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The Millionairess is a 1960 British romantic comedy film, a loose adaptation of George Bernard Shaw's 1936 play of the same name, starring Sophia Loren and Peter Sellers. The story centers on a wealthy, spoiled heiress who attempts to win the love of an altruistic Indian doctor, with both characters bound by unusual conditions set by their late parents.

#TheMillionairess #TheMillionairess1960 #1960film #ClassicFilm #GBS (referencing George Bernard Shaw, on whose play the film is based) #SophiaLoren #PeterSellers #VittorioDeSica #AlastairSim #VintageStyle #1960s #CinemaItaliano #RomanticComedy
Transcript
00:00:00The End
00:00:30Madame, gentlemen, we are gathered here for the reading of the will of the late Bernardo Onisante de Paroga.
00:00:49I, Bernardo Onisante de Paroga, of Naples, Liberia, London, and the world, being of sound mind, which I have proved by making more money than the lot of you, hereby bequeath to my only daughter Epiphania all my worldly goods.
00:01:14The conditions on which she may marry, she knows and has sworn to obey.
00:01:21If she does not, may she be punished.
00:01:26And now that my money has officially passed into somebody else's hands, I can be considered truly dead.
00:01:35The millionaire is dead. Long live the millionaires! Long live the millionaires!
00:02:05The millionaire is dead. Long live the millionaires.
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00:04:22Get out of here!
00:04:32And that's it.
00:04:52Get out!
00:05:05Oh, Daddy.
00:05:14Daddy.
00:05:16Daddy.
00:05:22Daddy.
00:05:40What troubles you have at Anya?
00:05:46Nothing, nothing.
00:05:54Epiphania.
00:05:57Epiphania, you are lying to me.
00:06:00No, Papa.
00:06:02Honestly, no.
00:06:03Epiphania, you have disobeyed me.
00:06:06But how, Papa?
00:06:08Why do you say such a thing?
00:06:10Epiphania, why did you marry this man?
00:06:14He looked so exciting.
00:06:24So fascinating.
00:06:26Yes.
00:06:27And he had a wonderful backhand.
00:06:30But did he pass the test?
00:06:33What did you say?
00:06:34Did he pass the test?
00:06:36I thought that's what you said.
00:06:37That is exactly what I said.
00:06:39The test to which you had sworn to submit your future husband.
00:06:43Hand him 500 pounds and marry him only if he succeeded in turning it into 15,000 pounds within three months.
00:06:50Did you do so?
00:06:51Well, I did as you told me to do.
00:06:53I gave him 500 pounds.
00:06:55You gave him 500 pounds worth of shares and three months later you bought the same shares back for 15,000 pounds.
00:07:01They were worth it, Papa.
00:07:03But what did he do?
00:07:05Hmm?
00:07:06Nothing.
00:07:08Epiphania, you have sworn a solemn oath and you have cheated on it.
00:07:13But I should have known it.
00:07:15We parergas must always have what we want.
00:07:19And we go to any length to get it.
00:07:22What shall I do?
00:07:23Tell me.
00:07:24What shall I do?
00:07:25Yes.
00:07:42You haven't changed, my daughter.
00:07:44You still over-dramatize everything.
00:07:55No, father.
00:08:20I'm not worthy of so honorable a death.
00:08:23Was there anything else, madam?
00:08:36Varnish?
00:08:37Very good, madam.
00:08:51Good morning.
00:08:52Beautiful day for a swim.
00:08:55I'm not swimming.
00:08:56I'm committing suicide.
00:08:58Do you hear me?
00:09:00I'm killing myself.
00:09:02Charlie, good luck to you.
00:09:22I'm killing myself.
00:09:23Oh.
00:09:24Oh.
00:09:29Assassin.
00:09:30Good morning.
00:09:33Achah!
00:09:38My lawyer.
00:09:39Oh.
00:09:40Oh!
00:09:42Please find enclosed our cheque in full payment of your account
00:09:47for keeping Madame Piroga's husband under observation.
00:09:51Paragraph.
00:09:52I suppose only those who wait have a proper reverence for marriage.
00:09:57Paragraph. Letter continues.
00:10:00We are most grateful for the information that you've been able to place at our disposal, yours faithfully.
00:10:07The lady is not going to be very pleased about this.
00:10:10Of course I can go in.
00:10:11Me, Epiphania...
00:10:12Surely she hasn't heard already.
00:10:13I'm going all right.
00:10:20Epiphania! I beg your pardon?
00:10:23The water is far too cold.
00:10:26What for, Epiphania?
00:10:28Drowning.
00:10:29The question?
00:10:31You must draw up my will immediately.
00:10:33Certainly, Epiphania...
00:10:34Say that my husband's infidelity drove me to kill myself.
00:10:37Do you know, then?
00:10:38Read this sickly sentimental drivel from his stupid little mistress.
00:10:42Here.
00:10:45Then the rest of the evidence is corroborated.
00:10:48File proceedings against him.
00:10:50Arranged an infallible way for me to commit suicide.
00:10:58Here it is.
00:10:59What?
00:11:00What's this?
00:11:01For the suicide.
00:11:02Tell the chemist that the cyanide is for a wasp's nest.
00:11:05Tartaric acid is harmless.
00:11:06Put the two separately in just enough water to dissolve them and you have pure hydrocyanic acid.
00:11:12One sip will kill you like a thunderbolt.
00:11:14It never fails.
00:11:15You take my death very coolly, Julius Hagamore.
00:11:18I'm used to it, my dear.
00:11:20My practice has always been amongst the wealthiest pillars of society.
00:11:24You mean so many of your clients are driven to despair that you keep a prescription for them?
00:11:28I do, and it's infallible.
00:11:30You're sure they all die painlessly?
00:11:32And at once?
00:11:33No.
00:11:34They're all alive.
00:11:35What do you mean by giving me a prescription which is a fraud?
00:11:38On the contrary, it's a deadly poison.
00:11:40But they won't take it.
00:11:41I will!
00:11:42And I hope you'll be hanged for giving it to me.
00:11:45Impossible, my dear.
00:11:46Since I'm acting as your solicitor and giving you the advice you ask me for, I'm going to do my best.
00:11:51In fact, I'll charge your executors 20 guineas for this advice.
00:11:56You are disgusting, Sagamore.
00:11:59You make money out of the death of your clients.
00:12:01It is my profession.
00:12:02There'll be a great deal of business arising out of your death, Epiphania.
00:12:05So you expect me to kill myself merely to make money for you?
00:12:09Well, it was you that raised my expectations, my dear.
00:12:11Pig!
00:12:12There, there, there.
00:12:14The prescription will cure everything.
00:12:16Damn your prescription.
00:12:17Look what I do with your prescription.
00:12:19Here.
00:12:20I told you it was imparable.
00:12:21And now that you've blown off steam, suppose my dear Epiphania that you sit down and tell me all about your little problem.
00:12:27My heart is broken and you... you call it blowing off steam.
00:12:32What else would you call it?
00:12:34You're not a man.
00:12:35You're an Englishman.
00:12:36How could my father have entrusted his legal business to such a heartless blackguard?
00:12:41You may have put your finger on the very reason now.
00:12:44Please, please, sit down.
00:12:46Oh, Julius.
00:12:47Julius.
00:12:48How could I ever have done such a thing?
00:12:53Well, after all, licks and death lead, first-class tennis player, boxing blue.
00:12:57Oh, fine record.
00:12:58Yes.
00:12:59And unlike most handsome men.
00:13:02Oh, he's stripped so well.
00:13:05Please, Epiphania.
00:13:06Oh, I'm very susceptible to sex appeal.
00:13:08There's no legal bearing on the case.
00:13:11How could I make such a stupid mistake, imagining this athlete would be an ardent lover?
00:13:18All his passion was in his fists.
00:13:20Our marriage has been a long succession of boxing matches.
00:13:23Really?
00:13:24Oh.
00:13:25Oh.
00:13:26And now the final blow.
00:13:27This stupid letter from this stupid woman.
00:13:29Ah!
00:13:30Blast him!
00:13:31Oh.
00:13:32Oh.
00:13:33Oh.
00:13:34I want to see.
00:13:35I want to see this little nothing he prefers to me.
00:13:39I want to see her.
00:13:40Oh.
00:13:41Oh.
00:13:42Oh.
00:13:43Oh.
00:13:44Oh.
00:13:45Oh.
00:13:46Oh.
00:13:47Oh.
00:13:48Oh.
00:13:49Oh.
00:13:50Well, if she's wanting to borrow my home-perm outfit again, she's going to be very disappointed.
00:13:53No.
00:13:54That knock anywhere.
00:13:55It's not your home-perm she's after.
00:13:58Yes?
00:14:02Was there something?
00:14:07Very suitable.
00:14:09Yes.
00:14:11A very suitable setting.
00:14:16For your sordid little affair.
00:14:19Now, look here, Epiphania. You can't come in here.
00:14:21That's right. Strike me.
00:14:23Show your little mistress your great knock-up punch.
00:14:26Let her see how you treat women.
00:14:28Coward.
