✩ Chasing the Dragon: The Life of an Opiate Addict ✩ Official FBI & DEA Documentary Release 🎥

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🌐 For more global stories and in-depth investigative reports, please visit our official website:   https://ghostmiraclenewsworld.site    💬 Read this full article here:   🎯 https://tinyurl.com/global-addiction-crisis    🌍 Language Notice:   On our website, articles and stories are presented in English due to regional relevance.   Global readers can use the Google Translate tool available on the sidebar, or by clicking “View Web Version” on mobile, to read in their preferred language.    🌍 If you believe that real stories and uncensored world events deserve to stay alive — then support Ghost Miracle News by simply subscribing.    This platform works without greed, without fear, and without any hidden agenda — only to keep truth and verified information reaching people everywhere.    Despite intense global political pressure and multiple attempts to silence or remove our voice from public view, we continue to stand firm.    Your one subscription and one like can help keep independent reporting alive for the world. ✦   🎥 About This Video:   "Chasing the Dragon: The Life of an Opiate Addict" —   In an effort to combat the growing epidemic of prescription drug and heroin abuse, the FBI and DEA have released this documentary to educate students and young adults about the dangers of addiction.   🎖️ Official Source: Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)   🎥 Footage Courtesy: FBI.gov   📖 All Ghost Miracle News platforms:   https://linktr.ee/GhostMiracleNews    ⚠️ Legal Notice:   This video contains verified public domain footage released by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and is presented for educational, journalistic, and archival documentation purposes.   All rights to the original material belong to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.   #FBI #DEA #ChasingTheDragon #DrugAwareness #AddictionDocumentary  #RealFootage #EducationalFilm #GhostMiracleNews #IndependentMedia #TruthMatters #DocumentaryFilm #FBIArchives #OpiateAddiction #DrugCrisis #AwarenessCampaign

Transcript

00:00I didn't care I didn't think about it I just did it once we started getting high it was done

00:13she was 17 years old and the only way I knew about it is because she was arrested

00:19started smoking pot around 18 and I was always offered prescription drugs and I

00:28never would take them then I was in a car accident I was running down in the middle

00:36of the night to get some water fell down the stairs landed on my back on the wooden floor

00:44it started for me with pot and just progressed into hell basically

00:51we didn't do it for me but definitely weed started it all for me

01:01it was definitely something I didn't see until it was too late I had no clue what I was getting myself

01:06into so

01:13started taking three at a time and then I was taking four at a time and then I started taking

01:18I became addicted at a time when you're getting high it's not just a drug you're hooked

01:22five hundred dollars going and she was a convicted felon at the age of 18. I had maggots in my legs

01:27turned to prostitution feeling for my family married mother of three and I'm tripping

01:31I'll take you to hell and back it's not just a little pill takes control

01:34I started using heroin the same heroin that just killed me you can't go back and say I'm sorry

01:38it will win it will get you her sister found her died in her sleep my daughter she's dead

01:48being addicted to opiates is like chasing a dragon you're constantly seeking that first high

01:52but what's going to happen if you actually catch it

02:14come from a great family you know always had what I wanted um never had a curfew I could sleep over at

02:20my friend's house whenever I could have done anything they would have paid for me to go to

02:24any kind of school stuff like that and any kind of they paid for guitar lessons

02:33I grew up with my dad my mom wasn't in my life though um he pretty much was mom and dad throughout

02:41the whole life

02:46he would tutor me for at least an hour on the weekends we'd go out we'd go

02:50camping we'd go out on the boats we always had something planned she started in gymnastics when

02:56she was like a toddler and she was a cheerleader through middle schools high schools and she was

03:02also a competitive cheerleader she started competing probably in seventh grade

03:10she was a very good student she um was in AP classes AB honor roll worked myself up through the years

03:18uh with minimal college to uh a position i worked as a corporate account executive

03:24i was making about an average of 122 000 a year

03:32things were pretty pretty good financially we were secure kids were happy we were

