Understanding the Selfish Mind!

Stefan Molyneux

In this public portion of Sunday Morning Live on the 26th of October 2025, philosopher Stefan Molyneux examines gaslighting, its psychological roots, and its effects on relationships. He defines gaslighting, discusses its emotional toll, and shares practical strategies for recognizing and combatting manipulation. Listeners hear personal stories that illustrate its prevalence, and he emphasizes the importance of boundaries and self-advocacy. Stefan continues this discussion in the donor-only portion of the podcast, which can be found at:  The livestream continues to a donor-only hour! Subscribers can continue the livestream here:  Premium Content Hub: https://premium.freedomain.com/2bc50a73/understanding-the-selfish-mind  X: https://x.com/StefanMolyneux/status/1982555026766930031  Locals: https://freedomain.locals.com/post/7397997/understanding-the-selfish-mind  Subscribestar: https://www.subscribestar.com/posts/2147628  Freedomain Members: https://freedomain.com/understanding-the-selfish-mind/  Not yet a subscriber?  You can subscribe on:  X: https://x.com/StefanMolyneux  Locals: https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2025  Subscribestar: https://subscribestar.com/freedomain  Freedomain: https://fdrurl.com/members  Subscribers get 12 HOURS on the "Truth About the French Revolution," multiple interactive multi-lingual philosophy AIs trained on thousands of hours of my material - as well as AIs for Real-Time Relationships, Bitcoin, Peaceful Parenting, and Call-In Shows!  You also receive private livestreams, HUNDREDS of exclusive premium shows, early release podcasts, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series and much more!  See you soon!

Transcript

00:01Good morning, everybody.

00:02Stéphane Molyneux, 26th of October, 2025.

00:07Hope you're doing well, 11 a.m.

00:11As a donor show, but I thought we'd start GenPop General Population,

00:18and then we will head over to Locals, freedom.locals.com to join.

00:23If you would like to join, get yourself a free month.

00:25And you can go to fdrurl.com.locals.

00:31All right.

00:33Everything's recording.

00:34Yes.

00:35Somebody wrote the concept.

00:37I asked the donors, what would you like to talk about today?

00:40And, of course, I'd be happy to text questions.

00:42Also, if you have questions on X, you can do that as well.

00:49The concept of gas lighting and its association with the suppression of anger

00:54as well as self-doubt, and the effects of continued gas lighting on memory

00:58in terms of the relationship with oneself and others.

01:01Also, the relationship of feigning of innocence and or helplessness

01:04and gas lighting, particularly in the context of personal relationships.

01:08But also, how to best deal or not with co-workers who gas light.

01:12So, gas lighting is extremely evil.

01:18It's an extremely nasty, nasty, vicious, underhanded topic.

01:28It's essentially predatory.

01:31So, we will talk about that.

01:36Happy to take your questions.

01:38The questions are only available at the moment on X.

01:40I don't think the other platforms do it as well.

01:44I don't know what goes on with locals if we try that.

01:46Probably nothing good, I think.

01:49But, oh, thank you very much for your kind thoughts and wishes.

01:53I appreciate that.

01:55So, gas lighting, as I'm sure you know,

01:57the term comes from an old movie called Gas Light,

02:00where a man is married to a woman.

02:02I think he's married.

02:03He tries to drive her crazy.

02:05He moves pictures and then says,

02:07no, that's how they've always been.

02:08He moves stuff around.

02:09He changes stories.

02:10He just continually tries to disassemble her own sense of reality

02:15and for some nefarious purpose to do with money or, I think, finance or inherent.

02:21I don't know.

02:22I don't remember the details in particular,

02:24but it is basically when you assert things that are true that are false

02:30or you assert things that are false that are true.

02:33I never said that.

02:34I never said that, right?

02:35That's why I love it when my debates are recorded.

02:39I love the fact, love, love, love the fact that these conversations are recorded

02:45because then you can actually go back and people who said,

02:47well, I never said that, you know, they're wrong.

02:51So, what's the problem with gas lighting?