00:14:29May I come in?
00:14:30Oh, dear, we've only got three cups.
00:14:31Come in, Mr. Sagamore.
00:14:33Come in and see my husband's harem.
00:14:35I'm warning you, Epiphania.
00:14:36Aren't you going to introduce me to your wife, Alistair?
00:14:39Well, Epiphania, this is my...
00:14:40Tell her that I have no wish to meet her.
00:14:43I think Alistair a better girl.
00:14:45It's not nice for us to fight over him to his face.
00:14:47Besides, he's worn out, poor darling.
00:14:49He hardly slept a wink all night.
00:14:53And how does she know that?
00:15:02You actually left me to spend the night in the arms of this Miss...
00:15:05Smith, Polly Smith. Very pleased to meet you.
00:15:07Polly Smith?
00:15:08It was quite innocent.
00:15:10Was he in your arms or was he not?
00:15:12Well, yes, in a way. For a while, that is.
00:15:15But not in the way you mean.
00:15:19I know exactly what she means.
00:15:21He's a sexless fish.
00:15:23Alistair is not a fish.
00:15:24No, a jellyfish.
00:15:25One moment, Epiphania, please.
00:15:30I really must protest that the break-up of a marriage is no light matter.
00:15:35These two inferior people are very well suited to one another.
00:15:40Let us go, Sagamore.
00:15:41Don't be too upset about it.
00:15:43It's not your fault you're so marvelous.
00:15:45No one can live with you.
00:15:47Is this creature insulting me?
00:15:49If a nice, ordinary fellow like Alistair tries to live with someone marvelous,
00:15:52they just get completely eaten up.
00:15:54Are you trying to suggest that you can do something that I cannot do?
00:16:01Well, I can make Alistair happy, can't I?
00:16:03What about the elephant in the mouth, Sally?
00:16:05What about that?
00:16:06You've just been very safe.
00:16:07Yes.
00:16:08Is that the one, is that the one where they're both taking a drink of water?
00:16:23Yes.
00:16:25Yes.
00:16:26It's a very good one.
00:16:30See you in court.
00:16:38You're well rid of him, my dear.
00:16:41Julius.
00:16:43Why do you think she can make a man happy and I can't?
00:16:47Good, but it's quite simple, my dear.
00:16:49You require a very exceptional kind of man.
00:16:56Yes.
00:17:00Do you think I should have my nose cut?
00:17:03My nose cut?
00:17:04No, I'm quite certain it's not surgery we need, my dear.
00:17:09Why don't you try Adrian Bland, hmm?
00:17:12Adrian Bland?
00:17:14I really feel I ought to come even more often.
00:17:17Miss Tonks, Miss Tonks, try and work Mrs. Wetherby in a few additional sessions, will you?
00:17:22Well, it's very difficult, Doctor, but I'll do my best.
00:17:27Goodbye.
00:17:28I'll see you out, Mrs. Wetherby.
00:17:29Mrs. Wetherby.
00:17:31Hello.
00:17:33Bye, Adrian.
00:17:34I'm delighted to see you.
00:17:35I don't think you've met Madame Paroga.
00:17:37How do you do?
00:17:38Fracca, well, this is indeed a privilege.
00:17:41Madame Paroga has one or two trifling problems which it might be possible for you to unravel for her.
00:17:46Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
00:17:48I wish to make a man happy.
00:17:51Ah, yes.
00:17:53The female of our species can aspire to nothing higher.
00:17:56You will come this way.
00:17:59The usual commission.
00:18:06We'll take 20%, old boy.
00:18:07Don't propose to bicker.
00:18:09Oh, well, the usual then.
00:18:11Excellent. One small suggestion.
00:18:13It is most inadvisable from the point of view of the Praga estate
00:18:17that she should be too concerned with finding a husband.
00:18:21I quite understand.
00:18:26Shall I undress?
00:18:27That will not be immediately necessary, but I would like you to lie down.
00:18:32Indeed.
00:18:34This is a more interesting approach.
00:18:37I want you to tell me first exactly what comes into your mind.
00:18:43Elephants?
00:18:45Elephants.
00:18:46Mice.
00:18:47Mice?
00:18:49What about them?
00:18:51Well, they can't live together.
00:18:54Muriel, I don't like this at all.
00:18:57What?
00:18:59These bills from Dr. Bland.
00:19:01I thought they were most moderate.
00:19:03That's what worries me.
00:19:04Not at all like Adrian Bland to miss such a golden opportunity.
00:19:07I went for him with my fists.
00:19:10On the first night of our honeymoon.
00:19:11With my fists.
00:19:13Oh, he was so cold.
00:19:15He was obviously quite unable to appreciate you.
00:19:17You're well rid of him.
00:19:18I want to get rid of myself.
00:19:19I want to punish myself.
00:19:20I should be punished for marrying a buck-rabbit.
00:19:24My dear Madame Perega, there's no need to feel guilt because you are sexually susceptible.
00:19:32You are so sympathetic, Dr. Bland.
00:19:35So understanding.
00:19:37Normally, my dear Madame, it is my profession to be.
00:19:39But with you, it is a pleasure.
00:19:42You find it interesting to hear me talk about myself?
00:19:46To me, Madame, you are the most interesting woman in the world.
00:19:48Tell me more.
00:19:51Have I told you about my father?
00:19:54Tell me again.
00:19:57My father made me feel I was a princess.
00:20:00Offering any man my hand and fortune.
00:20:03If...
00:20:04If what?
00:20:06If he could only pass a simple test.
00:20:08Then I spoiled it all by falling in love.
00:20:12You must never blame yourself for that.
00:20:15Just because his tennis was outstanding.
00:20:18And I was so excited by physical contact with him.
00:20:23After all, Adrian, I am made of flesh and blood.
00:20:28Yes, you are.
00:20:30You certainly are.
00:20:32You don't know what it feels like to be in the arms of a man
00:20:35and know that you could buy him up twenty times over.
00:20:39And never miss the price.
00:20:42If the man isn't proud, what difference does it make?
00:20:49Splendid, splendid.
00:20:51I am certainly very glad to hear that you are getting on so well with the lady.
00:20:55You may have to congratulate me.
00:20:57Congratulate you?
00:20:58Yes, congratulate me and that pretty soon.
00:21:00What?
00:21:02You mean to say that you've already got rid of her Oedipus complex, her father fixation,
00:21:06what do we call it?
00:21:07Oh, no, no, not really, not yet, no.
00:21:09You haven't got a chance.
00:21:11Not until you've replaced her father's image with your own, surely, am I right?
00:21:15Yes, yes, of course you are.
00:21:17Perfectly Freudian.
00:21:19Perfectly Freudian, Sangamore.
00:21:21Yes, I must break down her dependency upon this nostalgia for a deceased miserly old billionaire.
00:21:26Well, I should have thought that would be easy for you.
00:21:30From now on, no holds barred, eh, Aidan?
00:21:33No holds barred? You can rely on me.
00:21:35Good luck.
00:21:38Well, I hope that's put him out of the running.
00:21:41You left your nose drops behind last night, Julius.
00:21:44Did I?
00:21:46You make me forget almost everything, Muriel.
00:21:49Come here back, Tina.
00:21:51Come here back, Tina.
00:21:53Come here.
00:21:58Money's power.
00:22:00Money's security.
00:22:03Money's freedom.
00:22:05Money, my dear Epiphania, is nothing but a vulgar bore.
00:22:08Delicious.
00:22:09Have a few more, lady. You know you love my works.
00:22:10No, thank you.
00:22:11Pay for my works, will you, Adrian?
00:22:13My father never spent more than ten shillings a day on himself.
00:22:16I think it's high time, Epiphania, that you realize there was something just a little wrong with your sense of values.
00:22:23Now, listen, throughout your analysis...
00:22:25You like it?
00:22:29Throughout your analysis...
00:22:31Epiphania.
00:22:32Yes?
00:22:33You must listen to me.
00:22:34Now, throughout your analysis, you've harped on nothing but your money and your father.
00:22:38Well, what else have I in my life? Nothing.
00:22:41You have nothing else because money and your father bulk so large they leave no room.
00:22:45I'm glad. I wish for nothing else.
00:22:46But that's not true. When you first came to me, you asked me a simple question. Why am I unable to make a man happy?
00:22:52Yes? You still have not answered me.
00:22:56Well, now I'm going to. You'll never be happy, you'll never be able to love until you realize what a crushing, dreary, money-grubbing old bore your father was.
00:23:04Oh! What did you say?
00:23:09I'll repeat it.
00:23:11You are suffering from a most acute father fixation upon a man who must have been, without any doubt at all, the most appalling bore who ever plagued humanity.
00:23:19I'm sorry to spoil your illusions, but I'm afraid it's necessary.
00:23:28Adrian?
00:23:29Yes?
00:23:34Come here, Adrian.
00:23:43Come closer, Adrian.
00:23:47That's for calling my father a bore!
00:23:50Epiphania! What on earth do you think you're doing?
00:23:53And that's...
00:24:00For saying my father was dreary!
00:24:04Help!
00:24:06Help!
