe.
00:33:05To Europe.
00:33:06Merci.
00:33:08Berlin, here we come.
00:33:10All right.
00:33:11You better let me hold onto those.
00:33:14What the hell is that?
00:33:19It's a traveler's money belt.
00:33:21Frommer says as long as you have one of these, no one can rob you of anything.
00:33:25Except your dignity.
00:33:27No.
00:33:28You just put that in your...
00:33:29Wait.
00:33:30What?
00:33:31Come on.
00:33:32Guidebook.
00:33:33Let's go.
00:33:37Check it out.
00:33:38European ass.
00:33:43What's up?
00:33:47Oh Jesus Jenny.
00:33:48I thought you were some...
00:33:50girl.
00:33:51Come on.
00:33:52Platform 4.
00:33:53Thanks.
00:33:57Damn.
00:34:01I believe this is yours.
00:34:07Pleased to meet you.
00:34:09My name is Crystal.
00:34:10Jenny let's go!
00:34:12Move it!
00:34:14Those are my friends.
00:34:15We're supposed to get on a train to Berlin.
00:34:17Jenny!
00:34:18I'm coming!
00:34:20So, it was really nice to meet you.
00:34:23The pleasure was all mine.
00:34:26Jennifer.
00:35:57See?
00:36:27Pardon me.
00:36:32Eh?
00:36:34Oh.
00:36:36Me scuse.
00:36:38Me scuse.
00:36:41Me scuse.
00:36:46Oh!
00:36:47Oh!
00:36:48Oh!
00:36:49Oh!
00:36:50Oh!
00:36:51Oh!
00:36:54Oh!
00:36:55Oh!
00:36:58Oh!
00:37:01Hi!
00:37:03Hi.
00:37:08And buongiorno.
00:37:21What the hell are you doing?
00:37:23Oh, miscusi, miscusi.
00:37:25No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, miscusi, miscusi, miscusi.
00:37:29Uh-oh.
00:37:30Why?
00:37:31Big tunnel.
00:37:33Who's touching me?
00:37:36Gotti, is that you?
00:37:38Who's innocent?
00:37:39Who's innocent, Gotti?
00:37:40Who's innocent?
00:37:46Oh!
00:37:50It's miscusi.
00:37:51Grand Sermere.
00:38:08Can we change trains here?
00:38:09Well, we've got a couple hours to kill.
00:38:14What's there to see in this town?
00:38:16Hello.
00:38:17The Monument de Poissonaire.
00:38:19It's a monument to all the local fishermen that were lost at sea.
00:38:23Fromer says it's supposed to be quite moving.
00:38:26What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO?
00:38:29We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue.
00:38:31I'm taking a nap.
00:38:34Wake me up when the train gets here.
00:38:36Huh.
00:38:37It says here this town has a famous nude beach.
00:38:39All right, look.
00:38:40We can't all just lie around all day.
00:38:42We've got to get out there and experience the culture firsthand.
00:38:45Let's go exploring.
00:38:45So, what's the etiquette on boners?
00:38:52Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, or is it cool to just let my flag fly?
00:38:57Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:39:00Does nude beach mean we have to get naked, too?
00:39:02Of course.
00:39:04Do you think you can go an hour without your currency colostomy back?
00:39:08Hey, hey, as long as this thing has our money and our passports in it, it's not coming off.
00:39:13And I don't think my trunks are coming off, either.
00:39:14Oh, come on, Jamie.
00:39:16Came all the way to Europe.
00:39:18Can't wimp out now.
00:39:22Okay.
00:39:23All right, on the count of three.
00:39:25Here we go.
00:39:26Three, two, one.
00:39:28Ha-ha, look at Jamie's penis.
00:39:31Very funny.
00:39:32Very funny.
00:39:33All right, all right.
00:39:36Let the crazy European sex odyssey begin.
00:39:39Here we go.
00:39:39Really?
00:39:40Yes.
00:39:44Woo-hoo!
00:39:45Hello, ladies!
00:39:52Did you touch us?
00:39:53Ladies?
00:39:55Witches?
00:39:57Ugh, what a rip!
00:39:58There's no nude girls here.
00:40:00It's just guys like us looking for nude girls.
00:40:02I don't understand.
00:40:02Grand Sumer has one of the best nude beaches on the continent.
00:40:07However, during the summer months, all the European women are chased away by gawking
00:40:15male tourists, so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists head to the deserted beach right next to the
00:40:21Monument de Poissonnière.
00:40:30The monument me touch.
00:40:32Oui.
00:40:39There are so many penises.
00:40:42Fromers tried to tell you, but you just didn't listen.
00:40:45This is the biggest sausage fest on earth.
00:40:48It's the International House of Sausage.
00:40:49Hey!
00:40:53Thanks for waiting.
00:40:55Well, it's not like you're missing anything.
00:40:57It's all guys.
00:40:59At least the sun's out.
00:41:00Holly, coming, coming, coming.
00:41:08Holy crap!
00:41:30What?
00:41:31I thought this was a nude beach.
00:41:34No, no, no, Jenny, Jenny, you've got to cover up, cover up, cover up, cover up.
00:41:56Run!
00:41:57I'm not going to make it, go on without me!
00:42:06Alright, see ya!
