- 2 days ago
Layover_Sd_X264_1200Kbps
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30I don't think anyone's getting out of here for a while with this weather.
00:00:43We surfed for a while, too. It was really annoying.
00:01:00Excuse me, but are you Richard?
00:01:06Wait. Tiffany?
00:01:10This is so strange. I mean, what are the odds?
00:01:15It's me.
00:01:16Well, headed home for the holidays?
00:01:22Yeah. Yeah, I hate there's never a direct flight. I always have a layover.
00:01:26Yeah, I know. I know.
00:01:30So you headed home, too?
00:01:33Nope. California.
00:01:36Oh, that's where I'm coming from.
00:01:37I know!
00:01:40You knew I was living in California?
00:01:42Nothing else to gossip about in Grand Falls.
00:01:48Do you know that I lost 50 pounds?
00:01:5250 pounds?
00:01:55Where would you put it?
00:01:56Believe me, everywhere.
00:02:02Well, I can't even picture it.
00:02:03I got really big after I had my son.
00:02:11And then stress. It just...
00:02:13So you're married, then?
00:02:14Not anymore.
00:02:17Oh, I'm sorry.
00:02:18I didn't mean to.
00:02:19No, I mean, you didn't know.
00:02:23Divorce can be rough.
00:02:24Yeah.
00:02:25Yeah.
00:02:30So you said you're going to California.
00:02:32Vacation, or...?
00:02:33No, to live.
00:02:36I'm moving there.
00:02:37No kidding?
00:02:37Do you think I'll fit in?
00:02:43Sure.
00:02:44Yeah, you'll do great there.
00:02:52You know, you were my inspiration all these years.
00:02:57Oh, come on.
00:02:57We barely knew each other.
00:02:58Seriously, I always admired you, and like, whoa, Richard, you know, just packed up and moved to California, never looking back.
00:03:15Hey, so who'd Jenna Marion? Someone from the old gang?
00:03:20Whitey. I married Whitey.
00:03:23Jim the total jock. Jim White Whitey. Mm-hmm.
00:03:26That's him.
00:03:28He was a good-looking guy, as I recall.
00:03:30Yeah, not for long.
00:03:32He got old, and he got that receding hairline thing.
00:03:38That's too bad.
00:03:39And bossy.
00:03:42Willie drinks a little too much sometimes.
00:03:45Him and the guys from the football team, they're all still around.
00:03:50The popular kids.
00:03:52I guess.
00:03:53You were popular, as I recall.
00:03:55So were you.
00:03:57You had a lot of friends.
00:03:59Didn't you?
00:04:02Not really.
00:04:04I mean, in the theater crowd, maybe.
00:04:06Oh, yeah, that was your thing.
00:04:08I'd forgotten.
00:04:10I saw you once in...
00:04:13Guys and Dolls?
00:04:16No.
00:04:17That improv thing?
00:04:20Oh, yeah.
00:04:20Hmm.
00:04:21I never saw you.
00:04:24Well, I only went to that one show.
00:04:29Oh.
00:04:30You know, I gotta use the little girl's room.
00:04:34Oh, sure.
00:04:36You can watch my stuff.
00:04:38That's my style.
00:04:42Oh.
00:04:47So don't know.
00:04:55That's okay.
00:04:56Yeah.
00:04:56Oh.
00:04:57Yeah.
00:04:58Aw, they're good.
00:04:58Not too much.
00:04:59No.
00:05:00Yeah.
00:05:01Oh, yeah.
00:05:02Yeah.
00:05:03Oh, yeah.
00:05:04Do you want to go take a little walk?
00:05:22You remember me?
00:05:24Really?
00:05:26Who could forget you?
00:05:29Cute cheerleader, Tiffany.
00:05:30I always knew you'd get married, do the family thing.
00:05:36I figured you'd take that route.
00:05:38You thought about that in high school?
00:05:41Of course.
00:05:43You were always one of the sensitive ones.
00:05:46I think Jimmy was only with me to get laid.
00:05:52I see it all the time with my friends in relationships.
00:05:55Always a dominant person, you just hope your friend's that person.
00:05:58Yeah, well, I knew it was going to be bad from the start.
00:06:02As soon as we were married.
00:06:05At the wedding?
00:06:06No, no.
00:06:08The wedding itself was great.
00:06:10The reception and all.
00:06:13I guess I did have the fairytale wedding.
00:06:17How soon did you realize?
00:06:19Three months.
00:06:20I just got this feeling like maybe it was a mistake.
00:06:26Yeah, but you can't judge by that.
00:06:28All newlyweds feel buyer's remorse.
00:06:31You get married and it's supposed to be the happy time, right?
00:06:35Like, now you're settled.
00:06:37So they say.
00:06:38But it's the opposite.
00:06:39I felt like now my life is over.
00:06:42You know, you get through the hurdle of the wedding and then you're like, now what?
00:06:45It's funny, because one of the main reasons people get married is for that security.
00:06:52Well, then you're in it and you realize, wait a minute, this is my real life.
00:06:58And you realize it's permanent.
00:07:01And you feel trapped.
00:07:03God, that's the one thing that the human animal can't stand, that feeling, being trapped.
00:07:09You are so right.
00:07:13So you reassert yourself.
00:07:15Your freedom as an individual sometimes comes out in ways that are unhealthy, harmful even.
00:07:27You are explaining exactly the way that I felt.
00:07:32It's how it always is.
00:07:35I mean, we can't be blamed for it.
00:07:37You know, it's human nature.
00:07:39So you're saying it's inevitable, even if you find the right partner, that you still feel trapped alone?
00:07:49I mean, people don't talk about it.
00:07:51But it's universal.
00:07:53It's just who we are.
00:07:54It's not supposed to be like that.
00:08:11What?
00:08:14Relationships.
00:08:16Who says?
00:08:16Well, we're supposed to be one man and one woman together forever, aren't we?
00:08:25I mean, look at society and the Bible.
00:08:30It's the way it's always been.
00:08:32The divorce rate's pretty high.
00:08:37Yeah, but...
00:08:38I mean, when it comes down to it, we're all animals.
00:08:43How else can it turn out?
00:08:47Well, then why do people even bother getting married?
00:08:52For children.
00:08:53Family.
00:08:56What else?
00:08:59I don't know.
00:09:05The fairy tale.
00:09:07The happy ending.
00:09:12Right?