03:37we had no real issues dad was military mom was korean everyone i grew up with was the same way

03:44everyone's parents was military and korean parents and korean mom

03:51no i did martial arts ballet gymnastics did all kinds of stuff i did piano lessons i was an honor roll

03:58student always went to school i was like 3.43 grade point average i had a great childhood um great

04:05family we did a lot of camping um a lot of fun stuff going to the beach camping at the beach

04:15very active in scouting boy scouts and something my father me and him did together you know a couple

04:22days uh before my 18th birthday i actually got my eagle scout which was a big accomplishment for me

04:29i met my first husband when i was very young i was 13 and then we got married at 17 so i got to grow up

04:36pretty quick i was 22 years old and that's when everything started i got pregnant with my youngest

04:44daughter once i had her they gave me oxycontins that was the pain medicine

04:49and from then on that's where my addiction started

05:09a friend offers you something at a party or at home or you're having a bad day and and uh you need

05:17something to pick you up so somebody hands you a pill and says here this will this will help you feel

05:23better

05:26that's how this problem always starts i was at a concert when i was 15 at the time and i was drinking a beer

05:36so i got a possession alcohol charge i got put on probation so and i couldn't smoke pot anymore

05:43so i started to panic and then somebody approached me and said well here try this and it was a oxycontin 80.

05:52so i was hobbling into work and a young lady that worked there used to be a pharmaceutical sales

05:57rep and she had some samples of things and she said katrina have you gone to the doctor for this yet

06:03and i said no so she said well i have these things take one not more than that go home take one you know

06:10and i had a habit every night where i'd go home and have a glass of wine so i went home that night

06:15and i took what she gave me but instead of taking one i took two because i didn't even know what they

06:20were and took the two had my glass of wine and all of a sudden it just triggered something in my brain

06:30and then i would say i became addicted that day i think the new friends had a really really

06:39big impact on you know when she got to that fork in the road you go left or you go right and i think

06:45at that point the friends helped pick the road that she chose this sounds really appealing i'm gonna try

06:51that but i guess what most people and most kids don't understand is you know when you try something

06:58you're not trying it it's your new path i just like the i just like the feeling of certain things

07:05being high it was nothing it wasn't like um i'm depressed i'm gonna take this to make me feel better

07:11it was kind of like i'm feeling good i'm gonna try this to see if i can feel even more better started

07:16taking three at a time and then i was taking four at a time and then i started taking like six at a time

07:23and then i went from taking them orally to shooting them and that was the end i went back to the doctor

07:33a couple times and got him to refill the medicine to the amount that he couldn't refill it anymore

07:38so then i started buying oxycontin off the street um from there um oxycontin started to be more

07:47expensive and harder to find a girlfriend of mine introduced me to heroin i could get a whole lot

07:52more for a whole lot less and then once i shot up the heroin that was it from there my addiction took

07:59off and my daughter was seven months old when i became a physically addicted to heroin intravenously

08:17i never hesitate to ask them all which drugs they've tried and they'll typically say i've tried

08:28started off with marijuana uh tried cocaine and i've tried oxycodone and i ask them of all the drugs

08:35they've ever tried what's the most addictive drug and without a doubt 100 of the time they'll say the

08:41most addictive drug is oxycodone you know the drugs you know took i feel like it took my mind over and

08:48made me do things that i you know normally brought up not to do you know and uh it just turned me into

08:54a a monster you know i just went in my medicine cabinet my buddy's like oh hey these will get you

09:00high let's do some so i was like okay you know you talk me into it right here i don't have to pay anything

09:07sure it doesn't even have to be a drug dealer it could be right in your house and next thing you

09:13know you're hooked my friends in the beginning were the friends that didn't do anything and then i met

09:21the crowd that did do stuff you are who you hang out with that is for sure these kids go into it as

09:29i'm just going to go to a party and hey they're doing this over here let me you know i want to fit in