02:54So, listen, the gas lighting is not, let's just talk about what it's not.

02:57So, gas lighting is not just when you have a different memory of things, right?

03:01Well, it's a Justin Trudeau when he was in conflict with some woman.

03:05Didn't say she was a liar.

03:06Didn't say because I guess he talked to his lawyers.

03:09And so, he said, I have a different recollection of the events or something like that.

03:14You know, it's something that is not going to get him in legal trouble

03:17because apparently it's fine if you have no conscience.

03:20But anyway, so gas lighting isn't when you just remember things differently

03:24or have a different perspective or a different opinion or something like that.

03:28Gas lighting is when you knowingly contradict someone else

03:36or you refuse to listen to their good case

03:39or you refuse to even admit the possibility that they might be right, right?

03:48So, if somebody says, you're in a relationship and somebody says,

03:51oh, that time when you threw the glass against the wall

03:54or the time when you punched the wall or something like that, right?

04:00Now, that's a thing you would remember, right?

04:03You would remember that as a whole.

04:08So, if you say that, that never happened, right?

04:13It's a little tough if you punch the wall, right?

04:15Because there's a hole in the wall or there's a repair.

04:18Oh, you know, I just fell.

04:19My elbow went against the wall.

04:20You're misremembering or something like that.

04:22Or that hole was already there when we moved in.

04:25Or I never say, oh, that time when you threw that coffee mug against the wall.

04:32It's like, that never happened.

04:34Well, where's the coffee mug?

04:35Well, I mean, I remember dropping it.

04:38I remember dropping it, but I don't.

04:40I mean, I never threw it against.

04:41So, when you refuse to even accept the possibility, right?

04:47So, if somebody says, you threw the cup against the wall, the mug against the wall, and you

04:53said, that never happened.

04:54That's gaslighting.

04:57Now, even if, but it's interesting because even if you didn't do it, you still need to

05:02say, oh, I don't remember that.

05:04But, you know, tell me, what do you remember?

05:06Right?

05:06So, when you're curious, like, when you just blanket assert, something never happened.

05:11Again, and you're not, I know people go, well, you in debates, right?

05:14I get all of that, right?

05:15But we're talking about when you are blanket dismissing somebody else's perspective in a

05:24personal relationship.

05:25Or it could be a work relationship because the question is around the work relationship.

05:29So, if my wife says, when you did X, and I don't remember doing X, be like, I don't recall

05:37that, but tell me what you remember.

05:38Tell me what you think, right?

05:40And then, oftentimes, she will remind me, and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, that was right,

05:47you know.

05:47Have I ever been to this town before?

05:49Like, that's the age you get.

05:51I've been so many places.

05:53Have I been to this town before?

05:55Yes.

05:55I don't remember it.

05:56And then, you know, five minutes later, oh, yeah, yeah, I remember this door.

06:00So, it is when you just blanket dismiss.

06:03So, gaslighting relies on two things that are very important in relationship, and it exploits

06:12them.

06:14And just hit me with a Y if you've ever been gaslit.

06:18Hopefully, not over the course of this conversation.

06:20Hit me with a Y if you've ever been gaslit.

06:22And if you could give me any details about that, that would be great.

06:26Oh, let me just see here.

06:30I've got a message from Dear James.

06:36Hopefully, it's not a message about, can't hear it, me.

06:39Let us find out.

06:41Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

06:45Yeah, just in general.

06:46If it's working.

06:47Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

06:52Just let me know if there's a problem.

06:54Otherwise, I have my glasses off.

06:56I can't read what you're reading.

06:57I don't know if there's a problem.

06:58So, that's fine.

06:59All right.

06:59So, there's two things that are exploited in gaslighting.

07:06Number one is trust.

07:09We need to have trust in a relationship.

07:11The trust should be earned, of course.

07:12We need to have trust in a relationship.

07:14So, the first thing that's exploited is trust.

07:19So, if, you know, if my wife has a better memory for things than I do.

07:24She just, she always has.

07:25I think it's a female thing.

07:27We were just joking about this as a part of my novel where Helen's boss says to her,

07:33ah, it was over 10 years ago.