00:24:08Help!
00:24:10Help!
00:24:16Good afternoon. I am a doctor.
00:24:18Hello. Oh, it's you again. The man who lets people drown.
00:24:21I hear a great disturbance. I hasten to ascertain the cause. You appear to be in agitated condition. Can I help you?
00:24:25Yes, you can.
00:24:26Help!
00:24:28Where are you going?
00:24:29Ah.
00:24:30There is a man drowning down there.
00:24:31Yes, where is he?
00:24:32Help!
00:24:33But no one has ever disobeyed me.
00:24:34Wait! You must attend to me. This is the second time you have left me to die.
00:24:38On neither occasion was there a serious possibility of it, madam.
00:24:42But... but you don't seem to understand. I'm ill and a very rich woman.
00:24:46Well, in that case, you will have no difficulty in finding an English doctor to send your bills.
00:24:51But... but I'm liable to die at any moment.
00:24:54Oh, indeed. We all are, madam. It is our common destiny. Good afternoon, you. Good afternoon.
00:24:58Hmm.
00:25:03Help me, somebody.
00:25:04Help me, somebody.
00:25:05I love you is ever true.
00:25:11Im bim bong bim bong bittle boo.
00:25:17And when I see...
00:25:20Oh, hello. You've been having a little swim with your friend, have you?
00:25:24Well, not exactly, no. This lady is somewhat wet.
00:25:27Rachel!
00:25:28And, er...
00:25:29We are wondering if it is possible to use the amenities of your excellent establishment.
00:25:32Yeah, well, go on, then.
00:25:33Rachel!
00:25:34Oh, I tell you, I'm dying, doctor.
00:25:36You have a natural affinity for water, but you're still not dying.
00:25:39No, no.
00:25:40Please, go forward in here.
00:25:41A little privacy, you know?
00:25:42Yes, move me a little.
00:25:43Pardon me.
00:25:44Well, over there?
00:25:45Yes, here we'll do beautifully.
00:25:46All right.
00:25:47Yes.
00:25:49Er...
00:25:50Yeah, go and help yourselves.
00:25:52Here, cap.
00:25:53Put it on.
00:25:54It so happens, you've come at a most interesting point, you have.
00:25:57Now, I think you'll be very invested in this.
00:25:59Good.
00:26:00Listen, I've prepared today...
00:26:01Yes.
00:26:02...a smoky mixture that'll give them kippers, as my experiments are successful...
00:26:05Yes.
00:26:06...the quality and flavour of the best-made salmon.
00:26:08Good job, doctor.
00:26:09Most interesting. Oh, thank you.
00:26:10After all.
00:26:11Yes.
00:26:12Why shouldn't the workers enjoy, from the humble kipper, what the bleeds...
00:26:15...snobs, pay premium prices for it, the Savoy and Brits.
00:26:18But you're absolutely right, my dear fellow. Absolutely right.
00:26:20I could not agree. Oh, thank you.
00:26:21Here, what's that?
00:26:22Come here.
00:26:23Er...
00:26:24Wait.
00:26:25Have a smell.
00:26:26Go on.
00:26:27Beautiful smell.
00:26:28Hey?
00:26:29Beautiful.
00:26:30What about it?
00:26:31Beautiful smell.
00:26:32Now, here's the crafty pick up.
00:26:33Yes.
00:26:34Listen.
00:26:35Full move.
00:26:36To one part cherry wood sawdust...
00:26:37...I have two parts oak...
00:26:39...one helm...
00:26:40...and half a plum.
00:26:42Just half a plum.
00:26:43No more.
00:26:44No more than half a plum.
00:26:45Ah!
00:26:48Oh.
00:26:49Are you in great pain, madam?
00:26:50Yes.
00:26:51Oh.
00:26:55Well, I think I will make an examination.
00:26:57Oh, you're welcome, mate. You're welcome.
00:26:58There's no secrets between men of science.
00:27:01I'll show you the whole process.
00:27:04Stand up, please.
00:27:05Huh?
00:27:06Stand up, please.
00:27:07Yes.
00:27:08Oh.
00:27:09I can't.
00:27:10Where is the pain?
00:27:11Here, Doctor.
00:27:12My shoulder.
00:27:13Hmm?
00:27:14She'll have to put more wood on the fire now.
00:27:16She'll have smoked.
00:27:17We'll go up to the kibble.
00:27:18They'll be dancing, eh?
00:27:19Well, smoked salmon, they'll be.
00:27:20Yes, smoked salmon.
00:27:23Hmm.
00:27:24Nothing whatever the matter with it.
00:27:25Nothing whatever at all.
00:27:26Well, it's my shoulder, not yours.
00:27:28Well, no, but I am not disputing the ownership of the shoulder.
00:27:31All I am saying is that you know nothing about the machine that your soul inhabits,
00:27:35whereas I am a skill mechanic, and I understand.
00:27:37Oh, maybe it's my back.
00:27:39Yes, I'm sure it's my back.
00:27:40Maybe it is, yes.
00:27:41Yes.
00:27:42Lie down, please.
00:27:43Hmm?
00:27:44Lie down.
00:27:45Lie down.
00:27:46Here.
00:27:49Oh, here.
00:27:50Here.
00:27:51Ah.
00:27:52This is where it is hurting.
00:27:53Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:27:54Everywhere.
00:27:55Yes, I see, yes.
00:27:56Yeah.
00:27:58This is quite, quite beautiful.
00:28:00Hmm.
00:28:01What an entirely perfect trapezius you have here.
00:28:04Quite gratifying, quite gratifying.
00:28:06Hmm.
00:28:07I'm glad you proved something about me.
00:28:09I don't think I have seen such perfection as this since I performed last February an autopsy
00:28:13on a drowned navvy.
00:28:14Navvy?
00:28:15Yes, six feet four in height.
00:28:16He was a fine, fine fellow of a man.
00:28:17Fine fellow, fine.
00:28:18Yes, he was.
00:28:19No, I, I, I, I couldn't think that this back of yours would be injured by anything, madam.
00:28:26It has an excellent back.
00:28:27Quite excellent.
00:28:28I am ill.
00:28:29Hey, hey, Alcuff.
00:28:30It's beginning to go now.
00:28:31All right, I will.
00:28:32Watch out and look at my tongue.
00:28:33My tongue.
00:28:34All right.
00:28:35Yes.
00:28:36Show me your tongue.
00:28:38Nothing wrong with it?
00:28:43Hmm?
00:28:44Hmm?
00:28:45Put it away, please.
00:28:47All felt my pulse.
00:28:49Well, I will, but it will prove only what is already obvious, that you are alive and well.
00:28:55Well, I will.
00:29:19Will I live?
00:29:22Oh, yes, you will live.
00:29:23Yes.
00:29:24Yes.
00:29:25Most probably forever.
00:29:29Then what's the matter with me?
00:29:30Oh, absolutely nothing.
00:29:32Nothing.
00:29:33Except, of course, that you are simulating.
00:29:35Why?
00:29:36Do you wish to make yourself interesting?
00:29:40I am interesting.
00:29:41Anatomically, you are beyond question.
00:29:43And the pulse is the most moving and unusual phenomenon.
00:29:47But are you interesting in any other way?
00:29:49I'm the most interesting woman in the world.
00:29:52For I'm the richest.
00:29:56Epiphania ogli santi di parerga.
00:29:58Aristocrat of Italy, I presume.
00:30:00Even more aristocratic.
00:30:02I am of the aristocracy of money.
00:30:05Ah, well, that is a disease for which I do not prescribe.
00:30:09The only known cure is a revolution.
00:30:11A revolution in Kyprin, that's what it is.
00:30:13That is what it is.
00:30:14But the mortality rate is high.
00:30:16And sometimes, if it is the wrong sort of revolution,
00:30:19it intensifies the disease.
00:30:21Oh, will you not try to cure me?
00:30:23Madam, your sickness is beyond the reach of my skin.
00:30:25Besides, this is my day for spiritual exercise, and I do know where.
00:30:29Oh.
00:30:30Please reconsider.
00:30:33No, no.
00:30:34No, definitely not.
00:30:35No.
00:30:36You see, at such times, I try to forget who I am and where I am.
00:30:40And I sink down deep into my soul.
00:30:43Carry me down with you.
00:30:46It is, as the wise men put it,
00:30:48an intermediary stage between being and non-being.
00:30:53Teach me not to be.
00:30:56Madam,
00:30:58you know that you have seriously interrupted my thoughts.
00:31:02And you're mine.
00:31:04And now I will have to begin afresh.
00:31:08Goodbye, madam.
00:31:09But you must do something for me.
00:31:10Madam, I cannot...
00:31:12No, no, no, no.
00:31:15I am only Dr. Ahmed Al-Kabir.
00:31:17That is all I am.
00:31:19And I can do nothing for you, madam.
00:31:21Please.
00:31:22Goodbye.
00:31:23Oh, wait.
00:31:25Wait.
00:31:26Wait.
00:31:27Wait.
00:31:35Oh, never mind, love.
00:31:37Here.
00:31:38Have a smell of this.