09:33let me do it a little bit and it's the devil it it gets you it's you know it's it's that temptation

09:40hey this is a fun party over here it'll suck the life out of you all i wanted to do if it

09:47had been in front of my face is do it it's not just a little pill you know respect the power of that

09:56you know of that pill it's it's uh just because it's a prescription it is every bit is deadly and

10:01every bed is addictive i worked at a daycare taking care of other people's kids i drove the

10:06daycare bless i had to take their children to school but before i could drive their kids to

10:12school i was in the bathroom of the daycare crushing up pills snorting them so i could go about my day

10:19the whole time you're sitting there saying you're not a addict you're not addicted guess what you are

10:24because why are you taking that hit saying no dude i can quit when i want you know you're you're

10:30addicted people like oh i only smoke weed i'm not addicted it's natural whatever tell yourself

10:36whatever oh it's legal now oh off you know whatever the first time somebody uses an opiate drug

10:48the the euphoria that they get is is is something that they continue to search for and seek for

10:55so while you could do that in the beginning by just chewing on the drug over time you can't get

11:00that high anymore so now you have to take it up to the next level and nobody sets out thinking that

11:08they're going to end up being a needle user but every one of those needle users will tell you that

11:16they couldn't get the high anymore doing it the way they were doing heroin became my best friend

11:21heroin um heroin became the love of my life i put heroin before my family i put heroin before my

11:27children and i thought that i couldn't do nothing in life anymore without heroin there's absolutely no

11:33difference between in my mind a heroin addict and a pill addict we both will do anything to get it

11:39break the law do whatever you're both addicted you both go through the withdrawals you both go

11:45it's the exact exact same thing it's everywhere it's in your cabinet somewhere it could be in your

11:53grandparents cabinet it could be your friend's mom's cabinet if it could be anywhere that's pills but

12:01well heroin could be in a drawer somewhere who knows it's it's all the same one's just prescribed

12:08you and when you go cop on the street there's no way to say no with the opiates it's hard

12:16real hard i can tell myself no no no but my body as soon as you think about it you get anxiety

12:22your palms start to sweat you know your your mental your mental ignores your physical part of it

12:29i am very angry and one of the things i'm most angry about and i tell her all the time

12:40is that that drug was so much more important to you than me and i'm the one that can help you i'm

12:49the one that helps you i'm the one that supports you i'm the one that will always be there for you

12:53you need something i'm going to be the one to take care of it for you but something that literally

13:00destroyed everything good within you

13:05was so much more appealing wanted that so much more than anything i could offer her

13:10and i'm angry i am angry about that

13:30the progression of addiction and the behavior that that comes with it is is pretty um standard

13:38regardless of where you're born how much money you have um how old you are what your race is what

13:45your nationality is you can be the smartest person in the world the minute that chemical hits your

13:49bloodstream you lose control of what it does in your body you can't control nobody can control it

13:56i don't care who you are you it's not controllable i lived in crack houses uh and it's almost like

14:04something you see on tv an abandoned building with um drug paraphernalia everywhere might be a

14:11a piss stained mattress and god knows what else is on it um there was actually a place in the

14:16city that we were at and a lady had overdosed in the bathtub she died she was still in the bathtub

14:22we'll just find another room in the house and that's what my day consisted of it became my

14:29full-time job the needle was my boss a very demanding boss your whole day revolves around

14:34it you go to sleep doing it you wake up doing it yeah i mean it's like some people smoke after every

14:39meal they have no you're doing a shot it's a never-ending vicious cycle it's the same thing

14:43over and over and over you wake up all you want to do is find out how you're going to get something

14:48how you're going to get it you know it's kind of stupid if you think about it because i'm wasting all

14:52this money stealing from my family and my friends just to do a drug and fall asleep you know and then

14:59i wake up sick so i'm like crap now i gotta do it all over again you know you're still chasing that first