00:42:07Chica!
00:42:08Chica!
00:42:09Chica!
00:42:10Chica!
00:42:11Chica!
00:42:12Chica!
00:42:13Chica!
00:42:14Chica!
00:42:15Chica!
00:42:16Chica!
00:42:17Chica!
00:42:18Chica!
00:42:20Chica!
00:42:22Chica!
00:42:27Chica!
00:42:28Chica!
00:42:29Chica!
00:42:30Chica!
00:42:31Chica!
00:42:32What are you, uh, reading Mika's old emails again?
00:42:35Mm-hmm.
00:42:36Yeah.
00:42:37I have no idea what I'm going to say to that girl when I see her.
00:42:42You know, she said I might be the one.
00:42:46That's huge.
00:42:48I've never been the one before.
00:42:51I thought maybe I was the one with Fiona, but it turns out I was more like what?
00:42:55A hundred and one something?
00:42:56Two hundred.
00:42:57Two hundred.
00:42:58Look, you got nothing to worry about.
00:43:01You'll show up and sweep her off her German feet.
00:43:06Thanks.
00:43:15Yeah.
00:43:16I will, won't I?
00:43:19I'm so sad and lonely.
00:43:24I just wish someone would show up and sweep me off my German feet.
00:43:30Mika!
00:43:31I'm here.
00:43:32Scotty!
00:43:33Mika, listen, about that last email, I'm so sorry that-
00:43:36The past is the past.
00:43:38You are here now.
00:43:39I've been saving myself for you.
00:43:43Let us make love for one whole month.
00:43:46You canΡΡ me, Scotty.
00:43:50touch me, Scotty.
00:43:56Okay.
00:43:58Okay.
00:44:01Juleen
00:44:03Du, du allein kannst mich verstehen.
00:44:10Du, du darfst nie mehr von mir gehen.
00:44:16Muscat, mi bello.
00:44:21Mi bello.
00:44:24Mi bello.
00:44:27Mi bello.
00:44:30Mi bello.
00:44:33F-se cha wHHHHHHHHHH
00:44:42Mi bello.
00:44:46Mi bello.
00:44:47Mi bello.
00:44:49No, mi bello.
00:44:51Mi bello.
00:44:53R Hondas ja mui.
00:44:59Str difficile,
00:45:01So guys, our train doesn't leave until tomorrow morning.
00:45:15But we're going to sleep tonight.
00:45:17What do you mean sleep?
00:45:19We can sleep on the train tomorrow.
00:45:21This is the best thing that could have happened to us.
00:45:22We're in Amsterdam.
00:45:24This is the drug and sex capital of Europe.
00:45:27Take a look at this.
00:45:31Club Vander Sex.
00:45:34It's the red light district's hottest sex club.
00:45:37We have to check it out.
00:45:39Who's with me?
00:45:40I'll go.
00:45:42Fine.
00:45:42Since no one else is willing to go, I'll just go myself.
00:46:01This is definitely where I parked my car.
00:46:13Hello there.
00:46:17Welcome to Club Vander Sex.
00:46:20Amsterdam's most erotic club.
00:46:23Where your every fantasy will be fulfilled.
00:46:26Also says I get a free t-shirt with flyer.
00:46:28He was American.
00:46:34How sad for you to grow up in a country that was founded by priests.
00:46:39A country overrun with crime and illiteracy.
00:46:43A country where a man is forced to make sex to only one woman at a time.
00:46:47And one must learn the woman's name before him.
00:46:51It was horrible.
00:46:52I know.
00:46:54But you can come with me.
00:46:57Let the thunder sex begin.
00:47:07I can't believe we're doing this.
00:47:11Don't worry.
00:47:12Hash brownies are totally legal here.
00:47:14You're going to enjoy this, man.
00:47:17These are magical.
00:47:24You want to do this?
00:47:25Uh-huh.
00:47:26I need a new battery for my camera.
00:47:35And while you're at it, it could also use thorough cleaning.
00:47:39Wow.
00:47:40Is that a Leica M6?
00:47:43Actually, it's an M7.
00:47:44It's got the built-in light meter.
00:47:45It's so beautiful.
00:47:49So sleek.
00:47:50So powerful.
00:47:52How's the new lens system?
00:47:56Makes a Nikon look like a disposable.
00:47:59You really know your cameras.
00:48:02And you're very cute.
00:48:04Me?
00:48:05Really?
00:48:07I'm going on break.
00:48:09I was going to step out back and have a cigarette.
00:48:12Would you like to join me?
00:48:13I don't smoke.
00:48:17Neither do I.
00:48:25Hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:48:27What is it?
00:48:29This is great.
00:48:31You're so innocent.
00:48:34Let's change that.
00:48:35Shall we?
00:48:38What would you like me to do?
00:48:40Well, I don't really know.
00:48:43I guess I haven't really done that much.
00:48:46I haven't really found the time with all my extracurriculars and Model UN,
00:48:51advanced placement classes, after school tutoring.
00:48:54Oh.
00:48:57Gosh, you really like cameras.
00:48:59Sometimes we find that our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure that they sometimes scream
00:49:05out, no, when really they mean yes.
00:49:10And this is why we have the safe word.
00:49:14The safe word?