00:31:42He is the same colour.
00:31:59Purchase will be difficult, madam,
00:32:00because much of the property is mortgaged.
00:32:02Buy up all mortgages in the district.
00:32:04Buy up all mortgages in the district.
00:32:06Buy up all mortgages in the district.
00:32:07Buy up all mortgages in the district.
00:32:09All mortgages bought up, madam.
00:32:10Preclose wherever possible.
00:32:11Foreclose wherever possible.
00:32:12Foreclose wherever possible.
00:32:13Foreclose wherever possible.
00:32:14All mortgages foreclosed, madam.
00:32:15Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:16Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:17Take over and liquidate.
00:32:18Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:19Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:20All trading companies taken over and liquidate, madam.
00:32:21All mortgages foreclosed, madam.
00:32:23Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:25Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:27Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:29Take over and liquidate.
00:32:31Take over all trading companies and liquidate.
00:32:35All trading companies taken over and liquidate, madam.
00:32:37Will there be any difficulty with Lighterman and other workers using the walls in the district?
00:32:41There is some suggestion that their unions may object.
00:32:43Arrange meetings with the leaders of the unions in question.
00:32:45Call Jack Spindle Lighterman.
00:32:47Show me the ground plan of the area.
00:32:49What's that?
00:32:51That is what I wanted to explain, madam.
00:32:53Well, explain.
00:32:54That is Dr Kabir's clinic.
00:32:56Is that not ours?
00:32:58Dr Kabir is the sole representative of the Calcutta Trust, which owns and supports the clinic.
00:33:02The wretched man is unapproachable on the subject of the sale.
00:33:04I see.
00:33:06Call Calcutta immediately.
00:33:08Call Calcutta immediately.
00:33:09Calcutta.
00:33:11Let me! Let me! It's my turn!
00:33:14No!
00:33:19I'll let go!
00:33:20Oh!
00:33:21No, it's hard!
00:33:22I'll pick two.
00:33:23Your little boy's next, Mrs. Bands, you do.
00:33:24Oh!
00:33:25Oh!
00:33:26Oh!
00:33:27Oh!
00:33:28Oh!
00:33:29Oh, oh!
00:33:30Oh!
00:33:31Oh!
00:33:32Oh!
00:33:33Oh!
00:33:34Oh!
00:33:35Oh!
00:33:36Oh!
00:33:37Oh!
00:33:38Oh!
00:33:39Oh!
00:33:40Oh!
00:33:42Oh!
00:33:45Oh!
00:33:46Oh!
00:33:47Undress, please, Sanny.
00:34:15Doctor?
00:34:18Hello.
00:34:21She's not my patient. Get dressed, please.
00:34:24You're rude and insufferable.
00:34:27But you inspire confidence as a doctor.
00:34:30Exam me thoroughly.
00:34:33Madam, if I examined all the ladies in whom I inspire confidence,
00:34:36I should be exhausted within one week.
00:34:38Oh, then reserve yourself exclusively for me?
00:34:40I have to reserve myself for the poor and useful people.
00:34:43Now, will you kindly get dressed?
00:34:45Why can't I be your patient?
00:34:47Because there is a great deal to be done in this world
00:34:49without attending any rich imaginary invalid.
00:34:52I'm not any rich imaginary invalid.
00:34:55I am a landlord.
00:34:57Then you indeed have a grave sickness.
00:35:00Really?
00:35:01Oh, what is it then?
00:35:03Tell me all about it.
00:35:04What is it then?
00:35:05Yes.
00:35:06What is it then?
00:35:07What the devil do you mean?
00:35:08What is it then?
00:35:09You come stalking in here as if you are God's gift or hospitals?
00:35:12Telling me to reserve myself entirely for you?
00:35:14This disregard was the meaning of anything but property.
00:35:17Oh!
00:35:18What is it then?
00:35:19What is it then?
00:35:20What is it then?
00:35:21What is it then?
00:35:22What is it then?
00:35:23Come here.
00:35:24Come here.
00:35:25Come here.
00:35:26Come here.
00:35:27Come here.
00:35:28Come here.
00:35:29Here.
00:35:30Put this on now, please.
00:35:31I think you are a pig.
00:35:34You think I'm a pig, do you?
00:35:36Yes.
00:35:37Well, may I tell you, madam,
00:35:38there is not one particle of that particular animal in my constitution.
00:35:41Not one particle?
00:35:42Not one little particle.
00:35:43Help me, please.
00:35:44Please understand.
00:35:45What am I doing?
00:35:47Get this lady's car, please.
00:35:48No, no, no.
00:35:49It has gone around the block.
00:35:50It will have returned already.
00:35:51This is a very small block.
00:35:52Understand that, please.
00:35:53I happen to own it.
00:35:54Yes, doctor.
00:35:57All of it.
00:35:59Including your clinic.
00:36:00I am the owner of all this.
00:36:06Are you indeed, madam?
00:36:11Of all this?
00:36:19But can you cure it?
00:36:24I can.
00:36:25I can.
00:36:28And I will.
00:36:29And I will.
00:36:55Do you...
00:36:56No, no.
00:36:57No, no.
00:36:58I will.
00:36:59No, no.
00:37:00I can.
00:37:02I can.
00:37:03No.
00:37:04No, no.
00:37:05I can.
00:37:06No, no.
00:37:08No.
00:37:09Your work will be seriously reduced, doctor.
00:37:10It will. It will.
00:37:14You may become obsolete.
00:37:17Well, I hope so.
00:37:19It would mean the world was healthy.
00:37:24Will you go back to India?
00:37:27Perhaps.
00:37:29India resists organization.
00:37:32So I hope you'll come to our opening tomorrow.
00:37:35Thank you, but I think not.
00:37:37I think not.
00:37:39But you must see my machines. My equipment is superb.
00:37:45At least you will come and look. Come now.
00:37:48No, no. I think not. I must try to stifle my envy with sleep.
00:37:53But there are still a few points on local conditions.
00:37:59And I need your advice.
00:38:02I am a little tired, you know, madam.
00:38:05Surely you wouldn't refuse to give us the benefit of your knowledge.
00:38:11All right.
00:38:34How Wow
00:38:35Why
00:38:40You're Good
00:38:44It is an amazing irony, that he, who made the people sick for the sake of money, should have his memory perpetuated by a way.
00:38:52It is an amazing irony that he who made the people sick for the sake of money
00:39:00should have his memory perpetuated by having his money spent making them well again.
00:39:12You see, Doctor, we can deal with 1,000 outpatients per day and we have 500 beds. Come.
00:39:20It will be of great benefit to the people. I'm most glad, most glad.
00:39:24People must be planned into health, Doctor.
00:39:27Yes, yes. That is certainly better than planning them into sickness,
00:39:30though I would prefer they were left unplanned. Nevertheless, it is good, good.
00:39:33Each patient is filed and electronically coded.
00:39:39Try also to remember their names.
00:39:50Excellent equipment, isn't it, Doctor?
00:39:56Yes, yes. Yes, excellent, excellent.
00:40:00I, uh, I trust you have no objection if I, uh...
00:40:03Oh, not at all, please.
00:40:05Fiddle with a few things.
00:40:08Such a well-equipped hospital.
00:40:10I'm glad you find it so.
00:40:12Yes. Really, everything is fine, very fine.
00:40:16I, I must congratulate you.
00:40:18I hear we have all that you could ever need for your work.
00:40:21And, uh...
00:40:24We will do more good here than you will in that howl of yours.
00:40:30Hmm, Doctor?
00:40:32Yes, well, it is undeniable that my means are most inadequate.
00:40:37Put it away, please.
00:40:39Uh, through here, I have a few, uh, little...
00:40:43Novelties.
00:40:44Hmm? Where? Where is that?
00:40:46Where is that?
00:40:47Uh, would you mind if I...
00:40:52Oh, no.
00:40:54Do you think you could stand here?
00:41:15Me?
00:41:16Yes.
00:41:17Where?
00:41:18Here.
00:41:19Oh, there?
00:41:20Yes.
00:41:21Yes.
00:41:22Here.
00:41:35What?
00:41:36It's all right.
00:41:37I, I am a doctor, madam.
00:41:39Of course.
00:41:42You are a psychological curiosity, madam.
00:41:46So, I am of some interest to you.
00:41:51Of some medical interest, yes.
00:41:57Wait.
00:42:02I have a proposition for you.
00:42:06I want you to take over the Parelga clinic.
00:42:11Me?
00:42:12Yes.
00:42:13My father always maintained that socialists made perfect employees.
00:42:22Madam, I cannot.
00:42:23Oh, why not?
00:42:25Here is the power you long for.
00:42:26Why will you not accept it?
00:42:29Because, you see, power.
00:42:31Power must come from within.
00:42:35Otherwise, it destroys, you see.
00:42:39It merely destroys.
00:42:41The power I offer you is, is the power to make people well.
00:42:46So, if I accept, all this here will belong to me?
00:42:54It will.
00:42:57Or will I belong to it?
00:42:59Oh, you care only for yourself.
00:43:04Madam.
00:43:05If I do not care for myself, how will I be able to care for others?
