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The.Neighborhood.S08E04

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00:00Oh, those are beautiful pastries.
00:09Right? I got them from this amazing bakery on Abbott-Kinney.
00:13I thought this was a cream puff, but it's got meat in it.
00:16You know how you get your mouth all ready for something sweet,
00:19and suddenly there's ham?
00:23I don't like mouth surprises.
00:25Malcolm, is that your floor making that sound?
00:31Um, yeah, mine's got a few quirks.
00:38Son, your floor shouldn't be mushy.
00:41It's fine. It's just an old house, Pop.
00:44Whoa, Marty, no!
00:45What? What?
00:47You cannot go near the fireplace.
00:49What's wrong?
00:51There's a gap in the floor right where you're standing.
00:53A gap?
00:54It's a small gap, but do not move.
00:56What?
00:58Look, I had to put a rug over it because I didn't want Mama to see it.
01:01So you'd rather your mother watch her son fall to his death?
01:04Great.
01:05It's one foot down and just sand.
01:07Yeah.
01:09Well, it's not just sand.
01:11It's a family of crabs under there.
01:12Crabs!
01:14Look at that, please!
01:15You gonna be okay, son.
01:16You gonna be all right.
01:17You can do this.
01:18Marty, look at me, okay?
01:19Step towards the plant.
01:21Come on.
01:21Okay, now step to the edge of the rug.
01:23Okay, now jump.
01:26There you go, see?
01:27Yay!
01:28Yay!
01:29Get up, man!
01:32See, look, we all good.
01:34We are not all good.
01:36When people come to visit, they shouldn't have to be an American Ninja Warrior to go to the
01:39bathroom.
01:42You know what?
01:43You need new floors.
01:44Oh, no.
01:44No, I can't afford new floors right now.
01:46Well, can you afford a lawsuit?
01:48Don't, please.
01:49Marty is not gonna sue me.
01:50I would sue you so fast!
01:52See?
01:52You know, nobody's suing nobody.
01:55Listen, we'll get you new floors.
01:58It'll be our housewarming gift.
02:00Yeah.
02:00Whoa, no, no.
02:01Look, thanks, y'all.
02:02But new floors?
02:03That's a fortune.
02:04Well, not necessarily.
02:05You know what?
02:06I'm gonna call my cousin Crutch.
02:08Oh, Crutch?
02:09That's the one who always has his shirt off and the Christmas cards?
02:11Yeah, I don't even open the envelope anymore.
02:16We haven't seen Crutch in years.
02:18Look, the point is, is that he owns a flooring company in New York.
02:22I'm sure he can get us the materials wholesale.
02:25Oh, okay.
02:26I'll just call him right here.
02:29What up, cuz?
02:31Okay, Crutch, could you put a shirt on, please?
02:35You call me during my naked time.
02:37Okay, Crutch, listen, my son Malcolm just bought a house and, uh, he needs new floors.
02:45So, we thought maybe you can hook us up.
02:47Of course, cuz-o.
02:48I got you.
02:50Well, all right.
02:51I can't believe Malcolm is old enough to buy a house.
02:54It feels just like yesterday.
02:56You was wearing pull-ups and eating glue.
03:01Y'all let me eat glue?
03:02Me?
03:03No.
03:03Your father let Crutch watch you.
03:05You kept trying to open up your little mouth.
03:08It was adorable.
03:10Okay, all right, all right, all right, cuz, thank you so much, man.
03:13We appreciate the help, though.
03:15But don't mention it.
03:16Soon as I place the order, I get on a plane.
03:19A plane?
03:21Why-why are you getting on a plane?
03:22It's a long drive from New York.
03:24You know I got a band from Amtrak.
03:26They don't joke around with them quiet cars.
03:30I mean, well, you know, Crutch, there's no need for you to travel all the way out here.
03:33We just, you know, we thought you could just kind of help us with the materials.
03:37Hold on for a minute.
03:39You want the Crutch discount without the Crutch?
03:42No, no, no, man.
03:43We want the Crutch.
03:44You know we want the Crutch.
03:45Yeah, yeah, yeah, we want the Crutch.