00:49:16If at any time the ecstasy gets too great, you just use the safe word.
00:49:20Until we hear the safe word, we will not stop.
00:49:26Yeah, right.
00:49:27Stop.
00:49:28All right.
00:49:29We're going to start slowly.
00:49:32Teasing you as a little light, erotic foreplay.
00:49:36Whee!
00:49:38Oh, oh.
00:49:40Yes, ladies.
00:49:41On on!
00:49:43Thunder Saks!
00:49:51Hans!
00:49:52Grubber!
00:49:57Hi.
00:50:00Hi.
00:50:01so are the girls coming back administer the testicle clamps
00:50:15huh what hey
00:50:17safe word
00:50:25what is that that's not a word that's a
00:50:36okay mister don't move excuse me shut the hell up oh brother please don't hurt me
00:50:54oh no no you're fine it's good give me cash you got cash give me cash oh take it all you
00:51:01dirty girl what your wallet focus give it to me oh oh i love you i love you i love
00:51:18you
00:51:25what's so funny
00:51:33i'm really hungry i think i've got the munchies excuse me
00:51:45it's hot here you hot because i'm i'm really hot
00:51:50okay i can't breathe it's gone i'm freaking out and i think we got a bad batch because i'm freaking
00:51:56out i can't i can't do this i saw a gay porno once i didn't know until halfway in the girls never came
00:52:04the girls never came i am freaking out
00:52:09is everything all wrong with you mom
00:52:12no nothing's all right you sold us a bad batch of hash brownies
00:52:15you're a bad bad rastafarian
00:52:18these are not hash brownies
00:52:20what was that
00:52:24we do not serve hash brownies here we are simply dutch bakery
00:52:29now put your clothes back on white boy
00:52:35ow ow ow ow ow
00:52:39oh flue in gengin hall in
00:52:41did you say flue in gengin hall yes yes for the love of god flue in gengin hall
00:52:49are you sure yes please
00:52:52as you wish
00:52:54bring on the flue in gengin hall
00:52:58wait what
00:53:02no no no no no i didn't say flue in gengin hall i said uh
00:53:10what did you do last night
00:53:31i don't want to talk about it
00:53:35what did you guys do
00:53:37don't want to talk about him
00:53:39what is that
00:53:43free t-shirt
00:53:45hey guys
00:53:51what happened to you
00:53:54i got robbed
00:53:56it was awesome
00:53:58all our money
00:54:01our passports
00:54:02our tickets
00:54:03everything
00:54:04gone
00:54:04how the hell could this happen
00:54:08we all go to amsterdam and jamie's the one who hooks up
00:54:11for shame
00:54:14that's me
00:54:24coob here
00:54:31hello mr walters
00:54:32what do you mean you never got the goodwin file i told uh humphrey to give it to you
00:54:39that's hogwash i i handed to him myself yesterday
00:54:42yes sir i will tell humphrey to report to your office immediately
00:54:46why
00:54:47why
00:54:48this job's killing me
00:54:52this job's killing me
00:54:53this job's killing me
00:54:57what are you doing
00:54:59what are you doing
00:55:00what are you doing
00:55:02can you help me
00:55:03uh... let me handle this
00:55:05i speak bad german
00:55:07hello
00:55:09hello
00:55:10hello
00:55:11uh...
00:55:14uh...
00:55:15my deutsch
00:55:17schlecht
00:55:18du sprach in langisem
00:55:20ich wer's dahin
00:55:21deutsch
00:55:22ich bin seit 14 stunden unterwegs
00:55:24und hab drei tage und drei nΓ€chte nicht geschlafen
00:55:26ich halte mich wach mit
00:55:27mit schnaps
00:55:28Γ€h bensetin und diesen kleinen
00:55:30Γ€h peanuts mit der schokolade drumrum
00:55:31What did he say?
00:55:33He said he's driving.
00:55:35Something.
00:55:39Do you know where Berlin is?
00:55:41Berlin?
00:55:42Berlin?
00:55:43Hey, I'm sure I can go to Berlin.
00:55:45I've seen my old car in Berlin.
00:55:47Fuck!
00:55:48I'm not going to go to Berlin again.
00:55:51Berlin!
00:55:52Berlin!
00:55:53Berlin!
00:55:54Listen to me.
00:55:55If I should come to the near of Berlin, I'll be arrested.
00:55:58In Berlin!
00:56:00He's going to Berlin.
00:56:01Awesome!
00:56:02Never again.
00:56:03Berlin!
00:56:04All right!
00:56:05Berlin!
00:56:06Come on, let's go!
00:56:07Yeah!
00:56:09Oh, bro!
00:56:10Sure.
00:56:11Later.
00:56:12Hooter
00:56:15Next stop.
00:56:16Berlin!
00:56:17Not aθ¨ι±!
00:56:22No one is leaving Germany
00:56:25No one is leaving Germany
00:56:27No one is leaving Germany
00:56:31No one is leaving Germany
00:56:34No one is leaving Germany
00:56:35No one is leaving Germany
00:56:36No one is leaving for me
00:56:37My chief rang!
00:56:38Beautiful.
00:56:40We made it to Berlin.
00:56:42We made it to Berlin.
00:56:44Berlin!