00:43:14If I am not free myself, how can I make others free?
00:43:18Dr. Kabir!
00:43:19Dr. Kabir!
00:43:23Dr. Kabir!
00:43:24Dr. Kabir!
00:43:25Dr. Kabir!
00:43:31Dr. Kabir!
00:43:33Dr. Kabir!
00:43:35This boy's mother is very ill.
00:43:36I must quote her at once.
00:43:37You will excuse me.
00:43:38I quite understand.
00:43:39Yes.
00:43:54What do you want? What do you want? What is it?
00:44:10My mistress is very ill. You must come at once.
00:44:13All right. All right.
00:44:17Wait there.
00:44:24You see, your mistress speaks very little English.
00:44:28Very little.
00:44:30I see. Tell me, when did...
00:44:54My name is Dr. Kabir.
00:45:00What is your servant?
00:45:03What is your servant?
00:45:06What is your servant?
00:45:08What is your servant?
00:45:11What is your servant?
00:45:14That sound I know.
00:45:20It reminds me of Kippers.
00:45:29What is the meaning of this trick, please?
00:45:31When I want something, I will use any trick to get it.
00:45:33This applies to anything you want?
00:45:35Everything. Anything.
00:45:37Everything and anything is nothing.
00:45:39Then you, too, are nothing.
00:45:41You want the sun, the moon, the stars. You cannot get them.
00:45:44No, no, no. I want only what I can get.
00:45:47I see.
00:45:49Well, I am glad to find that you're fit,
00:45:52and therefore not in need of my assistance.
00:45:54Good evening.
00:45:55I should say good morning.
00:45:56It must be nearly 4.30 a.m.
00:45:58Good morning.
00:45:59Good morning.
00:46:00Good morning.
00:46:01Wait!
00:46:02What is it?
00:46:03Wait.
00:46:04Shall we dance?
00:46:06Shall we dance?
00:46:07Yes.
00:46:08What on earth are you talking about?
00:46:10Shall we dance?
00:46:11Dance in my pajamas?
00:46:12It's much cosier. Let's dance.
00:46:14Yes, but we have no music.
00:46:16Oh, Ned's music.
00:46:17Yes, but look, really, I've never had anything like this.
00:46:19Now, be quiet and listen to me.
00:46:21Shh!
00:46:22Tell me something.
00:46:24What do you want to be told?
00:46:26Is there nothing one can get with money, except more money?
00:46:31Well, one can get most men, yes.
00:46:35But I don't want the men I can buy.
00:46:37Yet it does not occur to you that those you cannot buy may not want you.
00:46:41Yes, I think that you've got enormous self-confidence, madam.
00:46:46Yes.
00:46:47Yes.
00:46:48And what is more, I'm standing on your dress, what is more, I think you are apparently sexless.
00:46:52How dare you?
00:46:53How dare you say that I am sexless?
00:46:55Really?
00:46:56Well.
00:46:57Oh.
00:46:58I mean, there is no mystery, no separateness, no sacredness about men to you.
00:47:02You talk as if you're a man.
00:47:04A man?
00:47:06Yes.
00:47:11Are you married?
00:47:14To science.
00:47:16Science is impotent without money.
00:47:19Take another wife.
00:47:21Science is my bride.
00:47:24I wouldn't be jealous of her.
00:47:26Does the question of competition arise?
00:47:31It does.
00:47:32I want to marry you.
00:47:34I see.
00:47:35Well.
00:47:36Answer me.
00:47:37Not so simple to answer.
00:47:39I want you.
00:47:40I think that you have wanted many toys.
00:47:43and when they were given to you, you have tossed them aside without even unwrapping them.
00:47:53No, no.
00:47:54I really need you.
00:47:56I find it most difficult to refuse those who need.
00:48:11Then don't refuse.
00:48:13But I, I must, I have to use them.
00:48:15But why?
00:48:16Oh, but, well, don't refuse.
00:48:19I must, I have to use them.
00:48:21But why?
00:48:22Oh, but, well, because, because of my mother.
00:48:32Your mother?
00:48:34Yes, my mother.
00:48:37My mother.
00:48:38I have a mother fixation.
00:48:40Oh.
00:48:41Your mother.
00:48:42Yes, here's.
00:48:43Oh, sorry.
00:48:44Here.
00:48:45Please.
00:48:46What was your mother?
00:48:51A woman.
00:48:52Of course, she was a woman.
00:48:53She was a seamstress, a widow.
00:48:55And would she have found any great objection to your marrying a millionaireess?
00:49:01Oh, yes, she would.
00:49:02Definitely, she would.
00:49:03You see, I made a solemn, thank you, promise to her on her deathbed.
00:49:09May I?
00:49:10Oh, thank you very much.
00:49:11She made me swear to her that if ever a woman wanted to marry me and I felt tempted.
00:49:20And you do, you do.
00:49:22One moment, please.
00:49:24If ever a woman wanted to marry me and I felt tempted.
00:49:27You do, you do.
00:49:28Would you please allow me to just say what I'm trying to say?
00:49:31All right.
00:49:32That is all.
00:49:33If ever a woman wanted to marry me and I felt tempted,
00:49:38I would hand to that woman 500 rupees.
00:49:41Then I would say to her,
00:49:43unless that she could go out into the world,
00:49:45alone and unneeded with nothing but that and the clothes she stood in,
00:49:48and earn her living for a period of three months,
00:49:51then I must never speak to her again.
00:49:54And if she stood the test?
00:49:57Then I would have to marry her even if she were the ugliest devil on earth.
00:50:01Oh, the most beautiful.
00:50:05Oh, the most beautiful, yes.
00:50:11It's all right.
00:50:12You know that this incense you have got is very strong.
00:50:15Yes.
00:50:16Oh, it is affecting me.
00:50:18I will have to go because people are waiting for me.
00:50:23It is pathetic, my dear.
00:50:25I don't know.
00:50:26People are waiting.
00:50:32The bag.
00:50:34People will murder, you know.
00:50:38Murder.
00:50:39You must open my clinic, you understand?
00:50:43And I must open mine.
00:50:49Would you please go to your appropriate desk?
00:51:04Yes.
00:51:05H2E on your left.
00:51:06Name of mother.
00:51:07Name of father.
00:51:08Father's occupation.
00:51:09Mother's occupation.
00:51:10Name.
00:51:11Age.
00:51:12Name of father.
00:51:13Name of mother.
00:51:14Father's occupation.
00:51:15Mother's occupation.
00:51:16Name.
00:51:17Age.
00:51:18Name of father.
00:51:19Name of mother.
00:51:20Father's occupation.
00:51:21Mother's occupation.
00:51:22No, I've had enough.
00:51:24Annie, Annie, I've had enough. So have I.
00:51:26Yes, and I'm going back to Dr Kabir.
00:51:29He knows, he's right, he knows.
00:51:30Bloody liberty asking me my sex. Why should I tell them?
00:51:34Or you.
00:51:44Bye-bye.
00:51:44No, nurse, thank you very much.
00:51:47I think we're wasting our time giving him embrocation.
00:51:50He keeps on drinking it.
00:51:52Fortunately, we are very rich in embrocation.
00:51:55Will there be anything else, Doctor?
00:51:57No, no, thank you, no.
00:51:59Well, good night, Doctor.
00:52:00Good night, nurse.
00:52:03Doctor.
00:52:05It's that lady again.
00:52:06What? The one with the clinic.
00:52:07What? Oh, dear.
00:52:10Doctor, Doctor.
00:52:13Yes.
00:52:14Doctor.
00:52:16I've decided to accept the test.
00:52:18Uh, yes, what test was that, dear lady?
00:52:21Oh, your mother's.
00:52:23My mother's?
00:52:24Yes.
00:52:25She was a very wise woman, my mother.
00:52:27I've decided to accept her challenge.
00:52:29You see, she had something in common with my father.
00:52:33He also left a test for a husband working with me.
00:52:36Oh, so the husband is to be tested too?
00:52:39Yes.
00:52:39Ah, yes.
00:52:40Well, no, that is something that never occurred to me or my mother.
00:52:43I am to give the man in question 500 pounds, and in three months, he has to increase it into 15,000.
00:52:5115,000?
00:52:53Oh, well, that is a lot of money.
00:52:56A lot of money.
00:52:58Hmm.
00:52:59Well, I can tell you one thing for sure, that if I were the man in question...
00:53:03You are the man in question.
00:53:04You are the man in question.
00:53:05Please, just allow me to say what I want to say.
00:53:07Yes, yes.
00:53:08If I were the man in question, ah, at the end of three months, I would not have one penny left.
00:53:14So you consider yourself beaten before you start?
00:53:17Oh, yes.
00:53:18Completely hopelessly.
00:53:20So we are both beaten?
00:53:21Yes, we are both beaten.
00:53:22You do not know what homeless poverty is.
00:53:24I do not know what the profit motive means, so...
00:53:27How much is 500 rupees?
00:53:29You asking me how much is 500 rupees?
00:53:32Yes, I am asking you how much is 500 rupees?