07:36And she's like, it was 13 years.

07:38So, I'm like, yeah, but at some point in the past, something happened.

07:42And my wife, they're like, bing, bing, bing, bing.

07:43She remembers everything.

07:45It's remarkable.

07:46It's a feat of prodigious memory.

07:50It is, to me, it's like watching those half-autistic Indian kids who can multiply 19 numbers in their heads

07:55or something like that.

07:56It's just an amazing thing for me that she can do that, but she can.

08:00And so, I trust her.

08:01When she remembers stuff, I'm like, yeah, I trust her.

08:04So, trust is one of the things that gets exploited.

08:09And the other thing that gets exploited is, it's hard to say whether it's humility or insecurity.

08:18My wife is right about a bunch of stuff that I don't remember.

08:25And every year or two, we go through this exercise of like, hey, whatever happened to,

08:30this guy that I used to be in contact with, I don't really remember.

08:33I just know that we were in contact with, or maybe we were acquaintances or even friends,

08:37and then we weren't.

08:39And I'm just like, ships that pass in the night, tide comes in, tide goes out,

08:44the butterflies migrate to Mexico, and people move in and out of my life.

08:48And I don't really remember these things.

08:52But my wife is like, this happened, then this happened, then you said this,

08:55and it's just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

08:57She's like, well, when I was a kid, we had a dusty old encyclopedia that helped me develop

09:01to rather base and anti-woke worldview.

09:04And if we had a conflict in the family, we'd look it up in the encyclopedia,

09:09if we had to fight about it.

09:10I remember fighting with my brother about whether a king could move one or two spaces

09:14when I was learning chess.

09:14I didn't believe him, well, I never really have, but he showed me in the encyclopedia,

09:22and I was like, yep, okay, that's right.

09:24So my wife has earned trust.

09:28I trust her.

09:29She says she remembers something, and she doesn't ever exploit it, so I trust her.

09:33So if you're in a conflict with somebody else, you remember something, and they don't, right?

09:41Like, let's say that you remember a friend of yours threw a cup against the wall when he was angry,

09:46and you mentioned that, and he says, that never happened.

09:48So that's a challenge, right?

09:50That's a challenge.

09:52Do you trust your friend?

09:55Because they're not just saying, I don't remember that, or that doesn't come to my mind,

09:59or I'm not sure, or they're like, it's a positive assertion in the face of your memory.

10:05So do you trust that person?

10:07And are you humble slash insecure about your own remembrances?

10:15That's a big one.

10:16Because humility and insecurity are the foundation of growth and wisdom.

10:20Everything that you learn, you had to admit you didn't know beforehand.

10:25Every new skill you acquire, you had to admit that you didn't have beforehand.

10:28Everything you improve, you have to admit that you were worse at it beforehand.

10:33Everything.

10:34So all growth, wisdom, maturity, knowledge, virtues, they all arise out of humility slash insecurity.

10:43I mean, I claim to be a moral philosopher for 20 years.

10:46I accepted sort of the Aristotelian objectivist arguments for morality,

10:51but there was like a niggling brain worm in the back of my head, which was like,

10:55it didn't feel quite right.

10:58It doesn't feel like it's complete.

10:59I know when things are complete.

11:01Like I know, UPB, everybody who's run up against it gets smashed up.

11:06They just do.

11:07And everybody, everybody who's come up against it has been unable to overturn it.

11:13Because it is, it's dead simple, right?

11:16So that I know, right?

11:19And I do sometimes if I have a, there's a peculiar conflict with people

11:24in call-in shows or, or something like that, uh, the live call-in shows.

11:29And by the by, I just wanted to mention, I don't know how many other people have live

11:34unscreened call-ins, uh, about the most complex topics.

11:38I just roll with it, right?

11:40I mean, I suppose it would be kind of like, I mean, what Charlie Kirk was doing and so on,

11:44but, uh, I'm in my bulletproof studio, but yeah, it's not, uh, it's not common,

11:49certainly online for people to have these sort of live unscreened, uh, call-in shows,

11:54bring, bring whatever you want to the table, right?