00:09:13Yeah, we all want the fairy tale.
00:09:16Girls do anyway.
00:09:18Okay.
00:09:18My fairy tale didn't come true, either.
00:09:30You had a fairy tale?
00:09:33Of course.
00:09:37Well, you got out.
00:09:39So that's something.
00:09:42I left town, yeah.
00:09:45Problem is, wherever you go, you're still there.
00:09:48What does that mean?
00:09:53It means I've learned that you can't run away from yourself.
00:09:57Who says I'm running?
00:10:00I was speaking for myself.
00:10:03I'm running.
00:10:04I ran then.
00:10:05Hell, I'm still running.
00:10:08Well, good.
00:10:09Then I'm running, too.
00:10:11Running as far away from this town as I can get.
00:10:15To L.A.
00:10:17To anywhere, really.
00:10:18I just chose L.A. because I heard you done well there.
00:10:22It was fun while it lasted.
00:10:24And I want the sunshine.
00:10:26That part is good.
00:10:28And the problem is, is I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there.
00:10:35Just...
00:10:35Sometimes you just need to stop and reset.
00:10:42You know?
00:10:43You realize your life's off track and you have this overwhelming desire to change something.
00:10:50All right.
00:10:51So you think I can either change my job or my relationship or where I live?
00:11:02Maybe all three.
00:11:03Maybe all three.
00:11:05And four, really, if you include changing your look, which I've done.
00:11:11Yeah, but that's just a makeover.
00:11:15Makeovers never really solve anything.
00:11:18True.
00:11:18So I did all that and I knew I was changing my relationship, but it wasn't a big enough change.
00:11:25I mean, it wasn't a big enough change to make me become a different person.
00:11:30So then I decided I need to leave town.
00:11:36Start over.
00:11:37To new beginnings.
00:11:42To new beginnings.
00:11:46Feels like I should at least have some Baileys in this or something.
00:11:51Well, I'm sure there's a bar somewhere.
00:11:54Maybe we should check our flight status first.
00:11:57We don't want to get stuck in the middle.
00:11:58True.
00:11:59If I could only add up all the time I've spent in airport bars.
00:12:27You've traveled a lot?
00:12:29Yeah, you could say that.
00:12:31What kind of work do you do in L.A.?
00:12:33I got involved in art.
00:12:36You have to be very particular.
00:12:39Well, I am a perfectionist.
00:12:41I see that.
00:12:43You have a real thing about you.
00:12:45A thing?
00:12:46What's that mean?
00:12:47Oh, yeah.
00:12:48Yeah, I noticed right away.
00:12:52Really nicely dressed.
00:12:54Hair is real specific.
00:12:56Not like Whitey at all.
00:12:59Well, Whitey's...
00:13:00I would imagine Whitey's not the kind of guy who would be...
00:13:03You moisturize your face, don't you?
00:13:07And actually...
00:13:09What are you...
00:13:09You've done that Botox thing, haven't you?
00:13:12I've seen it before and in magazines, the before and after pictures, the forehead thing.
00:13:19It doesn't move when you smile.
00:13:22Okay, who am I trying to fool?
00:13:23It's just you.
00:13:24So you did do it.
00:13:26Well, it's actually good.
00:13:27I was wondering why I had so many more wrinkles than you and we're both the same age.
00:13:31Oh, you don't have wrinkles.
00:13:33Oh.
00:13:34You need glasses then.
00:13:36Yeah.
00:13:37Is it noticeable?
00:13:39Oh, no.
00:13:40It looks great.
00:13:42Very natural.
00:13:44But you noticed.
00:13:46Well, I noticed the overall package.
00:13:49You know, I could tell you were a perfectionist.
00:13:53I am.
00:13:54But over time I realized I'm a mediocre perfectionist, which can become problematic.
00:14:02So how come you never got married?
00:14:05What makes you think I wasn't married?
00:14:07Oh, I've had my eye out for the signs.
00:14:10No ring and...
00:14:11Well, I didn't want to make it about me.
00:14:12I mean, you wanted to talk about Whitey and all.
00:14:14So you were married.
00:14:18Yeah.
00:14:19Well, where is she now?
00:14:21Oh, so we're getting personal now.
00:14:22Oh, weren't we?
00:14:24Okay, if you must know, we both kind of left each other.
00:14:32I mean, we went back and forth.
00:14:35In the end, I guess I'm the one who finally left.
00:14:38Relationships are like that.
00:14:40Phases.
00:14:41You know, one moment one person loves the one person more and then it flips.
00:14:47They only prolong the inevitable breakup.
00:14:49Well, maybe.
00:14:51I know there were times that I was determined to leave, but then you just get drawn back in.
00:14:58Until the bad times outweigh the good times.
00:15:01You're really down on the love and fairy tale anything, aren't you?
00:15:05Oh, yeah.
00:15:11Hey, two seats opened up at the bar.
00:15:13Hey, can we get a couple more of these when you get a chance?
00:15:26Just add it to my cart.
00:15:28You have your credit card at the bar?
00:15:30Yeah, I figured we'd be here for a little while.
00:15:33Well, let me.
00:15:36Don't worry about it.
00:15:37I got it.
00:15:37No, no, that's okay.
00:15:39I got it.
00:15:40Hey.
00:15:42Let a loser in love buy some drinks for another loser in love.
00:15:46One I haven't seen in, what, 15 years?
00:15:49I know, it's like fate or something, our paths crossing like this.
00:15:58I know, it's funny, isn't it?
00:16:02Hey, not so fast.
00:16:05Two losers in love.
00:16:07Don't you have to lose something in order to find yourself?
00:16:23I mean, people tell me that's when true character emerges.
00:16:26Interesting.
00:16:27I mean, think about it.
00:16:29If you had the fairy tale, where would you be?
00:16:32You'd be shallow and happy.
00:16:37And deep and angst-ridden is better?
00:16:39Sure.
00:16:41I don't know if I agree.
00:16:43I want to be happy.
00:16:48I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for the ups and downs that I've experienced.
00:16:53But don't you think it'd be easier to just go back to the beginning?
00:16:58Like high school, when you didn't really know that much about yourself or about life.
00:17:03It's just basically starting over with a clean slate.
00:17:07Yeah, I think you're wrong.
00:17:09I think the older that you get, there's too much you know about life and people.
00:17:15And you know too much for it ever to be simple again.
00:17:18Yeah, maybe it'd just be easier to have less self-awareness.