00:53:36Well, um...
00:53:40Well, I would think that the rate of exchange contemplated by my mother is probably about 35 shillings.
00:53:46Well, hand it over.
00:53:48What?
00:53:49Yes.
00:53:50Ah, well, you see, my mother forgot to provide for such a thing as that.
00:53:53I haven't got 35 shillings.
00:53:55Why, it doesn't matter. You can owe it to me.
00:53:57Hmm?
00:53:58I just happened to have 500 pounds with me.
00:54:02How strange.
00:54:04Yes, how strange.
00:54:07Dear lady, look, please, may I tell you, I have no head for money.
00:54:10In that case, you are running no risk if you accept my father's test, are you?
00:54:17Um, but, dear lady...
00:54:23I don't want to do a test.
00:54:25What?
00:54:29Most great and glorious.
00:54:30Is this another of their terrible jokes?
00:54:32Hmm? This?
00:54:34Don't do this to me, please.
00:54:35Please, not to me.
00:54:37Hmm?
00:54:40Mummy, mummy.
00:54:42Epifania, my dear child.
00:54:44Now, please, please listen and try to concentrate.
00:54:46What I really want to point out is that you owe a du...
00:54:52That you owe a duty to the estate.
00:54:55And the estate involves millions of money.
00:54:59Very well, may I remind you...
00:55:01No, darling, I don't think this will do. Thank you very much.
00:55:04See this one.
00:55:05Epifania, may I remind you that you also have a...
00:55:08Have a duty to your father's memory.
00:55:11Oh, but my father would have approved.
00:55:13You like it?
00:55:14You know how he started with 20 lira.
00:55:17And a compromising letter from his employer's wife.
00:55:21I'm merely repeating history.
00:55:23And you don't intend to use blackmail, I trust?
00:55:25Yes, I shall use whatever is necessary.
00:55:2835 shillings.
00:55:29The clothes I stand up in.
00:55:31And, yes, if I have to, blackmail.
00:55:35See you in three months' time, Sagamore.
00:55:36Epifania!
00:55:38Is...
00:55:40a penniless Indian doctor...
00:55:43really worth all this?
00:55:45I'm not proving his worth, but my own.
00:55:50Vanish, please.
00:55:55You get out.
00:55:56I don't show your face again.
00:55:58I want only girls who work.
00:56:00Work?
00:56:01I call it slavery.
00:56:03Don't you come back.
00:56:04I can get girls.
00:56:06Plenty of good girls.
00:56:08Good girls.
00:56:09You wouldn't know what to do with a good girl.
00:56:13Hey, you.
00:56:15You.
00:56:16Are you the manager of this place?
00:56:18Yes, I am.
00:56:19Good.
00:56:20And who are you?
00:56:22You need a girl?
00:56:23I need a job.
00:56:25Mm-hmm.
00:56:26You don't look like a girl who needs a job.
00:56:27I do.
00:56:28Good.
00:56:29Good.
00:56:30Good.
00:56:31All right.
00:56:32Well, you just come to my office.
00:56:33And we talk it over.
00:56:34Marissa and Fran.
00:56:35Why do you stop work?
00:56:36Work, work, all of you.
00:56:37Dirty work is not for you, not for those pretty hands.
00:56:40Mm-hmm.
00:56:41Dirty work is not for you.
00:56:42Not for those pretty hands.
00:56:43Mm-hmm.
00:56:44Oh, look.
00:56:45Good.
00:56:46Good.
00:56:47Good.
00:56:48All right.
00:56:49Well, you just come to my office,
00:56:51and we talk it over, Marissa and Fran.
00:56:52That work's not for you, not for those pretty hands.
00:57:07Maybe I could fix up something more.
00:57:12Maria, you come at right moment.
00:57:15So I see.
00:57:18My wife always comes at right moment.
00:57:21What does she want?
00:57:23Work.
00:57:24With that, like that, she don't want the work we can offer.
00:57:27She's not going to work with her hat, Maria.
00:57:29Can you cut tagliatelle?
00:57:31Certain she can, can't you?
00:57:33No.
00:57:34But spaghetti, at least, you can make.
00:57:37No, no.
00:57:38Listen, we're making pasta for all Italians in London.
00:57:41What other work do you think you can do here?
00:57:42And you listen to me.
00:57:43You're employing more girls here than the law permits.
00:57:47She's an inspector.
00:57:49You bloody old fool.
00:57:51She's an inspector.
00:57:52Oh, no.
00:57:53I'm not an inspector.
00:57:56But in there, there is a gas engine.
00:57:58That makes you a workshop.
00:58:00So?
00:58:01So, I am a workshop?
00:58:03I can have you closed down just like that.
00:58:05Oh, no.
00:58:06You can do that to me.
00:58:0830 years ago, I come to London.
00:58:10I work, I work.
00:58:12I own shop.
00:58:13I own children.
00:58:14I own wife.
00:58:16You can't take that from me.
00:58:18Not I?
00:58:20Ah.
00:58:23How much do you want?
00:58:24I don't want money.
00:58:28I want work.
00:58:29But what work can you do?
00:58:31Brain work.
00:58:32Managing, planning.
00:58:33That's what.
00:58:33What we need?
00:58:34Managing, planning, brains.
00:58:36Every day Benito comes with his lorry, he pays for what we make.
00:58:39He delivers the wholesalers.
00:58:40It's simple.
00:58:41Simple?
00:58:42Why don't you deal directly with the wholesalers?
00:58:45How do I know he's a wholesaler?
00:58:47Yes, how?
00:58:48That's where I come in.
00:58:50I'll arrange it and I'll take 50% of the extra profit I make for you.
00:58:55Yes, but...
00:58:56How can we lose?
00:58:59We can lose.
00:59:02The intelligent capitalist need never lose.
00:59:05Now, let me see the production figures for the last month.
00:59:10Come on, come on.
00:59:10Well, you see, there's no need to get in a state about it.
00:59:14You do not drink this.
00:59:16You rub it in.
00:59:17Now, that's clear, isn't it?
00:59:18Hmm?
00:59:19Every night.
00:59:20Because, you see, I mean, if you are to drink it,
00:59:23you would not have any left to rub in.
00:59:26You understand that, don't you?
00:59:27Good, good.
00:59:28Here, here.
00:59:29This says, please take one as you leave.
00:59:32Go on.
00:59:35Thank you, doctor.
00:59:37Good night, nurse.
00:59:38Good night.
00:59:39You see, he did not take one.
00:59:42I'm afraid he didn't, doctor.
00:59:43Why is it that people will not take what is given to them?
00:59:46Perhaps they feel you've given them enough already.
00:59:49I tell you, that woman, that woman is a menace to humanity.
00:59:52So, what do you say?
01:00:05What do I say?
01:00:06It is not efficient.
01:00:07It must go.
01:00:09But my family always beat the door this way.
01:00:12That's why your family were always poor.
01:00:14There is a machine to do this kind of work.
01:00:16But they like girls, matter the machine.
01:00:18Yes, I know you do, Joe.
01:00:20We'll get a machine.
01:00:22Yes, we get a machine.
01:00:28How is production this week?
01:00:30Should be up another 16%.
01:00:32Good, good.
01:00:33Any complaints from the workers?
01:00:35Complaints, I should think not.
01:00:36With time and a half, overtime, a canteen, a recreation room.
01:00:39My no fingers.
01:00:40I'll tell you something.
01:00:42These girls ain't gonna develop the character we did when we was girls.
01:00:47You see, Joe?
01:00:49The workers are satisfied.
01:00:51We pay them the union's minimum.
01:00:53And our profits increase.
01:00:55That's true.
01:00:56That is very true.
01:00:57And you, Joe, you have a fine house now.
01:00:59I do.
01:01:00And your children, they go to a good school.
01:01:02That's true.
01:01:03And instead of being a hated sweatshop owner, you are now a respectable employer of labor.
01:01:08Yes, that's who I am.
01:01:10So why do you look so sad?
01:01:12I don't enjoy it like I used to.
01:01:14What do you mean?
01:01:14No more adventure, no more danger, no more pleasure.
01:01:18Now, come on, Joe.
01:01:20If we carry on like this, you'll be able to retire soon.
01:01:23Back to Naples.
01:01:24Yes.
01:01:26I get myself a vineyard.
01:01:27I just sit and think, and think and sit.
01:01:35And sit and think.
01:01:41Money.
01:01:43Money?
01:01:48What are you selling?
01:01:50I'm not selling anything.
01:01:52I'm giving money away.
01:01:54You want some?
01:02:02Yeah.
01:02:07Get your money here.
01:02:09Don't you want it?
01:02:10You see, my Joe?
01:02:19The output of 20 girls, and after the capital expenditure, only a few shillings a week in electricity.
01:02:26Very good.
01:02:26Very good.
01:02:27In three months, my Joe, the operation is completed.
01:02:30First, we let the workers unionize, give them higher rates, and they produce more.
01:02:35Then we take over the means of distribution and cut out the middleman.
01:02:39Finally, on the increased profits that we make, we install machines and replace the workers.
01:02:44You see?