11:56And actually I think it works out pretty well.

11:58But when I have a sort of odd or unclosed disagreement, like with the guy,

12:05he was the radical skeptic.

12:06I think it was, uh, yeah, Friday because, and so I'll do a show.

12:10I'll often put it out to donors, which is like, here's where I felt I didn't complete

12:14the circle.

12:14Here's where I felt like the is-ought dichotomy, which I had good explanations for in essential

12:19philosophy and in UPB, but I needed to have an absolutely closed circle.

12:25I need to move it from, well, you have to agree with this to it's impossible to disagree.

12:29I have to move it from probabilistic reasoning to absolute reasoning.

12:38From inductive, which is probability to deductive, which is a hundred percent given to premises.

12:44So when I have failed to close the loop, I circle back and make sure that I close the

12:50loop and then I'm better prepared for next time.

12:53So, um, just by the by, uh, this is going out to gen pop, but, um, what I was talking about

13:00in my review of the radical skeptic is, uh, it's a bit of a spoiler, but it'll, right.

13:05So next time a radical skeptic comes on, uh, I'll just, um, claim that they agree with

13:10me and they'll say, no, I don't.

13:13I said, no, you agreed with me or, and then they'll get mad and say they absolutely didn't.

13:18And then, okay, so you're not a radical skeptic or I simply don't reply.

13:22And they say, are you there?

13:24Hello?

13:24And I said, no, I already replied.

13:26And they say, no, you didn't.

13:27No, I already replied.

13:28No, you didn't.

13:29Okay.

13:29So then you're a hundred percent certain of that, right?

13:31So you can build the certainty from the interaction and that way it's a closed loop, right?

13:36Because they don't say, I think you didn't reply.

13:39They say, you didn't reply like an absolute statement.

13:41And the moment you start making absolute statements, you can't say, well, but embedded in that is

13:46a non certainty.

13:47No, no, it doesn't.

13:48You can't make an absolute statement and then say it's not an absolute statement.

13:51So, so that's the, that's the answer is to do it based upon the behavior and their certainty

13:59about that behavior.

14:01So humility is essential or insecurity.

14:06I was insecure 20 years ago that I had a unshakable answer to the question of morality,

14:16or that which is good for, that which is best for the survival and flourishing of man, blah,

14:21blah, blah, blah.

14:21Well, it's true for decent moral people, but I didn't want to write diet books for thin people.

14:26I wanted to be able to compel through reason agreement from those who opposed everything,

14:33right?

14:34Which is why John, the philosophy professor who called in, he actually showed up the other day

14:38on my timeline.

14:39So he called in and came at me hard, man.

14:43Insults, insults.

14:43It was very girly, very, very sad.

14:45Sorry to insult girls, but it was very sort of pathetic.

14:48And after a while, it's just like, okay, can you, blah, blah, blah.

14:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.

14:52I'm a bad guy.

14:53I don't know how to think.

14:54Yeah, yeah, yeah.

14:55Can you get onto any actual arguments, right?

14:57Because it's just projection when people come in and say, Steph, you're just a terrible

15:00thinker.

15:00It's like, can you actually make an argument?

15:02Or are you just going to sling insults like a terrible thinker?

15:04And I got him to agree that rape, theft, assault, and murder can never be universally

15:08preferable behavior.

15:09And he's like, so?

15:09And I'm like, that's actually a pretty big deal right there, right?

15:12Anyway, so he kind of went off to lick his wounds, I guess.

15:15And then he showed up again on my feet the other day.

15:18Well, when I want to show my students examples of bad reasoning, I just show them your post.

15:22It's like, well, why don't you show them our debate where you had to concede my entire

15:26points, all of my points about morality.

15:29And she, you know, you were literally debating with me live.

15:32And he's like, you don't even know the difference between deductive and inductive reasoning.

15:35And I said, well, here's how I explained it in my book, The Art of the Argument.

15:38And he's like, oh, yeah, no, that's right, actually.