15:06high so you know in order to be high you gotta at least be normal and to get there you gotta at least

15:15do enough to where you're not sick anymore so well usually like if i had stuff a day before i'd always

15:22save a bag for the morning time so when i wake up i could get well and i call it that because in the

15:28end i wasn't using to get high anymore i was using to stay well so i wasn't sick you know i'm not even

15:35getting high i'm just trying to you know be able to get up out of bed you know my head was always in

15:40my lap you know i feel like i've missed a couple years of my life because there's a lot that i mean

15:46it's just a fog black fog because you know i really wasn't there you know my addiction level

15:54was so bad that i couldn't even function without 40 pills a day i was ill like literally every four

16:01hours the chills started setting in and i would wake up and i would be i woke up sick

16:08and that's the way it went all day long

16:28how do you know you're an addict it's when you when you're doing something that you know is not good

16:33for you that's harming you but you can't help yourself when you're when you're when your relationships

16:40are starting to fall apart around you and you don't care and the only thing that's on your mind is about

16:45how to get the substance and how to get to the next high you're an addict you can't maintain an opiate

16:52addiction and a normal life for very long i felt like after my first year of using it i cut i actually

17:02got physically addicted to where i actually needed it to even to wake up and get out of bed start

17:07moving around take a shower and that's when i started um you know stealing from my family friends you

17:14know whatever money i had in my pocket was all going to it if i got a 500 paycheck 500 going to dope

17:21because you always tell yourself whenever you're using drugs and especially it's like a super addictive

17:25one oh i i'm not i'm not addicted you're addicted you know i mean like you're gonna dig you're in denial

17:32you know you might not be addicted at that point in time but you're gonna keep using and a month

17:36later or two months later you're addicted at one point my husband said he would stop giving me

17:41putting gas in the van so i could drive the distance to the city to get my drugs and i said well

17:47i'll show you i'm gonna move to the city so i don't need my van and i don't need gas money because

17:53the dope dealers are going to be living right here with me and that's what i did i ran away from home

17:58you will be high and put yourself in situations that you will get hurt someone will take advantage

18:07of you you know you'd be knocked out it's going to happen you're going to get hurt some people who

18:14have money and they don't have to steal for it and then you meet other people who you know just pawn

18:20their family's tv and it's coming to get high and then deal with the consequences later she stole checks

18:27from her grandmother and signed them she stole my debit card if it wasn't nailed down it was in

18:33the pawn shop she spent 800 a week my daughter who had you know everything handed to her you know could

18:42have gone anywhere in the world very book smart you know very motivated worked at a strip club

18:48my little girl degraded herself just to get that women turn to prostitution which i've done myself

18:57um guys will steal they'll rob you right in front of you i've seen guys take guns out on dealers and

19:05steal and rob everything from them not even worrying about if they get shot or end up in jail

19:11people get raped people people get killed over stupid you know it's people now i can say it's just a drug

19:22but like when you're getting high it's not just a drug you know

19:40the best thing that can happen to someone who's addicted oxycodone is that they can be arrested

19:51that's the best thing the best thing that they can be arrested and go to jail everything other than

19:55that is worse it's going to end in a bad way you're going to get caught eventually so i just didn't think

20:02it was going to be me i would just think you know they must have screwed over the wrong person you know

20:08they got caught because they weren't careful enough she was pulled over they searched the car and she

20:13had a quantity of pills at that point she was smoking them so there was some type of a pipe device in

20:19so she was arrested and she was a convicted felon at the age of 18.