00:56:46No one from Berlin will ever find me in Bratislava.
00:56:50Bratislava?
00:56:52Bratislava!
00:57:00Dear sweet mother of God,
00:57:02we're in Eastern Europe.
00:57:08Ah!
00:57:26Excuse me.
00:57:28Do you speak any English?
00:57:30You are Americans?
00:57:32Yes.
00:57:34I love America.
00:57:36We just get Miami Wise on television.
00:57:40Hey man, Miami Wise is number one new show.
00:57:44Yeah.
00:57:46Listen, we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany.
00:57:48Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon?
00:57:50Oh yes, very soon.
00:57:52They are building it now.
00:57:58Stop! Hammer time!
00:58:00Enjoy Bratislava!
00:58:02It's good you came in summer.
00:58:04In winter,
00:58:06it can get very depressing.
00:58:08Okay,
00:58:10we've got to figure something out.
00:58:12How much money do we have?
00:58:18Foamer's travel tip.
00:58:20I don't have anything.
00:58:22What? I got my...
00:58:24Fine.
00:58:32A dollar and 83 cents American.
00:58:34What are we gonna get with that?
00:58:36Gotta love that exchange rate.
00:58:40Fine.
00:58:42Dinner is served.
00:58:44Would the Masters care for anything else?
00:58:46Think we're good.
00:58:48Thanks.
00:58:50Oh, a nickel.
00:58:52You see this?
00:58:54I quit.
00:58:56I opened my own hotel.
00:58:58Oh, a nickel.
00:59:00You see this?
00:59:02I quit.
00:59:04I opened my own hotel.
00:59:08I opened my own hotel.
00:59:20So, we got 27 cents left.
00:59:22What is there to do in this town?
00:59:24I opened my own hotel.
00:59:28Woohoo!
00:59:44Hey!
00:59:46This song sounds familiar.
00:59:48Jenny, let me check your coat.
00:59:52Hey, Jenny, that outfit is horrible. Just take it off, now!
01:00:05No, but I will let you buy me a drink.
01:00:08Excuse me.
01:00:11You are the woman from the Paris train station, aren't you?
01:00:14My name is...
01:00:15Crystal.
01:00:16Yes?
01:00:17What are you doing here?
01:00:19Well, this is my place.
01:00:20My family owns many nightclubs throughout your room.
01:00:23I'd be honored if you'd join me in my VIP room for a drink.
01:00:26Okay.
01:00:30Bye, Cooper.
01:00:38What's that?
01:00:39It's absent.
01:00:41Farmer says it's illegal in the States because it makes you hallucinate and go crazy.
01:00:45They call it the Green Fairy.
01:00:50My family has a yard in the Aegean.
01:00:57Come with me, Jennifer.
01:00:59We will sail away together.
01:01:01Oh, my God.
01:01:02We will swim with dolphins and sip champagne by moonlight.
01:01:06Oh, my God.
01:01:08We'll spend the day sunbathing, drinking wine.
01:01:12My wife makes the best sangria.
01:01:15Wait, what?
01:01:16Sangria?
01:01:18Well, you take a good Spanish Rioja and you put in slices of orange and...
01:01:22No, no, no, wait.
01:01:23You said you were married?
01:01:26So, you just go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet?
01:01:29No, please, Jennifer.
01:01:31It is not like that.
01:01:32I also sleep with men.
01:01:33I got to say, I'm not feeling anything.
01:01:41I mean, neither.
01:01:42It's over as a judge.
01:01:45How about you?
01:01:47I'm not feeling a goddamn thing.
01:01:49This absence is bullshit.
01:01:51I hear you, my brother.
01:01:53I'm out of here.
01:01:55Excuse me.
01:01:56Hey, so where's Krystal?
01:01:59Shut up.
01:02:00Shut up.
01:02:01Shut up.
01:02:02Shut up.
01:02:23You're up!
01:02:23You're up!
01:02:24You're up!
01:02:25So, tomorrow, Berlin.
01:02:29Tomorrow, Mika.
01:02:38Check it out.
01:02:40No way.
01:02:42Jamie's hooking up with another girl?
01:02:43God damn it!
01:02:46It's just so unfair.
01:02:47I've been all over the place looking for crazy European sex,
01:02:49and he's the one who ends up getting...
01:02:51Oh, my God!
01:02:53Oh, my God!
01:02:55That is some pretty fucked-up shit.
01:03:00That is some pretty fucked-up shit.
01:03:13They really are the worst twins ever.
01:03:16That was a pretty wild night, eh?
01:03:46Yeah, pretty wild.
01:03:47Yeah, pretty wild.
01:03:49Pretty wild.
01:03:52I know Ari was out of control.
01:03:55How about you guys?
01:03:56Did you, uh...
01:03:56All right, look.
01:03:57We were really drunk,
01:03:59things got a little crazy,
01:04:01and Jamie...
01:04:02kissed me.
01:04:05Let's just forget about it, okay?
01:04:06Okay, fine.
01:04:07I'm just gonna give it a rest.
01:04:10Ugh.
01:04:11Jamie, can I borrow your Fromers?
01:04:12Oh, here it is, Bratislava.
01:04:21Capital of Slovakia.
01:04:23Oh, here's a fun fact.