15:41He was just, you know, but no humility, right?

15:44And that's fine.

15:45We all struggle with vanity, right?

15:47So you have to believe that you can achieve it, which before you do, maybe a certain amount

15:52of vanity.

15:52But you also have to be insecure enough to know you have to work very hard to achieve

15:56it, which is your humility, right?

15:57So progress is like, you know how you go up the ladder one rung at a time, don't hop up

16:01and down.

16:04But humility and vanity, I have to believe I can achieve it.

16:08And I'm humble enough to know that I have to work hard to get it and to criticize myself

16:11when I fail to achieve it, which is sort of what I do in some of these live debates.

16:15So, ah, yes, it's great that you're here live too, John.

16:22I appreciate that.

16:24So the trust in the other person and the insecurity or humility to say, I could be wrong.

16:33I could be wrong.

16:34Okay.

16:36So gaslighting exploits those.

16:38You trust the other person and you're willing to accept that you might be wrong.

16:47So these two virtues, right?

16:52Humility and trust are virtues in the right context, right?

16:55They're not virtues in the wrong context.

16:57But let's see here.

17:00I want to hear what you guys have to say about it.

17:03Somebody says, my parents denied basically every memory from my childhood.

17:06Yep.

17:07Absolutely.

17:07I went through that too.

17:08It never happened.

17:09You're misremembering, blah, blah, blah.

17:11Somebody says, yes, with regards to gaslighting.

17:14My older brother used to do it all the time over even the smallest things.

17:18Yeah, for sure.

17:18Because they need to keep you off balance, right?

17:19You're always wrong.

17:20You're always wrong.

17:21I'm always right.

17:21You're always wrong.

17:22Somebody says, anytime I've ever brought up any abuse or mistreatment to my mother, I've gotten a masterclass in gaslighting.

17:29Parents saying I had a perfect childhood.

17:31There's someone, somebody else says, parents not taking accountability when confronted.

17:34Yes, very important.

17:36Yep.

17:36And parents over childhood memories.

17:39Yes to gaslighting.

17:40Sir James says, yes, I once mentioned being hit by my father with a belt.

17:44He completely denied it.

17:45And my brother backed him up saying he didn't remember it.

17:47Father was gaslighting.

17:48My brother was just going along with him.

17:50And, well, your brother was gaslighting it too, right?

17:53Chris says, gaslit about past events which I have concern about or unresolved issues with both parents and co-workers.

18:03James says, oh, I was younger.

18:04My brother was two years younger.

18:05Somebody says, my mom's saying, I never said that.

18:09I don't want to dive too far down the memory hole this morning, but I remember how badly that effed me up.

18:14I was just constantly as a kid not being able to trust anything or normalizing that it's okay for people to lie to me.

18:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.

18:22For sure.

18:24For sure.

18:27And have you been in romantic relationships where the gaslighting could power the Hindenburg?

18:35I think only one romantic relationship was I in where it was pretty clear.

18:49John says, thank you for the tip.

18:51I'm being gaslit at work and I'm in the top 20% of all salespeople in the company.

18:55People really are haters.

18:56Well, there's a tipping point.

19:01If you can compete with people, then their abilities inspire you.

19:05If you can't compete with people, you are easily tempted by resentment.

19:11Resentment is a confession of an inability to compete, right?

19:15So, how do you battle gaslighting?

19:24How do you fight gaslighting?

19:25How do you overturn gaslighting in relationships?

19:31What do you think?

19:37What do you think?

19:42How do you overturn it?

19:43What is your defense against gaslighting?

19:51What do you think?

19:52I will give you all time.

19:57Stay away from people who gaslight.

19:59That's it.

19:59Yeah, for sure.

20:00But you still need to be able to win in the moment with gaslighters.

20:09Can't overturn it.

20:10I have to.

20:10Yes, absolutely.

20:11But if you just leave people without overturning them and proving them wrong in your mind,

20:16the thoughts follow you.

20:17The regrets follow you.

20:18The lack of defense follows you.

20:21See, here's the wild thing, man.