20:25i have four kids my youngest son will be one this month i've been locked up for freaking eight months

20:30first time i came to jail the first time i got locked up this year he was two weeks old

20:34you know haven't don't even know my kid uh my other three are in foster care right now never i

20:40never thought any of this would ever happen to me the only thing i care about is my kids

20:44like my kids are suffering it's not me i give two if i'm suffering yeah it sucks but it's like

20:49my kids they didn't do anything in this my parents you know they got to come visit me through

20:55i don't even get through a window i get through a camera in a little camcorder that sucks

21:01it's not worth it losing your freedom sucks you have somebody tell you when to get up when to

21:07shower when you eat what you eat and you got to worry about the other people that are in here

21:14that are in here for you know life and they don't care about you i was supposed to go to court november

21:202011 and the judge was supposed to let me go he gave me the maximum which ended up being 23 months

21:26two years instead of the 10 months and at the time i was so angry in retrospect i'm very thankful

21:32because i would have uh i know for 100 certainty i would have gone right back out and done it again

21:38i got kicked out of my house and i met your neighborhood friendly drug dealers who were like

21:43oh you can crash on this couch and then you know of course they'd give me stuff here and there but

21:49it wasn't ever enough for me to even enjoy it so that made me run fake prescriptions you don't

21:56think about anything you don't think about anybody you're hurting you don't think about before and

22:01after you don't think seven dudes and all black are running up in your house you don't think you're

22:07gonna be on the news you don't think anything you don't think any of that

22:30every generation seems to have their drug of choice unfortunately this generation seems to have found

22:36prescription opiates as that drug of choice and even more unfortunately the consequences of those

22:43drugs are far more devastating than anything else we've seen in the past chemically and physiologically

22:49speaking there's very little difference between oxycodone morphine and heroin it's just that one

22:56comes in a prescription bottle and another one comes in a in a plastic bag in the beginning

23:04i would always try and get pills because you know what you're getting you know you know it's always

23:09going to be the same thing and then eventually that just got too expensive you know so then you'd go

23:17for heroin because it's cheaper but you take that risk of getting really good stuff and overdosing or

23:23getting fake stuff or just stuff that isn't good enough to even get you well

23:28a lot of my friends were trying heroin you know to cut to get the same high from the oxycontin

23:36and it was cheaper and so i of course i got into it and um

23:41it just yeah just grab me grab me you know i can tell you this that i think she was able to access

23:52heroin more heroin easily than the pills when she was using one or using the other

24:00she was the same horrible difficult person i always said that i would never touch heroin ever in my

24:10life and it was prescription drugs that led me to try heroin prescription drugs are the same thing

24:18it's an opiate you can get four shots for the price of one pill and it's a dirty drug because you never

24:24know what you're going to get people can cut it with something that can kill you you know that's

24:30how most people overdose is that it's cut with something bad um the doctor asked me he said um

24:36where are you getting your heroin from you know i said i'll never tell you who i'm getting it from he

24:41said i don't want to know from who he said i want to know from where and he said well let me tell

24:45you what you're shooting up he says you're shooting scramble heroin and and it's there they are using

24:51meat tenderizer as a cutting agent it's not like you know a bag of heroin comes with ingredients on

24:56the back and of course you trust your drug dealer that he's going to just you know keep you coming

25:02back to him but he claims he didn't know either that's how he got it but yeah so it eats everything

25:10away underneath uh in here and they shoot a meat tenderizer and they have like big blue black marks i'm

25:20like what the is that they're like oh that's meat tenderizer you've got a few of them what do you

25:25mean you didn't learn you know no you don't learn because you're trying to get high it doesn't matter

25:31a lot of my friends um have had abscesses they might get a staph infection which turns into MRSA or

25:40you know hep c and you know if that's your only needle that's your only needle so you're going to use it again

25:46at one point i had an abscess in my leg that was so bad um it i had staph infection my leg was like

25:57four times its normal size um when the doctors cut my leg open to clean it out um i had maggots in my

26:05leg they were eating the the rot the infection that wasn't enough for me to quit um as i was admitted to

26:13the hospital they gave me a picc line which is a an iv line i had the dope dealer come into the hospital

26:21and shooting heroin into my iv line i have contracted um hepatitis c from sharing needles with people that