00:17:21Less of that self-analysis bullshit.
00:17:24Just get back to the basics of life.
00:17:26So you'd rather be ignorant and happy is what you're saying?
00:17:31Sometimes I think so.
00:17:33You don't mean that.
00:17:35It'd be a lot easier.
00:17:37I've been ignorant and happy and I thank God I was so naive.
00:17:44But it was good while it lasted?
00:17:46Not really.
00:17:48No?
00:17:49Well, I thought so at the time.
00:17:54I briefly thought my life was great and perfect.
00:18:01But you realized?
00:18:02Then I realized that I wasn't happy.
00:18:06I was just doing what I thought I should.
00:18:09Like getting married?
00:18:12Well, yeah.
00:18:13I was the cheerleader.
00:18:15He was the jock.
00:18:17We were meant to be together.
00:18:19The happy, perfect couple.
00:18:21You were.
00:18:24On the surface.
00:18:27For the show.
00:18:29For our families.
00:18:31Why'd you go through with it then?
00:18:34Honestly, if you thought it was about the show,
00:18:35why would you marry the guy?
00:18:38That's what I thought I wanted.
00:18:40I just later realized that I, I didn't know myself.
00:18:50You had a great personality in school.
00:18:53I had a perky personality.
00:18:55Cheerleader, right?
00:18:56That was the show.
00:18:59I don't follow you.
00:19:00It's like a character.
00:19:04You know, they want you to be a certain way,
00:19:07so you're that way.
00:19:13I know what you're saying.
00:19:17You, you understand?
00:19:19Oh, yeah.
00:19:23More than you realize.
00:19:26I've had to put on a charade in my life.
00:19:29Pretend to be something that I'm not.
00:19:32You have.
00:19:34Absolutely.
00:19:37See, I never saw that.
00:19:39You always,
00:19:40you were just always real.
00:19:43You never cared what anyone thought in high school,
00:19:46and I admired that.
00:19:49Oh, I cared.
00:19:51I cared too much what everyone thought.
00:19:54You did?
00:19:57And now you don't?
00:20:01No, I don't.
00:20:04What was your charade?
00:20:07Well, first, being a guy.
00:20:11You are a guy.
00:20:14Yeah.
00:20:16But I'm not a guy's guy, you know?
00:20:20I had to pretend.
00:20:21Well, that's just peer pressure.
00:20:24Everybody feels that way in high school.
00:20:28You didn't.
00:20:30I was popular.
00:20:32I had a group.
00:20:35That was the show.
00:20:36Oh.
00:20:40I was gay.
00:20:44Very funny, right, Jordan?
00:20:46It's not a joke.
00:20:52Oh, my God.
00:20:53Is that why you left, how?
00:20:58Partially, I'm sure.
00:20:58So, when you said you were married before you went to a gay lover to a man?
00:21:19A boyfriend.
00:21:20Just call him that.
00:21:20Boyfriend.
00:21:21And you were married in the gay sense?
00:21:28I don't know what that means.
00:21:31Like, you couldn't legally be married.
00:21:34We lived together.
00:21:36We were committed.
00:21:38Or so I thought.
00:21:40He cheated on you?
00:21:41We had an open relationship.
00:21:45He just never seemed gay to me in high school at all.
00:21:54Can you please just forget I said anything?
00:21:58Just erase it from your memory?
00:22:00Why?
00:22:01I'm fine with it.
00:22:03Because I don't want it going around that I'm gay.
00:22:07At least not in Grand Falls, anyway.
00:22:09You're still in the closet.
00:22:11No.
00:22:14No, I mean, I was openly gay.
00:22:18See?
00:22:21I admire that.
00:22:24You got out.
00:22:26Now I admire you even more.
00:22:29Gay guys are like a thing.
00:22:32Very popular these days.
00:22:34Oh, so now I'm cool?
00:22:35And popular?
00:22:36It's almost like high school has reversed.
00:22:39I was popular, but I didn't know who I was.
00:22:44But now I'm searching.
00:22:45And you, you weren't popular.
00:22:48But you had self-awareness and angst.
00:22:51Everything has come full circle.
00:22:53No wonder you thought Whitey was cute.
00:22:56Now it's all adding up.
00:22:58It's complicated.
00:23:03I'm not going to be gay anymore.
00:23:07That's why I don't want you to say anything.
00:23:08All right.
00:23:09You're moving back to Grand Falls and you're not going to be gay anymore.
00:23:14That's right.
00:23:15That's crazy.
00:23:18Oh, what?
00:23:19Your plan to escape to L.A. is rational?
00:23:21But my idea to go back to Grand Falls is ridiculous?
00:23:24Richard, you've lived this amazing life.
00:23:28Why in the hell would you go back to our small town?
00:23:32I've never had your life.
00:23:38The small town, the community of people who know me and care.
00:23:43You're lucky.
00:23:44It's what I want.
00:23:47That's what's exactly what's been missing from my superficial life.
00:23:50You think you're superficial.
00:23:52I have been, sure.
00:23:55Maybe it's your job.
00:23:59No.
00:24:00It's my life.
00:24:01You know, you think you're being deep and real with people and relationships.
00:24:07But you're not.
00:24:10You realize at the end of the day that you're all alone.
00:24:13I want a home where people know me.
00:24:20Not just who they think I am.
00:24:25Home isn't a place.
00:24:29It can be.
00:24:31I think you can be a different person in a different place.
00:24:34So you plan on being a different person.
00:24:39Yeah.
00:24:41I mean, not 100% different.
00:24:43But different version of me.
00:24:47More authentic.
00:24:48You plan on reinventing yourself.
00:24:52It's like you were saying about the show.
00:24:55L.A. was my show.
00:24:58I'm done with that kind of life.
00:25:03So how do you plan on a change?
00:25:08Well, one thing I know is I am not really gay.
00:25:13Richard, you're not really gay.
00:25:21You just got done telling me you were gay.
00:25:24I thought I was.
00:25:27And now you don't think you are.
00:25:29I don't know.
00:25:32I know.
00:25:34I thought I was.
00:25:36Okay.
00:25:37So you sleep with men.
00:25:41Yeah.
00:25:41So what does that mean?
00:25:49I don't know.
00:25:50I was part of something.
00:25:53A community, I guess.
00:25:56Okay.
00:25:56A community.
00:25:57Community.
00:25:58Which is what you said you wanted to be part of.