20:24Predators will always smell your defenses.

20:30They sniff them out.

20:32And even if you've left, oh, I've left all my gaslighters behind, if you haven't understood

20:35how to overturn the principle of gaslighting, they will still be drawn to you because you

20:39don't have that defense.

20:40In fact, you have the prior wound, which they can use.

20:44Wounds like bacteria come in through infections, right?

20:47So if you've been wounded, then you're more likely to get more gaslighters in your life.

20:55Ostracism.

20:55Yeah, that certainly helps.

20:57I've learned it's not worth challenging people in interpersonal situations that are lying.

21:00Just nod my head and agree and move on.

21:03I hold them accountable for their actions, then leave.

21:05Not a good defense, but I talk to them less and less until complete silent treatment.

21:10Do not accept that your concern is not real to you.

21:13Don't gaslight yourself.

21:15Somebody says, I find it more useful.

21:17And I could be wrong.

21:18In fact, I'm probably wrong.

21:19Do not let them know how much you're something them.

21:22I think there's a word missing there.

21:26I don't think this is right, but the first thing that comes to mind is, oh, thank you for

21:29agreeing with me.

21:30I really appreciate that.

21:32John says, thank you for the tip.

21:33You have to outwit them and you have to embarrass them.

21:35No, anger.

21:36No.

21:36Oh, gosh, you're going to kick yourself.

21:39I'm so sorry.

21:40Oh, I'm gaslighting you.

21:42I've only been gaslit by people with a history of bad character, so I use past history to

21:45become certain that they are lying currently.

21:49Oh, Zim says, let them know how much you're onto them, right?

21:52Not into them, onto them.

21:54All right.

21:55That's a good point.

21:57And again, if you're on X, X is just going out to subscribers.

22:01Welcome to have chats about this.

22:02So, what I've done with gaslighting is, let's say, I just made a gas situation.

22:16Dating some girl and she threw a cup against the wall, right?

22:22Right?

22:23And then she says, that never happened.

22:25And I know it happened, right?

22:26It never happened, right?

22:27And say, you're absolutely certain.

22:34You're certain it never happened.

22:35Yes, I'm absolutely certain it never happened, right?

22:38I say, well, now we have a challenge.

22:39I'm absolutely certain it did happen.

22:42You're absolutely certain it didn't happen.

22:46So, who's right?

22:49Well, I'm right.

22:49Okay, so, is your principle, is your principle that only your memory is correct and my memory

22:56is always incorrect?

22:57Because I can't think of a time where my memory has been correct and you've given way.

23:01So, is the principle that only you are right when it comes to memory?

23:06It's not a good principle, is it?

23:08Because if I take your principle, it's universalizing.

23:10That's how you fight gaslighting, is you universalize.

23:13What is the principle by which you tell me you're absolutely certain you never threw

23:19a cup against the wall?

23:20What is the principle?

23:21Is the, like, what is the principle?

23:24Is the principle that all memory is valid?

23:29All memory is true?

23:32All memory.

23:32Or is it just for you?

23:34Because it's not a principle if it's just for you.

23:35That's just narcissism.

23:37If only your memory is right, then you have no principle.

23:40You just have that you're always right.

23:43That's not a principle.

23:46Universalize, universalize, universalize.

23:48What's the rule?

23:49What's the rule we're playing by here, people?

23:51What is the rule we're universalizing?

23:54That's the rule we play by, always.

24:01You're wrong.

24:02By what standard?

24:03Well, you're just wrong.

24:04That's not a standard.

24:04What is the standard?

24:06It's the standard that everything we remember is true.

24:08Well, that's as true for me as it is for you,

24:10so that doesn't work.

24:11What is the standard?

24:12Get them to reveal the fucking narcissism.

24:16The principle is that I'm always right

24:18and you're always wrong.

24:20Get them to expose the self-serving,

24:25screwed-up, megalomaniacal narcissism.

24:29What is the principle?

24:31Is the principle that, oh,

24:33is the principle that all memory is valid?

24:34Well, I remember you throwing the cup against the wall.