01:04:26You made out with your sister, man!
01:04:28Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
01:04:30Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
01:04:30My friends, where is the beef?
01:04:39You go to Berlin,
01:04:41I'm your right.
01:04:43Hop in!
01:04:44Hey, this is Mika's apartment building.
01:05:14Wish me all sorts of luck, guys.
01:05:17You'll do great, Scotty.
01:05:22Thanks.
01:05:22Thanks.
01:05:22Thanks.
01:05:22You came all this way.
01:05:44I'm not gonna miss this.
01:05:45Dude, Mika's hideous rhymes!
01:05:55Stop it.
01:05:57Agathe, ich mache das.
01:05:59Agathe, ich mache das schon!
01:06:03Sie kΓΆnnen gehen!
01:06:04Ja!
01:06:05Hi, my name's Scott Thomas.
01:06:09I'm from America,
01:06:10and I'm here to see Mika.
01:06:11I'm sorry, but Mika's not here.
01:06:14Do you know where she is?
01:06:16She's gone, for the summer.
01:06:22Danke, Agathe.
01:06:25Danke, Agathe!
01:06:27Agathe, Sie kΓΆnnen jetzt gehen.
01:06:30My daughter had intended
01:06:34to spend the summer in America
01:06:35looking at colleges
01:06:36and visiting some friends,
01:06:38but several days ago
01:06:39she suddenly changed her mind.
01:06:41She would not tell me why.
01:06:42I think I know why.
01:06:47Heinrich, bitte hΓΆr auf.
01:06:50Ja, Papa.
01:06:51This is Heinrich.
01:06:52He's Mika's stepbrother.
01:06:54As I was saying,
01:06:55she packed up a bag and left.
01:06:58It was all very sudden.
01:06:59Well, do you know
01:06:59where Mika is right now?
01:07:01As you know,
01:07:01she's always been very interested
01:07:03in the classics Greek
01:07:04and Roman literature
01:07:05and history,
01:07:06and she has always enjoyed the ocean,
01:07:08so she found a program
01:07:09that combines all her interests.
01:07:11Well, do you know where she is?
01:07:14Is she enrolled
01:07:15in a summer at sea program
01:07:16based in Rome?
01:07:19Rome.
01:07:21Okay, then I guess
01:07:22we'll go to Rome then.
01:07:23Well, unfortunately,
01:07:24Mika's only in Rome
01:07:25for orientation.
01:07:26Tomorrow her group
01:07:27will be boarding a boat
01:07:28and she'll be gone for the summer
01:07:29and she'll be
01:07:30quite unreachable.
01:07:34Unreachable.
01:07:41Mika's tour group
01:07:43goes to the Vatican tomorrow
01:07:44and then she gets on that boat
01:07:46and she's gone.
01:07:47So it's over?
01:07:51Hey, thanks for sticking with me
01:07:53through all this, guys,
01:07:54but you should probably
01:07:56call your parents,
01:07:57have them hire you some money,
01:07:58and go home.
01:07:59And what are you gonna do?
01:08:03I'm going to Rome.
01:08:06I'll walk
01:08:06or I'll hitchhike.
01:08:08I'll swim if I have to,
01:08:09but I'm gonna get
01:08:10to Mika somehow.
01:08:16Maybe that'll help.
01:08:17Where'd you get all that?
01:08:19Wait.
01:08:20Where's your Leica?
01:08:22Sold it.
01:08:24What?
01:08:26You sold your Leica.
01:08:28But you loved that thing.
01:08:29What about your photo tour
01:08:30of Europe?
01:08:31What about the chateaus?
01:08:32Chateaus have been there
01:08:33for 300 years.
01:08:35Mika's gone in 12 hours.
01:08:40Come on, let's go.
01:08:41Romer says you're supposed
01:08:42to check in three hours
01:08:43before any international flight.
01:08:44Come here, guys.
01:08:45Look.
01:08:45We're going to Rome.
01:08:48We're going to Rome!
01:08:49We're going to Rome!
01:09:15All right, Summer at Sea Group.
01:09:24Our tour begins
01:09:24in the Vatican Museum.
01:09:26This way, please.
01:09:35There it is.
01:09:36This entrance is for private tour groups
01:09:46only.
01:09:48Oh, but we are
01:09:50a private tour group.
01:09:51We've come all the way
01:09:52from America.
01:09:56That guy in the orange jacket
01:09:57is mentally retarded.
01:09:58Oh, see, I can tell.
01:10:07Very, very sad.
01:10:09Yes, it is.
01:10:11But if you are a tour,
01:10:12where is your guide?
01:10:13We've got a fantastic tour guide.
01:10:15Right here.
01:10:16Ah!
01:10:17What?
01:10:17No!
01:10:17The Vatican has been used
01:10:23as a papal residence
01:10:24ever since the time
01:10:25of Emperor Constantine the Great
01:10:26in the 5th century A.D.
01:10:30What are you doing?
01:10:31Have a very special day
01:10:42for a very special
01:10:45little man.
01:10:47Okay.
01:10:50I can't believe
01:10:52that guy let us in.
01:10:53What a retard.
01:10:54Okay, let's go find Mika.
01:10:56Who's at there?