00:26:01True, sort of.
00:26:06I don't know.
00:26:07I mean, maybe it's just what I needed then.
00:26:11Okay.
00:26:12I don't understand.
00:26:16I don't get what you mean.
00:26:17I never had the popularity that you had in high school.
00:26:27I wasn't a jock like Whitey.
00:26:30You know, a girl like you.
00:26:31Girl like me what?
00:26:33You would have never slept with somebody like me.
00:26:36Of course not.
00:26:37We were in high school.
00:26:39Because I wasn't cool because I was in theater, right?
00:26:42Yeah.
00:26:43Exactly.
00:26:43You know how it works.
00:26:45But you slept with Whitey.
00:26:47Because he was on the football team.
00:26:53He didn't respect you.
00:26:55Yeah.
00:26:56He was on the football team.
00:26:58And I was a cheerleader.
00:27:00You know, I thought we got all this.
00:27:02Yeah, you're helping me make my point.
00:27:04What's your point exactly?
00:27:10You seem to think that you knew.
00:27:11That I knew who I was in high school.
00:27:15But I didn't.
00:27:17You know, maybe I wanted to sleep with women.
00:27:20You know, and maybe I was just attracted to or just curious.
00:27:26You know, about...
00:27:27Guys like Whitey.
00:27:28Guys like Whitey.
00:27:30Exactly.
00:27:32And since you were a little sensitive and effeminate, you...
00:27:38You think I'm effeminate?
00:27:40Well, you were.
00:27:41Really?
00:27:43You thought I was effeminate in high school?
00:27:45Well...
00:27:45Okay.
00:27:49I guess I was.
00:27:52And then I moved, and I got attention.
00:27:55For the first time.
00:27:56It's attention from the gay community.
00:28:06Ah, it's...
00:28:07I have attention.
00:28:10Well...
00:28:10It's nice to...
00:28:13Have attention.
00:28:14It's nice to see you all out here this evening.
00:28:41I hope you washed your hands.
00:28:56Did they let you take these out of the bar?
00:29:00Yeah, they know we're stuck here for a while.
00:29:02They don't care.
00:29:05Oh, hey.
00:29:06Did you check on the flights?
00:29:07Oh, yeah.
00:29:08They said to check back in an hour.
00:29:10Oh, right.
00:29:11I was a little bit of a slut, too.
00:29:25I remember.
00:29:27Richard, be nice.
00:29:30Hey, I didn't want to say anything before, but you had a reputation.
00:29:37Wait a second.
00:29:38First, you say that maybe you wanted to sleep with me in high school, but couldn't.
00:29:46Look, you slept with others, but not me.
00:29:56That makes you a slut in my book.
00:30:03Well, to sluts.
00:30:07I'm sure you're no sluttier than anyone else.
00:30:10Hey, don't take that away from me.
00:30:11Maybe I happen to like sex.
00:30:17Oh, I thought it was all the show.
00:30:19Being with a guy like Whitey was the show, but would have maybe slept with him for myself.
00:30:30You knew you liked sex at 16?
00:30:33Yeah, didn't you?
00:30:37Yeah.
00:30:37I mean, is that so weird?
00:30:40Why?
00:30:41Because I'm a woman admitting it?
00:30:44Maybe double standard.
00:30:46Well, you knew you liked it then, didn't you?
00:30:50Who doesn't like sex that's like not liking pizza?
00:30:53Oh, I know plenty of women who are like over it.
00:30:59Giving up on sex?
00:31:01Yep, all over Grand Falls.
00:31:03That's just sad.
00:31:04Sad.
00:31:05I know.
00:31:06Sex is just, it's important.
00:31:10Maybe that's who we are inside.
00:31:15Just deep in our core we're sexual beings.
00:31:20Animals.
00:31:24And I knew that by the time I was 16.
00:31:30Didn't you?
00:31:31I suppose.
00:31:35I just actually hadn't had it yet.
00:31:37Now that, I can believe.
00:31:49But a real kiss is the best.
00:31:54You think so?
00:31:55Yeah.
00:31:57Yeah.
00:32:00There's something about that moment when you kiss someone and there's something breathtaking about it.
00:32:11I did a lot of things I regretted in search of that feeling.
00:32:24You did?
00:32:27It was all good at the time.
00:32:28I mean, just giving in to those primal cravings.
00:32:36Right.
00:32:37It's what you do when you're in your 20s and you're stupid.
00:32:40You think you're invincible.
00:32:43You got hurt?
00:32:46No.
00:32:48But I hurt someone else.
00:32:51Your boyfriend.
00:32:52You're the one that cheated?
00:33:02We both cheated.
00:33:03Physically.
00:33:04We were just being fair and realistic to ourselves and our sexual needs.
00:33:08Okay.
00:33:10But one day I realized I'm not in it like him.
00:33:17I mean, he's committed to me.
00:33:19This lifestyle and I'm just here for the...
00:33:22Fun.
00:33:23...attention.
00:33:25It was superficial.
00:33:26We're all superficial, I guess, at times.
00:33:31But you get to a point where you're like, what the fuck am I doing?
00:33:36This isn't a joke.
00:33:37This is my life happening here.
00:33:39And you wake up one day and you're in your 30s and you're like, what the fuck?
00:33:45What the fuck, exactly.
00:33:51What was your wake-up call?
00:33:53I think you get to a point where you realize you're not so young and stupid.
00:34:00You lose that as an excuse.
00:34:02You realize you're not invincible.
00:34:06You realize you can get hurt.
00:34:10People can do terrible things to you.
00:34:16So you decide to move back home?
00:34:20You just drop your life?
00:34:23Back to the roots.
00:34:24Start over.
00:34:26Can you really do that, though?
00:34:27Do you think it's realistic to think you can just drop your past?
00:34:32I still want the fairy tale.
00:34:36What's that look like for you?
00:34:39I know mine.
00:34:41Fairy tale.
00:34:42But what's yours?
00:34:45Tradition.
00:34:46Same as you.
00:34:48Okay.
00:34:50I want all the things you're supposed to.
00:34:51I want to get married, have children.
00:34:55With a lover.
00:34:56No, with a wife.
00:34:58I want to find a good woman and have a simple life in a small town.
00:35:04Like you were saying, like society and the Bible wants you to, tells you to.
00:35:09So you can just flip the switch back like that.
00:35:14One day you're gay and the next day you marry a woman.