24:37Well, I remember you throwing the cup against the wall.

24:40You say you don't remember that.

24:43What's the principle?

24:44How do we, I mean, it's a question.

24:45How do we resolve this?

24:46We both remember different things.

24:50We both remember different things.

24:51Now,

24:53that's the universalizing.

25:00That's the universalizing.

25:01You know the old trick.

25:07If you think someone's trying to poison,

25:09if you think someone's trying to poison you,

25:13pull in Erin Brockovich, right?

25:15If you think someone's trying to poison you,

25:16get them to drink from their own cup.

25:19Because they're saying it's safe.

25:20Get them to live by their own values.

25:22Is the value that all memory is valid

25:26and everyone who disagrees with your memory is invalid.

25:29Everyone who disagrees with memory is wrong.

25:32Well,

25:32then we have a contradiction.

25:33Because we both remember different things.

25:36It cannot be true that we're both right.

25:38It cannot be,

25:39we cannot go on the principle that

25:41every memory is true.

25:46Because I remember you throwing the cup against the wall.

25:48You say it didn't happen.

25:49No,

25:49you claim to not remember it.

25:50So,

25:51what is the principle?

25:53What is the rule?

25:54You can't have a relationship

25:55if you don't have any rules.

25:57You can't play a game of chess

25:58if you don't have any rules.

25:59You can't play tennis

26:00if you don't have any rules.

26:03You can't do anything

26:04with anyone else

26:05if you don't have any rules.

26:06Even the rules of

26:07syntax,

26:08sentences,

26:08grammar,

26:09comprehensibility,

26:10not both talking at the same time.

26:12What are the rules?

26:14What are the rules

26:15by which we resolve our dispute?

26:17Tell me what the rule is.

26:19Well,

26:19I'm just,

26:19in this instance,

26:20no,

26:21no,

26:21no.

26:22What are the rules?

26:23How do you know

26:24that you're perfectly right

26:25and I'm perfectly,

26:26well,

26:26I don't remember it.

26:27It's like,

26:27yes,

26:28I understand that.

26:29You don't remember

26:30throwing the cup against the wall.

26:31I remember you throwing the cup

26:32against the wall.

26:32I'll give you,

26:33it was on this day,

26:34this is,

26:34we did this before,

26:35we were having this conflict,

26:36there's the dent in the wall,

26:37you can't produce the cup.

26:39You know,

26:39there's some evidence,

26:40right?

26:40There's some evidence,

26:41no cup.

26:42Cup's gone.

26:43There is a dent in the wall.

26:44So something happened.

26:50There's a little bit of evidence.

26:52There's a little bit of evidence.

26:57But,

26:58you ask people,

26:59don't,

26:59don't get involved in fights.

27:01Don't get involved

27:02in he said,

27:04she said.

27:04Don't get involved in that stuff.

27:05Just ask,

27:06what are the rules?

27:09What are the rules?

27:13What are the rules?

27:15You've got to trust me,

27:17right?

27:17That's what people say.

27:18Trust me.

27:19I didn't do it.

27:20It's like,

27:20okay,

27:20so what is the rule?

27:21It's the rule,

27:22we trust the other person

27:22and believe them,

27:23then you have to trust

27:24and believe me

27:24that you did throw the cup

27:26against the wall.

27:27What is the rule?

27:28You're wrong.

27:29Okay,

27:29so the rule is that

27:30the other person is always wrong,

27:31but that rule applies to me,

27:32so you're wrong.

27:33Give me a rule

27:34that's not narcissism.

27:35That's all.

27:36Give me a rule

27:37that's not you benefiting

27:38from you.

27:40Solipsism.

27:41Just give me a rule

27:42that's not you win.

27:43That's not a rule.

27:44It's like playing a game of chess

27:46saying,

27:46well,

27:46I don't have any rules for chess,

27:47but the rule is I win.

27:49Like,

27:50how can we even play

27:50if there's no game?

27:52There's no interaction.

27:52There's no negotiation.

27:53There's no debate.

27:55Right?