03:47Hey, hey, hey, hey, thank you, Cousin' Crutch.
03:49No problem, Sticky Lips.
03:51Hey, sorry I'm late.
04:06I'll get dinner started.
04:07Already taken care of.
04:09Wow!
04:10I'm sorry you lost your job, but coming home to a home-cooked meal is pretty great.
04:14I love having all this free time.
04:16You know, just today I uploaded all of Grover's baby photos onto the cloud.
04:20I marked all 761 of your unread emails as read,
04:25and I finally canceled that gym membership we still had in Michigan.
04:29Oh, how can I repay you?
04:31I can think of a few ways.
04:34Can you not be very touched?
04:37You're very touched.
04:38I'm sorry, I'm just wiped out.
04:40It feels like I've been silk screening t-shirts for hours.
04:42Ooh, let me see that.
04:44What do we got here?
04:47Cappy time?
04:48Vibin' hard?
04:50Did you mean for us to say that?
04:52Okay, boomer.
04:55Excuse me, I am not a boomer.
04:57Tom Brokaw is a boomer.
04:59Well, I don't know your friends, Dad.
05:03I guess we're just confused about this shirt.
05:06Well, you're the only one because everybody in my class loves them.
05:09I've already sold a bunch.
05:10Oh.
05:11Looks like we have a budding entrepreneur in our house.
05:14Yeah, I just don't know how I'm going to get all these t-shirts made and my homework done.
05:19You're in luck, buddy.
05:20I have all this time.
05:21Please, take advantage.
05:23Use me.
05:24Really?
05:24Yeah.
05:25Well, that'd be great, Dad.
05:26But at your age, are you sure you have the energy?
05:29At my age?
05:30Oh, yeah.
05:30I've got to teach you how to quit while you're ahead.
05:36Morning, babe.
05:37I don't know what you're doing, but this turkey bacon smells like real bacon.
05:41Oh, yeah.
05:42You're smelling my bacon because my cholesterol is great.
05:47Wow.
05:48Well, can I rub my bacon on your bacon?
05:50Yeah.
05:50I'm talking about breakfast, girl.
05:58How would he try to do that?
05:59Oh, my God.
06:02Hey.
06:03Coach!
06:06Coach, man.
06:08What are you doing here?
06:09I told you I was coming.
06:11Yeah, but, you know, I thought you'd tell me when you were coming.
06:14You know, you don't have to drop everything.
06:16Drop what?
06:17My wife's never been going for five years, guard rest of the soul.
06:20Kids are out of the house.
06:21I'm all yours.
06:23Oh, there she is.
06:24Bring her in, sis.
06:25Hey, how you doing?
06:27Ooh, you smell like bacon.
06:29Oh.
06:29Oh, it ain't you.
06:30There is bacon.
06:33I'm starving.
06:34Do you mind?
06:35No, no.
06:35Go ahead.
06:36Help yourself.
06:37You already have it in your unwashed airplane hands anyway.
06:43You know, every time I see him, I can't help but think about how much he looks like your brother
06:47Curtis.
06:49Really?
06:49Yeah.
06:50I don't see it.
06:54This bacon is good.
06:55I can't wait to soak up some of this L.A. sun, meet some celebrities.
07:00Oh, before I forget, here's the receipt to my airplane ticket.
07:05Oh, I'm paying for your flight?
07:07Yeah, I'm supposed to pay to come fix your floors.
07:11Rich, this is a lot.
07:13No, it was a business trip.
07:14That's why I flew business class.
07:16It's in the name.
07:19Where's your camon?
07:19That way.
07:20Yeah.
07:21Are you kidding?
07:25Really, Calvin?
07:26I know, I know.
07:26Really?
07:27I know, I know, babe.
07:28But, you know, just think about all the money we'll save on Malcolm's floors, right?
07:32And just think about it.
07:33I get to hang out with my favorite cousin.
07:35You know, back in New York, man, we would spend summers there.
07:38It'd be such a good time.
07:39And I remember, he was just a...
07:41Oh, good morning.
07:46Tina, I'm bringing back your Crock-Pot.
07:48Just another way I'm using my free time to help Gemma.