00:35:18It's not a switch.
00:35:19I've been thinking about it for a long time.
00:35:21Yeah, well, I'm glad it's so funny to you.
00:35:27I'm glad you find my life so hilarious.
00:35:31Look, I didn't think about going home before.
00:35:34But then everything happened with Kyle and, well, I just, I got in this reflective phase,
00:35:41you know?
00:35:41Okay, I know a couple things about sexuality and psychology and it just doesn't work that way.
00:35:55Look, I told you I was in it, yes.
00:35:58But in the end.
00:35:59Well, you can't go year after year being one person and all of a sudden realizing you're some other person.
00:36:10Why not?
00:36:10People don't do that.
00:36:12You did it?
00:36:13Did not.
00:36:14In high school?
00:36:16With Whitey?
00:36:16Oh, come on.
00:36:19I, I, I wasn't a whole other person.
00:36:22You were living a lie.
00:36:23You said it.
00:36:24I was living what was expected of me.
00:36:27It wasn't a lie.
00:36:28It was still me.
00:36:29What's the difference?
00:36:32I, I, maybe I didn't like it all the time, but I accept that it was my life.
00:36:36All the mistakes that I made were my own.
00:36:39But eventually you get older and you realize you can't keep up the charade and your whole
00:36:45fucking life's the charade.
00:36:46My life has been a charade, you're right.
00:36:57In many ways.
00:36:59We've just been going over what a great life you have.
00:37:01Being popular and marrying Whitey.
00:37:04Yes.
00:37:05I accept this is my life.
00:37:09Unlike you.
00:37:11You're talking like there's some other person you can pin responsibility on.
00:37:17That's a cop-out.
00:37:19A cop-out?
00:37:20What about you?
00:37:23You are right.
00:37:24I am running from more than you even know.
00:37:27I am getting far, far away.
00:37:29You've never been anywhere.
00:37:32You'll be back within six months.
00:37:36You're kind of pathetic, you know?
00:37:39Oh, I'm pathetic?
00:37:40You act like your life has been so heavy and intense because you were gay and cheated on
00:37:49a lover, but now you want to throw it all away and start fresh anew.
00:37:55You act like there was somebody else.
00:37:58Well, if it was somebody else, Richard, who was it?
00:38:00You know what?
00:38:01Yeah, I'm just saying, I'm just saying that your problems seem pretty normal.
00:38:07Small-town girl, popular, marries the jock and it doesn't work out.
00:38:13You're a cliche, Tiffany.
00:38:15I'm never coming back.
00:38:19Oh, sure, you'll explore.
00:38:21You'll search for that freedom that you missed out on when you got married in your 20s.
00:38:27And you'll look for that elusive, real kiss.
00:38:33But it doesn't exist.
00:38:35Not in the long run.
00:38:39And you know what?
00:38:40Eventually you'll want what I want.
00:38:42The husband, the kids.
00:38:44Oh, you think just because that's what you want, everybody does?
00:38:49I've been around a lot of people and I know what I'm talking about.
00:38:51You don't know shit about me or my problems.
00:38:57You're the typical small-town divorcee.
00:39:01Okay, you've never experienced life outside of our town.
00:39:06Once you get a taste of it, trust me, you'll be back.
00:39:08Just like me.
00:39:10You're wrong.
00:39:12It didn't work out perfect.
00:39:14That's everyone's story.
00:39:18You don't know what you're talking about.
00:39:20So why'd he drink?
00:39:21What a shock.
00:39:23The high school jock who's now a drunk?
00:39:25Never heard of that one.
00:39:26There's more to it than that.
00:39:28Oh, don't tell me.
00:39:29Let me guess.
00:39:30He hit you.
00:39:32Oh, more cliches.
00:39:33I love it.
00:39:35He didn't hit me.
00:39:42We had a kid.
00:39:47You had a kid?
00:39:49Wait.
00:39:50Wait, you're a mom?
00:39:52I told you I gained weight after being pregnant.
00:39:56I guess you weren't listening.
00:39:57What, when we first started talking?
00:40:00That doesn't count.
00:40:02I didn't know I was going to talk to you seriously like this.
00:40:06Superficial.
00:40:06Just like you said you were.
00:40:08Oh, now that's bullshit.
00:40:11So what, you're going to run off to the West Coast and leave your kid at home?
00:40:14For what, your mom to take care of or something?
00:40:18No.
00:40:19Oh, you get divorced.
00:40:21Lose weight.
00:40:22Dye your hair.
00:40:23Get some fake nails.
00:40:24And you abandon your kid.
00:40:25What, because you think you deserve a better life?
00:40:28What's next?
00:40:28Some fake tits?
00:40:29Maybe that'll make you a better person.
00:40:31Why don't you go for it?
00:40:35He's dead.
00:40:40What?
00:40:41He died a year ago.
00:40:46Whitey's dead?
00:40:47My son.
00:40:49You asshole.
00:40:58A place where life stands still
00:41:03A moment we could steal
00:41:08Don't remember how to feel
00:41:13Can't take these ups and downs
00:41:23Snow lands on the ground
00:41:28Let's swim until we drown
00:41:33I don't know
00:41:37I don't know where to call home
00:41:44And I can't stand on my own
00:41:54Don't rain on my parade
00:42:02Don't look through my charade
00:42:07Don't let that picture fade
00:42:12Don't let that picture fade
00:42:13Don't let that picture fade
00:42:17Don't let that picture fade
00:42:19I thought we'd kill sometime
00:42:22Escape the cold outside
00:42:26With secrets in your eyes
00:42:33Doesn't look good
00:42:41They made an announcement about getting us out of here before the next storm comes
00:42:47So maybe
00:42:48Hey I'm sorry
00:42:52It's fine
00:42:54I'm a little drunk
00:42:56Me too
00:42:58I shouldn't have been so insensitive
00:43:02You said it's fine
00:43:04You didn't know
00:43:06Whatever
00:43:07You said I was one of the sensitive ones
00:43:10But I'm not
00:43:11Sometimes I get defensive and I push people
00:43:17I see that now
00:43:19I was all over you
00:43:21But your sexual lifestyle choices
00:43:25It's all fair game, right?