27:57It'd be like going into

27:58selling a house

27:59and saying,

27:59well,

28:00the price of the house

28:01is whatever the hell I want.

28:02I get what I want

28:04in this negotiation,

28:05but it's a negotiation,

28:06so shouldn't we both get one?

28:07Like,

28:08what's the rule?

28:09What's the rule?

28:15Ask for

28:16the rules.

28:19Ask for the rules.

28:25John says,

28:26this show is very helpful.

28:26By the way,

28:27I've been fighting uphill battles.

28:28I've been in my new role

28:29for one full quarter.

28:30I've already hit my annual peaks.

28:31My higher-ups,

28:32clients,

28:32and co-workers

28:33in other offices

28:33are raving fans

28:34of people in my office

28:35hate the air I breathe.

28:37Well,

28:37you know,

28:37you've got to break

28:38through the mids,

28:40right?

28:40In order to succeed,

28:41I mean,

28:42if you start off low,

28:43right?

28:43I know why I did,

28:43right?

28:43If you start off low,

28:44you've got to break

28:45through the mids.

28:46The mids

28:46is this crusty layer

28:47of resentment

28:48and pettiness

28:49and slave morality.

28:51You've got to break

28:51through that

28:52to get to the really

28:53successful people

28:53who enjoy your success.

28:56So,

28:57I don't want to oversell,

28:59but that's how you deal.

28:59It's how you deal

29:00with conflicts.

29:01Tell me the rules.

29:01What are the rules?

29:02What are the rules?

29:04What are the rules?

29:05And people tell you

29:10the rules

29:11by how they treat you.

29:12Okay,

29:12well,

29:12we'll get into that.

29:15We're going to go

29:15private now.

29:17So,

29:18if you want to join

29:18the private chat,

29:20you can go to

29:21fdrurl.com

29:22slash locals.

29:23Get a free month.

29:23You can try it out

29:24for a month.

29:24Don't pissing.

29:26Get all the benefits

29:26and bonuses.

29:27I will be recording.

29:28I have one of the most

29:29delightful chapters

29:30in the history

29:30of my writing

29:31coming up,

29:32which is Helen's boss.

29:33I love that guy.

29:34Love,

29:35love,

29:35love that guy.

29:36He is rich

29:38and a great character.

29:42A memory of something

29:43is more reliable

29:44than a non-memory.

29:46Could be,

29:47unless,

29:48yeah,

29:48yes,

29:48for sure,

29:49but unless it's

29:50something vivid.

29:51All right.

29:52Like if somebody said to me,

29:54you jumped off

29:55the Eiffel Tower.

29:56I have a memory of you

29:57jumping off the Eiffel Tower,

29:58but no,

29:58I never jumped off

29:59the Eiffel Tower.

29:59Like,

30:00I know that for sure.

30:00I never jumped off

30:01the Eiffel Tower.

30:02So,

30:02it depends how vivid it is.

30:04All right.

30:05So,

30:05we're going to go

30:05just to donorous

30:06and I get what will

30:09still be going on,

30:10X.

30:12And we got 30 seconds

30:14and the next one,

30:16the lens and thought

30:17processes of a selfish person.

30:18How do you explain

30:19or understand,

30:20you know,

30:21I think most of us here

30:21are not selfish.

30:23And so,

30:23somebody asked me,

30:25what are the lens

30:25and thought process

30:27of a selfish person

30:28who puts their own needs

30:29and preferences

30:29above everything

30:30and everyone else?

30:31How to understand

30:32that and process that

30:34and of course

30:34to battle

30:36and fight that.

30:36So,

30:36we'll get into that

30:37in the donor section,

30:38freedomain.com

30:39slash donate to subscribe.

30:40You'll get this later

30:41if you want.

30:42If you want.

30:43If you want.

30:44If you want.

30:45If you want.

30:46If you want.

30:47If you want.

30:48If you want.

30:49If you want.

30:51If you want.

30:52If you want.

30:53If you want.

30:54If you want.

30:55If you want.

30:56If you want.

30:57If you want.

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30:59If you want.

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