01:10:58One of our English-speaking
01:10:59tour guides
01:11:00has called in sick.
01:11:01Could you please
01:11:02take these people's
01:11:03also?
01:11:06How big is Vatican City?
01:11:080.5 square kilometers.
01:11:10Who built the colony?
01:11:12John Lorenzo Bernini.
01:11:131656.
01:11:14Where are the bathrooms?
01:11:16Floors 267.
01:11:17Next, I'll take you
01:11:18to where the College of Cardinals
01:11:19elects a new pope.
01:11:21When this happens,
01:11:22white smoke is sent up
01:11:23from the Vatican
01:11:23and here's a plungement.
01:11:24Mika's got to be
01:11:25around here somewhere.
01:11:27Let's go.
01:11:31Behind me is the
01:11:38Apartmental Papare
01:11:40or Papal Apartment.
01:11:42We're obviously not
01:11:42permitted in there.
01:11:44Excuse me, miss.
01:11:45What is this?
01:11:47Ah, that is the bell
01:11:48of San Marco.
01:11:49When the pope dies,
01:11:50the Cardinal Vicar of Rome
01:11:52rings this bell
01:11:52to notify the people
01:11:53of Rome.
01:11:54Next, we will view
01:11:55the Sistine Chapel.
01:11:56Follow me, please.
01:12:01Come on.
01:12:02I think I heard them.
01:12:04Which way did they go?
01:12:05That way.
01:12:06I'd stake my reputation
01:12:07on it.
01:12:07Good enough for me.
01:12:09Hey, check it out.
01:12:11I wonder what this does.
01:12:13It doesn't do anything.
01:12:14It's a rope.
01:12:15Come on, let's go.
01:12:17They've got a lot
01:12:17of old stuff here.
01:12:26Yo, mio.
01:12:27The bell of San Marco.
01:12:32The pope is dead.
01:12:38Whoa.
01:12:39She's not in here.
01:12:44Let's go.
01:12:45We're definitely
01:12:45not supposed to be in here.
01:12:46Hey, check this out.
01:12:49I'm the pope.
01:12:50Cooper,
01:12:52take off the pope hat.
01:12:54Oh, no, it's okay.
01:12:55I'm Catholic.
01:12:56Cooper, take it off,
01:12:57goddammit.
01:12:59No, you took
01:13:00the Lord's name in vain.
01:13:01Only I can forgive you
01:13:03now, my son.
01:13:04Take that fudging thing off.
01:13:05Cooper,
01:13:06pull spot
01:13:06the open field.
01:13:07Hack, Cooper.
01:13:07It's a Hail Mary.
01:13:09Guess that the 40,
01:13:10the 30,
01:13:11the 20,
01:13:12the 10.
01:13:13Touchdown,
01:13:14Pope!
01:13:16Pope makes
01:13:17two-point conversion.
01:13:18Oh, my lord.
01:13:20It's the pope ain't
01:13:22and the heathen's nothing.
01:13:26How's you, sucker?
01:13:30Cooper, the hat.
01:13:32The hat.
01:13:33The hat is on fire.
01:13:34We don't need no water.
01:13:36Let the mother...
01:13:36I'm not kidding.
01:13:37Look.
01:13:38Oh, holy shit.
01:13:41I don't want this.
01:13:43Fireplace.
01:13:44Fireplace.
01:13:44Go, go.
01:13:47Whoa, whoa.
01:13:56White smoke.
01:13:58They've elected
01:13:59the new pope.
01:14:00I'm coming to you live
01:14:05from Vatican Square
01:14:05where the College of Cardinals
01:14:07in a surprise move
01:14:08has just elected
01:14:10a new pope.
01:14:11The crowd
01:14:11is very,
01:14:12very excited.
01:14:13This is so strange.
01:14:15Usually,
01:14:16they wait 15 days
01:14:17to elect a new pope.
01:14:18We could be seeing
01:14:19history in the making.
01:14:21We could be seeing
01:14:22an arrest
01:14:22in the making.
01:14:23There she is.
01:14:32There she is.
01:14:33Mika.
01:14:36Hey, stupid curtain.
01:14:39Let me out.
01:14:44Mika!
01:14:46It's the new pope!
01:14:48What the hell?
01:15:16Mika!
01:15:23Mika!
01:15:26Hold on!
01:15:27This is one crazy pope!
01:15:36Huh?
01:15:37No!
01:15:38No!
01:15:38No!
01:15:38No!
01:15:45You!
01:15:47Fermo!
01:15:48Stop!
01:15:48You!
01:15:51You!
01:15:52And your
01:15:53retarded friend!
01:15:56You're in
01:15:56big, big trouble.
01:15:58Oi!
01:16:02Take your mitts
01:16:03off them boys!
01:16:05They're with me!
01:16:08I've just about
01:16:09had enough
01:16:10of you
01:16:10fucking
01:16:11high-toys!
01:16:13But I am
01:16:13Swiss.
01:16:15Them too!
01:16:16Now, bud, you get in
01:16:25there, and you say
01:16:26what you gotta say.
01:16:29Mika, I'm here.
01:16:31I made it.
01:16:35Who are you?
01:16:36What a fucking loser.
01:16:42I'm gonna videotape this.
01:16:44I'm Scott, from Ohio.