00:43:28It's too intimate
00:43:30I mean we don't even know each other
00:43:33We went to high school fifteen years ago for Christ's sake
00:43:38And here I am
00:43:40Judging you
00:43:42Still making assumptions about your life and who you are
00:43:46We're from the same town so that's something
00:43:51We're all entitled to our own opinions
00:43:54Yeah you know where someone's from
00:43:57Talk a little
00:43:58Makes us think we know who they are but we don't
00:44:05Well folks, we're hoping to get a few of you out
00:44:07But the temperature is a bit too low to the ice
00:44:10The wings right now so the planes are going to have to stay grounded for now
00:44:14Looks like we're stuck here a little while longer
00:44:17Thanks for your continued patience
00:44:19Wanna take a walk?
00:44:23Do you dare?
00:44:25I'm not gonna go off on you again I said I'm sorry
00:44:27I don't know
00:44:36I realized I was yelling at you
00:44:38But only because I resent it
00:44:45Resent what?
00:44:48I'm telling you that you're this small town cliche
00:44:51And yet that's the one thing I wish I could be
00:44:57So you're a hypocrite
00:45:00Maybe
00:45:02Or just that love hate thing
00:45:05You know how sometimes you're drawn to things
00:45:09You get in your head how great something's gonna be
00:45:12Or you just
00:45:19Desperately want
00:45:21That one thing you deep down know is so bad for you
00:45:25I feel bad for you
00:45:46So what happened with your son?
00:45:47I mean if you want to talk about it
00:45:53Might as well now
00:45:57Not if you don't want to
00:46:00I don't need to know I just thought maybe
00:46:02It was Whitey
00:46:06What?
00:46:07What?
00:46:13What happened?
00:46:14What happened?
00:46:32It was drinking as usual
00:46:36You picked him up
00:46:38After a game at school
00:46:39What was his name?
00:46:40What was his name?
00:46:42Jimmy Jr.
00:46:46Right.
00:46:48And no one else called him that
00:46:49Only me
00:46:51His friends at school called him Whitey
00:46:54And no one else called him that
00:46:56Only me
00:46:58His friends at school called him Whitey
00:47:03Just like his dad
00:47:05So they were a lot alike?
00:47:07Like clones
00:47:09He also played football
00:47:12Just like his dad
00:47:14He also played football
00:47:17Just like his dad
00:47:19He also played football
00:47:22Just like his dad
00:47:24Just like his dad
00:47:30So Whitey picks him up from school
00:47:33It wasn't just the drinking
00:47:39I knew Whitey was also messing with
00:47:45Crystal meth
00:47:47Crystal meth
00:47:52So you were around that too?
00:47:54Not me
00:47:58I never tried this stuff
00:48:05I did
00:48:08You did?
00:48:17So Whitey was caught up in all that?
00:48:29Yeah
00:48:34Most people are
00:48:37Real sweet in Grand Falls
00:48:39Just
00:48:41You know every town has their bad elements
00:48:44His boys, you know
00:48:45And he went to pick up your son after partying?
00:48:50I was supposed to pick him up
00:48:54But I
00:48:59Why?
00:49:00I was seeing someone I shouldn't have
00:49:11I knew Whitey was
00:49:15At the bar
00:49:18Watching games with his
00:49:20Buddies all night
00:49:24And no one was at your son's game?
00:49:26It was just a practice game
00:49:29It was just a practice game
00:49:33I see
00:49:38Yeah well
00:49:40Whitey
00:49:43Was driving drunk as usual
00:49:47And he uh
00:49:49He picked up Jimmy Jr. from school
00:49:51And he wrapped
00:49:53The car around a tree
00:50:03And the police called
00:50:07And I'm
00:50:09In a hotel room with
00:50:12Whitey's business partner
00:50:14Oh no
00:50:15Oh no
00:50:16You know how you were calling me a cliché?
00:50:25Well
00:50:27Maybe you're right
00:50:30It's what I am
00:50:32White
00:50:34It's what I am
00:50:41One big
00:50:43Fucking
00:50:44White
00:50:45Trash
00:50:46Cliche
00:50:48Don't say that
00:50:50It's true
00:50:53Maybe I got so
00:50:55Upset with you before
00:50:56Because I knew you were hitting a nerve
00:50:58I was just being an asshole
00:51:03Truth is
00:51:05Maybe you do see me clearly
00:51:11This isn't your fault?
00:51:15Yeah, that's what people say
00:51:20It's my fault
00:51:23In some ways it is
00:51:28People
00:51:30Have affairs
00:51:33You couldn't have known
00:51:39I was selfish
00:51:42And now I have nothing
00:51:50They're gone
00:51:54They both died?
00:51:59No
00:52:01Whitey survived
00:52:04His hair bake went off
00:52:11A little
00:52:13Jimmy Jr.
00:52:14Jimmy Jr.
00:52:21His chest got smashed
00:52:35So sad
00:52:37That's
00:52:39That's
00:52:41Not
00:52:43Even the sad part
00:52:45The sad part
00:52:49Is when he called me
00:52:55While I was
00:52:57With fucking Darren
00:52:59And it's like
00:53:03Do I answer the phone
00:53:05And I have a question
00:53:08Where am I?
00:53:12And when we finish
00:53:14And we
00:53:16Go again
00:53:18In the shower
00:53:20And I can hear the phone ringing
00:53:23So finally I'm like
00:53:25What the fuck?
00:53:30And you listen to the message
00:53:32Hours later
00:53:35A lot of
00:53:39Time had passed
00:53:41Time had passed
00:53:47And then I
00:53:52Go to the hospital
00:53:56It was too late
00:53:57It was gone
00:53:59It was gone
00:54:03It was gone
00:54:04It was gone
00:54:05It was gone
00:54:08It was good
00:54:10It was gone
00:54:12It was gone
00:54:14It was gone
00:54:16It was gone
00:54:18It was gone
00:54:20I know
00:54:22The room
00:54:23And I walked
00:54:24And this was gone
00:54:26I think
00:54:28It was gone
00:54:29How old was he?
00:54:40He was 12.
00:54:42Can you even believe that?
00:54:43Me with a 12-year-old, almost a teenager.
00:54:47He was making me feel old.
00:54:50It's understandable.
00:54:52How?
00:54:54What about this is understandable?
00:54:58The affair.
00:54:59You were feeling older.
00:55:01It sounds like Whitey had abandoned you emotionally, definitely sexually.
00:55:06There's no excuse.
00:55:08I should have been there for Jimmy Jr.
00:55:12But the sad thing is, is I presented him.
00:55:18Your own son?