01:02:44Simple.
01:02:45No.
01:02:45Oh, how beautiful industry is.
01:02:53Signor Epifani.
01:02:56Signor Epifani.
01:02:57Mm-hmm.
01:02:59I would like to sell out my interest.
01:03:02You want to go back to Naples, eh, Joe?
01:03:04No.
01:03:05But will you buy my interest?
01:03:07Of course.
01:03:08Of course.
01:03:09It will be a lot of money for you, Joe.
01:03:11But if you don't go back to Naples, what will you do?
01:03:16I tell you.
01:03:17I find myself a little basement somewhere in London.
01:03:22I start a nice little sweatshop.
01:03:28Some are simply not made for leadership and progress.
01:03:32You are right.
01:03:33But you know, I like to work with people, not machines.
01:03:37In a sweatshop is nice.
01:03:38You have plenty girls around you.
01:03:41Arguments, travel.
01:03:43It is nice.
01:03:46You don't mind, Signor Epifani?
01:03:48Me?
01:03:49Oh, no, no.
01:03:50Do as you wish.
01:03:53I've completed my task.
01:03:58As I explained to you from the outset, my dear lady,
01:04:00there is no reasonable possibility whatsoever
01:04:02of me succeeding in any commercial venture of any kind.
01:04:07I want to make that quite clear from the beginning.
01:04:09So, please, I don't want to argue about it.
01:04:11Besides, the time for the test has elapsed.
01:04:15You see?
01:04:16It's elapsed.
01:04:16And the money.
01:04:19Here is your money.
01:04:21Take it away.
01:04:22Thank you very much for lending it to me, but I don't want it.
01:04:24Yes, that is what I shall say to her.
01:04:30Yes.
01:04:31After all, she's not dealing with nobody.
01:04:35She is dealing with somebody.
01:04:38The Institute of Scientific Learning.
01:04:48Did you hear that?
01:04:49The Institute of Scientific Learning requests the pleasure in the company,
01:04:53the pleasure of the company,
01:04:55of Dr. Musa Ahmed Al-Kabir,
01:04:57MD, Calcutta,
01:04:58PhD, Delhi,
01:05:00MRCS, Redding,
01:05:02MCH, Swanage,
01:05:04BA Cantab,
01:05:05failed,
01:05:07at its annual dinner to be held at Romano's.
01:05:11You see, my dear lady,
01:05:14that is who you are dealing with.
01:05:16You are dealing with a man
01:05:18who goes to Romano's
01:05:20for annual dinners.
01:05:23May I say that it is my firm,
01:05:28nay,
01:05:28my unalterable conviction
01:05:31that the day will come
01:05:33when the good
01:05:35shall rule the strong,
01:05:38when learning
01:05:39shall rule over ignorance,
01:05:42and when men of science
01:05:43will hold sway
01:05:45over princes and millionaires.
01:05:47Yeah, yeah.
01:05:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:05:50You're a fool.
01:05:51Have some more brandy.
01:05:53No, no, look,
01:05:54I've had more than I should,
01:05:55and believe me,
01:05:56I shouldn't have any, so I...
01:05:58Look, son,
01:05:59you're a grown man now.
01:06:01You're no longer a shy young student.
01:06:03If you want to be a man,
01:06:04drink, look like a man.
01:06:06Yes, well, it's all your fault, then.
01:06:08Yeah.
01:06:09I'll drink and blame you.
01:06:11Did you hear what he said?
01:06:13The good shall rule the strong.
01:06:15Idiocy.
01:06:16More likely the lamb
01:06:18shall eat the lion.
01:06:20Nevertheless,
01:06:21it is a good sentiment.
01:06:26Sentiment is all it is.
01:06:29Men of science
01:06:30hold sway over millionaires.
01:06:33Tough and nonsense.
01:06:37Professor,
01:06:38do you think it is possible for a man of learning to oppose the wishes of a millionaires?
01:06:48You dumb fool if he does.
01:06:51Look at me.
01:06:52A life devoted to pain-killing another damn thing in the bank.
01:06:59Now, if I had devoted my ingenuity to devising a more efficient method for exterminating mankind,
01:07:09I'd be rich and revered.
01:07:11Drink up, son.
01:07:12Drink up.
01:07:13Drink up.
01:07:14Drink up.
01:07:15Drink up.
01:07:16Drink up.
01:07:17Drink up.
01:07:18Drink up.
01:07:19Drink up.
01:07:20Drink up.
01:07:21Drink up.
01:07:22Drink up.
01:07:23This is his brand.
01:07:24He might as well make the best of it before the mean old goat notices.
01:07:28A fortune made out of removing unnecessary organs from unnecessary wealthy women.
01:07:38But,
01:07:40Professor,
01:07:41I think that it is not impossible
01:07:45that a man of learning could,
01:07:48should,
01:07:49and what is more,
01:07:51will do definitely.
01:07:53That is,
01:07:54that is,
01:07:55that is what I think.
01:07:58What are you talking about?
01:08:00I'm talking about the millionaires.
01:08:03Yeah.
01:08:04But,
01:08:05I am safe.
01:08:07I am safe.
01:08:08Yes.
01:08:09Because,
01:08:10you want to know?
01:08:12My mother is looking after me.
01:08:15Well,
01:08:16let's drink up and get out of here.
01:08:18I've had enough to up till the same time next year.
01:08:23To princes and millionaires.
01:08:26Yes.
01:08:27Nevertheless,
01:08:28nevertheless,
01:08:29you know,
01:08:30she is very beautiful.
01:08:32And the sun comes up like thunder,
01:08:36and shines upon me.
01:08:40On the road to man the land.
01:08:46I'm so glad that I confided in you, Professor.
01:08:49So glad,
01:08:50so glad I confided with you.
01:08:52You're a good boy.
01:08:54You've nothing to be afraid of.
01:08:56All you have to do is to hand me over the money,
01:08:59and I'll make sure it's put to no good use whatsoever.
01:09:02Why,
01:09:03why,
01:09:04why are you so good to me, Professor?
01:09:08That's all...
01:09:11Oh!
01:09:12Don't get rough just a minute.
01:09:14Oh,
01:09:15that is her.
01:09:16That,
01:09:17we must hide.
01:09:18Look,
01:09:19all you have to do is to give me the money.
01:09:20Hide.
01:09:21Hide.
01:09:22Hide.
01:09:23That,
01:09:24that is the millionaires.
01:09:25She's here,
01:09:26the millionaires.
01:09:27Oh,
01:09:28that's her.
01:09:29That's her.
01:09:30That's her.
01:09:31Well,
01:09:32she can't frighten me.
01:09:33I'll take on any millionaires.
01:09:35No,
01:09:36no,
01:09:37we must go in the back way.
01:09:39Oh,
01:09:40millionaires.
01:09:43Oh.
01:09:44Oh,
01:09:45dear,
01:09:46that was a close shave.
01:09:48Now,
01:09:49my boy,
01:09:50the money,
01:09:51where is it?
01:09:52Science is waiting.
01:09:53Her throat is dry.
01:09:54Science's throat is dry.
01:09:56I haven't had money like that in 20 years.
01:09:59Here it is.
01:10:00Good.
01:10:01And,
01:10:02and,
01:10:03and,
01:10:04and may I say,
01:10:05that I am proud
01:10:07that I've been able to contribute
01:10:09to your research.
01:10:10Yeah,
01:10:11and I'm proud,
01:10:12proud to.
01:10:13To think,
01:10:14just to think that,
01:10:16that I,
01:10:17unwillingly,
01:10:20would have been the instrument
01:10:22of bringing to bear the cure
01:10:24for the common folder.
01:10:26Quite.
01:10:28Quite.
01:10:29Three pounds a bottle.
01:10:31That'll give me about
01:10:32a hundred and fifty bottles.
01:10:34You see,
01:10:35to,
01:10:36to be of some
01:10:37benefit to mankind
01:10:39is all that I ask.
01:10:41That is all I'm asking.
01:10:43A hundred and fifty bottles,
01:10:44you know,
01:10:45that should see me out.
01:10:46I'm seventy-six,
01:10:47you know.
01:10:48Oh,
01:10:49my dear old friend and teacher,
01:10:51you'll live forever.
01:10:53God bless her.
01:10:54You will,
01:10:55you will.
01:10:56I hope so.
01:10:57I hope so.
01:10:58You will.
01:10:59Lovely brandy.
01:11:01I haven't tasted any leg
01:11:03in the twenty years.
01:11:04Here for him.
01:11:05A hundred and fifty.
01:11:07A hundred and sixty bucks.
01:11:09A hundred and sixty.
01:11:10Goodbye,
01:11:11my son.
01:11:12Goodbye,
01:11:13and God bless you.
01:11:14You just drop your anchor there,
01:11:17I'll find my way home.
01:11:18And on the road to Mandalay,
01:11:24where the flying fishers play,
01:11:29and the warmth and the flesh man.
01:11:33I'll find my way home.
01:11:47Yes.
01:11:53Now I am ready for you.
01:11:55There he is.
01:12:25I hope your mother will rest in peace.