01:16:50Scott?
01:16:52Scott Thomas?
01:16:54Yes.
01:16:55From Ohio!
01:16:56What are you doing in Rome?
01:16:59I came here to be with you.
01:17:01Listen, I just traveled all the way across Europe.
01:17:03I got chased by naked men.
01:17:06I ate brownies with absolutely no drugs in them.
01:17:10I watched a brother and sister make out.
01:17:12I kicked a robot in the balls, but I did it all so that...
01:17:18So I could tell you one thing.
01:17:22I love you, Mika.
01:17:27We are perfect for each other.
01:17:28What do you think?
01:17:29I think...
01:17:31I think...
01:17:44Oh, Mike.
01:17:50Mike, Mika.
01:17:50Mika.
01:17:54Oh, no.
01:17:59Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
01:18:07I have cheated on my husband.
01:18:09Do you think God will ever forgive me?
01:18:11Oh, yes.
01:18:14Father?
01:18:26This sucks.
01:18:27I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here.
01:18:32Europe is officially the worst country on Earth.
01:18:35I know.
01:18:36I thought I'd at least get to have some crazy European sex.
01:18:43What?
01:18:44Scott, I have to go.
01:18:55Okay.
01:18:57My boat is leaving.
01:18:59I still can't believe you came all the way here.
01:19:02Just for me.
01:19:03What can I say?
01:19:05I'm very unpredictable.
01:19:07Keep writing to me, Scott, okay?
01:19:10Yeah, I will.
01:19:10Go.
01:19:20Go.
01:19:21Bye.
01:19:21Bye.
01:19:30Yes.
01:19:31Yes.
01:19:32Yes.
01:19:32Woo-hoo!
01:19:33Hey, guys. I'm so glad we got to take this trip together.
01:19:39This was the best time of my life.
01:19:45Excuse me.
01:19:47You're the young man who just gave me that tour at the Vatican, aren't you?
01:19:53Listen, I'm very sorry.
01:19:54I just wanted to thank you.
01:19:55You were the most knowledgeable, albeit idiosyncratic, tour guide I've ever had.
01:20:02Thanks.
01:20:03But I'm not actually a tour guide.
01:20:05Um, I've just read Frommer's enough to have it memorized.
01:20:08Although, I threw in a few things Frommer's didn't know about.
01:20:11How would you like to add them?
01:20:13Excuse me?
01:20:15That's my guidebook.
01:20:23I'm Arthur Frommer.
01:20:27It's amazing!
01:20:28Frommer's is going to pay me to see every museum and cathedral in Europe.
01:20:32Oh, that sounds so exciting.
01:20:36For you.
01:20:37Hey.
01:20:39I figure since you're going to be staying, you might need this.
01:20:44A disposable camera.
01:20:45That's right.
01:20:46Thanks, Scotty.
01:20:47That's from both of us.
01:20:57Hello, Mr. Walters.
01:21:00I see.
01:21:01Fired?
01:21:02Well, I...
01:21:03Well, if that's what you want, I understand.
01:21:07I just...
01:21:08Goodbye, sir.
01:21:11They had to catch you eventually, right?
01:21:12No, they fired Humphrey.
01:21:13Shut up!
01:21:14Yeah, I got his office in a race.
01:21:16No!
01:21:17Flight 341 from Rome to...
01:21:20That's you guys.
01:21:22Yeah.
01:21:22Have a good flight, everybody.
01:21:23All right.
01:21:25Ugh!
01:21:27Be good.
01:21:30Oh, okay.
01:21:33Cooper, have a good flight.
01:21:34Be good.
01:21:35Thanks.
01:21:36See you next time.
01:22:06This still counts as Europe, right?
01:22:23Dear Mika, Greece sounds incredible.
01:22:36I just moved into my dorm room today, but I can't wait to see you over Christmas break.
01:22:42This time I think I'll fly to Berlin direct.
01:22:48Hello?
01:22:49Hey buddy, how's college?
01:22:54Hey, I just got here.
01:22:55My roommate hasn't even showed up yet.
01:22:57Do they room all you pre-med geeks together?
01:22:59I'm not sure I'm going pre-med.
01:23:01Thinking about majoring in German.
01:23:03German?
01:23:04I've got a better idea.
01:23:05Why don't you major not being such a woman?
01:23:07So, how's Jenny?
01:23:09Jenny...
01:23:10Jenny who?
01:23:11I know a lot of ladies named Jenny.
01:23:13They're all in my...
01:23:14Ow!
01:23:15Hey Scotty, what's up?
01:23:18Yeah.
01:23:19Hi Jenny!
01:23:20Have you heard from Jamie?
01:23:21How's you doing with Frommer?
01:23:22Oh no.
01:23:23Hold on.
01:23:24Come here, robot!
01:23:25Cooper, not again!
01:23:26Oh, hold up.
01:23:27This is my new roommate.
01:23:28What's the freak look like?
01:23:29Is he a dork or is he cool?
01:23:31He better not be cooler than me.
01:23:32Is he bigger than me?
01:23:33I just got your last email.
01:23:34What are you doing here?
01:23:35Going to college.
01:23:36You're going to college.
01:23:37You're going to college here?
01:23:38What dorm?