07:51Oh, are your hands blue?
07:54Oh, yeah.
07:55I'm also helping Grover silkscreen some T-shirts.
07:58Oh, man, them little soaps are whimsical.
08:02Uh, Crutch?
08:03This is my good friend Dave.
08:05This man right here needs no introduction.
08:09Calvin, have you been talking me up?
08:11David Schremer.
08:14What?
08:15Why didn't you tell me you was friends with a friend?
08:19Oh, no, sir.
08:20No, no, no, no, no.
08:21That's not...
08:21That's not...
08:22I'm not...
08:22David, David, let's go with it.
08:24It's better.
08:27See how these boards are all warped?
08:30That's from Salt Air.
08:32Your house is too close to the big ocean.
08:34Well, Crutch is a beach house.
08:39That's actually considered a positive.
08:41Go figure.
08:42California.
08:45Anyway, I ordered you some oak wood flooring.
08:48But now, I think that you might want some engineered hardwood.
08:53But don't worry about it.
08:53I'll get it for you at cost.
08:55Okay, well, that's good.
08:56Right?
08:56But it might take a day or two to arrive from the warehouse.
08:59But don't worry.
09:00I have some place to stay.
09:02And I'll have time to go see the big donuts
09:04and the place where Whoopi Goldberg put a dreadlocks in the cement.
09:10Okay, well, now that my floors are all torn up,
09:13I guess I need a place to stay, too.
09:15Well, you welcome to bunk with me at your pop's house.
09:20You should know that he likes to sleep in the nude.
09:23And go to the kitchen that way, too.
09:26Hey, Dad.
09:29Hey.
09:29Are you taking a break?
09:30No, actually, I've already done seven this morning.
09:33Oh, that's great, because I just got an order for 24.
09:36Ooh, that's exciting, buddy.
09:38Yeah.
09:40Hey, is this one for practice?
09:45Is there something wrong with it?
09:48No, it's fine.
09:50Like, I can tell you were tired, so...
09:52I mean, look, I can redo it.
09:54Oh, could you?
09:55That'd be great.
09:56Uh, that one, too.
09:58Hey, Dave.
09:59While you're at the drugstore, I need you to get me some concealer.
10:02Well, I'm gonna need a little more detail than that.
10:04You know what kind of concealer I use.
10:06I'm only vaguely aware of the concept of concealer.
10:10Just get my old one out of the cabinet.
10:12Come on, Grover.
10:13We gotta go.
10:13Love you.
10:14Bye.
10:14This one, too.
10:20What?
10:20Are you up early watching TV?
10:22Yeah.
10:23I'm on East Coast time.
10:25What was so funny at 4 o'clock in the morning?
10:29Your boy, David Schremer, on Friends.
10:34You look different.
10:35I think I had work done.
10:37Oh, goodness.
10:38What the hell, Calvin?
10:41It's freezing in here.
10:42The thermostat says 62 degrees.
10:45I'm a hot sleeper.
10:49You know something?
10:49You two have been so gracious to me.
10:52How about letting me make you breakfast?
10:54Who wants some of my famous waffles?
10:56Oh, okay.
10:57Well, that's nice of you, Crutch.
10:59It's the least I can do.
11:01Yes.
11:02Oh, babe, I remember when we were kids.
11:06Crutch's waffles, fantastic.
11:08Okay.
11:10Oh.
11:12Yes, uh, the delivery truck.
11:15I think the engineer wood is here.
11:16Oh, hallelujah.
11:19Where's your toaster?
11:27You know, I don't think all this stuff is gonna fit.
11:30That's okay.
11:32You could make another chip.
11:34Maybe tomorrow.
11:35Oh, hell no.
11:36Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
11:38No, no, let's get this done today.
11:41I mean, let's just load up my beautiful Subaru Solterra.
11:44Look, she got all kinds of room.
11:46Does it see?
11:47Huh.
11:48I never pictured you driving an EV.
11:50What is that supposed to mean?
11:52Electric vehicle.
11:56Calvin?
11:57All right, all right, all right.
11:58Come on, let's just load it up.
12:00Yeah, I don't know.