00:55:20He was just like Whitey.
00:55:22The older he got, the more he got into sports.
00:55:26It's the same thing.
00:55:28Like me being back in high school.
00:55:32He was like going through it with Whitey all over again.
00:55:34Just like him.
00:55:36Talking like him.
00:55:37Acting like him.
00:55:39I loved Jimmy Jr., but sometimes it was like there was no escape.
00:55:48Like I was doomed to keep living the same life with the same man over and over.
00:55:55But he wasn't Whitey.
00:55:58I'm sure he loved you.
00:55:59I'm sure you were a great mom.
00:56:02I tried.
00:56:04But the older he got, the older I felt.
00:56:09Because it reminded me of how I used to be.
00:56:13How me and Whitey used to be.
00:56:15It's normal to feel that way.
00:56:19I'm sure.
00:56:32I'm stuck in an airport.
00:56:34On a Saturday night, no less.
00:56:37It's kind of depressing.
00:56:38I'm not depressed.
00:56:41Not anymore.
00:56:44You were?
00:56:45I was.
00:56:47I was for a long time.
00:56:50But after a lot of thinking.
00:56:53Did you talk to a therapist?
00:56:55No, of course not.
00:56:56We don't do things like that in Grand Falls.
00:57:01Meds?
00:57:02No.
00:57:02How did you ever get through all of that without therapists or meds?
00:57:09I wrote in a journal and cried.
00:57:13I cried a lot about where my life ended up and how sad it was.
00:57:23You felt sorry for yourself.
00:57:24Hey, maybe I'm not some rich art dealer who can afford years and years of therapy just
00:57:33to find out I'm selfish and need attention.
00:57:40So that's what Whitey's partner was about?
00:57:43Was it a long-term thing or just one indiscretion?
00:57:48He was on the books for a long time before we did anything about it.
00:57:52On the books?
00:57:56No.
00:57:57On the books.
00:57:59Someone who you know you're going to sleep with when you first meet.
00:58:03But for whatever reason or circumstance.
00:58:08You just don't.
00:58:13So you were into him?
00:58:15Caught up in him is more like it.
00:58:20He was attractive.
00:58:22Also married.
00:58:25So it seemed okay.
00:58:27That logic is called justification.
00:58:31Life's all justification.
00:58:34I mean, how else can you live with some of the things that you do?
00:58:41Coming up with an angle that you can live with.
00:58:46Convincing yourself that your bad decision is okay.
00:58:49Hey, we all do it.
00:58:52We all do.
00:58:54Maybe that's what life is all about.
00:58:57Looking for excitement and attention.
00:59:03We're all just selfish at the core.
00:59:05Yes, but under the caveat that being selfish is just how things are.
00:59:10You can't control or change it.
00:59:13No, I'm optimistic.
00:59:16Maybe I'll find a better life in a new location.
00:59:20I mean, it's got to be better.
00:59:27You can't stay where all this happened, right?
00:59:33Sometimes you can be a different person in a different place.
00:59:36You have your philosophy that no matter where you go, there you'll be.
00:59:46I believe that, sure.
00:59:48You are a hypocrite.
00:59:56You know, I had you on this pedestal because you lived in California and you were successful
01:00:05and I thought you were smarter than me and knew more.
01:00:09But now that I know you, you just keep spouting out all these life philosophies and they all contradict.
01:00:20Because I'm a hypocrite.
01:00:23Didn't you just call me that?
01:00:24I think it's all a cover.
01:00:31What do you mean?
01:00:33You say all these things and they make you sound smart and make you sound like you understand yourself and your life, but you don't.
01:00:47Why don't you tell me the truth, Richard?
01:00:51Do you even know what the truth is?
01:00:54Going back to the beginning was the only plan that made sense to me.
01:01:01Start over.
01:01:02Then maybe you can get it right the second time.
01:01:05You say you were selfish in L.A.
01:01:07and now you selfishly want to come back home and start over
01:01:12and bring an innocent woman and child into your selfishness.
01:01:17It's not like that.
01:01:19This is all a lie.
01:01:22Look, just because my dream isn't the same as yours doesn't make it less valid.
01:01:26You can comment on my life, but when the mirror is turned around, you can't take it on yourself.
01:01:36Sure I can.
01:01:37Breaking out of a bad relationship is one thing, but so bad you decide you want to be with women?
01:01:43Come on.
01:01:44What was bad enough for you to become this desperate?
01:01:53February 18th.
01:01:57Right.
01:01:58You said you cheated on Kyle, but that was the lifestyle, right?
01:02:02I suppose technically I cheated on him and he cheated on me.
01:02:07But none of that meant anything.
01:02:10I mean, we knew we'd come home to each other at the end of the day.
01:02:12You had the mutual understanding.
01:02:17He trusted me.
01:02:18Richard, what did you do?
01:02:31Hey, I told you everything about me.
01:02:36Things no one knows.
01:02:41I know.
01:02:42So, just tell me, whatever it is.
01:02:56I picked up this guy at Bath House.
01:03:02They still have bath houses?
01:03:08Yeah.
01:03:09I'm sorry.
01:03:10I get it.
01:03:12It's funny.
01:03:14It's just how it works.
01:03:16So, wait.
01:03:18You must have spent Valentine's Day with Kyle.
01:03:23So, then a couple days later, you were with this stranger you met at a bath house.
01:03:32Yeah.
01:03:35See?
01:03:36I sound like this heartless human being.
01:03:37Tell me.
01:03:49We had sex.
01:03:52Bareback.
01:03:56Like...
01:03:57Anal?
01:04:01What do you think?
01:04:02Okay.
01:04:02Okay.
01:04:02Not you.
01:04:11He was HIV positive.
01:04:18Wow.
01:04:23Oh, no.
01:04:24Hundreds of times.
01:04:31I'll make that thousands.
01:04:35I don't even know how many times I had sex before that night.
01:04:40You were with a...
01:04:41A lot of different men?
01:04:45It was just all fun and games at the time, you know?
01:04:47I mean...
01:04:48But you...
01:04:50But you...
01:04:51Always practice safe sex.
01:04:55Of course.
01:04:57Except Kyle, of course.
01:04:58I mean, we were...
01:04:59Married.
01:05:05Now I get what you're saying.
01:05:08And he just let it happen.
01:05:11I mean, I was faced the other way, you know?
01:05:12I knew he had rubbers, but I was kind of fucked up.