01:23:40This one.
01:23:41Room 214.
01:23:42That's where I'm going to school.
01:23:43You're going to college.
01:23:44Oh, hold up.
01:23:45This is my new roommate.
01:23:46Oh, hold up.
01:23:47This is my new roommate.
01:23:48I just got your last email.
01:23:50What are you doing here?
01:23:51Going to college.
01:23:52You're going to college here?
01:23:53What dorm?
01:23:54This one.
01:23:55Room 214.
01:23:57You're going to college here?
01:24:00What dorm?
01:24:01This one. Room 214.
01:24:07How is this possible?
01:24:10I guess they thought I was a guy.
01:24:13Now who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that?
01:24:16Do I hear kissing?
01:24:28Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty?
01:24:34Scotty?
01:24:35Scotty?
01:24:37Scotty!
01:24:40This happy ending is bullshit.
01:24:43When does the ferry get laid?
01:24:45I'm out of here.
01:24:46Still, she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know.
01:24:50Oh, Scotty doesn't know.
01:24:53Catchy tunes.
01:24:55Fucking A, dude.
01:25:00Fiona says she's out shopping.
01:25:05But she's under me and I'm not stopping.
01:25:09Because Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know.
01:25:15Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel.
01:25:22Sounds great.
01:25:22There is no bathroom.
01:25:24There is no bathroom.
01:25:24There is no bathroom, nor is there one nearby.
01:25:25I can't believe he's so trustin'.
01:25:30While I'm right behind you, trustin'.
01:25:36You get it?
01:25:37She got it.
01:25:38If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen,
01:25:41I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now.
01:25:45You can also try hiding your valuables in your anus.
01:25:58I'm gonna rip away his pants and look at his dick, okay?
01:26:00Ready?
01:26:01Quick, shut up.
01:26:02Sorry, no, no, I talked about it, I talked about it.
01:26:04Let's go, let's go.
01:26:05Yes, you take her hair and one strand at a time,
01:26:09pull it out!
01:26:11Your hair like a humping post!
01:26:14Jenny!
01:26:15This is Yura.
01:26:16They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos.
01:26:20Papages!
01:26:23You gotta show them something they haven't seen before.
01:26:27Fiona's got them on the phone.
01:26:30Yes, trying not to know.
01:26:32Oh no!
01:26:33It's a three-way calling.
01:26:34He knows nothing, nothing.
01:26:37Scotty doesn't know.
01:26:39Scotty doesn't know.
01:26:40Scotty doesn't know.
01:26:41Should a fire occur due to a faulty wiring
01:26:45or the fireworks factory upstairs,
01:26:48you will be incinerated along with the valuables
01:26:51that you have hidden in your anus.
01:26:53So don't tell Scotty, we'll run out of the show
01:26:56where we wanna go.
01:26:57Scotty doesn't know.
01:26:58Scotty doesn't know.
01:26:59Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:00Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:02In the parking lot.
01:27:06Why not?
01:27:07Ooh, come on, you boy.
01:27:09In the snow.
01:27:11Life fits so hard.
01:27:14Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:15Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:17Fuck off!
01:27:18Get out of it, you wankers!
01:27:20Go on, you garlic fucking garlic breath tossers!
01:27:23Piss off!
01:27:24Get in here and say that, mate!
01:27:26Come on!
01:27:27Fucking come and have it!
01:27:29You fucking bib!
01:27:30We'll bib you bastard all over your fucking nose!
01:27:33Fuck off!
01:27:34Go on, you French bastards!
01:27:36Get on the other side of the road, you pricks!
01:27:39Go on out of it!
01:27:41Fuck off!
01:27:42Fuck off!
01:27:43That is naked!
01:27:44Enjoy the police!
01:27:45Okay screw the police!
01:27:46Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:47Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:48Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:49Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:50Oh, wait!
01:27:51How Π΄Π°Π» my ass vert?
01:27:53Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:54Scotty doesn't know.
01:27:55Never!
01:27:56No, no, no...
01:27:57Wise!
01:27:58Somebody help?
01:27:59Π²ΠΎΡde the police and the police
01:28:05Scotty has to know
01:28:06Scotty has to know
01:28:07Scotty has to
01:28:08Scotty has to
01:28:09Scotty has to
01:28:10Scotty has to go
01:28:11Scotty doesn't know
01:28:12Scotty doesn't know
01:28:13Scotty doesn't know
01:28:15Scotty doesn't know
01:28:16Scotty doesn't know
01:28:17Scotty doesn't
01:28:19Scotty doesn't
01:28:20Scotty doesn't
01:28:21Scotty doesn't know
01:28:22Scotty doesn't know
01:28:23Scotty doesn't know
01:28:24Scotty doesn't know
01:28:25Scotty doesn't know
01:28:26Scotty doesn't know
01:28:27Scotty doesn't know
01:28:28Scotty doesn't know
01:28:29Scotty doesn't know
01:28:30Scotty doesn't know
01:28:31Scotty doesn't know
01:28:32Scotty doesn't know
01:28:33Scotty doesn't know
01:28:34Scottie's got to go!
01:29:04Scottie's got to go!
01:29:34Scottie's got to go!
01:29:38Is it off yet?
01:29:39No, keep rubbing it.
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