26:31i don't know who i shot up tulip water because i didn't want to spend any money to go buy a bottle of

26:37water so we would stop at public restrooms and use tulip water to mix with it to shoot it up rain

26:43water on the side of the road and suck it up in the needle and shoot our dope i didn't care what

26:49it was going to do to me later on just i wanted put the feeling of it right then and there

27:07is

27:10withdrawal for the individuals that are taking the heroin that's available now looks like

27:16extraordinary um physical um muscular pain and very few people can actually manage it like you know

27:25how when your whole body hurts when you have the flu and like just it's like 15 times worse than that

27:33opiates you're getting sick i don't know who you think you are if you think you're stronger than

27:38some dope because you're not you know i mean your body's gonna give in your mind's gonna give in your

27:44judgment's gonna give in you're gonna bow and uh that's just the way it is that's the way it is

27:53that withdrawal is you feel like you just want to die when you're going through that at that point

28:03you're willing to do anything to get that next high so you can just feel normal i mean i remember

28:08her in her room crying and just busting a room up screaming to me just get me a little just get me

28:17a little so i can stop no no it feels like your skin's crawling and you can't sit still and you just

28:27you'll do anything to make it stop you can't move you constantly sneeze your whole body aches it hurts

28:35people are crapping on themselves people are puking on themselves people are doing both at the same

28:40time you you would probably rather be dead than have to actually go through a withdrawal it was horrific i

28:48was uh sitting on the toilet diarrhea vomiting on the floor so weak i couldn't even couldn't even

28:56move i just lay there like i don't want to eat drink nothing it's just something that i never ever

29:04want to experience again it is the worst feeling ever and i wouldn't even um i wouldn't wish that

29:11feeling upon my worst enemy that's how bad it is

29:32every day i come to work knowing that somebody died and more times than not we have at least one

29:38um prescription drug or uh other substance abuse case your friends your family will find you dead

29:48and then what happens and then that is the image that they get stuck with for the rest of their lives

29:56i've lost several friends to um heroin and prescription pill overdose i know

30:04two people on a personal level that had died from it you know one time my friend she got out of here

30:12she got high she wasn't even out six days she was dead one of my friends she took her normal dose and

30:20od'd her sister found her with a needle in her arm in her room which was not good uh the day that i

30:27overdosed um i was having a hard time finding a vein and a girlfriend of mine said well just

30:36go in your neck you have your jugular vein and i said okay it didn't let me push all the heroin in

30:41and instantly it killed me when the ambulance got there they um they gave me a shot of narcaine and i was

30:49non-responsive to the narcaine which is adrenaline and that's to you know jumpstart your heart

30:54and they and it didn't work um so they had to use the defibrillator and that's where they shock

30:59your heart back they got a pulse um they got me to the hospital and i was still kind of in and out of

31:06it um but when i came to and i unhooked the iv to the from the pole and unhooked all these little

31:14things they had on me and i went and walked right out got in my van and i showed up to that to the dope

31:19dealer with the gown on these things stuck all over me the iv in my arm and he sold me heroin

31:27the same heroin that just killed me i utilized the iv a couple times before i turned it back in

31:33i said i have nowhere really to shoot so that was a freebie so everything came to a head i was writing

31:39the prescriptions and full on with my addiction and i ended up getting caught going to jail

31:45and while i was in jail my daughter got involved with some friends from what i understand her friends

31:51were all doing prescription pills i had no idea i didn't even know it was a problem i just thought

31:56it was my problem and um she said mom you don't have any right to talk look at you look where you

32:03are i said but kirsten you saw where it put me i can't imagine you would do the very same thing that

32:07i did i like how you know it just didn't make sense my mom i would go to the doctor's office every time

32:25with her i told her i'd go in for her and usually it works because she'll go in for me and ask for my

32:33prescriptions and they give it to her and so i went in there and i asked and um next thing you know

32:41she got arrested and then she called me saying that i had a warrant for me i said why would you make