01:05:16And he was kind of fucked up.
01:05:19Richard, that's like...
01:05:21Rape.
01:05:23I know.
01:05:24And assault.
01:05:25I know.
01:05:30Did you want to kill him?
01:05:36Well, I didn't...
01:05:37I didn't realize until later.
01:05:39I didn't realize until later.
01:05:42So you...
01:05:45Went back to him?
01:05:47No.
01:05:49I didn't even know his name.
01:05:52In fact, he was...
01:05:54Visiting from Montreal or something.
01:05:58It is so selfish of him.
01:06:03Selfish, right.
01:06:04Proving, yet again...
01:06:07That people are unbelievable.
01:06:09Well, I don't...
01:06:15I don't know if it was deliberate or...
01:06:18An accident or what happened.
01:06:22I'd like to believe it was an accident.
01:06:28So you're dying.
01:06:32The cocktail's taken with me.
01:06:33I'm fine.
01:06:34I'm fine.
01:06:34It was my fault.
01:06:46Completely.
01:06:51I was a selfish one.
01:06:52I wouldn't have been there with that guy if I wasn't being selfish.
01:06:54You had an open relationship.
01:07:02I know, but...
01:07:03And it was Kyle's idea.
01:07:05But I think he thought he had to.
01:07:08I mean, he knew I wasn't ready to settle down.
01:07:11He just did it for me.
01:07:13It was a mistake.
01:07:17Yes, it was a mistake.
01:07:18But I know it was...
01:07:20My fault.
01:07:24I keep blaming him, but...
01:07:26I was the one who was reckless.
01:07:32Kyle loved me.
01:07:34He trusted me.
01:07:36And he loved me.
01:07:39And I totally blew it.
01:07:41And now I'm all alone.
01:07:47I have nothing.
01:07:55So maybe it isn't...
01:07:58Attention...
01:08:01Or selfishness that...
01:08:03Drives us.
01:08:05What then?
01:08:07It all comes down to wanting to be loved.
01:08:11That's what the fairytale really means, doesn't it?
01:08:17How we find love in the end.
01:08:21I don't know.
01:08:28I mean, maybe it is...
01:08:30All biological.
01:08:35With everything we know...
01:08:37About DNA...
01:08:41I mean, think about it.
01:08:44Everyone you've ever been with...
01:08:48Ever kissed...
01:08:50Ever been intimate with...
01:08:53Your DNA is left with them forever.
01:08:58We leave traces of ourselves.
01:08:59And maybe there's something to that.
01:09:02The way...
01:09:08DNA evidence is left on a victim...
01:09:11Forever.
01:09:16Even if their body's dug up later, it's still there.
01:09:20Literally...
01:09:21Literally...
01:09:24We leave pieces of ourselves...
01:09:25With each person...
01:09:28And then with us.
01:09:33The people who are close to become...
01:09:36Part of us.
01:09:40Forever.
01:09:41Forever.
01:09:52So...
01:09:54Kyle...
01:09:56Woke up with you after all this?
01:10:00No, I left him.
01:10:02Wait.
01:10:04He was willing to stay with you after all this?
01:10:06And you left?
01:10:08Richard.
01:10:12That's what I was saying.
01:10:14That was my moment.
01:10:16When I suddenly realized...
01:10:18I'd gone to the edge.
01:10:22Forget that.
01:10:23I felt over the edge.
01:10:25Crashed and burned.
01:10:27Suddenly life's not all fun and games anymore.
01:10:30I don't know.
01:10:32I don't know.
01:10:34I don't know.
01:10:36I don't know.
01:10:38I don't know.
01:10:40I don't know.
01:10:42I don't know.
01:10:44Like my moment at the hospital.
01:10:49You see the bigger picture.
01:10:52Maybe it's out of our control.
01:10:57You mean like fate or something?
01:11:00That could just be more bullshit we're convincing ourselves of.
01:11:04I've become pretty good at believing my own justifications.
01:11:08Do you think you could ever get back with Whitey?
01:11:19Oh, come on.
01:11:24Everybody makes mistakes.
01:11:25I mean I know that was a pretty big mistake.
01:11:31But he has to be hurting too.
01:11:35It was his son.
01:11:40Yeah.
01:11:44He wants to get back together.
01:11:46No idea.
01:11:47Could you ever get past something traumatic like that?
01:12:00Maybe things could work out.
01:12:02Sometimes there's just too much history.
01:12:12Too much hurt.
01:12:17You know.
01:12:19Sometimes it's easier to move forward than to go back.
01:12:26You've messed up too much to ever make it right.
01:12:32Yeah.
01:12:35Sometimes a fresh start is what you have to do.
01:12:42You have no choice.
01:13:05Looks like maybe we're gonna get out of here after all.
01:13:07Looks like it.
01:13:38I know this move is the right thing for me.
01:13:46Me too.
01:13:52Well I'm trapped inside again.
01:13:58But this time I know it's with you.
01:14:03And you'll take this piece of me.
01:14:04And I'll take this piece of you.
01:14:07And you'll take this piece of me.
01:14:12And I'll take this piece of you.
01:14:18Am I alone in this world?
01:14:23Cause I can't help feel this way.
01:14:36I don't know how to say.
01:14:40That I need you to stay.
01:14:41That I need you to stay.
01:14:49Well I'm moving forward then.
01:14:50I'm headed back again.
01:15:04I can't stop this feeling that I just can't seem to wear.
01:15:05Am I alone in this world?
01:15:06I'm moving forward then.
01:15:07I'm headed back again.
01:15:11I can't stop this feeling that I just can't seem to wear.
01:15:14Am I alone in this world?
01:15:18Cause I can't help feel this way.
01:15:25Don't know how to say.
01:15:26That I need you to stay.
01:15:30Don't know how to say.
01:15:31Alone in this world
01:15:36Cause I can't help feel this way
01:15:43Don't know how to say
01:15:51That I need you
01:15:57To stay
01:16:00To stay
01:16:30Am I alone in this world
01:16:49Cause I can't help feel this way
01:16:56Don't know how to say
01:17:04That I need you
01:17:12To stay
01:17:14Excuse me, but are you Richard?
01:17:42Richard Mack from Grand Falls?
01:17:46No, I'm Steve
01:18:12No, I have not been here
01:18:18You should be
01:18:19To be clear
01:18:19I'll see you
01:18:20off India
01:18:21That they could reach
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