12:01You sure this car could make it all the way to the beach?
12:04Are you kidding me?
12:05With the range on this, baby, I could drive all the way to Mexico.
12:09We should go to Cancun.
12:12Do floors tomorrow.
12:14All right, how about this?
12:15You do the floors today, and then I take you to Roscoe's in East L.A.
12:21You don't know the difference.
12:23Deal.
12:24Even though these waffles ain't as good as mine.
12:26This is the life.
12:36How many fish do you think are in there?
12:40I don't know, Crutch.
12:41It's the Pacific Ocean.
12:42How about you come in here and help us, and we can count fish later?
12:47Yeah.
12:49Malcolm, you owe me for this.
12:50I am not built for manual labor.
12:52Ow!
12:52See?
12:53Splinter.
12:54Ow!
12:54I see what you were trying to do.
13:10So you don't like them?
13:12They're getting better.
13:14It's just...
13:15When people buy a Grover, they expect a certain level of quality.
13:20Okay.
13:21Grover, I'm doing the best I can.
13:23I mean, look at my hands.
13:23They're all cramped up.
13:24They look like blue claws.
13:26I mean, I get it.
13:27I get it.
13:28It's just...
13:29These new orders are from juniors.
13:32Okay?
13:32So it's one thing to sell subpar shirts to freshmen, but this...
13:37Whatever this is, it's not going to fly with the juniors.
13:44Hmm.
13:45Oh.
13:46Let me guess.
13:48The concealer's wrong.
13:49Well, it's just the color.
13:51This is frosted linen.
13:52I use almond pearl.
13:55They looked exactly the same.
13:59I have peach undertones.
14:02But it's okay.
14:03It's okay.
14:04You didn't know.
14:06Well, I can only do so much.
14:09Okay, this one's definitely a freshman shirt.
14:13Oh, God.
14:14Oh, what now?
14:16It's fine.
14:17It's just I asked you for a shampoo and conditioner, and you got me shampoo conditioner.
14:22What am I missing?
14:24The and.
14:25I'm sorry that your husband is not Vidal Sassoon.
14:33Is that another one of your boomer friends?
14:35I am an elder millennial, and you are taking advantage of my generosity, but no more.
14:41I did not mean to slam the door that hard, but I am still quite upset.
14:51It's like whatever I do for them, it's never enough.
15:02Get the dry cleaning.
15:03Make these t-shirts.
15:05Become a shampoo expert.
15:07So you ran away from home?
15:10No, Tina.
15:11Running away from home is for children.
15:13I stormed out.
15:15Like a man.
15:16Ah!
15:17Don't move!
15:18This area is still wet.
15:20Man, I tell you, these floors are solid.
15:23Ain't no crabs getting in here.
15:25Great.
15:26Malcolm, you owe me a mani-pedi.
15:28Why am I getting your toes done?
15:30It's cheaper to do the sand.
15:33Once all that ceiling dries, Malcolm, you'll be able to cha-cha slide on these floors.
15:39And look at the time, Crush.
15:43You are in luck.
15:44You will be able to catch your red eye.
15:46Yeah.
15:47Flag on the plate, guys.
15:48What flag?
15:49What flag?
15:50This ain't gonna work.
15:51Why?
15:52The ceiling is for the original wood.
15:57Look at your streaks.
15:58What streaks?
15:59What streaks?
16:00I don't see no streaks.
16:01What?
16:02You can't see, because when it comes to floors, you don't have the professional eye.
16:07But that's okay.
16:08It's gonna take a few days.
16:10I'm just glad I'm getting used to your hard bed.
16:13Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
16:16You staying?
16:17He staying?
16:18Okay.
16:19All right, baby.
16:20Let me just talk to him.
16:23Crutch.
16:24What's going on, man?
16:25Nothing.
16:26The floors, they just not right.
16:27Come on.
16:28These floors are beautiful.
16:29And when it comes to flooring, you don't make mistakes.
16:32Not on the East Coast, but due to the time change and your house being so hot.
16:37Okay.
16:38No, no, no, no.
16:39I know what this is.
16:40See, that's what you always do whenever you don't want to do something.