32:47me go in and do that like it's your own daughter knowing that she can get caught and get in trouble

32:53and she said that she was sorry because that she didn't realize how bad her addiction was

33:02you need help kirsten when i talked to her she didn't even say goodbye she must have nodded off

33:08the phone because i heard like a and that was it it was um saturday morning saturday afternoon

33:16um i was in the jail and they came down and told me they needed to see me and i went up and um because

33:24her father and i were both arrested for the same thing we were both there so i saw him coming

33:28and the detectives came and told us that she you know what had happened the parent overdose and that

33:34she was um initially they said she'd passed and then they said she was in icu struggling for life

33:42and they wanted me to you know talk to the doctor and the doctor recommended i disconnect all life

33:48support and i refused and then um they had seven resuscitation efforts i guess and eventually

33:56you know that morning she passed away at her funeral most all the kids were high death is real and i

34:10will say because i remember being that teenager too so i know it's like they're in a market but

34:16it's real and once i mean i think i'm still in shock like i it it is hard i don't even know how to put

34:23it into words um maybe that's why i'm able to deal with it because it's so mind-numbing that someone

34:29you love that much she's my first love someone you love that much you can lose like that and you can't

34:41go back and say i'm sorry or set a better example or talk them out of it you know and

34:46i know she didn't want to go i know that's not what she wanted i know that um she had you know all

34:54these things that she wanted to do and i know that um as they resuscitated her through the night

35:01that was her way of clinging to life you know but it was

35:08too much

35:16i love my children more than anything in the world i will walk through fire for them

35:21and i know a lot of parents feel that way but you can't feel that way you have to understand what

35:27you're dealing with is not your child i put my own child in jail to stop her

35:34from this and that's not an easy decision to make it's not a fun decision nobody wants to know that

35:39they're you know their little girl sitting in jail but she was seven months clean eating healthy

35:45getting her rest no drugs my my son my nephew my mother and i went to get her and she came out

35:52and just she was healthy everything was great everything was great there were no problems no

35:58fighting no talking about you know mom i'm feeling i'm feeling funny you know i need to go to a meeting

36:04nothing everything everything was just that little girl at 16 before all this stuff started that's who

36:12she was and then just um she asked to go to the store to get a pack of cigarettes and she came home

36:24said oh you know mom i'm sorry i was late you know they didn't have my cigarettes i had to go to another

36:28gas station okay you know and things fine so i'm cooking dinner and i'm like you want to help me cook

36:34she's like no i don't want to help you cook you know she so i'm gonna go in my room and watch tv

36:39you know and she was so bubbly you know like like nothing nothing was wrong and she went upstairs

36:47and it was maybe 40 minutes it was cooking dinner dinner was done you know i'm hollering for the kids

36:56my son and nephew come down and sierra didn't come down i think she fell asleep or something so i go

37:03upstairs and knocking and knocking and knocking on the door there's no answer

37:07i opened that door and my little girl is on the floor dead

37:24and i remember when i pushed on her chest i heard that last breath i heard the

37:30i was in my kitchen cooking dinner and that happened 17 steps up and i had no idea

37:45no idea that when she left this house that was gonna happen and

37:53i spend my sundays looking at a gray headstone in a patch of grass

37:58i will be spending my christmases there her birthdays there all my holidays

38:06because she

38:10took that wrong turn

38:15my girlfriend sierra you know she uh she passed away a year ago this month and uh from heroin

38:23and you know that's a constant big reminder in my head that uh you know if if i even pick this

38:31stuff up once it's gonna kill me you know and uh there's not a day that goes by that i don't think

38:38about her and uh you know not morning that i wake up i don't wish that she was laying beside me you know

38:45uh she was my best friend we went to high school together um i met her in uh in high school i'm sorry

39:05i just miss her a lot don't you just do it here with me

39:19uh

39:27sierra came home

39:29on february 12th

39:32sierra died february 18th

39:36and she got out still calling her still calling her it's that powerful that you could spend seven months clean

39:43clean, and being educated on nothing but how to beat it, how bad it is for you, you know, all this.