01:12:39I hope that your father will, too.
01:12:42I've done all that your mother wanted.
01:12:45And more.
01:12:47You mean that you've actually attempted this impossible test?
01:12:52Oh, yes.
01:12:53I can show you an accountant's certificate
01:12:55to prove that I have.
01:12:56It's all right.
01:12:57I'll take your word for it.
01:12:59You are a remarkable woman.
01:13:01I take the world as I find it.
01:13:03And I know how to use it.
01:13:05To use it, yes.
01:13:09But the wrath of God shall overtake those
01:13:11who leave this world no better than they found it.
01:13:14But the evidence suggests
01:13:15that he loves those who make money.
01:13:19Riches are a curse.
01:13:21And also, poverty is a curse.
01:13:24And is this...
01:13:26Whatever it is I feel for you,
01:13:29is that also a curse?
01:13:38This talk is idle.
01:13:40You have fulfilled the condition imposed by my mother.
01:13:48But I...
01:13:49I have not fulfilled the condition imposed by your father.
01:13:52There is still time.
01:13:54I can show you how to turn it into 15,000 pounds before dawn.
01:13:58Stock exchanges in other capitals are already at work.
01:14:01We have no problem.
01:14:03But we have.
01:14:04We have.
01:14:05But not if you want to pass the test.
01:14:09And you do.
01:14:11My desires do not come into this.
01:14:15The money has gone.
01:14:16Oh, no.
01:14:17You can't have spent it all.
01:14:18Let me have whatever you have left
01:14:20and I will make it work for you.
01:14:25It is all gone.
01:14:26But you live on nothing.
01:14:29There must be some of it left.
01:14:31No.
01:14:32No.
01:14:33There is not a penny.
01:14:37Why?
01:14:38Because I gave it all away.
01:14:53You gave it away?
01:14:55All of it.
01:15:01You gave away the chance to have me.
01:15:03Yes.
01:15:07Yes.
01:15:09Yes.
01:15:11I gave away the chance.
01:15:15To have you.
01:15:22I tried to buy you once.
01:15:24I was wrong.
01:15:27Now it is you are wrong.
01:15:29You are too small to accept a free gift.
01:15:31A free gift.
01:15:32A free gift?
01:15:36My son.
01:15:54I, Epiphania, on your Santa de Piroga
01:15:56of Naples, Liberia, London and the world,
01:15:58being of sound mind,
01:16:00which I can prove by making more money than the lot of you,
01:16:04hereby bequeath all my worldly goods
01:16:06to the Order of Epiphania.
01:16:09What is this Order of Epiphania?
01:16:12Insofar as I understand it,
01:16:14it is an exclusively feminine community,
01:16:17open to all women who wish to exchange
01:16:20a life of conflict with the male species
01:16:22for, for one of contemplation.
01:16:25Most certainly are third.
01:16:27Madame Piroga will retire to a monastery in Tibet.
01:16:30There,
01:16:32surrounded by women of, I beg your pardon, ladies of the Order,
01:16:35she will spend the rest of her life attempting to contact the infinite
01:16:40by...
01:16:45by sinking deep within herself.
01:16:49The monks are at this moment being evicted.
01:16:52Gentlemen, I have done all I can to urge Madame Piroga
01:16:56to reconsider her decision,
01:16:58but she has vowed...
01:17:00she has vowed that after this day's midnight
01:17:04she will hold no communication with any living man.
01:17:07but...
01:17:09...
01:17:12Father!
01:17:17Before you gentlemen are relieved of your directorships,
01:17:21I wish to thank you formally.
01:17:23There will be a reception this evening.
01:17:26You will all attend.
01:17:28That is all I have to say.
01:17:30Epiphania.
01:17:32How can you throw all these innocent people out of work?
01:17:35Think of the hardship you will impose on these helpless directors.
01:17:39How can they make a living now?
01:17:41Let each be given 35 shillings and the clothes he stands up in.
01:17:53I think I shall look for another job, Julius.
01:17:55What?
01:17:57Don't be hasty, Muriel!
01:17:58Muriel.
01:18:03Muriel.
01:18:05What did the detective's report say?
01:18:08She makes any excuse to see the Indian doctor.
01:18:12Look, Julius.
01:18:13I've waited eight years.
01:18:15The Indian doctor.
01:18:18The Indian doctor.
01:18:20We could handle him.
01:18:22Yes, I think he'd be the perfect husband for Madame Perega.
01:18:26But the report makes it quite clear that he's failed the test.
01:18:30What?
01:18:32Why did I ever persuade the old man to put in that stupid condition?
01:18:36Goodbye, Julius.
01:18:38Muriel.
01:18:40Muriel.
01:18:42Give me till midnight.
01:18:44Well...
01:18:47Till midnight then, Julius.
01:19:01You are Dr. Kabir?
01:19:03Yes, how do you do?
01:19:05What can I do for you?
01:19:07I'm told that you are something of a saint.
01:19:13The drunken old man that wrote these papers is one, but not I.
01:19:18But you devote yourself to the poor.
01:19:21You work for the good of man, for nothing.
01:19:24You live alone, turning your back on all women.
01:19:29Oh, yes, I think you're the saint I'm looking for.
01:19:32Well, at all events, I have no wife.
01:19:34It is my duty to acquaint you with certain details in the will of one Bernardo Agnesante de Perega, sir.
01:19:42Would you please spare me any more of the post-mortem complications of that dreadful man?
01:19:49But I have no alternative but to plague you, sir.
01:19:51You have gained the unique distinction of rejecting the richest woman in the world,
01:19:55and therefore I also gained, under the Perega will, a considerable fortune.
01:19:59I am utterly sick and tired.
01:20:00I am utterly sick and tired of being the unconsidered object of the caprices of the Perega family, do you hear?
01:20:08But, my dear sir, I have to tell you that the 28 associated companies of Perega patent medicines now pass entirely under your control.
01:20:17Confound you, sir!
01:20:20Blast you and your monstrous devilish dead employer with you, do you hear me? Blast you, sir!
01:20:25Do you know that I would rather...
01:20:27I would rather sell the contents of these papers than I would accept such a sickening, such a sickening inheritance as a...
01:20:34a patent medicine monopoly!
01:20:36That, too, can be arranged.
01:20:42Well, sir, I do not intend to accept.
01:20:45I will tell Madame Perega that she can give this absurd inheritance of hers to any charity she pleases.
01:20:51Come then, sir, and tell her.
01:20:52Oh, yes, sir, I will tell her. I will tell her tomorrow.
01:20:54If you leave until tomorrow, there will be the most tragic consequences for all of us.
01:20:57Tragic?
01:20:58For all of us!
01:20:59What do you mean?
01:21:01I mean, sir, that she has vowed to quit the world at midnight.
01:21:07You don't mean...
01:21:08Oh, yes, I do.
01:21:12Oh, that violent, self-destructive woman.
01:21:16I must go to her immediately.
01:21:18Exactly.
01:21:28I will go now to take my final leave of the world. It is almost midnight.
01:21:58Goodwill.
01:22:05Goodwill.
01:22:06Quickly. Quickly, Goodwill. Quickly.
01:22:09Go on, man.
01:22:13Goodwill, Julius.
01:22:15One more moment, my love, and I think we will all be safely provided for.
01:22:19Now, where is Correlli?
01:22:21Oh, Correlli.
01:22:23Correlli, we're...
01:22:25We're buying these patents in at 30,000.
01:22:26Common cold cure. Cancer antivirus. Looks like a bargain.
01:22:31Yes, well, will you make her a check for 15,000 to Dr. Kabir?
01:22:35K-A-B-I-R.
01:22:37Yes, Mr. Sagamora. And the remaining 15,000 to you, I suppose.
01:22:41No, no, no. To Miss Muriel Pilkington.
01:22:44Pilkington?
01:22:46P-I-L-K-I-N-G-T-O-N.
01:22:56Epiphania, Epiphania, please don't jump.
01:23:09I'm not jumping.
01:23:11Then what are you doing perched up there?
01:23:13I'm sinking deep down.
01:23:15Oh, Epiphania, oh, no, don't jump. Come down from there.
01:23:18Oh, I tell you, I was so... Oh, oh, oh.
01:23:22What is it? What is it?
01:23:24I can't stand heights.
01:23:26I can't stand heights.
01:23:28I can't stand heights.
01:23:54I can't stand heights.
01:24:02I have fallen in love with your pulse.
01:24:07Will I live?
01:24:12Probably forever.
01:24:14but also I love you I love you as a woman not as a goddess
01:24:44besides you you look so stupid in this silly hat it is not a hat it is the order of epiphania oh is
01:24:55that what it is I rather thought it might be the eiffel tower oh what are you doing with my
01:24:59eiffel tower I mean with my order I'm putting it away oh no there I have just put it away
01:25:06oh what what is it what do you mean jow jow from now on you've jow as I say
01:25:19one two three one
01:25:36one
01:25:39one
01:25:43one
01:25:48one
01:25:51one
01:25:55one
01:25:57one
01:26:01¶¶
01:26:31¶¶
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