16:44What?
16:45You crazy.
16:46Am I?
16:47I mean, you've been doing this since we were kids, man.
16:52This reminds me, when you were afraid to play tackle football and told your daddy you had geriatric arthritis.
17:00You were nine.
17:02Nine.
17:03You got me.
17:04Look.
17:05The truth is, I've been running for my problems, just like TV's Ross.
17:10You guys, again, I stormed out.
17:15I've been married so long, but Jeanette passed.
17:20I just got lonely.
17:22Oh, Crutch.
17:24I'm sorry.
17:25Well, what about your kids?
17:28My daughter's in Minnesota.
17:30My son's off in law school.
17:32We don't have what you have here.
17:35I got used to being around family.
17:39Guess I was just trying to make the feeling last.
17:42Come on, man.
17:43I got you, cuz, man.
17:44She's always facing us.
17:45Yeah.
17:46Yeah, man.
17:47So my floor is all finished?
17:50I'm...
17:53We love you, cuz.
17:55Yes.
17:56Crutch, you know what?
17:58Take your time.
17:59You can stay as long as you like.
18:00Yeah.
18:01Till Sunday.
18:02Okay, come on, y'all.
18:05Let's get out of here.
18:06All right.
18:07No, no, no, no.
18:08Not you, David Schremer.
18:09You have to wait for that ceiling to dry.
18:12How long is that gonna take?
18:13About two, three hours.
18:16All right, now.
18:17We gonna see you at the house, Dave.
18:18See you later.
18:24You know, your cousin Crutch can be a handful,
18:26but I'm gonna miss him.
18:28Yeah, you know me, too.
18:29And he did save us a few bucks on those new floors.
18:32I just don't know how he managed to spend $300 at Roscoe's.
18:36Hm.
18:37I do.
18:38This suitcase is full of chicken and waffles.
18:40What?
18:44Hey, Dad.
18:45Um...
18:48Look, I...
18:49I really felt bad when you ran away from home.
18:54Grover, I stormed out.
18:57That's not really how it came off.
18:59But...
19:01Regardless.
19:02Um...
19:03I'm sorry I wrote you so hard about the shirts.
19:05I was not a good boss.
19:07Son.
19:08You are not my boss.
19:11Well, not to worry.
19:13Because I fixed my production issue.
19:15Um, I'm outsourcing my silk screening to a bunch of eighth graders
19:18who will do it for 50 cents a shirt.
19:22Grover, that's like $2 an hour.
19:24Yeah, that's why I didn't go to the math kids.
19:26Dave, I just want you to know how much I appreciate all you've been doing for us.
19:36And if I haven't said it...
19:37You haven't said it.
19:40Well, I just said it.
19:45Okay, well...
19:46I forgive you.
19:48Can you not?
19:49How do you think we made you?
19:50It's just its own one.
19:53Hey, hey, cuz-o.
19:54Hello?
19:55You ready to go?
19:56Yup.
19:57Been fun, but I gotta go home.
19:59Wow.
20:00I need to feed my snake, or I won't have a cat.
20:04Wow!
20:06Lisa Cujo!
20:10You guys are friends in real life?
20:12Just go with us.
20:13It's been great seeing you, Crutch.
20:16Yeah, you know, I hope it's not so long until the next time.
20:19Well, it doesn't have to be.
20:21You know, my son Jay is graduating from law school.
20:23Y'all two should come.
20:25Oh, my God.
20:26To New York?
20:27Oh, yeah, I'm in.
20:28I mean, shopping, Broadway show, room service, shopping!
20:32Well...
20:33Oh, my God!
20:34I mean, you know, I've already spent a lot of money on these new floors, so...
20:37Oh, okay.
20:38I mean, it's gotta be the most expensive hookup I've ever gotten.
20:41You keep saying how important family is, right, Crutch?
20:44Absolutely.
20:45Huh.
20:46I'm gonna go book it right now.
20:48Ha!
20:51See what you did?
20:52You know what?
20:53I hope TSA confiscated every breast, thigh, and wing you got in there.
21:23Alright, thanks.
21:24tır.
21:37You can explore yourself.
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