39:50And you last six days.

39:52The spiral down is so fast, you know, it doesn't take much, and I lost everything.

40:20I lost my daughter, first and foremost, but I lost pictures, every material possession I had.

40:29I had never been in trouble in my life.

40:32I'm now a felon at 41 years old.

40:36So all that work I did, you know, all those dreams I had, you know, it's like I'm starting over again with a huge weight on my shoulders, you know, all for a pill.

40:50My dad doesn't even trust me anymore, which is hard because my dad's always trusted me my whole life.

41:05I've never had my dad look at me with disappointment before I did this.

41:09I'm a criminal, I'm an addict.

41:11That's how everybody will always perceive me.

41:14Listen to what they say, say no.

41:16Just say no.

41:18You're not uncool for saying no.

41:20You're more cool for saying no, I think.

41:22I wish I could have said no.

41:24If I could go back and do it all over, I would definitely go back and say no.

41:29I didn't feel like I was physically hooked, but that's because I never gave it a chance to stop.

41:46You know, and I didn't really learn how to enjoy life without drugs.

41:51As much as I wanted to quit, I was too scared to ask for help.

41:53I don't want to freak my parents out by telling them I'm hooked on some hardcore drug.

41:59It didn't kill me like everyone told me.

42:02It's not worth it, and it will get you.

42:29You're no different than anybody else.

42:30It will destroy your life.

42:33You will end up in jail.

42:35You'll end up dead, or you'll be in some crazy institution for the rest of your life.

42:39And that's serious, and that's for real.

42:41And it took me coming to jail and being incarcerated.

42:45And it took me missing my mom's funeral, missing my children grow up.

42:50It's taken all of this because nobody in their right mind would turn their back on their dying mom for a drug.

42:56I want to be that loving and caring mom that my mom was to me, to my girls.

43:01I don't want them to hate me, to resent me.

43:04I don't want them to be embarrassed by me anymore.

43:06If you want to fail the rest of your life, if you want to be in and out of jail, if you want to possibly lose everything that matters to you, go ahead and go get high.

43:22Okay, go ahead.

43:23If you want to be happy, you want to freaking get married, like every good part of my life, I wasn't getting high.

43:32You know, every good part of my life, I was getting high.

43:34And any drug addict will tell you that.

43:37If you want to be a flunky, go ahead and get high.

43:39Go ahead and do it.

43:40But, uh, I've been there, done that, and I wouldn't recommend it.

43:53Sierra did not take life for granted until she started using it as much stronger than you.

44:02And it will win.

44:04It will win.

44:07Because this doesn't just affect you.

44:09It affects everybody in your family for the rest of their lives.

44:15That we're the ones stuck here, missing you.

44:20And there's help out there.

44:22You got to take it.

44:24Don't think you can do it alone, because you can.

44:27And your parents aren't the enemy.

44:29They just want the best for you.

44:39It's something I want to do with for the rest of my life.

44:44You know, to be honest, I actually just relapsed about a month ago and used for about a month.

44:53And I have a week, I had a week clean on Wednesday.

44:57And, you know, that's something that just shows how powerful this disease is.

45:05For me to lose somebody a year ago, not even a year ago, but I'm already using it.

45:12It's how powerful this stuff is.

45:14And I'm just going to try my best to stick with it, because I know it will kill me.

45:22And, you know, it's just something I got to work at every day.

45:27It will take you to hell and back, and if you're lucky, you know, you'll make it back, you know.

45:36It's just not worth it at all, you know.

45:39If I could go back, if I knew what I knew now about this, and if I could go back, I would do it all different.

45:49Starting with that first pill, I wouldn't touch it.

45:57I wouldn't touch it.

46:27I wouldn't touch it.

46:57You

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